#wish i could remember the music but it was a bop

[4pfsukuna]

Could u write a sukuna fluff where he helps reader take down her braids and do her wash day 🙈

Debrief: i loved writing these cute little 1k word sfw fluff… in sukunas way

“What is it the braids!”

“Say it again and imma punch you in the throat” you huff stabing your braid with the tip of the tail comb wishing you could stab it into something else. You regret the day you introduced your boyfriend to kendrick lamar and worse explained the kendrick and drake beef. You remember the exact moment he decided to become a fan, it was exactly one month ago.

“So he woke up and chose violence?” He ask with a wicked smirk on his face. “Just started atttacking him through the music leaving psychological scars and making everyone hate him?” He follows up and you nod bopping along to the beat of not like us playing through the speakers of your rose gold macbook. 

“Yeah a real menace but the people love him” you tell him swooping your edges with the mini cheetah print brush careful not to make it to big so you wouldnt become the next meme on social media.

“I approve” his wicked smile grows until he hears a specific part that makes his eyes light up.

But that was a month ago, and even then you were holding on to these braids and knotless werent something to hold on to. Especially with the boho hair pieces getting tangled from you and your boyfriends sex sessions no amount of swooped edges, manipulated styles or headbands could save the style.

Unfortunately he loved you with these braids, loved that you had them a maroon color. The same color of his eyes. He thinks you look like a goddess but he would never tell you that can’t have you to arrogant.

So when a white man at the grocery store tells you he loves the braids, you immediately cancel date night with your boyfriend and head home to take them down. Enough was enough and that was all the sign you needed.

Sukuna isnt happy though and why would you expect him(derogatory) to just be okay with it and leave you alone. 

“Woman, explain” he ask with an annoyed look… well he always looks annoyed, he almost misses the section in your hair, it is very small, of braids thats youve already taken out.

“A white man complimented my hair so i have to take it down” you explain and when you dont offer any further explanation except just a blank stare with a tiny pout he nods. He knew better than to ask anything about your hair.

He barges in, in his true fashion kicking off his shoes at the door before sitting where you were sat.

“Uraume is good at hair stuff… want me to call them?” He offers not sure of how to help when your mood visibly sinks further but you just shake your head. 

“No i just… its so much its going to take days and im sorry for canceling i just—“ your eyes begin to water and Sukuna doesnt know how to handle this. Hes use to his big strong girlfriend who even though shes nearly a foot shorter you werent scared of him, scared to threaten him or scared to put him in his place. You problem yelled at him more than he yelled at people plus he would never forget the day you put him in a headlock. It kinda turned him on.

“Sweetheart let me help you then, put on some of your music that you like and sit between my legs like you make your neice do when you do your hair and ill pay to get your next style, okay” he rushes out pulling you to him in a hug and he hears you sniffle. For a woman that bullied a known menace to society you could be so sensitive sometimes but he loves that. Loves when you run into his big strong arms for protection.

“Can we get food?” You sniffle into his shirt and he chuckles squeezing you tighter.

“As long as you dont get your nasty snot on my shirt” he teases making you laugh.

“What is it the—nggh! Did you just bite me?!” He hisses tugging a little rougher on one of your braids making you whine. It didnt hurt but you were so tired, your arms were in pain from holding them up so long and your neck from leaning it against his muscular and meaty thigh.

“I told you stop saying that” you hiss dropping your arms tired of sitting here your butt was hurting also there was only but so many angles you could sit in. He promised booty rubs an hour ago but you had so many braids you were never going small again.

“Ugh you are the worst client ever, youre actually never allowed back to my malevolent salon of doom” he mimics the way you play pretend with your niece over he sees you getting frustrated again and your immediate cable lets him know that was the right thing to say and he’s proud.

You run your fingers through the back of your head pretending to scratch trying to see how many he has left when you notice he’s actually completely done before a loud smack and your hand is stinging.

“Did you just pop me?!” You're shocked, and with the comb nevertheless?! Oh he was spending too much with you learning too much about you and your mannerisms.

“Yeah and ill do it again, now let me tell you about the drama that happened at the kfc outside the tattoo shop since you didn’t want to answer my calls”  he scoffs before starting on the front section of your hair.

“So i guess this guy and his boyfriend were breaking up… actually the white haired guy I’ve seen before I’m pretty sure he’s the dad of Yujis classmate… or something but the kid looks like the other boyfriend… and i think he wanted to fight?” He rambles but you’re getting lost.

“Wait, who wanted to fight, the kid?” You ask stretching your legs out infront of you with a small yawn.

“What? No, the white haired guy!” He sucks his teeth pulling your head back so your eyes are on him. “I’m not sure what you’re worse at taking out braids or keeping up with drama.”

You don’t mention that you’re going to want his help washing your hair too just let him keep talking about his kfc drama with unnamed characters and half sentences.

[rg-bugs]

Lost in the moon

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Sun/Moon X reader

Word count: 2521

Summary:

You decide to check out the daycare where you meet Sun, after the daycare closes you leave. But you gets lost and don't exit the Plex in time and get looked in. You end up meeting Moon and try asking him for help

Notes:

I got lazy with the ending cuz this fic took me nine days to write and I've had enough with it, so enjoy

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

You stroll around the pizza plex enjoying the overpriced pizza, arcade games and various attractions that the place has to offer. At one point you got lost in the pizza Plex, but you got help from one of the glam rocks and at the same time you also got the chance to take a picture with them, which in all honesty was quite nice of them. Though you're terrible with names. (But you do remember them being a chicken with green earrings). Was it Sheikah? Sheek? Oh It was Chicka! Chicka the chicken! Even if your day was filled with exciting activities, you could not help yourself but to feel disappointed and isolated. Even surrounded by people constantly throughout the day, it fell short of what you had hoped for.

As the sun's light begins to dissipate, you find yourself meandering through the expansive building, observing as people gradually depart as the bustling crowds disperse. With less than an hour left until closing you start to make your way to the daycare. It was the only place you hadn't looked at yet today. And in addition, since the daycare closes an hour earlier than everything else, you believe that there will be an absence of strangers staring daggers at you, and wondering why a random adult is there, though you thought of it more reminiscent of a curious child exploring.

You don't do too well with copious amounts of crowds surrounding you for the entire day. So you need a quiet place to sit down for a bit to get your self level headed from the day. You know the two characters that work in the daycare, Sun and Moon. You have seen their posters here and there plastered on the walls. If you were going to be honest for a little while you thought that their names were Sundrop and Moondrop, but no, it's the candy they advertise.

You enter the daycare and you start to hear funky but kinda nice music. you start to bop to it slightly, and it makes you feel slightly better. You tread quietly up to the metal fence next to a slide where it said ´slide in to fun!´. You looked down at the play area and at first glance you saw two large jungle gyms connected with a bridge and a ball pit. Man you wished this was the daycare you went to when you were a kid, because this looked amazing this could easily be any kids dream come true. But your train of thought was interrupted by the feeling that it felt like something was staring at you but you can't pinpoint where it's coming from, so you just shrug it off as anxiety. You make your way down to the lower level of the daycare to sit on one of the benches to rest before you start making your way out of the Pizza Plex.

You have your back turned away from the big daycare doors as they fling open and you freeze in shock as you hear a loud chery voice behind you. "Why hello there friend! All the kids have already been picked up. So what concern do you have here to be here at such a late hour?" You berated yourself for forgetting that there are two daycare andents, of course they'd still be active. You turn your torso around slowly to face who is behind you, having both legs firmly rooted into the floor. As you turn you see a very tall robot with eyes that are chalk white and triangles around his head designed to look like sun rays. He had a big smile, and hands stretched to his sides and stood there with a mighty posture looming over you.

"I-" you took a deep breath to try to get the words out of your mouth as he stood there patiently with both of his hands clasped together. "I just wanted to get away from the crowds for a bit. I didn't mean to disturb or anything- I can leave if you want me to." At that last part you lift up your hands in a nervous mock surrender. "Oh no you are welcome to stay, we were just curious as to why you were here. We thought that maybe you took a wrong turn and got lost or something." He started to sway on his feet rocking back and forth, seeming to hold back his excitement that would explode like a balloon any second now. He suddenly stops standing on his tippy toes; "Oh how rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Sun! And what would yours be?" turning his head to the side out of curiosity. Your body fully turned towards him and were more relaxed. This seems to have pleased Sun. You told him your name, plain and simple. You did wonder however, he said"we "a bit earlier, but there was only one animatronic in front of you. You wanted to ask him where Moon was. Maybe he was inside cleaning or was just shy.

"Where is Moon? I would like to say hello to him too." You say it a bit too nonchalantly. He lets out a nervous chuckle and plops down from being on the tips of his toes. "Well he’s only out when the pizza plex is closed as security. Sorry to disappoint." He slouches down a bit but quickly perks up and says. "BUT! I can say hi to him from you, does that sound good?" He starts to fidget with his hands. It was nice to converse with Sun and it helps to distract you from the day. Your legs were aching from exhaustion and you just wanted a place to collapse and catch your breath "Yeah i think that would be nice. Well I'm going to go and sit down somewhere now. It was nice meeting you." You wave him goodbye as you turn away. "Goodbye! The pizza plex closes in thirty minutes!" He waves goodbye and the bells on his wrist jingle. You give him a thumbs up without turning. You feel a small gust of wind hit you as he closes the heavy doors in one swift motion.

You have your gaze on a seat with a table, you speed walk towards it and slump down. Resting your head on your arms as you let out a sigh of fatigue. You allow your mind to wander and overanalyze everything that you've done today to every minute detail, like how you fumbled on that mini golf ting and lost your grip on the golf club and it fell into the indoors river, or how you could not control the gocart properly and jerking forward trying to workout how it works, or how you needed the staff to get you out of a labyrinth designed FOR KIDS! Your spiraling thoughts were broken by the speaker announcing that they close in five minutes and something about a free drink voucher that you could get.

You lift up your head and blink away the sleepiness. You start making your way to the exit of the daycare, not paying attention to where you were walking. You wander and take a turn and… you are not at the entrance gate. You definitely took a wrong turn somewhere to end up at the theater. You couldn't do one thing correctly today it seems. The way back had stairs not a corridor. You start to backtrack back to the daycare slightly panicking. Now speed walking out of the theater and going towards the stairs. You hear a concerned voice "Hello again! I can tell that you're lost, it’s just to go up those stairs and take a left and there's the entrance gate, it's impossible to miss it. You only have like two minutes so you better run" You turned to look at the door that was slightly cracked open and Sun's head was peeking through looking worried. Wow that's a way to rub it in that you had the sense of direction of an egg (or like Zoro from One piece).

Your mouth turns into a line as you have to bite your tongue to not say something snarky like ´yeah, no shit sherlock´ or ´wow this is life changing information´ he was just trying to help you. So instead you opted for a simple thanks with a tired smile and told him ´goodnight, rest well.´ "I hope you do too, it looks like you need it. Goodbye!" he slid back in and closed the door. You really must have looked tired, and you were tired too. You just wanted to get home and sleep. You continued to speed walk up the stairs and took a left. You hear the lights turn off in an ominous voom. You stand still so your eyes try to adjust to the sudden darkness you found yourself in. You eventually got adjusted to the dim neon lights that came in different arrays of colors.

At that moment you realized that the Plex had closed. You looked at the entrance and saw the shutters were down. You were too tired to panic, you were just pissed at yourself now. “Great, Now I'm stuck in here. Unless I get staff to help me”. You opted for Sun's help because you knew at least where he was. You sigh and turn on your heel harshly. As you approach the entrance you don't hear the music playing, it's way too quiet for your liking. You see that the daycare is pitch black, but you continue. You aggressively walk down the stairs and yell out "Sun are you there? I got locked in and I would like to go home and sleep. Please can you help me?" You are met with silence. You were starting to get annoyed (not at Sun just that you didn't want to go into the play area looking for him). You go up to tug on the door and it won't budge, it's locked. You remember that he told you that Moon is security and maybe he was nearby, ( you assumed he would probably have the daycare as his starting point).

