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ninja-muse · 2 years

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Well, this was certainly a good start to my reading year! I enjoyed most of what I read, got far enough towards my "Canadian authors" goal that I'm probably going to have to extend it in a few months, I won an ARC giveaway I’d forgotten I’d entered, and I'm excited for my February reading as well! We got a bumper crop of reading copies at work which included a bunch of my most anticipated reads, and I can’t wait to start in on them.

Apart from the ARCs, I officially acquired 4 books this month: Lost in the Moment and Found, because McGuire is an auto-buy; A Man and His Cat, Vol. 3 and 4, which were late Christmas gifts; and Into the Windwracked Wilds, which I did not get as a late Christmas gift so obviously I had to rectify the situation. (McGuire might be an autobuy, but I try to add my less-anticipated books by her to wishlists because I've got to ask for something.) Oh, and I got a cute mini-journal from @lizziethereader, which was a delightful surprise!

On a slightly down note, I bought the anniversary edition of Digger by Ursula Vernon through Kickstarter last year and, probably due to the problems that plague all crowdfunded items at distribution time, have yet to see it shipped to me. Still hopeful that it will mail soon!

Long-time followers will notice some slight changes in my wrap-up format. I decided that I wanted to start up ratings again, because "I'm really glad I read this" and "this was an excellent book" don't always align, and also that I wanted to acknowledge queer rep beyond "this is queer", the way I was acknowledging nationality and heritage more last year. (I'm doing that for characters only, not authors, because often the only info I have is "likes women" or "uses they/them" and I'm not comfortable trawling the web for details, if they're even out there.) There are also more reading goal-type stuff that I want to note, and unlike last year, I'm not counting or ranking picture or board books but I am still acknowledging when I read them.

I am also striking through HarperCollins titles for the duration of the strike. These lists serve partly as reminders to me, so I don’t want to omit them entirely, but I also stand with the strikers and want people to know which books to avoid if they do as well.

And now, without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

When the Angels Left the Old Country - Sacha Lamb When a girl from their shtetl goes missing in America, an angel and a demon decide to track her down. This will be a simple trip… right?

8/10

Jewish cast, 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (agender), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian), Jewish author, 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: anti-Semitic characters

Lost in the Moment and Found - Seanan McGuire When Antsy runs away from the bad man in her mother’s house, she finds the thrift shop of her dreams and infinite worlds to explore. But everything comes at a cost.

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: grooming of a young child

Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries - Heather Fawcett Emily travels to Ljosland to research the Hidden Ones. Unfortunately, the villagers dislike her, the faeries have their fingers deep in the village, and the horribly perfect Wendell Bambleby has invited himself along.

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian), 🇨🇦

I Know Who You Are - Barbara Rae-Venter How Rae-Venter got into forensic genealogy and the cases she’s most known for cracking. Out in February.

7.5/10

warnings: kidnap, murder, sexual assault

Remainders of the Day - Shaun Bythell A third year in the life of a Scottish bookseller.

7/10

The House With the Golden Door - Elodie Harper Amara is finally free of the brothel, but her friends aren’t, and her patron is turning out to be less kind than she thought.

7.5/10

African secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic)

warning: rape, misogynist society, slavery, eating disorder

Yeti Left Home - Aaron Rosenberg When a Hunter comes to town on the trail of brutal murders, Wylie leaves his small-town sanctuary for the big city. Unfortunately, the killer and the Hunter seem to have followed.

7/10

A Song for Arbonne - Guy Gavriel Kay Arbonne is known for sunshine, troubadours, and goddess worship; Gorhaut, for wars, rigidity, and a hatred of women. The tension between the two has begun to escalate and Blais of Gorhaut is caught in the middle.

7/10

minor 🏳️‍🌈 characters (gay), 🇨🇦

warning: misogynist characters, rape, mild homophobia, animal death, war

Mistakes Were Made - Meryl Wilsner Cassie has a one-night-stand with an older woman. Who turns out to be her friend’s mom. It has to end there—and yet.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (bisexual), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (bisexual, genderqueer), Black secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 author

I Want to Be a Wall, Vol. 1 - Honami Shirono An asexual woman and a gay man enter a marriage of convenience. She loves BL manga. He loves his straight best friend.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (ace, gay), Japanese cast, Japanese author

Bad Cree - Jessica Johns Mackenzie’s having nightmares about her dead sister and bringing items back from her dreams. Everything points to going home and being with family, so she does—but the nightmares don’t end.

6/10

Cree protagonist, Cree and Squamish secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (nonbinary/two-spirit, bisexual), Cree author, 🇨🇦

warning: grief

Cold Case BC - Eve Lazarus Profiles of notable cold cases from British Columbia—and some that have finally been solved.

7/10

🇨🇦

warning: murder, disappearances, kidnapping, rape, MMIWG

A Killing In Costumes - Zac Bissonnette Jay and Cindy just got an offer that might save their movie memorabilia business. Unfortunately, their competitor has turned up dead and that might sink everything.

5/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (gay, lesbian), 🏳️‍🌈 author

Picture Books

Hats Are Not For Cats! - Jacqueline K. Rayner Cat wants to wear hats, but hats are only for dogs.

When Sally Met Harry - Paulette Bourgeois, illustrated by Brooke Kerrigan Goldendoodle Sally’s family is perfect, until the baby arrives.

🇨🇦

Currently reading:

The Porcelain Moon - Janie Chang Faced with an arranged marriage, Pauline decides to travel to the Western Front to find her cousin. Meanwhile, Camille is caught between an abusive marriage and her secret love for a Chinese man.

Chinese main and secondary characters, Chinese-Canadian author, 🇨🇦

Nocturne - Alyssa Wees

A ballerina in 1930s Chicago acquires a Mysterious Patron. Out in February.

Stats

Monthly total: 13 + 2 pb Yearly total: 13/140 Queer books: 4 Authors of colour: 2 Books by women: 7 Authors outside the binary: 2 Canadian authors: 4/10 Off the TBR shelves: 2 Books hauled: 4 ARCs acquired: 9 ARCs unhauled: 4 DNFs: 0

#books #booklr #bookblr #reading wrap-ups #book photography #read in 2023 #my photos #stacks of books #book covers

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linuxgamenews · 4 months

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Seablip Early Access: Embark on a Voyage of Exploration and Adventure

Seablip open world pirate RPG game release into Early Access on Linux, Mac, and Windows PC. All thanks to the amazing work of solo developer Jardar Solli. Now available via Steam Early Access with 89% Positive reviews. Solo developer Jardar Solli just released the amazing — Seablip, the open world pirate RPG. Now available in Early Access on Linux. Get ready to dive into this much-anticipated 8-bit pirate adventure where you can explore, build, loot, fish, and more. The goal is not to rush out of Early Access but to sustain constant and valuable updates over time. Due to reach the full release next year (if possible). Inspired by classics like Faster Than Light and Sid Meier’s Pirates!, Seablip offers you the open world freedom to sail the high seas, upgrade your ship, and defeat enemies. You can upgrade out your ship with extra cannons and more inventory space. You can also hire a new crew, and gather resources from various sources. Whether you’re chopping trees, mining minerals, or watering crops, you’ve got all the tools you need to thrive.

Open world Seablip Early Access Release Trailer

youtube

And that's not all! The game features a swashbuckling soundtrack by the acclaimed musician and composer Christian Balvig. You can check out the tunes here. But what’s an open world pirate adventure like Seablip without some good old-fashioned looting and treasure hunting? Since this lets you find gold from hidden treasures or earn it by selling your goods. Take on bounties scattered around the world to boost your pirate reputation and get paid. Plus, there are tons of minigames and activities to keep you hooked. Build bases, fish with your trusty rod, and immerse yourself in the pirate life. Seablip’s open world journey to Early Access is already epic. Thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign and a demo that made waves during Steam Next Fest, Jardar Solli is now bringing this ambitious RPG to the masses. While the game is in Early Access, Solli is working to perfect the mechanics and add even more features. So, what are you waiting for? Embark on your open world pirate adventure today and uncover the ominous mystery waiting for you in Seablip. Set sail, build your pirate empire, and live the life of a legendary swashbuckler. Which is out now in Steam Early Access, so grab your crew and start exploring. Available on Linux, Mac, and Windows PC. Priced at $13.49 USD / £11.51 / 13,31€ with the 10% discount.

#seablip #open world #pirate rpg #linux #gaming news #jardar solli #ubuntu #mac #windows #pc #unity #Youtube

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brookeissick · 10 months

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the majority of us are always told to trust medical professionals. that 99% of the time, the doctors have the answers, and if not, they'll work tirelessly to find a reason for your symptoms. that they prioritize your pain, that they are trained to approach any potentially triggering conversations with poise and compassion.

that describes nearly all nurses, doctors, specialists, etc. but what about the .1%?

growing up, my doctor's visits were unremarkable, for the most part. when I had 4 endoscopies in one year at age 8, the pediatricians comforted my anxious mother and played my favorite movies while i waited for the procedure. something that would be rightfully scary to a little kid was only a slightly uncomfortable experience.

any issue i had was met with kindness and swift action from every doctor i had seen.

until my last two appointments. it was my first appointment by myself and threw my college health services. after reaching a third month with no menstrual cycle, i decided to find some answers.

i was repeatedly interrogated about my sexual activity after i had made it abundantly clear that there was no possible way i could be pregnant. it was obvious that she did not believe me (fair enough given my school's reputation) and i had no qualms about taking a test. however, she would to accept any other explanation as to why i lost it.

she also, without explanation, ordered a plethora of labs that required bloodwork. despite my fear of needles, i trusted her.

the following week at a check up, i was (surprise, surprise) not pregnant. yet, she remained utterly convinced that i was. i gave another urine sample, which was, again, negative.

she then pulled up a chart she had found on google, no not from a medical journal, but a literal infographic on google images that listed some of the reasons for menstrual loss.

when she got to "weight loss," she said, "yep, your weight is fine, you seem well-fed and well-nourished." my blood ran cold. my bmi at that time fell into the "severe" category for anorexia nervosa. all of my ribs and a gruesome outline of my spine were visible.

instantly, i was back at home, listening to my mother go on another tirade of how "fat" i was. that i was making of mockery of people who "actually suffered." I was in the kitchen hearing my stepfather's surprise and disappointment over how large my plate was.

i had never felt more invalidated than hearing a medical professional telling me my weight was "fine." it squashed any hopes i had for recovery and kickstarted the worst spiral i've ever had and am still currently in.

if that wasn't enough, she insisted that she would administer a blood pregnancy test right there. after trying to stick me twice with no luck, she stormed out of the room and two nurses had to draw my blood. it was stick 5 by the time we hit a successful vein. at that point i was silently crying and holding one of the nurses hands. I was left with giant, painful bruises on both arms that lasted days.

the doctor never came back. she did refer me to an obgyn and diagnosed me with generalized hair loss (???).

i never made it to the obgyn. in fact, every cell in my body is telling me to never see a doctor again. that i am faking a disorder that has ravaged my life for over five years. that i am not sick enough, until i loss X amount of weight, reach X bmi, restrict X amount of calories.

even now, i still can't bring myself to call what i experienced medical trauma, even though it's given me such a deep fear of doctors and pushed me to worst of my eating disorder.

