#wishing i had any of these programs … maybe this will be motivation for me to finally ditch krita

[bluecollarmcandtf]

M O O N L I G H T ™

Chapter III

It's late, and the last thing I expect to find at my nightly workout is my little bro, dressed up like a personal trainer. He looks ridiculous in that cheesy uniform, not to mention the light pouring out of his skull and the smile stamped into his face! I guess the little idiot signed up for Moonlight™: that was one helluva mistake!

"Good evening, sir," my brother speaks as if we hadn't grown up together, "Is there any way I can aid your fitness journey tonight?"

Hearing Ryan call me 'sir' brings a devious grin to my own face. I've bullied this kid for years, and now he's kissing my ass like well-trained puppy. Thanks to Moonlight™, my annoying little bro is just a mind controlled employee who doesn't realize his brother's here, let alone embarrassing him! I wish I could get my entire family implanted with these little Moonlight™ things. Messing with them would be hilarious!

"Oh yeah," I sneer, "And what's string bean gonna do for a guy like me?"

"Well, sir, as a personal trainer here at Planet Fitness, I'll gladly demonstrate how to use the machines, spot patrons with heavy-lifting, and return equipment when finished."

God, he sounds even more annoying than usual! "You really think a someone like you could spot me?" I scoff and bring my bicep to his face, flexing it inches away from his perpetually open eyes.

"Actually, sir, this body can lift 260 lbs on the bench press without injury. The load you have is well-enough below to ensure that I may be of service. Still sir, the weight you're lifting is a very respectable amount," Ryan's smile beamed at me, but mine fell.

"Whatever, I'll be fine," I retort, "Just stand over there and mop up my sweat when I'm done."

"Yes, sir."

My little brother takes a step back as I get ready to lift. As stupid as he looks, standing there waiting on me to finish, he also looks pretty fit. His company polo might be sweaty and gross, but it's tight against his improving physique. He's clearly been lifting a lot while he's been working here, but his gains should not count if Moonlight™ is the one actually working out that pathetic little body! The only way he could bulk up was by becoming a fucking puppet! Talk about sad!

"Fuck!" I grunt, tossing the barbell back as I finish. I did a few extra sets to prove a point and now my arms are on fire. "Towel!" I snap.

"Yes, sir," Ryan rushes over and wipes the sweat off my brow. I just laugh in his face.

"I think I got some sweat on my sneakers too," I jab, "You can wipe them off and then put twenty more pounds on the bar."

"Of course, sir."

My brother gets on his knees with the towel, giving my sneakers a cursory buff. I don't know what personal trainer has shoe-shining in his job description, but I've heard these Moonlight™ employees can be pretty pliant. Apparently, you can make them do quite a bit with the loopholes in their programming. Maybe I can get Ryan here to do something even more embarrassing than polishing his big bro's shoes!

The next week, I worked out every night.

Turns out, bullying my little bro was great motivation to go to the gym! When I saw him during the day, I never mentioned the fact that I knew; didn't want to scare him off. At night, I had every opportunity to take out my frustrations on him. If he pissed me off during the day, I could boss him around at the gym, ordering him to follow me around and wipe down every piece of equipment. I could call him whatever names I wanted and yell at him as loudly as I pleased; he had to just stand there with the best customer service smile and say "yes, sir."

Playing around with Ryan was fun, but it wasn't until I went out for a drink that I ran into my second brother. I guess he had the same idea to get hired with Moonlight™...

"Can I fix you a drink, sir?" my brother, the middle child, yells over the club's EDM.

"What the hell?" I shout, "Ryan's dumb enough to Moonlight™, but I didn't think you were!"

Sam just stares back with the same flashlight eyes and widely stretched lips. Of course his programming won't let him do anything outside of bartending! He's probably not even conscious in there! Ryan was always a bit of an impulsive twerp, so I wasn't surprised to see him Moonlighting™, but Sam is different. He'd said he'd never put his body to work at night. Something about the behavior of Moonlighters™ always rubbed him the wrong way...I guess he changed his mind.

"A round of beers," I tell him, warily gesturing to the back corner, "For me and our crew."

Sam's glowing stare looks over my shoulder and sees our friends, the guys we both hang out with, "Yes, sir. I'll have it right out for you."

I return to our pals, anxious for my brother to follow. Sam is only a year younger than myself, so we run around with the same crowd, yet he didn't recognize any of our buds. Now he's about to serve them like a fucking waiter. My catatonic brother is about to walk into the most humiliating situation of his life. I just get to sit back and watch!

"Sam?" one of them asks a moment later.

"Here are your beers, sir," my brother plucks the bottles off his tray and sets them out for each of his friends, completely oblivious to their stunned reactions, "Is there anything else I can get any of you?"

"Holy crap, dude!" another pal turns to me, "Since when did your brother start Moonlight? He looks like a total idiot!"

Sam doesn't seem to register the insult.

"I don't know man," I laugh, "Tonight, I guess."

"Fetch us some napkins," one guy quips with an amused flick of his hand.

"Right away, sir." Sam answers a little too promptly, and whisks away.

"Right away, sir, Ha!" the guy repeats with a mock salute, "We've gotta mess with him!"

Sam returns, obediently passing out napkins, but I'm finding it harder to meet his gaze while he's grinning so manically. This situation is starting to feel more awkward than hilarious. These guys will never let him live this down!

"Sam, get over here and give this paying customer a sloppy BJ!"

My brother stiffens, and for a second a jolt of fear runs down my spine, terrified that Moonlight™ will actually make him comply. Pranks are all good and fun, but I do not want to see my brother about to blow another dude!

"I apologize, sir," he finally resumes, "That is not part of my responsibilities as bartender."

Thank God.

"Then get something to clean this up," he laughs wildly, "You spilled my beer!" Our friend then pours half his drink on the crotch of his jeans, staring at Sam with the amused eyes of a drunk fool. This guy always gets weird after a few drinks. I don't know why we still bring him along. Normally, we just ignore him.

"Of course, sir," Sam answers attentively.

For the next ten minutes, I sit in silent horror as my brother returns with a rag, proceeding to get on his knees and wipe down another man's crotch with painful dedication. Of course, our friends are all howling with laughter at this point, taking video evidence that they can embarrass Sam with later.

It feels like a lifetime, but Sam finally stands up, "I hope I cleaned that up well enough for you, sir."

The guy feels at his wet jeans, saying, "I don't know if that's good enough, bitch."

"I'm sorry, sir, let me try ag-"

"No! It's my turn," someone else cuts in, pushing his way to the front, "You spilled some on my ass that needs cleaned up!"

The gang loses it, doubling over with laughter as Sam prepares to spend the next ten minutes wiping down another guy's ass, but I've had enough, "No! We're done here, thank you. Go close our tab," I bark.

"Yes, sir," Sam turns on his heel. His dumb obedience is more disturbing than entertaining at this point.

Our friends all give me a hard time for sending him away, but I'm not having it. Maybe I'm not drunk enough, but they're enjoying this a lot more than I am. At this point, I'm ready to call it a night and go home, so I say my goodbyes and head for the exit.

The walk home isn't a far one, but I pass a few notable places on the way: one being my dad's dark office building. Our old man has been working late nights there lately. In the dimly lit lobby, I recognize someone...

"Dad?" I gasp.

"Good evening, sir," my father says to me without any note of familiarity in his voice.

"Wait, you're moonlighting too?" it comes out as more of an accusation, but at this point I'm fed up with finding family members secretly working random mind-controlled night jobs.

"I am a security guard employed through the Moonlight™ corporation," his gravelly voice sounds foreign, delivering these programmed prompts, "If you'd like, sir, I can help you apply for a Moonlight™ position, and you can start making the most of your sleeping hours too!"

"Why the fuck did you think this was a good idea, dad?" I ask, knowing this stupid security guard persona isn't capable of answering.

"He didn't."

The voice of someone else in the room sends shivers down my spine. I whip around, and see a gangly, middle-aged man stepping forward.

"Jeff?"

"Hi, Jamie," my uncle says, sauntering up to his far taller brother and resting an arm on his shoulder. My dad's attentive posture doesn't waver. He just keeps on acting like the perfect sentry for the building and the perfect armrest for his brother.

"Do you mind telling me what's going on!?"

He sniffles and sighs like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "Yes, I suppose this charade of mine was doomed to be found out sooner or later. I put your father in the Moonlight™ database. He was just wasting his sleeping hours at home in his bed, and he'd always refuse to let me sign him up, so I did it in secret. He makes a great guard. Right Tom?"

Uncle Jeff claps my dad on the back, prompting him to announce a proud, "Yes, sir!"

"See," my uncle turns back to me, "No harm done. Your old man gets paid to stand around in his sleep. Its harmless!"

"But he doesn't know!" I yell, seething at my uncle's sheer abuse of his place in the company, "This has to be illegal, and are you just pocketing Dad, Ryan, and Sam's salaries?"

He rolls his eyes, "I am right now, but the four of you don't even make that much."

"Did you just say the four of us?" I grunt.

"Oops," he holds a hand to his forehead and curses under his breath.

"AM I FUCKING MOONLIGHTING WHILE I SLEEP TOO?" I am screaming at this point, "You're fucked up!" I bark. Angrily, I stomp towards my uncle, but my father takes a firm step planting himself between me and the man. His steady palm is holding the baton at his belt, making me nervous. Is my dad about to beat me up for this creep?

"Excuse me, sir," my dad smiles at my uncle, "Would you like me to escort this man out of the building?"

"That won't be necessary," my uncle says, "I'll just trigger his Moonlight™ shift to start now. You can go back to standing in the corner"

"Yes, sir," my security guard father answers placidly, returning to his attentive stance.

"You wouldn't," I snarl.

"Oh, trust me, I will. As I understand it, overriding a subject's body while awake means you'll be fully conscious. I'll work on something to make you forget this whole incident later."

He presses a few buttons on an ipad, and suddenly my vision is engulfed in a purple haze. My back straightens, my muscles relax, and I feel my face contorts into a giant smile. Suddenly, my entire body seems to be gone from my grasp, and I'm constrained to a tiny space in my head while something else takes over.

"Enjoy your shift," my uncle snickers with a glare.

"Thank you, sir. I will," I feel my voice pushed out of my throat with an excited tone that isn't mine. Before I know it, my legs are carrying me away from my uncle, leaving him with my father, to march down the dark street...

"Here's your order, sir," my voice has the trademarked Moonlight™ eagerness in it as I reach out the window and hand over the meal.

"Fuck off, sleep-freak!" the teen in the driver's seat flips me off, making his immature friends cackle as they speed off. I can't do anything but smile and watch as they weave away. They have no idea I'm actually conscious in here.

After being forced to leave my uncle, I found myself striding into a fast food restaurant through its backdoor. I could instantly tell the place wasnt anywhere I'd eat at because the dumpster smelled like soggy fries and old meat. The kitchen was a fluorescent-lit pit, with a thick feeling of oil hanging in the air. I could barely take in the surroundings before I was changing out of my clothes by some lockers. I was horrified that Moonlight™ was making me fucking strip, but before long my hands were pulling on new clothes: a uniform. The polo felt like it'd been sitting at the bottom of the locker since the last shift, drying in sweat, and the pants were sticky with something unidentifiable. I was mortified to be pulling on a fucking hairnet and apron, but I had no choice.

