#wonderful things with his tongue :p’ and dream is like ‘I’m gonna make this sooo painful for you’

[ultimatetrashyfanfic]

I’m just gonna say Non-despair AU cause I want everyone to be happy. I freaking LOVE Gundham so much, he’s wonderful and I’ve been wanting to write him for a while (but stalling cause of his DIALOGUE. It’s so hard). Buuuut I decided to finally give it a shot. And to kind of vent a little cause he used to stress me out in his dark coat and scarf in tropical heat. With Kazuichi because I want them to be friends, and because I seem physically incapable of not putting Kazuichi in every fic. COULD be seen as pre-soudam if you prefer, I didn’t write it like that but it could be if that floats your boat. I do like that ship, I just like other ones with Gundham and kazuichi more. Anyway, hope you enjoy - Circle

Also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33543364

Warning: descriptions of overheating, sickfic. Nothing really bad here.

Kazuichi wasn’t shocked to wake up sprawled across a towel with sand in his hair and a dry mouth, completely alone on the beach. This wasn’t even the first time it had happened. When his insomnia was really bad he’d always doze throughout the next day - for some reason he couldn’t sleep in his warm, comfortable bed at night but could drop off in seconds with his head on the breakfast table or against Hajime’s shoulder. His classmates never bothered to wake Kazuichi if he was somewhere he wouldn’t be in the way, so the beach was a frequent napping spot. They always made sure to leave him in the shade with a water bottle for when he woke, so Kazuichi didn’t mind. It was normal.

What was very much not normal was waking up to Gundham grasping the front of his t-shirt, shaking him violently and yelling some weird gibberish that Kazuichi was still too woolly-headed to understand.

“Wha..?” he muttered, trying to wake up properly. For a second he wondered if he was having a weird lucid dream, because Gundham never usually touched people, especially him - though he was shaking him by the shirt instead of the shoulders.

“You’re gonna stretch out my clothes,” Kazuichi whined, sitting up and scrubbing his eyes.

“As if your tattered garments are a priority right now! Answer me with honesty, lest the demons tear your tongue from your very mouth. Have you encountered the wrath of my Crimson Steel Elephant?” Gundham cried, far too loudly.

“What?” Kazuichi mumbled. “Gundham, I can’t decipher your witchy language when I’ve just woken up.”

“Foolish mortal! This is a dire emergency!”

“Why? What’s happened?”

“I shall repeat myself just once more, so listen well. Have you encountered one of my Dark Devas of Destruction? Maga-Z appears to be missing,” Gundham said. Despite the grandeur and fancy words, Kazuichi could see he did look pretty distressed, holding the three remaining hamsters in his hand as if he was scared they’d dash away too.

“Oooh, okay. You’ve lost a hamster. That’s all you had to say, Gundham. One single sentence and I would’ve understood,” Kazuichi said.

“Do not talk so disparagingly! My Devas are far more powerful than mere hamsters. And Maga-Z has an independent spirit and often attempts to cause chaos alone. I have my concerns for the safety of everyone on this island if Maga-Z wields his destructive power without my guidance.”

Gundham was completely serious, but Kazuichi had to bite his cheeks to stop himself laughing, picturing a hamster storming across the island in a tank, decimating everything. But Gundham was clearly frantic, and Kazuichi was trying to be nicer to him recently, so he sighed.

“Okay, I’ll help you look for him. We should try to get the others to help too.”

“Indeed. You were the first mortal I came across,” Gundham admitted.

“Right, what does Maga-Z look like?” Kazuichi asked, taking a long drink of water. He felt like he’d be running around in the hot sun for a while now and wanted to drink while he had the chance.

“Your memory is abysmal.” Gundham seemed irritated that Kazuichi didn’t know the hamsters by sight.

“Look, I’m not exactly on nodding terms with your ham- Devas, am I? How am I supposed to know which is which? I only recognise the chubby one.” Kazuichi pointed to Cham-P.

Gundham reeled back like he’d been slapped, spluttering in outrage. “How dare you mock his corporeal form! If Cham-P was not so patient, he would obliterate you where you stand for such cheek.”

“Look, I wasn’t trying to body shame your hamster,” Kazuichi said irritably. “I wasn’t mocking. He’s just bigger than the other ones.”

“He is of the Golden variety, of course he is larger in stature. It has nothing to do with his nutritional intake.”

“Are we going to search or not?” Kazuichi snapped. God, talking to Gundham for more than five minutes was exhausting. “Do you know if Maga-Z has favourite places to go or something?”

Kazuichi let Gundham lead and did his very best not to talk to his strange companion as they searched through bushes and inside cupboards, asking any of his classmates they encountered to look too. Gundham muttered to the remaining hamsters, but didn’t try to talk to Kazuichi much either except to order him around - though his grandiose tone was quickly becoming softer and more anxious.

“Maga-Z has never disappeared from my influence for so long,” he mumbled, pulling his scarf to cover his mouth. “I cannot contain this feeling of dread.”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Kazuichi said, surprising himself. “We’ll find him. He’ll be okay.”

Gundham blinked, then stood up straighter. “I assure you, I fear for the inhabitants of the island. Maga-Z will come to no harm.”

But he was worrying, and even Kazuichi could see it. His searching was becoming frantic, his usually careful hands clumsy, so he knocked things off their shelves and forgot to tidy up or close doors behind them. He started running between buildings and bushes, long coat billowing, calling out for his lost hamster.

“Gundham! Hang on a second,” Kazuichi gasped. “I can’t breathe!”

Surprisingly, Gundham did as he was told, leaning against a palm tree in the shade. He wrapped his arms around his chest, pale fists gripping his dark coat. His carefully styled hair was starting to droop in the heat, and his face was very pink. Kazuichi had never seen so much colour in his cheeks before. The three remaining hamsters cowered inside Gundham’s scarf, sensing his anxiety.

Kazuichi went to lean beside him, wiping the sweat off his own forehead. He didn’t know how Gundham managed in his black clothes every day.

“We’ll find him,” Kazuichi said again. “Ibuki and Twogami and Mahiru said they’d look. And Miss Sonia looked like she was going to cry when I told her Maga-Z was missing. She said she wouldn’t rest until he was found.”

“She has a good heart,” Gundham said softly.

“Yeah…” Kazuichi paused. “Hey, you didn’t say anything nice like that about me. I’m the one who’s been running around with you in the baking sun for hours.”