#tw: ed

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m39 · 1 year

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Doom WADs’ Roulette (2005): Introduction

Ladies. Gentlemen and Others, welcome, to the Doom WADs’ Roulette, where I review the best WADs according to Doomworld’s Top 100 WADs of All Times and (now) Cacowards. Today, we are starting to check out top WADs of 2005. Here are the rules:

#1 We are playing on GZDoom (ver.4.9.0 4.10.0).

#2 We are playing on Hurt Me Plenty.

#3 Vertical aiming is on.

#4 No infinitely tall monsters.

#5 The WAD will be downloaded from the archives unless it’s not there among other reasons.

#6 We are playing WADs shown on a Doomworld roster from top to bottom in that order.

#7 Lighting is set on Legacy.

#8 Deathmatch WADs and the winners of the Worst WAD award do not count.

Welcome to 2005, people! I’m officially a ten years old, snotty brat at this point. YouTube became a thing. Another space probe was sent (this time on Titan). And I just ran out of anything interesting from this year as for the general stuff.

From the gaming side, Resident Evil 4 changed its franchise’s formula, God of War introduced us to Kratos, Call of Duty 2 was probably when WWII shooters peaked, and I didn’t even mention Psychonauts until now.

As for Doom, the expansion for Doom 3 titled Resurrection of Evil was released, along with Doom RPG for phones, a movie based on the franchise (you know, the one with Dwayne Johnson and Karl Urban), and also there was also expansion set for the Doom Board game who gives a shit about it. 2005 was also a year when the Doomwiki kickstarted.

It was also a year when Adrian Carmack sued id Software for forcing him out of the company.

For the WADs, there were released at least three new, big source ports. PrBoom+, GZDoom (which I use, of course), and Chocolate Doom (for people who want to play Doom as purely as possible without fighting DOS).

Cacowards 2005 were again mainly hosted by Scuba Steve like the first one. Alongside the ten winners, there were also two Runners-Up but no Honorable Mention; we will have to wait a couple of years before they return. This ceremony also hosted the WAD Scramble, where you had to guess the name of the popular by that time WADs (I guessed like three of these – WOW, Fava Beans, and Mordeth) alongside kickstarting the anniversary celebration of Action Doom, and pointing out that Mordeth and Millennium weren’t finished (this section would be later extended with other WADs alongside the sequels to the popular ones).

Like with the previous year, we will begin the 2005 roster with WADs that weren’t even considered runners-up AKA the Bronze League. There are two WADs (or rather should I say maps) in this league: the Mordeth Award map, and this year’s exclusive What The Hell? award (I’m not counting the Mockaward winner because it was also one of the ten best WADs).

And we will kick things off with the latter map.

#doom #Doom WAD #introduction #doom mod #doom 2005 #2005 #Doom WADs’ Roulette #cacowards

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preyforthewicked · 2 years

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19.

Our relationship existed mostly through iMessage and the occasional video call through the remainder of my Freshman year. Having a homebody as a roommate ensured I rarely had enough alone time to safely warrant a video call, and David was still wary of me messaging him with anyone else in the room. I hardly remember what we talked about. His job, his annoying boss, my classes and writing. Nothing in-depth. Our relationship, if it can be called that, had reached a mundane maintenance level. He said the right things at the right times to get my top off so he could get his release and that was mostly it.

As Sophomore year began in the Fall of 2013, I grew frustrated with the freedom and independence I had on campus. I had a car and theoretically could go anywhere as long as I could afford the gas to get there and back without the risk of parents questioning me about where I’d gone. And yet, I still hadn’t seen David since he flew away years ago. One night when I was feeling particularly sexually frustrated and emboldened, I begged him for a reunion. I laid out my reasoning and all the bullet points regarding the safety and security of a rendezvous. I’d come up with a believable lie to explain my absence to my roommate. My parents wouldn’t have a clue. It would be a 324 mile drive one way, but I convinced myself it would be worth it to finally be in his arms again (ever the romantic).

Miraculously, he agreed. Our anniversary, November 22nd, just so happened to fall on a Friday that year, and thus plans for a long weekend came together. I just had to get through the next two months and then my dream would come true, if only for a day or two. I naively imagined that strutting up to his door in my more mature, womanly body and giving myself over to him with more self-certainty than ever before would get us out of the mediocre funk we’d found ourselves in and rekindle our connection. I’d thoroughly remind him that I was worth the wait.

Something quite unexpected happened over fall break that October, just a month before our reunion.

First, some backstory.

In January of 2013, I got a job at the campus library as a desk clerk. I worked 8-10 hours a week for $7 an hour. It was my first real job and I was thrilled to have even this meager trickle of income so I could become more financially independent from my parents. It wasn’t a hard job, and in fact I got paid to do homework and read at the desk once my responsibility for shelving carts of books was satisfied. I loved this perk.

Another perk of the job was meeting the other student clerks. I didn’t make friends easily (I had horrible resting bitch face and gave off the aura of broody, dark and troubled most of the time, which never automatically endeared me to anyone) and so was grateful for the common ground of working at a library to kickstart conversation and relationship. The lead clerk, a Junior Spanish major named Eli, was super friendly and easy to talk to from the very beginning. He put together our schedules for us and acted as a mini-supervisor under Hany, our boss. The newbies spent hours of training time with Eli right before the semester began so we hit the ground running during our first shifts.

I found him funny, a bit charming in a mousy kind of way, and very expressive. He was thin and short - perhaps only an inch or so taller than me - with a well-groomed beard and crowded teeth. He wore glasses and had pleasantly green eyes. He was quite unlike David, bearer of blue eyes and towering height and “Christian”, but I felt myself drawn toward Eli. He seemed interested in me beyond what my body could do for him and I was curious about the feeling that gave me.

It was strictly platonic, of course. At first. For many months we were amiable coworkers and nothing more.

It wasn’t until fall break of 2013 that we started talking in any substantial way. He nabbed my cell number from the contact sheet in the office to ask if I was interested in coming to hang out with him and some friends for a movie night, something he’d mentioned in passing earlier that week. I had jetted home (a three hour drive) right after my last midterm earlier that day, so I told him regrettably I wouldn’t be there but thanks for the invite. Maybe next time?

That fairly innocent question over text threw open the door - we could hardly stop texting from that moment forth. He was somehow able to funnel his personality through the phone and I learned a lot about him as he asked me lots of questions about myself. I fell into hard like with him before the end of break.

Meanwhile, David was in one of his wet blanket moods, and especially in light of Eli’s titillating conversation was hardly any fun talking to. My last night of break I was texting Eli while replying to David’s intermittent and whiny messages, and after what had to be thousands of text bubbles accrued in a matter of days, Eli finally asked: do you want to get dinner when you get back to campus?

I had little experience dating at this point, but I knew after our conversation leading up to this moment that he wasn’t asking as a friend. I could tell that however he interpreted my responses to him, his brain was on the fast track to asking me out. And he wanted to do it in person.

I put my phone down on the bed, leaving the dinner message unanswered. I chewed my lip, staring at the last thing I’d sent David. He still hadn’t replied. I suddenly stood at a crossroads that he was completely unaware of.

One more month and I could try to rekindle things with David in person. I’d been so committed to him, to our relationship over the last four years - I’d fought so hard for us both, cried so many tears and lost countless hours of sleep over us. He was my one and only. I had believed it so deeply, but did I still? Was taking a chance on a kid I barely knew worth the risk of throwing away all that time and investment? Was the wishy-washiness and intense secrecy and David’s obsession with my body worth putting up with a moment more?

No, in fact. No, it wasn’t. The way Eli talked to me shone some light on how thoroughly David took me for granted and really didn’t care much about me as a person beyond my boobs. I was finally over it, finally done playing his games and babying him through his spirals of doubt. I had a boy more my age interested in me and we'd talked about so much, none of it sexual. That felt more normal for a relationship. That felt worth giving a try.

My pulse quickened as I put together a message for David articulating my feelings without going into great detail. My heart thumped hard as I pressed send on the brief statement that said, in a nutshell, I was done. Whatever it was we were trying to keep alive between us was over. I couldn’t do it anymore.

He was oddly subdued in his response and seemed strangely understanding. Just immediately rolled over. I had never been the one to send that message - it had always been him breaking things off and then crawling back again. Not this time.

We signed off without much fanfare. In light of all the previous breakups, it was anticlimactic. I could hardly care - an easier break was all the better.

I picked my phone back up and told Eli I would love to get dinner.

David sent me a message a few nights later to gauge how I was feeling about my decision to break things off and I made it clear my decision had been made, full stop. I wasn’t harsh about it, just firm. We said goodnight and signed off.

He didn’t message me again.

#preyforthewicked #sexualabuse #autobiography

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hualian-blessing · 3 years

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why mcyttwt does not think some (if not most) of the time when it comes to mcc

if i post this in twitter, i’d surely get hated upon but someones gotta have to say this one day. also this does not target to mcytblr!!! this rant is more of towards mcyttwt!!!

remember how mcyt was so chill before all of this shit? how we would watch our favorite minecraters when the community was so small? or how mcc was an event that both ccs and fans can have some fun and entertainment once per month? and that was only last year too. now look at the new generation of mcyt fans and see why some of the old fans dont really associate the new ones.

as a fan of the old gen mcytbers like DanTDM, SkyDoesMinecraft, Aphmau and CaptainSparklez. heck im a fan of pewds’ minecraft series before dream or tommy or ranboo or the new gen of mcyt ccs blew up (a year before them if im correct), and we dont see drama or bad shit all the time when it comes to their content.

now compare that to the new gen where every single fucking day, a bored fan or anti would post shit drama in twitter where some of the people from twitter moved to tumblr just to not get a headache from the batshit craziness mcyttwt brought forth. and it just snapped more when the mccp21 rolled in.

heres some of my takes about the mccp21 issue:

1) “there’s a lack of representation of lgbtq+ in the teams!!!”

heres something to tell yall about that. scott doesnt have a fucking choice. scott smajor has told time and time again, WEEKS before the announcement of teams, that there are certain requirements and limitations to mccp21 thus there will be difficulty in choosing whos entering or whos not. limitations and requirements such as it will be streamed on youtube or how streamers with twitch contracts aren’t allowed to stream or (god bless scott’s good heart) scott not allowing some of the lgbtq+ streamers in joining the special event due to wanting them to have a chance to stream and experience their first mcc (so to those who said that ranboo should have been in mccp21, shut up ‘cuz scott wanted genderman to have fun streaming his first mcc but cant due to ranboo being a well-known twitch streamer). to those who complained that ant and velvet should be in the mcc, stop being selfish and do some actual research on why scott didn’t include them. a simple question to those two’s fans would answer that they can’t make it due to them camping for a week which within those days is the mccp21. they’re having time to themselves, not wasting it on a minecraft championship.

take in the consideration that, oh i dont know, not a lot of lgbtq+ ccs applied to the event? its not a free invite championship (in fact, mcc has always been like that), it’s an applied with the sufficient and correct requirements kind of event. the artist who created the icons from the previous mcc for the teams said that scott let in some of the new ccs in last minutes due to lack of applicants not meeting the requirements thus not having custom artworks for the teams if they want to announce the teams in time.