"Blondie's here early," a smoker's voice purred from behind me. I had a bad feeling he'd been standing there for a while, watching.

"Hello boss," my voice answers, apparently recognizing the overweight, unshaved creep, "I'm ready to start my shift, sir! Where am I needed today?"

I watched as the man licked his stubbly lips, his beady eyes crawling all over me. Without any shame, his sweaty palm groped the growing bulge in his khakis. He was obviously happy to see me, and he probably thought I couldn't actually see him! I guess, every fucking night that my uncle's made me work in my sleep, I've been under the supervision of THIS pervert!?

"Get to the fryer," his scratchy throat moaned, "You know I want you to get nice and sweaty for later."

"Yes, sir. I'll be sure to work up a sweat for you," I answer, confused and disturbed by my response. The cheer in my voice did not match the overwhelming gloom I felt when the man slapped my ass. His hand lingered on my rear for too long, but I couldn't even frown.

Since then, I've been boiling fries and flipping burgers. Every so often I have to hand an order out the window, but my heart races every time I do. Three orders ago, the customer threw their soda back at my coworker, he's a fairly average guy in his thirties, and he was dowsed in Coca-Cola. It didn't keep Moonlight™'s programming from working: he just kept manning the grill, smiling, eyes glowing, and hair dripping with cherry flavored juice.

"Ouch!" at least, that's what I want to say. The oil sizzles and pops, and a few drops of hot grease splatter onto my arm, but I don’t flinch. The control won’t let me.

Suddenly I feel someone leaning in behind me. My spine shivers as my manager says, "It's closing time, Blondie. I'll send everyone home so you and I can clean up like usual." He whispers it in my ear, with his flabby arms wrapped around me like we're fucking lovers! I wish I could vomit!

"Sounds good, boss," I find myself saying.

One by one, the manager dismisses each of my moonlighting coworkers. I can't help but feel jealous as they strip out of their uniforms by the door. It isn't just that they get to leave; they also have the luxury of not knowing what's going on. They're all asleep. I'd give anything to at least be unaware of whatever this fucking pervert is about to do!

My body is preoccupied with whatever shit needs to be done for closing, wiping down the tables, taking out the trash, and more.

"Mop time," the manager suddenly announces, holding the raggedy thing out expectantly.

"Yes, sir," my voice answers, and I drop what I'm doing to accept the mop. The crotch of his pants is unzipped, but my bodies already turned away from him, turning all my attention to swab the tiles floor.

"You're doing it wrong again, Blondie," he purrs slowly, "I'm gonna have to help you like usual."

"Thank you, sir," my voice sounds grateful, but I am anything but. The pervert presses his rotund body against my back and holds my muscular arms with his own chubby ones. I can feel his penis poking into me below his gut, but my body accepts his touch like he's just a boss helping out an employee.

I guess this asshole found a loophole in Moonlight™'s fucking programming. He's going to touch me all he wants under the guise of demonstrating the right way to mop.

The creep spends the next ten minutes guiding my arms back and forth. "Fuck, you're bubble butt feels even better than usual, Blondie," he breathes in my ear. If I had control of my muscles, he wouldn't stand a chance, but right now, they're putty in my boss's arms. Meanwhile, his waist gets busy dry humping his chode into my rear end. "I'm so glad a jock like you was dumb enough to try Moonlight!" he grunts, his tongue dangerously close to my ear. I can only thank God that he can't take my pants off! After several painful minutes of him spitting more disgusting comments onto my cheek, his arms drop mine and plant themselves on my chest. His hands sloppily grope my pecs and pinch my nipples. I've never felt more pathetic. The man makes one final exclamation, "FUUUCK!" and I can tell he has finally gotten off.

"Thanks for the help, boss," I find myself saying.

With heavy breaths, he staggers back. The sudden open air on my back makes me realize just how hot and sweaty that slob was, and I can feel the slimy remnants of his balls slipping down my back and legs.

"Good job as always, Blondie," he breathes heavily with satisfaction.

"Thank you, sir," I answer. My voice hasn't lost its awful chipper quality, and my face is still stuck in a smile like I hadn't just been taken advantage of.

"Finish mopping up, and then you can lock up and clock out," he winks as if we shared some inside joke. I hate that all he sees is my smile.

"Yes, sir," I answer, but the creep has already waddled out of the building and slammed the door shut.

The sudden silence is unbearable. It makes the monotonous task of mopping the sticky floors all the more unpleasant. What's worse is that I can't pause to wash the manager's cum off my back. It soaks into my pants as I work, trapped in my own body. At least I know why these pants are so sticky. Honestly, I hope Uncle Jeff will wipe my memory...

[koolades-world]

Obey me! but with the brothers having had always been demons, formed in kid/baby-form as manifestations of the seven deadly sins. Lucifer was raised as the right hand man of Diavolo, appointed the brother of Mammon, then Levi, then Asmo etc. etc.

A version where they are more depraved and dark than they otherwise would've been 'cause they were essentially raised in the outermost layer of hell (think VERY questionable morals, moves like uncanny valley characters, where Satan tears and rips beings apart in his fits of rage, they don't understand MC's sense of right and wrong). I wonder how Lucifer and his brother's dynamics would have been with each other, with Diavolo and Barbs growing up. Would Belphie still have hated Diavolo for his absolute authority? Would baby satan still have formed as a manifestation of Lucifer's wrath, again adding to his rage due to his circumstances?

Lilith based on mythology was described as the 'queen of demons'. If the story was somewhat compliant to that, imagine she fell into the Devildom after the whole 'fall-in-love-with-human shtick' and Diavolo fell in love/took pity on her, which the brothers didn't respect or understand at the time (why feel bad for someone who fell in love with a puny mortal?). The bitter parallels it would draw when they fall in love with MC years down the line.

Imagine that instead of just reincarnating her soul as a human, Dia REPLACED the soul of a human infant with hers (again, being very morally dubious). Maybe he saw it as an interesting experiment of sorts, to see if it would have any effect her human off-springs. He purposely kept an eye on her descendants (hence, mc being brought into the DD). Cunning, manipulative and conspiring Diavolo (Soo-won type character) omgomg

I want the brothers to legitimately handle otherworldly, gory demonic entities (think of that monster from nocturne of nightmares), sort political Devildom affairs, kill/mess around with humans instead of just sitting around attending the demon-equivalent of highschool! They're eons old for crying out loud, why subject yourself to 1000's of years of the Academy??? If anything, their attendance at RAD should be a refresher course that happens for 5 - 10 years once or twice every century or so.

AKA Obey Me! but more Devildom-centric, where the characters got to actually deliver their role in Diavolo's government, where Diavolo had ulterior motives making the exchange program (perhaps to instigate an uprising, an all-out war to overthrow the demon king?). Where the other characters are actually fleshed out instead of just meaningless plot-devices (Barbatos with his powers, Monsolo, Lilith, and etc. all had so much potential)!

Sorry I wrote a lot, this is just everything I hoped OM! would be.

NO OMG I think about this sometimes too!! like I know why they didn't do it but still can't help but wish for more

demons are often depicted as everything but sweet and kind, which is what we see in the game. dia would not be this golden retriever type character (although I love that) he's supposed to be the next king, so he would be much more devious as for lack of a better word. god i wish they explored barb so much more. like why are we brushing over him like he's part of the wall?? he's so powerful it's insane. I'm glad solomon is getting more of a spotlight in nightbringer but I hope they use it to its full extent. i also wish they explored the general worldbuilding more and made it feel more real, like there's stuff outside the relationships mc has with the named characters

i absolutely love the lilith queen of demons thing, like it makes sense as to why it was mc in specific. of course they would bring back someone that important to them over and over again

another thing that feels totally ignored is that it's hell!! most people there are there for a reason! while personally don't know where the line should be drawn for what counts as being a sinner or not, for a fact i know that mc would 100% be meeting murders down there, like actually terrible people.

you put this entire thing so wonderfully so i hope you don't mind if I incorporate aspects of this into my obey me as horror piece! like don't get me wrong I love my silly little demons but realistically they would be anything but silly lol

[octuscle]

I really like the transformation of this guy in a professional soccer player! Well I know the feeling to wish for another decision in the past. I work actually as a construction worker because my gf got pregnant in college and I had to earn money quickly. Now we're divorced and I don't think I'm a hero for my son. That would be different if I said 'no' in the past going my way into sports and maybe got draftet in a money-spinning sport. Maybe my son would have a poster with me on it on a wall in his room today if I decided otherwise in the past. I'd like the same program as the other guy - changing my life and my past. I take the risk not becoming a hero but please give me a chance, chronivac support

No problem, you can use the preset as often as you like, that's the least effort. You are now not quite as old as the soccer player, so with an initial age of 36 like yours, the result will be 18 years… Depending on the sport that fate decides on, your career can be almost over or just beginning. 4:00 PM, you just got off work, shall we get right to it?

Boy, I mean, you're not exactly in bad shape. But you've allowed yourself to get a little carried away, haven't you? And the tattoos would look better with less flabby skin. Well, that's going to change. Actually, you wanted to order a pizza while you were scratching your sack. But suddenly you don't feel like it anymore. Instead, you write a message to your gym buddy, with whom you have been training for a few weeks, asking if he spontaneously has time and wants to do a training session. You meet in half an hour at the gym.

The guy at the reception greets you with a fist bump. You've been part of the inventory here for a year. Some people with a fine nose may be bothered by the fact that you don't shower after work before you start training. But nobody can say that you are not a role model in terms of motivation and discipline. A year ago some things were still wobbling on you But now there's hardly any fat left and the muscles are coming really nicely. You also have your life better and better under control. No more alcohol, no more cigarettes. Your alimony checks come on time and are always covered. Even if the mother of your son doesn't want to have contact anymore, your son at least follows you on Instagram. In the meantime, you have a good 2K followers who accompany your transformation. You are proud of that, too.

20:00 o'clock, you two are done. A few more poses in front of the mirror. Four years of hard training have turned you into a model athlete. And with your fitness followers you now make more money than with your job as a construction worker. But you want to be a role model for your son, just being an influencer is not a profession. It takes you an hour to shower, shave your body and trim your beard. When you leave the studio, you want to look good. Even if it's just to go home and cook. You are a domestic person. And besides, it saves money. And you make a live stream out of the cooking, which gives you a few more followers. But it's also a hard job. By the time you've eaten and cleaned up the kitchen, it's already 11:00 pm. And the alarm clock rings at 5:00 am. Time to go to bed. Actually, at 29, when you have a body like yours, you should have more fun in life. But you've been a father for seven years, and that obliges you. With the birth of your son, you've completely turned your life around. Even though you are divorced, you still have a good relationship with your ex-wife. And your son already writes you good-night text messages. Hey, you know people who are worse off!

