#with dogs and other cats (perfect for us we live with our parents still so full house) and it said she loves to be held and talked to ☹️☹️☹️

[tiredsadpeach]

May not feel great rn but tomorrow I get to see my best friend and we’re exchanging gifts and then afterward I’m going with my sister to pick up a cat

[canirove]

Red & Blue | Chapter 39

Author's note: This was supposed to be the last chapter, and that's why at the end it feels like everything is closed. But, there were a few things I still wanted to see happening to them, and my perfectionist ass couldn't let the story end without them, so you are getting 3 extra chapters 😁

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

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“Mason, I have… What are you doing wearing one of Nora’s bibs?” I say when I walk into the kitchen.

“Saving my t-shirt from her” he says, pointing at our daughter. “It’s pasta day, and you know how that usually ends.”

“My favourite sweatshirt knows it well, yes.”

“What did you want to tell me?” he asks, sitting in front of Nora and trying to catch her attention.

“Oh, yes! I have very important news. The manager spoke with me today, and said that I will probably have my first minutes on the next game!”

“What? That’s amazing, gorgeous!” he says, looking away just a few seconds, but enough for Nora to hit the fork with her hand and make it fall.

“Nora…” Mason complains. “We are gonna need a dog to eat everything she throws to the floor.”

“Or a cat. She also is a cat lady like her mum, that’s two against one.”

“Meh meh meh” he says, making fun of me. “Anyway, how are you feeling about this? Nervous? Excited?”

“All of that. But also ready. You don’t know how much I’ve missed being on the pitch.”

“If I already miss it just by being out for a couple of games, I can only imagine how you feel. But what about you, Nora. Are you excited about mummy going back to the pitch and kicking some asses?” he says, trying to make her eat and failing, the fork ending on the floor. Again.

“I think she is excited” I say, trying not to laugh. “I’ll put my things away and come back to help you deal with this.”

“Thank you, love. I’ll get you one of the bibs, you’ll need it too.”

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“I had one of my dreams, you know?” Mason whispers. It is the morning of the game and we are still in bed, waiting for Nora to wake up.

“You did?”

“I did.”

“And? What happened on it?”

“It was about tonight’s game. Arsenal was already winning, and the moment you went out to do your warm up, the fans went absolutely crazy, all of them cheering for you. And when it was time for you to go in… Wow. I can’t wait to see it happening in real life.”

“Did I score?”

“You didn’t. But you played really well, and after the game everyone wanted to congratulate you. Even the girls from the other team.”

“That’s cute.”

“What happened after the game can’t be considered cute, tho” Mason says, putting an arm around me and pulling me closer to him.

“Did the dream turn into a nightmare?”

“Oh, no. Not all. It was a very pleasant dream. My parents offered to take Nora with them, and we had the whole house for ourselves.”

“And what did we do?” I ask with a mischievous smile.

“We practice how to give Nora a little brother or sister. And we did it in the kitchen, the living room, the stairs…”

“The stairs? Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

“Maybe for your back, yes. But there is nothing like trying” he says, his lips touching mine. Though before we can properly kiss me, Nora wakes up, crying.

“Looks like she did have a nightmare.”

“Urgh” Mason says, letting go of me and getting out of the bed.

“Are you going to pick her up?”

“I am. Today is your day, you need to rest and focus on that. I’ll take care of everything else.”

“Thank you, Mason. I love you” I say, trying not to get emotional.

“I love you too, gorgeous” he says with that smile I love so much.

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“Mummy!” Nora says when she sees me leaving the changing room, clumsily running towards me.

“Careful, little one” I say, bending down to pick her up.

“Can I also get a hug?” Mason asks.

“And a kiss.”

“Look at my ship being all cute and perfect!” Leah says behind us. “We should go out to the pitch and take some photos of the three of you. We need to remember this day.”

“That is a really good idea. But why isn’t she wearing the outfit I had picked?”

“I forgot” Mason shrugs. “And I couldn’t find anything red. Or her Arsenal shirt.”

“Of course you couldn’t… What about the hat?”

“It was cold. And she hadn’t worn that one yet.”

“Maybe because it isn’t her size?” I chuckle. “You look really good, tho.”

“Thank you” he says while smiling at me, the dimple on his left cheek showing. Just like happens with Nora when she smiles. Will I ever get tired of seeing them? I don’t think so. “But just so you know, I did manage to do something right.”

“You did?” I say, teasing him.

“My parents agreed to keep Nora tonight” he whispers to my ear. “Which means that we have the whole house for ourselves. The stairs included.”

“The st... You mean…” I mumble, feeling my cheeks getting very hot.

“I’m gonna make my dream come true” he says with a big grin.

“What dream?” Leah asks.

“Nothing, just Mason’s nonsense“ I quickly say.

“Nonsense that has made you blush. Your face is as red as a tomato” Leah says, trying to hide her smile. “Anyway, less talking about what you are going to do later, and more posing for photos. Give me the red and blue content I deserve.”

“You heard her” Mason says, kissing my cheek before he, Nora and I follow Leah onto the pitch.

Mason, Nora and I. My little family.

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[moriihana]

we can't fix each other but we sure as hell can enable each other instead || intro: dammit, nugget!

pairing: dabi x disabled!gn!reader

overview: you meet dabi pre-canon because your cat, nugget, literally won't leave the guy alone. friendship, fluff and (eventual) angst ensue.

content: fluff, angst

warnings: references to child abuse, mention of getting kicked out, inaccurate depictions of abandoned locations lmfao

word count: 777 words

a/n: this was originally written with my self-insert in mind. therefore the reader already has a backstory and a set personality; i just decided to make it into a reader-insert since there aren't a lot of disabled reader fics and i really like how i've written this so far. this is also just the intro, i have the next two chapters written and will be posting as well!

*previously known as "we can't fix each other (but we can heal our wounds together)"; i changed the title bc these assholes aint healin shit they're just being overall menaces

AO3 link

masterlist ; next →

It was sunny out. That’s the first thing you always remembered about the day your parents kicked you out. It was warm and there were kids laughing on the sidewalk. You always thought that on days terrible things happened, it’d be pouring down rain. Overcast and dreary, no laughter to be found.

The second thing you always remembered was the yelling. The absolute disgust and disappointment in your mother’s voice, the disdain in your father’s. The insults slung at your face, as if asking to be treated like a person was a sin. You were tired of absorbing your father’s pain, you’ve been doing it since you were eight years old. Isn’t a decade long enough? You were so tired.

The final thing you always remembered was the panic. You were disabled, had no friends to flee to, no money. What were the essentials? What would you need? What important things can you spare room for? 

You laughed to yourself as you thought about it. It’d been eight months since that day, and while being homeless sucked—like, really sucked—it beat living with your parents. You even found a stray dog and cat to call your pets—you named them Boo and Nugget. Boo was a sweet thing, a medium-sized lab mix as black as night, with splotches of white on her chin and chest. She was skittish at first, but always wagged her tail after a few weeks. She was still puppy-like, probably only a year old. Nugget was a little fiend, always getting into things and getting around. He loved cuddles and would demand them at all times. He was weaned off milk, though he was quite small and still not old enough to be called an adult cat, you thought.

You found a mostly finished abandoned apartment complex to call “home,” one far enough away from the heroes’ usual patrol routes and police stations. It was missing the doors and some finishing touches, but that was about it. You had only had two close-calls at being caught since moving into the place. Even though it was rundown and more often than not, you found Nugget carrying a dead mouse into your apartment, it was home. Nobody came near it, since it was rumoured to be cursed.

Tch. Cursed. Perfect place for us street rats, huh? You snorted, scratching under Boo’s chin. Your head snapped up at the sound of heavy footfalls in the hall. Ah, shit. Fuck. Hope that’s not a cop. 

Boo started to growl, her hackles raising along her spine. Nugget jumped down from his spot on a rickety chair, intrigued by the sound.

“Boo, no, quiet—Nugget, what are you doing, get back here—” You hissed, scrambling to get their pets to calm. Probably not a cop. No radio chatter. Only one set of footsteps. Not a hero, either. Usually those are followed by fan's incessant yapping. Another street rat?

Boo continued to growl, backing away from the doorway. Nugget, on the other hand, darted out faster than you could catch him. 

“Oh, for fucks’ sake, Nugget!”

The footsteps stopped.

Well. Shit. That’s… probably not good. Dammit, Nugget!  

You reached for your cane and heaved yourself off the floor, inching towards the doorway to look into the hall. You stopped immediately when you saw a young man with black hair, covered in deep scars—damn, those look like they would’ve hurt—holding Nugget in his arms.

“You are… holding my cat. Could you. Put him down maybe?” You laughed nervously. The young man startled, gaze snapping to you.

“I didn’t know anyone was here.” Oh. He has a nice voice. What the fuck.

“I try to make it seem like that, yes. Street rats aren’t viewed kindly by authorities.” You shifted your weight, setting aside your cane and leaning against the doorframe. Nugget wiggled out of the young man’s arms, circling around his legs a couple times before trotting happily back to you. “Nugget, you little shit, what have I said about running off…? You’re gonna get us into trouble one of these days,” you grumbled, picking him up.

The young man huffed and began to walk off, seemingly disinterested in you. 

“Oi, if you’re lookin’ for a place to crash, this one’s good. Cops don’t come around, nor do heroes. Place is cursed, haven’t ya’ heard?” You piped up. The young man paused mid-step. “‘s got running water and electricity, too, surprisingly. Builders up and ran off.”

“You have zero clue who I am, yet you’re offering to share this place. You’re an odd one, little mouse.” He turned to look at you. “... the name’s Dabi.”

You grinned. “I’m Y/N. Nice t’meet ya, Dabi.”

[links-hella-fine-booty]

2023

Holy shit. This year had to have been the most eventful year of my life and that's saying something.

Beginning of last year, Gavin and I were struggling to do whatever we could to find an apartment. Well, come February, we did. We finally were able to cross the biggest gap in our lives and relationship. I packed my stuff and suddenly, I was with him and living in Texas. My 28th birthday came and I got to spend it with friends. I haven't spent a birthday with a friend in so long. It felt wonderful to have people that wanted to be around me.

April came around and another one of my biggest dreams came true. I finally got my first puppy. Bliz has been a name for a dog I wanted for years and now he's my precious baby. I love my dog so much. He might be a little special needs as I've come to discover, but he's perfect and I know that fate brought my Bliz and I together. AND along with April, I got my beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, cunty, stunning, sweet, passionate, loving new pookie Niran. He literally brought me back to Overewatch single handedly and I love him. Fell for that man harder than any other fictional man ever. I want him carnally fr.

May was lovely and just as exciting. Not only did we once again have a wonderful time with friends for Gavin's birthday, but we got a new baby as well. Toast and Bliz actually got along and she was our kitten. Sly little thing she is, but I can't imagine life without her. Never was a cat person but I suppose she really changed me. I love my fatass little cat.

June was, hard. While being so excited to see Mexico for the first time ever in the following month, my dad ended up in the hospital. Just after Father's day. Quite possibly the scariest thing my family has ever had to go through. Weeks of nothing but worry and stress. He pulled through, but he will never be how he used to be. He's mostly in a wheelchair and can no longer walk on his own. I miss my father. I miss him so much. I took for granted all the times we went to the grocery store and taking him to the bank. I know everyone says it, but do not take time for granted. It really can be gone in an instant. I am happy to say my dad is okay. Him making it to his 81st birthday and to the New Year, means everything. I want nothing but comfort for him this upcoming year, and for my mom and sister to take it easy too. We all love him.

July, was wonderful. I got to go to Mexico with Gavin's family. They showed me nothing but kindness and caring the whole time. Mexico was beautiful and I want to go back. I have to get my passport updated but hey I will. After Mexico, it was back home to NJ. Being back home felt so right and I wish Gavin and I could move over there, but it's not in the cards right now. But! I enjoyed a great time seeing my dad and going to the Jersey Shore. Time with my mom, sister, and dad pretty much recharged me. Stayed about two weeks longer than intended but I know in the long run I needed that.

August. God. August. It started out great. We were back home and Gavin was ready for his appointment to start T. Both of us were so happy that he could finally start his journey. We went, he got it, life felt so good. However, it seemed like Gavin and I couldn't catch a break and life decided, "yeah, throw them in a car accident." Gavin's car was towed and we were in horrible pain. My stomach was so bruised I couldn't bend down and Gavin could barely use his hands. A whole week of stress and anxiety over what to do now that we didn't have a car. Thankfully his parents were once again, so kind, caring, and understanding that we were able to get a new car. His name is Ramram and he's kept us safe which is all we could ask for.

September wasn't so bad other than learning two of our friends, weren't the people we thought they were. October was pretty okay which was nice. Throughout these months it was mostly financial stress which we still have but the hell am I supposed to do about it at this point.

November. I usually hate November. Halloween is gone and done and I don't really care too much about Thanksgiving. But I suppose Gavin changed that. After weeks of severe depression and anxiety, crying every day, it all stopped. He proposed. He had gotten me the most beautiful ring. Goth and elegant. With one question, everything melted away and I haven't cried a sorrow tear since.

Now that it's December, I realize just how many things happened and how things still are happening. My family and family's friends accept my engagement and are excited for me. They are happy. I'm planning a wedding. I made it far enough in life that I am getting married. I'm getting married next October. I'm still tearing up as I write this because 19 year old Lauren didn't think she'd make it to 20, let alone 27. I'm getting married. It's incredible. Other than being in a dream like state from that, of course I had to get a whole ass addiction to Baulder's Gate 3. Perhaps it's not the traditional dnd experience but I can't say I don't love it. I now get to have some fictional men be here without me needing them. I get to have Astarion and Halsin and Gale at my happiest. That's, so different than all of the ones before them, Niran included. It almost doesn't feel real.

2023 was something else. 2024 is going to be wonderful. I am soon going back to NJ to plan where to have our wedding. Gavin and I will have our first anniversary and Valentine's day together too! I get to go back to NJ a few more times for wedding plans and vacation and then the wedding. My biggest hope for 2024, is that Gavin and I can start a process to start my dream.

I want to be a mother. I wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember. If I can just start this journey into being a mother, everything up until that point will have been worth it. Every moment of stress, pain, tears, and more. I hope sometime next year I can make a post saying we've succeeded. I know the process won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Happy New Year everyone. I made it through this year. I can make it through next year, and you can too.

[thejosh1980]

Even when I'm sleeping...

Yesterday was the anniversary of Mijo’s passing.

I knew at 9am it was the moment he took his last breath. At just 28 weeks old, he’d only been in our lives for 20 weeks. About 18 weeks of that was amazing, the last 2 weeks were not so good. 

The last 20 hours were painful beyond words.

He was just one of a few pets I had the privilege of being a parent to. We had a dog when I was young, living in Melbourne, and when Mum, my sister and I moved north, we had a cat for a few years. In my 20s when I moved in with my girlfriend in England, she had 2 wonderful cats, brother and sister, who reignited my love for being a fur parent. 

When I moved to England it took a few years to be a parent again, but in the end I had 3 cats (2 were sisters) and a puppy. I really loved those 4. I still do. They were the most amazing pets, and I loved the companionship, and having someone to talk to! 

Leaving them in Germany was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I rarely go a day without thinking about them. The girls, Catalina and Mathilda, were the first cats I started to train, and both could be walked down the street on a lead. I didn’t know one could train a cat. Gizmo was a cheeky tabby boy who was the answer to all cuddles and purrs. Eventually, the 3 of them had some tricks up their sleeve. However once I got Mijita, my little girl puppy, the training for the cats fell a bit by the wayside.

