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tedturneriscrazy · 3 years

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Another Saturday, another episode! Let's take a look at Keeping Up A-fear-ances!

(Good lord I'm starting to make myself sound like some sort of content creator)

Oh, okay, we're just starting at that level of intensity, huh?

Chest gem origins

Gwendolyn not being satisfied with managing the curse and determined to cure it? I'm sure this won't be a real world allegory in the slightest.

Oh, so Eda literally just stumbles upon the portal? I could call that contrived, but honestly it's not dissimilar to how Dipper found Journal 3. For that matter, the entirety of Lord of the Rings is predicated on an accidental discovery like this and nobody gave Tolkien shit about it.

Was the eye on the portal cracked in previous episodes? I don't remember.

Seems like Gwen is the "well-meaning but ultimately misguided" flavor of mom.

As an aside, I am now quite curious about how Eda's first trip to the human realm went. Maybe a future episode will cover it? At any rate, I smell a new favorite fic prompt.

The screaming alarms in the Demon Realm will never not be funny to me.

Also, that is a worrying number of hearts. Eda is straight up murdering these poor creatures.

For some reason the gold fang being removable never occurred to me as a possibility, and now I feel like a kid who's discovered that Santa isn't real.

Oh hey, the new outfit! I'm also impressed how close to symmetrical that tearing was.

I need to get a screencap of Luz sleeping on that stack of books because she is adorable.

Also, staying up all night researching? This season seems determined to completely eradicate the notion of Luz being dumb, and I am here for it.

I have a feeling the Hexside mug will be making its way to The Mystery Shack in the near future.

Lilith's first experience with transformation and she seems understandably horrified.

The curse acting stronger when stressed? That seems...important.

Ah, so the dismemberment is from the curse! A surprisingly useful side effect from what we've seen so far.

Can I just say that I appreciate how Eda's reaction to Lilith's first taste of transformation is immediate remedy, explanation, and reassurance? And doesn't make any snarky comments along the lines of "now you know what it's like?" Whatever happened in that week and a half must have been cathartic as hell.

"Always. Always curious." Luz is the TOH fandom.

(Also, Eda, you know she is, considering how much she went on about your "mysterious past" at the Covention)

"Magic bird tornado?!" Luz has a way with words that's just *chef's kiss*.

"Gwendolyn." Eda is already just fucking done.

"MOM?!?!" Jeez, Lilith, you're just now hearing all this?

I was charmed by how motherly Gwen was acting toward Eda, but then she kinda just...dismissed Lilith, and now I'm somehwat less charmed.

(Sweet flea as a term of endearment is kinda cute, though might have some unfortunate implications depending on how you want to interpret it)

"Who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" OH WE GOING FOR THE ANTI-VAXXERS NOW YESSSS

Luz and Lilith's reaction to that whole exchange is priceless.

Everyone's perspective here makes perfect sense for who they are and what they've been through.

Poor Lilith. Her cursing Eda is beginning to make more sense.

Ah, thus begins the collaboration.

"We'll be consulting someone very special." Why does that seem so...ominous?

Is there anyone who watched this episode for the first time whose bullshit detector didn't go off immediately when Gwen mentioned finding someone who promised a cure?

Heh, Palm Stings.

Nonbelievers will be blinded by the power of the tome? I'm sure they will be, Wartlop.

I must say, as something of a scientist myself (okay that's not true, I'm a QA tech for a food manufacturer, but I do have a chemistry degree), I am 100% here for the swings being taken at faith healing/"miracle" cures/anti-vaxxers in this episode

Oh, we Wile E. Coyote now, huh?

Also, interesting how much apple blood is being played up in this episode.

Lilith please you're projecting your mommy issues on a literal child

OH WE REALLY JUST WILE E. COYOTE HUH?

You're right, Luz, Gwen's bicep game is goals.

(Somewhat disappointed the scars are from questing and not beastkeeping, but eh)

Why do I get the feeling there's gonna be a future episode where everybody stages an intervention for Eda's apple blood problem?

"Those feathers mean we're driving the beast out" Gwen no

Hooty is holding the brain cell? Oh no...

If that ice cream came from the Night Market it would explain why Lilith sounds drunk.

(Side note: I can't be the only one getting flashbacks to Mermista's ice cream binge, right? Different context, but still)

"Abomi-berry" "Franken fruit" "Key slime pie" These are A+ flavor names.

Oh, there's the transformation...

I must say that whole segment kinda rubbed me the wrong way. The way King's opinion on his dad was changed seemed...I don't know how to describe it. I get that they needed a trigger for Lilith's transformation, but honestly if any part of the episode is contrived it's this.

"¡It really is that good!" So that's what an accent slip in written form looks like. (The upside down exclamation point is used in Spanish, in case anyone didn't know)

I keep half expecting Eda to say "Beep! Beep!" at this point.

Luz is finally asking questions. Took long enough.

Ah, the classic "moving the goal posts to extract more money from a desparate family member" technique.

Luz channeling Scorpion, we love to see it.

There is an exquisite irony in Eda's mom being scammed, I must say.

Ah, so that's where the elixirs went. Dammit, Gwen.

Luz is definitely thinking "Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

Beast!Lilith is massive.

"Sweet flea?" Gwen just realized she done goofed.

"I can see you still need a little time." God Luz is so fucking smart.

The con revealed.

OH DAMN SCARY MAMA

(Also I am terrified of bees/wasps, so extra scary mama in my book)

The scam is revealed, goblins, getting back into the Wartlop disguise is kinda pointless.

She joined the Beast Keeping coven entirely to cure the curse? That's dedication. A shame you couldn't have spared some of that for Lilith.

Still, I do like badass scary mama Gwen. I'd be down to see more of that.

Owl Beast fight!

I am slayed by the fact that the portraits are now officially a recurring gag 😂

Aw, here's The Moment™️

"My turn to drive" Does this imply cars are a thing on the Boiling Isles after all?

Lilith crying almost immediately💔 She was holding onto a lot of pain.

Yes, King, she was trying to do her best. I mean, road to hell or whatever, but at least Gwen got there in the end.

WHAT?! YOU'RE BREAKING UP LULU AND HOOTCIFER?!?!?!?

Terrace, that's just cruel. (Worthless brownie points for whoever understands that reference)

No, seriously, you can't just give me my favorite inter-character relationship in the series after Lumity and just...take it away like that, come on! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I know I should remark on how Lilith told Gwen about the circumstances of the curse, how Gwen rightfully accepted responsibility for the whole situation, and how Luz finds the big hair aspirational, but...NOOOO DON'T END THE ADVENTURES OF LULU AND HOOTCIFER WHYYYYYYYYY💔😭💔😭💔😭

"BUT I CAN'T HOLD A PEN!"

I will never emotionally recover from this.

Okay, I think I got that out of my system. Anyway...

Not the only human, huh? Cue the "Belos is a human" theorists going into maximum overdrive.

That said, a tantalizing lore dump.

We certainly do have a lot of garbage. Some of it even holds office. HEY-O!

Setting up the next episode, too. Continuity!

Camp's over, huh? That means it's been three months.

Way to misdirect with Camila, guys. That said, we have now seen Camila cry and I HATE it. (In the right way, I think)

WHAT THE FUCK

HOLY SHIT

CREEPY LUZ IS REAL WHAT

OWJEIWHQGIWWOPQ

(It's hard to keysmash on a phone, even with autocorrect off)

That wraps it up! The flaws in this episode seem more pronounced than any others in the season so far, but the good stuff was really good! Overall a solid episode! I know everybody's looking forward to library Lumity in the next one (so am I), but I'm personally eager to see what they do with Gus. His part is the A plot, after all.

Anyway, I'll be back at this next week! Still hard to believe this is a thing, but that's life, I guess.

#the owl house #eda clawthorne #gwendolyn clawthorne #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #king of demons #toh king #toh s2 spoilers #the owl house s2 spoilers #the owl house season 2 spoilers #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

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Hi, after reading about 'why you think Levi and Hange are perfect together', and seeing your reasons quite similar to mine..I just want to ask if you have any opinions on Zutara?

I'm just very curious in what you have to say. It's okay if you don't want to answer.

Thank you for the ask anon! I’d be happy to give you my opinion on Zutara, so happy that you’re gonna be dealing with another long rant with probably a lot of rambling in between. Anyway, Lezzgo.

As always:

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

So, to give you some background on my love for ATLA, I first watched it in middle school when I came out and yes, I was a basic bitch. So basic, that I would always pair the hottest guy with the first person I saw him have potential sexual tension with, hence came Zutara and in 2013 when AOT came out Rivetra.

I grew up. Things changed but ATLA remains a masterpiece and through the years I have watched it countless times especially when I encounter people who have never watched it because YO, That show is literally one of the best examples of good writing and world building and more importantly, how to write a good ending (which so many people manage to fuck up? I’m looking at u D&D =_=). For anyone who hasn’t watched ATLA please give it a try.

As I grew up, my two favorite pairings became Sokka x Suki and Sokka x Toph. Canon was fine but I would have wanted to see the other ship sail too :/. But yeah, this is about Zutara so will answer that.

If I ranked my current pairings: Sokka x Suki and Sokka x Toph are tied for first and second and I would put Zutara at third because that pairing still holds a special place in my heart.

Would I have wanted Zutara to be canon over Kataang?

Yes. I would. I still would have wholeheartedly picked Zutara over Kataang for so many reasons. (I have not watched the show in a while so a lot of my shit might be inaccurate but feel free to correct me.)

Okay, so first things first, two of the best written characters in the show for me were definitely Zuko and Katara from a character development sense. My favorite character is Toph and Sokka as second but I found Zuko and Katara to be incredibly profound characters with very blatant yet very well written developments which all culminated into one scene: THE ONE IN THE FUCKING CAVERN.

Their particular hate (or is it tension, can’t think of the right word) for each other was strong but the thing is, the emotion was already there. It’s much harder to build emotional investment (even love) from nothing than to build emotion from what already existed. Katara so easily channelled that hate into actual care because she was so emotionally invested in Zuko as a person already having spent the whole first season being chased by a crazed him. Like yo, from shitting on him in the cavern to suddenly thinking, hey this guy who tried to kill us the past season changed, let me use my very rare magic water on him to help heal his scar. It sounds weird writing it out but personally, I thought that development in the cavern was more well written than the whole Kataang plotline IMO.

And yeah, they only show you how fucking magical that water is by bringing a dead Aang to life with it at the end of the season. AND SHE WAS PLANNING ON USING IT FOR ZUKO TO HEAL HIS SCAR. Like wow, that’s some emotional investment.

Okay, I know this can pretty much be justified by Katara being motherly and just an emotional being so let’s not get into that, let’s just get into the potential of this dam ship. Because, as an ATLA fan, personally, the shipping potential of Zuko and Katara was outstanding and I really felt blue balled to see Katara and Aang kiss at the end of it.

Like literally Kataang was just too easy and the kiss kinda came out of nowhere?

The Katara and Aang romantic plotline was so easy, literally the first time we see any possible attraction between the two was ten episodes in when Aang blushed about the necklace he gave her. Here’s the thing I didn’t really like though, I found Kataang shoddily developed. The plotline between Aang and Katara seemed so one sided. All the way until season 3 with the ember island players episode, I was caught on to believe that the romance between Aang and Katara was one sided then they just bam, kiss at the end of the show

Zutara would have offered more development for both characters.

And anyway, what I really mourn aside from the shoddily developed plotline of Kataang is the lost potential of that damn ship. Zuko brought out an edgy side of Katara. I mean can we appreciate the part in the Southern Raiders episode were Zuko was the only who made the effort to understand what was bothering Katara?

The scenes between Zuko and Katara had more emotion on them? Literally, Katara had Zuko-exclusive interactions. She said things she’d only say to Zuko. Zuko really brought out a part of her than no other character has?

Like sure people say shit like, Katara cried when Aang died. But I had interpreted a lot of those as motherly. And the creators literally slapped us with a similar Zutara scene at the end of the show? Like Zuko wasn’t dead but Katara was still crying her fucking eyes out.

Also, Katara’s interactions with Aang were not so different from how she interacted with everyone else. They were all motherly. They were all caring. You could have literally slapped another character in most of those scenes and it would have still made fucking sense.

Her actions with Zuko felt more like they were only for Zuko and that’s why I liked it so much. They had so much shit they could have gotten sorted out and it could have culminated into such a good relationship compared to what we got in canon?

Yeah, but after spending months ranting about how Levihan a best friends to lovers relationship became the pinnacle of perfection for me, some people might be wondering why the hell I love the enemy to lovers Zutara.

Zutara was not unrealistic. It was not toxic. Zuko and Katara are both genuinely good people just working for the betterment of their loved ones and of the world. They had strong feelings they had to get sorted out between them and they had both proven to be characters willing to learn, change and grow which would have made the slow burn potential realistic.

Although Levi and Hange developed from best friends, I am sure before they became best friends they were definitely enemies. If not enemies, they fought and bantered enough with each other at least to see that there were a lot of feelings to be sorted out between them which is one of the reasons I love Levihan so much in the first place. Like people only gain so much patience for love ones if they spend a good amount of time sorting out feelings right? And I really think that the tension needs to exist for a good foundation.

The differences between Zuko and Katara’s characters and the feelings that would have had to be sorted out between them would have been such a good foundation to a good relationship and damn, the ending blue balled me so much. Just writing this brings back the strong feeling of disappointment from ten years ago and I had to go into shipping Sokka and Suki instead.

Thanks for the question though anon, it was fun to consider this <3

#zutara #ship

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amoosewritesfanfic · 4 years

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[+18]

Mutual masturbation

[Rumi Usagiyama x Fem!Reader]

[Warnings: dirty talk, mutual masturbation, phone sex, you taking Rumi's strap bro I dont make the rules.]

[I don't own any of the characters or art work, all credit goes to the original creators. The story is mine tho]

"Ah baby carrot you're doing so well for me~ Keep rubbing that pretty little pussy for me yeah?~" Rumi's voice was low, husky almost and with earphones on you could hear it so damn well. Right now you had your laptop open in front of you, legs spread and your fingers rubbing on your sweet spot as your free hand gripped the bedsheets beneath you. You were on a video call with your girlfriend Rumi, more well known as the number five hero Miruko. She told you that even though she was at work she was able to sneak off to get some time to tease you or at least watch you masturbate for her, the reason being she hasn't been at home.

Hero duties have become increasingly harsh lately and well you missed your rabbit girlfriend. "Ah, baby carrot ya gotta rub that clit a little more before you can slide your fingers in that pretty little hole..." once again her voice was low and it sent shivers throughout your body. "Ah... I know, but please... please Rumi... I want it in so badly." You whined, your eyes were basically glazed over with pure and utter lust for her. "What do you want baby carrot?" Your fingers caressed your clit making your hips buck. A sharp inhale coming from the rabbit soon after seeing your face twist in pleasure.

"I-I want to cum please~ please please I want it so badly~" you begged the rabbit hero. "Ya wanna feel yer' fingers pumping in and out of that slutty little pussy? Edging ya on till ya cum nice 'n hard all over those pretty fingers of yours?" Her words made you shiver and nod furiously, gods you wanted it. You wanted to feel something filling your pussy. "Then go for it~ c'mon show me how slutty you can be~" her words edged you on at this point your middle finger and index finger slid inside you, pumping in and out of your soaked hole. "Ah fuck look at that, the way yer' juices glisten on those cute fingers of yours, I can't wait to get home and eat that pussy out~ fuck I might even fuck ya." There was a pause as you mewled the rabbits name, hips lifting slightly and pressing more into your hand causing some friction between your palm and clit which edged you on more.

"That's what ya want right? Do ya want me to fuck ya? Fuck ya nice and good with my big fat cock?" Her words were driving your body insane, you wanted it, you wanted to be fucked by Rumi over and over until you couldn't think straight as usual. So all you could do was nod vigorously. "Ah fuck baby, if ya don't say it I won't do it~" she hummed happily licking her lips. "Please. Fuck please, I want it... i want to be fucked by your big fat cock until I can't think straight please?~" the way you pleaded had the rabbit feel far more excited than expected. "Fuck you make it hard to say no baby~" she hummed. "By the way, ya still haven't noticed that I'm in the apartment baby." As she said that the door flew open almost making you jump but there she was.

The rabbit hero dressed up in her hero uniform, but what was this? She had on your favorite black strap that imitated a normal cock, it was about ten inches long and rather girthy. Rumi loved this one too because she loved watching your expression as she slowly slid it inside you and not to mention that it pleased her too so you both had some good sexual experiences. "Yer such a good girl for me ya know that?~" Rumi teased as she pulled off her gloves and moved the laptop aside before settling between your legs, giving you a deep kiss.