Your routines include drinking a liter of water before bed. It flushes all the toxins out of your body overnight. Can't be much with your diet, but you like routines. However, this often means that you have to pee again at night. Today so about 02:00 clock. You have to be quiet so as not to wake your wife and son. The little angel breathes regularly. It is nice to hear this sound from the neighboring room while you fall asleep again.

06:00 in the morning. Your wife hits you with the pillow. Like every morning, when you don't turn off your alarm clock after a microsecond. She gets her good morning kiss and you head off to the gym. You're always one of the first of the team to get there. The janitor already knows you. They call you the Swiss clockwork. Always on time, always reliable. Discipline is everything. You have the chance to live out your passion for ice hockey here. You've been on the ice since you were eight years old, and you've been a professional for four years. In Canada. An absolute dream!

10:00 a.m. Press conference. You're just 18 and you've managed to get signed by the London Knights as a European. Your stepping stone into the National Hockey League. Everything is still terribly exciting. But you are a sporting prodigy. And you've spent your whole life preparing for this moment. You speak English and French fluently. Despite the double burden, you skipped a year of school and graduated with honors. And your girlfriend is pregnant. It was not planned. But it happened. And you are both very happy.

The nursery is already furnished. Above the crib a poster of you. You have to expect that you will not see your son for one or two weeks. But he should always have a picture of you in front of his eyes.

[boag]

can u talk about why u left school and how u feel about it all now?

Okay LOL

I did really well in school until I was about 11/12 and things started to get harder and harder with my mental illness and neurodivergence and everything and my grades got worse and worse and it got a lot more difficult for me to focus and feel motivated . I didn’t have a ton of friends but I had a handful of good ones even though it got harder to make friends and maintain friendships as I got older. After middle school I applied to go to this technical high school for their performing arts program and I got in. It was a county-wide school and none of my friends went there and there were only a couple kids in the whole school that I’d met before. There were a few kids I was friendly with but I only had one close friend while I went there who I would only see at lunch and I got bullied really badly by a lot of my classmates and my anxiety reached all time highs and I was miserable and suffering all the time and my attendance kept getting worse and I was pretty much failing all of my classes and it got to the point where I’d be late for school like usual and my mom would drive me there but just seeing the entrance to the building would throw me into a full blown panic attack and I couldn’t make myself go in and she would have to drop me off at my grandma’s house so she could go to work.

Idk I was very misunderstood by my teachers and my peers and didn’t know how to try and fix it and I was suicidal and self harming and had patterns of disordered eating and I ended up getting put into partial hospitalization for 3 months of my freshman year and then again for 3 months of my sophomore year and I didn’t attend school at all during either of those periods and didn’t attend school nearly as much as I was supposed to the rest of the time.

Because my school was centered around its career preparation programs they had this policy where you couldn’t go there anymore if you failed your program’s main class more than once and my sophomore year I was about to severely fail drama a second time. I had barely any credits at that point and if I’d transferred to a different school I would’ve pretty much had to start from scratch at 16 years old and I also just didn’t think school was good for me at all so I stopped going and dropped out on my 16th birthday. I definitely have a lot of regrets and wish I’d gotten to have a real high school experience and maybe go to college but I really don’t think there was a better alternative for me so I’ve mostly just accepted it by now.

[asleepinawell]

assorted dawntrail thoughts below in no particular order. they range all over the place

loved the first half of the msq story. super fun, cool areas, interesting npcs, paced out pretty nicely. traveling around meeting/helping people and learning about cultures is what the wol thrives on and that is their type of vacation imo. shard of azem behavior

wuk lamat is one of my fave characters in the whole series. himbos stay winning. the amount of (usually bigoted) hate she's getting just makes me like her more. people seem mad that the wol wasn't the main character but i prefer it that way. they are there to help people!

erenville 😢. enjoyed his parts and man i felt so bad for him in the last area

krile finally got more time on screen but it did feel like her main bit was crunched in at the end kinda

alpacas 💯💯💯💯💯💯

overall the scions got a lot less screen time which was mostly fine. one thing I'd really been hoping for in dt was that y'shtola would finally get the focused arc that almost all the other scions have (krile was the other odd one out until now). and boy did the opposite of that happen. i don't know why they made the choice to basically not include her at all but it sucked. estinien was the other one who got almost no screentime but he had a whole xpac about him already. so yeah, that was my biggest negative overall. sometimes i wonder if there's some writers who don't like her or if the fact many fans hate her influences the focus on her. she's my favorite character in the whole game so, yeah, disappointed

second half of the msq. hmmm. shaaloani felt like a filler area and was meh though i got a laugh because of course they put dinosaurs in the wild west area. it did feel a little "wooooo cowboys!!! and oh native americans maybe exist, moving on". I'm not going to make any comments about cultural sensitivity stuff in dt since i think there are other people better qualified to examine that, but this part did feel like everything not yeehaw cowboys was an afterthought

the sphene part of the story confused me, as in i was confused why they went with that. it felt so much like the amaurot story which... we've already done? yeah there were some differences but it had the same vibes and themes. it was fine? just a weird choice. wish zoraal ja had had a little more going on beyond daddy issues for someone we spent a lot of time dealing with. i felt like i didn't even know what his relationship with his father was like. there was some piece of story tying into his motivation and past that was missing. sphene was more interesting though i wish they hadn't gone the route of 'she was programmed to do this so you can't dissuade her' and kept it more as her choice. i'm not saying i wanted her to be 'evil' just that it makes her more interesting if she's acting with free will

las vegas as the last zone lmao. kinda bummed the area stays dark now. like yes it makes sense for the story but it's now a much less visually interesting area to run around and that's a shame. it would have been fun to fly through and now it's just bland and empty

gulool ja should NOT be in charge of a city, he should NOT be at the club, he should be playing tag with ga bu in the park and living his best life. I'm taking him into protective custody

VERMEDICA ii

cities! tulliyolal is great! they did a really nice job of making it feel alive and bustling. it will probably be my main city to hang out in for the xpac because... solution 9... just was not a fan. it feels huge and empty and has elevator music. i like cyberpunk bi lighting but it just isn't enough to save it for me. ah well. neither of them can replace radz in my heart but i didn't expect them to

dungeons. they were all pretty and i liked how they incorporated little events into them like zoraal ja blocking a path. i wasn't crazy about most of the boss fights. they're definitely harder than ew mechanics but it was more that i didn't find them intuitive. I'm sure I'll learn them eventually but the types of mechanics in them just weren't fun ones to me. also i do them all duty support and while it seems like they've broadened the ai abilities for the npcs they also added a ton more aoe and line marker mechanics and those SUCK with npcs because the npcs will run to a predefined location with theirs regardless of what you do and they sometimes wait to do this until the extremely last second. so you move to be somewhere safe and oh no alisaie what are you doing *dead*. this happened a bunch in dead ends and mothercrystal (urianger..... you know what you did) and i was hoping they'd make less of those situations but no they made MORE. so in addition to learning the mechanics you also have to learn where the npcs are going to run. once you know you know but it's frustrating the first time through when your own buddies are killing you

trials. the first one was fine. second one i Did Not Enjoy (also hope that a wipe in the second half only sets you back to phase 2 start because the cs....). third one i really liked though i still have no clue what happened in that one part. you know which part. fortunately a healer survived it to lb3 us so we didn't wipe. i don't even want to imagine what the ex of that will be like. it was a nice ending trial

i was having a harder time than usual seeing mechanics in dungeons through my own ability effects (old and new) for most of the boss fights and i figured it was just me but some of my friends reported the same issue. not 100% sure what is going on there. i only have my own effects on and i really don't want to turn them down but :(

two of my favorite cute little moments: 1) when wuk lamat was despairing that zoraal ja brought back the fancy alpaca and then apologized to her own alpaca and told it it was great and it did a little step towards her to encourage her 😭. i just loved the alpacas okay. 2) vrtra showing up! and then azdaja doing a tiny roar!! crying yelling throwing up etc

i did all the side quests as i went and I'm glad i did. especially in the first half they felt like they added to the whole learning about new people main story and there were some fun ones. i had to catch a hyper cat in solution 9... that's my sort of quest

I've only done the magical dps role quest so far. comparing notes with someone who did a different one it seems like the role quests are very silly storywise this time. it wasn't the most exciting story but i liked my npc buddy and the final duty wasn't bad

job gear looks fantastic except for poor pld who is cursed to be a shiny knight forever. gnb coat is superb. blm wins though i think. cat staff!

i had to turn off shout chat when i got to solution 9 because i guess that's where all the cool kids hang out to talk about how much they hate the game they're paying to play. i haven't switched it back on and am enjoying blissful silence

i swear we've seen that world traveling key thing before???? it looked so familiar. also looked ascian which would make sense. they should not have left it with my son he is going to make a blue raspberry slushie in it or something horrible. please give it to an adult

i haven't been looking at too much in the way of interviews or speculation about the raid series, but my guess is it will involve the ascian(s) who were on whichever shard alexandria is. my crack theory is one of them is, uh, duedaf...duedalus...dudeathon........ whatever i'll get it eventually, because the constellation from their stone is an upside down triangle like the ones on the robot faces. big if true. a friend told me there was something that might have looked like part of an ascian sigil in sphene's outfit decoration but i wouldn't have recognized it on sight

pct is great. hanmer time! i am not a 'serious' gamer and i am so pleased to have a new job with a not serious aesthetic. vpr i am trying very hard to like but so far the gameplay style hasn't vibed for me

have i mentioned i love the alpacas? the ear wiggles!!!!!!!!