Gundham didn’t respond. He’d been talking a lot less in the past twenty minutes or so, though he’d originally been giving incomprehensible orders to Kazuichi every two minutes. Souda assumed he was just growing more concerned for Maga-Z the longer he was missing - so he was caught off guard when Gundham slumped over and fell limply against him, almost bringing them both to the floor.

“Dude!” Kazuichi managed to catch hold of Gundham. “What are you doing?”

Perhaps Gundham didn’t know what he was doing either, because he had a look of sheer bafflement on his face. He tried to pull himself upright, clinging to the rough bark of the palm tree, but each time he wobbled dangerously and Kazuichi had to grab onto him again.

“What is this..? I appear to be reacting negatively to your mortal world’s atmosphere.” His usually forceful speech came out laboured and slow, and Gundham placed a hand to his lips in surprise.

“What? You’ve been surviving in this atmosphere for ages already,” Kazuichi argued. “What’s up with you? You sound drunk. Can you tell me in plain English?”

“The temperature in this godforsaken land exceeds even the fiery bowels of hell,” Gundham hissed, having to cling to Kazuichi to stay upright.

Kazuichi took a second to disentangle Gundham’s web of fancy words. “Sooo… you’re too hot. I guess that makes sense. Who wears a black coat and a scarf in this heat? And I know you haven’t had any water since we started searching. I’d better take you back to your cabin,” he sighed.

“Unhand me this instant, you fiend!” Gundham growled, though he was the one using Kazuichi like a walking stick. “I could never rest while one of my Dark Devas of Destruction is unguided.”

“Well they’ll all be unguided if you get heatstroke and drop dead,” Kazuichi said. “Half the island is searching for Maga-Z - and I’ll go back out to keep looking as soon as I can, okay?” As much as Gundham might get on Kazuichi’s nerves sometimes, he didn’t want him to get really sick or hurt. He hoped Maga-Z had enough sense not to wander into the sea or something; Gundham would be crushed.

“Hmm.” Gundham didn’t look convinced.

“Your other three ham- I mean Devas probably need to cool down a bit too,” Kazuichi tried.

Another pause. “Very well,” Gundham sighed. “I shall retire to my artificially cooled domain until the effects of this oppressive atmosphere wear off. I trust you to ensure the search continues.” He turned on his heel and tried to walk on his own, staggering alarmingly.

“Hey, careful!” Kazuichi ran to steady him. “I told you I’d help you.”

Gundham slapped his hands away. “Fool! Have you forgotten I am cursed with poison?”

“Oh for God’s sake! Could you just give an inch for once! Why do you make everything so difficult?” Kazuichi cried exasperatedly.

Gundham stuck his chin in the air and started berating Souda again - but before he’d even finished the first sentence his words died away. He blinked several times, looking dazed, swaying where he stood.

“Gundham..?” Kazuichi said nervously.

Gundham didn’t respond. He took another few staggering steps towards his cabin, then crumpled as his knees gave way under him. Kazuichi cried out and hurried to catch him, their foreheads bashing together painfully. Gundham’s skin was clammy and damp, his face looking much more… alive than usual. Kazuichi realised it was because his pale makeup was running.

“Fucking hell, Gundham,” Kazuichi groaned, hauling one of Gundham’s arms around his shoulders. “Just hold onto me, okay? Try not to pass out.”

Surprisingly, Gundham nodded, staring down at his feet like it was taking a huge effort to make them move. It was clear he was trying to be helpful, but Kazuichi had to carry a lot of his weight and they were both breathless by the time they reached Gundham’s cabin. Kazuichi breathed a sigh of relief as the wall of cool air conditioning washed over them.

“Thank God for that,” he mumbled, dumping Gundham onto the bed. It was carefully made, which Kazuichi had never understood; why bother making your bed when you were just going to mess it up every night? The entire room was neat, though the giant cage meant it rather smelled like hamsters. “Right, get your coat and scarf off.”

Gundham glared at him viciously.

“Oh, that’s the thanks I get, is it? Well, no matter how annoying you might be, you’re overheated. No wonder, wearing that stupid dark coat. So get it off.” Kazuichi grabbed Gundham’s arms and yanked the coat sleeves off like he was undressing a sulky toddler. Gundham hissed a series of furious curses at him - one of which sounded like Latin, which was actually pretty impressive - and the three remaining hamsters hopped out onto the bed, startled.

“There. Was that so hard?” Kazuichi said silkily when Gundham was lying on the bed in his shirt and scarf, glaring. Kazuichi tried to take the scarf off too, but Gundham’s hissed threats became more vehement and he gave up. “Fine, keep it on then. Though I don’t think the gothic look is very sustainable in a tropical climate, man. Right, I’m going to get you something to drink.”

Gundham didn’t respond until Kazuichi had returned with a cup full of water from the bathroom. “I shall take advice from one with such abysmal fashion sense as yourself with a grain of salt, fiend,” he said, with as much dignity as he could muster while tomato-red and damp with sweat on his bed.

Kazuichi had to fight very hard not to pour the glass of water directly over Gundham’s head, but he just about managed to help him drink it instead. Then he grabbed the little fan from the bathroom and placed it by Gundham’s bed, dampened a cloth and slapped it rather unceremoniously on his forehead. Gundham yelped and glared again, water trickling down his temples. Good. Serves him right for that earlier comment. “There. Keep your head back or you’ll smudge your eyeliner. And don’t move. I’ll try to find Mikan while I’m looking for Maga-Z, okay?”

Gundham turned his face away, cupping one hand over the Devas protectively. He mumbled something into the material of his scarf.

“What?” Kazuichi asked.

“I said I am grateful for your assistance…”

“Oh.” Kazuichi was surprised. He’d never heard Gundham acknowledge he needed any help before - though maybe that was Kazuichi’s own fault. He’d been the one to start up the whole stupid rivalry thing (which wasn’t ever a rivalry in the first place since the girl wasn’t remotely interested). Maybe this was a step towards a reconciliation.

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna leave you to die,” Kazuichi added awkwardly.

“You are far more tolerable when you do not echo the Dark Queen like a parrot. I once believed you had no real mind of your own,” Gundham said bluntly.

Kazuichi flushed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You made yourself an extension of the Dark Queen. You never disputed her or challenged her. You agreed with her every word.”

“Well… I wanted her to like me,” Kazuichi mumbled. “Look, you don’t need to lecture me about all this. You know I’ve left Sonia alone.”

“Indeed. But you still wish to befriend her?” Gundham asked. Even weak and overheated as he was, his eyes were burning into Kazuichi’s with such a fierce intensity he had to look away.

