Hotness of Jane Austen’s Dubious Men, Rated
Back by popular request! After rating hero men, heroine women, here are the other men by hotness:
1. John Willoughby: ridiculously good-looking. Too bad he’s also a coward and a first rate a**hole
in a manner so frank and so graceful that his person, which was uncommonly handsome, received additional charms from his voice and expression… His manly beauty and more than common gracefulness… His person and air were equal to what her fancy had ever drawn for the hero of a favourite story… I think he is extremely handsome… I hear he is quite a beau, and prodigious handsome… he certainly is not so handsome as Willoughby
2. George Wickham- Very handsome. The whole town is infatuated with him, including Elizabeth, for quite some time. It seems very likely that he is more attractive than Darcy (see my hero list for reference)
of most gentlemanlike appearance… All were struck with the stranger’s air… His appearance was greatly in his favour; he had all the best part of beauty, a fine countenance, a good figure, and very pleasing address…. but Mr. Wickham was as far beyond them all in person, countenance, air, and walk
3. Philip Elton: Very handsome, but his delicate compliments drive Emma out of the room to laugh. Seems to have the whole town in a flutter!
Mr. Elton is a very pretty young man…He was reckoned very handsome; his person much admired in general, though not by her, there being a want of elegance of feature which she could not dispense with… Mr. Elton’s being a remarkably handsome man… Mr. Elton had not his equal for beauty or agreeableness
4. Captain Tilney: Handsome. Catherine might not be that impressed, but she only has eyes for Henry.
very fashionable-looking, handsome young man… She looked at him with great admiration, and even supposed it possible that some people might think him handsomer than his brother,
5. Frank Chuchill - Very good looking, though as Emma has only seen a few people in her life, Miranda-esq, it’s hard to tell. I left out Mr. Weston’s description as it is way too biased.
“She believed he was reckoned a very fine young man… he was a very good looking young man; height, air, address, all were unexceptionable, and his countenance had a great deal of the spirit and liveliness of his father’s; he looked quick and sensible.
6. Sir Walter Elliot: So hot at 24 that his wife’s only mistake was being taken in by his manly beauty. Still looks good at 54, a real silver fox
vanity of person... He had been remarkably handsome in his youth; and, at fifty-four, was still a very fine man… His good looks… Modest Sir Walter! He was not allowed to escape, however. His daughter and Mrs Clay united in hinting that Colonel Wallis’s companion might have as good a figure as Colonel Wallis, and certainly was not sandy-haired.
7. William Elliot: He is not handsome, but is not called plain. A relatively good looking guy, probably aided by his wealth and dressing well.
He seemed about thirty, and though not handsome, had an agreeable person…. He did justice to his very gentlemanlike appearance, his air of elegance and fashion, his good shaped face, his sensible eye; but, at the same time, “must lament his being very much under-hung, a defect which time seemed to have increased; nor could he pretend to say that ten years had not altered almost every feature for the worse…. Mr Elliot was better to look at than most men, and he had no objection to being seen with him anywhere.
8. James Rushworth: He’s fine. We also know he must be tall because he mocks Henry’s shortness so often. Sorry Rushworth, all the growth happened in height and not in your mind.
there was nothing disagreeable in his figure or address
9. William Collins: At least he has height! Heavy-looking may not mean fat in this context.
He was a tall, heavy-looking young man of five-and-twenty. His air was grave and stately, and his manners were very formal.
10. Henry Crawford: He’s short and not good looking, but you don’t notice because he’s so freaking charming
Her brother was not handsome: no, when they first saw him he was absolutely plain, black and plain… but as she still continued to think Mr. Crawford very plain… “I do not think him at all handsome.” “Handsome! Nobody can call such an undersized man handsome. He is not five foot nine. I should not wonder if he is not more than five foot eight. I think he is an ill-looking fellow.
11. John Thorpe: Ugly and boring, pretty sure he is also poor, so nothing going for him.
He was a stout young man of middling height, who, with a plain face and ungraceful form, seemed fearful of being too handsome unless he wore the dress of a groom, and too much like a gentleman unless he were easy where he ought to be civil, and impudent where he might be allowed to be easy.
