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#why tf would you want a plastic floor?
koishikei · 5 months
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i genuinely cannot understand why installing vinyl plank laminate flooring does not immediately knock $10,000 off the value of a house
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palajae · 6 months
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nevertheless…
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PAIRING... heeseung x reader | GENRE... established relationship! au, fluff, humor, romance | WC... 0.4k | "there’s no freaking way."
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“seungie~” you drawl on, excitedly hopping into your boyfriend’s room. 
he hums in response, eyes still focused on the screen in front of him. you pay no heed to him, instead plopping down on his plush bed. however, in your hands lies a precious item. 
“i finally got your new album!” 
this time heeseung turns to look at you, amused at your excitement. he cocks an eyebrow, “oh really?”
you nod vigorously, hands scratching at the plastic wrap.��
“i wanted to open it with you.” 
he chuckles, “i hope you like it.” 
“of course i’m gonna like you,” you roll your eyes while taking off the cover. nothing beat the smell and feel of a fresh album—especially your boyfriend’s, at that. 
heeseung’s attention returns to his game as you flip through the photobook, occasionally letting out sounds of approval and awe. 
it’s not until you dramatically clap a hand over your mouth that heeseung finally stops his game. 
“there’s no freaking way.” 
even though your voice is muffled, heeseung can hear the evident shock. he immediately takes off his headphones, controller falling to the floor. 
“what? baby, what is it?” 
you look up—was that tears in your eyes?—before scrambling off the bed. 
his eyes narrow before they focus in on what was in your hand. 
“is that-“
“i got jungwon’s photocard!” you dance around the room, happiness clearly present on your face and by your actions. 
your boyfriend (not jungwon) is left speechless. 
it’s been five minutes and you haven’t stopped staring at the photocard.  
“i think i’m gonna put it in the back of my phone case…”
“baby?”
“or should i just leave it-“
“baby!” 
heeseung’s voice startles you. he usually never raised his voice. 
“yeah?” 
he pinches his nose bridge in disbelief before speaking up, “are you serious?”
you look at him straight in the eyes, “uh, yeah. why?” 
heeseung lets out a deep sigh like he’s been at sea for 40 years. “you’re that happy that you got a jungwon photocard?”
you look at him sheepishly, “if it makes you feel any better, i got your postcard?” 
he can only blink. and then laugh at the situation, shaking his head. whatever made you happy, he supposed. 
your boyfriend gets up to kiss your forehead. “fine. congrats on pulling jungwon, i guess. as long as he doesn’t replace me in real life.” 
you scoff, “as if. i got the real deal—the whole package! you’re way better than the blurry half-face selfies you post in bed for the fans.” 
heeseung bursts out laughing, staring at you fondly. “i’ll take that as a compliment.” 
you place a small peck on his shoulder, “good. because i lied.”
heeseung frowns, “what?” 
“i got jake’s postcard, not yours...”
“that son of a-“
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a/n ▸ can you tell i wrote this ages ago for enha’s cb 💀💀 anyways, i just wanted to say thank you x928384 for 2000 followers like WHAT i am eternally in shock..!! i never thought i would have made it this far when i first joined, so im immensely grateful and ily all❤️
MAIN TAGLIST ▸ @precioussoulofmine @kynrki @heesterical @jungwonize @nvertheless @duolingofanaccount @hoeshii @love-4-keum @luvhyun3 @dimplewonie @yjjungwon @who-tf-soddhi @microwvdstrawb3rri3s @asteria-wood @noajakah236482 @enhacatalog @june-pop @ohsjy @ashtxrie @isoobie
@lvyvsrk1
@kflixnet
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helvetica12point · 2 years
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Why tf could you not wear metal in your undergarments
For security reasons. When you work in manufacturing fine jewelry, metal is the easiest thing to move if you steal from work (diamonds worth the bother have generally have serial numbers etched into them these days). There was a metal scan point at the entrance to the plant floor that we had to go through multiple times a day and they decided that 100% metal free would make the process easier. I guess they got tired of using the wands.
At the time, I was able to find one bra that fit and had no metal and got several, but they don't last forever. My weight fluctuated and so did my size, and I was out of that manufacturer's size range. Management was... unsympathetic. Suggestions included trying a sports bra (99% of sports bras in my size range have underwires) and checking the mall (I have had to order online for well over a decade).
And I just want to clarify that this wasn't a no underwires thing, this was any metal. So no metal hooks and eyes, and no metal strap adjusters and connectors (which are usually plastic coated metal).
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laldupattewali · 3 years
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Gabriel Agreste reaction because why not
This is bad journalism and highkey disrespectful Alya I- Ladybug has such a pyaari and cute pic and Chat??? bruh my boy doesn’t deserve that
cute amazing but alya bestie u sure thhis safe🙂
extra points for good edit but also- how did you get luka’s pic i
HOW TF DID YOU GET THAT PIC???
HELP MY MIND WENT HAWKMOTH/MIRACULOUS INSTA AU😭😭😭😭😭😭
Amelie and Felix seem really close good for them atleast there’s one good parent in this show beside tom and sabine and alyas
That mother son interaction was lowkey very cute okay
SIR HE WAS TALKING GET OUT YOU PIECE OF TRASH I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A BUS
sorry i have a lot of pent up anger from ephemeral
…that was literally her lunch that adRIEN BROUGHT MAN CANT EVEN DKSHSJSNS FUCK GABRIEL AGRESTE
HELP THE GIRLS WENT “okay this is too big a problem for just the girls now time for our aces, gays please enter”
wtf is up with their smiles- i- okay
“hes the only one who doesn’t”😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i fully expect them to say “even more than my boyfriend here”
nOT MARC BEING LIKE “otherwise there would be no story” like 1. self diss thomas 2. we now know bestie likes the pining/oblivious trope
“romantic comedy specialists” this should be interesting
can i just say i absolutely love this au
also does this mean marc and nath write fanfic of their classmates kehsksjs this is well thought of and made
also GABRIEL AS A WIYCH I FUCKIN CANT IM DYING ALSO HIS COSTUME IS SIMILAR TO SHADOWNMOTH
marinette looks muah she really is a knight in shining armour
adrien in a dress is so fucking superior
THEYRE HER FAIRY GODMOTHERS SKSBJSSBKSHAKSJS I LOVE THIS
i love these animated things sm sksjkshsjsnsjsjs i can sense the dedication put into this ep and i appreciate it sm
“each week we will devise a new plan” lets play a game how many adrienette aus have marc and nathaniel written
i love that zoe is included in this 🥺🥺🥺
SUCHA CUTE KISS JDHEJEJSMS
imagine if this got into adriens hands tho im just saying im just saying @/allthefanficwriters
also this reminds me of the 86th floor cosplay’s mlb school play except adriens the princess and maris the knight
…how do they know about the hamsters??
ALIX NO THE UGLY TOAD SKSBSJSNKS
CHLOES ANIMATION I LOVE THIS SJSJS
thomas really wanted to make her so irredeemable instead of letting the character grow sigh wasted potential
chloe animation is so funny im dying
bestie chloe why do you want adrien to be locked up i
nathaniel honey ily but there better be plastic on that because that was beautifully drawn and i will literally k word you how dare you ruin pure beauty
mari: nobody’s gonna know tikki: they’re gonna know mari: …how would they know? tikki: …..they’re gonna know
zoe you sweetheart
i want marcs bi gloves
gorillas so cute
PONYTAIL MARI
adrien showing his chat noir off by catching a heavy flying object nice bestie
“do we know each other?” “UHHHHHHH”
marinette being clumsy to get her way>>>
ITS FAKE ADRIEN BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
maris eye squint at felix felt bestie felt
he almost looks pure when he smiles
nvm theres the evil smile
😭😭😭not him being angry
“ae felix” aa nhi raha kya bhai? sab wait kar rhe hai dumbcharades khelte hai ps this is hindi so most of you may not understand
the fact that if adrien hadn’t called him bestie wouldve clear cut heard gabriel
🎶eye contact🎶 dhum dhum 🎶prolonged eye contact🎶 eye squint kagami so true
felix is sus
PFFT DID KAGAMI JUST 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭KAGAMI WHYYYYYY ok but also adrien she already has a drink ik you’re trying to diffuse the tension but cmon
what the fuck kind of heist
felix might just be the smartest character in this entire show
HOLY FUCK
for a second there i thought Felix was also a sentimonster
“just a finger snap will be enough to make you disappear” aight nvm
THIS MAN DOES NOTHING BUT TRAUMATISE CHILDREN OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF A TRASHCAN
i think narcissism na inke khoon mai hai bhenchod
HE ESCAPED IT TF??? WAIT ONLY CHLOE HAS ESCAPED IT LIKE ALYA AND NINO BROKE THROUGH IT BUT OHMYFUCKINGGOD?????
wait omg what just happened
SO YOU CAN AKUMATISE A SENTIMONSTER HAHA FEAR
it’s kind of sad
like why would you give YOURSELF that same badha wala design like um
chloe no you’re not evil you’re a fucking kid wtf man thomas stop talking your frustrations out on this child dude
help the way he just stopped bob lmao
kagami is my queen and if anyone hates on her they’re gonna get their kneecaps and spine broken she so brave 🥺🥺
we didnt get no plagg content❤️‍🔥💔 actually we didn’t get any kwami content this episode i- :(
the way he’s carrying felix i- what is this a piggyback ride
the mini fourth wall breaka ksjsjsjsjskks
that was…a short fight
THAT RING- WAIT TF SINCE WHEN IS THE RING ON HIS HAND SQUARE WAIT WHAT DO THE TWIN RINGS MEAN ONE FOR FELIX AND ONE FOR ADRIEN WTF WTF I- WTF
pretty charm
ahaha im scared
OMG FELIX NOTICED THE PANT OMG i have to agree he’s evil by he’s a smart evil
awwww theyre making a manga on marinette
also i love the fact that they know everyone in paris blind like all they did was give marinette a mustache, a ponytail instead of pigtails and changed her from marinette to marino and the waiter costume and nobody even batted an eye?
I LOVE THE SCREENCAP OMG
…. i’m scared haha
help that was long anyways i’m like sleepy as fuck i don’t even know why i wrote this but eh so bie ly you look amazing
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aestheticseungmean · 3 years
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Stray Kids Reacting to You Having Surgery
This is inspired from me having a three-in-one surgery this coming Friday
Tw: mention of needles and looking lifeless (that’s how mom describes me when I go under anaesthesia)
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Bang Chan-
Freaks out when you tell him you’re having surgery
Like what for?
Why did you not tell him until like 5 days before
Nevertheless, he takes off time for you
Offers to drive you to the hospital at five a.m for your 7 am surgery
Stays the whole time and even takes you home afterwards
What a gentleman
Takes care of you whether you like it or not
Prevents anybody from touching you in case of injury
Legitimately spoon feeds you
Knows what you want before you speak
“I brought you some soup. Figured you might be hungry.”
And you’re like ??? That’s exactly what I wanted
When you’re healed, he takes you out to lunch at a diner to celebrate a successful surgery
He’s a sweetheart (I need a chan to go, please)
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Lee Know-
A little reluctant to your news at first because he’s deciding whether or not he should help you
But he gives in once you ask
Grumbles the entire way there because he’s interrupting his beauty sleep for you
When he sees the fear in your eyes when they come near you with the IV needle, soft Boi activates
Holds your hand and regrets it when you crush his hand as the nurse sticks you
Laughs when you tell him your arm feels cold from the IV
Teases you about it too
“Cover it up then.” “Min you know the cold is in my arm.”
Legitimately freaks out when you pass out from the anaesthesia because you look lifeless?
Threatens your life when you wake up because you gave him a heart attack
Takes care of you reluctantly he loves it 🤫
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Changbin-
Another one one to drop what he’s doing
Teases the shit out of you by ordering food when he knows you can’t have some
“You want a bite? Oh that’s right. You’re not supposed to have food” headass
You would punch him but you have a needle in your arm
Works on writing his songs while you’re in surgery
It’s a win-win for him
Changbin can work AND be there for you
Apologies for the food tease afterwards by getting you something to eat
Checks in on you three times a day but you mostly sleep so he forces you to text when you’re awake
Makes you tell him everything so he doesn’t have to worry
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Hyunjin-
Also a drama king when it comes to beauty sleep
Sighs dramatically, the whole time he’s waiting for the doctors to arrive
Eventually falls asleep with you on the tiny ass bed
Gets woken up by a nurse who says it’s time for you to go back
Hyunjin is so antsy as he waits for you
Is constantly texting his worries to everyone
When you come out all groggy, he sighs (happily this time)
Takes good care of you on the way home
Falls asleep on the floor next to you because he doesn’t want to hurt you
Forehead kisses when you are asleep fight me
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Han-
Does not hesitate one bit to take you to the hospital for your surgery
Makes you laugh and distracts you from the needles and the time
Tbh, he’s another one to freak out when the anaesthesia knocks you tf out
He also brought his notebook and writes down his feelings, transforming it into a song to pass the time
Probably writes two or three songs before you are done 😀
Almost cried when he sees you because what did they do to your body? (Not pertaining specifically to plastic surgery but instead the cuts, bruises, and swelling thats comes with normal surgery)
Is disgusted by the healing process but fascinated
Watches you while you sleep
For safety reasons ⬆️
Is glad that it’s over
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Felix-
Stays with you the night before to remind you of what needs to be done pt.2
Thinks he’s getting grey hairs when you almost took a sip of his drink in the morning out of habit
Relaxes a little when you’re at the hospital because then he knows they won’t give you anything to eat or drink
Still worries though
Sings to you and makes the nurse question his existence when he buzzed like a mosquito and there was nothing there
Another disgusted but fascinated
Asked the doctor what she did to you and almost fainted
How can they do such a thing without prodding something they shouldn’t have?
