#winter soldier angst

[subwaysurf45]

Team Bucky

Summary: your secret relationship with Bucky slips out. Everyone else in the compound is happy for you both but your brother - or really your grandfather - is not pleased at all, all you can do is try and live normally with Bucky and attempt to fix things with Steve. 

Words: 6k

warnings: SMUT: passionate sex, unprotected, very loving, aftercare. arguing, yelling, swearing, protective Bucky. 

a/n: heyyy, yeah I’ve been away for a while, this semester as been kicking my ass. anyways, I’m on winter break and have finally gotten my spark for writing back, I’ve been writing a lot of essays so writing for fun was not fun for a while. I hope you enjoy and I will try to post as often as I can!

There had always been a secret one-upping game going on between Steve and Bucky, it was something everyone had exempted and went along with. There would be countless times when they’d add more and more weight to their bars in order to prove their dominance to each other, or spar with one another until someone gets hurt.

At galas, Steve would be walking around with a trail of women behind him, showing off his skills with the ladies. That didn’t mean anything to Bucky, he would love to get laid more often or get a girlfriend but the ability to make women think they are into you and then drop them like a dead weight isn't appealing.

There were probably things Bucky did to get on Steve’s nerves that Steve didn’t care for. They didn’t do it all the time, just friendly competition. They had been friends for years and years, someone’s weight being a little higher couldn’t even cause a crack in their friendship.

But what Bucky was doing recently would.

There you were, sitting alone in the office as you filled out a debrief of your last mission. The computers were high tech but that didn’t mean they were super fast, most of the time you sat there waiting for anything to load, and seeing the logo in the top corner was a miracle.

“How’s that arm?” Bucky asked as he walked in, acting like he hadn’t been standing outside the door practicing what he was going to say.

“Hard to type with-aw, Bucky…” you pouted and saw the two steaming mugs in his hand, “stop, that’s so sweet!” you reached forward and picked up your favourite mug, looking at Bucky with wide eyes as he pulled out the chair beside you and sat down. “This is going to take forever, Bucky, you don’t-”

“I’m good,” Bucky sighed as he brought his mug right against his bottom lip to blow, “nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“You’re all soft” you giggled and turned back to your computer, “I do need to focus though, no distractions.”

“You have my word,” Bucky smiled and leaned back in his chair, “I’m just here for moral support.”

You just nodded, he loved the face you made when you tried to fight back being flustered. Your bottom lip was clenched tightly between your teeth to fight back a smile while you tried to cover your face and block Bucky from seeing your slight change in colour. The warmth that spread all throughout your body caused you to curl into yourself, he noticed that whenever he complimented you at all you wouldn't know how to react, telling Bucky you weren’t being complimented enough.

That’s how it started, casual compliments and conversation between you two. Trying to get to know you because there was this imaginary wall up for many reasons, you didn’t like to let people into your life because of how much you had lost and something more pressing…

You were Steve’s granddaughter, factually. But you two acted like siblings because you were a little younger than Steve’s age from when he was frozen. Nonetheless, you were related.

Which also meant off-limits.

Bucky really tried to cut himself off but you were his drug, he couldn’t get enough of you. It didn’t help that you were very honest early on about being into him. When Bucky initiated conversations and would give you little touches here and there you were quick to give them back. The first time you played with his hair gave him shivers running up and down his spine but also caused his brain to go fuzzy.

You were alone in the movie room, you always watched some film every Thursday night to keep a schedule. He had come back from a mission hours ago and still managed to make his way down just to sit beside you, and he did but he realized he was too tired to do anything.

He wanted you to cuddle into him and he’d rub your back or whisper little things to just you, but his eyes couldn’t stay open.

“You’re so tired, Bucky-bear,” you whispered and threw your arm around him and to the other side of his head, gently pushing him to place his head on your shoulder, “you can go to sleep if you want,” you whispered.

His body was on his last reserve, not thinking straight at all. “Can I put my head on your chest, your shoulder is too boney,” he’d kick himself for that one in the morning. When you giggled and moved he seemed to sink into you more, wrapping both arms around you and nuzzling into your chest. Everything was so comfy he barely registered that his face was deep between your boobs, you didn’t move or say anything until… “you’re so pillowy,” he muttered.

“But my shoulder is boney?” you shook your head, “you can just say you like my boobs, most people do.”

“They’re great,” he nodded.

Your hand moved from his back and went up his scalp from his neck, earning a groan when you started to fluff around his hair and scratch somewhat intensely on his scalp. He was out before the beginning credits ended, snoring before the middle of the movie. Part of you felt this overwhelming feeling of something you couldn’t describe, Bucky Barnes, a man riddled with nightmares and trauma, constantly on high alert was asleep on your chest. The big man could dwindle down into a guy who has never once felt the touch of love from a significant other. The fact that he trusted you with the power made you proud, it made you like him just a little more.

“How much longer,” he sighed from his starfish position on the floor, being overly dramatic to try to get you to look away. You giggled and finally looked over your shoulder, scoffing at his dramatics.

“Go to bed, I’ll sneak in later.” You shook your head, “and one page left.”

Bucky sighed and sat up, staying on the ground and watching you work. It took a while but soon you were finished, reading it over before submitting it. Bucky helped you pack all your stuff away, holding your bag for you, he did that a lot, never wanting you to do any heavy lifting. Your eyes were barely open as you left the room with Bucky leading you out, you both headed down the hall and to the elevator.

“You still want to sleep with me?” Bucky asked when the door was completely closed, you were too tired to say anything, keeping your head resting against his arm and nodded slightly. “Alright, I think there is still a sweater you left in the room.”

You groaned and looked up, “your clothes please,” Bucky giggled after you whispered. The door opened and you both walked out, him wrapping an arm around you to keep you steady. “I also want to be little spoon please.”

Out of nowhere, a voice came from behind them, “watch your hands, Barnes,” it was Steve.

Bucky turned around but kept his hand where it was, “guess where I just found her?” Steve looked at your tired state, “little miss just finished her report is only going to bed now, I was walking her to her room to make sure she doesn’t pass out on her floor.”

Steve smiled a proud smile. He caught up to them and also helped you walk, subconsciously you leaned more towards Bucky at this moment, thinking of how you’d be cuddling with him soon. Bucky played along and brought you into your room, Steve was very adamant they both left before you got into your pajamas. Bucky couldn’t say no even though he had seen you naked, he had to play along.

Bucky went into his room and waited with the door unlocked, after five minutes you slipped in and found him in the bathroom. Both of you brushed your teeth beside one another, he had one arm around you while you looked at each other through the mirror.

In your opinion, his bed was much more comfortable, choosing to sleep there more often than your own bed. Both of you cuddled in close, you were practically laying on top of him with your head tucked into his neck.

“I love you, Bucky-Bear,” you mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

“I love you too, baby,” he whispered into your hair, leaving a few kisses after. “You make me so happy, I can’t explain it,” you both giggled as he tickled you.

The secret life with Bucky was great and terrible at the same time. There was a different side to Bucky that he didn’t show the team, he was much softer and more extroverted. When you’d sneak out for dates he’d always be the ordering and making conversation with the waiter because he felt safer at that moment. But at the same time, you still had to go on dates by sneaking out. Steve would kill you if he found out the two of you were seeing each other even though it had been going on for a while you both knew it wasn’t a joke. Your heart would still fall when Bucky had to drop your hand when someone else walked in a room, and both of you would grow envious of the couples openly displaying affection at galas.

The idea of telling Steve grew larger by the day because you knew it was bound to happen, part of you wanted to tell him before getting caught so it didn’t look like Bucky was just a hook-up to you. Yes, Steve would kill you but he would also tear Bucky apart because there were rules, apparently. Any type of family member was off-limits, even if Steve found a distant cousin of Bucky’s they would still be a no-go; but you knew that rule was just for you because you were all Steve had left when it came to family.

********

Steve and Bucky were sparring in the ring as you and a couple of other agents went to various machines during your workout. You couldn’t help but look over at them as they fought extremely hard against one another, there was no reason to give each other a broken nose but they did it anyway.

“Can I work in?” Sammy asked you, he had graduated from the academy the same year as you. You wouldn’t consider yourselves friends but you’d smile at each other in the hall and keep up with families.

“Of course,” you stood up from just sitting on the seat as you took your break, leaning down and picking up your water bottle. Absentmindedly you looked over to see the both of them fighting, Sammy must have noticed.

“I don’t get the game between the two of them,” he grunted, “I get it from a male perspective as in you constantly want to impress your friends but sometimes it gets bad, like what are they even doing right now?” he referenced both of them limping around the ring as they circled one another.

“Boys!” you shouted and they both looked at you, “quit putting on a show for us and just act like normal people for once in your life!” you cupped both hands around your mouth.

Bucky looked shocked, “we’re just playing around, relax!” he sassed you back, it was clear on your face you didn’t enjoy what he said, “oh come on, you always get like this, give us a break!”

“Watch it!” Steve snapped, “you better watch how you talk to my sister.” Steve looked back at you, “and you!” he pointed in your direction, “let the grown men handle their things, please.”

Bucky scoffed, “you better watch how you talk to my girlfriend.”

At that moment the world stopped. Steve whipped his head around to Bucky and just stared at him while Sammy dropped the handhelds for the machine, letting out a loud clunk. Bucky’s eye shifted towards you in what felt like slow motion as an apologetic look grew on his face, your metal water bottle slipped from your fingers and fell on your foot.

“Fuck!” the feeling of a throbbing big toe pulled you from your trance, all you heard was more commotion in front of you but you were looking down.

“You’re fucking my sister?!” Steve yelled and caused all the agents to run out of the gym, including Sammy who quickly patted your shoulder before bolting out. Bucky tried to run over to you to help with the toe injury but was stopped after Steve’s fist collided with Bucky’s throat. “You don’t get to even look at her anymore, I’ll take your fucking eyes out you pervert!”

“Steve!” you hobbled over and ran up to the ring, slipped under and grabbed Bucky’s head that was unmoving on the boxing ring floor, “you knocked him unconscious, Steve,” you gasped and pulled Bucky’s head to your thighs as you sat back on your heels, “you could have damaged his windpipe.”

“He won’t need one after he wakes up and I fully-”

“It’s not like he forced me, Steve,” You looked up at your brother, “we’ve been dating for a long time and it’s not just sex, it’s an actual romantic connection that both of our consent to, it’s actual dating!” you gently tapped Bucky’s cheek to wake him up, “don’t frame him or me to be a slut because all we do are normal dating things,” Steve’s face was red as he saw you carding through Bucky’s hair, he was starting to groan and stir.

“Both of you are dead to me,” Steve spat, “he broke the only rule I set up to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected from Bucky, and you know that.” you harshly whipped your head around again, “and I know you’re hurt and exaggerating, just walk away.” That was the last time you looked up at Steve, all your focus was on Bucky starting to wake up in your lap. As he groaned and slowly brought his fingers up to his nose your eyes began to water, this was exactly your worst-case scenario.

Bucky’s eyes cracked open and immediately closed again, “baby,” he mumbled, “don’t cry, please, don’t cry,” he reached up to swipe away your tears but completely missed your face, most likely seeing double. “I slipped up,” now Bucky was starting to cry, “my fault.”

You gently pulled him up in a hug and Bucky accepted it, continuously apologizing for what he had just done. Every time you’d quiet him or try to shift his train of thought but he’d make his way back there every time. After a while you got him on his feet and took him to med bay, many people came up to you and asked if everything was alright, you just nodded and kept walking.

“What happened!” Natasha was in med bay when you arrived, filling out discharge paperwork for herself, “Bucky, that looks really broken,” her fingers ghosted over his nose which caused him to wince backwards, “sorry.”

“Yeah,” you sighed and sat him on the cot, calling over a nurse who began examining, “just…going too hard with the sparring.”

Natasha shook her head, “but no one goes that hard, we all pull our punches except when it’s Steve and- oh my god…” she trailed off and looked at Bucky who was preparing to get his nose snapped back in place, “did Steve find out?”

“My fault,” Bucky cried, holding the sheet as he waited for the nurse to fix his nose.

“It’s not your fault, it was a mistake and yeah this is shitty but it will figure itself out.” you looked over your shoulder and immediately gave Bucky your hand, seeing his white knuckles gripping his sheets.

******

It had been a week and Steve refused to speak to either of you unless it was in a professional setting, even then, he’d be snarky whenever he would talk to you. He meant what he said, you really were dead to him. Part of you thought he’d just be mad at Bucky and get overprotective of you but that never happened, he viewed you like dirt; like how he looks at Bucky.

Bucky could see how it took a toll on you, it broke his heart to see you staring off into space after Steve passed by without looking at you. All Bucky could do was hold you closer, but deep down he blamed himself for letting it slip. Every tear, every longing glance, every hope he’d come around was all his fault.

He found you today curled up in bed, Bucky slipped in behind you and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest. “Everything will simmer sooner or later,” he whispered into your ear.

“I just-...” you sighed and buried your head into your pillow further, “he’s my only family, when he wanted to reconnect with me he was so adamant on making sure I came back to the tower with him, so he could have a sister,” Bucky rolled you over so you were facing him, “and now…I do something for me that makes me happy, you make me so happy, and I’m punished for it.”

Bucky planted a gentle kiss on your forehead, pulling you into another hug and letting you feel his warmth and comfort. “I will personally fix all of this, I will find a way, don’t worry, alright?” Bucky pulled back so he could see you nod, “alright?”

You nodded and Bucky kissed you again, crawling out of bed when you fell asleep. He knew where Steve was, and even though his nose had held quickly doesn’t mean he won’t get another broken nose from what he was about to do. Steve was always in the computer room, just like you. There was always something to be done when it came to paperwork and Steve had the energy for it.

Bucky stayed close to the wall and pressed his back against it, leaning over the corner to see Steve typing away at the computer near the back. Bucky pulled back and fully leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath.

Nat: We’re taking y/n out for a girl’s night, just want to let you know!

Bucky: keep me updated, and don’t let her get too drunk, please

Nat: don’t worry!

After shutting off his phone he slipped it into his pocket and took another deep breath. After mustering enough courage Bucky fully turned the corner and walked up to “Steve,” Bucky stood before him, “we need to talk.”

Steve gave nothing, he almost looked up at Bucky but it was just a flinch.

“Silent treatment?” Bucky scoffed, “that works for me to explain my side of the story without you verbally- or who knows - physically breaking me.” Steve huffed, Bucky looked at the chair but decided to stand. “I’ve been dating your sister for about a year and she’s made me the happiest man in the world,” Bucky fiddled with his fingers, “and I know we made rules and all that but this isn’t about that, we can discuss that later.” Bucky saw Steve was no longer typing but simply staring at his screen. “Steve, your sister misses you so much, she’s been curled up in bed crying about losing you, feeling punished for letting herself love someone, she’s kicking herself for something that was all my fault; I slipped up and y/n should be the last one to pay for it.” Bucky gave in and pulled up a chair, making Steve look at him, “I don’t care if we never talk again but my girlfriend is hurting and that’s what’s been killing me the most, so just talk to her, please?”

Bucky sat there, looking at his vacant face. After a sigh, Bucky rubbed his face and stood up, tucking in the chair. He ran his fingers through his hair, “y/n’s out for drinks with a couple of the girls,” Bucky said, “so she’s not here if you were thinking of talking to her.” Bucky left after that, knowing Steve wasn’t going to say anything.

When you stumbled back inside Bucky was quick to catch you, “what did I say about not letting her get stupid drunk?” Natasha just giggled and Bucky couldn’t help but smirk at all the ladies making their way to the kitchen. “How’s my baby?” Bucky whispered into your ear which caused you to get coy and curl into him, “are you a little cuddly, huh?” his finger made its way under your chin which caused you to giggle. You jumped on him to wrap your legs around his hips.

“I love you, Bucky-Bear,” you hugged him tightly, “we can run away together and never worry about anything ever again, do you want to run away with me?” you kissed Bucky’s neck as he walked into the kitchen to see them all eating chips and cookies.

“Sure we can,” he moved his head so you’d detach your lips from his neck and just cuddle into him.

Bucky stood with the group and held you like you were nothing, laughing and talking while the girls did their debrief at the kitchen island, talking about the songs and the dancing. Bucky kept you in his arms but placed you down so you were sitting on the island, letting your legs and arms wrap around him. You weren’t talking that much, Bucky looked over after five minutes of nothing to see you sleeping with your face on his shoulder.

“She did start to cry,” Natasha said sadly, “she had a lot of pent-up emotion and our uber cancelled on us twice so she was just really frustrated, but we all know she wasn’t crying about the uber.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed and rubbed your back, “I talked to Steve and told him to stop hurting her, you know?” Bucky looked at Nat and she nodded, “like he can be mad at me for as long as he likes, but stop doing this to your own sister, I can’t stand to see her like this, it’s awful.”

“I know,” Nat was the only one invested in the conversation, everyone else would forget this in the morning. “I feel like it’s borderline…I don’t want to say slut shaming but I can’t understand why he would be mad at her, I feel like he’d blame it all on you and only take it out on you- I know you didn’t do this but I thought he was going to pull the ‘you coerced my sister into dating you’ card… I really don’t understand his silent treatment,” Nat sighed and took a swig from her water bottle.

“I guess,” Bucky sighed and picked you up, having to hold you tightly because you were asleep and unable to squeeze your legs around his waist. “I’m going to get her ready for bed,” Bucky tried his best to smile, “I really appreciate you, Nat, she needed this.”

“She did,” Nat ran her fingers over your hair, “as much as she’s going to hate the hangover I think she really drained her emotions out and just let go for a moment,” Nat smiled at Bucky, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Bucky left the kitchen, the moment he turned he turned the corner he saw Steve. He was trying to slip away after eavesdropping but Bucky caught him, all Bucky could do was keep walking; he’s said his piece.

“Is she ok?” Steve finally spoke as Bucky passed him with his chin up.

“From being shunned by her brother or her night out?” Bucky snapped, not even looking at Steve and heading to his room down the hall.

After making it to his room he got you ready for bed, cuddling up next to you and holding you close. He had already gotten the water and painkillers ready for tomorrow morning. All he could do now is hold you, making you as comfortable as possible.

As Bucky lay there with your head on his chest, hearing your drunk snores, he thought about Steve. Bucky reminisced all the days together, growing up and finding one another again. Part of him questioned if all of their history went away the moment he found out, was this really the breaking point for Steve? All he wanted was for you to be happy with your brother but selfishly, he wanted his friend back.

“I can, like, hear your brain,” you mumbled and hugged him tighter, “we’ll figure this out in the morning, just forget it happened and hold me normally, please.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile, he rolled you both on your sides and kept you wrapped up. Getting into the familiar position his eyes started to feel heavy, and soon sleep took over.

********

Bucky stood in the kitchen by himself, sipping his coffee and watching the eggs and bacon cook. It has been two days since you had gotten drunk and Bucky talked to Steve, nothing had come out of Bucky’s attempt to get Steve to talk to you.

He could tell you were becoming depressed from losing your brother, the two of you were inseparable so it hurt a lot to have him cleanly break away from you. But all Bucky could do was continue to support you, and he did that by making you breakfast.

He flipped both eggs and poked at the bacon, trying not to have the grease spit back out at him, you were currently at the gym but he’d already be back in the room before you were done.

All at once, Sam ran into the kitchen, covered in sweat. “Barnes!” he yelled, “your girl is screaming at Steve in the gym-”

“Shit!” Bucky dropped everything and ran, quickly turning around and moving everything off the element while turning the stove top off. Bucky followed Sam all the way to the gym and busted through the door, immediately hearing your raging voice. “Everyone out!” he yelled at the agents standing and watching.

“Bucky, I can do this on my own!” you snapped at him, caught up in the anger towards your brother.

“I’m well aware,” Bucky put both of his hands out, “I’m just giving you two privacy, that’s all, love.” Bucky nodded when he saw you relax your shoulders, “I’m going to be right outside when you’re done, alright?”

Steve turned to Bucky, “you really love her?” he asked.

Bucky slowly tilted his head to the side, “I’ve been dating her for a year, crushing on her for two, and being fully hypnotized by her for three the moment she showed up to this place.” He looked at you, “can I keep going, or do you want this to still be you?”

“See,” you looked at Steve, “he cares about me, on a personal level that no one ever has,” you threw your arms in the air, “you need to accept this or I will have no problem sticking with Bucky.”

“You’d turn your back on your family?” Steve laughed to himself, “you’d seriously stay with him rather than your own brother-”

“You’re not even really my fucking brother, Steve!” the anger was making you jump in your spot, “when you found out I was related to you, you chose to keep me in your life, it was quick because you knew how much family meant to you,” you walked over to Bucky, taking his hand in yours, “well he’s my family now, and when shit got rough Bucky was not the one to run away, Steve…” you looked up at Bucky who couldn’t take his eyes off of Steve, “we can go now,” you whispered to him.

Bucky walked with you to your room, completely forgetting the breakfast he had made to lighten your day. The entire time you were talking about how much lighter you felt, having the ability to scream at him even though no solution was reached. As he listened to you his heart broke, you tried so hard to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal when in reality it was, you just weren’t letting yourself fully feel it yet.

Right as the door to your shared room closed you spun and pushed Bucky up against the wall, “I love you,” you breathed before kissing him harshly, it took Bucky three seconds before pulling away and trying to ask if you were alright, “I want passionate sex right now, I want you to fuck me, baby.”

“Woah,” Bucky whispered, “you’re not…honey, you’re not in the right mindset right now, this is not-”

“Please, Bucky,” you whined and dropped down to your knees, running your hand up and down his thighs, “I really want this.”

“Are you sure?” Bucky asked, shamefully getting hard. When you nodded he picked you up and threw you on the bed, “you tell me if you want to stop, alright?”

“I never want to stop,” you whispered into his ear before sucking on his ear lobe, moving down to kiss his neck.

“Do you want me to go down on you-”

“I’m already wet, just go,” you moaned, blindly reaching down and beginning to work on his pants.

The moment Bucky entered you, you pulled him close, letting his entire body weight crush you in a soothing sort of way. At first, his face was right before yours, kissing you every so often but really just wanting to look at you.

“Pretty girl,” he groaned and tucked his face in your neck, “fuck, I love you, it’s always been you, it’ll always be you, honey- holy fuck!” his hands were moving around, feeling you and touching you all over. “You’re fucking perfect, made for me, I got you,” he sucked harshly on your neck, “I’ll always protect you, and love you, and just-I’m gonna cum, honey.”

“Me too!” you threw your head back, “I love you, Bucky,” your fingers were splayed across his back, “all I want is to run away with you, just you.” your words of love quickly shifted in moans, all you could do was let yourself get lost in the moment.

Bucky had a strong aura, it was one that made you feel protected but also reminded you that he was your rock. Passionate sex with Bucky was something else, he could get you to your peak faster than anyone just because of how much love you feel as he whispers in your ear.

The moment you both let go was a moment of pure bliss, all you could do was dig your nails further into Bucky’s back as he rode out his own high. He stilled after finishing and just stayed there, keeping his head in your neck. While he whispered praises to you, part of you filled with love, an overwhelming amount.

“I love you, Bucky,” you tried to sound put together but the moment the words left your lips Bucky looked up at you, seeing tears stream down your face, “I’m not crying because I didn’t want it, it’s just…” you could see him freaking out, “it’s not you, it’s left over emotion from that fight.”

Bucky nodded and stayed where he was until you began to shift, he wiped you down and got beside you in bed after a while. He made sure you had enough water in your cup beside you and you were warm enough under those sheets. There were a few more sniffles, you’d wipe your face in the shirt Bucky put on because he was cold.

“I just want things to work out,” you cried, “why can’t he see I’m happy and just be happy for me?” your arms hugged Bucky tightly, feeling him hug you back just as tight.

“We’ll figure it out,” his lips brushed against your ear, “everything will work out, you just need to sleep, alright?”

It didn’t take much to knock you out.

********

Bucky’s mission was taking longer than expected but he wasn’t in any danger, his communications back to the compound were perfect with his updates. You weren’t allowed to know where he was or what he was doing but you were allowed time-frame updates, all because you held the title of ‘family’ for his file.