2.) “there’s no lesbians or trans in the teams >:(((”

sadly enough, there’s not much of the players from the lgbtq+ community but to say there’s no trans people in mccp21 is utterly false. by definition, trans mean denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. other genders such as non-binary, genderfluid, androgyne, bigender, gender expansive all fall under trans. you define yourself with the gender you personally chose and comfy with from you birth gender. so saying there’s no trans in the teams when there are players from the event like eret or sqaishey who are nb and genderfluid respectively are there to also represent not only the sexuality but also the gender identity of others??? like c’mon, please make sense mcyttwt.

also, while its sad to not see lesbians, please know that lgbtq+ doesn’t strictly be defined by lesbians. ffs, lgbtq+ literally means Lesbians Gays Bisexuals Transgenders and Questioning (or Queer but im not too sure about that one) which means that there are still other representatives for the community in the event.

3) “technoblade is in the event?!!! WHAT THE FUCK, HES A HOMOPHOBE/LESBIPHOBE-”

utter clowns, toxic twitter users are. do you really think that scott smajor, an openly gay man, would let a supposed “homophobe/lesbiphobe” in an event that focuses in supporting the lgbtq+ community? do you hear yourself? do you even do research where the joke he made was when he was the same age as me and it was based on a historical article back in WW2? or how he passionately supports the community especially the lesbians because a lesbian couple complimented him to which kickstart his confidence? the man willingly went to this mcc event despite being flamed a lot in twitter because he (and everyone) knows that his chat, his fans and supporters, are literal millionaires. if you saw a stream from foolish where he auctioned canonical characters for funs, a techno fan donated thousand of dollars to get technoblade, and that’s only one fan, now imagine a hundreds of thousands of them.

like it or not, technoblade has always been open about his support to the community, especially that majority of his fanbase are from the same community that mcyttwt allegedly swore that technoblade hates.

4) “since this mccp21 is pointless because theres no dteam, quackity, punz or (insert cc name), let’s have a watch party of the previous mccs to spite mccp21!!!” “let’s hope (insert cc name) stream on the 26th so mccp21 doesnt have the same amount of viewership like before!!!” “where are (insert cc name)??? gosh, this mcc is so boring without them!!!”

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut the actual fuck up. are you really seriously hearing yourself? are you willing and proudly boycotting a once in a year special event that is seriously needed by the lgbtq+ community? are you that cruel and selfish to sacrifice a project that helped tons of people just for your sick entertainment and desires? are you that evil to stop others from enjoying and donating to the trevor project? are you that inconsiderate of other ccs that aren’t part of dsmp and calling them boring? and for what? because your favorite cishet streamer isn’t there? oh booofuckinghoo! you’re so fucking petty to even post about this kind of tweets in public.

(edit: did yall honestly thought that without your favorite streamers that the mcc is not worth watching because they aren't there? well let me tell you, im a ranboo fan. ive watched him when he first entered the dsmp and watched him spinning in his unicorn chair for 5 minutes. the boo community waited for so many months for genderman to join mcc yet we didn't even do that kind of disgusting action and behavior every time he isn't in mcc. 8 months. that's how long ive watched him. ive waited 8 months for him to be in the event yet i still watch other povs like tommy's, puffy's, wilbur's, and etc., because it's fun and entertaining to watch them despite the beloved not participating in the games.

if you're that spoiled to not even watch mcc because (insert cc whose not part of mccp21 name here) isn't part of the roster then you most likely have a one dimensional humor because there will always be someone more funny and entertaining than them. i like dsmp don't get me wrong, but i found parrot's school smp funnier than dsmp yet you don't see me insulting both series, do you? learn to keep yourself if you're calling ccs as boring or dull or not entertaining enough due to not having the same big platform as the dsmp members.)

you don’t deserve to call yourself a fan if you’re doing this kinds of actions. in fact, people like you should be kicked out from the mcyt community because your kind of people are the reason why we look so bad from the outside. your toxic and self-entitled to these content creators are the reason why famous ccs like sbi, purpled, tubbo and almost ranboo left twitter/implied strict rules to their subtwts. you drove out an entire friend group that tons of fans found comfort in from the platform and you still have the audacity to this kind of shit? honestly, just leave before you give me a headache.

what im sayin’ is that mcyttwt is one of the worst, if not THE worst, subtwts out of the other subtwts in twitter. having no actual research or evidences or spreading false information is common in twitter where you would have to take what they said with a micro size grain of salt. mcyttwt already ruined the fun and spirit of mcc during its comeback in mcc14 due to the glitch and beta testing shit (ey i still stand for the ranboo beta testing but i know that will be worthless since theres hints of him joining soon in mcc15). if you’re still in mcyttwt, i suggest to get out of there while you still can. we’ll never know if there’s a bigger shitstorm than this in the mcyttwt that may happen in the future.

edit! hi bella again, ive been told by a polite and cool user that not all people from mcyttwt are toxic and/or cruel. im going to clear something up here. ive written this during the heat of the announcement of mccp21 teams. so there's a lot of complains and/or entitled people in the app (you can even see it in my previous post too if you want evidences!) that gave off mostly negative vibes towards the event.

ive seen the cool ones who actually took the consideration for scott's side and the criticism of the lack of representation of other communities within the lgbtq+ umbrella (ive even share some parts of it above so im also a bit upset to the lack of numbers in the community). and some of them are correct about recruiting lgbtq+ creators in youtube but! like i said, it's an applied event and not invitational one, so its up to that content creator if they want to join or not. the amount of cishet in the roster are just those who want to support the cause and/or backups/stand-ins in case scott and noxcrew can't find enough ccs in time!

just wanna clear this up because mcyttwt these days are covered by really cringe fans (ive noticed a pattern of them mostly new ones but there are still awesome new fans (like my irl friend who just joined this year) within the community) that covered the good ones where they enjoy, have fun and share some neat ideas and thoughts to the community within the platform!

when i said to get out of the mcyttwt while you still can, i meant to get out of there to avoid drama (that is really small contrast those who really need to address the issue) and take a break from it. it's still your choice if you want to be surround by it or not or if you want to come back to the app. all im saying is to buckle up for the shitstorm cuz this is not the last time that the twitter side of mcyt will cause negativity to the community.

#mccp21 #technoblade #twitter #twitter discourse #mcc discourse #mcyttwt #minecraft championships #fuck off tw #twitter sucks jfc #noxcrew

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milfbro · 2 years

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Please what are your thoughts on Merlin, I haven't thought about that show in 8 years

Forgive me lads for putting Merlin meta in your dash in 2022. I am sorry. But know that this could be much longer

important context tho, is that I find Merlin infinitely rewatchable cause I don't have to like, use my brain. So I pop an episode on sometimes. I must have rewatched the show like, 7 times over the years. Idk it's almost white noise for me

ok I guess my general thesis of the hypothetical presentation on Merlin I'd give on the fly is that Merlin is a show that's constantly in a tug of war against itself. It's already an extremely conservative show where the main theme is that 'things right now are bad, but we can change them for the better by keeping things exactly as they are' which is hilarious to me.

A bbc show for children can't encourage questioning authority and traditional values or the existence of the monarchy but also this show wants to have things to say about all of those topics. It wants to be modern but can't openly critique arthuriana, it's trying to both maintain the nonsense english identity and ideology attached to it over the centuries without embracing the weirdness of the old legends, but also is trying be hip and young, cash in on the freaky england fashion trend americans are going through

So how does that manifest in the show? Besides some vague nonsense with semi-colorblind casting and vague metaphors for every marginalized group possible? Every episode they introduce a new threat that, if they thought about it with the same mindset that they had in the previous episode, should lead them to the obvious conclusion that the monarchy that is currently committing genocide is bad. But they can't have that, so they have Gaius say the opposite of something he said in another episode (Gaius being the moral guide of each ep so we learn the new rules of the universe for the current one) and Merlin reacts as if it was understood that this new stance is the what they'd already had; they fight the threat and save the king. Rinse, repeat

It's a neverending cycle of moving goalposts and a completely fluid morality so that they always reach the same conclusion over and over and over, each episode echoing the overarching story. It's like a big conservative loop with no logic, only the idea that Arthur being king is good and will fix things (the genocide that is currently still happening), even after he is already king and is already not fixing anything. But he is 'the greatest king Camelot has ever had', whatever that means.

BUT there's a turn that happens in the last season that kind of collapses this whole schtick. I need to give context for this in case the person reading hasn't rewatched Merlin six times: Merlin is given the choice to save or kill Mordred, the guy he knows will kill Arthur. For convoluted reasons, saving Mordred will make magic legal. So Merlin has to choose to either save Arthur or end the prosecution of his own people. He saves Arthur, like he does for the entire show, and when he does that he accidentally kickstarts the last arc where Mordred kills Arthur and the show ends with magic remaining hidden for the rest of time. Thanks Merlin! This is kind of surreal coming from this show, and I AM reading too much into it obviously but you asked for it: the final arc is when Merlin has to face the fact that protecting the status quo and maintaining the state that is actively persecuting his people, doesn't do anything to end said persecution. He had the agency in this moment to cause the solution that he'd wanted the whole time but he doesn't do it because he has never accepted that the means to cause change is through change.

Anyway, the very ending of the show features Colin Morgan in old man make-up walking next to what I presume is the M-25 because it would be funny if it was. And we're meant to think that it's bittersweet and he's waiting for Arthur to return and take his place back on the throne, so he can be there to help him usher a new era where magic will be back to Albion. But given the reading I just gave you, the ending of Merlin, thematically, is a sad ending where the main character is still doing nothing to change the current world but expecting and hoping that change will come if we stay still. It's really sad and awfully tragic of the show. This is what will happen if you live your life to guard the institutions that do not love you back.

And that's what I have overthought about Merlin. I have much more where this came from. I'm sorry for this.

#I mention genocide a couple of times in this! beware #i don't go into it but I mention it

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cruecifymesixx · 3 years

Text

Love and Leather /part eighty nine/

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: Hi! Enjoy the update!

Warnings:major angst

Taglist: , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, , @a-simple-salmon, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, , @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill-blog @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls-blog, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, , @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @broke-n-bitchy, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @herbertweeest, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @xxisxxisxxis, @dogmom2014, @cruesixxlover1991, @m0rnlngstar, @findingmyths, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @patheticgay69 , @redlipscrystalskies14, @samanthadegaro @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @thechangingme, , @makaelahdelvalle

*Nikki’s POV*

I sighed heavily through my nostrils, resting my head against the couch as I sucked on a hard piece of watermelon flavored candy. Dr. Peterson left a few very persistent voicemails on my phone as well as pages on my pager, attempting to get me to come to the therapy office. Reluctantly I agreed, but I wish I didn’t as I assumed Vanity would be here too, however she’s not.