"Why...? Why didn't you tell me you were home...?" You whimpered quietly against your lovers lips making her chuckle. "I wanted to give ya a nice surprise baby~ did ya like it?" Her fingers threaded through your hair as she placed soft kisses on your forehead. You nodded slowly. "Next time tell me, I wanna dress up..." you said with somewhat of a pout making her chuckle, her lips giving yours a soft kiss before pulling back. "Of course baby carrot~" she said, pulling you to lay on your back, putting your legs over her shoulders. The tip of the fake cock rubbing against your pussy lips making you whimper quietly. "But as an apology, I'll fuck ya till ya can't think straight~ just like I promised~" Rumi hummed before slowly sliding herself in by inch into your sweet pussy making you moan, hands gripping tight onto the bedding. "Ya know what I like 'bout this cock? I can feel ya pussy squeezing on it like crazy~ did'ya miss it that much baby carrot?" She asked giving your leg a soft kiss.

"Y-yes..." you answered in a breathy moan, the cock was about half way now your legs already trembling a little from how filling it was and gods Rumi was happy, the way your face contorted into pleasure and those desperate whimpers falling from your lips had Rumi riled up. The rabbit leaned down slowly and captured your lips in a deep kiss, her tongue running along your bottom lip making you instantly part your lips allowing her to slither her tongue inside. At that moment too she gave one last thrust shoving in the last five inches of the cock making you yelp out against her mouth.

"Ah fuck baby... that expression always turns me on..." Rumi mumbled against your lips. "I couldn't help myself at all." At this point your legs were trembling even more and you felt like you were about to cum and Rumi felt it. "Ya gonna come just from me shoving my cock inside ya?" She teased and you managed to shake your head letting out somewhat of a breathy moan. "Don't lie baby carrot~ I know ya wanted to cum nice 'n hard around my big fat cock~" she teased nudging your head to the side so she could kiss your cheek. "I-I did... please lemme cum.." you breathed out heavily. "I can never say no to you bunny~" she hummed giving you one last kiss before her hips started moving.

The pace started off slow and sensual, slowly picking up pace. Slowly the sound of skin smacking against skin filled the room. "S-shit..~" even you couldn't hold back with how harsh the rabbits thrusting was becoming it was driving you crazy, especially with how it hit all your sweet spots. "Shit baby... look at ya, yer so pretty taking my cock like that~" Rumi huffed out. The pace was becoming rough but pleasurable, your moans along with the skin slapping against skin was also becoming louder. "G-goood~ fuck... you're gonna make m-me ah~ cum~" you couldn't really talk with out letting out breathy moans. "Ya gonna cum? Ya gonna cum... shit... nice 'n hard for me?" She was edging you on getting you to reach your orgasm.

You nodded vigorously, whimpers and moans escaping your lips. "Careful bunny, the neighbors might complain if yer' too loud again~" Rumi teased a little, but with little restraint she moved her hips faster, still continously hitting your sweet spot. You definitely couldn't hold back that whiney moan. "I-i can't... help-... fuck... it, you're fuckin' me so good.. ah!" Just as you finished the sentence you let out a loud mewl from that thrust Rumi gave, your pussy walls tightening around the cock that was relentlessly moving in and out of you. "Horny baby carrot~ cum all over my cock...~" her voice faltered a bit, but she didn't stop not until you started cumming.

Your back arching as your love juices squirted put all over her cock, legs trembling and breathy moans escaping your lips as your eyes screwed shut. Rumi took in every inch of you, from that expression to how your knuckles had gone white from gripping on to the bed sheets. "Ah fuck look at ya~ so pretty even when ya cum~" she hummed letting ride your high, she even moved her hips in a slow sensual pace for you. "I ain't done with ya bunny, I'm gonna fuck ya after dinner cause I'm starving, so don't think this is all yer getting tonight~" she said.

You nodded slowly as she pulled out pressing soft kisses to your temple. She definitely wasn't lying when she said that she wasn't done with you. By morning when you had woken up you were sore and covered in a plethora of bite marks and your hips were very much sore. Not that you really complained it was always good when Rumi went wild like this.

(Moose doing kinktober? You're absolutely right. If you wanna be tagged in any of the next 30 days of Kinktober just dm me or tell me in my asks, also if you got any requests and what not you can send em through loves :3 although I dunno when I'll get to em cause I'm busy I'm uni stuff :3)

#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero x reader #smut #bnha smut #boku no hero academia smut #my hero academia smut #reader x my hero academia #Miruko x reader #rumi usagiyama x reader

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twilightknight17 · 3 years

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We’re at the end of the road, folks.

And god damn, I feel so validated by my Sojiro characterization. Wow. Thanks for basically making me canon for ten more seconds, Atlus. XDDD

So when last we left our intrepid heroes, they were laying at the bottom of the Jail of the Abyss, because Ichinose is an asshole. So we had to fight our way back up, carrying Sophia’s unconscious body. Which wasn’t that bad; the Jail isn’t very big. We left Sophia at the door to keep her safe, and then charged back into the hall of the Ark to hack Ichinose’s exploding crystal box thing.

Ichinose doesn’t understand why we came back.

So, yeah. I guess like... bizarro-world Maruki? Maruki wanted to alleviate suffering by granting everyone’s wishes. EMMA’s going to make it so that people can’t wish for anything.

After a kick-ass hacking battle set to the new version of Rivers in the Desert, Ichinose yells at us about our right to judge. Why should humanity keep this painful world, just because WE’RE strong? Just because we’ve never screwed up or suffered?

Which, clearly she has no idea who the fuck she’s talking to.

We’ve worked too hard to listen to that kind of bullshit.

Ichinose proclaims that “humans don’t need hearts” and charges up the laser crystal to blast us again, and Sophia steps in to block the attack. She’s still fighting Ichinose’s control even though Ichinose insists that she’s just a faulty prototype.

Apparently Ichinose created Sophia in the first place because she spent a lifetime being called a heartless doll, so she made an AI to help her learn about the heart.

I think you’re the problem, but not for the reasons everyone else is saying.

But she got angry when Sophia started asking questions of her own and basically tossed her aside, until EMMA found her and dropped her into the Shibuya Jail.

And Sophia, unlike her creator, has learned and grown, and is tired of being given orders. She’s ready to make her own choices.

That is certainly a persona.

I gotta admit, they got me. I was wondering why Sophia didn’t have her arcana yet, but for some reason, I also wasn’t expecting her to get a proper persona. I’m now wondering about the implications of someone being able to code an AI capable of developing a soul that can summon a persona. There’s a zero percent chance that Ichinose had any access to plumes of dusk, which are the reason that Aigis and Labrys gained enough consciousness to have personas. So Sophia is legitimately a miracle piece of technology.

Pandora is an interesting choice, but I dunno if I can articulate that beyond a surface-level, “Oh, because she’s Hope, and Hope was still in the box.”

I swear to god, every major villain in this game is trying to be Goro Akechi. For the last goddamn time, we don’t kill people. Get up, Ichinose. We’re leaving.

Ryuji literally grabs her by the arm and drags her out, because she’s trying to stay behind. Which just confirms for me that if Goro hadn’t put up that bulkhead door, we’d have dragged his stupid ass out of the Ship, too. XD

Back to the real world, and Tokyo is blacking out, and the Tower is losing its shit.

The metaverse is fusing with reality, the Tower is becoming the Tree of Knowledge, and hell yes we are climbing this tower after all!

Morgana points out that this is the same thing that happened last year, and Zenkichi freaks out a little bit.

You’re lucky you moved to Kyoto, sir. You missed quite a bit.

I love these kids, though. They’ve got so much black humor about this whole god thing.

The metaverse encroaching on reality means that everyone has to cram into the bus in their thief gear. Zenkichi, please. Your hat. Sir.

I love climbing this tower. I’ve been here, too! Also they have butter. XD

I was expecting the Mementos version of the lower observation deck, and instead I got some weird amalgam between Mementos and Azathoth’s boss chamber.

We had to fight Metatron as the guardian of the last elevator, which is another parallel to Yaldabaoth’s archangels. And then it’s up to what I guess used to be the high observation deck to fight the big box.

EMMA insists that all humanity wants is to let it give them all the answers, and it throws them into some sort of alternate fog world full of the voices of the public.

The Thieves are all separated, trapped in the fog. Each of them has to find their way out, and they realize that the fog of the Desires is protecting EMMA. EMMA knows exactly how calling cards work, so they won’t work on her. Instead, the Thieves decide that they need to send the calling card to the public, so that they’ll become aware of their desires again and the desires will crystalize.

...oh come on, Atlus. We’re right in the endgame.

One last hacker battle to break into EMMA’s server room in the tower, and Futaba and Ichinose manage to hack EMMA itself to deliver a calling card to everyone at once.

Love you, Zenkichi. We’ve taken out two gods already. We’re good.

Confronting the Ark again reveals a bunch of freaky tentacle arms grabbing the desires, and then the box turns into some sort of massive figure that looks sort of like Yaldabaoth, except less robot and more seraphim. It literally names itself the Demiurge, so I feel like EMMA may be drawing something from the lingering dregs of Yald’s influence? It’s cool.

Clearly no one told you what happened to the last false god that thought it knew what was best for humanity. ;) “Hope binds humanity to misery” is bullshit.

After a... not very difficult first phase, the Demiurge reveals its true form, and we split into three teams to take out its support orbs (modeled after the sephirot) and the main body.

I really liked the setup for the last boss. The teams were the first instance where it was really apparent that the whole team was fighting together. Each of the three battles was happening concurrently, and destroying the orbs has a concrete effect on the main fight. I wish we’d gotten to do things like this more often, especially during the Shadow Thieves fight.

That said, the main body was actually the easiest part of the fight? All the attacks were really telegraphed, and not particularly hard to avoid. Except for the spear jab.

But it finished off with a full-team all-out attack, and that was awesome.

The desires began to return to their owners, and we get to bask in a job well done once again.

Upon returning to the real world, it’s the next morning. Sophia’s happy that she got to be a hero, Zenkichi’s heading off to properly arrest Owada, and the rest of us need to head home, because we were supposed to be home last night. Zenkichi can’t figure out why we consider him a phantom thief, since he “only joined [us] to use [us]”. Which is silly. The Phantom Thieves are built on the bonds of friendship and stalking! It’s too late, Zenkichi. You and Akane have been adopted.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to tell Akane the truth. That would have been great.

Atlus personally reaches out and pats me on the head, because Sojiro has the absolute perfect reaction to his kids coming home after a nationwide manhunt for them.

I feel so valid making him serve Lavenza coffee and be completely nonplussed about a guy marrying Death. I love him. We’re so lucky to have Sojiro. XDDDD

The next day, the kids have a celebration party for their victory, and learn that Akira is going home the next day. This kid needs to catch a break. He can’t even have a few days to relax with his friends. X’‘‘D

Everyone goes to see off Akira, though we detour to Shibuya to meet Ichinose. A news report shows that Owada was successfully arrested, and apparently Ichinose tried to turn herself in to the police, and they didn’t believe a word of it.

This is just highlighting my issues with Maruki. Even if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong to society as a whole, he never apologizes to them for what he put them through. Especially Akira. Ichinose turns around and helps them stop the final boss, and her last scene is her apologizing to the Thieves and trying to make amends for her actions. Maruki’s last scene is... “If things get bad, you can start over like me! Now we’re even!” We are not.

Sophia leaves to help Ichinose learn about the heart, Akira promises to come back for winter break, the Phantom Thieves go their separate ways once again, and the credits roll.

I’m gonna leave my final impressions in a different post, because this one is long enough already. So... look forward to that?

#Li plays P5Scramble #one more post incoming

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echoes-of-the-clockwork · 3 years

Text

Book One: Gold (Prompto x Reader) Chapter XII

The royal retinue and guardian split up in their respected groups. Noctis and Ignis went to search for the base's commander while Prompto, (Y/n), and Gladio caused a diversion. The blonde glanced between the two. "So, what's on the menu today for diversions?"

"The bigger stuff will make the biggest explosions. We'll start with any tanks or mechs," Gladio answered.

"That's great and all, but how're we planning on getting inside?" (Y/n) asked.

"You can carry two people, right?" The shield rebuttals with his own question.

"I think so."

"Good, because we're gonna find a hole in their patrol schedule and you're gonna carry us inside."

The spirit looked at the tall walls of Fort Vaullery. She wondered if she could jump to the top with two people on her back. "Guess we'll see soon enough..."

The trio watched the soldiers and MTs for a while before locating a place where they could infiltrate the fort without being spotted. (Y/n) transformed and the two boys climbed onto her back. She pushed herself off the ground and took note of the slight difficulty it was to carry two people. Her spiritual form was about the size of three chocobos and only really allowed for one person to ride on her back. She just mentally prayed she wouldn't drop one of them in her attempt to reach the top of Fort Vaullery's walls.

Getting a running start, the fox sped towards the fort. She leapt as high as she could and managed to land on the ramparts of Fort Vaullery. Watching the enemies' movements closely, she waited for the perfect opportunity to hop down to ground level. She carried Prompto and Gladio towards the area of the fort where they stored the energy tanks and mechs.

When they arrived are their destination, the two boys slid off the fox's back. (Y/n) reverted to her human form and glanced around the area. In the distance, she spotted the black car that had been following them earlier. "What a surprise..." She sarcastically muttered.

"What is?" Prompto asked, following her line of sight. "Oh..."

Gladio wondered what the two were looking at. Seeing the vehicle, his eyes narrowed. "Guess someone from the empire was really following us. But it's not our problem anymore. Let's blow some shit up."

(Y/n), Prompto, and Gladio got to work on their diversion. They blew up many of the energy tanks and mechs, grabbing the attention of the entire base. The two boys used their weapons to wreak havoc while the guardian used her variety of fire spells to destroy the imperial weaponry and the approaching enemies. Among the crowd of soldiers and MTs, she spotted a familiar pair of emerald eyes and spiky black tresses. She glared at Callyx as he pushed through the imperial forces, commanding them to stand down.

The girl, noticing Callyx has a sword in his grasp, placed herself in between him, Prompto, and Gladio. She summoned the Creator's Blade, eyes never leaving the man for a second. He came to a halt a few feet in front of her, scowling. "I don't know if you all are moronic or brazen for infiltrating this place in board daylight."

"You were the one following us. Why?" (Y/n) demanded.

Callyx raises his sword and points the sharp tip at her chest. "You're the spirit the empire's searching for-the conduit. I was convinced you weren't until I saw your blade. You've a lot of nerve lying to me."

"I only became the conduit after visiting the Archaean," she spat. "But why does that matter? You told me yourself you wanted to protect our people."

A wicked grin manifested on the man's face. "Oh, please. That was a bunch of nonsense. I only said such a thing to get closer to you, but it didn't work. You were guarded the entire time."

Her glare sharpened. "So then what's your true goal?"

"To kill the conduit."

(Y/n)'s grip tightened on the hilt of her blade. "Were you the one who killed the woman in Lestallum?"

Callyx chuckled. "Of course, but I only did so because of you. You are the reason she died. Her husband must've been devastated."

"You've got a lot of nerve blaming me. You're the one who betrayed his own people."

"Of course I did, and I'll keep doing it until I become the conduit. All I have to do is keep killing spirits until Brahma has no other choice but to choose me. With his power, the empire will be indestructible and no one will be able to stop them."

"You're a sick bastard," Gladio growled.

"Call me what you like. Just like you, I'm only serving my kingdom with every fiber of my being," Callyx scoffed.

(Y/n) swung her sword and forced the man to retract his blade from her chest. Without looking at her companions, she addressed them. "Prompto, Gladio, regroup with Noctis and Ignis. I'll handle him."

"Be careful," Prompto said. He, although reluctant to leave her, trusted in her fighting abilities.

Gladio also believed in her strength and didn't argue. "Don't keep us waiting too long, short stuff."

"I'll try to make this quick," she replied.

Prompto and Gladio rushed off. Callyx ordered his men to pursue them while he remained behind. He stared into the girl's golden eyes once all the imperial troopers and MTs were gone. "Are you going to hand over that sword or will I have to pry it from your dead body?"

"No way in hell you're getting this sword," she hissed.

Callyx sighed. "This would've been much easier if you knew who you truly were."

She couldn't help but laugh. "I already know the truth about myself, but that doesn't change my loyalty."