You stood at the stove with an apron on, it had caught three splashes which you were grateful for. The pasta sauce was bubbling so it was close to being done, you had gotten an update saying he was coming home in the middle of the night. If you or Bucky had a mission that ended late the other person would leave a meal in the fridge for when they got home, something easy to throw in the microwave.

“Hey,” you knew that voice from anywhere.

“Hi, Steve,” you said with your back to him. Nothing had changed since then and it had been over two months, Steve was slowly starting to adapt to you and Bucky showing affection in public but he still didn’t talk to you more than he needed to.

“What are you making?” you heard him pull out a bar standing at the island.

You were past trying to reconcile with him, he was the one acting like a child. “Pasta sauce, for Bucky,” you quickly added.

“Oh yeah, I heard he’s coming home tonight,” you could hear how uneasy Steve was, the way his voice slightly shook as he spoke to you.

You could feel his eyes burning holes in your back but you paid no mind, continuing to stir the pot and dodge the few bubbles. “Yep, late.”

“Yep…” Steve sighed but didn’t move, you could hear him just sit there.

Trying to meet him halfway was exhausting, it seemed there was nothing you could do to make him feel better except break up with Bucky. That wasn’t going to happen, it also helped that Bucky was very mature during this, always communicating with you about how he felt and if you needed anything. It further proved how immature Steve was, seeing that a man the same age was able to deal with their emotions perfectly.

FRIDAY came through on the speakers, “Sargent James’ jet is landing now.”

You spun around with a gasp, “he was supposed to be here at three in the morning,” you completely blew past Steve and ran to the land spot, laughing to yourself as you pictured hugging him.

The moment you opened the doors Bucky was already running to you, “there’s my girl!” he yelled and wrapped his arms around you the moment he could reach you, “no injuries for me, how was the month?” he whispered.

“Same as always,” you sighed, “but I’m so happy you’re home,” you nuzzled into his chest.

“He followed you outside, what’s that about?” you didn’t look over your shoulder, trusting Bucky was right. After pulling out of a hug Bucky called, “what are you doing out here?” towards Steve.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he was talking to Bucky, “I need to go for a walk with you.”

“Whatever you need to say can be said in front of y/n as well, bud,��� Bucky wrapped his arm around you, “seeing as the situation involves her.”

“Look,” Steve walked up and rubbed the back of his neck, “I don’t fully approve of this but I do like the way you’re treating her, Buck, so…” he was awkward, not knowing how to word this because it seemed like a heat of the moment speech. “Yeah, I’m warming up to it.”

“Alright,” Bucky looked down at you, “I mean, that’s great but it doesn’t change anything about us, like,” Bucky laughed through the tension, “we’ve moved on like adults, I can honestly say we don’t care about what you think.”

“That’s a little intense,” you quickly added, “but I think what Bucky is trying to say is that we don’t need updates like this that you’re warming up to us dating because we are still going to date the same, your comfort is not a factor in our relationship.” you nodded and saw Steve’s face go red, “I hope one day we can be friends again and be buddies like before but right now, it’s team Bucky.”

Steve didn’t say anything else, he just watched you walk inside.

“Team Bucky?” he giggled in your ear, “I like it.”

You looked up at Bucky, “I have pasta sauce cooking, we can have it for dinner together.”

“Sounds good,” he kissed the crown of your head with his arm still wrapped around your waist, “can I make you a jersey that says team Bucky because I honestly love that?”

You laughed and fell into his side, “go for it,” he kissed you, “because it’s true.”

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[buckyalpine]

Destined to be Yours

18+

Bucky x Reader

I’ve had this idea for a while with this concept and I hope it turned out well. This starts off dark with abuse from Hydra and forced breeding but I promise it will be sweet and fluffy afterwards throughout and with a happy ending. Please let me know if you liked this! 

Warnings: Angst, abuse from Hydra, forced breeding, pregnancy, so so much fluff, protective adorable Bucky, protective team, soft sweet smut

“Extract what we need” The doctor nodded to the nurse, injecting the asset with another sedative before the nurse laid out the vials, taking what she needed from the soldier as he laid unconscious. She worked quickly before he woke up, storing all the samples in a secure vault, dropping the temperature of the freezer to ensure they’d remain potent. His limp body was dragged off, locking him and chaining him in a cell, timing an hour before they would extract again. 

And again.

And again. 

“Sir, we have collected over 50 samples. 35 trails have been unsuccessful, the serum in the sample is too potent-

“THEN WE HAVE TO KEEP TRYING” The scientist boomed, his eyes wild while the doctor swallowed thickly, not arguing further. “The last of Zola’s serum was used on him. He is the perfect asset. Hundreds of kills. The world didn’t even know if he was real. A ghost. We don’t have another like him, keep extracting until his body can’t produce anymore” 

The scientist paced around the room, mind reeling over how long it would take until they were successful. They’d managed to capture the solider once again but it’d only be a matter of time before earths mightiest scum came for him. He shook his head in disgust and fury, glaring at the timer. 

“We finally got him back. We can’t loose him again”

 “There is a new potential we can use” The head doctors eyes lingered to the cell of their latest captive; hopefully this one would be strong enough to bear the child of the winter soldier.  

CELL 00

FEMALE, TRIAL #36

She blinked awake, confused about where she was, shivers running down her spine at the cold air that nipped her skin. She was barely able to focus her vision, left in nothing but her underwear; the last thing she remembered was feeling the jab of a needle to her neck. 

Then darkness.

Now she was here.

Locked in a cell. 

She went to rub her eyes, shocked to find her wrists bound in heavy shackles. She wanted to scream but sound wouldn’t come out, soundless cries ripping from her chest. The sound of whispers in a foreign language made her retreat to the back of her cell but it was pointless; where would she even go? 

“Prepare her for incubation” 

“What if it doesn’t work-

“THEN WE TRY AGAIN. Prepare her with the sample. We don’t have much time before they try to take him back” 

The door of the cell slammed open; a man in a white lab coat stalking over to her with two nurses in tow. Before she could blink, another needle was plunged into her veins, the world around her going hazy and muffled as the shackles were unlocked. They fell to the ground with a clink as she was carried out, the world fading black again. 

****

“Landing in 5, everyone suit up” Tony called out while Steve was already at the edge of the drop, waiting for the jet to open. Everyone joined by his side, jumping out as soon as the doors opened, landing softly on the snow covered roof. 

“I’m getting a heat signal from the lower west wing” Sam looked at the feed from Red wing, joining Steve while Tony, Nat and Clint went to clear rest of the Hydra facility. 

“Let us know when you have Barnes, explosives set to detonate in 10 minutes” Tony’s voice carried through the coms while Steve and Sam made their way through the maze like halls, each lit with flickering florescent lights. They reached the lab area, pushing through the doors and down to the cyro chambers and cells, to find Bucky lying down on a lab table, chains wrapped around his metal arm to keep him down. 

“Bucky, hey pal” Steve shook Bucky awake, breathing a sigh of relief seeing the soldiers eyes flutter open. 

“Steve?” Bucky blinked, looking up at his best friend hovering over him while he was still strapped to a table, a mild sedative dripping from an IV in his flesh arm. 

“Wakey, wakey cyborg” Sam carefully removed the IV, collecting some to test in the lab for when they got back. 

“Gotta say, didn’t expect deja vu like this” Steve cocked an eyebrow, remembering the last time he had found his friend in the exact same position after Hydra had first start to experiment on him. 

“Shut up punk” Bucky snorted, groaning as he flexed his limbs before tearing himself away from his chains and following Steve and Sam out of the cell. The three men paused when they realized the cell beside Bucky’s wasn’t empty. You were laying in what appeared to be a flimsy hospital gown, also strapped to your bed with a few more machines attached to you. 

“We can’t leave her” Bucky quietly stepped into your cell, his heart breaking over your fragile state. There was no way you had come to Hydra willingly and there was no way he was going to leave anyone behind if he had the chance to set them free. 

Steve nodded while Bucky grabbed a blanket to cover you up, carrying you carefully in his arms. You hardly stirred as he carried you out and down the hall, meeting the rest of the team outside beside the jet, quickly getting inside before the base blew up. 

“Are they dangerous?” Tony nodded in your direction while Bucky continued to cling onto you, a part of him always protective of anyone that had gone through Hydras torture. 

“Don’t know” Bucky murmured, he truthfully had zero recollection of what had happened to him in the past month. He had been under constant sedatives and fed through tubes. Whenever he slipped into consciousness, his body would ache but he would have no idea why. He certainly had no idea who you were or why you had been captured. “Don’t even remember anything much myself” 

“Guess we’ll find out” Nat shrugged, giving Bucky another blanket to cover you with when you shivered in his arms. As soon as the jet landed, the medical team was ready to whisk you away though Bucky was reluctant to let you go. He was about to argue when his own body started to give way to exhaustion; Steve and Sam caught him before his knees hit the floor. 

“C’mon, we gotta get you looked over” Steve pushed Bucky onto one of the stretchers, letting another team sweep him away to the med bay while Sam took samples of whatever Bucky had pumped with to Tony’s lab. 

-

You blinked in confusion at the new room you were in, the bed you were resting on far more comfortable than what you had been given in your cell. You were too scared to move, hearing the faint sound of beeping from the machines that were attached to you. The beeping grew faster as your heartrate picked up, struggling to calm yourself, fearing you’d be punished for panicking. 

 “Good morning” A soft voice spoke to you, your eyes hesitantly looking over to the man that entered the room with a warm smile on his face. He jotted some notes down, looking over your file once more.  “I’m Dr. Banner, you can call me Bruce. I’m going to ask you a few questions, but don’t worry if you can’t remember right away. Are you able to recall anything from when they captured you?”  

You shook your head while Bruce continued to carefully check over you, his touch caring and gentle, unlike what you had been previously subjected to.

“I-I don’t know what happened after they took me” You whispered, desperately wracking your brain, trying to piece together the foggy memories you had. “I’m sorry, I wish I could-

“It’s alright” Bruce pulled you own of the spiral you were about to head down, “Just relax, we’ll work through it. For now, let’s focus on making sure you’re okay. Get some rest and we’ll take this slow” 

“I don’t want to over step, I can take care of myself, you don’t have to do all this-”

Bucky’s heart broke from where he stood outside of your room with Steve and Tony, none of them not wanting to overwhelm you with their presence when you’d just woken up. As soon as he was checked over, Bucky was out of his hospital bed and stationed outside your room, fidgeting with his fingers, occasionally peering inside. No one else would understand the fear you’d have like he did. He could barely remember what happened to him, he couldn't imagine the confusion you probably felt. 

“I feel fine, I promise-

“You’re more than welcome to stay here until you’re better. You’re not 100% healed yet, its better for you to be here where we would actually be able to take care of you in case something comes up” Bruce insisted, helping you lay back down. You couldn’t get up even if you tried, too exhausted and sore to move, whispering a quiet thank you before quickly falling asleep again. 

Bruce quietly added an extra sedative to keep you under, figuring you needed the rest and something to clam your anxiety while they gathered more information over who you were and what you’d been subjected to. He quietly closed the door behind him before making his way over to there the three men were waiting outside of your room. 

“She doesn’t remember anything, which is normal, considering they probably kept her under the entire time they had her” Bruce flipped through your file as they made their way to the conference room; Bucky was reluctant to leave you alone again but he knew nothing much would happen while you were still asleep. 

-

“From what we’ve gathered, Tin man over here was pumped up with enough sedatives and tranquillizers you’d usually use on something the size of a horse” Tony pulled up the lab results of Bucky’s blood work which revealed a large concoction of various drugs he’d been injected with. “So far, nothing as life altering as the serum but it looks like they were trying to experiment on him” Steve’s jaw clenched thinking about Bucky being subjected to more torture though Bucky himself was almost unfazed, not remembering much this time round. 

“This is Y/n, Y/l/n” Tony pulled up a profile on you from what they had gathered, projecting it on the screen, “They captured her for about two months and she was also most likely under for most of the time. Major portions of their lab were already set to self-destruct so we couldn’t gather much on what they were trying to do. She’s just a civilian; wasn’t given the serum either. There's also no record of family as of now” 

“Where do we go from here” Steve spoke up, feeling the tension radiating off his bestfriend who was itching to check up on you, metal fingers whirring. Even if everything seemed okay it never was.

Hydra always had a plan.

Always. 

“The best we can do is let her recover here and keep track of her progress. There’s enough room anyway so it shouldn’t be a problem” 

-

After being monitored for a few days, you were given the all clear to be discharged from the medical wing. Tony gave you your own room, granting access to anything in the compound without you asking. Though you were hesitant at first, Bruce encouraged you to treat the space like it was your home, cooking, reading or exercising, doing things that would help jog your memory and get you back into a normal routine. You trained frequently with Steve and Nat, rebuilding the strength you’d lost from spending so much time confined to a bed. Your time in the kitchen was always spent with Sam between endless recipes passed down from his family and new things he’d picked up along the way. 

Then there was Bucky.

Bucky was quiet but the most protective of all. He was your safe space, the one person who understood the confusion, the violation, the trauma of what you went through. 

He understood waking up in cold sweat, not knowing where you were.

He understood the long hot showers, scrubbing away remnants of their touch. 

He understood the gnawing fear that if they got you once, they’d get you again. 

It didn’t take long for you to grow closer to everyone. In a short amount of time, you were making significant progress, each person playing a role in nursing you back to health. Your check-ups always came back showing no signs of lasting damage or changes in your body; you were almost completely healed. 

Everything was fine until it wasn’t.

You blinked, trying to shake away the spots that started to cloud your vision, figuring the training session was just a little more rigorous than usual but it was a routine you had done many times before without an issue. Steve waited for you to get back into your stance but your knees felt weak, the room suddenly feeling 100 degrees hotter. 

“Y/n?” 

“You okay?”

“Y/n!” 

Steve saw your eyes roll back, darting out and catching you before you hit the floor, immediately sweeping you up and rushing you to the medical wing. Bucky was there in an instant as soon as Steve told him, both of them waiting nearby while you were rushed away to be checked over, still unresponsive. Bucky paced around the hall while you were hooked up to a few machines, samples of your blood drawn. 

“What happened” You woke up in a daze, rubbing your eyes to get a better look at where you were as you laid on a hospital bed, still in your sweats. A woman who was scribbling notes off to the side of your bed gave you a soft smile, setting the pad down before speaking to you. 

“You were training in the gym with Steve. Do you remember fainting?” 

You shook your head, only remembering your workout last but it hadn’t occurred to you that you fainted. 

“Is something wrong?” The beeps of your heart monitor started to quicken as your anxiety shot up, wondering if whatever Hydra had done to you was finally taking its full effect - 

“Y/n, you’re pregnant” Dr. Cho rested her hand on top of yours, giving you a gentle squeeze seeing your disbelief, your pulse beating even faster. 

Pregnant.

No.

No.

“W-what?” You felt numb, you couldn’t remember anything from the time you were captured in hydra. How could you be pregnant, you couldn’t even remember the last time you had been so close to anyone, let alone intimate with them. “I can’t be-” Your voice cracked, biting your lip to keep it from trembling, shaking your head. “N-no”

Pregnant. 

No.

As soon as the team heard you were awake, they were by the door waiting to see you. Dr. Cho sat with you to process but it was pointless, the shock wasn’t going anywhere. She nodded to the team as she exited your room, allowing them to see you, letting you make the choice if you wanted to tell them or not. Steve was the first to walk in with Bucky trailing closely behind, everyone else hanging back, not wanting to overwhelm you. 

“What’s wrong” Steve whispered, growing more worried when he saw your eyes start to redden, tears welling along your lashes. You wordlessly shook your head, your hands resting on your tummy, unable to get the words out. It took both men a second to piece together what had you so distraught, their mouths growing dry when they saw the image of an ultrasound still up on one of the machines, your hands trembling on top of your lower stomach. 

“It’s okay sweetheart” Steve held you while Bucky's heart broke seeing your frame shake while you tried to hold in your sobs, tears streaming down your face, curling into a ball. You wanted to hide away from everyone, feeling sick and violated, having no idea how any of this happened. 

“We’re here for you, it’ll be okay” Bucky sat on the other side of the bed, taking your hand in his, rubbing his cool metal fingers over your clenched knuckles. “Whatever you choose, we support you” 

“I don’t - ” You choked out; still reeling over the words Dr. Cho had told you, certain abnormalities in the tests showing there wasn’t any other option for you.

 You had to have the baby. 

“I don’t understand” You whispered, curling into Bucky’s side while Steve left to let everyone else know what was going on. He wrapped his arm around you, holding you close, his thumb gently wiping away the tears that spilled down your cheeks. “How-who-I haven’t even-”

When could this have happened?

Was this why you were taken?

Who was the father?

The last question burned the most, having no idea whose child you were carrying, your heart breaking over your baby never getting certain answers. How would you even answer if they ever asked?

“Shhhh” Bucky held you tighter, rocking you gently while you hid into his chest, wishing you could stay there forever, the one place you felt warm and safe. Tony entered the room a little while later, not bringing up anything directly but still letting you know you had his full support. 

“There’s lots of room” Tony gave you a kiss on the top of your head before letting you go back to sleep. Bucky tucked you in before taking a seat in one of the chairs that was nearby, staying by your side that night until you were able to go back to your room again. 

It wasn’t easy. 

You weren’t sure if this was how normal pregnancies were but you were exhausted. Sick. Weak. The cramps you felt would make you double over in pain and you could hardly hold down a meal without throwing it back up the next hour. Just as before, everyone did their best to try and make everything a little easier but no one compared to Bucky. 

Ever since he knew you were pregnant, he was out to do his best to make sure you were well taken care of. He didn’t know much about pregnancies or baby things in this decade but he’d do his research so you wouldn’t have to worry as much. Over the past few weeks, he was always ready with heating pads for cramps after he saw Wanda and Nat get them for you. He gave you some of his Henley’s after you commented over how you loved how soft the material was. 

Bucky wasn’t just protective over you because of Hydra anymore. He adored how sweet you were. Your smile made him blush. You had gone through so much but you were always so patient and kind, even when you struggled to recall things or lacked rest from nightmares. You were the type of girl he would have taken dancing back in the day, if you ever gave him a chance. 

The type of girl he would have chased after for a second date.

Then a third.

The girl he’d introduce to his ma. 

If only things were different. 

“How you holding up doll” Bucky came by your room with a cup of warm lemon water, the one thing that seemed to soothe the nausea. the smile on his face dropped when he saw your puffy eyes and teary face, softly sniffling, doing a poor job of hiding the fact that you had just been crying. 

“What’s wrong” Bucky whispered, instantly by your side, setting the tea on the side table “Are you okay? Are you in pain doll, I can take you to the med bay-”

“I can’t do this” You whimpered, burying your face in your hands, trying to muffle your cries, “I don’t even know what I’m doing”

Bucky wrapped you up in his arms, rubbing his hand up and down your arms soothingly, “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you doll, do you need any of us to do anything for you? Just say the word, we’re all ready-” 

“It’s not that. Everyone is wonderful but-I don’t want to burden them Bucky. It’s so much to deal with, I’m so scared of so many things, its too much” You trembled in his hold, a thousand fears coursing through you all at once. 

“What scares you the most, doll” He whispered, holding you a little tighter to ground you, hoping he’d have the solution to at least one of your fears, if not all. 

“I-I can’t do this alone” You broke down, terrified over the thought of going through the pregnancy by yourself. Yes you had the team by your side but not having a partner made your heart hurt. This wasn’t how you imagined having your first child. Having no idea who the father was or how any of this happened. Your body always felt like it was on the brink of collapsing and you felt awful that others had to dote on you even if they were more than happy to do so. 

“You don’t have to do this alone” Bucky cupped your cheek to meet his eyes, not letting you look away when you tried to shake your head. 

“James-” You were about to protest, but Bucky wasn’t going to let you doubt his words for a second, his arms pulling you into his lap and holding you securely. 

“M’here” He stated softly but firmly, his hand still stroking your face, gently against your cheek. 

“But-it’s too much, you don’t have to Bucky, I-”

“I’m here” His hand came down to your growing belly, soothing the flutters that pushed against your skin. “For as long as you need me to be, okay? You’re not alone. I got you” He pressed a firm reassuring kiss to your forehead while you melted into him, craving to be held and comforted, the scent of him soothing all your fears away for a little while. 

Bucky saw sides of your pregnancy others never would. He held you during the nights where you couldn’t sleep. He rubbed soothing circles on your back when you felt sick, always getting you a fresh set of clothes afterwards. He cradled your belly when the baby kicked and moved around, his warm and cold hands soothing your aching muscles. 

He was even there during intimate moments, where no words were spoken but he knew what you needed. He’d slip your bathrobe off half way to help rub lotion onto your back which was hard for you to reach, the bigger your tummy grew. You weren’t the most steady on your feet, so you’d keep his henley on when he stepped into the shower to help wash your hair and lather your thighs, never taking advantage of you or touching you inappropriately. He never made you feel self-conscious, even when bloated and huge, stretch marks decorating your skin, breasts growing heavier. 

As you approached your due date, you found yourself changing bras and tshirts more frequently from how much you were leaking; your body already producing more milk than necessary. Bucky was there for you even then, never letting you feel embarrassed about the changes you body was going through. 

Like that morning. You waddled to the kitchen to get some breakfast, too tried to change from the pj’s you had worn, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you searched for a mug. 

“You alright sweets? Can I make you something” You didn’t even realize Bucky was already in the kitchen, instantly by your side, his eyes landing on your shirt first. “I’ll make you some tea and then we can get you changed” Your mind was still hazy, confused over why you had to change until- 

“Oh my god” You wrapped your arm around your chest, your face feeling hot, wondering how you didn’t realize there were two very prominent dark patches on your shirt, hormones kicking into full gear, your eyes already watering. 

“It’s okay, it’s normal, c’mon lets get you changed” Bucky kissed your forehead, slipping off his own shirt and pulling it over your arms before resting his hand at the small of your back to support you and take you to your room. He helped you change out of the dampened tshirt and into something thicker, grabbing some nursing pads to slip into your bra while you sat on the bed. He stayed outside of the room while you got changed and took you back down to make sure you were well fed. 

You tried to remind yourself he was there to help you get through the next few weeks, nothing more, but each day, you fell more and more in love with him, your heart fluttering and breaking at the same time. 

He was there for you because you needed someone. 

Not because he wanted you or to be stuck with a baby that had nothing to do with him. 

Bucky was struggling more than you, wishing he could tell you he wanted to be there for you even after the baby was born. He wanted to hold you through the night just to snuggle up with you, watch movies till the sun came up, dance with you in the kitchen, have his own little family he always dreamed of. It didn’t matter that the baby wasn’t his, he adored you and he was ready to love the baby you were bringing into the world- 

But that wasn’t what you wanted from him. 

You were going through something he couldn't even being to comprehend. He had to support you through this like he promised.

Even if he loved you more than you knew.  

-

It had already been 2 hours. You couldn’t go back to sleep. You hissed, feeling another wave of pain pass through your  body, each one worse than the last. You’d managed to not make a sound until the latest one made you whimper, tears starting to stream down your face. You sniffled, feeling Bucky's metal arm wrap around your belly, rubbing your baby bump up and down while holding you close to him. 

“Shhh, I got you” Bucky’s voice was still deep with sleep, his brows furrowing when your body tensed, gripping at his hand when another contraction started. He held you until it passed before sitting up and moving to the side of the bed, kneeling so he was at eye level. “Sweets, I think we should head down to the medbay, I’m just going to get your bag, okay?”

He kissed your forehead, running to the closet to grab the duffle he packed, slinging it over his shoulder before helping you to your feet. He was not about to let you walk, carefully carrying you in his arms all the way down to Dr. Cho’s wing, making sure you were regulating your breathing as he walked over. 

Once you were all settled in, the team made it down to the waiting area where Bucky was already anxiously waiting in your room by your side, carefully watching over your sleeping form, drowsy from medication you had been given. There was still a bit of time left before you had to push but he wasn’t going anywhere; he sat up when you stirred, placing his hand on top of yours. 