Takes care of you with such love and affection
Cheek kisses and smiles
Protect him 🥺
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Seungmin-
Reluctant as hell
Takes pictures of you for memories blackmail later
Another one that taunts you with food
Waves it under your nose so you can smell
You’ll get him back though
Has read up on the surgery or surgeries they are doing on you and starts listing off side effects that can happen
Reads a book during the wait
Looks like a grandma sitting among the other ones doing the same thing
Says he’s not going to help you when you first wake up
A few minutes later, he is grabbing the juice the doctor gave you and helping you drink it
Tsundere
Tucks you in and swears that’s it
It’s not
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I.N-
Can’t drive so he has Chan driving you two
Nervous as hell because he doesn’t know what to do
Does his little grandpa bit to cheer you up
Has not eaten since you weren’t allowed to so he can feel your pain and damn, his stomach is growling
So the first thing he does when you are done is get you both some food
Chan drives you home
Jeongin will sleep in the same bed as you, putting a pillow barrier in between you
Doesn’t work…
You wake up to him wrapped around you (careful of your wounds might I add)
Burns the pan trying to cook for you once
Fixes his mistake the second time around and you get some delicious food this time
You couldn’t have asked for a better best friend and/or boyfriend
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twdmusicboxmystery · 4 years
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The Divine Comedy Theory, Part 2
So, let's switch gears and talk about Still. I literally spent several hours on Monday watching the 10-minute scene with Bethyl in the golf club. I had my nose about 6 inches from the TV and was trying to look at stuff in the background to make sure I was catching everything.
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I’m making that sound like a complaint, but I actually enjoyed myself. I haven’t done this sort of thing in a while. 😉
Basically, I went in with the hypothesis that Beth and Daryl might have gone through nine doorways, which would represent nine circles of hell (since S4 was one big foreshadow and Nicotero said the golf club represented the 9 circles of hell; I wanted to identify them.) That's why I was paying attention to the background. I needed to count how many doorways they walked through, and also keep track of where they both were, since they split up several times.
Well, guess what? 
Long story short, they do go through nine (technically 11 if you count the first and last) doorways. And I even found something I never noticed before. It's really not that big a deal and doesn't change what happens in show. Just something new I learned. When they first walk into the golf club (where Beth finds the spoon and Daryl picks up the jewels) that is the antechamber or anti-inferno. 
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They haven’t actually gone into hell yet. The story talks about people who were fence-sitters. Not super good or evil, but who wouldn't make a decision either way. That’s what the hanging walkers in this scene symbolize.
When walkers start pounding on the door and Bethyl go through the double doors, that's them entering hell. Another evidence of this is that on the flipside, we hear water dripping (it’s pointed out in the sub-titles). I think that's to represent crossing of the river into hell from the Divine Comedy.
Oh, side-note: they also both find flashlights inside that first room of the golf club. I’m thinking the flashlights represent Virgil in the story. The flashlights will sort of “guide” them through hell, and were found in the same place Dante connected with Virgil in the story.
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Okay, this is where it gets complicated. What we first see is Daryl walking in with Beth right behind him. Then we see her go through a second doorway. This is where she pulls out her knife.
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This is the new thing I learned. I'd always assumed that he was ahead of her because we see him walk in first. At this point, however, he isn’t. He actually stays in the first room for a while and that's where he finds the cinnamon. Again, just a tiny thing, but I assumed he was out ahead of her and found the cinnamon in the second or third room. But I had to watch carefully to realize that when we see Beth take her knife out, Daryl is still behind her in the previous room.
What's important here is that they enter the first room (first Circle of Hell) and Daryl stays there for a bit. He rummages for supplies and finds the cinnamon. Beth meanwhile goes into the second room (second Circle of Hell) and takes out her knife.
I tried to figure out if the belongings we see each of these rooms perhaps indicate the circle of hell the room represents. They might, but I didn't look at them too closely. She's literally in each of these for only a few seconds, so it's hard to pick out details.
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But quickly she goes through a third doorway which has plastic slats hanging down from it, which usually signals that you're entering a refrigerated area. Through the doorway, there’s a long hallway (this will be the third circle of hell). On the right is the freezer she goes into to get the bottle and at the end of the hall is the dog trot room.
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She goes through the doorway to the freezer on the right word to get the bottle so that would be the fourth doorway and the fourth circle of hell. Remember that the Fourth circle of hell is for gluttony. I believe the walker lying on the floor who somehow died trying to get food, probably represents gluttony.
Now, before we move on, there's something important here that I want to point out. When she grabs the bottle, she makes a glass/clattering noise. 
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We see Daryl stop what he's doing and look over/point his flashlight toward her. 
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She doesn't cry out or anything. He assumes she's not in trouble and goes back to rummaging.
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I think that's very intentional and very important. It represents something very specific. I'll come back to it. Then Beth goes back through the doorway into the hallway. (P.S. I don't think them going backwards through the doorways has any special significance here. At least, not that I noticed. The point is, they go through one doorway and later go through another. They backtrack several times and I haven't found any significant way that would fit into the Divine Comedy allegory.)
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At this point, after she emerges from the freezer, a walker attacks Beth and she breaks the bottle on it, trying to fight it off before eventually taking out her knife and stabbing it in forehead. That's when Daryl walks up and she says “thanks for the help,” etc.
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At this point, she ends up walking through what I would call the fifth doorway, which is into the dog trot room. She didn't stay there long either, just glancing around before following Daryl again. But it's probably important that he didn’t actually enter the dogtrot room.
I'll explain what all my theories are about these things in just a minute.
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Next, we see them descend into the cellar. I don't think the descent actually represents one of the nine circles. They don't go through doorway but rather down a flight of stairs. I think going down represents descending deeper into hell in general. They crawl under the shelf and Daryl rights the clock.
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The next doorway to go into is the gift shop. And we all know what happens here. She finds clothes, he grabs some supplies, Rich Bitch Walker, etc. That’s the Sixth circle.
After that they leave the gift shop, the clock strikes, startling them both. Then we see them go through a new doorway. 
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They both go through it, but then see walkers ahead and so jump backwards and turn and going to yet another doorway.
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Let me recap. The doorway into the gift shop was the sixth doorway and sixth circle of hell. The next door they go through is the seventh doorway and seven circle of hell and they go through it and then quickly back out. Then they go through yet another doorway (this is what I had to watch closely and make sure was counting right because it happens very quickly) which is the eighth doorway, or eighth circle of hell.
And finally, they go through ninth door which leads to the place where Daryl hits the walker with the club, spattering Beth with the blood. This is the ninth doorway and ninth circle of hell.
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After that, of course they go through one more doorway which represents them, leaving hell and, in front of the blue Heron picture, Beth says, "we made it."
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So, there are actually nine doorways they go through and tptb told us the golf club represented the nine circles of hell. This is making a lot of sense right now. Here's the thing.
Let me return to the fact that they split up after the first circle and didn't come back together until the dogtrot room. I think that shows what part of the story we’re in now, while they are apart. 
While tptb confirmed this represents the 9 circles, it may be that I’m trying to make them too chronological, or that only the 9 doorways are important and not necessarily what happens in each room. There’s really no way to know. But given the track record for tptb, I can’t help but read into it as a sequence.
Plus, there's the whole dogtrot thing. It would be one heck of a coincidence if the writers put a Sirius symbol right when Daryl walked up to Beth again after they’d been in separate places for a time, don’t you think? So, I'm sure you can tell how I feel about this. 😉
So, I think them splitting up in the first room/circle represents Beth and Daryl’s separation in S4/S5. After all, the room outside of that, the antechamber, was S4. Then as soon as we get to S5, as it were, the two of them go their separate ways.
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I can't help but think how interesting it is that just as Beth heads into the second room/circle it by herself, we see her take out a new knife. That represents not only her having to defend herself because she's not with Daryl and TF anymore, but she would literally need a new knife because Daryl still has hers.
Then there's that cinnamon Daryl finds. There are lots of things cinnamon can represent symbolically. The major ones I’ve found are healing, but also romantic love. (It’s sometimes called the wedding spice.) So I think we can interpret it two ways. Daryl found romance in the first circle with Beth. (It’s cute that he puts it in his pocket.) As far as healing goes, she leaves and goes ahead (up the road) without him. But I think he has to stay there until he’s healed from the pain of losing her, and the cinnamon represents that as well.
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Notice how he doesn’t “reunite” with her at the dogtrot room until after he’s found the cinnamon and put it in his pocket. And we’ve talked a lot about how we’ve seen a lot of healing for him the past season or two.
Then we have the part where she makes the noise, and he looks toward and shines his flashlight toward her. 
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This is the thing that I was talking about in my ask last week. (Check it out here.) We have a representation here of Daryl hearing her, but not seeing her. And interestingly, he waits, and it catches his attention, but he doesn't go to her immediately.
I think that's very intentional and specifically telling us what's going to happen. He's going to hear something of her, but he's busy doing something and can’t go check it out right away. Then, when she's being attacked, he does go to get her. But by the time he gets there, she’s already taken care of the problem. I think something like that will happen as well. She'll, "save herself."
So, the dialogue here, as TD has always known it is, is very interesting. "Thanks for the help." "You said you could take care of yourself. You did.” So, obviously them being at the dogtrot room probably represents their reunion. But here's where it gets interesting.
Remember I said that I wasn't sure I was interpreting it right because if the six circle of hell represents the Whisperers, then we still have several more circles before the story is done? Now, to be fair, it still doesn't line up exactly. The dogtrot is the fifth circle of hell (fifth doorway). So obviously the Whisperers can't be the six circle. Unless of course they're not going chronologically. There's no way for us to know that for sure.
But this actually makes me really happy because it shows that even after Beth and Daryl reunite, we still have a lot of story to tell. They have three circles of hell to go through and they go through them together. I think that's what this shows.
After they come back together, they descend deeper into hell and complete the second half of the journey together. And that's why when Beth comes out the other side, she says, "we made it."
The other thing that isn't entirely chronological is that Dante doesn't come out of hell until Easter morning. If Easter represents Beth's return, at the very least this isn’t entirely chronological.
I'm not sure how it all works together. The writers might also be bouncing around between different circles and using them to fit the story rather than fitting the story to them. That would make a little more sense, anyway. You get the idea.
This is the basic gist of the Divine Comedy. And, like most of the theories we have, suggests we’re very close to Beth appearing and having a Bethyl reunion.
Overall, I still think they won’t actually reunite until the spin off, but we still might see or hear about her before then. Once I got going on this, I had a whole head canon about some mysterious voice on the radio, calling Alexandria and looking for Daryl. Because I think he’d recognize her voice if he heard it, but he’d also think he was crazy because it couldn't possibly be her.
Maybe she tells him that Rick is alive and where to go, but not where she is or something like that. And after the Daryl and Carol tie up whatever they're working on in S10 and S11, they jump on his bike and leave.
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Okay, this is getting long, so I need to end it here. I didn’t talk about the “Abandon All Hope” sign by Rick in S8. But me and my fellow theorists have been discussing the Chess Theory which a Nonny brought up in an Ask the other day. (X) And I think I can wait to talk about Rick until I discuss that next week.
For now, I’ll just say that “hell” in this allegory also represents Beth and Daryl’s separation from one another, and hers from TF in general. I think it’s much more complicated than this, but to put it simply, seeing Rick descend into a Divine-Comedy-like, metaphorical hell also represents his separation from Michonne and TF. So the allegory holds up.
But again, I’ll talk more about that next week. Thoughts about Bethyl’s Divine Comedy theory?
