#without doing some actual research on toxic relationships.

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[mywitchyblog]

Storytime : My hatred of shiftok

Hey everyone, I wanted to share a personal story that highlights why I’ve grown to strongly dislike Shiftok (the shifting community on TikTok).

This isn’t about throwing shade at the concept of shifting itself, because I’ve been part of the practice for years and found immense value in it.

However, my recent experience in an online shifting community vastly composed of younger members made me realize just how toxic and judgmental it can become.

I’m not here to stir up drama, but to share my story so that others who may have gone through similar situations can feel less alone. Sometimes, online communities, especially when comprised of younger members, can be less about support and more about mob mentality behacing like mindless sheep. And unfortunately, I found myself at the center of that.

Here’s what happened:

Around 6 months ago,I joined a Discord server dedicated to shifting (made by a shiftoker), but for the first few days, I didn’t really engage much. I’m the kind of person who likes to observe a bit before jumping in. After a while, I noticed they had a voice chat, so I figured I’d join in, thinking I could find some deep conversations and intelligent debate on shifting. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Their debate originally was about race changing, and since this is an extreamly controversial subejct on which the 3 of us in the groupchat agreed with, i though maybe age changing would be the case.

Very fucking foolish of me.Very.

I’ve been aware of shifting for about years, ever since I was 16. During that time, I wrote numerous scripts where I imagined dating my comfort characters, and though I haven’t successfully shifted yet, I’m still determined to experience that so i never gave up trying to shift there. Recently, I started questioning a particular aspect of shifting and decided to ask the community for guidance.

The dilemma? I wanted to know if it would be wrong to shift into a younger version of myself to experience the teenage romance I never had. Growing up, I missed out on those typical teenage expereinces, and I thought that shifting could allow me to relive that part of my life that was denied from me .

Thats is how i discivered shifting when i think about it . I was extreamly sour and bitter at the time seeing people my age going out, having a group of friends a romantic partner while i was sulking in my room still scarred by the years of bullying .i couldnt fucking stand it.

So is started shouting ,cussing, insulting, screaming at the universe that it owed me a debt for all the shit i put me through; that it owed me a debt that it can never pay back. And that i was here to collect that debt.

Next thing i know ? Shifting videos start appearing in my FYP and the rest i supposed if you discovered shifting in 2020 you know how it goes.

I asked the community: Since I’m now over 18, would it be unethical to age myself down and live through those scripted expereinces and relationships? My intentions were pure. It wasn’t about fetishizing youth —I just wanted to experience something I had missed out on. And also i made those DRs long ago so i do not want to give up after trying for years.

I explained that shifting is about exploring realities that differ from your current one, and to aslo expereince things that are impossible for you to do in your current so why not experience a teenage romance that I didn’t have?

I also emphasized that both me and the characters regardless of if i age myself down or i age them up we will have the same maturity so there is no power imbalances of any kind. I beleived that if I script myself as being 16, I would naturally have the mindset and maturity of a 16-year-old without having to script "i also have the maturity of my physical age".

(wich after further research and having shifted myself confirmed it to be true)

Some people were actually helpful, suggesting that I could just age the characters up to match my current age, that there was nothing wrong since your intention isnt "shifting for minors" but shifting for an experience and I thought that was a reasonable statement. However, as more teenagers (13 to 15-year-olds) started jumping into the chat, the conversation took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, they started accusing me of wanting to date minors, labeling me as a creep and even throwing around terms like "pedophile." They insisted I should go to jail, even though I hadn’t done anything inappropriate—just asked for advice.

Mind you, these were the same people who had desired realities where they were 50 something with kids 15 with a highschool sweetheart in another. It felt incredibly hypocritical that they were comfortable shifting to various ages, but when I wanted to explore an earlier phase of my own life in a healty wholesome manner, I was suddenly a villain.

As the accusations escalated, I even suggested aging the characters up, so they’d match my current age. But no matter what I said, they kept insisting I was still in the wrong. They claimed that because I had once found teenagers attractive when I was a teenager, I was somehow a predator now ("because something must have made you attracted to them when they were minors"). It was like they were twisting everything I said, refusing to understand my intentions.

It was infuriating. They accused me of things I wasn’t even thinking about. These were serious claims, and I couldn’t defend myself because they were so quick to misinterpret my words and take everything out of context. They were acting like I was trying to groom people in my desired reality (DR), even though I was merely exploring hypothetical scenarios.

The same people who preached that you could do anything you wanted in your desired reality, without limits,that you had all the time in the wormd to shift so no pressure were suddenly placing restrictions on me—telling me what was ethical and what wasn’t. They told me I was "grooming" the characters in my DR by aging them up, which is just ridiculous.

When I pointed out the inconsistency, suggesting they might technically be "grooming" people in their own current reality (CR) since they shift into different ages, or that their s/o from one of their adult DR is grooming them because in another reality there are a minor, they became defensive started blabbing "its not the same thing" and had no real arguments to back up their accusations.

At this point, it felt like I was being burned at the stake just for asking a question. I realized I wasn’t going to get a rational conversation out of this group, and the mob mentality was too strong. So, I left the server, and honestly, it was the best decision.

If there’s one piece of advice I can give from this experience, it’s this: if you find yourself in an online shifting community made up mostly of teenagers (13-16 years old), run. They can and WILL be quick to jump to conclusions, misinterpret your words, and label you unfairly.

In the end, I found better communities where the members are mature, thoughtful, and open to real discussions. If you’re facing similar issues, I encourage you to be cautious about the spaces you engage with. Make sure you find a community that values open, respectful conversations—where people don’t leap to judgments or throw around serious accusations without understanding your intentions.

Which is why i started making this page and publising these essays in the first place.Because no one provide a clear fucking answers in this types of question just saying "its bad", "because it is" without providing substantial arguments to back up their claims.

So i was "if no one is gonna do it, i will" and i did and it turns out these people are even more pathetic than i thought. Key exemple of that is instead of countering my arguments the only thing they have is accusing me of using Chat GPT.

So things to take from my story are :

-Leave shiftok for good its is not good for information or shifting knowledge. Shifting script templates and inspo ? yes. Information & knowledge ? RUNNNNNNNNNN.

-The most vehement critics within the community are the biggest hypocrites. They will call you a pedo for aging down but on the same vein will age up only to get fucked by they fav dilfs. Those against race changing will still race change just to diff species and races that are fictonal in this reality .

-Do what makes you feel good and do not lisen to these people, they are sour bitter and pathetic individuals its your journey you desired reality not theirs.

So i hope this story of mine will help people understand that you should feel bad about about wanting to shift to those DRs.That it will bring you wisdom and help to all the teenage shifters that are approching 18 and are scared that they are doing someting bad trust me you are not bad you are doing something pure and wholesome do not let them go to your head it will only slow you down in your journey.

Best of Luck in you shifitng Journey,

Alastor Luno.

[dimonds456]

Billford and Abuse: An Analysis

Honestly, as someone who ships both Billford and Fiddauthor, the thing I like about the toxic yaoi ship is the fact that it IS toxic. Like, the jokes are great, but its depiction of abuse is so, like... genuine. Without getting personal, I've been in a really fucking bad toxic (platonic) relationship before, and Billford deadass helped me come to terms with it.

Cuz here's the thing: most fictional abusive relationships just start with the abuse itself. It shows the victim and the perpetrator at the height (or almost at the height) of the abuse, and we see as either one of them is destroyed by it or the victim becomes free. But Billford actually shows the WHOLE timeline.

Something that bothers me about a lot of fictional abuse reps is the fact that you cannot sympathize with the victim aside from "aw that's horrible :(". Cuz it just starts AT the abuse. We don't see how they got there or what's causing the victim to stay. We just know they need to escape.

But with Billford, we see EVERYTHING. How it started out as something Ford genuinely loved, seeing Bill as a friend and someone he could trust, how it made him feel better because he was actually making progress on his research and he wasn't lonely anymore.

To Ford during those early days, Bill was the highlight of his time in Gravity Falls. We can follow his train of thought exactly to where he let Bill possess him with basically no strings attached (pun intended).

That's what makes it all the more devastating. Bill isolated Ford from everyone. He sabotaged his friendship with Fiddleford by planting that seed of doubt in the engineer and pulling Ford further and further into his plans. Then the thing with the portal happened and Ford had NOWHERE to go. Plus, Bill kept trying to get Ford to stop thinking about Stan, to move on and let him rot. So he kept planting seeds of doubt in his own brother as well, causing Ford to further and further slip away.

Then Ford confronts Bill. And the monster is unleashed.

Once Bill realizes he's lost control of Ford's devotion and the illusion has shattered, Bill just LEANS into it. In order to take control back, he started tormenting Ford and just being horrible to him, to try and make him fall in line. Love and fear ARE right next to each other in the brain, after all. And there's NOTHING Ford can do but just fall further and further into paranoia.

Bill demonstrates many real-world abusive/manipulative tactics on Ford, the big one being isolation, since that allows the rest of the everything to even happen, but the way he turns Ford against LITERALLY EVERYONE using paranoia is really true to real life.

Now obviously your toxic boyfriend cannot possess random strangers irl. But you know what he CAN do? Start spreading rumors behind your back. Stalk you. Harass you. Make you feel unsafe everywhere except home (which isn't safe either, but it's better than the outside world). He can spend your money or break your things. Slash your tires. In Ford's case, LITERALLY abusing his body. There's the sticky notes, the threats, the roof incident, all of it just piling one atop the other.

I cannot imagine how fucking terrified Ford must have been to finally send that postcard to Stanley. He was at a point where he assumed Stan would hate him, or at the very least wouldn't respond so why even bother, and he'd just gotten the "steal your eyes" threat. He was out of options, and was absolutely sure he was putting Stan in danger by getting him involved (another irl abuse thing that happens).

He was scared to reach out for help because 1) he didn't want others getting hurt (like Fidds had), 2) he was ashamed he'd let this happen, and 3) he, on some level, felt like he deserved this.

Justified? To a paranoid, scared, abused, irrational brain: Absolutely. In reality? Never. But HE'D built that portal. HE'D allowed Bill to possess his body basically freely. HE'D basically helped start the apocalypse. And that shame would have lead to SO much self-hatred and despair.

His reaching out to Stan was his last resort, his only way out. THAT'S what intrigues me about the ship so much.

I do not want them to make up and get back together. They're horrible for each other. But I do enjoy exploring the dynamic of it, fully seeing the cycle and how it happens, and seeing a whole new side to Ford that we only caught a glimpse of in the show and Journal 3. Plus Bill but his side is more comedic and sad to me I do not take him seriously FSDGHJ

The jokes are great and I love it here, but if I ever write a fic or draw art for these two it's going to be toxic as hell man. And not in the fun way fgsjd

[vinnsley]

kokichi ouma... nsfw hcs... pweaaase...

ur brave, ill give u that. I also had to do research if kokichi is actually of age, but google says he's 20 years old (But he fails to graduate so he's a senior) so... i'll trust that one.

