#why is this mushroom spouting nonsense?

[fungifanart]

Put me and Leona in a room alone and watch as we both walk out preg-*gets shot*

[tryan-a-bex]

Dinner and a Play

Gen/Fluff/Crack/1250 words/on ao3/Series (2k words) starts here For @carnelianmeluha, thanks to @best-wishes and @mallory-x for beta reading!

“So?” Hob asked, “what did you think of the play?”

The family settled around the table in the restaurant and Dream accepted the menus from the waitress. Family. They were a family now. I mean, Hob thought, they had been together. In some sense. But now they were raising a child together. Wow. Social Media. The collective consciousness. What does that even mean?

Tift glared at their menu and stabbed a finger at one of the items. “Mac and cheese is for babies and old people, like Facebook. Why is it on here?”

Dream sighed. “Facebook, and mac and cheese, are for everyone who want them. There are other ways to prepare mac and cheese besides Kraft dinner, you know.”

“I know! Find a recipe and pin it! Pinterest is like Shepherd’s Pie, you know, all sorted.”

“Would you like the shepherd’s pie, then?” Hob asked.

“No! Pinterest is boring! Don’t eat the rice and beans,” Tift stabbed a finger at the menu again, objecting to the Coconut Rice and Black Beans with Cilantro. “It will give you a stomach ache because of the Melon.”

“But there’s no melon in there?” Hob wondered what they were on about.

“Melon! M…Elon! Musk melon! Argh!” Tift threw the menu down and grabbed their head. “Rice and beans is like Twitter because it’s small little pieces! I have a stomach ache from the Melon!”

“Okay, not the rice and beans, and stay away from Twitter, got it. Is there something there you would like?” Hob remained patient, as pushing preteens usually resulted in the opposite of the desired effect. Tift glanced over at the menu lying askew across the table.

“Not the chicken lasagne! It looks like the threads in Reddit! That’s a headache! Go to Tumblr!”

“Is Tumblr better?” Dream inquired. “Is there something on the menu which reminds you of Tumblr?”

Tift grabbed the menu again and scanned it, flipping pages and muttering. “Chicken Mushroom Strudel. Picture perfect! Instagram-ready! Looks good enough to eat! Mushrooms, mushrooms, Stuffed Mushrooms, like TikTok, container consistent, content contrasting! You’ve been scrolling for a long time, it’s time to take a break and drink some water!” The waitress had just brought ice water, and Tift grabbed a glass and downed half of it. Suddenly a bit calmer, they turned another page and looked at the picture. 

“Yes! Dauphinoise Potatoes! So many thin little layers like a Tumblr post!” They looked up at Hob with a sigh of relief and requested politely, “I’d like the Dauphinoise Potatoes, please.”

“Of course!” Hob relayed the order to the waitress, deciding to try the same dish, while Dream ordered the chicken mushroom strudel. (“The interwoven pastry is like the strands of a story,” he explained sheepishly to Hob.)

They handed over the menus and Hob decided to try again with the after-play discussion, hoping Tift would remain calm.

“So, what did you think of The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen's Guild Dramatic Society's Production of Macbeth?” Hob watched Dream consider his answer, and then noticed that Tift was becoming agitated again. Their tone and expression altered drastically with each sentence as they spouted contradictory nonsense.

“Farndale, as a play, is cheap and nasty!” they said, scowling. “A delightful piece of dribble!” they exclaimed with a smile. “No social consciousness, just women from an estate doing Macbeth really badly,” they complained tetchily. “The cast appear to be having a ball in this play within a play!” they said enthusiastically, face lighting up once more. “No nuance or subtlety here,” they criticized with a furrowed brow. “This is a light-hearted, nicely presented, fun show!” The smile in their voice was reflected in their face, and then it fell as they continued grumpily, “It’s not an especially thoughtful or imaginative premise, and it shows.” Like a comedy-tragedy mask, they flipped again. “Very entertaining and a pleasant way to while away an afternoon or evening!” Tift looked at Dream in distress, pleading for help with their eyes as their mouth ran on.

Dream took their hands in his and held their gaze. 

“It’s okay, Social Media. It’s okay. It can be overwhelming, but you can control it. It feels like a swarm of bees attacking you, doesn’t it?”

Tift nodded frantically, tears swamping their eyes. Dream nodded confirmation and reassurance.

“Hold it in your mind and take a step back. Remember you are a person, separate from your function. Step back from it until it is a cloud, apart from you, that you can see the whole of.”

Hob beamed at Dream. He’d worked so hard to get Dream to see himself as a person, separate from his function, and watching that pay off in Dream’s ability to help Tift was enormously gratifying. Dream gave him a small smirk and returned his attention to the child before him.

The fear had drained from their face, replaced by a look of fierce concentration.

“Oh! Oh! Yes! I got it! I can see it all!” A huge sigh of relief was followed by an expression of pure joy.

“Excellent,” Dream affirmed, “now choose what you would like to say.”

Tift glanced back at Hob, remembering the original question about the play. They stared into space, the same way Dream did when he was scanning dreams or stories for a bit of information. Then they smiled and addressed Hob clearly.

“I enjoyed the play! It was very silly, but it got the gist of Macbeth across in a light and entertaining manner. I’m glad we went! Thank you for recommending it!”

Hob turned his fullest smile on Tift now. “I’m happy you loved it, and I’m so proud of you for managing your function the way you did just now! The play is one of my favourite versions, because it mocks that Shaxberd so very cornily.” Dream broke out laughing at that, briefly drawing the attention of the other diners with his exuberant, raucous, unusual laughter. 

“You never will let up on the Bard, will you, Hob?” he asked once he caught his breath.

Hob winked. “I guess I could let this one go. He’s long gone, and I won, after all.”

Tift looked between them. “I think there’s a story you need to tell me.”

Hob began an enthusiastic rendition of his meeting with Dream in 1589 as their meals arrived. Dream’s chicken mushroom strudel smelled amazing, and Hob saw him smile slightly in pleasure as he took the first bite. Tift tore eagerly into their daupinoise potatoes, and Hob enjoyed the delightful aroma of creamy potatoes, Gruyère cheese, garlic, thyme, a hint of nutmeg (and was that a note of rosemary?) rising from his own serving as he regaled them with his tale of love pursued and lost to art.

When the waitress came back with dessert menus, Hob wondered if Tift would do better this time. And in fact, they did. 

“I’d like the baklava,” they said politely to the waitress, and in a quiet aside to Hob, “because it’s also like Tumblr.” When Hob chose the gorgeous pavlova topped with summer fruit and Dream ordered the same, they restrained themself to quietly pointing out that “pavlova is like Snap because the meringue melts away in your mouth.”

Well, thought Hob, having everything likened to different social media apps wasn’t that different  from Dream’s habit of seeing the narrative storyline in everything. If this was his life now, he thought fondly, he could get used to it.

----

Notes: From Best-wishes, the official recipe for gratin dauphinois from the website of the "dauphiné" region. And also, CarnelianMeluha’s recipe (see the link called potato) and instructions for making it! (The description in the fic is based on this version.) The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen's Guild Dramatic Society's Production of Macbeth is a real play, which I have seen and enjoyed. The sentences I used in the comedy-tragedy section were entirely lifted from these two reviews: https://thetab.com/uk/london/2014/03/15/review-the-farndale-avenue-housing-estate-townswomens-guild-dramatic-societys-production-of-macbeth-12821 (negative review) https://www.stagewhispers.com.au/reviews/farndale-avenue-macbeth (positive review)

[cepetriwrites]

Into the Storm Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO: AEGON

There were many sons in the realm who bitterly bemoaned their misfortune of being born second. Those men were fools who did not appreciate the blessings the gods had bestowed. A second son enjoyed all the power and respect that came with their house, but none of the responsibility of a first born. Aegon was no such fool. The life of a second born child suited him well, and with Rhaenyra whelping bouncing baby boys, he never had to worry about attending council meetings or listening to the never complaints of the lords and smallfolk. 

He was grateful to Rhaenyra for relieving him of the pressures and expectations that came with being second in line to the throne. He did not want to rule, he had no aptitude for it, he was always falling short, something his mother made clear by the dissatisfied looks she always gave him. He did everything she asked of him, but it was never enough, not for mother nor his grandsire, Otto Hightower. Whatever faults Aegon had, he could recognize a losing battle, and sometimes he even knew to walk away from it.

His mother was always raving on about the looming danger Rhaenyra and her sons bared for him. The threat he created by living and breathing, he did not know why she worried so, the answer was obvious: to not challenge Rhaenyra. It was obvious to him that he was unfit and unwanting for the throne while Rhaenyra sat through endless council meetings. The fact she endured such torture should be proof enough of her dedication. 

Besides, he liked his nephews well enough. There was a rivalry between them, yes, but they were fun when they weren’t being annoying. They were better than Aemond and his perpetual whining, or the baby Daeron who was currently a ward of their Great-Uncle Hobert Hightower. And weren’t weird like Helaena who spouted nonsense and always had a collection of bugs she picked out of the dirt. It angered Aegon that their mother never reprimanded her un-regal behavior the same way she did his. 

The only time his siblings were truly enjoyable was when they were sparring. Aegon trained with his brother and nephews in the yard with Ser Criston Cole and Ser Harwin Strong.  Helaena often watched them, or studied bugs while they stabbed the training dummies. Her septas disapproved of her wanting to hold her lessons near the yard while they trained, wondering why she preferred such an unladylike location. Every adult around her must be addled in the head, Aegon thought, he barely spent time with Helaena and he could see the way she watched Jace. Her attempts at flirting were pitiful and the height of comedy, they should fire Mushroom and employ Helaena. She honestly thought she could win his interest through her talks of spiders and centipedes and scorpions. 

One day after training Helaena looked up from her volume, and instead of leeching onto Jace or Luke or hunting down Laenor, she was following him.  Normally he  could escape her by running away, but she was too close and had grabbed onto his arm. “I want to learn the ways of the sword.”

Aegon scoffed, “Your courting rituals are a wonder Helaena, first seduce him with bugs and then challenge him to a duel? The ladies of our court should all take note.” Helaena blushed a shade of red, “You cannot learn the sword, you’re a girl, the knights will never teach you.”

“I know that, I’m no idiot, that’s why I’m asking you.” 

He rolled his eyes and started walking away, “I won’t train you in swordplay, forget it.”

“Won’t or can’t?” She asked, Helaena let out a defeated sigh, “I don’t know why I thought you were skilled enough, maybe I’ll have better luck with Aemond.”

“Skilled enough? Aemond?” Aegon said feeling heat rise to his cheeks. “I’m better than all the other princes!”

“There’s a difference between being bigger and being better than your opponent.  If you were truly talented, you’d be able to train me.”

He gritted his teeth, he was skilled, he landed his blows exactly as Ser Cole taught him. How dare Helaena even question his abilities? Well if she wanted to play this game, he’d oblige. “Fine. I’ll train you tonight, my quarters, after everyone’s asleep.” Helaena nodded with a serious face. “One more thing,” he added with a smirk, “You need to bring your own practice sword.