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kaleidoscopeminds · 4 years
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Get on your dancing shoes, there’s one thing on your mind
having some feelings about missing gigs this evening and this is a thing that occurred? tiny fluffy gig lashton for @tirednotflirting as she dutifully listens to me complain about the lack of live music in my life. This scenario is based on something that actually happened to me, but unfortunately there was no Ashton in that turn of events.
Title from Dancing Shoes by Arctic Monkeys because what else?
“Okay then turn left at the end of that road,” Michael says down the phone to Luke, who has it cradled in his shoulder as he clutches his umbrella and squints into the dark.
“Yeah, okay I can see where I’m going now, I’ll ring you back when I’m outside,” Luke responds. “See you in a sec.”
“Bye!” Michael calls down the line before hanging up.
Luke sighs and stuffs his phone back in his pocket, hunching his shoulders up against the rain. He’s a little annoyed by the evening already, having to get a train and then a bus to Michael’s boyfriend’s house (Calum, he keeps having to remind himself) and once again wonders why he agreed to come along.
“Look I’m saying we can go, I’m just saying that Calum wants to come too,” Michael had shrugged at him.
“But Mikey, gigs are our thing,” Luke had responded petulantly. He knew he was being childish but his best friend agreeing to go to see a band with his new boyfriend instead of him was not news that he wanted to hear.
“They still are,” Michael had responded, rolling his eyes a little. “We’re going together, Calum will just be there as well.”
“But then I’ll have to third-wheel you all evening,” Luke had whined, frowning.
Michael had laughed, “It’s funny, because Calum said the exact same thing about the two of us. Now stop being a big baby and buy your ticket.”
That’s how Luke had found himself a month later, trudging in the rain to Calum’s flat, because it was only a short bus trip to the venue from there. He did honestly like Calum, he was quiet but wickedly funny and clearly smitten with Michael, he just didn’t know why he also had to like the same music as the two of them. He sighed to himself again and looked up at the flats in front of him and pulled out his phone again to call Michael, resigning himself to an evening of standing next to the happy couple.
X
“Can we go down?” Luke said excitedly, sipping his drink and bouncing on his toes.
“I think we’re gonna stay up here,” Michael responded, shrugging. “Better view.”
“What?” Luke asked, frowning. “We never stand at the back?”
“It’s just a bit busy,” Michael replied, shrugging.
Luke shook his head and sighed. “Okay fine but I’m going down there. I’ll see you at the end, give me a text if we can’t find each other.”
Michael nodded absently and turned to say something to Calum who was looking at his phone. Luke rolled his eyes and left the two of them to it, quickly going down the steps and beginning to squeeze his way through the crowd. He wanted to be right in with everyone, nothing comparing to the feeling of being in a crowd at a gig just before it starts, the hum in the air and the excitement fizzing at the tips of everyone’s fingers, almost palpable in the slightly sweaty beer scented air. He was also mindful of how tall he was though, not wanting to slap himself right in the middle where he would be a nuisance to everyone, so he skimmed the edge until he found himself a spot on the right hand side, with a good view of the stage.
“You’re a better door than a window aren’t you?” He heard a voice from slightly behind him to his right.
Luke turned around with an apologetic smile on his face but was met with a twinkling grin and a pair of hazel eyes glinting wickedly at him. 
Luke coughs embarrassed, “Yeah I know I’m sorry it’s the - ,” he gestures in a vague way towards his body.
“Stupidly long legs? Big blonde head? Ridiculously broad shoulders?” The man winks at him and Luke can’t help but notice how good looking he is, curly brown hair falling onto his forehead and a dimple in his chin as he smirks at Luke. He’s wearing a white short sleeve shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest, showing off both a bit of chest hair and his tanned arms.
“Sorry,” Luke apologises again, blushing and giggling slightly. “Maybe I can buy you your next drink to make up for my big blonde head.”
The other man grins delightedly at him. “Now don’t tempt me. How about you budge over a bit so I don’t have to stand behind you?”
“I might be able to manage that,” Luke responds, shuffling over slightly in the small space. He hears a frustrated sigh from behind him when he inevitably blocks someone else’s view, but he just shrugs apologetically at them, he now has a bigger priority in the form of this hot man who may or may not be flirting with him. 
“I’m Ashton by the way,” The man says, holding his hand out in the small space between them.
Luke laughs at the formality and switches his cup to his other hand so he can shake Ashton’s hand. “Luke,” he responds.
“So Luke,” Ashton cocks his head slightly at him. “What brings you to this part of the floor with no friend or girlfriend in sight?”
“Unlikely to be a girlfriend I can tell you that much for free,” Luke snorts, he notices Ashton gets a pleased smile on his face when he hears this and files that away for later thought. “I came with my mate and his boyfriend and I have abandoned them being boring up there somewhere.” Luke jerks his head in direction of the back of the room.
Ashton laughs. “A serious third-wheel moment then?”
“Yes,” Luke replies disgustedly. “Even though I was assured it wouldn’t be.” 
Ashton laughs again, tilting his head back and giggling, and Luke thinks he might have fallen in love a little bit.
“What about you?” Luke asks. “What’s a guy like you doing lurking solo over here?”
Ashton smiles a little embarrassed and rubs the back of his head. “Was meant to be on a date, but the guy decided he didn’t want to come last minute. Thought it would be a waste to not come because I fucking love this band regardless.”
Luke laughs and notes Ashton’s deliberate use of “guy”. Interesting.
“Well I think you made the right decision,” Luke responds, smiling at Ashton and biting his tongue slightly.
Ashton’s eyes track the movement before coming back to meet Luke’s. “We’ll see about that I suppose,” he responds, returning the smile slowly. “In the meantime, I know you promised me a drink, but as you were so kind as to move over for me, what would you like?”
“Whatever you’re having,” Luke responds, smiling. “I’ll save your space.”
“You better do,” Ashton winks and moves off through the crowd, brushing his hand around Luke’s hip and across the small of his back as he leaves. 
Luke watches him weave up towards the bar and manages to catch Michael’s eye who’s looking at him questioningly. Luke just shrugs at him, and Michael waves his phone at him pointedly before beginning to furiously type a message. Calum just smiles amused, and gives Luke a little wave, which Luke returns before fishing his phone out of his pocket just as it buzzes with a message from Michael.
whos that???
Ashton
who tf is ashton
Ashton is the nice man who’s date cancelled on him and is now buying me a drink
!!!! Is he gay????
…. Possibly (he suggested the date was with a man)
!!!!! he’s fucking hot luke
I know mikey i’ve got eyes
don’t fuck this up just be normal
what the fuck is that supposed to mean
just don’t be so luke
you’re not helping in the slightest here
he’s coming back act normal
you’re absolutely the fucking worst and i hate you so much
stop talking to me your new boyfriend is coming back
Luke sighs exasperatedly at his phone before locking it and shoving it back in his pocket as Ashton squeezes through the gap next to him and hands off the second cup he’s holding. Luke downs his current drink and slides the new cup into the empty one.
“Thanks,” he says, moving over slightly and noticing the space he was in has gotten significantly smaller.
“No problem,” Ashton says, wedging himself in the gap next to him. “Although you didn’t keep up your side of the bargain,” he says pointedly, wiggling his shoulders to bump against Luke’s in the narrow space. 
“Sorry,” Luke responds, smiling apologetically. “I got distracted.”
“Who said I was complaining?” Ashton replies, smirking. “Everything okay? You were really giving your phone a dirty look there.”
“Yeah it was nothing,” Luke shakes his head, but his eyes flick over to where Michael and Calum are standing, and Ashton follows his look. Michael is staring at them intently, but quickly pretends to be deep in conversation with Calum as soon as he sees Luke and Ashton looking at them. Luke hears Ashton laugh quietly and he blushes furiously.
“Were you talking about me?” Ashton teases, his twinkling grin back firmly in place.
“Don’t be so big-headed,” Luke responds, still blushing.
“That means yes,” Ashton says smugly, taking a sip of his drink and brushing his arm against Luke’s.
“Why would I be talking about you, I don’t know anything about you,” Luke says, raising his eyebrows.
“Well what would you like to know?” Ashton responds. “I’m an open book.”
“Uh, how old are you?” Luke asks and then sighs at himself at such an infantile question.
“Getting right to the important stuff straight away I see,” Ashton replies seriously before breaking out into a grin. 
“Stop making fun of me, I’m regretting standing in front of you now,” Luke says, pouting at him.
“Aw you don’t mean that Lukey,” Ashton says, placing a hand over his heart. Luke tries not to blush at the nickname (try being the operative word). “I’m 24,” Ashton adds, taking pity on Luke.
“22,” Luke responds, taking a sip of his drink. “And as we’re doing the boring stuff I’ve just graduated and currently work in a bar whilst I try to discover my true passion.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Ashton responds, tapping his plastic cup against Luke’s. “I work in a record shop at the moment.”
“That’s pretty fucking cool to be fair,” Luke says honestly.
“Yeah it's not bad, not necessarily what I want to do forever though,” Ashton says ruefully.
“What do you want to do?” Luke asks, genuinely interested.
“Producing I think,” Ashton says thoughtfully, “but working in a record shop is as close as I’m gonna get for now.”
“See and you were worried we weren’t going to get to the important stuff,” Luke says, grinning cheekily at Ashton. 
Ashton laughs again and nudges his shoulder against Luke’s. “Yeah something about you has got me spouting about my ambitions within minutes.”
Luke bites his lip and ducks his head. He honestly can’t believe his luck managing to bump into and hold a conversation with Ashton, who seems unbelievably sweet and interesting. He’s saved from responding as the lights dim and people start cheering around him.
Luke squeaks and grabs Ashton’s wrist, bouncing on his toes as excitement flows through him, his heart rate picking up as he feels the crowd shift and pulse with anticipation, voices of enthusiasm and shouts beginning to ripple across the sea of people. The lights begin to flash and Luke can feel the energy thrum through the air. He catches Ashton smiling at him out of the corner of his eye and turns to face him with a huge smile on his face.
“What?” Luke has to almost shout over the growing noise of the crowd.
Ashton leans forward slightly. “You’re cute,” he says directly into Luke’s ear, making him shiver slightly before pulling back and tucking one of Luke’s curls behind his ear, smiling and turning towards the front. Luke stands for a moment, dazed before being pulled out of his reverie by the band appearing on stage, cheering loudly with everyone else.
X
The gig is insane, especially with Ashton at his side, singing the lyrics along with him, dancing stupidly in his favourite instrumentals and laughing every time Luke clutches his arm and shouts “I love this one!” In his ear.
And maybe when it goes dark after the band goes off and whilst the rest of the crowd chants for the encore, Luke might slide his hand in to Ashton’s and pull him closer to find his lips in the dark, breathless and skin slightly damp from all the dancing, mouths sticky with the taste of beer and ears still ringing. 
25 notes · View notes
merinnan · 4 years
Text
DMBJ Ep 6
I’ve been a bit behind putting these up on Tumblr, so I’m afraid you’re about to get a dump of the remainder of Season 1, plus the first two eps of Explore with the Note! (not all in one post, of course - 1 ep per post as usual)
So! Episode 6!
The Xiaoge Rescue Count at the start of ep 6 stands at 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone.
- And we start back with Chengcheng and High Jr. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS SUBPLOT, MAKE IT GO AWAY AND BRING BACK XIAOGE AND WU XIE. 
- Why is Chengcheng calling her kidnapper dage? I don't like her or trust her. She is annoying and shady
- Oh, good, now we are back to Wu Xie being a good boy 
- That is a lot of guns and explosives Sanshu has recovered
- I am annoyed at how they all seem to think that A-Ning needs to be shielded from everything unpleasant because she's a girl. She's a goddamn mercenary leader. I think she can take knowing these things - and it's better to let her know as it's found out so that she can adjust to the news properly, instead of springing it on her when it can't be concealed anymore, like what happened when the blood zombie showed up.
- On a completely different tangent, Wu Xie's neck dressing has stayed astonishingly clear for running around in a tomb, crawling through tight tunnels, falling off of ledges and being dramatically rescued, fighting bugs, and fainting all over floors.
- Wu Xie is so sweetly optimistic 
 - LOL, sure Pangzi, you're here for archeological study 
- ....Wu Xie, you are disturbingly knowledgeable about guns for a college student
- Now that I've read the first novel between having watched ep 5 and now, my mind is slightly reeling from how innocent and babie drama Wu Xie is compared to novel Wu Xie 
- Awww. Doesn't matter which Wu Xie it is, babie with gun always looks kinda adorable.
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- Also, I appreciate Wu Xie's trigger discipline. So often shows have such terrible trigger discipline. 
- Oooh, it's like a carved thing on the dais that got his attention. I thought it was like a computer drive or something at first, because it looked kinda like that.
- OH NO, THE LIVING VINES ARE HERE AND SNEAKING UP ON THEM 
- ...and pushing the button made them retreat 
- ...phew? 
