#worst color post i think i've ever made but we keep pushing on!

[leemarkies]

Mark - Baggy Jeans Era (insp)

[letomills]

The "requests are paused until I'm done with the current ones" thing was wishful thinking (a bit like the closing statements in my last yt video 🤓) and I am once again thoroughly overwhelmed with everything.

Requests are firmly closed until further notice. I said yes to the FtM hairs for anon and the Tiggerypum tunics & iamliz13 alpha dresses for children & toddlers for the other anon (I did get the links you sent to the meshes), so I still intend to complete both.

A novel's worth of life updates under the cut (content warning for struggle with bipolar type 2, including questionable choices which should not be taken as advice).

Well over a year ago I shared that my mother was going through a really bad bipolar type 2 depression episode (looking back, mention of it in that post was very euphemistic, I must have been hopeful). The reason why I didn't give any updates after a while is that there is no satisfactory narrative that I could easily spin into words. She's not all better, she hasn't died or lost her mind for good, things have just been evolving at a snail's pace through a whole spectrum of very bleak colors. She's not fully hospitalized anymore, she lives at home with my brother and me, with day hospitalisation activities several times a week. The myriad psychiatrists that she's seen have not been able to find the "right" treatment for her, but hey, after lithium sent her into such a state of confusion that we thought she might stay mentally disabled for the rest of her life, at least now we know that's not an option. A couple days ago her psychiatrist prescribed a new antipsychotic to replace the one she'd been taking. She started the transition, and today confusion started showing its terrifying face again so she's not taking that pill tonight, or to be honest ever again unless her psychiatrist somehow manages to convince us otherwise (she'll report her symptoms and get counsel at the hospital tomorrow). Her cognition is already impaired, her short-term memory and ability to focus especially. She can't live alone, I keep and manage her pillboxes, make sure she's eating right and the stove is off, that sort of stuff. But at least, until the introduction of this new drug, she'd made considerable gains compared to when she was at her worst last winter. No way we're going back to that again.

On a more positive note, about a month and a half ago I started work at a grocery delivery place just up the street (yes that's what I'm doing with my degree in Mandarin and my master's in English-French translation studies). It's intense physically, kinda stressful, and not very well paid, but I think I like it and the people are very nice. What scares me is that my trial period ends in about 2 weeks and I'm not entirely sure that they'll want to keep me, considering I've made several mistakes and they don't seem to think that I work quite fast enough (I know I said the people were very nice, they are, that's just the job). They keep saying the work load is gonna get crazier starting in September. The way they're saying it may suggest that they do envision me as still working there in September, but maybe they're trying to push me to work faster now and if I can't prove that I'm able to they won't keep me? Well I'm already doing my best, even if sometimes I end up finding myself crying over clients' items because my brain isn't able to focus anymore and I'm messing up and wasting time.

Emotional control has been harder because I unilaterally made the decision to taper off my antidepressant. Now before you facepalm, let me flood you with all of my best questionable arguments: • I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist, the earliest date I could get was October 1st (and I may have to postpone, depending on my work hours that day which I don't know yet). • I was already on the lowest dose that you can be on. • I tapered off very slowly. • I recently talked about it with the nurse that I saw for the mandatory medical visit I had to go to because I got the new job (idk if you have that outside of France). Naturally she was alarmed that I'd been weaning myself off on my own and she convinced me to see my GP asap and not change my medication without at least his input (which yes, I know). • the reasons I did it despite knowing that it's inadvisable are: 1) obviously I haven't been feeling depressed for a while or I wouldn't have done it, 2) the amount of endorphin-producing physical exercise I get from the new job felt like it could maybe do the trick so it was worth a try, 3) seeing how much my mom's medication has messed up her cognition over the years is scary. She's been taking way higher doses of antidepressants than me, along with other stuff, over a way longer period of time, but still. I don't want to be on it if it's not strictly necessary, so I wanted to try off. • I'm still taking my antipsychotic religiously and have no intention to stop that (I can't anyway or I won't be able to sleep and I'll definitely lose the job).

My plan with the antidepressant was to space out the doses and eventually get off it entirely for several weeks before reassessing, but after seeing that nurse, I started upping again to one dose every other day. I will admit, I was having suicidal thoughts after several days off, and now it's gone. Maybe I should find having suicidal thoughts more alarming than I do, the nurse's phrasing when she asked if I did - something that could translate to "no suicidals thoughts, riiight?" - was a good reminder that suicidal thoughts are really bad to have oh no. Of course I said no, why would I want her to interfere (leave me to make decisions for my own self thank you). Anyway, the appointment with my GP is in two days. He's gonna be useless on psych stuff but I guess getting his unqualified, predictable input is the responsible thing to do in polite society. More relevantly, the nurse also told me to go see him because my blood pressure is a bit low, or at least it was at 9/6 when she saw me, so I need to have it retaken and see what's up with that if anything.

And so yes, I have a ton of CC plans as always, I am positively drowning. Beside the two requests I mentioned above the cut, one of which I need to do a lot of learning for, I picked up work on Celestialspritz's beta Vincent skins and started converting afbodykimono for the usual roaster of breasted body shapes, like I did with afbodyqipao here and would like to do with more Happy Holiday Stuff outfits in the future. Although I told myself that I would stick to the body shapes that I've already done stuff for, I now also want to make a set of clothes for Lady Apple. I also have an idea about a set of scrawny body shapes for TU-EU inspired by Mrs Crumplebottom's body shape. I know Melodie9's slim family exists but to be honest those shapes creep me out and I want to see if I can do something less uncanny (it may end up looking too similar to the Androgyny body shapes, or to Faerie Gal, or it may not pan out at all, so don't hold your breath). I also want to do a ton of hairs in FakeBlood's palette + Naberius (tbh I'm still not 100% sure if I like Timebomb or Naberius more for my aliens, I need to figure that out once and for all). And of course I want to do more FtM & MtF hair conversions once I know how to do it well enough. There's a billion smaller projects I'd like to insert in between those, outfit conversions for one or a couple body shapes, repurposing of older meshes, a set of nude "outfits" for all the body shapes I do, etc.

[mynonclicheblog]

One final Never Have I Ever love triangle thematic analysis

I've said this in one of my posts before, but the narrative is always going to favor what is best for Devi. A lot of what makes this show so juicy to dive into is because so much of its meaning is rooted in symbolism and higher concepts, not just the individual interactions you're looking at onscreen!

I think that's what doesn't work for some (not all) pro-Dxton anti-Ben folks. They see Paxton being respectful and kind to Devi, they see that he's the attractive object of her desire from day 1, and they see that the two of them genuinely do connect and help each other in certain ways. But when these same people look at Benvi, they only see Ben making obnoxious comments to Devi (+ others), they see childish behavior and mistakes being made, and they see them frequently butting heads due to their shared competitive nature.

And honestly? I get it. These conclusions are easy to come to when you're looking at the surface, but they don't take into account the full story that's being told.

Let's get into it. 😎👇

So I mentioned the idea of what is best for Devi. Not what is best for any regular person out there -- what is best for Devi Vishwakumar! Our girl expresses in no uncertain terms that she enjoys her hypercompetitive rivalry-turned-bond with Ben ("Ben's smart and we talk- mostly argue- for hours!" // "I don't want to break up with Ben. He really pushes me.") The fact that they fight and compete is not a detriment to their compatibility, it is actually the thing that makes him most desirable in her mind. She would not have wanted to be with him in the first place if this were not true. Their sharp-tongued communication style may not be the standard picture of a 'healthy' relationship for most people, but, well. Devi and Ben are far from most people.

Devi is an incredibly emotional, dynamic person who's always searching for another high. The competitive nature of her relationship with Ben is enough to satisfy her itch for novelty/excitement (her differences with Paxton don't hit this box), yet Ben's presence also provides a comforting long-term consistency in her life. He's seen the very best and the very worst of her and he always comes back. He frequently brings Devi back to herself, too, when she loses sight of what matters (friendships, family, sense of self, her goals, etc).

Then there's the dream vs. reality dichotomy that very much applies to this love triangle. Simple as it may be, it's accurate. I believe it was built that way on purpose because of how well it reflects Devi's relationships to Mohan and Nalini, which is the beating heart of what NHIE is all about. One (Mo/Pax) is more outwardly palatable than the other and provides an easygoing, self-soothing escapism that she needs in order to work through her grief. This person represents youth and the rose-colored past; Devi's tendency to idealize and indulge. The other person (Nal/Ben) is sharper around the edges, a bit harder to swallow, but pushes Devi to do better and supplies the support she needs. This person represents Devi's grounded reality; her time in the present and the woman she is growing into.

They are both important pieces in Devi's journey, but the themes of past vs present speak for themselves. The past is something we keep close to our heart- in this case, it's someone who has impacted us that we'll always carry with us. But the ultimate goal is to move forward from that. The central relationship of Never Have I Ever, in my opinion, is that of Devi & Nalini as they heal and grow together. In terms of Devi's romantic life, her relationship with Ben is the one that more closely shadows the series arc between her & Nalini.

I'd like to address some things by the individual season now. One of my observations watching s1 for the first time was that Paxton was usually aligned with bad things in Devi's life, whereas Ben was aligned with the good. e.g., Paxton was in some way the source of Devi's falling outs with El/Fab and Nalini; Ben is the one who repaired those relationships. These things aren't Paxton's fault, nor do I place any blame on him. They're just subtle narrative choices that send up unspoken flags saying, hey look, this isn't the right person for her. This theme was left behind in s1 for the most part, but given that it was NHIE's debut season, it planted several seeds for me about who the boys were for Devi and how they fit into her world.

Season 2 does a lot to sort out the difference in what Devi thinks she wants (Paxton) and what her heart truly wants (Ben). Yes, I'm going there, too: head vs heart. Devi's underlying preference for Ben > Paxton should be easy to spot as early as 2x01 -- if only for the fact that Devi finally bagged the hot guy of her dreams, and yet, choosing to be with him isn't easy for her. In fact, as both Devi and Eleanor confirm later, she wanted to choose Ben in the first place. Like... that is crazy when you think about it!!! Despite all the pieces falling into place for her and Paxton, and against her friends' shallow advice, she decides that she won't let go of Ben. Instead, she makes the misguided decision to date both. This isn't the kind of mistake she'll ever make again. It isn't Devi acting out because of Ben -- it signals a profound attachment to him when, all things considered, picking Paxton should have been a no brainer. That revealed everything I needed to know in order to understand that being with Paxton wasn't what she wanted in her heart of hearts.