Her brows scrunched together, “How am I going to do that?”

“If you truly want to learn, you’ll figure it out.” He headed to his quarters to change. Helaena would only last one or two sessions, she didn’t have the temperament for sword fighting. He doubted she’d be able to even procure a sword.

Helaena exceeded his expectations when she knocked on his chamber door in the hour of ghosts, with a sword in hand. “You’re in a dress? How do you expect to fight properly?”

Her eyes went wide as she realized her error, “I’ll go change.”

Aegon opened his door ushering her in, “Don’t bother, let’s get this over with.” Fighting in the dress would be a challenge, Helaena would definitely give up after this. He was able to knock the sword out of hand nearly every time and she kept stumbling over the hem of her dress. It was fun how easily he was able to send the sword flying from her hand. Soon she was panting and wiping sweat off her brow. Aegon hadn’t even broken a sweat. 

He gave a whistle as Helaena leaned against the wall and drank some of the wine he had lying about. “I don’t know if you need any more training Leech, with moves like those Jace will be swooning.”

She glared at him, “You’re a butt Aegon,” she took another swig of wine. “When can we train again? Tomorrow?”

Aegon decided not to tell her her arms would be too sore to lift her sword, he would let her learn that. If she even did come back. 

She did come back, no matter how bad the thrashings she received. Aegon started training her a few times a week during moments they could ensure privacy. They hid her sword in his wardrobe, and she shimmied into an old pair of his trousers. During the day Aegon had to wrap their swords in cloth so the servants wouldn’t hear the sparring and grow suspicious. 

Aegon, to his surprise, found Helaena to have an unexpected skill that promised a potential challenge to him. Her footwork, she picked it up quickly and had unexpected speed. He could easily beat her in any offensive attack, but sometimes she could mount a passable defense. Aegon found himself actually enjoying this time with his sister. For once she wasn’t acting like an annoying leech. Helaena rarely uttered her random nonsense, she was too busy trying to avoid his sword. She took his japes in stride and didn’t go crying to their mother like Aemond. If he pushed things too far, she took revenge by hiding a slimy or crawling surprise amongst his things. 

He enjoyed the attention being a mentor brought. Set Cole rarely paid a compliment, always focusing on what needed to be improved or had to make things more challenging. To Helaena, he was the best. 

Outside of sparring matches she was the same annoying idiot leech, siblings can only enjoy so much of each other’s company. He never admitted that he was starting to enjoy the sessions either, one must never admit they like their younger siblings, to do some would doom you to an eternity of constant shadowing. 

“Aegon,” Helaena said during one session, “What do boys like?”

“Tits, and an ass, tragically you’re lacking both.” He dodged her swing and smacked her backside for emphasis. “I’d say pray to the maiden for blessings, but I think it’s too late.”

She turned red, “I haven’t even started flowering yet! I have time!” She tried to land a hit, he blocked and side stepped, sending her stumbling.

“Tick tock Leech.”

She stamped her foot, “I’m being serious Butt!”

“Me too, men like tits and ass. You don’t need to panic though, Jace’ll have to marry you, considering he’s-”

Helaena locked swords with Aegon and pressed her full weight, her purple eyes flashed with rage, “ Don’t !” That was his dear sister’s sore spot. She didn’t tolerate the “rumors” of her beloved’s parentage. While she couldn’t stop their mother’s vicious comments, she kept Aemond and Aegon in line whenever possible. He didn’t know why she had such a stick up her ass about it. It’s not as if they made the comments outside the privacy of their quarters. There were so many different ways to annoy his sister, he was willing to let this slide, besides Leech was learning to fight dirty. 

“…expected to uphold our traditions.” He broke the hold, “Stop worrying Leech, you could be missing an eye and your teeth and he’d still marry you.”

“That’s… actually reassuring, trying to get your charity work done?”

Aegon shrugged, “Mother requires me to do one nice thing a year for you runts.” He got into a ready stance, “Now try to make this challenging.” 

[theeyoungalabastoralt]

Naruto various funny scenarios with (Y/N)

I am gonna hate myself after this.

____

Sasuke reading a paper aloud as team 7 walks:' A group of students play 'Hide-and-seek' In the fine arts center at 11pm, which caused a faculty member to call the village ninja. The ninja arrived but were not able to find the students.'

(Y/n): They just made it a higher stakes game of hide and seek. When no one wants to play just hide and see if the ninja finds you, they win, if they don't find you. Missing person's report!

___

Teen (Y/n): I like people who both hate themselves with a burning passion and think they can effortlessly surpass God at the same time.

Teen Gaara: What is your problem today?

Teen (Y/n): Shut the fuck up, you're one of those people bitch.

_____

Teen (Y/n): I just now realized that marriage it like the buddy-buddy system that we were taught in elementary school but permanent.

Might Gai: That is a very enlightening observation!

Teen (Y/n): I am never getting married

_____

Teen (Y/N): I was walking home from a mission from the Sand Village and along the way I overheard a group of kids checking out a field of pumpkins, but in the very middle is this huge ass pumpkin that is like 3 times my size. But this little as kid looks at her brother and points to the pumpkin and goes- "Look Hago, this pumpkin is ALMOST as big as your FUCKING EGO"

And I swear to God Hago looked so hurt and betrayed.

____

Teen (Y/N) standing in a tree spouting nonsense: I understand why you get so mad when people tell you to calm down during a fight because I got into an argument with Neji today and Rock Lee put his hand on my head and said, "Take a minute to breathe" On God, I almost threw that caterpillar, bug eyed mother fucker into the Mediterranean.

Akatsuki Sasuke: Now you know how I felt when you told me to calm down-

Teen (Y/n): This isn't about you.

_____

Teen (Y/n): I can't stop thinking about people who first ate mushrooms that they just randomly found and had to go through trial and error of like- " This one tastes like beef, this one killed Marada almost immediately and this one makes you see Hirishima for a week."

Itachi: What is your problem?

Teen (Y/n): You locked me in this room for the past 30 minutes.

[pinkgirl94]

Investigation of Dazai's Dangerous Dating - Part 1

Hi! As you guys can see, this is my second BSD fanfic & I wanna write something laidback or, to be precise, what if the members try to investigate their colleague's shenanigans. Hope you enjoy reading it!

Bright blue sky. The sun shines above the clouds. A ship blew its horn, signaling its presence. Busy streets around the city. These are the signs of the normal and peaceful port city, Yokohama. That is what Atsushi thought.

“Today’s another pleasant day, right Kyoka-chan?”

“Yes,” replied Kyoka in her usual nonchalant way.

Atsushi and Kyoka were on their way to their workplace, the Armed Detective Agency. They reached the building, went inside, and took a lift to the fourth floor. After reaching the floor, they headed towards the detective agency’s door. As Atsushi’s hand reached and turned the doorknob, this was what their usual routine looked like.

“Good morning, every-” 

“Kunikida-kun, look around. We’re finally in the underworld! Isn’t it amazing? A flying pink elephant, waterfalls pouring upward to the sky, strange-looking trees with lollipops grew out… an incredible place, right?” 

“Yeah, sure,” replied Kunikida with his usual stern look while focusing on his work.

What Atsushi saw is his senior Dazai spouting nonsense about the view of the underworld while standing at his table.

“Good morning.”

“Morning.” Both Kyoka and Kunikida greeted each other normally, ignored Dazai’s shenanigans like a ghost.

“Um… what happened to him?”

“You know what it is, Atsushi. The usual.”

“Another suicide attempt?”

Dazai’s suicide attempts never stop. No matter where at or in any situation, he tried them all the entire day nonstop. He sometimes lazy or never coming to work according to his feeling. Kunikida tried to make him a proper working man but failed. In the end, he lets him do whatever he wants as long as his works were done.

“Though you thought that way, this is a bit different. Look at his book.”

Atsushi goes to Dazai’s table and took a book. He reads the content and found out about the types of poisonous mushrooms. There are various kinds of lethal ones that should never eat. The picture of the mushroom he reads right now, however, looks a bit different from the one he bit. 

“A delusional mushroom type?” 

“Yes, though he knew since he did the same two years ago.” 

“Then why did he eat it again?” 

“He said something about confirming whether the vision he saw the other day was real.” 

“What…” 

Dazai turned his head towards Kunikida. His delusional eyes became wider as he found something valuable.

“Would you look at that? A giant golden bug! This will cost an enormous fortune if I sell it. Atsushi-kun, help me catch it.” 

“Wait, Dazai-san! That’s not a bug. It’s Kuni-” Dazai made a sudden jump at Kunikida, who he thought was a golden bug. He was about to get strangled, but his hand quickly grabbed his shirt collar. 

“This giant golden bug wants you to shut up and stay down!!!” 

“UWAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!” 

Kunikida easily threw Dazai up and floating until he pulled him down hard. Dazai was no longer in the underworld as he finally returned to reality. But what Dazai was looking at right now the world is spinning around, finding it difficult whether he is back or transported to another world. Finally, he knocked out. 

After that, the entrance door opened. Three young people are coming in for reporting their duty. They then greeted everyone in the office. Atsushi turned around and found the familiar faces.

“Oh! Tanizaki-san, Naomi-san, Kenji-kun, good morning.” 

Those people are Tanizaki, his sister Naomi and Kenji. Tanizaki found Dazai lied on the floor. So he asked Atsushi. 

“Atsushi-kun, what happened to Dazai-san? Why is he sleeping on the floor?” 

“Well, Kunikida-san threw and knocked him down because of his usual attempt. He’s going to be like that for a while.” 

“I see…” 

“Kenji, go tied Dazai up and put him in the storage room.”

“All right!” said Kenji with a smile as bright as the sun. He then really did what Kunikida ordered as if it is a normal thing to do. Dazai, though unconscious, keeps blabbering about the things he saw from his hallucination. The door slowly closes as the darkness comes, leaving him from the bright world to repent his blunder. 

Soon after that, Yosano comes, followed by Ranpo. All the employees returned to their seats and continue their work. Kunikida and Yosano started looking at today’s works and revising previous requests. Atsushi, Tanizaki, and Kenji looked up their emails and files for any recent case. Ranpo just sat on his chair, takes out his snacks, and eat them. Others like the clerks were ready to receive calls from the clients and make arrangements.

Time passed by in a flash, and lunch break starts. Atsushi and the others go out of their office and took a lift down to the ground floor. When they step out of the building, the sun is already above them. So bright, but also hot at the same time. There was no cloud to be seen. Just the clear blue sky along with the sea breeze. They headed towards a door that has a sign written ‘Uzumaki’ hanging above and swung it. 

As the bell rings, the members entered a familiar venue. The aroma of coffee floating around the entire place along with jazz music. A set of antique coffee makers displayed on the table. The classic-themed interior designs, both the furniture and walls.

The cafe was the agency’s favorite spot to relax. Not just because of its delectable food, but they enjoyed drinking the finest coffee made by the cafe’s manager who has many years of experience in making coffee.