“Hey doll” Bucky smiled softly as your eyes fluttered open, meeting his blue ones. “How you feeling” You could still feel a dull ache throbbing through your whole body, struggling to breath through the pain while a nurse checked on your blood pressure which was lower than normal. 

“Not scared when you’re with me” You tried to sound brave, your voice coming out a whimper as another contraction radiated through you, unable to stop the pained cries. 

“I’m here” Bucky reassured you, kissing the back of your hand while you squeezing, tears already streaming down your face. Dr. Cho checked on you once more while the beeping of your heart rate increased, fire like pain starting to consume you. 

“She’s ready, going to start pushing soon, alright?” Everyone around you moved rapidly but it was all a dull buzz as you drowned in pain, struggling to focus. 

“I can’t do it” You cried, feeling too tired, too weak, sweat covering your body. 

“Hey, look at me, focus on me alright?” Bucky held your hand tighter, his metal one coming to rest on your forehead to cool you down. “Breathe doll, baby’s almost here, you’re doing so good mama, breathe with me” You tried to copy his breathing while the nurse signaled that it was time, the pain getting worse. 

“You’re going to start pushing now, okay? You can do it” His voice grounding, not an inkling of fear showing through, keeping your eyes locked with his. You screamed in pain, using all your energy to push, only to feel resistance as if your body was giving up. 

“Bucky I can’t-”

“C’mon babydoll, push, almost there, m’right here with you” 

You cried out in pain again, squeezing his hand while he continued to hold you as best as he could, reassuring you and kissing your damp forehead.

“JAMES!” Your pained screams had the others worried; Steve paced up and down the hall while Tony stood outside the door. The only solace they had was that you were already in the best hands and Bucky was by your side. 

“One more, look at me, just one more mama” Bucky’s voice cut through your muddled conscious, taking a deep breath before pushing again. 

“Doing good y/n, one big push, that’s the head” Dr. Cho encouraged while you screamed out, mustering all of your strength to push, a piercing cry filling the room moments later. 

“You did it sweetheart” Bucky let his metal hand come down to your beating heart as you slumped back down, panting while the baby was quickly whisked away to be checked on. He sat on the bed, kissing the top of your head, smiling when you refused to let go of his hand, his arm wrapping around your exhausted form. 

“You did so good, so so good doll, so proud of you mama” He whispered, continuing to hold at kiss you while you tried to ground yourself again. You sat up as the doctor walked in, relieved there was nothing you had to worry about as she brought the little one over to you.

“That’s your baby” She smiled, carefully placing the tiny swaddled bundle in your arms, a perfect baby boy resting in your arms. “All 10 fingers, all 10 toes, healthy as ever” 

You kissed his chubby face, cooing as he stirred, his tiny hand wrapping around your finger. Bucky petted your hair while you snuggled with the baby, his heart yearning to tell you how he felt. You rested against his side, both quietly admiring the little one that had now fallen asleep on your chest. There wasn’t a single dry eye in the room when everyone came to visit, everyone cooing and holding the baby, teasing about being God parents before leaving and letting you rest. 

Bucky tucked you under the sheets when you yawned, insisting you sleep for a bit after the baby was put in the basinet beside you bed. He didn’t move from you side, his eyes often flicking up to the heart monitor that was attached to you, a few other machines attached to the little one just as a safety precaution to make sure everything was normal. 

You stirred awake to the feeling of cool metal gently stroking your face, blinking up at protective Bucky, his eyes sullen from a lack of sleep, smiling down at you like you’d hung the moon and stars. 

“Hey sweet girl” 

“Hey” You leaned into his touch, softly kissing his palm while he cupped your face, brushing away a stray tear that slipped down your cheek. “Th-thank you” You whispered, swallowing the lump that tightened your throat, blinking away more tears when the baby stirred with a soft cry. You reached over and rocked him gently, looking over the delicate slope of his little nose and tiny pouty lips, your healthy baby in your arms because of him. “I couldn't have done all this without you. You were with me through everything” By my side through it all. I don’t want you to go. 

Bucky swallowed thickly, his heart beating faster, he didn’t want to stop being there for you. He adored you with his whole heart, his breath hitching in his throat before speaking. 

“Just so you know doll, I-I always wanna be here for you. For both of you” Bucky whispered, his eyes welling with tears at the little bundle cradled in your arms. He didn’t know the first thing about being a dad but he’d do his damn best to help you raise your son. 

“Bucky?” Your eyes were wide, tears now freely flowing down your face, curling yourself up closer to him, wondering if you understood correctly. “Bucky, I don’t even know who the father is-”

“M’not worried about that. I care about you. I love you. If you let me” He cupped your cheek, brushing your face with his thumb, “I promise I’ll take care of you both. I’ll-I’ll do my best, I promise I’ll try, I’ll protect you-”

You cut him off, bringing him down for a sweet kiss, pressing your lips to his, your fingers toying with the soft short curls at the nape of his neck. Bucky smiled against your lips, letting his tongue lace with yours only for a moment, not wanting to tire you, pulling away when you started to pant. 

“I love you” You were breathless, the beeping of your heart monitor nearly alerting the nurses, “I love you so much” 

“I love you, sweetheart” Bucky stated sincerely, knowing you’d found your way to his heart a long time ago. 

“Kiss me again” You tugged at his dog tags while he let out a soft chuckle, peppering your face with kisses before claiming your lips again. 

“Get some rest mama” He carefully took the baby from you, settling him in the crook of his arm, while you closed your eyes knowing your little one was in the safest place he could possibly be. Your baby responded to Bucky’s voice the same way he did when he was in your belly, cooing and yawning, drifting off to a peaceful sleep, nuzzling into his chest. 

“I’ll be there for you” Bucky whispered to the sweet bundle, softly rocking him so he wouldn’t stir. “Won’t ever leave you or your mama”

-

Tony gave you a new floor for yourself along with a mass of baby presents, everyone sharing quite smiles and glances when they helped Bucky move his things to the floor as well. 

They’d all seen it coming. 

You huffed at the full fridge, having no more room left to pump milk, your body producing bottles and bottles, your hungry baby drinking each one nearly every hour. You couldn’t understand how something so small could eat so much but he’d happily nurse and drink as much as you gave him. He was only 2 months old but already starting to babble and trying to crawl. You remembered the shocked faces of the nurses when they found your son rolling around in his bassinet, holding his head up without a struggle, eyes wide open. Steve was surprised when he had to use a bit of force to pull his finger away from his tiny grip. His features had also changed slightly; the light hair darkened into a chocolate brunettes. His initial darker brownish-grey eyes were now blue. 

“I might be over thinking it but-he’s so strong” You chewed your lip, cradling your son while he nursed from you, his chubby thighs squirming while he gripped your breast, suckling. You were seated in Bucky’s lap with your back resting against his chest, his head on your shoulder, arms supporting yours “What if- there’s something making him develop so fast- 

You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what scared you the most but you didn’t need to say more. Bucky understood the anxieties you felt, the fears that came from being taken by Hydra and used as a puppet. 

Hydra was capable of anything. 

“Whatever it is, it’ll be okay, m’here alright?” He held you protectively, putting the little one to sleep after burping him and pulling you into his arms, “We’ll go to the lab in the morning, it’s gonna be okay” 

-

Tony reassured you whatever they did wouldn’t hurt your little one. You were both given a mild sedative while Bruce took blood and DNA samples, running it through the systems while Bucky waited patiently though Sam and Steve could see he was nervous on the inside, constantly glancing over to you and peering over the baby bassinet. Two hours later, Bruce and Tony walked back in, glancing over at each other while Bucky shot out of his seat, nearly losing his balance if it wasn’t for Steve who was by his side to steady him. 

“Is she okay? The baby?” His eyes were pleading with them, unable to read their expressions, something was off. 

“We ran some tests” Bruce started off slowly, looking down at the file, “The baby is enhanced”

“What does that mean” Bucky’s heart started to race while Tony continued. 

“Well...that could mean hydra experimented on her” but...”

“But?”

“But nothing came up for her. No experiments. It’s definitely her baby, Hydra didn’t implant someone elses embryo in her. So if the baby is enhanced, its from the father...he’s enhanced with the super soldier serum”

“I was the only super solider on that base” Bucky whispered, his eyes growing wide, looking at your sleeping form. 

“Does that mean...?” Steve’s eyes were wide, looking between the baby and Bucky, smiling at the similarities that made sense now, your son, a spitting image of his father. 

“The baby...the baby’s mine” Bucky was nearly breathless while Sam grasped his shoulder, helping to ground him. 

“How do you know for sure” 

“They only had one vial of the serum they used on me years ago. Never replicated it...that’s-that’s why they took me again” 

“Blood test confirms it. It’s the same serum. DNA matched with what we have on file for Barnes.” Banner nodded, scrolling through the test results, “That’s Bucky’s baby” 

Bucky felt 1000 emotions all at once, but nothing was stronger than the pure love he felt in that moment. He already loved your baby like his own but there was something comforting in knowing his son was safe, that there wouldn’t be any unexplained secrets he wouldn’t know the answer to. He cradled his son to his chest, kissing every inch of his face, while sitting by your bed, while you started to wake up. 

“Doll?” He whispered, brushing your hair out of your face, his heart beating anxiously in his chest again, both excited and nervous to tell you. Of course you loved him but what if you didn’t like it, what if you were disappointed, what if

“What is it” You sat up, noting his worried face while Bucky glanced down at his son sleeping in his arms, sucking in a breath before speaking. 

“M’the father” His voice was barely a whisper, tears streaming down his cheeks as soon as the words left his mouth. He was the father. That was his baby. 

“What?”

“He’s mine” Bucky sniffled, giving you a sad broken smile, “M’sorry baby, they used you because of me-

“You’re sure?” You didn’t let him finish, only hearing the words he’s mine, repeat over and over again, not a single other thing mattered to you. “Please Bucky, this is our baby? He’s yours?”

“This is our baby” He nodded, his forehead pressed with yours before kissing you over and over again, cuddling his son closer to his chest. 

“Our baby” You cried with him, reaching for the now missing box of tissues, looking up to see Sam hiding it behind his back while Steve quietly passed a tissue to Tony. 

“Congratulations, babydaddy” Tony snorted into a tissue before leaving the lab with the rest of the group to give you some privacy. Bucky took his daddy duties very seriously, his heart always bursting when he held his chubby baby. It didn’t take long for the little one to turn into a tiny menace between his uncles, jumping and running before the age of one with custom high tech toys all around. 

Bucky loved you even more with his entire being, watching you become the sweetest mama, nearly crying each time he saw you both cuddled up asleep or reading together in bed. He took care of you in every way possible, just as before, loving and worshipping every inch of you. 

The only thing that had changed between you and Bucky was the growing need to be closer than ever. In the one way you hadn’t yet. Bucky didn’t pressure you once, waiting till you were ready for intimacy. He nursed your body back to health after you gave birth and continued to dote on you long after, with plenty of cuddles and kisses in between. 

It didn’t stop him from letting his imagination run wild. 

He wanted to touch you, take you apart and put you back together. 

Make you feel good, moan for you, let you touch him in places only you could. 

See you pregnant again- 

Fuck.

He had no idea your imagination was 100 times wilder. 

Dreaming of having his little babies.

How his naked body would feel.

How perfect he’d fit inside you.

Giving him all the kids he wanted. 

“Did you ever think about having kids” You asked him curiously, slinking into his lap after a shower and curling up against his chest, toying with his dog tags.

“I have” He smiled, setting down the book he was reading, wrapping his arms around you instead “a lot actually”

“Did you think of having more than one?” You whispered, trying to press yourself impossibly closer to him, your cheeks growing warmer with what you were hinting at. “Maybe two?”

Bucky licked his lips at your words, letting his hand slip up your sheep shirt to brush over your tummy, humming when he felt your bare body underneath. 

“You want another baby, doll?” He purred while you buried your face into his chest, nodding. Bucky pulled away just enough to slip off your shirt, moving you to lay down, quickly discarding his own clothes immediately after. 

“Wanna do it the right way” He pressed gentle kisses down your neck to your shoulder, “Make love to you when we make our baby” 

“Bucky, please” You pleaded with him, feeling empty, needing him so much closer. You didn’t care about foreplay or a slow build, you just wanted him inside, claiming you. “Wan’ another baby with you” 

“M’gonna give you a baby sweetheart, don’t worry” He cooed, rubbing his cock through your soaked folds, before pressing it against your entrance. “Let’s make a baby, angel” 

His thrusts were soft, slow and gentle, taking his time to savor the feeling of your under him, his lips trailing from your jaw to your neck, down to your swollen nipples. He sealed his lips around your peaked bud, sucking and toying with how sensitive they were. 

“M’so lucky baby” He whispered before kissing your nipples again, “You feed our son so well, you’re such a good mama, y’know that?” You whimpered underneath him, your legs moving to wrap around his waist, tears prickling your eyes. “Best and prettiest mama to our baby boy” He kissed the tears that streamed down your cheeks, washing away any inklings of doubt that occasionally tried to rear its ugly head. 

“You think I’m a good mom?” 

“The best babygirl, wouldn’t have it any other way. Can’t believe I missed out on this once before, you feel so good” He tucked his face against your neck as he started to speed up, letting his body weight fall on you. 

“Fuck-fuck Bucky!” You clawed at his back as he started roll his hips, kissing your cervix with his swollen tip, leaking and dripping in your needy cunt. “I-I love y-you”

“Shhhh, I know” He panted, groaning at the feeling of your pussy pulsing around his cock, your body clinging to him. “I love you, I love our little baby boy, m’gonna love the little one we’re making right now” 

“Give it to me Jamie” You clenched around him making him whimper, fucking you harder, the base of his cock bouncing off your clit each time he thrusted in you. “I’m-gonna-gonna cum Bucky!, gimmie a baby” 

“T-together doll, gonna cum with you, fuck, -oh fuck- Take it mama” Bucky moaned as he stilled, warm spurts of cum bursting from his cock, moaning louder when he felt you throb and milk his cock dry, your own orgasm crashing over you at the same time. 

“M’in love with you sweets” Bucky stayed inside you, whispering sweet nothings while you stayed snuggled against his chest, loving the feeling of being full of him. “You gave me the best thing without knowing it”

“You’re the best thing that happened to me” You smiled, closing your eyes, quickly falling asleep in his arms, his lips pressed against your hairline. He didn’t move an inch, cradling you close; you’d given him everything he’d always dreamed of. 

A family

Love.

Affection.

Even through the mess of Hydra, you brought light into his life. 

You were destined to be his. 

-

I may add a drabble about the second baby, lets see! Lmk what you think! 

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[bucky-barnes-diaries]

would you ever write something filthy for winter soldier? no pressure btw!

Experiments

Pairing || Winter Soldier x Female!Reader

Summary || HYDRA conducts sexual experiments on specimen The Winter Soldier.

Word Count || 2901

Contents & Warnings || Smut, Angst, Dark Themes — NSFW, 18+ Only, Minors DNI, non-con, explicit content/language, sub!soldat, implied torture/murder/blood, restraints, unprotected vaginal sex, size kink, oral (male receiving), handjob, multiple orgasms, forced orgasm, overstimulation, exhibition, creampie, bodily fluids.

Authors Note || The answer is yes sweet nonnie :D And I really love how this turned out. This is my first time writing for WS so please be kind :) Remember, read the warnings! I’m not responsible for your content consumption. Don’t like it, don’t read. And definitely don’t slap a label on just to be petty. There are no [ ] in the text below btw. Also apologies for no readmore cut. It’s currently bugged out and fucks up the text below.

Disclaimer || English is not my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

Masterlist

You had no idea how long you had been in this stuffy and dim-lit room. Minutes? Hours? Days? It felt like an eternity but also like no time had passed at all. It was easy to lose track of it when you had no inclination whether it was day or night out. The room and its surroundings were bleak and dull, giving nothing away about your location.

How did you end up in this situation? Naked with strangers watching—discussing, researching, contemplating. And with a stranger's cock in your grasp? Making him come again, again, and again—an endless cycle of climax.

It all seemed like a blur now. A past from another time. A dream? A nightmare?

They promised good pay. Money that was beyond imaginable, but you had to take this with you to the grave. This experiment that you yourself had signed up for could never reach the light of day.

Tell anyone, and they will torture and mutilate you beyond recognition. Killing and dumping your body in a ditch.

Although the men were vicious beyond anything, they told you countless times that under any circumstances, you could leave. You were not here out of force. They would keep you safe. You had signed up for this, and whenever you wanted to terminate the deal you had sealed, you were allowed. But you could never, ever tell another living soul about what you had seen or experienced.

It felt like a week, but in reality, it had only been a day or so since these men had come and picked you up from your home—blindfolding and plugging your ears. Due to their safety and yours, you could not know where you were being taken.

After hours of traveling by car, train, and plane—taking all transportation possible—you had arrived. To where you did not know. A military bunker of some sort, possibly. Somewhere cold and emotionless. An unknown country.

Your blindfold and plugs were removed, and you sat in a dark room. A hanging bulb from the ceiling cascaded a weak source of light throughout the space. The chair and table were metal and cold.

Opposite you sat a man dressed in uniform. Narrowing your eyes and inspecting him further, you saw it was the same man you had come in contact with when you had signed up for this mysterious experiment.

“Papers for you to sign,” he uttered in a thick Russian accent. His face and tone were stoic.

He explained the contract in detail. And there was a particular phrase that stood out to you. That made no sense. The Asset. It was mentioned numerous times.

You knew what you had come here for. A sexual experiment of some sort. But nowhere in the contract did it say who you were conducting it with. There was no name. No details about any appearance or anything. Only that you would perform with someone or something named The Asset.

“He has no name.” The man spoke. “He is not a person. Do not try to humanize him. He is a tool. A weapon. Nothing more. But if you have to call him something, you may refer to him as Soldat. And do not worry. He cannot hurt you.”

“Why am I doing this? W-what’s the purpose?” You muttered while avoiding his emotionless gaze.

“We have to experiment and see if he is breakable. If someone can ever bend his will and programming with sexual torture.”

Your train of thoughts and flashbacks were cut short by the sound of fingers tapping on glass behind you and the roar of metal chains rattling in front of you.

“Please continue, miss,” the same thick Russian accent bellowed from behind.

“O-oh,” you exhaled as you came back to your senses. The coldness of the small room pierced your naked skin. The sounds of inaudible chatter in a foreign language and beeping of instruments flowed through your ears. And your eyes adjusted to what was in front of you.

Soldat.

He held all your attention now as you peered at him through your thick lashes. The surroundings were not relevant anymore. The people watching and observing were not relevant anymore—only him.

The beefy and nude man was held in chains. His arms restrained so that he couldn’t touch you. Couldn’t hurt you, for that matter.

His head hung low, peering down at you. His long hair cascaded down his face and stuck to his sweaty forehead, but you could still see some of his features. He held an intense expression. It was hard to decipher. His jaw clenched tightly, and his dark eyes were wild. Pain? Pleasure? Did he actually enjoy the sexual torture? It was hard to tell. He never spoke. Deep groans and grunts that rumbled in his throat were the only sounds to ever come out of him. The sounds gave you an impression that he may actually enjoy this vicious ordeal.

Although powerless, he looked powerful and rough from where you were positioned on your knees. Fuck, he was huge. All of him. God, he was hot. The sight in front of you was like a lewd porno.

You and he were covered in cum, sweat, and spit—a concoction of erotic slickness. Hot and disgusting at the same time. It made the acts you performed on him that much effortless.

You felt the heaviness of his cock in your grasp again as you returned to yourself. And once you tugged on it tighter, he roared loudly and clenched his body tight and hard. The muscles underneath his skin became deliciously defined. And the plates on his bionic arm whirled every time he flexed.

His red and angry cock twitched in pain and pleasure. Raw due to your repeated acts on him—handjob, blowjob, and having him nestled deep inside your pussy. Making him come again and again.

The thick and protruding veins along his shaft pulsed underneath your palms as you jerked him faster. Tighter. Sloppier.

“Fuck,” you mumbled as you took in the sight of his impressive cock, making your mouth water at the anticipation of having him on your tongue again.

With a needy moan, you took him in your mouth. Suckling his head as both your hands sloppily worked the rest of him. Swirling your tongue on his sensitive tip as your lips wrapped beautifully around him.

Soldat groaned as you sucked him to perfection—cum and spit dribbling out of your mouth and making a beautiful mess all over yourself and him.

His hands may be bound, but the rest of his body was boundless, and he bucked his hips into your mouth. The tip of his cock tickled the back of your throat. You coughed and struggled, and he rumbled deeply in response. Seeming satisfied with you choking.

When you couldn’t handle the abuse to your throat anymore, you release his cock with a pop. You spat the excess saliva onto his length and let the slickness coat the entirety of him.

As both your hands worked his entire cock again—base to tip, you took his heavy sack into your mouth—licking and sucking. Enjoying the weight of his balls on your tongue—moaning against him.

You peered up at him again with hooded eyes. He seemed to enjoy the dirty sight—your mouth and hands full of his cock and balls. A messy perfection kneeling before him.

A smirk tugged on his lips before he hissed sharply through his teeth as you pulled his sack harshly and then let it drop from your mouth.

He was close again. Nearing his fifth? Or was it maybe the sixth orgasm since you started? You had lost count.

The Russian officer was right. Soldat was no ordinary man. No one would have been able to withstand so many orgasms in such a short time. It was extraordinary to witness. Could he really keep climaxing till the end of times?

Soldat’s chest heaved as the torturous pleasure built. His thick thighs trembled, and his cock twitched, anticipating another earth-shattering and messy release.

He bellowed a cry through his gritted teeth as he came hard once again. The chains rattled as he tugged on them. He bucked his stuttering hips into your grasp as he spurted ropes and ropes of thick white cum from his red tip and made a mess all over himself and you. The sounds of pleasure and torture—grunts, groans, roars, and subtle whines, surfaced despite his clenched jaw.

You never stopped stroking him. Never stopped milking his poor and sensitive cock for all its seed. God, there was so much. You were in awe of him—eyes wide and mouth ajar. It was like a drug to you. Seeing the man above you come so intensely undone.

In the beginning, you had felt bad due to how wrong the situation actually was. But the more he came, the more you craved it. You needed it just as much as breathing.

“Good boy,” you mumbled as you gave a final tight tug on his cock. He hissed at the sensitivity and then exhaled as you released his twitching and aching cock from your hold.

For the first time, he looked finished. Exhausted as he dropped his head backward. His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly and tried to catch his breath. Had he reached his breaking point?

You gave him a break. He deserved that much by enduring this pleasurable torture. But the men in charge were impatient.

“Please don’t stop, miss. He is not allowed to rest.” The same accent uttered behind the glass.

Soldat’s eyes were on you now. Watching intensely as you got to your feet. You hissed as you stood upright. The uncomfortable and solid concrete floor bruised your knees and made your thighs stiff.

His abused cock twitched once you stood before him in all your nude form. His chains rattled again as he tried to reach forward to touch you. The plates on his bionic arm whirled. Did he want to hurt you? Punish you for torturing him? Or was there something else he wanted?

He stared intensely at you with his jaw clenched and eyes wild like an animal—examining your body like a predator would a prey. He groaned and licked his lips, hungry for more of what you had to offer. How much till he could bear no more?

When he saw you become nervous under his gaze, he bit his tongue and relaxed back into his seat.

“Please continue, miss,” the Russian man pressed you on. Becoming impatient with the waiting.

You trembled as you sat on top of Soldat—sore yourself from all the previous activities you had performed on him—hours of torturous pleasure. He let out a satisfied groan as you found your place on his lap.

You were so unbelievably close now. Your sweaty bodies pressed together, front to front. It was so hot, so erotic feeling his warm skin against yours. Feeling his delicious and defined muscles underneath your palms as you ran them down his broad torso.

His cock nestled against your dripping pussy. Yours and his juices mixed as you grinded on him, making him rock hard again.

