#with internalized messages of “you are abandonned and it's okay

[funkypeanutbear]

Me, talking to my best guy friend about any social topic ever:

oh my dude, we're both so fucked up, but in a different way ✨️💫

[buckets-and-trees]

Pull the String

Characters/Pairings: soft!dark and rough Nomad!Steve Rogers x Female!Reader Word Count: 3.7k Summary: Friday, September 28, 2017. You have to live a normal life after meeting a larger than life figure. It's doable, and you're not stuck in summer dreams, but you do think of him from time to time. Another encounter in the Exiled Nomad Series.

Content/Warnings: explicit smut, oral (female receiving), vaginal fingering, kissing, vaginal intercourse, unprotected sex, overstimulation, hint of praise kink, internal ejaculation, overstimulation, emotional unavailability, a broken Nomad who thinks he's fine but definitely is not

Author Notes: I wanted to finish this for your birthday proper, @stargazingfangirl18, but alas, only managed for birthday week. It's not a standalone, so it technically won't fit into your Birthday Bonenanza, but I did use a prompt from your list (bolded dialogue). Credit to @biteofcherry for helping me flesh out Mark from accounting a little bit.

You blinked and then read the text message again.

Something’s come up, sorry, have to cancel tonight.

It was only twenty minutes before Mark was supposed to pick you up for dinner.

A third date dinner.

YOU: Are you okay?

You typed and sent the quick text back.

You saw the three dots that indicated his typing, then they disappeared. You frowned. This was really unlike him. Mark had been nothing but reliable and a gentleman since you’d met him. He worked in the accounting firm on one of the other floors of your office building, and you had seen each other a few times at the coffee shop on the main floor in the morning. He was smart, funny without being a goof. You felt wholly normal around him.

And after having your world rocked on earthquake levels by Captain America over the 4th of July holiday, normal was what you wanted.

MARK: Everything’s fine, but we should probably call this off.

“What?” you couldn’t help actually exclaiming out loud.

You scanned up and down over your texts.

YOU: Did I do something wrong or misread the situation?

You really didn’t think that you had. In fact, you were sure of it, but you’d let him explain just in case.

It had been a few weeks, and the texts had ebbed and flowed naturally. After your second date last Sunday, you’d exchanged a kiss that had been modest but had enough heat to it that it left you starting to think about more. And last night the texts between the two of you had gotten a little spicier than any previous exchanges. Nothing vulgar, but flirty enough that you had shaved your legs and had been debating all day over what to wear.

In your silk robe, makeup finished, and hair nearly done, apparently you didn’t need to make any wardrobe decisions other than slipping into a comfy t-shirt and leggings now.

MARK: No, it’s nothing you did, and I hope we can just be friends.

Your jaw dropped and you threw your phone across the room.

Friends?

You abandoned your mirror, no need to finish getting ready at this point, and went to pick up your phone.

Fuck Mark.

But you opened your text thread with him one final time.

YOU: No hard feelings, if it’s over it’s over, and we can be cordial if we run into each other, but honestly I’m not looking for more platonic friends.

Run-on sentence aside, you felt good about the text after you hit send, and you promptly blocked Mark’s number and deleted all the texts.

And what you said was mostly true.

You actually could use some more platonic friends in this town you’d lived in for less than a year, but you weren’t looking to be friends with guys who did but then didn’t want to date you.

But well into your thirties, you were so used to and exhausted by the runaround of talking, of the dating apps, of the first dates that fizzled into nothings – first dates that you rarely even agreed to go on anymore because it usually turned out to be a waste of time with men who were too boring or too horny. For a moment Mark had been a breath of fresh air, normal and nice and endearing.

And apparently not worth the time and effort you had sunk into the beginning of the blossoming relationship either.

Even at that thought, you were glad you had already followed your self-imposed rule of deleting messages, because you already had the itch to go back and re-read, and so it was good you had removed that temptation. No need to torture yourself.

You turned on your favorite album, cranked up the music, and ordered delivery from your favorite Italian restaurant with tiramisu and extra garlic bread.

You would watch your favorite movie, indulge in your favorite food, and later put yourself to bed with another chapter of the spicy romance novel you were reading and a nice session with your favorite vibrator.

Fuck Mark.

The app said your dinner would arrive in thirty-five minutes, so you slipped into leggings and one of your old comfy t-shirts, and flopped onto the couch to wait, the song from the opening credits of the movie making you feel just a little bit better.

At this stage of life, it was just annoying that Mark had called it off. Make it through dates three and four and people your age were reasonably sure they were headed down the relationship road together. At least that’s how you operated. You knew yourself enough that you weren’t dating someone to try and figure out who you were like you maybe had at times when you were younger, trying to live up to some expectation of society. You were busy enough that your free time was precious, and so you didn’t go on frivolous dates. Most important, as seemingly everyone around you had peeled off and gotten married while you remained perpetually single, you had to figure out if you could be happy alone, and you’d spent time to figure that out and truly find happiness. It was lonely sometimes, but overall you had built a good life, put your time into things that really satisfied you.

When you realized you were more annoyed at having to start over again than over losing Mark, you sighed and realized that was both a good and a bad sign. Good because you clearly weren’t going to be hung up on Mark, but bad because he really hadn’t meant much – you’d just wanted him to.

A small ache in your chest resurfaced.

The person you did miss was Steve Rogers.

And you held no bitterness there – it had been so clear for both of you that it was a summer holiday fling – but you did have some leftover longing.

Who could blame you?

When The Avengers had come together in New York in 2012, you had swooned over Thor, but there was something so steady, charming, and trustworthy about Captain America down to the bone that your admiration had developed into quite the crush. You knew the parasocial relationship that you and the rest of the world developed with him over the years was synthetic. It was fun and harmless.

But then you had met the real Steve Rogers in the flesh – and spent time flesh to flesh with him over the Fourth of July weekend.

The days you spent with him had been both intense and surreal. You had context to who he was from history books and the public persona, but the man behind the shield was naturally and infinitely more than what screens, books, and social media could ever portray. It was clear that being in exile from his country and on the run from most of the world due to their signing of the Sokovia Accords had changed him. But as you talked and spent time together, you suspected that losing his freedom had also freed him in some ways from the burdens of expectation and the colossal mantle and responsibilities of being Captain America.

He hadn’t given up his sense of duty to still help when and where he could, but he could simply be Steve.

In the nearly two days and two nights you’d spent together almost constantly in each other’s company, you’d shared so much, talking over things that were both trivial and meaningful as the conversations evolved. You’d spent time in serene silence together as well.

All of that felt stolen out of the pages of a book on its own.

But then there had also been the sex.

So much super soldier sex.

Rough, intense, sensual, exquisite, and all-consuming.

All of it – the physical and emotional – had been more intimate than anything else you had ever experienced.

Logically you had also come to realize that the pure fact that you both knew the time was so limited and fleeting undoubtedly allowed both of you to suspend boundaries and open up in ways you wouldn’t have if it had been a more conventional coupling up situation.

Yet it didn’t take anything away from the memory of those days together.

Logically you also knew no one would ever compare to him, and you had been realistic about that.

But tonight you wouldn’t worry about letting your thoughts drift to Steve.

It was more difficult to think of the emotional, and so your mind diverted quickly to the physical.

The way he had looked at you, touched you, kissed you, pleasured you. The feel of his cock inside of you. His fingers and his mouth ripping more orgasms from you than…

“No,” you scolded yourself out loud and groaned. “It’s too early on a Friday night to be thinking about sex with Steve.”

Not that it did any good to say so.

You pressed your thighs together, feeling the ache the worst at your core.

No longer paying any attention whatsoever to the movie you had going on the tv, it was the doorbell ringing with your food delivery that saved you from the spiral of desperately horny thoughts you were caught in.

There were two bags deposited on your doorstep, and you snatched them both up eagerly. The larger brown paper bag was emanating some heat, so you opened the smaller one first, assuming correctly that it held your tiramisu. You snatched a spoon from your silverware drawer and went for a sweet, indulgent bite. A little spoiling before you turned to the savory feast.

That bite made you moan in satisfaction. You savored the way the cream was perfectly smooth and balanced with the coffee and liqueur-soaked ladyfingers.

Your doorbell rang again, and you rushed over to open the door, assuming the delivery person probably realized they had forgotten a precious part of your meal – likely the garlic bread, and that would have been a sin!

Spoon still in your mouth, you opened the door and then froze.

Wearing the same aviators and non-descript baseball cap, Steve Rogers stood before you, as if it hadn’t been nearly three months since your once-in-a-lifetime encounter.

This couldn’t be real.

And yet his aggressive grip on your hip as he backed you into your place and kicked the door closed behind him was irrefutable.

Your heart raced as Steve pressed you against the wall, his body flush against yours. Your spoon clattered to the floor. He discarded his sunglasses on the table by the door and then captured your lips in a searing kiss. His beard scratched your skin, a delicious friction that sent shivers down your spine. Your lips parted for the demands of his hungry kiss, and when he licked into your mouth, his tongue slid against yours slowly for a moment, and you knew he was tasting the sugary sweetness of the bite you’d just savored, savoring it himself.

When he finally broke away, you gasped for air. "Steve? What are you doing here?"

"I shouldn't be here," he murmured against your neck, his breath hot on your skin. "But I couldn't stay away."

Your mind reeled. This couldn't be happening. "Isn’t it risky for you to come back?"

Steve's thumb traced your lower lip. "Some risks are worth taking."

You melted into his touch, your body quickly abandoning reason. You yanked him closer by his shirt collar, kissing him fiercely. You removed the hat that was already askew on his head and tangled your fingers in his hair. It was longer now than when you'd last seen him. He groaned, lifting you effortlessly and carrying you to the couch.

Steve laid you down on the cushions, his body covering yours as he kissed a trail down your neck. His beard scratched deliciously against your sensitive skin, making you shiver. Your hands roamed over his broad shoulders, feeling the tight muscles beneath his shirt.

"I've thought about this so much since I left," Steve murmured against your collarbone. His fingers slipped under the hem of your shirt, caressing the soft skin of your stomach.

You arched into his touch, desperate for more. "Me too," you breathed, that confession opening a dangerous door you had tried to keep closed inside of you.

Steve's hands pushed your shirt up, exposing your breasts. His eyes darkened with desire as he took in the sight of you. Slowly, reverently, he lowered his head to take a nipple into his mouth. The wet heat of his tongue made you gasp and clutch at his neck. He gave it a hard, long suck before letting his tongue swirl around your nipple again, laving at it as his hand kneaded the other. It was all you could do to moan, arch into him more, and hold onto him like a lifeline.

Steve kissed his way down your body, leaving a trail of heat in his wake. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your leggings, looking up at you with a nearly feral hunger in his eye, something dark that sent a thrill of both adrenaline and desire through you, and you lifted your hips because no one had ever looked at you with so much need.

Steve slowly peeled your leggings down, his eyes never leaving yours as he revealed more of your bare skin. You shivered as the cool air hit your exposed flesh, goosebumps rising on your thighs. Steve's large hands caressed up your legs, leaving trails of heat in their wake. He settled his broad shoulders between your legs, spreading you wide beneath him. He kissed the inside of your thigh, then nipped at your tender flesh, making you yelp, before he soothed it with his tongue and then another kiss, even softer than the first. Then he shifted, and you could feel his hot breath against your most intimate parts, already slick for him. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until he placed an open-mouthed kiss to you there, and you sucked in a breath.

"God, I've missed your taste," he growled.

Without warning, he licked a long, slow stripe up your slit, making you gasp and arch off the couch. His strong hands gripped your thighs, holding you open for him as he explored you with his tongue. He circled your clit teasingly before sucking it into his mouth, the pressure making you cry out in pleasure.

Steve's tongue was relentless, alternating between broad, flat strokes and precise flicks that had you writhing beneath him. He slipped two fingers inside you, curling them to stroke your inner walls as he continued his assault on your clit. The dual sensations quickly had you climbing towards your peak.

"Steve," you gasped, your fingers tangling in his hair.

He hummed against you, the vibrations sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. Your thighs began to tremble as you teetered on the edge of orgasm. Steve redoubled his efforts, his fingers pumping faster as his tongue flicked rapidly over your sensitive bud.

With a cry, you came undone, your body shuddering as waves of ecstasy crashed over you. Steve worked you through your climax, lapping up your release until you gently pushed his head away, oversensitive.

But he growled and bit at the inside of your other thigh. “I’m not done eating my fill of this pretty cunt yet.”

You gasped at Steve's words, a fresh wave of arousal pulsing through you despite your recent orgasm. His blue eyes were dark with desire as he looked up at you from between your thighs.

"Steve," you breathed, torn between wanting more and feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of sensation.

He seemed to sense your hesitation. "Color?" he asked, his voice husky but almost gentle.

"Green," you replied. How could you deny him? This? When you assumed you would never see him again.

Steve's lips curled into a wicked smile. "Good girl," he purred, before diving back in.

This time, his tongue explored you even more thoroughly, dipping inside you to taste your essence before returning to your clit. He alternated between broad strokes and precise flicks, keeping you on edge. When he slipped two fingers back inside you, curling them to hit that perfect spot, tears were creeping up on you for the mingled overstimulation and ecstasy.

Your hips began to move of their own accord, grinding against Steve's face as he worked you towards another climax. The coarse hair of his beard rubbed deliciously against your inner thighs, adding to the overwhelming sensations.

"That's it," Steve murmured against your flesh. "Let go for me, sweet girl."

His words, combined with a particularly well-timed curl of his fingers and another hard suck on your clit, sent you careening over the edge once more. You cried out, your back arching off the couch as your second orgasm ripped through you, even more intense than the first.

Steve didn't let up, his tongue and fingers working you through the aftershocks until you were a trembling, oversensitive mess. Only then did he pull away, pressing a soft kiss to your inner thigh before sitting back on his heels.

You lay helpless, trying to catch your breath. He leaned forward and caught the tears on your cheeks with strong swipes of his thumbs. “By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be ruined for anyone else.”