[--------------]

I'm gonna be honest, i haven't touched danganronpa in awhile, but something i am for sure is true, is that he's a sadistic little fucker.

(All 3 descriptors being the truth)

Due to his sadistic personality, you talked to him about safe words, and set one up. Contrary to popular belief (if there's any), he actually listens to and memorizes these talks to a fault.

Even if he teases you relentlessly to the point you might cry, makes fun of you while you're struggling to do something, embarrass you infront of people, he does care about you. A lot.

Because let's be real, he is NOT that lovey dovey of a person, especially in public. He's still cruel and a liar, no matter how we look at him.

And you dating him is like a 'go ahead' for him to use you to his entertainment. To the point your friends comment about how your relationship with him seems toxic to them. But he is kinda nice. However you define the word 'nice', that is.

But aside all of that, let's get back on track. Going along the toxic gossip train, he's really into teasing, and pushing you to your limits.

(^) Meaning that he has a thing for places where you two could easily get caught at. Public bathrooms, when everyone is out of class, etc.

Even if you're loud or not, it really depends on his mood if he wants to make sure everyone hears what you're doing and who's doing it to you, or if he forces you to stay quiet, just to watch you struggle because of him.

(^) Watching you struggle fuels his sadism, so he practically watches you with eagle eyes if you catches the slightest hint of you struggling because of something he's doing, or he's ultimately the cause of.

He would do anything just to achieve his twisted desires. But as i said, no matter how 'toxic' he seems and is, he does care for you, so he does ask you about your opinion... in his own 'kokichi' type of way.

(^) By that i mean is him turning into The Riddler and not going to say it straight up, only speaking in riddles and leaving the figuring out part to you OR he'll tell you, but in a way he isn't there. (Ex. A random letter being shoved into your dorm/apartment/house/etc. door, and not knowing who it's from until you recognize the writing and the very bad grammar.)

Okay but in all seriousness, aside from my own toxic version of Kokichi, he's into bondage for sure (both recieving and giving, but ill go further into this later), some parts of BDSM, but not fully. He thinks it's 'Weird and unsanitary. And i definitely wouldn't act like an animal or a child for... sex!' -His words.

I think he would actually be pretty kinky aside the ones he deems 'disgusting' (Ex. Piss kinks, feet fetishes, arousal from weather) but he is very willing to experiment with his lover.

Aside from bondage, he likes sensory depravation. He'll tie your eyes up with whatever cloth he can find that can fit around your head, and have enough leftover to actually tie it around your head.

He absolutely goes wild if you decide to tease him with lingerie. Especially in public. If you have a wild kinky side, he would be more than happy and inclined to explore with you.

Remember when i said that i'll go further into the top/bottom topic? Well, here i am. So thing is, he's a switch, everyone knows that, but he really dosen't bottom without a fight. And by fight i mean a huge fight, he dosen't and wouldn't let you top unless you actually beat him at his mind games or... whatever they are. You never actually knew.

Or when he's tired or just dosen’t have any energy to top but he's horny as all hell and needs immediate release.

But mostly he tops. No questions asked. But if you manage to surprise him with something that throws him off guard and you take the upper-hand... he actually turns into a submissive mess.

Because no matter how tough, toxic and shitty he acts, he's really a big submissive.

He definitely likes to recieve blowjobs from you, and giving you blowjobs/eating you out aswell.

He's a little shit, but a small part of him does want you to be satisfied with him, it reassures him of his abilities to make you feel good and that you need him. (non sexually)

Degrading is something he likes to give, but not recieve. You once degraded him during sex while you were too into it, and he immedieatly got you to stop, and ignored you straight up for a good few hours. If you're lucky.

Worst case scenario you wouldn't hear from him for a few days.... weeks.

But later he'll come back, and that's how you learned that he can do shit, but you cannot do it back. You felt it was unfair, but you did fall in love with his goblin looking ass... so you have no choice but to deal with him.

[--------------]

I had 0 idea what to do for him and its so obvious... ive kept rambling on and on about him being a damn sadist😭 sorry guys, but i havent been in the fandom nor watched/played the games in YEARS. Im solely going off from desperate memory...

[bellatrixnightshade]

RAFAL in Relation to Other People

Warning: I won't be woobifying Rafal here or really putting him as a victim, so this may offend or bother people who stan him and forgive all his faults. Additionally, this has some toxic stuff here so if that is a trigger then I recommend not going through with it. And if you will go as far as to AGREE with it just because "my blorbo could have possibly said it", then I'm afraid you are missing my point and would rather have you click off.

So we already know how Rafal is as a brother, but how could he act in different familial relationships, like being a lover/spouse or a father?

As a lover/spouse: I'm sorry, but whether Rafal means to or not, he would easily be that toxic person in your life. He always is right (and you are wrong), and he appears to be the type to disregard one's feelings. If he hurts someone, he hardly ever apologizes, but you have to apologize to him. The closest he'll come to is a bullshit excuse. ("It wasn't my intention.") He makes you question yourself and the validity of your opinions, because, again, he is right. You can never get through to him or call him out, because at the end of the day, you are the problem, you are inferior, you have a childish mind, you are too sensitive. He slowly picks away at your self esteem, which was already low when you met him in the first place. (People drawn to him tend to have confidence issues??)

You don't leave him maybe because he doesn't have bad intentions, because he instilled in you codependence and now you don't know what to do without him, or maybe Rafal somewhat regretted hurting you, so you accept that. And ultimately, you trusted him, you believed in him, so, stupid you has to face the consequences. Everything that happened is your fault because you should have seen Rafal wasn't a good person!

Rafal just seems wayy too sheltering and overprotective and he'd take away his lover's ability to make most of their own choices or have their own lives-- slowly but surely, and perhaps, unintentionally.

Not to mention, he is possessive af! Red flag right there.

I hope that any lover of Rafal leaves him and they see their own worth, instead of running back to him. Because to be honest, he seems like a hypocritical, arrogant, and insufferable jerk. (most of the time) Either that or Rafal gets his act together and has some self reflection. He isn't a vampire for crying out loud!

As a father: oh. The father who is very, very, VERY overprotective and sheltering. A helicopter parent, even. He makes you think sometimes, "why do I have this curse of a father??" and sometimes you wish something could happen like a virus doing its job and you are "free." (Please don't actually wish this on your difficult parents unless they are really shitty!) Rafal embarasses his kids but being rather ultrastrict and old-fashioned and they probably don't know much of the world because of him. Everything has to be "educational" (which isn't a bad thing in itself but for the love of whatever please don't overdo it and make it corny) so no video games, etc. Also if Rafal reads an article with research on how veggies can give cancer, your salads will be taken away!

Rafal will also go like, "I'm your only friend. You don't need friends because you have me," and he may break up some friendships you have. Oh also: no boys.

I feel like Rafal fits dad energy more, though even there he would be WAY too much. (Go away Rafal! Go adopt orphans and make their lives miserable instead of bothering other people.) But who knows? Maybe as the years go on he would cool down, or back off when they become adults. Unless they form a codependent relationship with him and he has to be the center of their lives, which is very possible. Let's watch Rafal slowly destroy a home because he's in the way! And of course, instead of giving his children's household space, he defends himself and puts himself in the right. His kids may call Rafal every day in a modern context and totally neglect their family. Or the family is going out? Rafal has to be there too, and his kid says nothing.

If Rafal comes home from work in a bad mood, I'm sure his kids try to run off because if they don't he will find something to criticize and they will get hour long lectures. I also feel like he'd lecture on other occasions and then get mad when his family doesn't care and they want to get back to what THEY have to do??

[tacobellabeanburrito]

hello this is Anon again. could you please direct me to your favorite Ace Attorney fics? I’ve read pretty much all the popular ones so I’m looking for some more niche ones :) thank you!!

Oh Anon… You sweet, sweet summer child. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

I was already planning on doing an Ace Attorney fic rec list because I wanted to share some of my favorite ones (A lot of the ones I read aren’t on many of the regular fic rec lists, so I wanted to share some ones that I feel like are really good and maybe don’t get enough recognition) So I am very glad you asked Anon, gives me reason to actually continue on my fic rec list! I love sharing my favorite fics!

Most of them are Narumitsu, couple are Krisnix, and some are both. Also a couple stragglers out there without a ship as well. There will also be some smut ones (Don’t judge please lmao) (Also, just saying. There’s no good Krisnix in this fic list, all of it is seen as toxic, I ship them as Toxic Tragic Yuri and they’re not good as a real relationship. Just a disclaimer)

Some will have big blurbs about them from me explaining their plot a little and what I like about them. For others, I’ll just post them because I don’t really feel like talking about them in detail. But I promise they’re all good!

I’m not going to link them this time, cause I dunno how to do that without making a huge mess cause there’s so many and I don’t want my post to be wonky. And I’m also not going to categorize them because I’m eepy and didn’t get enough sleep last night, so you can figure it out yourself Anon lmao.

(But if you can’t find any, please tell me I’ll help)

So, without further ado… Here are my fic recs!

-

Fics:

Perfect by Sideblog: My absolute, all time favorite AA fic! Ever! Literally ever! I don't really wanna talk about the plot because that basically spoils the whole thing and I don't wanna do that to you, you just gotta read it! It is beautifully written and has an amazing concept that I would never think of in a million years! Seriously, so criminally underrated to the point of I have no idea how it doesn’t have like 15,000 hits on A3O. Even though I didn't explain much of the plot, just know that it is incredible and absolutely worth a read. I come back to it sometimes to read it because IT IS THAT GOOD. When I first saw this fic I didn’t really know what to expect because there weren’t any warnings or practically anything. Very mysterious fic. So glad I read it, though. When you get done reading this Anon, you gotta tell me what you think.

El Capo A Fine by tellezara: There’s something incredible about specialized Au fics in which you can tell that despite whatever the Au fic is about, the writer has an absolute love for the subject. This one is about musical instruments and Ace Attorney characters being part of an orchestra, and you can tell that this person has done orchestra before (Or at least thoroughly researched it and has a love for it) because they put in so many facts and interesting tidbits about instruments and the orchestra world that I never knew about and I loved learning about all of it. Fics like these are very special in my opinion because those people write it out of pure love for whatever the subject is and whatever the fandom is. Anyway, fic good. (Makes me wanna write an Ace Attorney choir fic, that’s my speciality)

The Miraculous Disappearance of Phoenix Wright by JJsADragon: Was on a road trip when I first read this and literally could NOT. STOP. READING. HAD ME GRIPPED. EDGE OF CARSEAT. The whole plot is basically a parody of "It's A Wonderful Life" where Phoenix ends up in a universe where he was never born. Which, as you can guess, causes a myriad of problems for the legal world and world in general. I had no idea where the plot was going, didn't know how it was going to end, and WAS TERRIFIED. But. I kept reading anyway. IT IS THAT GOOD.