“Hey Doc…” I speak lightly when she walks in, sitting directly across from me in the leather chair as she crosses one knee over the other.

“Thank you for coming in Nikki, I’m sure you are a very busy man.” She eyes the handful of empty candy wrappers on the oak coffee table, “It’s new candy, I just put it there today…and looks like I have to add more.” She smiles as she jokes.

“I like the strawberry ones better…and it’s okay, I wasn’t super busy today. Sorry for taking long to get back to you.” I sit up more in the chair as she opens up her folder and takes out the good ‘ol notepad.

“So how’ve you been? Anything new?”

I shake my head, “I’m okay, just been busy. We finally wrapped up the album, then we do some promoting and then we hit the road for tour.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that it’s hectic and time consuming. Have you taken anytime for yourself to relax recently?”

My lips pull into a small grin, “Is this where you poke my brain and tell me I’m putting myself into work too much?”

Crystal chuckles a bit, “Do you think you’re putting too much of yourself into work?”

“It’s my job? I kinda don’t have a choice. Not like anyone else is writing songs, well good ones for that matter.”

She nods, “So you’re the one in charge? excuse my ignorance, I don’t really follow your music. I’m sure that’s stressful having everyone depend on you. Do you deal with stress well?”

I shrugged, “I don’t have to write all the songs, it just happens that way.” I chuckle a bit under my breath, “Too loud for you? I mean, yeah it’s stressful. I used to go out and get high, but then that overtook everything. Now I just work out or take my camera out or write more songs to relax.”

“Just not my cup of tea, Nikki. Have you done any of that recently? Vanity mentioned shopping helps her relax.”

I roll my eyes and laugh, “Anything that revolves around spending money sounds good to her. And no, I haven’t had the time. Stuck at rehearsal with the band and when I’m not at rehearsal I’m hanging out with the band at a bar.” I stare when she writes something down, “Taking notes already?”

She glances at me, “I do it with everyone, you know that. So you only hang out with the guys? The same guys you’re around all day? You never really escape work, do you?”

“Well…I mean no…but I have fun when I’m with them. Tommy and I are like practically married and Mick is fun and John is cool too. I see Tommy constantly cause Van and Clementine are best friends. Sometimes it’s a little much. At times I just want to take a break but I know I can’t because it’s my music and it keeps the nice things flowing and Arianna’s school.” I explain to her, “I mean…I would have enough to take a break for a long time but still…I don’t want too.”

“Tommy, right…Vanitys mentioned him a few times, same with Clementine. But why are you so worried about money? Vanity has money does she not?”

“Yeah…god mother of the year.” I roll my eyes, “Yeah, yeah…Van has plenty of money for her, she’s a great mom. I missed out on a lot the first few years of Arianna’s life so I just want to make up for that.”

“Well…as you know, everything you missed could have been prevented. Kids don’t remember a lot from their childhood anyways, with the exception of a severe traumatic even happening. They usually won’t start remembering moments until the ages of 7 and 8.”

I glare a bit, “I don’t need to be told the same thing I already know. If I had kept my dick in my pants I wouldn’t have missed anything, I know.” I lean forward reaching for another piece of candy and shoving it in my mouth.

“Theres no reason to jump to the defense Nikki. We’re just talking.” I would think she was being condescending if she wasn’t a damn therapist.

“Right-“ I roll my eyes, “Talking? You’re blaming me for it.”

“Well who is to blame them? Vanity? You’d be surprised to know she never wants to talk about this.”

“Wait-no, no. You’re twisting my words. No, it’s not her fault, it’s mine. But still, she could have called or retuned my letter letting me know.” I defend myself as she looks at me.

“Nikki, we can spend all day talking about the things Vanity, should’ve or could’ve done differently. We can talk for hours about how things were suppose to go differently.”

“Then why the hell did you bother me? What could you possibly want to talk about if it’s not that?”

“How are the dates going? Let’s start there.”

I stare at her a moment, rubbing my knees as I take a breath, “I don’t know…Donna, she’s great but she’s just…she’s just not Vanity.” I look away feeling disappointed, not because it wasn’t working, but in myself. That it took me seeing someone else to figure out what I wanted, “Donna’s hot and funny, well tries to be funny. But she hangs on to every word I say, thinks I’m right about everything, doesn’t ever disagree with me…it’s…it’s boring. I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been with Vanity for so long, that nobody else can compare or what. But I just…it’s not working. Donna’s too clingy anyways.”

“Really?” Crystal sounds surprised, “You were so vocal about seeing other people.”

“Well…I wasn’t excited about it. I did it because I thought thats what Van wanted. I just wanted to help fix us. I would do anything for us, for her.” I sigh as I lean back against the cushion.

“You thought.” She pointed out, “You assumed and didn’t really ask what would have helped, did you?”

“Well…I-“ I stumble over my words before sighing, “No, I didn’t. I just took the first suggestion that was brought up. I wanted to get out of the office before I was ganged up on.”

Crystal chuckles, “Nobody thought about ganging up on you Nikki. You just don’t like when you aren’t in control, that is both of your issues.”

“I don’t have control issues.” I glance at Crystal as she stares at me, “What? I don’t.”

“Yes you do, wether you like to admit it or not. You mentioned earlier it’s always you writing songs because nobody else will do it.” She says, using air quotes might I add as I glare in return, “I’m sure they would if you backed off and gave them a chance.”

“I just like to make sure things are perfect, there’s nothing wrong with that. Mick isn’t interested and Tommy wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Nikki, maybe if you gave them a chance they would shine and pressure would be taken off your shoulders. Nothing has to be perfect, there’s no such thing as that.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay, so maybe I have a slight control problem but this, the band, has been the only thing in my life I actually have control over.”

“And the other parts you don’t? Can you tell me about it?”

I groan in annoyance, “Oh come on. I’m sure Vanity has mentioned a thing or two about me. I’m sure she’s told you all about the reason why I’m fucked up is because of my childhood.” I reach for a candy disk, unwrapping it before popping it into my mouth.

“The subject has came up once or twice but Vanity never dived deep, she said it wasn’t her place to talk about it. Do you want to talk about it?” She asks softly, like how every other therapist in the past has done.

“No, not really. But I just moved around a lot as a kid…”

“Oh, well I’m sure that had an affect on you. Always being the new kid and what not. Are you parents still together? They must be so proud of you.”

I laughed, probably a little too loud “God no. My dad split when I was a kid and my mom and I don’t talk, at all. Every time we do it explodes into something bigger.”

“I’m sorry for that, I’m sure it was hard without a dad in the picture. So your mom raised you?”

Again, I laugh, “Here and there when she wanted me. Half the time I’d be with my grandparents.”

She glances at me, “Is this why you’re so scared of failing as a father?”

I stare at her a moment, “I’m not like my dad. I didn’t just abandon the girls. I begged her to move here so we could be a family.”

“So…they had to uproot the life Vanity had built for them in New York to make you comfortable? Which is essentially what you had to do every time you moved as a child?”

I shake my head “You’re twisting my words. I just wanted them close. Vanity hated New York, she basically stayed for Clementine.”

Crystal shakes her head, “Are you assuming she hated it because she told me she loved it there.”

I chuckle l, “Loved it? Of course she loved it! She was nose deep in fucking coke when I got there.”

“And that’s a problem she’s been working on has she not?”

I sigh, “Yeah, yeah. And I’m proud of her. I know it’s not easy. But I’m not like my parents alright? I’m not just leaving Arianna high and dry nor am I leaving her alone in a run down fucking house okay?”

Crystal looks at me, her head slightly turning to the side, “If you know that, then why are you so worried about messing up? You sound like such a great dad Nikki, from what Vanity tells me. That little girl is lucky to have you.”

I exhale deeply as I nod a bit and lean back against the chair, “Because something always happens…”

“If you spend all your time waiting for bad things to happen you’ll miss out on everything life has for you. Can you give me an example of something happening?”

“I don’t know…I could relapse, Vanity could relapse. We could break up, she could fall in love with someone else and leave me…” I mumble the last part “..and I don’t want her to leave me.”

“You both work hard on your sobriety right? Then what is the worry?” Crystal looks at me, taking off her glasses as she leans forward a bit, “I think you need to spend less time worrying about her being with someone else and only worry about her being with you. Like I said earlier Nikki, we can spend all day talking about the what if’s but it doesn’t help anything or anybody in the long run.”

I frown a bit, “I guess you’re right…it doesn’t do me any good, just drives my anxiety up the wall.”

She smiles a bit, “See…I knew I could get through to you. Is there anything else you want to discuss? You said the dates you’re going on aren’t fulfilling?”

I nod, “Yeah they aren’t. I’d rather be at home with the girls.”

“So…now I’m gonna assume you and Vanity are going to sit down and talk? If this is how you’re feeling, plus with how she feels..”

“I want this to work with her. I need it to work. I can’t picture myself with anyone but her. I hated my ex wife because she wasn’t Van. I just forced myself to pretend that I tolerated her, let alone love her.”

“Then I think you two need to sit down and discuss what you both want from each other and what it will take to make it work. You can’t always blame your issues on your childhood, just like she can’t blame everything on her temper and how she reacts to stressful situations.”

I laugh under my breath and grin “Yeah, she does get mad at the slightest thing.”

She cracks a smile and nods, “That she does. But just like you, Vanity also needs the control. I think you two need to find a solid ground and share it evenly, 50/50. Not 25/75 or 60/40. But right down the middle.”

“And what if we can’t?”

“Nikki.” I sigh and let my shoulders fall back, “As long as you two actually talk about your problems instead of holding onto the anger and grudges. I think both of you also need to learn how to let certain things go.”

“Like the cheating?” I look at her, “She throws that in my face any chance she gets. I just don’t know how many times I can say sorry for it.”

Crystal nods, “I understand Nikki, I do. But put yourself in Vanity’s shoes okay? It’s a traumatic situation for anyone. Just think if the tables were turned. How would you feel? How would you’ve reacted? I believe what bothers her is the principal of it, if you being with someone else. She didn’t want to see it, just like mentioned earlier, you don’t want to see her with another man.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll work on being understanding and sharing control. I need to be home more, hopefully after this album I can take a break for a while and we can get to know each other again.”

“It’s not a bad thing to get to know one another again, you aren’t kids anymore.”

*Vanity’s POV*

“It’s okay Ari! Just brush it off and keep going!” I yell, cupping my hands around my mouth as I sit back down on the folding chair. I wince when I see Arianna trip over the soccer ball again and get a mouth full of dirt, “You’re doing great, sweetie!” I give her a smile when she looks over, glaring as she brushes the dirt off her knees.