“That’s her choice. Why are you asking all this?”

“If you still seek a friendly companionship with the Dark Queen, you should not forget she is a mere powerless mortal,” Gundham said. “She does not wish to be treated like she is extraordinary. She does not wish to be around those who only agree to please her.”

Kazuichi stared at him. Was Gundham really offering advice? Was this a weird way to repay him for helping out? It was pretty embarrassing to be given advice on how to make friends from Gundham, who openly distrusted everyone - but he was friends with Sonia. Maybe even something more, Kazuichi honestly didn’t know. He’d tried to stay away from Sonia as much as possibly, partly because he wanted her to be more comfortable and partly because he was pretty fucking embarrassed by his past behaviour. But he would like to be her friend. Nothing else - he knew that wouldn’t ever happen - but friends was good.

“Now make haste!” Gundham suddenly cried, making Kazuichi jump. “Continue the search! I shall rejoin you as soon as I am able.”

“No, rest. Don’t move and especially don’t put your coat on again. I’ll find Maga-Z,” Kazuichi said quickly. He dashed outside before Gundham could protest, groaning as the sticky heat wrapped around him once more.

He started searching again, after taking a quick detour to Mikan’s cabin to ask if she could go check on Gundham and make sure he hadn’t gone out into the sun again. Almost everyone on the island was searching now, splitting off into little groups to cover more ground. Nagito was one of the last to join in - and Hajime and Kazuichi watched in astonishment as he shifted the very first box he touched in the storage room of the old building and pointed. “There he is.”

“WHY didn’t I ask him first?!” Kazuichi practically screamed.

“Ultimate Luck seems a pretty useful talent,” Hajime murmured to him, not wanting Nagito to hear. It’d only start him off on a long self-deprecating rant. “Go on then, Kazuichi. Get him.”

Kazuichi peered behind the box on his hands and knees. Maga-Z was cowering in the corner, fur dishevelled and standing on end. He didn’t look too friendly. “Why do I have to grab the stupid hamster?” Kazuichi whined. “You grab him, Hajime. I don’t like them. They look like they know too much.”

“What are you on about?” Hajime sighed. “It’s just a hamster. You can’t be scared of a hamster, Kazuichi.”

“They’re Gundham’s hamsters. They probably like… worship the devil or something.”

“Hamsters don’t worship anything. They’re just hamsters.”

“Can I go now?” Nagito asked, looking like he was losing braincells just listening to this conversation.

“Yeah, thanks, Nagito. Unless you fancy grabbing this hamster,” Kazuichi said. He looked hopeful, but Nagito left without another word.

“I’ll do it,” Hajime said, exasperated. He reached behind the box to ease his hand underneath Maga-Z, but as soon as his fingers brushed fur, the hamster made a mad dash forward. Directly towards Souda. He squealed and hastily cupped both hands around Maga-Z, holding him at arm’s length. “Oh my God, oh my God, I got him… Oh God, he’s gonna bite me, I know he is,” Kazuichi whined.

“Hey, good job,” Hajime said, surprised. “I didn’t think you’d catch him.”

“I’m not a baby, Hajime,” Kazuichi huffed. Then he whimpered in a very childish way. “Ugh, he’s wriggling around. Can I… put him somewhere? A bag or something? I don’t trust him.”

“Just shove him in your pocket and let’s go. It’s boiling in here. And Gundham will be stressing about Maga-Z. Do you know where he is?”

“I had to put him to bed because he nearly fainted. He was running around in his black coat all day.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Nobody on this island has any self-preservation skills.”

“At least Maga-Z is okay.” Kazuichi studied the little ball of fluff cupped in his hands. Somehow his little ink drop eyes did look menacing. “Hey, he really does look like he wanted to go off and cause chaos on his own, doesn’t he?”

Hajime gave Kazuichi a look. “I think you’ve spent too much time with Gundham today.”

Thankfully, Gundham was still in his room and looking a lot better, though still very visibly agitated. His colour had returned to ghostly pale (he must’ve reapplied his makeup) and his eyes were far more focused - they snapped to the door right away when Hajime opened it. When he saw Kazuichi, his hands still full of wriggling hamster, his brow cleared.

“Take him, quick!” Kazuichi said, hurrying over to the bed. “I’m sure he wants to bite me.”

“You fiend,” Gundham murmured, taking the hamster. For a second Kazuichi was offended, thinking Gundham was calling him names when he and Hajime had been nice enough to bring the hamster back, but then he realised Gundham was talking to Maga-Z. He spoke to them in exactly the same way he spoke to his classmates, no silly mushy voices like most people did with cute animals.

“I can only pray you have not caused too much destruction while unsupervised,” he murmured, smoothing Maga-Z’s fur. The hamster sat up to greet him like a little puppy, and Kazuichi noticed for the first time that Maga-Z’s cheeks were bulging.

“Did he really run off just to steal food?” Kazuichi groaned. “We’ve been so stressed and he was just eating!”

“Ah yes, a feast befitting the magnificent Crimson Steel Elephant,” Gundham said, gently placing Maga-Z with the other hamsters. They circled him joyfully, happy to be reunited too.

Kazuichi threw his hands up exasperatedly. “I give up. You’re all nuts.”

Gundham turned to Kazuichi, his face solemn. “I am deeply indebted to you, as is everybody who resides on this island. I cannot speak of the terrors that may have occurred if Maga-Z was without guidance. I shall spread the story of your triumph to every other mortal here so they can show you due gratitude,” he said.

“Oh… Thanks, man.” Kazuichi could see he meant well, but the thought of Gundham telling everyone Kazuichi saved the island from a hamster’s destruction was pretty embarrassing. He could already see Hajime smirking out of the corner of his eye.

“You should stay inside a bit longer though,” Hajime said. “Just in case. You need to make sure you’re totally cooled down.”

“Indeed. I have had ample excitement for one day,” Gundham said.

“Me too,” Kazuichi mumbled.

“If you’re feeling better, you can tell everyone about Kazuichi saving the island over dinner,” Hajime said, grinning. Kazuichi glared at him.

“Asshole,” he muttered as soon as they were outside Gundham’s cabin.

Hajime burst out laughing. “Maybe he’ll make you sound really gallant and fearless when he tells it.”

“Then everyone will know it’s a lie right away. And anyway, Nagito saw what happened. Even if you don’t give away the real story, he’ll definitely tell.”

“Probably. But you did save his hamster, even if you weren’t that fearless about it. Is there a truce between you two now?”