"But what about that boy you care so much for? Does he know the truth?" (Y/n) tensed, which caused Callyx to guffaw. "So he doesn't? A shame if he or the others knew who you truly were. Would they cut all ties with you? Or even try to kill you? I am quite curious as to what their reactions would be. Maybe I should tell them."

"As if they would believe you," she sneered.

"Very true." Callyx jammed his sword into the ground. "Enough chitchat. Let's fight like real guardians." His body was enveloped in a bright light. When it vanished, a black tiger with emerald stripes, black horns, and wings stood in the man's place.

(Y/n) didn't hesitate to transform. In her spiritual form, she growled threateningly at Callyx. She nimbly leapt to the side when he launched himself at her. His form was bigger than hers, which meant she had the upper hand in agility. She kept her distance from the emerald-eyed tiger, trying to think of a plan of attack.

Callyx used a lightning spell. A bolt of lightning emitted from his front paws and darted towards the fox. (Y/n) promptly used her tails to form a large fireball and used it to absorb the lightning. She then hurled the fireball towards the tiger, but he easily jumped out of the way.

The moment (Y/n) went to conjure a fire vortex, Callyx pounced on her. He tackled her to the ground and dug his sharp claws into her side. She cried out in pain, struggling against the tiger as his fangs sunk into the flesh of her back. Using her many tails, she wound them around his body and yanked him off her. Tossing him aside, she got to her feet. Blood seeped from her injuries, trailing down her side and dripping to the ground. She bore her fangs with a menacing growl, the white tips of her tails becoming engulfed with flames. Each one shot forward and impaled the tiger.

Callyx roared as the blazing appendages pierced his flesh and burned his insides. Although the pain was unbearable, he managed to fight through it and free himself from the tails. Before he could attack (Y/n), she had pinned his body to the ground with hers. Her gold-slitted eyes bore into his emerald ones as she snarled at him. She placed her paw against his front right leg and used all her weight to step down. She heard and felt the bone crack under her weight.

The tiger roared out in pain, but he was soon met with even more anguish when a searing pain overtook his right eye. (Y/n) had used the tip of one of her tails to burn his right eye, permanently blinding him. She leapt back, putting some distance between her and Callyx.

Reverting back to her human form, she pressed a hand against her bleeding side with a wince. Her golden eyes never left the tiger, watching his right eye bleed and his front right leg twitch slightly at the strange angle it was bent. She huffed out a chuckle at seeing his pitiful state. "Looks like you lose, Callyx." She exhaled deeply, the pain in her side and back blooming. "As much as I would love to watch you squirm around like this, I need to catch up with the others. I'm sure some of your imperial buddies will patch you up, but don't expect to be seeing anything with your right eye ever again. After all you've done, you deserve more. Have fun writhing around in pain, you bastard." Turning her back to the tiger, she walked away.

With her hand still pressed against her bleeding side, (Y/n) trudged through Fort Vaullery in search of the boys. She came across some imperial troopers and MTs, but she quickly disposed of them with her fire magic. Her vision was beginning to blur due to the blood loss, the edges of her eyes slowly being consumed by darkness.

After trekking around the fort for some time, the spirit found the boys fighting against a woman. She saw how skilled she was, admiring her movements before deciding to help her friends. She conjured a throwing knife made of pure flames and threw it at the woman, catching her off guard. Noctis took the chance to attack, but his blade only sliced air when the woman leapt up into the air and landed on a platform above. "Aw, is it that time already?"

Noctis lowered his sword, puzzled at her question. "What time?"

"Quittin' time. Sorry, but this girl doesn't work after hours. I could, but there wouldn't be a single gil in it for me. We should play again sometime, pretty boy. And you." The woman met (Y/n)'s gaze. "I look forward to seeing you in action, firefly." She leaps out of sight, almost as if vanishing into thin air.

All the boys turn in wonderment as to whom the woman was addressing. Their eyes landed on the injured (Y/n), who was having difficulty standing on her own. Prompto gasped in horror when seeing the blood seeping through her fingers and cascading down her side. "(Y/n)!" He rushed over just in time to catch her as her legs gave out. Her body slumped against his as he fell to a single knee. "I need help over here!"

Ignis rushes over and kneels beside the couple. He pulls (Y/n)'s hand away from her wound and saw the severity of it. He saw not only her side was injured but her back as well. Using a couple of hi-potions, he was able to mend the wounds and stop the bleeding. "She will be needing rest."

"Thanks, Iggy," Prompto sighed in relief.

(Y/n) was able to get back on her feet, but the blonde wouldn't let go of her. "Prom, I'm fine. I can walk."

He shook his head. "No way. You're pale and you still look like you're about to pass out. Lemme give you a piggyback ride."

She exhaled heavily, knowing he was right. She was feeling lightheaded and wouldn't make it far before passing out. Accepting his offer, she climbed onto his back when he turned around and squatted down. She loosely wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands cupped the back of her knees. He gently hoisted her onto his back, making a few adjustments when he stood up.

"What happened to you?" Noctis asked the girl as they make their way out of Fort Vaullery.

"Callyx happened," she replied. "That bastard's the one who killed Cynthia and so many other spirits. He's so desperate to gain Brahma's powers that he's willing to kill his own people for it. I made sure he suffered."

"Is he still alive?" Gladio questioned.

"Yeah, but I left him with a broken leg and blind in his right eye."

"Why didn't you kill him?"

"Death would be an easy escape for him. I want him to suffer for all he's done." (Y/n) leaned her head against the side of Prompto's. She closed her eyes, intending to clear her head. However, she wound up passing out.

<-------------<<<<<

Back in Old Lestallum, the royal retinue regrouped with Iris. The young Amicitia noticed the passed out guardian on Prompto's back and began bombarding them with questions as they piled into the Regalia. With Gladio's help, Prompto was able to get (Y/n) off of his back and into his lap in the front seat of the car. Riding out of the small town, he held her close against him.

Gladio, wishing to shatter the silence, spoke up. "I coulda gone another round."

"Given her prowess, you should be glad you didn't," Ignis stated.

"Yeah, that Loqi guy was nothing compared to her," Prompto chimed in.

"Though we may not have fared so well without the marshal."

"Think things would've gone differently if he were here now?"

"She offered to play again. Maybe we'll get the chance to find out," the shield said.

"Wonder what happened that other guy," Noctis pondered. "Y'know, the one who injured (Y/n)."

"You mean Callyx?" Prompto asked.

"Yeah."

The blonde combed his fingers through the spirit's (h/c) locks. "(Y/n) did say she injured him pretty badly."

"Probably pissed him off, though," Gladio spoke up.

"I pray we do not encounter him soon," Ignis added. "For (Y/n)'s sake."

Prompto continued to stroke the sleeping girl's hair before twirling a single strand around his finger. He listened to her even and steady breathing, which brought him some semblance of peace. He didn't care that the others could see him. He wasn't as shy as before in front of the guys when it came to (Y/n). It may have also been easier to control his emotions when she wasn't awake and teasing him.

During the drive, Prompto removes one of his hands from the spirit and searched for his camera. When he found it, he flipped through the pictures until he came across one of Callyx and (Y/n) at the Cauthess Coernix Station. He examined the photo closely, eyes widening when he took a closer look at the man standing beside the golden-eyed spirit. Callyx was wielding a small dagger that was partially hidden by the sleeve of his jacket. Thinking back to the time he took the picture, he remembered he interrupted the two guardians right after taking it. If he hadn't intervened, Callyx could've possibly killed (Y/n).

"Is everything all right, Prompto?" Ignis asked after noticing the blonde's extended silence.

Prompto didn't hesitate to show the picture to the others. Noctis took the camera from his best friend and analyzed the picture, easily spotting the small dagger Callyx was trying to conceal. "Would he really have killed (Y/n) right then and there?"

Gladio took the camera from the prince and took a glance at the photo. "Wouldn't put it past the bastard, especially after hearing what he said at the fort."

"It's a good thing I showed up when I did," Prompto said. "If not...(Y/n) could be dead right now."

"Oh, that reminds me," Iris spoke up. "What did Geralt have to say?"

Prompto looked over his shoulder and peered into the backseat. "He told me a couple of things about a guardian's death."

"Well that's...gruesome," Noctis mumbled.

"Like what?" Gladio pried.

"He showed me the ring he wore that had Cynthia's gemstone on it. He told me it once was blue, but the gemstone was cracked and black. If a spirit dies, their gemstone loses its color and cracks." Prompto glanced down at his bracelet with a solemn gaze. "He...also mentioned what it felt like to lose her."

"He felt her die?" Iris gasped.

The boy nodded. "Yeah. He said it felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest."

"The connection between Geralt and Cynthia was severed," Ignis said.

"You know about it, Specs?" Noctis inquired.

The strategist nodded. "I've read a plethora amount of tomes in regards to guardians. When a spirit is killed, the connection to the soul of which gave birth to them is torn asunder. The pain is a result of the rupture between the two binded souls."

"Damn..."

Prompto bit his bottom lip with a sorrowful expression. He inhaled deeply, remembering what he told the widower. "I promised Geralt I would protect (Y/n), but...I guess I've kinda already failed."

"I don't think you have," Iris voiced her opinion. "She's still here, isn't she?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Who cares about what happened at the fort," Noctis sighed. "(Y/n)'s still breathing, right?"

Prompto tunes in to the spirit's deep and even breaths again. "Well, yeah."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I just... I feel like I could've changed the outcome, y'know? Like, if I would've stayed behind with her to deal with Callyx, then she wouldn't have been injured."

"You can't protect her from everything and everyone, Romeo," Gladio said. "You're not some invincible, know-it-all hero from a comic book. So she got hurt this time, but she's still alive. That's all you need to care about."

Prompto's eyes gleamed with realization at their words. He nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, you guys are right. Thanks."

"Well, you cheered up quicker than usual," the shield commented.

"Glad we could help," Iris giggled.

"Eh, it's no big deal," Noctis replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Glancing at the road ahead, Prompto's smile blooms. He holds (Y/n) as close as possible, overjoyed his worries were washed away by the words of his friends. He couldn't ask for a better group of people to travel with. "You guys are the best."

Gladio grinned from ear to ear. "Tell us something we don't know."

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter || Masterlist

#ffxv #ffxv x reader #final fantasy xv #final fantasy xv x reader #prompto argentum #prompto x reader #prompto argentum x reader

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x-ia-n · 3 years

Text

━ as the world caves in.

➞ including: tooru oikawa, gn!reader

overview: people from different universes can hear what song their soulmate if listening to.

word count: 1.1k

➼ haikyuu masterlist

↳ main masterlist

↦ angst, mentions of physical pain, suicide

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

✧i got permission from the creator, @peateaa on tiktok, to write something based on this.✧

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

‘it’s all too much.’ you think to yourself, writing the final lines of the letter you wish to leave behind.

‘it hurts so much.’

you placed your pen on top of the letter, leaving it on the desk. you spun slowly, taking in image of your bedroom, the only safe space you’ve had in a long time. a small photo taped on the wall caught your eye. it was a picture of an anime character, tooru oikawa. you found yourself walking towards it, and gently placing a hand on it. you sighed to yourself, “if only you were real.”

maybe if he were real, he’d talk you out of this. if he were real, you’d have an ounce of happiness you so longed for. but he isn’t.

the harsh truth slapped you, and you realize you’ve been staring at the picture for quite a bit.

dressed in your favorite clothes, you left your room, earphones plugged in with music blasting at full volume. you walked across your rooftop, the wind messing up your hair. you watch the clouds go by, sitting at the edge of the roof.

――

at the other end of the universe, a whistle blew, signalling a point for a team. tooru pants, flashing a smile at hajime. aoba johsai managed to force karasuno into a deuce for their third set. “iwa-chan.” he calls out, hearing the familiar song at the back of his head.

“they’re listening to it again.” he exclaimed. hajime looks at him briefly, “again? it must be their favorite song, then.”

“listen, trashykawa. i know they’re your soulmate but you gotta focus.” he reprimanded, now looking at the other end of the court, where karasuno are staring at them with such tenacity. they all are after the same thing, to be the team that wins.

“i’ll find you. i promise.” tooru whispers to himself, just as the umpire blows the whistle. tooru sends another serve, even more determined to win this match. in his head, the sooner they win, the sooner he could look for his soulmate.

there’s no distance he won’t go through to look for the one the universe gave him.

――

you looked down at the pavement below. taking a deep breath, you stand up and turn around from the edge. there were no more tears to shed at this point. staring back up at the sky, you felt tears drip down your face as you began to apologize.

you started to apologize to those you felt still cared. to those you have hurt, those who have hurt you. you began apologizing to yourself, knowing you deserve better than what you received, that you deserve better than how other people have treated you, how you treated yourself.

finally, you whispered your apologies to your soulmate. you apologized for never getting to meet them, for not being strong enough to push through. and you pray to whatever greater being there is, for your soulmate to be happy, and for them to understand that this… this is the only thing to stop the pain.

the wind will carry your apologies for you.

the tears you shed were not because you were sad, on the contrary, it’s more so because you felt like you were in charge of your life for once.

you stepped back, letting yourself fall with no regrets, because you’ll be at peace.

――

just as akira managed to send the ball to the other side of the court, tooru felt a sharp pain in his chest. “iwa-” he choked out, his hands clutching his chest before falling to his knees. their coach noticed the captain in pain and called for a time-out almost immediately. hajime knelt down in front of his best friend, asking him what’s wrong.

“iwa, my heart and head hurts. why is my heart hurting so much?” tooru grunted in pain, tears leaking out of his eyes. both teams gathered around the pair, but the setter didn’t mind. he just wanted the pain to stop. hajime looked to their team for help, but none of them knew what was going on. tooru never had any health conditions aside from his injured knee.

he grabbed the ace’s arm and squeezed, barely breathing due to the immense pain he’s feeling. “my body feels weird, and everything hurts!” he sobbed, not caring about how loud he was.

the aoba johsai coaches got through the crowd and hooked their arms under tooru’s. “you’re gonna have to stand up, oikawa.” the head coach says, before they hoisted him up. at least, tried to.

the brunet’s knees gave out and he fell forwards, his fellow third years catching him.

“what’s happening? please, make it stop!” he wails, the pain increasing by the second. his head was pounding, he could barely make out anything that’s happening around him. their coach tries to get him to describe the pain as the head coach calls an ambulance.

“it hurts! please!” he begs to no one in particular. the last thing tooru remembers is hajime’s worried face hovering over him.

―

all around him was brightness.

the pain in his chest has dulled, and the headache is practically non-existent. searing white lights stung his eyes as they opened. he noticed he was at the hospital, judging from the white gown he wore. tooru bolted up, waking the sleeping hajime and issei. “oh, oikawa. you’re awake. i’ll go get the nurse.” the latter says in a hurry.

“iwa-chan, what happened? what about the game-”

“we lost.” hajime interrupted. “but that’s not important.”

tooru looked appalled. “not important? iwa-chan, the game is important. what happened when i was out?”

his friend stood up, and started to pace around the room. “i… i don’t know how to tell you.”

tooru wanted to burst, but seeing the expression on hajime’s face made him falter. “what is it? was it tobio-chan? or the shrimp? i’d be surprised if it was mr. refreshing-”

“it’s not about the game, oikawa.”

he stopped talking. hajime would only use the name ‘oikawa’ in serious matters. “...hajime?”

“the pain you felt… shit, i don’t know how to tell you.”

the captain felt tears brimming in his eyes as he whimpered out, “please.”

hajime sighed, and sat on the chair beside the bed. he took a deep breath and said in a soft voice, “there isn’t an easy way to tell you this. i wish there was.”

there was a long pause before he spoke again. “the pain you felt… it is because your soulmate died.”

tooru didn’t have the energy to protest, he didn’t even have the energy to speak. he just let his tears fall, and he let hajime rub his back in comforting circles. the deafening silence of the room was occasionally broken by the sound of his pained sobs and whimpers.

and just like that, the two most important things to tooru oikawa are gone.