Your breath caught in your throat at Steve's bold declaration. The intensity in his eyes made you shiver with anticipation.

"I already am," you confessed softly.

Something flashed in Steve's eyes - possessiveness, pride, and a hint of vulnerability. He surged forward to capture your lips in a searing kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue as he devoured your mouth.

Steve's hands roamed your body, relearning every curve and plane. When he cupped your breasts, thumbs brushing over sensitive nipples, you arched into his touch with a gasp.

"Please" you mumbled against his lips.

He pulled back slightly, his eyes searching yours.

You surged forward for another kiss, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer. "I need you inside me."

Steve groaned, his hips grinding against yours. You could feel the hard length of him through his jeans, and you ached to have him fill you completely. He sat back, quickly stripping off his shirt to reveal his chiseled torso. Your hands roamed over his muscled chest and abs, marveling at the perfection of his body.

As Steve unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans down, you took the opportunity to remove your shirt fully, leaving you both gloriously naked. He paused for a moment, drinking in the sight of you laid out before him, flushed and wanting. His eyes raked over your body with such intensity that you felt more exposed than you ever had before, curves and scars and imperfections on full display. You felt yourself flush under his gaze.

You reached for him, pulling him down on top of you. The feeling of his bare skin against yours was electrifying. Steve captured your lips in another passionate kiss as he settled between your thighs. You could feel the hard length of him pressing against your entrance, and you rolled your hips, silently begging him to take you.

Steve broke the kiss, resting his forehead against yours as he slowly pushed inside. You both groaned at the exquisite feeling of him stretching and filling you. When he was fully seated, he paused, but not long enough for you to adjust to his size. But the painful pleasure of it only fueled your hunger for more of him.

"You feel so good," he breathed, his voice strained, words hot against the crook of your neck. "So tight and perfect for me."

You whimpered in response, overwhelmed by the fullness and the intensity of having Steve inside you again after so long. Your fingers dug into his broad shoulders as he began to move, starting with slow, deep thrusts that had you gasping with each roll of his hips.

"Steve," you moaned, arching into him. "More, faster."

He growled low in his throat, picking up the pace. The couch creaked beneath you as Steve's powerful thrusts drove you into the cushions. You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist, changing the angle so he hit that perfect spot inside you with each stroke.

"That's it," Steve panted, his voice rough with desire. "Take all of me."

Your world narrowed to the feeling of Steve moving inside you, the sound of skin on skin, and the increasingly desperate noises falling from both your lips.

Steve's rhythm became more frantic, his hips snapping against yours with increasing force. The intensity of his thrusts had you clinging to him, nails digging into his back as pleasure built within you. Each powerful stroke sent shockwaves through your body, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

"Look at me," Steve commanded, his voice husky and strained.

You forced your eyes open, meeting his intense gaze. The raw emotion you saw there – desire, possessiveness, and something deeper you couldn't quite name – took your breath away.

"I want to see you fall apart," he growled, never breaking eye contact as he continued to drive into you relentlessly. “I want to watch what only I can do to you.”

One of his hands snaked between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit and circling it with the precision he perfected in the heat of July.

"Come for me," Steve commanded, his voice strained. "I want to feel you come around my cock."

His words and the relentless pressure on your clit sent you spiraling into ecstasy. You cried out Steve's name as your orgasm crashed over you, your inner walls clenching tightly around him. The intensity of your climax triggered Steve's own release. He groaned, burying himself deep inside you as he came.

For a moment, you both lay there, panting and trembling in the aftermath. Steve's weight pressed you into the couch, but you relished the feeling of being surrounded by him.

When both of you settled back into even breathing, he planted slow kisses along your jaw and blazed a trail back to your mouth. Cock still inside you, he kissed you slowly. Slow and unrepentant, in no hurry now, only drinking you in, and you let your hands stroke up and down his back, relishing in the impossible and stolen closeness.

You could survive a second encounter with this super soldier.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

read more of the: Exiled Nomad Series

[dany-is-my-queen]

A QUESTION OF LOYALTY XVI

Rhaenyra Targaryen x reader, Alicent Hightower x reader

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: When dragons of green and dragons of black dance, you have to choose the color that suits you best.

Note: @nnightskiess have not forgotten, hope I don´t make you suffer before the series resumes 😣

Note 2: Thanks everybody for the patience!!! Lots of love.

"It will be okay," you heard the whisper, but the voice was unrecognizable, heightening your alertness. The fire intensified, burning your skin like never before.

You wanted to scream, use your voice to provide support, but in vain. "Y/N," you heard, but where was it coming from? "Y/N," louder now.

"Wake up," you finally managed to open your eyes; Alicent was by your side, concerned. "We need to bring down that fever," she said, trying to get up, and you snapped out of the trance.

"Is Rhaenyra okay?" you asked abruptly.

Alicent hesitated for a moment, then looked away. "Is Rhaenyra okay?" she echoed your question; cursing internally, you took her hand before she could stand. “I was worried about you, I am," she replied.

You squeezed her hand, then brought her hands to your face. Suddenly, a sensation took over your entire body. Silverwing was back. You needed fresh air to decipher the message of that nightmare.

Alicent looked at you with more confusion; you quickly got out of bed, dressed, and gave her a fleeting kiss, but it felt cold. Before she could even react, you found yourself in the dragon pit, facing a youngling who seemed unfazed by your dragon's presence. You regarded him with genuine curiosity.

"Are you new here?" you inquired sincerely. He turned to meet your gaze.

"Not entirely. My name is Addam, my lady."

"They can sense fear, so I advise against exposing yourself if you're not prepared," you advised, soothing your dragon with a gentle stroke.

He chuckled innocently, gesturing towards the cave adjacent to yours. "I haven't quite earned Seasmoke's utter trust yet, but we're making progress."

You furrowed your brow, prompting another laugh from him. "Why the surprise? Don't I have the demeanor of a dragonrider?"

You detected a hint of a familiar gaze in him, reflected in his eyes. "And your second name?"

"Once Rivers, now Velaryon," he declared firmly.

"Did you manage to tame my brother's dragon?" A touch of sadness tinted the conversation. "Whose son are you?"

"I believe it's time we speak to our father."

——————

A few days had passed since that disorienting morning, the unsettling dream, and the revelation of your "brother." You were grappling with a sense of disorientation, and encountering the girl you once held dear was becoming unbearable. Joffrey's arrival in the capital added to your uncertainty, leaving you unsure if his anger towards you would dissipate. You abandoned everyone while intending to be with everybody.

Despite Corlys's attempts to engage you in private conversation, you rebuffed him, as it reminded you too much of your mother. Did she know? If he did, did he share his secret too? It was a burden you couldn't bear to confront at the moment.

————-

Upon entering the room, only Daemon and Rhaenyra were present, apparently engaged in a heated argument.

"Your Grace, did you summon me?" you asked calmly to her, while Daemon sighed in annoyance upon noticing you.

"Here comes your whore," Daemon directed his hatred towards you, never having liked you. What a surprise.

"You will refer to her with respect, am I clear?" Rhaenyra ordered him.

"I've told her a thousand times that you're no longer interested in her, that you chose my brother's widow over her, and that she's the one who has you wrapped around her finger, that she should have forgotten about you a long time ago. You filthy traitor.”

You couldn't contain yourself and stooped to his level, simply recalling the kind of man he has always been and how he forced your sister Laena to stay and perish in a place foreign to her home. Laena deserved someone much better, just like Rhaenyra.

"Why don't you go back to Pentos and stay there for the rest of your days? Here, you'll never be more than a second son, a prince consort, and a first-rate oaf," you spat angrily. He grazed his sword with his hand, gripping it tightly, so you did the same with yours.

"I should have ripped your head off when I had the chance or pierced Dark Sister through your skull like I did with your pathetic, deviant brother. You disgust me just like he did," he confessed to the crime that haunted you for far too long since all the incidents at Driftmark, which instinctively led you to draw your sword in a flash before he or the Queen could react. He was stronger and taller than you, but you managed to bring him down to the floor, threateningly placing the blade at his throat. He just let out an insolent chuckle without attempting to defend himself.

"Oh, fret not, don't want you to be upset with my dear wife afterwards. She had nothing to do with it. We were going to let him go with his fifth-rate knight, but I figured he might do something stupid, as people of your kind often do. So I took care of it," he concluded, recounting his story with the corresponding details. You brought the sword closer to his neck, scratching it slightly.

"Go ahead, thrust it, I dare you," he began. Your body felt on fire, along with your anger and helplessness. You wanted to end him there and then, that cunt was a killer. “Oh, right, you don't have it in you. Could it be that you're reluctant because you'd rather shield Rhaenyra from glimpsing your less flattering traits? Are you afraid she won't love you the same way?"

"Y/N, please stop. I didn't know, I would have never allowed it. The plan and what we agreed upon with Laenor was to escape free of all burdens and responsibilities. If I could go back, I swear I would change it, I would change my decisions. He dithered because of you, he didn't want to leave you behind, nor Laena. I'm so sorry," she sincerely spoke with her voice filled with honesty. "You're better than this."

"But you're not better at fucking her," he murmured arrogantly. That's when you had enough, and with the hilt of Nightrider, you struck him, rendering him unconscious. You couldn't bear to hear any more poison coming from his mouth.

"Y/N… listen," Rhaenyra tried to get your attention, but you weren't interested in hearing her now. You stood up and left the room without uttering another word. Whatever she said next never reached your ears. "Don't walk away from me..”

———-

After Haelena's little one got murdered, the whole funeral ordeal, and all those revenge promises, Alicent ended up at the lake on the outskirts of King’s Landing. She was decked out in this white dress, her eyes carrying regret and fear. She knew things were about to go downhill fast; her mind was stuck on snapshots from her youth—like that time with you on Silverwing, cradling their tiny ones for the first time, holding her mom's hand exploring castles near the Hightower.

You came up, giving her a hug from behind, understanding her need for space but also getting she didn't want to be left alone, especially now. You trailed her quietly, wrapping your arms around her slim waist. The mist lifted, the water thickened. Your face found its way to the nape of her neck, planting a shy kiss; she felt the warmth of your lips, defying the chilly air.

No words were traded that time, and none were needed. Just being there for each other was what you craved at that very moment, just feeling.

———-

The early mornings persisted in tormenting you, and the same phlegm-filled scene was all that your retina perceived after witnessing the decapitation of the primary traitors to Rhaenyra, among them Otto. Your loyalty seemed to have lost its value; no one knew which side you were on, and a sense of unease pervaded your being. Doubt inundated your thoughts, and it inflicted more damage on Alicent than anyone else. It had to cease.

"Y/N…" she called out to you, finding you in the corridors. However, you chose to ignore her, as you had in the preceding days, even after her father's demise. "Will this continue in this manner? You no longer sleep in our room. What has occurred? Please, talk to me," she insisted. Nevertheless, you persisted in disregarding her. You had to act in accordance with what felt right at that moment. "We don't know where Aegon is or if he's well. My father has been beheaded, my children are distant, and Helaena scarcely leaves her chamber. I have no allies here. I feel like I'm losing you too." Her voice broke, accentuating your growing indifference, if that were even possible.

"Tell me why you're trying to conceal it if you have something to say."

You loved Alicent; there was no doubt about that. You loved her enough to spare her from this situation. Or were you merely succumbing to the same cowardice as years ago, when you sought her out solely because Rhaenyra had labeled you a whore?

"I'm sorry about your father," you murmured, still unable to articulate your thoughts.

"She did this, Y/N. She's here to seize everything, not just the throne but you as well. Will you allow it?"

Your countenance reflected an acute internal conflict. Alicent clung to the hope that what followed would be erroneous.

"Do you still love her after all she's done to us? Has she twisted you to her will once again so swiftly?" Each question was infused with pure pain, yet she desperately needed to hear you confess.

Your silence only served to confirm it; you had become mute.

"We've become a love that inflicts pain," you finally articulated.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Aemond could return at any moment; you need to speak with him."

"So he forgives the lives of the usurpers?" she asked incredulously, displaying annoyance.

"We don't desire more deaths, Alicent. She is our rightful queen—" before you could complete the sentence, you felt Alicent's hand on your cheek. It was impulsive, born out of desperation, driven by jealousy, perhaps a culmination of various emotions; yet, she did not regret it in that moment.

You regarded her with surprise, but it was not unexpected. You had behaved like an immature 16-year-old girl, and she was unwilling to endure it again.

———

Rhaenyra was acutely aware of the imperative to persistently fortify her position within the heart of King's Landing. The lingering skepticism among a considerable number of individuals, who still refused to acknowledge her as the rightful queen, was more than mere whispers. It extended to some influential figures within the court, casting doubt on her legitimacy.

Simultaneously, Rhaenyra grasped the precariousness of abandoning the capital. The impending return of the middle Green brother signaled an imminent counterattack to reclaim the city. Aemond's unpredictable nature made it unclear how he would navigate the situation. Entrusting one of the Greens' scarce dragons to him, coupled with his lack of finesse in delicate matters, heightened the uncertainty.

The ensuing events took an unforeseen turn as the young prince and his dragon loitered on the outskirts of the city, in a secluded village where Vhagar had been observed for several weeks. Uncertainty loomed over Aemond's course of action, but Rhaenyra was wary of potential surprises.

"The Prince is in close proximity. His dragon incessantly circles the vicinity," reported the maester. Rhaenyra's countenance betrayed no overt concern, yet a flicker of resentment tinged her gaze at the mention of Aemond. It was only a matter of time.

"Let's pay my half-brother an unanticipated visit," Rhaenyra declared. Her gaze met yours, and it was evident that her directive for you to accompany her was not a matter of choice but a command. "And lady y/n, you're coming with me."

Your immediate acknowledgement underscored the non-negotiable nature of the order. "Yes, Your Grace," you replied succinctly. "It's prudent to intercept him before he reaches the city. The devastation he has wrought on remote villages, even among his allies, could escalate significantly if he arrives here."

"Exactly. I must engage him away from the populace. His intent is not only to seize my throne but obliterate what is rightfully ours," she concluded.