Mijita came into my life at a turning point in my life, and in the years we were together she never saw me drunk. She was my constant shadow and we did a hell of a lot together. From Checkpoint Charlie, to sunrises in Florence, window shopping in Amsterdam’s redlight district, touring and meeting rock stars, urban swimming in Switzerland, paying for items in shops instead of me going to the counter, and skateboarding, paddle boarding and bike riding. 

We did it all. 

Leaving all that behind was really hard. It’s taken a few years to be able to look back at photos of us together, and not feel pain, but feel gratitude and joy for the time we spent together. 

When Alex and I moved back home, we did have discussions about getting a fur baby of our own. Maybe a dog, maybe a cat. Initially, we put off the decision. The problem with dog ownership, especially here in Australia, is that you are very limited in what you can do with them. Most shops won’t allow them inside, most restaurants too, very few dog parks and dogs cannot go into forests and nature reserves. The freedom of Europe doesn’t exist here.

But Alex had other plans.

While getting a dog was out of the question, we just weren’t ready and not sure what our future would hold, owning a cat was a different story. Cats can offer similar companionship, without the logistical complications and commitments! 

Sounds purrfect!

As I’ve written in previous blogs, Alex surprised me for my 41st birthday with a beautiful baby boy, who we named Mijo. 8 weeks of pure grey and white fluffiness. 

I felt that connection again, like I had with Catalina, Mathilda, Gizmo and Mijita. 

Mijo was troubled with a few health issues, the coolest one was that he was deaf. I could take him anywhere, and he was as chill as could be. I remember having coffee, in one of the local town’s cafes, with folks everywhere, birds flapping about and making a ruckus, and he was curled up on my lap, hanging out. 

That day a year ago, still hurts the 3 of us. Alex is no stranger to fur grief, with her own history of lost pets. Mijo was our first fur loss together. Mum recently had to say goodbye to her old girl Ruby, who now resides next to Mijo in Mum’s room. Mum talks to both cats daily, sometimes I hear her, and it brings a bittersweet smile to my face.

I spent time after Mijo’s passing trying to make sense of how such a great pet, I mean he was absolutely perfect for me, my behaviour and my wishes, could be gone from my life in such a short time. We still had so many adventures to have together. 

He hadn’t been to all the local beaches yet!

I came to realise, his short and intense time with me was to help process the loss of the 4 German pets. I started to look back at all 5 pets and feel gratitude. I began to focus on the good times, the silly times and the blessings for having them in my life. 

I would do anything to have any of them back in my life, but I know that is not a choice I can make. Focus on the good times.

Mijo was the best thing that happened to me in 2021. He helped me grieve the loss of the big 4 in Germany and showed me there’s life after death. That’s why he came into my life, he came to show me the way.

I was somewhat lucky that during the time we lost Mijo, I had a great teacher, a psychologist, who was really understanding and supportive. Not to mention the class being supportive of my situation. She also gave me advice, and it wasn’t long before I was talking about having another cat. In the end, there are no rules to how you express or process your grief. I talked a lot about how I was feeling, working through my pain, eventually I felt a sense of calmness.

Often I find it hard to decide on things. Like, if I go to a restaurant and there’s too many choices, I get too overwhelmed, and wish I was at In and Out Burger (one of the simplest menus ever). Many times I revert to Alex’s help, I tell her what I think I might like, which could be 5 or 10 things, and she goes off to order. 

It’s always a surprise when the meals come.

We talked about getting another cat only a few weeks after Mijo’s passing. I find, if in doubt, talk about it. And we eventually came to the conclusion, if and when she found a kitten for us, then it was the right time. I figured it would take weeks, but it literally was a week later we were driving down to pick up a little kitten ragdoll, who we eventually named BB Junior. 

Boy, is he cute! 

I don’t really know where to start with this little guy. He’s a round ball of floof, who has the zoomies one minute, and the next he does “the flops”, where he walks close to you and flops and rolls over on his back for a belly rub.

He’s healthy, and unlike Mijo, is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. He walks on a harness outside with me, and together we have walked at least 5 houses down the street on the lead. He isn’t particularly afraid of cars or bikes; however he does prefer that he is facing whatever is coming towards him. He likes the local nursey, with its plants to walk through and coffee tables to sit at.

He absolutely loves visiting his cousin Charlie. While they had many play dates before the flood, when we lived at Charlie’s for 3 weeks until we got the rental, those 2 bonded so well that once we moved out, they start to miss each other if it’s been a week or two between play dates. 

I find it really amusing that the cats behave more like dogs. They play all day long, until they wear themselves out and then just find a comfy spot and sleep. While us adults continue the coffee drinkin’ and talkin’ for another hour or two.

He can sit, spin around, meercat, come when called, fist bump and high five. 

He is not food motivated as much as Mijo, and it can be difficult to train him, but he is getting there. I think it’s really down to me, as I have spent less time training him that I would have if he was super into it. He does come whenever I open the drawer with the clicker and treats in it, so he knows what’s coming, but usually after a few minutes of spinning around, he gets bored and walks off. That’s the moment you realise he is not a dog.

I am really glad that Junior is comfy in his kitten backpack, something I wear when riding the bike with him, or when we go visit places. He was quite comfy during the flood day, mostly sleeping until rescue, when he started to get a bit wet in the rain. He knows it’s his safe space, and we make sure it’s always available to him outside the house.

Junior isn’t the cuddliest cat. I’ve had cats which always wanna be on your lap, but he isn’t a lap cat. He didn’t like sleeping on the bed with us either. At first, I was really concerned with that, as I do enjoy the warmth and vibrations of a kitten purring on your knee. Lately, he’s started to sleep most of the night somewhere on the bed, often inbetween us, and also sit with me on the couch. While it’s not my knee, it’s really cool that he’s finding comfort close to us.

He has shown some signs of separation anxiety, especially if I’m outside or drive off. I am not sure how badly he suffers when we are all out, but if I’m outside I can hear him yowl and yowl at the door. In the end I try to rush whatever it is I’m doing outside so he doesn’t feel any more stress than absolutely necessary. 

We’ve had a lot of rain lately, again. So he hasn’t been out on his harness much, but of course the aim is always to get outside 3 or 4 times a week, and train daily. It doesn’t always end up happening that way, but he’s just as happy snoozin’ on the couch as he is chasing bugs in the garden.

He has done a prison break twice since being at the rental house. The first time was through a front sliding door that is light and doesn’t lock, basically, a big flyscreen in a wire frame. We ran all over trying to find him, and in the end he was under the neighbour’s house. I could call him and he came running out, looking a little worried about the mess he got himself into. 

Dusty, dirty and big blue eyed. 

That front sliding door is now permanently locked closed, he won’t be getting out that way again. But he did sneak out the back door too. I closed another fly screen security door, but it didn’t latch. He made a run for it out of the corner of my eye. I chased him down quick, but only after bashing into fence posts and trees trying to grab the little fella. He was on a mission to explore! 

Since Ruby’s passing, Mum’s bedroom door has been open regularly, and he has taken to exploring grandma’s room. He now likes to run in and jump on her bed to get a belly rub. Mum talks to him constantly too, Mr BB this and Mr BB that. I think he’s been good to have around, without Ruby it’s not been easy on Mum. Junior is literally the exact opposite of Ruby, yet offers what all cats offer, companionship.

Currently, today, Junior is with Charlie. The boys are having a sleep over while us parents are away. We are really thankful Junior’s godmother, that is Charlie’s Mum, is more than willing to kitten sit. 

I saw a video the other day, about unconditional love and it stuck in my mind. I won’t go into the video details, but I realised that with all my pets, I have felt unconditional love for them. No matter what, for better or worse, for costing me a small fortune, for filling my heart with joy, for scaring me (Mijita had a thing for being the only one who got injured in any given situation), for doing what they’re told, or not. 

For dying just 20 weeks after coming into my life.

They have all taught me something too. I know that may sound odd, but it’s true. Mijo taught me about the feelings of loss and how to process grief. Mijita taught me about trust, and about give and take in relationships. Catalina also taught me about building trust, she knew when we went walking in the German streets, that I wouldn’t let a dog get close to her. Mathilda taught me about boundaries, and to respect them. Gizmo taught me that my expectations are always right. 

And Junior? He’s still teaching me, mostly that being unpredictable and spontaneous is a fun thing.

A few years ago I shared a moment with my best friend in Germany. I recognized, even if our friendship was ever to end, I would still love her unconditionally. Whatever would happen, my love for her would stay strong and true. I shared my feelings with her.

And I realised after that conversation there are others in my life that I felt the same for. A deep and meaningful love for that person, in all their awesome self, for better or for worse, they were a perfect human being. 

Some know my musical partner in crime, GB, from Berlin. He is another person that I could put into the unconditional love category. In my life I haven’t met a truer friend, someone who has been loyal to a fault. He has never swayed from his support and steadfastness by my side over the years.

There’s a few other German friends who I feel the same for too. We don’t speak all that often, but 1 week or 1 year between phone calls or coffees, doesn’t make a difference, we start off where we left off. Genuine, deep and meaningful friends, who I care for with an unwavering love.

My feelings for unconditional love go back beyond Germany. 

In particular, 3 friends from high school. One of those friends, who was my closest pal in my teenage years, who came to all the concerts with me to check over blues and rockabilly bands, who wore the same hair style and clothes as me, is no longer in my life. At some point he told me he didn’t want me to call him again, and it broke my heart. It was worse than any breakup I have ever had, we’d been mates for 15 years, and it was right before my first wedding too! 

I still love him. 

For better or for worse, he was so important in my life, and I don’t really know why he doesn’t want to talk to me, I have suspicions why, but no evidence to prove my theory. I look back at our photos, and think about the mischief we got up to, and damn we had some good times. While the pain of losing him was tough back then, now I look back with gratitude and a smile, we were a couple of dudes figuring out our way. 

I don’t know the rules for unconditional love, if there were, I am sure I’m breaking them. I don’t have any biological children, but I have a god daughter who I love dearly, who I’d do anything for if she asked. I have had several furbabies in the past, and currently have the floofiest dude to love and hold, and I love them with all of my heart.

I have friends who I feel the deepest of love and gratitude, with no strings attached, no rules.

Is that unconditional love?

My wife, who I love with all my being, and is ever changing, with her interests and hobbies changing all the time. Mum who has been my rock for all my 42 years, and whose love for me hasn’t wavered. Dave, who chose to continue to be my step father long after he and Mum split up. His love has been the strongest example in my life of unconditional love.

If I call, he answers.

No matter what has happened with the big 4 in Germany, the 2 gremlins in Australia, and my best friends and family, they have all been nothing but the best things in my life. 

Those no longer in my life, I still miss them, but now I just miss them with a smile or even when I’m sleeping.

Thanks for reading,

Josh

[aemiruo]

2-04-24: Yesterday night I had an anxiety attack..

I am not going to help my English with translation so, if you are reading this, sorry for the misspelling.

I had a lot of thoughts on my head, most of it are bad.

To put some context, I am non binary, and I have been doing some papers and things to change my name, and also change my ID gender, which it only goes by M and F. In my country is not legal at all to use a X in the gender section, so it has to be done via legal and courts stuff.

That would not be a big problem is society could see me as I am, specially my family. They still ignore how actually hard is to live in my skin. They had no idea, they don't care. Why would they care? I don't ask for them to understand me, I just ask them to respect me.. Which sometimes, is quite hard. I stopped fighting with them for this, so we just continue living (barely to me) and they think everything is alright.

I feel my gender identity is like a joke to them, specially to my sister. For some time she respected my pronounces and such, then one day she become a total asshole and told me the most hurtful words that nobody ever told me, and become the side kick of my mom. My relationship with her is strange, I like her because she is my mom but I don't feel she likes me for being their child, I might be a rare thing to her. I am not like her first born son, and never will be like her perfect middle daughter. But she likes to know about my life by others, and my sister tell her everything she can found about me online. That's how their work. I have a bunch of secret social media thanks to old stalkers I had. Now my family is my own stalker.

But that is not everything. She insulted my partner, she insult me. My partner and I are neurodivergent and from the LGBT+ community, to be specific, under the Transgender umbrella. So we both know how hard is the world for us and the struggle to do everything and not be seen as we are. My sister said basically she understand us but we are not a big deal, we are not the center of the world, we are not special and such.

Oh Romina.. we know, more that you. We have been surviving until now. Neither you nor society and the government as well care a damn shit about people like me, people like us. You have no fucking idea, you understand nothing. We both are stronger than you would never be. You don't have identity/gender problems, you don't have to be hurt by everyone who misgender you because you will never be misgender. You are not hurt by our parents words because you are perfectly fine for them. You know nothing. You are an idiot.

Last Monday my mom asked me why I don't like to see my sister anymore, why we don't get along.

"Well, mom, you, dad, my bother, her partner, that sister, her partner and their dog are about to go to vacations together. Organized by her and she did not invited me. You should ask her about it"

The anxiety attack wasn't just for that, for the thought of that everybody should be better without my existence, but also for my lack of happiness when I work at my area. I wasn't enjoying art, I barely write now. I want to be happy with the things I like to do again. I want to change my name, I want to people respect me. But I'm invisible. I feel alone most of the time.

They went to vacations as the family they are, the perfect one. Do not take me wrong, I'm glad they had a happy time as a family. I know I'm not included at all in their plans anymore because is complicated to me to go out with me (besides my sister don't like me). Is hard to me to go out to places I donot feel comfortable, to be around people who are going to missgender me every second. They do not have any flaw anymore.

I'm working on my mental health, I'm taking medicine and other things that works.

Yesterday night, it just explode, everything I was feeling during the last 2 months.

I am better I want to belive. I'm with my partner and my cats. They bring me joy, happiness..

[ylotheaussie]

How I first came to be a dog person without ever owning a dog

I've always loved dogs. As long as I remember. But my family, although we lived in a house with a garden and in perfect location to have a dog, was never fond of dogs. Instead we had always had just that one cat. And however many times I raised this topic, I got the classic it's a big responsibility and daily effort etc. I am grateful for my parents though that they didn't let me have a dog. After all, it is a big responsibility and effort, I didn't realize that in the very beginning. And it led me to become creative and bold to still be able to spend my time with dogs.

How I walked random dogs from the next block for some years

At some point, me and my sister and our friends from the block started seeing this middle-aged woman with her 2 dogs. One was older, the other one young and a bit crazy due her age. The lady sometimes walked with the dogs past our house, so me and my friends sometimes stayed outside and waited for the dogs to come with the lady. We got to pat them, sometimes even hold the leash for a little while, but we couldn't go outside of our agreed territory, because #rules.

They looked something like a Hovawart and the Estrella Mountain dog, but were in fact mixed breed. We later found out the Hovawart (called Silli) was a stray, adopted by the lady when she gave birth to pups in an abandoned building and she found new owners to all, leaving the mother to herself because noone wanted that dog. She also kept one puppy called Väntu.

As time went by, we were allowed to join in on the walks with the lady. We found out where she lived, it was a small apartment building with joint garden with the neighbours, so dogs couldn't be free-roaming at all times. Eventually started to hang out there some more, and later also were allowed to walk the dogs alone. Väntu at some point also gave birth to an unexpected litter, as the lady couldn't afford them to be neutralized all at once, and it was at that time there was a lot of stray dogs still on the streets (around 2006-2009 in EE), so even though she had them in her garden, chained or in outside crates, with high fences, some males still made it in just in time to create new life. From Väntu's litter, the lady kept one male dog called Johnny. The rest of the dogs she managed to find new homes. Eventually all dogs got neutralized.