i probably forgot a ton of stuff but those are my rambles for now

[celestie0]

what do you think about grad school and maybe getting a masters or phd? like for you😭 i’m curious what more do you feel about academia

hiii bb!! ouu yeah i think with the way things are in job market rn, at least for a science degree, having a masters is a MUST and phd too if you want to teach or go into research...just an undergraduate degree for any STEM job i have noticed doesn't suffice unless you're like a comp sci major or have hella connections or something lmfaooo (or if you're a trust fund baby)

i'm actually going to med school so my four years of undergrad were spent working towards that goal, and not really with thoughts of phd or masters, but i did think about doing a masters during my gap year (which would've been this past year) since my school offered a few one years masters programs that i was interested in. it was gonna be a sort of back up plan for me in case i didn't get in anywhere, but ultimately i just had faith in my application n didn't want to spend money on a year of masters tuition haha

but it's hard for me to say for other fields, such as humanities, on what i think of the necessities of masters/phd programs...i'd imagine it's the same though, you'd probably need to pursue a lot of higher education to be qualified to teach or publish etc. in premed, you've got options of going to nursing school, PA school, med school, so i guess there are ways to pivot that don't involve masters programs if you still wanted to be a healthcare provider

i did watch an interesting video recently about the whole trap of the phd/masters pipeline, where students get a degree and think they'll be able to land a decent job post grad from wishful thinking, spend lots of time unsuccessful in the job market, then scramble to apply to grad school, and then even if they feel as though the phd program they're in isn't really giving them what they want from it, they don't want to quit because at that point it'll feel like sunken cost, and it damages their mental health and motivation and is basically this recurring loop where the system forces students to continuously stay in school and do excessive amount of research/work for criminally low compensation, just to become overqualified candidates for barely minimally paying jobs. ofc all in the name to benefit the insanely rich and wealthy. honestly most grad students i meet are stressed and so incredibly jaded, i can't imagine that it's easy on them at all. a lot of universities hardly pay them any sort of livable wage for the work that they do

as for academia in general, i think it's worth it to become educated, as it can open doors. obviously there are different paths for all people, some people choose not to go to school, some people go to trade school, others go to school much later in life. i remember i worked w this one doctor who was a mechanic for thirty years and he went back to school to get his undergrad degree and then went to med school, all while he was in his 50s, and now he's a practicing physician! i thought that was really incredible and inspiring. school is something that's there for you whenever you want it, need it, or feel ready for it. i think it's worthy to invest in your education, but you have to go into it knowing that you're going to make the most of it. in that, pursue higher education if you have a plan of why you're there and what you're going to do when you're there, and not just for the sake of earning a degree or putting off working because you'd rather just stay a student. the reason why someone from harvard might work at the same job as someone who went to community college is ultimately because the person who went to CC might've made more of their experience n harnessed connections/skills n probably had a much more clear idea of what they wanted to do with the education they were earning compared to someone who might've been coasting through a reputable school because once they got in, that was all they cared about (lol i sound bitter saying this, no hate to big name schools, but it's such a common misconception that just because you get a degree from like an ivy league, you'll be set for life. and same applies vice versa. some of the smartest ppl i know are people who did CC for two years and then transferred to a four year university. they saved hella money and got the same degree in the end, with the same exact if not better job opportunities. similarly, i've worked at clinics/hospitals where some of the doctors went to UCLA and others went to caribbean med school, but they all ended up at the same place in the end)

GOD THIS BECAME SO LONG i swear whenever i answer asks on my computer it becomes an essay loool but yea these are just my general opinions about college, higher education, and academia in general? i hope this answers and that i didn't misinterpret the question hahah but thank u for the ask bb!!

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Writing Questions Tag

tagged by: @enchanted-lightning-aes

tagging: Open Tag and soft tagging @space-writes | @ahordeofwasps | @renasdoodles | @flower-prose |

@writingrosesonneptune | @kaylinalexanderbooks

Under the cut cuz there's a lot of questions

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Pretty much all three of my main wips, and a lot of my fandom ocs. I'm obsessed with all the ideas my genius brain comes up with. The execution of said ideas... not so much, but we're getting there XD.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes?

...Not that I can think of, I have terrible memory 😅

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

I love playing with my characters like dolls and writing descriptive (and sometimes funny) flowery imagery. The editing on the other hand... I could easily leave that behind.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

It's like an itch that I need to scratch. If i can't express it and share the joy with others, I'll explode.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

Cringe is dead, write whatever you want forever. Some practical advice: if you're struggling with getting the words out, try writing sprints or a program that turns writing down words into a game. also try writing while standing up or while using standing desk with a walking pad (i have a standing desk and walking pad and i highly highly recommend, especially for ADHD)

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

You have big dreams and huge ideas, which is good... but maybe start smaller? Actually, just write whatever you want while you still have the ability to pump out thousands of words a day... Cringe is dead, be free 12 year old me

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

I haven't finished anything in my life, not even any of my fanfictions which are longfics that span entire series/franchises 😅 (all of them are still ongoing)

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Hmm.... any of the characters from TCIO or Galaxy Destroyer, but especially Nickelle. The morals and motivations are complicated :D

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

12 year old me would be a bit confused about the changes I've made to the stories, but excited nonetheless, especially about all the dark stuff (I was a weird child that liked stuff like torture and death and the black plague or egyptian mummification process XD)

[kafus]

i am deeply appreciative of neocities for making website creating accessible to the common person and also young people/teenagers; it’s really unfortunate just how intimidating the indie web is otherwise, especially for anyone who hasn’t touched a single line of code before. even i still find a good chunk of it intimidating - i am not currently a front end developer, i have not gone to school for this stuff, and while i am constantly learning and growing, i am definitely not at the level many running indie websites are. one day i hope to be when i am mentally and physically well enough to further my education! even if not through the means of college.

that being said, i think if developers are able to take a step back and focus on making concepts and tools available to the general public without web development knowledge, the indie web could grow exponentially. it’s easy to see from the notes on my recent guide post that people WANT to escape the purgatory of social media but don’t know how to start and are relieved and motivated with even just the littlest push from a fellow HTML/CSS noob pointing them in the right direction. it’s not that people are happy where they are, but that they don’t even know where to begin, and googling only to be met with webdev jargon is, well, demotivating for the average person. neocities, at the very least, is overtly friendly and familiar - you sign up for it with an account similar to how you would a social media site and are presented with a cute cat mascot telling you that you can do it in a pre-set up file with HTML tags to give you an idea of what you’re getting into, and you’re instantly connected with hundreds of other people doing the same thing. i wish there was an equivalent feeling from trying to enter the indie web space literally anywhere else. not even basic wordpress services feel this straightforward.

social media is convenient and easy and while i don’t expect indie websites to ever be as straightforward, i do think we need to meet in the middle as a starting point, and neocities does a pretty good job of being that middle ground that anyone can get into the indie web through. it was my starting point, that i am currently still using even if i grow out of it at another time! i am hoping that eventually even more options and resources exist to make the process digestible and exciting to people, because i think everyone deserves to have control over their own space and content. i want having your own website to be more normalized and not some niche hobby that me and only a few other people partake in.

apologies if any of this is poorly worded, it is 7 in the morning and i’m talking out of my half-asleep, just woke up brain hahaha. don’t know what the point of this was, i just had the itch to talk. maybe i’ll put a more cleaned up ramble with a throughline message on my site when i’m on my computer later.

tldr; i think we need to get to a point where making your own website is a hobby anyone can take up without being a professional web developer, and where the basics of doing so are easily accessible for the layperson as an internet usage option even if they do not have an inherent interest in programming

[daegudrama]

Title: Superstar in the Snow

Pairing: Yeonbin

Summary: World pop sensation, Choi Yeonjun, gets stuck in a snowy small town on Christmas Eve and befriends a local boy. Soobin and his friends are throwing a party and are delighted to give Yeonjun a taste of being a normal teenager for a moment.

Word Count: 5,750 words

Soobin

I’m not sure why I’m being forced to sit in this tackily decorated lobby on Christmas Eve. Who could possibly be so out of luck they wind up stuck here? The streets of my hometown are already covered in inches of snow. Plow trucks are trying to stay on top of it but it’s Christmas Eve and there is hardly a point when everything is closed. Well…except where I work. My manger insisted I come in just in case someone gets stranded and needs a room. The likelihood of that happening is extremely slim. I hope no one is stupid enough to go out in this weather. It’s been snowing on and off for three days.

We have two room available, as of now, but each passing moment adds more doubt that they will be filled. I hum the tune to a song I heard on the radio this morning wishing something exciting would happen or that time would move faster. I only have to stay until noon, a gift from my manager. That leaves two more hours of boredom. Maybe the maids will start fighting again and I can eavesdrop.

My best friend is throwing a party later and I should help him set up. His parents left a few days ago to visit family, but he decided to stay back. Kai’s main motivation for not visiting his aunt with his family was throwing a wild party that would finally get us noticed. See, we aren’t the most popular kids…actually we are far from it. Kai and I have been music nerds for as long as anyone can remember. People don’t think it’s hot that we can play complex piano pieces, they just think it’s weird. By freshman year practically everyone in the music program had already dated or kissed one another. You make do with what you have when your options are limited.

At 11:30 I’m in the break room making a hot chocolate when I hear the bell at the front desk ring. I stir my drink hastily and make my way to the front hoping my boss won’t find out I was slacking. When the people standing in front of the desk come into view, I almost drop my hot chocolate. Choi Yeonjun.

Choi Yeonjun is practically the whole world’s sweetheart. It’s hard to go somewhere without seeing his face. I like a few of his songs and am a fan of a movie he did last year, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan of him. His fans can be overwhelming and I’ve read articles that don’t paint him nicely. How easy it can be to forget when he’s standing in front of you. His soft eyes are scanning the room and I can see a bit of red hair peeking through his beanie. Yeonjun is wearing several layers of clothing to ward of the cold and he looks like a fluffy marshmallow.

“Hello. Our bus broke down just outside of town and the mechanic said they won’t be able to fix it until after Christmas. Do you have any rooms available?” A tall man that I’m not familiar with says.

“We have two rooms available.” I say setting my drink down and sitting so I can pull up the availabilities on the computer. “One on ground floor and one on the third floor.”

After twenty minutes of discussion the man decides Yeonjun should be on the third floor and the rest of them will be on ground floor. I have another employee show them to their room after the manager says I can’t tell anyone he’s here. One of my friends really likes Yeonjun but I don’t want to risk anyone’s safety.

I’m about to punch out when Yeonjun appears at the front desk and he looks shy unlike his normal boisterous personality I see on TV ads. He’s changed into a longer padded coat and boots like he might want to go back outside. I think that would be poor judgement and I really don’t think his manager would like that.

“Are there any restaurants near here open? Nothing on the kitchen menu looked good to me.”

This is the first time I’ve heard him speak in person and I’m surprised at how different his voice sounds. So gentle and warm like a hug from that special someone.

“There isn’t much here. Polly’s Pancakes is the only thing close to here. I’m supposed to meet my friend there in a few minutes. I don’t think a lot of people will be there since it’s Christmas Eve.”

I give him information without actually inviting him because I don’t know if my self-esteem could take being rejected by Choi Yeonjun. He shuffles his feet like he’s thinking while I head into the break room to collect my coats and another hot chocolate. I make one for Yeonjun though I’m sure he’s on some special diet that won’t allow him to drink it.

“Can I come with you?” He asks when I reappear with two hot chocolates and swaddled in coats.

Did he really ask me that? It’s hard not to get starstruck even if I’m not a huge fan. This guy has met Beyoncé. He travels the world selling out stadiums and I’m just some small town music nerd working at a hotel. I know I shouldn’t compare but like he’s living my dream.

“If you want to.” I hold out a hot chocolate to him.

“What is it?” He asks as I start walking out the front door towards Polly’s.

“Hot chocolate. Do you want one or are you on some fad diet?”

A glance over my shoulder shows a sour look on his face. I must have struck a nerve and I hope this doesn’t make him dislike me. The last thing I need is for it to get back to my boss that I upset the world’s sweetheart.

“I hate those diets.” He says taking the cup from me. “Thank you.”

I’m taken aback by his politeness but try to not let it phase me. My feet crunch the snow as we walk towards the restaurant. He holds the door open for me and my cheeks flame. I’m so embarrassed by reaction I think about hanging myself from the festive Christmas lights.