Miles Edgeworth: The Ace Attorney by Charybdia: I SPENT AGES. AGES. Looking for a good, finished Ace Attorney roleswap fic. And when I found this one I STRUCK GOLD. SWEAR IT. Amazing, love this one. Still come back to it. IT’S GOT OBNOXIOUS THEATRE KID PHOENIX WRIGHT, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE IT? It also is accompanied by art Also, also, We get good friend Larry Butz. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

Carpe Diem (make your lives extraordinary by Elysya): A high school Au featuring theater kid Phoenix, debate kid Miles and third wheel Larry. I loved this one. It’s also just super interesting. The developing relationship between Phoenix and Miles is one that I really like as they’re both messy teenagers and really gotta work out their flaws if they wanna be together.

Begone Dull Care by VivaRockSteady: A good Au fic surrounding patient Miles and nurse Phoenix. Goes into good detail about recovering from suicide and depression, and recovering from other mental health issues. Also check out some of the other fics by this writer. One is an Au of the Truman Show and the other is a Roman/Greek Au that I found incredibly interesting.

if you leave the light on by AngstinSpace: A very good fic. I was reading this one in my study hall and my teacher was playing calming piano music that was kinda sad/melancholic and I started tearing up in class because I was feeling all the emotions. Girl this is good, go read it.

I used to think people were good but now I just think they’re people by thebirdsandtheboxes: SEVERELY UNDERRATED. Super good and goes very in-depth into Phoenix’s disbarment period and how he and his friends and family react. Also has some good Asexual!Miles moments.

This man is not your boyfriend by its_ok_inside: AN AMAZING FIC CENTERING AROUND PHOENIX HAVING AMNESIA AND MILES HELPING HIM DEAL WITH IT. Hilarious. Super funny. I love it. Also is accompanied by some artwork. FUCK YEAH THIS FIC. A classic.

Surviving You by pantswarrior: I’m pretty sure this is an older fic that got moved, and it kinda shows that in its writing (Yk those fics that you can tell were written in the 2000s/early 2010s based on their vocabulary and thoughts on gay relationships? Kinda like that) but it’s good. Very good.

A False Start by theacegrace: A phenomenal fic centered around Bratworth!Miles meeting Feenie!Phoenix and Miles praying that Phoenix doesn’t get accused of murder when he sees Phoenix with Dahlia. Loved this one so much and came back to it a couple times.

Chicago Noel by canonlacrush: A classic. There used to be an Au a while back that everyone was obsessed with and it was a bakery/mafia Au. I wish there were more fics that catered to that Au but they’re hard to find. Anyway, this one is great.

Maybe In Time You’ll Want To Be Mine by YourAverageBystander: A time loop fic that I absolutely adore. Y’all really gotta key in on these Ace Attorney time loop/time travel fics, there’s a couple in here. THEY ARE A TREASURE.

Turnabout Sole by CollaboralDamage: An awesome bodyswap fic. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND BODY SWAP FIC IN THIS FANDOM?! And this one is good. Very good. Liked it a lot.

Shared Work Space by nerdyskeleton: I think the fic’s summary works best here “It was the best of times, it was the worst of time when Miles Edgeworth discovers he likes to be called Daddy”.

Shear Luck by TopazEstrella: One that I didn’t really know what to think of when I first kept seeing it on my search for Narumitsu fics, but I’m very glad I read it. It’s different, but I like it. Has some Krisnix in it.

The Illusion Of Control by Ekat: Amazing. Loved it. Takes place in an alternate universe where Miles died and Gregory didn’t. Has a lot of found family dynamics featuring Mr. Edgeworth, Phoenix and Ray.

Tight Lesh by Ensiy: I come back to this one often. One of the only fics that has good Kristoph and Miles interaction. They’re both catty bitches to each other. Has some Krisnix in it.

Out of Order by canolacrush: A super cute fic where Miles gets a haircut and Phoenix gets a crush. I re-read it a lot because it’s super cute and really fluffy.

With The Phases Of The Moon by Puddor: One I come back to often for a couple of moments. Really love it. One of the good Werewolf!Phoenix and Vampire!Miles fics.

You Ever Been In Love? by hechima: Loved this one a lot. We love the Wright gang trying to matchmake. A classic in terms of AA fics and for good reason.

Observe and Record by MAVEfm: An introspective Miles fic detailing him and his personal journal. I really like this one. Has some Krisnix in it.

Pressing Pursuit ~ Cornered by viviaciousbarkbeast: Love this one. I think this was one of the first AA fics I’ve read. Has some Krisnix in it.

That Man by Sunshine_And_Starlight: A really good fic. It has one of my favorite tropes and I come back to it for certain moments that I really like and wanna read again.

A Badge Of Honor by sunsmasher: Really loved this one. I also come back to re-read it cause it’s just so funny and awkward and hilarious.

Awkward Business by hechima: I’m a sucker for this trope! You’ll see what I mean when you read it. It’s all gold! I still come back to this one.

wait (they don’t love you like I love you) by Samioli: Super good fic detailing Miles finding out about all Phoenix’s past relationships.

parallelogram by zombiekittiez: Such a slay fic, has a strange premise at first BUT we get Shakespeare references so that’s a big plus.

All There Is by sunsmasher: Loved it. A really good look into Krisnix as a relationship and dealing with sexual trauma.

London, 2021 by syailendra: Has a lot of good moments. I come back to this one a lot. Has some Krisnix in it.

Sketched Memories by gen: LOVED THIS ONE. OBSESSED. You just gotta read it. It’s a recent one but VERY GOOD.

Archaeology by sunsmasher: Everyone eats pizza, and truamadumps. Just a typical day at the Wright Anything Agency.

Dancer In The Dark by klaviersimp: Ahhh, I love this fic a lot. It holds a special place in my heart. Little suggestive but I like it.

dig my nails into the wound by gavinnersworldtour: A very good Krisnix fic. Delicious. I love this one.

Temptation by crayoncompanion: An interesting one that I can’t help but really love.

Hot, Sticky, Sweet by mutxnts: A really good fic. I CRAVE a continuation but it’s a one-shot.

Sin. Eater by potatomin: A very good Demon!Miles and Angel!Phoenix fic. Makes you want more.

romance is not dead (if you keep it just yours) by Samioli: This one was just sweet. I liked it a lot.

just desserts by riskphee: YES. YES. Love this one. I still come back to read it.

Thrown Through A Loop by savitaraandsigh: Another time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

From The Top by lazynina: Another Time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

Bespoke by Demus: We love suit kinks.

That Goddamned Idiot That Is Phoenix Wright by fyrebyrd_fta

Kleptomania by Ekat

Working Hazard by lilacSkye

caught in the act by Samioli

I’ll Cover You by nerd4fandoms

my rapt heart by griffonage

Bad dream, good time by notlikelybutpossible

-

Series:

7 years under the bridge: A series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

7 year ache: Another series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

-

And that’s most of them! There’s definately more, but those are the ones that really made an impression on me and that I think about a lot (And also the ones I could find easily without having to check every one of my bookmarks) You can find more that way if you want though! By looking through my bookmarks on A3O that is. That’s what I do sometimes with other A3O members and it’s worked out well (Look for the Buddy Daddies fics in my bookmarks, that’s where most of them start but definitely check my bookmarks, there’s a couple good ones I can’t find at the moment that I know are in there). But I also recommend doing your own research too, it doesn’t seem like fun but when you end up finding one of the hidden gem fics it’s totally worth it.

Here’s some advice, buddy, try to start at the beginning, like go all the way down to the last folder on A3O, but maybe first search for an AA tag that you know will have a smaller fic pool and go from there. And when you find an author you like, try and check out if they have some other AA fics. Most of the writers of the fics I have recommended have more Ace Attorney fics in their arsenal that I’ve read and enjoyed and just didn’t wanna put on here, so check them out!

Btw Anon, if you want the more… Darker fics that I like (There aren’t many, but there’s a couple) DM me because I don’t wanna give those out publicly since it just makes me sorta uncomfy and I don’t want others to be uncomfy. This also goes for smuttier fics that I don’t feel like sharing at the moment.

Sorry if this was a lot Anon, I just love fanfiction, it’s definately one of the more interesting art forms out there, and think a lot of the ones I read deserve to be shared!

(Oh, also, I write fics too Anon. Check out my AA fic if you wanna. Sorry to self-promote but I promise it’s cute!!)

Anyway, that’s all! Goodnight everybody!

[dinogoofy]

I have to ask, what are your thoughts or head canons on Daddy Reiko?? 👀👀 For scientific research

Ohhh buddy, do I have some thoughtsss.

As always, NSFW unde the cut, minors do not interact!

TW! Reiko needs a tw for being himself LMAO. Dom/sub described. Brothel mentioned. Pegging mentioned.

Reiko Headcannons

SFW

At first I couldn't see this man wanting any steady relationship or situationship. He just seems like the type to hop on into a brothel and handle whatever intimacy needs he has. Also he felt like the type to see relationships as purely sexual.

But then again, have you seen how loyal this man is??? It might take him a while to settle into a relationship, but once you're his he's never letting go.

The type to complain about you being clingy and then refuse to let you get out of bed in the morning. He brags about how you can't function without him and that you're so devoted to being by his side, but really, it's the exact opposite.

He's extremely jealous and tends to scare off assholes that try to flirt with you, but once you're alone together afterwords he's just grumpy and pouty. He won't admit that he needs kisses and reassurance, but again, once you start to hold him, kiss him and tell him you're his, he relaxes and there's no escape for you.

My favorite idea of a relationship with him is where he has a really soft s/o that loves to sew and garden and bake, but is actually badass, and it makes him flustered.

NSFW

Man is rough and fast. Like seriously dude, please slow down!!

Definitely eager, but more for his own pleasure. He's not a very attentive lover, but I don't think he'd keep going if he knew he was hurting you in a bad way.

Definitely prefers receiving rather than giving, but he does crave to have his head in between your thighs sometimes.

He's definitely only down for being dominant when you first start the relationship, but honesty?? Let's say you're also a dominant person who doesn't back down easy. I think if you're really forward and blunt when it comes to the act you'd gain the upper hand by flustering him.

A grunter, but if you can break down his walls and you're on top, he tends to whine and moan very softly. It makes him embarrassed and he'll get annoyed if you point it out, but once he's lost in pleasure he lets out the sweetest noises.

Demands kisses and cuddles after the act. Will fall asleep before aftercare, so you'll have to take care of that yourself, but he does enjoy bathing with you the morning after.

Will refuse if you ask to peg him due to his toxic manliness. But secretly, he would enjoy it.

