Father had personally asked Feanor to stand for this portrait, so he was. Father had quietly suggested that perhaps this could be a painless exercise, which did not actually mean ‘painless’ but rather ‘silent’ for Feanor, but he agreed. Father told him this painting did not symbolize anything but his own desire to have a record of all his available loved ones around him, and Feanor was trying to see it that way- for the sake of his own sanity.
Because his stomach was roiling, and there was a heaviness in his chest, a great emptiness which his heart was pounding against, echoing, echoing, echoing.
Father had one hand on Feanor’s shoulder and the other was upon Indis’s. She was sat in front of them, smiling beautifully, little golden-haired Arafinwe in her lap. Around them, her three dark-haired children were gathered. Findis on Father’s other side, Nolofinwe with her, and Lalwen in front of Feanor.
To the unaware eye, Feanor knew, they must all look like they matched. Like they went together correctly. Like a family.
When the portrait was complete and those dark haired children were gathered around the mother and father, who would guess that one child was out of place? Who might glance at all that paint representing their faces and think anything but-
You could almost be her son, Feanor thought, and then his mind replied, But you’re not.
He was so still and he dared not move, because if he did, he’d never get back in place. If Feanor flinched once, the sharp, jagged pieces of him that never fit right in this puzzle would scratch one of them. They’d be annoyed and that would be it: he’d combust in anger, he’d shatter across the floor, snapping and snarling at everyone unnecessarily until he ruined their perfect little scene. Father said this might be a painless exercise. No, no; this was to be a silent, still exercise.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
How good a painter was this person Father hired? How varied his faces? Would he capture that Feanor’s nose resembled that of none of the people here? Could he represent that his frame was already different from his father and little half-brother’s?
Would he lie and throw a pleased smile on Feanor’s face? Not even Father had asked him to smile.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
Feanor’s presence made them fit together so symmetrically, maybe that was pleasing enough to hide the wrongness of this scene. Maybe that’s why Father made him come here today, the pretty scene. Why he asked him to suffer, even as the longer he stood here, the more and more Feanor felt like he was about to be sick all over the floor.
A ghost, a ghost, there was a ghost looming over their shoulders ruining this perfectly symmetrical scene. Couldn’t they feel her breathing down their necks, icy chill against sweat? Didn’t their perfectly posed heads feel her long, clever fingers wrapped lovingly around their necks?
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
Feanor’s gaze slipped down to the back of Indis’s head. Her beautiful golden hair. She didn’t wear a crown, this was a family portrait, and that felt worse. So much worse.
If he let his eyes unfocus and his mind wander, he could try to lie to himself that her hair was much lighter and the faces of the children around them more closely resembled his own. The woman in front of him loved him, and she fussed over his hair before they sat for this portrait, and he’d let her do it.
The worst part was Feanor did know that Indis would help him with the ties of his robes, if only he let her.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
She’s not, she’s not, she’s not. It was a simple statement of fact. It was scandal enough that the father replaced the wife, when one at least chose a wife, but what freak replaced his own mother?
What would the people who saw this portrait think? Would they see Finwe’s happy family or would they see Feanor’s blaring, uncomfortable intrusion upon what gods and men declared to be a better order of things? Father wanted him to belong here, but he didn’t.
He just didn’t.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
A painless exercise. Painless, painless, painless, for them. Silent, still Feanor, a happy accessory to the triumphant union of Finwe and Indis, a grateful stray dog permitted to drink from the bowls provided by Indis’s family.
This exercise was just meant to capture the image of all Finwe loved, nothing more. Don’t think too hard about it, Feanor. You might make the children unhappy.
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
You should pretend you are, though. That’ll make them like you.
Because they did so disdain him, most of the time. They disliked how he glared at their mother and started fights at family dinners and ignored them in the hallways. Why shouldn’t they? Feanor would hate a person who did those things to his family, too.
He just couldn’t stop, though. He wanted to, sometimes, when the exhaustion and loneliness caught up, and then he remembered that he wasn’t Indis’s son and never would be, and remembering that made him angry. Wouldn’t it just be so damn convenient for them all if he was almost her son?
But he wasn’t.
He was Miriel’s son. That was her name. He had no portrait with her. He loved her.
He loved Miriel, but it was Indis he posed with and-
When the session was done, Feanor jerked away from his father and shoved his way past Lalwen. As he went, Indis looked up at him, caught his eye, and he couldn’t help the sneer that crossed his face.
He hoped that was painless enough for her.
When he returned to his chamber, he went to the wash room and heaved in the pot there. The gagging and retching made wetness prick his eyes, and the sudden tightness of throat made him choke all the harder. The sickness and heaving stayed long past when there was anything in his stomach to lose.
No one came. Feanor hoped maybe Father would, but really, why would he? Feanor had been mostly good, just a little rudeness wasn’t worth either reprimand or comfort.
No, they were together. Maybe admiring their portrait, happy and pleased, or complaining about his behavior again. Really, why couldnt that Curufinwe just accept nice things?
I need to get out of here, Feanor thought, face and body wet with both sweat and tears. I need to leave this place.
He was a good son, and he could do anything else his father wanted but betray his mother further. No, Feanor couldn’t pose as Indis’s son even a second longer. He would destroy himself, if he had to think one more time-
You could almost be her son. But you’re not.