You let go of the handle and groan as you pinch your nose bridge, feeling as you felt an annoying headache creeping in. "Moon! Are you nearby? I kinda need help" you yell out.

No answer. You hear a soft jingle of bells. "Where are you?" you mutter under your breath thinking it is Sun making the noise. As you look to the side trying to see movement through the darkness in the play area. No luck, nothing is there. You hear a raspy voice next to your ear whispering "Behind you."

"MOTHER OF JESUS!" You screamed out. You jumped, turning around to see the fucker, whispering in your ear, next to you. It was a blue and white animatronic, it had a wire from its back to the ceiling, hanging upside down like Spiderman does. It has red eyes and a starry night cap with a big sharp smile on its face. Ah this must be Moon. You were eye to eye, just staring at him while he chuckled in amusement. You tried to muster up courage and put on your best smile, but you still sounded shaky in your voice. "Um… are you Moon? If so, can I get some help?" He pauses and his eyes turn pitch black, his head flips around to be right side up with his body still upside down. His smile flattens and eyes are wide open and he is too close for comfort. You swallow the lump in your throat. You took a deep breath and said "I got lost and now I'm locked in." You had your arms crossed and had your weight on one leg as the adrenalin had started to dissipate, as you look in his eyes you can see red pupils staring right back.

His body started to get down to stand on the floor, the wire detaching and going up to where you can't see it, but his face remained in the same spot. He let out a small chuckle and started to smile again as he rose to his full height. He was just as tall and intimidating as Sun was. Looking down at you he said "You are an intriguing one." You paused for a bit, you were confused at his response "Thank you, I guess?" tilting your head to the side. He turns around and starts walking away from you, but stops when he realizes that you're not following and he gestures to follow him. You start to follow him, pleased that you're getting help.

”So, where is Sun? He was in the daycare a few minutes ago.” He turns to look at you and what sounded like him taking a sharp inhale to say something, but he stops himself from doing so. He looks displeased. He thinks for a moment as both of you walk up the stairs and take a turn. “We share the same body, if the lights are on Sun is out, if the lights are turned off I am the one who is out.” He states begrudgingly. You think to yourself that that's quite cool at first, but you realize it must be torment to be in the same body. “Can I ask one more question?” you look up at him, he looks annoyed “why are you asking persimmon now? You didn't before” he said with bewilderment. “Is it like a nap for the one who is not active?”

As you have almost reached the doors he stops for a bit now being behind you and says "Didn't your parents teach you not to trust strangers?" He chuckles. "Oh har har funny joke, it’s obvious that you are Moon right. right?" You turn back to look at him and you see nothing. You hear the creaking noise of the shutters opening. But at the moment you don't care, you were wondering where (THE FUCK) Moon went, and he was avoiding the queston. You look around yourself up at the ceiling and consider walking around and looking behind things, but you were technically trespassing at this point so it's good to not stay any longer. Especially with what he just said, and you ain't taking any chances. You probably pissed him off with that question. You cup your hands around your mouth and yell out "Thank you Moon! Goodnight." And that was it, you opened the glass door and out of the Pizza Plex.

The metal shutters don’t close immediately until youre a small distance away. You look behind you to watch it close and you see an upside down head peeking thru with completely red glowing eyes. As the shutters slowly descend you see Moon waving you goodbye, a bit surprised to see him you wave back until you can't see each other anymore. You might come back and visit, those two were intriguing too. But for now you just need to get home and sleep.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

cant remember to forget you

pairing: chad meeks-martin x fem!reader

wc: 1.6K

warnings: drinking (at a party), little making out. think thats it.

summary: he just cant leave your mind and maybe thats a good thing

A/N: shakira shakira.

🎧 can't remember to forget you (fucking bop!)

masterlist / chad meeks-martin

you shouldn’t be doing this. you know you shouldn’t be doing this. it’s all a bad idea in the end. an idea your fuzzy brain thinks is genius when it’s the complete opposite.

but you follow through with the idea without a complaint.

feet moving on autopilot, carrying you to your destination without needing directions. you always manage to find the treasure. 

you didn’t bother with niceties when pushing past people. everyone was either drunk, high, or lost in their world to care about ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’. you went to the foyer where you last spotted him just before he dipped away. pushing to the tips of your toes, creasing your converse as you tried to look over and through the moving bodies.

you couldn’t see him.

maybe this was a sign. a sign from the universe to stop you from going through with this idea that wasn’t fully formed. it was trying to save you from embarrassment and further heartbreak… but this idea was becoming more appealing by the second.

so you ignored this possible sign and continued your search.

so you turn on your heel back towards the kitchen when you bump into a body. a flat palm to their chest and their arm wrapped behind your back, no alcohol spilled in the process. without even needing to look up, you already know who it is. your treasure, a sign thrown in your face that this was a good idea in the end.

“chad… hi. i was- was just… uh…”

“still can’t lie for shit.” 

even with the music blaring through the multiple speakers, the sound of chad’s deep chuckle rang like a gong beside your ear. it was so nice to hear the sound again. the touch of him again, even through clothes, sets your skin ablaze.

a lull in your interaction causes chad to drop his arm and take a step away. the hand previously on his peck reached for his wrist to keep him from departing. he looked at the skin-to-skin touch but didn’t comment or show discomfort. progress.

“hows- hows classes going? enjoying them?” lips dart to wet the stained skin.

chad seemed taken aback by the questions, not anticipating them. his head cocked with that pinch to the middle of his brows, how you wished to smooth it out with your thumb. 

“classes are- are okay. mostly boring. thinking of taking a- a creative elective.” he gained that step back. arms going slack between your stomachs.

chad twisted his hand so his fingers were able to curl to your hold. more progress. you couldn’t stop staring at your limbs with a dopey smile.

“how’s mindy? and everyone?” subconsciously letting your index finger rub at his bone.

chad seemed to be a bit sad at the question. and you kinda already assumed what he was gonna say.

“well, everyone’s good. but you would know that if you continued to hang out with us.” you could see the tension in his shoulders so you finally dropped his wrist. this was probably where the conversation would die.

“right. i just- after everything i wasn’t sure if-“ you’ve just put your foot in your mouth. brain not being able to catch up to fix any of those mistakes to right the conversation back to a few seconds ago. “i- i miss you.” now both your feet are in your mouth.

chad’s forehead creased and his mouth parted at the words you spit out. you should’ve listened to the universe the first time. now you're thinking if you should make this worse or just run for it.

“i- i know i shouldn’t miss you, 'cause we decided it was for the best to end things. but i just… i know i should let you go, it seems you have, but i just can’t. i can’t let you go, it’s like i can’t forget you.”

he licked his lips and looked around the room. you're making this so much worse for you, for him. why can’t you just let him go?

“sorry. i probably shouldn’t- too much drinking (more like not enough). i’m gonna…” you pointed a finger over your shoulder and threw a meek smile to chad. your dignity is gone.

“wait, don’t- don’t leave.”

you kept your back turned to chad, but turned your head slightly just to get some view of him. he looked nervous but took another step closer. and this time he reached for your hand. it made you turn completely to face him.

“why don’t we go upstairs… to talk… privately.” his honey-sweet voice only made you nod dumbly. you let chad take the lead, keeping your hands together as he weaved the both of you through people and up the stairs. he stopped at different doors to see if they were unlocked and free, after a few tries and seeing too much-exposed skin there was an unoccupied room.

chad pulled the both of you and closed the door with an added click to the lock. you set your cup on a desk before taking a seat at the end of the bed. hands clasped in your lap as you just looked at chad and waited to hear his words.

he downed whatever was in his cup, face scrunching at the taste before he set it down. he walked to the bed and sat beside you, a sigh leaving his lips as he rested his forearms on his thighs and hung his head. you weren’t sure what to do at the moment. you wanted to run a hand over his hair, pull him close to you. but you stayed quiet and frozen, letting him take his time.

“god, you have no idea how much i miss you.” 

honestly, you weren’t expecting to hear that. when you and chad decided to break up it was mutual. it just felt like there was no longer that spark in your relationship and neither of you wanted to drag the other around if that was the case.

but it seems after only a month apart, the two of you realized how much you cared about each other. maybe another chance wouldn’t be so bad.

“you know,” chad gave a light chuckle, “when i first saw you walk through the door, i thought i was dreaming. how the colors bathed you in their glow, you dressed in my favorite outfit of yours. looking like your stunning self.” he turned his head your way. “i was really worried someone was gonna sweep you off your feet before i could get to you.”

you shuffled closer. thigh to thigh, shoe to shoe. the two of you sat up straight, no longer hiding away from each other. your hand sat on your thigh, palm down. chad glanced down and then back up, silently asking a question. a quirk to your brow was all and he knew what it meant. his larger hand fell over yours and then after a second of staring at each, you flipped it so it was palm to palm.

fingers intertwined once again.

“chad… when i saw you talking to that girl earlier… i got so jealous. i knew i didn’t have the right to be jealous as you talked with someone else, but when you leaned in close. your lips near her ear, i just remembered all the times you did that to me. sexual or not, and it just caused a flash over my eyes, remembering the feel of your lips on my skin.”

eye, lips, eye. you did that multiple times, in different orders. you all but sighed his name in a plea. free hand touching chad’s cheek and his own holding your wrist. “i want us to try again. we don’t have to be perfect or change anything, i just want us to be us again.” thumb brushing over the scar on his cheekbone.

then sliding down slowly and thumb going over his top lip. “i can’t get you out of my head, chad. and i never want you to leave.”

his touch tightened. both of you are quiet, just staring at the other, seeing who’ll make the first move tonight. your glossed lips parted ever so slightly, finger taking a second pass over his lip. you leaned in, lids dropping and darkening your iris.

you didn’t notice that chad was also leaning in until just a breath away from connecting. he licked his lips as he moved his hand from your wrist and to your neck as he asked, “are you sure? cause i don’t think i’ll want to stop if we start again.”

it was like a punch to your gut as you quickly sighed, “i never want to stop.” and you both dove in.

it was like that spark you thought died out was suddenly reignited into a full-blown fire. both of you were starved of each other's touch, mouths devouring every sigh and gasp of pleasure and happiness. hands roaming over fevered skin, needing to rememorize the dips and curves, the natural push and pull your bodies gave.

one of chad’s hands slid down the side of your body, thumb pressing into the exposed skin of your stomach while his fingers curled over your waist. his other one held your neck in a firm, but gentle hold, his thumb pressing into the underside of your jaw. you held his shoulders to keep you upright, head tilting to your right as he went left, noses pushing into cheeks, and lips were sucked and bitten.

reluctantly you pulled away first, air from your lungs disappearing and as much as you wished to keep your mouth connected with chad’s you need to be breathing to continue the endeavor. your palms pressed into chad’s cheeks to keep his head away as he tried following after

you, a girlish giggle as the action.

“i’ve missed you so much.” a breathless confession from chad as he kept his eyes closed.

you bit into your bottom lip and leaned your forehead into his, both of you taking deep inhales through your noses. you held his cheeks tighter and he squeezed your waist as you whispered, “it’ll work out this time. i know it.”

-

[lifewillalwaysbe-lavieenrose]

GUYS!! I saw Les Mis! In Munich!!!

Let's recap!