Then, of course, 3x10 brings that all home with the stomach knots comparison. It tells us that, ever since Devi and Paxton moved into a place of genuine friendship, with him no longer on a pedestal, those romantic feelings (esp. on her part) have dissipated. As a bonus, Devi even explicitly states that Paxton was a dream! Ben, however -- her flawed reality -- is the one who still gives her butterflies. This is the result of Devi's slow awakening to her true inner self, the Devi who values realness and authenticity and loving through imperfection. It's a step closer to the complete acceptance of herself. (Notice as well that right after this point, it becomes more undeniable than ever that Ben is who she wants to be with.)

As long as Paxton was a romantic possibility for Devi, their relationship was tied to her feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Again this is not Paxton's fault -- he assures her of the opposite all the time -- but this is Devi's story, and we are shown over and over that Devi fears true vulnerability with Paxton (both sexually and emotionally). Compare this to the way she has always felt confident, seen, driven, and unabashedly herself in her relationship with Ben, even when they were enemies. At a glance Devi may appear to act more immature in Ben's orbit, but the truth is that she grows with him more than anyone else (besides Nalini) thanks to Ben's penchant for encouraging accountability and showing her that actions can have consequences.

Anyway, TLDR version:

Paxton = Devi's youth, Mohan, grief, distraction, the past, idealism, and the head (constructed ideas).

Ben = Devi's future, Nalini, healing, confrontation, the present, reality, and the heart (authentic truths).

Never Have I Ever's romantic story structure rests on the premise of these symbolic definitions. They are gospel, and while the characters will grow and change and become better versions of themselves, they will do so within the lines that are already drawn. The lines exist for a reason -- they are a narrative tool! These characters cannot and should not 'grow out' of their roles because those roles are their identities within the show's framework. The characters are exactly who they are meant to be right through to the end. They are symbols. If that's not your cup of tea then so be it! But there's nothing wrong with this writing style. In fact it's one of my personal favorites because everything is so neatly defined, yet fascinating to read into 🥰

The imperfect Ben had to be Devi's true love because her love interests are, in a way, reflections of herself. By no fault of his own, Devi always felt the need to be "perfect" for Paxton because that's how she viewed him; a false paragon of everything she wanted to be. That is the point of their story together. Her acceptance of the deep love she has for Ben (and Nalini!), despite his sometimes off-putting demeanor, is aligned with Devi's acceptance of her own imperfections -- that she is hot-headed, she can be self-absorbed, she acts without thinking and makes mistakes -- but that she is also brilliant and driven and caring and radiant, and she is equally worthy of receiving the love that she has to offer others.

Narratively speaking, it was never truly a competition.

[yaboisorzoi]

Square Enix Should Apologize To Deck Nine - And By Extension, Us - For How Terribly They Squeezed On the Life is Strange Remaster

Okay so I know it's old hat to say that the Life is Strange Remasters are… not good.

Everyone and their dog knows that at this point.

But I want to talk a bit about WHY they're so bad. And how it isn't Deck Nine's fault they are as bad as they are.

I've just finished my playthrough of Before the Storm on the Remaster, and while it is definitely a downgrade from the original release, it wasn't terrible. The new character textures are fantastic, the new meshes are impressive, the lighting changes are… fine. I only ever had one or two audio lines drop per episode, and the subtitles would commonly lag behind a full sentence but it was never too bad and was always worth a laugh.

But then I got to the Farewell DLC, and oh my god. It is just unplayable. Like, I straight-up gave up and just bought the Farewell DLC for the base game.

At the top of this post is a video excerpt of the straw that broke the camel's back.

I regret throwing Deck Nine under the bus in the video's editing. I was so frustrated at the time, though!

So let's talk about how we got here.

The development of these remasters was done while True Colors was still in development. They released 4 months after True Colors' release, and I have heard that the original goal was to have them all release at the same time.

Which is an absolutely absurd mandate for Square Enix to push. Like, just think about it for a minute.

Life is Strange 1 is about double the length of True Colors. Before the Storm is about the same length as True Colors. And while Deck Nine didn't have to write and build the games from scratch, the remasters still involved engine upgrades (Life is Strange is a heavily-modified UE3 game; Life is Strange Remastered is on UE4.23; Before the Storm was similarly upgraded to what was at the time the latest version of Unity for the remaster).

Beyond that, Deck Nine also upgraded character face textures and character outfit meshes (and for some reason remodeled the characters' noses; I don't know why…). None of which is to mention how, in order to apply the mocap facial animation upgrade to the base Life is Strange, they had to effectively rerecord all of the dialogue for the game - and then throw out the audio, to keep only the facial animation data.

Top is Life is Strange Remastered, bottom is original. Note how much higher-poly the outfit is, and how things like Chloe's tear or her bra are actually fully modeled now.

All of which is to say, they had to do a lot of work for these remasters. And Square Enix expected them to do all this work while working on True Colors? For games that equate to 1.5x the length of True Colors? Effectively working on 2.5 games within 1 dev cycle?

When playing through the remasters, you can clearly see what Square Enix's priorities were. Life is Strange is the star child, the one that launched this whole franchise (read: money machine for Square Enix) and is the fan-beloved. It very clearly got top priority from Square Enix, and Deck Nine very clearly spent the most time and money on it.

Next up was Before the Storm, and by the time you get to Farewell, it is clear that we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Farewell was Square Enix's last concern, and Deck Nine had to work with the dregs of what was left of their time and budget to remaster it. And it very clearly shows.

The absolute worst part of this all to me, though, is that of these three games (I am counting Farewell as its own game, given how it is a DLC expansion that was made in a separate development cycle from the rest of Before the Storm), two of them are Deck Nine's own babies. And of these three games, only one of them was given priority by Square Enix.

I can't even imagine how terrible it must've felt for Deck Nine, being forced by Square Enix to release their own games in Before the Storm and especially Farewell in such a broken state. To have to effectively cripple their own children, while fawning over their step-daughter brought into the marriage that is Life is Strange (developed by dontnod).

Obviously we're not going to actually get Square Enix to ever apologize to Deck Nine, and I doubt Deck Nine will ever be given the resources to properly fix Before the Storm and Farewell.

But dammit, the injustice on display is so apparent and so egregious, I just have to scream about it.

I hope I'm not alone in feeling this way. That the terrible state of the remasters is Square Enix's fault, not Deck Nine's. That Deck Nine deserved better than how Square Enix treated them on these remasters. And that, through extension of the sorry, broken state these remasters were released in, we the players and fans of these games deserve better than what Square Enix forced out the door on us.

Fresh out of giving up on the Farewell Remaster, I was upset. But now, thinking about it, about all the things that had to go wrong to get us to this point?

I'm just disgusted.

Shame on you, Square Enix. And I'm sorry, Deck Nine.

[seriously-nobody]

I was gonna turn on anon but I decided against it, would it be okay if I actually asked you a question? Since I know you write reader insert fics yourself I thought you would maybe relate to what I’m feeling and if so I wanted to see how you deal with it. I absolutely love writing x reader fics, I get really attached to my favorite characters and I love pouring that love into writing form for myself and others to enjoy but sometimes I still feel embarrassed/ashamed/anxious about it and about how others might perceive it. I know there used to be a big stigma behind it and I got made fun of for it for a while and even now when I’ve gained enough confidence to start posting them to public places I still get a little worried that someone is sitting being the screen and thinking “wow this is cringe” especially because it’s most of the content I write and I don’t often write about ships or storylines like a lot of other people do. It’s a bit silly because so far most people have been nothing but nice to me but I still feel a little bit anxious about it especially as I keep writing more and more of them and wonder “oh man is this getting irritating for people”

I apologize for the slight vent, I just found it a little difficult to articulate the emotions in a more simple way. Have you ever felt like when you write fanfic? And if so what helps you kinda push through it and start accepting your writing more?

You don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to or if it doesn’t really apply to you, and again I’m sorry for dumping a wall of text into your asks- I just got stuck in a little rut while writing my next chapter today and am having trouble getting out of it.

First off thank you so much for the question, I'm really glad u asked and were confident enough to send this without the anon on. Second I'm going to answer questions or comment on certain things as I read this, so here we go.

I don't really write for myself, I mostly write for the people who want to read it. I have a small audience but from the few people I have talked to, on here and from my ao3 page, they like it, so I write it for them.

The thing about the stigma is I still feel it. Not for x reader specifically but for fanfiction and fandom in general. But I just have kinda gotten used to it so I just kinda live in it now. I mean I keep my tumblr to myself and of course y'all on here, but that's it. I don't talk about my fics to people I don't trust not just because of the stigma but also because I write some batshit crazy stuff.

I'll tell you this, I don't think people r going to read something that they think they're not going to like. Especially if you label your works right the worst thing they're going to do is scroll away. (But if u do get a negative comment @ me and I'll find them :) ) Also I think my own work is cringe and I've just accepted that it is at this point so I'm kinda immune to someone telling me that I'm cringe or that what I do is cringe because I am and that's just how it be man. I am one with the cringe and the cringe is me. I've lived too long past my experation date to be worried about some default settings incel telling me my Haunted Mansion fanfiction or tumblr blog is cringe. Like uhm ya of course it's cringe? It's supposed to be?? (also it's my brand now that I'm the jester of cringe, thx to @spookyhollowart)

O dude, lemme tell u something, one shots r the best. You don't have to stick to a big storyline, relationship growth, or character arcs. Literally the best. I can't wait to do my one shots because most of them r short and I won't have to be looking back 6 chapters ago to what color some random ass dude was wearing or some bullshit like that, because I have to do now in my current fic.

Trust me the nice people scare me too. It's like WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY R U BEING NICE TO ME??? AND WHY DO YOU LIKE WHAT I WRITE?? (U scare me a lot too btw)

O god no! It's not irritating at all! Quite the opposite, I absolutely love ur stuff, especially ur latest one, Soul Ties. Seriously looking forward to the next chapter, I'm super invested in how the reader acts, I very much relate.

Plz don't apologize this was awesome to read through and answer/comment on.

Man that's a big question, uh Ig I can say that for a long time it felt like a joke to myself that I was writing fanfiction. I was writing it seriously but it didn't feel serious/real to me. I'll say this, I accept the storyline and that I came up with it, but I don't accept the way I'm write it. Because I beat myself up for typos, bad flow, not good enough dialog, not enough descriptors, too many descriptors, too short chapters when I have writers block, not good enough, that kinda stuff.