Daemon's audible discontent with being excluded was met with Rhaenyra's response. "Silverwing surpasses Caraxes in size. Moreover, your presence is essential here in case the usurper decides on an unforeseen return," she retorted, her tone dry and definitive. With an arrogant sigh, Daemon exited the chamber.

———

As you approached the Dragon Pit, you beheld her getting ready to mount Syrax, and your thoughts drifted back to that initial encounter.

"Who can understand the heart of a dragon?"

Another dragon emerged, and your alleged brother Addam, offered a timid smile as he mounted it—a moment reciprocated with your own nod.

—

The journey could've been briefer, but precautions were taken to avoid the townsfolk's prying eyes, where rumors of Aemond's presence lingered.

Out of the dragons' sight, the trio headed to a tavern to strategize. The plan seemed dubious to you, but you complied with the Queen's orders nonetheless.

Rhaenyra donned a chestnut wig, attempting to blend in inconspicuously, a stark contrast to her usual visibility. Addam, an unknown face, posed no issue, and you kept your hood up, adopting an Essos accent for authenticity.

"Ale, please," you asked the provocative waitress, whose intensity wasn't lost on you, making you slightly uneasy.

The Queen intervened, ordering "Water only" once the waitress was out of earshot. Perplexed, you questioned her choice.

"Here with a purpose. Can't afford distractions," she emphasized. Addam, sensing tension, lightened the mood with a jest.

“Can we indulge in a bit of enjoyment?”

“No.” She said stiffly.

Having received complimentary shots, the Queen, annoyed, paid and swiftly ushered you out. Adam stayed behind, kind of aware of the underlying dynamics.

In the rented room, the Queen discarded the wig, sipping wine. Perplexed, you questioned her abrupt change.

"Why the sudden shift? Now you are driniking," you remarked, gently yet seriously.

Concerned about potential espionage, she warned about the waitress being a possible spy. Frustrated, you defended the harmless encounter, asserting your commitment to the mission.

"I don't know why you're acting like this. We're not teenagers. What's gotten into you?" you queried.

Regretful, she apologized, admitting her lapse in judgment.

“I understand. We need to stay focused and vigilant,” she agreed, nodding. “We can’t afford any slip-ups”

“I've come to negotiate with Aemond," she disclosed, surprising you. In a moment of hope, you acknowledged the possibility of averting further bloodshed, honoring Luke's memory, Jace´s memory.

------

Taglist: @nnightskiess @loveislove4 @evattude @lethal-minds @sophiexoxsblog @claymoresword @tired-ninfa @glorioushamsterqueen @barbicent @newcaptainofsquad9 @pindoris @oh-thats-cute @rxscpctals @laenordeservedbetter @voniikg @toot-is-tired @letlovee-in @urmomsgirlfriend1 @valenciavv @the-camilucha @joliettes @itssecret2109 @i-nail-jello-to-walls @cone-fused-mind @livingdreams97

[rieamena]

Got any headcanons for a Billy Kid that accidentally catches a computer virus, causing him to basically simulate a common cold?

not! a computer whiz—

billy who thinks he's dora the explorer. rummaging around in an abandoned storage unit with nekomata for starlight knights merch (he never found any). he stumbled upon an old computer and "thought it would be cool to give it a try". he immediately shut down.

billy whose system starts executing a sneezing subroutine at random intervals, causing him to "sneeze" but they're really just small bursts of static and sound effects

billy whose voice becomes slightly garbled and distorted, as if he has a stuffy nose. occasionally, he'll give out a couple electronic coughs

billy who moves much slower. his energy levels are severely drained and the fluidity in his movements are practically gone

billy who inevitably starts glitching. his speech occasionally cutting out or repeating words. "i told you guys before! i━━━━and then we we we we━━━━dont you understa━stand?!"

billy whose internal fans can no longer keep up. the virus causes his internal systems to overheat more easily so he has to spend his healing days propped in front of a air conditioner

billy who swears he's funny. he fakes his death at least four times. "is this the end━━the end?" he weakly says, arm reaching up towards the bland ceiling. and no one takes him seriously. "am i━━am i goi━going to robot heaven?" and before you could even respond, nicole steps in, "you'd go to robot hell."

billy who becomes more vulnerable and needy, seeking your help and comfort. he will definitely lean on you (emotionally AND physically) and ask for reassurance that he'll be okay

billy who asks for paper to write messages when his voice bank betrays him. "SYSTEM ERROR: NEED HUGS" or "VIRUS DETECTED: SEND COOKIES" and other similar notes are scribbled all over the page

billy who thanks you and the crew for sticking by him. dealing with a sick robot is not for the weak

sorry it took so long :(

billy kid taglist

@pedrosimp137 @mary-moongood @linx-nyx @lemonboy011 @eisblume77

@amaryllisenvy @megan017 @astral-spacepumpkin @corrupted-tale @inkycap

@thurstonw @plapsha @lavenderthewolf @kurakusun @miymiymiy

@sweetadonisbutbetter @cobraaah @mochiitoby @clickingchip @bardivislak

@h3r6c00k13 @cozi-cofee @apestegui-y @luvuyuuji @theitdoitnobody

@fersitaam @cathrnxxo @monkepawbz @fl1ghtl3ssdrag0n @dabislilbaby

[heartinhyacinth]

Doing the right thing even when it's not easy—staying true to yourself and your values—is a huge theme in Tian Guan Ci Fu.

The second and third books in particular spend a lot of time delving into the various ways humans tend to deal with crisis and the consequences, rewards, and overall thought processes before and after of each. It explores the fall of a kingdom and its prince's reaction upon discovering the apathy and greed of the people in his similar position of power. It explores corruption and hypocrisy. You watch as he's told time and time again that it's pointless to try and work against fate, forgetting the fact that those in power often are "fate" when it comes to the common people.

This story does not pretend that doing the right thing will always end in reward and praise. It does not attempt to sew you a story of the endless ways it is easy to be a good person—that it comes as smoothly as breathing. Quite the opposite. You witness as this prince falls from grace—as he is ridiculed and punished ruthlessly for daring to stand against the status quo.

It does not lie. It shows you the pain. It shows you the conflict—internal and external. It shows you the sacrifice and the doubt and the guilt.

But then... just as you expect to be abandoned by it, left to deal with your newly acquired hopelessness and loss of faith in humanity as you lie discouraged and confused on the ground...it extends you a warm hand.

It smiles down at you and tells you it's proud of you.

And you did the right thing.

Tgcf shows you that doing what's right doesn't always feel good. Being kind doesn't always end in reward...

That's okay.

It's still worth it.

There's so much pain and tragedy in this story that it is honestly shocking how it delivers the exact opposite message one would assume.

At its core, it is not a story of corruption and abandonment and evil. It is a story of resistance and bravery and hope. It is a story of defying fate, of choosing third paths.

It is a story that does not sugar coat the suffering and cruelty in this world, but prompts the idea that life is still worth it regardless.

People are still worth it.

Being kind and compassionate and true to yourself is still worth it.

You are still worth it.

In the author's own words, Tian Guan Ci Fu is:

(Previous post which inspired this one)

[augustvandyne]

oh here’s another addison thought

reader and addison start getting on, reader helping and assisting in surgeries. reader isn’t an intern tho.

reader gets a feeling addison likes her, addison does but she is Scared™️

and then addison goes to LA :(

and reader goes to her, last ditch attempt. “why did you leave me?”

angsty.. i like it

why did you leave?

You were Addison’s fellow. You were in your final year of residency when Addison made her big entrance, and you stood idly by as you watched everything with Derek, Meredith and her go down.

As soon as your options for fellowships opened up, you made sure you were to study under the Addison Montgomery.

She was kind of rude to you at first, as she was going through the final stages of her divorce, but she did finally open up to you and let you in on surgeries. And then, the two of you were closer than ever.

You did a lot of the surgeries with her, led them too.

Addison and you ate lunch together almost everyday, because all your other friends ate lunch while you were in surgery, so Addison would offer to eat with you.

“But Callie is sitting over there. You should go sit with her,” You would shrug and take a seat in the back of the cafeteria.

“I can’t leave you alone,” Addison huffed and sat beside you. “Besides, Mark will sit with Callie.”

You smiled appreciatively, “Okay. Only if you want to.”

You’d also go to the bar with her, and sometimes even get dinner with her if your schedules aligned. The two of you even got together for Christmas and exchanged gifts. Mostly because neither of you had any blood relatives in Seattle, and found comfort in each other.

She got you a necklace, and you would play with it when you got nervous. Addison would notice and try to comfort you, but she was beginning to think it was her that did it.

“Stop,” She removed your hand from your necklace. “You’re going to make a mark on the back of your neck from tugging on that.”

You’d let out a breath, “Sorry. It’s just the nerves.”

“Oh?” Addison lifted her brows, sitting beside you on the abandoned bed in the hallway. “What’s going on today?”

“An old friend is coming down to see me,” You shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Sure it is,” Addison swallowed down the negative thoughts and her own anxiety. “How long did you know them?”

“It’s a she, and I knew her my whole life before I moved out here. She was actually my first kiss.”

Addison nodded, pretending to be busy with the hair tie on her wrist.

“Hey, listen,” Addison turned her head, and she thought she might have told you about her ongoing feelings, but something else entirely comes out. “I’m going to visit a friend in LA next week. Could you watch over my patients? You’ll work under another neonatal surgeon while I’m gone. It’ll only be a day or two.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

She was gone for more than two days, and she didn’t answer any of your messages while she was gone. She came back almost a week later and she was different.

Addison told you about how she met a guy down there and that she missed her best friend, Naomi.

You stood by and tried to be supportive, you smiled and pushed the jealousy down, because even though you didn’t want to, you felt the same way she did.

She was tanner than when she left, and her red hair was a lighter shade now.

“It was nice down there,” She told you. “I think you’d like it. Because you love beaches.”

Your heart throbbed at the fact that she remembered something you told her the first time she talked to you.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr. L/n,” Addison threw her gloves in the trash.

She barely called you that anymore, but right then she did, and it hurt like hell. For some reason you didn’t believe you’d see her the next morning. And your hunch was right.. because you didn’t.

You didn’t even know what you were doing, honestly. You just got the urge to leave Seattle for a few days, and you took yourself to LA.

You were at a local market when you spotted her.

She looked amazing. She’d cut her hair, and it was now to her shoulders. She was still tan like she was when you last saw her, but her hair was back to her normal red color.

She looks at you, and you think she might not even recognize you at first. Because truth be told, it had been almost a year since she’d left, and she’d built a life for herself out here.

Or so you hear through Callie.

You look down at the blueberries you were messing with, suddenly trying to look busy.

“Y/n..” Addison approached you, but you didn’t look up. “What are you doing here?”

“Um..” Your voice shakes, and you’re not sure if you’re going to be able to talk. “I needed to get out of Seattle for a few days.”

“I know the feeling,” She chuckles.

The sound of her voice and laugh makes your body tingle from your head to your toes.

“I’m sure,” You say bitterly, picking up a carton of blueberries so you can hopefully leave this conversation behind.

She just follows behind you as you make your way to the vegetables, “So.. uh.. how are you? How’s— how’s Seattle?”

“I’m fine,” You shrug.

“Are you still working in the neonatal field?” You see her hoist her bag higher on her shoulder from the corner of your eyes. “Is that why you’re here?”

“No,” You grit your teeth. “I’m here because I needed a few days away from Seattle, I told you. I didn’t mean to drive here, I just put my brain on autopilot, and it brought me here. I didn’t even think about you being here until now, okay?”

Your voice is soft and it’s scaring you because you hold nothing but anger for Addison. So the fact that you’re speaking in a sweet tone..

“It was nice seeing you,” You attempt to get her out of your head again, but it doesn’t work.

“Do you wanna.. I don’t know.. meet for drinks tonight?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” You clench your jaw, trying to keep yourself from saying something you know you’re going to regret.

“Y/n, look at me,” You hear Addison’s voice wavering like yours had only minutes ago.

You manage to pull your eyes away from the fresh produce and to her face, and it’s hard for you to look her in the eyes, but you manage.

Her hand comes up to touch you on the face, and when it does, you flinch at her soft touch. Your breath catches in your throat, and you have to swallow down the lump in your throat so you don’t start crying.

“Why did you leave?” Your voice breaks, and tears are beginning to fill in your eyes, much to your dismay.

“I needed a change of scenery—“

“No,” You all but growl, you sharply inhale and press your lips together. “Why did you leave me?”

Addison’s eyes flutter, and her own eyes fill with tears. You’ve struck her in a wound she was so desperately trying to heal.

“Y/n..” She wipes a stray tear with the pad of her thumb, her palm resting on your cheek. “I didn’t.. I didn’t leave you..”

“You did, though,” You try to turn your head, but her hold on you is soft and strong. “You left me, and I didn’t even get a goodbye.”

Next think you know, she’s pulling you into a hug, one of her hands now on the back of your head while the other snakes around your waist.

“I never meant to make you feel like that,” Her mouth is by your ear.

“It doesn’t feel that way,” You sob into her shoulder.

She pulls back, both her hands making their way to your cheeks, “I had feelings for you, Y/n. And I know it was immature, but— I— I was scared that you didn’t feel the same and I had to get out of there.”

As if your heart hadn’t broken enough times in your chest since this interaction had started, it somehow broke again.

“Addie.. I did— do feel the same. Didn’t you see?”

“I didn’t want to assume—“

You lean up and place a kiss on her lips, “Well stop assuming, and start living in the moment with me. This has been the worst experience ever. I hate the new head of neonatal, and I think she hates me too. I wish you would have just talked to me..”

“I will from now on,” Addison promises, staring into your eyes.

“What?” You smile softly, all of your pent up hate for her slowly melting away. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re beautiful, am I not allowed to admire you?” Addison tilted her head.

“No, you can,” You draw your brows together in amusement. “I like it, actually. But you want something from me.”

“I want another kiss,” Addison shrugged, shyness in her tone.