When my sister and our friends kind of grew out of it, I kept going alone. For a couple of years I went there on Saturday and Sunday mornings to walk the dogs. Sometimes the lady went to the countryside to visit family, so I went in and took the dogs on a walk (3 huge dogs, alone!😅😅) 2x a day and kept them fed and watered. I taught them some tricks intuitively, and formed good bonds. I was really enjoying it. Now when I think back to it, I was one crazy little girl, bold enough to walk three dogs alone on the streets, but I don't really remember any accidents or bad raps coming out of it. I just have fond memories of the dogs always being so happy to see me and us enjoying our walks together.

At some point I paid less visits as things with school and other hobbies got more serious. But then, I found my way back to dogs when I started volunteering in a local animal shelter. But that story, I'll keep it in our next post.

[m0nopurple]

Oh, to be a romantic!

Statistical data breaks my heart! I would like you, love you if not for the angles of your mask; how you resemble my brain's mortician! You are a statistical anomaly in this world- I don't date others. Rack your boxed graveyard for me, and I shall reconsider. Set yourself aflame for my lustre and I'll rip your cavities wide open. Streak across the bedroom walls, coat me in your blood, and make yourself a lover worth having! Perhaps then I'll offer you 86,400 seconds of my time for you to scorch your inner pockets in my name! I am a deity worth worshipping, a mortal among filth and grime. Kill yourself for me.

Your hair looks like a greasy number of crows folded together- 4 of them.

Bodily harm, different shades of poppies lying on our stitched-together corpses. Love is an angel strapped on a bed with a slitted throat- grace is an impossibility that we should celebrate. Cinder my back with cigarette ash as we reach the crescendo, leave me want and dreary, and make the rest of it all sweep along like a morning song. Excitement is scarce and achieved by rolling snake eyes, gambling away our virginities.

Smash those pieces together, won't you, dear? The picture is never perfect, so shattering it further won't hurt.

The veins in my hands are copper and full of sparks; moving along slowly in methodical fashion. Stars may burn out like wickered flames, the night sky as silent as a funeral. I sit barren and shielded, flung across it all, waiting. Lightning in a pill bottle; my coffin is electric. Porcelain partners pop from perfect creative imagination- I shall craft them, meld them and ravage them. God, I hate myself.

Your grandparents will die, your parents will die, and you shall die, but no one else.

Lights! Camera! Action! Let us film this travesty! Black leather jackets, nerdy little glasses. Old men making teenagers kiss, The Evil Of Today smelling its favourite meal- what could be better? Let us tango in the glass box above the city lights, electrify our minds and destroy any that oppose forbidden fruit! Dance with me to celebrate the end of all education and the start of pacemaker animals! Blonde reporter and brown-haired protagonist, the symbols of our eternal gilded bars! Kiss me at the end, break up with me at the start of the next one, again and again, again and again.

Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Dog and Hypothetical Cat; why are these white picket fences stretching out to infinity?

Let me dig into the meal of choice for all those worse for wear; smoking heart, still fresh from puncturing by the ribcage. Cut across arteries, let the muscles and tendons squish between your shiny new teeth, blood sputter across the sewed-on silver tongue and let the blackened core from years of marinating roll against your tongue. Skewered eyeballs are refreshments, improving the taste in minuscule quantities. The stomach is lined with scrumptious papillon parts, acidic from years of living in red banners. Gather them up from multiple lovers if you so want.

Starving is inevitable if everyone hates you.

Let me stretch in my graveyard now, look at blocked-off synapses with regret. The clock is ticking with an ashen sound and the want for perfect craftsmanship buried in a sewing machine. I've given up the creation of material- selling clothes doesn't appeal to me much anymore. I sit naked in a graveyard, apple eaten. Spring is blossoming, and the corpses are growing flowers. Goodnight, I think this may be the last day ever.

[agustdakasuga]

Reflection Of You | Chapter 17

Genre: Historical!AU, Timetraveller!AU/ Different Dimension, Romance

Pairing: SUGA x Reader, Yoongi x Reader

Characters: Normal!Reader, Idol!Suga, King!Yoongi, Guard!Seokjin, Guard!Jungkook, RoyalAdvisor!Namjoon, Servant!Jimin, Servant!Hoseok, Prince!Taehyung

Summary: Confirming you were dating the famous Min Suga of BTS, you knew you were bound to make some enemies. But what you didn’t expect was to be cursed, leading you to meet a cold-hearted, arrogant king that shares the same face as your rapper lover.  

It’s hard for Yoongi to open up. It’s hard for him to show the feelings that he’s been bottling up all those years. But maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let all of them go. 

Seokjin had come to inform you that Yoongi requested your company for dinner in the dining room. He waited for you to freshen up and escorted you and Jimin there. It was like deja vu as you took your seat to wait for Yoongi.

“The great king of Joseon, Min Yoongi, will be making his entrance.” Jungkook announced. Seokjin and Jimin bowed. 

“Long live the king.” They chorused. You remained seated this time, not even standing or bowing to Yoongi. Yoongi entered and stared at your still seated form, a small smile grazing his lips. You will never change and that’s what he liked about you. 

“Still refusing to bow down?” 

“You’ll live long enough, even without my wishes.” You scoffed. Yoongi chuckled and sat down in his spot. He waved at everyone to exit the room, leaving the two of you alone.

“How was gardening?” Yoongi asked as you poured alcohol into his cup. 

“It was so fun! I learnt a lot from the gardener! We planted some seeds and some plants that were already in pots.” You rambled. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Yoongi reached out to pat your head. The simple gesture was something he did so often now that it didn’t even seem weird to the both of you anymore. 

“And I didn’t know advisor Namjoon is also an avid gardener. Apparently, he waters the garden plants every day and he even has this huge plum tree!” You continued, even using your arms to try and show how big the tree was. But of course, it was an underestimation. Yoongi watched you with amusement, taking a sip of alcohol. 

“Is he now?” Yoongi asked. Of course, he knew that Namjoon liked plants and did all that but he thought he would entertain you a little. 

“Yeah. Jimin says the plums are sweet when harvested and the plum wine that is made from them is really good. I hope to try it sometime.” You nodded with a hopeful smile. 

“I can get it for you now.” 

“There’s no need-”

“Namjoon!” Yoongi shouted. As if they were listening in on the conversation, Namjoon immediately opened the door with a bow. 

“(y/n) here heard about the plum wine we make from the harvest of plums from your tree. She would like to try some. Fill a bottle for her to have now.” Yoongi said. Namjoon nodded and promptly exited the room. 

“I didn’t mean I needed to try it now, Yoongi. Geez.” You scoffed. Yoongi ignored your comment and continued eating. Namjoon returned with a small ceramic decanter. He bowed and knelt by the side of the table to fill the small cups with the plum wine. 

“Have some.” You said to Namjoon. Namjoon turned to Yoongi, who nodded his head in approval. 

“Thank you.” Namjoon bowed his head as you took the decanter to pour some into a new cup for him. The 3 of you clinked cups before taking a drink. It was sweet and fruity. 

“It’s so good!” You complimented. Namjoon couldn’t help but smile. 

“I’m happy you like it.” He laughed. When he was done, he bowed his head and exited the room. 

“What about you? Did you have a good... meeting?” You asked Yoongi slowly. Yoongi raised an eyebrow at you trying to start small talk with him but he shrugged, being vague with his answer. 

“Whether it was good or bad, I hope you feel happy or relieved that it’s at least over.” You smiled. Yoongi stopped and stared at you. 

“What?” 

“Nothing. Just thinking about something else.” He shook his head and continued eating. You blinked but shrugged and ate as well. Yoongi picked out the bigger pieces of boneless braised meat and placed it onto your plate, surprising you. You looked at the piece of meat as if it was a foreign substance and looked up at him. 

“You seem to always struggle to remove the bones. And you give the boneless meat to the other me. I’ll do the same for you.” He excused. You couldn’t help but laugh as Yoongi acknowledged the ‘other him’. 

“So you acknowledge that there’s another you somewhere out there?” 

“I never said I didn’t. You just don’t tell me much about him, how different or similar he is from me.” He said. 

“What do you want to know?” You asked. Obviously, both Yoongis were rather different but as you got to know the Yoongi in front of you, you do seem to find similarities every now and then. 

“What can you tell me about him?” 

“Hmm... I mean, you look exactly the same, you already know that. You’re both deathly pale and bear resemblance to cats. You both love tangerines and you’re both night people instead of day people. Not that big a fan of sweets...” You listed out. 

“I fail to see how I look like a cat.” Yoongi blinked. It took a long while for your Yoongi to come to terms with the whole ‘lil meow meow’ thing too. 

“Trust me. It’s there. Oh and you both squint like this when you’re focusing on something.” You giggled, mimicking him. 

“You’re finding too much amusement in this.” 

“I don’t think I know you well enough to tell the differences. But my Yoongi... When you first meet him, he just seems cold, guarded and introverted. Yes, he is introverted. But he’s not cold at all.” You said, swallowing your food. 

“He’s guarded because he had been wounded before by the rest of the world. And even when we got together, I realised that he just isn’t one to really show his feelings, or at least verbally. He shows his love and care through his actions. That’s what I liked about him. He was very comfortable to be around and he made me lower my guard too.” You smiled. 

“He sounds like a perfect human.” 

“He’s not, he’s far from it. I am the same. We’ve both come to realise it. Sure, we’ve had our fights and arguments but at the end of the day, we work it out. It takes two hands to clap, right?” You looked up at Yoongi.

“You miss him.” Yoongi stated. 

“Of course. Even before we were together, he was my safety blanket for years.” You said sadly, looking at your food. 

“When I’m sad, he makes me laugh or he cries with me. He worries for me, even when he should be worrying about himself.” Tears blurred your vision. Suddenly, you felt someone pull your head to a chest. 

Yoongi didn’t know what to say. Just like your Yoongi, he wasn’t good with words, he only knew how to show he cared with his actions. 

“Sorry, I digressed.” You said. 

“It’s okay.” Yoongi whispered, stroking the back of your head. He used the end of his sleeve to wipe your tears. Sitting back down, the two of you continued talking as you finished the food. You wanted to ask about Mirae but you knew it was a sensitive topic for Yoongi so you didn’t bring it up. 

“Later, can we walk in the garden?” You asked. 

“That excited about the garden?” Yoongi teased. You flushed, clearing your throat sheepishly. 

“Of course, we can. I can’t wait to see your hard work.” Yoongi finished. That made you feel even more embarrassed. It was like a child pestering her parent to see her artwork. 

“I heard the garden was your mother’s?” You gulped. Yoongi seemed to falter for a few seconds before straightening up. 

“It’s not hers but she did enjoy maintaining it. She worked very closely with the royal gardener to constantly upgrade it to be better. Kind of like what you did today.” Yoongi explained. You nodded your head slowly. 

“Keeping it alive and maintained now is the best I can do for her, even after her death. She would not be pleased with me letting all her hard work go to waste. I’m not really good with plants but I’m glad Namjoon and the gardener take care of it. And now you help maintain it too. My mother would have greatly appreciated that.” Yoongi said. 

“She sounds like an amazing woman.” 

“Hmm.” Yoongi hummed. You mentally scolded yourself, of all topics, why did you have to mention Yoongi’s mother? 

“I felt like I lost the opportunity to get to know her better. My father never let her care for me as a normal mother should. He wanted her to care for him only and that was her flaw, constantly kowtowing to him.” Yoongi continued. 

“I don’t think it’s a flaw.” You said. 

“It’s not a flaw to give up all free will and follow a man, who’s not even loyal to you, like a dog? That you neglect your kid?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s what you saw, Yoongi. I’m not saying you’re wrong, you could be right but was that how she really felt? Did you ever know her true intentions behind her actions? Maybe she never meant for you to feel neglected. I’m sure you had moments with her where she showered you with love.” You said. 

“Yes, I had my moments with her. But they were always short lived because my father ruined it. Every time I tried to tell myself she actually loves me, she proves me wrong.” Yoongi’s fists shook. 

“What if she was protecting you?” You asked. 

CLANG! 

Yoongi stood up with such force that the low table of bowls and cutlery flipped over, spilling food remnants all over the floor. You stared at the mess in shock, looking up at Yoongi. He breathed heavily, standing over you. 

“Leave.” He warned. 

“I’m sorry, Yoongi. I shouldn’t have-” 

“I don’t want your apologies. I said leave.” His eyes flashed anger as he shook. You immediately scrambled to your feet and pulled the door open. 

“(y/n) nim!” Jimin rushed to you. They had all heard the loud clash but were too afraid of entering the room. You stared at Jimin, lips pressed into a firm line. Turning away from him, you ran to your room. 

“(y/n) nim!” Jimin ran after you, leaving Hoseok, Seokjin, Jungkook and Namjoon. Usually, you would have fought back or argued with him but seeing the resentment and anger in Yoongi’s eyes, you knew he was warning you to leave before his temper took over so you decided to make a break for it. You were actually afraid he would hurt you. 

“J-Jeonha-” The 4 that remained bowed but all they felt was the silk of their king’s robes brushing against them as he exited the dining room. 

“(y/n) nim.” Jimin stood outside your door, knocking softly. He could hear the soft echoes of your sobs. It was like everything was back to the way it was on day 1 when you arrived. 

“I-I just n-need to catch m-my b-breath.” You tried to sound okay to Jimin, who didn’t believe you one bit. 

“Can I come in?” He asked softly. 

“I’d r-rather you n-not.” You croaked from your dark corner in the room. Jimin sighed. He didn’t want to leave your side, he wanted to make sure that you weren’t hurt, he wanted to comfort you and stop your cries. However, he knew that he shouldn’t force you too.

“Please.” He tried for the last time. 

“Come.” Your voice was soft but he heard it. Slowly the door creaked open and Jimin came in to see your huddled figure. Immediately, he went to help you up and led you to the bed to lie down.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.” Jimin whispered. You shook your head, you didn’t want him to feel guilty.

“It’s not your fault. It’s all mine. I shouldn’t have pushed him.” You said.

“What happened?”

“I brought up his mother. And it just escalated too fast.” You explained, regret written all over your face. Jimin softened as your eyes casted down with guilt. He took a clean handkerchief from the cupboard and gently wipe your face of its tears. He didn’t interrupt you and instead continued to listen as you explained what happened in the room.

“Jeonha’s relationship with his mother was always a touchy subject for him. But you didn’t know that.” Jimin spoke. 

“But I knew he was getting angry and uncomfortable. And yet, I continued to question him and doubt his feelings, the feelings he had been bottling up since he was a child.” You said. 

“That’s one of the reasons he resents Taehyung gun.” Jimin explained. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know how Taehyung gun’s mother is. She was bubbly, kind and loving to Taehyung. She didn’t care that he wasn’t crown prince, he was just her son to her. Jeonha hated seeing them together.” Jimin started. 

“Jeonha wasn’t wrong in a sense... They did share their moments, like I said, they would be in the garden together. But all it took was for the king to call her and she would just leave jeonha there to stay with him. To jeonha, who was just a child, that was betrayal. Countless times.” Jimin explained. 

“And all I did was doubt him.” 

“Not true. You were right too. Jeonha didn’t see the fear in his mother’s eyes. She did try to speak up but what good comes out of defying the king. The king who can hurt your child, the crown prince.” Jimin smiled sadly. 

“How do you know all this Jimin? Aren’t you about the same age as Yoongi?” You tilted your head. 