- I am still concerned 
- The music signifies that something creepy is coming 
- lol, babie. Looking so innocent even though He Knows What He Did
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- I don't know what that sound is, but that's not a good sound 
- ...earthquake? That's a bad thing to happen when you're in the middle of an evil cave. 
- WU FAMILY, WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONES TRYING TO STAY ON YOUR FEET WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO ANYTHING?! 
- So fucking stubborn
- This is where Wu Xie gets it from, if Erbai is wondering 
- A-Ning is the smartest one, staying sitting down 
- The tree opens up like a fucking security vault and ejects a coffin. Because of course if fucking does. 
- Oooh, yeah, that's that shot from the opening credits 
- "I can't read any of this, but it says this is the guy we're looking for" 
- "His story recorded here is the same as what we know" WU XIE YOU JUST SAID YOU CAN'T READ IT
- Come on. Earlier in the show you said "yes I can read this" and read it. And in the novel, you puzzle it out from being able to read bits. This part, you flat out said he couldn't read it, and now are telling everyone what it says 
 - I love continuity, but dramas really don't
- The music now is similar enough to the Harry Potter music that I almost expect an owl to go flying past 
- The owner of a coffin wanting the coffin to be opened hundreds or thousands of years later seems like it should be something more worrying than how everyone is reacting
- I wanna know how Sanshu knows the coffin has been there for 3000 years. Wu Xie can't read the dates on it, and the Warring States Period was 1500 years ago, not 3000 
- JESUS CHRIST, SANSHU, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SENSIBLE ONE!
- Why are you suggesting you open the chained shut coffin in order to see if there's somehow something alive (or alive-ish) in there? 
- Awwww! Wu Xie going "no, don't do that, Pokerface told us not to touch anything"
- Like. Not, "no uncle, that seems like a bad idea" 
- But "Xiaoge told us not to, and we should do what he says" 
- I have the feeling that if this Pangzi is agreeing with something, then you all should not be doing that thing. Because this version of Pangzi is an idiot
- HOW THE FUCK IS THE MOVING COFFIN GOING TO SECRETLY HAVE THE EXIT INSIDE IT, PANGZI 
- THAT MAKES THE LEAST SENSE OUT OF EVERYTHING SO FAR 
- Pan Zi's "WTF do you think you're doing" look
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- This Pangzi is so bad 
- I even like Chengcheng better than him. And I wish they had taken her into the tomb and used her as bait. 
- I'm glad he's better in other adaptations. Like, I love the Pangzi in Chongqi. I am so glad that he was my intro to Pangzi, not this one
- DON'T MAKE THE BABIE SAD BY BEING DUMB
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- A-Ning really should not be just standing there with her leg injury. I've had a muscle biopsy before where they took it from the thigh, which is a similar 'injury' to what she's got, and you do not get on your feet unless you absolutely have to for days afterwards.
- At least they have her limp when she's walking, and it's kinda sad that I'm glad they do that! 
- And Pan Zi should not be doing hard physical labour with a fucking gut wound
- But I think I'm more annoyed by A-Ning, because I have personal experience with her kind of injury so know first-hand what kind of pain she's causing herself by standing and walking 
- HUMAN BRAIN LOGIC GO
- Pangzi you fucking dick, just standing there watching. You should be pushing instead of Pan Zi 
- Hahahah, after all his shittalk and boasting, and he can't do it 
- Oh, there, finally
- I know that inside lid is supposed to be jade, but it looks so terribly fake. Oh my god. It's awful 
- It looks like a bad Photoshop of one of those Windows 98 default backgrounds
- I love the looks everyone gives Pangzi every time he slips up and talks about getting money from the stuff in the tomb 
- LOL, that's not a carving, that's a couple of translucent green plastic discs stuck on top of Windows Background Photoshop cover
- ...I'm kinda waiting for someone to suddenly shout BOO! really loudly while they're all carefully trying to listen for any sounds in the coffin
- They're almost at the end of the first novel in terms of plot, and there's still 4 and a half eps to go
- Wow, I think that's the first time I've seen Sanshu actually worried 
- lol, and now Pangzi says he believes him, rather than get his ear that close to the coffin himself 
- PANGZI DON'T STARTLE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR FINGER ON THE TRIGGER OF A GUN & DEFINITELY DON'T SMACK THE GUN
- Wu Xie has a lot of control to have not accidentally shot right then
- LOL, after all their declarations how they're archaeologists, not tomb robbers, & how they're here to protect cultural artefacts from robbers, etc - they go make references to the northern and southern schools of tomb raiding
- Just without actually saying exactly what the 'Southern School' being referred to actually is. 
- ....and now Pangzi jumps in front of the pointed gun as he grabs it. Do you have a fucking death wish, dude? 
 - And now we see the infamous bronze armour! Jade armour. Whatever
- You'd think they'd have learned to fucking take all of A-Ning's guns away from her after last time she held one of them at gunpoint 
- OMG, the face on the helmet is so fucking ridiculous, I can't - It's not even properly positioned over his face
- Aaaaah, Sanshu called him tianzhen  I'm so happy at being able to identify that word now it's ridiclous 
- That...that is not what peeled skin looks like 
- Pangzi comes right out and admits he's a tomb robber 
- And for the first time, no-one calls him on it
- Or correct him for calling them tomb robbers 
- Ah, there you are, Xiaoge. I was wondering how long it would take for you to be back 
- I see looking for people in a tomb requires no shirt XD
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- Better shots of shirtless Xiaoge
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- Like, same, Wu Xie. Same.
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- Look, I have two braincells, and one is for Xiaoge and one is for pingxie
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- YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, PANGZI
 - Oooh, this is a goood shot of the tattoo. And of who the tattoo is on
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- I don't have a Xiaoge problem. It's the opposite of a problem.
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- Seriously, Pangzi is so fucking lucky that Xiaoge didn't kill him a dozen times over during their first meetings here
- Also, now that Xiaoge has explained why he threw a knife at Pangzi, I believe it's time to update the Xiaoge Rescue Count to 9 for Wu Xie, 13 for the protagonists, 14 for everyone.
- Although maybe I should have also been keeping a People Eyerolling At Pangzi Count given how often it's been happening
- More Xiaoge pics, feat. emotions that are not 'worrying about Wu Xie'
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- Also, did he throw the corpse off the platform after he broke it's neck, or did it yeet itself off somehow? 
- I mean, I too wanna know how Xiaoge knows all this stuff if this was all put here 3000 years ago
- I do love that Wu Xie is already about the only person who Xiaoge will actually look at instead of staring down or straight ahead
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- LOL, Wu Xie won't even let Pangzi so much as touch this. 
- I honestly appreciate that Xiaoge appears to travel lightly enough that he doesn't have a spare shirt
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- EVERYTHING makes Wu Xie better than everyone else (except Xiaoge), Pangzi
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- lol, Sanshu, yes. You tell him. 
- Hahahah, and Wu Xie playing along with Sanshu, the little adorable shit 
 - THE LOOK ON HIS FACE 
- KJFDHKJDAFHFKASDJHFKJASDLHGFSKLJ 
- AND DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE THAT SMIRK, WU XIE 
- There is absolutely not enough of little shit!Wu Xie in S1
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- Loooool, his little nod at Sanshu now that they got their way and made Pangzi promise to stfu for the time being 
- And that is the first time I've seen that style of carriage roll like a car 
- Those skull ballistae were a cool aesthetic, though
- THAT CARRIAGE WAS ROLLING LIKE A FUCKING CAR, HOW IS IT BACK UPRIGHT AND ROLLING ALONG THE GROUND TO THE CLIFF 
- HOW TF IS IT ROLLING ANYWHERE WITH A SMASHED WHEEL 
- HOW TF IS HE ABLE TO HOLD IT FOR EVEN A SECOND, ESPECIALLY WITH ONE HAND
- A thin as fuck flagpole is going to give you jack shit in terms of something to brace with when it comes to that much weight 
- THE SCRIPTWRITER OF THIS SCENE IS BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD 
- *cries in physics minor*
- I can suspend disbelief for aliens, zombies, everything about Xiaoge, logic holes, and plot pits. Apparently my line is a non-cultivator breaking the laws of physics. 
- Aaaah, here come the zombies 
- So this dude is not the zombie dude 
- He is the emperor, I think?
- OH MY GOD THAT GREENSCREEN IS JUST THE WORST 
- I thought the one on the river was bad. The one of her falling as he dives off the cliff to save her is actively painful 
- Oh, now it looks like we're gonna have a dumb love triangle in the flashback. Yay. *waves tiny flag*
- Bitch, be a bit more grateful. Yes, your ex-lover caught you as you were falling & did so by basically flying, but that's just standard wuxia defiance of physics. Your husband held a FUCKING CARRIAGE with ONE HAND for AT LEAST TWO WHOLE MINUTES to keep you alive before your ex finally showed up
- "Were you really frightened?" Your majesty, what kind of a stupid question is that? 
- The emperor's armour is really pretty, I gotta say 
- Uuuugh, this stupid love story hurts in a bad way 
- I'm just gonna fast forward through it 
- ...and there's the end of the episode.
- That love triangle is going to make me scream, I know it 
- But that does explain how they're going to pad out the episodes a bit more with how far through the plot they are already 
- None of them are even really that pretty to make up for the boring, trite, love triangle plot
- How do they expect to keep my attention through it if I don't even have eye candy?!?! 
- I will be seriously headdesking if this flashback goes on for more than the next ep! 
- Oh well, there we are. The end of ep 6
The Xiaoge Rescue Count at the end of ep 6 stands at 9 for Wu Xie, 13 for the protagonists, 14 for everyone. 
7 notes · View notes
cnc-hoebayb · 5 years
Text
Dumb dad things the boys would be caught doing
Zabdiel
-super casual and simple but like
-Hed totally get caught just pushing your kid over
-Like he doesn’t know you saw so when your little boy just plops down and starts whining you just “why’d you do that?”
-And he plays it off “i didn’t do anything wym”
-“Zabdiel i literally just saw you push our son”
-He shrugs
-“I think he kinda deserved it”
-DESERVED IT
-bc he was in his bubble apparently ur kid deserved it. Valid
-probably would get caught having a full convo with your son too
-not even about fun cute kid stuff either, it’s about things he needs to remember to do, telling him a story about something douchey someone did on tour
-Thats just very Zabdi, long deep thought out talks with his bb son about life even though he can’t understand
-K but something dangerous but not really
-Zabdiel is kinda aloof sometimes rigjt
-and is big gentle man giant
-So i see him as doing something like letting your toddler climb him literally like a tree when he’s bored and while Zab is busy on the phone or doing something important and just can’t handle it rn
-example
-Hes multitasking big time while you’re gone
-He needs to be on this call right now, but has to start making dinner and cleaning some little messes here and there
-Your son is begging for attention that he just can’t give
-so he does what any dad would do and just picks him up to ease him
-And after awhile ur kid gets kinda restless, starts climbing dad like a play thing
-he climbs up and down his torso, on his head, jumping back onto him from the counter when Zabdi sets him down for a second
-Which is valid given Zabdiel can handle it and can take care of his kid, but...
-it’s not the best sight to see walking in the door to your family with your son next to a hot stove top, plunging himself off to dangle off of your baby daddies stiff arm
Erick
-Youre driving home from work/school after a long day
-You pull into your neighborhood and on the corner of your street you spot it
-Your child
-On a baby leash
-in somEONES YARD
-rolling around in the leaves
-Erick just laughing and encouraging
-and you honk at them from your view in your car and when he sees you
-He starts laughing even harder
-Totally catch him one night playing with your kid in his room
-and as you peek in you see them just hangin, playin and all of a sudden your son snatches a plastic Dinosaur rigjt out of Ericks hands
-and Erick really sadly “heeeyy- i was playing with that 😞”
-Hed start fake crying
-Your son gets sad too and starts actually crying
-“lo siento, daddy im really sorry” in between sobs (also imagine that voice and ur lil boy with a lisp)
-Erick panics
-“aahh esta bien, niño. Let’s play with the Dino together.”
-Holds your little boy in his lap and they play together
-You cry happy tears a lil bit in the hallway
-Erick is also still like a child so this is 100% truth:
-Would get caught actually genuinely arguing with your son
-Theyre yelling at each other (your son in baby toddler babbles), and Erick is heated heated
-“que está pasando niños??” You try to gauge the situation immediately
-“he stole my last ice cream sandwich i hid in the fridge!!”
-You want to yeLL
-“Erick...”