[sophieinwonderland]

i have a question, if youre willing to answer.

i dont want resources, i’ve likely already read them.

we’re a traumagenic programmed system. typically the thought of someone without trauma having this disorder upsets us, because what we went through was so severe that it seems unfair to people without trauma to have to live the same hell as us.

it seems like the only reason someone would be a system without trauma would be by choice.

i would like to hear your explanation for endogenic systems. as i already said, ive read plenty of journals on non trauma based plurality. i dont include spiritual plurality as to me that is an entirely different field.

all i would like to know is your version or perspective of why endogenic systems exist without any trauma whatsoever. when i say this, i mean the type of formative years that would leave a singlet with fondest memories of childhood, nothing bad or stressful, a peaceful parents and environment, etc.

this is not for syscourse, i dont engage with negativity like that.

im open to learning, and i will always peacefully coexist with opposing views to my own, but again, i do my research and have already read many of both the popular and obscure journals on non trauma based plurality that i have found.

-

i dont know if you’ll answer this, though i do hope so, and im not sure how often you get anonymous asks like this, but just in case, you can consider me as anon M.

much respect to you, and i hope you have a good day/night.

-M

Sure!

I'm curious if, in your research, you've also looked into studies into "imagined companions."

These are what I actually find most interesting. Now, "imagined companion" is a loaded term from a singlet-normative perspective that ASSUMES a single consciousness per body. But recent research into ICs have shown a reality that is far more complicated than that, with a majority of ICs seemingly possessing will of their own.

Current research shows about a third of ICs appear to be fully controlled by the host child. These are pretty much what you imagine they would be when you hear terms like "imaginary friend" thrown around. These aren't what I'm interested in.

At the other end of the spectrum are researchers call "noncompliant" imaginary friends. These do have will of their own but exhibit harmful and often bullying behavior. I think many of these would be traumagenic in nature, or at least trauma-affected. If a child's IC is bullying them, that hints that something has likely gone wrong in their homelife, and they're emulating toxic behaviors.

What I find most interesting then is this middle third. Those who demonstrate autonomy while being generally supportive, positive relationships in the lives of their hosts.

It's in this group that we find the strongest evidence of natural multiplicity in children. And it's a pretty massive percentage of the population.

Some studies have shown more than 60% of children have had imagined companions in childhood before the age of 7.

Extrapolating, this means as many as 40% of children, 2 in every 5, would experience childhood plurality, with other people in their heads with their own will.

About 1-in-5 would fall into the category of having these sorts of positive childhood headmates.

To me, the issue isn't a question of why natural multiplicity exists. It seems to me that it just does. Some people are just naturally multiple in childhood.

To me, the issue is what happens to it afterwards. Where do these headmates go? Why do some people keep them?

For the first question, this seems a result of forced conformity. Tell children that their ICs aren't real and that they need to outgrow them, and the ICs will either be forced into dormancy or fuse with the host child.

Their singlethood is sociogenic.

But a fraction will remain. The ICs will be stronger than normal or the host child won't let go of them. And they'll stick around to adulthood. Since they "know" a simple imaginary friend can't be real or think for themselves, they may turn to spiritual explanations for what they experience.

Most will feel alone in their experiences, feel crazy, and never tell others about these headmates.

I'll also add that these systems are usually unable to switch. Switching appears to usually need a dissociative capacity from either intentional dissociative practices such as those in tulpamancy and many spiritual practices, or from trauma.

These systems can learn to switch but it's not inherent to their plurality.

Those are my thoughts anyway! Good day to you too, and thanks for the question! 😁💖

[anti-terf-posts]

Hi, this may not be the right place to ask, but I’m just wondering what’s so wrong with radfem ideology? I can’t really find any proper resources detailing why it’s wrong, besides screenshots of either toxic people saying toxic things, or screenshots of tradfem blogs. My own research hasn’t brought up anything either, as I can’t really find radfems saying anything horrible like a lot of anti radfem posts describe them saying. Again, sorry if this is the wrong blog, feel free to ignore this ask if that’s the case!

BEFORE WE BEGIN: I AM NOT AN EXPERT. I USED ARTICLES WITH NUETRAL OPINIONS ON RADICAL FEMINISM, AND BASED MY OWN OPINIONS ON IT. USE THIS AS A SOURCE AT YOUR OWN RISK

This one is actually kind of tricky, because some radfem beliefs are actually very valid and are arguably reasonable.

For example, Wikipedia states, "Radical feminism is a perspective within feminism that calls for a radical re-ordering of society in which male supremacy is eliminated in all social and economic contexts" Which like, totally makes sense! The patriarchy needs to be dismantled entirely in order for women to have true freedom.

However, radical feminism dismisses the idea of legal/class based misogyny, which is ridiculous, considering the fact that women in higher classes often have more power over lower class women, and sometimes even enforce gender roles against lower class women (making them do household chores like taking care of the children or cleaning the house for them, etc.)

And let's not forget the racism rooted in radical feminism. Radfems claim that misogyny is the most basic form of oppression, which completely erases the oppression of people of colour, which has been around since almost forever.

In fact, in the early days of this movement, many black women refused to associate with radical feminists due to their ignorance of oppression against women of colour. It was only after radical feminists began to listen to woc, and start including them in their feminism that they decided to join the ideology.

Moving the discussion over towards prostitution and pornography. Radfems believe that both of those are inherently bad things. It is true that women in lower socioeconomic classes have a higher chance of being prostitutes, but it shouldn't be true. Yes, women who are coerced into sex work in any way should have the freedom to quit, but this should not clash with a woman's freedom to join the industry if she wants to.

So, sometime after the radical feminism movement was started, radical lesbian feminism began.

These women believed that they were helping women fight oppression and misogyny simply by being lesbians, because "heterosexuality inherently oppresses women". This statement is incompatible with the belief that women should have the freedom to do what they want. If lesbians are unable to control who they're attracted to, then why isn't that the same for heterosexual women? And let's not ignore the blatant biphobia that comes with that. A bi woman should have the freedom to choose to be in a male/female relationship without judgement (as long as she isn't being coerced into the relationship) and saying otherwise completely erases bi women's experiences as queer people.

Speaking of queer people, we all know and love the classic TERF, or, FART, as I like to call them. (Also, if you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic about loving TERFs. No one loves TERFs.)

Trans Exclusive Radical Feminists believe that the trans movement "perpetuates patriarchal gender norms," and "is incompatible with radical feminist ideology."

If you couldn't tell, this is greatly untrue. Radical feminism just believes that we need to get rid of the patriarchy and has nothing to do with how people identify. If you take a look at pretty much any article that discuss radical feminism, you'll see the history of anti-trans rhetoric being spread by the ideology.

Being anti trans is probably what radical feminism is most well known for. Over the course of many decades, the ideology has become less about women's movement, and more about punishing trans people for their existence. Hell, even a quick search of "radical feminism" on this god forsaken site will reveal that their main motive is no longer about women's liberation and has now become all about oppressing trans people.

As my mum put it; "it's the cycle of abuse. These women are so traumatized by the patriarchy and misogyny, that they feel the need to abuse the easiest target."

To recap, the radfem ideology is racist, biphobic, and most notably, transphobic. And if that's not enough to convince you that it's problematic, I don't know what is.

[theirishwolfhound]

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick Headcanons

My thoughts on pretty boy Kyle are actually relatively new. The longer I spend reading and writing about him for my own purposes, the more I absolutely fall in love with this man. As a collective whole here on Tumblr, as far as I’ve seen, we’ve collectively decided that Kyle is the heartthrob of the Task Force.  In this I'll cover the basics that will be prevalent in my own fics, if you wish to use any feel free, they're mostly rambles as is :)

“Oh come off it, sweetheart.”

Age: I wholeheartedly believe he’s older than Soap, but younger than Ghost, so between 27- 33. Personally I think he would be 29-30. With a bit of research it is said he enlisted in 2008 when he was 16, so I’m more inclined to believe he’s 30. (not me having to fix my own fucking story because I fucked the math up and got their ages wrong like a stupid moron) Sexaulity: Omnisexual, like he’s definitely some sort of queer and it’s hard to place him. Would he love a pretty lady or man? Absolutely, just as much as he would love a more rugged woman or man. -As for his own gender, I don’t think he would really care what pronouns he’s given so he could just be a cisgendered man who’s comfortable with himself or he’s just gender nonconforming. Height & Weight: Definitely 6’/182 cm and weighs roughly 216 lbs, I see him as a toned athletic man for sure.  Personality: Just like in the game, Gaz has to be sassy. We love sassy men who can match vibes. He’s the guy you want to go clubbing with, not only because he’s fun as hell but because he makes you feel safe at the same time. You give him an attitude he returns it with little effort and it either matches the energy you gave or it surpasses it. -He’s very comfortable with himself. Secure with showing both masculine and feminine traits. Give the man a crop top and a skirt he’ll wear them for you. He’ll let you paint his nails, do his makeup, ect.  Birthday: September 26th, 1992 (I'm using 2022)

Car Or Truck?: It honestly depends. I feel like he could potentially have both given his current vibes. But I would see him with a car, a nice sleek car with leather seats and a bumper sticker that says: “If at first you don’t succeed, call an airstrike.” given to him by Soap. -Specifically thinking of a core model BMW 740i xDrive Sedan, dark charcoal grey in color, glossy coat and dark windows. Cat or Dog?: He has the silliest dog that stays with his parents. I think it is a boxer, or a boxer mix of some sort, that has almost the same personality as Kyle. Boxers are a hyper and goofy breed of dog, and he is very certain that if he knew Soap before he got the dog he would've named it after him. Favorite Food: Vindaloo, specifically lamb Vindaloo. He just seems like the person who would prefer the more savory foods. As well as spicy foods. And if he had to go with something sweet, he’d go for a lemon drizzle cake.  Favorite Drinks: This man drinks fruity cocktails without fear of judgment just as easily as he drinks whiskey, and for non-alcoholic drinks he's a big tea, latte, and ginger ale fan for sure.  Favorite Music: 2000-2010’s music for sure. This man knows Britney Spears’ Toxic like us Americans know the pledge of allegiance.  Song I think Fits their Vibes: Feel The Way I Do- The Jungle Giants Hobbies: Gives off the vibes of a man who taught himself how to play guitar and jewelry making. Makes Soap bracelets and teaches him how to make them as well. More physical activities might be running and swimming. Fears: Oddly enough, not really, falling. It's not a terrible fear, it just gets his heart racing enough that he steers clear of the helicopter doors until they land. 

“Why don’t we go this way? Y’know, away from the edge, yeah?”

Familial Relationships: Has a relatively good relationship with his mom and dad, they probably live somewhere closeish to his flat in London. They would have a key to take care of the plants on the inside for sure. Has an older sister and a younger brother. They’re all fairly close and he’ll visit them on his leaves if he has the chance, otherwise they all have a group chat to check in with one another.  Relationships with the team: I definitely think this varies based on what sort of relationship you’re seeking to read/write about. I try to always write polyamory, as a poly-person I like having the representations.  Price: Coming from someone who loves PriceGaz, they are either the best mentor and trainee coupling or the most judgemental couple. They can read each other relatively well and work together rather well. (Though they equally get on each other's nerves.) Soap: Definitely best friends if they’re not dating, they get up to the most interesting shenanigans. They’d go clubbing in matching outfits and are annoyingly catty together.  Ghost: As lovers and friends, they’re totally the ones that would seek quiet comfort from one another. They have secret tea time and share snacks. Totally make fun of Soap's hair if it's in need of a shave.  Love Language: Physical Touch and Gift Receiving/Giving. He'll do a skin care routine with you, massages, and he'll make sure to buy the stuff for it to give to you or you to him if you get him something. He knows what makeup you wear or what size to buy your clothes in to surprise you. 