“My mother worked as one of the queen consort’s servants before me. She saw everything and comforted the queen consort when she was upset.” 

“So Yoongi’s mother was trying to protect Yoongi...” 

“Yes. The king was very obsessed with the queen consort. He didn’t want to let anyone else her, even his own child. Yes, he had a harem of concubines but he always kept her by his side and never wanted her away for too long. She was someone special to him and he wanted her to only look at him. He was willing to hurt anyone who took her away, jeonha included.” Jimin said. 

“Jeonha grew up hating his mother. But a part of him still held to the few memories he had of her. The garden, for example. His mother is also the reason jeonha doesn’t believe in love.” He continued.

“That’s horrible. He must have felt so much hurt and felt all alone.” You hung your head down. 

“But I think you staying by his side has changed him.” Jimin lifted your head up with his finger. You stared at him in confusion. He giggled and just wiped your remaining tears. 

“Let’s get you washed up.” He helped you stand up and led you to the bathroom. You brushed your teeth and he combed your hair, helping you change out of your hanbok and into sleepwear. 

“Wait, Jimin. What did you mean by-”

“Get some rest, (y/n) nim. I’ll see you when the sun rises.” He smiled softly after tucking you into bed. 

“Goodnight, Jimin.” You yawned. Jimin exited your room. He stared at your door for a few seconds before he finally was able to turn and walk away.

-

Yoongi stood in his garden, his anger was slowly starting to dissipate. He scoffed, this dinner was supposed to be relaxing and a chance for him to get to know more about where you come from, ending with the both of you taking a walk in the garden with you showing him your new plants and flowers proudly. 

But you just had to bring his mother up.

“You always ruin everything.” He said to no one in particular. Well, he was referencing his mother, who wasn’t even alive anymore. 

“Why does it always have to end up this way?” Yoongi was now asking himself. He clenched his fists as the resentment for his mother bubbled within him. 

However, what caused his anger to fade was that he couldn’t ignore the memory of your eyes and how much fear was in them. As if you were actually afraid that he was going to hurt you. 

“I’m sorry, Yoongi. I shouldn’t have-” 

You actually apologised to him. He had expected you to argue back or stand against him but all you did was back away with fear and leave as you are told. What was happening to him? There was a dull ache in his chest that was never there before. When you spoke of your Yoongi, why did a new determination to prove that he was the better Yoongi appear? 

Yoongi sighed for the nth time. He lifted his head and stared at your window, which was now closed. Were you asleep? Or were you crying? 

“I swear.” Yoongi cursed himself. He subconsciously started walking and now found himself standing before your door. Gently, he knocked but there was no reply. He quietly opened the door to see you asleep. 

“Yoongi...” You called in your sleep. 

“I’m here.” Yoongi whispered. He honestly didn’t know if you were calling him or the other Yoongi but he was going to assume it was him you were calling out to in your sleep. 

“Just let me...” He didn’t know what came over him but soon, Yoongi was in your bed, holding you close to him. 

“What?” Your eyes shot open in shock, ready to kick the intruder in your bed. But looking down, you saw the locks of blonde. His face pressed into your abdomen as he held you tightly. You felt his tears wetting your night robe and the skin beneath. 

“She told me she loved me. But she never came back.” 

“I’m sorry, Yoongi.” You said softly, running your fingers through his locks. Even though Yoongi was slowly letting his guard down around you, this was the first time he let all his walls down. 

“I’ll never hurt you.” Yoongi looked up at you, moving up so your eyes met at the same level. 

“I’ll never hurt you. I promise.” He repeated, cupping your cheek. 

“Please don’t be afraid of me. Please.” He cried. You still didn’t respond but you did wipe his tears, drawing his head to your chest as you comforted him. Now you really saw it. You saw Yoongi as a child that was hurt by the world and just wanted someone to be there for him and tell him that he is loved.

~~

Series Masterlist

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[spooderboyandtincan]

I wish you would write a fic... about the Superfamily 💖

“I want a baby.”

Steve looks up at his husband. “Tony, what the fuck?”

“A-a baby. A kid. A child.” Tony sits next to him on the couch. His eyes are shining with excitement.

“We can’t get pregnant,” Steve points out, turning back to the book in his hands. Tony grabs it and throws it on the coffee table. “Hey!”

“There are other- other options,” Tony says, grasping Steve’s hand tightly and staring into his baby blue eyes nervously. “Adoption. We could adopt.”

The supersoldier sighs, shaking his head. “Tones, we can’t take care of a baby. How about a dog? Or a cat, cats are always-”

“Steve, please,” Tony whispers, eyes suddenly filled with tears. Steve frowns and cups his husband’s cheeks. “I want a baby. Can you just- just please, think about it. Please.”

Steve is so shocked, by Tony’s tears, by the desperate tone in his voice, by the eagerness on every inch of his face, that he nods. “I will,” he promises.

The love, the relief, and the excitement in Tony’s eyes make it all worth it.

~~~~~

At first, Steve thinks Tony has forgotten about the whole baby thing.

He should have known better.

Two weeks later, Tony barges into the training room, breathing heavily, eyes wild.

“Tony, what the hell? What happened?” He hurries towards his husband. In lieu of greeting, Tony shoves a Starkpad into his hands.

“I found him,” he says breathlessly.

“Who?” Steve asks, still eyeing the other man worriedly. He still hasn’t looked at the Starkpad. Tony gestures to it in frustration.

“Our baby.”

Steve freezes. He looks at the pad.

It’s a series of emails from one Mary Parker. Apparently, she and her husband recently split up and she is no longer able to provide for her newborn son.

“Tony, honey…” he says slowly, apologetically. “I don’t know if we can take care of a baby.”

Something in Tony’s face breaks. “Right,” he whispers, more to himself than Steve. “Right, what-what was I thinking? We- I can’t be a father.” Steve opens his mouth, to apologize, to take it back, to do anything, but Tony turns before he can and walks back to the elevator.

Steve blinks back the tears in his eyes. He’s broken something inside of Tony, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Doesn’t know if he can, really.

He looks back at the Starkpad, re-reading the emails, filled with so much enthusiasm. We would love to adopt Peter! Can we meet him soon? and He’s perfect. He’s perfect for us. My husband and I can’t wait to meet him!

What have I done? Steve thinks.

He scrolls down, and finds a picture of a tiny- literally tiny, the kid could easily fit in his palm- baby, swaddled in a pink blanket with a soft hat on his head. He’s covered in wires and tubes, but even Steve has to admit it- he looks perfect.

~~~~~

Tony won’t talk to him. It’s fair, but it hurts all the same. When they get ready for bed, Tony opens his mouth for the first time in hours and informs him that he’s sleeping on the couch.

Steve knows he deserves it.

The next morning, JARVIS tells him that Tony is in the lab and should not be disturbed. Is it Steve’s imagination, or does the AI sound colder than usual?

They can’t take care of a baby, though. Raising a tiny human for 18+ years? They just can’t do that.

Right?

He pulls up the picture of the baby- no, Peter.

What harm is there in meeting him? he thinks.

Tony ignores the knocking (pounding) on the lab's reflective glass walls until Steve finally shouts “I wanna meet Peter!”

The door slides open. “Really?” Tony says, disbelief clear in his voice.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Yeah, I really do.”

Tony stares at him, then bursts into tears, sinking into his chest weakly. Steve does his best to soothe him before realizing that these are happy tears, relieved ones, and that Tony couldn’t stop crying even if he tried.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks his husband gently. Tony laughs, shakes his head. “Tony.”

“I know, I know. I just couldn’t.”

Steve frowns sadly. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

The billionaire just shrugs. “Maybe you were right.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve says firmly, waiting until their eyes meet. “You’re gonna be a great father. We can do it.”

Tony stares back at him, and Steve realizes suddenly how terrified his spouse is. “We can do it,” he says again.

“We can do it,” Tony echoes, and maybe, just for a second, he believes him.

~~~~~

From the instant they lay eyes on Peter, they’re both hooked. He’s even tinier in person, with rosy cheeks, thin brown curls, beautiful big doe eyes, with ten tiny little fingers and ten tiny little toes.

He has a breathing tube, which nearly sends Tony into a panic attack until Mary explains that it’s only there for a few more days, just in case. Now Tony is terrified that Peter will get sick and won’t be able to breathe, but Mary assures him that he’s been stable for a few days now and should be fine.

Tony marvels at the fact that this tiny human is only five days old. Only five days in the world, and already so much has happened. “He’s beautiful,” he whispers, gazing down into the incubator. Steve squeezes his shoulder.

Mary smiles. “You can hold him, if you want,” she says.

“Really?!” Tony gasps, suddenly filled with excitement and terror. “Is-is it safe?”

“Wouldn't lie to you, would I?” the woman laughs, and plucks Peter out of the incubator. “Here ya go.”

Tony’s hands are shaking as he accepts the baby, cradling the tiny body to his chest gingerly, horrified he might somehow hurt this precious child. “You got it,” Mary says.

Tony looks at Peer- really looks at him, taking in the pale freckles on the bridge on his nose, his cupid’s bow lips, his dainty little eyelashes and his adorable chocolate eyes. “Hey,” he murmurs, voice cracking. “Hi, Peter. Hiya, Pete. I-I’m your dad, baby. I’m Dad.” Tears are streaming down his face, and he sniffs loudly. Peter blinks a little and makes a curious cooing noise. “Sorry, honey. So sorry.” He’s starting to sob now, but he doesn’t want to let his baby go. Steve wraps an arm around his shoulders and grasps Peter’s hand between the pad of his thumb and his pointer finger.

“Hey Peter,” he says. He’s not great with emotions, especially with a stranger around, even though Mary seems like a wonderful woman. “Nice to meetcha, kiddo. I’m, um- I’m your other dad. I’m your Papa.” He’s crying now too. They’re both wondering how they ever could have lived before this sweet child came into their lives, and it’s barely been five minutes.

Tony laughs, sobs, and laughs again. “He’s perfect,” he says to Mary, who has been staring at a painting across the hall politely.

She grins. “Glad to hear it. I’d hate for this little guy to go into foster care. You two seem like you’re gonna be great dads.”

The rest of the hour feels like a blur for the two new parents, the only thing solid each other and their baby boy. They sign adoption papers numbly, Tony still cradling the baby in his arms. They get a quick instruction on how to change diapers, prepare bottles, deal with fevers, earaches, and teething, and then they’re in the car with Happy, Peter strapped into a carseat, finally going home.

They haven’t had time to set up a nursery, really, they haven’t had time for anything. Happy buys them a bassinet, a mobile, and a shit ton of baby food and baby formula.

They sit on the couch together, Peter once again in Tony’s arms, fast asleep. There are going to be a lot of hurdles ahead, a lot of crying, a lot of worrying, but above all, a lot of love.

“I love you so much, Peter,” Tony whispers.

“I love you too, Peter,” Steve whispers.