“Come on Van, she can barely kick the ball without eating shit. Maybe soccer isn’t for her.” Nikki states, flicking a peanut shell at me. I glance down, seeing him laying on his side on the blanket, “We could try gymnastics. Or cheerleading.” He points in the direction of coaches surrounding a little league team.

I sigh as I slump back in the chair, groaning when Arianna falls again, “It’s only the first day of practice, Nikki. She’ll get the hang of it.”

“Or she’ll get kicked off the team.” Nikki laughs before sitting up and leaning against my leg, “However, it is pretty entertaining to watch.”

I roll my eyes and tap the back of his head, “She has to start somewhere, she can’t just be great over night. I know it took you some time to get good at bass playing.” I smirk a bit as he tilts his head back to look at me.

“Don’t go there. She clearly has no coordination at all and she’s kicking way to hard at the ball and that’s why she keeps falling.” He shakes his head when Arianna kicks the ball and hits another kid in the gut, “See? And she’s being a ball hog.”

“A ball hog? Maybe you need to coach this team instead, Sixx.”

“Well I do look good in stripes.” He laughs but it quickly stops when his phone starts ringing. I watch him dig it out of his pocket as he shakes his head and shoves it back in his jeans.

“If it’s a work call then take it.”

“No, no it’s fine. It’s just Donna, she can wait till later.” He tells me, glancing in my direction as we look at each other for a moment. I watch as he scratches the back of his neck before he looks back at the field, mumbling something under his breath.

I chuckle to myself when his phone starts ringing once more, he digs out of his pocket again before shoving it away, “I’m sure you wouldn’t want her upset with you since you’re ignoring her calls. It’s okay Nikki, you aren’t missing much, it’s just practice.” I explain to him as I see his back raise with a deep inhalation of a breath before he exhales.

“No. This is important, unlike making plans for another expensive restaurant or some stupid high end club.” Nikki spews out, I can hear the annoyed tone.

I clear my throat a bit, “Is everything okay with you..and her?” He side eyes me from the corner of his black shades as I see the corner of his mouth pull up a bit.

“Just...she’s...she’s just making it complicated. She’s asking for too much. Always wants to talk on the phone or hang out or meet up for coffee. She doesn’t grasp the idea of space. Donna wants to be a girlfriend and she’s not girlfriend material, at least not for me.” Nikki leans back on his hands, his legs stretched out on the blue and black flannel.

“Girlfriend material?” I question him as he turns his head to look at me.

“Yeah? You know...girlfriend material? She’s a great women but she couldn’t handle being with a rockstar. Grew up catholic and has all these beliefs that just make me want to gag. She’s hot but she can barely talk about anything other than the modeling and acting. I like someone that can at least tell me what they’re thinking at any given moment.” I feel him nudge my leg as he rests a dandelion on my knee, “I don’t know...it’s just fizzling out.”

I fumble with the yellow flower between my fingers as Nikki cheers for Arianna. My eyebrows pull together in confusion. He was just spending this whole past week with her so I wonder what could have changed. I was still thinking about everything Dr. Peterson had told me last week, I was nitpicking the pros and cons of the situation. Nikki had apologized the next day after our fight like always and then that turned into me being under him...like always. And then it was back to ignoring the problem.

“Hey Nik? Can we talk-“

“Mom! Mom! Did you see how good I’m doing?!”Arianna runs to me, exuberant as always before she’s taking the juice box Nikki hands to her.

“Of course baby! Daddy and I are so happy you’re enjoying it.” I smile at her, smoothing her hair back and wiping some dirt off the side of her cheek, “Just try to be careful okay? And let some of the other kids get the ball.”

She nods feverishly, “But coach Taylor said I’m doing a really good job!”

“And you are princess, but it’s a team sport. So you gotta let the others play with the ball too.” Nikki tells her as he ties the laces on her cleats and tucks them into her shoe, “Sixx’s always play as a team babe.”

“But Blackwoods know how to get the job done themselves.” I wink at her as she giggles and hands me her juice box, “Go finish and then we’ll grab some dinner and maybe ice cream.” Arianna nods before she gives me and Nikki a hug and runs off to the field again.

“So...how are you and Jon?” Nikki questions, almost uncomfortably as he glances at me for a split second.

I shrug, “He’s been busy with studio stuff so

I haven’t really talked to him that much. He calls every few days or so just to see how I’m doing.”

Nikki nods as he leans back on his elbows, “Oh…well that’s good at least…”

“Yeah, I guess?” I chuckle a bit and shake my head, “It’s not like you really care.”

“Yes I do..” I glance when Nikki mumbles, picking blades of grass and flicking them away. I chuckle at his words and shake my head, my eyes going back to soccer practice.

“Yeah, okay Nikki.”

“I’m gonna go get a drink at the concession stand.” He mutters quietly, getting up as his bangs fall over his eyes. I glance at him as he shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair as he walks across the field. I look down, noticing the unopened bottle of Coca Cola from earlier.

*A few days later*

I took a deep breath in and exhaled as I paced nervously outside of Nikki’s office door. Why was talking about how we felt so scary for us? My heart was racing as I hear the light hum of bass strings being pulled. Nikki had came home from having lunch with Donna an hour ago and slammed every single door he went through, so I wasn’t sure what had happened. I said hi to him but he brushed me off and went straight up the stairs.

I crack my knuckles as I try to find the courage inside of me to knock on the door. I just wanted to talk and I figured with Arianna being at school still, it would be the best time to do so. Ya know, in case of it getting ugly.

My lips puff up as I exhale deeply, glancing at anarchy as she’s sprawled out on the floor watching me, “Wish me luck.” I knock on the mahogany door, not hearing any response to come in. I wait a second before reaching for the doorknob and slowly cracking it open, seeing him hunched over in the usual position when he plays his bass with headphones on. I watch him for a moment as he reaches for his journal and writes something down. He notices me through the reflection on the blank computer screen.

Nikki turns around in his chair as he takes off the headphones and smiles “Hey sorry. I just had an idea and I wanted to play it while I had it.”

“No, no it’s okay. I get it. I uh just wanted to talk but you’re busy so we can just talk later.” I stay by the door, gripping the handle as I swallow the lump in my throat.

Nikki stares at me for a moment “No, come sit.” He motions to the futon, “What’s going on?” He sounds concerned as he rolls his chair closer.

“Okay..” I mumble as I sit criss cross on the cushion as I hold the pillow in my lap, “I went and talked to our therapist the other day to get some things off my chest and now I want to talk to you about them.” I take a breath as I look at him, he looks as worried as I feel, “I-I just feel like we aren’t getting anywhere. That this-“ I motion between us “..isn’t going anywhere.”

“You think that?” I notice the slight frown playing on his lips “I took the advice the therapist gave, Van. I didn’t want too….is this about me locking you out? If it is I’m sorry, I was just messing around.”

“Yes, I think and feel that. Like we’re just not letting go and we’re trying to stay together for the sake of Arianna. No, no it’s not because you locked me out. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now..”

“Is that what you want? For this to be over?” Nikki stares at me as he gnaws on his bottom lip, “Are you breaking up with me?” It’s faint but I hear it and it makes my heart heavy.

“I-I I don’t know..”

“My dates with Donna haven’t been that fun, not like how they are with you.”

I smile a bit before it fades, “I just feel like it’s me that’s trying to save our relationship, or what little is left to save. I’m just confused Nikki.”

“What’s there to be confused about Van? You either want to be with me or you don’t.” I stare at him, I wish it was as simple as that but it’s not.

“Do you wanna be with me?” I ask him as he chuckles a bit and rolls closer to me.

“Vanity, of course I want to be with you. You should already know the answer to that. It’s always going to be you every time.” I look away at the painting on the wall as he touches my knees, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth.

“I just feel like our relationship is one sided now. I told you from the start I didn’t want to do this, seeing other people. I vocalized how much I was against it and you still wanted to do it anyways.”

Nikki nods as he lets out a deep breath “I know, I know. I should have listened to what you were saying. It put an even bigger strain on our relationship. I broke things off with Donna today. She was just getting on my nerves. I was only going out with her because I saw how much fun you were having with Jon and how happy you looked. It made me jealous because the whole time I was miserable.”

“You didn’t seem like it..I don’t want to break up. I just wish it wasn’t so hard all the time. We aren’t kids anymore, it feels like how it did 10 years ago and I feel like it shouldn’t be. It should be easy for us by now. Do you think other couples have it this hard?”

Nikki chuckles as he gets off the chair and sits down next to me, “No baby, I don’t. Because not everyone is as complicated as you and me. What do you want from me Van? You want me to actually work on us instead of finding excuses not to?” I glance at him as he smiles at me.

“But that makes me feel like a bitch when you say it like that. I feel selfish. Do you want this?”

“Vanity, you may be a temperamental brat and a pain in my ass sometimes, but you aren’t selfish. You’re far from it.” He reaches for my hand as he brings it up to his lips “I want this. I want you and only you. We shouldn’t be doing this because of Arianna, we should be doing this because we love one another and cause we want this to work. I do love you Vanity.”

“I know you do and I love you too.” I feel him kiss my knuckles again as he’s gently pulling me closer and into his lap. I feel him wrap his arms around me as he lays his head against my shoulder. I sigh as I lay my cheek atop of his head and let my nails run over his neck and back.

“I’m sorry for making you feel this way. Like we weren’t gonna have a chance. I never wanted to do that.” He tells me as I nod and kiss his temple.

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose, it’s okay. I just worry and overthink sometimes because you’re you. You’re Nikki Sixx. You could literally have anyone you want and I could be so easily replaced at any moment. It just scares me.”

Nikki looks up at me and laughs, “You? Oh come on you’re joking. Doll I love you just the way you are. Sure, models and playboys are hot but they couldn’t even touch you. They’re not the ones running out of the house applying make up and dragging a kid behind them because they’re running late. Or throwing water on dinner because they forgot they were even cooking. They don’t have eyes that remind me of the ocean when the sun shines. They don’t have soft lips for me to kiss, even when my breath is so fucking rancid in the morning.”

“Hey I haven’t set dinner on fire in a few months alright?” I laugh a bit as I lean forward to give him a kiss, “Thank you for saying that.”

Nikki licks his lips as he leans back against the couch to look at me, “Plus who else on this planet is able to make me cry? Besides Arianna, she’s just harsh.”

“Yeah she has been pretty mean to you lately hasn’t she?” I chuckle as I move pieces of hair back and out of his face.

“Yeah all because I wouldn’t let her crawl into the that claw machine at the arcade a few weeks ago. You know she put her blue goo in my boots? That’s not something I ever want to feel again.” He shudders as he looks at me and smiles “I’ve also been trying to meditate and write my feelings out instead of keeping them inside.”

“Oh! So that’s why you’ve been sitting at the pool every morning? I thought you were just having a mid life crisis or something.” I grin and laugh when he pinched my hip.

“Hey just because I’m getting closer to 40 doesn’t mean shit.”

“Kinda does a little bit, Nikki.” I lean forward and squint “is that….is that a grey hair?” I tease him as I pretend to pluck it out of his hair.