With a breathless moan, you took his cock in your grasp again, loving the feel of him in your hand. Soldat sucked in a breath through his teeth as you pumped his bruised and slick length before you lined up his bulbous head with your entrance.

For the first time since you sat on him, you found his dark gaze as you lowered yourself onto his thick girth, thighs trembling. You winched at the pleasurable sting as he stretched out your velvet walls, inch by inch. It was so much to take in.

A deep groan sounded from his throat at the friction on his sensitive cock. His head fell back, eyes closed, and his teeth drew blood as he bit his bottom lip. His body clenched again at the sensual torture.

“Fuck, you’re huge,” you whined as his cock nestled balls deep inside your pussy.

His dark eyes found yours again. And although they were scary and wild, you couldn’t break from his intense stare. An animalistic groan rumbled in his chest, and his hands clenched in tight fists. His menacing aura compelled you to start riding him.

With your hands clasped at the back of his neck, steadying yourself, you started bouncing on his thick length. Slow, to begin with. Letting the ridges and veins of his cock caress delicately against your walls. Your jaw slacked as you enjoyed the teasing penetration.

But Soldat was impatient. He tried to push his body further into yours despite the constriction of his chains as he bellowed a deep roar. His hips bucked upwards brutally, forcing the entirety of him in you. You cried as his swollen head hit deep inside.

As he continued to snap his hips up into your aching pussy in quick motions, you met his movements with your own forceful ones. The sound of wet skin clapping, deep moans, groans, and soft whimpers drowned out the chatter and beeping of instruments behind.

Your sweaty bodies moved and danced effortlessly together—a seductive second act to the lewd porno.

Without thinking, you pressed your lips to his hard. Soldat took advantage of having his touch on you for the first time. He groaned as he moved his lips hurriedly against yours. Parting them to explore your mouth further.

The kiss was messy and needy—tongue and spit mixed together. Breathless moans and whimpers shared between you as your lips moved passionately—savouring the intoxicating taste.

As you pulled away, desperately needing a breath due to the exertion of your movements, he captured your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging on it as you pulled apart. He managed to nip your lip at the last second, puncturing through the skin and creating a little bleeding cut. He groaned while you moaned at the violent action. His animalistic and cruel nature was beyond hot.

It was hard to tell how long you had been fucking for—riding his cock brutally. It was all so intoxicating—the sounds, the touches, the tastes, the delicious penetration. It clouded all your senses. It made you aware of nothing but him—his massive body and cock.

You were approaching your first orgasm since you started this erotic experiment with The Asset. And with the way your body trembled and the firm tightness in your stomach begged to snap, you knew your release would wreck you—dissolving you into a messy state of whimpers and possibly a blackout.

You braced yourself by wrapping your arms around his neck—clinging desperately to him. Puncturing your nails into the skin of his back—leaving marks.

Soldat’s body tensed, anticipating another rocking release as he ground his teeth and roared like a caged animal. The chains rattled as he pulled on his restraints. His huge arms flexed, and his delicious muscles contorted beautifully, making him look even bigger.

You could see a hint of pain and discomfort in his features at having his cock tormented and overstimulated to the extreme. But another part of him, the darkest flicker in his eyes, couldn’t get enough of the torturous pleasure.

You leaned your forehead against his, which had his tenseness ease up to a degree. Yours and his parted lips brushed as you became so engrossed with the anticipation of your shared release.

“Fuck,” you whimpered as you grounded yourself deeper onto his pulsing cock that was nearing its release. And with a last few sharp thrusts of his hips into your quivering pussy, hitting your sweet spot repeatedly, you and he came hard—an explosion of noises and numbing pleasure rocked your bodies.

His cock twitched violently as he spurted his thick and warm cum into your awaiting womb, covering your fluttering walls with his seed. Making you feel full and satisfied. Yours and his hips stuttered and lost their rhythm as you tried to move against each other despite the soul-crushing and body-crippling sensation.

Your sounds of passion were muffled against his sweaty skin as you nuzzled your face into the crock of his neck. His ones roared so loudly in your ear—moans, groans, growls, making your whole body vibrate and convulse.

The pleasure seemed to last for an eternity as you savoured each erotic and sensual sensation with Soldat.

A wave of darkness shadowed over you as it became too much after a while. The pleasure too intense for your weak body to handle. Your movements started easing into a delicate dance as you used the last bit of strength to cling onto Soldat’s colossal frame.

Yours and his chest heaved in perfect rhythm as you stilled completely on him. His cock buried deep inside you still.

His warm body against yours was a comfort from the raging ache your own pulsed. His hot breath brushing your skin a soothing sensation.

How could a man that was claimed to be inhuman, dangerous, a weapon, feel so comfortable? Feel so right?

You hummed softly as you nuzzled further into him. Tired and drained from the hours of exertion that accumulated into a fiery ending.

The demands of the men in charge for you to continue were nothing but a muffled sound.

You felt yourself slip. Slip into darkness, tired and satiated, as the last thing your consciousness remembered was the soft lulling of the menacing man you were clinging onto.

Thank you for reading 🖤 Feedback through a comment is highly appreciated! Or let me know through an anonymous ask if that feels more comfortable. As well as a reblog to share my work with other people!

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[eufezco]

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

bucky!winter soldier x fem!reader (kinda angst ig?) no use of y/n

based on the captain america: the winter soldier post credits scene because i loooooove it

omg this is my first time writing for something marvel related i hope you enjoy it, it's been so long since the last time i wrote anything so i'm sorry if it's kinda shitty 😭

He was looking at you and you were looking back at him.

Steve had refused to fight against him. He had dropped his shield from the ship and had surrendered to his old friend. You wished you could have done that so you would never have felt Bucky's hands around your throat trying to choke you to death nor his body over yours as his fists connected with your face once again.

But one of you had to fight him so that you two could get out of it alive, and if Steve didn't, you would.

Bucky's punches to Steve's face made you squirm in place as you tried to escape the beam that had fallen on you. If you didn't get out you feared that the beam would crush you or even worse, that Bucky would kill him. Steve was his mission after all and he was programmed to finish it.

You jumped on him when you managed to escape and freed Steve from the blows of his metal arm. Stay alive please you mumbled to your friend as he lay badly wounded, with one eye swollen shut and blood coming out of his nose. The last time you had seen him like that he was a small blond boy who had gotten into trouble in an alley with someone twice his size and you and Bucky had to come to his rescue. Now the trouble you had to save him from was Bucky himself and you were on your own.

Your whole body ached from fighting him and since beating him didn't work, you decided to try to make him see reason in another way. You called his name while you were trying to catch your breath, still with the sensation of his fingers closing around your throat. He looked at you full of rage while he tried to recompose from the hit that he had received from you. The name Bucky echoed in his head every time you repeated it, hurt him more than any kick or punch you gave him. The familiarity with that word made him feel sick in his stomach and more eager to fight you for making him feel that way.

You know me.

No, I don't!

Bucky, you've known me your whole life.

Shut up!

Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. We were friends.

He held a defensive pose while his eyes glanced nervously all over the place and his chest rose and fell slowly as he tried to catch his breath. It was so familiar. Not only the name you kept repeating but also the way it sounded when you said it.

He was looking at you and you were looking back at him.

There was enough distance between the two of you so that you did not feel threatened by each other's presence. The Captain America Exhibit in Washington also had enough civilians to start another fight like the one on the ship.

He broke eye contact with you to look at the screen. He had seen your face somewhere on that big panel dedicated to who he was once. And there you were. When the text ended there was a sequence of pictures. He did not know who those men in the pictures were but he could see himself smiling with them.

But there you were. In the middle picture.

He was wearing his sergeant's uniform and you were wearing a dress. You could still remember his reaction when he saw you in that dress, how his eyes sparkled looking at you, how his lips curved into a smile every time you grabbed his hand and dragged him around the Stark Expo. Steve with his new camera captured the perfect moment. Bucky held you around the waist. Bucky was slightly leaning over you. Your faces were just inches apart but in the picture you both were laughing, you still heard the sound of his laughter every time you looked at the picture, as if it had not been almost seventy years since you last saw him. Your faces were just inches apart but there was no kiss.

And now there would never be a kiss.

How innocent you both looked in that picture. Neither of you knew how all your plans were going to be twisted, how only one of you two would be the one to remember that night. If someone had told you that night that Bucky was going to disappear from your life, you would have laughed in their face. If you had known you would have kissed him. You would have kissed Bucky until you were breathless, until you were tired of kissing each other if that was possible. But now you would never know because you both insisted on remaining friends until the end of the war not knowing that out of that war would come a much worse one.

The very hands you had trusted to hold you had tried to choke you to death. The same eyes that had gazed at you with such devotion had looked at you loaded with the strongest wrath in the world. The man you had loved the most did not recognize you and by the way he was looking at that panel with all his memories, he did not recognize himself either.

Bucky stared at the picture for a few seconds and then looked back at you. You were the same girl, only now with some bruises on your face, the marks of his fingers on your neck, and definitely not with the same smile as the girl in the picture. What had he done to you? What would the boy in that photo think about the person he had become?

You stood in place far from him. Since you had seen him you had not taken a single step forward. Neither the cap nor the long hair nor the jacket covering his metal arm could hide him from you. Not anymore. You went to the Captain America memorial looking for the comfort that the panel dedicated to Bucky brought you, he went there looking for answers. And you found each other.

Your Bucky and you his answers.

[httpwintersoldier]

『night visits. || winter soldier x reader』

pairing: winter soldier x f!reader words: lenghty summary: usually people find their own interests, but when you are "forecefully recruited" to work under HYDRA, your interest found you first.

『part 2』

You thought your studies and hard work would be rewarded, especially being one of the only women in the field. You thought all of the late nights studying, all of the potential relationships lost over fear of falling behind in your studies and all of the golden years invested would be worth it. You would be praised, given numerous titles and be able to help the community and give back to Society.

Except that didn't happen.

The payment for your hard work came in the form of a kidnapping. By Hydra. After appearing in the paper, being praised for your skills and knowledge, unbeknownst to you, a target had been placed by one of the most evil forces walking the earth.

Someone as bright and qualified as you who did not yet have the influence or the contacts to generate buzz in the media or in the government when kidnapped qas rare, and Hydra recognized the fact. So one late night, as you were coming back from your lab alone, you were hit in the back of the head and next thing you knew you were sitting in a metal chair, shaking in cold, with two men standing by your side and another menacingly sitting in front of you, waiting for you to wake up.

"The world sure is cruel..." Were your only thoughs, as tears ran down your emotionless face, when you heard where you were and what your purpose was.

You couldn't even choose the easy way out and... "eliminate yourself". They made sure you knew the worst would happen to your loved ones if you did so. So you complied, in hopes there would be a way out.

They then introduced you to a soldier, one genetically enhanced, to be stronger, smarter, smoother and more skilfull than thw average soldier. A previous army man whose brain had been blended and molded into being a mere killer puppet.

You were to supervise him, make sure everything in his heavily modified and messed-with brain was in order. You conducted psychological tests as well as neurological ones.

You were handed his file before you got to meet him, so you could study him. All of his information was there, the information of James Buchanan Barnes.

Tears brimmed your eyes when you met the soldier. He was a person, with a life. With hopes, dreams, loved ones... And Hydra turned him into a monster.

"The tests work best if I am alone with him. Other presences may disturb him and alter the results." You told the other Hydra agents.

It wasn't a complete lie, but you just wanted to be alone with him so you could treat him like a human.

" But he could-"

"I will call if you're needed." You said, interrupting him by raising your finger "You have not-so-gracefully brought me here because I am good. I should know what's best."

All of the men overseeing the Winter Soldier prohect exited the room, while muttering some not-so-nice Russian words under their breaths.

You pushed a chair to sit close to the Winter Soldier (but not too close, since you were still wary).

"Hello, James."

All of the men called him "Soldier", but it seemed inhumane, like a tool to be used, so you just used his first name. You knew it might trigger memories, but you refused to keep up the bad treatment.

This made the soldier look at you through his eyebrows, acknowledging your presence, but not replying.

"I'm here to asses you. Is that okay?"

You were to make sure he didn't remember anything from his past life and that he remained in the borderline-psychotic state he was in constantly, and that was already monsteous enough, so you made sure it was as easygoing as possible.

"Sargeant Barnes I don't want to treat you like those men, I don't want to hurt you."

His eyes softened the least bit, but as you expected his walls were up, strong and solid, and once more he did nor reply.

It would be months of hard work before he trusted your words, before he revealed that there was a bit of James Barnes underneath the soldier.

"Why... Why do you do this?"

You looked up from your notebook.

"Do what, James?"

"That. Give me hope."

Your heart raced a little at those words.

"What do you mean, give you hope?"

"It was easier killing people when I thought they were all cruel..."

There was silence in the room. You knew he didn't mean to say that your encounters were unpleasant, but that they were so pleasant, there was such peace when you were with him, that it was harder to complete his job.

"Do you want me to change my behaviour?" You still had to ask, just in case.

He did not look at you when he shook his head negatively.

"I like you. You're a good one. But I don't want to remember anything."

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and put down your materials for a second.

"Why's that, James?"

Fortunately, the fact that he was never called "James" (it had always been "Bucky" or "Sargeant Barnes") worked in his favour, as he did not have recurring memories from his past when you called him that.

"If I am here... it was because I was a bad person. No good person ends up in this place. I am here, I must deserve it."

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" This question was genuine curiosity. You wondered, after hearing his logic, if he thought you were evil too.

The man looked at you as if you were stupid. His eyes said "how could it ever come across your mind that I think there's a trace of evil in you". But, due to his conditioned mind, all he said was a cold, harsh "no".

"Then you trust me?"

A nod was all you got in response. If you got a couple sentences out of him per session, you'd be in luck.

"I will respect that you don't want to remember, but I can tell you, I saw who you were. You were not a bad person, you were a great one."

He finally made eye contact with you, and you could almost feel emotion in him.

The soldier's eyes wandered away from yours once more, focusing on the ground.

"I will end up here." He mumbled.

"Sorry James, what was that?"

"I will end up here. No matter what I do, they find me. I know I have remembered before, they left that in my mind. They left that I escaped, they brought me back and put me back in the machine." His voice was more somber as he told his story "I don't want to remember because if I do I won't want to stay, but I will just end up here again and be tortured again. I will just save myself the pain."

That was the most he had ever said to you, and it brought tears to your eyes. It wasn't human, what they did to him, no. It was pure torture on a man that, on the pictures you saw, looked like a hopeful young man, the life of the party, the one that would make friends with any and everyone.

You placed your hand on top of his.

"I'm sorry, James."

This action caused the soldier to widen his eyes and look at you in shock.

It was the first friendly touch he had felt since forever. It was the first human contact he had that wasn't a punch, a slap, or something equally as painful.

That interaction almost made him lose composure, but he remained stiff and serious until you awkwardly removed your hand.

You were slowly bringing out the human in him, but sometimes you wondered if that was the correct choice. You didn't want him to get hurt again. The last time they used the machine you could hear his screams no matter how far your room was or how you tried to cover your ears with the pillow, the Soldier's pained and desperate screams still reached your ears.

After that particular day, Bucky realized how much he enjoyed your touch. It seemed that the spot you had touched him burned every day you were apart. Your sessions were twice a week, three times maximum, but it was the only thing Bucky looked forward to.

"Hello, James."

His gaze remained locked with the floor. You thought you had made no progress whatsoever in your mission to make him accostumed with behaving like a human, however that wasn't true. Bucky was just afraid that if he did look at you he wouldn't be able to contain his excitement.

His brain was in constant disarray - the conflict between wanting to smile and have a conversation with you and the fear of disobeying orders and being punished were constant.

You sighed and sat next to him. You did the usual job of first checking to see if Hydra hadn't permanently fucked his head, and then you moved to the part where you'd check if he still was the emotionless psychopath Hydra had turned him into. Except you bent the last task to your will.

"I don't want to treat you like the rest of them. I won't. No matter what they made you believe, you're a person still. And I want to make your situation a little better but you have to pretend, no matter how much your condition improves, that you're still the same Soldier. I don't want you to go back into the machine because of me." You had explained, in one of your earliest appointments.

"I read the mission report. What are you feeling?"

"Accomplished."

His response was short, and dry, delivered in a voice devoid of all feeling.

"Are you saying that just because you accomplished the mission?"

Silence. His silence was, most of the time, an admission. You nodded and sighed.

You stood up and walked closer to him, placing your hand on his shoulder. There it was. Bucky didn't even care about the rush of emotions flowing through him, he just focused on your touch, how warm it felt, how homely it felt.

"Now, how did it really make you feel."

There was a short silence again, as he thought.

"Confused. I don't think I like to see people suffer, I don't like their screams, but I must do it, or else I suffer." His eyebrows furrowed as he said that, as if he was trying to connect the pieces in his head.

You began saying something about how he wasn't bad, but all that was just background noise. All he could focus on was how your hand travelled down his arm and rested on his hand as you crouched in front of him.

"James? Did you listen?"

Only then did you realize how intensely he was looking at you. His icy blue eyes stared into your soul, and you noticed how beautiful the man was when there were slight traces of emotion on his face. The strands of his jaw-lenght dark hair shaped his face beautifully, and you couldn't help but look at his parted lips.

You felt your face growing hot and immediately stood up, turning your back to him and pretending you were doing something else as you tried to regain your composure.

Before long, Hydra officials came through the door to take the Soldier, You'd never get too long in his presence, just enough time to do your job.

This time you wouldn't see him again in two days, and so you walked back to your "room" (if it could even be called that) thinking about his eyes, the way he looked at you, and the way you wanted to brush back his hair and take a good, long look at his face.

It was late, very late, when you woke up with a cold breeze in your room. You stood up, to close the window, only to realize that it was closed. It was only when you looked towards the door that you saw a tall, large, dark figure standing under the frame. Before you could scream, he paced forward and placed a hand over your mouth.

You could then see who it was. The moon light coming through from the window's glass lit up those blue eyes you had come to be so familiar with, and the mask you dreaded.

Once your breathing calmed down and the Soldier was sure you knew who it was, he allowed you to remove his hand from your mouth.

You then reached around his neck and undid his mask, slowly removing it.

"Why are you here?" You asked, your voice above a whisper.

The mask fell to the ground but Bucky's eyes never left yours.

"I won't hurt you."

It stung you that he thought you'd ever think he was capable of hurting you, but that was how he was conditioned to think.

"I know..."

Those words sent a wave of relief over Bucky, and he wasn't sure how to describe the feelings inside of him if he had to.

"I came back from a mission and I should head back but... I can't. I needed to see you."

Your mind immediately went into work mode and you looked at him with a very serious face.

"Are you feeling alright? Did something trigger you in the mission?" You asked, sitting down on your bed and pulling him down so he could be comfortable.

"No, miss Y/N, I needed to see you." As he said this, Bucky slid a hand up your thigh, stopping dangerously close to your core.

Only then did you realise that you were sitting next to a very big man wearing nothing but the sheer and short nightgown you used, as it would get very hot in your particular side of the building due to all the machinery working.

Your legs spread slightly, and you didn't miss the ever so sublte smirk tugging at the corner of Soldier's lips. The man watched your reactions carefully, and took that as a green card to proceed. His face got closer to yours, and he teased your lips, brushing his own against yours, before moving to your neck and kissing the spot right below your ear.

"James..." His name escaped past your lips.

It wasn't voluntary, because you didn't know if you wanted him to stop or continue. Morally it was wrong, he was your patient (technically), but it felt so right, so good...

"Hm? Want me to stop?" He asked, as his hand made its way closer to your core and his lips bit down on your neck.

Fuck it. If you were stuck here you might as well enjoy it, there was nothing morally right around you, why would you be the exception.

"No." You said, with the upmost certainty.

"Good."

With his metalic arm, the man separated your legs far enough so he could have access to your vagina, and with the other he cupped your face and brought your lips to his.

His fingers went inside your panties and rubbed between your folds before teasing at the entrance. You couldn't help but moan into the kiss as one experimental finger went inside of you.

There had obviously been a considerable ammount of time since you had been sexaully active, so you were very sensitive, and the Soldier could tell.

You weren't sure on what to focus: the way his lips completely dominated yours, or the way his fingers fucked you.

Soon after he added a second finger and switched between curling and uncurling them as he fucked you. His thumb found your clit and he rubbed it, adding to your pleasure.

You didn't hide how good he made you feel, incessantly moaning into the kiss and calling his name.

The man pulled away for a second, kissed your cheek and then your neck.

"I love the way you sound." He whispered.

"Then... Then fuck me, I promise I will sound so much better." You said, almost breathless.

Bucky shoved the fingers that were in you inside of your mouth so you could lick them clean, and then wrapped the same hand around your neck.

"That's all I needed, doll." He whispered.

Bucky unzipped his tight pants and pulled his cock out. You admired his size before he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you onto his lap. The soldier lifted you up pulled your panties to the side and, once his tip found your entrance, slowly lowered you on his cock.

You gripped his arms and let out a long, strained moan, until he was fully inside you. He then started moving you on his cock, thrusting slightly when pulling you down.

He skillfully and smoothly removed your little sleeping gown and kept on fucking you.

"Shit." He cursed, as he watched your ass bounce on his cock.

You realised how much you loved to hear him curse, how much you loved to hear his voice in your ear.

Slowly, the soldier picked up the pace when he felt you were comfortable. He then wrapped one arm around your body to keep the movements steady, and wrapped the metal hand around your throat.

You would've guessed the man that barely spoke would've been a quiet one, but oh were you wrong. The grunts and moans in your ear brought you closer and closer to your climax, along with the way his metal arm applied a slight but noticeable pressure in your neck.

"James I'm gonna... I'm gonna cum."

With these words, Bucky flipped you two, wanting to see the pleasure in your face when you came. You laid on your back as Bucky kept fucking you with his hand on your neck, switching between the way your tits bounced and the way your face looked as you were about to reach your climax.

It wasn't long before your hands gripped the thin sheets and your back arched. With a cry for his name, you came. Soon after hearing you call for him, Bucky buried himself deep inside of you and came.

The way he looked at you had you in a trance.

He bent down, grabbed your face and kissed you, before looking down and caressing your stomach.

"You're mine. Mine. All mine."

[sunshine-on-my-mind]

Soldat’s fairy

~ Chapter 1

pairing: winter soldier x reader / bucky barnes x reader

general warnings: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! Dark Elements!! HYDRA!! (Dub Con implied but not really and NOT FROM BUCKY), Winter Solider, Mind Control, se-xual in-tercourse. forced relationship forced procreation (HYDRA!!), ANGST - (this is my first time writing something like this so please let me know if I should more warnings)

chapter warnings: same as general warnings (let me know if i should add anything else)

words: 1.1k

a/n: hi cuties i’m very excited about sharing this story with you all. this will be angsty and involve some dark elements (not something i’ve written before) PLEASE PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS before continuing. feedback is appreciated!!

-> Next Chapter

DO NOT COPY MY WORK!!

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Run. Hide. Fight- Surrender.

Those words were still buzzing in your ear. How could your own father do this to you? Truth be told he wasn’t your father, he adopted you, took you in. But what happened to the man who was always kind to you.

At that moment you were nothing but a tool, a pawn in his bigger plans. Alexander Pierce, a cold hearted leader and no longer a caring father.

That morning when he called you to his office you felt happy. You were lonely, you didn’t have a lot of friends, well how could you, when you weren’t even allowed to go out of the house much, and if you did then either with a bodyguard or in the presence of your father. It was once in a blue moon. Pierce prioritised his work, work you didn’t know much about, everything felt like a secret.

When you entered his office, his gaze on you was cold, and maybe a very tiny hit of sadness but a sly and determined look soon overtook his expressions.

“Daughter, you have always wanted to help me, help my work haven’t you?” Was he finally going to ask you to work for him? You smiled and nodded.

“Well then, I have something for you, in fact it’s quite a big responsibility, think you can handle it?” Pierce’s tone was taunting and you didn’t like it one bit.

“I won’t disappoint you”

“Very well than, come on, I would like you to meet someone”

It all happened too quickly, the air cold around you, and you couldn’t believe your own eyes. The sight in front of you, never before had you seen something- someone like this.