“Soobin! Did you find a boyfriend?” Taehyun asks from across the empty place.

“N-no.” I say my cheeks heating up even more as I walk to our usual table in the corner.

Yeonjun sits across from us and Taehyun gasps loudly. I stomp on his foot telling him to be cool, but he doesn’t get the hint.

“Where did you find him? Did you tell Beomie? He’s going to have a heart attack that his idol is less than a mile from him.”

“Please don’t tell your friend I’m here.” Yeonjun speaks up looking a little red cheeked himself and I’m not sure whether it’s from the cold or what Taehyun is saying.

He respects his wishes and we order our food. After a few minutes we slip into normal conversation like we would with any of our friends. Yeonjun is only a year or two older than me and the longer we talk I think that maybe in a different life we could be friends. Like if he wasn’t a mega superstar.

“Your friend stayed back from going to Paris because he wanted to throw a party to get people to notice him?” Yeonjun asks when the subject of Kai’s party comes up. “Does he still need anything? I’ll help out.”

“After lunch, we are going to help Kai decorate and our friend Beomgyu needs help transporting the alcohol around five. We pretty much have it under control.”

We finish our meals and Yeonjun insists on paying. I try to argue but he counters me saying I should be saving up for college or something. That strikes a chord with me that I didn’t want to think about today. Senior year has been hard and full of decisions I was trying to get away from for the holidays.

Taehyun leaves to say goodbye to someone in the kitchen and Yeonjun is staring at his hands.

“Can we go back to the hotel? I should probably at least have my phone on me.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go tell Tae we’ll meet him at Kai’s.”

I explain to Taehyun what we are doing, and he waggles his eyebrow at me. That is deserving of a punch, but it doesn’t have its full effect because he’s already put his padded jacket back on. He doesn’t say anything embarrassing and watches us walk out. Yeonjun puts his hood up and pulls his scarf over his face effectively protecting his identity.

“Would you be really honest if I asked you something?” He asks when we are standing in his hotel room.

“That depends on what it was.” I say knowing that there is lots of things I would never say even if it was true because I don’t like hurting people.

He doesn’t say another word grabbing his phone off the charger. I follow him to the lobby where I lead him to my beat up 2005 Honda accord. Yeonjun must be judging the fact that I’m driving a 2005, but at the same time he has been so nice. Nothing he’s said has led me to believe he’s the arrogant playboy the media makes him out to be. Half the media calls him the sweetheart the other half calls him a playboy.

I turn the radio on while we wait for the car to warm up. Thankfully the road has been cleared in the last hour so driving to Kai’s should be easy. When we finally start driving one of Yeonjun’s songs comes on the radio. He moves to turn it off but I grab his wrist stopping him. I pull back quickly.

“I actually like this one.” I say then quickly realize what I said was rude and try to backtrack.

“No, it’s okay. I know not everyone can like what I put out.” He laughs looking forward at the winter wonderland. “Do you like any other ones? It’s alright if you don’t. You’ll still be okay in my book.”

“Our Summer and Magic Island.” I say without thinking about it. “Beomgyu really likes you. He’s been to four of your concerts and has camped for three of them. He skipped school to buy tickets and regularly stays up until 2am waiting for you to release things. It’s hard not to know your music.”

“I know people do those things, but it’s always so weird when people tell me that.” He says tapping his foot along to the beat of his song. “Obviously, I’m thankful but I don’t think there is anyone I would do that for.”

I don’t know what to say but thankfully we’ve arrived at Kai’s house.

“Kai is also a fan of you but more casually. He might be a little shook, but he’ll be cool.”

“Okay.” Yeonjun says stepping out of my car and covering his face with his scarf again.

Without knocking I walk into Kai’s house with Yeonjun right on my heels. I take my shoes and coats of before calling out.

“Huening Kai! I have an early present for you!”

Kai runs to the living room and gasps when he sees Yeonjun awkwardly standing in the doorway. I sit down on the sofa and begin explaining where I found the biggest superstar in the world. We have to gently remind Yeonjun that it’s okay and he can sit down.

“Hi Kai.” Yeonjun says sitting on the edge of the sofa beside me. “Soobin said you need help decorating.”

“I’m not going to make the Choi Yeonjun help me decorate for me lame ass party.” Kai says looking at him with wide eyes like he’s not real.

“But I want to help.” He says in the softest most baby voice.

Everything about this man is interesting. I think I know something then he does something completely unexpected. Why does he want to help the two boys he just met? We are setting up for a lame high school party when he’s been to after parties for every major award show. If I remember correctly, he debuted when he was still in high school. Maybe he just wants a typical high school experience because he hasn’t been able to have those.

We move anything breakable and look it in Kai’s older sister’s room. She’s off at college and surely won’t mind. Lena won’t even know it happened in the first place if all goes right. While Kai is moving things Yeonjun and I string Christmas lights. Christmas music is playing through the speakers and we are singing along. I’m a little self-conscious singing in front of him, but if I want to be successful, I can’t be scared.

“You are a good singer. Your voice sounds familiar have you sent a tape to my company.”

I drop the ornament I’m holding and thankfully it doesn’t shatter. Yeonjun gasps quickly looking up at me and I grab his arm dragging him someone more private.

“Kai we are going to the music room for a minute.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He shouts back.

Yeonjun follows me to the music room after I let go of his arm. The Huening family is full of musicians so when they moved here, they built a soundproof recording studio. They call it the music room most of the time. Once inside the room I close the door to make sure Kai won’t hear us.

“Are you okay?” Yeonjun asks sitting down on the sofa.

“Your company contacted me after a video from my winter concert was sent to them. I haven’t told Kai, because I’m not sure I want to sign a contract.” I sit beside him putting my head in my hands. Might as well talk about this now. “If I sign, I won’t be able to attend my number one choice college because it wouldn’t work. I can’t attend classes while training. I know myself I can’t do both.”

Yeonjun is silent for a moment before he speaks.

“I heard your recording and you are talented. Training is hard and so is touring, but it’s rewarding. Every time I think my life sucks, I remember that thousands of people buy tickets to see me do what I love.” He pauses rubbing my back. “It’s best if you sign now but I think they’d take you in a few years too. They wouldn’t shut up about your sound.”

“Really?!” I ask shooting up to look him in the eyes.

My face is closer than I expected, and we stay there for a second before Beomgyu runs through the door.

“YEONJUN!”

Beomgyu hasn’t ever looked this excited in his whole life. I fear he might wet himself out of peer shock and joy. His eyes are darting up and down the length of Yeonjun’s body like he can’t believe he is really right here. You would think after seeing him in concert four times he wouldn’t be so star struck, but that’s not the case.

“He’s just a person, Beomie.” I stand up heading towards the door. “I’ll leave you alone. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That’s everything.” Beomgyu whines then his eyebrows crumple together when Yeonjun starts to follow me.

“How about we help Kai some more in the living room. We can talk up there and I’ll answer all your burning questions.” Yeonjun winks at Beomgyu and I’m afraid he might have a heart attack. “You can’t tweet about this. I’ve seen your account. YeonjunsHusband.”

“I’m so sorry.” Beomgyu says as we walk to the living room.

Yeonjun and I can’t stop laughing as Beomgyu tries to apologize for the inappropriate things he’s tweeted. Kai is still hanging things on the wall and trying to make sure everything goes as planned. The other two boys sit on opposite ends of the couch and Beomgyu pulls up a tweet. Yeonjun actually answers his question after Beomgyu promises to sign an NDA.

“So, you never actually dated anyone?” Beomgyu asks some time later when we were a little more comfortable.

Kai made us hot chocolate and he put the fire on. It’s a cozy afternoon and I feel like I’m just having a day with my boys. Yeonjun just seems like a natural part of this and it’s so strange.

“That’s not what I said.” Yeonjun says sucking on a piece of candy cane before continuing. “The people you think I’ve dated…have all been publicity stunts put on by my management. I’ve dated a few people for real, but I don’t like it getting out to the press. I know what will happen if the press finds out and I want to protect whoever I’m with from that. People are malicious when it comes to who I date.”

I can’t take my eyes of his face and Kai has noticed. When he made us drinks, he asked me what was going on and I told him nothing because it’s truthful. He’s very beautiful but he’s a superstar and I’m just a high school senior.

“I thought that didn’t really happen.” Kai says tucking his feet up onto the couch.

“It is actually really common unfortunately. I wish I could date who I want without having to worry about if someone is going to threaten to kill them.” His voice is sad, and he sighs looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry for bumming you out. It’s rare that I feel like I can really talk to people.”

Kai’s phone rings and he takes the call into another room. Beomgyu looks like he’s thinking hard about something. Yeonjun’s thigh is pressed against my even though there is more room on the couch. He’s nice and warm so I don’t think I’ll complain.

“Taehyun got his car stuck in the snow. Can you do a rescue mission? He has precious cargo.”

Of course, Tae would get his car stuck the one time he is in charge of the alcohol. Today has seemed so unreal. It was about time for a mishaps. Everything will be okay once I rescue him and he gets his car towed. We live in a small town whoever is near were he got stuck will watch his car until it gets towed.

“Yeah, I’ll go but it’ll cost you ten dollars.”

He makes a mad face before reaching into his wallet and giving me ten dollars.

“You aren’t getting a Christmas present now.” Kai says like that’s believable at all.

“You already bought me something months ago Beomie told me.”

“You told him?!” Kai yells as I slip out of the room.

I stop at the front door to put my coats back on and Yeonjun appears at my side.

“Do you mind if I come with you?”

“Of course, you can come.” I say handing him his coat and scarf.

My phone dings with Taehyun’s live location. He is a mile away from his cousin’s house who supplied us with the goods. A keg and various other wine coolers that should easily fit in the back seat and trunk of my car. We walk outside and run to the car. After a few silent minutes of the car warming up we head off.

“My manager has been calling me for the last hour.” Yeonjun says suddenly. “I don’t want to go back today.”

“As long as they don’t call the police, I’m fine with keeping you hidden.” I say keeping my eyes focused on the road. “Why don’t you want to go back?”

“Spending time with you and your friends has made me feel more normal than I have since I debuted. I was young when I signed and didn’t have a lot of normal high school experiences. Like you have prom when you’re seventeen. I went to Met Gala for the first time when I was seventeen.” Yeonjun is looking at his phone screen then he shoves it in my cup holder.

“Is your manager that worried that a bunch of nobodies in the middle of nowhere are going to ruin you? You told us so much and none of us would think about saying anything about it. Nothing like that is worth hurting another person over.”

I’m surprised at the depth of the connection I feel with Yeonjun. Everything he does is criticized by millions of people and I wish I could take away the pain he feels. Hearing how he feels makes me not want to enter the music industry, but his other stories have a lit a flame inside me. The way he describes performing is absolutely magical and even a taste of that would make me the happiest I’ve ever been.

“Of course, my manager is worried. If I get caught in some kind of scandal it doesn’t just reflect badly on me, but everyone involved with me.” He sighs looking out the window. “Today has been great because I haven’t had to think about that other than when Beomgyu was question me. Even then he mostly wanted to hear about my family and my life outside of music.”