-he glares at your son, who revolts with a tongue sticking out and arms crossed
-“you think you’ll get away with it, huh? Cuz ur cute,” he argues with him and you have to actually talk him down from his stubbornness
-“i was saving it for later today :(( “ he whines as you pull him in like you would your baby for a comforting “its ok” hug
Joel
-You’d be in the kitchen
-Come out into the living room to ask Joel to get ur little baby ready to eat
-And you catch him deadass recording your baby crying on the floor, a pile of toys around her
-“bro tf”
-“She was dancing and fell into her toy box”
-“Then whY you recording ?”
-“.....bc it was funny 😔”
-Would also do your daughters hair himself sometimes and dress her
-And you know he knows what he’s doing
-But like he also forgets she’s a baby too
-You have to remind him your daughter really shouldn’t be using his grown man curl products just yet
-or that she can’t wear a shirt that says “fuck” in it
-and she is definitely not wearing a bandana like that to picture day
-teaches your kid how to thirst trap !!
-this hoe!
-catch them both in the bathroom mirror one day, he’s shirtless, lil cute baby girl in his arms
-and she’s serving !!
-Like duh she’s your guys’ kid so she’s beautiful n shit but
-she’s posing and tilting her head in the right angles in this cute lighting (bc daddy taught her to find her perfect angle)
-He shrugs like “what’d you expect, we’re hot stuff” and smirks
Richard
-Openly and unapologetically teaching your kid how to say bad words
-and recoRDING IT
- to POST on his insta
-also would get caught scripting a whole thing for her to perform for the camera
-convinces her that the reason his hair is red is bc he drank all of his juice mommy gave him instead of spilling it out for the dog to drink
-your kid chugs down that juice like her life depends on it so she can have red hair like papi too
-tells her stories that the snacks she wants to eat before dinner make you scream and that’s why she shouldn’t eat them before dinner
-convinces her by shoving his mouthful of potato chips and immediately starts screaming to prove his point
-ur kid laughs but is also kinda terrified
-gets caught reading her stories and getting reallyyyy into it
-like acting and doing dramatically different voices for the characters
-Does the Joel thing and just dresses her head to toe in ICE like the most expensive jewelry and clothes
-kinda salt bc you don’t even dress like that
-have to stop her before you send her to school bc you know she’s gonna lose one of those expensive necklaces in the sand box or something
Christopher
-Another instance where you’re driving home alone
-Whipping down the street to see your toddler running down the sidewalk a few blocks away happily
-You flip and swerve over to park on the side of the street bc wtf ! Your kid !!
-But as soon as you park you see him
-Its Chris sprinting just as fast, frantically too
-Finally catches up with your kid and swoops her up in his arms with a relieved breath
-You roll down your window slowly
-“You pretty lil things need a ride home?” You yell out and when he looks up to see you caught him he’s dEAD
-also teaches your daughter how to cuss and cackles so hard bc it’s funny to hear her call each of her uncles “puto”
-id see something happening like
-You walk out of the room for one second during dinner and when you come back it’s food fight chaos
-Chris and your kid are racing to see who can eat the fastest but also there’s food flying everywhere bc they’re trying to distract one another and win
-lil baby hits Chris in the eye with a fistful of eggs (in this scenario it’s breakfast for dinner thx) and then he counters the hit by throwing his whole pancake at her face
-also gets caught playing dress up a little too good
-You glimpse in her room and she’s painting his nails, slapping on some gross little kid lipgloss all over his face
-and all the while Chris is smiling and acting like a pretty lady, flipping his hair around and batting his lashes all nice
-they spew some chisme back and forth, sip fake tea, and do cute model walks down the room
-You take secret pictures of the event for later blackmail
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ultraclops · 4 years
Text
Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes
Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!
Lucky Ducky Mug
Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby
"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.
How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle
"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian
I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING
I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"
Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter
Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this
Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference
Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code
They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.
Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.
Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts
Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing
Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal
The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,
(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT
The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived
So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool
SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG
Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.
Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.
Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again
"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood
"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh
Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?
Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!
Lonely Kid
(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)
"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.
Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp
I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??
NOO GERALDINE
That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW
So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained
I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason
How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him
HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT
"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."
"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.
So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.
Man those kids are jackasses
"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT
Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL
"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"
Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality
I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.
"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN
This monster empty, YEET
Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY
"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL
He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗
Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.
"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense
Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends
I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??
Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕
Try Hard
No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol
"K for Copyright Infringement"
"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?
"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from
"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!
Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka
"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like
Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.
Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"
This badger and cat empty, YEET
Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail
WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE
"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors
"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"
Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?
"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?
"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"
Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm
"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"
"JERK BUTT"
Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?
"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why
"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓
Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?
Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.
GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!
I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.
Scared Of Puppets
Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...
"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here
Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.
Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.
Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?
"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...
Mr. Din Dandalib!
"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."
IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT
If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different
(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"
"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"
...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-
That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...
So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How
I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR
"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks
OH WIG
Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please
"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context
(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki
How does one forget to drink milk
Oh shit the scene from the promo...
Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??
OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK
Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!
"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...
"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"
"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"
Those puppets are alive I stg
"I'M A BIG BOI..."
Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!
"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN
Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear
Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang
The Perfect Couple
Watermelon time babyyy
TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY
Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?
"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers
Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple
Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that
Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao
"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."
"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...
Nvm its just laundry
"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"
Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat
"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀
I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist
Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit
Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm
Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh
Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....
IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK
Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared
"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now
"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?
OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK
He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol
Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too
"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL
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callieshipman · 6 years
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The Becho Effect
I’ve been participating in A Very Becho Valentines, run by the wonderful people over at @echo--positivity! I had the lovely Soph @echokomspacekru and I hope she enjoys this fic under the cut (I’ll upload it to AO3 tomorrow)
It is a known phenomenon in their friendship group that if there is an opportunity to incessantly flaunt your relationship in everyone else’s face and somehow still stay friends with them, Bellamy and Echo will gladly take that opportunity and turn it up to eleven.
Monty and Harper call it The Becho Effect, and Bellamy and Echo see it more as a point of pride than anything else when they’re willing to accept that they’ve taken something a little far.
“I’m just saying,” Emori tells them one day over their weekly group coffee. “You’ve been together three years, and I have sincerely never met any other couple so intense.”
“Knock it off,” Bellamy says fondly, taking Echo’s hand and running a thumb over her knuckles. “Just because your relationship is mostly egging each other on to do borderline illegal things doesn’t mean you have to come after mine.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Murphy quips, grinning at Bellamy.
“We’re not that bad,” Echo argues, though she’s smiling as she says it. “And in my defence, it’s Bellamy’s fault.”
“True,” Monty muses. “You were very cool before you started dating this nerd.”
“Hey,” Echo says, raising an eyebrow at him as she leans into Bellamy and he pulls her closer to his chest. “Name one occasion we’ve been over the top.”
Harper laughs, the sound ringing through the coffeeshop and Gina, the barista and Bellamy’s ex, turns and grins at them across the shop. Raven waves at her, then turns back to Bellamy and rolls her eyes, placing her elbows on the table as she leans towards him.
“I can name five.”
1.
When Echo first gets it into her head that Bellamy might be interested in her as more than a friend, she starts taking up increasing amounts of Harper, Emori, and Raven’s time with it.
“But how do I know?” Echo asks one day, sitting on the floor as Harper braids her hair. They’re having a girl’s night in, and she’s rather enjoying the pampering, as well as the opportunity to pick her best friends’ minds about the guy she’s hopelessly in love with.
“Um,” Raven says.”Because he looks at you all the time, stumbles over his words, and won’t stop touching you?”
“Sometimes you just gotta take chances!” Harper tells her. “Honestly, Echo.”
“I like him,” Echo says softly, because she really really does. She wants to date him, and ask about his day, and kiss him in the evening, wake up with him in the morning. But she’s not the type to make a move without being absolutely certain what the outcome will be.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, her three closest female friends are all the type to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. They’re also the type to get it, because they will accept absolutely no less.
“You’re being dramatic,” Emori says.”Kiss first. Ask questions later.”
Logically, Echo knows this. She has a tendency to dramatise the situation, make it worse, then wait it out until it’s over, but she’d really rather not mess this one up. Bellamy has been a quiet object of her affection for a long while.
“I need a plan,” she announces. “I could spy on him to find out if he likes me? Or someone could ask him and tell me.”
Harper smacks her lightly on the back of the head. “Just ask him yourself, ya fool.”
-
“I still can’t believe you were gonna spy on me,” Bellamy says fondly.
“Did you have any better ideas?” Echo teases back, nudging his foot under the table.
“He absolutely did not,” Monty says, raising an eyebrow. “He’s worse than you.”
“So much worse,” Murphy sighs. “Number two. Guys night out. The Secret Echo Meetings.”
2.
“She doesn’t like me back,” Bellamy tells Monty and Murphy as he puts their pitchers down on the slightly sticky bar table. “She hasn’t said anything.”
“She likes you back,” Murphy drones, taking a swig of his drink.
“Please just talk to each other,” Monty mutters, staring into his drink with an expression of true distress as if Bellamy and Echo potentially dancing around each other is the most troubling thing in his life. “I’m begging you.”
“How do you two just keep kissing people?” Bellamy asks. “Don’t you make plans?”
“The drama of it all,” Murphy says, rolling his eyes. Despite his frustration, he shoots Bellamy a smirk. “You don’t need a master plan.”
“I want one though,” he says. “What if I said we were all going out together but then you guys pretend to cancel so it’s just us? Or I could pretend I need help moving something, she’s pretty strong.”
“I feel like this relationship is my whole damn life now,” Monty says as Murphy drops his head onto the table and groans. “Why do you keep making us come to secret Echo meetings?”
“Why won’t you just help?” Bellamy asks, lightly smacking Murphy on the back of the head. “You guys have great relationships! I’m just asking you how to do it.”
“Talk to her,” Murphy says into the table. “Just. Talk to her.”
“I feel like that’s not enough,” he says. “I can’t just talk to her.”
The look Monty gives him makes him think that he might be being an idiot, but damnit, he does not do things by halves.
-
“Secret Echo meetings,” Echo laughs, and Bellamy kisses the top of her head. “I love that!”
“We didn’t,” Murphy says. “There were like...ten of those.”
“Four,” Monty corrects, though he’s smiling. “Still too many. I started to feel like I was living in that bar.”
“Example three,” Harper says. “The one year anniversary.”
3.
“Is it too much?” Bellamy asks, taking a nacho from the plate and leaning across the table. “It’s not too much, right?”
“It’s gone beyond too much,” Emori tells him, slapping Murphy’s hand away from her plate. “But I think it’s gone so far beyond too much that it’s circled back to charmingly extra.”
“Is that a thing? I don’t think that’s a thing.” Murphy grins at Emori through a mouthful of food.
There are six of them sitting in this cramped little booth- Bellamy, Emori, Murphy, Raven, Monty, and Harper. Echo is absent on account of this being the ‘Bellamy Blake Plans His First Anniversary’ council.
Bellamy quite likes his list of top ten ideas for the best anniversary celebrations ever, and if Harper is going to label them as ‘fuckin’ wack’ then that’s her problem.
“I’m putting a ban on you hiring things,” Raven says as she examines the list. “That means no horse-drawn carriages, Blake. There is no way you can afford that.”
“Octavia’s college fund?” Murphy offers, and Bellamy glares at him. “Joking!”
“That was kinda sweet actually,” Harper muses. “My god, you love that girl.”
“Yeah,” Bellamy says, lost in thought as he scans the page. “Yeah, I really do.”
-
“A horse-drawn carriage?” Echo looks a little crestfallen for a moment. “You considered that?”
“I couldn’t really afford that,” Bellamy protests. “It was just a brief idea!”
“She considered a hot air balloon,” Emori tells him, winking. “You’re as bad as each other.”
“Okay, I have number four,” Murphy says. “Last year. The hospital.”
4.
Before the sunny fall afternoon Bellamy gets a concussion from Miller accidentally winging a football straight into his head, it would have been fair to assume that Echo was the type to be level-headed in a crisis.
She is not.
They’ve been together for two years, and she’s his emergency contact, which means that when she gets the call from the hospital she practically flings herself over the couch to get out of the door.
Her phone beeps a few times as she hurries down the street (their local hospital is a bus ride away but there’s no way in hell she’s waiting for that thing) and she finds herself ignoring the sounds of it. In a slight blur, she checks in and is directed to the third floor where she arrives, slightly out of breath and a little tearful.
Already in the waiting room, she finds Miller with an expression of sincere guilt on his face, and Murphy who looks like a kid in a candy store.
“What happened?” Echo breathes.
“Um, we did text you,” Murphy says, and Miller groans and puts his head in his hands.
Echo takes her phone out and scrolls through the texts.
Miller: hey i just knocked ur boyfriend tf out with a football but like
he’s fine
not happy with me but fine
Murphy: before you start getting cryptic texts from miller
bellamy is fine he just got whacked lmao
he says to tell you not to worry
Echo looks up and groans. “Seriously?”