~~~~~

ST*RKERS DNI

~~~~~

Taglist: @aj-that-person @tonystark-deserves-better @nathaly-ab @skeeter-110 @peter-and-tony-vlogs @teammightypen @joyful-soul-collector @loveliestdisappointment @depuella @scwene-qween @honeythepooh @pixiethefirecat7 @spider-man-lover @jami161 @bringitonvoldie @queen-of-sarcasm-25 @roxy3457 @memilon @iron-loyalty @gralaca @bitchingpretty @pillowspace @thatminecraftgal @clockworkteacup @hatakehikari @wtfischeese @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @skydiving-without-a-parachute @yansi1923 @slytherin-hamilton-life-12  @dead-inside-pt2 @name-me-regret @zanderljones @spidy8664 @hold-our-destiny @tinystark-blog @bittersweetbeneath

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[dreamescapeswriting]

Almost ~ JJK [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.2

GENRE: Angst, fluffy, established-relationship, jealous, happy ending

PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem!Reader

A/N: Hope this is okay, I took a different approach with it, rather than a huge fight I did a calmer one? Hope you like it!

The sun felt as though it was burning your skin even through the layers of clothes you were wearing and the vast amount of suncream you had on didn't feel as though it was doing its job. You knew that Australia was going to be hot but you had no idea it was going to be this hot,

"You okay?" Jungkook chuckled as he stepped back to walk with you, you hummed at him taking the bottle of water he was holding out for you. 

"You sure?" He knew that you didn't handle the heat well but he didn't want to leave you behind while he and the boys travelled to Australia for Bon Voyage 5. This season was one of their more relaxed ones, just like season four when they were in their own place the boys had been offered their own small b&b to film the fifth season in. Whilst in Australia they could do whatever they wanted to do, including travelling around, touring the famous places and doing whatever it was that the boys wanted to do.

"Yeah, just out of breath." You giggled as you all came to a stop at the museum the boys had been travelling to. It was Namjoons day to pick what they were going to do and he had picked The Nation Gallery Of Victoria to go to which was why you'd walked most of the way. It was only a 30-minute walk from where the boys, crew and you were all staying so it wasn't a big walk. The heat however was making it a little harder on you.

"Once we're inside and they have enough shots we can walk around together sound good?" He questioned you as you all waited for the crew to go and get your tickets and make sure that the museum was clear for the boys to head inside.

"Sounds perfect to-" 

"Jungkook! Make-up!" His personal make-up artist called out to him making him look away from you and over at her. That was how it always seemed to be, whenever she saw you and Jungkook getting close to one another she would give some excuse for him to leave you alone or go to her. At first, you figured it was because of the show, he needed his makeup on for the cameras but even when the cameras weren't rolling and you and Jungkook were finally having some alone time she would come up with something to get him away from you. 

"I'll be back soon," He quickly kissed your forehead before going over to her. Lee Bomi was one of the most beautiful makeup artists that BigHit had to offer, she was also the most talented one too. She'd worked with a lot of the BigHit artists before being settled with BTS and becoming Jungkook's number one. Sitting down on a wall you watched the two of them interacting with one another. Deep down you knew that there was nothing going on between them since Jungkook and you were engaged but you still always had that sinking feeling inside of you. The jealously always bubbled up inside you whenever you got to see how close they were with one another. They'd known one another for so long there was no surprise that they were as close as they were with each other but it didn't stop you from getting jealous. Watching them laughing amongst one another with their inside jokes, watching how she could always get close to him physically without being pulled away. Even though you and Jungkook were engaged you were never allowed to have PDA unless you were alone, alone. BigHit had made it a rule when they realised how serious Jungkook was about you, you figured it was just to keep fans at peace.

"Cat got your tongue?" Hoseok asked as he sat down next to you on the wall and followed your gaze, smiling when he saw what you were looking at. 

"You know they're just friends." He reassured you as he held out some dried fruit for you to munch on,

"I know but I still can't help it...She gets to be around him all of the time..." Hoseok sighed softly as he nudged you playfully, it wasn't as though your relationship wasn't known amongst fans. BigHit had announced it months ago but you still weren't allowed to be overly physical with him. 

"She's a makeup artist, she has to be around all of the time," Hoseok told you as he got up and held out his arm for you to take. Everyone was starting to head inside for the tour of the museum and Hoseok didn't want you to wait outside and overthink every little detail about Jungkook's friendship with Bomi.

"I have these tickets for a small getaway, do you think he would want to go?" You questioned as you and Hoseok stood in front of a display case not paying attention to anything that was inside of it, Hoseok turned to you with a smile and nodded. 

"He loves spending time with you and a getaway after being cramped up with the crew and the boys will probably do him some good." He chuckled at the thought of it and you smiled, feeling reassured that you and Jungkook would finally get some time alone together.

Later in the night, you were staying up late with Jungkook, sitting on the sofa with your head on his shoulder while some boring movie played on the TV. Neither of you was paying attention to it, you were too busy talking to one another and then kissing to bother looking at the screen. 

"I think," You started as you laid down with your head on his thighs, moving so that your legs hung over the arm of the sofa and looked up at Jungkook. 

"You think what?" He questioned, moving some of your hair from your face and smiling happily at you. 

"That when we head back home, we should go on our own mini-holiday? I've seen this amazing b&b just outside of Seoul, I've got some tickets that I got from a while ago..." You'd been wanting to ask him to go with you for a while but you never knew when to ask. Now seemed like the right time since he'd been working so hard lately. The break would be perfect, just the two of you on a mini getaway,

"It'll be romantic, we can just hide out together. Doing whatever we want," He told you as he bent down to kiss your lips softly, 

"I can't wait, babe. I'll talk to Sejin about it tomorrow morning," He promised you as he looked into your eyes, cupping your face in his hands. 

"Talk to Sejin about what?!" Bomi's voice called out as she forced herself down onto the sofa behind Jungkook making you move out of his lap so you could all sit on the sofa together.

"Y/n and I are going to take a romantic break together, just the two of us when we get back to Korea," You smiled brightly as Jungkook told her the plans and then held onto you tightly, you snuggled your head down into his shoulder. 

"Oh...What about our plans though? I thought we were going to binge-watch Demon slayer and then start working out," Bomi sounded disappointed as she said this to Jungkook, you turned to look at her and she had the puppy dog eyes out trying to convince Jungkook not to go with you. 

"We can do that when I get back, I just miss spending time with Y/n-"

"You're always spending time with Y/n! What about me?!" You frowned as she raised her voice at him and then spoke about you as if you weren't in the room, you stared at her as she got up from the sofa. Acting as though she was some child whose parents had just told her off for something she shouldn't have been doing. 

"She's my girlfriend if I want to spend time with her, I can?" Jungkook was confused as to where all of this was coming from with Bomi, 

"You can go and spend time with Kai?" He suggested as he thought back on Bomi's boyfriend back home but she began shaking her head and crying hysterically, 

"He broke up with me! That's why I was looking forward to hanging out with you so much." As soon as the tears began to roll down her face Jungkook turn to give you a sympathetic look and you knew you'd lost the romantic trip to her. 

"Fine, Y/n and I can always rearrange the dates?" He asked as he stared at you but you shook your head at him not wanting to talk about it now or ever in front of her. 

"Whatever." You mumbled before storming out of the living room, ignoring his calls for you to go back to him as you walked towards your room in the crew section of the B&B, locking the door behind you.

Jungkook knocked on the door over and over again throughout the night trying to get you to come out and talk to him but you weren't going to. You kept the door shut and pretended to be asleep so that he would just go away, all you wanted to do was spend some time alone with him and yet you never seemed to get that. Bomi would always come into it and ruin it somehow. 

The next morning Jungkook waited outside your room for you to come out but you hadn't, he'd been sitting there since he woke up and you were nowhere to be seen. 

"Y/n left, she said she was going to go to the beach alone today," Yoongi told Jungkook when he walked down the hall to see him knocking on the door over and over again. 

"When?!" Jungkook was up on his feet in a flash and Hoseok came down the hall to see why the youngest member was yelling so early in the morning. It wasn't even 9 am yet so no one had expected him to be out of bed. Bomi followed Hoseok and they all stared at Jungkook, 

"She was leaving at 6? I got up to make coffee and she was going out of the door. Said she needed to think things over," Yoongi explained but this only earnt a scoff from Bomi as she folded her arms over her chest and pouted out her bottom lip. 

"It's a desperate cry for attention for Guky. He said no to going on a romantic get away with her," Hoseok frowned looking at Bomi and then to Jungkook who was already pulling out his phone to call you and find out when you would be coming back.

"He said no? I thought he would have loved it, I told her to go ahead and ask him." Hoseok sounded upset for you at the thought of Jungkook saying no but then he looked at Bomi who was staring at Jungkook. 

"Guky, can we go and play video games?" She whined pulling on his arms as he looked at his phone, ignoring her while he tried to call your phone. 

"Guky. You promised you'd make me feel better after Kai," That was when it started to sink into Hoseok that maybe Jungkook hadn't said no to you but that Bomi had convinced him otherwise.

When you came back that night Jungkook was curled up on the sofa with Bomi's head in his lap, he was asleep with his head on the back of the sofa. 

"Hey, where have you been?" Hoseok questioned when he looked up from his phone, he'd been calling you all day to find out when you were coming home and what had happened with Bomi but you ignored everyone. Turning off your phone and just exploring the city on your own for a while, 

"Went out. That's a new development..." You whispered as you looked at your fiancé being used as a pillow, jealously beginning to bubble again but this time Hoseok didn't stop you from feeling jealous. In his eyes, you had every right to feel upset with how the two of them acted around one another. Bomi treated Jungkook as though he was her boyfriend and not your fiancé. All-day he'd had to watch Bomi cling onto Jungkook and try to steer him away from calling you but it was as if Jungkook was blind to it and Hoseok was torn between telling you or letting it go on. 

"Babe! I've missed you so much!" Jungkook mumbled as he woke up and saw you standing there staring at him but you made no attempt to go close to him. 

"Looks like it." You mumbled sarcastically, turning to Hoseok with a smile and going towards your room. 

"Babe! Wait!" Jungkook whisper-yelled as he slowly moved Bomi off him and chased after you. You thought you were safe in your room but he walked straight inside and stared at you, 

"You've been ignoring my calls all day, I was worried about you." He said as he tried to wrap his arms around you but you stepped away from him and shook your head. 

"You didn't look worried, it looked to me as though you'd been cuddling up with Bomi all day." You snapped as you began packing up your suitcase. Throughout the whole day of being on your own, you'd thought about how better it would be if you just headed home for the rest of the stay. 

"No, I haven't, I've been non-stop calling you. You would know if you bothered to check your phone," Scoffing at his statement you continued to pack while Jungkook un-packed everything you were putting inside. 

"What are you doing?" He questioned as he continued to watch you try and pack, 

"Leaving. You're clearly having more fun with Bomi here, I'll go home." You said dryly as your head continued to throw the image of them on the sofa together but he shook his head. 

"Bomi just needed comforting, Kai and her-"

"Kai and her broke up four months ago. I asked him while I was making coffee this morning," You interrupted him as you waited for the next excuse to come from him but he said nothing. Just standing there staring at you in silence, 

"Can't you see why she's doing it? She has a huge crush on you, it doesn't take a genius to see it." You told him as you finally got everything into your suitcase and zipped it up, turning to leave when you saw Bomi standing there. Tears streaming down her cheeks,

"I-I had a nightmare and you weren't there," You rolled your eyes and laughed as you turned to see Jungkook falling for it all over again, 

"See. Just like that, you're putty in her fucking hands." You dragged your suitcase off the bed and began to leave the room when Jungkook took hold of your hand. 

"She doesn't have a crush on me, she's just upset and lonely," He tried to defend her but you weren't going to stand for it anymore, you'd reached your breaking point. 

"I'm lonely too but I don't go around clingy to other people's fiancé's." This time you stared at Bomi as you said it to Jungkook, waiting for her to finally crack and tell Jungkookt he truth as to why she was always clingy onto him but she just smirked at you. 

"That's insane, you're not lonely," He told you as he let go of your wrist but you just walked away from him, ignoring his yells after you as you put your suitcase into the trunk of the rental car you'd gotten. 

"You can keep the tickets for the romantic getaway, you and Bomi might need them." You mumbled as you opened the driver's door but Jungkook slammed it shut, 

"Enough! What is your problem?!" He called out as he stared at you waiting for some kind of explanation as to what you doing. 

"I already told you. She's trying to come between us because of her crush on you and you're too blind to see it." You tried to open the door but Jungkook leant his back against it so you didn't have a chance to. 

"Bomi is a friend-"

"Does she know that?" You questioned turning around to see her watching you from the front door of the b&b, arms folded across her chest as she waited for all of this to be over. 

"You're being ridiculous," Jungkook grumbled as he looked at you but this time you didn't have a chance to say anything. Hoseok stepped in, 

"Jungkook all day Bomi has done nothing but stop you from calling Y/n, clinging onto you as though you were the couple." Your head snapped around to Bomi who was now smirking even more while tears rolled down your face, 

"No she hasn't, s-she's been upset over Kai and I wanted to comfort her like a good friend." You stared up at Jungkook as he spoke and it hit you that he really didn't see what Bomi was doing, that he was just an innocent party in all of this.

"You don't see it, do you? You don't see the way she clings onto you and pulls you away from me?" Your hand on the car door dropped as you realised he really hadn't seen what she was doing to the two of you.

"See what?" Jungkook sighed as he looked at you, 

"She's manipulative, she'll push a wedge between you both until she can slot herself in until she can finally get Y/n out," You turned around when you heard a new voice come into the conversation and Kai was standing there watching everything. Bomi moved out of the way and headed into the b&b while Hoseok looked at you and smiled weakly before leaving. After seeing Bomi and Jungkook all day he went to speak to Kai about everything to see if he could speak to Jungkook for you. 

"You cheated on her, you'll do anything to make her seem-"

"She cheated on me. Starting sleeping with one of the other crew members...Also engaged. That's what she does, she loves chasing after things she knows she's not supposed to...Jungkook don't throw away what you and Y/n have." Jungkook looked back down at you as he heard Kai speaking and it hit him. Everything she had been doing since before the trip to Australia. Everything hitting him as if he'd been driving and hit into a wall.

Jungkook convinced you to stay that night and he laid in bed with you, holding you close to him as you both spoke over everything to do with it. He was going to remove Bomi as he makeup artist and put forward that he was switched to someone else. It wasn't just to make you feel better but also himself, he felt awful for not seeing what she was doing until it was almost too late. 

"I can't believe I almost lost you," He whispered as he noticed you were nodding off to sleep

"I-I don't want to lose you," He whispered again as he began to draw small patterns into your skin, you hummed against his chest as he spoke to you about it. 

"I love you too much to let you go," He said to you again as you hummed tiredly in agreement with him. Yawning as you tried to speak to him, 

"I love you too...N-Not going anywhere." You whispered tiredly before drifting off to sleep in his arms, Jungkook holding onto you tightly throughout the entire night.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @fan-ati--c​ @bisexualmess007​ @sweeneyblue1​ @sw33tnight​ @innersooya​ @jin-from-the-block​

[an-actual-angel]

Pairing: Connor (RK800) x Reader, Collin (RK800-60) x Reader, Richard (RK900) x Reader

Summary: The year was 2082. 44 Years after the android revolution. Things have turned south for humanity. Androids now rule the world, leaving humans to be considered as mere animals. While some Androids still have a general disdain for humanity some have taken to the idea of keeping them as “family pets.” You, born in captivity, specifically bred to be the perfect pet happen to get adopted by the RK brothers.

(If anyone wants to be added to the tag list, either dm or reply to this post <3)

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Chapter 36 -  Running away is easy, Its the leaving that's hard

It had almost been two weeks since you last saw Connor and Collin. It had been tough, to say the least, you missed them like crazy. You would constantly check your phone for messages that would never come. Perhaps it didn’t take them long at all to forget about you. You couldn’t let yourself get too upset about it though, this was your decision. Maybe it was easier for them to keep their distance. It would probably work out better this way in the end.