The Cast:

Daniel Gutmann as Javert. He was incredible. Definitely my personal highlight. Everytime he sang his voice just ROARED. And he was menacing holy shit. Aggggggh I'm normal about him

Barbara Obermeier as Eponine. When I first heard her sing in Act 1, I knew she was gonna kill it in Act 2. And she did.

Merlin Farcel aka Enjolras. His voice was so perfect I LOVED all the high notes, BUT:

The beard. Sorry, but in my world Enjolras doesn't have a beard. Plus, it makes him look like Peter Maffay

Madame Thenardier was PERFECT (I don't remember who played her that night😭) She was so funny and the audience really loved her.

The Music:

At first, I felt a bit underwhelmed by the orchestra. To be fair, I listened to the 10th anniversary recording SO much, that I really got used to that grand orchestra sound.

There was an electric guitar and at one point an electric bass when Javert sang, which I really loved.

During Master of the House/ Beggars at the Feast you could really see the orchestra bopping their heads and having fun and that made me very happy

I really loved the brass section, they really stood out (That French Hurn during On My Own????!)

The Costumes:

I don't know why, but the Les Amis were wearing these caps all the time. I have never seen a production with them in it. Is this a historically accurate thing?? I didn't really like them, they looked very plastic/shiny and fell out of place

I cannot find a picture but in the beginning of Act 1 Valjean wore a pink vest and then a purple coat which both looked very cheap and which I both didn't like (maybe it was because of the light? The colors felt very unnatural)

Eponine's outfit. At first I thought it didn't look shabby enough. But it looks so badass I'll let it pass

Why don't you let Enjolras wear his red vest??

What is Marius wearing? Goofy boy

Big Mad Hatter vibes from Thenardier. I loved his and the Patron Minettes outifits, they looked very edgy

This is perfect. Perfect. I only wished he had undone his hair for Javert's Suicide (he did, but only for the last 10 seconds)

The Stage:

The stage had a turning middle and stairs that could be moved around, similar like in Hamilton.

They did a cool transition with young Cosette walking up the stairs and old Cosette walking down

Also, they had some cool staging with buildings moving around for Stars. But I feel like there was almost a bit too much happening in the background for this song.

I don't know why they didn't have the Barricades turn and show Enjolras hang upside down. It's such a cool/tragic moment!

During the Barricade scenes, the stage sometimes felt a bit empty. I mean, there were always like 15 people standing around. Maybe the Barricades were to small/not high enough

Empty chairs at empty tables. Where were the empty chairs and empty tables??

In Everyday/A Heart Full of Love Reprise single leaves started falling down on the stage (Like Valjean entering the Fall/Winter of his life) I loved that.

Also, the parallel of Marius learning to walk again using a cane, and Valjean loosing his ability to walk using a cane. I never noticed this before!

There are SO many cool things about the staging I could talk about here. But I want to mention some other topics as well:

The "Spirit" of the Show:

There wasn't a single French flag to be seen. Some red ones, but no French flags.

In the trailer, the director said he wanted to create a more universal setting, speaking to everyone in the audience

I think that's a great sentiment but like. Everyone has French names. There were titles above the stage telling us the year and locations (Places in France) of the events. The title of the show is French.

So I think adding the flags (aka a bit more French nationalism?) would have seemed a lot more convincing for the cause of the students and the whole spirit of the show

But maybe this also has to do with the show being in German? I don't know and I'd really like to discuss it. Maybe someone here made a similar experience seeing it in another language

And last, but MOST importantly:

What about Valvert and Enjoltaire?

In the Confrontation, Javert and Valjean got really close to each other. And I mean fighting each other and then stopping just to sing directly into each other's faces.

Instead of running infront of the court in Who Am I, Valjean just goes to Javert and rips his shirt open? Okay, go off I guess

In Drink with Me, we have a platonic forehead touch between Enjolras and Grantaire. Sadly, that's all I noticed between them 😔

Also, the fact that Grantaire is supposed to be ugly/shabby/a drinker/a sceptic got totally lost, which really takes away from his character.

Conclusion:

All the actors were good, some of them were FANTASTIC. I'd watch it again just for the guy playing Javert, if I could. God, he was SO GOOD

The music was all it should be, maybe a bit too reserved (but again, this might be because I am so used to the 10th anniversary concert)

I really loved some costumes and I also really disliked some

The staging was great, some choices confused me (flags, barricades etc.)

Would I watch it again?

Absolutely!

To be clear, some of the things here might sound more negative than I actually mean. It's just that I have watched SO many different productions online, that I fixated on all the great performances and how I think they should be done. Of course everyone has different opinions here.

Okay thanks for reading if you made it here. Have a great day!

[lovelykil]

CHAPTER 2: SCHEDULE.

note; titles were never my forte (ヽ´ω`) ...

beginning

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ . . .

12 years later. . .

I lift myself off my bed and slip on my slippers. It's currently 6 AM and school starts at 8. I stumble over to my door and turn the knob then open it slowly. I yawn.

useless, it's a word that lingers in my head a lot. I step inside my bathroom and close the door.

It's simply letters put together but yet I find myself feeling completely motionless when I hear it. I spit out the minty white paste and wash my mouth, then set my toothbrush in its holder. My eyes narrow upward when I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

there's a plant right behind me, it's a Satoru green bamboo plant. It stares at me through the mirror, begging for my assistance. The leaves now turning a yellowish decaying color that screamed in agony. I can feel its pain through this glass I look over my shoulder and my eyes narrow to its pot.

pots are similar to homes for plants, there are different types of pots.. big ones, small ones, really detailed ones, and bland ones. My eyes move up.

my brain starts to go places again, bad places.

my eyes shut close when I remember then open wide. I return my gaze to the mirror then open the bathroom door and turn off the light, all in one swift move. The plant stays put, weeping in the dark after I left.

I wonder why that plant was still there, I mean after all, it was my mother's favorite.

I hurry back to my room to change into my uniform, rummaging through piles of clothes I've yet to put away. Once I find my long sleeve I slip it on then my skirt and lastly my stockings. They are plain black nothing too fancy I do attend a regular high school.

I go to my body mirror and observe my hair, big and curly. There are some days I wish I looked like those girls with luscious blond beauty pin-straight hair or pretty dazzling wavy hair, but other days I learn to deal with it. My curls weren't my biggest problem anyway.

I twirl a strain of hair and watch it coil back, my feet move elsewhere now as I pick up my shoulder bag. You know those bags with several different pockets and kinda just look cool, like you're in some old adventure film.

I like a good vintage look but these unifroms aren't doing it for me.

I make my way out of my bedroom and into the kitchen, time to make breakfast.

because I'm the only woman in the house I'm expected to start breakfast for my father and brother. I found it awfully offensive at first but when you get yelled out several times you just learn to deal with it.

I could poison my father anytime I wanted, but I haven't.

I watch the egg sizzle in the small pot when I crack the egg open, it bubbles from the heat provided below. I sprinkle a little seasoning for flavor.

6:50 AM.

breakfast has been served and ready for the two idiots in our house. I leave their plates on the small table, it's hot now but not for too long since they enjoy their slumber.

they can eat it cold for all I care.

I grab my food and consume it in the kitchen, the atmosphere in there is so quiet and peaceful. The sun barely has come out to say hello so it's rather dim but I don't mind, I've grown accustomed to the night. Me and the moon are friends. Best friends.

7:05 AM.

I make a list of what is needed in the home, mostly a grocery list. I'll have to stop by the store to pick up ingredients for today and possibly for the week. My pencil moves swiftly as I write with precision on the Kuromi-themed sheet of paper. I sneak an earbud in my ear and turn up the volume. I begin to bop my head lightly and smile.

7:45 AM.

I live somewhat close to my school so I take my leave later than most students, at least I'm grateful for that. My steps are slow and long as I trudge my way across the sideway and onto another. Music blasts in my ears, making the neurons in my brain send direct orders to make my fingers tap against the bag hung over my shoulder. I trap myself in the fantasy world I've made in my mind and within minutes I arrive at school.

I stand outside on the school campus, looking up at the huge structure. Students pass me by as they laugh and giggle at one another and eventually find their way inside. I remain focused on the building, I can feel my heart clench in my chest at a single thought.

there was nothing big about this school.. it was merely just a regular, normal high school. It is where I belonged, yes, somewhere... regular.

[omegalomania]

highlights from the virtual signing joe did back before his book tour, cause i havent seen anyone talk about it yet:

ppl who participated in the signing got to do a sweepstakes for a merch package and when the spokesperson was showing it off joe was like "and it's got a LOCKPICK and a GARROTE and a BALACLAVA so just DO WHATEVER DAMAGE YOU LIKE"

he introduced black flag, his favorite band, to his daughter and she thought it sounded terrible lkdfjldjfkd

when fob went to induct green day at the hall of fame joe mentions smoking weed with joan jett and miley cyrus. icon.

he regrets not having better tools to deal with his anxiety about touring and worrying about how every time he got in the van he'd be leaving home. "...and i wish i had, instead of looking out the back window, looked toward the front of the van and realized i was with four or five of my best friends and that i was in safe company."

re: the rest of the band, "they are like brothers, at the end of the day. it's a brotherly relationship."

his 8 year old begs him to watch horror movies and r-rated movies with him and he tells her she can watch them when she's 30

"let's talk about music. nothing better than talking about music. don't listen to it. just talk about it."

when asked about his proudest accomplishment: "i love all my children equally. but here's the reality. i am SO proud of fall out boy because it's a gigantic band that i started as a teenager. we just did stadium shows supporting GREEN DAY."

he's also super proud of the damned things and how honored he was that scott ian from anthrax, one of his personal heroes, trusted him to do so much writing

the interviewer goes, "all right here's a softball" and joe goes, "SOFT ME. uh, what?"

his favorite guitar is his 1965 reverse-body gibson firebird

his favorite transformer is grimlock

this question was supposed to be a lightning round but when asked "nintendo or sega" he says nintendo and then spends about 3 minutes talking abt punchout and then rattling off obscure sonic trivia. i love him.

his favorite video game is final fantasy 7. he says he "nearly flunked" out of middle school because of it.

he has a hard time picking a favorite horror movie since he loves horror but he picks "texas chainsaw massacre" as the one that affected him the most. he also recommends "anything for jackson" because it will "give you nightmares, if you are interested in having nightmares"

his favorite star wars character is yoda because his wisdom applies to real life very frequently

a fan-submitted question talked about with knives and how much the fan liked his vocals and both the interviewer and joe smiled REALLY big!!!!

sadly he doesn't like singing that much cause he doesn't like his voice. also he says fall out boy has a really good singer already. but he won't rule out doing some solo venture and recording super distorted vocals someday

re: what he wants to be remembered for the most - "having a sick bod, man."

"no, genuinely, i want my children to remember me as a good father. that's like the truth. and for having a sick bod."

he really doesn't hold any grudges about the hazing he got in the early days of touring because it was an initiation ritual and it weathered him quickly to touring life. he doesn't think people could get away with it now though.

"if you're gonna punch somebody though, do it when they're not looking"

re: favorite song to play live - "i don't care" because it "Just Rocks." and it's really fun!

his bluetooth in his car started playing "of all the gin joints in the world" and he texted patrick about how good of a song it was and how it'd be nice to play it live again

"as the kids maybe used to say, it SLAPS." brief discussion regarding the difference between a bop and a slap.

currently most of his musical ambitions lie in whatever fall out boy will do next

he tried scoring and composing for commercials and the like and he found that he really does not like it that much

he apologizes for not getting a haircut before the livestream. "this is just how i am, sloppy and unpresentable." (note: he was doing this livestream after a 13-hour flight from rock in rio in brazil)

[calethelettuce]

The Sides As ABBA Songs, Because ABBA Slays

I'm on an ABBA kick guys, bear with me- I thought this would be a cool thing to do, plus you get reasons why :3 If you disagree, lmk!