Civilian or Military Lover: Prefers civilian lovers over other soldiers, but like he’d date other soldiers given they’re the right person.  What would their civilian job be?: I see Kyle being a Paramedic, like he’d be the one I’d ask for if I fell in the shower because he’s not gonna make fun of me and he’s hot. How’s their charisma: Rizz Master, man. I'm convinced he's got a smolder that'll knock the clothes off of anyone lucky. Voice is smooth like honey and sweet to boot, he's an interrogation expert— he's gotta have a way with words. What would your first date be? Hard to say. I think he'd take you out to a coffee/tea house or you'd go get Ramen. But in reality I know it would be put up to a mutual agreement. He’d totally pay the bill and makes sure you never even get to see the slip. What would they call you? “Baby” is definitely one of the top ones, but I think the next contenders are as followed: “Sweetheart” and “Pretty/Handsome”

“Gonna make me feel pretty, baby?”

Size: Gonna have to say he's not the biggest or longest but I agree with the post that said he's the prettiest of the four cocks. A neat 6.5 in, circumcised, hits the right spots and he knows how to use it well.  Kinks: Bondage, Exhibitionism, and Sensation Play Position?: Pretty boy Kyle is a complete switch, though has a more dominant leaning personality. He’ll let you top, but he's gonna boss you around while you do it.  Sharing?? Kyle loves to share. He is inclined to share with his team, after all those are his best friends and his brothers-in-arms, they saved his life many times— just a little peek won’t hurt. Song that fits his vibe in the bedroom:  Swim - CHASE ATLANTIC

[wilt1ng]

MARK HOFFMAN HEAD-CANONS

SFW AND NSFW

In honor of Saw X and its release, why not celebrate with Hoffman head-canons?

-

SFW

Morally grey

This one is rather self-explanatory. Although Hoffman is a detective, he isn't a "right" one. He follows rules that only he lives by and will maybe comply with the rules of others if it's to his benefit.

He isn't necessarily one to express his sympathies to someone, especially if they found themselves placed into a jigsaw trap. However, he shares an extent to whom he would personally place into a trap. For example, he doesn't strike me as a guy who'd trap someone who smoked cigarettes compared to a murderer.

He feels a sense of injustice when a person survives their trap, and disappointment follows. He has a tendency to question Jigsaw's ways.

Sense of self preservation

Unlike Amanda, it's clear Hoffman doesn't hinder positive feelings towards Jigsaw. There are simply things he would and wouldn't do if Kramer asked him.

He doesn't follow blindly and is constantly on guard.

Loves from a distance

Hoffman's love life isn't truly tapped into it as it wasn't necessarily relevant to the Saw plot line, unlike the showcasing of love he shared for his sister.

He's an emotionally distant man who'd almost rather never meddle in the topic of feelings and love. However, if someone were to catch his eye, he wouldn't be exactly normal about it.

Knowing the skill set he has now, he'd often watch them from a distance out of pure curiosity. He'd want to know their deepest secrets and how they behave when they think they're alone. Hoffman isn't under giving them a background check as well, almost obsessively researching them.

If Hoffman chose to actively pursue a relationship, he would surveillance them nearly 24/7 out of fear of being caught or discovered.

Hidden cameras, tagging your car, occasionally breaking in, watching you leave to work, etc.

• Petty and vengeful

I wouldn't put it past Hoffman to severely punish his s/o for something like cheating on him. This man can and will put them in a jigsaw trap for the hell of it. Whether or not it's beatable depends on your crime, but more likely than not, you won't survive it.

The trap would be personal and perhaps symbolic to the pain they inflicted onto him. Hoffman would be there to watch the entire process, not feeling necessarily happy, despite them betraying him.

Bonus+: he would also trap the person they had an affair with/ensuring they didn't survive.

NSFW

Dominant top 😇

Although the idea of someone taking control and riding Hoffman seems exciting, he mainly gets a kick out of having all the control himself.

He's into choking, bondage, and light bdsm. Can and will cuff you to his bed while he has his way. He enjoys a sense of a power dynamic, finding comfort in knowing he has full control of the situation.

He would 1000% use that fuckin voice he uses (you know the one) to degrade you with, while using a gentler tone whenever you please him.

"Don't disappoint me."

"That's it. Continue being good for me."

Emotionally distant

Unfortunately for some, but Hoffman would go a few days without speaking to you, only to break the silence with a quick fuck. A toxic dynamic between you two may be easily built.

It's insanely difficult for Hoffman to open up, especially about his sister and how he's been feeling since then.

Due to his vulnerability issues, if you were to make that exception, he'd be constantly wary of you. Hoffman could become accusatory and/or obsessive with you and how you think of him.

"You think I'm a fucking monster, don't you? I want to hear you say it."

Toxic ex

Safe to say you wouldn't want Hoffman for an ex. Except harassing phone calls, ominous messages left at your doorstep, and the constant feeling you're never safe.

Hoffman would send detailed threats on how he'd trap you and your new s/o (assuming you moved on). He may never actually go through with these plans but nonetheless shares empty threats.

You'd never feel completely safe as he'd still monitor you via surveillance, occasionally breaking in to watch you sleep.

That's all for now! <3

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 210 Thoughts Part Two.

Yuji goes out of his way to both antagonize Hana, and remind the audience of how much he mourns Nobara in this most recent chapter. Rather than being a ship tease moment (actually this post is neutral to any kind of ships) this moment establishes the foiling on a deeper level between Yuji and Nobara. The reason Yuji cannot stand the idea of Nobara being replaced to the point where he acts almost out of character from his usual behavior is because his bond with her is special (once again this is not about shipping) in a way I'll elaborate on under the cut. PART ONE OF THIS POST HERE. 

Anima and Animus Part Two

My entire last post elaborated on how Megumi and Hana might serve as a pair of Anima / Animus archetypes in Jujutsu Kaisen, a story that is rife with Jungian symbolism. The post is RIGHT HERE and serves as the first half of this meta, but if you want a TLDR version. The anima and animus are a syzgzy (pair of complentary opposites) of dualistic jungian archetype that make of the self. The anima is the unconscious feminine side of a man. The animus is the unconscious masculine side of a woman.

Warning, this is talking about gender in binary terms. The gender binary is invented, but also most cultures have things they would consider to be feminine or masculine traits. Also, everyone is a mix of those feminine or masculine traits no matter what gender they are. Jung's theory is often a Male's sensitivity is lesser or repressed and therefore for healthy psychological development there has to be a reconciliation in both a person's attitude towards masculinity and femininity, and also how they interact with femininity in other people.

Jung divides ego between conscious mind and shadow, but he further divides the traits of a person's attitudes between feminine and masculine as another part of the ego and just as key as accepting your shadow / unconscious. Just as a quick example if you're familiar with the concept of "Toxic Masculinity" Jung would consider that a person who overexpresses his masculine side, and represses his anima to much to the point where they develop an unhealthy relationship with that masculinity, and an underdeveloped ego. If a healthy balance with one's anima/animus is needed for a person's growth and development, then someone who is toxically masculine would show a stunted growth. Similiarly many toxically masculine individuals are considered to be immature.

Now to explain some broader terminology before going ahead and connecting these ideas to Jujutsu Kaisen, Jung's theory is the division of "self" or "personality" into distinct parts, the conscious ego, the shadow, and then animus and anima.

"Clearly, then, the personality as a total phenomenon does not coincide with the ego, that is, with the conscious personality, but forms an entity that has to be distinguished from the ego. Naturally the need to do this is incumbent only on a psychology that reckons with the fact of the unconscious, but for such a psychology the distinction is of paramount importance." The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Ego is a part of personality but not the whole of it, and makes up the conscious mind. The part of their personality they are aware of. The parts we are unaware of, and are out of our control, the unconscious mind Jung refers to as the shadow.

The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of It involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Yuji as the main character of the story more than anyone else, exhibits this divided self. His shadow is an entity entirely seperate from him with his own consciousness that he cannot control, Sukuna who is made up of baser instincts, a desire for power, and also mostly negative flaws. Things that would be repressed in the shining, boyscout, that is Yuji. Yuji is the only character we ever get a peak of their symbolic inner world, and in that world Yuji stands on water (a symbol of the subconscious, because the subconscious is something which lies underneath the surface of the water).

Yuji has an extremely unhealthy relationship with his shadow. They are literally at war with each other. Sukuna at moments can possess Yuji's body and make him do things he wold not normally do, be violent in a way he is not normally violent. Sukuna even refers to Yuji being unable to switch back during his possession happening because "he was too greedy."

Yuji of all characters is someone who tries to present himself as a savior with a higher moral imperative, and he carries around Sukuna in his whole someone who has no value for human life, and no regard for anyone except himself. Someone who seems at first brush to be the complete and total opposite of Yuji and yet is bonded to his soul.

Although, with insight and good will, the shadow can to some extent be assimilated into the conscious personality, experience shows that there are certain features which offer the most obstinate resistance to moral control and prove almost impossible to influence. These resistances are usually bound up with projections,, which are not recognized as such, and their recognition is a moral achievement beyond the ordinary. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Yuji's negative traits are not assimilated into his personality at all, nor is he aware of them, his relationship with his shadow is so distant that he quite literally goes into the supernatural equivalent of what would be dissociative fugue states where he loses all control of his body in a period he is not aware of.

With a little self-criticism one can see through the shadow so far as its nature is personal. But when it appears as an archetype, one encounters the same difficulties as with anima and animus. In other words, it is quite within the bounds of possibility for a man to recognize the relative evil of his nature, but it is a rare and shattering experience for him to gaze into the face of absolute evil. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Sukuna representing the absolute evil that Yuji cannot bear to look into the face of, or understand. Even though there are times where Yuji demonstrates the same kind of primal dominance that makes up Sukuna's entire personality. There are times where rather than the savior he is the predator.

If his relationship with Sukuna embodies the divide between conscious mind and Shadow, then Nobara serves as the symbol of his Anima. Anima appears in archetypes as well. Archetypes are often repeated characters and symbols in mythology, the hero, the mentor, the mother, etc. etc. Yuji's external relationship with Nobara, relates to his own internal relationship with his anima, the feminine side of his personality. Nobara is nothing if not feminity personified.