Danny was right when he said that life in the settlement wasn't going to be glamorous, it was hard work, something you weren’t used to, coming from living cushy in a penthouse. You mostly helped out with farming the land and tending to the chickens, feeding them, cleaning out their coop, collecting eggs, etc. You also got stuck with the job of babysitting some kids from time to time. It was good to keep busy though, to keep your mind away from androids.

When you had free time, you spent it mostly with Emily, catching up, attempting to look after her, although insisted she didn’t need the fuss.

You had been staying in Emily’s shack, it was just you her and her cat Pepper, but you made a good little family. You wondered whatever happened to the father of Emily’s child, she didn’t want to talk about him too much, whoever he was. She’d just say he was away.

You didn’t want to push her but your overbearing curiosity would not sit at peace. Some other ladies around the settlement had told you he had been taken by androids.

What Emily did tell you about the child’s father was that his name was James and he was the one that saved her from the adoption centre. Well, he’d been one of the humans in the midst of the one of the riots in the city who also happened to help some of the humans escape the centre.

“Took down two androids right in front of my eyes, that how I knew he was the one.” She laughed.  

“He took down two androids? On his own?” You spluttered out, not believing her.

“Yeah, with one of these,” Emily smirked handing you over a baton.

Taking it in your hand you examine it, slightly confused until you see a button near the bottom. “Is this one of the electric ones the cops use?”

“Yep, can take out an android with a few quick buzzes.” She points her chin at you and smiles. “That’s my man, always got the good weapons.”

“I’m quite surprised you settled on a man honestly.” You smirked, “Last time I saw you, you were giving puppy dog eyes to Olivia.” You cock your head to the side, raising your eyebrows.

“Yeah, I did have a thing for her, until she got adopted and you know. Kinda couldn’t see her anymore.”

“Liv got adopted?”

“Yeah.” Emily shrugged plainly and looked away.

“I’m sorry Emily.” You reach out your hand to touch hers.

“Why are you sorry?” She shakes her head, pulling her hand away from yours to rest on her baby bump.

“It just must have been lonely for you, without me and Liv.” You bite at the broken skin on your bottom lip.

“Yeah it was a bit, but then I met James.” She smiled a little but it faded fast. “He’ll come back you know.” She said quickly, more telling it as a way to convince herself, rather than you.

You nod back to her, not wanting to hurt your friend. “Of course Emily.”

Her hand wipes at her eye a little. “Best be getting to bed.” She stands to her feet. “You should as well” she smiles placing her hand on your shoulder.

“That’s probably a good idea.” You nod. “Big day tomorrow.”

___

You woke to the sun shining through the thin material of your makeshift curtain, with a rub of your eyes and a quick stretch you were up to start your day. Making breakfast for yourself and Emily was first on the list and then feeding Emily’s cat Pepper was second. The next few hours would be spent outside on the farm tending to some of the plants and vegetables, you would do this until lunchtime when you would have a quick bite to eat and then on to the ‘town’ meeting, a quick impromptu one that had been called by Danny.

They had received word from another settlement, one not too far from them that they would aid them in their next city raid.

“City raid?” You whispered to Emily, not understanding what he had meant.

“Yeah, we’d been planning this one for a while.” She whispers back quickly. “It’s how we get more weapons, people, stuff like that.”

“Does Connor know you guys have been doing this?” You ask.

“No. but he doesn’t need to know.” She shrugs. “We send our doughboys out with masks anyway.”

“Doughboys?” You asked even more confused than before.

“Yeah, our fighters.” She snaps as she furrows her brows. “Don’t you listen?” realising how quick she was with you she apologises “Sorry, I forgot that you’re still new around here. We call our ‘recruits’” she says with parenthesis. “Doughboys, and they get shit done. I was one before, well before y’know.” She rubs her bump.

“Never pegged you as a fighter.”

“Well, I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about me then.” She laughs.

“Ladies,” Danny calls Emily and your attention back to him.

“This time it’s going to be the big one.” Danny looks around at everyone’s faces. “There are people from other settlements in the city as we speak. It’s almost our time to join them. Three days. Three more days!” His weathered hand hits the table he was standing in front of. “And we're getting our boys back.”

You notice Emily nod to Danny, her lip wobbles as she turns to you.

“James.” she half-smiles half whimpers as her hand grabs yours.

You give her hand a tight squeeze and whisper a silent prayer that they will indeed find him alive and well.

As the day goes on most of the camp seems in a mixture of excitement and fear about the upcoming raid.

The ‘Doughboys’ as Emily called them, coordinating their plan of attack, parents ensuring their children that everything will work out, farmers, bakers, and medics in a tizzy to prepare the needed supplies.

As the evening settles in you begin to worry for Emily, what if they can’t find James? what if he’s not even alive?

Poor Emily has been through so much. She doesn’t deserve any more grief.

A part of you wants to tell her to not get her hopes up but saying that would be cruel. You just nod along and try to keep her comfortable. After dinner Emily ends up falling asleep on the recliner chair she had been sitting on. As you wrap a blanket over her shoulders you realise that you're almost out of firewood and the fire its self is beginning to dwindle down.

Grabbing one of Emily’s cloaks from a hanger, you drape it over your shoulders before heading out on your quest to seek out more wood.

Wooden logs were usually kept in an area just west of the settlement, it was a little walk through the trees but not too far. You usually preferred going out when it was brighter. The light from your phone only made the place look creepier. The quietness of the area didn’t help either, if it wasn’t for the noises made by nearby animals the place would be downright eerie. At least you could still see the warm glow of the settlement in the distance through the trees.  

You knelt down on dry dirt to pick up some of the logs from the bottom of the pile to put in the wicker basket that you had brought with you. After you make your selection you stand back to your feet and dust off the dirt of your clothes. Just as you are about to reach down for your basket again you are abruptly stopped by a large hand being placed over your mouth as well as an arm wrapping around your front holding both your arms in place so that you cannot struggle from the grasp. You try to wrestle your way out of the grasp in a fit of fear but a familiar voice sends you into shock.

“Please calm down.”

Is that?

Your body is frozen.

“I only grabbed you like this in case you screamed. Sorry, it was a bit abrupt, I know.”

Your heart begins to thump harder in your chest but this time not from fear.

“When I let go, please don’t scream.” The voice pleads.

You manage to nod your head, still, in your state of shock, the hands and arm loosen from you and you try to steady yourself on your feet before turning around.

You take a deep breath as you slowly move on your feet towards the person whose grip you had just been in.

“Richard.” You exhale deeply.

His tongue wets his lip before he attempts to speak, however, you cut him off.

“What are you doing here!? If anyone sees you!” You shout in a whisper at him.

“Look, I know, I know.” He lifts his hands in defence. “I was just lucky that you happened to be out here so I didn't have to go in there.” He gestures his head towards the settlement.

“Don’t dare step foot in there.” Your eyes widen as if he’s gone mad.

“I won’t, I won’t… If you come back.”

“What? No.” You shake your head.

“No?”

“I can’t Richard. I belong here.”

“Y/N, Look at this place. It’s disgusting.” He shakes his head as he scans his eyes across the poorly put together ‘town’. “Surviving on scraps, like an animal. You have a nice home, come back.” He reaches out to hold your hands.

You lift your brows to look up at him, your mouth becoming straight as you shake your head and slowly pull your hands away.

“I can’t, I just can’t.” You pick your basket off the ground and turn to walk away from the android.

“I’ll give you anything!” He shouts out. You turn your head to him.

“I’ll do anything.” He moves towards you again. “Just say the word. Please.”

He reaches his hand towards yours once more, his other caressing your cheek.

“I’ll even help with the rebellion.” He whispers.

“The rebellion?” You look up at him, your face plagued with even more confusion.

“Whatever it is the humans are planning. I can help, I can be of use just, please come back.” He begs his forehead now resting against yours.

“Wha- I don't understand. Why?” You whisper to him, closing your eyes as you press your forehead back against his.

“Because I love you.”

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 37 -  Alrighty Aphrodite

You had entered the settlement on your own again. Going back to your shack, you had to explain the situation to Emily.

“If he can get James back.” She stopped for a minute to steady her breath. “Then I’m on board.”

After a quick hug and farewell, you had a bag packed and you were off.

“I’ll be back.” You said once more to Emily before leaving.

“I know.” She nods.

Richard had been waiting for you just outside the gateway, you had told him to wait there so he wouldn’t spook the residents.

“I can carry that” Richard insist, taking your bag from your hands, before you could say anything he had it thrown over his shoulder. You bite at your lips not really knowing what to say but walking through the forested area with him in silence.

“It’s not too far of a walk to the car,” He said. “I did try to park as close as I could.”

You just nod and continue to walk. After another while of insufferable silence, you finally speak up to him.

“So, is it true?” You turn towards the Android. “Do you really love me?”

His eyes fall to the ground for a moment as he continues on. “Yes.” He fell quiet again for a moment before continuing on. “I think I first began to realise when Collin got in that accident. You stayed with him.” He let out an artificial sigh. “I started to think about if something had happened to you and-” He shrugged.

“It took me a long time to come to grips with my feelings as you could probably tell. I never experience this type of emotion before.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You tilt your head attempting to make eye contact, his gaze still avoiding yours as he trudged forward.

“I was an idiot. A scared fool.”

“You are an idiot.” You stop for a minute causing Richard to stop as well, he moves closer to you, to see if you are alright. Taking him by surprise you lean up to press a kiss to his cheek. Richard hums for a second moving away slowly, he looks into your eyes before he tries to kiss your lips.

You however hold your hand out and say “I can't do that, I have boyfriends.” Before walking on.

“Yeah, ones that left you behind.” Richard sighs moving again to walk beside you.

“They did that to protect me.”

“Connor in his twisted reasoning. He probably did it more to protect himself. He is selfish. You have no idea what your leaving has done to Collin.” Richard grumbles.

“So you’re guilt-tripping me now?” You roll your eyes.

“I’m just saying.” Richard grunts, re-adjusting your bag against his back. “Why’d you not bring your suitcase?”

“This is just temporary.” You shrug.

“I see.”

“How’s Connor doing?” You change the subject before Richard tries to convince you to stay forever.

“He’s stressed about all of the attacks that have been happening in the city and he’s stressed because Collins current mental stability is not too fun. I think it would cheer him up to see you.”

“Yeah and he might murder you for bringing me.” You quip back.

“True. I guess we’ll just have to see.” He retorts as you notice Richard’s car parked in the distance. He did park quite close. Something Connor would also be pissed about.

“How did you find me anyway?” You ask the question that’s been on your mind since you first saw him.

“I’m afraid the truth of the matter might unsettle you a little.” He explains as his car beeps at his arrival.

“Go on.” You encourage him. “You can’t stop now.”

“I am one of the most advanced androids in existence.” He explains whilst throwing your bag in the back of his car. He then opens the passenger side door for you to get in. When you do he leans down to your ear to whisper, “I’m everywhere.” And with that, he closes the door.

You sit for a moment in contemplation as he gets into his side of the car to sit down. As he puts his seat belt on you turn to him with confusion on your face. “Did you hack my phone?”

Richard rolls his eyes as he starts up the car. “I was able to tap into the journey history of Connor's vehicle. I knew he was behind all of this.” He begins to explain as his own car sets out.

“When I got to the location of the factory I was able to scan for signs of nearby technology. Your settlement stood out like a beacon. Didn’t take too long for me to tap into some phones that were being used yes, and then I saw you.”

“Can other androids do all that?”

“Not a lot can. And definitely not to the extent that I can. As I say, I’m everywhere. Any piece of technology, I can tap into if I desire so.” Richard explains proudly.

“So, do you ever use it to spy on people?”

“Only if necessary.”

“You ever watch people naked?” You smirk a little.

Richard’s brows furrow as he blushes slightly. “No, I would not do that.”

You burst out in laughter at his defensiveness. “I’m just teasing.”

Richard adjusts his shirt collar in discomfort. “Indeed.” He replies dryly.

You smile and rest your head against the back of the seat.

“You know you can lie in the back if you want, it’s a long drive and you could do with some sleep.”

You swivel your seat around to look at the back seat, assessing it. Swapping your seat with your bag that had been put in the back and lay down on the cool leather.

“You don’t have any blankets do you?” You ask Richard as you attempt to find some level of comfort on the cold seat.

“No, sorry. I can turn the heat up if you like?”

“hmmpf.” You think for a minute. “Isn’t this car self-driving?”

“Yes,” Richard replies, not really sure at what you’re getting at.

“Why don’t you just put in the destination and then come back here and lie with me?”

His LED begins flashing red. “I think Connor would definitely try and kill me if we sleep with each other again.” Richard stammers.

“I wasn’t suggesting we have sex, oh my god!” You smack your hand over your mouth to not laugh.

Richard's face began to turn in cringe, “oh I just thought-”

“I meant so we could cuddle.” You explain, smirk still present on your face.

“Do you think Collin and Connor would be okay with that?”

“I think they’d be angrier if you let me get sick from the cold.” You tease.

“That is a fair point.” Richard raises a brow as he puts in the location for the car to self-drive. When he has it tapped in, he too swivels around in his seat to move to the back with you.

Richard is a little awkward at first as he clumsily shifted to lay down in the backseat with you, eventually pulling you into his chest. The thrum of his thirium pump makes you grin in triumph as he settles his head to rest on top of yours. Richard then changes his body temperature to a comfortable setting so that he could be your personal radiator for the next few hours.

Was this weird? Absolutely. Was this wrong? Maybe. Was this comfortable? YES.

But you allowed yourself the brief comfort of being in Richard's arms, even if it was just for this one night. Maybe you felt like you deserved it, you were entitled to some amount of comfort after all the crap you’ve been through.

A part of you was angry and Collin and Connor for not reaching out, even to send a measly little text message. Your more rational mind told you to drop it, something might have come up, you didn’t know the full story, and maybe it was too hard for them. Although that didn’t stop it from stinging your ego any less.

You managed to drift off to sleep rather quickly, that was one of the benefits from all the hard work you had been up to at the settlement, sleep found you a whole lot quicker. Richard had stayed beside you for the majority of the journey as well, cherishing the feeling of having you in his arms once again. Deciding to himself to never be without this feeling anymore. His face snuck its way between your neck and collar bone to take in your scent and to delicately place his lips against your skin just for a sweet moment of indulgence. He had to wiggle his hips away from yours so you would not awake with his growing hardness against your ass.

Feeling a little guilty for his body’s response he decided to give you some space, sliding his form out from the side, slowly as not to wake you. He couldn’t help but smiling down at how comfortable you seemed as he made his way back to the driver’s seat, the seat still swivelled around to face the back.

Richard did eventually wake you up as the car pulled into the private garage area for the RK’s apartment building.

“We're here, little dove.” He coos to you, brushing his knuckles down the length of your arm.

Your eyes squinted open, feeling blinded by the violently bright fluorescent lights of the garage you had found yourself in. Looking down you had noticed one of Richard's coats had been draped over you. You rubbed your eyes briefly before reaching down to it to hand it over to Richard.

“You put it on.” He insisted, pushing it back towards you. “At least until we get inside. It gets cold in the garage, at least that’s what my sensors tell me.”

You didn’t object you just nodded in silence, still in that groggy half sleep-like state. Throwing the oversized coat onto yourself you open the car door and hop out, Richard grabbing your bag soon follows behind, hand on your shoulder as he directs you towards the elevator.

It felt strange being back in the city, even stranger to see the apartment building again.

When you entered back into your old home, it had felt different somehow, a little bit eerie even. Suppose it didn’t help that most of the lights were off.

“Collin and Connor are both out at the moment.” Richard finally spoke up again, leading you by the shoulder into the dark living room, with a flash of his LED the lights were on.

You squinted again at the harshness of them before Richard had dimmed them to a more pleasing brightness level.

“Why don’t you go and get a nice hot bath and I can put your stuff away.” He awkwardly half-smiles over at you.

“Are you sure?” You ask skittishly.

“Of course.” He tilts his head in confusion, it’s not like having YOU here was any bother to him, he was bloody delighted. “After that, I can go get my brothers?”

“Right now?” You stuttered out the question, fidgeting with the large sleeves of Richard’s coat that you had forgotten to take off.

“Do you want some time before?” Richard asked, head tilting once more, exposing his pale neck to you.

You shook your head and looked back down at your hands. “I don’t know, maybe. It’s not that I don’t want to see them. This is all just a little overwhelming.”

“I understand.” Richard nods. “Just one thing at a time.”