A large man trapped, inside a cage? or is it a room? Even though he looked so human, there was no single expression to be found on his face, as if made out of stone.

“Wha- who is this father?” Pierce smirked

“This? My key to victory” You looked confused. None of it made sense.

“Sir, everything is ready” One of Pierce’s men spoke up. Alexander Pierce had a devious smile on his face. He looked at you.

“Daughter, finally you have some purpose, do not fail me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Pierce nodded to point at the man inside the cage. He gave a brief history about who the winter soldier is. You were shocked, you felt blood draining from your body. Worst part was you still didn’t understand how you can be of any help?

“You see, the serum in soldat, has great potential, our scientists believe, if someone is born with the serum they will be even stronger” With each word, you felt your heart beating faster. “You my sweet daughter will be the key to that. Don’t worry your head over it hm? Just surrender to the Soldier, you can run if you want, hide too, but he will find you. There is no use to fight, no one can fight the soldier, let alone you. Surrender and you never know he might just show mercy.”

Reality was slipping from under your feet as you were sucked into a nightmare. It couldn’t be happening, no way on earth your father would do this to you. Then again, this wasn’t earth, this was hell and you’re about to be a part of it.

“Why me? I can’t, I won’t.” Pierce laughed at that.

“You won’t? After everything I’ve done for you? You ungrateful good for nothing girl you think.”

“Why me?” You kept on repeating, in between heavy sobs

“Because I said so. Because I have spent so much money on you, fed you, kept you healthy, given you shelter. I gave you everything and now it’s time you did something for me.”

Without thinking your feet started moving on their own. You ran as fast as you could,

you didn’t even know where you were going.

“Give the soldier his new target.” Pierce ordered one of his men.

Your body was moving on its own, it felt never ending, you kept running. A door was in sight, maybe you could make it. Almost there- almost.

A metal hand landed on your shoulder and you gasped loudly, you didn’t want to turn, didn’t want to face your future.

“Don’t Run” the voice sent chills to your whole body, suddenly you couldn’t move, frozen in your place. Soldier grabbed your arm and pulled you. The fight and flight ignited in you once more and you screamed ‘no’

It made no difference, soldat easily pulled you back, you cried and yelled but no use. He put you in front of your father, as was ordered.

“Well then daughter, I see you’ve met soldat.” In your wildest dreams and worst nightmares never a thought occurred where your father would treat you no better than a mere object.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Pierce laughed at your question

“It’s not about you, it was never about you, you will just play a small role in a much bigger game.”

“My life is a game to you?” Rage consumed your body. Rage, fear, disgust.

You were taken by your father’s men to a room and locked inside. The room was surprisingly nice, too nice, you felt your body revolting, you wanted to throw up.

A victorian style bedroom painted red and gold but modern furniture and decor. The roses on the bedside table didn’t provide any joy, it was clear to you the thorns could prick you any moment.

The massive door opened as the Soldat walked inside. You were petrified to say the least. His hair long, face showed no emotions, his silver metal arm glistening in the light. Everything about Soldat screamed power at the same time. He was no man, he was hydra’s weapon. But what about the man? Was he doing everything willingly? You know they kept him in a cage, but why? There was more to the story and you could feel it.

Soldat took a few steps towards you and you stepped back. He didn’t say anything, just looked at you. Scanned you. Assessed you.

“Why- why are you here?” You asked but didn’t receive an answer.

“Wait- We can talk, don’t do this. Please”. No answer.

“Soldat?” At that the man let out a soft grunt. The way you called him, sparked something inside him.

Your tears, the way you were shaking, none of that was supposed to matter to the Winter Soldier. Then why? Hydra made sure he was immune to all human emotions, except only rage. Then why?

Soldat turned around and left the room without another word. You kept standing in your place, no idea about what just happened or what would happen in the future.

All you knew, that was not the end but only the beginning.

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series masterlist | next chapter

taglist: @cjand10

[ultralightpoe]

Mini Me - Bucky Barnes

Authors Note: HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Word Count: 956

Warnings: none

Description: Small halloween blurb. - reader is a single mother

This is apart of my Halloween event, stay tuned for a new story every hour!

Happy Halloween!

Being normal was hard. 

Not that Bucky had ever thought any of this would be easy, leaving the history of the winter soldier behind was going to be impossible, but he was going to give it a shot. 

He got an apartment and a nice bedframe………that he kept empty and chose to sleep on the floor since it seemed to help with the anxiety of it all. It’s what he knew. 

He got a therapist……. That he often lied to. 

But as much as he panicked about not being able to blend in and not being able to catch up, there were some things that Bucky found he liked about his new life. 

The absolute biggest being the wonderful woman that lived across the hall from him with her small daughter. The two people in this building that had actually made him feel like a human being after years of torture and misery. 

He remembers the first day he met you both, when he had first moved in and you had welcomed him with a welcome basket that your daughter refused to let you hold. It was too heavy for her to carry and she obviously struggled to hold it up, the smile on her face more of a grimace that showed her missing tooth. When you went to help her she cried out and moved away which made you pull back quickly and look at him with an apologizing look. 

You had invited him to breakfast, he had not gone until a couple months later when you both invited him again and the beating in his heart absolutely demanded he go. 

Now he was here, pacing back and forth in his apartment dressed and ready to go as he waits until he hears you two leave your apartment. 

This would be his first halloween he would see in the new world, and you had both done him the honor of inviting him to go trick or treating with you. And he was so excited, though it was too late to come up with a really cool costume he had managed to snag a pirate costume from a place called Spirit Halloween at the last moment and he was really hoping you both liked it. 

He finally hears y/d rustling about out in the hall and takes a deep breath in, trying to calm himself down before he opens his front door slowly and finds you both standing in the middle of the hall waiting with big smiles on your faces. 

His eyes meet your own, dressed as an old witch, and he can’t fight the blush that fills his cheeks before he looks down to the young one and his heart completely stops. 

She is barely containing her own excitement, your hands on her shoulders the only thing keeping her still as Bucky looks at the winter soldier costume she had made. The silver arm made him smile. 

“She wanted to go as her hero.” You smile and he can do nothing but nod with a large smile on his face. 

“I am completely honored.”

“LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO!” Y/d screams, escaping your hands and dashing to him where he easily catches her with his flesh arm. 

“Trick or treating?” He asks, looking to you as you shake your head. 

“Too early. Dinner first.” 

- 

Multiple people had stopped by your table at dinner to compliment the family costumes, and by the time you had all eaten and it was time to trick or treat y/d had a firm hold on his hand, allowing him to lift her every so often to make sure she didn’t trip as you both took him door to door. 

He was having the absolute time of his life. 

But finally the night was coming to an end and he held two fulls bags of candy in his metal arm and carried Y/d in his other arm from where she fell asleep in his arms. Her cheek smushed against his shoulder, some of the eyeliner from the winter soldier swiping on the fabric of his own costume. 

“I can carry something-” You offer once more before he shakes his head. 

“I’ve got it.” You nod at his answer, walking beside him. Truth was he was so incredibly happy that you let him hold your daughter, that you trusted him enough to carry her. And his heart practically melted when he realized your daughter trusted him enough to fall asleep on his shoulder. “Thank you for inviting me, by the way.”

“Oh, thank you for coming with us. We both had a wonderful time.” 

“So did I.” You were both getting to the entrance of the building and Bucky cringes as a loud horn blasts and he can only hope it doesn’t wake his mini me up. “Would you…. Maybe ever consider getting dinner sometime?” 

His voice is tight and he feels like he is about to melt at how hot his skin is. You smile sweetly as you watch him before tilting your head. 

“We have dinner and breakfast every week, Buck.” 

He can’t stop the nerves, cringing at his own awkwardness. “I…. well I meant like a- okay well- It’s just-”

“I would love to go on a date.” You whisper, leaning forward to plant a small kiss on the corner of his lips and he can’t help but smile. “Y/d has been trying to convince me to marry you for weeks now.”

“I knew I loved her for a reason.” Bucky laughs, looking down to where the girl is actively snoring. 

Overall his first halloween with you guys was a great one, and he could not wait for next year as well.

[wannabemurdock]

BONKY

Bite Me, Bucky Barnes

masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x gn!reader

Summary: emotions are fucked, aye?

Word count: 484 words

Contains: allusions to smut. cussing. attitude

Notes: this post is broken as fuck. If you want it to work, please use the website. I got way too carried away. It was going to be hate fucking and then it got emotional and I’m just as confused as y’all tbh

Minors do not interact

Requests are open

not my gif (probably could’ve chosen a better one tho)

“You have some fucking audacity, don’t you?” You ignore him as you storm out of the hangar. The white noise of the quinjets engine does little to drone him out. He doesn’t deserve the time of day after that shit fight of a mission.

“Bite me, James.” The doors to the elevator shut just before he starts running his mouth again. You lean against the cool glass, hoping to ground yourself before you get to your floor. Exhaustion starting to overtake you in the far too long ride to the residential floor of the tower.

“How the fuck did you get here?” Of course Bucky’s standing there waiting for you to get out. A scowl scratched across his face as you rolls your eyes. Anger bubbles in your chest as a foul taste develops in your mouth at the sight of him.

“I ran.” You push past him, making your way to your apartment. Tears welling in your eyes as the walk feels never ending. Bucky tailing you has you speeding up. Your muscles ache after such a strenuous mission, mental and physical exhaustion has you at the end of your fuse and Bucky was not helping. His hand catches to door before it shuts.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me.” He slams the door to your apartment before pinning you against the wall. You can’t help but stare him. His cheeks flushed and breathing heavy. “Do you understand how incredibly stupid you are, yo-“

You can’t hear him as you focus on the tiny details of his face. The way his eyelashes curve. The fresh stubble spread across his jaw. The tear sliding down his cheek.

The what?

“I can take care of myself, Y/n. You do not need to put yourself in danger to protect me! I- I-“ he pushes his hair out of his face, breathes shaky as he tries not to make eye contact with you. The anger from earlier has entirely dissipated as the realisation hits you.

“Shut up, Barnes.” You whisper, unsure of what to do next. You wipe your hands on your pants, as his head snaps back to you. Heart racing, you start feeling lightheaded.

“What did you just-“ As if on autopilot, you pull him in close. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kiss him with every fibre of your being. Your hands tangle in his hair, trying to drag him closer to you. Not satisfied till you two are one person. His arms cage you in against him. His stubble scratches your chin, contrasting the soft plush of his lips. Muscle and metal impossibly tight around your waist. Unable to loosen in fear of you slipping away.

Your hips press against him, desperate for anything he would be kind enough to give you. A soft whimper escapes him, vulnerability turning his brain to mush.

“Just fuck me already, Barnes.” You plea against him.

“Fuck me already, Barnes.” You whisper against him.

“Fuck me already, Barnes.” You whisper against him.

“I can take care of myself, Y/n. You do not need to put yourself in danger to protect me! I- I-“ he pushes his hair out of his face, breathes shaky as he tries not to make eye contact with you. The anger from earlier has entirely dissipated as the realisation hits you.

“Shut up, Barnes.” You whisper, unsure of what to do next. You wipe your hands on your pants, as his head snaps back to you. Heart racing, you start feeling lightheaded.

“What did you just-“ As if on autopilot, you pull him in close. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kiss him with every fibre of your being. Your hands tangle in his hair, trying to drag him closer to you. Not satisfied till you two are one person. His arms cage you in against him. His stubble scratches your chin, contrasting the soft plush of his lips. Muscle and metal impossibly tight around your waist. Unable to loosen in fear of you slipping away. Your hips press against him, desperate for anything he would be kind enough to give you. A soft whimper escapes him, vulnerability turning his brain to mush.

“Fuck me already, Barnes.” You whisper against him.

[saltsicklover]

24,901 Miles

Title: 24,901 Miles

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First Person)

Word Count: 1,800

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Swearing, Angst and Fluff

Disclaimer: I do not own Bucky Barnes, or anything related to Marvel within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

We have always been the most intimate in crowded rooms; yards apart eyes catching each others' knowing glances. The way his fingers trace gently over the Windsor knot of his tie, adjusting the already perfect garment- maybe he still hasn't gotten used to the way the silk sits against the collar of his shirt, or maybe he knows my gaze will be drifting over the bloom of scabs and scrapes that decorate his knuckles like jewels. 

He cut his hair but his hands still drift up to the sides of his face, brushing his fingertips over the well trimmed, effectively shaved hair in an effort to tuck it behind his ears. I can feel a smile tug at the corners of my lips when he catches himself half way through the movement, arm bent, hand reaching, before he stumbles over his own movements, electing to run a hand over his dark stubble instead. I catch the sideways dash of his eyes as he drops his hand back to his side, effectively tucking it in his pocket to keep himself from making another false move. 

I catch him watching me adjust the straps of my high heel, one foot up on a chair. He leans against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest, watching- studying- as I struggle with the small buckles. By the time I set both feet back on the ground and pull the hem of my dress back down in place, he has drifted to the other side of the room again, making small talk with the other party goers. I hold a glass up to him from across the room, the chilled champagne numbing the tips of my fingers, a sharp contrast to warmth of the blush that rolls over on my skin at his smile. 

Our paths drift back together as the night rolls on, the mugginess of the late summer air dissipating into the most refreshing cool breeze. He stands outside, eyes wandering over the lights of the city, the movement slow and deliberate, like he is trying to take in every single twinkle and blink of each individual light of the cityscape below us. I watch the dance of the lights through his whiskey dark eyes and nothing has felt more augur than this moment- I could see our entire future in his eyes, each moment written in a flurry of city lights. 

"James," My voice small and strained from overuse. I clear my throat a bit, before trying again, "James." He turns to look at me this time, pieces of myself melting like candle wax while the sense of smoke billows through my head. "What's a doll dizzy man like yourself doing out here all alone?" The smile that blooms across his face is the brightest I have ever seen. 

"The prettiest dame at the party just wandered out here, so why on Earth would I be in there with Tony and the like getting sauced?" He chuckles, eyes wandering over the crest of my shoulder and down to my wrist. 

"How long are we going to keep this up, James?" I question him, gesturing between us. He doesn't bother to turn and meet my eyes, his sight still falling over the skyline.

"How long are you going to keep calling me James?" He shoots back, rubbing at the back of his neck, more in an attempt to work out the anxious energy that builds between us than anything. I wander up to his side, positioning myself at the railing. The metal is cold through the fabric of my dress but the heat that rolls off James is more than enough to stifle the goosebumps that threaten to encapsulate my skin. 

"You look nice in purple," I dodge his question, fingers gripping over the railing to steady myself. We brush elbows. My heart thrums beneath my ribcage, blood coursing through my ears. 

"I didn't even think they made ties out of silk anymore. After they started rationing for the war effort, Ma always bought Pa and I wool ties. These are much more comfortable," He runs his hand down the length of his tie, palm brushing it flat against his chest, "But I'm always worried this damn knot is comin' loose." He cocks his body more towards mine, eyes still planted firmly on the silk tie. I turn towards him, my hand finding purchase on the soft silk knot, the other swatting away his hand before pulling the material tight with careful fingertips. 

He ventures a careful glance at me, tongue poking out from between his teeth. I run a hand down his chest for a moment before pulling back, turning my attention back towards the darkness of New York. I swear I could feel his heart threatening to break through his chest, but I try not to dwell on it. 

"Do your hands hurt?" My voice is quieter now. 

"Not much," He shrugs, "Why, you worried about me, doll?" 

I can't fight the sigh that escapes my lips. "Don't do that, James," 

"Don't do what, doll?" He questions me, throwing a look my way, over the bulk of his shoulder. His eyebrows are furrowed and low, a soft but perturbed look painting his features. 

"That! Call me 'doll'" I lean down, pressing my forehead to the chilled railing in a shallow attempt to keep a level head, "You can't just dodge my question and then pull shit like that, James, that's not how it works," I huff. 

"Don't go acting all cockeyed, thinking I'm the only one dodging questions here, doll," And there it is again, that damn nickname that manages to break me and put me back together again with four simple, little letters. I know we aren't going to get anywhere with all of this back and fourth, sometimes, something's gotta give. 

"I call you James because that's your name," Our elbows brush again and I can't tell if he did it on purpose or if we are just drawn to each other. 

"I don't know how many time's I've gotta tell you this, but you can call me Bucky," His voice is somewhere between a huff and a plea, either way exasperated. I can't call him that, no matter how many times he asks, because that's what his friends call him. That's what his team calls him. That's what a girlfriend should call him. I am none of those things. 

"Eleven."

"What?"

"You've asked me to call you that eleven times. Every single party that we have been at-" I want to say 'together' but I stop myself, because we have never been at a single one of these damn parties together. He turns to me but I don't face him. It's my turn to make constellations out of the city lights. "I have been at eleven of these damn things for Tony, and I don't even know why he would want a journalist at his parties, but I show up every time. Not because I want to see him, either."

"Eleven? You counted?" His tone is soft like it's shadowing some sort of disbelief instead of interrogative like it should be.

"How long are we going to keep up whatever this is?" I look him in the eye now, my tone pleading to mask the hurt blooming behind my ribcage. I can feel pinprick tears beginning to form in the corners of my eyes. He just looks at me with disbelief, no, refusal. 

"You counted how many time's I have asked you to call me 'Bucky', and yet, you still won't do it. You keep calling me James, and yeah, that's my name, doll, but you're too, you're too-" He gestures up and down, palms to the sky like he is pleading with an all knowing force.

"I'm too what, James?" There is pain in my words now. I blink back the tears, refusing to let them fall. There is too much space between us now, not physically, but emotionally- we are more distant now than we have ever been. James lets out a gruff sound of annoyance. 

"You're too goddamn important to me, okay?" He almost shouts at me, hands buried in his hair. "You know who called me James? Hydra. When I wasn't 'Soldier', or 'Asset', or 'Weapon' I was James. That name makes me sick, now." 

"Oh, God, I am- I am so sorry. I didn't, I didn't know," I attempt to apologize, neither of us attempting to make eye contact. 

"It's not your fault, don't worry about it," He tried to brush it off, waving his hand.

"I can't believe I have been coming to these parties to see you and I've just ended up insulting you every single time! Oh my God, I am so sorry." I burry my face in my hands, trying to hide the embarrassment and raspberry blush that now stains my face. My whole body burns as I relive every time I have called him James, over and over again on fast forward. "I don't blame you if you want to get as far away from me as possible."

"You know, the closer we are together is technically the furthest away from each other we can ever possibly be, if you trace the path around the Earth the other direction," He takes a half a step closer to me, closer than he has ever been before, "So, sure, I can get further away," 

"What are you doing?" I question him, voice wavering. 

"I'm getting as far away from you as possible," He reaches out, grabbing my hands in his, enveloping them with the wide expanse of his fingers. He pulls me closer, placing my hands against his chest firmly before snaking one hand around my waist, the other coming up to brush over my cheek. He leans forward, capturing my lips with his in a heat filled kiss that leaves me breathless. He pulls back quickly, eyes searching my face for any sort of discomfort.  A smile pulls at the corner of my lips, my heart fluttering in my chest. I let myself step just a fraction closer, my chest pressing against his. He smiles down at me, eyes sparkling brighter than any of the lights in the city. I run my knuckles over his cheekbone.

"You never did answer my question,"

"I am going to keep this up as long as you let me. There is no one I'd rather be further away from, doll," He winks at me. 

"24,901miles between us and you're still a flirt," I chide, pushing his shoulder playfully. 

"I've been flirting with you for eleven of these parties, I'm just happy it finally got us somewhere."

"Me too, Bucky, me too," I pull him down for a kiss, but the wide smile he wears leaves me giggling against his lips from 24,901miles away.

[aimless-imagines-for-fun]

A Dream

Part FIVE of The Soldat and The Flower  :: ONE  ,  TWO  ,  THREE , FOUR

Pairing :: Soldat!Bucky Banres x Petite fem!Reader

Warnings :: Overall sad vibes by the end, Bad Dream, Some Stockholm Syndrome, Slight Possessive Behavior

Word Count ::  1,271

Summary :: The Soldat has an almost perfect little domestic dream

A/N :: Gonna be honest, I meant for this to be a happy little "what if", but... Imma a little sad so- Yeah.

“Heya pal, got any special plans with your girl tonight?” A blond fella asked The Man.

He walked up to him as he knew him, a friendly smile on his face. Even though he didn’t know his name, The Man felt comfortable with The Blond. He was a friend, he was sure of it.

The Man smiled, giving The Blond a small shrug. “Just dinner, like always. What about you…” He trailed off, trying to remember his friend’s name, but he couldn’t. Who is he again? Who…?

Before he could question it any longer, The Blond spoke, “Just gonna take care of my mom tonight. She isn’t feeling too well. I’m thinking about introducing-” HONK “-to her. Hey, my mom also wanted to thank-” HONK “-for that flower arrangement she sent her-” HONK “-has a real talent with those flowers. She’d do great as a florist, don’t ya think-” HONK.

The Man nodded, agreeing quietly while wondering why the cars passing by today were so noisy.

After a short walk with his friend, the minutes blurring into a blob of time thanks to The Blond’s chit-chat, The Man was home.

He walked in greeted first by the scent of lilies, then by the beautiful voice of his flower. “Oh, you’re just in time darling! I just finished up dinner so it’s nice and hot.”

She stepped out of the kitchen wearing a slightly stained apron over a pale yellow dress. She had a large grin on her face, opening her arms up to be hugged by The Man.

After taking off his coat, he made a few long strides to get over to her and lift her up in the air in their embrace. She giggled happily, twirling in the air. When she was finally placed back down, she pulled him down by his tie to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“How was work today, B-” Ding! “-Oh! The cookies are ready,” She rushed back into the kitchen.

“Same old, same old,” He called out, following after her.

Walking into the kitchen, The Man saw a large bowl of spaghetti, cooked greens, and slices of bread on the side all set on the table for their dinner. She pulled out a hot tray of shortbread cookies, placing them on the counter to cool.

The two sat down, beginning to enjoy their meal together as The Lady told him about her day. She tended to her garden, gave the neighbors a bouquet of chrysanthemums as a thank you for a cookbook they had gifted her, and then read stories about Robin Hood.

“What about you, darling?”

He gave her a small look before averting his gaze to his plate. A small knot formed in his stomach when he thought about work. “It was fine. Like I said earlier, same old-”

“Same old,” She sighed. “You always say that about work.”

“Because there’s not much to talk about. You’d be bored by what I do.” He couldn’t quite recall why he didn’t enjoy talking about work, all he knew was that it wasn’t pleasant. He did the sort of job one wouldn’t share in front of polite company, that much he knew.

“I don’t know what you do.”

“Well, you wouldn’t want to because it’s-”

“Boring?” She stood up, walking over to the now-cooled tray of cookies. “Do you keep it a secret because you think I’d call you a monster if I found out?”

“Excuse me?” His brows furrowed, his heartbeat picking up at the thought of her being disgusted by him. “What did you just say?”

She began placing the cookies in a blue cookie jar. “I said, do you keep it a secret because you’re trying to keep Steve out of trouble all day instead of actual work?”

“Oh, yeah…” He thought for a moment. Who the hell is Steve? That name sounds familiar. Isn’t that… Yeah, it is that blond guy. Steve. “You know how Steve can be.” It felt odd saying his name.

With both of them full, The Lady began to clean up the dishes while The Man packed away the leftovers. After they had cleaned up, they headed to the living room to listen to Bing Crosby on the radio. The piano played softly before a deep voice started singing. They sat on the couch together, happy with one another’s company while doing nothing.

The Lady held his hand, fidgeting with his fingers. “Darling, do you love me?”

“That’s a silly question. Of course, I do flower.” He grabbed her chin with his free hand, pulling her attention from their hands to his face. He glanced over her features. The corners of her lips were down, her eyes were glossy. “What’s wrong? Why are you asking this?”

“Well… it’s because you never say my name.”

He was about to protest until he realized she was right. He never said her name because The Soldat didn’t know The Flower’s name. He didn’t even know his own. He didn’t know who he was.