#haikyuu angst #oikawa angst #oikawa x y/n #oikawa torū #oikawa x reader #haikyuu #oikawa imagine #haikyuu imagine #oikawa tooru #tooru oikawa x reader #toru oikawa #oikawa scenarios #haikyuu!!#tw// suicide

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axemetaphor · 3 years

Note

Hey, I'm that guy from ao3. I was wondering, do you have a specific place you get inspo for monsters in Auckland? I'm making a DnD campain in the J&D world, aaand I kinda need help haha. Yours are like perfect <3 (Also, if you wanna join us, you can, we haven't even had our zero session and we're not playing actual DnD, I don't know how to play that, so it's ok if you don't know that, it's super easy and fun i swear, you can get a link to our discord, love you)

:0 oh shit hi !! a jdate DnD game sounds cool as fuck! im really bad at games like that tho so im gonna politely pass on that one but wish y'all the best of luck!!!

as for making monsters my inspo is Kind Of Weird? i mean i look at a lotta horror art for sure (my favourite artist atm is Trevor Henderson aka slimyswampghost on most medias, u may know him as That Guy Who Made Sirenhead but he has a lot of other fantastic art as well!), but since i dont wanna feel like im rippin other people off i actually Dont often use that as inspo! aaaand heres where its gonna get a bit weird

aside from the times i pluck a creature from my nightmares (and boy, do i have a lotta material to work with there), i usually either look into folklore (bein mindful of closed cultures like, i believe most Native American monsters are off-limits for non-Natives to write; im white as hell so i try to stick to british/irish/more recent american shit) or... i look to this one game i played Obsessively when i was in elementary/middle school: Spore (which you can find on Steam i think or their hilariously hasn't-been-updated-in-a-WHILE website). I literally played it so much I can just kind of... imagine the whole creature-creator process. I think it’s a curse. I think Todd Howard cursed me for the crime of Having No Friends.

Now, if you dont wanna download a probably-poorly-aged EA game from 2007 (i dont even know if it’d run anymore if you Just Now bought it, i remember the security measures that thing had damn near broke the game before i could even play it, thanks EA) and play through the first two stages (theyre Long) to unlock the creature creator and all the Bits for it, you can either watch people play that shit on YouTube (Monster Factory is a favourite of mine, they did I Think a 3-video run of Spore) or,

You can also do somethin that I once did as an assignment for Character Design class: go to a random animal generator, let it spit out 2-3 animals (or as many as you like, i guess, but i find 2-3 to be a Manageable number) and mash those motherfuckers together! Hell, you can even start to mix in stuff like objects/minerals/whatever the fuck too. Make something that’s a dog, hammerhead shark, and the concept of entropy. Go nuts! Here’s an example, some shit I made for that class (which mayyyyyy appear in Auckland...... perhaps. if i feel like it) :

They can range from “cute” to “nightmarish” as you please! Fun fact, that spider/shark/scorpion is meant to be the size of a house. I honestly come up with a lot of messed up shit by just asking myself "What's the worst thing I can think of right now?" and then I just Go For It with whatever my brain's thrown at me. I did that with Nightmare E.T. and the fucked-up ostriches. 'Scary' is often a sort of personal thing for people, like phobias and shit, you know? Lookin inward can be pretty helpful there. Not like you have to make something of your phobias, just maybe run with something that disturbs you a little. If you press yourself for why it bothers you sometimes you can find something deeper and maybe more universal in it. I'm not talking about unearthing trauma or anything tho that likely Wouldn't Be Healthy just like... if you think spiders are creepy, ask yourself Why: is it the eyes? the legs? the venom? the way they just kinda creep up on you, like, you dont notice em til you see them? etc.

As for the monsters in Auckland while most of them aren’t gonna be references (maybe a few more in future chapters...) I will admit the “morning wood monster” is a reference to the Pokémon Trevenant; the "most fucked-up dog [Dave had] ever seen" was a creature from The Moomins just described as horribly as possible--I can't find it on the wiki anymore??? it was from the 2d animated one, though; the Shitsucker is a regular ol’ Wraith (following a specific mythos where they aren’t just Random Ghosts but beings that feed off negative emotional energy, I can't re-find which one I'm sorry lmao); and the haunted ship thing at the beginning is a vague reference to the Buzzfeed Unsolved episode on that big ass boat. Isn't directly tied to it (obviously, 'cause Buzzfeed Unsolved never has much Actual Ghost Activity, let alone one Throwin Shit At Em jhgfds), more just inspired by it.

Maybe when the thing is done, I’ll sort them all into one of three categories--references to stuff/folklore, things i had nightmares about, and things i just kind of thought up. Make a post on here about it, idk

wow! this was fuckin long. i hope at least some of that is helpful!! also im adding this here cause i just remembered some people use Spore to sculpt like?? beautiful monsters and shit?? like i Know i watched a “speedrun” of someone creating a beautiful ass dragon in it. there’s probably a whole community of people out there making epic and/or fucked up shit and you could watch them build it or just scroll through thumbnails for inspo, but i do feel like Building Stuff Yourself is best, cause it just kind of Feels Nice to make something yourself and go “hey man, look how fucked up this is ! scary, right?” and get that Success Feeling when the other guy recoils and goes "yeah man what the fuck though"

#i dunno i have always liked drawing/designing things that are just A Little Fucked Up #and i think im kinda good at it these days!#jdate #john dies at the end #auckland au #boy howdy do i hope this isnt too much of a ramble aaa i jsut get like passionate about design stuff!!#iwannabefixed #thank u so much for this ask and for all ur nice comments #i know i havent responded to All of them yet but im bad at that kjhgfd #dont have enough Mastery of Words to express the amount of grateful i feel but ill get there eventually #not sonic #asks #answered

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cherryonigiri · 4 years

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10 questions for me

tagged by @akakeiiji SAGE BABY THESE TAG GAMES ARE GIVING ME LIFE

1.) What is your least and most favorite thing about your star sign?

Uh I’m an August leo, but I don’t really know much about star signs in general? But my chemistry teacher in high school used the mnemonic “LEO the lion says GER” to help us remember redox reactions (Loss of electrons = oxidization, gain of electrons = reduction) so I guess that’s my favorite part about being a leo? Sorry I don’t really have a better answer, my inner science/chemistry nerd jumped out. Hopefully no one who reads this hated high school chemistry too much.

2.) What time do you usually sleep and wake up?

Sleep: 3:45 AM

Wake up: 9:50 AM

Extra nap: somewhere in between 3-6 PM.

If you all couldn’t tell my sleep schedule is not great.

3.) What odd, totally random childhood memory stuck with you throughout the years?

When I was really young, my family travelled to China to see friends + relatives. When I was there we visited the Great Wall. I managed to climb to one of the peaks/towers in the wall, but I was super scared of heights and thought I was gonna fall off so when we had to climb back down I sat down and butt dragged myself down each step.

4.) If you could write a book, what would it be about?

I get asked this question a lot (because I help out with first-year orientation at my university and we play a lot of icebreakers). honestly my answer changes each time but I think I’d write a “gratitude book.” I’ve had this idea for a while but basically at some point in my life I want to write and self-publish/publish a collection of letters to the people who have changed/influenced my life in a significant way. I have a list on my phone that is just people I want to write a letter to: parents, brother, teachers, friends, ex-boyfriends (I’ve had amicable breakups and I’m still in pretty regular contact with people I’ve dated), mentors, etc. I just want the people who know me to understand how much they mean to me and that they are amazing individuals.

If I can’t do this then I’mma write a book about the history/development of fan culture/fandoms and fan generated content in the 21st century. I hate it when people demonize fan culture or mock it. Hands down some of the best writing I’ve ever read has been fanfiction/fan content. There are so many talented artists/writers/singers/creators who don’t deserve the “mindless/deranged/dumb fan” narrative that mainstream media pushes. I don’t understand how mocking/belittling/de-legitimizing the passion, enthusiasm and talent of fan creators helps anyone and I will fight anyone who says we’re only just “dumb fans” like FOK YOU TOO fandoms have some amazing and brilliant people who create safe + accepting spaces while generating complex and interesting content. And you bet your ass I will write a whole book that pushes back on the deranged fan stereotype --thank you for coming to my ted talk.

5.) Who was your first anime/fictional crush? Why that particular character?

Saito Hajime from Hakuouki. I mean, have you seen this man??? Like - he’s so graceful and a badass when fighting, not to mention that he takes advantage of his left handed sword handling to throw opponents off. Also I was in peak teenage angst phase, so ofc I was obsessed with the ‘dark and silent’ type character. Anyways this man is fine AF and i have rewatched Hakuouki multiple times because he’s is still *THAT* handsome.

6.) If you could put yourself in any fictional universe, which one would you pick? Why?

The universe of Kekkai Sen Sen (Blood Blockade Battlefront). Listen. The way this universe execute magic realism/urban fantasy so well I cannot. Like - it’s such a wacky and crazy world, and of course Hellsalem’s lot is probably like one of the most dangerous places to be ever but like -- I don’t mind? Honesty, as long as I had powers of my own I would be okay (i think?). I just love how there are mundane magic things that happen but also really wacky/chaotic things like having a giant materialize in downtown New York City. I mean there’s literally a flying hospital with a magic doctor who can split her self up into min selves to treat more patients like please send me there TODAY. Anyways if I ended up in that universe I would want to have some kind of healing/shielding/defensive superpower because a lot of innocent everyday residents get caught up in the chaotic/violent supernatural hijinks of the city and I want to help out in any way I can. In conclusion, I would like to be transported to Hellsalem’s Lot for the sole purpose of meeting Steven A. Starphase because that man is damn attractive and a badass and I am such a simp for him.

7.) What’s the last compliment you received?

I don’t remember Uh, I actually really can’t recall the last compliment I received but I remember a really memorable compliment I got was that I’m really easy to talk to? The person said that when they first met me I had a “disarming friendliness” that made them feel a lot less anxious and more at home + they felt like I was very genuine and invested in getting to know them. Uh idk if that’s true but hearing that made me really happy :)

8.) What is the one thing you miss the most during quarantine? (Asides from being with other people, ofc)

Dancing + music. I’m part of a dance group at my university + I love attending free workshops + classes in my community. I really miss going to practice with my friends and having fun with them in the studio. :( I also play flute for the university orchestra and we probably won’t be allowed to meet/rehearse at all for the next school year (bc social distancing/quarantine) so I’m sad because I miss being involved with art stuff.

9.) When/where do you feel most content?

By myself, sitting on my bed while sunlight is shining into my room through the windows.

10.) What is a food that you hate with burning passion and will never eat?

Eggplant. ISTG I am allergic to that shit like every time I ate an eggplant dish (because my parents forced me too as a kid) my tongue gets super itchy but I’m allergic to peanuts/tree-nuts and it’s not the same feeling as when I have a reaction to to them??? so I’m not sure but either way i hate those purple vegetables.

Not gonna tag anyone because I don’t think I can come up with 10 meaningful questions right now but HEY HEY HEY if anyone who see’s this wants to join in feel free to use the questions I answered :)

#sage #alice's friends #alice talks #ily sage #kekkai sensen #hakuouki #steven a starphase

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ablogtoolatetotheparty · 3 years

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So I’m 22 now and for the longest while one thing that’s constantly made its way to my mind was the question “What if I started a channel on YouTube?”, and over time one thing I’ve noticed is that my reasons to create one change, apart from that reason that I want fame to my name too, and I hate that I want it too like- “ooh sir, please save some for me, I have to have some of that famous juice pleeease plsplsplspls” -like FUCK, it’s embarrassing at least.

Some of those ideas were well expressed as a small-time project for my friends involved in theatre because I’m sure we’d be able to make some quality stuff together, but like I mentioned at the beginning- I’m 22, and I’m sure we won’t get any younger. Although, I’m trying to get them to come in for a discussion regarding this so we can find relief in the fact that we talked a bit about it.

But yeah, back to the topic, I’ve always wondered about it and now I really have to ask- what if I started a channel on YouTube? I mean, fuck if I know, I really don’t know what it would be like and how I would make it, but I’m always up for the idea. It’s obvious from my perspective that doing things like reaction videos, or Q&A’s don’t make sense if you’re starting off, aside from the fact that I don’t want to? I’d probably make skits and shit, as short as TikToks for sure I mean fuck I can’t do shit for waaaaay longer than that. Probably post some cute videos of my cats too, that’s cool by me.

Thinking about all this, kinda made me imagine myself in a position where I WAS a creator, and honestly it makes me feel the stress I feel when I worked retail on a festival weekend, and that’s in my imagination. I really find it amazing how people find time, creativity, effort and basically the fucking energy to put in the effort for these videos, and this isn’t about 2020 so don’t @ me with the it’s quarantine time what else would you do bs because this stretches back to people who make consistent, enjoyable content since they started, maybe not even consistent let’s say enjoyable cuz there are some who killed the YT game and switched to another field and are killing it there. For one, it’s great how the people you started watching YouTube for are maybe still making content on it and some have a much wider horizon, and I say some because it’s like one person did it and the rest just followed them out, and they didn’t get really far with that. But again, I can only imagine the shit they’ve to face just to put out their own idea let alone with a managing entity involved.

You can say that it’s different for different people, that it’s variable, maybe you get better exposure at one place and not the others, sure but the good/best videos we’ve seen, the ones that catch everyone’s attention for a catch or punchline that’s worth paying attention for however silly or useless it is, the effort it takes to make those is admirable in any case tbh. I have friends who put up compilation videos, dancing videos and the common categories of ideas for videos basically, and having them show me what they do for the production of these videos to make them as close to perfect as they can makes it hard not appreciate the work put in, maybe not the idea but hell the work is hectic.

I am lazy, maybe that’s why the basic work you’re supposed to put in seems astonishing to me, or maybe it’s hard because the idea isn’t one you believe in, and that’s why I want to know what it’s like and I’m pretty sure at some point this year we’d make a video and put it up, seems inevitable because everyone’s excited to make one, drunk or sober. Given that, I’m sure I’ll be happy to contribute because of the idea being the one I signed up for out of my excitement for it and not for another person’s pleasure. If that was the case, I’d probably sit it out after a few hours.

I write all this to basically show respect to all/everyone who took that first step to making a video and keep making videos cuz I’m sure it’s something that takes a lot of your time and it’s great watching content from my favourite creators knowing the amount of work they put in with the responsibility to balance it out. I hope the stress and work is finally worth it.

#youtube #creators

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1stunseeliefaelass · 4 years

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Darksiders Arthurian Tales Revisited Chapter 4 Reaper’s Waltz

“This will definitely do.” Death replied looking around a bit.

“So I’m guessing you wanted to be in private because I know who you are?” Morgen implied.

“Yeah this is definitely ‘private’, and yes.”

“Alright, well I’m assuming you’re on a mission then? And if so what is it?” Morgen inquired.

“We’re after something. We hear it’s a weapon. It’s vague at best, but the rumors say it’s a book that creates weapons, curses, things like that.” Death explained.

He noticed Morgen’s eyes go from amethyst purple to white behind her mask, and her body language seemed to indicate concern. Despite her attempts to hide it.

“I know what you’re after, but there’s something about it that no one else knows. I am its creator, and the only one who can control it.”

“Where is it, so I destroy it?” Death questioned her.

“There’s no destroying it. Not with the enchantment I was forced to put on it. I destroyed the original one, only for Uther to force me to make another book. From there he....asked me to make it so no one could destroy it. Hence the enchantment.” Morgen insisted to him as her eyes turned black.

As her body language suggested fear, Death decided to try a new approach, “Where it is now? If we take it now, we’ll make sure it disappears. Never to be heard from again.” He also placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her. Course all of a sudden her eyelids fluttered a bit and she started swaying. Death recognized what was going to happen and quickly stopped her from falling. As she lay limp in his arms he found himself highly worried now. He began to look her over, seeing her neck had gone pale and assumed the rest of her was too. But he couldn’t find anything wrong with her physically. Finally, after a moment passed her eyes fluttered open again.

“What just happened? Are you alright? What’s going on?”

Morgen groaned a bit and shifted in Death’s arms before asking him, “Might you...help me up...please?”

“Oh sorry about that.”

Death gently helped her back up but she was still quite faint and the paleness hadn’t receded. Naturally he kept her close so that she’d not collapse again, but he then noticed a strange glow. He traced it to her current necklace, and grabbed the pendant.

“What the? What’s this?”

Morgen nearly explains but the glow brightens and she nearly faints again. Leaving Death even more worried now. He snaps the necklace off her neck before chucking it elsewhere. From there he notices Morgen’s condition starting to improve. The paleness finally begins to recede, and she seems far more lucid now.

“Forgive me...I wasn’t expecting...that he’d...use it tonight.” Morgen managed to say.

Death sees it shine even more now, “What is this?”

“Let’s just say...that’s Uther’s way of telling me...to go to him, immediately.”

“And what if you don’t?”

“He’ll come looking for me.” Morgen said as her eyes went black again.

Death felt her starting to shake as well, “How long do we have before that?”

“Not much longer...” Morgen stated as she shook more.