“Welcome! Take any seat you like.” The person who greeted the members was Lucy Montgomery. A former Guild member and currently working as a part-timer.

Everyone chose two tables right beside the window. They then started ordering their food and drinks. Later, they started their lunch after the food was served.

After the members finished eating, Lucy approached them, wanting to ask something.

“I wanna ask you guys. What’s with the ruckus at your office this morning?”

“Oh, that? It’s Dazai-san’s.”

“And he’s…”

“Stayed inside the storeroom for a while. That must have been disturbing you and other staff members working here. Sorry about that.” Tanizaki and Atsushi both bowed down for their apology.

“Well, there’s no need for it since it’s his usual high jinks but…”

Lucy put a bunch of letters on the table. Her hand was holding them for a while. The senders were from various women and they were all for Dazai.

“We usually get those whenever the women came here.”

“We usually get those whenever the women came here. It's fine, by the way, since we can send them to you guys. But there're a few problems.”

Atsushi got curious about what could it be regarding Dazai and his habit. The members knew him a lot, from his approach towards the women, his smooth-talking, to his peculiar relationship with them.

"At one time, one woman came here and waited for Dazai, but then, another one appeared for the same reason as the first. Those two got into a fight after they noticed it."

"That must've been hard on you, Montgomery-chan."

"Oh no. There's more. Remembered that last week a crazy woman made her attempt something crazy and shouted in front of this building?"

"You mean that time..."

The woman carried a knife for threatening Dazai to date her and her only. It was chaotic.

Among many women he dated so far,  some of them were already broke up and never seen each other again. But there are also some are a possessive type that they brought a great pandemonium.

"That's why I'm requesting you, as your client, to stop him from dating women. Or else, more women will come here and cause commotions and scare our customers."

"Stopping Dazai-san from dating? Easy for you to say but...." Atsushi cannot find any words to reply that Lucy's request is impossible to fulfill and does not want to sound rude.

"Listen, Lucy. I respect your demand of wanting Dazai to stop dating to prevent ruckus done by the women he dated. The problem is that Dazai's a slick man like a snake can crawl through the traps. We previously tried to tie him when he was about to go out but he was gone before we knew. Even if we can put a tracker on him to know where he's going, that guy's smart as if he can read what we're doing to him." Kunikida answered Lucy after he finished his lunch, stood up, and went to her and Atsushi.

"Demand?! I didn't say demand; I request you. Re-qu-est. If you can't do that, then at least investigate why he keeps dating women."

Both Atsushi and Kunikida are in silence for a moment until Atsushi spoke to Lucy.

"Well, we can investigate him but, like what Kunikida-san said, Dazai-san's a very smart person that he will know immediately if we try it."

"You won't know unless you try. You guys are Armed Detective Agency members, right? You're part of an establishment that handles cases that none the police nor military force can handle."

"..."

The jazz music from the LP recorder stopped and fell silent. The scent of coffee almost fades since there is no one else to order it. Thus, begin an investigation of Dazai's date.

[ryder616]

Rewatching Parting Shot

Parting Shot, aka the episode where nobody (important) is dead or dying and yet you still end up bawling your eyes out anyway. 😁

Or at least I do. I mostly blame Henry Simmons for that. His sorrowful, teary-eyed-but-keeping-it-in expression completely shatters my resolve to “not gonna cry, dammit!”. Add that beautiful piece of music and  😭 😭 😭 . Every. Single. Time.

Plus there’s the fact that we lose Bobbi and Hunter for nothing, not even to trimmer down the main cast because the show went back to 8 regulars pretty quickly. *sigh* I really miss Bobbi and Hunter. 😢

And you just know that if this was a regular episode and not a set up for a spin-off that’ll never go to series (*grumbles*) the disavowement would never stick or never happen in the first place. They’d just forge new identities for them, lay low for a while or maybe fake deaths and then it’d be business as usual. I mean the OG team are all basically ghosts. Coulson is supposed to be dead. Daisy didn’t exist in the system when Rosalind went checking and it should be the same for all of them. S.H.I.E.L.D. itself is a ghost at this point in time.

Anyway, I shouldn’t be complaining. This is a great episode and a comforting send off for Huntingbird, if S7 doesn’t surprise us. Because no matter how painfully they might end it for the other characters (😬), Bobbi and Hunter will still be out there, somewhere, fighting ninjas at weddings and being their generally awesome selves. And that’s not nothing.

Gotta Catch ‘Em All:

General Androvich, Russia’s Minister of Defense, former KGB assassin and, for what little we saw of him, an overall unpleasant dude, had the power to manifest a sentient “shadow” made of Darkforce, also known as Zero Matter (Whitney Frost says hi), capable of acting independently from his (in)human form.

Stuff that crossed my mind:

You must have something to say for yourself. -- I'd like a cheeseburger, medium, with cheddar cheese, ketchup, mayo, lettuce, and tomato. And some curly fries. Crispy. The Interpol guy sounds French. I bet she’s being extra American on purpose.😁

I headcanon that S.H.I.E.L.D. issues clothes made of special thermo-adaptive fabrics because I hate cold and seeing Bobbi and Hunter (and later everyone else) running around Siberia, AT NIGHT, in clothes that look like something I’d wear in spring if the sun is up makes me shiver just typing this. 🥶🥶 

I have to say, I have never encountered someone like you. [...] who has the ability to spout absolute nonsense with such ease. He’s the best, isn’t he? 😎

Bobbi and I were on holiday, picking mushrooms. -- In the woods of Siberia, in the dead of winter. --  Do you know a better place to find the jumbo chaga mushroom? Because I certainly do not. [...] we were accosted in the woods by some ham-fisted, dare I say, drunken soldiers, who dragged us into this entire mess. [...] You want to know the key to a good mushroom soup? Dried porcini. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

They've wiped out almost 30 square kilometers of forest, just to make room for this place. You wonder why the planet's dying. -- Got that right, mate. You and Jemma watch that documentary I mentioned? -- Oh, yes! The one about the Amazon? Hunter gave FitzSimmons environmental documentaries recs for date night. 🤗

If we're gonna infiltrate, a surveillance package would help, sir.  -- And guns. Don't forget those. And properly warm clothes? Please? 🥶

You want to assassinate a former member of the World Council on Russian soil, knowing that if we get caught or our actions are tied to the U.S. government in any way, that it'll be considered an act of war. Sure, when you put it like that it sounds bad....

I was just trying to recall the last time we went away together on a proper vacation. I spent half of S6 trying to recall the last time the Bus Kids might have had a proper meal. Vacations sound positively extravagant for S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

We were just looking for the main road. -- Out for a spot of mushroom picking. Perfect cover story, guys. As everyone knows, the outskirts of covert military installations that sit in the middle of freezingly cold forests are the ultimate tourist destination for the discerning mushrooms enthusiast.

Are those mushrooms? - Mm-hmm. For soup. You know, I looked up chaga mushrooms and they look awful. I think I’ll be sticking with porcini, sorry Hunter.

How’s everyone’s Russian? -- My pronunciation’s not fluent. -- And mine’s nonexistent. -- I dated a Russian hacker once, but I only learned the dirty words. May speaks Russian but not as well as Bobbi. Mack doesn’t. And Daisy had sex with a loud Russian hacker. 🤭

Remember our mission protocol. Low profile, in and out, no one gets caught. Well, thank you very much. Now you jinxed it.

Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter (I don’t even...and where does Lance come from?) is from the south-east of England, his dad was a police officer and the secret to his l33t mushrooms soup is chicken bouillon.

Come on, Daisy. You can hack the Pentagon and shake the Earth. You're gonna let a few backwards letters trip you up? *high fives Bobbi in Daisy’s stans solidarity*

Just think what the United States did for the Native American populations. If we hadn't created the reservations, they would've been wiped out entirely. I totally believe you have the Inhumans’ best interests at heart now. What a convincing, totally not infuriating, not even a little bit revisionist argument you just made.🙄

It's the world's first Inhuman politician. The first you know of, at any rate. What if Abraham Lincoln was Inhuman? With stretchy powers.😉

There are many intelligence agencies around the world. Some are run by incompetents, but not all. Given that nuS.H.I.E.L.D.’s been operating for two years doing whatever they pleased out of a base near the U.S. capital, that is entirely a matter of debate, buddy.😁

S.H.I.E.L.D. is about sacrifice, not for you or me but for the greater good. -- Even the ones you love? -- Yes. Even them. -- I don’t know whether I admire you or feel sad for you or both. Both. Both works.

Spasibo, Daisy! -- De nada. -- Pretty sure that's not Russian. -- Whatever. 🤣

Everyone listen up. This hit is going down here and now. The Russian Prime Minister is arriving, and there's an Inhuman assassin on the loose. You need to stop him. Good thing this was supposed to be a low-profile, surveillance mission. Looks like the plan turned to rubbish once again.

We'll need a distraction. --  I have an idea, but it involves May hitting people. I don’t think she’ll mind...

Fitz and I believe the General has the ability to manifest a form of sentient dark force, able to shift its density at will. -- Judging by the way he’s elsewhere at the moment, it operates independently of him. -- Can you just cut to the part where you tell us how to beat it? Always so impatient...I wanted to hear more about the sentient darkforce!

You ready, sestra? -- Da. *glares at the show for not giving me more Quake&Mockingbird team-ups*

I don't know what frightened me more, the firing squad or that shadow muppet. --  We were lucky. -- I was lucky. You were good. Aww, Hunter. Sometimes you really say the best things.

Once you're back, we'll change your identities, move your families, and unfortunately, you'll be done in the field. -- Sir, I think that we’ve proven we’re not built for the lab. When disavowement and potential incarceration and execution are more appealing than dealing with FitzSimmons’ “systems”... 🤣😉

You’ve got an admirer. -- Who? -- They asked me not to say. Clearly the operative tailing Bobbi and Hunter in the pub belongs to one of the incompetent intelligence agencies. Because otherwise they’d have had identikits for the entire command structure of S.H.I.E.L.D.😁

[destroyer-of-worlds-quake]

When Hunter is getting interrogated

Interrogator :I have to say ,I have never encountered someone like you

Hunter :Oh why thank you

Interrogator :Someone who has the ability to spout about absolute nonsense with such ease

Hunter: It’s not nonsense it’s the truth, Bobbi and I were on holiday picking mushrooms

Interrogator :In the woods of Siberia in the dead of winter

Hunter:Do you know a better place to find the jumbo changa mushrooms,you want to know the key to a good mushroom soup,dried porcinis  

[multi-fandom-incorrect-quotes]

[Nina being interrogated]

Fjerdan Officer: How can you spout such nonsense with such ease?

Nina: It's not nonsense, it's the truth!

Nina: We were looking through the woods for mushrooms.

Fjerdan Officer: Why were you doing that in Fjerda during the winter?

Nina: Do you know a better place to find mushrooms? Because I do not.

[unfocused-ink]

Cosmogyral (adj)

whirling around the universe

On the night she was born, the stars sang.