I'm honestly just glad to have someone else writing hm stuff because I love this fandom so much and I love reading other people's work. I hope you get out of ur rut soon. Take ur time, there's no rush, and don't stress on it.

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Melaka Mystica (Part 1/3)

November 14, 2023

Notes - Now, while I know I've talked about this for a little while, going back and forth on whether I would write it or not, I just couldn't keep myself from it, so here we are! I've been so excited to post this as I've had it finished since the 10th, but I wanted to post the first part on the day it actually takes place. I thought it was sort of fun haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this despite the spooky season being over!

You didn’t think this was over, did you?

Faint crackling from the fireplace and soft scratches of pencil on paper were the only sounds in the Murphy family’s living room. Normally a hub of excitement as the family gathered all of their friends, the quiet room was home to only one occupant - a green-eyed girl with her glasses pushed as far up her nose bridge as possible as she scribbled her thoughts in the journal perched on her knees. Warm, golden walls danced with light as Vivien deftly flicked her wrist toward the fireplace once more, stirring the ashes without a second thought. Over the scent of the burning fire, the smell of cinnamon and melted chocolate still clung to the walls after the previous night’s baking session, only adding to the cozy atmosphere the girl adored so much. 

Vivien adored the quiet, peaceful mornings at the Murphy family’s residence. At her house, things were never quiet in the mornings. She and her siblings always had early practices for one sport or another, making everyone get up at the crack of dawn to get them where they needed to go. Mondays during the school year were typically the worst as her mother would leave early for work, leaving her dad scrambling to rush Vivien to Salem University’s skating rink, take Abby to either soccer or swimming, and fly to the other side of the city for Oliver’s hockey training or football practice. On days like that, Vivien was happy to have spent the night at the Murphy’s.

For once, she had no early morning practice - Riven having called it off due to feeling ill - and relished having the time to relax and write in her practically empty journal. She hardly ever had the patience to journal as it took her mind a while to work through the jumbled letters that usually occurred when she wrote, but with the peace and quiet the morning had brought so far, she felt at ease writing down her thoughts. Flipping to the last page she had used, Vivien realized that she hadn’t written anything after Halloween. Had it really taken her fourteen days to process everything that had happened? 

In a way, she understood her own hesitance. Everything had happened so quickly and, with how busy she had been the last two weeks, it made sense that she hadn’t taken much time to think. Between practices, her parents’ near-constant arguing, the endless amounts of school work, helping out at The Coven’s Cottage, and practicing magic after work with the others, she barely had the time to eat and sleep. Maybe that was why she found it so easy to relax in the silence of the Murphy’s home. It was calm, peaceful, and cozy - a reminder to take a break when the pressure of everyday life was bearing down on her. Vivien glanced around the room, wondering how such a brightly-colored, vibrant house could feel so relaxing. Then again, she always preferred the eclectic, lived-in comfort that the Murphy family home provided to the loud craziness of being at her own house. 

The colorful walls, uniquely patterned furniture, and miscellaneous décor made the once monochromatic house on Forrester Street feel more like a home. She wished she could convince her parents to take a page from the Murphys’ book, but that would also mean getting divorced, and although she knew they would eventually get there with how much they fought lately, she wasn’t quite ready to spend her time bouncing between her home on Savona Street and wherever her other parent chose to reside. Then again, Miles, Royce, and Bentley never had to bounce back and forth after their parents divorced. They simply decided to stay with their mom, and their father never once tried to fight for custody. It was a significant change for everyone involved - especially Bentley, who didn’t quite understand what was happening at the time - but Dorothea had handled everything with the grace of a woman who knew she would be okay with or without a husband.

Come to think of it, a lot had changed since Dorothea and Allen divorced, but Vivien commended Mrs. Murphy for not letting his leaving drive a wedge between herself and her sons. Since the man took off to be with some woman from work three years prior, Dorothea had chosen to better herself and her kids, providing them with everything they could possibly need to be productive members of society. It took them a while to get to where they were now - a strongly-knit family with more than enough love to go around - but Vivien had found it interesting to watch them grow closer together despite the trials they faced.

An exasperated huff fell from dry lips as the old streetlight at the end of the driveway flickered once more. Looking up from her journal as her only source of steady light faded and blinked pathetically, Vivien’s green eyes glared at the struggling lantern as though she was willing it to stay on. The old bulb had been on its way out for years as the city refused to fix it unless it was an emergency - something about preserving the area's antiquity. However, she knew that was just a cop-out, as the city had recently repaved all of the main streets and done some much-needed landscaping along the park pathways. Glancing up and down the street as the light outside fluttered, Vivien hoped nobody else was awake as she pointed to the light, muttering a soft spell under her breath. Purple light surrounded the old lantern, urging it back to life before dissipating as Vivien lowered her hand.

According to the date at the top of her journal entry, it had been exactly two weeks since they had first gained their magic, and since then, the three of them had been taking lessons under the watchful eyes of Mick, Miles, and Carrie. Despite the older three not possessing any abilities of their own, they had spent enough time learning about magic in the shop to teach them some basics. The collection of magical tomes and scrolls Mick and her family kept helped them quite a bit more than some of the knock-off books they sold in The Coven’s Cottage, but the thought that the older group of friends would step up to mentor them was comforting, to say the least. However, while they had sworn to only use their powers for good - as any proper superhero would - there were some loopholes that Vivien liked to exploit when she needed to. She knew for a fact that Royce and Bentley did the same, but her attempts at magic were always a bit riskier than theirs. Bentley used his to clean his side of the room, and Royce used his to find things he’d lost without having to search high and low for them, but Vivien had other uses for her abilities. She used a silencing charm on her room to make things quiet when her parents were arguing, and used a memory spell to help her with the French test she otherwise would have failed, and, despite knowing that Mick, Miles, and Carrie would probably say otherwise, Vivien felt there was nothing wrong with using a little magic for simple, innocent things like stoking the fire or giving herself just a bit more light.

Once she was sure that the light would stay on for the time being, Vivien grinned to herself and shifted on the window seat, making herself comfortable once more before returning to her writing. Much like winter, dawn was just around the corner, and she could have easily moved to sit by the already crackling fireplace, but she had always preferred the cozy cushions of the family’s bay window to the cool wooden floors the Murphy’s had tried to keep warm with throw rugs. Thankfully, the heat from the fireplace was enough to heat a majority of the old building, and, with her seat being so close to the hearth, Vivien wasn’t exactly cold.

Despite the thick glass separating her from the outside, Vivien could hear the howl of wind as she glanced outside. The cool, New England air had chased off the majority of the critters that clung to the frays of summer heat, much like the elderly people who took off for some of the southernmost states any time the weather dipped below fifty degrees. Sighing at the thought of having to brave those whipping winds on the way to school in just a few short hours, Vivien went back to her writing, hoping to get some more thoughts down before Royce got out of bed.

Vivien paused before her pencil could touch the paper. What, exactly, was her relationship with Royce now? They had known each other since they were little - meeting only because Mick and Miles were friends and chose to bring them to the same playground after school. However, after spending so much time together and growing closer over time, it felt like this unseen force was drawing them to something else. Something more than what their friendship once was. While her relationship with Bentley stayed strong and consistent, her relationship with Royce felt deeper and more meaningful. That wasn’t to say she didn’t love Bentley because, let’s face it, who didn’t love Bentley? It was just that she and Royce had some sort of bond that they didn’t share with anyone else.

At least, that’s how she felt. For a while, she had felt as though they were something more than just friends. Royce was someone who genuinely liked her for who she was and vice versa. She trusted him with everything in her and knew he trusted her just the same. For the first time since her parents’ gradual split began, she felt as though she found a safe space and, for some reason, that safe space was Royce. Even though they were still young, the relationship they formed over the years was something she relied on - something she needed. They were true best friends and companions through life, something like actual soulmates. Whether it was platonic or not, she didn’t care so long as they were together. 

Whether soulmates were real or not, she didn’t really care, but it still felt like destiny that the two of them - three, if you add Bentley - were so incredibly close despite living on opposite sides of the city. In a way, though, the universe did sort of tie them together, making the three of them a permanent trio through magical ties. Unlike many others - both sets of their parents included - they had been incredibly lucky to find someone they could be so compatible with. In the end, did it really matter what their relationship was classified as? So long as they had each other, that was all that mattered, right?

Taking a deep breath, Vivien forced herself to clear her mind before finally beginning to write again. The old Kit-Cat clock on the kitchen wall ticked faintly in the distance - its metronomic eyes and tail keeping in time with the soft scratches of Vivien’s pencil as it dragged across her paper. All too soon, the sun would rise, and they would be making their way to school. Though her house was significantly closer - a ten-minute bike ride compared to the forty-five-minute ride they would have to endure all too soon - she was grateful to be away from home for at least a little while. With her siblings spending the weekend at their friends’ houses, she would have been left to suffer through her mother’s empty threats of leaving and her dad’s promises to keep the house and children with him in the divorce they talked so much about lately.

Sighing to herself, Vivien shifted, closing her journal and setting it aside before grabbing the cup of coffee she’d allowed to grow cold and quietly padding to the archway that led into the kitchen. Grateful that the Kuerig was pretty silent, she downed the last drops of her coffee and placed her cup under the spout before starting up the device again. As she pulled a bottle of Resse’s flavored creamer from the fridge, the smell of Dunkin’s coffee filled the kitchen. Though it didn’t quite smell like she had just walked into the coffee shop, Vivien knew it would be well worth waiting for the water to boil in the back of the Keurig.

Yawning, Vivien pulled her cup from under the spout and pushed herself to sit on one of the barstools before taking a slow sip. Setting her cup on the counter and wrapping her chilled fingers around the steaming mug, Vivien fought back another yawn as a faint creak gained her attention, a whisper of a cuss following soon after. She smirked; there was only one person who didn’t know to avoid the corner step, and, to her knowledge, this person wasn’t supposed to be staying the night. Glancing toward the archway, Vivien waited until the faint glow of the microwave’s clock illuminated Carrie’s face before picking up her mug and drawling, “Morning.”

Jolting, Carrie whirled around, blue eyes scanning the dark abyss that was the kitchen until she spotted Vivien sipping her coffee. With a hand pressed to her heart, Carrie let out a breath and softly asked, “What the hell, Vivi?”

“I take it you had a good night,” Vivien remarked, pointing lazily to the pair of shoes clutched in the older girl’s grasp.

