#why people have to be so shitty bout it is beyond me tbh

[nightglider124]

Some people in fandom are honestly wild. Like y’all need to chill tf out and go touch some grass.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Yet another notice that I aint dead just yet!

That meltdown was.... pretty bad I won't lie. I actually did try that time.. first time in 5 years lmfao

I won't go too in detail. I feel like I talk too much all to say the same two things over and over again. It was a really weird feeling though. My previous attempts throughout my childhood were kinda misguided. Like the intent was there and all but.. ya know. Barely got over the fear of my parents busting through my room with printouts of my search history 😭

Soo although throughout my life I've probably tried to unalive myself 7-8 different times I really only count or mention about 2 of them (and barely that tbh). I never really researched further into what exactly it'd take for all that. I think the good majority of those are random days I'd get upset and just pop a few handfuls of... usually ibuprofen? I mightve tried it with Tylenol as well but 9 times outta 10 we'd usually have more orange pills so it just made sense in my mind

Anyway. Yeah. First time really being 1000% certain about what it'd take. It was kinda scary. Having all the shit just.. lying there. Knowing that it was gonna at the very least cause some actual damage once it was all said and done. It didn't end up mattering anyway. I mean. I'm here 💀💀💀

As far as life updates? Uhh. Well me and R are speaking. Not really but. I at the very least can almost always know she's safe + alive so I'm fine with it for now. I really don't have the energy atp to fight to go back to before her ex dipped

Uhh i think I dipped right before my training really started but today was my first day really doing the job part of it. It was alr. I'm gonna jump ship as soon as I get my preferred place all down pact but for now the only real downsides is A. Having to verbally speak for hours and hours kinda having to throw away my speak-when-spoken-to/tbr... only when needed to keep up with appearances. Hence why 99% of what I say nowadays is just shit I'd expect the person to want to hear. I really want to just get out the conversation as quick as possible for the most part

Side tracked sorry. B. Being that my shit while being pretty easy, is also kinda limited. Like there can fr be someone sitting there boohooing about how they lost all their money in a house fire that killed their whole ass family and blew up all the cars or something and I'd STILL have to ask well is there anyone else I can send the payment to? We can't service you until the payment is authorized. Or possibly even cutting off people if they take too long not to effect my AHT.. I hate that shit. I'm pretty good at just nodding along and taking whatever but I HATEEE that I gotta kinda give af while also not caring enough to fight too hard for them since I can just poof my contract away doing that too much apparently..

Ah shit speaking of above and beyond.. my dumbass prolly just got scammed

🗿🗿🗿

Don't laugh when you read this alr...

LOOK so basically. This woman named noreen came in my dms talking bout some omg bro PLEASE if you got it.. spare like $12 I am STRUGGLING. And I'm sitting there like damn... I only just got this $200 my stepmom/dad owed me annd I just paid off all the small debts I had from this lecture money I end up getting from my mom

The orange section is unrelated but I get "small debts" sounds shady so context

Long story short, was borrowing and putting back thru cash app borrow so I can slowly increase my borrow limit showing ya know like I'm not gon just spend what I don't have and just leave my shit overdue, tho during that period in April-early May I started blowing through any and all money thinking it wouldn't matter. But my shitty spending habits caught up to me when I not only didn't get as much as I was expecting from this one shit, I also balled out depending on said money with the little I had left somehow someway needing to pay off seemingly 1000 things all at once. I got it mostly under control in right after my middle sister's birthday and now it's back to normal.

Basically I told her the last/less dire parts of that and kinda explained I don't really buy too much of anything with it it's just OLD. When another emergency finally came through and forced my hand as far as spending, it finally came to a head where I didnt have enough to borrow so I could pay it off again. She kinda scolded me for letting it carry on for that long and explained the normal stuff. I didn't really let thst lesson sink in tbh. I know I should've but knowing it was moreso my situations putting me there I just kinda.. nodded along and hoped for the best. I didn't think she'd help me tho

Tho... my dumbass. Ack. I really need to get my spending together. I'm a lot better don't get me wrong. I'm not as huge of a fast food person as I was in the past. I'm not as big on balling out on whatever game I happen to like for the month or two I'm hyperfixated on it. I try to stay within my means even knowing damn well I don't really have anything that i urgently need to pay. Not to say I'm completely dependent, I still have a few things I have to keep up with on my end but I know even if I have $0 in my bank acc, I'll have something to eat and somewhere to rest

Whiiich in the past kinda led to me balling just cause. I won't lie.. seeing me blow through my open house money in a year. That switched INSTANTLY. I always thought it was out of never really getting to have anything new so I thought I'd just get everything I wanted and be okay from there. But going through... soooo much money.. yesh. That sure as hell ain't the only reason

Anyway I bring all that up to say Im kinda shocked that even with that, my dumbass still be shelling out money over nothing at times. I don't get why atp.. The woman dmed me and I asked a few things feeling like I could tell she wasn't a bot or anything.

Then I sent like $20 cause I felt bad for interrogating the poor girl in the first place.

Rhen like a day or two later she asked for 10 (£. Pounds are a little more valuable than usd) and I figure well damn. I even gave her some extra the first time. She must be really desperate. So I gave another $15.

But then TODAYYYY she asked for another 10 and that's about when I started to put two and two together. By that point I had already given bout triple the amount she was initially asking for. I get shit being more costly than you thought but like.. bruh. I just gave her another $15 and said that I couldn't give anymore past that. I was pretty polite about it just incase I am just being paranoid.