The townsfolk weren’t exactly thrilled by the singing. After all, most of them were timber cutters trying to get some sleep. The horses that pulled the cut logs weren’t happy either- they knew they had a long day tomorrow, and they wanted sleep as much as the humans did.

But despite the grouchy townsfolk below, the stars sang on, and soon the wails of a newborn babe joined in their music.

“She’s a fighter, she is,” the midwife declared as she delivered the wailing child into the waiting arms of its mother. “Thought we’d be having a funeral tomorrow, but she’s a fighter.”

The mother, weary after hours of labor, gave the midwife a weak smile as she accepted the child. The father had long since disappeared- traveled to the city to seek his fortune- leaving the mother to raise their child on her own. Most of the town thought it was better that way anyhow, though- Kyf Nordham was an angry drunk.

As the midwife packed her things, the star-song got louder, as though trying to rival the baby’s cries. The mother began rocking the babe, humming, trying to calm her.

“What’s her name, then?” The midwife asked, pausing in the door as the star-song grew louder. 

And as the baby quieted and the mother listened to the stars, she smiled and gazed at her newborns small face, green eyes wide and nose scrunched up.

“Her name is Aja.”

----------

The mountain was spouting poetry. Again.

I’d given up trying to tell people. They all told me I was crazy- “the stars may sing for you, Aja,” they’d say, “but the mountains do not speak and the trees do not laugh.”

My mother was gentler with me, but I knew she didn’t believe me either. When I went to tell her the mountain was speaking again, she looked up from the shirt she was mending and brushed a hair behind her ear, sighing. “I’m sure it is, but even when mountains speak there’s mending to be done.”

So I sat and helped her mend our neighbors clothes while the mountain struggled to find a word that rhymed with sky.

‘Fly, you dunce. Fly rhymes with sky and you’re talking about birds! It isn’t hard!’ I wished I could scream up at the mountain. But mother needed help and I didn’t want the town to find me stranger than they already did, so I didn’t

After three shirts and two pants my feet were twitching and my glances towards the door were more frequent. I needed to run. To have the wind fill my ears instead of terrible poetry that hardly even rhymed anymore. 

Of course, mother noticed. She always did. Taking the pants I’d just finished she laughed, though it was laced with sadness.

“Out with you then, Aja. Go chase the wind.”

“Thanks, Ma,” I said, leaping from my chair and nearly tumbling it backwards in my hurry. “I’ll be back to help with supper.”

“Mhm,” was the reply, my mother already focused on her mending again. I don’t know how she did it. I could never sit for long, especially not closed inside walls.

Letting the door thunk shut behind me, I breathed in the pine scent drifting from where the cutters were trimming trees, preparing them to be brought to the mill, and, later, to the city.

“Trees and bees dance with the... with the...  fleas?” The mountain hummed, a rumble causing rocks to clatter down his slope. 

Ignoring his struggle, I dug my toes into the dirt and ran.

The town passed by in a blur, chickens scattering in front of me as I burst into the woods and wound my way under and through the trees, ducking limbs and leaping fallen trunks. While I was clumsy at most things I tried, I’d always been able to run. My mother said it was because I was trying to chase down my destiny. I figured it was because I was good at running.

I followed the path I’d worn into the forest floor, heading deeper into the trees, until the branches of the pines blocked out nearly all the light of the sun. At the base of a rock that stood twice as tall as I did I paused, steadying my breathing as I looked around. The mountain’s poetry had grown faint, a whisper that was easy to ignore. Replacing it was the sounds of the woods- birds crying out to each other and squirrels chirping that they’d seen me. The trees had started humming to one another, too quiet for me to hear what they were actually saying.

My heart slowed down to normal, I climbed the rock- Old Tuk, as I liked to call him. Sometimes when I sat and closed my eyes, he’d rumble things to me- nonsense things that only rocks understood.

Tucking my feet under my legs I sat, giving the area around me one last look before I closed my eyes. It didn’t take long for Old Tuk to start grumbling at me- he was chattier than usual.

‘Moss.’ He grumbled. ‘Moss and dripping and wet. Earth laughing at me- worms laugh and giggle. Starshine? Starshining here.’

Starshine was something that had only started coming up in his vocabulary recently. Sometimes I thought it might be what he called me, though I didn’t know why.

‘Singing dancing mushrooms in the moonlight. Rabbits? No, deer. Deer and Name-Takers and- trouble. Uh oh. Trouble talks in riddles. Starshine careful of riddles.’

With that Old Tuk went silent, and I twitched, an uncomfortable itch crawling down my skin as though something was watching me.

I opened my eyes to see a grinning face staring up at me.

The man- or creature- was a few feet away from Old Tuk. He had pale skin and pale hair- everything about him was pale. But the thing that made me wary was his eyes- they were yellow and slitted, like a cats. And I swore his teeth had points.

“Hail, fair stranger,” I said, choosing my words carefully. I had no doubt that whatever this creature was, he was not mortal.

“Hail to you, Star Child. I am Aoife, Walker of the Woods. Shall you give me your name?”

I saw his grin, sly across his face like a dagger. There was no doubt in my mind now- this was a fae, a creature the tree cutters respected but feared. 

“You may call me Ainsel,” I replied, and felt relief as the fae’s grin dropped, and he sighed instead.

“Then that I shall call you, Star Child. Your mind is sharp, for one so young.”

I’m nearly eighteen, I thought, but thankfully didn’t say out loud. No doubt to the fae, eighteen was barely a toddler.

“May I inquire as to why you came to greet me?” I said, keeping my tone polite. The fae was still keeping a distance from the boulder, his clothes seeming to shimmer in the ribbons of sunlight.

He looked at the rock and laughed, a grating sound that made me clench my jaw. “Ah, the rocks have names and the trees have names, and the Star Child has listened, hasn’t she? You amuse me, Star Child, and if you weren’t atop Tuk I might take you as a wife and let you continue to keep me amused.”

I shivered at the thought. I’d have to thank the wood cutters when I returned, for warning me about fae.

“Alas, Tuk won’t allow me you as a wife. And I suppose the stars would protest as well, so allow me to share with you what the stars cannot tell you, Star Child.”

“You talk to the trees and you listen to the wind, but you have yet to sing to the stars. They sang to you when you were born, and wait to hear you return their song, but hidden here among the trees their complaints cannot reach you. However, I’ve been up the mountain and into the sky, and they bid me bring you a message- at a price, of course- so a message I bring.”

“Leave the trees and touch the sky, and sing into the night. You are more than what you think, Star Child, but you have yet to discover your destiny.”

The grin returned to his face and he held out a hand toward me. “Now, Star Child, the price of the message is a memory- one of your choosing. You may pay and return to reach your destiny, or refuse and become a permanent part of Tuk- the decision is yours.”

A memory? I was inclined to refuse, but I also didn’t doubt what the fae said was true- it seemed the only thing keeping me from being whisked away by him was Old Tuk. 

Well. A memory, then. I thought back on what I’d done the past few days, and finally settled on a memory I thought I wouldn’t mind losing.

“I choose to pay with a memory. I give to you, Aoife, Walker of the Woods, my memory of when I wrung the chickens neck for supper two nights ago. I give you from the moment my mother sent me to do it to the moment I returned with the bird, a mere six minutes, and no more nor no less. Accept my payment and agree to leave me to return home and reach my destiny.”

The fae shrugged, then nodded. “I accept your payment, Star Child, and agree your debt is payed and to the terms you have set. Tuk, the deal is struck, allow me what I am due.”

Whatever Old Tuk had been doing to protect me, he must have stopped, since the fae lightly leapt up next to me and placed his finger on my forehead. A cold shock went through me, and the next thing I knew he was gone, and I couldn’t recall what memory I had given.

I took a deep breath and stood up, climbing down Old Tuk. “Thank you,” I whispered, and Old Tuk rumbled at me as I turned and dug my toes into the dirt, beginning my return through the forest and leaving the boulder behind.

Well. I had to reach my destiny, then, I supposed. I still didn’t know what half of the fae had said meant, but if reaching my destiny meant climbing the mountain and touching the sky, then I may as well do it.

The sun was setting behind me, the last shadows cackling as I raced past them, bursting back into the village with a whisper of a laugh chasing me from the woods. I wove around wood cutters returning home from work and waved to the ones I knew well, reaching my house and catching my breath before I entered and greeted my mother.

“I’m nearly eighteen,” I said, deciding it was best to jump right in to the discussion that needed to be had.

“Nearly eighteen and not yet wed,” my mother replied. That was a rather sore subject- the village boys thought me too strange to be even a friend, and I was fine with that.

“Yes, I know- but Ma, I’m nearly eighteen, and I think it’s time I find my destiny.”

She set down her mending and looked at me, sighing. “Aja, destiny isn’t something you find. It’s something that finds you.”

“But maybe not, Ma. Maybe I’ve got to chase it down. It hasn’t found me yet, and I’m growing tired of waiting. I want to climb the mountain and try and find my destiny in the sky.”

At that, she gave me a sharp look, and I knew I’d finally reached the point where she might call me crazy. “That’s silly talk, Aja. Your destiny isn’t in the sky. It’s here, mending and cooking, and settling down to raise some grandbabies for me. Your destiny isn’t in the sky, and it’s not in the city, nor anywhere else but here.”

“But, Ma, I was told-”

“I don’t care who told you what.” I’d never had my mother use that voice with me. “Your destiny will find you here, and you will not go chasing it through the wilderness. That’s final.”

I bit my lip and shrugged, pretending I didn’t care. It seemed my mother wasn’t going to give me her blessing- no matter, I’d find my destiny anyways. I felt a tug, now, an itch to follow the fae’s message and chase down my destiny. I wasn’t going to let my mother keep me from it.

“As you say, then, Ma,” I said, bringing out a pot to begin the stew we’d eat for supper. She returned to her mending, lips tight, though I knew later she’d apologize for growing angry. She always did.

As I chopped the potatoes to throw in the pot, I found my gaze wandering to the window and the mountain beyond.

Soon, I thought. I’ll come find my destiny atop you soon.

----------

To be continued....

[dreamingsushi]

The King: Eternal Monarch - Episode 2

So Lee Gon found out the girl that saved him 25 years ago and hugs her. She pushes him away and she’s like what the hell do you think you’re doing? And he’s like, I am greeting you, because I am happy to see you. That she really existed. In another universe. She asks again for his ID and he says he can’t give it to her because he doesn’t have one, because he is who he is.  Ah, this makes me so disappointed. Those lines are so much like the lines his character in Heirs would say. I wished for something new. I guess they know he sells well in these kind of roles so they made it like this for him =|

Okay se he tells her he’s the king of Corea (why not Korea?) anyways and he got here while following a suspicious person and if at first he was confused, now he came to realization this a parallel universe. And seeing the ads screen, that they have a queen named Yuna haha. Lol, she’s just some idol. He tells her to take him to her queen Yuna and she’s like just go get a ticket. She’s like enough with that crap and arrests him.

Jo young tries to find out how did his king disappeared.