Peering at her shoes, Carrie sighed, “Never mind that; what are you doing up?”

“I’m always up early,” Vivien shrugged. “What’s your excuse?”

“I think you know,” Carrie muttered. With a shake of her head, Carrie asked, “Look, you can’t tell Mrs Murphy.”

Vivien met Carrie’s eyes and sighed into her cup, “I take it you guys still haven’t told her?”

Again, the blonde shook her head, asking, “Are you going to keep this between us?” 

Setting her cup on the counter again, Vivien grinned, “Depends.” 

Carrie sighed, rolling her eyes as she dug a hand into her purse, “How much this time?” 

Vivien shrugged, “Doesn’t matter. Do you feel like buying me lunch or a coffee?”

“I think you’ll have more than enough coffee before you leave for school,” Carrie scoffed, sliding the girl a twenty.

“I know you graduated a while ago,” Vivien said as she examined the bill, “but lunch is still only three bucks.”

“I’m aware,” Carrie said with a smile. “Treat yourself and the boys to something better than those shitty, microwaved pizzas.”

Knowing better than to refuse the older girl, Vivien smiled and tucked the money into her pajama pants pocket, “In that case, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

Despite her smile, Carrie huffed, “At this rate, I’ll be broke by the end of the week.” 

Vivien chuckled, wrapping her hands around her coffee cup again, “Why don’t you two just tell Mom you’re dating? She won’t kill you.”

“Maybe not,” Carrie resigned, “But I’m sure that I’m not the type of girl she wants Miles to be with.”

“Why not?” Vivien asked. “You’re not nearly as self-centered as you were in high school, and she likes having you around."

"Gee, thanks," Carrie scoffed, an only mildly offended look in her eyes. Vivien had never been the type to mince words, often coming across as rude or harsh to unsuspecting victims. However, Carrie had learned over many months of working together on the city's theatre troop's performance of Heathers that the teen would apologize quickly if she felt her words could be taken in a way she hadn't intended. It had taken a while for Carrie to adjust to the girl's open-mouth-insert-foot way of speaking, but now that she knew better, the blonde found herself appreciating the lack of filter between Vivien's brain and her mouth.

As though the emerald-eyed girl had read her mind, Carrie watched as Vivien rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean. I just think that, if you two had started dating in school, she might have had an issue with it, but now that things have changed a bit, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Says you,” Carrie said, nudging the girl with a free hand. “She adores you.”

“But she invited you over for movie night on Sunday and made you your Halloween costume,” Vivien reminded the blonde, “that has to mean something, right?”

“I want it to, but I don’t know, honestly,” Carrie sighed. With a shake of her head and a mildly forced smile, she placed her hand over Vivien’s wrist and said, “I’ll talk with Miles about it sooner or later.” 

It wasn’t much, and Vivien was sure Carrie was only saying it to placate her, but the brunette offered her a smile all the same, “Just know that you’ve got me on your team, if nobody else is.”

“Thank you, Vivi,” Carrie said as she brought her arms around Vivien’s shoulders. “It really does mean a lot to me that you’re so supportive of us.”

“Always.” Vivien’s smile became squished between Carrie’s plush, sherpa sweater and the blonde’s cheek, but she found that she didn’t mind in the slightest as she brought an arm around the older girl’s back. Once Carrie leaned away, Vivien said, “Just so you know, the back door is locked and has a camera above it. Your best bet would be to use the door leading out of the back of the garage.”

Quirking an eyebrow at the young brunette, Carrie mused, “You’ve snuck out of here before, haven’t you?”

Mischief evident in her glimmering green eyes, Vivien pretended to look offended as she remarked, “Me? Never!”

“Mhm,” Carrie hummed knowingly. “Well, either way, thank you. I’ll see you after school.”

Saying a final goodbye to the blonde, Vivien watched as Carrie ducked around the kitchen table to the garage, raising her mug in salute as Carrie slowly closed the door behind herself. Rising from her stool, Vivien made her way back to the living room window and made herself comfortable as she watched Carrie’s dimly lit frame scurry across the side yard to the street. Chuckling to herself, Vivien briefly wondered if the blonde had walked to the Murphy residence, but remembered the girl’s self-proclaimed hatred of the crisp weather that had been rolling through the area and grew more confident that Carrie would be sitting in her fancy little convertible with her hands in front of the heater vents in no time. 

Before she could think much further, though, the sound of footsteps drew Vivien’s attention to the stairs. Appearing as though he had just rolled out of bed - which he probably had - Royce stumbled into the living room with confusion evident in his eyes. As a yawn overtook him, Vivien spoke softly, “Good morning, Rolls.”

“Morning,” he yawned. Making his way to the window Vivien had perched herself in once again, Royce brought his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder as he asked, “I heard you come down a minute ago; why didn’t you wake me up? I would’ve joined you.”

Reaching a hand up to Royce’s mess of curls, Vivien leaned her head against his as she replied, “You needed the sleep. You’ve been workling yourself stupid with all the research you’ve been doing.”

“We,” he corrected, leaning back just enough to meet her gaze. “The three of us are in this together, Viv.”

“I know.”

“Then give yourself a break, too,” Royce ordered gently as he took a step back, his arms falling back by his side. “This magic stuff has been draining for all of us, not just me or Bentley.”

Nodding more to put Royce’s mind at ease than anything else, Vivien shifted until her back hit the wall before lifting the edge of her blanket in invitation. Royce didn’t need much convincing, slipping under the flimsy throw blanket and resting his head against Vivien’s stomach as he tucked his arms behind her back. Vivien rubbed a hand along Royce’s arm to warm him and brought her other hand back to his curls, amusement coursing through her veins as Royce curled further into her like a cat, searching for the perfect resting spot. 

Despite his efforts to keep his chilled fingers bunched in the back of Vivien’s hoodie, Royce’s icy fingers brushed the small of Vivien’s back, making her jump slightly as she asked, “How are you so cold?”

“Benny stole the blankets,” he muttered into her sweatshirt.

“Of course, he did,” Vivien sighed. As they always did when Vivien stayed overnight, Royce had given up his bed for her and forced Bentley to share with him. More often than not, Bentley would steal blankets, Royce would take pillows hostage, and both parties would end up with bruises. Despite her many offers to take the couch or sleep on one of the boys’ bean bag chairs, Vivien was always given Royce’s bed. By this point, she wasn’t even surprised with the outcome. With a shake of her head, Vivien allowed silence to fill the air for a while before she asked, “Are you feeling alright?”

Royce nodded against her before glancing up at her and asking, “Why?”

Vivien shrugged, “You’ve been awful snuggly with me lately.”

Lifting his head to see her more clearly, Royce’s hesitation was clear as he spoke, “I’m sorry, Viv. Do you want me to move?”

With a shake of her head, Vivien eased his head back down before saying, “That’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Royce hummed, staring out the window as the first rays of light peered over the horizon. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel fine. I just like being with you; it’s comforting.” Peeking up at Vivien, he asked, “Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so,” Vivien said, hoping he couldn’t hear the butterflies storming in her stomach. “I feel the same way about being with you. It’s sort of like the world doesn’t exist and we can just relax.”

With a nod, Royce relaxed again, a smile tugging at his lips as he took in a deep breath and slowly released it. Grateful his statement hadn’t made things between them awkward, Royce’s grip on Vivien tightened for a moment before releasing as her nails lightly scratched his scalp. Relaxed in the comfort of each other’s presence, the pair remained in the windowsill, watching the sun rise beyond the rooftops of buildings until Royce’s mom, Dorothea, came downstairs to make breakfast.

Following the older woman to the kitchen, the pair found themselves wrapped in the gentle warmth that was Dorothea Witt-Murphy. The woman's gentle perfume wafted through the air as she walked through the kitchen, pulling items from shelves and cupboards, her slippered feet barely making a sound as she practically floated around her favorite environment. As the woman always did, she stopped to embrace both her middle son and surrogate daughter - the latter of which earning herself a kiss on the cheek after complimenting the woman's newly finished winter robe.

"Kiss up," Royce taunted as he pulled a box of pancake mix from the pantry shelf.

"At least I got a kiss," Vivien teased in return, taking a mixing bowl from Dorothea and setting it aside as the woman sent her son a knowing grin.

"And unless Vivien feels like giving you one," Dorothea began, holding a carton of eggs out to her son, "you won't be getting any, young man."

Royce chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender and pressing a quick kiss to his mother's cheek before saying, "I was only joking, Mama."

"Mhm," the woman hummed skeptically. "Now, you two get to work on the pancakes while I make the bacon."

"I can make the bacon," Vivien offered as she stepped around the older woman to stand between her and Royce.

Dorothea let out a quick laugh and gestured between the two with a spatula as she sent them a stern yet teasing look that only a proper parent could give, "If either of you thinks that I'm letting you anywhere near the stove after you and Bentley nearly set the house on fire when you tried making that abomination you called ramen, you've got another thing coming."

A dramatic sigh left the duo as they resigned to making pancake mix, offering a unisoned "Yes, ma'am," as they got to work on breakfast. Honestly, the woman's quick dismissal of Vivien's offer was understandable. Their first - and frankly, only - attempt at making ramen from scratch hadn't gone as well as they wanted. The noodles Vivien made had ended up in a giant clump, the broth was so spicy it sent Royce into a coughing fit, and when they tried to add some extra oil to the pan of meat they were cooking, the flames nearly singed Bentley's eyebrows off. All in all, they understood Dorothea's request to stay as far from the stove as possible.

As the young duo helped the older woman cook, the scent of bacon and pancake mix wafted through the air, the smell drifting upstairs like a beacon and calling the only other residents of the house to make their way downstairs. Bentley was the first to stumble his way downstairs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stretched. Stepping up to his mother, the young blond received his first hug of the day and a kiss to the top of his head as Dorothea fawned over him in her native tongue. After being instructed to get himself a drink and sit down, Bentley greeted his brother and long-time friend with a yawn before grabbing the milk and a bottle of strawberry syrup, taking a spoon from the silverware drawer, and dropping into his seat at the table to mix his sugary morning drink.

Miles was next to tumble out of bed, making his way downstairs while talking softly on the phone. Vivien poked her head around the archway of the kitchen to see what was keeping him from entering the room, but as she found him sitting on the stairs with a concerned look on his face, talking in hushed whispers to the cell phone he kept pressed close to his ear, she smirked, knowing exactly who he must have been talking with. Slipping a fresh pod into the coffee maker and tucking Miles' Darth Vader mug under the spout, Vivien told the others that she could have sworn she heard him leave his room.