“We’ll help you hide out until tomorrow.” I say as we pull up to Taehyun’s car.

“And I’ll put in a good word with our scout in case you decide to come our way.”

Taehyun is standing next to his car with wide eyes when Yeonjun steps out of the car. He tries to play it cool getting the booze out of the car but trips over a thick lump of snow. Yeonjun rushes to help him up and I swear he looks like he might scream. I retrieve our drinks from his car and carefully put them in the trunk of my car. Tonight, may be the most wild night of my life and I’m ready no matter the cost.

“I’m sorry I got stuck, but at least everything is okay now.” Taehyun says as we wait for the heater to bring our bodies back to life.

“It’s okay.” Yeonjun says look back to the backseat with a smile. “I needed a moment away from Beomgyu. He’s a real nice guy but it seems like there is a million things he wants to know about me. He has a never ending list.”

“He tweets those questions to you all the time. You just never answer him.” I say and he laughs.

“Do you think it would be appropriate for me to describe the last time I kissed someone for more than two minutes, on my twitter?”

“He asked you that?” I say giving him a shocked look before turning my eyes to the road. “He must’ve been drunk. Usually he tries to respect privacy because he really admires you.”

The drive back is filled with banter and after a few minutes Taehyun realizes Yeonjun is just a person like us. He stops trying to make himself cool and I think Yeonjun likes him better. I’m telling him about a party we had freshman year when we arrive at the Huening residence.

“He was standing on a table almost completely naked when his mother came home from France early and that’s the story of how he was banned from being home alone for three years. This is the first time he’s been left home alone for more than a few hours since he was fourteen.”

“You say you are boring then I hear about your music kid parties. They sound more lit then any of the stupid Hollywood parties I’ve been to.”

I swear I can hear Taehyun rolling his eyes at Yeonjun. We carefully take the beverages out of my car and run them inside. Beomie and Kai are chilling in the living room playing Mario Kart which never ends well. Beomgyu loses when we walk in the room completely fascinated, like he hadn’t just seen him thirty minutes ago.

“Yeonjun have you turned the location off on your phone?” I ask a few minutes later when he and I are in the kitchen alone.

“No, that’s a good idea.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and turns of his location. “Thank you.”

We are making cute little snacks for whoever shows up at our party. I hope a lot of people do because that’s what Kai wants. He is always striving to out do himself and he doesn’t understand how amazing and special he is.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Yeonjun asks suddenly after a few moments of silence. “…or boyfriend I don’t know.”

Why does he want to know that? Why is my heart threatening to rip out of my chest and shimmy next to the statue of baby Jesus? Why is my face warming up? I’m a shy person but usually when I’m asked things like this, I can remain calm. This man makes me feel so god damn flustered it’s ridiculous.

“No, I’m not to popular with any gender.”

“I can’t imagine why.” He says softly slowly moving closer to me.

My eyes widen as he gets closer to me. Yeonjun refuses to let me look away catching my chin in his hand. We stand like that for a minute neither of us brave enough to make a move. A cough has us jumping apart like we’d been electrocuted.

“Kai wanted to know if you could help him mix drinks in a few minutes, but if I’m interrupting something…” Taehyun says with a smirk on his face.

“I’d love to help once I’m done with the snacks.” I say struggling to find words with so many thoughts running through my head.

Yeonjun and I continue making chocolate dipped marshmallows on pretzels and my mind is racing. What the ever loving fuck was that? He asked me if I was dating anyone then grabs my chin. Who does he think he is? I can’t lie my ideal partner is someone like Yeonjun but he’s older than me and a superstar. The idea that he could be even a little attracted to me is unfathomable, but he just did something that can’t be ignored. He was staring in my eyes looking like he wanted to do something but wasn’t sure how it would turn out.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was a little too forward of me.” Yeonjun says quietly after skewering the last marshmallow. “If I let things simmer, I usually end up regretting that I didn’t take a shot.”

“That was hardly a shot.” I say with confidence I didn’t know I had. “I wouldn’t feel so confused if it was a good shot taken.”

“You’re wounding my ego.” He says in a joking tone holding his heart. “I think you are handsome and have a lovely voice. Your personality shines through the freezing air of this sad little town and I’d like that brightness in my life.”

“We going swooning.” I mutter then my eyes widen when I realize I’ve said that out loud. Beomgyu and his dumb bird app humor.

“What was that?” He asks probably already knowing and reevaluating whether he wants to get to know me.

Choi Yeonjun just said I have a shiny personality. He wants my brightness in his life and I think my heart is about to explode with overloaded emotion.

“I need to help Kai mix drinks. He’s horrible at it and mixes it too weak or mixes the wrong things. He needs me to save this party.” I ramble for a minute before running into the living room where I know he won’t want to finish the conversation we are having. Yeonjun won’t talk about that in front of his biggest fan.

“Did you already start drinking? Your face is awful red.” Beomgyu says when I join them.

“N-no…I must be overheating or something.” I say quickly trying to make something up.

Taehyun gives me a look that says he doesn’t believe me for a second. I shoot him a look to tell him to keep his mouth shut. We all have life destroying dirt on each other that we threaten to use but would never actually.

“Where is Yeonjun?” Kai asks handing me a shot glass so I can start making drinks.

“I’m right here. I was just grabbing the trays to set out. Beomie do you think you could grab the last two?”

The use of his nickname by his idol almost sends him into to shock but he quickly does as he was asked. After placing the tray on the table next to the fireplace Yeonjun sits in the middle of the couch. I think running away without saying anything might have upset him. What am I supposed to say when he says something like that to me? It’s not even about his fame. If any person said that to me, I would have run away. I’m scared that when people say things like that, they are just trying to mess with me.

A few hours later I come out of Kai’s room after a refreshing nap. The boys are talking in the living room and I think guest should be arriving soon. There is pizza on the counter in the kitchen and I happily eat a slice. I can’t drink on an empty stomach. My time spent alone in the room gave me a little time to think. There is no harm in getting to know Yeonjun more or even just seeing what could happen tonight.

“Did you have nice nap?” Kai asks me when I enter the living room a few more of our friends from choir have showed up.

Casual conversation keeps things light until a group of cheerleaders show up on the promise of free alcohol. Yeonjun quickly puts on a Santa costume with a beard to avoid taking the spotlight off Kai. I grab a drink off the table and wonder what this night might bring.

Hours later I’m sitting on the back porch nursing a beer that I don’t even like. Yeonjun took the suit off a while ago because Kai decided to confiscate phones of people we don’t know very well. A few people freaked out but a lot of them are too drunk to care. It was a little overwhelming being around so many people with loud music and grinding bodies. My friends are having fun and that’s what matters. Kai did a keg stand and Beomgyu is showing everyone how well he dances. This is exactly what we wanted, a fun night with everyone we know.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Yeonjun says from behind me and the sound of feet crunching snow fills my ears.

“Why do you want to get to know me?” I ask letting my inebriated state speak for me.

“I can feel that you are something special. Maybe if you signed with my company, I’d get a real chance to win you over. Everything about you is beautiful.”

Knowing he’s had as many if not more drinks then me puts my mind at ease. I doubt he’d be lying right now. Everything I’ve learned about him today leads me to think he wouldn’t lie about that. I stand up shakily and he follows suit taking a sip of his drink.

“Give me your phone.” I say and he does it without question after unlocking it.

I type my snapchat into the search bar and hit add. When he leaves tomorrow who knows when I’ll be able to see him again. I’ve always wanted to be a singer and his company is the one I’ve always hoped to be signed under. Being friends or something more with Choi Yeonjun sounds like a fairytale.

Right there on the back porch of my best friend’s house, with one of Yeonjun’s songs blaring in the background and a beer in my hand, I lean forward. With snow falling on my head I kiss an average boy with an extraordinary life.

One Year Later…

It’s almost midnight and time for the New Year. In March I decided to sign with Yeonjun’s company and take online classes at my top college. He and I talk whenever he isn’t busy and facetime often. I only officially started recording in November and while we see each other we aren’t sure where we stand.

We kissed once and since then we have hung out whenever he was in town, but nothing has happened. I think there is fear that we might ruin the great friendship we have even though we kissed the first day we met.

Right now, he’s standing at my side holding a glass of champagne waiting for the countdown. We are at a company party and I think I should kiss him. Someone has to make a move and it’s obviously not going to be him. Everyone thinks we are already dating anyways, and I want them to be right.

“5! 4! 3! 2…” I pull his head towards me and press my lips against his as “1!” is heard throughout the room. He sets the glass down and puts a hand on my waist. When I pull away it’s to pull him to another room where we can talk. My New Years’ resolution is to be more assertive and I think this qualifies.

“Jjunine?” I ask when we have made it to a conference room.

“Binnie.” He responds studying my face with a goofy smile. My stomach flips and I close my eyes for a second to focus. “What do you need me for?”

“I have something to tell you.” My mind is muddled from the drinks I had to celebrate the best year of my life so far. “You are the most down to earth and truly generous person I know. You make me want to be a better person and are willing to help me whenever I need you no matter how far away you are. Since I first met you, I’ve known that wasn’t some freak coincidence. We are meant to be in each other’s lives.”

“You are much better at shooting your shot than me.” He replies pulling me closer to him so our noses are almost touching. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” I laugh closing the distance between our lips.

[laponarta-blog]

So I've re-watched Oppenheimer

Idk how the discourse is here on tumblr, but I liked the movie, and as a STEM professional, the Tale of Oppenheimer hits me hard.

First of all, i watched the movie in IMAX this time. It was my first ever IMAX movie, and tbh I didn't notice any difference so idk what's all the fuss about it being "the superior" movie format

That being said, I want to talk about how I feel Oppenheimer's story speaks to me, and what kind of influence I wish it'd leave on other STEM people.

First of all, I don't really care about the politics in Oppenheimer's life. Communists? Left Wing? National Security? All of that seems so inconsequential after Trinity, what with the massive blast and the looming possibility of the end of the world through the incineration of the fabric of reality. Besides, science and academics develop in the same premises as philosophy and rhetoric, so it is really impossible to live out of touch with radical or upsold ideas unless your student body and/or Polisci or Philosophy departments are utterly dead silent.

Even if a core aspect of the movie is centered on the politics of nuclear arms and Oppenheimer's involvement in it after the end of the war, I feel like the most important side of his tale is the tragedy of being the director of the manhattan project.

The movie made it clear that the Manhattan project started as a reaction to the Nazis' weapons development program, along with the discovery of nuclear fission which, I can believe was easy to pick up by any quantum scientist to point towards the possibility of a bomb; so a big part of Oppenheimer's motivation came as a response to the real enemy, the Nazis. I don't think its unreasonable to try to catch up with your enemy, otherwise you'd be at a dumb disadvantage and at risk of being wiped or conquered.

But of course, the conflict was transformed towards the end. The Germans had surrendered and the Manhattan project had no reason to be completed, despite being so close to completion. However, the Japanese Empire proved to not be lackeys of the Nazis, and thus opted out of the possibility of surrendering alongside with them.