Back at the police station, Jo Young of the parallel universe comes out and Lee Gon tries to talk to him but he’s like this guy is kind of scary. Then seeing how much o a fool he is, he’s like that’s not Yeong. The fingerprints didn’t come out with his identity either. Tae-eul is pissed of. The other girl suggests that he might be a child loss before his finger prints were taken. He tries again to convince her about the parallel universe but she’s not so much. She wants proof. He explains to her Einstein quantum something, it makes me dizzy those theories plus the screen was spinning a little. Anyways, she manages to get her saliva for his DNA while he was speaking.

Well she ends up releasing him and ask him how to contact him when the DNA results are in and he gives her the address of a very expensive hotel. She asks him if he even have any money to pay for that and he just takes off a button of his vest and says it’s a diamond, so when he sells this, he’ll have money. She doesn’t believe him, but getting in a jewelry shop, she has to be proven wrong. She sends him off, but... already the romance, I can feel it... hahaha. Lee Minho cannot not sway girls. He asks her to stay and not leave him lol. But she’s like piss off hahaha. I love her <3She leaves after receive a phone call.

Lol, the guy watching netflix. He gets called by Lee Gon. And used as a valet. But it’s okay, he gives him half of the stuff. I must say the acting for this guy is on point. Two different characters, like opposite. When he sees a family picture, he’s convinced it’s a parallel universe again.

When she comes back home, Maximus (Lee Gon’s horse) is in her yard, so she goes to the hotel to discuss this with him. Well not really a discussion, it’s more like, stay put or I am selling your horse.

Okay so the uncle did kill the little boy this time around.

Mister king is at the library studying history and has gained a huge fan club. Lots of girl gave him beverages haha. They all get jealous when Tae-eul sits down with him. And he finally realized that they don’t have a queen in this world, but a president.  Anyways she leaves and he follows her... TO A FRIED CHICKEN RESTAURANT. fml. Seriously. Now I want to eat fried chicken but I can’t. One because of self-isolation and all the korean restaurants are in town, too far away for deliveries. And two, because I don’t eat meat unless I am at my parent’s place or if I go out with friends. But that fried chicken looks so good TT any vegetarian knows of korean fried chicken recipe that doesn’t involved replacing the chicken with mushrooms? Because I juste really can’t stand mushrooms... So back to the story... Usually, Eun-sop tastes his food for him, well he starts eating first. She’s like, I’m not tasting your food. He says I know, but here are my last words if ever this is poisoned: thank you for everything, I was less lonely those 25 years knowing that you existed somewhere. Can they make his characters a little less cheesy someday? =| Omg. Lee Gon discovering fried chicken is exactly me the first time I had it hahaha. Love it. He asks her why she never believes anything he says, and it’s because he spouts too much nonsense.

Jo Yeong is still looking for the prince. He asks a girl that was there a the competition for the pictures she took, but she’s like his fangirl, she almost only has pictures of him haha. I don’t see how that could be of any use but oh well!

Lee Gon is out of diamonds on his clothes to make money. Woops! And there’s is product placement haha. He goes to the Alley. I love that place’s milk tea. Now I want milk tea so bad haha. This drama is good to bring up my foodie desires when nothing is available. I DO NOT THANK YOU LEE MINHO.

But why is he jelly of that guy though? Seems she met him way back in the past. He wants to go with her, but she says he can’t. Then somehow she goes back and tells him to go back to his family because he’s annoying. Then he tells her he’s not married hahaha. Like, that’s totally what she asked. And he’s like, okay I’m taking you as my wife, to be the queen. Lol. Hahaha. Ah, Lee Minho, Lee Minho. I guess you always ends up having these kind of lines. Poor baby. She’s thinking he’s crazy. And now I wonder will all episodes end with them facing each other like that? Maybe that could be some kind of trademark.

So now, let’s see what the preview are going to tell us and let’s try to guess what’s going to happen. Even though I shouldn’t do that, because previews are always a bad idea when you have to wait for the next episode. Oh well, previews actually didn’t say much, there’s nothing really to guess. Except that she dislikes him, but not truly because they will obviously fall in love at some point. And that’s it until next episode comes out.

[cookie-run-kingdom-story]

EPISODE 14: CITADEL OF THE FROZEN CLIFF

(Screenshots from Royal Mike!)

Pomegranate Cookie: The Great Wall is finally falling… I have looked forward to this moment. Licorice Cookie: All thanks to my powers over the Licorice Sea! He he! Licorice Cookie: …But Dark Choco Cookie, what do we do next? Dark Choco Cookie: Dark Cacao Cookie’s Soul Jam waits somewhere within the citadel. Dark Choco Cookie: …Someplace dark, deep inside, I’d wager. We have to find it. Pomegranate Cookie: You seem well prepared. I will leave the rest in your capable hands. After all, you know the way around the castle better than any of us. Pomegranate Cookie: We do not have the luxury of time. Find the Soul Jam and raze the castle to the ground before sunrise. Licorice Cookie: This’ll be a piece of cake! Licorice Cookie: Dark Enchantress Cookie will finally acknowledge my genius and fervor! He he he! Dark Choco Cookie: No more chatter. It’s time to attack. Dark Choco Cookie: Let’s give the Dark Cacao Kingdom a cold and heartless end befitting it. Licorice Ooze: Groooar… GRAAGH! Poison Mushroom Cookie: Let’s give them shroomies too… Wait for me…! Licorice Ooze: Grrr… GRRRR!

Strawberry Cookie: Is it really safe for us to be first up on the walls…? Chili Pepper Cookie: It’s not like we have any other option! Caramel Arrow Cookie still hasn’t returned! Wizard Cookie: Maybe something happened? Caramel Arrow Cookie didn’t seem like a Cookie to break a promise. Custard Cookie III: Oooh boy, this is way too high up! I’m getting dizzy…! GingerBrave: Stay calm and don’t look down! Chili Pepper Cookie: Too late… I LOOKED DOWN! Chili Pepper Cookie: Huh…? What’s that dark thing down there? It almost looks like… it’s climbing the wall! Strawberry Cookie: Oh no… The ground is shaking!!! GingerBrave: AHHH! Hold tight! Chili Pepper Cookie: Wh-what’s going on?! Is it an earthquake? Wizard Cookie: No… This is not an earthquake… Wizard Cookie: The wall! The wall is collapsing! Wizard Cookie: AAAGH!!! At this rate, we’re toast! GingerBrave: RUN! We need to get into the castle!

Wizard Cookie: Phew! We barely made it. I almost lost my hat on the way… Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: You there! Trespassers! Who let you in here?! GingerBrave: The castle walls have fallen! Everyone has to get to safety! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: What nonsense are you spouting! The castle walls are made of reinforced 100% cacao able to withstand any siege! Chili Pepper Cookie: Hello? Can you hear us fine?! Get your boss or something, Dark Cacao Cookie or whatever his name is! Custard Cookie III: Chili Pepper Cookie! You have to stay civilized! No matter the situation, royal etiquette has to be followed!

Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Well-versed in etiquette, I see! I suppose I can spare a moment to hear what you have to say. Custard Cookie III: Uhm, so you see… We just want to meet… Mister? Lord…? Dark Cacao Cookie! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: …Such insolence! It’s our noble king you’re talking about! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Mannerless outlanders have no right to walk these halls! I will deal with you myself, here and now! Custard Cookie III: Whaat?! But what did I do wrong?!

Affogato Cookie: Aha ha ha! Let us raise our cups! Affogato Cookie: A day like this deserves no less than the finest! Affogato Cookie: I even took the liberty of adding five sugar cubes to each cup of coffee! What do you think? Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: I have to say, this is most sweet and soft! But I am unsure if we are deserving of this majestic feast… Affogato Cookie: Do not fret! From now on, this castle, and all the lands around it, belong to me. Affogato Cookie: Dark Cacao Cookie was dealt with by Dark Choco Cookie, who I assume was gone as soon as his mission was completed. Affogato Cookie: Such a tragic loss of the respected Dark Cacao King. That’s why I stepped up to become their new ruler! Ha ha ha! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: Thanks to your political genius, we can enjoy all these delights! But tell us, how did you manage to prepare all this food? Affogato Cookie: Let’s just say there was some spare coin in the royal treasury. Affogato Cookie: The late king was too stingy when it came to spending. That is one of many improvements the Dark Cacao Kingdom will see under my rule. Affogato Cookie: Sweetened meals for the sugar-loving citizens, entertainment for those seeking amusement. Affogato Cookie: Through wise and benevolent policies, I will make all Cookies in this kingdom able to spend their days happy and free. Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: But will the Cookies be able to accept that? They are known for their rigidness and austerity. Affogato Cookie: Then, those who disagree will be banished to the Giant Icing Ridge.

Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Affogato Cookie! We have intruders! Affogato Cookie: What?! No, it’s not him… the king is no more. And the prince has gone… Yes. Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: It’s a group of outlanders speaking nonsense! One moment they claim the Great Wall has fallen, the next that they’ve come to meet Dark Cacao Cookie! Affogato Cookie: Sugar-for-brain vagabonds! Get rid of them! Affogato Cookie: No, no, no. From now on, no one is allowed in the Black Citadel without my explicit permission. Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Yes, My Lord! Affogato Cookie: *sigh* I need another cup of sweet coffee. Affogato Cookie: Most of my life, I spent down on my knees. Even the moments I was allowed to sit in a chair, none of them were spent in comfort. Affogato Cookie: If only I had known the royal throne would be so comfortable, I would’ve tried to become king earlier! Aha ha ha!

Dark Cacao Cookie: …Mmh. Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty! You’re awake! Dark Cacao Cookie: You…? You returned. Caramel Arrow Cookie: I returned to come to your aid. As soon as I arrived at the Black Citadel, I saw you fall off the cliff and ran as fast as my body allowed. Caramel Arrow Cookie: Aside from a few crumbs of your arm, I’m relieved to see you are unharmed. Dark Cacao Cookie: Then… did you see who attacked me? Caramel Arrow Cookie: …I did. Caramel Arrow Cookie: But I refused to believe my own eyes! It was the prince, your son, who attacked you, Your Majesty. Caramel Arrow Cookie: The very same Cookie who once taught me how to wield a bow… Caramel Arrow Cookie: I was dreaming of the day I could once more stand by my prince, my commander. I cannot believe it truly was him…

Dark Cacao Cookie: …But his stance, that unmistakable technique… Dark Cacao Cookie: It could not have been anyone else than Dark Choco Cookie. Dark Cacao Cookie: …Ugh…! Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty! Don’t overexert yourself! Dark Cacao Cookie: Why do you stay loyal to a king whose very son attempted to assassinate him? Such a disgrace… Caramel Arrow Cookie: Indeed, our kingdom is in chaos. Many of your once-loyal Cookies no longer put faith in their king, but… Caramel Arrow Cookie: I still remember. I remember you leading the vanguard to protect the Cookies from the monsters of the Great Ridge. Caramel Arrow Cookie: The resolve in your eyes has ever remained the same, Your Majesty. I believe that you can restore our kingdom’s former glory! Dark Cacao Cookie: …Former glory, huh… Dark Cacao Cookie: I see… There’s only one way left to protect the kingdom. Dark Cacao Cookie: I must fix the errors of my past. Dark Cacao Cookie: After all, the responsibility for a son’s sins lies upon the shoulders of his father. Caramel Arrow Cookie: What will you do, Your Majesty?