“I suppose so. He’s not so bad. Crazy and dramatic and difficult… but okay,” Kazuichi admitted. He paused. “I don’t know what half of the words he uses mean though.”

“Yeah,” Hajime agreed. “I don’t either.”

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 31

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: i hope its not too bad. im scared ppl are gonna lose interest tbh. and i know, so many dialogues but it was needed!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 31 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I woke up the next day a bit disoriented. I couldn't remember when exactly I fell asleep but as soon as my eyes opened, I felt my lips curl. Niall was laying next to me and we were both facing each other. He was still asleep and I brought my hand to his cheek, making him whimper very low. Slowly, I moved closer and pressed my lips on his gently, leaving a small and soft kiss on his mouth. His eyes fluttered half-open and when he saw me, his lips curled. It made my bite my bottom lip when I realized I hadn't seen him this happy in a while. Niall was someone who was always smiling but at this exact moment, it was even more than that. Or perhaps it was the reflection of my own happiness that I could see on his face.

He didn't say anything, he just moved closer to kiss my lips again, making them curl. I brought my hand over my mouth and smiled more.

"Hi."

He chuckled and also brought his hand in front of his mouth.

"Hi." he repeated. "Morning breath?"

"Would be bad if it was the first impression you had of me in the morning."

This time, he laughed and i felt my heart melt in my chest.

"I've smelled your morning breath and been a witness of more." he pointed out with what I guessed was a smirk from the way the corner of his eyes moved up. "Those little futile things won't change my love for you."

I could feel my heart flutter at the same time than my eyes when I heard his words.

"I woke up facing you like this so many times. I've wanted to kiss you so many times. This is the first time I actually do it. I never thought I would."

He stared at me and took his hand away. He was not smirking anymore, just smiling softly at me. I never thought Niall would ever look at me this way. I wouldn't have dared to wish for it.

"Fuck morning breath." he just said moving closer to me and getting half his body on top of mine before pushing my hand gently away and kissing me. It took me a few seconds to allow him to deepen the kiss but eventually I did. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way he kissed me and the warmth of his body over mine until he groaned in my mouth. "How did you sleep?"

I tried to think of an answer but all I could focus on was the way his lips ran down on my neck and how good they felt on my skin. I wanted to lock myself with him in his room for weeks like our own private and deserted island, leaving reality behind.

His phone started ringing and he groaned, his lips stopping on my collarbone. He simply sighed and I grimaced before he got up and searched for his phone through the pockets of the pants he wore the day before. It was not his type to leave dirty clothes on the floor but it seemed like both of us were distracting the other and I couldn't hide that I liked it.

"Hello?" he quickly answered without checking the caller ID... and with the way his face changed, I believed he shouldn't have had. "Oh hi."

I sat in bed and tilted my head, feeling suddenly a bit stressed, wondering who was on the phone but also annoyed, because whoever it was, they were clearly disturbing our alone time like some sort of ship running aground on the beach of my private island. I pushed on the covers and turned to face him, crossing ,my legs as I sat on the end of the bed.

"No, sorry, I'm busy tonight." Niall continued, turning to look at me before sending me a small smile. "I'm spending time with my girlfriend."

I held my breath and Niall stopped moving. After a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't mean my friend who is a girl, I really mean the girl i'm officially dating. My girlfriend." Silence. "Okay, bye."

He hung up and sighed, throwing his phone on the bed and looking through his drawers for a clean pair of boxers that he just took out.

"Who was it?" I didn't want to seem invasive but the question was burning my lips.

"Oh." he just said with a shrug, glancing at me. "It was Heidi."

The simple mention of her name made my heart jump in my throat, making me slightly nauseous. I was not sure if it was because I was jealous or scared but all I knew was that Niall had sex with her a few times and that it was probably why she was calling. I wanted to ask him to delete her number or even block it but I knew I couldn't. I was trying not to be that kind of girlfriend, the type who gets insecure about every little thing that happens, and every girl her boyfriend talks to, but it wasn't easy. Niall and I were clearly not in the same league and although I knew love is not about physical appearances, I couldn't help but be nervous about all of this.

I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious but also mad at myself for letting someone like Heidi ruin my mood.

"I need a shower." he let out, taking me out of my thoughts. "Wanna come with?"

My mind suddenly went blank and my lips parted slightly as I stared at him. Did I want to see Niall naked and wet in the shower? Fuck yes. Did I want to stand in front of him in my birthday suit? Hell no.

"You reek too, by the way." he added with a smirk, taking his shirt off and throwing it in the laundry basket before turning back to me again and raising his eyebrows.

"Uhm."

I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. I could feel my heart beat all over my body, not really knowing what to answer. He knelt in front of me with a worried expression and placed his hands on my thighs. I could feel how warm they were, even through the fabric of his sweatpants that I was wearing, and it made me swallow hard. I was so scared to do or say something that would make me lose him that I could barely think straight. I had to do something about it before it ruined the relationship I had with him. As lovers, but also as best friends.

"Tempting, but no, i'll just go after you."

I tried to look normal and sent him a smile but he frowned a bit before nodding and getting up again. He bent down to kiss my lips and it sent a rush to my brain. I already regretted saying no but I knew i'd regret a 'yes" even more when i'd be naked in front of him.

I realized I was holding my breath when I sighed as soon as I heard the shower start and I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Niall was now my boyfriend, and he said he loved me... he wouldn't change his mind because of what I look like naked, would he?

I sighed loud and lied back down in bed, grabbing my phone and crossing my ankles together. I couldn't help it and searched Niall's name on google only to find recent articles about him. There were pictures of us kissing at the bar and although it was from afar and not very clear, I felt extremely ugly. 'It's official! Niall Horan finally dating lifelong friend!'

My heart jumped in my chest when I realized the article started with 'After years of friendship, it is without a surprise that Niall Horan is finally seen kissing his childhood friend...' My eyes roamed on the sentence twice, three times... ten. 'Without a surprise'?

I scrolled down to the comments section and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I knew that whatever I would read would end uip hurting me but it was stronger than me. I was not the type to really care about what people thought of me but despite what anyone may tell you, reading mean things about yourself sucks and hurts.

'Can't believe she dated both Harry and Niall! Talk about a dream life! 😍'

'I have no idea how that ugly girl got one of them let alone both. 🤔 It makes no sense'

'They are so adorable!!!!!'