You laugh, “You’re adorable.”

“Thank you,” Addison nodded. “Now come on, I have a lot of people to introduce you to.”

“There it is,” You throw your head back.

[xoioel]

➤ MENT TO BE

parings: tzuyu x 10th!Member Reader

genre: fluff, angst

warning; none

summary: Being new to all of the relationships stuff, Tzuyu thought you had left but in reality you were just cooking breakfast

note: very short but i love it so. Love my bias Tzuyu

-

Tzuyu groaned as she rolled towards the nightstand to silence her alarm. It was the one she only set to make sure she didn’t sleep all day on her rare days off. She wanted to make sure that she spent most of it with you. At the thought of you, she instinctively rolled back towards your side of the bed, opening her mouth to tell you to wake up. Her jaw hung open in shock when she didn’t see you in bed next to her. Her brow furrowed in confusion, making her sit up to find some sort of answer as to why you weren’t lying in her bed.

No text messages, no note, no sign of your things. She sighed defeatedlty, letting her insecurities get the better of her. She probably said something that scared you off last night. She figured that her telling you she loved you must have made her look desperate. Even worse, maybe you weren’t in love with her back at all and left her because it would be too hard to say it to her face?

Her internal monologue was interrupted by a loud crash that sounded like it came from the kitchen. She immediately sprung up, startled and wanting to investigate the scene. She hurriedly turnt the corner into the kitchen, and stopped in her tracks at the sight before her. There you were, cleaning flour up off the floor while the kitchen was in shambles around you. The counter was covered in eggs and milk, all the pots and pans were brought out from the cupboard, and something was burning on the stove.

“Ah, I’m sorry babe, I didn’t mean to wake you up!” you cried as you noticed her in front of you. “No, it’s okay. I’m kind of relieved to be honest.” she laughed, putting her hands up in her hair in disbelief. “What exactly are you doing?” You sighed, dumping the dustpan into the trash. “Well, I’m trying to make us pancakes, but it’s not exactly working out.” She gave you an affectionate pout, clasping her hands over her heart. Here she was, worried that you didn’t love her and abandoned her, when you were just in the kitchen making her breakfast. She felt so stupid, and a little bit guilty too. “Awh, you’re so precious Y/N! Let me help you…”

She put her long auburn locks up into a ponytail and approached your messy bowl of batter to make some new pancakes. She had apparently been making them for the girls lately, and had gotten pretty good at it. You had never really cooked them by yourself, you just wanted to surprise her. “You’re so good at this honey!” you squealed, wrapping your arms around her torso in a soft back hug. “Sorry I couldn’t make them myself. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed.” She giggled, flipping a pancake. “Hey, it’s the thought that counts! It’s so kind of you just to want this. Besides, it’s more special because we got to work together on it!” Soon your girlfriend had cooked up a huge stack of beautiful pancakes, and you were sitting at the table about to devour them. “I was relieved to see you here…” She said as she drunk her juice.

“Tzu?” you asked suddenly, stopping your knife mid-saw. “What did you mean when you said you were relieved to see me in the kitchen earlier?” She set down her glass of juice, eyes going wide at the table beneath her as she tried to think of what to say. Her fingers drummed on the table for a minute before she gave you a fake laugh. “Of course I just meant that I was happy you weren’t hurt… I heard a loud noise so I ran out and-“

“Tzuyu.” you stopped her, looking at her with a knowing expression. You reached forward and grabbed her hand, rubbing your thumb against the back. She looked at you with big, vulnerable eyes, completely frozen. “You didn’t think I left, did you?” She glanced to the side with an anxious smile, biting her lip. After she collected herself, she turned back to face you. “I didn’t mean to think poorly of your loyalty, I was just scared because of what I said last night.”

“What, that you love me?” you inquired, squinting your eyes slightly in confusion. “I said I loved you too though...” You said very confused. “Y/N please don’t be upset,” she pleaded, eyes growing glossy. “I know you’re not that kind of person. I was more looking down on myself because I thought I didn’t deserve you.”

“Hey hey, there’s no need to cry…” you hushed her, pulling out the chair to sit in her lap. “I’m not upset with you, I’m just worried that you don’t know how much I love you. Nothing you ever say could scare me. I’ll never see you as desperate just because you don’t want to be abandoned. Relationships are scary, I would be more concerned if you didn’t get anxious. But I promise I’m not going anywhere.” Her face slowly turnt up into a loving smile as she put her arms up around your shoulders to embrace you. “You always know the perfect thing to say.”

You rested your forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. “The only thing I know for sure is that I love you.” You say very happily, “I love you too, Y/N. I think I just needed to hear it from you first.” She giggled, leaning forward to meet your lips in a soft, slow kiss. It was full of adoration and gratitude, and you could feel through the grip she had on your shift that she was trying to communicate how she felt about you with her actions. And of course, you understood her perfectly. That was what made you two such a perfect match after all! The both of you spent the rest of the day doing all of things you both love. Also going to you guys favorite stores and stopping at the animal shelter so look at all of the puppies. Going to Tzuyus favorite clothing store and your favorite stores aswell. You both are just ment to be…

© xoioel — do not copy, translate, or share my work.

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Personality Types Part 1: an Introduction to the Enneagram

If you've never heard of the Enneagram, it's a personality typing system that looks at your core motivations and the childhood wounds that inform them. I love it because it's entirely internal; while it's true that people of the same type tend to have some traits in common, what's most important is that deep-seated, all-encompassing belief that drives you. In this post, I will give a brief overview of the 9 types to refer back to when I analyze the characters of Fruits Basket. I plan to analyze all the cursed Sohmas, plus Tohru, Arisa, Saki, Kazuma, Kakeru, Machi, and possibly some more minor characters (like Kimi, Megumi, Kyoko, Katsuya, and anyone else who captures my interest).

As I've been writing fanfiction, I've been using the Enneagram as a tool to better understand the characters and their motivations. When I've been stuck on how to write a character, I try to figure out their Enneagram (and sometimes their MBTI) to get a better sense of who they are, what drives them, how they think, etc... It's a wonderful tool for writers, and I highly recommend learning about it if you ever struggle to understand a character (as a writer or a reader/viewer!).

When I first learned about the Enneagram, I connected strongly with 1, 2, 4, and 7. I connected slightly with 5 and 6, and not at all with 3, 8, and 9. Can you guess my Type (and Wing) from that information? Answer is at the bottom of this post!

[Information in this post about each type comes from the following sources: EnneaApp, Enneagram Explained, The Enneagram Institute, Helping Writers Become Authors, The Narrative Enneagram, and Truity.]

Type 1: The Reformer

Wound: heavily criticized

Wounding message: It's not okay to make mistakes.

Core desire: to be right/good

Core fear: being defective, morally flawed, wrong

Defense mechanism: be above criticism

Strengths: conscientious, rational, idealistic, responsible, can improve the world for themselves and others

Challenges: resentful, rigid, overly critical, obsessive, easily frustrated when things don't live up to their very high standards

When healthy: more spontaneous, joyful, optimistic, and self-accepting (like healthy Sevens)

When unhealthy: moody, irrational, melancholy, envious, withdrawn (like unhealthy Fours)

Wings: 9 and 2

Type 2: The Giver

Wound: loved only for utility to others

Wounding message: It's not okay to have your own needs.

Core desire: to be wanted, needed, loved

Core fear: being unneeded, unloved, unlovable

Defense mechanism: gain love and approval by giving to others and becoming central in their lives

Strengths: kind, generous, nurturing, relationship-oriented, selfless, warm, can nurture and care for the world around them

Challenges: intrusive, needy, possessive, people-pleasing, manipulative, martyrish, repress personal needs and feelings

When healthy: more self-nurturing, emotionally aware, accepting of painful feelings (like healthy Fours)

When unhealthy: aggressive, controlling, argumentative, blunt, demanding (like unhealthy Eights)

Wings: 1 and 3

Type 3: The Achiever

Wound: rewarded only for achievements

Wounding message: It's not okay to have your own feelings and identity.

Core desire: to be loved for who they are, to be valuable and worthwhile

Core fear: being worthless, insignificant; failure

Defense mechanism: strive for success and to distinguish themselves to gain admiration

Strengths: productive, adaptable, successful, pragmatic, driven, bear witness to the intrinsic value in themselves and others

Challenges: vain, overworked, inauthentic, impatient, competitive, emotionally out-of-touch, reliant on validation

When healthy: more committed to others, aware of feelings, authentic (like healthy Sixes)

When unhealthy: complacent, withdrawn, disengaged, apathetic (like unhealthy Nines)

Wings: 2 and 4

Type 4: The Individualist

Wound: abandoned

Wounding message: It's not okay to be too functional or happy.

Core desire: to be seen and loved for who they are

Core fear: having no personal identity or significance, being flawed and missing out on some basic aspect of happiness that other people have access to

Defense mechanism: amplify what is different and special about themselves, search for niche where they can be appreciated

Strengths: sensitive, introspective, expressive, idealistic, deeply-feeling, creative, compassionate, can release the past and live fully in the present

Challenges: dramatic, moody, self-absorbed, withdrawn, over-sensitive, envious, stubborn, depressed

When healthy: more objective, principled, disciplined (like healthy Ones)

When unhealthy: over-involved, clingy, jealous, testing of relationships (like unhealthy Twos)

Wings: 3 and 5

Type 5: The Investigator

Wound: lack of affection

Wounding message: It's not okay to be comfortable in the world.

Core desire: to have needs met, to be competent and understand their environment

Core fear: being overwhelmed by their own needs and those of others

Defense mechanism: withdraw from relationships and emotions, focusing on gathering information as an escape from the demands of the world

Strengths: perceptive, thoughtful, dependable, calm in crisis, objective, curious, independent, can observe themselves and others without judgment or expectations

Challenges: detached, isolated, withholding, arrogant, cynical, critical of others, secretive, nihilistic

When healthy: more assertive, self-confident, decisive (like healthy Eights)

When unhealthy: dissatisfied, indulgent, distracted, hyperactive, scattered (like unhealthy Sevens)

Wings: 4 and 6

Type 6: The Loyalist

Wound: unpredictable, unsafe environment

Wounding Message: It's not okay to trust yourself.

Core desire: to be safe, secure, supported by others

Core fear: being unprepared and unable to defend themselves from danger, being without support and guidance

Defense mechanism: prepare for every possible turn of events, seek support and reassurance from others, project emotions onto others

Strengths: perceptive, sensitive, loyal, engaging, witty, courageous, prepared, responsible, trouble-shooters, true courage and capability when standing up to life's challenges

Challenges: anxious, hyper-vigilant, pessimistic, contrary, paranoid, self-doubting, rigid, unpredictable, suspicious

When healthy: more relaxed, calm, less anxious, optimistic (like healthy Nines)

When unhealthy: afraid of failure, keep busy to distract themselves, competitive, arrogant (like unhealthy Threes)

Wings: 5 and 7

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Wound: deprived of nurturing

Wounding message: It's not okay to depend on anyone for anything.

Core desire: to be satisfied, to maintain freedom and happiness

Core fear: being deprived or experiencing pain

Defense mechanism: constantly seek out fun, exciting, and novel experiences; rationalize feelings to avoid pain

Strengths: adventurous, playful, imaginative, energetic, optimistic, quick-thinking, spontaneous, share joyful celebration of existence with those around them

Challenges: hedonistic, self-absorbed, unrealistic, uncommitted, impatient, unfocused, superficial, restless, impulsive, rebellious, escapist

When healthy: more focused, restrained, okay with painful things, fascinated by life (like healthy Fives)

When unhealthy: rigid, critical, pessimistic, angry, perfectionistic (like unhealthy Ones)

Wings: 6 and 8

Type 8: The Challenger

Wound: lack of safety

Wounding message: It's not okay to be vulnerable or trust anyone.

Core desire: to have people who are loyal to them, to be independent and protect themselves

Core fear: being vulnerable, powerless, controlled, or harmed

Defense mechanism: be strong and in control

Strengths: principled, courageous, determined, generous, loyal, resilient, direct, confident, resourceful, stand up for those weaker than them

Challenges: lustful, afraid of vulnerability, confrontational, insensitive, manipulative, possessive, rebellious

When healthy: compassionate, open-hearted, caring (like healthy Twos)

When unhealthy: detached, cynical, secretive, fearful (like unhealthy Fives)

Wings: 7 and 9

Type 9: The Peacemaker

Wound: overlooked or neglected

Wounding message: It's not okay to assert yourself.

Core desire: to avoid unpleasant emotions, to preserve things as they are, to matter

Core fear: separation, disconnection, loss

Defense mechanism: submit to the desires of others to be included, avoid internal and external conflict, "numb out" to avoid going too deep

Strengths: calm, excellent mediators, caring, non-judgmental, amiable, optimistic, good listeners, easy-going, reassuring, trusting, stable, bring healing to the world around them

Challenges: stubborn, ambivalent, forgetful, conflict-avoidant, indecisive, passive-aggressive, insecure, resigned, self-effacing, complacent

When healthy: assertive, present, energetic, self-developing (like healthy Threes)

When unhealthy: anxious, self-doubting, suspicious, worried (like unhealthy Sixes)

Wings: 8 and 1

Even as I was putting together this guide, my opinions on the Enneagrams of some characters changed. Who did you recognize? Who still has you stumped?

Did you figure out my type? I'm a 1 with a 2 wing. I connected to those two as well as 4 and 7, which corresponds to where Ones go when we're healthy or unhealthy.