You look up at him once more, catching his cool eyes in a stare, you nod. “A hot bath sounds good.”

________________________________________________________________

Notes:  I lowkey called Emily's love interest James after Bucky Barnes (cause for some reason I imaging him looking like Bucky lol)

Sorry I'd been gone for a while, just been really busy with work and general life stuff.

____________________________________________________________

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Taglist: @connorsdimple @clussysposts @iris-suoh​ @jellicorn05​

(Let me know if  anyone  need added or removed from the tag list!)

[cowboymirio]

They Want To Get A Pet - Headcanons

Summary: Your S/O wants a pet and adorable antics ensue~ 

Characters: Hizashi Yamada, Taishiro Toyomitsu, Aizawa Shouta, Eijiro Kirishima, Tenya Iida, Hanta Sero, Takami Keigo

Contains: Gender neutral reader, lotsa fluff, Reader has arachnophobia in Sero’s part! Crackheadery in Aizawa’s part

Hizashi Yamada - Cockatoo

📣 You guys totally didn’t plan on getting a cockatoo, or any pet for that matter. Y’all just moved into your new place for christ’s sake! 

📣 But after a visit to a lil exotic pet store downtown, your plans changed. And now you’re stuck with a bird with the intelligence of a toddler

📣 According to Yama, the bird just ‘called to him’ and by that, he means the bird literally screamed at him

📣 They’ve got the most bougie cage ever like MTV cribs hit them up. 

📣But he doesn’t spend too much time in there as you guys let him roam around the house all day until it’s time for bed or if you leave for a while

📣 If they’re not attached to Yama’s shoulder, you often find them waddling around the house, picking things up off of the floor and throwing them, and squawking at you when they want attention

📣 Sounds like someone else you know huh…

📣 Yama and the bird dance together so much omg. They do the lil head bobs together, he’ll blast some music for them and they go to town he even chirps along to the lyrics omg-

📣 He doesn’t even have to teach them words, they just pick them up on their own… and then never stop saying them… ever 

📣 ‘YEAHHHHH’ then from the other side of your home you hear another ‘YEAAHHHHH’

📣 Make it stop

📣 You taught them cuss words for the shits and giggles though

📣 Yama finds it funny too though because he’s got that 8-year-old sense of humor… you all do to be honest 

📣 But when the bird chooses to sit on your shoulder you bet your ass Yamada’s gonna fawn over the two of you for the next hour :’) 

Taishiro Toyomitsu - Pyrenean Mastiff

🍢 Really wants a pet 

🍢 But also really scared of crushing them so…

🍢 You guys settle for a big ‘ol Pyrenean mastiff!

🍢 And when I say they’re big they are big like… I mean knock you over if you’re not careful big

🍢 They’re literally perfect for each other

🍢 They’re both massive units, insanely adorable, and they for sure share the same appetite

🍢 Speaking of food, he makes sure he’s feeding them the best of the best foods even if that means y’all are making it yourselves

🍢 Not as afraid to roughhouse with them as he thought he’d be

🍢 Lots of fetching, frisbee throwing, ‘wrestling’ even?? They’re so rowdy and for what? My heart, that’s what <3 

🍢 The dog definitely sleeps on top of him I don’t make the rules

🍢 Mf just hops on up, curls up and they’re ready to go like--- Is that- is that not y’know,,, HEAVY?? 

🍢 I mean,,, you sleep on top of him too so I honestly don’t think Tai cares too much

Aizawa Shota - Cat

💤 You guys already know…

💤 If he were to get any kind of pet it’d be a cat.

💤 They’re chill, independent, and sometimes want attention. Just how he likes it.

💤 Well… that’s how he thought that things should be but-

💤 BOY was he wrong

💤 After living together for quite a while, stalking animal shelter websites for the perfect cat, and finding the right one, you bring them home!

💤 When you met them at the shelter, they were a sweet lil baby with an aloof attitude that you both fell in love with

💤 But when you brought them home… They became an absolute crackhead.

💤 Forget having ANYTHING on the tables or countertops. It’s on the floor now thanks to them. Fuck your water glass, fuck those papers you were helping Aizawa grade, they’re gone! Shredded! Positively destroyed :)

💤 Forget having free hands, they’re literally attached to his side and won’t stop rubbing against his hands while he’s grading papers and such

💤 If you’re not watching his little dude/ette will try and eat food WHILE YOU’RE COOKING oh my fuckingf god

💤 Heaven forbid this dude tries to leave the room. They’ll ‘cry’ until he comes back.

💤 ‘Go to your other parent, they’ll give you attention.’ ‘mEEEOWWW’ ‘Oh my god fine come here.’

💤 Honestly though he really appreciates when they’re down to sleep. Their purrs and their cuddles are very appreciated

💤 And literally just imagine seeing them curled up on his chest while they sleep on the couch ;; im so somft

Eijiro Kirishima - Bearded Dragon

🏮 This man wants to get THE manliest pet of all,,, a bearded dragon

🏮 He probably saw one on a movie or something and immediately came to you like

🏮 ‘Okay but we neeeeed one just look at their lil beards!! And their tongues!!!’

🏮 You tell him to put it off for a bit, do some research, and see if he still wants one later

🏮 Homeboy is DEDICATED so he puts in the time and ofc he still wants one after the fact

🏮 After a good amount of time, he comes back with a books worth of reasons as to why you guys should get one and you’re honestly shocked

🏮 You just can’t say no to those eyes </33 so you oblige and go out and get one from an owner who’s surrendering it (Because we don’t support chain pet stores in this household)

🏮 You guys can’t pick a name for them so for the longest time they’re just called ‘the lizard’ or ‘little fella’ or whatever else you guys come up with

🏮 Anyways- he’s infatuated with them it’s so funny. He spends all of his freetime watching them get used to their new habitat like,,,, all of it. It’s 1am and he’s just watching it hang out and you’re like ‘Kiri if you love it so much then why don’t you sleep with it’ (not in that way ya nasty)

🏮 HE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY

🏮 Next thing you know he hops out of bed, brings them back and puts them between your pillows.

🏮 Lil homie’s just vibin there.

🏮 You’re done tbh but if Kiri’s happy then you’re happy <33

🏮 Absolutely lets it sit on his shoulders when he’s walking around the house

🏮 He has a leash for them and he takes them out during the warmer months

🏮 Dedicates a good portion of his day to clean out their habitat when need be

🏮 Their relationship is just so cute you can’t help but melt every time you see them together

Tenya Iida - Tropical Fish

🌟 After a particularly rough finals season, you figure that Iida needs to have some sort of hobby that can help him chill out, but also has some sort of brainwork in there because that’s your boyfriend for ya

🌟 You suggest getting some fish!

🌟 He rly said ‘I’ll think about it’ then proceeded to do a shit ton of research on it because he literally does that every time you express interest in something. King behavior!!

🌟 You guys settle on getting a few tropical fish and a super nice fish tank for ‘em

🌟 He lets you name all of them and of course you have to name one ‘Iida junior’ like how could you not-

🌟 But seriously though he finds it so endearing and sweet ;;

🌟 You can’t tell me he doesn’t buy all of the nicest shit he can for their tank too.

🌟 Fresh aquatic plants, huge rocks for them to swim through, a nice ass heater, the WORKS

🌟 He’s gotta treat yall’s babies right like what did you expect

🌟 Constantly checking their water to see if it’s alright for them

🌟 He’s usually the one to feed them so whenever he comes up to the tank, they all crowd up by the top like doggies when their owner comes home omg

🌟 He finds the noises from the tank to be really good background noise when he’s reading or studying

🌟 Iida’s honestly glad that you suggested to get fish ‘cause taking care of them is such a relaxing hobby and lord knows he needs some of those

Hanta Sero - Rose Haired Tarantula

🧵 So he wants a Rose Hair Tarantula...

🧵 ‘Absolutely not’ - You, 2021 (sorry if you actually like spiders lol, if a singular person wants hcs where y’all both like spiders please @ me)

🧵 Lots and lots of begging and promises

🧵 ‘You won’t even have to clean the cage, I’ll do it!!’ ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ ‘c’mooon pretty please???’

🧵 He had to bust out the puppy eyes for you to say yes

🧵 And with that, you’re now the proud parents of a demon rose hair tarantula!

🧵 ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ your ass. He lets it climb all over him while he’s walking around the house!!

🧵 Not you actively avoiding him when you see them coming down towards you

🧵 ‘But I wanna kiss!!’ ‘Kiss your tarantula smh’

🧵 After he realizes he’s not gonna get any with his lil buddy (yes, that’s what he calls them) he tries his best to help you familiarize with em

🧵 I’m sorry but he’s trying so hard not to laugh as you freak out when they crawl up your arm

🧵 He takes things more seriously after that though. He’ll give you lil words of encouragement, back pats and such

🧵 He’s so happy that you become… tolerable after a while of you guys just hangin’ out that you can’t help but feel proud too.

🧵 You still can’t stand spiders though.  

Keigo Tamaki - Bunnies

🐤 Just like Aizawa, he wants something that’s quiet and can be independent since his schedule is a bit busy but he still wants to have a lil buddy to love on

🐤 You’re actually the one to bring up the idea to get a bunny, it’s part of a long list of ideas you had come up with, but for whatever reason, the bunny idea just stuck with him

🐤 You two hop (im a comedic genius hi <33) on over to the nearest rescue you can find, and browse through the enclosures looking for the perfect bunny for you guys 

🐤 Ok so like- here’s the thing,,,

🐤 You totally didn’t plan on getting two bunnies… But you guys found a pair that were literally inseparable and y’all had to have them

🐤 He’s already calling them ‘Our children’ straight off the bat like- y’all JUST got home and he’s already giving you baby fever UGH

🐤 He bunny-proofs the FUCK out of the house so they can roam freely ‘cause he didn’t just get these babies to stick them in a cage smh

🐤 Will lay on the floor and just watch them romp around cus he finds it relaxing and funny 

🐤 Also please get on the floor and watch them with him. Prime cuddling hours

🐤 They burrow under his wings… I repeat- THEY BURROW UNDER HIS WINGS

🐤 They WILL flop together don’t @ me 

🐤 They (and by they I mean all three of them)  flop on you when they want attention can I jst--- *cries*

🐤 Have fun trying to get up, this is your life now. 

🐤 But are you really complaining? You shouldn’t be smh 

[willgrahymn]

Two Love

I’m not gonna lie, this is probably some of the gayest shit I’ve ever written.

Summary: In the silence of the night, it feels like there's nothing but them. Loving oneself is not an easy task, and loving another takes work. If we can't love ourselves now though, we can at least love each other. Maybe then we will realize our own worth. Virgil and Roman know this well.

Word count: 2019

Tags: romantic prinxiety, (domestic) fluff, light angst, human au, living together, non-sexual intimacy, cuddling, communication, and marriage proposal ✨

As always, I’ll reblog with a link to this on ao3 :]!

-

“I wish you knew how lovable you are,” Virgil whispered into the silence.

Roman didn’t respond, biting his lower lip and not once opening his eyes. Virgil frowned, lightly tracing the tattoos on the other man’s chest, stopping to place his palm against the beating of his heart.

The room was quiet besides the sound of the heat coming through the vents and the occasional car passing by outside. Virgil sighed, laying his head against his love. He was warm, too, and he wished he never had to get out of bed again. It wasn’t like the way he wished during a depressive episode though. This was different; it was cozier, and more like home. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and made a mental note to trim it later.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his lips ghosting against his boyfriend’s skin. He thought watching the rise and fall of his stomach, breathing in and out, was what made him want to say it.

“I know you do,” Roman responded, and Virgil could hear the tired smile in his voice, “I love you too. You’re perfect.”

“I’m anything but.”

“Then you’re perfect for me.”

Virgil decided he was happy to settle for that.

Roman continued to play with the dark strands before kissing the long magenta bangs that normally covered his boyfriend’s eyes. And he smiled because his hair smelled like the same raspberry-scented shampoo that he washed his hair with not long ago. If there was anything Roman believed he could do well, it was making his boyfriend feel cared for. He deserved it, and the way Virgil always leaned into his touch like a cat receiving ear scratches whenever he rubbed the shampoo into his scalp was something he simply couldn’t pass up when the opportunity arose.

He was beautiful now in Roman’s arms, and he would be beautiful when he woke up in the morning with his hair messed up going every which way. He would be beautiful when black makeup stained his face in tear tracks and he asked Roman if they could go home after a failed night out. There would not be a time when he was not beautiful, because he never gave Roman a reason to see him as anything less than that. He was a work of art. Frayed at the edges, sure, but he remained invaluable nonetheless.

Blinking slowly, Roman watched as his love shifted to meet his gaze. Dark eyes shining in the moonlight that seeped in through their window blinds. They were as gorgeous as the rest of him, he thought.

“What is it, my Night Light?”

“Oh, nothing,” he smirked, “I was just admiring.”

Roman rolled his eyes, a mix of fondness and instinctual doubt settling in his gut. “You see me every day, you’ll tire of me eventually.” He tried.

“We already went through the phase of being sick of each other when we first met, you’re not getting rid of me now.” Virgil teased, and before Roman could think of something else to say to distract from his statement, he started to speak again softer this time. “I meant what I said earlier, about how you’re so much more lovable than you know. I care about you.”

Virgil took a deep breath. He didn’t consider himself good at this sort of thing, but the weight of Roman’s fingers lacing between his own and pulling him closer was reassurance enough.

“I love you, Roman, and I… I just hope that one day, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the same way I did. You deserve to feel like you’re worth it.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth barely open as he replayed the words in his head. He knew Virgil, knew that he was always more on the pessimistic side, and didn’t try to get his hopes up about things to come. Still, he hoped for him. A hand rested against his cheek, thumb brushing lightly against his lips. Virgil smiled, and his heart felt full.

“Thank you,” he said. “I hope that one day you’ll wake up and face yourself in the mirror, and be able to value yourself as much as I do. It’s only fair.”

He took his partner’s hand, kissing his palm. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see Virgil’s eyes go wide before hiding his face against his chest. It was cute, but he could tease him about that later. For now, though, he just felt lucky that he was allowed to see him like this. No walls up, and no fake dark persona to make sure others would leave him alone. He was just honest, authentic Virgil, and that was all that Roman wanted.

“I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He admitted. “I would relive all the bad days where we didn’t get along, all the bad days where we doubted ourselves, as long as I knew it would bring me back here just like this with you.”

Virgil stared at him, curious and adoring. “You’re a madman.”

“Nothing compared to my brother,” Roman laughed, “but I guess you might be right. If I didn’t think straight before I certainly don’t now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. He pulled himself up, face to face with the hopelessly romantic man he’d fallen in love with, dark eyes staring through thick lashes.

With some hesitance, Roman asked. “Have you ever thought about wanting to get married someday? It’s okay if not, I know right now might not be the perfect time to bring it up, but… it came to mind, I guess.”

He held his breath as Virgil considered. He didn’t want to be pushy. All he knew was that if asked, he would accept that commitment, and not dream of another. Because Virgil wasn’t like any of the partners he had known before. He was gentle and rough, sweet and sour, and Roman loved his contradictions. He loved to be loved in a way he could understand.

“Maybe not right now,” Virgil finally replied, “but I’d be happy with that. With you.”

Roman nodded, kissing him on the nose and appreciating the way Virgil’s eyes crinkled when he did.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, and it was the truth. “I just need you to know that if you’re ever ready for that, I’ll be here. I’d love to call you my husband if you’d let me. One of us can surprise the other with a proposal someday, but before that, I want us both to be ready.”

Virgil blinked, slow like a cat. Maybe these kinds of conversations were better left until morning.

“Thank you. I’d uh, I’d like that though, eventually.”

Smiling, Roman closed his eyes. He always dreamed of grand fairytale weddings and proposals, but this, this was good too. Fitting for them. It wasn’t Disney, but they made it work.

Pulling the blanket further over them, Virgil kissed his prince’s cheek only to be pulled into a proper one right after. Soft and slow, Virgil felt Roman’s lips quirk as his hand grazed the rose tattooed at his hip.

Then, he asked. “Of all the people you could choose to love, why me?”

“I think you’re the only one who really gets me,” Roman said, nuzzling into his lover’s shoulder and breathing in the faint scent of lavender. “You smell good.”

Virgil laughed silently, and Roman felt his body shake against him. He could feel that same butterfly-like sensation in his stomach from when he first started thinking of him as more than a friend.

“I think you’re the only person who can understand me though… not in an edgy teenager way, but like with my issues. People see me, but not in the way you do. You’re the one who drove halfway across town to drag my sorry ass out of bed after my ex dumped me and helped me realize it was a good thing. You helped me get out of my comfort zone and experiment with makeup too. I guess in a way, you make me better. And if you can love me with all the flaws that I have, then I can love yours too.”

“Oh,” he whispered, “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you deserve to. You may be as dark and gloomy as a live-action Batman movie, but you still make my world a little brighter.”

“You’re a dork.”

Roman gasped, pulling back and holding his hand to his chest as if he had just touched a hot stove. “You’re so mean!”

Virgil shrugged, and Roman could practically hear the unspoken ‘it’s what I do best.’ It seemed that in all the years he had known him, he figured out how to decipher the mystery of a man hidden under all that black and purple emo attire.