Why Nobara of all characters? It's because she is the woman with the most longstanding relationship with Yuji in the manga. In fact since I have too much free time, let's do summary of the many ways they parallel one another in their journey up until Shibuya. Yuji and Nobaraare also a pair of Anima / Animus in regards to one another. Women are also defined as having a "Animus" side that reflects their repressed masculinity.

The projection-making factor is the anima, or rather the unconscious as represented by the anima. Whenever she appears, in dreams, visions, and fantasies, she takes on personified form, thus demonstrating that the factor she embodies possesses all the outstanding characteristics of a feminine being. She is not an invention of the conscious, but a spontaneous product of the unconscios. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Nobara's introduction is called girl of Steel. Nobara's feminity is put right on dispaly first and foremost, the first thing she does is interrogate a man about recruiting her as a model because obviously she's such a pretty woman. She has also no regard for the men she meets up with seeing them as crude doodles.

Just like Sukuna and Yuji are at war with each other, Nobara and Yuji start out completely combative to one another. This is par the course for the first encounter of Anima / Animus. This is also once again not really a romantic connection.

This singular fact is due to the following circumstance: when animus and anima meet, the animus draws his sword of power and the anima ejects her poison of illusion and seduction.  In both its positive and its negative aspects the anima/animus relationship is always full of “animosity”, i.e., it is emotional, and hence collective. Affects lower the level of the relationship and bring it closer to the common instinctual basis, which no longer has anything individual about it.  The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

IE: Both start out in opposition to each other, but need to form a relationship and work together in order to slay the curse. Megumi is also left out of the mission, further solidifying Yuji and Nobara from introduction as a pair.

I would say rather Anima and Animus characters are not primed to understand each other especially with underdeveloped characters at the beginning of their arcs. That's essentially what Yuji remarks he can't read or understand Nobara at all, she's a mystery to him. Nobara also does not really want to accept Yuji's cooperation or coordinate with him at all.

Right away though, Gojo draws a parallel between the two of them. Gojo establishes that Yuji is crazy like many Jujutsu Sorcerers, and he's trying to test Nobara for that same craziness. (Needless to say Nobara passes).

I've already made reference to the fact that Yuji's whole sense of self is continually at war with himself, his unhealthy self-image first explodes in the fearsome womb arc. An arc where ironically Nobara and Yuji are separated from each other right away. (I mention this only because it's paralleled in the Origin of Obeidence arc, in this arc they work together and its a culmination of their long developed relationship).

Nobara even falls deep into a literal shadow. She is transported into a dark place where she cannot see. Rather than being aware of his anima, his anima is once again pushed to the deepest parts of Yuji's mind. This is also the first time he loses control of himself to Sukuna.

Nobara weeps over his first death and being left alone. Something that will be paralleled once again when it is Nobara's time to die and leave Yuji alone. I would argue they are both shown to be deeply affected by the loss, because they are essentially losing what is essentially the masculine / feminine halves of themselves. If they are a pair, then without one another they are symbolically incomplete.

I'm not underplaying Megumi's mourning, just that attention is drawn to Nobara's mourning, just like in this week's chapter Yuji moreso than Megumi fears that after Nobara's "death" she may lose that special place in his heart.

FLash forward to the Kyoto Battle arc, Nobara's reason for being angry at Mai is not only her insulting of Maki, but the way she dismisses Yuji as a curse, and tries to kill him with the rest of the Kyoto students without getting to know him. You could also say this is a point where Nobara overexpresses her feminine traits, and neglects her masculine ones. SHe basically yells at the top of her lungs she doesn't really care about the misogyny Mai faces under the Zenin Clan, she is compeltely unaware of her own harmful prejudices.

While not to the same extent as Yuji because she's not running around with a demon in her head, I'd argue that Nobara is also someone who is not in harmony with her feminine and masculine sides.

Nobara is, unconscious of her more amoral traits like her lack of guilt for killing Choso's brothers, she's someone who just like Yuji embraces the "might makes right" and "getting stronger solves everything" of the Jujutusu World. In fact since she's not out to save people you could say she embraces it more than Yuji. Violence is something typically considered a masculine trait. She also worships the stronger of the Zenin twins Maki, while despising Mai for her weakness.

Origin of Obedince which is basically the last big development arc of the relationships of the main character trio together, Nobara and Yuji's cooperation is shown to come full circle from their introduction and they are in near perfect harmony with one another. They even Black Flash together.

This may be an overreach but Yuji and Nobara are also fighting the Death Painting Sibs, their philosophy is "we three are one" but the fact that Yuji and Nobara triumps means at this moment their harmony with one another is stronger than that.

Nobara and Yuji go through an arc where they are essential to one another's growth, just as for Animus and Anima there are stages of development known as Eros and Logos.

Just as the anima becomes, through integration, the Eros of consciousness, so the animus becomes a Logos; and in the same way that the anima gives relationship and relatedness to a man's consciousness, the animus gives to woman's consciousness a capacity for reflection, deliberation, and self knowledge. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Eros and Logos are four stages of development where the respective Anima and Animus are developed as people become more conscious of their opposite sides. A man at the first stage with an underdeveloped Anima, does not only make an object of love or desire out of women they see both women and feminine traits as completely unintegrated and seperate from themselves. At the fourth stage a man's anima is fully integrated into their personality and they are able to be seen as particular individuals as both positive and negative qualities. As for Logos, ironically enough their first level is an animus that first appears as a personification of mere physical power, for instance an athletic champion a muscle man. And in its fourth manifestation an animus is the incarnation of meaning. At this stage there's mediation between the conscious and unconscious mind.

For example, Yuji learns cooperation with Nobara at the peak of his development where he didn't understand her at all to begin with. For example, Nobara is an extremely brutal and conflict oriented character to begin with, at the end of their relationship arc so far she is working in harmony with Yuji.

Further parallels between the two of them. They both have plant names. Translated by @kaibutsushidousha right here. That's not as strong as a character because a lot of characters have names associated with plants. However, Yuji's plant is named for a medicinal herb.

Japanese Knotweed: There are a lot of ways to tie this to Itadori’s two sides as himself and Sukuna, but in Akutami’s interview on Mandou Kobayashi, they explained that they simply picked the name of a medicinal herb because Itadori was a protagonist who saves people, so I’m not sure if any deeper meaning was intended on this one specifically. Japanese knotweeds are really nice as medicinal herbs, but on the flip side, the Japanese knotweed is one of the most invasive species in the world, so I think the plant choice also doubles as a nod to Itadori’s (or rather Sukuna’s) status as a plague to curser society. Nobara was named for a wild Rose, because "I wanted to make it thorny" this is from the databook.

Flower symbolism wise Nobara's also means recovery from a grave wound, just as Yuji's means medicine.

WILD ROSE In flower language, the wild rose means “unpretentious love” and “recovery from a grave wound”.

Unpretentious love refers to how Kugisaki very openly loves her friends, and how her love for people completely disregards social decorum, as her backstory is about her relationship with a person deemed an outcast, whose negative social status never made Kugisaki stop caring for her. Recovery from a grave wound refers to how Kugisaki absolutely survived having her face blasted by Mahito in the Shibuya Incident. I believe it. She’ll come back with the coolest eyepatch.

This is a bit of a stretch but I just found it neat.

Nobara is referred to as a natural enemy to Mahito, just like Yuji was.

Yuji and Nobara have parallel deaths in the cursed womb arc, and then Shibuya arc where the two of them are separated from each other. Yuji's resolve is even similiarly brought to tears.

They are both influenced by their same sex grandparents, Nobara's grandmother taught her in sorcery, Yuji's grandfather taught him some martial arts and was his only guardian. Yuji is the one who continually brings up Nobara's death, even to this chapter, and the same way Nobara gets angry at Mai for mocking Yuji's memory, Yuji unreasonably gets mad at Hana because he's afraid she might replace Nobara who is singularly important to him.

Which as I said once again for both of them goes a step above friendship (not necessarily romance) because they are essentially symbolic of each other's male/female sides. At this point, Yuji's personality becomes even more out of balance than it was before. He embraces his hypermasculine hunter side in his fight with Mahito. Nobara's death also comes just after Yuji's loss of control to Sukuna. Once again, his repressed side taking him completely over and making him go into the magical version of a fugue state.

From this point on, Yuji also begins to extremely loathe his own weakness. Weakness can be seen as a feminine trait for someone who has an unhealthy relationship with masculinity and overexpresses it. All people are equal parts strong and weak, and have many strenghs and weaknesses but Yuji believes now he must be continually punished for his weakness. Which again makes Yuji's personality even more disordered.

Which makes Yuji's personality as a whole even more disordered. Jung emphasizes that integration of all parts of the personality, requires healthy relationships with members of the opposite sex (which is you know true, men who loathe femininity aren't going to form healthy relationships with women).

Recapitulating, I should like to emphasize that the integration of the shadow, or the realization of the personal unconscious, marks the first stage in the analytic process, and that without it a recognition of anima and animus is impossible. The shadow can be realized only through a relation to a partner, and anima and animus only through a relation to the opposite sex, because only in such a relation do their projections become operative. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Yuji, deprived of his anima is therefore all out of whack.

Yuji's unhealthy relationship with his Anima can even be traced back to his complete lack of a mother figure. Typically developmental-wise, our first interaction with a feminine force in our life is our mothers. In Jungian logic, the definition of femininity is sourced with their mothers in boys, and their fathers in girls.

The enveloping, embracing, and devouring element points unmistakably to the mother, 2 that is, to the son's relation to the real mother, to her imago, and to the woman who is to become a mother for him. His Eros is passive like a child's; he hopes to be caught, sucked in, enveloped, and devoured. He seeks, as it were, the protecting, nourishing, charmed circle of the mother, the condition of the infant released from every care, in which the outside world bends over him and even forces happiness upon him. No wonder the real world vanishes from sight! The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Yuji is at war with his mother figure the same way he is at war with his shadow, considering that his biological mom is quite literally the main antagonist of the story Kenjaku, who possessed his mother's body in order to give birth to him.

Jung even notes that a person with an underdeveloped anima will become possessed by it, and therefore lose their agency over themselves and lose sight and control. Which mirrors in a way the fact Kenjaku considers Yuji nothing more than a pawn in his scheme, and endeavors to control his life.

If this situation is dramatized, as the unconscious usually dramatizes it, then there appears before you on the psychological stage a man living regressively, seeking his childhood and his mother, fleeing from a cold cruel world which denies him understanding. Often a mother appears beside him who apparently shows not the slightest concern that her little son should become a man, but who, with tireless and self-immolating effort, neglectsnothing that might hinder him from growing up and marrying. You behold the secret conspiracy between mother and son, and how each helps the other to betray life. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus, C. G. Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

Yuji posseses a mother figure which is completely hostile to him, and an anima which is currently either missing or dead to the story, so under such conditions no wonder Yuji's deviating from his normal personality and acting with no self awareness whatsoever to the point of becoming hostile to Hana. He is most likely insecure about his own feelings for Nobara whatever they may be if he thinks he a girl he's known for about five minutes could replace her so easily, which relates to all of Yuji's 9,000 other insecurities.