Dark Cacao Cookie: Be it by my own hand, I will make sure Dark Choco Cookie falls. Caramel Arrow Cookie: Wh… what?! Dark Cacao Cookie: Help me up, Caramel Arrow Cookie. I have to get to the Black Citadel right away. Dark Cacao Cookie: There is something that must be done.

THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE FIVE PEAKS

GingerBrave: WHOAH! Look at that painting! Wizard Cookie: Looks like the king does have an eye for art! Such a fine piece! Chili Pepper Cookie: Indeedio! Looks pricey, very pricey! Custard Cookie III: Don’t you dare steal from my fellow king, Chili Pepper Cookie! Strawberry Cookie: Hm, there are two circles in the sky: one is white, one is black... I wonder what they are. Wizard Cookie: Well, legend has it that before the Dark Cacao Kingdom, the great Black and White Dragons lived in these lands. Dark Cacao Cookie defeated them and became king! Wizard Cookie: Obviously, the circles symbolize the two dragons! Wizard Cookie: This famous painting was created to be hanged behind the royal throne to emphasize the king’s virtues and the benevolence of heavens upon him! Yes! GingerBrave: Whoah! Wizard Cookie is so smart! Maybe too smart! Custard Cookie III: When the throne is mine, I’m gonna need a painting like that!

Dungeon Gate: *creak…* Caramel Arrow Cookie: To think these large halls existed beneath the Citadel… Caramel Arrow Cookie: Even after all my time here, I had no idea. Dark Cacao Cookie: This is where the spirits of fallen Dark Cacao Warriors are preserved. Dark Cacao Cookie: The warriors who kept these lands safe by any means necessary. Dark Cacao Cookie: …The same determination that made me bar the castle gates.

Dark Cacao Cookie: To make the kingdom into a giant fortress, the last bastion to stop our foes… That was my plan. Caramel Arrow Cookie: What? Please explain a bit more, Your Majesty. Caramel Arrow Cookie: But our noble soldiers… They will have to face the armies of our enemies without a place to retreat… Dark Cacao Cookie: This is the only way to protect our continent. Dark Cacao Cookie: Beyond the Dark Cacao Kingdom lies the Licorice Sea, nothing but sharp mountain peaks surround our harsh land. Dark Cacao Cookie: You cannot wish for a better battlefield to defend against monsters rising up from the dark waters! Dark Cacao Cookie: Fighting against the Licorice Sea monsters, making sure they never step into the greater world… Is there a more honorable end for a Dark Cacao Warrior? Dark Cacao Cookie: I wish that one day, I, too, will become worthy of being buried here.

Caramel Arrow Cookie: …I understand. I will follow your command, Your Majesty. I am sure the other warriors feel the same. Caramel Arrow Cookie: One thing is clear: I will always stay by your side. You will not meet your end facing the monsters alone! Dark Cacao Cookie: I know. You have always been good to your comrades. Dark Cacao Cookie: That is why I sent you outside the Black Citadel’s walls. I knew I could trust you to aid the villagers should the Citadel fall. Dark Cacao Cookie: But I underestimated your fealty. I could not foresee you would stop at nothing to return here and come to my aid. Caramel Arrow Cookie: My king… Caramel Arrow Cookie: I… am ashamed to admit I questioned your wisdom, even if but for a moment! Caramel Arrow Cookie: I was swayed by the deceitful rumors lurking all around us… …I doubted my king, who was nothing but a paragon of honor. Caramel Arrow Cookie: But now all my doubts are dispelled! I will fight by your side until my body turns to crumbs! Dark Cacao Cookie: That’s the Dark Cacao Warrior I remember! Dark Cacao Cookie: Take a look at this! A treasure of this kingdom and the mark of a hero. My Soul Jam. Dark Cacao Cookie: Hah… The time has come at last.

Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of sweet delicacies! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Candy Muffins, Choco Chip Brownies, Sugar Syrup Soda… How could I resist all this sweetness! Affogato Cookie: Ha ha ha! Indeed, it’s easy to get accustomed to the life abundant in sweets and delicacies. The life I will make possible! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: Truly, you are the only ruler to show such overwhelming care for the subjects! We are forever grateful, Your Majesty!

Affogato Cookie: Ha ha ha! “Your Majesty!” …Has a nice ring to it! Go on, eat to your hearts’ content! GingerBrave: We don’t have time for this! The Wall is collapsing! Affogato Cookie: What? Who are you?! GingerBrave: If the walls fall, this castle is doomed! You have to let us see Dark Cacao Cookie!

Affogato Cookie: Is that so? I take it you are the reason for the commotion earlier, the trespassers the priests spoke of! Affogato Cookie: I’m afraid you won’t find Dark Cacao Cookie here. Affogato Cookie: He is gone… FOREVER! Affogato Cookie: Dark Choco Cookie has taken care of that. Then he left ME in charge of this kingdom. Affogato Cookie: From now on, I, Affogato Cookie, am the sole ruler of these lands! Custard Cookie III: You! You’re one of those bad Cookies, stealing the thrones from real kings, aren’t you? I’ve heard about your unjust kind! Affogato Cookie: Oh? Wait, wait, wait…! I was just granted a vision of the future from the God of Desserts. Affogato Cookie: A future where you are nothing but my servants, doing menial tasks until your bodies grow stale! Ha ha! Chili Pepper Cookie: Pshhhh! You’re gonna force ME to work? Chili Pepper Cookie: How ‘bout you hand over some of those royal treasures before saying stuff like that, huh?! Affogato Cookie: Perhaps, it’s time to show you the power of our magic? Priest, destroy those Cookies! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: At once! GingerBrave: Oh, COME ON! Why does it have to be this hard to deliver a single letter?!

Affogato Cookie: I can’t believe this… How can some random Cookies just turn up and defeat me…? Affogato Cookie: Have you any idea… what I have gone through to claim this castle? This power, I’ve gained through my own strength, my own labor! I will never give it up! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: Ugh… Lord Affogato Cookie…! I-I brought you b-bad news! Affogato Cookie: What is it now?! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: Th-the Wall…! Affogato Cookie: Out with it, quickly! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: The Wall has been breached! Affogato Cookie: The Great Wall… made of solid chocolate?! Impossible… It is supposed to withstand any threat! Licorice Ooze: GROOOAR…!!! Affogato Cookie: What in the world was that?! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: The monsters who razed the wall are about to get inside the Citadel! They’re almost upon us! Affogato Cookie: And you allowed this to happen?! Do something! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 2: We… can’t! There’re too many of them…! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: AHHH!!! HELP!

Caramel Arrow Cookie: This way, Your Majesty! We’re almost at the throne room! Dark Cacao Cookie: Yes. And I’m sure he will be there. Affogato Cookie: D-D-Dark Cacao Cookie?!?! Affogato Cookie’s Disciple 1: What should we do? Your Majesty?! King Dark Cacao Cookie has returned! Affogato Cookie: (This is not good… If Dark Cacao Cookie finds out I’ve taken over the throne, I’m as good as crumbs!) Affogato Cookie: (I barely got this far… I thought my dream had finally come true…! It seems I have to retreat. For now…) Affogato Cookie: (But this is not the end! I will keep on fighting for my place in the world, like I always have!)

Caramel Arrow Cookie: Affogato Cookie is escaping! Caramel Arrow Cookie: I’ll chase after and take care of him! Dark Cacao Cookie: Leave him. Dark Cacao Cookie: We have more important matters on hand.

DARK CHOCO COOKIE PORTRAIT (Screenshot from @sugarglasscookie​!!)

GingerBrave: Hey, look at that picture! Who’s that?! Wizard Cookie: “WHO’S THAT?!” Obviously, it’s Dark Choco Cookie! GingerBrave: Dark Choco Cookie?! Really?! Didn’t know he could smile! Ha ha! Strawberry Cookie: ...He seems so happy in this portrait. You could call him the happiest Cookie in the world...

(If Dark Cacao Cookie is on team)

Dark Cacao Cookie: This painting... Dark Cacao Cookie: An old portrait of Dark Choco Cookie. Dark Cacao Cookie: What a bright, responsible child he was... Kind, humble... Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty, forgive me. I couldn’t help but overhear your words... Caramel Arrow Cookie: You must be missing Prince Dark Choco Cookie greatly. Dark Cacao Cookie: Hm... It is nothing. Dark Cacao Cookie: You... did not hear anything.

(if Dark Choco Cookie is on team)

Dark Choco Cookie: This portrait... Dark Choco Cookie: ...Why is it still here? Dark Choco Cookie:  No Cookie in this kingdom would want to see it...

Dark Cacao Cookie: …I can hear the sound of bells. Dark Cacao Cookie: The snowstorm must have grown harsher. Dark Cacao Cookie: He is… close. Caramel Arrow Cookie: My prince! Caramel Arrow Cookie: You promised a future as strong as the mountains… Yet instead, you assaulted your own king…! Dark Choco Cookie: Get out of my way. I am no longer the Cookie you once knew.

Dark Cacao Cookie: You foolish whelp! You dare come here with that blade drenched in sin and strawberry jam? Dark Choco Cookie: You’re more difficult to get rid of than you seem. Dark Cacao Cookie: Do you think the spirits of the noble warriors laid to rest here will forgive you?! Dark Choco Cookie: Hmph. Soon, these “spirits” will watch me reducing the Dark Cacao Kingdom to ruins. Dark Choco Cookie: At night beasts will roam freely, and at day nothing but distrust and hatred will fill the air. Dark Choco Cookie: Give me the Soul Jam embedded into your blade. I will bring that power to much better use. Dark Cacao Cookie: You never cease to disappoint me, Dark Choco Cookie. Dark Cacao Cookie: Malicious creature, your name will never be engraved onto the Altar of the Fallen. Dark Choco Cookie: I never wished for that anyway. Dark Choco Cookie: In this kingdom, I knew no love or sweetness but rigid cold! What makes you think I care about you or this forsaken land?!