Miles must have tried to wrap up his conversation with Carrie as quickly as he could, stepping into the kitchen and greeting his family just as Vivien took his mug of coffee from under the spout of the Keurig. Handing Miles his fresh cup of coffee, Vivien sent him a knowing wiggle of her eyebrows, promptly turning his face scarlet as he quickly ducked around her and took his regular seat at the table. Setting the plate of pancakes on the table, Vivien helped Royce hand out silverware to those at the table before joining them. Not long after, they were all seated at their normal spots around the kitchen table, pulling pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs onto their plates.

As Bentley dug a piece of pancake from under a mountain of maple syrup, Dorothea looked around at the children and asked, “Are you three going to the shop after school?”

As the others nodded, Royce said, “We were planning on it. Is that okay?”

With a smile, Dorothea agreed, “Of course.” Turning her gaze onto Vivien, she asked, “Did you ask your parents?”

“Can’t I just ask you?” the young girl tried hopefully. “You’re practically my mom at this point.”

“Nice try,” the woman chuckled. “As much as I would love to let you roam all over creation, your parents have primary authority until you turn eighteen." When Vivien let out a dramatically dejected sigh, Dorothea sighed, "At least ask your dad before you leave school.”

“Okay,” Vivien sighed, gaining a smile from Dorothea. Quickly dismissing the woman's request, Vivien glanced across the circular table at Miles and asked, “Are you bringing us to school?”

“Wish I could, kiddo,” Miles said before tipping back the last of his coffee. “I have to bring Ethan to the dentist this morning, drop him off at home without his wisdom teeth, and then get back to the shop before the ten o’clock delivery.”

With amusement glimmering in his azure eyes, Bentley asked, “Is he going to be high like in those videos on TikTok?”

“When isn’t Ethan high?” Royce asked rhetorically, a nod of agreement coming from Vivien. While Royce and Bentley had known Ethan almost as long as they had known Miles and had watched him grow more interested in a certain smokable plant, Vivien had only known him as Miles’ pothead friend who would come over and steal brownies from the fridge before disappearing into Miles' room or the backyard. Practically everyone in their circles had experienced one of the pint-sized pothead’s munchie episodes, watching him search the Murphy family’s pantry for baked goods or bags of junk food, but his best moment by far was when he offered to cover Miles’ shift at the Coven’s cottage. It was only once - presumably due to the fact that Mick wasn’t exactly fond of him or his smell - but boy, was it memorable! Originally there to accept a delivery from a nearby organics shop, Ethan was later discovered by Mick and Carrie, passed out on the storage room floor, cradling one of the many empty, homemade fudge containers he had surrounded himself with.

Needless to say, that did nothing to gain him any favor in Mick’s books.

Ignoring his brother’s remark, Miles nodded, “Yeah, he’s getting the good stuff.”

“Let me guess,” Vivien began, “he wants you to record it?”

“How’d you know?” Miles asked sarcastically.

Vivien snorted, “Just a hunch.”

Once breakfast had been cleared away, everyone had gotten ready for the day, and Miles had taken his Jeep to the trailer park on the edge of town to pick up his stoner friend, Royce, Bentley, and Vivien said their goodbyes to Dorothea before grabbing their bikes from the garage and hitting the streets. Their ride past the commons, where they had their fight with the possessed Mick just two weeks earlier, was silent, as always. It felt surreal to think about every time they passed the playground, basketball court, and bandstand. To everyone else, it was a place to have picnics and birthday parties in the summer - a place where everyone gathered on Christmas and New Year's for concerts and fireworks - but to them, it felt more special.

They had spent time fighting for their lives there, but it was also where they first realized their magical abilities. While the commons held memories of fighting with one of the people they looked up to most, it also made them feel more connected to their powers. Since that night, they had gone back to the commons at night to experiment with their magic under the night sky. It was one of the few places in the city where one could see the night sky in all its beauty, something they realized would only heighten their magic the more they worked on it. With the help of Mick, Carrie, and Miles, they had grown into some of their magic far more than they would have without them, but working in the common - in such a public place - was risky. More often than not, however, they couldn’t bring themselves to care.

Shaking the memories of magic-filled nights from their heads, the group pedaled on, turning down Hawthorne Boulevard before making a right onto Derby Street. As music pumped through the wireless speaker stuffed into the water bottle holder on the side of Bentley’s backpack, they followed traffic on the main streets until they reached the hospital, cutting through the parking lot and a few back roads until the giant sign for the school came into view. Docking their bikes in the racks by the front doors, the trio was soon intercepted by the fourth member of their usual gang - a half-pint blonde with handmade friendship bracelets lining her wrists.

“You’re late,” Kona reprimanded as she shoved her phone into the pocket of her coveralls. 

“Traffic,” Bentley huffed as he hefted his bag higher on his shoulders.

Kona sighed but accepted the claim as she said, “You missed a good show.”

“Was it Mr. Bennett telling off the color guard for bringing their rifles again?” Royce asked. Only days prior, the whole school was buzzing about how the antique Social Sciences teacher had dragged nearly half of the color guard crew to the office to get them suspended for bringing weapons to school. However, since the rifles were, in fact, part of their routine and not weapons in the slightest, the group was let go without anything more, and the older man was politely asked to get his eyes checked before returning to work after the weekend.

“Nope,” Kona snickered, emphasizing the ‘p’ in her denial. “Miss Wolanin yelled at Jade and Erica for making out in the parking lot, and Erica fought back saying that it was just a kiss.”

“Wolanin has always been a homophobic bitch,” Vivien scoffed, thanking Royce as he held the front door for her.

“Well, yeah, no shit,” Kona laughed, “but it gets better.”

“Oh yeah?” Bentley asked.

“What happened?” Vivien pressed.

“Your dad came outside to see what was going on,” Kona replied. “I guess this wasn’t the first time she pulled something like this.”

“Did he fire her?” Royce asked.

“Don’t know,” Kona sighed. “All I know is that he stopped the fight and asked her to wait in his office while he talked with Erica and Jade in the meeting room.”

“In that case,” Vivien began, “I think we’ll hear all about it by the end of the day.”

“If not by lunch,” Bentley agreed with a chuckle.

As the group split off - Royce and Vivien headed for the high school as Bentley and Kona trailed off to where they would be spending the rest of eighth grade in the junior high wing - Kona glanced around at the near-empty halls and sighed, "I think we need to talk, Ben."

Curious, Bentley's eyebrow lifted into his golden halo of hair as he asked, "What about? Did Bellatrix tear apart your homework again?"

Despite allowing a small grin to tug at her lips at the thought of her four-month-old kitten, Kona was quick to shake her head. "No, not this time."

"Alright," Bentley spoke, stepping around one of the school's old Elkay water fountains that needed desperately to be replaced. Hefting his bag further onto his shoulders, he asked, "So what's up?"

Choosing to simply rip off the bandaid, Kona let out a huffed sigh, and said, “Look, Bentley, I didn’t want to say this, but I know you guys have been avoiding me.” 

Glancing at his longtime friend, Bentley asked, “What?”

"You, Vivien, and Royce," Kona clarified. "Ever since Halloween, you guys have been avoiding me like the plague."

"No, we haven't," Bentley tried to gently argue.

Sending Bentley a look, Kona said, “I said that I was sorry I missed the ritual thing for Viv’s birthday, and she said we were cool ‘cause she knew I had to babysit, but even though I lit a candle and said the ritual spell like we did last year, it doesn’t feel like any of you have forgiven me. for missing it.”

“What do you mean?” Bentley wondered.

“Since Halloween, you guys have been attached at the hip,” Kona claimed as she led the way to their lockers near the chemistry lab. “I asked you to work on the history project with me on the weekend after Halloween, and you couldn’t because Vivien and Royce wanted to help out at the magic shop.”

“I’m sorry,” Bentley apologized. “Mick texted Viv that they were getting a few new shipments of new crystals and Mom says I can't go anywhere without Royce or Vivien unless Miles is there to keep me from wandering off like a toddler.”

“No, that’s cool, I get it,” Kona brushed off with a wave of her hand. “Crystals are Vivien’s thing and I don't want you getting grounded 'cause you broke your mom's rules. That’s not the point. Last Tuesday, you said you were going to sit with me, Zack, and Gus for lunch so we could talk about joining the Dungeons and Dragons club when they open slots, but you sat with them instead.”

“Royce said Vivien was having issues with her parents and needed our help,” Bentley explained apologetically.

“Again, I get it,” Kona said. “She’s going through a lot right now, and I would have joined you guys if there was room at the table. But, anyway, when I asked you guys to come over to watch the comets on Saturday, and you guys couldn’t even come up with a good excuse, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being pushed out.”

Tugging the lock off his locker and allowing his backpack to fall from his shoulder, Bentley said, “We’re not trying to push you out, Kona.”

“Then, do me a favor and tell me what the problem is so that I can fix it,” Kona pleaded as she popped her locker open, dodging the tin foil butterfly she had made of scraps in art class as it tumbled from its confines. “It feels like you guys are forming your own little group, and I’m getting Serena’d.”

Remembering how it felt when Serena and Vivien had their massive fight, and Serena got exiled from their gatherings, Bentley wondered how much stress the thought was putting on Kona. He didn’t want her feeling pushed away like Serena had pushed them aside ages ago. She had been one of his closest friends since her family’s arrival in Salem at the start of third grade, and since then, Kona had become an integral part of his close friend groups. She was a brilliant girl, making it easy for her to see when things just weren’t adding up. Normally, Bentley took pride in her quick wit and fierce personality, but he never liked it when her take-no-shit attitude was aimed at him.

Closing his locker enough to place a hand on Kona’s shoulder, Bentley smiled her way before saying, “I promise that’s not going to happen to you.”

“Good,” Kona said, shoving her art project back into her locker before pulling her math workbook and a notebook out from underneath the disorganized chaos she had piled into the metal box. “So, what’s going on?”

Bentley chuckled, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Oh yeah?” Kona scoffs. “Try me.”

Though they had talked about telling Kona as she was a part of their normal group, Bentley wasn’t too sure about telling her in the middle of the hallway where anybody could potentially overhear them. Heaving a sigh, Bentley grabbed the things he needed for his first period before hanging his backpack on the hook inside his locker and closing it, slipping the lock back into place. Taking Kona by the wrist, he pulled her down the hall to the computer lab and made sure nobody else was there before closing the door. Turning back toward his friend, Bentley found her leaning against one of the desks with her arms crossed. 