'He fucking deserves better have you seen her? 🤮'

'He lost a bet 😂😂😂'

'OTP OTP OTP 🥰'

I shut my eyes tight again and threw my phone on the bed before groaning low. All I could see behind my eyelids was a parade of emojis and I did the best I could to hold my tears in. I knew Niall was out of my league but some people could be so cruel when hiding behind a computer screen. The shower stopped and when Niall came back in the room, he was followed by a cloud of steam. I looked at him quickly from head to toes, enjoying the view as he walked up to me with only a towel around his waist.

"My turn!" I just said, jumping out of bed. He stopped me as I walked by and pulled me closer, making me chuckle low.

"You're all wet!" I complained jokingly, making him laugh.

"Then just take your clothes off."

His fingers reached for the top of my shirt and he pulled gently on the collar to move it down as his eyes dropped in. I felt my heart jump in my chest and shook my head, taking a step back and making him groan low.

"Pervert!" I added with a chuckle, walking to the bathroom.

I turned around and before closing the door, I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh again but I still locked behind myself. I knew my fear and my hatred for my own body was stopping me from living some great things with Niall but I just didn't feel ready to show him all of me. I just wanted him to think I was beautiful. I wanted to turn him on, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him.

I brushed my teeth first and quickly got undressed and started the waterI stayed a bit longer than I should have in the shower, letting the warm water fall on me and relaxing me as the memories of the night before played over and over in my mind. It was still incredible and unbelievable to me that Niall had finally realized he had feelings for me too but it was my reality now and It felt like I would never get down from my cloud.

I got out of the shower, drying my hair the best I could with a towel before wrapping it around my body and remembering that I left my clothes in the room. I raised my nose up and inhaled deeply before going back. I frowned when I saw him laying in bed in only a pair of boxers and my phone in hands. He looked at me and sighed, turning the phone my way to show me the article I had been reading while he was in the shower.

"I'm sorry I checked your phone it's just..." he sighed again and shook his head. "You shouldn't read shit like that. You know those mean comments aren't true, right?"

I held my towel to make sure it wouldn't fall and sent him a sad smile, walking to the bed. He sat on it and I shrugged as he looked up, wrapping his arms around me.

"Liv, please, listen to me." he let out in a low but worried tone. "I feel so lucky to be with you. You are beautiful and I love you." he paused but he kept staring at me. "Olivia, I love you."

"It's just..." I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling him hold me tighter against him. "I don't know."

"Talk to me, okay?"

I nibbled on my bottom lip and finally just nodded. He let go of me and lied back down in bed, leaving space for me. I lied down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. I felt secure suddenly and the fact that we weren't looking at each other anymore made it slightly easier.

"You've never seen me naked." I just pointed out.

"That's... correct." he seemed a bit confused. "And i'd like to change that."

My lips curled in a fond smile.

"I mean, I don't know what you're expecting but you may be disappointed." I tried to explain, feeling his arm pull me closer. "I am not shaped like Maya or Heidi or those girls you normally end up with."

Silence. All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my chest. He started drawing shapes on the skin of my arm with his fingertip and It made a shiver cross my body as my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me of that time at the movies...

"I only had sex with Maya a few times." he confessed, making me frown.

"Like, how many times?"

"I don't know, four?"

I knew they had dated for a while and it was surprising that they hadn't had sex more often. Clearly, she wanted him and no one could not want her. I frowned more, a bit confused by it but also wondering why exactly he was telling me that.

"Why?"

My question was not clear but I knew he'd understand.

"I couldn't." he explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I couldn't because I only wanted you."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. It was laughable to think someone had the chance to bang a girl like Maya but couldn't because they wanted me more.

"I guess my love for you made it impossible for me to lust after an other girl." he continued. "I don't know what you're scared of but I know I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone else. And I won't be disappointed because it'll be you. And that's all I want. You."

I let my eyes roam on his body and I couldn't deny that I wanted him, too. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. Obviously, this relationship was based on more than sex but it seemed to be an issue and I understood that he wanted to solve it. I also wanted to share everything with him. We had never really talked about sex together, at least not about our personal sex life. It's not that it embarrassed me but I didn't want to hear about the girls he had sex with and what he did with them. it would have been too hard to hear because of my love for him and for that reason, I also kept my stories a secret to make sure he wouldn't tell me his. It was a precaution I took to avoid my heart being too broken and so far, it had worked.

"Remember when we were in my room and you were about to check in a drawer and I told you not to?" I started in a low voice, raising my eyebrows without looking at him. "It was not because of my underwear.. It's just that... it's the place I keep my vibrators."

His fingers stopped moving on my shoulder and I held my breath, a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn't expected to admit that to him and obviously, he hadn't expected to hear it either.

"Plural?"

"Yes."

We remained in silence for a while and he finally chuckled.

"That's so hot." he admitted, laughing a bit. "There's so many things I don't know about you when it comes to sex, Liv, and I'd love to talk about it with you."

My traits softened and I looked up at him, moving slightly to get my head on the pillow, my face turned his way. Talking about my body embarrassed me but talking about sex in general didn't and I was totally fine with that discussion.

"Okay, I go first!" I let out with a smirk. "Who's your favorite pornstar? And if you say Jenna Jameson I'm gonna be very disappointed in you."

He sent me an insulted frown, his lips slightly parted, and it made me laugh.

"Do you know me at all?" he just asked, making me laugh. "I don't think I have a favorite, but I guess I enjoy Shyla Jennings."

I raised my nose up and groaned a bit, still looking at him.

"I can't say I'm surprised, and I also can't blame you."

"Why not surprised?" he asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.

"She's your type." I laughed, moving my chin up to look at him better.

"Oh I have a type now?" he wondered as I nodded. "Alright then, who's your fave pornstar?"

My face changed and I shrugged with a small smile.

"Gina Valentina, no second thoughts."

I saw a bunch of emotions cross his face and it made me laugh as he shook his head.

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, you wanted a man?" I asked, amused by the conversation, as I sent him a smirk. "Tyler Nixon, then."

His eyes roamed on my face and I tried to guess what he was thinking about. He was discovering things about me that I never thought he'd know but I was totally fine with it: I had nothing to hide. His lips curled into a small but fond smile and I licked my lips, my eyes never leaving his. I felt his hand take mine and he placed his palm against mine before intertwining out fingers together.

"Tell me something that you did that I would never guess."

His voice was low and the atmosphere in the room had shifted completely. We looked at each other for a few seconds and I licked my lips. He brought his hand on my waist, now completely facing me, and my heart jumped in my chest at how good he looked.

"One time I had a threesome with two other girls."