-

The Soldat’s eyes shot open, the sight of a sleeping flower before him. He glanced behind her to see a blank white wall, not a wall covered in blue wallpaper.

In silence, he stared at The Flower, wondering for the first time who they each were before they were brought together. If their lives would have ever intertwined before. If she’d still choose him outside of these four walls.

The thought of them not being together saddened him. His arms tightened around her just a bit, a part of him wanting to make sure this was real.

-

When The Flower woke up, she smiled seeing that The Soldat was still in bed with her. That was until she noticed the depressed expression he had. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, bringing her hand up to his cheek. “Are you going away for a few days again?”

“No. I just realized…” He was hesitant to reveal what caused his anxiety. He was eased by her caressing his cheek, sure that she’d respond positively. “I don’t know your name.”

Her concerned gaze turned neutral, lips turning into a thin line. “...You don’t?” She asked, surprised he had never asked Dr. Kreischer, or had been told already.

The more she thought about it though, he only ever called her “Flower”. At least he had given her some sort of name, she didn’t have one for him.

“Well, I don’t know your name either, so it’s okay if you don’t know mine.” She gave him a sad smile, “In fact, it’s probably best we don’t know each other’s names.” Her eyes began to water, but the tears didn’t stream yet.

His frown grew. “Why?”

She averted her gaze, beginning to twirl some of his hair in her hands. “When I was little, there was a stray cat on my street that my mom and I fed. We couldn’t keep it because our landlord didn’t allow us to have pets. I always wanted to name the cat, but my mom wouldn’t let me. She said if we did, we’d grow attached to it and it would hurt more if the cat stopped showing up one day.” She looked back at him, tears now rolling down. “If we know each other’s names, it’ll hurt more if we’re ever separated.”

He was quick to wipe away her tears. “We won’t be. I promise.”

“And I’m sure you’ll do your best to make sure we’re not, but life is tricky to manipulate.” She sat up, ready to end the conversation and start her daily routine. “Besides, I like being called your flower.”

.

.

.

.

Tags:

@ivybarns   ,  @glimmering-darling-dolly  ,  @sergntbarnes​  ,  @vicmc624​ , @cjand10​, @hallecarey1​ , @kitty4860​

[subwaysurf45]

Going Out and Coming In

Summary: having you come out to the club was always a treat in Bucky’s eyes, you were never one to party like the rest of them. With all the alcohol and music bumping through your viens it’s hard to keep your hands off of Bucky, and he knows it too. 

Pairing: College!Bucky x College!Reader

Words: 5k

Warnings: SMUT: edgining, denial, oral (m4f), praise kink. Alcohol, drunk reader, the tiniest amount of peer pressure, fluff anf fun!

Masterlist

You: Hey just got out of class, want me to grab a coffee for you? 

Bucky: E-Transfer: $10

Bucky: Sure, just that coffee you got me last time, forget the name of it but it was really good!

You: are we going to pass over the E-Transfer like it didn’t happen?

Bucky: Yes

Bucky: No questions. Just coffee. 

After reading the texts you just stood in line with the feeling of a blush creeping on your face, you accepted the money and had it ready when you walked up to the cash. It was a nice coffee shop you went to all the time and had recently introduced to your no-label-but-you’re-very-exclusive-friend-who-is-also-a-boy. He wanted to meet you between classes for an hour so you sent him the address, he was there when you showed up and kept looking around the small coffee shop, a smile staying on his face. That felt like forever ago, now you went on a coffee run whenever you were heading over to his place after classes. 

“Hi, can I get two vanilla lattes?” you asked and the barista nodded. You paid and waited off to the side, sending a text to Bucky to let him know you were coming over soon. 

He sent a winky face as a response, you cleared it away and saw your lock screen. Bucky asked if you wanted to see his family after a while of hanging out, it was around eight months into the labelless relationship and his mom was asking about who he posted on his Instagram. You went with him back home and met everyone, one night the entire family went out for dinner. His mom had taken out her phone and asked you two to pose, Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulders, you leaned into his hold and placed a hand on his chest for support. When the countdown hit one Bucky leaned over and kissed your cheek, leaving the photo to capture your surprised face. He had kept that as his lock screen forever, even now after two and half years. 

Both drinks were ready, you walked off of campus and to the apartment buildings that you both lived in. you didn’t live together but you both lived in the same building but on different floors, it was really nice to be able to walk up a few staircases to give him a goodnight kiss. Speaking of stairs, when you reached level eight- the elevator was broken -you were basically sweating. 

With your foot you kicked the door, Bucky opened it with a smile on his face. He could tell you were out of breath from walking up all those stairs but chose not to comment on it, he just giggled to himself and let you walk all the way in. 

“Hey, Baby,” he hugged you once the coffees were put down, “thanks for the coffee.” 

“It was your money,” you laughed in his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you. 

“Whatever,” he whispered. After taking a few sips he followed you into his room, Sam and Steve were both at class but they’d be back in time to hit the club. “Do you need to study?” He asked over his shoulder as he fell back onto his bed, you nodded and assumed a spot as his desk. 

Early on in your relationship you had been open about your small issue with being too attached to your grades, Bucky thought nothing of it until exam season rolled around and you were up very late studying every day. You had lied once and said you were heading home, Bucky trusted his gut and went to the library to find you curled up in a blanket, looking like you were going to stay there for a long time. 

Even when you two would hang out between classes you’d still get your studying in somehow, Bucky had to learn to accept it or else you wouldn’t be present because you’d be thinking of everything you were missing out on. 

When everything you needed to get done was done you crawled onto his navy sheets and curled on his chest, Bucky wrapped his arms around you and held you close. He had noticed you had been down the past few days, there were assignments getting in the way of your relationship and you tried your best to balance but it was hard, all you ever knew was focus on your school and nothing else. 

“I think tonight is going to be good for you,” Bucky whispered as he planted a kiss on your head, “seeing your friends, getting a few drinks in you, being outside of your dorm and all that,” Bucky rubbed your back, “the guys miss you, Nat misses you a lot.”

“I know,” you sighed. 

“And that’s not to make you feel guilty,” he reached over and drank his coffee, “it’s to remind you that you’ve got people in your corner who love you and care about you more than your grades, alright?” 

“Alright,” you looked up at him and kissed his jaw line, his lips were too far away. 

Getting ready together was alway something you looked forward to, you would hog the bathroom while you did your makeup and Bucky would have to lean over you to add the product to his hair. The music would be playing from the speaker and the both of you would dance around one another. 

Your dress was black, one you had worn before. You had added a bit of volume to your hair and did a little more than your normal makeup routine. Bucky was sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone while you did the final touches. You sprayed your setting spray that you were convinced was just water and tapped a little more lip gloss on your lips. 

“I’m ready!” you sang, walked out into the main room. You thought Bucky was just going to be there but Sam and Steve were there as well, pregaming. “Oh,” you laughed, “I didn’t hear you guys come in.” 

“We’re spies,” Natasha came from behind you and hugged you, making you turn around and hug her properly. With a smile you squeezed her tightly, you hadn’t seen her in a while and it was so nice to hug her.

“The uber is going to be here in five,” Sam said as he poured another shot, “want one?” he tipped the top of the bottle towards you. 

“Sure,” you nodded, looking over to see Bucky walk over. 

Alcohol was always weird for you, it’s not that you were a complete lightweight but compared to Bucky you were. Weed on the other hand sat better with your system but you couldn’t smoke in the club, you were also out of gummies. If you were at a house party that was way more casual you’d break out a joint or find someone with a bowl you could use, but clubs were much different. 

Natasha set up her camera, it was a tradition to record the first group shot. You stood beside Bucky as his hand reached around to hold your waist, immediately feeling warm. Everyone counted down and took back the shot, it burned for a second before swallowing. You never understood why people try to keep from making a face, everyone knew vodka tasted awful and you let it show. 

Everyone laughed and you hid your face in Bucky’s chest, trying not to completely embarrass yourself in front of Natasha’s story due to your pure disgust towards the taste. Bucky laughed and rubbed your back, “how’re you feeling?” he giggled in your ear and laughed as you looked up at him, “the first one is the hardest.” 

“I know,” you sighed, “I just want my drink and not shots.”

“It’s a shots night, baby!” Natasha cheered and headed to the door, the car was here. 

The drive was quick, you could walk but it was too cold for the dresses you and Natasha were wearing. You had been to this club before many times, it’s not like you had never been to a single party before but for every three times Bucky goes out, you go out once. You definitely were a homebody. 

You could hear the club before you were inside, the base making the neon lights flicker from how old they were. You were there at the perfect time, allowing you to get in free. Once you had squeezed through the door you quickly turned around and grabbed Bucky’s hand, holding it tightly as you moved through the dancefloor to try and find a spot to hunker down for the night. 

It was loud and people were already sweating alcohol, there was no care that there was a group trying to squeeze through, people were throwing their arms around and trying to make a mosh pit which was something you would never take part in - no matter how drunk you were. 

Once you found an area you all squished in the booth, Steve didn’t sit down and took everyone’s drink order. You needed to get tipsy before getting on the floor and that shot was starting to buzz, you were sitting on Bucky’s thigh as you looked around to see everyone dancing. 

Sam went out and found his date, you hadn’t seen her before but then again, most of Sam’s dates are like single use plastic to him. She was tall with extremely tanned skin, when she waved you knew right away it was fake tan, she hadn’t rubbed it in properly on her hands. 

Wanting to tell Bucky you looked over your shoulder to find him already looking at you, letting his chin rest on your shoulder blade. He smiled at you and kissed your cheek, “I’m serious if you get too overwhelmed, you have to tell me.” 

You looked around to see no one was paying attention to you two, “I know but I don’t want to be babied, I don’t want you asking every five seconds or I'll just get annoyed, okay?” Bucky nodded quickly, silently saying duh. “You know my tell-tale signs.” 

“I do,” he kissed your cheek again, “and I’ll only get overprotective if I see a guy look below your waist or if you squeeze my hand three times.” He nodded with you before turning back to Steve and taking his drink, you took yours as well and began to drink right away. 

“So, Sammy,” you cleared your throat, “how many times have you taken in the fact that you two share the same name?” you asked the girl who sat beside Sam. 

“My name is actually Samantha,” she laughed, “but I’ve definitely thought about it.” Everyone laughed, “no one really calls me that, only Sammy.” 

“I’ll make sure to call you that then,” you smiled and held out your drink, clinking the plastic with hers. 

Everyone took their turn going to get drinks before you all migrated to the dance floor, dancing around and singing to the popular songs. The great thing about going out with everyone was how they got along on the dance floor, there was no shoving or grabbing, just making eye contact with someone and doing the same stupid dance move until you both doubled over in laughter. 

You, Natasha, and Sammy created your own group and found your way to the bar, drunkenly ordering and doing shots to Nat’s request. She recorded some but kept ordering them, Sammy had no issue throwing them back. They laughed when you pucker your lips to try and fight the burn, the chaser did nothing at all. 

“Let’s head back!” Natasha yelled over the music, you had felt pretty good up until then. The moment you pushed off the bar and began to walk the shots hit you like a wave, you stumbled for a moment and grabbed Natasha’s elbow and followed her back. 

Through the sea of people you saw Bucky laughing with his friends, holding his beer and jumping around. The lights and the thin layer of sweat made him look amazing, his smile flashed as the strobe lights passed his face. You could feel his charm from across the floor, it was why you fell in love with him. The closer you got the harder you bit your lip, feeling your need to be near him grow stronger. 

Who knew what alcohol made you feel like this but from the way he was looking, you could pull him to a bathroom stall right now and get down on both knees without question, there was something about him in that particular moment that made you swoon. 

The boys were still dancing, you quickly found Bucky and took hold of both his wrists. His eyes searched your face but before he could ask if you were okay you leaned up and kissed him. When you pulled away you kept his bottom lip wedged between your teeth, he jolted back with an ‘ow’ and reached up to touch his lip, a bit of blood was on his finger. 

You giggled and wrapped yourself around his neck, tucking your face in his sweet spot and licking a stripe before starting to suck, his large hands gripped your waist before pushing you back slightly. 

“What did you drink up there?” he said with a smirk, you could tell he was loving this. 

“A fucking love potion I guess,” you said out of breath, “because I could literally mount you right now back at the booth and fuck your brains out,” you went back to his neck and left another start of a bruise 

When you pulled back Bucky was looking up at the ceiling, everyone else had no idea what was going on and just thought you were being clingy. His nostrils were flared as he tried to calm himself, you were giggling and fiddling with his shirt collar. 

“I should get drunk more often because I’m fucking loving it and I’m loving the moment right now,” you laughed and Bucky kissed your forehead.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time,” he laughed and pulled you in for a hug, “but you being this horny is going to be the death of me, you know I can’t control myself, baby,” he whispered in your ear, feeling his hot breath rush down your neck your grip his biceps harder, nails digging into his skin. 

Suddenly you were deep in the dance floor, jumping around and singing to the songs as loud as you could. Most of the time you and Bucky were in your own world, touching each other all the time as you danced. But other times a circle was formed and you all watched one another dance, holding hands and blending in with the other groups. The drinks were starting to wear off from all the physical activity so you all headed to the bar again, shooting back a few more shots even though deep down you wanted to sip a drink but that wasn’t practical for what you were doing on the floor. 

“One more!” They cheered towards the bartender. 

“One less for me!” you called out and he nodded, pouring everyone a shot except for you. 

“Come on, y/n!” Nat laughed, “it’s only one more, I wanted to take a video this time.” 

“Let me record it,” you held your hand out but quickly finding Bucky’s forearm for balance, the sudden movements after the shots made you realize just how many you actually had, again. In another world you could take another, but right now you were fully at your limit and honestly a little above it. 

“No!” Sammy chimed in now, “one last group shot.” 

“No guys,” you shook your head and immediately placed your other hand on Bucky’s forearm, your heels were not helping with your lack of balance. They attempted to cheer you until you squeezed Bucky’s hand three times. 

“She said no, alright?” it was almost like he hadn’t drank all night, but he definitely did. “So she’ll record and we all drink,” he looked down at you and kissed your forehead for what seemed like the millionth time tonight. 

You held the phone out as they all shot one back, after swallowing first Bucky reached out and took the phone, flipping it around so you could wave as well. With the amount of drinks flowing in everyone’s system they all forgot about what just happened and headed back in, Bucky waited for a moment before turning to you. 

His eyes were hooded and it was cute to see him fight towards sobriety in case you needed him, “can I ask if you’re okay?” he smiled and leaded forward and wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“I’m okay, thank you for that,” you kissed his cheek and took his hand as he helped you walk back towards the group. 

Midnight had come and gone but the party kept moving, it seemed to only get more packed as the time went on. You had drank some water a while ago and was in a perfect spot while everyone else got more and more drunk. Bucky was the second to switch to water, he was gone but had enough in him to string a sentence together. 

“I could not operate a motorized vehicle right now,” Sam said to you at one point, completely unprompted. You laughed and nodded along, looking at Bucky as he laughed too. 

The songs got progressively more sexual as well, there was nothing better than looking at the girls when a song came on and you all screamed, feeling extremely confident as you screamed the words in front of the boys who were dumbfounded. 

One came on where you immediately looked at Bucky and finger wagged him closer, feeling how you felt at the beginning of the night when the lights looked so perfect on him. The attraction was coming back and it didn’t help that this was your favourite club song. He knew what was coming as he came closer to you, roughly grabbing at your hips and feeling around. Everyone else screamed, never seeing this side of you that often. 

Bucky flipped you around so you were facing the group, letting his hands wander to your front and rest low on your stomach. Your head leaned back against his shoulder and one hand moved up to touch his neck, your ass was pressed against his hips. His face showed no signs of embarrassment for being hard. 

You sang the song to his ear, looking up at him. Natasha started recording but Bucky quickly swatted the phone away, not wanting it to be recorded for your sake but also because he wanted to be in the moment. 

When it ended you kissed him and bit his bottom lip again, hearing him groan as he squeezed your ass again because you turned around to kiss him properly. Again, due to the alcohol the group forgot it happened quickly as they moved on to the next thing that caught their attention. 

Bucky leaned down to your ear again, “baby,” he was close to a moan, “you’re so fuck sexy, like, you have no idea what you do to me- drinks or not.” the two of you made out for a while, not caring who was looking at you both. Your hands tugged at his hair and his hands went almost everywhere, if you weren’t tired when you got home you knew you were getting a great night of sex. 

Soon enough the lights flicked on and the music died down, you all managed to get out of the club but had to walk home. Bucky had two water bottles in his hand as he caught up to you all later, claiming it was all they had left. 

Everyone was in the same boat, extremely drunk and walking home. Your hand was held tightly with Bucky’s, “you know…” you giggled and looked up at him, “my apartment is closer, you don’t need to climb all those flights of stairs. 

“Sounds good to me,” he was thinking you were just inviting him over, actually thinking the only reason you wanted him over was because it was three staircases closer. 

“And…” you took a long sip of water, “my roommate is out of town so…we can be loud, y’know?” 

His pupils expanded faster than ever before, “oh?” he muttered and rubbed his nose against your ear, “you know, you’ve been a big tease all night, I don’t know if you’re all bark and no bite.” 

You shifted and walked backwards, “from what I remember I bit you a lot,” your bottom lip was wedged between your teeth, knowing you were just riling him up. 

The moment you turned into your apartment complex Bucky turned to the group, “I’m going to y/n’s apartment,” he announced and the group began to laugh, “just let me know if you can hear us from three levels up.” 

“Bucky!” you slapped his chest but before you could say anything Bucky turned out of the stairwell and onto your floor, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. “You need my keys,” you laughed as he fished them out of his pocket because you didn’t want to bring a purse. 

When your back hit the mattress he was quick to crawl over you, putting all his weight on you as he slotted himself between your legs, making your dress ride up. His lips were quick to move away from your lips and down to your neck, sucking a biting all around. You two had been together long enough to know where each other’s spots were and what you both liked, Bucky could always get you going right above your collarbone and used it to his advantage. 

Your back arched as he lifted the dress up and over your head, going back in between your breasts and shaking his head around, making you laugh and play with his air. Your bra was off next and Bucky was still fully dressed, the stark difference in modesty made you want to cover up but Bucky’s hand pinning your wrists back with force couldn’t let you do that. 

Bucky kissed all the way down before hooking his fingers and pulling down your underwear, kissing back up your knees and thighs to keep you waiting. When it came to Bucky eating you out it was all about teasing, he knew how to make cum in ten seconds if he hit the spots you liked, but he wanted to make a game out of it; he always did. 

He kissed, licked, sucked, bit, everything, he did everything to your pussy. Your hands would move from playing with your nipples to add extra stimulation to gripping his hair, your entire body was restless until his arms hooked around your hips and his hands clasped on your stomach to keep you from moving. 

Even after many years, “a little to your left,” you were still helping each other out, “holy fuck, yes Bucky,” you sighed, “right there, fuck, right there please don’t stop, please,” you begged and begged even when he slowed down and pulled away for a moment, causing you to groaned and looked down at him. 

When you were done whining he went back in, “you like when I tease you?” 

“I never have,” you laughed as he bumped his nose against your clit.

“I know,” he giggled and went back in, lapping his tongue against your clit and then wrapping his lips around to suck gently, your moans became louder and more frequent so he backed off again. You were so frustrated you tugged his hair hard, “ow!” he laughed as he looked up at you, “that actually hurt.” 

“Please, Bucky, please,” you gripped your breasts harshly, “I’m fucking beginning you, I feel so good right now, baby, so fucking good, just make me come,” you looked down to see a smirk on his face, “you have no- oh yes!” you dropped your head back against the pillow and closed your eyes, your mouth falling open instantly. 

Bucky got into it as well, making out with your pussy and moaning to himself. He got pleasure out of getting you there, especially when you begged for it. 

“There you go, pretty, fall apart,” he kept you so close for so long, “I know you want to let it out, you deserve it,” his voice sent vibrations up your spine and to your head which make it fuzzy, “pretty girl just needs to be worshiped, huh?” his hands broke out from the clasp and two fingers found your entrance so he could talk, “who’s my pretty girl?” 

“Me,” you said in a heartbeat.

“Yeah you are,” he pushed in and out, making you grip his finger as tight as possible, “who’s my smart girl?” 

“Me,” it was more strained, you were so close but he was holding back just enough to keep you right on the tipping point. 

“Who deserves the world, huh?” he sucked your inner thigh to leave a mark he’d definitely looked back at later. “Don’t quit on me know, pretty, who deserved everything, my smart girl, my pretty girl?” 

“B-Bucky-!” you wanted to tell him you were so unbelievably close, your pussy gripping him as tight as possible, you could barely form a sentence let alone answer his question. 

“No no no,” he laughed and gently placed one kiss on your clit, making you convulse as his finger kept working you there, “it’s not me, baby, who is it?” 

The pressure was almost unbelievable, tears formed in your eyes from how long you had been edged and denied. You could feel the pulse begin and your stomach clench, the coil was about to snap. “M-me, holy fuck, yes!” you screamed. 

“And who deserves to come?” he asked but before you could answer his lips attached to your clit for the final time and made you see white, you let out the most pornographic moan you had ever heard, it almost didn’t sound like you. You could barely hear it from how loud you were screaming Bucky’s name but you heard him groan as you came, making your orgasm that much more intense. 

Bucky kept going to bring you down from your high, he slowed down as your entire body convulsed. Your moans were short as you tried to push his head away but at the same time you wanted to stay in your euphoric state forever. His kisses slowed until he planned the final one before gently working his way up your body and back to your lips, your eyes were closed and tears from overstimulation fell back to your pillow. 

Bucky gently held you tight as you continued to let out the shocks, wrapping your arms around him as he whispered more praises into your ear. 

“Bucky,” you sighed, “I need a bit before we keep going,” you wiped your forehead with the back of your wrist, “I can’t feel my legs.” 

“All good baby,” he kissed your cheek, “we don’t need to do anymore,” he laughed, “you made me cum,” he whispered and kissed your earlobe. 

“What?” you whispered, you couldn’t tell if he was still hard because he was still fully clothed; his socks were still on. 

“I told you getting you off gets me off, baby,” he was out of breath, “that was crazy, you- wow,” he sighed and kissed you again, you could taste yourself on his lips but that didn’t stop you from slipping your tongue into his mouth. 

“I didn’t know I had that power,” you tugged on the bottom of his shirt so he could get undressed, once he was down to his boxers he quickly left to get a rag. 

“The power you have over me…” Bucky shook his head to himself as he smiled, gently wiping between your legs and your tights, “...you have no fucking idea,” he looked over at you with a wide smile. 

You were blissed out, both arms thrown over your head and your eyes were closed. The alcohol, fresh orgasm, and the love from Bucky made you feel like the only girl in the world. You were so content in the moment you didn’t want to leave it. 

Once Bucky got in bed he pulled you close, tangling every limb with you and letting you rest your head on his chest. He played with your hair for a while, twisting one strand around his finger as you listened to his heart beat. 

“Did you have a fun night?” He asked gently, checking to see if you were awake. 

All you could do was nod and let out a happy sound, “I hate shots.” 

Bucky tried to conceal his laugh to keep you on the road to sleep, holding you tighter, “you’re adorable,” he whispered, “but I’m glad you had a good night, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” 

You hummed and curled further into him, letting the warmth swiftly put you to sleep. You could still feel him rub your back or play with your hair, sending tingles down your entire body. The hangover in the morning was going to be one hell of a headache but in this moment you were happy right where you were. 

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[buckyalpine]

Pieces

18+ Minors DNI Bucky x pregnant reader 

Edited this, lets pretend I never deleted this part of the story when I posted it cause I’m a dumb ass, thanks. Also the ***** indicates a time jump. 

PLEASE READ WARNINGS, I really loved this prompt and I might do an angstier one, separate from this...stay tuned if that’s your thing. 

Warnings: Still birth, child loss, drinking, swearing, bit of violence, thoughts of suicide, bit of fluff 

Word count: 5.4k

“I’m sorry”

Two words. The weight those two words carried, no one would understand. You knew pain. You’d loved and lost. You’d been nearly ripped into pieces and sewn back together. You’d lost countless battles. Yet nothing prepared you for this. Where your heart was being seared. Where death made sense because living was too painful. 