✨Roman✨

Honey, Honey

- Look, it’s as cheesy as ABBA can get. It’s totally up Roman’s alley

- Probably daydreams about Thomas’ crushes to this song specifically

- Knows almost all of the Mamma Mia! lore (Context: A lot of ABBA music was used in Mamma Mia!, a concert-style musical made specifically with ABBA in mind)

- Puts him in the mood to write some kind of romance novel

- Bro is probably obsessed with ABBA an unhealthy amount, to the point C!Thomas starts having dreams about the group members

⭐Logan⭐

The Name Of The Game

- I was originally going to put S.O.S for Lo-gay, but I feel like this one fits better

- Totally jams out to some of ABBA’s chiller songs while reading or while working

- ‘And you make me feel, and you make me show, what I’m trying to conceal’ sounds like somebody is having some funny lil issues hiding something HMMMM???? MAYBE SOME EMOTIONS?????

- Likes to research the members, just to familiarize himself with the artists to better understand

- Probably analyzes every little lyric, but likes this song just a tad more than the others because.. well, he relates in a way.

🌩️Virgil🌩️

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

- The purp man, listening to something OTHER THAN ROCK????!?? Holy shit it’s a miracle

- The most emo song made by ABBA by far

- ‘Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?’ C’MON NOW

- Really likes the instrumentals, that’s for sure

- Listens to it kinda often, although it’s kinda just shoved in his 12 hour playlist

- For some reason it calms him down a little when he’s really anxious

- Probably makes up scenarios in his head based on the lyrics

- Not a huge ABBA fan, but tolerates their music a good amount

- Would totally go to a concert tho

💙Patton💙

Slipping Through My Fingers

- I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED THINKING ABOUT THIS ONE :(

- It’s just- *sniff* PARENT OVERLOOKING THEIR KID WHO’S FINALLY ALL GROWN UP :((((

- ‘Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture, And save it from the funny tricks of time’ I CHOKED AND DIED :(

- Pat probably listens to this song sparingly, because he might relate just a lil too much

- He does like it, it’s just he’s a very emotional guy

- Honestly, he probably listens to ABBA just because it’s ABBA

- Jams to Dancing Queen tho

⚜️Janus⚜️

Voulez-Vous

- Come on now. The phrase ‘Nothing promised, no regrets’? Literally Janus in a nutshell.

- Not really his taste, but sometimes puts it on as a boost of some sort (Probably in the morning)

- I mean, this song is just a bop

- DEFINITELY plays the Just Dance version with Remus or one of the other sides

- I lied he likes playing all the ABBA songs on JD okay he just does

- Probably quotes the french in this song (Only Roman gets it, and 85% of the time he just doesn’t remember what it means)

🟩Remus⬛

Does Your Mother Know?

- Do I need to explain? 

- This song is just- yes

- Would definitely tease someone interested in him exactly like this song does

- He’s just so silly

- Probably headbangs to ABBA’s more “explicit” songs

- This one though, he likes because of its funny lil’ indications

- Likes Mamma Mia! like Roman, but only because of the dirty jokes and the “funny” content

- Is pissed it’s not on Just Dance

- Most likely changes the lyrics sometimes to whatever weird things pop into his head that works

- Blasts ABBA music in the background when smashing things with his morningstar (need I explain? we all know he smashes things outta nowhere)

BONUS!!!

💤Sleep💤

Money, Money, Money

- You know this dude is about to spend all his money on starbucks

- It’s just- his aesthetic

- Would definitely marry a wealthy man/woman just for the money

- Hardcore ABBA fan, shut up you cannot change my freaking mind

- Knows all the words

- (Begrudgingly) Geeks out with Roman about it every once in a while

- Causes C!Thomas to lose sleep over this fact (Sleep literally just disappears)

- His personal playlist is half ABBA

- Scored Megastar on Just Dance on every ABBA song (Janus and Remus r jealous of his talent)

💗Emile💗

Chiquitita

- The song reminds me of the therapist friend, so ofc the boi himself deserves it

- Prefers to listen to cartoon soundtracks, though will make an exception every once and a while

- He’s such a sweetheart omg

- If C!Thomas and Emile met in some multiverse I feel like this song describes how a later interaction would go

- I forget that Sleep and Emile aren’t sides lolol

- Also really enjoys Super Trouper for some reason even he can’t explain, he just likes it lol

🌈C!Thomas🌈

Angeleyes

- Nico where u at bby gurl :0

- It’s one of those correlations you can’t explain in a simple way

- ‘Sometimes, when I’m lonely, I sit and think about him’ LIKE AWH ik the song is actually about a breakup BUT SHHHH LET ME BE DELUSIONAL

- Probably enjoys ABBA a moderate amount, he doesn’t really have a cohesive opinion

- Is tired of Roman’s bs tho lol

- There is a breakup mentioned in SaSi somewhere, so this song does kinda make sense in a way

- Vibes with Patton to Dancing Queen 100%

[kimkimwritesstuff]

I’m not too sure if I’ve posted these on here before but I will now😭 (IM SO SORRY FOR BEING DEAD- I HAVENT WRITTEN ANY FICS CUZ IVE HAD NO MOTIVATION- IF I HAVENT GOTTEN TO YOUR REQUEST I AM SO SORRY-)

here are two poems that I’ve written!

The Little Things You Do

The little things you do, they bring me comfort, they bring me joy.

The way you laugh and giggle, stuff of that sort.

It’s clear you love music, it's what you’re passionate about.

As much as you play beautifully, it’s almost as great as when you don't make a sound.

Your foot, it taps to the tempo, your head moves along.

Your head seems to be bopping to that exact song. 

Though your playing tops the silence, It's still the same.

It’s beautiful, It’s mellow, It’s free.

Oh how I wish you would reciprocate,

wish you’d feel the same for me.

The little things you do, maybe just a simple smile.

It makes me all giddy,

filled with so much energy I could run a whole mile.

While your actions are sweet and silly,

they create comfort much more.

 For all the little things you do, 

make my heart ache for yours.

When it comes to her.

When it comes to her,

my heart is full, it starts to race.

My cheeks go red, then my whole face.

I start to remember a certain memory. Our first meeting, embedded in my brain, that of a melody.

For her smile is too beautiful to bear

Her sense of humor, something we share.

Her laugh, too sweet to resist without laughing along

Her voice, I could listen to it as if it were a song.

When it comes to her, 

my mind goes blank.

I can’t speak a word, my mind starts playing pranks.

For how I wish to hold her, hold her hand.

Oh how I would serenade her, acquire a whole band.

For everything about her, it makes me still.

When it comes to her, I wish to disappear.

I feel unworthy of her sweet gaze, she’s too wonderful, she sets my heart ablaze.

For I long to tell her how exactly I feel….

I’m afraid.

Her words.

They’ll stab.

They’ll hurt.

So I shall continue to long, to wish.

Because when it comes to her, all I can do is wish.

[ackermonie]

Is your bedroom ceiling bored?

It's 2 am, the moon is high in the sky, and only the four walls around you are aware of the overwhelming thoughts circling your head. you pushed your bed all the way under the window, so as you lay there, sad and lonely and helpless, you sigh wearily.

You've always thought tsukishima was like the moon. pale and cold, but still incredibly soothing and unimaginably beautiful. you were one of those worthy of seeing the slight break in the stoic persona, even if it only jumps out briefly from time to time, and that never helped the way your heart seems to beat harsher at a mere mention of his name.

you bring your hands up to your face, this is so embarrassing. you were never supposed to catch feelings, not when you surely knew that such feelings would forever remain unreciprocated. you never knew his type, never even understood if he was into the idea of relationships at all, but there's just something about the songs sent randomly at 3 am in your messages that make your heart flutter.

all you could do was watch him, going at his own pace in whatever it is that you have, forever holding back the way you wish you could kiss him goodnight.

you know your ceiling must be bored of you at this point, staring at it almost religiously on the daily as you think and think and think of all the things you want to do with him, and all the love you wish you could give him.

you occasionally wonder if he does the same, stare up at his ceiling and think of you, but the more you put the facts together, the more your heart shatters at the conclusion you reach.

sometimes it makes you cry, looking at the moon that just undoubtedly resembles him, mumbling about the way you wish you could tell him all of this. sometimes, when your roommate isn't around, you let your voice rise further, and the moon only listens.

"I want to tell you," you cry. "I want to love you."

tsukishima is an early riser. he liked taking a walk in the waking sun every morning before school, and he still likes it now as he puts on his headphones to walk to uni.

he looks up at the sun, letting the music soothe him as he silently asks the beams for advice, but she never replies. she only listens as he talks and talks and talks in his head, maybe even occasionally mumbling out loud, but she never replies.

tsukki can't even pinpoint the exact moment all of this started. it's like you sneaked in, silent and careful, and made a home of his very abandoned heart.

he stares himself in the mirror after practice, trying to remember, to just know what can he do about feeling like this, to understand whether you really are the one, if he's ready to let his walls down even just a bit for you.

with his stoicism, the way he subconciously treats everybody, he knows just how difficult for the possibility of such feelings being reciprocated to exist. only thing he knows how to show affection with is through music, and it's almost a bodily reflex when he finds himself sending you songs at any given time of the day, and maybe he sent you a song or two spelling out the way he feels about you before.

tsukishima knows he never wanted anything this bad. he comes to the conclusion one day, that he actually fell for you, for the loud giggle and silent doodles of him and his headphones in class that you proudly show him from time to time, and the sun still never answers when he asks for guidance.

sometimes his mind would trick him into looking beyond what could be if you felt the same, all the things he wants to do with you, all the things you can share together until he actually starts thinking that hey, you might actually like him back one day if he works hard enough, but life just can't be this good.

it's just a crush, he tries to convince himself at some point. it'll fade eventually, he whispers to his ceiling.

and as he looks up at the gates of his uni and finds you there, bopping your head subtly to a tune playing in the headphones on your head that just happens to coincidentally match his, he feels the flutter in his chest again.

you had your back to him, but he makes sure to make his presence known as he bumps into your shoulder on his way in. you throw a curse that he doesn't hear before following suit, and you notice that tsukki has already started a spotify session for you to join so you can listen to music together on the way to class.

not a single word is spoken, barely even touching, but you both wonder the same thing.

is your bedroom ceiling bored like mine?

••••••••••••••••••

reupload bc tumblr algorithm hates me, but this is based on is your bedroom ceiling bored? by sody x cavetown!

more?

[stargirl1331]

A diary of my reactions to the songs on the playlist @unnamedrat made for me! written as i listen:)

this got long so i actually get to use a cut? amazing

Star-mitski: oooo nice vibes i really like th smooth to the less smooth. also: Star:)

So Real-jeff buckley: i am in love with the lyrics especially the "and i never stepped on the cracks/cause i thought id hurt my mother". has similar feeling to dear arkansas daughter in a way? ooooo i love the beat change!

Good heart-indigo de souza: 1) the title makes me happy 2) i relate to this song 3) i absolutely am in love and it is now im my liked songs. this song somehow reminds me of climbing a tree and jumping out of the branches. also about my new strawberry toothpaste but thats just because there was a lyric about brushing teeth.

This is A life-a bunch of people: oooooooo i really like the blend of voices it sounds like loosing memories of people in a way almost. i highly enjoy but also its so melancholy and i feel like i could lie on the floor in star and just vibe.

The prettiest star-bowie: Star title:) its a bop(whos suprised its bowie) i want to sway and dip and spin and dance. i maybe zoned out for the rest of this song and have no notes but it was very very nice.