His eyes opened slightly more and his eyebrows raised up, making me laugh. He held me tighter, his fingers sinking in the fabric of the towel I still had around me, and I knew he had many questions to ask.

"You did too, didn't you?" I kept talking, raising my eyebrows too as my eyes roamed on his face.

"Maybe." he sent me a smirk. "I mean, one time when I was very drunk... it happened. But the whole thing is a bit blurry."

I don't know why but it was a relief that he didn't remember it clearly and I licked my lips. It was ridiculous of me but I couldn't help it. I knew it was impossible but I wanted to be the only girl he'd lust... the one who would make him cum the hardest, the one he could never forget.

"Was it someone you were dating?"

"I was... seeing one of them." he admitted with a groan. "And it sort of killed whatever relationship we could have had."

I nodded slowly. "It was the same for me. We broke up only a few days later."

"When was that?" he asked with a frown, probably trying to remember something he wasn't even there for.

"During your third tour."

It made me realize how little I talked about myself when it came to relationship and how little I knew about him, too. I had met all his official girlfriend, although the number could be counted on the fingers of one hand (and not the whole hand), but I wasn't aware of all the 'maybe's' and 'almost's'.

"Are you scared of what could happen after we make love?" he finally asked after a long silence. "Or what I will think? Say?"

I sighed low and looked away. Every time the discussion switched back to my insecurities, I couldn't seem to look at him in the eyes. I knew he'd be able to read me and it scared me, but I also knew that at some point, i'd have to open up to him, or I would lose him.

I shook my head slightly, looking at our intertwined fingers and It suddenly hit me. If someone was going to be there no matter what, it would be Niall, the way he's always been there.

"I hate my body, I hate the way I look naked, and there's no way you will like it. These people online, your fans, or whatever, they're all right."

The words came out of my mouth and I didn't even think. Everything I said I meant so deep that it hurt. All of this I had thought and believed for so long that expressing them out loud gave me a shiver.

"You're beautiful." he just said in a whisper.

I looked up in his eyes and I could see that he was hurt. I licked my lips and swallowed hard as he let go of my hand to slide it back on the towel around me. He kept staring at me as his hand pulled gently on the fabric and an other shiver ran all over my body, not only because of the cold air hitting suddenly my damp skin but also because of the thought of being naked in front of him. He pushed the towel on the floor and I held my breath, biting my bottom lip and sucking my stomach in. I didn't know why I cared so much, I had no idea why I was so scared after everything he showed and said, but I couldn't help it.

His fingertips ran on my waist and to my hip, ending softly on my thigh and I swallowed hard as he sent me a small smile. Slowly, he moved over me, pushing me on my back, and I moved my chin up to keep eye contact with him. I loved the feeling of his over me, like the weight on my whole body was some sort of protection against everything else, even my own complexes. He bent closer and brushed his lips against mine so gently that I felt my heart twist in my chest.

"You're beautiful and I love you." he whispered, making my lips part lightly.

I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, but I forced myself to keep my eyes open when his lips brushed on my jaw and down my neck. They traveled to my breasts and when I felt his warm tongue on one of them, I whimpered, my body jerking very slightly at the feeling.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that I had never been in love with anyone else and that I never would, but the words got stuck in my throat. His mouth moved to my other nipple and I tried to push away all the questions running in my mind without much success. What did he think? Was he disappointed? Was he still lusting me? Loving me?" Or did he just feel bad for me?

His hand reached for my stomach only a few seconds before his lips and he finally looked up at me, shaking his head from left to right and pressing his fingers gently on my skin.

"Don't do that." he asked in a breath.

It took me a few seconds but I finally exhaled and relaxed my body. His lips curled in a small but find smile and he mouthed a 'thank you', making me swallow hard. I didn't know if he realized the strength it took me and what it implied for me exactly, but he seemed to be grateful and that was enough for now.

Very slowly and softly, he pressed his lips on every inch of my skin as my heart seemed to flutter. I felt dizzy suddenly by the way he showed me love but I still couldn't move. I just focused on his mouth brushing everywhere it could and leaving a burning sensation on my skin. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

His hands glided on my thighs until my knees and he spread them slowly. His lips stopped on my lower stomach and the sight of him between my legs was incredible and way more exciting than anything I had imagined before.

"Is this okay?"

I stared at him a few seconds that seemed to last an hour and he waited, his eyes never leaving mine. I licked my bottom lip but nodded slowly but he kept looking at me as he brought his lips down. I held my breath when his lips left a kiss on my slit and I gripped the sheets with one of my hands.

I was completely naked, the curtains were open and I was with Niall. It was everything I had wished for yet it was also my biggest fear. I tried not to think about it when his fingers ran between my legs and his tongue pressed on my clit, making my body jerk again. It slid down and entered me and my eyes fluttered close as I restrained a curse word from escaping my lips.

"Oh my god." I breathed out, forcing myself to open my eyes if only to look at my boyfriend and burn the image of him eating me out on my retina forever.

His tongue and lips worked between my legs, making them twitch as I got closer and closer to an orgasm but it's only when he started sucking on my clit that my back arched and my eyes finally shut tight.

"F-" I stopped myself and started shaking but he held me down on the mattress with one of his arms as an orgasm crossed my whole body.

I couldn't stop squirming as the intense feeling invaded me from head to toes and it's only when it was gone that I whimpered, feeling both embarrassed and happy at the same time. I felt him crawl up my body and when I finally opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, holding himself with his elbows and smiling down fondly at me.

I felt my heart melt at the way he was looking at me and I smiled back, feeling my heartbeats accelerate. Out of fear, and out of love. I just didn't expect his next words but it brought me near tears.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I love you even more."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #87

“i wanted more than life could ever grant me.”