GingerBrave: W-wait! Let’s talk it over! WITH WORDS! Wizard Cookie: Y-yeah! Words before swords, you know! Dark Cacao Cookie: This is between the two of us. Move aside! Dark Cacao Cookie: Go on. Spew another one of your insults. Dark Choco Cookie: The only lessons you’ve taught me are how to survive on my own, and that the weak should give way to the strong. Dark Choco Cookie: So just hand over that precious trinket already. Dark Choco Cookie: I might have been your son, but now I have surpassed your strength… This is my final warning… Father. Dark Cacao Cookie: Don’t you dare call me that with that wicked tongue of yours! Dark Cacao Cookie: If I had known how you would turn out, I would never have let you go after what you did to your homeland! Dark Cacao Cookie: Instead, the father’s heart in me showed you the mercy of banishment. And now I am to pay for my softheartedness once more! Dark Cacao Cookie: I have nothing left for the pathetic traitor who has given away the last specks of his pride! Dark Choco Cookie: Stubborn old fool…! Dark Choco Cookie: Will you still be clawing at that precious sword of yours after your kingdom has fallen? WIll you persist even after having slain your own son?! Dark Choco Cookie: *Sigh* …Time to put this miserable charade to an end. Dark Cacao Cookie: You whelp! Your wicked arrogance knows no bounds! Dark Cacao Cookie: So be it! It’s my life’s greatest regret to have called you my son! Dark Cacao Cookie: Time for me to set things straight!

Dark Choco Cookie: …Is this my limit? Dark Choco Cookie: Is this… how far my strength could take me? Dark Cacao Cookie: Strength. Yes, it was I who taught you to wish for strength, was it not… Dark Cacao Cookie: I remember it as if it were yesterday… I held you in my arms for the very first time, and the millennia-old ridges, the ancient trees, the wolves, and all the warriors chanted their blessings… Dark Cacao Cookie: And we stood together atop the Great Wall overlooking our entire kingdom… Holding your tiny hand, I promised myself to raise a strong, just, and kind warrior. Dark Cacao Cookie: It is as clear as day now… My life’s greatest regret is that I never gave you enough… love. Dark Cacao Cookie: I taught you how to wield the sword, and yet I never taught you why. Dark Choco Cookie: … Dark Cacao Cookie: I am sorry. This realization was gravely overdue… Dark Choco Cookie: …!!

Pomegranate Cookie: Enough with this touching family reunion. I can’t take it anymore. Dark Choco Cookie: Pomegranate Cookie…?! Dark Cacao Cookie: ARGH…!

Dark Choco Cookie: What did you do?! Pomegranate Cookie: You failed your mission again. Because of that, you forced my hand. I had to take care of what you couldn’t. Dark Cacao Cookie: …Release me… from this sorcery…! You will… never… have me…! Pomegranate Cookie: ?! What is this? Pomegranate Cookie: My spell… is getting out of control! Pomegranate Cookie: Is this… the power of the Soul Jam? Dark Cacao Cookie: Uugh… AAARGH!!!

Licorice Cookie: What’s happening with him?! Pomegranate Cookie: Stay back! Or we are crumbs! Second Watcher: Ugh! Your Majesty…! Bittersweet Dark Cacao Watcher: Agh! Mercy…! Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty! Come back to your senses! Do not succumb to their evil sorcery! Caramel Arrow Cookie: Ugh… GingerBrave: Caramel Arrow Cookie! No! GingerBrave: We have to calm Dark Cacao Cookie down!

Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty! Are you all right?! GingerBrave: Dark Cacao Cookie! Open your eyes! Pomegranate Cookie: Dark Cacao Cookie is out of strength! This is our chance. Pomegranate Cookie: We have to claim his Soul Jam! Dark Choco Cookie: The sword… commands me… to attack my father…?! Dark Choco Cookie: No more…! I will be the sword’s thrall no longer…! Dark Choco Cookie: Pomegranate Cookie… That’s ENOUGH! Pomegranate Cookie: AGH! Pomegranate Cookie: You dare attack me?! Are you out of your mind? Dark Choco Cookie: I understand it now. All this time I struggled to march on… Despite this path tormenting me more and more with each step. Dark Choco Cookie: Strength can bring no good if it’s born from the suffering of others.

Dark Choco Cookie: Power… Can the power I’ve sought for all my life fill this… this void in my heart? Dark Choco Cookie: No, it cannot. It can bring only sorrow and suffering spiraling over and over again. Dark Choco Cookie: All this time, I was blinded by this lust for power. It has led me astray… Dark Choco Cookie: Led me far off the path shown to me by my father whom I once adored so greatly… Pomegranate Cookie: I take it you do not care if the reports of tonight’s events reach Dark Enchantress Cookie? You will profoundly regret your… choice. Dark Choco Cookie: I do not care… Dark Choco Cookie: My vision has become clearer now. The Darkness has… lost its grip on my soul. Dark Choco Cookie: I have no need of this cursed sword anymore. But… Dark Choco Cookie: …Strange. Like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. …Even though nothing remains anymore.

Pomegranate Cookie: Pretending to be above the rest until the end, I see. A pitiful traitor always remains a pitiful traitor. Pomegranate Cookie: Not Dark Enchantress Cookie, nor I, will ever forgive you! We will make sure to grant you the cruelest of ends! Pomegranate Cookie: The day the curse of darkness engulfs you, wringing out your very soul… Know that I will be there, laughing! Licorice Cookie: Pomegranate Cookie, that’s enough! You’re hurt! Let’s retreat! Poison Mushroom Cookie: Dark Choco Cookie…! Don’t leave… Poison Mushroom Cookie: Who’s gonna eat my shroomies…?!

Caramel Arrow Cookie: My prince… Where are you heading… Caramel Arrow Cookie: I… I hope destiny grants you a more forgiving path… Dark Cacao Cookie: … Dark Cacao Cookie: The fight is not over yet. Monsters still roam the Citadel grounds. Pick your weapons! Caramel Arrow Cookie: As you command! Dark Cacao Cookie: My proud soldiers, heed my word! Dark Cacao Cookie: Even if no one knows of our battle in these frozen lands… Dark Cacao Cookie: Even if no one knows how we walk towards our end, in this forsaken corner of the world… Dark Cacao Cookie: We, Dark Cacao Warriors, stand together! Dark Cacao Cookie: Our oath to protect our homeland is eternal! WARRIORS! ONWARDS! Cookies: WAAAAAGH!!!

Caramel Arrow Cookie: The monsters are retreating…! Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty! Victory is ours! Wizard Cookie: Phew! That was long, and tiring, and horrible… AND GLORIOUS! Strawberry Cookie: Dark Cacao Cookie protected the kingdom… Custard Cookie III: Future king’s advice? We should come back here in the summer! I bet we’ll miss local weather when it gets too hot… Chili Pepper Cookie: Yeah, let’s get out of here! There’s nothing in the treasury but bitter cacao beans! Wizard Cookie: When did you…? GingerBrave: Ah, that’s right! I almost forgot! GingerBrave: Dark Cacao Cookie! We’ve come a long way to give you this! GingerBrave: It’s an important letter from Pure Vanilla Cookie! You have to read it! Dark Cacao Cookie: From Pure Vanilla… Cookie?

Pure Vanilla Cookie: Dear Dark Cacao Cookie, How have you been? Pure Vanilla Cookie: Is the pure white sugar snow falling over there as it always used to? Pure Vanilla Cookie: I’m writing this letter in front of a cozy, crackling bonfire with a nice cup of fragrant vanilla tea. It’s such a warm and comforting place. Pure Vanilla Cookie: Yet, for the longest time, I was trapped in a void. It was darker than the darkest night, and colder than the harshest winter. Pure Vanilla Cookie: But then I was saved by a group of Cookie travelers. Their pure, crispy hearts helped me find my smile again. Pure Vanilla Cookie: We laughed, feasted on sweets together, and exchanged pleasant stories. They reminded me of us during our own adventures. Pure Vanilla Cookie: Dark Cacao Cookie. The great Shadow is once again hanging over our world. Pure Vanilla Cookie: We, Cookies, value our freedom above everything else, but it is time to stand up and fight against forces trying to take that freedom away. Pure Vanilla Cookie: We still have our Soul Jam. The light still hasn’t faded, and neither has our courage nor will. Pure Vanilla Cookie: Perhaps, the sole reason we are even here is because we still have our mission ahead of us. Don’t you agree? Pure Vanilla Cookie: I believe that it is our path to follow, so that other Cookies, young and curious, have a chance to see the wide world that is out there, as we saw it in the past. Pure Vanilla Cookie: So let us turn our vision towards the future. For the good of all Cookies, and… for you and me. Pure Vanilla Cookie: I wish to meet you again. With respect and love, Pure Vanilla Cookie. Pure Vanilla Cookie: PS. I was so busy writing the letter I forgot to feed the birds! I think I’ll have to play with them some extra to make them happy again. Dark Cacao Cookie: Pure Vanilla Cookie… Dark Cacao Cookie: What we swore to protect… Light of Resolution: You are back.

Dark Cacao Cookie: This voice… Who…? Light of Resolution: Your loyal subjects are waiting, ready to follow your command. It is time for you to return to your Cookies. Caramel Arrow Cookie: Your Majesty. I will follow your lead until the end. Caramel Arrow Cookie: I await your command! Dark Cacao Cookie: Good. Dark Cacao Cookie: …Spring is coming. Dark Cacao Cookie: A perfect time to start rebuilding that wall.

[fungifanart]

*after yet another overblot*

MC: God, I need a drink after this.

Deuce: What?! That's illegal!

MC: Huh? What do you mean?

Sebek: A STRANGER TO THIS WORLD YOU MAY BE, BUT SURELY YOU KNOW THE LEGAL AGE TO DRINK ALCOHOL IS 21.

MC: Yes?? I'm aware???

Jack: So why do you think you can drink??

MC: Because I'm 23-years-old???

Epel: HAH?! YOU'RE LYIN'!! YA DON'T LOOK A DAY OVER 18!!!

MC: *facepalm* Ugh, I'm gonna need more alcohol than I thought...

Ace:..........Can I have some?

[chewyantelope]

Crossroads

It was the most important fight in Genos’ life, and somehow it was taken away from him.

"Hey, kid... Are you alright?" 

Words: 2,349

Chapters: 1/?

He couldn't remember how it all went down; if anything, he could barely remember any of it. He could remember seeing the Mad Cyborg, he remembered feeling anger, and anxiety. Fear, doubt, and then determination. He remembered getting into his battle stance and shooting forward with all he had.

Then panic as something, he wasn't sure what, was broken- or torn- off. Not a big deal, not like he hasn't dealt with that before. He remembered it lasting what seemed like forever. Screaming, laughing, scorched trees and grass, taunts, punches, kicks.. And.. What else was it? A flash of yellow, or was it just a dot? He wasn't sure. He didn't care, he had to take care of the metallic monster in front of him.

Another tear, this time it seemed like it was his lower half. He recalls the Mad Cyborg holding both of his legs. He also recalls how he didn't give a shit. He would do fine without them.

Fingers, throat- his throat. Tight and painful and bending. Something was bending and it hurt and- tired. He was tired. He fought long and hard and he wanted to end this all quickly.

And he remembered- He could.

A raise of a trembling hand, a distraction maybe?, as he aimed it at his head and felt his other hand grasp for his core. More taunts, but mostly blocked out as he readied his cannons. Yes, a distraction, with fire while he does what he has truly wanted for so long. He can end it.

He let out of blast of fire, and before he could react properly, everything exploded. Right? He wasn't exactly sure but he saw bolts, and wires everywhere. And suddenly he was on the ground again, his one hand still grasping his core. The head of the Mad Cyborg across the way, lights slowly flickering until it came to a complete stop.