He chucks the necklace even further this time, “Will that help?”

“He’ll find it and then....likely get angry.” Morgen explained shaking even more. She could only hope Death would get that she was just scared right now.

“Well he can be angry with me, not you.”

“Just take me inside...please. I can’t allow...anything to happen to you...not because of me. Please do as I ask.” Morgen pleaded.

“We’ll continue this discussion later.” Death finally stated with a sigh.

From there Death aided her back inside the castle. Before too long they ran into Uther, who seemed quite angry. Even as Morgen was brought over, Death saw his gaze was fixated on him. More specifically, where he was holding Morgen in order to keep her steady. He could feel a storm of rage coming on, but he’d brave it if need be.

With a deep breath Uther suddenly smiled, “Ah I’m glad you found her. I was worried for her. How did you find her anyway?”

“I was walking around in the gardens, trying to view what beauty they had. Then I ran into Morgen and we spoke for a time. She suddenly feinted during our talk, and I wasn’t sure what to do. So I made my way back here with her.” Death lied.

Morgen hid her surprise at the lie and kept quiet as Uther spoke again, “Poor girl has some issues with her blood. Every now and then she’ll go stark white. I gave her the necklace to monitor her blood in case it spikes. Now if you don’t mind, I would take her to infirmary.”

“I shall assist.” Death offered simply.

“That won’t be necessary.”

“I must insist. I’m a practitioner in hemomancy, I shall be of great service in finding out what ails her.” Death explained.

“Well well, I guess you shall be of great use. Let me guide you to the infirmary, this way.”

Death followed, keeping a close watch on Uther. Uther could feel his gaze on him, and needless to say it concerned him. But he kept his mouth shut regardless, for the sake of saving face. He did glance over his shoulder every now and then though. Yet Death gave no pause nor did he turn away when Uther looked at him.

“Do you have a problem with me, or does something offend you?”

Death shook his head, “Ehehe, just concerned for the lady. Nothing to worry about.”

Mina sees them on their way there and quickly calls Barrcus with a crystal. Even though she’s real close to Uther and at risk of being seen or heard using magic. “Barrcus, ye need to get to the infirmary, now. Uther’s on his way there with Morgen and the Horseman.”

“Heh, well then...,” Barrcus says as he goes into the servant quarter tunnels, changing his outfit and teleporting to the infirmary from there, “...how close..are they?”

“Closer now, ye there yet? And are ye alright?” Mina whispered with concern in her tone.

“Just a bit worn out that’s all...now take yourself off the crystal before Uther sees you.”

Mina did so quickly and then hurried into the tunnels herself to get back to work. Uther and Death meanwhile reached the infirmary with Morgen. Luckily Barrcus had finally caught his breath after nearly exhausting himself with that much magic use. Well at least it was a lot for his body in particular to handle.

“What happened?” Barrcus urged of them whilst walking up to Morgen.

Uther however shooed him away, “Her blood issue is back. I’m here to see it’s taken care of properly. And not any of the hocus pocus that doesn’t work.”

Barrcus laughed at the offensive statement, “I’m sorry to say but this ‘hocus pocus’ actually does work.”

Uther only huffs, “Hmph, well then. At least we have an actual professional here.”, he the gestured to Death.

Death stepped forward and explained, “I’m a hemomancer, a blood mage.”

Barrcus cautioned, “I know this magic, it can be very taxing on the user. Are you sure you want to do this right now?”

“I’m not a novice, I know my limits.”

“Very well.”

With that Morgen was placed onto a bed with Death gently grasping her hand, his free one rested against the veins in her wrist. Course Uther felt a twinge of jealousy again. Seeing this stranger having the ‘privilege’ of holding her hand when it should be him alone infuriated him. Barrcus meanwhile remained concerned for both Morgen and Death. One wrong move could cause either of them to have an aneurism or heart attack, among other complications. Or Death’s current glamour spell on his eyes could fade. As time passed Barrcus sent a spider and asked Mina to warn Puck and Strife as quickly as she could. She hurried off to do so, and just as Death was starting to show some fatigue as he searched around her body. He had to pretend to be fixing shit by taking a long while. But it was definitely coming at a cost. Death’s vision was beginning to fade a slight bit and he could feel his heart racing wildly.

Barrcus urged of him as he watched what was happening, “Please let me take over for this. You need some rest.”

“Can you..handle it?” Death begrudgingly inquired whilst trying to keep his breathing under control.

“You’re not the only ‘expert’ at this.” Barrcus explained taking Morgen’s hand from him.

Death used an extra bit of magic to transfer the spell at its current process to Barrcus before moving aside. He clutched his chest briefly and winced in pain as he worked to regain his senses. All the while Uther watched him like a hawk. He sees Death’s glamour over his eyes fade briefly enough to catch a glimpse of his true eyes, and relished in the pain Death had caused himself. He almost hoped Death would have a heart attack right there in the room. It would ‘almost’ be a fitting enough end for having held Morgen’s hand, and for showing up at his home to begin with given who he truly was.

“Are you alright Horseman?”

“Fine...just a little winded that’s all...wait why’d you call me Horseman?” Death questioned as he realized what may have happened.

“You came in on a horse am I right? What else am I supposed to call you? As you’ve given no name.”

Death saw Uther was only trying to keep him calm, but would play along for now. After all he was in no condition for a fight, “Of course uhm...Mallek...my name is Mallek.”

“Interesting name, is that from the Unseelie court?”

“Nowhere in particular, just a wanderer.” Death replies.

“Why did you learn blood magic by chance?” Uther pressed.

Death responded quickly though, not wanting to lose pace and give Uther more to suspect, “Picked it up on some of my travels, found it to be very useful.”

“So how long have been practicing this magic? And why would you find use of it?”

Death thought back a moment, as this question gave such an opportunity, “I’m in the hunter’s guild. I take bounties in order to keep myself from losing favor with a few individuals.”

“May I see the mark?” Uther inquired.

“Certainly.” Death replied showing his wrist to him.The mark shown as a dragon’s skull with a blade in it.

The two stared each other down, being at an impasse. Meanwhile Morgen and Barrcus formed temporary psychic link,

“What actually happened?” Barrcus nearly growled.

“I was being incapacitated by the necklace until Uther could find me, but Death removed it. I begged him to just bring me back so that nothing would happen to him.” Morgen explained with concern.

Barrcus stridulated slightly, “Are you alright now?”

“Fine, we’d best hurry before both of them explode.” Morgen urged him.

“Gentlemen, I think the party is waiting for you. Especially you sire." Barrcus explained to them.

"Yes it is, well I guess I shouldn't be keeping anyone waiting now should I? Should Morgen rest for tonight?" Uther expressed simply.

"It would be best given everything that's happened. But if she wants to stay up that would be fine for a little while." Barrcus recommended.

"I'd actually prefer a bit of rest, but the public may worry if I don't show up for dinner at least. I should at least be seen there before I sleep." Morgen explains.

"One minor dance to show you are strong would also be good." Uther suggested.

"Well uhm....I'll certainly try my best to manage such." Morgen says nervously.

"I would assist with that." Death offers to her.

"I would agree." Uther states before leaving the room.

Barrcus however asked Morgen, "Are you sure about this?"

"I'll be alright. Don't worry." Morgen told him with a smile, and giving him a lighter hug this time.

Barrcus then looked to Death, "Make sure she's safe for the rest of the night. Now I'm going to make sure the other things are taken care of."

Death only nods and takes Morgen by her arm, "This way."

Barrcus meanwhile muttered to himself, "Now for the final part."

He hides in a closet to change back into his jester outfit and heads back into the main party hall. Mina meanwhile has FINALLY found Puck and Strife, and walks up to them.

"Oi! Puck! I need to talk to ye and yer friend here. Now."

"Eh....uh why?" Puck inquires whilst swaying in partial drunkenness.

"Trust me it's important, let's meet in private please." Mina urged him.

"Alrighty then....herrrgh....let's....aaaaaaaa go then!"

"You're really selling it." Strife whispers to him.

Puck then looked back to Mina after dragging Strife over there, "Please tell me you're not drunk too."

"Depends on what ya mean by drunk." Strife stated.

Mina sniffs the air and gets a pissed off look, "You damn fools! This is no time to be playin wit me! I have to warn ya about something right this minute. Now get yer sorry asses moving, march."

Both gents drop their acts and follow her all pouty. Once Mina gets em in the servant quarter tunnels she tells them, "Alright boys, there's a real shitestorm comin. Ye need to be prepared for what's comin up. Just be aware that when shite hits the fan, you come straight here in this tunnel. I'll be here waiting for ye until then."

Uther meanwhile called out, "Now it's time for the royal dance! Unfortunately I will not be attending this one due to certain circumstances that have come up. However, my Stepdaughter Morgen shall be attending to one of her own. And a volunteer has showed himself, I hope you enjoy this spectacle. Also Morgen shall sing for you, for now I must attend to other matters."

Morgen gets a shocked look, "Singing? I only agreed to....ah!"

"It would make your subjects very happy to say the least. And Barrcus has been disobeying his orders." Uther explained.

Morgen froze as he said that and quietly begged him, "I'm not sure what you mean, but please don't hurt him."

"Best to sing for him then, and I'll give a toast." Uther says calmly before doing as he said he would.

"I'll sing first, to please everyone." Morgen muttered a bit nervously.

"I shall have the band readied." Uther told her before clapping his hands at the performers. Then after getting their attention, "Where's Puck?"

The men all groaned and suggested he was with a girl of some kind more than likely. So Uther settled for the group that remained and told them to play a specific song. One he assured them Morgen knew well. As they started to play, Morgen began to sing. She hid her nerves as best she could whilst she sang. Both Death and Barrcus could see that while she could bring peace to everyone else, the same couldn't be said for herself. Death in particular made a mental note to himself to give her a bit of encouragement as best he could. Figuring it may help in this case. Barrcus however focused on finding a spot to poison before his performance of faking his death. Only he found Uther doing just that and Barrcus was sure he wasn't going to fake this one. Whoever would die tonight would be random, but Barrcus made note of what he saw Uther poison before looking back to Morgen with pride and worry.

After she finished, Morgen received a lot of praise before announcing to them all, "Now everyone! For the royal dance!", and getting equal amounts of praise. Death found himself a bit nervous but did his best to hide it whilst Morgen took his hand, "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I can be. Most of the time people aren't watching. And most of the dances I involve myself in are bloody."

"Well, I'll see what I can do to help. Just keep calm and do your best." Morgen calmly replied.

"Thank you. Might I also compliment your singing, it was somewhat soothing actually." Death explained to her.

"Well thank you too, I'm glad I'm so helpful tonight. Just let me know if you need further help there."

Death nodded whilst glancing around every so often. Normally he wouldn't care about so many faces watching him. But in this case, he got a slight bit nervous. Morgen meanwhile noticed Barrcus in his disguise. Even without Uther's pointing him out, she could see him all the same. Her sudden look of worry towards him caused Death to ask her,

"Is something the matter?"

"I'm worried for Barrcus. Uther threatened his life earlier. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to him beyond what already has."

"Why is Barrcus so close to you?" Death inquired.

"He promised my Mother that he'd watch over me when she died. He practically raised me alongside her. He's...family. Aside from my little brother, Uncle, and cousins, he and Mina are my only true family left." Morgen stated sadly.

"May I ask what happened to him to...make him so frail?"

"It was my fault.....I cannot control my Unseelie form. It's massive in size, to put it lightly. Barrcus tried to help me out of it when I last lost control. He ended up....being gravely injured in the process. He's been that way ever since then." Morgen explained starting to sound depressed. Her eyes turning grey as she spoke on it.

"Hey, he's alive and for the most he's doing fine. Despite everything. Might I ask, how was he healed to begin with?"

"I honestly don't know. He was taken during the incident and presumed dead for a time. Then one day he came home looking as he does now. He never explained how he was healed, why, or who had done so. Only that it happened and it's why he looks the way he does." Morgen replied.

"Which is...?"

"He was always tall to begin with. But the excess of spider features, the labored breathing that sounds like stridulating, and the constant feeling of pain, those are what came with his healing." Morgen says simply.

"Anything else that I ought to know about? What does he look under his mask?" Death questioned further.

"Believe me, even you may find yourself frightened as most are. And I don't think there's much else I can tell you right now. Unless you can think of anything else I may have missed."

Death is about to reply, but then they both hear a woman scream bloody murder.

"What the?"

As he and Morgen went to see what happened, Strife grabbed Puck and went for the servant tunnel Mina brought them to earlier. Assuming that this was the moment Mina had told them of.

Death and Morgen then come upon the sight of a man laying upon the ground. He was checked for a pulse, and judging by his checker's reaction Death could tell he found nothing. Morgen tried going over to him, but Death stopped her,

"Don't, we don't know what could be happening here."

Morgen remained where she was with a simple nod to boot. Course Uther soon came over and immediately his voice boomed out over all, "WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?!"

The man who checked for a pulse stepped forward, "Sir, I'm afraid Lord Bartholomule has died."

Uther gained a shocked expression, "WHAT?", then upon walking up and checking for a pulse his voice boomed out, "WHO'S DONE IT!? HUH?! SHOW YOURSELF MURDERER!"

Everyone looked at each other in confusion and fear. Meanwhile Morgen was shaking badly again, causing Death to pull her close. As he was worried she may be about to feint again. Course this caught Uther's attention, "MALLEK I presume?"

"Yes." Death replied simply.

"I doubt that's your real name." Uther declared before suddenly grabbing Death by his throat. He tries to free himself but it's almost like War's or even Absalom's grip. He's even been lifted off to Uther face, "I believe I know who you truly are, Horseman!"

Then Death found his current mask ripped off. His real eyes being the only give away to who he was. And causing many an onlooker to gasp in pure fear. Strife meanwhile was peeking through the slightly open door to the tunnel. And nearly jumped out to rescue his older brother. But Mina had restored Puck's sobriety and thusly he held Strife back,

After shutting the door he told Strife, "Ya can't go out there, not right now. That man's out for a witch hunt. If he finds ya, he's gonna execute you. Probably in the most brutal way possible as well. We gotta get out of here, now."

"What about my brother?" Strife implored him.

"Ye can't help him now, we need to get out of here." Puck insisted dragging Strife back down the tunnel. Mina followed them from behind.

Meanwhile Death was proving to last a lot longer than Uther anticipated he would. Morgen was also trying to get him to stop, "My liege, Uther please stop. The Council will bring you ruin if he dies! You know this! Please don't!"

Uther however lost his reason momentarily, and he goes to slap her. His hand stopping just inches from her face, "Woman, this is an insult to the kingdom, to you, and to me. The Council has stuck their nose where it doesn't belong, into our realms. We severed ourselves so that we do not 'give harm to the balance'! Whatever that is. And what do they do?!" He shouts while raising Death higher, "They send their spies! To send threats, to cause havoc!" He bellows whilst gesturing to the dead Lord.

Death barely choked out his defense, "I was........nnnnngh urgh.....in sight......of you.....and gah.....aah hrrr....Morgen.....*cough*"

Uther however tightened his grip to silence him, "But your brother wasn't. Tell me, where is your brother, and I may consider letting you both go."

Death remained in defiance of him, and because he was starting to lose consciousness.

"Oh sorry might I provide you some air?" Uther questioned before loosening his grip. Death gasped for air as Uther asked once more, "I'm going to ask you again...WHERE IT YOUR BROTHER?"

Death still remained silent, and Uther did not take kindly to it at all. He slammed Death's head into the ground multiple times until he ceased moving. Once satisfied he tossed Death across the room, causing him to smack into a table before hitting the floor. Morgen went to rush over to him but found her arm in his grasp now,

"You and I will be speaking about this later. GUARDS! Take her to her room, now! And take THAT to the dungeon!" Uther boomed and pointing at Death towards the end of it. Morgen looked back to see if Death was alright but Barrcus urged her to move on through their mental link,

"Play along, I have a plan."

"But what about Death? Is he alright?" Morgen implored him.

"Have some semblance of faith. It's always darkest before the dawn."

Morgen finally left the room despite her worry as Death was dragged away in heavy chains, ones that were also anti magic.

Meanwhile Strife was having a pure panic attack. His head going to worst case scenarios as Puck did all he could to calm him down from the attack,

"Control your breathing Strife. Remember what your brother always says, breathe just breathe."

"I'm trying man! I should've! I could've done! I....I don't.....FUCK!!!!" Strife shouted in his panic, breaking down as well.

Puck stroked his back, "Dude, remember, breathe."