if you could would you take back your last kiss?  i sure would. is the last person you kissed, going to be the next person you kiss? definitely not. how long was your longest make out?  like... hours. if you told someone how far have you have gone with the opposite sex, how would others view you? honestly? i'd be called a prude by most. do you think love lasts forever? not always where will you go for your next holiday? mom wants to go to tennessee to see my brother. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?  i don't recall. how many colleges did you attend?  two what are your thoughts on gas prices?   i've seen worse. it's been over $4 once. does your shirt have buttons? no. what was the name of your first boyfriend? aaron do you ever get carsick?  i never have. do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? what were you like? oh my god... i haven't in a long, long time because i was so cringey. would you be content to turn out just like your mom?  no, honestly. if humans could have their eyes be any color in the world, which color would you want? hmmm... purple, maybe? red? pink? do you think it’s possible for an 18 year old to be ready to get married? honestly? no. you need to mature more before you make that dedication. ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor or vise-versa? yes, actually. ever been kissed by someone you didn’t want to kiss?  see above. have you ever given or received an obvious hickey? not too obvious. but that doesn't mean it wasn't seen lol o o p s where did you lose your virginity, if you have? i haven't. does it snow where you live? like once every other year. what flavor was the last ice cream you ate? chocolate would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? beach, i guess. do you like folk rock? no. do you hate it when people post statuses on facebook like “today was amazing” “i’m off to bed”? "i'm off to bed" particularly annoys me. because no one cares. do you like the show "drake and josh"? SO MUCH who’s your favorite disney princess and why? i'm not really certain, but i'd say jasmine. it was ariel when i was a kid. do you like celery and peanut butter? i hate celery. do you like pulp-y orange juice? i can't drink orange juice with pulp in it. i gag. do you still have your tonsils? yes. do you prefer the old or new willy wonka film? i prefer the new one. do you think cow tipping is funny or cruel? very, very cruel did your high school principal know you by name? i highly doubt it. what’re your greatest weaknesses? i'm not confident at all. what about your greatest strengths? i guess that i'm dedicated? are you in love and if so, are you in a relationship with them? sadly i am not dating mark fischbach lmao if you had to choose, what would you say your favorite thing to do is? write or play games. what’s your biggest passion? meerkats and mark are pretty much tied. i am a sad human being. what or who is the most important thing or person in your life? probably my mom. when was the last time you felt particularly depressed? when i had a ptsd breakdown like a month ago. who’s your favorite person? i have said his name too many times in this survey lol what’s your biggest ambition? go to the kalahari desert and photograph meerkats. assuming you ever liked pokemon, which one is your favorite? ninetales! have you ever collected cards of any kind? pokemon cards as a kid. do you honestly have any feelings at ALL for anyone? i'll always have "feelings" for him. but that doesn't mean i love him anymore. if you could go back to 3 years ago and live it over would you? no. because i doubt i could survive my breakup twice. do you plan to moving out within the next year? no. do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? doubt it. when is your birthday? february 5th. who are your best friends? the closest thing i have to a best friend is sara. what do you think about people who cheat? they're pretty low to do such a thing. when angry, do you get loud or quiet? i can do one or the other. have you ever been in a secret relationship? kinda. ever been in a car accident? yes. are you afraid of the dark? no. are you a good driver? no. i'm too anxious to be a good driver. who do you wish you would never see again? why? rachel, and because i'm sure she's still a motherfucking bitch. have you ever experimented with drugs? which type and what happened? no, and i don't plan to. what’s your greatest insecurity? my weight. now that i'm off abilify though, i'm losing quite a bit. have you ever been hospitalized? what for? yes, for suicide attempts and being suicidal. how long does it take for you to take a shower? not even 15 minutes. i don't understand how people can take such long showers?? like do your shit and get out. do you like the smell of gasoline? fuck no. gives me a headache. how many kids do you want to have? i only ever want furry and scaly babies. have you eaten an apple today? no. i doubt i'm ever gonna be able to eat one again comfortably, though, now that my lip's re-pierced in the middle. i can't even drink from soda cans. who was your 3rd grade teacher? mrs. britt would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself? nope, never. how awkward are you? to the fucking max. favorite fast food joint? bojangle's. ya'll outside nc don't know what you're missing. what would you do if your ex contacted you? jason? answer him. tyler? ignore him. last time you had anal sex? never have, NEVER want to. vodka, whiskey, or rum? i wouldn't know. i'm not sure i've ever had any of them? do you know cpr? no. but i really should learn. what age would you like to have a child?  preferably never. are your parents wealthy?  hell no. your nickname? most people online call me ozz, or just my real name. pick one state you’d love to live in? utah. how many pets do you want? and of what?  more than anything, i want a ball python morph. i also want another lizard, but i'm not sure what kind. i'd love an akita inu or papillon, or maybe a saint bernard (i'd need a bigger house or yard for that, though). i also want a sphinx soooo badly. a ferret would be nice, but idk if i could handle something with so much energy. i want a lop-earred rabbit, but i know i'd best not, because their cages require sooo much maintenance. i also would like a cockatiel, but i doubt i'll ever actually get a bird. what if you stopped orgasming for the rest of your life? i honestly wouldn't care. i never have before, so i mean i could live the rest of my life without it. your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. but they have to be well-made pancakes. is the last person you kissed a virgin?  probably not. have you ever let someone be your everything?  yeah. don't ever do that. do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance? nope. last person you kissed?  tyler. regrettably. what is the last song you heard? the acoustic version of "another song about the weekend" by ad2r are you nice to everyone?  i try to be, but i guess realistically i'm not. do you crack your knuckles a lot?  i never do. they don't crack. is the taste of beer good to you? never tried it, never want to. the smell is awful enough. do you think extensions look fake? sometimes. are you high? never been high. compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? WAAAAAY happier. is there a girl that knows everything about you? i don't think so, no. have you ever played slender?  the phone app, yes. never got into it. do you find it offensive when people use terms like retard?  honestly, yes. maybe it's stupid, but it's a personal trigger of mine. i just think it's very rude how often that term is misused. retardation is not a joke. do you have a weak stomach? nah. what age group do you find the most annoying?  like 12-15. do you believe in evolution? nope. do you prefer listening to music out loud or through headphones? headphones. do you think that you’re smart? i used to. i was an a student in school, only sometimes getting a b in high school. idk whatever happened. do you read creepy pasta? if not, you should. nope. "never say never," do you prefer the one by justin bieber or the fray? the fray, of course. have you ever vandalized? no. have you ever felt you were the “random face in the yearbook”?   of course. what is your religion?  creationist christian which do you remember more: insults? or compliments?  insults, definitely. do you like eating chocolate covered cherries or strawberries?  