Disbelief, relief, joy, despair, there's so much emotion he remembered feeling at that moment. One more thing, too...

"Hey, kid... Are you alright?"

One more flash of yellow, and then nothing.

"I mean... It's not like I was really there for the whole thing, ya know? I didn't really help him so..." An uncomfortable look and a quick scratch of the neck and he continued, "You can stop thanking me.."

"Nonsense! You saved his life! From what you told me, he was about to do something drastic. If you hadn't stepped in, then it would of ended horribly."

Yeah... Sure. Saitama released a huff of frustration and looked around. All he wanted to do was get home after the great sale he had just left. Everything 75% off! Can you believe it? But somehow, on his way home, he came across these two... Robots? Fighting, and he had no intention of staying and watching. It was their business and their fight, why should he get into it? Or care? Then the blonde one's legs were torn off, and he was lifted off the ground, and then he grabbed for something. Saitama couldn't quite pin what it was, but something in the bots face, his expression maybe, made him jump in and....

Saitama shakes his head, man was he stupid. He shouldn't of gotten involved. Now he was stuck here, in this weird underground lab, with this weird old mushroom man, being told about this weird blonde robot thing he just happened to save.

".... He's a very reckless boy, you know."

Huh? Shit, he ended up spacing out. He glanced away nervously and faced the old man again before nodding, "Uh.. Yeah.." What was his name again? Professor Kuo? Doctor Reno?

"He's always had this wretched habit of charging into things head on, and I knew he would do the same for this fight, especially. Thank god you were there. I'm going to have to find a way to thank you properly for this."

How about letting him go home? "Ah, no, it's fine. Like I said, it's not a big deal... So.." Ah, how could he ask this without sounding rude? Can I leave? Nah, that's a bit too forward. You're kind of wasting my time, can I go? What? No! That's even worse! Saitama scratched his cheek, feeling his non existent social skills showing, and wracked his brain to find the most suitable way to ask to leave.

Dr. Kuseno, on the other hand, could tell right away that the young man wasn't used to this kind of thing ( Was the 'kind of thing' praise, perhaps? ) and used the stretching amount of silence to chuckle to himself silently. He was certainly an odd young man, he could tell, but it was nice to see that his cyborgs savior wasn't the usual justice-seeking and spouting hero. If Dr. Kuseno were to be honest, he didn't really like those. They seemed a bit.. Fake, if anything.

"Tell me your name, young man."

"Huh..? Oh... It's Saitama."

"Saitama, hm? Well, Saitama, again, thank you very much for saving Genos. You may leave now."

Just like that? Well, he couldn't complain. He wanted to leave anyway. He gave a quick nod to the old man and turned and left as fast as possible. The groceries he got hadn't gone bad or gotten messed up the whole time he's been here, and more than likely wouldn't by the time he made it home if he ran, thankfully. He was starving and couldn't wait to eat something and relax.

A week passed and Saitama forgot all about the incident, which wasn't an unusual thing for him. He could easily forget about things that didn't matter to him (which was pretty much everything) within two days. That's why when he heard knocking on his door, aside from confusion, he felt a bit irritated. Who would be stopping by? Probably some business people or whatever trying to sell their products. Hell no, he'd act he wasn't home. Even if they could hear the low rumble of the TV and the turning of the pages from the manga he was reading.

A few more seconds passed and the knocking came again. Nope. No no no, I'm not interested. Go away.

A few more seconds later, more knocking. And then more, and more and more and god dammit would you stop it already! Angry footsteps could be heard throughout the small apartment, and Saitama nearly ripped the door off the hinges when he tore the door open, "Whatever it is that you're sellin' I don't-"

.... Golden eyes. They're bright but emotionless and they're staring right at him. Or down at him, he should say. Black neck, and.. Blonde.. Hair... "... You're...?"

"Dr. Kuseno requested that I come to see you." Without another word, or hell even permission, the blonde stepped past Saitama and into the apartment. He took off his shoes and walked into the living room, quickly scowling at the sight of the place. Trash was littered everywhere, not a spot in this place was left clean. Something and everything had to have some type of trash on or in it. And the smell, how could one man live in here, nonetheless create this foul stench?

He glanced back to the bald man, and only then did Saitama snap out of his trance. Trance? Why was he in one in the first place? And... What the hell?! When did he get in here!? And who the hell is Kuseno?! And, why was he getting such a dirty look? He didn't even do anything!

"This is where you live?"

"Yeah? What of it?"

Two seconds of, slightly tense, silence, a sideways glance, followed by a little 'hm' and the blonde boy moved to sit down at the table. Again, not invited to do so, but it seemed like he didn't care. That only annoyed Saitama more. Who was this kid, and why did he think he could just march in here and disrespect him like this?

Saitama was once again given a side glance, "Are you going to sit?" He could feel a vein pop then and there, "No!!" How long has it been since he's yelled? "Why the hell should I?! You," He pointed to the mechanical person-thing sitting cross legged at his table with a stomp of his foot, " Just waltz in here, being rude as hell, and expect me to just sit across from you and be all buddy-buddy?! Who the hell are you anyway!"

"My name is Genos." His relaxed posture didn't change as he gave Saitama an unreadable expression. A few more moments of silence passed. Saitama didn't know why but he expected more to be said, like he seemed like someone who would go on full rants on the tiniest of things. Hell, at this rate, Saitama's said more than him.

The silence, Saitama realized, was swallowing up the room and it made him calm down slightly. The kid wasn't antagonizing him anymore and he even seemed to be waiting patiently for him to sit down. His bright amber eyes stared at him, still with the unreadable look, and he couldn't help but to be mesmerized by them. Not that he would show it, that'd be weird. He wanted those eyes off of him as soon as possible, so he sat down across from the robot-man or whatever and crossed his legs. His right hand rested on his knee and his left elbow leaned on the table, while his chin rested on top of his palm. A kind of aggressive posture, but his face was back to his normal, blank, uncaring expression he wore 99% of the time. A complete change from the yelling, and angry Saitama he was just a bit ago.

"Okay, so, you're... Genos?"

"Correct."

"Alright, Genos. Why are you here? Do I know you from somewhere? Didn't you say something about someone sending you here?" Genos' face never changed as all those question left Saitama's mouth. Damn, why is he saying so much? Saitama couldn't help but to think how odd it is that he's doing it now, when he only ever usually says 'huh?' or 'okay.'

"I am here per request of Dr. Kuseno. He is the one who sent me here. I am here to... Thank you." The 'Thank you' that came out of the blonde's mouth sounded really forced, but it didn't matter to Saitama. He obviously did something to get thanks, he couldn't remember what exactly, but he never got any thanks for anything he did. So this forced show of appreciation doesn't make him feel one way or another.

"Oh, yeah, sure. But, uh, why are you thanking me, exactly? And who's Dr. Kuseno?" A small noise of confusion came from Genos, and Saitama noticed that his back straightened out more, and that his expression went from unreadable to confused and upset. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was a slight frown on his face.

Well, that was new.

"Do not tell me... Do you not remember?"

"No... I didn't think I was s'ppose to." Genos shoulders seemed to tense up, and his look once again changed, but this time to anger. Steam rose from his ears, his mouth, his shoulders, and seemingly his chest too. Looking at the kid's shirt, he noticed streaks of orange slowly fading in and out. Why was this happening anyway??

"You-!!!" His phone rang and stopped him immediately.  He took a few seconds to breath in and out of his nose. It was probably Kuseno calling, and he didn't want to yell at the man when he answered the phone. Two rings later, Genos took his phone out and answered the call, placing it on his ear, "Genos speaking."

Saitama watched him with boredom. Genos switched from patiently listening to quickly opening his mouth, seemingly to retort, and then shutting his mouth before anything could come out. His eyes closed and he breathed out of his nose to calm himself down once again. Whatever he he was being told must be upsetting. Then again, he seemed like an emotional guy in the first place so Saitama isn't surprised.

After a few seconds, Genos removed the phone from his ear, put it on speaker and slide the phone onto the table, "You are free to talk." His voice was stiff, as if he was actually trying to hold something back.

Sataima leaned over the phone, eyebrow raised as he peered down at it.

"Saitama-san, you are listening, correct?"

"Yeah.. But who is this?"

"I am Dr. Kuseno," Ah, so that's the dude Genos was talking about, wasn't it.

"The old man?" His voice did sound a little familiar. Maybe this Genos kid wasn't lying, and they actually did meet at one point. He still couldn't recall all of it clearly, though.

"Yes," A small chuckles followed his words, "The old man. But, I have a proposition for you, Saitama-san."

That... Did not sound good. Anything he suggested, he had to say no to. Having this robot here for this long already is too much, he wouldn't want to associate with these people anymore than he had to.

"I would like for Genos to move in with you."

".... What?" He looked over at the robot, eyebrows shot up in surprise. The 'robot' in turn had his hands on his lap and his eyes still closed, "... Uh, I don't think so." He glanced down at the phone again, making sure Dr. Kuseno could hear his denial clearly, "This place is small enough with one person, it wouldn't work with two people in here."

There. That should convince him enough that he could not stay. And even if it didn't, there wasn't anything that could convince Saitama that the robot should be allowed to live here. Nope. Nothing. Nothing could make him budge.

"Genos, if you could?"

Seconds pass by and a fat stack of money was slammed onto the table.

"That is rent money. He can provide it for you every month. Would it work with two people now?"

".... So, when can he move in?"

[fungifanart]

All of y'all writing Leona purring and Ruggie not purring need to crack open an animal biology textbook or something 'cause I am TIRED OF THE INJUSTICE.

[fungifanart]

To all of the TWST fandom headcanoning about how MC gets bullied and feels useless because of his lack of magic:

I see you. You all have wonderful, gigantic, wrinkly brains, but now I raise you a different scenario:

MC uses the photos of his friends from the Ghost Camera to do all of his magical heavy-lifting for him and gets along just fine.

However, because the Ghost Camera versions of his friends exist for his benefit, they tend to act/speak much more nicely towards MC than the real ones do. This causes MC to slowly lose sight of/interest in what his friends are really like, favoring quite literally HIS versions of them until it's been weeks since the real ones have heard from him.

[fungifanart]

Ace: What are you doing?

MC, at the mic at the Mostro Lounge: I'm trying to win back my boyfriend! *Into the mic* I SAID I'LL LOSE THAT GIRL--

Ace: *takes mic* What boyfriend?

MC: *takes mic back* Deuce!

Ace: *Takes mic again* Deuce's not your boyfriend. I'M your boyfriend--*Realizes*

MC: *takes mic back with a sly grin* Say that again?

Ace: *shakes his head*

MC: Don't worry, *takes out his phone* I've got it right here!

Ace recording: I'M your boyfriend.

Ace: Oh boy.

MC: *Rewinds recording*

Ace recording: I'M your boyfriend.

MC: *Rewinds recording*

Ace recording: I'M your boyfriend.