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
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Charbee Prompts Part 7
(im going to number these now)
What if Bee never left the garage?
What if Charlie decided to not go to work
What if Charlie watched over Bee after the police chase?
Bee was never found. After a year of no results, the government got impatient and killed the Shatter and Dropkick and destroyed any trace of their presence, not even daring to use their technology out of fear of the Soviets getting their hands on them. The Autobots still arrive on Earth but Bee was missing, unable to be contacted and traced.
For the past seven years, Charlie and Bee were inseparable. Charlie didn’t want Bee to be cooped up all his life so after she went to trade school for auto mechanics, she decided to spend the next few years traveling the world with her best friend, taking side jobs as a mechanic.
While visiting a few countries in Europe, Bee sees the beacon from the transwarp key. Realizing that only Bee could see it, the two hopes that there are other people like him. Bee searches for any sign of the transwarp key and follows the sign to Peru. They look around and detects Cybertronian activity on two terribly disguised humans, Elena and Noah, sneaking through a parade and into an underground temple. Charlie follows them into the cave which the Autobots take notice.
After Noah and Elena finds the key missing, Charlie accidentally reveals herself and is held at gunpoint. Noah tells Mirage that someone followed them so Charlie runs away. Noah and Elena chase after her before all three being cornered by Primal. Mirage arrives, aiming his blaster at Primal and Charlie, who realizes that there’s more robots like Bee. When Mirage gets tackled, Bee comes rushing in to defend Charlie.
The rest of the Autobots arrive, overjoyed and shocked to see Bee alive but Bee doesn’t recognize them. Arcee scans Bee, realizing that he has no memory. Optimus assures Bee that they will come to no harm to Charlie and after some convincing, he alongside the Maximals stand down. Although, Bee is wary about the Autobots.
The bots reveal that Bee was a scout named B-127 and that their species in a middle of a war. Prime expects Bee to come back but Bee doesn’t want to leave, wanting to stay with Charlie. It starts tension that leads to an arguement that Charlie tries to calm down. Optimus, in his rage, blames Charlie which leads to Bee accidentally activating his gun out of protection and nearly shooting Prime. In his shock and fear, Bee storms away.
Bee apologizes to Charlie who knows that he didn’t mean to put her in danger. He feels a bit uncomfortable, wanting to go back to the status quo. Charlie says that Bee has to leave because he has people who needs him even though Bee doesn’t want to. Neither does Charlie but she doesn’t say anything.
The Terrorcons then attack and Bee helps fight them while the humans run away. Charlie sees Noah trying to destroy the key but she tries to convince him not to and confesses that she loves Bee so much that she wants him to return home. Optimus and Noah hears this and Noah changes his mind. Charlie and Elena gets captured by Airazor but while Elena gets dropped, Charlie is taken away.
Bee is furious but doesn’t want to fight, having no collective memory on how to. Optimus is understanding and allows him to sit out so they can save Charlie.
The usual fight happens. Scourge holds Charlie captive and Mirage saves her, telling her to run through the vents Noah and Elena are using. When Noah is caught, Charlie tries to protect him, leading to Mirage sacrificing himself for both of them. Mirage turns into a suit for Noah and gives Charlie a blaster to defend Elena with.
Bee is back with the natives and debates to go. He doesn’t want to be in a war but remembers Charlie’s words and at the same time, the Energon blast erupts, giving Bee his memories again. Bee arrives at the fight and the movie ends as usual.
Bee and Charlie both prepare to part ways, hugging and confessing, until Optimus says that the Charlie can help Noah rebuild Mirage, allowing her to stay a little bit longer.
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JJK Spoilers (Chapter 143)
I love both of their reactions here for opposite reasons
With Megumi, he’s consistently taking responsibility of the consequences of Yuji being alive. He has no regrets about it because he knows Yuji to his core is a good person
So when Yuji says this, Megumi looks absolutely disgusted and angry with him. He knows firsthand Yuji would never willingly kill someone, he’s too kind for that. So he shares the responsibility that Yuji feels is weighing him down instead of telling him “it’s not your fault” because he knows he could never convince him otherwise, he tells him it’s their fault so Yuji can lean on him, so he knows he’s not alone in this
Yuji on the other hand believes vehemently that he’s the one to blame because he harbors Sukuna. He saw the aftermath when he reverted back. Which is why he looks so desperate here, he wants – needs to convince Megumi that he’s dangerous and being around him will get you killed. He doesn’t want anyone but especially Megumi to end up hurt or dead, which is why he’s trying so hard here to make him understand that
That’s why Megumi was so incredibly smart for telling Yuji to save him. He knew too well that arguing with him would be pointless. He gives him solutions, distractions so Yuji wouldn’t sit on if he deserves to die or not.
The way they view Megumi saving Yuji that day is fascinating.
Megumi sees him saving Itadori as a good thing. He saved a good person who can change the world for the better. Yuji sees Fushiguro saving him as a ticking time bomb of destruction. His existence now is going to make the world worse off
The relationship between these two is so well done because really, they work phenomenally together. They care deeply as well as respect one another, especially their opinions. However the angst and tragedy of their writing falls within their own view of themselves and how they view each other, but even then, it’s not because they hate the other, it stems from a place of caring and love.
Megumi not only saved Yuji’s life, but he gave him a purpose when he truly thought his existence was evil. It all boils down to protecting the other.
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