“Look,” he began, “we wanted to tell you when it first happened, but things were kind of crazy, and we needed time to figure everything out.”

Curious, Kona’s arms slowly unfolded as she said, “Okay. What happened?”

“You know how we do Vivien’s ritual every year, right?” At Kona’s nod, he continued, “And you know how we need a candle for it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kona said slowly. “What does this have to do with-”

Hoping to get everything out before the lab’s normal occupants would begin filing in, Bentley cut her off, “I’m getting there, I promise.” With a resigned wave of her hand, Kona allowed him to continue. “So, for Viv’s birthday, Mick gave her a candle for the ritual, and since our normal candle was getting low on wax, we used the new one.”

“Okay,” Kona nodded, following Bentley’s story as best as she could.

Nodding more to himself than anything, Bentley lowered his voice and said, “Well, we soon found out it was a black flame candle.”

Unable to decipher whether Kona’s expression was one of understanding or skepticism, Bentley listened as she asked, “A black flame candle?” When Bentley nodded, she asked, “Like the Sanderson sister’s thing?”

“Yeah,” Bentley confirmed, “but instead of bringing back the Sandersons, it brought back Mick’s dead ancestor and her coven.”

“Okay,” Kona drawled, clearly confused by the statement.

“Anyway, long story short,” Bentley began, “Mick got possessed by evil magic, Vivien, Royce, and I found out we have magic powers, and we saved Salem from being taken over by Demon Mick on Halloween.”

When Bentley finally looked back at Kona, he found it nearly impossible to see what was going on in her head. With her expression blank, Bentley asked her to say something, but all she did was stare back in his direction. Eventually, she couldn’t take the silence and said, “I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” Bentley asked. “I can go over it again.”

“No,” she said with a quick shake of her head. “I don’t get why you feel the need to lie about what's going on.”

“Lie?” Bentley echoed. “I’m not lying, Kona. It really happened; I can prove it!”

“How?” Kona questioned. “Are you going to put a spell on me or something?”

“Not at school,” Bentley quickly said. “Mick said we shouldn’t use magic at school, just in case someone sees.”

“Of course,” Kona huffed, her eyes rolling at his statement. When she finally leveled her gaze on him again, she asked, “Are you going to tell me the truth? Because if you’re just going to tell me the same bullshit, you should save it for someone who will believe you.”

Before Bentley could try to convince her that he had told her the truth, the door to the lab opened, and two familiar faces entered. “I told you I saw them come in here," Zack said as he stepped inside, holding the door open enough for August to slip inside before letting it go. Glancing between Kona and Bentley, he asked, "What are you guys doing in here?”

“Yeah,” August began, “this is where the comp-sci geeks spend their free periods.”

“We were just talking in private,” Bentley said. Turning to Kona, he added, “Right, Kone?”

Green eyes flickered up from the floor to meet Bentley’s, a sort of fire burning in them as she agreed, “We were.”

“What about?” August asked.

Before Bentley could come up with something, Kona said, “Bentley was just telling me some bullshit story from Halloween.”

Unable to hide the wounded look in his eyes, Bentley spoke, “It’s not-”

Kona was quick to cut him off as she headed for the door, “I’d better get to class before Mrs Belanger locks me out again.” Turning back toward the boys, she found Bentley’s gaze and said, “Next time you feel like kicking me to the curb, just tell me. That way, you don’t have to make up some lame-ass story.”

As Kona slammed the door behind herself and took off down the hall, Zack and August turned to Bentley with wide, confused eyes. Taking in the kicked-puppy expression on Bentley’s face, August reached out, placing a hand on Bentley’s arm as Zack asked, “What the hell was that all about?”

Swallowing thickly, Bentley slowly shrugged, minutely shaking his head as he admitted, “I… I don’t know. I told her the truth, but she didn’t believe me.”

“Maybe she just needs time to process it,” August offered, bringing an arm around Bentley’s shoulders.

“Or maybe one of the planets is in the microwave again,” Zack suggested as the ten-minute warning bell rang. “Girls in this school go batshit crazy when the planets do normal planet things.”

Allowing his friends to pull him out to the hallway, Bentley looked around for any sign of Kona before letting out a relenting sigh, “Yeah, maybe.”

The class after lunch was always the worst, if you asked Vivien. Nobody paid attention to what was being taught unless it was a test or quiz day, the myriad of smells from everyone’s lunches made people nauseous, and because they were so close to the end of the first trimester, people were scrambling to find ways to raise their grades before the progress reports would be sent out. Vivien didn’t have much to worry about as her only grade outside of her normal A’s and B’s was her French - a voluntary grade that wouldn’t matter in the long run due to her extensive list of extracurriculars. However, she still wanted to raise her grade by the end of the month. 

As her after-lunch schedule varied from one day to the next, Vivien relished in her Mondays as they were the one day a week that she got a free hour to do as she pleased after lunch, giving her a breather from the usual after-lunch nausea she got during the rest of the week. Using her after-lunch free period to work on her French, Vivien sat in the library's silence with one of the laptops the school provided and brought up her classwork, working through some of the assignments that would give her higher points. The only reason she took the class was to impress Mrs. Murphy with her ability to speak French, but the old woman who taught the class also taught the senior math class and would often get tricked into thinking that the class she was teaching in Vivien’s block was math instead of French, leaving her floundering during tests and incapable of speaking much French. Rolling her eyes as she opened another informal versus formal conversation assignment, she wondered if she could convince her dad to let them use Duolingo to get through the class since the teacher was practically useless.

After a while of working, her eyes grew tired of seeing the same thing over and over, and after returning the school laptop to the librarian, Vivien made her way down the hall to the bathroom. Hoping to splash her face with some water and get a drink from the vending machine just down the hall, she began humming a song to herself as she passed a few other students on their way to one class or another. Ever since a pair of idiots chose to fight in the elevator and broke it, the only way to get to the upper-floor classrooms was to take the stairs, and if you wanted to make it to class on time, you had to hope you had the stamina and time to push and shove your way up the stairwell. Grateful she was one of the lucky few who only had a class or two on a different floor, Vivien waved to one of her friends from the yearbook committee before ducking into the bathroom and closing the door. 

She pulled a few paper towels out of the dispenser and ran one under some cold water before pulling her glasses off and placing the damp towel over her eyelids. After a few minutes of slow breathing and rolling her eyes around to relax them as her optometrist told her to, Vivien dried her face and examined herself in the mirror before tossing out the paper towels and pulling the bathroom door open. Jumping as she almost walked into someone, Vivien chuckled as she found herself face-to-face with none other than Serena Sullivan.

After everything that had happened on Halloween, Vivien had noticed Serena acting different to, well, everyone. At first, she figured the girl was being cordial to her, Royce, and Bentley because of the talk they’d had at the church, but it seemed as though Serena was genuinely putting in the effort and trying to turn a new leaf. The redhead had been shockingly polite to her stepfather during the morning drop-off on the third, had complimented one of the girls she and Violet Hilton used to tease mercilessly on the ninth, and had even signed up to help in the cafeteria during lunch one day. As if that wasn’t enough, nearly everyone who knew Serena was shocked to hear her and Violet having a massive blow-out in the parking lot after the Friday night football game. It was no surprise to anyone that, over the weekend, Violet posted a thinly veiled rant on her Instagram story about fake people with Bella Poarch’s song Villain playing in the background.

Offering the redhead a small smile, Vivien said, “Hey, Sully.”

“O’Brian,” Serena offered in exchange, a ghost of a smile tugging at the girl’s lips.

Moving to step around the girl, Vivien held the door open enough for both of them to fit through, but as she moved into the hallway, Vivien was stopped by a hand on her arm. Turning back toward Serena, Vivien found the walls around them turning an unnatural shade of white. The halls burned bright, and for a moment, Vivien wondered if she had died and was having some sort of otherworldly experience like Harry Potter did in The Deathly Hallows. However, as she turned back toward Serena, she realized this wasn’t the case. A red-tinted glass box surrounded Serena, keeping the two apart, but Serena’s wide, hazel eyes told Vivien this wasn’t some wild hallucination or an out-of-body experience. If it had been, why would Serena be there?

The redhead pounded on the wall separating them and screamed, pleading for help. The sound was dull and muffled, as though Serena was a mile away despite being right in front of Vivien. Pressing a bewildered hand to the glass and thumping a fist against it, Vivien asked, “What’s going on?”

Serena’s voice, muffled by the thick glass, was just barely audible as she yelled, “I’m trapped!”

“I see that, but-”

“I don’t know what happened, but I can’t get out!” Serena interrupted. “I’ve tried for weeks, but it’s not letting me out!”

“What’s not?” Vivien asked, pressing her hand over the place Serena had hers, hoping the action would calm the girl enough for her to give a comprehensible answer.

However, before Serena could do more than suck in a quick breath, the redhead let out a piercing scream, and the walls around them dissolved at once, returning to their patriotic school colors. Vivien felt a steady pounding in her head as the world around them shifted, objects and colors coming back into focus. Finding Serena standing in the bathroom doorway, staring up at her with piercingly dark, hazel eyes, Vivien took a step back and pressed an unusually cold hand to her forehead, hoping the chill would help the sudden migraine.

“Are you alright?” Serena asked, barely a hint of emotion in her voice.

Something in Serena’s stormy eyes told Vivien not to say anything about what she had seen, and, choosing to trust her instincts as Mick had been telling her to, she nodded, “Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Serena pressed. “You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I think I just turned too quickly, that’s all,” Vivien said, chuckling nervously. “My blood pressure’s been pretty fucked lately.”

“Ah.” As Vivien offered the girl a small grin, she tried not to react as the girl’s eyes appeared to glow a faint red. Was she seeing things, or could it just be a reflection of one of the banners asking people to buy tickets to the upcoming winter formal? Before Vivien could give it much thought, the sheen of red disappeared and Serena smiled back at her as she said, “Maybe you should talk to the nurse about it. I’m sure she can give you something for it.”

“Yeah,” Vivien said before swallowing thickly, watching the red disappear from Serena’s vision once she had agreed. “Maybe you’re right.”

Serena hummed before stepping further into the bathroom, “See you later, Vivien.”

“See you,” Vivien said before pivoting and heading further down the hall. 