“Oh shut the hell up. You have them too probably.” He rolls his eyes as he pretends to pout.

“Oh no no baby. Not on this head of hair, you won’t find a single thing.”

Nikki leans forward as he gives me a quick and simple kiss, “Well whenever it happens, I’ll still love you when you’re old and grey.”

43 notes · View notes

pillage-and-lute · 4 years

Text

Thicker Than Water (Part 6)

lPart 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, (here) Part 7, Part 8

Ao3 link HERE

TW for hypothermia, illness, talk of self-isolating behavior, mention of Yennefer’s self harm scars.

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The trek to Kaer Morhen was a penance, and that was just getting from the city to the base of the path that the witchers called ‘The Killer’. Autumn was truly giving way to winter now and fine flurries came down with more ferocity than was warranted from a few snowflakes.

They were all on foot, Roach pulling the cart with their supplies. As they advanced up the trail Ciri and probably Jaskier would sit in the cart. The path was called killer for a reason, it could kill witchers. For now, though, they let Roach rest as much as she could. It would be a tough climb for her as well, and whenever they stopped Geralt gave her extra brushing down and treats.

Geralt...hm. Well, since Jaskier had snapped at him back in the city their relationship, already tense as a bowstring, had gotten worse. They didn’t snap at each other, but tiptoed instead, walking on eggshells. Jaskier was waiting, had half expected Geralt to cast him aside again, or to gripe about Jaskier’s uselessness. Instead the witcher walked around like he’d been kicked.

He was always looking at Jaskier though, glancing at him with that piercing, penetrating gaze. He was examining the bard for something, but for what, Jaskier didn’t know. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to let Geralt have the satisfaction of seeing it. He kept walking, head up, eyes straight ahead. He didn’t complain. He barely spoke. Making himself as unlikely a target for Geralt’s ire as possible.

That was the odd thing though. Geralt didn’t seem to have much ire, per say. It was almost an overbearing sort of concern. Jaskier tried to make it fit in his head, there was something there, Geralt’s anger at Jaskier for sleeping with the innkeeper, the care with which he’d carried Jaskier into town, this awkward caution. It meant something. In his heart Jaskier knew what he hoped it meant. He couldn’t trust his heart with this though, he needed to use his head. There was a disconnect between Geralt’s words and his actions. Between the mountain and now. He needed to use his head.

His head was aching.

Jaskier really barely could think, much less work out the complexities of Geralt’s character. His chest ached. That little, half-ache had taken root in his lungs and bloomed into a great, heaving flower. He was coughing now, which he was trying to hide, he knew, without much success. The cough had started dry and grating, but had progressed to a hacking wetness. It would have been bad enough, but it was upsetting Ciri. Jaskier wouldn’t go within six feet of her, for fear of making her sick too. Her big, grass green eyes watched him almost as consistently as Geralt did, and she was picking up the little crease between her brow as well. Sometimes, when a particularly vicious cough made him double over her lip trembled, and that was a special sort of torture. Yennefer kept giving him tea, too, which was a weirdly kind, somewhat pitying gesture.

“I’m not good at healing,” she grouched at him from across their campfire the first evening on The Killer.

Jaskier shrugged. “’s fine,” he said, taking another hesitant sip of the tea. It was herbal, not in the way that mint was herbal, but the way that a handful of leaves and moss tasted herbal.

“Mh,” Yennefer said, as if she hadn’t heard him. “It’s one of those things you have to specialize in, magical healing. Magic heals magic injuries best, anyway.”

“I’m okay,” Jaskier said, fully aware that he wasn’t, but glad that Ciri and Geralt had gone to fetch more wood so he wouldn’t have the big witcher sniffing out his lie.

“You need a healer.” Yennefer skewered him with her gaze, purple meeting blue like a lightning storm. “You’re sick.”

“I don’t see why it should bother you.”

Yennefer sighed and stood up, grabbing the kettle from the fire. She poured herself a mug of the tea and sat down with it next to Jaskier. After a brief examination she drank it, then winced. “Eugh. It bothers me because we’re friends.”

“We are not.”

“Eh, well, Geralt screwed me over, he screwed you over, the enemy of my enemy...”

“Geralt isn’t my enemy--”

“Could’ve fooled me with that shouting match back in town.”

“Anyway he screwed you over more...literally.”

Yennefer looked at him, a little smirk on her lips. “Is that what this is about? That I slept with Geralt?” She looked at Jaskier, squinting at him as he studiously examined his tea. “No, that isn’t it,” she decided. “You aren’t upset he slept with me, you’re upset he never slept with you.”

“I’m upset that he decided he loves you!” Jaskier shouted, unable to take the prodding. He regretted it as it kickstarted a coughing fit that made him double over. He spat out some phlem and straightened up in time to see Yennefer’s grimace.

“He decided he loves you,” Jaskier said, panting a little. “After only just meeting you. He decided he couldn’t live without you in his life, so he bound you with that djinn to keep you safe. And that sucks for you, it does, and he shouldn’t have done it. Melitele knows the man never thinks things through, it’s just...”

Jaskier looked into the fire and Yennefer waited.

“He barely knew you and he couldn’t bear to be without you. I spent two decades at his side and he’s never called me a friend.” He scoffed ruefully. “Called me a shit shoveler though.”

Yennefer nodded. “I heard.”

“You did?”

“I hadn’t gone that far when, well...you’re a pain in the ass, bard, but you didn’t deserve that. Men like Geralt...” she twisted the mug in her hands, turning it round and round and Jaskier saw flashes of scarred skin at her wrists. “People like Geralt and I,” she continued. “We pull at our safety ropes until they come undone. It’s just how we are. We were hurt so much, so long, that when we hurt we reach out and undo any ties that could help us.”

Jaskier was at a loss, so he bumped his shoulder against Yennefer’s. “You’re so much more fashionable about it though.”

Yen smirked and returned the shoulder bump. “Definitely. Geralt though, he cut all his safety ropes that day.” She didn’t have to specify which day. “I cut mine first though. I didn’t want him romantically, not really. It’s djinn magic, he’s not my lover, and I can’t fix him and I don’t want him to fix me.”

“Fix him?”

“I think people like Geralt and I can heal, but we can’t heal eachother. Ciri helps. I’m a mom to her, you know? She called me Mama the other day when she was really sleepy and it felt...” Yennefer trailed off, then she looked over at Jaskier.

“I don’t love him, not like you do, and he doesn’t love me. But I’m not good with these things, and I can’t help you two fix what he broke that day. More than that, I won’t. It’s not my job to fix you two, or to deal with your problems for you, and if you two can’t communicate on your own then maybe you shouldn’t at all.”

“I communicated,” Jaskier said. “Twenty years. I thought those were the best years of my life, and I gave them to him, and did all the communicating. I’m not doing anymore. If I’m not...” Jaskier was ashamed to find a lump in his throat. “If I’m not a curse and a burden to him then he has to tell me, has to say it, because I can’t keep going if his words are just going to contradict his actions.”

“Good,” Yennefer said, standing and pouring her tea out onto the ground. “Don’t. Make him communicate. It’s up to him. And to make it be up to him, that’s up to you. He has words. If he can use them to hurt you then he can use them to heal. Don’t give in.”

It seemed that portion of the conversation was over because Yen began setting up her magic tent. “You’ll sleep in here tonight. The cold isn’t doing you any good.”

Jaskier shook his head. “Can’t. I could make Ciri sick.”

Yennefer sighed again. “You’re right, of course, but you’ll sleep in Geralt’s tent. He can’t get sick and he’s a walking heater.”

Jaskier was about to protest when his lungs heaved again and he began coughing. The force was so great he swore he felt his ribs creak. Despite all the mucus his throat felt torn and raw. He dragged air back into his lungs then spat. Blood came out.

Of course, that was the moment Ciri and Geralt returned from getting firewood.

Ciri gasped, eyes wide, and Geralt dropped the armful of logs he was holding. They scattered but the witcher paid them no heed as he advanced towards Jaskier, stepping over the rolling wood. Geralt gripped Jaskier’s face and tilted his head back, holding his mouth open.

Jaskier wondered what he could see with his witcher-enhanced eyes.

“Throat’s raw,” Geralt grunted after an awkward moment of peering into Jaskier’s mouth. “Probably nothing internal.”

Geralt wiped the blood from the corner of the bard’s mouth with his rough leather glove, then he peeled off his glove and pressed a hand to Jaskier’s forehead. Jaskier just leaned in to the warmth of Geralt’s palm, but it was obviously chilled, the temperature of a normal human, not the furnace heat Geralt normally held.

Geralt frowned and stepped closer, taking his hand away and pressing his cheek to Jaskier’s forehead instead. It was a gesture that Jaskier’s nursemaid had sometimes done, an easier way to check for fever if one’s hands were too cold to tell. He wished he could linger there, in the warmth of Geralt, so close, with his cloak still smelling of the pine forest all around them and the copper-sharp scent of snow as well.

“Fever,” Geralt grunted.

“Dandelion,” Ciri said, eyes filling.

Jaskier pulled away and bowed theatrically, ignoring his aching joints’ many protests. “Never fear little princess,” he said. “’twould take more than a fever to best the bard Jaskier.”

Ciri didn’t giggle, but at least she didn’t begin to cry.

That night Jaskier and Geralt tucked in together, sharing not just a tent but a bedroll. Geralt had turned onto his side and pulled Jaskier in so that his face pressed to Geralt’s collarbone and he was surrounded by the witcher. It was as if Geralt was shielding him with his body, protecting him from an enemy, but that enemy was inside Jaskier already, and he could feel the fever burning through him, even as he relished the warmth.

His mind drifted to other times. Days and nights when coin had been tight and they’d shared beds, shared meals. They’d shared lives for so long, orbiting around eachother. Geralt like some bright planet and Jaskier his moon. He ached for it to be like that again, but he couldn’t do it alone, Geralt had to be part of it too, had to want that life to exist, not just allow it to happen.

The next day dawned white. Snow had fallen and continued to do so, the little flurries of before now a full snowstorm that whipped and raged. Geralt loaded a pack full of supplies onto his back to lighten Roach’s load, then they set off.

Ciri and Jaskier walked as long as they could, but the wind beat them back. Yennefer was struggling too, pushing magic in front of her so that the snow buffeted off of it, streaming around her and making the walking easier, but Jaskier could tell it drained her, and her shield flickered sometimes.

Ciri stumbled once, around mid morning, and Geralt picked her up by the back of her cloak, scruffing her like a kitten. He patted some snow off of her and placed her int the cart with the supplies. Jaskier was going to go at least a couple hundred more feet, but Geralt scruffed him too, bundling him into the cart alongside Ciri. Jaskier prayed he wouldn’t get Ciri sick, but with the wind howling around him he imagined that whatever ill humors he could exhale would get swept away. He curled up opposite the princess, the pair of them ducking down miserably as the snow blew over the sides of the cart. He heard Geralt speaking to Yen.

“We can make it by nightfall, if we push. Can you make it?” His voice was pitched above the wind, but still barely reached Jaskier.