Mina looked at him and gently said, "He's right Horseman, breathe and stay calm."

Strife then began thinking back to when Death always said that to him. Calming down the more he imagined Death's voice in his head guiding him. After a final deep breath he asked, "What do we do now?"

"Well for one thing we need to hide. Find a safe place around here." Puck replied.

Barrcus then came from the shadows within the room, "Maybe I could help with that." He then begins to remove the mask.

#Darksiders Fandom #Darksiders Fanfics #Darksiders OCs #Death #Strife

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

Text

Stop praising Dan Slott for ‘progressing’ Peter Parker

During and after Dan Slott’s agonizingly long run on Spider-Man a common point of praise from those who loved his run has been how Slott allowed Peter to develop and progress. This fundamentally boils down to how in Slott’s run Peter:

· Got a regular job

· Became a scientist fulfilling his life long ambition

· Became a company owner

· Ran an incredibly successful company and became financially stable off the back of it

· Began to fight crime on a global scale

· How Peter was able to now help MORE people and do so in more realistic and sustainable ways via his newfound wealth and resources

· Had lots of different suits and gadgets in his arsenal he could draw upon as Spider-Man showcasing how prepared he now was, how, if you like, responsible he was being in his capacity as a crime fighter

Thing is…none of that stuff holds up to scrutiny. Some of them don’t hold up as examples of progress for Peter, some of them don’t hold up as examples of progress Slott pioneered and even the stuff that could be argued to be examples of progress don’t hold up as examples of praiseworthy writing on Slott’s part.

And I’m gonna break it all down as to why that is.

Let’s tackle those points as they came for the most part.

· Got a regular job

· Became a scientist fulfilling his lifelong ambition

Peter has ad regular jobs before Slott’s run. Ignoring his show biz carrer, in the Silver Age Peter decided to try and take up a job offer from Norman Osborn.

Sure, he didn’t follow through on that cos Norman went off the deep end again, but it still demonstrates Peter taking an assertive step towards financial and job security.

In the 1990s, contrary to what Slott and others will tell you, Peter ALREADY got a regular job as a scientist....twice...

In the 1996 mini-series ‘Spider-Man: the Final Adventure’ Peter took a staff job at Garrid, the company that created the device that irradiated the spider that bit him. His rationale wasn’t even just financial security, but to learn all he could about his own biology in order to be prepared for any problems he had with his and MJ’s unborn child. Oh look. Spider-Man being responsible by getting a job to support himself, his family and manage his child’s health, his family being you know ANOTHER way he was progressed as a character!

Temporarily in the Clone Saga Peter also got a regular job as a staff photographer for the Daily Bugle.

Later in the late 1990s Peter took ANOTHER regular science job at Tri-Corp which was the company Garrid evolved into and also what Dan Slott shamelessly ripped off for HORIZON labs.

Wanna know something else?

Peter got his foot in the door at HORIZON labs via Marla Jameson taking pity on him after her husband/Peter’s brother-in-law got him fired and blacklisted as a photographer.

Sure Peter demonstrated sufficient aptitude to get himself hired by HORIZON labs but he was still helped via someone else to get his foot in the door, which is NOT what happened in Tri-Corp. He got his job at Tri-Corp all off his own back.

So this progress not only happened before but demonstrated GREATER independence and development for Peter than in the case of HORIZON labs!

Peter ALSO got a regular job in 2001 when he became a teacher at Midtown High in the ‘Coming Home’ arc by Straczynski and Romita Junior.

Please tell me again how, whether as a scientist or a company owner, SLOTT progressed Peter again by making him a scientist or giving him a regular job?

It’s obvious that had happened before, meaning at best Slott simply restored some progress for Peter, but he doesn’t deserve any credit for innovating it, as though he developed Peter in the way Stan Lee did when he had him graduate or something.

It’s especially laughable to give Slott credit for progressing Peter via his HORIZON labs job considering Slott got rid of those by the end of his run!

Granted he DID leave Peter with a different regular job as the Bugle’s science editor but (putting aside how this was dumb since Peter knows nothing about editing) again, he wasn’t the guy who first GAVE Peter a regular job nor one connected to science!

· Became a company owner

· Ran an incredibly successful company and became financially stable off the back of it

This is the biggest example of when people praise Slott for progressing Peter.

He became a company owner.

First of all I find it frankly (and I’ll get a little political here) gross that being rich and owning a company is equated as ‘progressing’ who you are and a badge of success (all us mere employees aren’t REALLY successful right?).

Your success in life, your progress has nothing to do with your wealth and it’s disgusting that people equate the two.

If you are a good person who does your bit, you’ve succeeded in life frankly. You don’t need to run a mega corporation.

Second of all...fuck off.

PETER becoming a company owner isn’t a marker of his success or progress because he had NOTHING to do with getting that company or making is successful.

Doctor Octopus did.

Doc Ock earned Peter’s doctorate for him.

Doc Ock founded the company

Doc Ock manipulated things to make it successful.

Shit, Doc Ock was the guy who invented the device that was the basis of Parker Industries signature product.

When you are just HANDED something and don’t have to work for it, it’s not a form of progress or development!

Slott deserves NO credit for progressing Peter in this regard because it’s the equivalent of saying you’ve progressed in earning your collage degree when someone did all the work for you.

Peter didn’t evolve as a character because of any of this stuff nor did he evolve to obtain it in the first place!

Hell Peter himself wasn’t even a COMPETENT boss. He price gouged people.

He irresponsibly neglected his duties as a boss to go play baseball with Miles Morales.

And, oh yeah, he used the resources of his newfound company to illegally interfere with the politics of a foreign Nations!

How the fuck is this progress?

· Began to fight crime on a global scale

· How Peter was able to now help MORE people and do so in more realistic and sustainable ways via his newfound wealth and resources

Again by fighting crime on a global scale we mean invade foreign countries!...a tactic he might have also picked up from Doc Ock from when he controlled Spidey’s body.

Oh look, so even that isn’t something Peter did himself.

Moreover there is a more significant problem with Peter fighting crime on a global scale, or owning a big successful company or obtaining true financial security.

I’ll illustrate the problem like this.

Would it be bad if aliens showed up out of the blue in Lord of the Rings?

Would it be bad if in Dawson’s Creek international spies began becoming integral to the plot?

Would it be bad if in Game of Thrones an interdimensional portal opened up and suddenly Jon Snow and Daenerys would have to deal with Imperial Storm Troopers?

Would it be bad if in Thomas the Tank Engine, the plot suddenly veered off to be about a murder mystery and rape on board one of the train carriages?

Would it be bad if in the Luke Cage Netflix show, suddenly Luke became a 1% Republican who lived out in the English countryside, decrying Black Lives Matter as anarchists who need to be stopped and this was framed as a good thing and in fact the morally right thing to do, supported by the other characters and the BLM framed as the villains?

The answer to all of these would be a resounding YES!

But why?

Why would all those things be bad?

Because in storytelling, even if hypothetically in-universe something happening does make sense, there is a bigger consideration.

Consistency within the defined conceptual boundaries of that series.

Basically Luke Cage is a character and TV show defined by being a street level, urban superhero concerned with issues pertaining to Harlem and more specifically stuff directly connected to racism that the citizens, Luke included, have to deal with, with the story framing racism as bad, the rich as exploitative of the underprivileged citizens and so on.

What does this mean?

It means Spider-Man being a rich, globally successful, globally famous CEO of the biggest tech conglomerate on the planet (to the point where his name is a verb) and acts on a global scale fighting crime well beyond the purview of New York is a BAD thing. As is giving him an expansive arsensal of high tech gadgets.*

It is creatively reductive and impoverishing of the character and the series.

And even if hypothetically it can be viewed as a form of progress and development it’s progress and development in a WRONG DIRECTION!

Spider-Man as defined by his creators and more importantly the stories they and others systemically told about him is intrinsically anathema to all that shit from Parker Industries.

Spider-Man is called the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for two reasons. Firstly as a ironic statement upon his poor public image owed to Jameson’s smear campaign against him. But more importantly because he is local!

He’s fundamentally a New Yorker, fundamentally the little guy, one of the people, an average, relatable citizen.

I.e. the direct polar fucking opposite of a 1%er.

He’s one of us!

He is SUPPOSED to not be totally financially secure, like MOST people are.

He’s SUPPOSED to stay on his patch, his neighbourhood (New York).

He’s SUPPOSED to be down to Earth concerned with smaller scale crimes instead of big international stuff.

He’s SUPPOSED to not have all the best resources at his disposal and go into battle with a limited about of equipment!

Violating any (let alone all) of those things is objectively bad writing because you’ve totally removed everything that defines the character in the first place.

Sure. As a brief temporary off beat arc wherein things go back to normal in the same arc that veered them off course and wherein there are no real long term ramifications to the innate essence of the character, you can go against the spirit of the character.

But Slott didn’t do that. He went hardcore against the spirit of the character, he didn’t do it for a brief arc, he made it the entire status quo and it lasted for YEARS, whether you just confine it to the Parker Industries era beginning in 2015 or even further back than that when he got all his uber high tech gear at HORIZON labs in 2010.

And again, Slott TOOK all that shit away by the end of his run anyway.

So why the fuck does he deserve any praise for progressing the character when in his own work of his own volition he removed all that progress and it was progress in a direction we should NEVER have been going down in the first place.

Final points

Slott didn’t even just progress Spider-Man in a bad direction in an unearned way.

Slott actively regressed the character in various ways.

Slott dismantled his long relationship with Mary Jane, removing her from even being a regular member of his supporting cast and eroding her established characterization along the way.

Slott DESTROYED Ben Reilly as a character, a figure who’s presence as a ghost or a physical person could’ve/did serve to develop and progress Peter as a person. He was his brother and more significantly allowed Peter to grow as a person by appreciating his own sense of identity.

Slott wrote Spider-Man as mentally 15. His work reveals this and if you don’t buy that he literally said so in a public statement!

Spider-Man isn’t mentally 15.

Spider-Man grew up fast because his uncle died and he needed to fill his role as a provider.

Slott is thus responsible for regressing him into a manchild.

So Slott for these and every other reason discussed is owed ZERO credit for ‘progressing’ Peter Parker.

You want to see progress for Peter done right?

Go read the JMS run.

Go read the DeFalco run.

Go read the Roger Stern run.

Go read the Gerry Conway run.

Go read the Stan Lee run.

Do not read the Dan Slott run.

*And before you say anything NO, this doesn’t mean the PS4 game is bad nor that it justifies doing that in the comics.

Adaptations must filter the essence and source material through the needs and necessities of what that adaptation (via it’s medium or its’ ‘project mission statement’) demands. In a modern VIDEO GAME which is about having stuff to play with and giving players lots of options an arsenal of gadgets is practically a pre-requisite the it isn’t in the comics, it’s no different than accepting in Spider-Man live action features his eyes not changing shape on his mask.

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wendynerdwrites · 5 years

Text

Guess who got a big chunk of writing done for the first time in months? This gal!

Okay, so here is a rough first chapter of a Metalocalypse fanfic, Dethcomics:

"Gentleman… It seems Dethklok is looking into joining the world of comic books. A call has gone out seeking artists and writers to create a Dethklok graphic novel."

"This could be catastrophic! Every new Dethklok industry venture manages to upset the balance of trade, but a band-sponsored book spreading their messages further?!"

"At least with their music no one can tell what Nathan Explosion is saying. But written in black and white?!"

"Exactly. To elaborate, I have called in expert in comics, Professor Varveil Molfirbygai."

The Professor, skinny and acne-ridden, comes forward, pushing his square-framed glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Gentlemen, Dethklok have already rejected the proposals by Brian Posehn, Brian Piludo, and Grant Morrison for their books and are tearing through artists one at a time. At this rate, no one in the industry will be left but Rob Liefeld and Devin Grayson. Apparently their contradictory demands and unrealistic expectations have even been characterized by Alan Moore as 'too far out'. Marvel, DC, Image, and Dark Horse have all blacklisted them, leading to the band to launch their own independent publishing house. This could potentially upset the delicate balance of power within the industry. And God help us if the title is snatched up for screen adaptation by Sony or - ugh - Hulu."

"What can we do to nip this in the bud?"

"It seems that Nathan Explosion's new wife, Abigail Remeltindtdrinc and Charles Offdensen have taken a more direct role in monitoring the project. They may prove a stabilizing influence…"

~_~_~

"Ugh, Dildos!" William Murderface hurls his whiskey bottle to the corner of the game room. "These artsy-fartsy types are a bunch of egotistical, emotional dildos!"

"Ja, likes how obsessives and arrogants can yous gets?" Skwissgaar adds, shredding silently on his Gibson. "And sos delicate!"

Toki, leaning back from the Mortal Kombat machine, sniffs. "I's kinds of liked that Yoorerd Way fellows…"

"HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ROCK!" Nathan roars from the foosball table, engaging in a fierce battle with Pickles.

"Maybe we should just write it ourselves, y'know." Pickles suggests, "And get, I don't know… Toki, you draw things, right?"

Toki brightens. "I'S DO!"

Skisgaar scoffs, "All's he's draws is girly, fluffy tings like happy bunnies and womens withts de tits covered."

"Toki is even less metal than that Brenden Smalls douchebag! Heh, Brenden Smalls, what did he ever create for anyone?" Murderface adds.

"I cans draw brutal!"

"I'm sure you can, Toki, but I'm afraid that still isn't happening," a firm, female voice calls out.

The room falls silent as Charles and Abigail enter the room.

"Guys, Abigail may have found someone to write and draw the book," Charles announces.

Abigail blanches slightly, somewhat uncomfortable. "Maybe, if I can convince her."

"Her?" Murderface asks, somehow sounding simultaneously dismissive and aroused. "We can't let ladies make stuff for us!"

Abigail cradles her temple. "See?" She says to Offdensen, "I told you!"

"Why would we wants chicks arounds us?" Skwisgaar asks.

"Guys, we already put out the announcement. You've blown through nearly every acclaimed graphic novel creator in the business. Fans are getting impatient. So if we can get Abigail's friend to do this for us, you will be on your best behavior!"

"Maybe we should give this chick a chance, you know?" Nathan offers, offering his wife a sympathetic look.

"Oh, you're only saying that because your lady suggested it!" Murderface howls, taking a new bottle of alcohol from a Klokateer with a tray. "You're totally whipped, Man!"

Abigail's eyes burn. She smarches over to the couch and yanks the bassist by the ear. He cries out.

"Listen, you talentless sack of piss, this whole project has been taking time away from recording. And you know how I feel about that. You're going to be a good little boy and do as I say, understand?!"

"YES, MA'AM!"

Abigail releases him, leans back, clears her throat, and smooths her blazer. "I apologize for that. I am… not feeling like myself lately. Like I said, I haven't even convinced my friend to do this, I am not even sure I can. But you can all be sure of her qualifications. Her name is Sofia Maldonado, she's been creating comics since she was fifteen. She has worked on titles like The Boys, Swamp Thing, Ms. Marvel, Deadpool, Nightwing, and Batman. She has her own book, The Emerald Pixie, that has been a hit with both critics and readers and has been nominated for four Eisner Awards, winning two."

The band looks at her as if she is speaking Chinese. She sighs.

" Uh, 'Emerald Pixie'?" Nathan inquires, "No offense, Honey, but that doesn't sound very metal."

"The Pixie has retractable ten inch fangs."

"Oh, uh, that's cool, I guess."

"I mean, it can't hurt, I guess." Pickles adds.

"Is she hot?" Murderface asks.

"Yeahs, is she hot?" Skwisgaar asks.

Abigail turns to Charles. "Why am I doing this again?"

Offdensen pats the producer on the arm. "Guys, please, that is irrelevant. And you will keep things professional, or I am cancelling your vacation to Pornfest this year, understand?"

"What?! Can you even do that?!" Pickles cries out.

"As per my new contract with the five of you, I most certainly can."

The band all grumbles, except for Toki.

"Cans I's shows her my drawings?"

"I'm sure that will be fine."

Abigail sighs. "Look, guys, this woman is a friend of mine, she is good at what she does, and she does not put up with crap. I am going out on a limb for you with this. One wrong move and she bolts. Understand?"

They all grumble again, but answer in the affirmative.

"Excellent." Charles straightens his tie and clears his throat. "Abigail will call up Ms. Maldonado and see if she is willing."

~_~_~_~

"No."

"Just lis-"

"No, Abby, and also: No. Nope. Negative. Nuh-uh. Nein. Not happening. They've run through almost everyone. Do you know how fucked up you have to be to weird out Alan Moore?! The man worships a Roman Snake God, for fucks sake. I am not descending into that pit of testosterone and excess."