“I’m so sorry”       

You cried. Wailed. Screamed. Nothing brought him back. You curled up in the hospital bed, desperately sobbing, hoping to wake up from the nightmare but it never happened, the little bundle of hopes and dreams you wanted in your arms, he was never coming. You cried for him, screamed, pushed, nearly tore your body apart but it didn’t matter. You were met with silence. You were met with panicked nurses. You were met with your scared husband, who didn’t understand what was happening. Why did they take his baby son away before he got a chance to hold him, he’d waited so long. You were met with the solemn face of your doctor, hardly able to look at you. Your little baby boy, your tiny angel. Your whole world, his entire being summarized in two words. 

I’m sorry. 

Bucky didn’t say a word. He sat motionless. He didn’t look at you. He placed a hand on yours, devoid of any love or comfort. He stared blankly, watching his son disappear before his eyes. The names he picked out, the hours he spent talking to his baby, the clothes, the nursery he decorated. His little one would never know how excited he was to meet him. He’d never know how badly he wanted to hug and kiss and hold him. Read him stories. Hear his first words. See his first steps. Have a family. The new found purpose he had to nurture a life instead of take one. It was all gone. His little baby boy was gone. 

*****

You couldn’t take the sympathy cards. The flowers. All reminders of how your baby wasn’t there. He wasn’t coming back. Ever. You wanted to burn them. Destroy them, the same way every passing minute was destroying you. You’re mind sucked you into hell, the silence of your home reminding you of how your body had failed. No tiny babbles or coos. No hungry little cries. No warm cuddles. You had failed. You were supposed to have a healthy baby and you couldn’t do it. The worst part was you knew Bucky felt the same way. 

Bucky ran through the motions while remaining cold and distant. He brought you food. Made sure you rested. Checked on you. All without meeting your eyes. Without touching you. The gap between you grew; sleeping with his back to you. Sleeping at opposite ends of the beds. Till he didn’t sleep in the same bed any more. Hollow empty words. You tried so hard to be understanding, yes you were suffering but so was he. But you needed him; you needed him to hold you, to talk to you, comfort you. The same sweet husband who kissed your belly each night, promising to love you no matter what happened. The man who promised he’d take care of you till his last breath. You needed your Bucky. You found him sitting on the couch of your shared room, staring blankly at his hands, the hands you wanted to hold you so badly. 

“Bucky, I- please talk to me, I feel like I’m drowning, I feel like I’m alone, I need you-

“What’s there to talk about” He scoffed, crumpling the list of baby names he’d kept in his pocket. You felt your heart break, standing in front of him, reaching for his hands, your eyes pleading for him to at least look at you. 

“Bucky?” 

“I-I can’t even look at you right now” He yanked his hands away before you could touch him, walking away from you. You felt your blood turn into ice as Bucky got up, making his way to the door.

“What does that mean” You whispered, rooted in place as he shoved his boots on, refusing to look at you. Bucky glared at you with cold eyes, his lip twitching, he’d kept everything inside and he knew it was wrong. It was wrong. It was wrong. It was so fucking wrong but he couldn’t stop once he started. 

“IT MEANS I CAN’T FUCKING LOOK AT YOU. I DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR YOU. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU. YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONE THING THAT GAVE ME HOPE” 

“Y-you think I did this?”

The earth beneath you cracked open, swallowing the fragments left of your soul. You thought you felt broken before but this was unbearable. You swallowed the bile that rose in your throat, staring at the broken man that stood before you. 

“You think I hurt our baby?”

“Well he’s not here, is he?! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?! He’s not fucking here. He never will be” 

Your mouth went dry, unable to respond as Bucky’s metal arm whirred, his jaw clenching. The spiral started and he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop the venom that laced his words, the small sense of hope he had for a better future was gone. 

“I can’t take this. I told you over and over again to just fucking rest, stop being reckless, no more missions,  BUT YOU DON’T FUCKING LISTEN. NOW FUCKING LOOK. I JUST WANT MY SON” 

You squeezed your eyes shut, covering your ears as glass shattered against the wall, Bucky’s chest heaving, glaring at you. It wasn’t your fault. Deep down he knew. He fucking knew. But he couldn’t climb out of the darkness that sucked him in, clouding any ability he had to think rationally. He stalked over to you, his hands gripping your arms, his hot breath fanning over your face. 

“I just. Want. My son. And all you do is remind me of the fact that I’ll never get to hold him. I can’t stand being in the same place as you. This wouldn’t have happened if it was someone else” 

He regretted his words as soon as they came out, but it was too late. 

He’d never dare think about being with someone else but the pain was too much, he wanted to hurt you, why the fuck did he want to hurt you. Why did he want you to feel more pain when you were suffering already. He pulled his hands away, desperately needing to leave before he did or said something worse that he’d regret. 

“What the hell’s going on here- 

Tony raced down the hall with Steve and Sam to find Bucky standing by the door, broken glass across the room. You stood motionless, trembling on the inside as Bucky shoved Steve out of the way, slamming the door shut, the roar of his bike engine screeching away.

You blinked at the three men, hardly registering Steve catching you as you fell to the ground, sobs wracking your body making it difficult for you to breathe. You felt empty, limp in his arms, unsure what hurt you more; the loss of your little one or the loss of your loving husband because this wasn’t the man you married. 

“Come here sweetheart, it’s okay” He held you tightly to his chest, rubbing your back, holding your hands gently in his to keep you from tugging your hair and digging your nails into your skin. 

“M-my-my b-baby” You cried harder, clutching onto Steve’s shirt.  “He’s gone; I’ll never get to see him” 

“And now J-James thinks…” You couldn’t even get the words out. You already blamed yourself but to hear Bucky tell you to your face that it was your fault was worse than the actual loss. 

“Shhhh, let it out, we got you, it’s okay” Sam sat with Steve, softly stroking your hair. It pained him. Pained him to see you so broken. To see Bucky hardly a shell of the person he once was. He thought about all the time you spent with his sister, finding out what you’d need, what to expect, what not to worry about. This wasn’t one of the things you talked about.

Tony walked out, waiting in the hallway, unable to see you so broken. While he didn’t agree with how Bucky was handling things, he also didn’t blame him. He remembered the day Morgan was born. The joy he felt when she was placed in his arms. Bringing her home. He didn’t even want to imagine a situation in which that didn’t happen. He didn’t want to imagine what if felt like to be told the little one you thought was going to come home with you would never see you. Would never open their eyes. Smile up at you. Grab onto your finger. Your baby wouldn’t be coming home with you. 

*****

“Shit” 

Bucky staggered back in the compound, his eyes bloodshot, unable to walk straight. He crashed onto the couch, not noticing the team sitting in the living room, waiting for him to get back home. Steve stayed with you until you fell asleep, before waiting for his Bucky to return.  

“I thought he couldn’t get drunk, how much did he drink?” Sam ran over to the nearly blacked out super soldier, with Steve by his side, throwing Bucky’s arms over their shoulders to lift him up. 

“I-I don’t want to know” Steve shook his head. Steve’s eyes brimmed with tears, biting on his lips to keep from shaking. There wasn’t a moment Bucky’ didn’t talk about how excited he was to be a father. Asking for help to order little Avenger onesies online. Spending hours picking out the perfect crib. Practicing how to hold a baby. Getting his arm modified so the plates were smoother and more comfortable to the touch. Bucky’s head lulled to the side, groaning as they got into the elevator, pressing the button to your shared floor with Steve. 

“Let him crash in my room, y/n doesn’t need this right now” Steve walked passed your room, letting Bucky fall on his bead, pulling his boots off, before switching the light off and moving some sheets to sleep on the couch. 

*****

Steve’s eyes shot open when he heard a pained groaned from the bathroom, looking up to see Bucky sitting on the floor. He’d had managed to drink enough to the point he stumbled into the bathroom,  throwing up most of his insides, his head between his knees before throwing up again. Steve managed to clean Bucky up, helping him get back into bed, his heart breaking further seeing Bucky clutch onto the picture of an ultrasound from when you first found out you were pregnant. 

“Steve?”

“Yeah pal”

“W-what did I do wrong?” 

Steve swallowed thickly, looking at his best friend stare at the ceiling, tears streaming from the corner of his eyes, spilling onto the pillow. Bucky’s fingers twitched, careful not to crumple the picture, holding onto it for dear life, the pain was too much for him. He thought he did everything right. He took care of you. He read up on everything he could. 

Nothing mattered. 

“He was supposed to be named after you and Sam” Bucky slurred, remembering the way you giggled at his ridiculously long list he added to every day, knowing damn well he already had the perfect name in mind. 

“I read to him every night” Bucky cradled your belly, reading books, whispering to your tummy, his hand soothing the little kicks he’d feel inside. The little flutters would settle as soon as Bucky started talking, his voice lulling both you and the baby to sleep. 

“I-just wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him at least o-once. He was so small. He’ll never know h-how l-long I waited for him” 

Bucky sobbed, curling into a ball, the picture clutched to this chest. He could hardly feel Steve sit by his side, wrapping his friend in a hug, he could only register pain. Your pained screams while you lay on the hospital bed. The tiny bundle that looked sound asleep, never meeting his eyes. All the nights you softly cried beside him, waiting for him to hold you but he couldn’t. The way you pleaded with him today and all the anger he had kept inside crashed onto you when you were the last person who deserved it. 

Guilt sucked him deeper into darkness, he didn’t want anyone anymore. He deserved this. For all the pain he’d caused people. He was stupid to think he deserved to be happy. How many families had he broken. Destroyed. Innocent lives that never got to go home because of him. And he really thought he’d have a chance. He didn’t deserve to be called dad. To feel the warmth of his son sleeping in his arms. Crying out for him. Wanting his daddy to carry him and comfort him. He didn’t deserve any of it. 

Then there was you. 

Bucky pulled at his hair, his voice hoarse as he continued to break down, his mind fighting against him. It wasn’t your fault. You took away his baby. You gave him a family. You destroyed his happiness. He loved you so much. He resented you. You were his angel. You reminded him of what could have been. You were suffering more than he was. He couldn’t do this anymore. He just wanted to hold you and cry with you in his arms. He was done.

***** You sat up slightly when you heard the door open, rubbing your eyes to see a disheveled Bucky walk in, going straight to the closet, grabbing his duffle bag. He spoke before you could say anything, still not looking at you, grabbing his clothes from the shelves.  

“I’m moving out” He murmured, zipping up whatever he could stuff in his bag, deciding he’d come back for the rest of his stuff later. 

“Why” You had no tears left to cry, no more pieces left to break further. You looked at him blankly, your voice was emotionless. You didn’t even care for the answer but you let him answer anyway. 

“I can’t do this. I just-I can’t y/n” 

You nodded, lying back down, pulling the sheets over you. Bucky felt pain seep deeper into his bones as you turned away, curling up and going back to sleep.

He didn’t know what he expected. You had no reason to fight for him to stay. He failed as a husband to care of you, to hold you through your pain, to protect you from the demons that were eating away at you. And now he was leaving like a coward because he was angry at the world and didn’t know who to blame.

He temporarily stayed with Steve, before moving to the spare room, sleeping on the couch when he wasn’t spending hours in the training room. Each time he thought he could take a step forward; he’d remember something and spiral further down. No one could look at either of you go down your paths of self destruction. Bucky continued to drink himself into oblivion. He was more reckless on missions, putting himself in harm’s way, his temper uncontrollable. You were holed up in your room, skipping meals, isolating yourself from the world. It was clearer than ever you need each other and yet…

Bucky had managed to avoid seeing you, but it wasn’t difficult, seeing as you hardly left your room. Of course, it’d only be a matter of time before you crossed paths.

*****

At first, Bucky felt numb. No feeling at all. He felt like he’d been thrown back to hell when he escaped from Hydra, with no sense of purpose, no identity, no will to live. Your pained screams never left him. The things he said to you were seared in his brain. He’d managed to escape everything but not this. His own words haunted him the most. He drank more. Avoided sleep. Trained. Nothing. All he could hear were your cries for him to hold you and his venom of blaming you.

Numbness turned into a different pain. The longing for his wife. His doll. His baby. His sweet angel who cradled him, kissed him, held him when he was broken. When he wasn’t enough. When he was nothing but a hollow shell of the person he once was. When he had nothing to give.

The woman who trust him. Trusted him enough to carry his child. Who endured pain for months. Who cradled her belly, telling her baby their daddy was a hero. Whispering to her baby in the middle of the night about how excited she was for them to come. How excited she was to have a family. With him. In return, he betrayed her without a second thought. He took his moment of sorrow and tore you apart further when you were already tattered and torn beyond repair. What the hell did he do to you.

His sobs could be heard down the hall, the sounds of destruction echoing from inside the room; absolutely no one dared to see how Bucky was doing. You covered your ears; you heart only breaking more when he repeatedly wept your name every night, continuing to call for you in his sleep. You wanted to feel his arms. Feel his love again. And then you remembered the way he looked at you with such disgust and the numbness would return.

He passed by your door 100 times, hesitating to knock. How could he ask doe forgiveness, he didn’t deserve to even see you. Though he was desperate. He had to see your face, even if you threw him right back out, he just wanted to see his sweet doll again. He knocked quietly, squeezing his hands when you opened the door, holding himself back from wrapping his arms around you.

“Y/n I’m sorry-

You shut the door on his face, the coldness of your eyes unwavering. Until you no longer had to look at him, falling to your knees as soon as the door clicked.

“Baby, please, I’m so fucking sorry” His voice was muffled from the other side. You slapped your hand over your mouth, refusing to let him hear you cry, though it was a futile attempt. He heard you, sitting by the door, just like you, desperately wanting to just break it down so he could hold you. He could have broken the door. Easily. But it was unfair to you. He walked out without giving you a choice. He couldn’t walk back in again and demand you take him back.

It went on for weeks. Bucky was practically on his knees every morning, every night, pleading with you to at least look at him. Funny how things turn out. He cried by the door, falling asleep against it most nights, unaware that you’d fallen asleep on the other side, a part of you desperately missing him. But it was too late. There were something’s that just couldn’t be forgotten.

*****

“I can’t forgive you James” You refused to meet his eyes knowing you’d break if you looked at him. You stared at your feet, shaking your head when he tried to touch you.

“Baby?”  Bucky’s voice was a pained whisper, he knew you were right. He didn’t deserve an ounce of the love you’d given him, let alone any type of forgiveness.

“You can’t call me that anymore” You whispered, digging through your bag, finding the folder. “Just sign them. That’s all I want from you”

“Please baby, no” Bucky shook his head, not even wanting to look at the papers you handed to him where you’d already signed. You had every right, every fucking right, and he was being selfish again, begging, pleading, “You’re my angel baby, I can’t, please y/n, can’t you at least think about it?”

“It’s for the best” You held the door open for him to leave, quietly locking it after he left, feeling more empty than before. Bucky considered just ending it all because the pain he caused you was already killing him; the world would have been better without him anyway.

*****

“You can’t keep fucking trying to get yourself killed on missions, you need to get it together” Sam glared at Bucky, while he hissed in pain, sewing a gash on his side.

“I need her back” Bucky had his head in his hands, his torso bandaged from throwing himself in danger on yet another mission, punishing himself in every way he saw fit. “She wants a divorce”

Sam and Steve looked at each other, before looking at the broken super solider.

“Look. I’ll be honest with you. I know you’re hurting and I can’t comment on the pain you’re feeling from losing a child. But you need to realize what you did was beyond fucked up, that’s your wife man. You’ve been through hell, I get that. But she. Is. Your. Wife. She was carrying your baby, she needed you more than ever. You blamed her Bucky, it wasn’t just you not being there for her. You fucking blamed her”

“I just-

“You left her when she needed you. She needed you more than anyone else, you realize she carried your son in her for months. Did you account for how much pain her body went through, just for the doctor to look her in the eyes and say I’m sorry? For her husband to not look at her, not touch her, accuse her of losing the baby. I can’t even being to imagine what type of hell she’s going through because of you. The pain she’s in now? Its not from the loss. This is all you”

Bucky’s lip trembled, the pain he felt in his chest was unbearable and he’d caused you misery worse than this.

“She hates me”

“And I don’t blame her” Steve scoffed, shaking his head while Bucky closed his eyes, tears streaking his face. “Can you? She lost the baby, you blamed her for losing the baby and then she lost you. It hurts. I get it. Not entirely, but I get it. I don’t get what you did to her. Did you hear her cry the day you left?”

Bucky shook his head, he didn’t want to know. The broken screams you cried at the hospital haunted him. He couldn’t take more. He didn’t stop Steve from speaking, but God he wished the earth would swallow him on the spot.

“You have any idea how long she cried for? How badly she wanted you to come back even after you blamed her for everything? This poor girl sobbing on the fucking floor because she lost a child and then her husband decides to leave because he can’t even look at her. You know you bruised her arms!?” Steve’s voice turned into a growl, Sam squeezing his shoulder before anything escalated in the jet. “I can’t even sleep properly because I can hear her when I close my eyes, so how the fuck you stayed in the same room with her, without even looking at her, not comforting her once, is beyond me”

Bucky’s arm whirred, his ears red from anger but it wasn’t toward Steve; it was towards himself. Every impulsive word he let slip from his lips because he felt like he was in pain destroyed a piece of you instead.

“Took a lot of self-control for me to not kick your ass” Steve stared at the floor, still heavily debating on punching Bucky at least once.

“I think you should give her space. You did your thing. Now its her turn, just let her do what she needs” Sam sighed, he did feel for Bucky. He felt for you more.

*****

Bucky stood at your door, his hands trembling when he gave you the papers, his named scribbled on the line, tear stains littering the document.

“Y/n….please sweetheart…”

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“I loved you. So much. So fucking James”

“I love you doll-

“No” You cut him off, glaring at him, ignoring his pleading eyes. You anger steadily rose, all the rage you’d managed to keep in control erupting all at once. “NO, FUCK YOU”

“You-you don’t- you will never fucking understand. I- You read to him each night. But I-I felt him James, do you understand? I could feel every kick, every flutter, documenting every single movement. I counted down each day, waiting for him to come, I waited for the day I’d get to see you hold him”

“Did you consider I’ll never get to feed my baby? How much pain my body was in, having to pump fucking bottles of breast milk FOR WHAT?! TO THROW DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN BECAUSE THE ALL DOCTOR COULD SAY WAS I’M SORRY”

Your chest heaved, eyes wild with fury. He wanted to hug you so fucking badly but he didn’t dare move, silently standing in front of you while tears dampened his shirt.

“I won’t hear him call me mommy. All I have are empty reminders. You were supposed to love me. So why didn’t you, why wasn’t I enough? Am I not part of a family? If it was just me and you, I would have still said we were a family, but that isn’t how you feel is it-

“No baby, please, you are my family angel, you’re my absolute everything, I’m so sorry y/n-

“You’ll never fucking understand. Because you’re selfish. I don’t understand why you married me, just-just go”

Everything was over.

“GO”

***** Bucky finished another late night workout, the easiest way to numb his feelings, anxiously fidgeting with empty space of where his wedding ring used to sit. He stepped out of the elevator, freezing when saw you. He swallowed thickly, his heart dropping to his stomach; you were hardly able to stand, holding onto the wall as you made your way to your room. You had bags under your eyes from never sleeping. Your lips were chapped, hair in a loose pony tail, wearing just your (his) oversized t-shirt. You stumbled, trying to open the door, shrugging his hand off when he tried to keep you from falling. 

“Don’t touch me” Your voice was nearly a growl, white hot anger surging through you when he didn’t let go of your arm. You yanked your shoulder away, stepping into the room, hoping to close the door on him, only to have Bucky follow you inside. 

“Let me help you” Fresh tears stung his eyes watching you shrink away from him, fear and anger in your eyes when he reached for you again.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME” I need you to hold me. You voice echoed through the room, your chest heaving when he took another step towards you, he hated himself, he hated himself so fucking much for making you suffer alone when you needed him the most. He wrapped his arms around you, refusing to let you go while you cried and screamed trying to get out of his hold. You pushed against his chest, weakly hitting him, angry at the way he softly cradled your head, hating the way he rubbed your back, you couldn’t stand how his strong arms felt when he was hugging you, refusing to let you escape. 

“L-LET ME GO” Don’t ever leave me again. Your words were broken between sobs, squeezing your eyes shut, you need this for so long, to feel his touch, to be held by him, but not like this. 

“Let me go” Hold me tighter. You nails dug into your palms, refusing to melt into his embrace. Bucky felt his throat tighten, he couldn’t understand how he’d left you, how he blindly blamed you, he failed you after promising he’d never hurt you. 

“You-you don’t have the fucking right-” No one else can take the pain away. You tried to pull away again, only to have Bucky shake his head, sniffling and holding you tighter. 

“You don’t get to fucking touch me after you left me” His lip trembled, tears spilling down his cheeks. The sounds of his sniffles broke you from your rage; you looked up at him, meeting his tried eyes. His beard had grown, cheeks more hollow, eyes puffy and nose red from crying each night. 

“Y/n I- I’m so sorry angel-

“NO, you fucking left me, do you have any idea how much pain I was in?!” I needed you so badly. Your body was fighting to escape but your heart needed him to hold you tighter and cradle the broken pieces left inside you. Bucky felt like he’d been stabbed in the chest, his heart racing when he realized the weight of his actions.  

“Baby no-

“THEN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK?!” I just wanted you to hold me while I held you. 

“You think I hurt our baby?” You voice as a pained whisper as Bucky sobbed, holding onto you tighter, dropping to his knees, his face buried in your tummy, shaking his head.

“No no no, you didn’t, I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry” His voice as muffled, his arms wrapped tightly around your hips as he cried clinging onto you. “I’m sorry y/n, I’m sorry sweet heart, I’m sorry I hurt you baby” 

“I just-” Your legs felt weak, falling into Bucky’s lap; he carefully held you to his chest, laying down with you on the bed, cuddling you close to him “I carried him, I lost him, you’re right it’s my faul-

“NO” He slapped his hand over mouth; he’d never forgive himself for this. 

“Please, no. I didn’t mean a fucking thing I said, you didn’t do anything my angel, you didn’t do anything. Please don’t ever say that, I- I was just so upset baby, I took it out on you when you needed me, I’m so sorry angel” Bucky wept, clutching into you, you were his life line.

“You left me when I needed you” You whimpered, the ice in your heart melting, “I needed you and you left” 

“I’m so sorry baby, I love you y/n, I love you so much angel, I’m never leaving you again, never, I’m here baby” He kissed every inch of your face, his hand gently wrapping around your tummy, rubbing soft circles on your skin, soothing you. 

“I want our baby” You whispered, curling up in a ball on Bucky’s lap as he cradled you to his chest, his tears dampening your hair. “Me too, sweetheart, me too”

*****

You felt panic rise in your chest, flashes of the last time you felt this type of pain plaguing your mind. 

“Bucky what if…” You screamed as another contraction tore through you, unable to get the words out, you didn’t want to even think about such a thing ever happening again, you wouldn’t get through it. Still, it ate at the back of your mind, draining the little energy you had left. 

“What if….w-will you leave?” 

Bucky shook his head frantically, gripping onto your hand as you cried in pain, his metal hand resting on your forehead to cool your heated skin. It wouldn’t happen again, but even if it did, he’d be there with you through everything. 

“Never baby, never, I’ll never hurt you like that again, I promise, no matter what happens angel, I’m here” 

Your body felt like it was being torn in half, squeezing Bucky’s hand, searing pressure radiating through your lower half. 

“Come on mama, push, you can do it, almost there baby” 

“I’m here doll, breathe y/n, keep pushing”

“One more sweetheart, you’re doing so good, my strong little mama, I love you, just a bit more”

You screamed. Cries filled the room. You could hardly see, tears clouding your vision, holding your healthy, crying, baby in your arms, his tiny hands grasping out, trying to find you. 

“It’s a boy!” 