Fruits Basket Personality Types: MBTI | Tohru | Akito | Kyo | Yuki | Haru | Kisa | Momiji | Hatori | Ayame | Rin | Hiro | Ritsu | Kureno | Shigure | Kagura | Kazuma | Saki | Arisa | Machi | Kakeru | The Hondas | Kaibara Students

[kerink]

okay, i have made this point numerous times by now (1, 2), but i think it's worth bringing up in light of the new episode:

kevin was in the DOW prior to strexcorp

in 237 kevin says he was in the DOW as a child:

KEVIN: I remember as a child, when Frown Night ended, I’d take my bag of loot, and sit on the highest level of the lighthouse. LAUREN: Oh, the one at the top of the mountain? KEVIN: Of course that one! Where else would you put a lighthouse, Lauren?

and it devours says kevin went to the DOW, learned about smiling god worship, then brought his teachings back to desert bluffs:

“Kevin was a great figure in the history of the church. He had once been a radio host in a town called Desert Bluffs until one day he had found an old oak door. He had gone through that door, and had entered heaven, where he had met the Smiling God. When he returned, it was with the message of the Smiling God, a message that he spread through his radio shows until he disappeared. It was said that he had returned to heaven, to join the Smiling God there."

and in e41 dana finds an abandoned settlement of smiling god worshippers:

“Beyond the lighthouse, I found a settlement of sort. It was bound inside the stone walls of a tightly wound gorge. […] Also, there were strange drawings along the walls of the gorge. Orange triangles, growing bigger and bigger as I traced my way deeper into the spiral. There was a soft light just around the edges of the triangles. […] When I look to the horizon, I see light. Like the light in the spiral. I feel it push against the back of my eyes. It is the unraveling of all things. The great glowing coils of the universe unwinding.”

so while the timeline is murky about how old kevin was when he first went to the DOW, i think it's clear by now that his current life there is his second life there. It was said that he had returned to heaven, to join the Smiling God there.

in terms of his age discrepancy, though, i wonder if he could have gone to the DOW as an intern? after all, cecil was interning at 15, so it's possible for kevin to have been working at DBCR and still have been a child when he went to the DOW for the first time

i KNOW that kevin's unclear and contraindicatory background is because finknor are fucking up but come here, sit down and play with me

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 167

YO PROPS TO WITCH!!!

Hm, I wonder how Leelathae writes in her diary? I mean, does she write them in just dialogue, or narrative, or what? Either she is writes in dialogue, or she described the witch pretty well for Gwen to recognize who the witch is.

I mean, I didn't expect these ingredients, but sure. Does this imply there's a cemetery near The Pastel Kingdom? Cause Leelathae isn't allowed to be far from home, right? And I doubt she would ask someone to get dirt from cemetery for her...

I wonder what Leelathae plan was? Cause she didn't get the chance to execute it since her portrait was stolen by Leland. Or maybe she did execute it while in the Plaid Kingdom?

I agree with the witch so much. The painters fr did Leelathae dirty 💀

THE WITCH WASN'T LYING. SHE DOES LOOK COOL AF. LIKE. BRO?? HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE.

Huh. How does the ingredient turn into a paint-like liquid?? None of the ingredients are liquid based. Maybe the dirt?

This whole spell thing is sick man. It's so dang cool!! I wonder if anyone notices Leelathae sparkling?? I mean, one of the maids has got to notice right?

Also I've never knew there's tea inside snickerdoodles (chai is tea, right?). Well, it's not like I've ever tried snickerdoodles, but last time I read the recipe, I don't remember tea being in the recipe. But that was years ago so it might just be my memory.

Well, the mystery of the portrait is finally solved! And yet there's another mystery.. what writing did Leelathae put behind her portrait? Yes, the diary is one of them, but there are other things too. Like those brown and green papers. I'm guessing it's a message toward her kids?

Ohh, that's why!! Leelathae was glowy because of the spell!

BRUH SO WAS IT LIKE, A MISUNDERSTANDING THIS WHOLE TIME?? I did kinda predict it in my really old post, but I was joking T_T

Something's kinda bothering me about what Leelathae said in her 3rd wish. Why is she only talking about her daughters? What about Jamie? Or is there a hidden meaning that I am not getting here? If someone would enlighten me, that would be nice.

Aw. It's actually pretty sweet when you think about how they didn't even know how to speak to each other at first, but they still fell in love with each other <3

Oh. Oohhh....okay. This doesn't justify what Leland is doing right now, but it sure give a big reason for it. Yikes. Damn. That must've hurt.

Okay okay, let me just remember the past episodes to realize all the causes here.

Leland's parents died due to tragic carriage accident (didn't a carriage accident happen more than once? Tho I can't remember to who besides Leland's parents)

His best friend, Jack, didn't arrive to Leland's parents' funeral, which is the moment he needed him the most (not Jack's fault though, since he was literally stranded in an island)

Leland obviously has a little crush on Jack, which is why it hurts him when he found out Jack brought Leelathae to Pastel Kingdom (again, not Jack's fault). I think this is where he jealousy starts, the point where Leland thinks he has to be better at every love things than Jack.

He overheard Jack saying he didn't need him, which is probably the nail in the coffin for Leland. I mean that monologue Leland has? That's kinda internal mental breakdown right there. (I gotta say, this scenario is kindaaa similar to Gwen overhearing Frederick calls her ugly. I wouldn't say it's the exact same thing of course. It's just the overhearing that makes it similar)

So! Looking at these 4 reasons, it is highly likely that Leland has some problems (no shit sherlock). HEAR ME OUT. I don't know what it is yet. I was thinking of abandonment issues, but I have yet to read much about it, so i'm not sure yet.

HAH! Glad Leelathae decided to haunt his dreams tho!

OH SHIT OH SHIT. NAH LELAND NAHHHH. HE BETTER NOT. ....well at the time i'm writing this the next episode is already out so.. guess we're gonna find out...IN THE NEXT REVIEW!!

Yeah I haven't read the episode yet lol. I bet it's gonna be chaotic though.

That's it for now, until next time.

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts)

[ciaran]

ep10 thoughts (spoilers for trigun stampede 10)

it's very obvious that Vash's pain tolerance is at best highly variable and most probably obscenely high. he gets shot and makes barely any sound, without even giving the impression that he is deliberately keeping himself quiet, and then walks off. also what an insanely good character beat!!! I'm going to throw up.

i actually wonder to what extent (and I've been having this thought since the plant reveals dropped, around that time) Vash's extreme compassion for humans is inherent to him on a species level. most of the plants we've seen haven't been characterized (as much as they've been shown as having an internality) as...disliking the way they're used even though it's clearly bad for them? like this isn't scanning as a metaphor for slavery, more for symbiotic relationships or parasitic mutualism. not that i think that's a decent status quo but, ah. thoughts.

Vash apologizing repeatedly to Wolfwood ;_; WAIT SHIRTLESS VASH REVEAL????? IM SHAKING LIKE A CHIHUAHUA RN

“I can imagine, even if i don't want to, how a misfit like you is being treated by humans,” I'm going to climb into a rocket and blow myself up to fuck. what the fuck

i need to print every line of dialogue from this scene onto the inside of my skull they're giving me EVERYTHING i want

then we're immediately catapulted into some kind of sick and twisted old man yaoi between Doctor human experimentation and our good friend Roberto

side note it's very funny to me that the Meryl/Roberto dynamic parallels the Vash/Wolfwood dynamic in the sense of: idealistic person walks into trouble and their cynical, substance abusing boyfriend/mentor trudges despairingly after them to keep them alive another day. top tier

i love a good artificial and fucked up child I'll be honest. also Roberto saying “the important thing is how you feel when you see these children”...i may be reading too much into his character but his addiction and cynicism make sense to me from the perspective of this—essentially okay if ordinarily messy person trying to survive in a world where every daily decision runs counter to the basic morality he cannot silence no matter how much he drinks. which adds a certain tint to how he views Meryl? i don't precisely love their relationship as is (i would want a few more layers folded into it) but I'm inclined to view it more favourably in this episode.

SO I TYPED OUT "interesting backstory for Elendira" and then this guy said "he" so i was like "what" but INTERESTING BACKSTORY FOR ELENDIRA. PLEASE LET HER BE TRANSFEM STILL.

weirdly paced runaway scene though, really hollow and... tonally dissonant voice acting when i didn't notice a problem before. direction issue? it really jarring :/

VASH'S LITTLE WAVE AFTER THE ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES IS SO. BABY BOY YOU HAVE MY WHOLE HEART

huh, Roberto really let them walk into a trap and then abandoned them there. stone cold! i like that in a guy

“I hate you” “me too, we might get along well” Wolfwood will find a kid who looks traumatized and unsupervised and be like “is anyone going to be an elder brother to them” and not wait for an answer.

oh, Roberto NO. this is so annoying. let me have a good dynamic between them for ONE episode before it gets utterly killed oh my god. violently irritating stuff.

thematically, i like that Meryl receives the message that it's okay to run away if you're scared from her mentor, who has literally always advocated for this while also following Meryl into trouble quite frequently. it's also very...i don't have a word for this but i see it happen often, where one character hears something alone that other characters need to hear too, that type of emotional beat; this is a message that Vash needs, and Meryl is meant to pass it to him. but it's also for her! i like that Roberto emphasizes on some level the importance of not dying for a cause, for knowing your limits and sticking to them even when the world is demanding too much from you—but then he dies for it? hmm.

this monologue from Wolfwood is very interesting, isn't it? “i don't have time to hesitate for the fear of making sacrifices, i have to make a choice. i will do anything to protect the things i cherish. i am the guide, after all... what a great babysitter i am; i managed to bring you here alive when you're always asking to get killed” oh Wolfwood i will kiss you and your Judas parallels directly on the mouth. with tongue. and feed you olives <3

“thank you for all this time” aaaaaaaaaa

he has stubble in this episode I'm about to burst into tears. i need to make a list of Wolfwood's hottest features starting with 1. betrayed the love of his life (or tried to, i suspect it won't stick) 2. STUBBLE!!!!!

KNIVES!!! also I've been really enjoying the cuts to Knives playing the piano between scenes. so beautiful, so tender. augh. brotherly reunion ;_;

i have so many thoughts about the scene between Vash and Knives but starting with “you're just trying to make up for the big fall” no honey i think it goes back further than that but also! Vash is the most guilt-ridden man of all guilt-ridden men. so yes. head full

“Nicholas, have you put down your cross?” oh they gave him a cross just for dialogue like this to hit like a truck. i get it. I'm dying fr. "and what if i have" while carrying. denial is a river in egypt

“the redemption will never end: no matter what you do, the humans will never forgive your sins before they die” okay lots to unpack there also. he's right! but also. lots to unpack

is this Knives plan with collecting the dying plants? to send them out in a blaze of glory to make Vash a plant with the ability to create? that's SO sick and twisted i love it. freak rights who is doing it like Knives Millions for his baby brother

incredibly satisfying episode, 10/10 would watch again.

[liaromancewriter]

This Love Is

Premise: Cassie feels morose, and Ethan tries to cheer her up.

Book: Open Heart (post series) Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff Words: 1,175

A/N: Submission for @choiceschallenge-may2023 prompts "caress" and "love". I'm using @choicesflashfics week 31, prompt 1 (in bold)

Ethan Ramsey thought he had a good handle on his new wife’s moods. They’d been married almost six weeks but together for much longer. He had seen Cassie Valentine happy, upset, scared and angry. But her mood the last few days was new, at least to him.

Whenever he asked her about it, she brushed it off, saying she was okay. But the deep sigh that followed made it clear she was anything but. She wasn’t just sad, though. He thought she might be morose, bordering on depression.

Not the most patient of men, he decided he’d had enough. But first, he needed to understand precisely what he was dealing with.

On his laptop, Ethan scrolled through the Cat café website and noted the address and hours. He wondered if there were similar cafes of the canine variety but couldn’t find anything.

He supposed Max’s point was about spending time with domestic animals, but Cassie was partial to dogs. He still remembered how she kept sneaking into the conference room for the hospital’s Christmas puppy adoption drive during her intern year.

That was the first time he’d heard about her family’s pet ban. Now that he knew all the details, it made sense. His father would’ve made the same decision if Jenner kept running away from him all those years.

Being abandoned by one parent was bad enough. Being rejected by a puppy on top of that would’ve been worse.

Puppy drive. Of course, he thought, slapping his palm against his forehead. The center that had organized the campaign might still be around. And most centers had some kind of visitation hours.

Ethan wracked his brain for the name, but it was too long ago, and he hadn’t paid that much attention then. But his executive assistant would know, he grinned. Lorraine knew everything; what she didn’t know wasn’t worth knowing.

An hour or so later, he drove his car out of the hospital parking lot, armed with information his EA had collected in a terrifyingly short amount of time.

It was the middle of a work day, but he was a man on a mission. It was day four of Cassie’s mood, and the dire situation required swift action.

He wanted to curse at the construction work slowing down traffic. But he turned up the stereo instead, his fingers drumming against the steering wheel in tune with the soaring aria. The traffic inched forward, practically crawling at times, and then it cleared a couple of blocks away from his place.

By the time Ethan took the elevator up and inserted his keys in the front door, he had a headache from the heat outside and the persistent sound of jackhammers on his commute.

He closed the door behind him and cocked one ear at the silence in the apartment. It didn’t feel empty like before when he’d come home to nothing. So Cassie must be home.

No sounds of British accents in a period drama. Good. Or was that bad?

He took his phone out and checked the message from Max again to confirm.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

Cassie walked into the living room from the master bedroom, wearing a button-down shirt and jeans. She was barefoot, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail.

“I live here, remember?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Gee, you’re right, Doctor Obvious. I mean, what are you doing home at,” she checked her watch, “two o’clock in the afternoon. You never leave work this early.”

“I was worried about you,” he said.

“Ethan, I’m fi—”

“You’re not fine, Cassie,” Ethan said, raising his hand. “You’ve been depressed for days, and that’s not normal for you.”

His face softened at the tears gathering in her eyes. He sensed she might be ready to break.

“Come on, love.” He took her hand and pulled her down on the couch beside him, folding her in his arms.

Cassie buried her face against his throat, and he felt her tears fall on his shirt.

“Tell me what’s wrong. I’ll be damned if I don’t make you smile at least once today,” Ethan added fiercely. “But I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me.”

When she didn’t respond, he placed two fingers on her chin and lifted her face. “Is it work?” She shook her head. “Something personal then?” She nodded.