"I will keep them in line, I promise. I managed to get them through six albums in as many years. Now that I'm involved, it will be different, I promise."

"Didn't William Murderface once refer to women as 'Serpents with tits'? Abby, I have reached a point in my career where I am through putting up with shit like this. I have had to collaborate with Garth Ennis and Frank Miller. I even spent an entire hour of my life in the presence of Dave Sims. I have done my time."

Abigail groans. "Sof, Charles Offdensen is offering enough for you to put Eddie through preschool, K-12 private, college and grad school someday."

"Emerald Pixie is selling like crazy and Paramount and Universal have approached me for the rights."

"I'll get you an interview for Collegiate."

There's a long pause.

"...Really? How?"

"I'm an alum, remember? And the Headmistress owes me, like, seven favors. Your son will be playing in the sandbox with the children of Governors and hedge fund owners.”

There’s another pause. Abigail smiles. For all that Sofia has gone on about hating capitalism and her passion for Leftist politics, since her son was born she’d grown a little hypocritical on that front. Not that Abby could blame her. Sofia didn’t have a lot of support, being a single mom.

“Maybe I’ll consider a meaning.”

Abigail tries a different tactic. “Please do. To be honest, I could really use a friend around here at the moment.”

It’s not something she’d normally say, as independent as she is. But as she makes the statement, she realizes that it’s true.

Sofia’s voice becomes gentler. “What’s up?”

Abigail tells her.

Her friend takes a deep breath. “Okay, then. I’ll take the meeting. But I mean it, Abby, one shitty comment---”

“---I know. But hey, look, you’ve met Nathan, and he’s not so bad, right?”

Technically, Sofia had encountered the entire band to varying extents at the wedding. She’d really only spoken to Nathan, and stared, mouth agape, at Pickles’s bender and slurred Best Man’s toast.

“He’s not too bad, I guess. But the rest? Bunch of crazy gringos.”

“Toki is sweet. Pickles actually isn’t bad when he’s not blackout drunk. Skwisgaar can be decent, aside from the arrogance. And Murderface… Don’t worry, I’ll keep my boot to his neck. I’ll keep my boots to all of their necks. I swear. Please, Sof, do this for me.”

Sofia takes yet another deep breath. “Alright. I’ll be available in a couple of weeks. Book me a flight. And I want my Collegiate interview before then.”

“Done. Thank you so much.”

They say their good-byes. Abigail hangs up and leans back against the pillows of her bed, rubbing her temple. Nathan enters the bedroom, looking a little sheepish.

“Look, uh, I had another talk with the guys. Murderface is in debt again, so I offered to pay it off, if you don’t, uh, mind. That should help keep him… you know… less Murderface.” He sits down on the edge of the bed and takes her hand. “Did she say yes?”

“We have a single meeting in two weeks. I’m pretty sure I’m going to draw up a list with Charles about things they are not allowed to bring up.”

“You’re sure this is a good idea, right?”

Abigail smiles ruefully. “No, not at all. But it’s the only idea I have.”

“I hope the guys don’t, well, uh, you know…”

“Sofia talks a big game, but she’s tough and willing to put up with more than she lets on. She wouldn’t be where she is if it were otherwise. If we keep them reined in enough, I think we might make this work.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Hey, I’s remembers her!”

“Shut up, Toki! Don’t be weird!” Pickles snaps as they watch their prospective new artist drop her bags in the middle of the Mordhouse entry hall and look up at the gargantuan ceiling.

She is tall and athletic, with bronzed skin, blue eyes, and dark brown hair. She wears boot-cut black pants, a red graphic tee, and a black jacket with pins on the lapel. The band all peers at her curiously as Abigail rushes forward to greet her, ask after her son, and re-introduce Charles.

Handshakes are exchanged, and Abigail ushers the band over.

“Sofia, you of course remember my husband Nathan. This is Pickles, the drummer. Skwisgaar Skwigelf, lead guitar.”

“Hi’s.” Skwisgaar offers, obviously trying not to stare at her tits.

“Toki Wartooth, rhythm guitar.”

“Hello’s artist-lady!” Toki bounces on his heels, clutching sheets of paper. “I’s have some drawings, I hopes you like them!” He thrusts them towards her.

The artist smiles kindly and takes them. “I’ll give them a look. Thank you, Mr. Wartooth.”

“Calls me Toki!”

“Thank you, Toki.”

“And finally, William Murderface, bass.”

“Greetings and salutations, Senoriiiiiita!” Murderface grabs the woman’s hand and presses a wet kiss to it before smirking up at her. “Ole.”

Sofia snatches her hand back and glances at Abigail, who glowers at the bassist. “Knock it off, Murderface, or I’ll have you neutered.”

He squeals and jumps back. “S-Sorry.”

"So's, tells me, comics-lady. Cans we's makes dis comic book a pops-ups book and can we's makes the pop-up dragons breathes fire?"

Sofia takes one look at Toki, then another at Abigail. "I'm so glad to be here!"

#metalocalypses #fanfic #lots of comic book references

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incarnateirony · 6 years

Text

So I kind of just need a place to let it all out.

If you don’t want to hear me ranting about my truest encounter with the embodiment of male privilege, the stereotype of millennials, and even bad stereotypes about queerfolk - that I’ve ever encountered in a single being - please keep scrolling and /ignore. But it’s better to rant about it here in this contained area than have it wank up in an SM area that is adjacent to a growing business profile. If someone finds it, okay, I have nothing to hide, but still, better to keep clear air over there rather than kick up in main venues.

But holy shit.

Like.

Beware: Much cussing afoot. Minding through this journey this guy is trying to demolish weeks of my work and tried to use my credit card and busting up people’s hubs and turning friends on each other and all kinds of stuff. This is my personal blog and at this point, I’m furious.

Okay so I’m going to start with CultFans. Some of you saw some of the work done. Let me tell you a little bit about how CF started. (and before making any judgments about CF because of this dude as described below, read the whole thing and understand how it’s changed now.)

There was a little podcast called Order of the Outpost. The Outpost is a small CW summer show with a tiny fandom, but I watch it because... well, it’s honestly an indie studio getting its first real shot and struggling through a lack of budget to swing with the big dogs and fuck yes I am trash for that kind of content. But anyway, OotO was started by a girl named Kira, who formerly ran The Lit Round Table for the Librarians fandom, and producer Dean Devlin showed up on it at one point. She got to go to set with the others. It was cool! Dean also signed on to support Outpost next to Arrowstorm, so heyyyyy it was just sort of a neat idea, maybe he’ll show back up one day and if not, we can nerd meta talk.

Several people pile in. One is this dude who happened to make semi-friends with a young actress getting a role in the show, who referred a few people to the stream. The problem is, when people got there, the streams went a few hours, it wasn’t structured - but I mean, that’s understandable. It’s a young fan stream in a young fandom, there’s not gonna be a lot of structure. And we don’t want to take over her podcast with a RuEL oF lAW but we see that the last guest got visibly exhausted. In fact, it was bad enough Shea and I left the call because it had run for 2 1/2 hours and that was just ridiculous. But it left Kira and... dude with the one semifriend actress (Tim/TJ). So the call went into eternity.

I felt bad for Josh (the set guy that was there) and thought - okay, I mean, I have the experience to help this keep rolling, but things have to change. You don’t want to change up her podcast but... if you want guests to stay engaged something has to change. So I propose making like, a second feature. This proposal was originally a second piece of content/second show on the same channel, but Dude With The SemiFriendish Actress ran off and, while I was checking my funds to consider investing in a website, registered a separate social media account, already started spamming tags out and alerting people about a change... okay, weird and unnecessary but whatever, roll with it.

He says he likes the idea of a more professional environment so that’s why he ran off and made the separate channel. I ask if he can invest in it at all. He says no. Okay, well, we need better than what we have, if we want any agents to take us seriously, so I drop the hard cash for website, domain, etc etc up front. I let him know it’s gonna be a hard road if he wants to do that kind of thing, he says he gets it and will listen.Totally open to feedback since I know what I’m doing and I’m totally an owner because I’m investing. Cool. So we do our first independent podcast which ends up being like... an hour and a half of him interrupting everything and talking at the guest. Flashbacks to the call with Josh, which dude COMPLETELY blamed Kira for. Even though he was one of two participants.

I pull him aside, say that’s not okay, that’s still way too long. We’re gonna start scripting it. Nobody’s here to see you talk, dude, or hear your opinion. If you want an opinion stream, go to OotO, you’re supposed to be supporting guests. That’s why they show up - publicity for a small studio. Says he gets it... give him a script. I start working on videos. He visits OotO one more time and drops a GIANT PR BOMB I DARE NOT REPEAT BUT IT COULD HAVE COST SOMEBODY THEIR JOB. (for the record, it’s something it turns out he completely hyperbolically inflated to make himself look good and turned up completely false but this isn’t shit you play around with son, these are careers.) We lock down the OotO stream and scrub it. He does a thousand frowny faces and apologizes and says he gets it. Okay! He’s new to this... will give another chance.

Now, let me insert, I love Sonalii Castillo to death. She’s talented in every way imaginable and a sweetheart. But she is not a big name. She deserves to be a big name, but she isn’t there yet. Her star meter floats at about the same level as TAW, if that gives you any idea, only she’s not a complete shitlord like TAW - she just hasn’t gotten a lucky break yet. But due to huffing crack from talking to her, dude sets up a patreon. We’re so new we have like 6 subscribers but he makes tiers like “$200/month TJ will add you to PS4 and play games with you.” Who the fuck are you dude??? Who is going to do that??? What the fuck? I tell him to take that shit down.

And... another. Dude, who all are you emailing? Wait, why do we have a new email? Wait, you registered an email on top of my domain? That we don’t have access to? Wait - what? Make a fucking spreadsheet, what the fuck is going on.

“Make a spreadsheet” - he comes back with this eye bleeding hot mess:

Just... pages of that. (Contacts blacked out for obvious reasons) O-...okay... he’s... he’s trying, I guess? Need contact to the email to see what you’ve said so we can follow up. Wait, you have THREE emails? Okay - he - he let us in one. Good enough for fucking now I guess, despite bitching him out to not do things in private.

Find him sending two page bricks about his aspergers and hopes and dreams to agents when they ask for more details. Uh- that’s... that’s not what they meant dude? “I didn’t realize-” dude there’s aspergers and then there’s just being completely- like- ridiculous. Dude, I have aspergers. And boy did he pitch that as an excuse every chance he got. Either you’re cut out for this kind of work or you’re not.

So I’m going behind, scrubbing on audio and video PR bombs, busted agent rep, vats of what turns out to be HUNDREDS of emails, writing scripts, making videos and even running the live broadcast because nobody else can handle it - oh, and paid for the site, because, you know, it was me saying we needed a better environment to begin with that kicked this off, but I never meant to completely break away but WHATEVER it is what it is. I made a point to keep attending OotO while, unsurprisingly, he dropped them cold.

He convinces a comic shop owner to give him swag for a light sponsorship deal for advertisement-vs-giveaway - cool, that’s cool. Inventory it. But he wants to keep this super rare rogue poster! Did he give it to you as a gift or as a sponsorship? ...For a giveaway. Okay, then you don’t keep that, that’s fraud. [pouty face]

Keep in mind this dude is 25.

He keeps turning up going “look at the stuff I got from the comic shop for giveaways!” and we’re like, dude, stop spending money, we don’t have money, you’re on welfare, knock it off until we get some sort of income. DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY MONEY okay but if that’s your money that’s on you, I’m not taking that as an investment I’m going to have to pay back when we keep saying to stop buying shit. INVENTORY it so we can BUNDLE it and make GIVEAWAYS. Took like a month of me telling him this for him to inventory a grand total of like 12 items.

So I got him to close his utterly failed patreon and opened one of my own, that stayed in MY management, and he starts bitching for the login. Dude, you didn’t give me yours? You literally won’t give me anything that has a card on it so why am I going to give it to you? We’re not the ones blowing random money left and right? If there’s an expense to pay back, minding of course I’m the one that’s invested triple digits in this and he’s... spastically bought random swag at a comic book store and registered a redundant email on top of my domain that clogs up my ability to use *MY* free email in my package, while paying a few cents a day on it - I’ll fucking paypal you the money dude. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow Shea lives in the same house and can handle it. You don’t need my login creds.

I mean by now, there’s already huge red flags. Add in calling us each and rambling at us three hours a day about jack schitt all nothing while we say we’re trying to do work and mostly just talking about himself, kinda like he does on live air. Serious major narcissism shows, increasing creepiness with female guests, his weird obsession with anything money based, impulse spending, oh and he takes this “I’m the creator” attitude. ???? I... bought everything? And... Shea and I make... literally all of the resulting product? ???? You... ran off early and registered an SM account???? What did you create? Oh, it was “his idea”... right... okay. Yeah, no it wasn’t. Cue arguments and shitfits about it starting up.

But hey, I’m going to stay on point because we have a good thing going.

Again, HUNDREDS of emails. Try to navigate that hellhole of a spreadsheet and eventually just go “Fuck it, I’ll reformat, and make him fill in the other parts,”

Tada, a spreadsheet you can actually like, find shit. Suddenly the other team members could understand what the fuck was going on. I put in a date of contact, and email of contact field (now it’s all uniform now that we’ve cleaned up, but there were FOUR emails bouncing in there that he was doubletapping people from, once I made him type it out). Made him go find his own bullshit and put in dates/emails while haranguing him into giving us access to all but one email, and he pitched a fit saying his personal payment details were on it (because he chose to register the gsuite ON TOP OF MY DOMAIN just because he had limited delegated access to my godaddy I guess. IDK how Gsuite gets signed up for but I’ll just guess randos can’t do it without SOME kind of access)

Well, keep in mind, I’d been spending bare minimum 6, often 18 hours a week resorting emails, ELI5ing basic business or even basic human engagement, on top of my scripting and video work and everything else, because I bought into the “nobody ever gives me a chance” whining. And I’m all about giving people chances to do things they have fire to do. Literally all we’re asking for is to like, spellcheck his work (he was posting things through the blog like “Exlcusive”), not be a PR bomb, and sort out his shit (spreadsheets, emails) so I didn’t always have to clean up over him. Not exactly exorbitant work standards. Also stay relatively on script because, well, nobody wants to attend a stream for 2 1/2 hours, 2 hours of which is him talking at everyone instead of pulling information from the guests or engaging on behalf of an audience. But he’s trying, I tell myself! Against my better judgment. And, well, at least he contributes to paying imdbpro?

Well, I thought he did. Until I found out he was on a free trial and that expired. Sooo guess who had to register for the next trial? [this guy thumbs] Guess who started demanding access despite not allowing access before because of payment creds?

Because I’ve worked in stuff before, I run this by an old art director that’s worked on some pretty big shit. She doesn’t know anyone on the stream from Adam but HONES in on TJ. Her “protect the model” instinct kicked in immediately with how he was engaging female guests. “Mouth breathing basement dwelling perv” was the vibe she got off of him, without any prompting, and she immediately skeeved out. “He’s a problem, he’s a huge problem.” And I legit hadn’t said SHIT to her. She apparently saw the look on my face and was like “What?” so, storytime kicked in. But I did still make excuses for him. He’s an aspie, sometimes we’re weird about how we communicate, our tones are off, it may just be a quirk outside of his control - etc etc. But all this other shit has built up despite my thousand excuses I’ve run for him (and some I’ve completely brushed over in this novel) She also noted he choked on the McNally interview - that we were all nervous but he was squeaky. I said that was my fault, I rode his ass too hard about staying on script, poor baby was trying, that was a my bad.

And there’s parts I haven’t even touched on, TBH.

But let’s review where we’re at

Original OotO stream

I still attend, he drops Kira cold

He’s bitching in private quarters that he can’t stand her

I still try to refer guests we get to her

He starts dragging her when off air to blockade her getting guests

I now lose my shit on him

More frowny faces

after PR bombs

after unsorted emails

after the eyebleeding spreadsheet

After wrecking connections to a few agencies

After many long talks

after him running off script for weeks

After an art director spots him as a problem immediately

After I do all scripting, videos, and broadcasting

After Shea does all the graphics

After we made all of the triple digit investment

Dude randomly thinks he owns it because he bolted off to register an SM first

Seriously

But wait, there’s MORE!