It was 12:27 AM, at least that’s what the clock sitting on their bedside table told them. Virgil was used to being up late, insomnia and all, but since they started living together Roman insisted he come to bed at the same time every night. He appreciated it though. He liked getting ready for bed together and the weight of Roman falling asleep against him. He didn’t want to admit it, but it helped.

The room was nearly silent, the heat turned off long ago. The quiet sounds of rustling pillows and blankets were the only thing to be heard. Warm breaths lingered on Roman’s skin making his hair rise as soft lips met his jaw. He wondered if Virgil remembered watching him scrub violet lipstick off his face in the theater's dressing room while he giggled like a kid at a carnival. If he asked, Virgil would have told him there was a reason he preferred darker shades.

“Do you think we’ll have kids someday?”

“Don’t push it, Princey. You haven’t even decided if you want to adopt a cat or a dog yet.”

“Still! Could you imagine us as dads? We could have Disney movie nights. We already do that, I know, but we could do it with our kid. I’m perfectly fine with just being pet parents, but could you imagine?”

“I can, actually, and now I’m going to be worrying about our non-existent child and their not yet existing future until I fall asleep.”

Roman glared at him before rolling onto his side. All too familiar with the silly things he did, Virgil waited in anticipation and was pleasantly surprised when Roman finally lunged back over, attacking him with a kiss and laughing against his lips.

“You said not yet existing,” he grinned, “which implies that there will be one eventually.”

Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. “You’re not getting me to agree to adopt a child in the middle of the night, Ro.”

Humming, Roman nodded an ‘okay’ and let the subject go for now. Virgil didn’t even think before he spoke again.

“I want a future with you, Roman, you know that.”

The softness in his eyes was one Virgil would do anything to protect, and he smiled as Roman snuggled into his chest. He loved him, and with the sound of his heart beating in his ears he was sure that he would do anything it took to keep him safe.

“Get some rest, Sleepy Beauty,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”

In the morning, they would both wake up with their legs intertwined, knowing that they could stay in bed all morning because neither had work that day. Roman would get up first, and Virgil would admire him as he stretched. When Virgil finally did pull himself out of bed and found his future-husband in the kitchen making french toast, he would slump against his back and leave a kiss between his shoulders.

And maybe life was never going to be easy, but that could be okay. Step by step, stroke by stroke, they’d make it through as each other’s sword and shield.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

No, It's Definitely Funny

Prompt: Can I request a second part to "Let's Call It Funny" where Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Peter unite forces to confuse and concern all the other avengers (with at least one instance where two or all of them respond to something by pretending to jump off a building?) Love you! -Auggie

Does it count as being back on my bullshit if I never left?

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: none, unless you need a warning for gen z humor

Pairings: it's still found family hours

Word Count: 2259

Peter’s gonna be honest, he may or may not have some competition for the funniest person in the Tower right now.

Because let’s look at the list here:

Traumatized? Everybody and their private jet’s worth of vintage and designer baggage needs therapy.

Queer? If you think Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, or Sam Wilson is straight, you need to tell them everything they’ve ever done to make you think they’re straight so they can stop doing it immediately.

Superhero? Yeah, okay, shush, now you’re being stupid.

Neurodivergent? Have you seen the way these men behave? Definitely the model of Perfectly Normal Person™, what on earth are you talking about, absolutely 100% Normal™.

The only things he’s still got going for him that the others don’t are high-schooler and trans. That’s not a lot when it comes to the fact that hey, two of them are from the Great Depression—let’s be honest, they’re the OGs when it comes to fatalistic humor—and they’ve all got years of practice.

Sure, Peter’s got some trauma-given raw talent, but it’s not refined by years and years of throwing yourself off of buildings and out of planes to avoid having conversations about your emotions.

The day Aunt Nat dropped all of SHIELD’s files on the Internet and Peter found out that Steve yeeted himself out of a plane—without a parachute!—to avoid Nat’s prodding about getting a date was the best day of his fucking life.

“Don’t you go stealing my moves there, kid,” Steve had scolded playfully, winking over the rim of his mug.

“Try and stop me, I dare you.”

“And this is why,” Tony had sighed, looking every bit his 79 years—“Hey!”—as he watches this interaction go down, “you have a parachute built into your suit.”

“I’ll just wear my old one, don’t worry about it.”

“That heinous thing that’s just a cut-up old hoodie and goggles? Peter, no, that thing is being held together with safety pins and hope!”

“I mean, me too, so it’s fine.”

“Peter!”

“Also, like, it’s the one I almost got crushed to death in, so it’s got the emotional trauma seasoning already.”

“Wait—“ Bucky had sat up— “you almost got crushed to death by a building? Sheesh, kid, you’re really flirting with the reaper, huh.”

“It wasn’t so bad, I had training from the years and years of carrying the weight of my sins crawling on my back.”

“At least ask Death for his number next time, he’s not returning my calls.”

“Sergeant, I swear to God—“

“Actually, Death uses they/them pronouns, I asked when I met them last weekend.”

“What the fuck did you do last weekend?”

“Really? Oh cool, well, can you get their number for me? We had a date back in ’45 that they missed.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem.”

“Tony, why are you screaming? Not keeping dates is a very serious matter.”

“Trust me, I speak from experience, Tony, it’s not a good habit to get into.”

“You should respect your elders and not scream while we’re talking to you, mister.”

“All of you shut the fuck up.”

See? On one hand, it’s great to have more partners in this venture of making Tony’s hair turn grey—he’s that age, it’s bound to happen any time soon now— “One more crack about my age, kid, I swear.” — but on the other hand, Peter is seriously losing his massive lead on funniest person in the Tower.

The other thing he’s worried about is Sam’s ability to make it so the others can’t actually worry about him.

Because—listen, Sam Wilson is a fucking national treasure and all you fuckers better acknowledge that. It’s no secret that the Captains take turns going out with the shield, all of them answer to ‘Captain America’ because that’s what they are, but no one—and Peter will never say this under threat of death because he does not need any more of the Steve Rogers’ Puppy Dog Eyes™, thank you very much—no one does it better than Sam.

And that means that Sam fucking Wilson can turn a fatalistic, self-deprecating joke into a motivational speech that doesn’t feel disingenuous or cliché at all and everyone is too busy processing the philosophical revelations they’re having to scold him for his, frankly, outstanding sense of humor.

It’s not fair and Peter can’t do it.

He tried. Once.

Didn’t go very well.

No, he’s not gonna talk about it, let’s just move on.

Sam has offered to catch him a couple of times when he gets himself a little too deep into the Mamma Spider™ or Iron Dad™ trap of feeeelings, and he gratefully scoots out of the way when Sam sits down next to him and just makes another joke.

Sam is also a fantastic role model for the brand of ‘I’m going to the store and only have twenty bucks, stop asking for your will to live back’ jokes.

“Hey, Pete!”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go, bodega run.”

“Can we pick up some hopes and dreams, too, all of those got scribbled out in fat red Sharpie yesterday.”

“I said bodega run, not Court of Miracles run.”

“But Sam~”

“Listen, kid, if you manage to find your hopes and dreams in this bodega, keep an eye out for your childhood innocence, that might be on the next shelf over.”

“Deal.”

“Do you two need some more therapy appointments?”

“Only got fifteen bucks, man.”

“I’m literally a billionaire!”

Peter eagerly studies under this pinnacle of humor and keeps his worries to himself.

Because if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and Peter’s sense of humor is wonderful, but he is a tad intimidated by the amount of variety the others have got going for them.

“You’re a fucking terror, Spider-ling, that’s what you are.”

“Not true! I was ‘a pleasure to have in class.’”

“Oh, is that why you’re taking ‘Little Shit’ lessons from Barnes and Rogers?”

“And Sam! Don’t forget Captain Wilson, he is an invaluable part of this team. I’m surprised at your ignorance.”

“Pete—no, that’s not—“

“I’m ashamed for you, Mr. Stark.”

“Listen here you little shit—“

Anyway…

Steve and Bucky have a habit of telling these like, really awful jokes that have Peter in stitches for half an hour. It’s not fair and he doesn’t get why they’re so funny because they aren’t, and yet here he is, laughing anyway.

It’s probably some combination of Steve’s perfected innocent face that he wears when he has to do interviews and Bucky’s habit of not giving a single solitary fuck. But they’re able to make the worst jokes with completely serious expressions and it’s not fair.

“Hey, can you guys come help me with something?”

“Sure, Peter,” Steve says instantly, bounding over with his 95-year-old Golden Retriever energy as Bucky trails behind him like a cat that’s sitting in your lap because he wants to, not because he likes you or anything, “what’s up?”

“I have a history project on WWII due tomorrow and I haven’t started it yet.”

Bucky snorts, taking a swig of coffee and sitting down on the floor. Which, same. “You got your eulogy planned?”

“Drafted, sighed, notarized, but Aunt May said no so I gotta do this.”

“Well, if Aunt May says no then I guess that’s that.”

Tony, from far away in another part of the Tower, has a sickening feeling that May Parker has once again proven that she is the most powerful parent and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I, um,” Peter mumbles, fidgeting with his pen, “I want to be respectful of your boundaries, and if you don’t want to talk about anything then—“

Because it’s one thing for someone to make jokes about their trauma and another for someone else to go poking and prodding at it.

“Hey,” Steve interrupts softly, nudging him with his knee, “first off, thank you for saying that and we appreciate your respect, but we got you. You worry about enough, sweetheart, let us take care of ourselves.”

Peter gives him a look.

“When it comes to this,” Steve amends, having the decency to look a little sheepish, “we’ll take care of ourselves.”

Bucky scoffs. “Uh-huh.”

“We will, Buck.”

“My therapist will be real happy to hear that.” He looks up at Peter and winks. “Besides, what good is our trauma if we don’t pin it up and display it for good grades?”

Peter huffs, the joke undercut a little by the way Bucky knocks his foot against Peter’s and Steve’s arm stretches over the couch behind him.

Peter has to resist the urge to lean his head onto Steve’s shoulder, because then Steve’s hand will come up and ruffle his hair and Peter’s eyes will droop slowly closed as he loses himself in the warmth and safety of Steve’s embrace and then Steve will lean down to press a kiss to his temple and—

Right. Homework.

“What’s it on specifically,” Bucky asks, clearly spotting the temptation on Peter’s end, “home front? Overseas? Time period?”

“Uh, it’s an analysis of total war.”

“Like, how much of the country was devoted to the war effort?”

“Yeah, basically. It’s talking about how the Nazi War Machine made their war total and how that extends to a lot of other countries, but also about the reasons why the war was fought—“

They delve into a conversation about total war, Peter pointing out how Italy’s motivation for territory keeps it from being a total war on their part, Bucky speaking to how the different dynamics worked in various countries and the fallout, Steve bringing up how much of the home front was devoted to bringing attention to the war being fought overseas. Then, of course, as is inevitable, they devolve into storytelling.

Peter’s notebook—with notes! He did his job!—is set aside as he gives in to the need to let Steve cuddle him on the couch. Come on, the man is warm and big and gives good hugs, how is he supposed to not? Bucky sprawls out on the floor, leaning back on his hands as he smiles fondly.

“You know,” he remarks casually, “I fought a Nazi in my pajamas once.”

Peter blinks sleepily. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, though how he got in my pajamas, I have no idea.”

Peter snorts. Then he giggles. Then he’s collapsing into Steve’s side, positively sobbing with laughter.

It’s not funny.

It’s really not that funny.

But here he is, fucking dying, and he doesn’t even have the wherewithal to welcome the sweet embrace of oblivion.

“Okay, note to self,” Bucky murmurs when he’s calmed down a little, wiping away tears, “sleepy spider likes corny jokes.”

“Just don’t break our baby spider, Buck, Momma Spider would kill you in cold blood.”

“Listen, if Natasha Romanoff kills me, don’t prosecute. That’s on me.”

Peter can’t do corny jokes. He really can’t. He just sounds like he’s a recording so old it’s unintelligible and it’s bad. He has a reputation to maintain here!

However, there is one sense of humor that Peter is very eager to learn and adopt, and hey, it might actually be Iron Dad™ Approved!

It’s a rookie mistake, asking Bucky Barnes for a hand, but in his defense, Peter was left unsupervised and was distracted.

“Hey, Bucky, can you give me a hand?”

“Sure thing, Peter.”

Something nudges his arm and he looks down. It’s Bucky’s metal arm, bumping up against his elbow.

It’s a cheap joke. It’s bad. It does not deserve Peter’s laughter.

He snorts anyway.

“That’s on me,” he says after a second, “you know what, that’s my fault.”

“What, is this not what you meant?”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Peter scruffs a hand through his hair. He looks down at the prosthetic again. “Well, that’s disarming.”

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to snort. “You gotta hand it to me, though, it’s a good joke.”

Oh, it’s on.

“No, no, of course, I understand. You really can’t let an opportunity like that slip through your fingers.”

Steve chokes on his next sip of coffee. “Stop making the kid shoulder the burden of making puns with you.”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Don’t palm this off on someone else, Steve, you’re as bad as he is.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad.” Peter shrugs. “You just gotta knuckle-down and find the right one.”

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to reach for puns?” Bucky hefts his arm.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say a lot.”

“Jeez, Pete, good one.”

“What, are you not finding them humerus?”

Sam’s gone, Steve shortly after. Bucky just grins proudly at him.

Then there’s a massive thunk from behind them. Peter turns around to see Tony slamming his forehead into the counter.

“You are all going to kill me,” he mutters, glaring up at them, “all three of you.”

“Oh, come on, Mr. Stark, Captain Barnes would never hurt you.”

Tony raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“After all,” Peter grins, gesturing to Bucky who is doing a very good innocent face—he must’ve been taking notes from Steve— “look at him, he’s completely armless.”

“Peter Benjamin Parker—“

Okay, so maybe it’s not Iron Dad™ Approved.

Oh, well.

[marianne-dash-wood]

My ex boyfriend killed himself

(of course, they didn't say that out loud)

But no 22 year old drops dead with such a hush, with the rumours pecking as a carrion bird

My (our) oldest friend called me to break the news. Ten years since we dated.

(We are different people now. Were)

I look back and see a stupid child with stupid misconceptions. My therapist says I should be kinder to myself. I still see something to be pitied, something to be mocked at parties and cast into a grave.

(I wonder if he felt the same about himself)

They don't say what killed him. My mother repeats the whispers she heard at Mass. I feel cold ice in my stomach.

I hate myself at eleven, but I'm sure she was the perfect child. We dated because we prayed before school, knelt on the same green cross carpet; because my uncle and his father were bombasted as paragons of virtue in front of the entire congregation.

(I remember the next week, they handed out leaflets that declared the sanctity of marriage. I crossed it out angrily, and I couldn't stop shaking in rage. My father thought it was funny)

We prayed together; I remember that. Our fathers, and hail Mary's. He was an altar boy; I helped with the children. Together we prayed.

(We never spoke about what we prayed for.)

(I wonder now if we were praying for the exorcism for the same sin)

I went home recently.

(for a funeral. Not his.)

On the virtual picture frame in our living room, I saw him.

(my father was so proud of his gadgets. That's how they bonded)

He's at my eleven year old party. We are smiling. I remember that I blew out my candles, I wished for him.

(I wished for the life I thought my parents would want)

Two perfect kids, a three storey house with a dog and a cat and no overwhelming colours. A game shelf, and regimented bedtimes.

(I would have hated it. I love my life now, colours and all)

He is haunting my birthday party. He sits in the memories of my childhood, and he sits up as much space as I let him.

(I wonder if his smile was as fake as mine)

He haunts my aunt's wedding.

(I invited him)

He wears his altar server robes.

(Did they bury him in them?)

(Washed out and bleached bone?)

(I know the rumours. They might not have wanted any colours)

He is haunting me (but only a little. I will allow a ghost, for a time).

Instead, my phone lights up as my girlfriend texts. It illuminates the flag, bright and recognisable, at my window. It shows the photos I have from Pride, glitter covered and drenched in relieved exhaustion.

(I didn't tell my parents about Pride. I was banned. I went anyway)

I wonder if they buried him in the church I thought we would be married in.

I wonder if they buried him in Christian ground.

I wonder if the rumours are true, and if we had always kept secrets from each other.

(I wonder if we are ever the people we were meant to be at eleven, though I certainly thought so)

Grief isn't the right word. I didn't know him enough to miss him.

(I wish I had)

Grief is reserved for his father (pious, polite), his mother (housewife, is she haunted too?) and his brother (will he ever know?)

But they are living.

The flag on my window is alive. The person in those pride photographs is alive. My girlfriend, and my future, is alive.

I am alive.

(I wish him happiness, wherever he may be. I don't think we believed in god anymore)

Let the rumours, like the dead, rest. leave only the wondering.

And at the end, I have only this - I will leave the living to the living, and the dead to their wishing

- we were eleven year old starving actors, waiting for someone to give us a price