Note: I used “dubious” because I have a hard time saying that say, Frank Churchill is a straight up villain. But these are the main male antagonists. I guess Rushworth is barely even an antagonist, I just wanted to include him to make it clear that he isn’t ugly.
Also note: I am still waiting for a properly hot Sir Walter, Hollywood/BBC!
Last note: Tom Bertram is probably just as hot as his brother Edmund, who we all remember won the hero hotness
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I just did a recent re-watch of the 1995 version of "PERSUASION". There was something in this film that I found baffling.
In the movie, Mr. William Elliot, who is the main heroine's cousin and heir presumptive to her father, Sir Walter Elliot, had earlier married a wealthy woman from a lower class. She eventually died, leaving Mr. Elliot a wealthy man. But despite his wealth, Mr. Elliot attempted to reconnect with the family in order to ensure that Sir Walter would never remarry and produce an heir, which would prevent Mr. Elliot from inheriting Sir Walter's baronetcy and estate.
But in the 1995 version of "PERSUASION", Mr. Elliot had spent all of his late wife's money, making him barely penniless again. I never understood why screenwriter Nick Dear had allowed Mr. Elliot to lose his wealth. This doesn't make sense to me. This means Mr. Elliot would be forced to choose between finding another wealthy wife or marrying one of his less affluent Elliot cousins in order to prevent Sir Walter of ever remarrying. Dear had Mr. Elliot pursuing his cousin Anne Elliot anyway. But what would have happened if he had married Anne and spent her dowry? Then what? Especially since the very healthy Sir Walter would have lived a good number of years down the road. Did Nick Dear consider the ramifications of this change?
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Commentary on “PERSUASION” (2022)
I just finished watching the latest version of Jane Austen’s 1817 novel, “Persuasion”. And . . . well, below is my opinion on the film:
I just finished watching "Persuasion" recently. I thought it turned out to be better than I had assumed it would be. I certainly enjoyed it more than 2020's "Emma", which not only struck me as overrated, but not as tolerable as I had originally assumed.
I had some problems with "Persuasion". I didn't care how modern English managed to occasionally find its way into the movie's dialogue. I wish Admiral and Mrs. Croft were utilized in the Bath sequences. I found Richard E. Grant's performance to be a bit exaggerated. I didn't care for Cosmo Jarvis' day growth beard or Dakota Johnson's hair. Nor did I have to see Anne Elliot prepare to take a piss near some bush.
The movie's uses of a narration and "breaking the fourth wall" did not bother me one bit. In fact, these narrative devices were slightly used in the 2007 version with Sally Hawkins. As for Anne Elliot's sense of humor, I was relieved that Dakota Johnson had handled it with such subtlety that she did not come off as a Jane Austen 2.0 like Frances O'Connor in 1999's "Mansfield Park". I am relieved that the movie did not completely re-live Anne Elliot's "Run Through Bath" from the 2007 film. And I'm grateful it did NOT make the mistake of having all Naval characters in this film wear uniforms, like the 1995 movie did. Royal Navy officers DID NOT wear their uniforms, while off duty.
Like I said, I still managed to enjoy this movie. I enjoyed the performances, especially from Dakota Johnson, Cosmo Jarvis and Henry Golding. I thought this version filmed Louisa Musgrove's accident at Lyme a hell of a lot better than any other version I have seen. I'm not kidding on this one. I was especially pleased that this film DID NOT portray the William Elliot character as an out-and-out villain. I hate to say this, but I've always believed that Jane Austen's one big mistake was to portray Mr. Elliot as a villain. I thought it was unnecessary. I thought he was more effective as Frederick Wentworth's romantic rival, as this movie eventually proved.
One last thing - there are three other versions of "Persuasion", not two. Aside from the 1995 and 2007 movies, there is the 1971 BBC miniseries with Ann Firbank and recently deceased Bryan Marshall. You should check that out.
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