“I can make it,” Yen said. “I’ll have to, they need warmth, and Jaskier needs medicine.”

“Vesemir knows herbs and potions, he can heal him.”

“Then we’d better get a move on,” Yennefer said. Her voice was strained, but they forged on anyway.

Jaskier took occasional peeks over the sides of the cart. It was a winding path, a goat track, really, but the northern mountains were said to be beautiful and he imagined it must be very scenic. As it was, the wind and snow obscured most of his vision. What he could see were ancient pines, large and weather worn. Nevertheless, they swayed like reeds in a current in the hellstorm that whipped around them.

“Ciri,” Jaskier wheezed. “Let’s play a game.”

Ciri, tucked into her cloak so far that he could barely see her, gave a muffled, “okay.”

“How many red things can you name?”

“...apples,” was the muffled reply.

“Cherries.”

“Rubies.”

“Wine.”

“Chili peppers,” Yennefer said, the wind almost stealing it, but Jaskier and Ciri smiled at eachother for dragging her into the game.

“Raspberries,” Ciri said.

“Blood?” Geralt grunted.

“Gross,” Ciri said, at the same time as Jaskier said, “What a witchery answer.”

“Tomatoes,” Yen said.

The game trailed away for a while as the cart rattled worryingly across some tough ground. Geralt and Yennefer ate while they walked, and Ciri and Jaskier chewed on some dried meat. Mostly Ciri, Jaskier dozed, too exhausted to even chew.

When he opened his eyes again the wind was still howling, but the sky looked darker. It must be evening.

“Dandelion,” Ciri whispered. “are you awake?”

“Mmhm,” he said.

“I’m cold.”

Jaskier was too, the snow had soaked into him so he was damp, but then it froze again, taking him with it.

“We’re almost there,” Geralt grunted. His voiced sounded strained and weary, but Jaskier didn’t have the strength to look and find out why. “C’mon girl,” Geralt said, clicking his tongue at Roach. “We can make it, do it for me.”

“Hey Ciri,” Jaskier slurred, tongue heavy in his mouth.

“Hm?”

“Roses are red.”

He imagined Ciri smiling at him tiredly, but he couldn’t see her, bundled in the blankets. He could hear her teeth chatter though. “Jam is red, sometimes,” she said.

“Eskel’s shirt is red,” Geralt said, raising his voice above the wind.

“N-no fair,” Jaskier muttered. “I’ve never even seen him.” To his surprise he was drifting off again. It felt different though, a little like drowning. Some part of him felt he should panic, but he hadn’t the energy.

“You can see him,” Geralt said, sounding a little frantic. “He’s right there, standing on the path ahead of us. We’re here, Jaskier, look at Eskel.”

Jaskier wanted to, but his eyelids were too heavy.

“Geralt--” began a new voice.

“Eskel please, they need help.”

“I know, give her to me, I’ll carry her the rest of the way.”

Carry who? Jaskier wondered, then he realized that he hadn’t heard Yennefer speak lately.

A whistle came from up ahead. “C’mon Pretty Boy,” another new voice. “I’ll take your pampered horse, you lay them in front of the fire.”

There was some rustling and Jaskier wreched his eyes open with his last ounce of effort. An older man with a moustache and a face like a wall of granite was lifting Ciri from the cart. He took care with her, cradling her and walking away quickly. Vesemir? Probably. His eyes fell shut again.

“Jaskier c’mon,” Geralt said in his ear. His breath stuttered warmth across Jaskier’s cheek. “You’re gonna be okay, we’re here, just don’t fall asleep on me, please.”

Jaskier wanted to open his eyes, just to reassure Geralt but everything seemed to be drifting away. He was laid down on something soft and felt the heat of fire on his face. There was the scent of pine logs, snapping and cracking as their sap burned away. Hands, Geralt’s hands, rubbed up Jaskier’s arms, forcing the blood to move. His soaked cloak was stripped away, leaving him chilled but dry, and then soft, dry fabric was pulled around him. Someone had wrapped him into a blanket and was rubbing his fingers. Both his hands were cupped between two larger ones and warm air was blown across them. The blood returning to his hands felt so hot it burned and hurt and he squirmed, but he was too tired to pull away.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he heard Geralt say as he rubbed more heat into Jaskier’s fingers. “Ciri’s okay, and Yen’s okay. You have to be okay, Jaskier. Warm up. You need to be warm.”

“Give ‘im some time, Lad,” Jaskier heard. Another new voice. Must belong to Vesemir.

“He’s so cold,” was the whispered reply.

“The boy trekked after you for years, he’s resilient. He’ll be okay.”

“But--”

“Keep doing what you’re doing, let him rest.”

Jaskier heard no more, but it was so nice, the fire and the fur beneath him, and Geralt, holding his hands. He couldn’t be bothered to worry about it.

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They finally got there!

Tag List!

@frywen-babbles @mordoriscalling @thedarkestangel1 @kerfufflezz @samukai @charlies-dragon @live-long-and-trek-on @holymotherwolf @morte-mistrata @mewithanie @sharondnovels @stinastar @ionlylikemycat @annafortoday @its-the-quenchiest-stuff @kkiyomizu @so--many-fandoms @endless-whump @ineffable-monster-romancer @sweetiepieplum @tookarma @seraphim-miryam

Tags are being weird, if I missed you, or you want to be added, let me know

#geraskier #the witcher #Yennefer #is a good mom #Ciri #Jaskier #jaskier whump #angst with a happy ending #not yet #it's coming though #Geralt cares he's just bad at emotions #sickness #kaer morhen #hypothermia #Roach is a very good girl #Yennefer Jaskier solidarity

122 notes · View notes

gb-patch · 4 years

Text

Ask Answers: December 11th, 2020

How old are terri, miranda, lee, shiloh and jeremy? Are they all the same age as the mc?

Step 1: MC is 8 and Shiloh is 7

Step 2: MC and Lee are 13 and Jeremy is 12

Step 3: MC, Lee, and Terri are 18, Miranda is 19 (though she just barely turned that age)

How many different personalities are there for Jamie? Does picking one color of dialogue option mark down the personality or is it the choices and actions themselves?

There’s not really any set amount of personalities. You can mix and match traits in different ways and different levels, it’s really up to you. The colored options just give an idea of the tone of what you’re doing (whether it’s serious or more lighthearted or more emotional, that sort of thing).

Hey! Sorry to bother, but I was just curious. Why does MC and Cove react the way they do in the errands moment? It just sorta seems like they overreacted to being left alone in the farmers market.

I’m a little confused on what you mean. You can choose not to care or to have a good time, your MC doesn’t have to be upset. There are more choices that lead to upset feelings, but that’s because there’s really only one way to say you’re really okay and multiple ways to feel upset (sad, angry, scared, etc). And if someone is upset, there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling fine is okay too.

As for Cove, he’s just like that. Cove is a sensitive guy and he is especially bothered by parents pulling stunts without talking to their kid ahead of time. If you wanna annoy Cove, that exact thing they did is one of the fastest ways to do it, ahah. And he’s not gonna let it slide just because it was the MC’s parents doing it to them rather than one of his own parents doing it to him.

so if I were to become a one time patreon pledger, would I still have access to the things from that tier after the month is over (such as 18+ pics or access to a demo/beta)?

If you join Patreon for one month you’ll get everything released that month and have access to all our past posts, and you can save the stuff to your own computer to keep it forever. But you won’t get access to things that come out after your subscription has ended. So if you want to join for a specific piece of content, just make sure you wait until that content has already come out and then subscribe.

Why did Noelani and Pamela decide to adopt within the USA when they had previously adopted abroad?

Because we wanted to highlight more than one type of adoption. Both are valid.

At what age was MC adopted in our life?

Only around a year old, but it’s flexible based on what the player wants for their story.

If Pamela is estranged from her family and Noelani doesn't really talk to her's, where did Lee come from?

Lee is a backer created character, she wasn’t originally part of the cast. Because our main supporter wanted her to be related to the MC’s family, we gave Pam one sibling she still talks to and that sibling has a daughter, Lee. The game was still in pretty early development way back then when we first mentioned the family situation. It’s just kind of inevitable that during the game making process some things ended up changing, aha.

In the relationship DLC’s for Derek and Baxter will there be options for polyamory to include Cove?

I’m afraid not. The way Our Life: Beginnings & Always works doesn’t support developing a poly relationship well, it’d very quickly build up too many alterations to manage. But we do hope to feature polyamory options in future games.

Will it be possible to confess to Cove (or vice versa) in Step 4, if it hasn't been done already?

Yeah!

are you going to put the credits song on youtube or spotify? i really like it and want to play it for my friends 🙏🥺 ty

I’m so glad you like it! We have rights to use the song in our game and for our game to be the only game it’s ever used in, but the rights to sell/upload the song belong to the actual creators of the music. We’re happy to let them decide where they’re comfortable posting the track.

Quick question, do you plan on continuing to use MC we can custom? I liked all your games but being able to customize Our Life's MC was awesome

I can’t say if every game we ever make from now on will have a super customizable MC, but we are planning other projects with that feature. Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be the only one. It’s nice to hear you appreciated the effort to add that.

Can I just express my disappointment that you only get a 'makeout session' in Step 3 if your MC is outgoing? My shy MCs miss out on grabbing the Cove booty... xP

Whether or not you can make out with Cove and how intense it can get depends on how long you’ve been a couple. If your shy MC takes longer to get with Cove, he’ll need more time before he’s ready to do that sort of stuff. And if your confident MC has been with him for years already, then he’s at a point where he can go that far with them. I’m afraid patience is required when it comes to romancing that boy, haha.

If we played in 1.0 and we updates to 1.1 do we have to start over? Or do save files transfer? I hit the "ignore" not sure if I should have for the game to work properly

1.0 save files should work with version 1.1. If you’re getting error reports can you send us more details about what the error is saying?

Bug report: At the end of the 'Mall' DLC moment in Step 2, there's a point where Cove says the MC's name, but it's said in his Step 1 voice instead of his Step 2 voice. I don't know if it happens with ALL names, but it happened with my most recent game using the name Devin.

As a follow-up to my earlier bug report about the voiced names (or at least Devin) in the Mall moment, I had the same issue in the Soiree moment as well (with the same name - again, it might just be that one).

Thank you for the report! Can you let me know when you downloaded the DLC files? I think that should be fixed in the most recent version of them.

Dear gb-patch, I'm one of the OL Kickstarter backers (and I had and still have a great time with your updates, it's great to see the project grow and you are great in communicating with your fans 💕).

I want to wait until all steps are complete until I play, I know I'll enjoy it even more if I can experience it all together. Because of that I didn't open the game myself but I just saw your post with the screenshot of the voiced names and noticed that the name that I submitted to you isn't on the list. The name is Mai (or May), will it be available later?

Thank you for supporting us! Mai is one of the names that we’re still working on. It accidentally had a tone missed.