Basically, the end of this long diatribe is Nobara is someone who could help Yuji grow and find balance within himself were she to return to the story, and in her absence Yuji is psychologically speaking...a big mess.

[professorspork]

director's commentary sdau emerald scene

You know, I really should have seen this coming but I didn't.

Let's put it under a cut bc moderate spice and considerable length:

This scene went through more iterations and re-writes than the vast majority of its brethren.

I dug around in our chat history to find the exact moment we generated the idea, because this one wouldn't have happened without you. and you know what I learned?

it dates to mid-January 2023, which is literally before I started posting newsbees. this idea is OLD. it is some of the EARLIEST MATERIAL of sdau.

I told you I was reading this for fic research in the middle of an unrelated discussion about Emerald; you then joked that all you could think about was Emerald at the sex club giving vytal fic vibes, just bored out of her skull while people throw themselves at her, and I said I hadn't come up with a role for her yet.

you: emerald would try to go to the sex club after getting out of a toxic relationship the way blake did and then she'd be there for 15 minutes and nope the fuck out and run away me: which, actually-- she could be one of blake's one-off partners where after about 5 minutes blake's like "you are allowed to leave we really don't have to do this" and em's like OHTHANKGOD

I briefly considered a much crueler idea in which Blake witnessed Emerald and Cinder doing a scene together, but we quickly agreed that the original idea was the better one.

I haven't been able to find chat history about it, so I'm moderately certain that I didn't tell you about the fact that I'd decided to read poor Emerald for filth and give her the Mommy kink until I started showing you the scene in its original incarnation, in mid-July of 2023 (which has the benefit of showing just how long this project has taken me, lmao).

me: emerald. sweetheart. when you say mommy kink most people assume that means you wanna be coddled and not that you want to be negged. just. just saying me: emerald do you know what mothers are me: emerald

That first version of the scene differed in several keys ways from the final product, but the most crucial of those was that in the first go-around, Blake actually agreed to give Emerald her number. Em asked for it, and Blake said "Sure, I'd like that," and then the scene ended.

I sat on that for *checks time stamps* approximately 29 hours before I broke the news to you that, upon reflection, I didn't buy it; I just couldn't believe that Blake would be in a healthy enough place mentally to do that. the better and more accurate thing for the story would be for Blake to chicken out and then regret it, because she couldn't be for Em what Sun had been for her.

you: oh no why are you doing that it makes me sad me: because if blake is in a cool enough place to do that with em her actually exchanging numbers with yang doesn't hit as hard you: but now I'm so sad me: i mean it's still ME i'm sure i'll find a way for her to encounter em again before the end

(hmmm. Did I do that in the end? I SUPPOSE WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND FIND OUT, DEAR READERS.)

from there, once I'd figured out what the scene was truly for, it was still a lot of effort and tweaking before I got it to read how I wanted to: threading the simultaneous needles of being lowkey arousing but also inarguably unsettling from the jump, so that you're seeing those red flags but maybe, like Blake, thinking they can be overcome until it's very obvious they Can't. I struggled with how to frame it so that it came through that Blake was being... mmm, let's say reckless without crossing the line into Blake being irresponsible, and I wasn't happy with my first stabs at it. in the very first draft, after Em says says she doesn't want to discuss her burn scar and adds "There, that's a boundary, since you wanted one so bad," the prose goes 'There is absolutely no way they are fucking at this point, given Emerald's attitude, and… Blake doesn't know why she stays.'

Which: why would I tell the reader that? It's way too on the nose, and drains the scene of all tension! it also made the spanking moment read as overtly didactic in a way that I didn't like and hadn't intended, so. I tried to drill down into what I thought it was about.

adding the flashback moments to Blake's encounter with Trifa helped considerably; that wasn't in the first draft at all, though the fact that she'd had that encounter was already canon. taking a look at it again, I realized weaving those two together was an opportunity to show why Blake "lets" Emerald make this mistake and indulges her, because it's the same thing Blake went through and she understands it. massaging the tempo and timbre of my vocab took some doing so Blake wasn't in full-on panic attack mode and thus making it all seem WORSE than it already was.

and the final thing I changed was just... twisting that knife more and adding to their rapport. the original draft was brief; it went right from Emerald giving the Cinder backstory to Blake being like "congrats on past tense" and then it was the phone number ask. it was important to me to elaborate on why these two had chemistry, on how they were parallel, and on just how much they liked each other and vibed-- on just how much of an opportunity Blake was missing out on. so Blake laughing more at Em's jokes, and getting the Mercury context, that all came later.

in total, I think this scene had like five or six discrete iterations before reaching its final form.

[plutoswrath]

𝕆𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 12𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣…

I find reflection to be a good way to not only understand, heal and grow, but personal experience of those who understand how the planets and stars work is a very valuable tool of learning and research for anyone who wants to study and grow in any practice. And what time would be best to fully immerse in the act of retrospection than the 12th house profection year?

All things 12th house have been happening to me so far, and will continue to do so till June next year.

: ̗̀➛ Isolation:

passive isolation (aka outer circumstances):

Isolation is one of the main themes of the 12th house. This year all the last of my former roommates moved out which left me with two total strangers alone in a big city. Alone, writing my bachelor thesis, alone starting a new job, alone going through first steps of therapy/counseling. I don’t mind being alone, I actually like and need it just as much as I need to see and be with my friends to feel alive and get back in touch with myself, but this year was different. This year was kinda the pinnacle of realizing the severity of my mental health issues and noticing how drastically they impacted me. It’s not just that I was separated by my loved ones by distance but this year it was almost impossible to make time for others, or make time for me when I needed to. I remember how I was forced to write my bachelor thesis in a month basically due to administration problems that were caused by my professors and being totally secluded from everyone for over a whole month. I remember this period like the fever dream it felt like and was; starting to work at morning and falling into bed tired at 2 am just to repeat that shit for the next 30 days, only allowing myself two meals a day, not being bale to answer people for days or weeks, and basically missing the whole summer too. A tragedy, really :(.

Active isolation (aka retreat and boundaries)

This year I willingly cut ties with some people if it didn’t feel right anymore. This year was so far - and still is - incredibly exhausting, I couldn’t afford to pour life into people and situations that didn’t give me anything back or were inherently toxic. Also, this might not be healthy on my end but due to self esteem issues I decided to wear my mask even more than usual, adding to the feeling of isolation by a feeling of invisibility. I felt and still feel extremely faceless/without identity this year, but this feeling somehow grew into the comfort of being somehow a bit more free of judgment and the perception of others.

: ̗̀➛ Love, making time and hidden enemies:

This section will also talk about the connection this 12th house year has to my Venus and North Node in the 12th! Using whole signs, I have my Venus-NN conjunction in the 12th and even tho I’m not that much into dating, I found myself actively pursuing potential relationships and dabbing into the dating pool since I left my ex almost 2 years ago. It’s strange, because I made a beautiful friendship through this, but I also felt strangely ostracized trying to date, mainly because there's a lot of people with evil intentions out there (there's more to critique about dating/hook up culture, but that's not for an astrology post lol). But it’s not inherently bad, as I’ve mentioned before it only made me realize more what I want in others and also what I want from me. I also learned setting boundaries through this. Also; having my NN in the 12th, the topic of making time and spending it on myself in order to heal (no matter if it’s by actively working through therapeutic material or just simply by indulging in hobbies, studying or self reflecting) I figured this is a huge issue in my life; everything and everyone tears at me and it’s hard to make time. Prioritizing myself in order to get back in touch with myself, to tap into my inherent wisdom by channeling my 12th house and working with it is what I should do and this year really helped me realize this so far. Even my close ones talked with me about it and told me that it would be crucial to make time for me and get back in touch with my creative side. I believe a lot of the mysteries and fears of my own natal 12th house placements were exposed during this year so far. A lot of it also boils down to my own mental health, and the idea of what can be if I were to have the time and resources in order to indulge in my own passions and heal myself through them, as well as go after what I want fearlessly and without shame.

: ̗̀➛ Drugs and mental health:

The 12th house represents our mental health and subconscious. It’s often known as the house for drugs since drugs either get us in a state in which we find it easier to access that subconsciousness (e.g using drugs as medicine, or for rituals/spiritual practices) OR use it as a coping mechanism. I quit smoking two years ago, and haven’t thought about picking up the habit since then, but as the administration problem of my professors happened, which basically could've caused me to fail it and made all the hard work I put into my studies be for nothing (leading to me wiring my bachelor thesis in only a month R I P) I picked up smoking for two weeks and dropped it after I felt I got my nerves under control again. I do not feel bad at all, because I knew even back the that it was a last resort solution and that it's only temporary.

Funny thing is, as I suffer immensely from ctpsd and ocd and my body is constantly tense, under high stress, etc. I will try out cbd oil in order to ease my mind and body. I think it's also a good way to help me additionally with managing my daily life and making it bearable, as long a s I don't have a therapy place.

: ̗̀➛ Therapy:

This ties together with the subconscious. (funnily enough the 12th house also represents medical institutions), this is the year I finally was able to have my first contacts with therapy and am now actively searching for a therapist. Since I'm only at the beginning of the mental health journey there's not a lot to say, but eventually next year when I'm nearing my 1st house profection year I can reflect more on it.

: ̗̀➛ Opportunities that lead to self realization:

The 12th house is often known as an 'evil' house since it’s shows us the end of a cycle. I realized that many things I wanted actually came true in some sort of offer when I went after it(this is me channeling my Aries Jupiter too lol) but instead of finally getting what I want by acting out on desire, I realized that many things I wanted were still unattainable. Part of it was, that I still needed to fix myself, part of it was acknowledging that evil in the world is just there; it's created and caused by others and it's not your fault, nor do you have to understand why. I was forced to be very conscious over my intentions and own actions. This year I was on autopilot and yet I wasn't; better said, the minute I caught myself on autopilot something inside of me snapped and brought me back into reflection mode. I was challenging myself, trying to wrap my head around my subconscious behavior and trying to change it by being ore active and intentional with my desires and actions.

: ̗̀➛ Endings:

I indeed finished a few things this year. University, a few friendships, some ideas and believes about myself, some negative patterns, lifted the veil of unspoken feelings and truths of friendships, you name it. There is a strange feeling of hope and hopelessness - it feels like walking through thick mud. It’s so tiring but you know it just takes effort to get through, so you grit your teeth and do it because there’s no other option instead of giving up and getting stuck, eventually being swallowed by this mud.

In some moments I realized things ended and it was for the better: I could breath again. But it also reminded me of the next task ahead; now, that one truth has been uncovered it opens the path for new movement, a new opportunity. And the question is, do I act on it? If so, when? If not, will it forever be closed, wasted time and space? It's definitely a question for the 1st house profection year that is slowly but surely approaching, but it's also my Virgo Ascendant and SN in the 6th house conjunct my Uranus reminding me that I'm never safe, movement and changes are all around us and chaos keeps me on my toes and ready to act, and potentially prevent the next crisis that is about to succumb me and others. Life is strange, but I'm growing and as much as I feel helpless and small, I also feel proud and grown. I am excited to see how this year of the 12th house (the house of endings) will end, and what mysteries it will reveal. I'm excited about what I am yet to discover.