“You are bright red,” Murphy says. “Please tell me you didn’t run here.”
Her silence must confirm it to him, because he starts cackling like a madman.
“Why didn’t you just take the bus? Or look at your phone?”
“It’s Bellamy and Echo,” Miller says, raising his head. “They don’t half-ass things.”
She flips him off, even though she’s smiling a little with the rush of relief that Bellamy is completely okay, and takes a seat in an uncomfortable plastic chair.
She might be a little embarrassed half an hour later when Bellamy returns with a bruise on his head full of insults for Miller and she gets a little over-emotional, but Bellamy would have done the exact same.
-
“I can’t believe you’re saying I was too dramatic!” Echo says, frowning at Murphy. “I thought it was serious!”
“You ran so far,” Raven whispers. “So far. So fast.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Bellamy says. “I think it was fair of her. What’s number five?”
“Number five is right now,” Emori says, pointing a finger at them. “Need I remind you that you hired this whole place out to celebrate getting engaged?”
“I’ll allow it,” Raven says. “Free booze.”
“It is not free,” Bellamy reminds her. “I told you I would pay for two drinks.”
“Whatever,” she says, winking. “Congratulations, guys.”
Echo wiggles her hand with the beautiful ring on it, the one Bellamy had spent months picking out, and everyone cheers.
“I love you,” she says to Bellamy, leaning her head into his shoulder and smiling.
He tilts her head up to kiss her properly, ignoring the whistles around them. “I love you too,” he says, and he knows that this is the truest thing he’s ever said. Their friends can tease him as much as they like, anyone on the street can think they’re as dramatic as they want, but as long as he has this girl by his side, none of it matters and everything is perfect.
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transformationstuck · 6 years
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More commission work, same commissioner as the last one. It’s an inanimate tf story about Aradia becoming, well...  I guess you can check the tags for spoilers if you want.
“It’s… a carousel.”
“Yep! That’s the one!” Aradia confirmed, practically climbing over the fence as she leaned up as close to the old ride as she could reach, her eyes and smile competing to see which could widen the most.
“I repeat: A carousel. That. That’s what you wanted us to see.” Vriska said, crossing her arms and tapping her foot, not entirely convinced that Aradia wasn’t just pulling her leg, but growing impatient with this seeming waste of her time.
“I-I-It could be a… r-really fast… carousel?” Tavros suggested, holding up his hand as if trying to ask for permission before offering his advice.
“I’ll ask.” Vriska grumbled, “Aradia, is it really fast?”
“Nope!” Aradia answered, not even a bit of her excitement lost to Vriska’s cynicism, “But it is a really GOOD carousel! I ride it every solar sweep!”
“Ah… Not this sweep… I’m afraid.” Came a low voice, its owner standing right behind Vriska and Tavros and breathing very heavily, “The old girl is… out of order… she won’t be ready… until we get some new parts.”
“GOD fucking DAMMIT Equius! I told you not to do that!” Vriska yelled, suddenly whipping back around and glaring up at her old neighbour, jabbing a finger against his chest and quickly regretting it. She wasn’t sure what was soaking his vest more: Sweat or motor oil.
“Sorry… Vriska…” Equius said, nodding his head, acknowledging the three. He sounded out of breath with how often he was pausing to inhale, but to Vriska this was just how he knew Equius to talk. “You three… may want to go find other rides… I don’t know if this one…”
Equius trailed off a bit, suddenly gulping, his STRONG throat ensuring that the sound was enough to turn heads, “They don’t make her parts any more …We may have to put her out to pasture.”
“WHAT!?”
 “Well, you heard the man.” Came Vriska, patting Aradia on the back, a little more firmly than was absolutely necessary, but still meant to be comforting, “Sorry about your musclebeast ride, or whatever… I’m gonna take Tavros on one of the cullercoasters. You can join us if you want.”
Aradia didn’t reply, still smushing her face against the bars that kept her from joining the line to her once favourite part of the entire park.
“…I’m taking him on the one for weenies that switches tracks to the Deathnado at the last second.” Vriska added, figuring Aradia might at least snap out of it if it meant helping Tavros, but received no response from her one way or the other. “Well…….. BYE!”
 “Not fair…” Aradia muttered, finally pulling her face away from the bars, feeling her skin pop away after having spent an hour stuck up against them, “They didn’t shut down the Voodoo Train when it started leaking curses… or the beecups when the bees stopped stinging… There’s just no damn justice any more…”
Aradia let out a sigh. It was her last time to ride the musclebeasts that had been with her since pupation. The joyous little ride that crackled out its nostalgic tunes through those well-worn speakers and the colourful little cartoon equines had entertained her for these past eight sweeps, but she supposed she was an adult now… maybe it was time to grow up.
…Or maybe that time could wait until tomorrow.
Today was a time of reflection. A time of sorrow. A time of jumping the fence when no one was looking and making a mad dash over to her most cherished of all attractions.
 “Ponilo! I missed you!” Aradia cried, wrapping her arms around the plastic animal’s neck as she rubbed her cheek up against its face. The thing may not have physically returned her affections, but Aradia was content to believe that it would be saying ‘I love you’ just as it always would if only it could move its mouth. “And I love you too!” She giggled, petting its head gently as she began to wander about the tiny little ride and examining every little bit of its brightly coloured interior.
“Horzzi! Houfer! Saudle! Buccoe! Pegaus!” Aradia chimed, petting each of the familiar musclebeast ponies as she went. They were all just so pretty and unique and full of character! Not like the seats in the other rides. They had their own hairstyles, colour-schemes, and even poses, like Houfer, who looked like he was in the middle of leaping, and Buccoe, who was appropriately in the middle of trying to kick the imaginary foe behind him. To Aradia, they were all her best friends, and if she could just find a way to start things up to give them one last ride…
Ah, but she’d never be able to figure it out. These rides were designed to be tamper proof just in case of people like her, and even a tiny ride tucked away in an obscure corner of the park wasn’t just going to have the keys in the ignition and the controls readily labelled where any idiot could start playing with them.
But then again, a broken-down ride that was days away from being retired was bound to have some loose wires.
Kzzt!
“Ah! Ow.” Aradia pulled her hand away from the decorated pole that she’d just brushed her hand over. It was the same as any of the other long, golden poles that held the horses in place and caused them to bop up and down, only with one obvious part missing. “Did there… used to be seven of you?” Aradia asked, now suckling upon her electrocuted fingers as she looked around the carousel. She only remembered there being six musclebeasts, and yet here was a gap in the ride that seemed to indicate there was a seventh one unaccounted for.
“Horzzi, Houfer, Saudle, Buccoe, Pegaus, Ponilo…” Aradia repeated to herself, trying to think if there was a name she’d missed. It just didn’t add up! There were only meant to be six of them, yet the pole coming out of the ground and its twin hanging from the ceiling above would say otherwise. Was that just it? Had the machine broken down because they’d tried to add a seventh pony and it fucked the whole thing up? Why mess with perfection?
Aradia suckled harder upon her fingers as she pondered the problem more and more. The shock hadn’t been that painful, but it had certainly made her hand feel a little numb. More than just a little numb, actually, as Aradia soon had to pop her fingers out of her mouth just to make sure nothing was wrong.
Her digits glistened from the saliva coating them, and while there wasn’t a burn mark or other sign of damage, Aradia had to gulp as she realised that she couldn’t move them an inch. The other two fingers were still moving alright, albeit a little stiff around the joints, but not a single one of her shocked knuckles would bend, no matter how hard she willed them to close or split apart.
Okay, that was probably enough hanging around condemned amenities for today! This probably wasn’t serious, but she’d rather not risk losing a hand to a stupid electric shock! But… she felt she should at least get a picture with Ponilo before the poor beastie was gone for good. Slipping both hands into her skirt pockets, she dug out her phone and squatted down, posing next to her favourite plastic animal as she held her fingers over the button.
And… nothing happened.
“Oh, come on!” Aradia groaned, pulling her phone around to take a look. At the very least, the problem was solvable. The device was scanning her fingerprints, and it seemed that holding both fingers so close together was preventing it from reading properly. At least it was an easy fix, she thought as she shrugged, reaching over to pry apart her two paralysed fingers and… accomplished absolutely nothing. Even bringing her teeth down to wedge them apart only left her with a sore mouth. What was going on here? Had the shock been so bad that it locked up her finger muscles? Was that even a thing?
With a bit of struggling to angle her rigid fingers just right, Aradia finally managed to snap the picture, and even with recent events weighing on her mind, she couldn’t help but grin as she turned the screen around to see her photo. …and promptly dropped it to the floor. “Awhoops!” Aradia went, quickly moving to snatch it back up. Only… she didn’t pick it back up. She tried to use her thumb to brace her phone up against her immobile fingers, but when she went to lift it, her thumb’s grip failed her. “Oh hell…” Aradia grumbled, giving her hand a hearty shake as she reached out with her still functional hand to finally inspect the picture.
That was… odd. She thought there was just a mark on her screen, but when it didn’t rub off, she thought for a moment she must've gotten some of the peeling paint on her nose, because on her otherwise grey face, there was a nice big splotch of a deep, dark red that just barely didn't match her blood.
Aradia gave her nose a rub, and while she definitely felt something there, it was a something that didn't seem to want to come off, even as she upped her efforts, attempting to scratch it away, only to find no gap between the smooth substance and her skin. Well, that ruled out dried paint... maybe something splotched her earlier in the day and Vriska just didn't tell her. That bitch, embarrassing her in front of her inanimate pony friends!
Turning off her phone, Aradia squinted into her dull reflection, the miscolouration on her face a little hard to make out, but it was at least visible enough for her to know where to aim. Good hand holding the phone, she awkwardly twisted about her paralyzed hand and aimed her middle finger right at the edge of the weird blob. "Hrrgh... Come on..." Aradia grunted, able to feel the difference in texture between her soft skin and the smooth paint, even through what should have been dulled senses. She could even feel that the red spot was slightly raised relative to the skin around it, so it should have been a simple matter of finding the gap and getting a nail under it, but no matter what she tried, her fingers seemed to slide right over it.
...And that was because Aradia's hand didn't seem to have any nails on it left.
The shock of seeing her equally red fingers in their new, deformed state was enough of a shock to make Aradia practically throw her phone as she recoiled in shock. Her hand had become engorged, the gaps between her fingers reduced to tiny little bumps between her fingertips, bumps that she could see gradually smoothing out with each passing second. "No no no no N0!" Aradia cried, gripping her hand tightly around the base of her wrist, hoping it would stop or at least slow down if she cut the circulation.
It did not. In fact, it only seemed to speed things up!
Aradia gulped, screwing up her face a little as she swallowed, and feeling a slight resistance in the skin on her nose. She had to assume it was linked, for what good that did her.
"Nnnngh!" Aradia grit her teeth, shuddering. As the swelling sped up, what had formerly been a numb sensation was starting to become anything but. She could feel her hand twisting around itself, the individual senses of her fingers merged together into an unfamiliar tube shape, even her wrist starting to lock in place as a burgundy redness took to welling up under her skin and subsuming it into the same hardy substance as her face.
"Stop! Suh... ST0P!" Aradia cried, striking her fist into the ground, not even caring about the potential pain. "HMMmmmngh!" She bit her lip, immediately regretting the decision. While the stumpy, flat underside of her fist had been unharmed, the point where the solid parts connected with her flesh immediately felt the impact, enough for tears to well up in Aradia's eyes. At least until she felt the effects trickle on over the injury, almost making Aradia shudder in relief. It was like having someone trickle a viscous fluid over her, only it permeated through her entire arm, flesh, bone, and all.
 CLONG!
Aradia struck the metal bars that covered her exit, careful this time not to inflict herself any more undue pain, “Hey! Heeey!” She called out, praying someone would find her in this deserted corner of the park. “Equius! Tavros! …Vriska!?” She shouted, striking the bars again with her almost completely tube-like forearm. She wanted to climb the fence, but with her useless appendage, she didn’t want to risk leaping over the spike-tipped metal bars.
“Oh come on… this is the best part of the entire park…” Aradia grumbled, looking around at the desolation that was the surrounding picnic area. Even the bathrooms were completely abandoned as people ignored the carousel in favour of bigger, ‘better’ attractions.
Aradia sighed, bumping her head back against the metal pole, hearing a ‘tink’ noise as the swelling on her face bumped against the metal bar. She couldn't feel anything from the splotch on her nose yet, but it was only a matter of time before it too began to accelerate. Even if the effects wore off and Aradia’s hand returned to normal… could she survive having the same thing happen to her face? Would she be able to breathe?