Cabras-little jesus: I do not speak what i believe is spanish but im vibing.

Enjoy the silence-depeche mode: i have heard this before i rather like it. its what my dad would call "british new wave". ive been getting more into their music lately ALL I EVER WANTED.... WORDS ARE VERY/UNNECESSARYYYYYY dude im just vibing and bopping along

Love will tear us apart-joy division: A) dante u and my dad and me seem to have a bit of a venn diagram of music tastes this is sorta funny to me but im vibing sooo hard. b) i zoned out and did stuff so no notes other then Vibes are great

Grace-jeff buckley: i like these chords. oh the moon:) the moon asking to stay:) im fine. i am in deep feels with these lyrics. im so good. i really like this song. spinning in grass and falling over to stare at a rainy night sky vibes if you know what im saying

Buffalo replaced-mitski: No notes. had to do things. great song. like the lyrics. i just like her voice tbh.

where did the sun go-lor: I LOVE THIS SONG IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY I FOUND IT EARLIER THIS YEAR AND IT WAS MY SECOND MOST LISTENED TO. i love lor. i love this song. it makes me want to bite things. amazing. wonderful. wish there was a 10 min version

ok i have to do things ill continue this when i listen to the rest and can sit down and do it and also if i remember

[banannabethchase]

Any Excuse to Dance - also on AO3

~

Adam is watching everyone at this AEW party dance. He's even approached by some. But it takes someone unrelenting and talented to get him on the dance floor.

~

Do I know why I want the two of them together? No. Am I sure it works? Yes. Title from FUCK by Snow Wife.

~

Adam sips his beer slowly, eyes on the dance floor. Matt’s grinning, spinning Mox around. He looks happy. It used to hurt Adam, when Matt would look this happy and he wasn’t in the picture. There’s still the barest hint of ache, but it’s overshadowed by genuine contentment. Matt was his. Now Matt’s his best friend. And he’s got somebody else to take care of him now.

He sighs, taking another sip as the music shifts to something he remembers from middle school. He laughs into the cup, shaking his head.

“Didn’t expect you to be a wallflower, Page.”

Adam looks up to see Swerve walking toward him, swagger and confidence sending a jolt through Adam’s spine. It’s not, fear, exactly. But he’s not sure of the word for a dreadful anticipation. “Swerve.” Adam tries to keep his voice steady. “Here to harangue me into jumping you?”

Swerve’s grin spreads, pretty and deadly. “Harangue,” he says, hands clasped in front of him. “What a word.”

Adam shrugs, taking another sip. “Journalism teacher.” He’s not sure of Swerve’s intent here.

“Don’t see you dancing.” Swerve nods to the dance floor. “Too good for it?”

Adam sighs. “Haven’t found the right partner.” He wants it to be Swerve. But he can’t be connected to another person with the potential to tear him apart. “I’ve spent too much time dancing with people who want to take me out at the knee.”

Swerve tosses his head back and laughs, and god it makes Adam wish he was still self-destructive enough to taste that laugh. “You got a point there, Cowboy.” He runs his tongue along his bottom teeth, close enough to touch if Adam wanted to burn. Swerve looks him up and down. “We’d be terrible for each other.” He steps closer. “You sure that’s not what you want?”

Adam smiles. “I’ve been there before.” He looks over to Matt, who’s laughing as he wraps his arms around Mox’s waist. Mox leans down to catch him in a kiss, possessive and uninterested in a single other person in the room. “I think I want something different next time.” He doesn’t mention that he’s looking for what he first found when he and Matt met each other, someone he could take care of, someone who needed him and wanted a gentle touch and love. What he wants now is someone who won’t engage if he decides to rip his own soul apart.

Swerve shrugs. “Suit yourself, but know the offer’s always open.” He winks. “Even if we’ve just tried to kill each other.”

Adam nods, raising his glass to Swerve, earning a surprisingly soft smile in response.

Adam watches the action on the floor, bopping just a bit along with the music, until he sees a group gaining a circle around them. Isiah Kassidy and Daniel Garcia seem to be mid-dance battle, moving so quickly Adam can hardly keep up. He allows himself the luxury of watching since everyone else is.

He’s been watching Danny for longer than he wants to admit.

He finishes his cup as the song shifts from modern hip hop to a classic.

“Oh, god,” he says aloud, grinning. “What a throwback.” He can’t fight the urge to move, the flashback to middle school dances and college parties too much to resist. Usher’s voice pounds through the speakers – Adam’s enjoying the moment so much that he doesn’t even notice when someone steps in front of him.

“You’re having fun.”

Adam swallows, eyes locked on Danny. “What?”

“You’re dancing,” Danny says. “For real, the first time all night.” He tilts his head to the side, and it’s then that Adam realizes they’re almost eye level. “You got a thing for old music?”

“Old!” Adam says. “Okay, yeah, it’s from 2004, but it’s not old.” He offers a grin, feeling sheepish. “I’m old.”

“You’re not old,” Danny says, and the sparkle in his eye can’t just be from dancing. He must be drunk, out of his mind. He reaches out a hand and grabs Adam. “Come on. You’ve got some sort of cowboy two-step in those boots of yours, don’t you?”

He glances over his shoulder, trying to find someone to help him talk Danny out of this, but the brief distraction allows Danny to yank him onto the dance floor.

“Loosen up,” Danny yells at him, and he turns around. Adam’s stunned for a second, long enough for Danny to grab his hands and place them on his hips. Adam feels warm skin and the soft cotton of a well-worn tee shirt. “Move your hips, man.”

Danny’s arm slides up Adam’s body to grab at the back of Adam’s neck, pulling him in closer. Adam’s ear is shockingly close to Danny’s lips when Danny whispers, “Get in close, Mr. Cowboy.”

Adam wants to fight this. He should. Danny’s almost ten years younger than he is, he’s not here for a date, he’s still healing.

But Danny is wrapping himself in Adam’s arms, and grinding back against him, and Adam feels important. Danny grins, tipping his head against Adam’s shoulder. Adam’s skin is too tight.

“All those big dick jokes on BTE weren’t kidding, were they,” Danny says, voice loud enough to hear over the music only because of how close he is. He licks his lips.

“Danny,” Adam says, and he’s still dancing, “you’re drunk.”

Danny barks out a laugh. “Sure. I’ve had a Tequila Sunrise and water.” He drops his head back on Adam’s shoulder again, fluttering his eyelashes. “Oh, sir, I’m so intoxicated.”

Adam is furious at how much he likes Danny calling him sir. “Seriously,” he says, and his hands wrap around Danny’s waist, fingertips grazing the skin beneath the hem of Danny’s shirt. “Would you be dancing with me if you hadn’t been drinking?”

“No,” Danny says casually, and Adam refuses to admit he deflates a little. “But that’s because we wouldn’t be at a party, you wouldn’t be dancing, and I would have been still staring at you like a weirdo.”

“You,” Adam chuckles, “staring at me.”

Danny turns and wraps his arms around Adam’s neck. He slides a leg between Adam’s, and sings along with the song. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“That’s a terrible joke.”

“Not a joke.” Danny flutters his eyelashes and pulls Adam closer. “I don’t joke about things like this.”

Adam doesn’t know who leaned in first. He hopes it was Danny. But they’re kissing in front of everybody while Usher sings in the background, like tenth grade. He pulls away slowly, carefully, to see Danny with sparkling eyes and a knowing grin.

“Finally,” Danny says. “Only been trying to get to this point for a year and a half.”

“Really,” Adam says. The music shifts, something Adam doesn’t know.

“Oh shit,” Danny says, kicking right back into dancing gear. “Tití Me Preguntó!”

“Titty what?” Adam asks.

“Tití Me Preguntó,” Danny says, shaking his head. “Jesus. Bad Bunny? You really are a hillbilly.”

“I am not!” Adam argues, and this is fun. This is fun and he feels like his skin is fizzing and he’d do anything to pull Danny back into a kiss. Danny, however, appears to be more interested in dancing.

Danny sings to him in Spanish, and Adam feels the last of the fight in him dissolve. He catches glances of people around him from time to time, when he remembers he’s at a work party. Matt and Mox in a corner, cuddling. Nick’s got a cup of what Adam assumes is Diet Coke while he chats with Chuck and Trent. Tony’s in the middle of an animated conversation with Kris and Willow. Everyone else is moving so rapidly through the party and dance floor that he can barely pick them out before they’re gone again.

No one is looking at him and Danny.

“I like the way you’re looking at me,” Danny says as the song turns a little slower, a little sexier.

Adam swallows. “Yeah?” He reaches out and cups Danny’s cheek, running a finger along Danny’s cheekbone. “I like the way you’re looking at me, too.”

Danny licks his lips, eyes flickering between Adam’s eyes and mouth. “What if,” he says, quietly, “we do something really stupid?”

“Stupid?” Adam asks. He’s breathless. “Stupid like what?”

“You gotta know.” He glances around, seems to like what he sees, then takes Adam’s hand and carefully, gently, pulls it down to his crotch. Adam squeezes gently.

“Rather forward of you,” Adam teases. “In front of everyone we work with?”

Danny shrugs. “They’ve seen me do worse in Zay’s vlog.”

Adam, who has stopped watching wrestling vlogs out of a sheer lack of time, decides to take his word for it. He lets Danny take his hand and pulls him out of the ballroom, into the vast hotel.

“You got a room?” Adam asks, following Danny.

He nods, yanking Adam into the elevator. “Me and Zay are sharing.”

“I’ve got one of my own,” Adam says. “That way we don’t have to interrupt anybody.”

Danny tilts his head. “Interrupt, huh?”

“You’re the one with all the ideas. I figured I’d offer one up.”

It’s unfair, how easily Danny smiles and how honest it is. It’s unfair how quickly he’s stolen Adam’s attention.

They get to Adam’s room and slide in.

“Bathroom,” Danny says, grinning. He reaches into his pocket.

“You just carry that around with you?” Adam asks. Danny walks into the room like he owns it and pushes open the bathroom door. “And why the bathroom?”

“I like to watch myself get fucked in the mirror,” he says.

Adam swallows. “You, uh. You do?”

Danny nods and pulls off his shirt. Adam focuses for a moment on the sculpted skin, proof of Danny’s dedication.

“What?” Danny asks. Adam looks up to see a frown on his face, defensiveness casting shadows across his eyes.

“You look great,” Adam murmurs. He steps in and rests a hand on the side of Danny’s neck. “Always do.”

“So you’re a sappy fuck,” Danny says, voice still soft as his eyes. “Good to know.”

“Turn around and be good, and maybe you’ll find out.”

Danny’s eyes shift to an electric sparkle. “Yes, sir.” He turns and winks at Adam in the mirror.

Adam trails his fingertips down Danny’s spine. “Good boy,” he murmurs.

Danny shivers and reaches his arm back, shoving the lube bottle into Adam’s hand. “You keep that up and this’ll be over fast.”

Adam nudges at his hip until Danny turns around again, confused. “Don’t wanna go fast,” Adam says. He leans in and kisses Danny thoroughly, meaningfully. He’s not sure what he’s trying to convey, only that it’s important and matters and he needs Danny to understand. Danny settles his hands on Adam’s hips and kisses back, letting Adam set the pace, take the lead.

He’d forgotten how much this matters. He’d forgotten how much he likes being in control and taking care of someone.

Danny’s hands go to his belt and Adam moves his lips along Danny’s jaw. “Can I?” Danny asks.

“Yes,” Adam replies. He feels warm when Danny delicately rests the belt, buckle up and safe, on the counter. “Didn’t know you could be so sweet.”