I know the profection year looks different depending on the individual birth chart, life themes and patterns in there but I’d be really happy to read the experience of others who went through their 12th house profection year!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

[thethiefandtheairbender]

hey random aspec writing question: how would you suggest developing a QPR between two characters with different dating histories and general standings on the spectrum?

for specific context character A is more familiar with their alignment with the demisexual/demiromantic lables while character B is only beginning to question their asexuality and realize that what they want in their relationship with A is different than their previous (failed) romantic relationships.

my question is really just asking for any advice on how you might make those conversations happen without being confusing or perhaps unsatisfying to a larger relationship arc. (and i'm asking as someone with absolutely 0 relationship experience of any kind and is still learning about QPRs in general)

You are in luck because not only am I in a long standing QPR, a few years ago I actually wrote an article all about what a QPR is (or can be) and how beautifully fluid the term can be.

The first thing to ask yourself, therefore, is what this QPR means and looks like for the characters choosing to be in it. Does it mean living apart but prioritizing spending time together as partners weekly, monthly, etc? Does it mean raising kids or living together? Is there going to be a physical or exclusive element to the relationship? Etc.

For example, for my QPR, we both do feel some romantic attraction to each other as we're both on the aromantic spectrum, but for me it's particularly sparse (I'm alterous) and my partner is demiromantic, but the relationship is primarily based on emotional compatibility and friendship, with the romantic fuzzies just being like tiny sprinkles on top that we can easily do without. The life partnership element and the romantic element are two distinct different things that are overlapping, but the former is 100% more important than the latter. With that all said, someone else's QPR might work very differently and include raising children but not living together, for example.

The fact of the matter is also that in practice / the outside, there's not much that makes various kinds of QPRs different than a more traditional relationship; it's the interior feeling of the relationship that is different. None of this is to say that a QPR can never be toxic or anything — people are naturally messy and unintentionally bring unhealthy patterns into all dynamics, and any dynamic has the potential for that mess — but I will say that QPRs tend to have some advantages over more traditional romantic relationships.

Because a queerplatonic relationship is normally formed out of emotional compatibility, there's less of an uphill climb to get to those healthier places, rather than chasing attraction and then having to create emotional compatibility and intimacy from there. This might be different if you're 'blind dating' platonically, but most QPRs I've seen are typically formed after years of friendship / friendship in general ahead of time

There tends to be better communication and subsequently less insecurity

Less pressure! While it can be lonely and/or scary to realize you have to create your own relationship model, it can also be really liberating to realize you fully make the rules and can change or toss out whatever parts of more traditional romantic bonds you didn't want or don't want anymore

For your character who's questioning, a lot of what helped me on my journey as an aspec person was being able to compare how I was feeling to the experiences of other out, aspec people, and going "Huh, this kinda matches up??" + talking more frankly with allo (non aspec people) people and realizing our experiences very much did not match up. So Character B having a comparison basis naturally in Character A, and likely some curiosity just as friends (and then maybe for their own self actualization / searching) is a good basis to build from! If it's set in modern day your character also doing research online or elsewhere (maybe your fantasy world is very chill and cool idk) is also an option.

For concrete examples, I have four main recommendations:

For how to write those conversations and what they might look like, as well as what a QPR may look like between people with slightly differing sexualities, I'd really recommend Alice Oseman's book "Loveless" about a first year student realizing her aroaceness. It's very well done, it resonated me a lot as a sex repulsed ace person in particular, and the QPR in the book is very sweet. "Let's Talk About Love" by Claire Kann also features an asexual biromantic character navigating beginning a relationship with someone who is not likewise asexual and has some good conversations about physical intimacy.

Outside the realm of fiction, Ace Dad Advice on Youtube covers a lot of various subjects for ace, aro, and aspec people, including what different relationships, dynamics, and conversations may look like along a variety of spectrums.

When it comes to TV I have two other recommendations:

"Koisenu Futari" (The Two Who Don't Fall in Love) is a Japanese tv show about a man and a woman who become platonic life partners, and it's about their lives as well as being aroace. I have not watched it myself but it seems like a very heartfelt, meaningful depiction and I know it's resonated with a lot of aspec people

Other TV shows such as Good Omens and The Dragon Prince, while having relationships between the two leads be indeed romantic, are also aspec / QPR-esque as hell, in my opinion. Good Omens has a 6,000 year slowburn, bless their souls, but I'll speak more to TDP, since that's what I'm familiar with.

In the first 3 seasons of the show, elven assassin Rayla and human prince Callum go from being enemies to unlikely allies and fast friends and eventually, best friends who are also in a romantic relationship. Before anything else though, they are partners first and foremost, with that part of their bond being highlighted just as much if not more than their romantic angle. From S2 onwards they very clearly see each other as family, and the bond only grows deeper from there. Even once they get together, they still routinely refer to one another as a friend (not a romantic partner) and it's never treated as lesser.

However, I think the biggest QPR vibes happen for them in S4 and S5 (the show is still ongoing) as, after a timeskip during which Rayla left to undertake a dangerous mission alone, upon her return things are... well let's just say Callum has a lot of big feelings about not knowing if she was alive for two years.

But despite the fact they don't totally know what they are anymore, precisely, their unconditional love for each other is apparent in every episode. In spite of his anger, Callum keeps his temper in check, lets her stay, and steps in to help her when she needs support / reassurance without question; in spite of his cold shoulder, Rayla is patient and understanding (if disappointed) and gradually learns more to let him actually help her more with her burdens and issues.

While there's still a romantic undercurrent, the show repeatedly makes it clear that their strong bond and love for each other is not dependent on romantic feelings being acted upon and returned. When Rayla thinks she's been romantically rejected in S3, although Callum is a little awkward, they immediately go back to helping and trusting each other and being a team same as always even before Callum clears up the confusion, doing whatever they can to make sure the person is okay and comfortable.

Even into their continued limbo into S5, they're out here saying shit like "I trust her, unconditionally," "I know that I trust you to help me carry this," "But not everything's changed: I would do anything for you," defending each other from bloodthirsty pirates, and treating one another as family.

And I think that's a core of a QPR, to me. It's "I'm always in your corner, I'll always save you a seat, you are not alone in the world, I am right here with you holding your hand. Build a world with me. An oasis with me. I will be here, always, in whatever way you want me to be." And I think they exemplify that beautifully

That said if you have any follow up questions or want to DM me, absolutely feel free! I'm always happy to talk about this sort of stuff

[memoriaedamnatio]

Aliakai

TW: Antisemitism

Aliakai#0945

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The pagan YouTuber Aliakai (she/they) attempts to present herself as a community figure, but is rife with problems ranging from toxic debatebro rhetoric and misinformation to antisemitism.

She is a hypocrite, constantly railing on Christianity and the Bible, including the Old Testament, which Christians barely use, and treating the Odyssey as a Bible. This is neither historically accurate nor the intended purpose of ancient Greek myths.

Her anti-”monotheism” runs constantly throughout her platforms, and one could say this is their most consistent issue.

Tweet archived here.

As for Aliakai’s antisemitism, it requires a deeper look. In this video, we find multiple instances of their antisemitism. Referencing the Old Testament to try to defeat the Christians just ends up being antisemitic almost every time. They repeatedly bring up Elohim and specifically Jewish stories in their attempt to “debunk” or “out-logic” Christianity. The Old Testament isn’t meant to be a strict rulebook - it’s also a collection of stories, a fact which Aliakai seems to purposefully ignore.

They talk about Sodom and Gomorrah and the sins committed therein as if the two cities were not specifically written to be bad examples. Additionally, ancient Greeks famously abducted women as the spoils of war. It is incredibly hypocritcal to judge mythical Sodom and Gomorrah without even a mention of the known, historical practices in ancient Greece. She then ties homophobia to the fact that God smote people with hemorrhoids, once again, in a Jewish tale. She is aware that the infamous Leviticus quote is likely about pederasty, but continues to use it to try to posture Judaism and Christianity as inferior anyway.

Aliakai criticizes the God of the Old Testament for smiting Job when Apollo also smites Cassandra in an equally cruel manner.

She then claims that Exodus is actually about punishing Egyptian gods and that the pharaoh is somehow the true victim in the story, not the enslaved Jews.

She also implies everyone takes the Bible literally, committing the common fallacy of equating all Christians with dangerous evangelicals. There is no “common Christian theology” as she claims. They are also condescending to trinitarians, while simultaneously assuming all christians are trinitarians. The text of the Bible does explicitly refer to the Trinity, contrary to their statement.

Any attempt to try to find plotholes in the Bible is pointless, and the amount of time and energy Aliakai wastes is akin to an atheist in 2016.

Here are some furtner examples of Aliakai’s antisemitism:

(Archived first link)(Archived second link)

Here she implies Christianity and Judaism are the same faith, which anyone knowledgeable in either should be able to tell you is both incorrect and a dangerous statement.

(Archived here)

This shows an incredibly poor understanding of how religious oppression is currently functioning in society, and again demonstrates their anti-monotheism. Do we need to discuss Myanmar’s militant Buddhist genocide of Rohingya Muslims, for example? Or Hindu lynchings of Muslims? The list goes on.

Aliakai’s archived talk for the Hindutva org Indica here. To her credit, she did sever her relationship with Indica (archived). However, for a politically inclined youtuber who can research, this is a dangerous lack of vetting. Same can be said of the others who partook, of course.

Despite disavowing Indica, they never disavowed Butler, who is undeniably a fascist. In fact, Aliakai continues to recommend Edward Butler a year after the community-wide revelation of his fascism.

Here is her only acknowledgement of Butler's fascism (archived), without explicitly agreeing or disagreeing with the blogger's criticism of him.

In this Tweet (archived), they are making a lot of assumptions about Butler here and being too generous.

They give Butler a lot of leniency despite his years-long, public love affair with fascism. This is an extremely weak willed response to finding out an associate is fascist. This is not antifascism. This is not accountability.

In this video, Aliakai tries to present a case for making an SPG more official of Ares and mental health. In this video, around 8:03, she hints that Ares is the god of police officers who brutalize protesters. Considering police brutality and the unjust use of police violence, this is incredibly insensitive and quite racist. Police do not have anything to do with justice, and claiming as much for a shared community experience is bold.

Performing a Hellenic ritual for Ukraine with a Heathen without involving any Slavic pagans is morally questionable, as is claiming Ukraine is dedicated to Demeter’s arts. This is an act of further colonialism against a country currently being invaded by imperialist forces.

Asking viewers not to invoke Eris simply because of personal beef for a supposedly aid based ritual is infantile.