A shudder ran down her spine as she felt the molasses-like sensation reach her joint. Aradia cursed as began to bend her arm rapidly, hoping that by keeping her elbow moving she’d be able to resist the paralysis. But even as she tried with all her might to hold off the encroaching anomaly, it still forcibly slowed her movements down to a crawl until all she could do was watch as the swelling covered her arm, one red splotch at a time.
“W-Why is it so… smooth?” Aradia asked herself, shaking a bit as she dared to run her hand across her ‘skin’. She knew touching it was stupid. It had seemingly migrated to her face just from suckling on her fingers earlier, but she was in such dread that all she could do was admire the source of her potentially upcoming demise.
One thing she hadn’t noticed was that around where her wrist should have been, there was a slight kink, curving her nubby hand into a strangely familiar shape.
“Oh my fucking god.” Aradia blurted out, taking a big step back, her eyes widening as she stared at her arm—no… her HOOF. Her big, plastic, cartoon-pony hoof!
 “Not a word!” Aradia snapped at Houfer, pointing her entire arm at the mini musclebeast, albeit with the kinks at her wrist and elbow ensuring that her aim was more than a little off. This plan was stupid. Desperate, even! But if the shock was turning her into a musclebeast, then it couldn’t have been an ordinary shock! And if it wasn’t an ordinary shock, then that couldn’t have been ordinary wiring!
Aradia let out a heavy breath as she lowered her arm to her side, who knew plastic could be so heavy? Aradia rested her bad arm against the inner wall of the carousel as she peaked into the pole, careful to keep her fingers away from the ends of the wires as she fiddled them about, just trying to see if there was anything behind them.
"Nnngh..." Aradia winced. Suddenly feeling as if something was pulling upwards on her nose. She'd been afraid of this. The changes to her face were getting faster, she could even see before her eyes as the bridge of nose was pulled up, bulking outwards as splotches grew outward, replacing her skin with more shiny plastic.
She gulped, trying to shake it off, pushing the wires to one side to peep down the entire pole, hoping she might be able to make something out further down, but barely able to see a thing. Nothing except for her other fingers starting to merge together!
"No no no no no N0!" Aradia yelled, striking her arm against the pole. The plastic was growing so fast now that the pain went away as soon as it started, redness now approaching her shoulder, the sensations now sickeningly wet, like someone was coating her in fresh paint. There had to be something else she missed! She couldn't meet her end becoming a plastic pony! She just couldn't!
"Mh! Hggh!" Aradia let out a sharp whine, suddenly feeling the plastic on her face reaching up to her eyelid. Immediately she went to try and rub it, but had to stop herself as she felt the way it forced the lid to open past its bounds, her eye coming with it, stretching out so much her vision was starting to become lopsided. Another sudden sensation around her eye was enough to make Aradia forget herself and attempt to rub away the irritation.
That... should have hurt. She couldn't fully close her eye, and clumsiness with her paralyzed fingers had made her jab herself right in the pupil. It was plastic. Plastic... and absolutely huge! She closed her other eye, perhaps the last time she ever would, and gulped as she realised she could still see.
Aradia laughed, her warped nose turning it into a snort. As a lover of doom in all its forms, this sure was a unique one. She’d be a fake musclebeast in less than twenty minutes at this rate. “Hooray, I’m gonna die!” She cheered, a crooked smile on her face as the hopelessness of the situation started to weigh on her, “I-I’m gonna be a ponyyyyy.”
 Aradia felt a shudder down her right leg. Oh, goodie. She must have brushed her arm against it while she was walking. She tried to take a step away from the pole… and felt a familiar stiffness in her knee. Looking down at it, splotches of red were making their way up and down her leg from there. For a few moments Aradia stared off into space, wondering if she’d at least be as pretty as Ponilo, until she heard a familiar voice.
“No, I bet you she’s still fuckin’ moping about her damn musclebeast ride.” Grumbled Vriska, though at a volume that hardly counted as grumbling.
“I-I didn’t say anything a-about Aradia…” Tavros whimpered, clutching at his head as he stumbled around dizzy.
“Vri-hhhhka!” Aradia cried, only to clutch her partly hoof-ified hand around her throat. Her voice was hoarse. She tried to swallow, only to feel her throat not quite properly constricting. “Ta-avrohhh…” She cried again, desperate to make herself heard.
Whatever! She didn’t need a voice! One look at Aradia and her friends would try to help her in a heartbeat! Her right knee was a rigid block, but she could still limp over to the fence! “Ahhhm cohhhhming!” She called, making a hobbled step over to the gate… and immediately feeling something tugging at her belly.
“W-Whuh…?” Aradia almost hit herself in the face as she brought her hoof up to her mouth in shock. All four of the pole’s wires had slipped under her shirt and embedded themselves right into the middle of her stomach.
Aradia tried to strike at the wires, but her semi-transformed limb was doing no damage, while the other could barely even move. She tried to take another step away, but felt as they instead tugged her in the other direction, forcing her to fall belly first on top of the pole.
“N-Nuhhhh…” Aradia squirmed, kicking and squirming about with every part of her that still could. Her right arm hung at an angle, the fabric of her sleeve seemingly being chewed away as the splotches made their way over her collarbone. Her left arm faired better, but her elbow was less than a minute away from going rigid. She could still freely move her hips, but the plastic on her right leg was reaching down to her ankles faster and faster. She could just barely scrape the ground with her left leg, but there was nothing she could do to get herself free from the pole.
“Vrihhhhhhh…” Aradia tried her best to scream, but her voice was becoming fainter and fainter. She could feel the plastic making its way up and out of her throat, solidifying the back of her tongue as her jaw felt like it was being compressed and stretched at the same time. She couldn’t even bend her neck! She was losing it! Even her hair was starting to change! Her luxurious curls stopped blowing in the wind, and instead stuck to her neck and back, gradually becoming heavier and heavier as the strands became nothing but texture on a big blob of sculpted plastic.
And then the music kicked in.
“D-D-D-Doo-wapwap-dooooo-wapwap-doooooble-dooble-wapwap!”
It crackled and buzzed as the tune came ringing out of the speakers as it had done a thousand times before, Aradia squirming ever harder as she felt the wires come to life inside her. One last gasp escaped Aradia’s lips as she felt the ceiling-mounted part of the pole come slamming down into her back, sinking a half inch deeper into her flesh than it should have. Thw two sets of wires met inside her, letting out a shock that caused Aradia to squirm even harder.
And then… the spinning.
Momentarily Aradia got some better footing on the floor, only to lose it almost immediately as the ride bobbed her back up again. She wanted to foam at the mouth. There was a new sensation hitting her now, it felt like her soul or some other ethereal part of herself was being twisted up around her midsection. She clenched down, trying to keep herself together, yet feeling like her insides were being sucked into a drain of some kind. She could no longer breathe, and now she felt like she could no longer think.
Each upward bob briefly gave her a moment of lucidity, only for it to then be crushed as it went back down again. Each time she felt new thoughts popping into her head… her fears of being stuck like this, or just thinking back to her old hobbies and memories. She’d feel a brief euphoric sensation as those thoughts became her entire world… then want to groan as it all came crashing down, shattered into pieces and crushed into dust, never to enter her head again.
When the ride went up, she kicked her legs with joy, practically prancing through the air, only to flinch and go rigid as she came back down again. The plastic hadn’t stopped spread, either, and soon more of her clothing was being burned away, or being moulded into the shape of saddles and bracelets and other manner of decorations.
 By the time the ride finally came to a stop, the girl-come-pony realised all she had left was a barely twitching left leg, and a pupil that could only shiver and shake. Still she tried to squirm her way free, but she couldn’t even contract her stomach muscles. She was… She was a… p-pony? …What was her name, again?
“So, you actually got the missing piece?”
That voice… it sounded familiar.
“Y-Yes… seems some anonymous benefactor dropped it off. She is a fine specimen.”
That voice… no, she felt nothing for that voice.
“Uhhh… do you think we should go look f-for Aradia?”
That one… she liked that one, at least. More than the other two, especially the first one. Did she… maybe… hate the first one?
Aradia suddenly felt a heavy weight on her back as some bitch’s ass landed right upon her saddle. For some reason that didn’t make her very happy. She wanted to tell her mean words, but wasn’t really sure how she’d even do that. Why would a pony even need to do that?
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intothespideyverses · 6 years
Text
a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)
in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]: 
so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah. 
so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.
anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.
buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.
but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis! 
so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it. 
“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”
“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”
“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”
buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...
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anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??
“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie. 
the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window. 
“that’s it!” 
jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"
they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”
jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...
“trap...trap bowie bowie”
bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”
“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”
the entire audience has a collective heart attack. 
“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”
buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”
andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”
cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”
andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on. 
“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”
“art 101 cause u just like zoey”
“fuck he is singing about me...”
“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals. 
“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis. 
everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that. 
bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot. 
andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does. 
when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”
THE END. 
will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!
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Text
little reputation things™
*ahem*
BUMMM BUMM BUM BUMMMM BUMM BUMM KNEW HE WAS A KILLA
i i i i  see how this is gon go
“but if i’m a thief then he can join the heist”
baby let the games begin! let the games begin! ahAH AHHHHHHHH
GETTING .5 SECONDS INTO END GAME AND UNDERSTANDING WHY THE ALBUM IS CALLED REPUTATION
“ahHHH and ya heard about me”
ed sheeran rapping on a taylor swift song
“i swear i don’t love the drama IT LOVES ME”
ed in the background of the last chorus: “be yoUR A TEAM NOW”
the string plucky things in the beginning of i did something bad
“if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing”
THEN WHY’S IT FEEL SO BANG BANG GOOD BANG BANG GOOD
“and i’d do it over and over and over again if iiiii could”
RAH DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DI DAHHHHH 
“they’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one”
taylor apparently wanting to be set on fire
((agreed))
the harmonies on this album filling my entire soul
“oHHH LORD SAVE ME MY DRUG IS MY BABY I’LL BE USING FOR THE REST OF MY LIIIIIIIIFE” aka the only prayer i’ll ever say again
i get so high OH... trip of my life OH
the way she sings “using for the rest of my life oHH OH OH OHHH” after the bridge damn son
“my reputation’s never been worse so he must like me for me”
taylor finally discovering alcohol
the way she says “coz i know that it’s delicate” so.... delicately
how delicate feels like a rain shower in a desert
:) i :) don’t :) like :) your :) little :) games :)
OH look what you made me do
“i don’t like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me”
“i’m sorry the old taylor can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh! BECAUSE SHE’S DEAD” is singlehandedly the most iconic thing i have ever and will ever hear.
so it goes being chill and then the chORUS AND ALL THE PIECES FALL!!! RIGHT INTO PLACE!!!
;) scratches ;) down ;) your ;) back ;) now ;)
o n e  t w o  t h r e e
how getaway car is the only song i ever want to hear ever again
WE NEVER HAD A SHOTGUN SHOT IN THE DARK
think about the place where you first met me
“there were sirens in the beat of your heart”
the way she says getaway
the chorus of this song feeling like driving down a highway with the windows rolled down in the middle of the night
GO! GO! GO!
being part of a heist, leaving money in a bag in a shady motel, stealing keys and getting tf out in her getaway car. zoom zoom bitch.
COS NOTHING GOOD STARTS IN A GETAWAY CAR
“all the boys in their expensive cars, the range rovers and jaguars never took me quite where you do” calvin harris WHOM
the drums in king of my heart are more important than my need to breathe
“your love is a secret i’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”
~up on the roof with a school girl crussshhhh drinking beer outta plastic cupsssss~
i’ll never let you goOOO
but we were dancing BASS DROP dancing with our hANDS TIED, HANDS TIED
“oh baby can we dance, through an avalanche?”
“swaying as the room burnt down, i’d hold you as the water rushes in” .... “so i punched a hole in the roof, let the flood carry away all my pictures” ..... h e c k
fiRST TIME FIRST TIIIIMEE OH 
how dress is literally an orgasm turned into a song and i’m... into it
take it oH OH OH OH OFFFF
“carve your name into my bedpost”
“but if i get burnt at least we were electrified”
wildest dreams who???
“and i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side”
say my name and everything just stops -EVERYTHING STOPS-
THE ALARM BELLS IN THE BEGINNING OF NICE THINGS
ra’lin’ the chandilier
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE! THINGS! DAR!LIN!!!
AWaaaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAAY
“and therein lies the issue, friends don’t try to trick you, get you on the phone and mind twist you”
the sound of shots being fired from every possible angle
if only you weren’t.... so shadyyyyy :)
they don’t care about the HE SAID SHE SAID
the way she says “and here’s to my baaabyyy”
the organ?? piano???? during “and hereeee’s to youuu...” oh my god
CACKLE “I CAN’T EVEN SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE”
her voice at the end when she just says “nice things” 
her world crumbling around her and that’s just fine?? because of joe???? i wasn’t ready 
I’M THE ONE HE’S WALKING TOOOOOOO
“loves me like i’m brand new”
“all my flowers grew back as thorns” .... “all the flowers that we’d grown together died of thirst” again.... clean WHOM
I’M DOIN BETTER THAN I EVER WAASSSS
i’m laughing with my lover makin forts under covers trust him like a brother yeah you know i did one thing right
not because he owns me but cos he really knows me. which is more than they can say.
“you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?” “yes.” :’)
call it what you want is the lightest, softest pink sunrise seen from the window of a peaceful airplane in the early morning of a good day
how we went from pop anthems to??? i’m bawling in a sea of tissues on my bedroom floor at two in the morning and new year’s day is the most beautiful song i’ve ever heard??? 
it’s just a guitar and a piano and she’s harmonizing with herself
“don’t read the last page, but i stay”
“i want your midnights, and i’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year’s day”
“i can tell that it’s gonna be a long road” as in she knows that even if it’ll be a long road they’ll always be together don’t TOUCH me
hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you
and i will hold onto you
“please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere”
oh cool my heart’s shattered into a million pieces this is fine thanks
how there’s ten seconds of silence at the end of new year’s day because you bet your ass i need recovery time before the album starts over again and i gotta get back to boppin’
BUMMM BUMM BUMM BUMMMM BUMM BUMM KNEW HE WAS A KILLA 
((they were not ready for it))
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fullmetalhearts · 6 years
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W o a h that list is long, I'mma do like 4, I can only remember like 4 words at a time anyway. Dwarf, crystals, starlight and love potion 😍😍😍 ily bro, ur my only hoe
BRO U MY ONLY HOE I’M LOVE U, U DUMMY 
Dwarf – do you enjoy horror films 
(ofc u would ask me this) yes in theory. I have really bad anxiety and so if i don’t have xyz coping methods to use during said horror film then i tend to panic and that’s not fun. but! If I can do my dumb things to cope with the anxiety then yes i really love horror films. 
Crystals – what’s your spirit animal? 
a crotchety old man. the cane-waving “get off my lawn” type. 
(I’ve always seen myself as a cat. lazy and doesn’t want to be touched) 
Starlight – Share a Secret 
(why tf would u ask me this ur my sis u know all my secrets) in all honesty tho i don’t keep a lot of secrets? ummmm…. secret: i don’t like telling people i’m aroace because of weird insecurities with people thinking it would “invalidate my queerness.” like?? most of the people I know wouldn’t think that, but it still makes me really uncomfortable so I typically say that i’m Bi when people ask. 
Love Potion – have you ever had any magical/paranormal experiences? 
DID I TELL Y’ALL ABOUT THE TIME I SAW MY DEAD CAT 
so my family had a cat when i was young – he was the best cat ever and i loved him. he died when i was 11, and a few weeks after, i was sitting at the dining table eating my breakfast before school w/ all the lights out b/c i was a weird kid and also i was the first one awake. so i’m zoning the hell out and staring at this weird plastic folder sitting on the table in front of me while i eat my cornflakes. suddenly i see something move and NO JOKE i see the reflection of my cat stroll across this folder (which was reflective) just as if he had jumped onto the table and walked over to where i was sitting to keep me company. (which he did a lot when he was alive.) (it was a sweet moment, and it’s brought me a lot of weird comfort). 
MY OTHER ONE WHICH IS SIGNIFICANTLY LESS SENTIMENTAL – i have no explanation for this one y’all r gonna have to offer solutions b/c i almost cried. anyway. @ my old apartment i’m chilling in bed in the morning just about to get up when i feel my bed and then the floor shake like someone jumped off my bed (it was kind of a loft bed–it was high enough that i had to jump to get into it). then there’s footsteps walking away from the top of my bed where my head is around to the foot of the bed. suddenly the whole bed frame starts shaking violently for about 10 seconds before stopping suddenly. (i sat there paralyzed with fear for another couple minutes but nothing happened so i got out of there pretty fast. there were a couple other weird things that happened in that room, but that was the big one) 
Fairytale asks
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tf-guru · 4 years
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Basic Transformation. Tf story featuring woman -> pig, woman -> ????, man -> ????, man -> ????. MC
"What group of motherfuckers know how to pass an exam?" Derrick shouted to the group. His girlfriend Makenna replies
"It was a semester of basic biology, it's not like it was anything insane"
"I know I know but still, I'm proud of us!" Derrick respondes.
The group of four consisted of two couples, Derrick and McKenna, and Hailey and Joe. The group had just finished their biology exam and had decided to celebrate with a trip northward from their small llinois college. Derrick was the light hearted guy you'd always want to be around, his girlfriend McKenna had a bubbly personality as well but also would attempt to curb Derricks zeal.
"So you said your uncle owns a cabin up in Michigan?" This question came from Joe, a soft-spoken realist who often served as the groups leader. He was dating Hailey. Apart from Joe Hailey was probably the only genuine hard worker of the group, having been one of the biggest reasons they had passed their bio class.
"Yeah you guys are going to love it. My dad would take me their sometimes in the summer." Derrick said. The group continued driving for another half hour when suddenly, as if by magic the car came to a stall and Derrick began to pull over.
"What the hell Derrick?" Questioned Joe. Confused, Derrick responded
"I dont know? Everything seems to be fine! Let me go check the engine." Derrick, accompanied by the rest of the group got out and headed to the front of the car. While the rest of the group examined the engine Hailey inspected the area they were in. Looking ahead a shimmering sign at the side of the road caught her eye. She adjusted her glasses as it came into focus and came to read 'Pan's Haunted Museum and Auto Mechanic Shop' the auto mechanic section hung off to the side and Hailey could almost swear that part shimmered for a brief time longer than the rest. Upon finding the sign she called to the others
"Guys! Let's just head to this place, inform the owner of our problem, and be back on the road in no time?" The other two looked to Joe.
"I agree with Hailey, lets go check this place."
It didn't take long to reach the road the attraction was on. The area contained what was advertised, a small shop, a strange circus tent looking area, and a small farmhouse. When they arrived a small, hunchbacked man carrying a small bundle on his back sprang out at them. He had one crazy eye and a chin covered in black and white stubble. He looked at the gang and said
"Who might you be? Peculiar attractions have yee come to see?"
Joe, unshaken by the man's strange odd appearance or weird speech simply said
"We would like to see the mechanic sir." The man began to turn to the house and informed the group
"Hes out. I'll go call him. Feel free to check out the haunted musem over yonder."
After around fifteen minutes McKenna started to head over to the strange tent. With nothing better to do the group entered with her and found themselves in one of those cheap fair booths with "freaks of nature" including fake mermaid and pixey skeletons, magical rocks, and so on.
"Well this is... soemthing." Mckenna said, inspecting the fake mermaid.
"It really is isn't it." Derrick responded only half sarcastic. After throughly inspecting the room McKenna walked over to the far end of the room where a tarp covered an almost hidden door.
"Guys, lets head through here" Mckenna said
"Mckenna we should prob- and she's already gone. Lets go get her and make sure she doesn't get into trouble." Joe instructed as the remaining three went through the door.
The next room was a simple barn area with some hay scattered around. Upon seeing this Joe said,
"Alright, its probably just a staging area for the haunted attraction. Are you satisfied?" Mckenna turned around to retort before abruptly collapsing onto the ground.
"Mckenna!?" Derrick shouted before rushing to her side. He then continued
"She seems fine but just asleep, lets try and drag her back to the other room." Hailey went over to open the door but as she looked for the handle she couldn't find one, or even any sign there was a door at all. She was going to call out when she heard two distinct thumps behind her. She turned around to see both Joe and Derrick had collapsed on the floor. Before she could say anything she suddenly felt extremely dizzy.
As she collapsed on the floor Hailey saw the hunchbacked man before...
Hailey awoke, standing up in a completely different place. While still on a farm she was now outside standing in front of a man. The man was saying something when Hailey focused in
"You okay there? You look dazed." The slightly rotund man carried a pitchfork and wore a pair of blue overalls. Hailey replied
"W-wheres Joe and McKenna and D-" the man cut her off
"Who?"
"My-My friends we were on a vacation trip and and"
"Vacation trip? You've been here for a while. Remember the extra credit opportunity for your veterinarian class?" She did remember vaguely about applying for something along those lines but it seemed almost blurred in her mind.
"Sorry I must have just been day dreaming ha ha."
"Well, time to get to work. I'll show you where I want you today." The man led her into one of the long barns. This one contained a single area for pigs. In the opposite corner was a large mysterious container next to a dolley. The man then informed her
"Okay, I have you on trough refill duty. Fill the pig's trough with the slop and come find me in the farmhouse when your finished. Any questions?"
"No, I can do it." With that the man exited the barn and Hailey got to work.
She first went over to the barrel in the corner, lifting it onto a dolley. Bringing it over to the pig trough she undid the large plastic lid and started to pour the strange slop mixture into the trough.
"Damn, you'd think this would smell horrible but its not that bad!" She thought as the other fat pigs in the pen started to waddle over and treat themselves to the slop.
As she finished pouring a bit of slop spilled out onto her arm. Pulling the barrel back Hailey looked at the gloop on her arm and did a very un-Hailey like thing. She licked it off her arm.
For some odd reason the slop tasted amazing!
"Holy shit! That was so good! I need more!" She ran her finger along the edge of the barrel and consumed it once again. Realizing there was still some at the bottom Hailey poured it over and grabbed some by the handful.
As she ate her body reacted to the slop. Hailey always had had a thin figure but now she was teetering pass chubby. Her small breasts became bigger and her ears grew slightly larger. When she had emptied the barrel a wild hunger overtook her, causing her to go to the only other place near her with slop. The pig pen.
She entered, ignoring the mud starting to cling to her legs. First she simply grabbed slop and ate it but soon found it easier to just eat straight from the trough. With every bite she was less concerned about the other pigs and only focused on eating. She grew plumper and burst from her clothes.
"Will need to grnnt buy clothes, after grnnt eat this delicious..." she said, her feet crusting over into pig hooves, her mouth slightly pushing out into a pig snout, making it easier for her to eat more and more slop. This caused her glasses to fall off and to the side. She was on all fours. Each bite made her eyes fog slightly more and more. She didn't even notice when a tiny curled tail sprouted from her thick lower back.
The farmer walked in to see the piggish Hailey eating from the trough. He walked over to the pen and shuts the door, he calls to Hailey and says
"Damn, thought you were going to make it." Hailey turned around at this, still on all fours.
"Never seen anyone wake up from a sleep spell that fast. Well, don't worry well take care of you as a pig, Pan will be happy to see you." With that he exited the barn and made his way to the farm house.
"Me... me piggy?" Hailey sluggishly thought her famed intellect slipping by the second. Something about what the farmer said confused the pig as she shook her head in an attempt to focus but this only caused her fat cheeks to jiggle and her large ears flop out and down. She turned around to go back to the slop when she spotted her glasses laying atop her shredded clothes.
The sight of her clothes next to the other pigs made the sow-to-be strain and think hard.
"Im not pig... grrnt right? I h-h-human? Or hungry?" She let out an annoyed snort and went to touch her temples with her still human hands. As she raised them she brushed by her snout and came to an epiphany.
"I am Hailey, a human!" This jogged her human memories, her getting to the attraction with her friends, seeing Pans Museum. This realization cleared the fog from her eyes as she finally got a look at herself.
"Im grnnt, turning into a grnnt pig!" She grabbed onto the fence and with her strong will, pushed herself onto two legs. With this act of constitution some other changes receded as well. Her hooves began to soften and return to human feet, some of her fat receded until she was back to a chubby state.
"I... am... a... human!" She thought defiantly and with that she returned to a semi normal form. While still chubby her snout receded and her curley tail snaked back into herself. She quickly exited the barn and headed up to the farmhouse.
She ran to the door of the farmhouse, her new fat giggling as she went. Sneaking up to it she grabbed a shovel that was lying by the door and entered. Inside she found a simple farmhouse and peculiarly a pair of overalls and a straw hat on the ground.
"What the hell?" She thought as she moved further into the house. After a quick inspection of the house she didn't find anyone. She once again went into the main bedroom and opened the closet, hoping to find something to cover her much larger and curvier body. She opened the closet and found around twenty pairs of overalls, all different sizes.
"Thats weird, why would you need so many in so many sizes?" She went through them before finding one that would cover her new frame.
Finally dressed she headed into the kitchen, she opened the door she assumed was for the pantry and then stepped back in shock. Instead of a pantry there was a massive room akin to a warehouse with many rooms and hallways splitting off.
End of part one.
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