So suddenly, the war was NOT over, but the arms race was. The US had no reason to bomb Japan other than to force the end of the war. Of course they did it to prevent sending their soldiers to more battles and avoid their casualties, but they did so at the expense of Japanese civilians. It seems to me that it is incredibly easy, for a military person, to not have the vision to understand the pain of a civilian that does not belong to your own country, or in other words, to disregard the value of any life that is not affiliated to your own country; they are trained and pushed to be and act like that after all.

It's at this point were I feel Oppenheimer's views started to shift (maybe not). The danger of the A-bomb was so catastrophic and so uncalled for at this point; I don't think it was hard to find opposition. But it happened, they bombed Japan 2 times.

Of course we can't know for certain how Oppenheimer experienced his burden of having created a weapon of mass destruction that was no longer used to protect the US and the world from the Nazis, but to terrorize Japan into surrendering. The movie portrays it with illusions and a sort of PTSD, but really only Oppenheimer knows how he lived his daily life after that. We can, however, see things from his perspective. The bomb he worked on to fight the nazis was dropped on civilians for no reason other than as a display of power. There was no nobility behind the existence of a nuclear bomb because the Nazis never got to complete theirs in the end, but the US did, and god forbid if they were not going to use it.

Here lies the tragedy of Oppenheimer and the Military Industrial Complex and the development of Weapons.

"My le bomb, le killed people??"

YES! OF COURSE IT DID! IT WAS BUILT FOR THAT YOU MORON. WEAPONS ARE NOT MADE TO DISPLAY AT MUSEUMS OR HUNT GAME, YOU DONT DROP A FUCKING A-BOMB ON A DEER, YOU DROP IT ON PEOPLE, ON WARZONES THAT ARE NOT COMPLETELY EVACUATED FROM CIVILIANS, WHICH WILL DIE AS A RESULT OF THE WAR GOING ON IN THEIR CITY.

Oppenheimer's tale is the absolute worst scenario that any STEM researcher could find himself in; because not all conflicts have the nazis as an enemy, most of the time you don't even know who the enemy is, as your military engages with just guerillas or organized crime or whatever man. The reason why this is important is that you won't always have the sympathy of people like me, who understands that the Manhattan Project was, in its beginnings, a response to the Nazis to not be left behind. Because you are not fighting no nazis, so you can't justify researching bigger and bigger weapons in any other way.

Just like Oppenheimer, any kind of weapon development program carries the moral weight of executing civilians and innocent people. If you have a speck of awareness, it will catch you; you are not safe.

Weapons development is not noble, you may appear on the TIME's cover, you may get a medal, you may be famous for it, but there's blood on your hands, and on your bank account, and your conscience will let you see this in due time. At that moment, It will be far too late to do the right thing.

So, I am begging my STEM colleagues getting juicy contracts from Lockheed, Raytheon and the national labs to actually think about the type of work they are getting into and the moral implications behind it. The integrity of your life is too valuable to be involved in weapons of mass destruction or the fallacy that having the bigger weapon is the best solution to avoid war and protect yourself.

[coral-reef-in-command]

So I'm writing another campaign

This time its pirate themed and definitely not a rip-off of an anime I've never watched

If you're one of my players, don't read this because this will just be the nonsensical ramblings of a mad DM going insane over trying to shove random ideas together with a pinch of satire

Please ignore any spelling errors and enjoy the show

So there was this pirate dude

He old, he ded, and he had treasure. Pirates like treasure, right? Pirate players want treasure, right? Boom, player motivation.

But theres this other* pirate

The astrict gotcha, right? I'll explain in the "spoilers" section I guess lmao

So this dude isn't any normal pirate. He's a Warforged. And he somehow got fused to the mast of his ship. And is missing his arms and legs. And a lot of his memory. Bro even got wood where metal should be. His name is Stan (or Stanly or Stanford or S.T.A.N.). Stan want pirate treasure.

Player stuff

So theres a thingy I wanna put within each of my players' backstories: they each have the fraction of a magical unidentifiable crystal in their possession. It somehow got into their possession (to the players digression), and always somehow gets back into their possession.

They also somehow have a reason to join a random Pirate Captain that's looking for a crew. They could've heard from posters, job listings in taverns, word of mouth, etc. Said pirate captain is Stan.

I'd like for the players to start at level 2 or 3, tbd. I like the idea of them having some experience, and knowing enough of their craft to be comfortable exploring and adventuring.

ZA WARUDO

Sorry, I had to. Anyways, I used a free map making program to make a possibly prototype map for this world, yall should lmk if I should post it.

The known world is spots of land encompassed by water, encompassed by a long circular strip of land called "Giant's Path". No one goes past it, due to rumors and myths. Only few are brave to go past the Giant's path, and there are no existing maps or documentation of what lies past.

Spoilers and BBEG stuff

I hope no one reading this will eventually be a player, because this shit is wild and I'd rather see your reaction at the table.

So predictably, Stan is the old dead pirate. Do you wanna know how he ended up like that?

Its wild.

Are you sure you wanna know?

Ok, but I warned you, this is some of the weirdest writing I've done.

Death. Literally Death.

You ever see the new Puss in Boots movie? The one where he wants that wishing star? Yeah, that. Death gets pissed at virtually imortal mortal, so Death wants to punish said mortal.

Death succeeded in this campaign, hiding away Stan's treasure, and binding him to his ship. The idea is that Stan was an untrustworthy and arrogant pirate who would always betray anyone who trusted him, so Death split up his Battery Gem thingy between random people to force Stan to work with people. Death believes Stan can't work with others, so he even made it a little easier by making the gem the key to wherever the treasure is held.

I'm still in the process of writing this, and I'd love tips and ideas! I love writing campaigns, and I love running them more, especially if my players enjoy them. I want to make this as enjoyable as possible, so let me know if I should change anything!

▪︎this is planned for newer players, and maybe some players with a bit of experience

EDIT: I've realized that I made a post about an earlier draft of this campaign, so... go check that out if you wanna lmao

[nickgerlich]

It’s In The Bag

They have been the bane of our existence since 1979. That’s when the single-use plastic bag was developed. In 1982, two large supermarket chains—Safeway and Kroger—began offering them to customers. And while not everyone was initially good with them—after all, before then, there was only a “paper or paper?” question—they quickly caught on.

Skip forward 40 years, and today the 10th of October 2022, one of those chains—Kroger—has started its phase-out of the plastic bags that blow about in the wind, and if you are in a rural area like me, get caught in barbed wire fences. The company had made this vow several years ago, and is now ready for rollout. One of the chain’s stores in Richmond Virginia will no longer offer plastic, instead offering customers a reusable plastic bag for 10 cents, as well as more durable plastic totes for 99 cents. The other local stores will follow shortly, and then expand from there.

And while it is but a small step toward reducing our use of single-use plastics, it marks major progress. Canada banned single-use plastics in certain settings earlier this year. And while some municipalities and states, like New York in 2020, banned them, Kroger’s move shows how the private sector can and should get on board with policies such as this before the government makes you do so.

I was in Saskatoon this summer, and stopped for an avocado toast and coffee before heading south to Regina. I quickly noticed the difference, because instead of a plastic spreading utensil, it was made of bamboo. I asked the clerk if there had been any customer pushback, and he said no.

Reusable plastic totes have been around a while too, but have been slow to catch on, if only because they require a change in our consumer behavior. It’s all about remembering to take them inside the store. And never mind that COVID dealt them a temporary setback when some locales banned them amid fears of accidental germ sharing.

But since I live in Texas, where there were no such bans, and because I did not wish to interact with humans at checkout, I seized the moment to make that change in my behavior. I had long kept a tote bag filled with other tote bags in the back of my van, but often forgot to take them in with me. Good intentions marred by bad memory, but not anymore.

To be honest, I seldom ever see others doing so at my local Walmart, but a guy can hope, right? Maybe the retail giant will see what Kroger is doing and make a similar change. As for me, it’s not about virtue signaling, because I don’t hold the bags over my head and proudly announce, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the way you should be bagging your groceries.” No, I just do it, because it is part of my routine.

And because I think it is the right thing to do.

As with all major changes and disruptions in our lives, we have to buy into it 100% before it becomes our new normal. I mean, unless the government steps in and requires it. Even in Texas, it could happen. Amarillo and Canyon are not Breckenridge, and certainly not populated by folks with even a fraction of the environmental concern you see in that Colorado ski town.

But when the change comes from a company and is not mandated, I’m betting it will be a lot easier to just get over it. In the Amarillo area, our shopping options are pretty much United—which is owned by Albertson’s—and Walmart. You can bet that the other big chains are watching closely. And, as for United, they now offer a 5-cent discount at checkout if you bring a reusable bag. Target gives you 10 cents.

That raises another question: Would rewarding customers for bringing their reusable bags effect the change that Kroger wants to see? I doubt it, at least not as the only policy. Kroger wants to eliminate single-use plastic, not reward people. I’ll be honest and say that nickels and dimes do not motivate me, and I bet a lot of other people would feel the same way. Kroger would wind up still having to provide single-use plastic bags. Maybe a combination program could work, though.

In the end, bravo, Kroger! Now to get Publix, Albertson’s, Safeway, and the other big regionals on board. Then maybe Walmart will have so much peer pressure that it has to change as well. Because I would much rather this kind of thing happen at the corporate grassroots than have it be foisted upon us by mandate like in Canada or New York.

Dr “Toot And Tote This“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[psycholojosh]

So it's been approximately 3 years since I started my fitness journey. I had a slow start - headed only to the gym or did a home workout whenever I wanted to without any discipline or sense of direction. Back then, I felt very insecure about my body and inconsistent with paying attention or care to it.

I think what changed for me was learning more about exercises, workout, and nutrition. While I can't say that I'm already well-versed on those topics, I've taken the time to really listen to coaches and peers who know lots. Eventually, when I understood what fitness really means to me, my goal already clicked. I wanted to be healthy and no longer frail. I also wanted to look and feel good.

Committing to a gym membership was definitely no joke, let alone a huge investment. Prior to this commitment, I already thought that gyms are a privilege - and it holds true for me until today. But I didn't realize what a waste of effort and resources it was with the level of commitment I had back then. Coupled with the things I learned, I promised myself that I will not let these opportunities go to waste. So I began training and regulating myself.

Come 2021, I was already motivated. I started seeing my coach more frequently to learn different kinds of workout routines and programs. She was also validating my motivations and fitness goals. With her help, I think I developed a discipline of knowing when to train and when to rest. I also picked up some tips on what to eat and how to be mindful of my diet. I really can't say it's at its best though. To take accountability, I always took gym selfies a lot so I can track how far I've gone over the months and years.

But as I continued hitting the gym, I started feeling more conscious about my body for mixed reasons. On one hand, I was noticing changes gradually. On the other, I was becoming doubtful if I was doing the 'right' or 'best' thing. I still notice these from time to time. I think what helped was my friends (whether or not they have an active fitness life) that supported me through and through.