Cassie straightened, and his arms fell away. She wiped the tears away with her palms, but new ones pooled in the bottom of her eyes.

“I’m sad,” she said in a watery tone. “I miss Sienna. I only had two days with her after we returned from our honeymoon and before she moved to D.C. Every time I walk into Edenbrook, I feel her absence.”

She clasped his hand, holding tight. “When I meet the others in the cafeteria, it’s like we’re incomplete because she’s not there. I love that she and Max are finally together, but I hate that my besties aren’t here, with me.”

Ethan knew he was a poor substitute for her friends. Cassie and Sienna had been close like sisters, while her bond with her twin was undeniable. Short of moving to D.C., which was not a possibility, he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to fix this.

“Would you like to go visit them?” he asked. “I’m sure the Diagnostics Team will be fine without you for a few days. For all his faults, Carrick is an effective team leader. And I can always pitch in if he screws up, which he will.”

Ethan added the last in a deadpan voice guaranteed to make Cassie laugh. And it worked.

Giggling, she drilled her finger into his stomach. “Tobias is not going to screw up.”

Ethan just harrumphed. Tobias might be good, but his ego always got him into trouble.

Sensing that Cassie was feeling better after her confession, he decided it was time to execute phase two of his plan.

He stood up, dragging her with him. He turned to face her, scanned her clothes and nodded. “You’ll do.”

“Okay,” she made a face and then added in exasperation. “I’m not a mind reader, Ethan. Do for what?”

“Our afternoon plans. You’ll need shoes, ones you don’t mind getting dirty. The place closes in a few hours, so we should get going.”

“That’s all I get?” she quirked one eyebrow, not moving an inch.

“I have it on excellent authority from one of your besties that you’ll love it. So trust them if not me.”

Cassie seemed to consider his words as she watched him with a curious look in her green eyes.

“I do trust you, Ethan,” she said, reaching up to pull his head down. She brushed her lips across his, a light caress but all the sweeter for it. “This love, us, it’s special. It’s my everything.”

Later as they drove toward their destination, Ethan thought this love was his everything too. And wasn’t that a strange turn of events for a self-avowed cynic.

----------------

All Fics & Edits: @annfg8 @bluebelle08 @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @doriopenheart @genevievemd @headoverheelsforramsey @lucy-268 @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @mainstreetreader @peonierose @potionsprefect @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @socalwriterbee @takemyopenheart @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction

Submissions: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Ethan & Cassie only: @cariantha @custaroonie @hopelessromantic1352 @mrs-ramsey

[saint-starflicker]

Armchair Character Psychoanalysis of Peter Simmonds from Bare: a Pop Opera (Peter's Motivation)

I don't know the specific creative process that went into this show. Peter's parents being divorced could have been a detail thrown in there via spitballing, like Aaron Wells from fifth grade or the option to send Peter to Conversion Therapy camp. It could have been what details stuck versus what was cut depended on the vibe at the time to the power of what the rest of the show could get out of it—not necessarily that the choice of this detail was a deliberate statement or message.

I do want to say that I find a strikingly coherent thread that explains a lot about Peter Simmonds, if we read between the lines about his home life.

His grandmother is still alive and on chatty-lunches-out terms with his mother, if Claire is to be believed on that point, and in some versions Peter has a sister implied to be younger than him. I think that's the Holy Trinity that Peter thinks of as home, which is why his first prayers in the show and the plot-significant religious hallucinations are Marian venerations, rather than visions of Jesus like in the Putnam County Spelling Bee or Hamlet 2. (He switches to the Pater Noster prayer after the anachronistic and Roman Catholic Canon Law-breaking nightmare of a woman officiating his wedding, replaced by a priest officiating Jason's wedding. I think that symbolizes Peter's leaving boyhood behind and stepping into a role of maturity, that he's going to take initiative and charge on ahead completely alone instead of needing support and approval to get more approval and more support: "See Me" and "Absolution". But this is a tangent.)

If Claire's asides are anything to go by, it takes plenty of nagging to get Peter's father involved and as we can guess from "Epiphany", Peter might still feel that his father's rejection and absence in Peter's life is Peter's fault.

Unlike Jason (who provided "an escape grown from seeds that you planted" and slew all Peter's giants), Peter's father seemingly never provided Peter any reassurance or closure regarding the abandonment/divorce upheaval.

This point about what Jason did right—getting Peter to feel okay with his own gay even as they pray—is about to become very, very important.

Catholic culture rather prides itself on orthodoxy, so I would think there would be plenty of social stigma that Peter actually internalizes when it comes to being from "a broken home". Obviously he loves his mother, because he tells her almost everything, but there's things he can't tell her and I think that fact weighs in his heart right beside the concept of "divorced families are broken homes to the children" stereotype that pervades the culture of many Catholic communities.

Ever wonder what might fix that feeling? An idea that's just wild and crazy enough to work, and worth the risk to Peter? Because Peter still gets nightmares about his friends calling him out about his parents, his dad, and his broken home for some reason. Wonder what will ever undo the sense of brokenness that marred his life and sense of wellbeing for at least 10 years without relief?Wonder if there's anything that can be done to make this family be whole and complete, such that Peter won't so desperately need emotional validation from his dad anymore?

Introduce boyfriend to mom.

.

[walker-extended-universe]

Just For One Night, Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Relationship(s): Liam Walker & OFC, Cordell Walker & Liam Walker, Cordell Walker/Liam Walker, Walkercest

Tags/Warnings: Walkercest, Sibling Incest, Alternate Universe, Liam never came out, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, Late Night Conversations, Running Away, Abandoned at the Altar

Summary: It's the middle of the night and neither brother can sleep. Cordell insists on talking about it and Liam doesn't seem keen.

@walkerverse-bingo square filled: Walkercest

Written for @augustofwhump Day 10: Secret

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

----------

Liam stared at the glowing red numbers on the clock by the bed. It was nearly 2 in the morning. After hours of trying to fall asleep, he was no closer to any kind of rest.

He sighed and sat up to get his phone. If he wasn’t going to sleep, he may as well start trying to smooth things over.

He turned his phone on and found the expected barrage of messages. He ignored most of them, looking for anything from Emma. There was only one.

[Text from: Emma]: Are you okay?

[Text to: Emma]: Yes. Cordi found me.

[Text to: Emma]: I’m sorry. I broke our deal.

[Text from: Emma]: It’s okay. I probably should’ve seen it coming.

[Text to: Emma]: I’m really, really sorry.

[Text from: Emma]: I know. I understand.

[Text to: Emma]: I’ll be the bad guy in the story. You don’t have to explain anything.

[Text from: Emma]: Well, that goes without saying lol.

[Text from: Emma]: It’s really okay. I almost ran away too. Just stay safe out there, okay?

[Text to: Emma]: I will

He put his phone down and rubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to face his family again after today, especially since he would never be able to tell them the truth. But Cordell wouldn’t let him hide away forever. He’d just have to hope he could get by on the “I got cold feet and I’m sorry” excuse without too much interrogation.

“Liam?” He felt the mattress shift beneath him as Cordell sat up behind him. “You okay?”

“Can’t sleep,” Liam muttered.

His brother hummed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Liam sighed. “I ran away from my own wedding and I don’t think anyone will understand why.” What else was there to say?

“They don’t have to understand,” Cordell said. “I mean, they won’t be happy about it, but it’s your life, no one else’s. If you don’t want to marry Emma, that’s your business. I mean, you owe her a massive apology, but other than that everyone else can deal with it.”

Liam looked over his shoulder. “Why are you being so understanding about this?”

Cordell shrugged. “Because I know you. And I know you wouldn’t run out on your wedding day without good reason. I don’t know what that reason is, and I don’t need to. I just need to know that you’re okay.”

Liam shook his head. “I feel like it shouldn’t be that easy….”

“Well, it won’t be with anyone else so maybe take the gift horse while you have it.”

Liam rolled his eyes and stood up. “Whatever. I’m in the mood for a midnight snack. Does this place have a vending machine?”

“Yeah I saw one by the manager's office,” Cordell said. “Take my wallet; I’ve got cash. Bring me back a soda or something.”

Liam smiled and put his pants back on. “Alright, if you insist.” He took his brother’s wallet from the other nightstand and stepped out into the night for a snack. Just talking with his brother like that already had him feeling better.

Maybe he should take Cordell’s advice and ride that feeling a little longer before he had to return to the real world.

—----------

Cordell decided to get dressed while Liam got them snacks. He didn’t think he’d be falling back asleep anytime soon. 

He told Liam he didn’t care about the reason why he suddenly left the wedding like that, but truth be told he was worried. Liam wouldn’t do something like this just because of cold feet. But if it was such a big deal, why didn’t he cut things off sooner? And what did he mean by “I don’t think anyone will understand why”? Did something happen between him and Emma? Was she not the perfect fiance she always presented herself to be? Or was something else bothering Liam?

He wanted answers. He had to know that Liam was actually okay, that they wouldn’t end up here again. And he wanted Liam to know he was safe to talk to.

Liam came back after about 15 minutes. “Hey, they didn’t have any good soda so I got us both waters and chips.”

“Awesome.” He took the food that Liam handed him. “So, how are you feeling?”

“I feel like we just had this conversation.”

“Liam….”

Liam gave him a weak smile. “I’m okay right now. I won’t be when we go back, but…. I’m okay.”

Cordell nodded. “I know you’re worried about how everyone’s gonna handle your little….exit. But maybe I can help smooth things over if I knew a little more about why. I mean, at least with our family. You’re probably better equipped to deal with Emma and hers….”

Liam focused on opening his bag of chips. “I, uh, I actually already talked to Emma. She’s…. She’s okay.”

“Really?”

He shrugged. “I mean, she’s not happy about it but…. I think she understands.”

“Does she?”

Liam sighed. “Look, it’s kind of complicated but…. Our marriage wasn’t just fully based on our feelings for each other. I wouldn’t call it an arranged marriage exactly but…. We had an understanding.”

Cordell frowned. “Why would you do something like that?”

He shrugged. “We both wanted to get married and we got along well enough. It seemed like a good idea at the time….”

“So what changed?” Liam normally saw his commitments through. Even if he didn’t agree with this particular deal, it was odd for Liam to back out like this, especially in such a public way.

Liam avoided his eyes. “I…. I got feelings for someone else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah….”

Cordell reached over and pat his shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. That must be rough. I guess that’s why Emma’s so understanding?”

“Yeah, I got lucky there….”

“So…. This person you caught feelings for…. Does she know?”

Liam stared at his water bottle. “Uh, no. I mean, about the wedding yeah but not…. Not how I feel.”

“Well, the wedding is off now. Unless Emma is holding you to it?”

Liam shook his head. “We haven’t really talked about it but I don’t think she’s looking for a repeat performance of yesterday.”

“Well, there you go. You can confess your feelings and have a wedding with someone you actually love.”

Liam shook his head. “No, it’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Because…. Because it’s just not going to happen. They don’t feel the same way about me and even if they did…. No one would understand.”

“Liam, you don’t know that. You can’t know that until you try. I mean, at this point, what do you really have to lose?”

Liam glanced at him and held his gaze for a long, silent moment. “You have no idea,” he muttered.

“Then-”

“Drop it, Cordi. I’m not doing it, end of story.”

“Well why the hell not? Can you at least tell me that?”

“Cordi-”

“What, is she married? Does she not love you back? Is it just an online thing? Or- Don’t tell me it’s one of those camgirls. I swear-”

“It’s none of that!” Liam snapped.

“Then what? What is it? What could possibly be so bad that you’d rather embarrass yourself in front of everyone we know than man up and deal with it?” There had to be something. Liam wasn’t normally this indecisive.

“Forget it-”

“No. Liam, you just saved yourself from a loveless marriage. Don’t condemn yourself to loneliness because of it.”

“Cordi,” Liam warned. “Just- There’s a reason, okay?”

“Tell me then! Tell me the reason! Maybe I can help-”

“You can’t! No one can! It’s not that simple!”

“Then what is it? What’s the problem? Why-”

“Because it’s you, damn it!”

Both brothers went silent, staring at each other. 

Cordell couldn’t have heard that right. It didn’t make any sense. Liam’s other person was…him? But- But he was straight. And they were brothers. None of this made any sense.

“Fuck it,” Liam muttered, breaking Cordell’s train of thought. The next thing he knew, Liam’s lips were on his.

At first, he was too shocked to do anything. So he let Lim push him back toward the mattress. He let Liam push him down and crawl over him. He let Liam take his shirt off and kiss his neck.

He knew he should stop it, should tell Liam this was ridiculous and maybe take one of their pillows out to his truck.

But…. It felt good. It had been a long time since he felt good like this. And maybe it was wrong but…. It was good for Liam too.

One night wouldn’t hurt anything.

So the next time Liam’s lips touched his, he kissed back enthusiastically. He let his hands explore Liam’s body, dipping below his waistband. Just one night. And then they could pretend it never happened. Just their little secret. Cordell could live with that. Hopefully, Liam could too.

[sixthwater]

Hi everyone! So this pac originally was supposed to be about your shadow traits, but instead it wanted to be about current circumstances and some advice, and I can't really argue with the cards. So here we are. As always whatever doesn't resonate leave it, and remember that your circumstances are special to you. Also, this time around the songs seemed more like messages to you than for you? With that being said, let's get into it:

(Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 5)

Decks Used: Archetype Oracle, Horror Tarot, Abandoned Oracle, Tarot Familiars, Woodland Wardens, The Seed and Sickle Oracle

Disclaimer | Pinned | Paid Readings

Pile One

Issue

Cards: Prince Rx, Poet Rx, VIII of Swords Rx, Page of Wands, Justice Rx, The Hanged Man Rx, King of Cups, The Beggar, Backstabber, The Cat Rx, THe Viewing Rx

Before I dive into this, I want to point out some imagery. With the VIII of Swords and Backstabber, there’s a feeling of being defensive and feeling like you can’t relax. The Queen of Swords did pop up in reverse but it didn’t want to come out. Prince is also showing his back but he’s not fully leaving his guard down either. Thought that was something to note before I explain my thought process.