“Only when I want to be,” Danny replies. He turns in Adam’s arms, grinding his hips back. It’s more potent now that Adam’s missing his belt and his pants are undone.

“I can tell.” Adam slides his hands along Danny’s painted-on jeans. “You want these off?”

Danny nods.

He works slowly, kisses at Danny’s neck and shoulders and back, drawing little sighs and encouragements from Danny’s lips. He feels useful. He feels purposeful. He feels good.

“There you go,” Adam says. He strokes at Danny’s bare hips as Danny kicks off the jeans. “Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me,” Danny says, almost before Adam finishes the last word. “Please.”

“You sure?” Adam asks. “You’re sure you’re not inebriated or impaired?”

Danny gives him such an annoyed look in the mirror Adam has to fight a laugh. He reminds Adam of Matt in more ways than one, it seems. It still doesn’t ache. “Trust me,” Danny says, “my pupils are this dilated because I’m about to get that cowboy dick in me. I’m good.”

“You’re sure.”

“Jesus! Yes, I’m sure.” Danny presses his lips together. “Shit.”

“What?” Adam says. “You think I haven’t dealt with a brat before?” He takes off his shirt, then leans in and presses his body against Danny’s. He presses his lips to Danny’s neck. “Seems like you’re what I didn’t know I was looking for.”

Danny’s head drops. “Jesus.”

Adam keeps talking to Danny as he works him open. Danny begs for it, pleads, and Adam has to reassure him that he’ll get what he wants.

“I promise,” Adam says, for the third time, “I’m just taking my time.”

“I’m good now,” Danny whines. “Come on, please? I know you’re big –”

“You don’t have to make a show of it or anything,” Adam says. He rolls on the condom from his wallet, one he’d briefly feared would be expired it’s been so long, and gives himself a few strokes to spread extra lube. “You’ve already got me right where you want me.”

“Not quite,” Danny says. “C’mon. I want you for real.”

Adam hopes he’s actually ready – the fear that he might hurt Danny, and any chances for this to be more, is potent. “Okay,” Adam breathes. He leans in and presses another kiss to Danny’s back. “I got you.”

He’s slow, achingly so, as he pushes into Danny. “Okay?”

Danny’s eyes are blazing in the mirror. “I can take more,” he says, wiggling his hips. “I want more.”

Adam bites his lower lip and keeps his eyes locked on Danny’s in the mirror. Danny’s eyes flutter shut and his jaw drops open, letting out lovely little sounds, as Adam pushes further inside of him. “Good?”

“Keep going,” Danny moans.

And Adam can’t resist Danny’s demands. He’s careful but suddenly he’s fully surrounded, buried in Danny. “Jesus Christ,” he breathes. He rocks his hips, watching the place where he and Danny are connected, and moans himself.

“Keep – yes,” Danny says. “Please.”

“I got you, baby.” Adam starts slowly, finding their rhythm.

His mind centers in the moment, into his body. He can’t touch enough of Danny, can’t stop saying how good he’s being and how good he feels. “So perfect.”

Danny seems to like that one the most. It makes Adam wonder if there are other things to say next time, but it’s been a while and Danny feels so damned good. “Yeah?” Adam asks. “You wanna come?”

“Please,” Danny says, fingers gripping the counter. “Please, I want –”

Adam turns his face to catch him in a kiss, catching his gasps. He reaches to grasps Danny’s cock, slick from how much he’s been leaking. “It’s okay,” Adam murmurs, stroking Danny as good as he can as he rolls his hips. “You don’t have to beg, I’ll take care of you.” The words send a thrill through Adam: he can help. He’s doing something, someone needs him, and in every way it feels good.

“Okay,” Danny pants, and he rolls back on Adam’s cock so smoothly it feels like a promise. “God, I knew you’d be so good.” He reaches an arm back, resting his hand on the back of Adam’s neck. It’s just the way he’d done it earlier, when they were dancing.

“So are you,” and Adam pulls up something that had worked earlier, “such a good boy.”

Danny whines and shifts, desperate for Adam’s cock and so pretty doing it. “Please,” he says one last time.

Adam shifts him forward, sure that Danny’s hands are braced on the sink, and matches his thrusts to his hand. Danny’s response is something wordless, but saying “don’t you dare stop” without a doubt. He looks up and meets Adam’s eyes in the mirror, and the little smirk is what threatens to do Adam in.

Luckily, he’s had practice holding it back to make sure his partner came before he did. It’s the only thing for a gentleman to do, he always thought. Danny’s eyes are still locked on his in the mirror, white teeth pressed into a pretty lower lip. Adam’s entranced.

“Danny, wow,” Adam says, focused as he can get. “I knew you could dance, greatest wrestler of your generation, all that, but I didn’t know you were so pretty when you get fucked.”

Danny whines and Adam feels his dick pulse in his hand. He comes spectacularly all over Adam’s hand and it also spurts up to the bottom of the sink. Adam will have to remember to clean that up.

“Such a good boy when someone’s got you in line,” Adam murmurs, and the open moan from Danny gets him. Adam comes, quietly, keeping his grip on Danny’s hips light, and hears his breath ragged. “God damn.”

Danny laughs, the blush across his cheeks twisting something in Adams heart. “I knew you’d be good,” he says, and he shifts his hips so Adam slips free. “But I had no idea just how good…” he trails off, head down as he turns to face Adam.

“Hey,” Adam says, and his heart does the weird twisty thing when he reaches under Danny’s chin and tilts it up. “You’re allowed to enjoy things.” He offers a smile, and gets one back. “You feel okay?”

“Are you kidding me?” Danny asks, and all the hesitation melts from his eyes. “Okay? That was amazing.” His grin turns dirty. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d wreck me a little more than that, but it was real good.”

Adam leans down to kiss Danny, because he can’t resist. He pulls back and rests his forehead against Danny’s. “What would you say to staying here tonight with me?” Adam asks, running knuckles along Danny’s cheek bone. “Let me take you to breakfast.”

Danny smiles at him. “You sure?”

“Course I’m sure.” Adam leans in and kisses Danny again. “Don’t know how much you know about me, but I’m not too big on one night stands.” He pulls back. “I don’t find it gentlemanly.”

“Okay, did you read my notes app and see my rant about hot cowboys?” Danny asks. “All you have to do now is, like, tip your cowboy hat and ride off on your horse. But, like. Don’t.”

“I take it that’s a yes to staying,” Adam says. He’s a little giddy with it, with Danny in his room. “You wanna borrow pajamas?”

Danny nods and takes the sweats and undershirt. “Thanks,” he says, and he’s cute as he pulls on Adam’s clothes. “What about you?”

Adam pulls on a pair of boxers and grabs a hoodie. “I figure this’ll be enough.”

They talk for long enough that the new day ticks over, and Adam’s yawning so hard his jaw cracks.

“You need to go to sleep,” Danny says. He slides down in between the covers.

“We both need to go to sleep,” Adam corrects. He clicks off the light and plugs in his phone. “You comfy? Need another pillow?”

“I got a better idea.” He waits until Adam gets comfortable and then rests his head on Adam’s chest.

Adam grins and sighs. “I like your ideas,” he mumbles, sleep already tugging at the edges of his eyes.

Danny’s voice is barely more than a whisper when he says, “I like you.”

~

Mini Playlist: Yeah! -Usher feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris Tití Me Preguntó - Bad Bunny FUCK - Snow Wife Starving - Hailee Steinfeld, Grey, Zedd

Additional note: Wallets, pants pockets, glove compartments, and other places that are exposed to heat are not smart places to keep condoms! Keep them in a room temperature place instead :)

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

128. All Too Well

She remembers everything.

She wishes she didn’t. She wishes she could forget him, but that period of her life is ingrained in her mind, on her heart, and she finds herself having flashbacks more often than she cares to.

Tonight it’s as she stands in the kitchen, wiping her hands after cleaning up dinner, and she can picture him. She can feel the way his hands felt as he tugged her close and guided her steps, dancing in the kitchen to no music. She remembers how happy she was, how safe she felt in his arms, and it brings tears to her eyes.

In the end, it was too real for him, and he got scared, running off to California, putting an entire country between them, and leaving her feeling like a crumpled up piece of paper containing a bad joke you’d rather not remember you wrote in the first place.

She sees him in the living room, sitting in a chair, talking to Papa, and when he spots her in the doorway, he smiles and gives her a wink before going back to his chat. She sees him in the bathroom, bopping her on the nose with one of her curlers, nuzzling against her cheek and getting her face cream all over his nose.

In her bedroom, she opens her drawer, reaching toward the back and tugging out a familiar black silk tie. The smell of him has long since faded, but she keeps it here, in her drawer. It’s a little irrational maybe, but every time she considers throwing it out, she worries. She worries that throwing it out means throwing him away. Throwing everything that they had away.

And she’s not ready. It’s been six months, and she still can’t bear to move on.

They were only together - really together - for a short time, but she knows that she’s lost the greatest love she’s ever known. What he made her feel is unmatched by anyone she’s been with before or since then.

She wakes in the morning of her thirtieth birthday with his tie still in her hand, and she blinks awake slowly, the sun peeking through her window, and her heart clenches.

Thirty. And alone.

She’s always loved her birthday, but today is something of a blur, and once the kids are asleep, she feels a profound sadness wash over her.

And then a knock at the door.

She’s got a glass of bourbon in her hand (she tends to opt for bourbon on the nights when she particularly misses Lenny), and she downs it, steeling herself for what is undoubtedly going to be Joel and a fight on the other side of the door.

She takes a deep breath, opens the door, and...

It’s not Joel.

Instead, there stands Lenny Bruce, in his trademark suit, holding a small bakery box. His head is slightly dipped, and he looks at her a little shyly. “Happy birthday,” he says quietly.

“What are you doing here?” She asks when she finds her words.

He half-smiles. “There’s this bakery in West Hollywood that makes the best cupcakes I’ve ever had, but they sadly don’t deliver.”

She looks at him for a long moment before opening the door a little wider and inviting him inside. It’s probably a disastrous idea, letting him in when she’s already been maimed by their relationship before, but she can’t help herself. Wanting him, loving him, is as involuntary as blinking or cracking a joke.

He stands in her foyer for the first time in months, and as much as she just wants to fall into his arms right now, she feels more like a soldier bracing himself for battle, and he looks like he’s ready for a barrage.

It’s strange to see him feeling awkward when at one time this place was practically his home, but he shifts on his feet, looking up at her from under his lashes, and there is such a profound sensation of guilt radiating from him.

Good. He should feel guilty.

“When did you get back?” She asks as she closes the door.

He looks at his watch. “About an hour ago,” he answers. “I dropped my bag off at Jo-Jo’s and came straight here.”

She nods slowly. “How is he?”

“Away for the summer. I’ve got a spare key.” He lifts the box of cupcakes a little awkwardly. “Want a cupcake?” He asks. “Or I could just leave them and - ”

“No,” she breathes softly. “No, I...it’s my birthday. And even though I’m still so fucking angry with you, I...can’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend it with.”

He chuckles quietly. “That’s perhaps the most confusing thing I’ve ever heard, but I will take what I can get,” he says.

She leads him to the kitchen, pulling out plates and napkins before pouring them each a glass of bourbon. He raises a brow at her. She shrugs, setting his glass down in front of him. “Don’t make it a thing.”

He nods slowly and lifts his glass in toast. “To you,” he says.

She smiles softly. “I’ll drink to that.” They clink their glasses and sip, and then he opens the box.

The cupcakes inside are various colors and flavors, and she picks the one with a caramel frosting, taking a bite and biting back a moan. “Holy shit.”

He chews his bite of his chocolate cupcake. “I told you.”

“That’s almost as good as sex,” she comments before she can think about it, and he laughs.