strawberries, yes.  well actually... i did try chocolate-covered cherries once, and they were fine.   but it's weird, because i hate cherries? ever had a really scary dream? tell me about it.   i'd rather not.  my two worst nightmares ever include my dad, and they happened after the divorce. would you rather have pasta or chicken?   pasta. what's your favorite flower?   not entirely sure of my all-time favorite flower anymore.  i adore tiger lilies, and roses with a peach-pink gradient are absolutely wonderful. do you like spaghetti?  i love spaghetti. pick one: apples or oranges?   apples.  i hate oranges.  too bitter. what do you like better: sour or sweet candy?   if i had to pick, sour. would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually?  i mean totally honest, i don't have much to hide, but i still wouldn't. would you rather pierce your tongue or lip?  lip, which is pierced. do you have an attitude?   i can. would you kiss someone to make your ex bf/gf mad?   no.  i'm not that petty. do you wear a ring on your finger?  on my right ring finger. what’s the last kind of soup you ate?   don't know.  i don't really like soup. so, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3 am, do you let them in?  nope. does it bother you when people smoke around you?  very much. ever kissed a smoker?   no, and i refuse to. honestly - have you ever written something on a bathroom stall?   nope. are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child?   middle do you like the ocean?  yes, but i'm also scared of it. what do/did you normally get detentions for?   i only ever got detention for too many tardies. are your ears gauged?   no.  i don't like ear gauges. are you moving soon?   no.  we just moved like two months ago. if you could move (and SERIOUSLY think about this) where would you move?  to the mountains of nc. have you ever cut your own hair?   nope. have you ever had a close friend/family member die?  a close family friend, rather.  i was a child and didn't fully "get" that she was totally gone. did you ever have a ‘security blanket’ when you were younger?   yep.  it was covered in baby animals. what is your all time favorite band?   if i had to pick only one and one alone, it's always going to be ozzy osbourne. what time does your dad usually wake up in the morning?   i don't live with my dad. how many prescription pills have you tried?   i don't like how this is worded.  like... i haven't "tried" anything in that sense.  i've been prescribed like around 20 in my whole life. do you know anyone who has died in battle?  no. when did/are you graduate high school?  2014 would you ever get an abortion?   NO. what is one word you can’t stand?  ugh.  "cunt."  i'm not even comfortable writing it. do you snore?   not to my knowledge. do you chew on straws?   no. can you blow a bubble?   yes. can you do a cart wheel?   no. can you wiggle your ears?  no. can you touch your tongue to your nose?   no. last baby you held?   ryder, my nephew. are you a flirty person?   no, generally. to you, is feeling a ‘connection’ important on the first date?  yes.  like i don't expect a massive connection, no, but you need something. do you kiss on the first date?   nope. m&ms or skittles?  usually skittles. are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand?   nope. is the thing you regret the most unspeakable?  i mean not really.  but i still don't talk about it. if you HAD to change your eye color what would it be to?  green. here’s $500, what do you spend it on?   a tattoo, probably. would you rather be librarian or a stripper?  librarian.  under no circumstance would i be a stripper. are you comfortable with your height?   sure. have you ever been stung by a bee?   no, actually. hottest teacher you ever had?   mr. sarina *swoons*  ... funny story, he got charged for having sexual relations with a minor some years later lmao do you have a house key?   yeah. does your house have a fireplace?   no. are there ever tornadoes where you live?   super rarely do you like watermelons more or cherries?   i honestly don't like either.  but if i had to pick, watermelon. do you think you are an argumentative person?   definitely not. was the last person you kissed physically attractive?   if you want honesty, no. can you listen to music and read at the same time?   only if it's instrumental. do you know anyone that owns horses?   yes. do any medical afflictions run in your family?   high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, and bipolarity, schizophrenia, and cancer are in question. what’s your favorite mexican dish?   i hate mexican food. have you ever been to a professional sports game?   hockey, yes. how far do you live from new york city?   at least 10-11 hours. do you prefer pads, tampons or something else?   tampons.  i can't do pads.  i don't want to wear a bloody diaper. how many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had?   only one that was serious.  one less-than-24-hours misunderstanding, one puppylove, and tyler... fuck dude idk what he was.  i'm not even comfortable calling him a boyfriend. what’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend?  jason. do you clean your ears daily?   not daily, no. what’s the best job you’ve ever had?   i've never had an evenly remotely good job. how about the worst?  dollar store cashier.  holy fuck no. have you ever visited someone in prison?   no.  and i wouldn't be able to, if they were justly convicted. do you own any animal print clothes?   no. do you like chick-flicks?   sometimes. favorite funny movie?   "white chicks" omgggg what is your favorite kind of berry?  strawberry do you have any tattoos? tell me about them.  my first is a semicolon butterfly that is tribute to both the semicolon and butterfly projects.  my second is "perfectly flawed," which is an otep song that tends to make me feel a bit better when i'm down.  my third is "ohana," but the "o" and a slanted semi-circle thing makes a heart.  my most recent is the quote "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" with a crescent moon-ish shape behind it. have you ever had casual sex?   fuck no. do you drink diet or regular soda?   regular.  diet sodas give me a headache. have you ever been to europe?   no, but i would fucking love to. do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices?   you mean like, v8?  i like the fruit ones.  i can guarantee i'd hate the vegetable ones. have you ever blocked someone on facebook? why?  yep, and because she was verbally threatening me. were your grandparents present when you were born?  i don't know. have you ever played the game angry birds?   no. do you own any jewelry containing your birthstone?   yes. what condiments do you like on hamburgers?  a little bit of ketchup and mustard. are you claustrophobic?  in 90% of situations, yes as fuck. around what time do you usually eat dinner?  as early as 5:30 to like 8:00.  whenever mom makes something. do you like foods with coconut in it?   no. do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked?   i hate carrots. did you play with legos as a kid?  no, but i did play with lincoln logs. is there a food that you love the taste of, but makes you feel sick?   bananas.  i get heartburn from hell itself almost immediately. have you ever visited your country’s capital city?  no, but we've driven very close to it while driving up to new york. what’s your favorite kind of mint? (peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.)   peppermint have you ever been to ohio?   yes.  dad's family is there. what is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? scotland. is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous?   flat. have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush’s social media account?   nope. have you ever had a eating disorder?   no, thankfully. how many proms have you been to in your life?   two. do you like polar bears?   yeah! do you know who your latest ex is dating?   i don't know and don't care who he's dating, if he is at all. have you ever had bronchitis?   no. are you afraid of snakes?   not at all.  i mean i'd obviously give a venomous snake its space because i don't want to die, but in general, snakes don't scare me. when’s the last time you saw a rat?   not since i had pet rats. what is your ringtone?   "telescope" by starset.  it's about time i changed it, but getting music onto my phone is such a bear. what’s your favorite symbol/character associated with halloween? (black cats, ghosts, bats, etc)   BATS! what’s your favorite gemstone?   dragon's breath opal. is that also your birthstone?   no.  my birthstone is amethyst.