There’s an energy I can’t ignore where problems seem to be attracted to you, almost constantly? If you’re familiar with Resident Evil, the doll on the Page of Wands looks eerily similar to Angie; who is very annoying and constantly provokes the protagonist up until she “dies”. Which brings me to another point; there’s an emphasis on speech or words. Emotions too. Like someone who knows just what to say, when to say it or how to say it to upset someone. There’s a lot of mercurial energy going on here. It mainly feels like a wounded animal though when they’re trying to find an escape to go into hiding so they can heal or lick their wounds? “Can toss it out but can’t take it”. There’s an emotional/mental landscape where it’s coming from a lack mindset and it’s worried about things being pulled from under them or it’s used to being attacked, so when things feel too comfortable or someone makes a light jab, it gets met with a punch. You have — so you’re aware or you have an inkling of what’s good for you and what needs to leave, and it kind of feels like ancestors would be giving you hints as well if you’re doubting yourself, but there’s an inkling of you feeling better because it’s either routine or you have some piece of control over the situation. Not necessarily control over the people around you, but it’s like ‘I could leave for a better situation but these people come to me for help and it makes me feel better, so I’ll put up with the anxiety and feeling on edge’. Absolutely feels internally like the dialogue between Seymour and Audrey II during ‘Feed Me’. Within the song, Seymour comes off as a sensitive kind person while Audrey II is aware of this and preys on it, manipulating his wants/desires in order to get what he wants while feigning friendship and loyalty. You can free yourself of this so let’s see how we can do that.

Advice

Cards: Guide, IX of Cups, III of Cups, II of Cups Rx, Temperance Rx, The Badger and Gingko, The Snail and Huckleberry, Apple Rx, Hops Rx, Basil Rx

Okay I was getting some very specific pissed off ex songs as well as you having a pretty decent intuition but I guess the first few cards confirmed it.

You got a lot of introspective cards so listen to me: go fucking take a break. Go mind your business. I’m not gonna keep repeating the messages that keep coming through audio wise cause I’m pretty sure whoever this is for already gets the message, but in general, you guys need to take your mind off of this and re-engage with what brought you joy the first time. For those that were dating: what were you doing before being couple’d up? Did you enjoy roller skating (I know roller rinks are out of date but idc they’re fun <3)? Did you go to parks? Pottery classes? Amusement Parks? Go do that shit again! Go hang out with your friends if you can, or go to meet-ups and meet some new friends! You need to realign yourself and in a weird way, be okay with chaos again. It can feel disorientating when people exit your life like this because it seems like only one side is messed up, but I assure you that it’ll be okay in months time and you’ll understand that they didn’t stay here for your benefit. It’s funny because a song with a very different meaning came on but there’s a particular line: I know what it's like staying up all night nursing wounds. You need to let these emotions out and not in the ‘I’m fine fuck them’, like legitimately just express how you feel. If you’re upset that’s fine, if you miss them that’s fine. Holding any of this in just prolongs the process, and that’s not fair to you. You need to treat yourself like royalty and make yourself feel better, go treat yourself to some unhealthy desserts if you feel like shit it’s okay!

For those that don’t resonate with the romantic relationship message, it’s a sign to not make these relationships the center of your universe. It’s okay to be giving and engaged within these relationships but listen to your intuition. If you feel like you can’t relax, look into why. Be okay with understanding that not every person you want to be friends with might be on the same level as you — you never know who you’ll end up being best friends with. You and them should enjoy each other for who you are. There’s an emphasis on trusting your intuition though and not sitting in your head, it tends to get you in trouble. Things will constantly be changing in your life and even when you have constant friends, your lives will change individually but that doesn’t mean the care you have for each other changes. I think you guys really crave stability, which is fine, but the lack of inner stability is what throws you guys off of your game. As soon as that’s achieved, I think everything will be a bit brighter!

Songs: Guilty Pleasure - Cobra Starship, Feed Me (Git It!) - Little Shop of Horrors, B.S. (ft. H.E.R.) - Jhené Aiko, Mad IQs - I Don’t Know How But They Found Me, Harenchi - CHANMINA, The People I Know - Eric Hutchinson

Pile Two

Issue

Cards: Hero/Heroine Rx, Page of Pentacles Rx, The Egg Rx, Ink

Escapism and very shut off currently. It’s not like I was blocked from accessing your energy, but when I went to pull from the tarot deck, it didn’t want to hand me anything as you can see. So it could be a depressive episode for some or using something to ‘check out’ for others. There is also a young feeling to this pile? You may not literally be young, but there’s no sense of self or sense of true identity here. I remember watching a video a while back about how people clung to aesthetic to identify themselves but they couldn’t truly explain who they were beyond being ‘y2k girlboss apple music’ and forced themselves to stay in that box and I think that’s happening here. There are qualities that are fantastic for storytelling or artistic endeavors, I can’t ignore that because they're very strong, but they’re not being utilized. It reminds me a lot of myself right after high school; a fear of new responsibilities, new chapters, a ‘new pond’ as Paramore put it lol. If you’re more sensitive to these things I’m not surprised that you cave in on yourself and hole yourself up in your room or in your head, in turn skipping out on a lot of real life responsibilities that run your life into the ground. In another sense, there could also be bravado that is found when people try to make up for their fears — not letting people see what’s beneath the mask. Like Eddie? From Stranger Things if I remember anything about his character. The person on the Ink card is covered in tattoos and it stands for being rebellious and not fitting in and I don’t usually take it this way, but she looks regretful and in pain instead of being comfortable with herself. There’s not much else to say because I think there’s much more to be found in your healing.

Advice

Cards: Guide, Shape-Shifter, II of Swords, King of Wands, Ace of Cups Rx, Knight of Cups Rx, The Spider and Passionflower Rx, Foxglove, Bramble Rx

You feel like a person who is more sensitive to the music you listen to. Watch your moods for the next week or so and what music you’re listening to and see if they correlate (more irritated or upset when listening to heavy or loud music, susceptible to downward spirals when listening to things like florence, etc). Also some of you might get some smaller messages within Pile One but I don’t think you guys cross over much, I’m just getting a few of the same songs. Now I advise you to pay attention to my disclaimer because this is a general reading: but this is really giving me the feeling of an unstable home that is incompatible with your emotional state. There’s a general supportive message coming in that there’s a choice to make (whether literally or just mentally/emotionally) that will put you in a better spot. So either distancing yourself a bit from others who are demanding and don’t give you the same respect you give them, or quite literally moving — it’s going to be a bit different for all of you. You need to be more confident in yourself and the abilities that you have within, the ones that you’ve gained thus far. There are two things but you have to stop letting everyone take a piece of you when they don’t deserve it and be wary of those who have ‘crooked smiles’ (lying to your face). You are stronger and more capable than you seem and you can go further than you believe, but someone / something at some point has imprinted in your head that it’s not possible. So now you’re stuck in that mindset. Owls are known to be intelligent creatures, same with Cats. You got both of them; I don’t really care how you perceive yourself, but your entire spread is screaming that you’re insanely capable and the only thing stopping the change of mindset is possibly a depressive episode you’re currently in, and then self-limiting beliefs. Which is a lot easier to type out, and it takes work, but you can do it. I’m repeating myself because I know you don’t believe me lol. It’s not a sense of being naturally gifted, but if you want something, and you work hard at it, you’ll make that dream come true. You don’t give up and you put your heart into everything that you care for. Whatever choice you make, the most important decision is to make sure that you are safe and that it lets you shine, because you deserve to be happy.

Songs: Drugs in California - Transviolet, 1901 - Phoenix, Blinding Lights - The Weeknd, Sorry About Your Parents - Icon for Hire, Next Year - Two Door Cinema Club, Dangerous - Set It Off

Pile Three

Issue

Cards: Goddess, King of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, The Hanged Man, King of Wands Rx, The Sculpture, Twisted, The Elixir Rx

Okay, (I’m) being really wishy-washy and hinting at stuff because this feels pretty personal and also pretty mature. So.

You have a specific bond that you either rely on for comfort instead of facing your own emotions, or they know they have you wrapped around your finger (or vice-versa, this pile was very muddy the first time around). Here It Goes Again is kind of putting that in bold print. That or there’s a reliance on those types of relationships, since there’s signs of openness to them in some other cards. It reminds me of how people turn to different things for stress relief; this is your stress relief. However there’s usually a period where the person will review the issue or their emotions, and there aren’t any cups here. I remember that being the first thing I tried to figure out. There’s signs of being very smart about how they approach people or the situation, an ability to be in charge of themselves or the situation – having a grasp of everything, and like…a combustive charm? Once again this could be either you in charge or this situation is harming you instead. I want to learn towards the latter due to how all the piles turned out. Anyway, the energy of leading people on or being able to use them because someone understands the dynamics of the relationship. It’s a little difficult to figure out the main chess player when we have Goddess, Sculpture, and then two Kings. There’s a few other ways this can play out too. Like what, being on onlyfans, being a sex worker, hell just being a really good type of model? Those things could be beneficial in all areas except emotionally and spiritually in a sense that it’s draining you and breaking you down over the course of time. The themes of people not understanding boundaries or treating you as if there’s an established relationship when you’re working and that’s it. It could even be that these ‘Kings’ are people enacting their response to how naturally sensual you are, but that’s out of your control if you don’t realize it, but the songs aren’t necessarily pointing to these? If the previous messages don’t resonate but some other things do, I’d watch out for hidden admirers that try to be subtle about gaining your attention / pining. So with the pretty direct messages from some of these cards combined with others, and the songs, I’m more inclined to go with my initial message.

Advice

Cards: Slave, V of Swords Rx, Ace of Cups Rx, Knight of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, The Magician Rx, The Goat and Willow Rx, The Frog and Lotus, Blackthorn Rx

Yeah, I figured the previous pull was mighty specific. OH! Stronger Than You? A song about being balanced and you have? Messages about finding balance within your life again?? That’s actually so cute I love that. This is another pile that’s pretty cut and dry, and I think it just needs more encouragement than anything. So there’s an ending that needs to happen, somewhat. It’s kind of like when you’re playing tug of war and you decide the smartest move to win is to just let go of the rope and let the other team fall forward? That’s what it feels like a bit. Ah yeah lol I figured it wasn’t a complete ending. There’s going to be some indecision and a feeling of being uncomfortable about this entire thing because it’s something you’re both used to and it’s like, ‘well what now we’ve already done it’. For others, it’s a sense of not leaving your job or workplace (cause even on a lower field, waitresses get harassed), but trying to fight for more respect or better boundaries somehow. Overall, I have a feeling that there’s going to be a tower moment, or just in general this is dampening your spirit. For a small percentage of you, it might have not been as mature as the cards made it but those were just from one side or thoughts that weren’t acted upon, and they won’t be. You’re pretty sure of who you are and I think this situation has thrown that a bit out of whack, which isn’t bad, but it’s time to do some fine-tuning. The wolf on the Knight card looks a bit solemn but it’s resting in solitude, and eventually returns to the King card in a ‘pack’. As opposed to loudly fighting for yourself and what’s right, your version is letting things fall where they may and if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. I believe Just Be Friends sums up this entire ‘healing’ process, for the first group. A way to regain composure is to just float within the sea and let it bring you back to shore — the universe will make sure you’ll get there safely and things that are aligned with you will come with.

Songs: So Predictable - Set It Off, Lost In You - Three Days Grace, Here It Goes Again - OK Go, Not The Way That I Do - Fantasia, Beez In The Trap - Nicki Minaj, Just Be Friends - Dixie Flatline

Pile Four

Issue

Cards: Samaritan, Knight, VII of Cups, IX of Swords, VIII of Wands Rx, The Emperor Rx, The Viewing, The Disguise

You do too much to help others, it backs up, and then there’s an ugly emotional release of feelings you’ve been trying to put to the side and ignore but they’re authentic and it’s okay to not be selfless all the time. It reminds me of Pisces or Saturn in Pisces. Pluto in Sag is stretching it to be honest. The mindset behind your actions leans more toward feeling like there’s always a judgment day right around the corner, or karma is looming over you and you should be doing these things or you’re a terrible person. That ‘terrible person’ though is just maybe not being able to say yes all the time, or giving the clothes off your back for any and everyone — which is normal. The thing with people who are selfless or considered martyrs is that they go through a lot of tests and figure out how and when to give themselves the way that they do. They’re never a modern day savior and they do say no, pretty often actually lol. It’s the message that people get drawn to the energy of givers and they come to understand that with time. You on the other hand either got scared into this mindset in your early years or there’s a fear of peer review, kinda like cancellation but it feels more personal. I’m assuming family because my cat was drawn to The Viewing and didn’t like it too much. The thing here is that you feel compelled or pushed to put on the act of being okay with not being selfish, but there’s resistance, and eventually with it all bottled up it explodes and either during arguments or simple requests you might come off more cold than you mean to or bring up issues from the past because it’s been sitting in your chest for so long.

Advice

Cards: Detective, Trickster, V of Wands Rx, VI of Swords, The Emperor, X of Pentacles Rx, The Crow and Dogwood, The Skunk and Magnolia Rx, Rose

It was kinda stubborn to give cards for a moment, but it’s pretty repetitive and. Blunt lol. Carve your own path. Figure out your own Philosophy and Beliefs in life. You need to re-evaluate how you’ve been taught to look at things or walk through life and see what works for you and what doesn’t. What makes you happy and what brings you stress. You’ll find that you can view life through brighter windows after this process, but it’s going to be a heavy one. There’s ties to family or close friends, habits formed from these beliefs, possibly reinventing parts of your life — this isn’t something where you’ll just wake up tomorrow and your life is suddenly perfect, but it’s worth the struggle. You won’t have to feign confidence and when you go back to doing acts of kindness or maybe it’s things like going to church and stuff like that; it’ll be authentic. You won’t feel forced and you’ll be able to enjoy them whole-heartedly. Because it’s your choice, you’re in control this time. Now obviously this isn’t like ‘yeah let’s pick up ideals that are hateful’, that doesn’t fly here (remember, your reader belongs to a lot of minorities <3), but it’s just the idea that you were forced to abide by a lifestyle that doesn’t let you be ‘free’ in a sense, and it’s become suffocating after some time. I wouldn’t say there’s a lot of innerwork like another pile, but more so personal research. There’s a bit of resistance which can be attributed to the fear of relationships being destroyed which is completely understandable, and this might depend on the personal situation for the lot of you? If this is religious and the family/friend strongly believes in it, it might be a deal breaker. If not, there might be ways around it, there are certain beliefs or politics that are difficult to discuss lightly (a reason why they say you should always discuss it before long term commitment lol). Best of luck pile four, there is always a community for you.