“Almost,” he repeats with a smirk.

“Don’t flirt with me. I’m still mad at you.”

“Hey, you’re the one bringing up sex,” he bats back, cocking a brow at her.

She sighs and wipes her fingers on her napkin. “So...you’re here,” she comments, taking a sip of her bourbon.

He nods. “I am no mirage.”

She tilts her head at him, considering him, and she notices he looks...really good. His cheeks aren’t so sunken. His eyes a little brighter - still dark and smoldering, but there’s more life behind them. “You look good,” she says.

“Don’t flirt with me. You’re still mad at me.”

“Lenny,” she drawls with an eye roll, and he lifts his hands in surrender. “I meant you look healthy.”

He nods. “I...” He takes a deep breath, and it’s stunning to her to see the great Lenny Bruce struggling for words. “I didn’t want to leave you,” he says. “I need you to know that it was the hardest thing I have ever done.”

Midge swallows thickly. “Then why did you do it?” She whispers.

“Because I couldn’t be the man you deserve,” he answers honestly. “Not when I was...”

“High?” She finishes after a long moment.

He nods. “I needed to get clean. And I needed to do it for myself. If I was there for you...” She tilts her head, trying to understand where he’s going with this. “Then my sobriety always would have been contingent on us, and when you inevitably realized I wasn’t worth it - ”

“What makes you think that would ever happen?” She asks, furrowing her brow.

He scoffs a mirthless laugh. “You’re Miriam Weissman. Upper West Side goddess. One day you were going to tire of slumming it with an addict with mountains of debt.”

“Wow,” she breathes, shaking her head and trying to fight tears. “You really think I’m that shallow?”

“No. But I think you deserve better than someone who’s spending more money on drugs than food. Who can be there for you in a way I really couldn’t.”

She blinks at him and then sips her drink. “Lenny, do you have any idea how much I loved you?” She asks quietly. “How much it fucking hurt when you bailed on me? I - ” She feels herself getting louder and remembers her children down the hall. “I got left high and dry by my husband of five years, and that didn’t hurt nearly as much as watching you walk out on me.”

He nods, and she sees his eyes red-rimmed and watery. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I was so...lost, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I’m...I’m very sorry, Midge.”

She blinks back tears and looks down at her plate, picking a bit of cupcake. “Why are you here?” She asks. “Why now?”

“Because even though I left, even though I did it for myself...I thought of you the whole time I was in rehab. Watching you on Gordon Ford...it was the highlight of my weeks.”

She swallows her bite of cupcake and looks at him, but she can’t keep the eye contact, so she averts her gaze again. “Lenny...”

“I’m not expecting anything,” he promises. “After what I did, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. But I had to let you know how sorry I am for what I did. At the very least so you knew...it was never about not loving you. Because I did...I do.”

Her eyes shoot up to find his again, and she sees the wetness under his eyes where tears have started to fall. “I...I don’t know what to say,” she admits.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he assures her. “Whatever you want from me, I will respect that. I owe you that much.”

She stares at him for a long moment. “I think...you should go,” she whispers, her throat constricting with the threat of tears.

He nods. “Then I’ll go,” he says, standing and straightening his jacket. “Happy birthday, Midge. I hope you get everything you wished for,” he says quietly.

She doesn’t watch him leave, but the second she hears the front door close, she’s up like a shot, sprinting after him. She loses her slippers in the hall, but she doesn’t care. She rushes barefoot to the door, and when she swings it open, he’s not there.

She goes to the stairwell, flinging the door open, and he’s just made it to the landing when he sees her. She rushes down the stairs and launches herself into his arms, surprising him, but he holds her tightly as she buries her face in his neck.

“Don’t go,” she whispers. “Don’t ever go.” A sob passes her lips, and he holds her tighter.

He nods. “Okay,” he whispers, and she feels tears on the collar of her dress.

“I swear, Lenny, if you ever leave me like that again, I’m sending Frank and Nicky after you and no one will ever find the body.”

He chuckles through his sob. “Never again.”

[theflyingfeeling]

Anyone remember that Olympics AU I wrote last winter, with Joel as a hockey player and Aleksi as a figure skater? How's about a little prequel for that? No? Well, too bad, because there was figure skating on TV and I was inspired, so here's What happened in Lausanne:

(includes alcohol and mild drunkeness + pining pining pining)

~

Joel had been looking for him all day, waiting to catch just a glimpse of the black hair and the ice that were the colour of the eyes he skated on but could melt the ice in Joel’s heart with just one look. When he finally saw him, at a bar downtown Lausanne, he nearly choked on the gin & tonic he was in the middle of downing in hopes it would ease his frustration, and it was as if the game earlier that day had never happened. 

He had not seen Aleksi’s programme when it happened – he had probably been sitting in the penalty box at that time – but he had seen bits and pieces of it on Instagram. Although Joel didn’t understand much about figure skating, he was pretty sure Aleksi had not meant to land on his arse in two of his jumps and almost lose his balance during a step sequence, and seeing him fail so visibly made Joel heartbroken himself, as if it had been him who had stumbled on his own feet on ice with the eyes of thousands of spectators following his every move and witnessing his every mistake. It made him wish he could strom into whatever hotel or dressing room Aleksi would be recovering in and take him in his arms, even though it had been two years since they had last even spoken to each other and Aleksi wanted nothing to do with him anymore, which he was completely entitled to, even if Joel had no clue why.

From his hideout in between two of his teammates, Joel’s eyes followed the bush of black hair to the bar counter. The music and chatter was too loud for Joel to hear what Aleksi said to the bartender, but a moment later he was handed a glass filled with brownish liquid which Aleksi downed in one gulp. He was soon given another, and the booze disappeared almost as quickly as the first one. Joel was mesmerised by how Aleksi’s Adam’s apple bopped up and down as Aleksi absorbed the drink, Joel's tipsy brain taking him back to years ago when he had been allowed to brush his lips against that pale neck, the taste of it far from the bitterness of the alcoholic beverage he was sipping now. Joel’s palm sweated against the cold glass he was holding, his mouth felt dry and his breath became shallow as his eyes moved to Aleksi’s lips, glistening and probably as soft as they had always been, for Joel couldn’t imagine them being anything else, despite the fact he had touched them only in his dreams as of late.

(As much as he missed Aleksi, he hated those dreams, the ones in which he was Aleksi’s and Aleksi was his once again; they drove him mad with longing and lust, none of which his own hand could satisfy. Sometimes he woke up with a persistent pressure in his groin, other times with a deep ache somewhere in his chest that wouldn’t disappear, no matter how he screamed at himself to move the fuck on already, a numbing pain he would later that day try to mute with the help of a random hook-up, although he knew no one he’d find at the night club would ever compare.)

Joel sighed, taking in the sight of Aleksi staring into his empty glass before asking the bartender to fill it again. Only a few more beats of the song that was currently blasting from the loudspeakers of the bar and Joel would’ve been far down the memory lane of Aleksi’s mouth and body on his; just a few more seconds and all the music and the amusement and the general buzz of the lounge surrounding him would’ve disappeared and been replaced by the sound of Aleksi’s laughter and his quiet humming while practising parts of his choreography, the soundtrack of Joel’s teenage days. 

But there was something about that day that kept striking Joel dumb time after time, from the moment in the morning that he realised Aleksi was performing in the same city he was to play a tournament that weekend to the moment he recognized Aleksi’s face in the crowd of the bar; something that made Aleksi abandon his task of sipping down his third rum and look straight into Joel’s eyes instead.

The bar, the game, the whole fucking country of Switzerland no longer existed in Joel's mind. There was only Aleksi and his eyes, holding his gaze like the Lady of the Cold, with the solid intention to freeze him to his seat and rip what little was left of his heart right out of his chest and put it in his drink for cooling. 

“Hey,” Joonas’ voice sounded distant in Joel’s ears, but the finger that then poked in between Joel’s ribs had him realise he was still flesh and blood, even if under Aleksi’s empty stare he felt as if he hand shrunk to a mere atom. “Chin up, brother! I know you’re still bummed about missing that goal, but it’s no reason to look so out of your misery.”

“Mmh.” Joel shot a look at Joonas, then at his gin & tonic. He blamed the alcohol and his first sort-of-interaction with Aleksi in years for making him forget the skill of speech, for he just couldn’t find the words to tell Porko to shut up and mind his own business.

“No, seriously dude, you shouldn’t beat yourself up like that. It’s just a practice tournament, for goodness’ sake, not the Olympics.”

“I–” Joel massaged his forehead to see if it would help in his quest for intelligible  words, but the only one he could think of was Aleksi.

“Besides, it could’ve happened to any of us! Remember that open net I had in the last minutes of the third period? Sure it would’ve been grand to score from that, but I ain’t gonna lose sleep over it tonight. Don’t tell Coach though,” Joonas chuckled and brought his own drink to his mouth, giving Joel false hope of being quiet for at least two seconds.

“You know what I’m gonna do instead?” Joonas continued, to Joel’s misery, with new pokes to Joel’s side. “I’m gonna get laid, and to be fair, so should yo–”

“I’m gonna get a…” Joel slurred as he grabbed his glass and stood up. For the first few seconds he had to take support from Joonas’ shoulder while the bar started to spin in his eyes, but once the floor and ceiling were about where they were supposed to be, he leaped over the legs of his teammates surrounding their table and headed towards the bar counter where his first love was drowning his own sorrows. He barely heard Joonas’ are you okay? from behind him as he advanced, bumping into the elbows and shoulders of dancing strangers on his way, only to find the very stool Aleksi had been sitting on perfectly Aleksi-less.

A lump formed in his throat when he looked around himself, but Aleksi was nowhere to be seen. 

He blinked his eyes once, twice, as many times as it took to ease the burning and ordered another drink. 

~

To someone who was looking at the scene from aside, it probably looked as if Joel was making the best out of his night, just sort of flowing in the stream of people with whom he had nothing in common but drinks in their hands and the urgency to let go of their worldly worries. In reality, he was drifting aimlessly in the open water, from the arms of one stranger to another, both looking for and avoiding Aleksi, equal parts relieved and disappointed whenever he saw a mop of black hair that wasn’t Aleksi’s, or a pair of clear-blue eyes that weren’t the ones he was chasing after. A part of him wanted to go back to the hotel and pass out on his bed, so that he could stop thinking about the man at least until the alcohol-induced nightmares would take over his subconscious, feeding the wretched lobe of his brain that believed Aleksi had never loved him in the first place, but as long as he could convince himself that Aleksi was still somewhere in the building, he was determined to not leave without getting another look from him, no matter how brief and distant.

When the room around him started to rotate again, Joel was forced to stumble away from the dance floor to find something to sit on. His eyes scanned the lounge in search of an available seat, but he didn’t get far in his efforts before he froze again, with Aleksi already looking at him from across the floor, near the bathroom door. 

There was a different look in them now; the indifference Joel had detected before had given room to something more fiery, almost defiant (as if that was any better). Joel was in no charge of his bodily functions when his feet started dragging him towards the man, unhesitating even when Aleksi disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Once at the door, Joel stopped. He wasn’t sure what he should expect to find from behind it: a long-awaited reunion with his teenage love filled with tight embraces and hasty whispers and broken I-miss-yous? A cold shoulder, and icy glance that would squish him to the floor like a bug with no explanation? Or perhaps two strangers who once meant the world to each other, now politely acknowledging each other’s existence before going on to live their lives separate from each other, because time had done its job in bringing them apart to polar opposites of the world, or so it felt like whenever Joel, in his darkest, most pathetic moments, tortured himself by browsing all of Aleksi’s social media accounts he could find? 