You were met with smiling nurses, whisking your baby away to clean him up. You were met with your crying husband, kissing you endlessly, refusing to let you go. You were met with your team mates, waiting with gifts by the door.

It didn’t erase the little angel you’d lost

It didn’t erase the pain.

But the pieces were put back together.

When you both held your baby in your arms, you felt whole again.

Not perfect. 

Whole. 

- Bonus dedicated to @xcaptain-winterx

Your feet never touch the floor once during the entire second pregnancy because he carries you EVERYWHERE. 

He still hasn’t forgive himself. Sometimes you find him softly sniffling in bed, he can’t answer when you ask him what’s wrong. 

“I’m sorry” He clings onto you, whimpering, repeatedly telling you he’s sorry, he can’t believe he’d hurt his beautiful angel. 

He definitely wants more babies. 

The first time his son babbles out dada he’s nearly inconsolable.

 He has a small pair of angel wings engraved onto the wrist of his metal arm. He still loves his little angel. 

When you have triplets, he’s full on dad mode, a baby in each arm, one on his shoulders, your older song happily clinging to his leg while he warms up milk, letting you rest.  He’s not sure what to do when your third pregnancy is twins but his heart is full (so are his arms) 

  Please let me know if you want to be added or removed! (also this is an 18+ blog, I can’t tag nameless/ageless blogs)  

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @needybabygirlstuff @goldylions @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z @high-functioning-lokipath @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomann @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth   @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen 

[hottpinkpenguin]

owo bucky barnes self sacrifice 🥺?

A/N: anon, thanks for your patience!!! this is a heart wrencher, fair warning. Bucky is the perfect person for a self-sacrifice fic <3 <3

For You - Bucky Barnes X GN!Reader

Warnings: angst, angst, angst, and more angst; character death; Avengers End Game non-canon; Avengers End Game spoilers Word Count: 2179

“In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. A soul for a soul.”

As soon as the Stonekeeper’s words met your ears, your eyes snapped up to Bucky’s. 

No. 

The word tore through you like a bolt of lightning. You saw it in his eyes: that stubborn, noble, horrifically devoted part of him that was always looking for a reason - an excuse, really - to sacrifice himself for the people he loved. For you. 

“Bucky, god damnit, no!” You flung yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He was warm against you as he enveloped you in his arms, burying his face in your neck. He placed a kiss there, soft and apologetic, to the skin just beneath your jaw. You could feel the goodbye in that kiss.

“Don’t you do it. Don’t you fucking do it!” you raged, balling your hands into fists as you made yourself a dead weight against him. Hot tears sprang into your eyes. 

“Y/N, there’s no way to-”

“I don’t care, I don’t care! We’ll figure it out, we always do! Tony will figure it out, Bucky, just please don’t do this, don’t you dare leave me!” Sobs tore loose from your chest as you felt him try to pull out of your embrace. Years you’d been waiting for him, literal years, and this selfish bastard was going to end it all in a blaze of glory, dying for his love. But where did that leave you? Alone and doomed to a life without him. You’d been through this once already, when Tony Stark had learned about Bucky’s role in his parents’ death and practically torn the world apart to get to him. You’d seen flashes of your future without Bucky in it, and you couldn’t bear it. You wouldn’t. 

“Y/N, I have to. You know I do.” His voice was gentle, calm, as if he were explaining something to a child. The finality in his voice made you even angrier. You clung to him harder, body shaking now. He’d stopped trying to pry you off of him, but you knew he wasn’t relenting. 

Sensing him stonewalling in his decision, you turned your rage to the Stonekeeper. He hovered above the ground a few feet from the two of you, his unnatural crimson skin 

framing a bland expression. The emptiness in his eyes as he watched your life literally crumbling around you made your blood boil.

“There must be another way,” you growled through gritted teeth. You wanted to kill him, to shred him to ribbons and let the Soul Stone take his existence as payment for its price. 

As if sensing the direction of your thoughts, he shook his head impassively. “The Soul Stone wants a sacrifice of love, not one of convenience.” 

You whimpered pitifully as you hid your face in Bucky’s shoulder as if you could hide from the truth in those words. You knew, somehow, that he was right. Killing him - if he could even be killed - wouldn’t be enough of what the Stone demanded. There was only one thing you loved in this world, and only one thing the Stone would accept.

“It’ll be alright, y/n,” Bucky whispered into your ear as you sobbed against him. 

“No, it won’t be. But you won’t be here to care, will you? You’ll be gone, and I’ll be left. I can’t lose you… I won’t…” 

Your voice trailed off suddenly in a moment of clarity. 

There was another option. 

You hadn’t considered it before, but it all made sense. 

Bucky must have heard the realization in your voice, because in the next instant he tensed against you. Thankfully, your reflexes were faster, thanks to your grueling training in the Red Room. You grabbed the back of Bucky’s jacket and threw him away from you with all your strength. You weren’t able to put as much space between the two of you as you wanted, but it was enough. It would have to be.

With as much force as you could summon, you turned away from him and the impassive Stonekeeper and sprinted towards the edge of the cliff behind you. The strange landscape of Vormir stretched out before you, the perpetual twilight purple and pink tint in the sky illuminating an endless landscape of sand dunes peppered with marshes. It was beautiful, you realized with a hint of bittersweet sadness as you closed the distance to the edge of the cliff.

Time slowed, and you let your eyelids flutter closed as you took the last step towards the edge of the cliff, the sound of air rushing past your ears engulfing you. Just before you felt yourself fall into the empty air, your body jerked backwards as something hard and cold dug into your shoulder. Your legs snapped out from under you like a ragdoll as the momentum of your sprint clashed with the force of the backward pull from your shoulder.

You saw him rush past you in the corner of your eye. Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, his face serene as he took your place and launched over the cliff. Your body launched backwards from where he’d grabbed your shoulder with his vibranium arm, the edge of the cliff receding away from you. 

In the moment before he fell below your sight line, Bucky turned back to you, his gaze meeting yours. All the moments you two had shared since you’d met almost four years ago flickered between you in the space of a heartbeat. The memory of when you’d first seen him, your first kiss, countless sunrises waking up tangled together, the feeling of his heartbeat against your cheek, the pointless arguments and the painfully beautifully make-up’s - they all exploded in your mind like a barrage of fireworks. 

You reached your arms out towards him, an involuntary shriek of grief splitting the unnatural calm of Vormir as you cried out his name. 

He smiled at you - soft, sweet, and happy - before his body fell below the edge of the cliff. 

Your back collided with the wall of rock, a bolt of pain ripping through your right rib cage as your heart collapsed on itself in your chest. You crumpled where you lay, the weight of your loss pressing the wind out of your lungs. Bucky would never let you have your damn moment. He’d never let you fight without his watchful eye - even though you’d been part of the Avengers long before him. He’d never let you turn the full force of your hatred for yourself loose. He’d always been there to make sure it was his body and spirit that got broken, not yours. He’d held you together when you’d been determined to tear yourself apart. And even in his last moments, he’d always put you first. Above himself, above everything. You knew he hadn’t really sacrificed himself for the team, or for the half of the galaxy that had been lost when Thanos snapped. He’d done it for you. It was always for you, all for you. 

* * * * *

You couldn’t remember leaving the top of that godforsaken mountain, but when your eyelids lifted open, you found yourself flat on your back, floating in a still pool of cold water. The vault of Vormir’s sky above you was painted with vivid streaks of grapefruit pink against an indigo backdrop. The colors were more vibrant, somehow, and you had the distinct impression that this strange planet was grieving Bucky’s loss just as you were. 

As you sat up amidst the silence, you felt something small and heavy in your palm. You didn’t need to look down to know what it was. Your heart knew the cost of the Soul Stone too intimately to question whether Bucky’s sacrifice had worked. 

You felt years of training struggle to anesthetize yourself against the hollow, broken grief that was pulsing inside you. Giving yourself over to that blank numbness, you pressed the initiator on the Time-Space GPS bracelet Tony had given you. The gut-wrenching sensation of quantum travel blurred your vision as you let your mind submerge into grief…

* * * * *

“Where is he? Where’s Bucky?” Steve Rogers crouched down above you as you struggled not to vomit on the deck of Tony Stark’s shiny, chrome Quantum Tunnel. 

Unable to make yourself speak, you stretched out your hand, the apricot-colored Soul Stone glinting merrily against the white of your advanced tech suit. 

“Take it,” you cried hoarsely to Steve, his eyes roaming over your face and the Soul Stone as confusion turned to understanding. “Take it, Steve.”

Sensing your desperation, it was Bruce Banner who snatched the accursed stone of your palm. A deadly quiet descended over the room as your friends waited for you to confirm what they were all beginning to piece together. Only the sound of your strangled sobs pierced the quiet; you hadn’t even realized you were still crying. 

“No… no, it can’t be… it’s all wrong. Tony? TONY!” 

Steve’s grief was the first to surface. It was raw and angry, like yours had been. Of all the Avengers, you knew that Steve would be the one to grieve Bucky alongside you. Although you should have felt comforted by the knowledge that you weren’t alone, feeling the heat of his emotions so close to your own made you inexplicably angry. 

“It’s not wrong, Steve,” you replied back, your voice cold and hard as iron. Steve and Tony froze mid-argument, their eyes glued on you, sensing how close you were to snapping. 

“Bucky’s dead.” Your voice splintered as you forced the words out. “He’s dead. It’s done.” A memory of Bucky’s calm, loving smile danced across your field of vision unwillingly. Oddly enough, the memory felt like aloe on a burn. It tamped down the red-hot edges of your grief. 

His words floated back to you, the last words he’d said to you: it’ll be alright. 

No, it won’t, you yelled back at his memory in your mind. It won’t be alright. But I’ll keep going. If only because I know your stubborn ass would hate me if I didn’t. 

You’d never been a religious person and you’d certainly never put any stock in the idea of an afterlife. That is, not until you’d lost Bucky. There was no way you could imagine a soul like his blinking out of existence. He burned too brightly, loved too hard. The force of love like that didn’t get extinguished with the death of a body. 

As if in confirmation, from somewhere far outside yourself - or from deep within your core, you couldn’t be sure - a feeling stretched out towards you. It was like a caress, a shadow of a memory, and it ran along the length of your mind the way a shiver runs up a spine. It was Bucky. You knew it in the same way you’d known since arriving on Vormir that one of you wouldn’t be coming home. It was the kind of knowledge that lives deep in your bones, an understanding so deep and powerful that it’s beyond words. 

Against yourself, you smiled. Tears spilled over your lash line as your eyes crinkled. The sweetness of that caress lingered like an aftertaste before it faded, gently, into the space where it’d come from. Even when it was gone, you knew it was still there, somewhere, even if you couldn’t see it.

The moment faded and your attention slowly settled back to the moment, to the room full of your friends around you. One of your loves was dead, you realized, but gathered around you were the rest. Your friends. Your family. 

“Bucky’s dead,” you repeated, standing this time. The grief in your chest wasn’t burning as hot, but the weight still pulled on you. Like a parent comforting a crying child, you held your grief tenderly as you fixed your gaze on your friends one by one. Steve, Tony, Bruce, Scott, Natalie. 

“But he’s not gone.”

From that same space where Bucky’s caress had flourished, you felt a twinge of pride. You could picture him, smiling at you with that dreamy, I-never-knew-I-could-be-this-happy mist in his eyes. You did good, kid, he’d say, because he knew you hated it when he called you that. 

For you, you replied back, tossing your words towards that feeling of pride. It’s all for you now, you assured him. You wouldn’t let me live for you when you were alive, but you can’t stop me now that you’re dead. 

A laugh vibrated in the space where Bucky’s memory hung in your mind. You could picture his laugh, the one that made him throw his head back and his brown eyes sparkle. 

And I won’t try, he reassured you. 

You let your soul smile back at him. From the corner of your eye, you saw the Soul Stone glimmer like starlight from where Bruce had set it down. 

I’ll be waiting, Bucky’s memory said as it receded once again into darkness.

You nodded, physically this time, not caring if your friends thought you were mad. 

I know.

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ~ 𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎! 𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚡 𝙱𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚛! (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎) 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚃𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

~ 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

~ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗

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[awkwardauthorwrites]

TLC

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Previously on awkward-author. Little angst, lots of fluff

To say that your day had been one massive shitstorm would be an understatement. Nothing had gone right from the moment you got up. You had had a particularly bad nightmare the night before, leaving you sleepless hours after it had slunk back into the corners of your mind. Because of this, you had slept through your alarm and missed your mandatory training session with Steve, who looked like he was in a particularly foul mood himself for one reason or another because he decided to chastise you like a toddler in front of a large group of agents. 

The lack of sleep and the public embarrassment clouded your mind, meaning you didn’t pay as much attention as you should have in your makeup training session, which resulted in a painful blow to your chest that was still throbbing hours later. You had hoped that would be the end of it, but by the time you got to the kitchen the coffee was finished and the jar was empty. The breakfast you had tried to make for yourself was completely inedible unless you wanted a severe case of food poisoning, and Sam had finished the last bits of your favourite cereal.

To top to all off, your least favourite sibling had called you. Normally, you could stand the bullshit that they came out with, but everything just struck a nerve with you today. You were used to being single, you enjoyed it, but your sibling had just gone on and on about how you needed to find someone or you’d be alone forever, and maybe you could stand to drop a couple of pounds and stop eating so much to attract someone’s attention. There was only so much you could take before you snapped at them to fuck off, which resulted in some particularly horrible texts from them.

Today was not going well at all, which is what resulted in your decision to skip out on the rest of your duties and go back to bed. No doubt Steve would have something to say about this, but a quick command to FRIDAY to keep everyone out of your room would hopefully fix that.

 “(Y/N)?” Wanda’s soft voice drifted towards you as you made your way down the corridor slowly. “Are you okay?” she held onto your elbow gently and pulled you to a stop.

“I think you know the answer to that already,” you grumbled, shaking her off. “I’m going back to bed. If Steve comes yelling, tell him I’ll incinerate him if he even thinks about disturbing me.” She had to have sensed how utterly defeated you were, because she didn’t push you, and instead, gave you a small smile and let you get on your way. You had only just managed to pull on your favourite oversized shirt – which you had definitely not stolen from laundry – when a hesitant knock came from your door.

“Miss (Y/L/N), Mr Barnes is here to see you. I informed him that you wanted to be left undisturbed, but he is insisting,” FRIDAY said softly.

“Doll, come on, let me in,” he said from the other side of the door. “I know you can hear me.”

“Leave me alone, Barnes.”

“(Y/N) –”

“Seriously, Buck. I don’t need to see you to burn you to ashes. Leave me alone. I’m in pain, hungry, tired and pissed off.” He fell silent on the other side of the door, making you assume he had walked away. With a sigh, you pulled your duvet over your head and buried your face in the pillow. Realising you had been such a bitch to Bucky when all he wanted to do was help made you feel worst, and soon, the stress from the rest of the day finally caught up to you. You cried silently, your pillow slowly becoming soaked as you tried to get a grip on yourself. Another knock on the door made you freeze, and you sniffed and tried to stay as quiet as possible in hopes that you would be left alone. 

“Doll, I know you’re awake in there,” Bucky’s voice sounded quiet and muffled through the door. “Let me in, please? Wanda told me how bad your day is going. Let me help.” You heard him sigh a few minutes later when you didn’t reply, and heard him shuffle around. “I’m just gonna sit right here until you let me in, then. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why won’t you just go?” you croaked out, pulling your head away from the pillow.

“Because I want to help you. Can you let me do that?”

“Why? Why bother?” you moved over to the door slowly, your blanket wrapped around your shoulders.

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you want to help me? I’m –”

“(Y/N), if you try to degrade yourself by saying you’re worthless or helpless or useless, I will break down this door.”

“But I feel like it,” you said quietly, your head resting against the door in defeat as a new wave of tears cascaded down your face.

“You’re far from any of those things, (Y/N).” You could hear him stand up quickly, and his voice suddenly sounded clearer, as if he had his head pressed against your door as well. 

“Don’t lie to me and tell me what you think will make me feel better,” you scoffed. “Not today. I don’t think I can handle it today.”

“You mean everything to all of us. So don’t you dare tell me you’re worthless. Natasha tore into Steve when she found out how he belittled you this morning, and he felt so bad afterwards. Bruce went and had a bit of a chat with the agent that hurt you during training, and even though we all know it was an accident the man still looks shook up. Clint was beyond concerned for you during target practice, but you just zoned him and Sam out and didn’t hear a word of what they were saying as you went through the motions. Wanda just came to me looking devastated because she said you were hurting and she didn’t know how to help. Tony is restocking a whole damn cupboard with your favourite kind of coffee so you never run out again. We all love you here. So don’t tell me you’re worthless.”

“But –”

“As for useless and helpless?” he paused to laugh sarcastically. “Doll, you’re terrifying. It’s probably not want you want to hear at the moment, but when you’re in the zone on a mission, nothing gets in your way. You kick ass and get out of it all without a scratch. I’ve seen you take down five guys twice your size all at once and you didn’t even bat an eye. You’re far from helpless.” He took a deep breath and his voice lowered considerably. “You’re not useless either. You make me better – you make us all better. You literally picked us up and brought us back together, doll. After everything with the Accords, after Tony found out what the soldier did to his parents…I didn’t think any of us would speak again. Of course, Natasha and Clint didn’t let it get in between them, but the rest of us? We didn’t speak for weeks. I killed Tony’s mom and dad. He never wanted to see me again. But you dragged me back out of cryo. You got us all together in one room. You fixed us all up again.”

“You and Sam still hate each other.”

“Baby steps, doll, baby steps.” You couldn’t see it, but he visibly relaxed when he heard you chuckle quietly. “You’ve been there for me through so much recently. Let me be there for you. Please.” He felt defeated when you didn’t reply to him for a few minutes, and moved away from the door to sit back on the floor, determined to wait for you. He was just about to start counting the tiles on the ceiling when your door opened quietly. You looked and felt so vulnerable at that moment. Your face was a mess with dried and wet tears and your eyes were rimmed red and puffy from all of your crying. “Oh, (Y/N).” 

He stood back up quickly and wrapped you in my arms tightly. Settling you back down in bed, he left you for two seconds to bring a tray into the room before he asked Friday to lock the door once more. It broke his heart to see you feel so downtrodden and weak, but he simply held onto you and let you get all of your pent up emotions out with the occasional kiss on the head. He didn’t let go once you had literally cried yourself to sleep, and made sure to keep one arm around you at all times. You woke up a little while later, mouth dry and head pounding as you blinked at the soft light coming from our bedside table.

“Buck?” your voice was hoarse and you tilted your head up to see he was reading a book while running his hands through your hair.

“Hey there, doll. How you feeling?” he put the book down and gave you an apprehensive smile.

“Tired,” you yawned to prove you point. “My head hurts.”

“Here, I’ve got just the thing for that.” He sat you up carefully and handed you a bottle of water with a couple of painkillers. Gratefully, you took the pills and down the water before handing him back the empty bottle. “Are you hungry? I got you some pizza earlier, it’s probably cold by now but I know you prefer cold pizza.” You couldn’t help but smile as he pushed the plate towards you and picked the book back up. He started to read to you, his voice soothing as you took small bites of the food he had grabbed you. Eventually, your stomach was full, your headache was subsiding and you were curled up in his arms, just listening to him read out loud from your worn out copy of The Hobbit. 

“Hey, Buck?”

“Yeah?” he looked down at you, a small smile playing on his face.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, doll. Anytime.”

[sunshine-on-my-mind]

Soldat’s fairy

chapter 3

pairing: winter soldier x reader / bucky barnes x reader

general warnings: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! Dark Elements!! HYDRA!! (Dub Con implied but not really and NOT FROM BUCKY), Winter Solider, Mind Control, se-xual in-tercourse. forced relationship forced procreation (HYDRA!!), ANGST - (this is my first time writing something like this so please let me know if I should more warnings)

chapter warnings: non-graphic s.mut, mentions of virginity, mentions of crying, mentions of blood, injury from glass (accidental), mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy test, (+ general warnings)

words: 890+

a/n: hi everyone, thank you for showing love to this story, things accelerate quickly in this chapter but it’s shorter than the previous, thank you for your support, hope you like it. please please read the warnings before continuing.

<- Previous Chapter

DO NOT COPY MY WORK!!

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Soldat kept his word, he was gentle with you, as gentle as he could be.

It hurt, more than the physical hurt it was the betrayal, the fact this was not happening willingly

You always thought your first time would be special, or at least with someone you loved but mostly it will be your choice.

“You’re so beautiful” The Man kissed you, whispered in your ears. Soldat was kind to you, he made you feel good but a part of you felt broken, and he felt something similar.

He blamed himself, if it wasn’t for him maybe you wouldn’t have to do this, maybe your life would be better. You could be free.

Soldat kissed your jaw, your neck, as he could feel his high approach, it felt wrong, but both of your bodies betrayed yourselves.

Maybe the two of you could challenge fate and take it in your own hands. That moment, even if forced, was shared just between you two. It was yours and only yours.

Soldat looked at you with kind eyes as if asking permission, you gave him a gently smile, which was enough answer for him, he leaned down and kissed you, he made sure to provide you pleasure, as the two of you reached your high, you felt full, even something so wrong felt so right.

Fate played a game with you both but in that moment, you didn’t feel betrayed, in that moment, it was just you and him.

“I’m sorry” Soldat couldn’t stop blaming himself. He didn’t look at you, lying beside you staring at the ceiling

“It’s not your fault” He wasn’t used to hearing that. After everything that happened how were you not screaming at him, cursing him or hitting him?

You looked at him as the man kept avoiding your gaze. Soldat was beautiful, you thought. There were so many questions going through your mind, what happened to him being the most prominent.

“Do you- do you think I…” You trailed off gently touching your belly. The future seemed uncertain and scary. Soldat didn’t say anything, instead he looked at your hand on your belly.

The silence of the room got disrupted when there were loud knocks on the door followed by footsteps and people coming in. Thankfully you were modestly clothed by then. Few of Pierce’s men came in notifying you that soon a doctor will arrive to check you, to see if you got pregnant.

“Soldat, come with us now.” They ordered. Soldat looked at you, saw the tears in your eyes. Part of him wanted to stay with you, but the other part felt you must hate him now, why wouldn’t you, he thought. Probably it was best to leave.

Soldat got up to leave. He looked at you one more time and you were looking back at him. What he didn’t realise was that you wanted him to stay.

All of them left the room and you were alone again. How did your life turn out to be like that? Was it your fault? Were you not a good enough daughter? Could have done something differently?

No. Suddenly all you could feel was rage. You didn’t deserve this. No matter what. You got up from the bed and started throwing whatever you could grab.

Eventually you got a hold of the glass of water which was on your bedside table and threw it hard on the floor and a tiny piece of glass cut your arm.

It was tiny, didn’t really hurt much but you felt so broke, everything added up which resulted in you sobbing on your bed. You didn’t know when you fell asleep. Losing the idea of time, you woke up hours later.

When you were given food that day, you didn’t feel like eating at all but you knew if you didn’t take care of yourself the consequence won’t be nice. You felt empty as you gulped your food down with water.

More than week passed in solitary. Your mind wandered to Soldat, wondering what he must be doing. He was not doing well either. He was sent on a mission, which he obliged like the good soldier he is but he couldn’t stop thinking about you, about the future, about the pregnancy test that was about to take place soon.

When the day came, Pierce burst into your room followed by doctors and his men. You did what they say, they tested you.

“Well daughter, in some time we’ll get to know if you are of any use” Pierce had a sickening smile on his face. You felt like throwing up, literally. And you did.

The test result - Positive.

“Now then, I’ll see you soon, after consulting our doctors and scientists. Congratulations daughter, you are gonna be a mother.” With that Pierce left your room.

Soldat was informed about the news as well. They needed more of his blood sample and run some other tests on him as well as on you to make sure you were healthy.

The next day there is another knock on your door. But no one enters without permission, which was unusual, usually the knocks were just to give you a moment, to notify then people are about to come in. But this felt different.

You opened the door to see a bloodied Soldat standing in front of you.

“Wha-“

“We are leaving. Now.”

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