Though she aimed for the nurse’s office at the end of the corridor, as soon as she heard the bathroom door close, she ducked behind the edge of the vending machine she had planned to buy a snack from and poked her head around the edge, watching for any sign of Serena. Not long after she hid behind the machine, Vivien watched a burst of red light glow around the edges of the bathroom door. The glow was only faint, but in the dim lighting of the hallway, it was evident that something inside the room was a vibrant red. Checking the clock on the wall across from her, Vivien began to track how long the light remained, but once the class dismissal bell rang, the red flickered out of existence. Soon after, the door opened, and Serena made her way through the halls toward her next class, allowing Vivien to step out from behind the vending machine.

Staring after the redhead, Vivien sucked in a slow, deep breath. There could have been a perfectly logical explanation for the red in Serena's otherwise hazel eyes, but the glow around the bathroom door had no simple cause. Regardless of how hard she tried, Vivien's mind kept dragging her back to the same idea. Did Serena have magic? Vivien knew that when she and the boys used their magic, there was a color to represent each of them. Was red Serena’s color? Did all those years of doing rituals together also do something to her? And what was that vision thing about? Was it some sort of premonition? Vivien had unknowingly had premonitions before - some sort of deja vu, if not anything else - but none felt quite that strong or clear. Was it an actual vision? Were those possible? She wasn’t some sort of crystal ball, fortune-telling psychic; it shouldn't have been possible.

Before she could think much further, Vivien jumped, whirling around as a hand landed on her shoulder. Stepping back with his hands raised and a startled look on his face, Royce asked, “Are you okay, Viv?”

Struggling to find the words to describe how definitely not okay she was feeling, Vivien took in a breath and mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong?” Royce asked, slowly reaching out to take one of Vivien’s hands. “Do you need to sit down? You look pale.”

Slowly shaking her head, Vivien said, “I was just thinking.”

“Are you sure?” Royce questioned.

“Yeah,” Vivien nodded, trying to give Royce a small smile. 

Offering a somewhat skeptical nod, Royce asked, “What about?”

“I’ll explain it at the shop later.” Lowering her voice and wiggling her fingers, she said, “It’s a magic thing, y’know?”

“Okay,” Royce breathed, nodding in understanding. Quickly looking around, Royce made sure nobody had overheard Vivien’s statement before clearing his throat and asking, “Did your watch say your blood pressure is low again? Is that why you’re getting a snack?”

Vivien glanced at the vending machine before shaking her head, “I never checked, but I wanted a drink before heading to gym.”

“Alright,” Royce nodded. Digging into his pocket, Royce fished out a few quarters before slipping them into the machine. At Vivien’s curious look, he said, “It’s my treat.”

“Aww,” Vivien sang fondly, sending Royce a teasing grin, “you love me.”

Royce rolled his eyes, “I mean, yeah, but that’s beside the point. I just don’t want you passing out on me in History again.” 

Fighting the swarm of fluttering insects buzzing around in her stomach at Royce’s statement, Vivien heaved a sigh as she focused on picking a drink from the machine before her, “It’s the most boring class in this school. I mean, it was one thing when we were younger, and the teachers took a whole month to teach the Witch Trials or a week on the Titanic, but now that we’re stuck in Nolan’s class, everything sucks.”

“He’s so monotone,” Royce mused, a mimicry of the man's monotonous voice coming through despite amusement shimmering in the boy's amber eyes.

“And it’s all dates and events,” Vivien agreed. “I swear, he never makes it interesting! I only memorize enough to get me through the tests and then I just delete it from my mind.”

“So that’s why you were no help with the recap back in September,” Royce chuckled as Vivien fetched her drink from the vending machine.

Vivien nodded, “At least his class is at the end of the day. Once it’s done, we’re free.”

“Just two more hours, and we’ll be on our way to Magic one-oh-one with Miles, Mick, and Carrie,” Royce muttered as he began leading the way to the gymnasium.

With a nod, Vivien slipped her arm around Royce’s and sighed, “For now, let’s run the mile.”

“Never thought I would hear you say that,” Royce mused, a chuckle falling from his lips as Vivien took her place at his side. “You hate gym class as much as I do.”

“True,” Vivien agreed as she sent Royce an encouraging smile, “but the sooner we’re done, the sooner we can sit in the library and do more research before Nolan’s class.”

With a smile Vivien could only describe as pearlescent, Royce said, “Why didn’t you tell me that would be the prize I get for finishing the mile? I would have done it every day if I knew that!”

Vivien shook her head and laughed, nudging Royce with her elbow as she said, “Says the asthmatic.”

“You’ve never accused me of being the smartest person you know,” Royce chuckled.

Rolling her eyes, Vivien grinned as she leaned her head against Royce’s shoulder and sighed, “Idiot.”

“Yours truly.”

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About the Climax of "Reunion" from Amphibia

Salutations, random people on the internet who are already scrolling right past this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

So, Season Three of Amphibia is coming pretty soon. And I am...excited, but not as much as most people.

If you've seen my reviews, you'll know that while I do like Amphibia, I wouldn't go so far as to say it grabbed me as well as a series like The Owl House. With a show like that, it took me until Episode Five before I realized The Owl House was something special that was worth remembering. For Amphibia? It took me until the Season One finale before I had a similar reaction. But, to be fair, that's because this series is really good at making an ending. "Reunion," for example, takes a lot of the small things the first season has been building up, taking plots from episodes I considered filler and tying it all together in a pretty satisfying ending. I know people are still reeling over the epicness of "True Colors," and all for a good reason, but I want to start the new season on the right foot by discussing a moment that made me consider giving the series a chance.

But it also contains spoilers, so if you haven't seen Amphibia yet, now might be a good time to check it out. It may not have grabbed me and might not even grab you, but trust me when I say that it's worth it just to get to that final scene.

Now, let's review, shall we?

Grime Explaining Flipwart and Bogjump: One thing I will always defend about this series is its humor. More often than not, it succeeds in getting a chuckle out of me with perfect timing and solid comedic delivery. And stuff like this? Where Grime takes a break from his evilness to explain how two board games work to two teenagers? Only to then give up and stick with a simple answer? Yeah, I'm sorry, but that's funny to me. A good thing, too, given how this show relies more on humor than anything else. It may have an overarching plot and its fair share of grim moments (I give you Marcy's maybe death), but Amphibia knows when to keep things light amongst the darkness, which I always appreciate.

Anne Pleading with Sasha: Here, the scene showcases Anne's own personal struggle with Sasha. We know Sasha's a bad friend, primarily because we have eyes. But Anne still needs convincing. Because while she speaks up, she still doesn't assert herself. Anne doesn't yell at Sasha or tell her she's going too far. Instead, she just begs and pleads, hoping to seek the bit of humanity of this girl that Anne sees as a friend. Only for Grime to cut things short in demanding Hop Pop.

Anne Grabbing a Sword to Defend Hop Pop: This, on the other hand, was a defining moment for Anne. She spent so much time with the Plantars, risking life and limb for their own personal health and safety in multiple episodes before this one. So in desperation and due to being backed into a corner, she yanks out one of the guards' swords and orders people to back up, including her "best friend." This moment is when Anne is right on the edge of standing up against Sasha, ready to do all she can to help a person, er, frog that treats her right.

Sasha Talking Anne Down: But she isn't fully ready to fight back yet. Sasha sees the panic and desperation and uses that to her advantage and takes control. She speaks calmly, attracting Anne with talks of going home and pointing out the ridiculousness of standing up for Hop Pop. And my blood boils with how easily she does it. It was like a light switch, turning off her intensity just so Sasha appears to be empathetic. Even though she isn't. You can tell just how cold hearted she can be with the way she says the line "End of discussion." Does the way she say that really sound like a person who has Anne's best interests at heart. I wouldn't think so.

Sprig’s Reaction to Anne Lowering the Sword: And neither does Sprig. I mean, look at Sprig's expressions when he sees Anne lower the sword:

First, there's shock and empathy in seeing Anne crumble to Sasha's will. And unlike the fake empathy Sasha offered, you can see that it's real.

Almost as real as the look of pure disgust he gives Sasha afterward. Personally, I can't blame him. Sprig cares deeply for Anne, as the two of them have the most real friendship out of everyone else in the main cast, one built on mutual trust, respect, and willingness to have the other's best interests at heart.

Sprig Standing Up for Anne: This only proves my point. By slingshotting mud (was that mud?) into Sasha's face and praising how incredible Anne is, Sprig proved he really is the true friend that Sasha can only wish to be. And it's just the boost Anne needed to snap out of her stupor and do, in her words, "something that [she] should have done a long time ago."

Anne Standing Up to Sasha: If standing up for Hop Pop was a defining moment for Anne, defending Sprig from Sasha was a moment Anne could never go back on. It was one thing to fight for her found family against soldiers she's never met before. It's something else to do that against Sasha, Anne's best friend, who she pleaded with earlier and was so close to falling into submission for. But not anymore. At this moment, Anne decided to think for herself and do what needed to be done. Rather than let a bully tell her what to do instead.

Grime’s Words of Warning for Sasha: Grime’s little warning is similar to how a commander gives tips to a fellow commander in leading the troops. Because that's what Sasha really seems like. Not a friend, but someone who takes charge and orders what Anne and Marcy should do rather than listen to the opinions of the group. You see it more in "Battle of the Bands," and that's why I think she follows his advice to "stamp this out." Especially with how he finishes his warning: "Fail, and nothing will ever be the same."

There are two things to take away from that.

The fact that Grime was right. Sasha failed, and nothing was the same because of it. Anne now stood up to her and won't take her orders anymore. The thing is, that would have happened if Anne failed or not. Sasha winning may have stamped Anne's spirit a bit, but it still shows a dark side to her that wouldn't have been forgotten for long.

The fact that Sasha vocally admits that she won't let things change. It proves how twisted her mindset on friendship is that Sasha would willingly partake in a sword fight with her "best friend" because she refuses to have Anne standing up for herself. She likes being in charge and refuses to lose her power no matter what needs to be done to keep it.

If Anne defending Sprig is a moment where she crosses the line for the better, Sasha listening to Grime is a moment where she crosses the line for the worst.

“Anne, you don’t have to do this”: I love how Hop Pop tries to talk Anne out of the challenge. It's his life that's on the line, but he cares just as deeply for Anne as she does for him, that letting her duel Sasha, her supposed "best friend," is a choice he doesn't want her to make.

“Yes, I do.”: But Anne isn't about that. She now knows the type of person Sasha is, and letting her get away with more control is something no one should allow. And Anne won't. Not anymore.