Songs: Between Two Lungs - Florence + the Machine, Better Not (feat. Wafia) - Louis The Child, Red Wine - Follies & Vices, Chains - DBMK, American Idiot - Green Day, Riptide - Sick Puppies, Ashura-chan - Ado

Pile Five

Issues

Cards: God, The World, The Magician, X of Swords Rx, III of Cups, Revenge Rx, The Madwoman

This gives me the energy of the popular person within school or a community. Like a passive Regina George? It’s someone who has quiet control over the crowd, and they adore them for pretty valid reasons. There’s a charming energy, good with words, very funny and like a pretty contagious energy. It’s like a warm glow is drawing people in. However there’s not a lot of control over their power despite being somewhat aware of this control, and it sometimes gets to their head. Like if it’s a tradition to wear uniform except for on Tuesdays, but pile five didn’t want to do that, then the community would bend to their will and that would be the new norm. It’s that sort of energy (I’m using ‘they’ instead of you because that example seemed pretty tropey). The issue here is that the line is really blurred here. So either you’re being viewed as such by someone within your social circle, or this is legitimately an issue, because Gaston played while I was taking this in. So on one hand there’s a feeling of a stroked ego with nothing to balance it out. It’s different from confidence. Even though we have camaraderie and celebrations showing up, there’s a strong feeling of detachment. Like finishing up the chapter and moving onto the next thing, doesn’t necessarily have to be exciting. You feel like you have the world in the palm of your hand almost because the creature is seen quite literally engulfing the world, meanwhile The Magician is portrayed as a Scientist. On the other hand, it’s a sign of this chapter of your life ending. The people (or someone) you’re interacting with right now have a light insecurity regarding you? So it’ll come to a close but it won’t be that heartbreaking and you can bring in better or deeper bonds very easily if you try. So yes the characteristics are there, different forms for different people, but you have more surface level friendships than deep bonds. The mingling can be legitimately fun but with this sort of ‘kid on top’ energy that can change the playing field at the drop of a hat, if you’re unhappy with something or someone, then this affects everything or everyone else even if you don’t realize it. However with Revenge being reversed, I think there’s…so it could be either there’s the potential to do so and if you get really riled up you choose to do so with the wrong people or at the wrong time (like those who are harmless get trampled by those who don’t question you) or it’s the surrounding energy that’s reminiscent of the seven of swords. Those who might lurk in the background and while they admire you, they can’t help but be jealous even though they don’t act on it. It could be the result of how you move and act around others that inspire this.

Advice

Cards: Addict Rx, Queen, IV of Swords, Temperance, The Elk and Ash, Cornflower, Clover Rx, Wisteria

It’s interesting because Friends by Flight of the Conchords came up earlier and I didn’t want to put it down but I put a pin in it and I couldn’t understand until now. Especially with the combination of cards that you have. As I said earlier, there’s a difference between confidence and arrogance, and clearly either these are qualities you hold or you’re being viewed as such. Something is going to happen soon in your life that’s going to change the playing field for you. I’m not quite sure what it’ll be in particular, but I’d have to imagine it’s either a crumbling of the relationships you have around you or the people that engage with you suddenly flock somewhere else or they turn against you — if you’ve seen any sort of 90s movie or TV show with this trope, you know what I’m talking about lol. When this happens, you’re going to take notice of the people still left around you. That or you’re going to accidentally hurt someone close to you, like an actual friend, and you’re going to have to go through a period of mending that relationship as well as going within and balancing out yourself. I don’t see this relationship being destroyed? I mean I’ve had quite direct songs come through and all cards point to reliance, so there’s a chance to make sure no major harm is done. You need to figure out where the line is between being confident or proud of yourself for some, and for others it’s just…listen if someone’s insecurities get projected onto you the most you can do is review your actions and if there’s no legitimate harm done, there’s not much you can do but treasure the ones who stay with you, because they’re meant for you, at least right now. I feel like I’m coming off a bit harsh so it’s not that I think you’re doing this on purpose in a sense that you’re grown and you know better, I think this is more like…naivety to be honest? Young folk shit. Which, you do a lot of embarrassing and regretful shit when you’re young, as long as you learn then it’s just how life goes. The main message for you is to find that balance and retain it. Don’t feel like you have to go into hiding to make up for any of the bad things that you’ve done (there’s a difference between being a little shit online and doxxing someone, you know?). Running off and living in remorse doesn’t exactly fix the problem lol. It sucks for a little while, but with time it gets better and less painful. Communication is fun, self-review is tough but it’s good for being a better person in the future and they’ll thank you for it, also probably clown you a bit.

Songs: Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! at the Disco, Gaston - Beauty and the Beast, Don’t Dance - Simon Curtis, Someone To Save You - OneRepublic, Anything 4 U - BANKS

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

“I Keep You Safe From Me”

Chapter three: Push and Pull

Ship: slow burn romantic analogical

POV: Logan

CW/TW: this chapter lightly focuses on not being able to accept one’s sexuality, therefore causing minor mental health issues (in this fictional instance; In real life situations internalized homophobia can cause greater issues than the ones touched on in this part of the story.), If that in any way makes you uncomfortable or triggers you, please do not read; take care of yourself 💜 (also, let it be known that this is also a way of coping through my own issues, so I am not speaking on a topic that I am uneducated about.)

Also there is swearing in this fic as well

(No summary because I don’t want to give anything away.)

———————————————————————

3:24 PM

Logan closed the door and stood in the bare hallway aimlessly, mind running wild. He was dizzy from all the contradicting emotions. To anyone that passed by he probably looked like he was about to be sick. His face was pale and nausea rose up from his stomach to his throat.

Virgil was so beautiful, and sweet, and his music taste was immaculate from what he could tell by the band tees and posters and the little lyrics he heard over his pounding heart.

‘No.’ He told himself.

‘No. He’s only a friend. Barely that, even. An acquaintance. A stranger.’

He opened the door to his dorm and shut it with full force, not caring about the echoing sound that was bound to be heard from across the hall.

His room was a boring comparison to Virgil’s. NASA posters, paper mâché planets and stars hanging from the ceiling, messy bed, messy room, messy life.

He flopped onto his bed, face first into one of his many pillows, ignoring his previously abandoned desk which held a semi-realistic replica of the main planets; hand crafted from different things ranging from clay to styrofoam. The scent of paint filled the room and pale blue flakes buried themselves deep under his nails.

It was as if his brain was a broken record player, constantly taking his mind back to Virgil no matter how hard he tried to force the thought away.

‘His eyes, his voice— NO. Shut up!!’

He groaned into the pillow before turning over and pulling his hands up to his hair, gripping on to it harshly.

He’d fought these thoughts for so long, telling himself that liking guys was against everything he’d been brought up to stand for, to believe in. He’d never be accepted if he told his parents, or anyone for that matter.

…but Virgil seemed kind, and caring, what would be the harm in telling at least one person?

‘You’d get close and tell him, and then he would betray you and tell everyone.’ his thoughts responded.

He had only told one person before his first year at Georgia State, about his thoughts.

He removed his hands from his hair and dug around in the mess of blankets and sheets to find his phone.

He opened it and went to messages.

Logan: “I think I’m going insane”

Patton: “???”

Logan: “do you remember what I told you last year? about…you know.”

Patton: “I do. do you remember what I told you? It’s okay to say that you’re gay, Logan.”

Logan: “I like a guy. I think…maybe? Fuck, I don’t know. He’s a freshman here. No matter how hard I try to force him out of my head he keeps coming back.”

A chat bubble popped up before disappearing and then reappearing again.

Patton: “it’s okay to like him. It’s okay that you feel that way, but…are you trying to force him out because of him or because of you?”

Logan froze for a second, not wanting to answer.

Logan: “me”

Patton: “Right, okay. Thats alright. Listen, what about you try talking to him about it..? You might be pleasantly surprised.”

Logan: “No. Absolutely not. I’d rather throw myself down a flight of stairs.”

A ‘read’ message popped up under his text. Patton didn’t respond.

Logan rolled over onto his side, dropping his phone on the bed and staring at nothing in particular, letting his vision blur and unblur with every blink.

The silence was deafening but he tolerated it, forcing himself to deal with his thoughts due to having no energy to play music or rain sounds on his TV like he usually did.

He stayed like that for a while, staring into the void of nothing, letting his thoughts surround him, occasionally checking his phone for any messages from Patton, nothing came.

The time passing with nothing to distract him felt like torture. He hadn’t made any friends in the past two semesters and no one seemed like they really wanted to get to know him, and now…Virgil.

Virgil was here, and he was being nice to him, and he was probably fucking it all up.

The clock next to him reached 3:43 when he couldn’t take it anymore. He sat upright in bed and grabbed his phone with shaking hands, slowly getting out of the bed and walking into the hallway.

He stood outside of Virgil’s dorm for what felt like hours, but in reality was only a few seconds. He slowly raised his fist and knocked, holding his breath, quietly panicking.

What was he doing here, again? god, this was pathetic. Virgil probably hated him, he probably thought he was so—

“Oh, hey?” Virgil said a little confused, opening the door to see a fidgeting Logan.

“Hey. Um..” Logan raised his phone a little and tapped it lightly on the palm of his other hand a few times before looking Virgil straight in the eyes.

“I was wondering if I could get your number? Like, in case we have the same class and I need to get the notes if I miss a day…or something.” It was a blatant lie, he never missed a day, even when he was sick he showed up to classes; even if he was terrified that everyone in the lecture hall hated him over a few coughs and the occasional sniffle.

Virgil didn’t need to know that, though.

“Oh yeah, sure.” Virgil responded, afterwards reciting off ten digits to which Logan rushed to type into his phone.

“Is that it?” He asked after he was done. Logan stood there a second before breathing out, “yeah, yeah. Sorry, I hope I wasn’t bothering you.”

“I don’t think you ever could bother me. At least not now, anyway. You seem to like being around here though..do you wanna come inside? You can stay the night if you want.”

Logan’s eyes widened a bit at the observation and a pink flush melted into his cheeks. “You want me to— uh, yeah, I’d love that..I mean!— like, I’d like that.”

Virgil grinned, “cool” he moved away from the door and opened it wider, allowing Logan to come in so he could shut it.

He obliged, tentatively walking in, watching his step as to not make a fool of himself by tripping over the things all over the room.

“Sorry that it’s a mess, I forgot to say that earlier, but then again I wasn’t really expecting you.” Virgil said, kicking a trash bag away from him, making it land next to a pile of unfolded blankets.

“It’s alright, sorry for just..showing up.” He responded, folding his arms. A slight defense.

Virgil noticed this and tried to make himself seem gentler; shoulders relaxed, unclenched jaw, quieter voice. He didn’t know that realistically, the cause for Logan’s discomfort was no one’s fault but his own.

“I wish I could offer you something but there’s nothing in the fridge, and you’ll probably have to sleep in my bed…” Virgil said, “are you okay with that? I can sleep on the floor if you don’t want me to be—“

“It’s okay, really. I’ll sleep on the floor, it’s fine.” He said as calmly as possible, although the thought of being that close to Virgil made him feel like he was going to explode.

Virgil gave him a funny look, eyebrows raised slightly. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, man. That’d be pretty rude of me considering you’re the guest and all” he responded, almost laughing at the suggestion.

“Come on, you wanna watch Friends or something? I don’t know what time my roommate plans on coming back so..” he added, quickly changing the topic of discussion.

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine.” Logan said, trying to focus on anything else other than the rapid pacing of his heart. The clock on the wall. Focus on the ticking of the clock.

Everything faded away as his attention shifted and he could barely hear Virgil’s voice or notice how he was slowly walking in the direction of his room.

“—gan? Logan!”

He tore away from his staring contest with the clock and turned back to Virgil, who was standing in the doorway of his room.

“Are you coming?” He asked, hand on the doorframe, leaning against it.

“Yeah, sorry.” his body filled with tension as he answered, following Virgil into his room.

The first thing he noticed upon walking into the new friends strangers, room was the solid black pillows and comforter that took the place of the bare mattress. The blanket was wrinkled a bit, indicating Virgil had probably been sitting there before his unexpected visit…once again.

A Roku remote sat on the blanket next to Virgil’s computer. He grabbed it swiftly and unpaused the episode that was lighting up the tv. He recognized it as one of his favorites from the series: “The One After Ross Says Rachel”

Virgil sat on the bed where it was wrinkled, patting the spot next to him, beckoning.

He sat next to him, almost hanging off of the side of the bed with how far he kept the space between them.

Virgil didn’t notice, he was too busy laughing along with the laugh track.

* * *

5:20 PM

Five episodes later, Virgil had fallen asleep on Logan by accident, slowly leaning his head on his shoulder to being fully slumped against the taller man next to him. If he were awake, he would’ve never stopped apologizing and agonizing over the thought of making him uncomfortable because he was so close, but he wasn’t. He was snoring quietly, his chest rising up and down.

Logan didn’t move, tried his hardest not to breathe too deeply. He didn’t want to wake him up, he seemed so at peace, like he felt safe.

He moved his hand in slow motion and took the remote from Virgil’s hand, pausing the most recent episode they were on, stopping at the 10 minute and 45 seconds mark.

Quiet filled the room before Logan heard a door open and close, footsteps following closely behind.

Fuck, it was Virgil’s roommate.