Dude starts pitching bitches that I put out deadlines. Because he’s done things like try to bait guests on live air to make commitments to him and all kinds of shit, and I’m hard scripting it now to PREVENT that. But if the artists are gonna get the script in a time they can yay/nay we need to get it to them BEFORE THE FINAL HOUR. So he misses deadlines and then expects everyone to hand him their questions and work so he can be on the whole stream after he fucked off for a week and failed to even SUBMIT A QUESTION TO BE SCRIPTED? Um, NO? Guess who loses his shit about “his baby.” Oh boy, the entire team has a comeapart on him at this point.

He comes forward with telling the story of how the australian version of welfare (I forget what it’s called? Centerpoint? Some shit like that?) is up his ass to get a job but they’re getting “off his ass” because he’s “trying to make a business” and he’s happy about that, so he “might get a part time job, if he has to" but he wants to finally move out, get a two bedroom apartment. Dude, I point out, if there’s ANY money in this at ALL it is a LONG way away so get the fucking job.

He apologizes, says he gets it... whatever. But boy, an older, not-classically-attractive and not-big-name male guest? He suddenly doesn’t give a shit. Like, no questions, outright says he doesn’t care if he’s on it. But - but Jennifer is the week after!! He absolutely has to be there!!! Uh, why? Do you know anything about what a producer even DOES? Well, no. But he’s bouncing on Charan so he should be in the front THERE. Okay, so what are you going to ask her. Oh, he has no idea. But there’s going to be a GIRL on the stream to talk at, so hey!

But here we are right after I say it was my fault he was choking on McNally’s interview and he runs 15 minutes off script on the next one AND tries to talk over me for a SOLID MINUTE during our scripted wrap. I manage to end the broadcast, I drop mention of OotO to the guest and he goes OFF about it being an unbearable stream; like yes I will be honest literally everybody jokes about her laugh but saying “just letting you know it’s unstructured-” isn’t an invite to go off calling her stream a hot mess and yes, once you go off about her laugh everybody’s gonna laugh a bit and chuckle it off and roll long enough to not go off on you in front of an actor but everybody else knew to shut it down with “but Kira’s sweet” and end it. And nothing about her having any kind of laugh is worth HARDBALL BLOCKADING her getting guests. It’s fair to warn them that it isn’t structured like an interview, because, you know - well, let’s not blindside them, but that still WORKS for some personalities. That DOESNT mean you go off calling it a hot mess and all kinds of other shit. And people lightly rolling with it long enough to not make you look like a TREMENDOUS THUNDERCUNT and make a scene in front of an actor they KNOW you will blow up on us in front of does not WARRANT that behavior, catch a clue when everybody’s cutting it off with “But she’s a sweet girl” dude. Or the fact that SOME OF US STILL GO TO HER STREAM. You’re the one that hard dropped her.

But after the last time he dragged Kira I went off on him. I even deadass told him the feedback from the art director finally. I try to sort his vat of emails to cool off, and wake up in the morning to an ENTIRE INBOX full of him shittily forwarding things from his private email we said he shouldn’t even HAVE, full of attitude about me doubletapping a few clients, after HE put the wrong contact date/email in the sheet BY HIS OWN HAND. Like, I’m supposed to psychically know what’s in his fucking private email he won’t cough up when he put the wrong data down.

So here I am, cup of coffee still untouched, put my butt down in the chair, see an inbox FULL of him being a wumbo sized shitlord and he starts calling me on Hangouts, like he must have seen my indicator turn green. Again, keep in mind him being notorious for three hour phonecalls about nothing, and/or arguing. So I decline. He calls again. I decline. He calls again. I answer. “What.”

Long silence.

“I’m not creepy.”

“Come again?”

Long silence. “I listened to the stream. I don’t sound creepy.”

“Dude, a creepy sounding dude isn’t going to think you sound creepy. And it’s not just the art director. I’ve gotten that from a few other viewers.”

Long silence. He starts trying to argue and I cut him off. Like, no dude. After all of this shit, after ALL of this, after we have literally built and invested in ALL of this when you don’t have a single goddamn skill sufficient for the job and we spend full work weeks trying to mentor you while trying to do other shit, you had the audacity to talk over me during our wrap THEN DRAG KIRA.

“Well I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“Okay?”

“What do you mean okay?”

“I mean, okay? What do you want me to say to that? If you have something going on in your head that somehow makes you unable to process you’re trying to talk over someone for a solid minute, during a point that has literally been part of a routine for a month and a half, what do you want me to say?”

Long awkward pause. “So how do we fix it?”

“I don’t know, dude. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried scripting, teaching you metronome, I’ve tried moving your position around in the stream to see if you sync somewhere better, I’ve tried having you watch other interviews, I’ve tried giving you templates. I’ve tried being gentle, being firm, I’ve tried outright bitching you out. And if you don’t even realize you’re doing these things, I don’t know how to make you fix them. I’m a production coordinator, not a psychologist.”

“But... how do we fix it?”

“I... just said I don’t know.”

“Yeah but I mean, how do we fix it.”

“I mean you can keep asking me that over and over but I just told you, I’ve done everything I can even think of at this point to make this work and to give you chances that I am in no way obligated to give you. And you know, through all of this, I haven’t even gotten a single thank you from you? For even giving you a chance to be part of this?”

Awkward silence. “But it’s m-”

“Don’t start that it’s mine shit. There is no universe in which this is yours. And if you want to play that, I can walk with the site, the domain you registered your emails on, my videos, broadcasting software, Shea’s design and my general understanding on how any of this works, like I could have done a month ago from your bullshit, and you can try to do it with a google hangouts and a wix site and see how that works.”

Awkward silence. “Well how do -”

“I swear to god if you ask me how to fix it one more time I’m hanging up. [Brief silence] Okay, so how about you tell me how to fix it, instead?”

He’s quiet a minute. “I don’t know.”

“Okay well if I’ve reached the limit of my ability to think on how to fix it, and you don’t know how to fix it, I’m going to need you to try harder.”

He loops this cycle several times. In hindsight, I’m aware now, he was trying to make me be the wicked witch that kicked him out. But I wasn’t. He came up on his own, “Maybe I should take a step back.”

“Is that what you think will fix it?”

“Yeah. I mean. Maybe. But... if I step back... what do I get out of it?”

“...Come again?”

“I mean, if I step back, what kind of money do I get.”

...????

??????

“Okay, look dude, what money? There IS no money. There’s like 5 bucks in a patreon when I paid out well over 100 bucks in startup costs. These problems, all of these problems, these explosions in the team all have one source. It’s that simple. If you think you stepping back fixes it, I’m not going to stop you, but there IS no money.”

“But what about if you start MAKING money?”

“...what?”

“Like in a few years, this gets big. I mean, I created it and all - I get money, right?”

“What did you create?”

Crickets. Finally, “It was my idea.”

“No, dude, it was everyone’s idea. And even if it was your idea, which it wasn’t, an idea is just an idea. I have an idea that I’d love to genetically splice a lizard back into being a T-Rex but if I have no idea how to fucking do it and someone else does all the work for that, they’re the creator of the goddamn new T-Rex, so you can put that down right now.”

Awkward silence. Says he has to think. Hangs up.

Okay well, I have an interview to prerecord, so we just get to rolling.

He comes back in the NEXT MORNING bitching about money again. And not even just about money.

So here’s the deal. Yet again, like many a morning recently, I approach with an untouched cup of coffee, sit down... and there is a WALL OF BRICKS in our team chat. Why? Because Shea fucking triggered on him like two hours ago and they haven’t stopped. Shea, a woman with more than 10 years management experience, who was supposed to handle any money we DID get coming in, was out working her 55 hour a week shitty retail job (for the record, due to being physically broken beyond function I am on disability, but I worked until I couldn’t do it anymore, literally, and at least it’s SOME income), when he came in saying, I shit you not, that he needed “that money” because he never wants to have to work retail, sales, or food and he shouldn’t have to get a part time job at Samsung.

What the fuck? Who the fuck are you dude? Needless to say, Shea went postal in righteous anger. And we ALL had righteous anger of our own. Our work, our history in regular work force, our input in this, and asking him what he thinks any of us should get paid for our work or how much he thinks this is going to pull for him to move into a two bedroom apartment. Does only he get paid if we somehow start pulling a few thousand dollars? And is he going to give anything back to Arrowstorm? To Sonalii? How much does he think this digital business is going to be paying in the first year? 10K? 20? or does only him getting a few thousand dollars count? Arrowstorm is indie, don’t just ride their shit to fame as your goal dude, that’s not how this fucking works. Even Stacy, sweetest pea in the pod that hates confrontation, bricked him about the need to respect Arrowstorm and how hard this all is. And what do you even do to justify making all the money? He fills out the imdb spreadsheet, he says. That original hot mess that I had to reformat. And sends emails, that I have to clean up after him. That takes TIME. I bundled it up and did the math like I did and said he was running an average of 1-2 hours a week of work. But he’s super busy. That’s his excuse. We just dont KNOW what his life is like.

Meanwhile we get wind he’s going back to Kira, after ALL THE SHIT DRAGGING HE DID OF HER, and abandoning her stream which I was STILL going to every week. Why? Because everybody’s sick of his shit here, so he’ll go there for convenience, I guess, since he burned everybody up here. And when we confront him about how shitty and gross that is, he tries to justify it but gets reamed. Tries to blame it on how busy he’s been too. Super busy. A wall of busy. And it’s a fantastic busy wall.

Dude goes dead silent on everybody. Kay, well, we have final prep for a live feature with THE ARROWSTORM PRODUCER the next day so we get back to our shit, because we’re sick of him derailing everything. Wake up in the morning to him trying to ultimatum US about the emails we said he shouldn’t have and leaving. So, you know. That was a thing. And we get a notice that he tried to set the FB to delete. Now it becomes a mad dash to password change EVERYTHING. And change all of the recovery options. Luckily my godaddy account was already delegated and restricted access but I go to doublecheck and THIS motherfucker has a domain registration package IN MY CHECKOUT CART. What. The FUCK. Luckily he can’t see or use my payment details but I screenshot that shit. I still have to be live with the producer in a few hours and put on a good face. Like the last interview, it went great without him (barring a tech difficulty that slammed us because of my shitty tech). She said she had a great time. Said she was gonna text the leads in the show (which IS a CW show) to get in contact with us. We smile and wave and thank her and off she goes.

I look back in hangouts and he’s bitching about the emails, I tell him just delete the shit dude, I can register them again, I’m not an idiot and already backed everything up to a zip folder and if there’s downtime it’s the weekend and agents won’t be answering anyway while I put it back up, I don’t give a shit but HEY, while we’re at it, I’m super curious about why I spotted this in my checkout cart and why you pitched a bitch about your access levels suddenly. You know, right before I password locked you out. So are you going from passive fraud of accidentally keeping things from the comic store to active fraud using my card to buy shit? Luckily I’m smarter than you, son.

Oh, the excuses flowed. It was an accident. He didn’t realize, he was just checking how much it would cost (like they don’t show that before you select), IDK, they never found the bodies was probably next.

So I dig in google history to make sure other weird shit wasn’t going on and make sure he was locked out of everything and find that this dumb motherfucker set the group email to be his microsoft account so both microsoft AND google were tracking him and this fuckface was playing more than 60+ hours of random games and bullshit a *week.* And I don’t mean like “might have left it running when he left the house” games, I mean rotating titles every 30-45 minutes was common. You could literally see when he’d try to initiate his three hour google calls, then hang up and go play Marvel, then pick a fight and when people got pissed, turned around and played asphalt, then came back to complain about money, and then when people bitched at him went on grindr or looked up a mix of ageplay and/or pedo porn. Like it’s RIGHT THERE in the tracking history and it’s hard to miss because *he’s the only fucker in australia in the team* and you can track the logins. Mine are all like searching for the acting reels i need or whatever to build their video features then his is like Hungry Sharks > Asphalt 8 > FIFA > Grindr > Some PotC game and so on. The occasional single googling of an article. And you can track this shit going on every day for WEEKS. So I bold ass call that out.

Like, you’re too busy to put in more work or to talk to Kira until it’s convenient to you but you can do [list of 20 apps] for 9 hours a day? On TOP of calling each of us for hours? What the FUCK?

He starts typing to argue back and I’m like, no motherfucker, don’t start. You are literally in here, hoping to work on the actual product being created by people with the work skills making this happen, claiming it’s your creation just because you ran off half cocked and made an SM account you tagged us into and it would look weird to break off AGAIN from OotO, so we ran with it but have literally put in every penny and working hour and bit of product to this and you expect us to wire you any and all cash out of it because what? You LITERALLY have said you just don’t want to work, you LITERALLY have done NOTHING but eat up our time while we give you endless chances, and you’re on here doing [list of 20 more apps] and googling a site once a day as your labor into this expecting cash to just pour into your pockets? Are you on crack?

Typing again,

No dude, we’re not here to pave your way.

Delete... typing again.

No, dude, you’re looking to make a quick buck on everybody else’s work and that’s not gonna fly.

Delete... typing again.

Dude, don’t even, it’s RIGHT THERE in the google history.

...[Tim has left this group]

Okay. Whatever. Ding dong the bitch is dead, we have more work to do. I onboard a few friends to help out with my video/transcripting load - not that TIm ever did any of that anyway - and get to work. I just leave it out of public. Keep rolling. In 2 days we get more work done than I usually did in 2 weeks because, guess what, I’m not cleaning up a manchild’s messes and getting called hours on end and having to argue about basic common sense. And I mean tangible work. Like, now we’re literally a month ahead on prep for our content that we were always running to the last minute on, off of a few DAYS of work. The rest is all time to grow and settle in now.

Turn around... find out his ass is subtweeting us. And not just subtweeting, he’s claiming it was discrimination because he was gay.

I shit you not.

He’s out there saying that Grindr was used to “throw his sexuality in his face” despite being on a list of like 20394203942039420394203942039420394 apps he was fucking around with all fucking day while pitching this attitude. *And* claiming someone was “creepy” for “checking out his browsing history.” not that I checked out *our group account history* because he was *trying to spend money on my card and tried to delete our facebook*, but hey. Spin it how you want, I guess?

My friend, who joined the hangout, and by proxy it loaded the chat history, called him on his shit. Who, by the way, is queer. Like no, motherfucker, this is just your own lazy spoiled entitled ass making its own bed, if it was a straight chat site you’d be getting bitched out for doing Fuck All just the same, what the fuck. I don’t care if it was eHarmony listed in there amidst all the games. Deal with your shit. He blocks her. Blocks everyone. Starts messaging people that are liking said friend’s comments on the thread going “I see you noticed the thread-” and trying his bullshit schpiel on them. Sorry dude. These are people I’ve built rapport with for years and know my work ethic, better luck next fucking time.

And the proof is in the pudding. I’ve gone from being entirely MIA and unreachable for weeks at a time drowning in this shit to being a month ahead on work, with said-friend only having to put in like 3-4 hours of useful additions (rather than basically working against us 16~ hours a week) and boom, we’re way ahead of the curve now! I’m talking to people again! Shit called. Mischief managed.

But if you ever want the image of a thousand stereotypes in one ball

a 25 year old white dude that is creepy as fuck with female guests to the point almost everybody picks up on it, lives with his mother, has never worked a job in his life, thinks breathing in his vicinity or playing games with him is reason to throw money at him, thinks he owns anything he looks in the direction of and thinks he should get all the money; and, on the other hand, falls into the (GENERALLY FAKE) stereotype that calls of discrimination against LGBT folk are just excuses (WHICH IS SHIT THAT MAKES IT HARDER WHEN ACTUAL DISCRIMINATION HITS). *AND* having the audacity to go public about it *AFTER* we tried to quietly let him walk. The literal embodiment of the worst of every fucking stereotype rolled into one, from lazy young generation to men taking credit over the work women do and feeling superior to even attitudes that make honest hard-working LGBT folk have a hell of a time in the world when real discrimination hits.

AND HE WONDERS WHY HE’S UNEMPLOYABLE.

HOLY. SHIT.

...[flips tables]

For the record, here is said friend calling his shit. Some of you may know her, too.

So there, my rant of the day.

Men. Are fucking. Exhausting. Oh. My god.

But now, we’re ahead. We’re pulling ahead. We’re going to be stable and strong and we’re now poised to even increase our number of guests on the week, especially if those emails from the leads come in. We can take the punches, and everybody’s comfortable on interviews without him being weird on them now, and things are going places.

But christ on a coconut. This is literally *WHY* it’s so hard to get given a chance in the world. Because people like this are given a chance and they just... KSJFKSJDFksjfskdjf

I hate people.

#wank for ts

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