Now, it's December 2022. The three-year mark. I honestly expected that I would have reached much closer to my fitness goal by now - but I don't deserve minimizing my progress that way. I scrolled my photo cloud and found my old photo, when I first entered the gym. I was honestly surprised with myself. I didn't think I would come far, and still have a long way to go. I took a snap of my shirtless body once again this week and started comparing. I've changed, at least physically. Do I feel stronger? Maybe. But I've never felt more secure about how I look and how I feel. And maybe it's also because of my psychology background that help me developed the self-awareness and accountability.

I want to keep going. I know I'm slowly moving, but I consider the progress to be valid. I shouldn't really compare myself with anyone I see on social media or in the gym. I should just focus on myself and teach myself to appreciate my body much more holistically.

I hope to bring more for myself in 2023. And I do wish that I reach my goal by next year.

[iztopher]

hi. at this point it may be evident what i'm about to say. but for that ask meme: ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

JHFDASK YESSSS okay here we go!!!

1. Art programs you have but don't use: Clip Studio Paint!! I pretty much ONLY use it for the grid and text feature, otherwise I don't like the workflow haha

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even): Drawing in profile is the same to me from either direction, but for 3/4 view, I naturally gravitate towards / find it easier to draw people facing left

3. What ideas come from when you were little: Since I've been into Aveyond for so long, and that's what I mostly draw, I have a lot of ideas that pretty much originated as "I wanted to draw this as a kid and didn't have the skill to"!

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw: Te'ijal and also Galahad. it's the hair.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself: Finished art I'd say I share a good 90% of it! Once we get into sketches... hoo boy, maybe 40%?

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it): Whatever this is, it's either too specific to the piece or too subconscious for me to think of it

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate: traditional illustration, painting, watercolor...

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in: A heads up that my answer to this is sad but I'm trying to talk about this type of stuff relatively openly, so: spring 2021, I watched Willy's Wonderland for the first time w/ Ishti + Moonie; we kept talking about a Galahad & Mel AU for it. I had two pictures for it planned, and I drew one of them, and... the timing worked out where Moonie never got to see it, and I've lost the motivation to do the second one. But I like the first one and I'm glad I drew it and I take some comfort/peace in the fact that I was working on something I was excited to share with her at the time.

9. What are your file name conventions: I have a folder for all my art, a subfolder for every year, and then a subfolder for every month, which means there isn't that much overlap! so unless I have a funny title idea my file name conventions are generally pretty straightforward: "mella1.sai", "teijalahad.sai", "teijalstudy.sai" etc etc

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw: Does armor count? If not, gambesons.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what: Yes!!! Pretty much always music, occasionally video essays. Usually I'll pick a song and play it on loop, or if I'm in the mood for more variety I'll pick a playlist or an artist and listen through that. I also really like drawing while on call with people.

12. Easiest part of body to draw: I'm so sorry for my answer. Boobs.

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing: I'm not sure I have an answer for this one, actually - there's a lot of artists I like the work of who I wouldn't want to emulate, but that feels different to me?

14. Any favorite motifs: Not really, in theory I really love flowers but I almost never draw them

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth): I used to draw pretty much everywhere, but post chronic pain it's my desk only because using a tablet hurts wayyy less than a sketchbook!

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing: Landscapes / natural areas from photographs lol

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what: Water ALL the time, coffee if it lines up properly

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken: Very few!! Probably less than 10. I mostly draw digitally

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.): ARMOR AND WEAPONS

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy: Hands and armor!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways: Honestly the art styles unlike mine that I like tend to be ones... I wish I had... I'm really drawn to realistic, somber, softer stuff

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any: Tendon gliding exercises! Tbh I should start doing more, it might help

23. Do you use different layer modes: VERY rarely, mostly not

24. Do your references include stock images: Yessss

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by: I KNOW this has happened but I'm totally blanking on it

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended: I'm not sure if this counts but pretty much any time I get a "cute!" response on a te'ijalahad picture I'm like oh no please do not say that,

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with: I tend to warm up by drawing a headshot of the character I'm going to be drawing, but lately I've been trying to shift to warm ups that are more focused on like, the action of drawing and loosening up

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines): I participated in a zine that ended up not happening, and I've done several fandom exchanges!! Mostly the Aveyond Winter Exchange, but also the Oneshot Podcast Network exchange on AO3 (yeah it was AO3 but I did art for it)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically: Infinity Train!!! absolutely adore it, the art style doesn't really inspire me at all & because I got into it in the thick of my hand pain I never got used to drawing it

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated: None! I mostly draw Aveyond so pretty much all of my art is in the 1-10 response zone so it all feels pretty consistent gdjkgklsdf

[tzipporahs-well]

I’ve been having a hard time with my grad program. I guess this is the price I pay for settling after several rotations that didn’t work out because of factors outside my control. And the sad part is everything outside of the main reason I came to where I am today is going swimmingly (friends, synagogue, house, etc.). But the main reason for why I am (my PhD program) where I am has turned from a settlement turned dream turned nightmare.

My boss is not great. I constantly feel stupid and not good enough. She berated me for a bunch of things the other day and an email the next day on all the things I’ve done wrong. I’ve gotten very scary emails from her previously (one threatening to “unmatch me” because I failed in fully putting things away after knowing about my history of failing to match from reasons outside of my control; also passive aggressive emails on the things I screwed up on).

I can count on one hand how many times (2 times) I’ve been praised. My experiments on the whole have also not been going well either, but I can deal with the failure if I had a more supportive environment. I don’t feel like she knows or appreciates any of my sacrifices for the lab. I have sacrificed some nights and a lot of lunches. Even when I really wanted to get out sooner. For a couple weeks, 10-12 hour workdays were pretty normal even though I’m technically contracted for a regular 40 hour week as a grad student. I am not paid any overtime either. I often think, “Why bother with all the extra effort?” I have had significant motivation issues because of her.

I can’t even vent to reddit because I know she looks there. I long for the days of the people I previously rotated with, but I know they can’t take me for various reasons (funding, lab vitality, or lack of spots).

I’m so scared of her. I dread Mondays. But I also don’t want to leave my program with nothing. I ultimately settled here because rotations weren’t working. This program is not what I wanted to begin with, but I stayed here because I thought 1) she was my best option and 2) I could work with it. I am slowly growing to the realization that maybe I can’t. I feel like I could continue with the PhD in a more supportive environment but at this point something has to give: me or her. I know I can’t necessarily change her, no matter how much I wish it.

My depression, anxiety, and paranoia have been through the roof because of her. But I don’t know what the best idea is to do. I have three main options.

Leave immediately (devise an exit plan immediately)

Leave with a master’s (master out)

Stay the course with the PhD

All these options have their own pros and cons. The leave immediately option has the problem of “where do I go?” Other labs that are open in my program to PhD students are not exactly interesting, and I may face similar problems to what I’m experiencing now. As for jobs, here’s no guarantee I can get a job in the same community. If I were to go to another school for a grad program, I worry that I’ll have to start all over and that my application will suck. My first round on applications didn’t go so well (rejected from all schools except the one I’m at now), and I can only imagine that it would be worse now.

The leave with a master’s option may be the most realistic. It would give me time to make the connections for a job/new grad program, and I would be able to cope better knowing that the abuse will end soon (9 months or so). However, I fear tipping my hand to her too soon by talking to the wrong people about this option. Not only that but I might be forced to make a decision if she decides she wants to cut me loose after all.

Staying for the PhD program is the lowest energy option and the option I decided a couple weeks ago when I faced a similar crossroads. There is a potential that she changes for her better if I were to communicate my distress. However, I find that it’s becoming harder. I can’t tell what she is thinking and I can’t trust the words she says. Last time I was at the crossroads, she gave me very vague advice on how to do better/reduce my anxiety. Clearly it’s not working and only making things worse.

If anyone has any advice, please reply to the post. I don’t have a lot of experience with grad school at all.

[plagueislost]

Hii, for the artist ask game: number 4 and 10 is something I'd love to know :3

i wrote A LOT for this ask, sorry! i wanted to do the questions justice, yknow how it is.

4. piece you wish got more love?

Ive found from experience that original art tends to not do very well on social media, which kind of makes me sad. It's not much of a problem for me (because most of the stuff i post is fanart anyways) but i can't help but think that part of the reason i rarely ever draw original pieces or make OCs is because of the lack of feedback i get on social media. I know tumblr is supposed to be the fandom website, and maybe id have a different experience on another site, but it is disappointing when i post something original that I'm very proud of and it barely manages to get more than 20 notes, whereas something i like less easily surpasses 100 just because of the tags i put on it. i think the most recent example of this is this piece, which admittedly did get quite a few notes for an original piece, but definitely would have gotten more had it been fanart of the same caliber. this is also not to blame anyone or make anyone feel bad about not reblogging original art (god knows im guilty of that too, and art piggybacking off the popularity of other works of art are of course gonna get more notes), its just something ive noticed from my time on social media.

10. how do you deal with artblock?

i dont get art block very often, but when i do, its ANNOYING. it mostly manifests in me having a bunch of motivation for a part of my process that i cant get to without doing the stuff i have no desire to do (does that make any sense?). like, ill have a strong urge to render an artwork, but no ongoing WIPs that are at that stage, meaning i would have to sketch and color and shade a whole new piece before i could satiate that urge, or do the steps out of order which could mess up the flow and end look of a project. when i get like this, i find its best to try and translate those desires into different activities and take a step away from art. for example:

if i want to sketch, but nothing comes out right digitally, ill find a scrap piece of paper and a crappy pen and make thumbnails until i cant think of any other iterations of the ideas in my head. if one of them turns out good, ill take a picture and transfer it into my software, but only go over it a day or so later so i can have fresh eyes.

if i want to color, but i have no sketches currently ready for coloring, ill go into my photo editing program, find some random old photos that i never edited, and post-process them until i get something im happy with.

if i want to shade, but have no colored artworks ready for that, ill usually do a study of a photo ive taken, because most of the time me shading is really me wanting to see how light and shadow interact in certain scenarios. i actually did a whole AP portfolio on that because i liked shading and lighting so much!

if i want to render, but ive got no pieces ready for rendering, i find its easiest just to find a tedious activity where i can be a perfectionist but also feel like im the smartest person in the world. this generally turns into me cooking some big meal because its constantly engaging but also not that difficult. i know its probably weird for it to not have anything to do with art but this is just what works best for me, and i get the bonus of a nice meal at the end of it!

if i get the more classic kind of art block where everything sucks and nothing i make is good, i find its best to go back to the media that inspires me to make art, and not worry too much about having made something by the end of it. generally the media that inspires me ends up, well, inspiring me, and i can remind myself that art is a voluntary practice that i do because its fun, not because i want something out of it. if it doesnt manage to inspire me, thats okay, i can just tell myself im taking a break and live life for a bit.

i hope that was helpful, and i really enjoyed answering these questions! if anyone else wants to ask a question, the artist ask game is here.