And thank you for all of these asks <3

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tacochippy · 3 years

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please infodump about jackie. i love themb

I DO TOO FJJSJSJA

Before I say anything- I think this is infodumping- I am neurodivergent but I don't have adhd or autism specifically so if that's offensive please let me know:) also nothings concrete or set in stone. And sorry for the typos I'm tired and stupid(/j I am very smart and worthy of love),,

Okay SO. Gonna talk about all of it! :D

The year is 2022. Covid doesn't exist and the world is somewhat better than today, though still has the fundamental issues (capitalism and stuff, yk)

So. Onan distant planet, millions of light-years away in space, is a planet named Hectiine. This planet is safe, for the most part. There are multiple cities within, some more 'bad' than others but still considerably better than Earth in this story. Everybody from Hectiine is made of White Star Form- they look like swirls of bright white light and the tendrils of this white light stuff that makes up their being can move and shift. They can turn into more human looking bodies, as well as other simplistic lifeforms shapes. The art of shifting has been lost to the ages for the most part. The few that can shift however, are sent straight to the Capital City, basically a big city with important people.

(It's important to note that while this city is better, no city on Hectiine is bad by any means. Everybody's needs are met, and people have free time even when they run the society and work and whatnot.)

So, one of the main protagonists of this story, Miyakoi (me-a-koi)(Koi like the fish lol) Arderius Exdosii, discovers she can shift. She is about... 14 in earth years, and she discovers the shifting ability and has a lot of fun. I'll draw her regular pure White Star Form soon but for now have a picrew of her partly shifted and fully shifted form. (I can link the picrew if you want!:))

As soon as she discovers it she excitedly tells her family, and is told to pack. She's heading to the Capital! So cool. At the capital she learns of a prophecy-fortold by their Gods, proven to exist but not mean, and copied into multiple books.) Miyakoi is to meet one of the God's Priests, of the goddess of Vision and Sight, (their main one as she granted the people of Hectiine their vision without eyes and kickstarted the world.) and receive a Prophecy book. The priest sends her to earth, just as a scout she's not THAT special. So Miyakoi is caught up on what this means exactly- she is to head to earth, scout out a hero, and come back with the hero through any means necessary. She's not practiced enough to save the world but she still needs to help. One of the older, more trained, men will save the world.

The Prophecy is going to be written properly soon, I'm literally making this up as I go dknsskjdaa,,, but it essentially is about a hero being retrieved from Earth and brought to Hectiine to prepare for battle. The hero and a citizen of Hectiine- no specified characteristics- is to go with the hero to a different planet, Jinahul, to stop an [《?¿?》] from making the planets of the world disappear. The hero must be: Smart, Brave, Loyal, and Human.

The [《?¿?》] Is an 'untranslatable' word the preists decided ot mark as such. The reason this Prophecy is unknown is to stop panic- especially since the God's haven't spoken in decades about anything. The prophecy was told and wirtten in an ancient, barely comrphesnible language. Left to their own devices the priests and Council (I can talk about this world more later too if you want!:D) decided it best to pretend the gods were still active and the Prophecy doesn't exist.

The Prophecy is very vague, but has a lot of words and different translations as every city has a different unique way of writing and the ancient language issue.

So! Miyakoi heads to earth. There she gets some forged documents and struggles to learnt he ways of human life before this """school""" thing starts. She doesn't know what that is and spends an entire weekend catching herself up to be ready for-what she now knows as- grade 8. In her first class, Art, her new favourite she decides, she meets another student. She's the cliche "nice pretty girl with good grades" from what she can tell. She seems like a good enough candidate, so Miyako I tries befriending her. She sees instances of the girl, Sophie Basil Richards she learns is her name, stand up for her friends. She isn't yet confided of Sophie- and consults her copy of the prophecy a lot.

She also meets Jackie. Jackie is a more mischievous student, and definitely a slacker, but still has the qualities of a hero. Miyakoi doesn't have a time limit, so she chooses to observe both Sophie and Jackie. Jackie has a good heart, and they're a nice person after a bit. (Pretend I gave Jackie pupils here for when she's on earth fkjdjsjs)

Miyakoi decides on Jackie. She's seen Jackie defend her friends, never falling to throw a punch when they deem it's needed. Jackie is headstrong and from her observations and excessive note-taking is the perfect candidate. Theyre smart and brave and loyal and they're so lovely it almost hurts. Mind set, Miyakoi sends a note Jackie's way. "south bathroom in 10". There miyakoi will wait and be in her part form. She waits and waits and the door opens, miyakoi turning to see the hero, the one who she'll send home with her-

Clearly distracted, "uh... I was told to meet you here in 10? Uh-"

Sophie.

It was Sophie.

She had walked in. To see this. Floating mass of white glowing tendrils??? Miyakoi shifting looks like her face melting off. So then Sophie sees her friends face reverse-melt off. Sophie freezes, seeing the second half of the shift, and she's frozen in place.

Thus, the adventure starts.

Most of this was world building and stuff- I'M LITERALLY THINKING IT UP AS I WRITE THIS KFNDKENEKDHDIEHEIHE- and it's a LOT bestie. This lives in my mind rent free istg.

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taekooktimeline · 3 years

Text

January 8-12, 2021

Constructed by Kayla, reviewed by Elise, dated by Sara (though she didn’t review this addition yet)

January 6-12, 2021: Run 133 is filmed (aired March 16, 2021):

At the start of the episode, the members mention this is the first run filmed in 2021. This causes Jk to reminisce how he came to Seoul 10 years ago, with Tae chimining in he also came a decade ago.

Jin comments he met Jk in June 2011, with Tae following up it was September for him. Jk jokingly tells Tae he’s his junior.

This seems to leave Tae momentarily stunned as he looks to Jk then faces forward -

before leaning out of the group stance to challengingly stare down Jk. Tae stated in Summer Package 2018 that Jk is more of the hyung in their relationship. There have been multiple instances of Tae calling Jk “hyung” over the years, some examples being in Run 27 and Run 118. This is probably another way Jk is joking with Tae about their two-year age difference.

which causes Jk to laugh -

Timestamp 0:38

Jk loses the first round (a standard typing game), with his punishment being that he now has to perform the next task on a very large keyboard. The members are shocked by its size. Jimin takes a photo, and the camera shows him preparing his phone while Jk playfully taps away on the keys. Tae decides to take a photo as well and as he prepares his phone the camera cuts away.

timestamp 5:02, https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1371795743292280838?s=21

Tae playfully bangs on Jk’s keyboard and then looks expectantly at Jk, gauging his reaction.

Jk follows suit and begins copying Tae in their usual copy paste, a slight smirk on his face. Tae happily smiles that Jk has gone along with his antics, watching Jk‘s hand then looking up at him.

Jk beams at Tae -

It’s not long before Jk chastises Tae though, since it’s causing his keyboard to act up.

This doesn’t phase Tae, who flashes his trademark boxy smile and laughing acknowledges, hand raised, that he is aware his actions are messing him up.

timestamp 6:37

Joon beats Tae in answering a run question correctly. As the members ask staff for tips on how to search, Tae continues to be ornery to Jk and closes his window out.

close up -

no guilt, even as he smiles and turns back to Jk-

timestamp 10:14

Jk retaliates by pulling the space bar out of the keyboard and pretending to attack an unsuspecting Tae with it. Both are laughing while the members look on amused.

Tae points at Jk while collapsing in laughter.

As Jk places the space key back, you can see Tae smiling at his actions still.

Tae attempts to retaliate by pretending to throw the escape key. This causes Jk to attack him again.

Tae can’t stop laughing, collapsing into himself again as Jk puts the keys back.

Tae is still smiling, happy at their actions, as staff explains the next round.

timestamp 10:24, https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1371797675465531392?s=21

Tae answers incorrectly during the above question, so he must wait out 1 minute and 30 seconds before trying again. Jk raises his hand to answer. Tae tries to mollify the usually competitive Jk to not answer so he can have a chance to try again. Jk doesn’t listen.

timestamp 12:18

During another question, Tae turns to Jk to confide how off the mark his search was.

Jk peeks at his screen -

Jk bursts into laughter, head thrown back -

and points to Tae as he tells the group Tae is not good at searching -

Tae, adorably, finds his own methods hilarious.

timestamp 18:02, https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1371799508208685060?s=21

Tae and Hobi didn’t do as well in the game in comparison to the other members. They were joking to the others about what kind of food they could get with their points, and Jimin offered to share some of his points with Hobi so that he could get something besides pickles. Hobi did some aegyeo in order to make Jimin laugh. Tae also didn’t get many points for food, so he also decided to perform aegyeo towards Jimin. When he hears JK offer some food to Hobi, he also performs some aegyeo towards JK as well.

Notice how even though Tae didn’t win any points to get food and JK did, the entire tray of food is in front of Tae. Also Jk feeds Tae a bite of his food -

Timestamp 26:16, https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1371804575800324099?s=21

https://www.vlive.tv/post/1-21739180

Behind the scenes photos: TK stick close together while the other members play on the oversized keyboard:

Jk has an arm around Tae as the members check something out:

Timestamp 24:58 and 26:12; https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1371801782758731788?s=21

Run episode 134: is a continuation of the 3-part run series 133-135. In the next segment, members have to guess what song + choreography of theirs it is based on the dance instructions. Joon begins gesturing, stating, “we have a song like this! What is it?” This kickstarts Tae beginning to sing a song that sounds suspiciously like the “baby got back” song.

The members laugh, with Jin, Joon and Hobi imitating Tae dancing. Jk takes up singing the song.

It seems like Taekook have a little joke going on, with Jk picking up where Tae leaves off while the members laugh at their aegyo.

https://www.vlive.tv/post/0-21873722

Timestamp 27:11, or short link - https://twitter.com/koosmostae/status/1374352385703870471?s=21

Run 135 behind the scenes: members speculate out loud what they should do to kill time while waiting for their turn to hide objects around the building. Tae decides to do some push ups, since he has to wait 25 mins to hide his object. The next cut shows Jk squeezing his muscle to determine his progress. Jk tells Tae he’s getting stronger.

Tae seems pleased by this if we gauge his smile. A close up of the beginnings of a smile -

As he turns away his smile is more prominent -

It’s hard to see without a close up but Tae actually had his hand over Jk’s wrist, then trails his hand up softly to be directly over Jk’s (almost cupping JK’s hand), as the younger felt his chest muscle. SS don’t capture the moment as well so it’s suggested the reader view the below links to see.

you can see a little better in this SS that it’s Tae’s hand in view (covering Jk’s as he feels his chest muscle) -

https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1377596770025271300?s=21 and https://twitter.com/flirtaeguk/status/1377598016832479233?s=21

When Jimin returns from hiding his item, the camera cuts to what appears to be Tae and Jk holding hands loosely. We only catch a glimpse before they drop their hands as the camera follows Jimin coming towards them. SS don’t do it justice but Tae’s smile widens.

close up -

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x80c25j, timestamp 4:50

#taekooktimeline #taekook #2021 #january 2021 #affection #playfulness

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