But yeah.. I'm out $50 cause I tried to help spme random. I don't really regret it. It's not really like I had anything too too much better to do with that. Plus, at thr end of the day, it's $50. It's a lot yeah but its not life changing or anything. I'd rather possibly get scammed out of some petty money like that than being too paranoid and not helping someone I could so easily help. I still feel like an idiot tho lol

Uhh in my addiction news.. I actually unintentionally broke the cycle for a little. I bought these thc disposables to try and give my stomach a break from all the pills. It had already started back burning from it all and my unaliving situation made it really bad. Though it was only for about a week. Then I started mixing em. I've gone back to my once or twice a day habit now. Currently on about 650. There's a small part of me that's starting to care less and less about my problem. It's just been too much. I cant even try to care atp

I'm pretty much never sober. I smoke during training all the time and I almost always take dph during the night. Sometimes, I'll even take both right before my training. It's one of the perks of working online ig lol. I'm gonna try and start scaling it back some since I now gotta stay pretty normal for calls. Once I memorize scripts annd ain't so nervous I'll probably go back go it but for now I kinda cant

Uh yeah but.. that's bout it. I'm finna take a nap. Shits hitting me harder than I expected and I just smoked a before I hopped on here

[lynxalon]

1, 3, 15, + 25 !! — dreamsclock :]

:O ty for the ask!!! oooooh these are so exciting to answer!!!! This does get a little long so after the 1st q I put a read more lmao

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

- My current project aaaaaaa!!!!!!! Okay, so it's a witch/supernatural ranboo-centric au called The Mystery of Deofell, (I also have a blog for it that I'll begin posting more behind the scenes for TMOD and fun tidbits!! @the-mystery-of-deofell ) I actually have all of the plot marked down, unwritten as of rn cause I wanna complete my character outlines. I'd hate to retcon a characters backstory just cause I didn't realize it'd clash or cause a big 'ol plothole in the story later on, plus I wanna have a handle on who these character are!! Since the plots most of what I have rn, I can't talk about it much, but I will say in all my years of writing, I consider this my greatest plotline yet!!!!!! It's kept me hooked for months now, and I still get beyond excited about it :D

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

- This actually ties back around to TMOD! There's a scene I've always wanted to write, one that tears everything in a story apart and puts it back together like Frankenstein's monster, one that takes all the hard work gone into writing and shreds it to pieces, and then it's the reader and the author working together to understand what happened. And yeaaaah this is vague af, why? Because I finally get to write this!!!!! It'll be a biiiiiiig scene in TMOD, and I'm so happy cause this is a particular scene that I've wanted to write since I Started writing, but I didn't feel I had the skills to do it justice before.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

- How about all of the above 😫 titles are a lil bit easier than the other two, with that I can take from the story and it's chill. Or hell, I could slap on a very self explanatory title and be done with it lmao but summaries aaaaaaaa tags aaaaaaaaaaa creating the summary for TMOD was pure pain fueled by 3am exhaustion that led to an actually decent summary that I've since cleaned up, but that's a rarity for me! I'm notoriously shitty at summaries but I try my darndest. And man. I created a draft for TMOD on ao3 and waaat the hellllllll do I even tag this as !!!!! I'm a big hater of the rpf tags, so I refuse to use those even if it'd give the story more reach. Tbh if as many people as possible converted the rpf tags to character tags, it might just really outline the problem we have with the hecking tags for dsmp. Anyways what else do I even describe this story with, like. should I use ao3 tags like I do tumblr tags? Cause I sure talk a lot in tags. Eh, problem for another time.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

- Fair warning, I'm bout to get real sappy lmao For me, Every part of writing is so sooo much fucking fun. I adore analyzing writing, figuring out the gears that make a story tick. I love researching absurd and mundane things for stories, learning about things that might not even make an appearance in the story, but I think that learning about them adds an undertone of knowledge to the writing that gives it a certain solidity for the reader. With TMOD I want to build my outlining skills, as I used to only keep pages of info on stories so I would cross over events, but I never truly outlined, and thus far it's been so so rewarding to see my story laid out, to have a word count I want to reach (50,000) and an estimated word count I may reach once the story is complete (with each chapter being around 5k words and there being a min of 30 chapters that's like. a lil biiiit more that 50k lmao)... I'm keeping it all on a physical copy, and I just love having it in a notebook and marking things I like with my green pen and going through and taking my red pen to things that no longer fit into the story or checking off my lil boxes and putting lil hearts round the edges of the pages. I love writing different forms of dialogue, analyzing how each character would speak based on background, world building, and their own personal traits. I love describing the scenes, being the person that breathes life into a world of my own creation, I love prose and letting myself get carried away in the magical, flowery tone it creates. I love limitations in writing, learning how to say everything that needs to be said within a certain word count, learning to utilize different povs to aid to the method the story is told, taking my lil writers camera and being the director of the story that says "By god this scene just needs to be in first person!!" I love practicing writing scenes. There's a short scene in TMOD that I've written several times over, 3rd limited with past tense, 3rd limited with present, 3rd limited that focuses in on the character's pain or focuses on the character's surroundings. Once I'm finished toying around with 3rd limited I want to try out omniscient, and then 1st, and using the tense to decide how to best portray the character and world. I love learning about all of the gears of writing so much, just as much as I love using them in my writing!!!

Thank you for the ask Sparrow <3<3<3

This is from the writing meta ask game if anyone wants to send some in :D