Joel was still weighing his options when someone came out of the men’s room, almost pushing the door right to his nose, while someone else bumped into him from behind, leaving him no choice but to stumble in the tiled room. 

The door behind him closed and muffled the sounds from the lounge, enough for Joel to bring his thoughts together to understand he was standing in an empty room. Just as he was convinced his drunken mind had played tricks on him, that seeing Aleksi had been nothing but the mirage of a man at the end of his rope, one of the stall doors opened and an arm pulled him inside. 

No words of courtesy were exchanged when Joel felt his back being pushed against a wall and Aleksi’s lips, those perfect, intoxicating lips that once were the reason for his happiness, pressed against his own. He needed to only close his eyes and he was sixteen again, wrapping his arms around Aleksi in the changing room of the ice rink like it was the only thing that was real in the world he lived in.

Quiet, urgent, desperate sounds escaped Aleksi’s throat and mixed up with Joel’s own. Aleksi’s mouth was hungry, eager, unfaltering as it moved against Joel’s.  Aleksi’s hands found the exact spots in Joel’s body that had him breathless, restless, begging, and if Joel had had an inch of self-control in him, he would’ve broken the kiss to do just that, to get on his knees and pray for Aleksi to take him back to his life, or the very least tell him how goddamn much he had missed him and his hands under his shirt and his heart pressed against his raging one.

Joel almost smiled into the kiss when he noticed how his fingers found their old traces in Aleksi’s hair with ease, as if it had been mere hours instead of entire years since they had last travelled there. His nose was nudging the side of Aleksi’s like it belonged there, like Joel had naively fooled himself into thinking once upon a time. He couldn’t allow doubt and regret take over now, however, not when his whole world was right there under his fingertips again, grinding against him and whimpering into his mouth again with such intensity that it was to easy for Joel to not ponder about the reasons why Aleksi had ever left him.

Naivety and foolishness had always been, quite regrettably, Joel’s biggest flaws. Of course, Aleksi would forever remain his greatest weakness, and it was just Joel’s luck that those three seemed to walk hand in hand, as he was to notice when Aleksi caressed his chest for the last time before stepping back.

“I have to go,” he said with a raspy voice, his swollen lips full and glistening. Joel saw him touch them with his finger as he hurried out of the stall.

Joel stayed, out of breath and thoughts and understanding of what had happened. One moment Aleksi had been right there, back in his arms like he dreamed almost every night, and in the next it was as if the only company Joel had ever had in that narrow bathroom stall were the colourful stickers and the handwritten messages on the wall in front of him.

The only signs left of Aleksi were the wrinkle on his t-shirt where Aleksi had grabbed him and the 5000 volts striking his heart to ruins.

[stillbeatingheart]

Tagged by @ms-moonlight-inn for a little tag game 💕

Name: nah

Age: elder milenial

Location: way up der in da north, eh but it sure as fuck doesn't look like the north this year, thanks global warming

And now, think about your childhood and tell me:

Did you have a nickname and is it still used? My mom called me Angel Baby for awhile but she was so misled, and my grandma called me Princess which makes me want to gag but whatever, she was old fashioned so I'll let it slide 😂

What did you want to be when you’d grow up? A starving artist. I almost nailed it 😉

Your favourite cartoon: I don't think I had a favorite, but I remember watching Rugrats, Doug, Animaniacs and that whole slew of that era

Your favourite TV show: We went through an American Gladiators phase

Your favourite book: Blueberries for Sal when I was really little, then my first falling into a fantasy series was the Alanna books and I'm completely blanking out on the series name, it was Lioness something or other maybe, author was Tamora Pierce

Your favourite toy: Toy would be Lego, stuffed animal would be Mrs Bunny and that rotten old thing has been around the US with me and now sits on my crate with Bearly Bearold Bear and Penelope the troll

Your favourite thing to eat: We used to do what we called brown food night when my mom didn't feel like cooking, it basically consisted of chicken nuggets and fries from Schwann baked in the oven

Your favourite school subject: Never had one, hated them all.

How did you spend your summers? Rural kid living by a giant ass lake: swimming, baking in the sand, swimming again. Biking, rollerblading, eating Frosty Treats ice cream.

Did you listen to music? If yes, did you have a favourite band/artist? There was always music on in the kitchen, oldies station was the big one. I wish I could find a decent place to listen to that era of music that I still don't really have a name for, it's like Motown and do-wap and all that, the stuff you had to bop to.

And lastly, tell me something you did as a kid that your parents still don’t know about: I think they know it all by now, but we used to think we were sly jumping off the deck into the snow, lighting matches on the neighbor's porch, breaking into the abandoned industrial buildings down the road, sneaking into the abandoned orphanage, smoking hemp - is that a thing anyone else tried to do as a child? That seems like the weirdest one I can remember 😂

Tagging @gnpwdrnwhiskey no pressure 💕

[thesinglesjukebox]

SHAKIRA AND CARDI B - PUNTERÍA

Shakira makes comments about Barbie, we make comments about Shakira... Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie you have 24 hours to release a statement about us to complete the circle...

[5.62]

Harlan Talib Ockey: “Puntería” is a no-thoughts-head-empty ode to sex. Without context, it’s fun, but it’s hard to forget that it just doesn’t have anything like the righteous fury of “Bzrp Music Sessions” or the caustic groove of “Te Felicito.” Cardi puts in an MVP performance, breezily singing a third of the song herself, and it’s ultimately their chemistry that makes this worth it. [5]

Claire Biddles: This only really livens up when Shakira and Cardi sound like they're in the same room -- I'd love to hear a song where they're riffing off each other the whole way through. [5]

Leah Isobel: Something about this brings out my cynicism. None of it is bad, and some of it is quite good -- Shakira singing about her G-spot, for instance. I like the trancey "Realiti" synth in the chorus, too. But mostly when I hear this I hear an attempt to recreate "Kiss Me More," and I'm a little Kiss Me Bored. [5]

Dave Moore: It didn't seem like rocket science to just give Shakira more of the sound she perfected on her Bzrp Music Session (check), then make a mini-album out of it (check) and tack on all the great stuff she put out in the last year or so to fill out the runtime (check). But I would not have guessed the secret weapon on this particular song would be Cardi B taking to the proceedings so naturally that you start to lose track of who's singing when they start passing melody lines back and forth in the second half. So now I also want Cardi B to make a Shakira album. [8]

Will Adams: Neither disappointing nor surprising that Shaki would follow up an international smash with a redux that sands off its predecessor's edges for the palatable lite-disco of "Say So" or "Lottery" or "Kiss Me More" or (or or or or). The real crime is for a duo of performers as vibrant and charismatic as Shakira and Cardi to sound this boring. [4]

Isabel Cole: Two stars known for more dramatic modes turn up the sweetness for a frothy little bauble, like the aural equivalent of girls' night. No one sounds like they're working very hard, in a good way; they're having fun, and so am I! [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "Say So"ification comes for even our most charismatic pop stars -- lite retro production, indistinctly horny sentiments, a vague malaise creeping up even as the beat loops jauntily. It's not bad per se -- I will hear this at parties for the next six months and bop my head along without a second of regret tied directly to the song -- but I can't help but feel like there ought to be something more; I'd rather have an ambitious failure of a crossover track (remember the Shakira-Rihanna Ska Explosion?) than a distinctly unmemorable set of pleasantries. [6]

TA Inskeep: A mildly sexy empty-calories jam that I can't remember I heard five minutes later. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: David Stewart, who is possibly a millionaire from producing a BTS song you don't know (unless you are hardcore ARMY or a person who listens to a radio station) has now created another song for Shakira you won't remember after this year (unless you are a hardcore Cardi B fan or a person who listens to a radio station). Will this one make him a billionaire? Find out on: BIG, MEGA, FORGETTABLE, RADIO SMASHER. Hosted by Cardi B. [4]

Ian Mathers: Cardi B singing in Spanish is surprisingly close to Shakira here, when she just takes a chorus near the end if I hadn't been watching the video I might not have noticed the switch until she mentions her own name. Which is not a criticism! I wish I could fit in on a Shakira song, especially a decent one like this, so neatly.  [7]

Alfred Soto: I hear voices like theirs at checkout lines and on FaceTime chats: two distinctly Hispanic lilts crashing against each other like sea spray against rock. Listening to each other is besides the point. "Puntería" reminds me of those exchanges. Pure idiomatic expression for expression's sake, it puts an arm around the listener then ignores her. [6]

Kayla Beardslee: Apparently scientists still have not found a cure to the "Say So" substitutes epidemic since I last did this bit two months ago. Everyone, our time on this planet as a species is finite: it's up to us to band together and figure out how to de-chintz the pop girl singles before it's too late. “Puntería” is an extremely average addition to the "Say So" imitators’ shelf, but having Shakira on a track will always be worth an extra point. At least I learned a new Spanish word! [6]

Katherine St. Asaph: EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to an oversight in the selection process, we have covered "Not My Fault" twice. We regret the error. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[pommedefemme]

All the multiples of 3 😁

Thanks, babe!! 🥰

3: A song that reminds you of summertime

Chattahoochee - Alan Jackson

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I will not be judged. Also. Hey, Brandi Carlile! I've been very patiently waiting for you to cover this song in your belt-y Raise Hell style. I can hear it clear as day in my mind. Just a suggestion!

6: A song that makes you want to dance

He Lives In You - Lebo M

This song makes me LOSE CONTROL. What a bop! And I've long joked that this and Michael Crawford's O Holy Night/Bach's Ricercar are the only things that can kinda reel me back into believing in God/Aslan/Mufasa...if only for the track's duration :)

9: A song that makes you happy

Hodja - Todd Rudgren

Always has me grinning ear-to-ear and trying out different harmonies on each refrain. :)

12: A song from your preteen years

Whisper - Evanescence

Amy Lee, my beloved ❤️ Who else got into this band because your parents mistook it for Christian music? And who else still remembers all the words to the Latin chorus?

15: A song that is a cover by another artist

For No One - The Beatles - Liz Gillies

LIZ DROP A ROCK ALBUM I BEG YOU PLEASE SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVE THE MUSIC INDUSTRY LIZ PLEASE (also divorce your nasty fucking husband and marry me)

18: A song from the year that you were born

Hope Of Deliverance - Paul McCartney (and kd Lang!)

1993 was an excellent year for music, but this is the song from that year that I still listen to on a regular basis.

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title

Hannah Hunt - Vampire Weekend - I'm With Her

"If I can't trust you, then damn it, Hannah! There's no future! There's no answer!" Listen to this back-to-back with First Aid Kit's cover of America.

24: A song by a band you wish were still together

I don't have an answer for this one, really. I think break-ups happen for a reason and half the bands I miss fell apart because somebody died. How about a desperately wanted collaboration? Get kd, Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge, Phranc, Tracy Chapman, and Brandi Carlile all up on stage together for a raucous cover of Callin' Baton Rouge or something. Restart Lilith Fair/MichFest. Put The Last Shadow Puppets in charge of the music for The Beatles biopics. Have me play Take Good Care Of My Baby on Colbert, with Lera Lynn as a surprise guest who segues us into You Should Know I'm Still Your Baby (a la Melissa and kd kissing after Sleep While I Drive). Annie Clark, Esperanza Spalding, and Andrew Bird should form a supergroup. Lianne La Havas should be blaring on every grocery store speaker. Taylor Swift should take a break. Liz Gillies should release a 70s rock/folk ballad album. Lady Gaga should do electroswing. I don't know!

27: A song that breaks your heart

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Bob Dylan - Madeleine Peyroux

Idk, there are sadder songs. I just starting thinking of my ex. "You could make me cry, if you don't know!"

30: A song that reminds you of yourself

I'm a looooooooooser! Actually.