The Fight: The fight isn't all that special compared to other action animation, and even to a certain fight scene we see in "True Colors." But as is, it is still pretty tense. I mean, for f**k's sake, it's two thirteen-year-olds fighting each other with swords! It's a miracle that only Sasha got a small scar at the end of it. Plus, while not the show's highest standard yet, there is a lot of effort and attention put into this battle. Anne is a lot more inexperienced and frantic with her attacks, where Sasha shows she was trained well in her time with the toads and is rotten given that she cheated by blinding Anne to force a victory. In a way, it illustrates the desperation the two of them have for winning, making Sasha's actions, in particular, easier to root for Anne.

Anne Wins: So when Anne is victorious, it's all the more satisfying. Primarily thanks to the look on Sasha's face. Look at it:

That is the definition of shock and anger, mostly shock. Sure, Sasha might be ticked that she lost, but it's Anne's words that I think really hit a specific soft spot: "You're not going to push me around anymore." That's probably the first time that Anne called Sasha out on her awful behavior. Saying that she's standing up to her huts, but pointing out how Sasha basically controlled Anne and how that's something she won't allow anymore, could be an eye-opening moment that Sasha needed.

Grime Goes Against the Deal: Ok, full disclosure, while this post is meant to shine a light on how great a scene is, there is one complaint I've got to get out of the way. You see, Grime going against his deal to let Hop Pop go free if Anne wins was way too predictable. Because why the f**k would he?!

I mean, does this seriously look like the face of a man you can trust? This scene may excel at everything else, but this one predictable moment is just a little off to forgive.

The Tower Blowing Up: This predictable moment, however, is done flawlessly. Because there's a difference between a twist and a payoff. Where a twist is meant to shock the audience, a payoff has to, well, pay off a setup brought up earlier in the story. And Wally's boom-shrooms going off at just the right time, transitioning to the most iconic moment of the series? Yeah, that's a payoff done right.

(Also, Wally cursing his one eye is hilarious)

“Lean On Me”: By the way, NOT joking when I say what follows is the most iconic moment of the series. All of which is aided by the inclusion of "Lean On Me" by Bill Withers. I'm not a music theory major and have no idea if the song itself is actually mildly appropriate to the scene, much like how "All Star" and "I Need a Hero" work perfectly for Shrek and Shrek 2, respectively. With that said, "Lean On Me" really does add an extra Umph! power to what follows. And as Matt Braley, series creator, describes, it is the coolest thing, but it will never happen again.

(Apparently, the song was too expensive).

Anne Goes to Save Sasha: Believe it or not, I actually do love this decision. Sasha may be a bad friend...Actually, no. Sasha is definitely a bad friend, but that doesn't mean Anne wants her to die. Not after all the good times that they had with each other. Anne might refuse to let Sasha push her around, but she's not ready to cut Sasha out of her life. Not yet.

Anne Holds Onto Sasha, the Plantars Hold Onto Anne: ...I mean...just f**king that! Through this moment, we get a perfect idea of how Anne's relationships work.

To put it simply, the Plantars raise Anne up and keep her safe, where Sasha just weighs her down and risks her safety. And the saddest part is that Sasha knows this.

“Anne. Maybe you’re better off without me…”: Some say that this could be Sasha trying to get in one last manipulation, using her own sacrifice to stick to Anne for choosing talking frogs over her. While I could see that perspective as a possibility, I personally take this moment as Sasha finally realizing the damage she causes for Anne and admits her faults. Sure, Sasha might have backpedaled in later episodes. What with refusing to change and even directing her anger towards Anne instead of towards herself. But that's because she had time to process these events and unfairly aim her negative feelings at Anne for wanting something better. So it doesn't seem implausible to me that Sasha admitting that Anne's better off without her is something she believed deep down and, for just a moment, allowed herself to accept this heavy truth. I won't deny the possibility that she's still trying to manipulate Anne, but to me, with the tone and expression Sasha has with her admission, you can't fake that. And you can't fake what she does next.

Sasha Lets Go: This...shocked me right down to my core.

I knew Grime would go back on his word, and I assumed the boom-shrooms would pay off somehow. But Sasha, willingly and unhesitantly, letting go of Anne's grip and falling to an expected demise? I...I couldn't have ever predicted that. Not with what we've seen from her before. When I hear how people see this as one last manipulation tactic, I just can't see it. Yes, there are monsters on this planet who would go this far, but I don't think Sasha is one of them. Later episodes like "Battle of the Bands" (despite a rough start) show signs of a person who could be better, and the Season Three trailer hints that she might actually learn from her mistakes. So her letting go, with no way of knowing her survival, could be the first sign that Sasha would one day make that first step. She might not be able to become Anne’s friend again, thanks to burning that bridge in "True Colors," but she'll at least try to become a better person. She just needs to do one good thing in her life first.

Plus, whenever I see this image:

I’m reminded why I could never say that I didn’t like this show.

Grime Saving Sasha: A lesser viewer would say this cheapens Sasha's sacrifice, but not to me. She had no way of knowing Grime would save her, so to her, so this is still a bid decision to go through with, even if she couldn't have gone all the way. In no way does it take away from the sacrifice, just as much as it doesn't strike a chord deep in Anne's heart.

Anne Breaks Down: Because what else would she do?

It's true, Sasha isn't a good friend, and Anne would likely be better off without her. But that's not what Anne's thinking at this moment.

She's thinking about the good fun she had with her best friend.

She was thinking about the person she could lean on.

And she was thinking about how she almost lost this person forever.

So when it all comes crashing down on Anne at once, there's nothing left to do but cry. It is such a real moment that proves one thing: There was effort put into this finale.

IN CONCLUSION

Would I say Amphibia draws me in as much as The Owl House does? No. But it still has my respect. A finale like this proves how hard the writers try to give a good experience. Even if a Schmuck like me thinks that all the pieces don't come together, they still do all they can to make a beloved series.

Season Three is on the way, and while I'm not as hyped as others, I still can't wait to see how it ends. Because if "Reunion" taught me anything, this series really nails an ending.

(And if you want me to do a scene breakdown of the finale in "True Colors," I'll tell you now: I won't...alright, maybe I'll do something for the mid-season premiere. But no promises!)

[lunarkat87]

It's been so long since I posted to this blog. I guess I stopped when I lost touch with my best friend who was like a sister. I've been wishing I could talk to her for guidance for so long, but I had to let her go for myself. She was attempting to push a guy on me when I wasn't ready, and purely so I would have a reason to move back to our hometown. Didn't she remember how bad that place was for me? I was homeless for nearly 4 years, bouncing between places, never secure, just surviving. Every time we talked I could feel my energy depleting, but she was my best friend, so why would I leave her? She was getting married, so naturally she was focused a lot on that, and I was meant to be her maid of honor. And as the MOH, it was my job to stand up for the bride, and to get the bridal party in order. So when I saw how much they kept hurting her, and how she was more sad about her experience as a bride than happy, I stepped up to the plate. Me, the girl terrified of her own shadow on some days. But I did it, and she called me her only friend, and her other bridesmaids did not like it, so they ran to her.... and she called me a bully. It was in that moment that my heart was broken, that she could think I had bullied people into something. She was ultimately my soul mate, we were meant to be in each others lives... and suddenly I was reduced to this one word. And all the pain, all the hurt I had over the years preceding this came pouring out, how she guilt tripped me, how I needed her and she wasn't there, how just because it wasnt what she wanted to do she didn't stick to plans with me. How she blew me off time and again, and how she stopped seeing me and I always had to travel to see her. And it was done. And what broke my heart more was the relief that I felt after I sent her an email. I loved her, so why would I be relieved? But as I write this today, I wish I could talk to her. Because she was and has always only ever been, the person that understood me. Who understood my heart, my mind, my emotions. Who helped me heal from my ex-fiancé that cheated on me. On the days I felt like giving up, and not being able to see through the blinding pain she was there to support me. She sent me quotes, she texted me every day, she made sure I was okay. And she always knew deep down I wasn't, and she was okay with that. She didn't expect or need me to be. And I wish I could have her now, because as I write this that fragile heart that I had finally fixed, has broken and shattered all over again.

You see, I met a guy. It had been 2 years, and I was ready to open myself to the idea of love again, especially because I realized I did not love my ex anymore, nor had I for a long time. I had tried dating in between those years, but it never felt right, or like I was ready. But after spending time on my own and feeling empowered, I downloaded a dating app. But it wasn't long before I began to dislike it, I don't like judging based off of pictures, and only a few words. I was feeling discouraged, maybe I wasn't ready... but then the app pinged for someone they thought I might like. I saw him and thought, wow he is handsome, he has a smile that I could melt from, and.... was that a racoon on his head?? I had to know, and so I hoped he would respond. And there began my downfall, because he did.

We spent an entire week texting, and I found myself eager and smiling at my phone. I was actually excited, and couldn't wait to meet him in person. We even came up with nicknames... he was Cinna-Ron because he asked me if I thought he was as sweet as a cinnamon roll... and he was, but even more so. My heart pounded as I waited to meet at the boba shop where he would pick me up for our date. And when he finally arrived, he was even more amazing in person. And he brought me burgundy colored carnations, it was that moment I knew I'd love those flowers forever. He opened my door for me and was a true gentleman, and when he leaned in to kiss me, I felt the world slow and my heart stop. All I could think was "wow~" we spent the whole night together, talking and kissing and flirting and I was convinced I had never felt more alive. And so began my hope.... that evil, snaring, soul crushing light..... the hope that things would keep going well, and that he felt the same way. To my excitement he did, and it was like I had known him forever. I was so unbelievably happy, and excited, and absolutely terrified. Because deep down I knew he was going to break my heart.... and so I ignored all of my alarms, my instincts. "Run away, he is going to hurt you" "don't let him in, keep him at a distance" "this will only lead to pain" and I could feel my heart shake from fear... like it knew it wouldn't survive another fracture... but I stood my ground, I was going to fight myself and trust for once, because he was nothing like anyone I had ever met before. He made me feel safe, he was why I took so long to come back, because I wanted to give him a real unicumbered chance at loving me, instead of pushing him away. I was happy being alone, I was content with myself and who I was, but I wanted to share it.... so I let him in.

Not long after I began to have health issues, an excruciating pain developed in my abdomen that I never found a real answer for. I hurt my wrist at work, and was in a minor fender bender that hurt my upper back. I was in my last year of Nursing school, and so the stress began to overwhelm me and I started overeating again. Before I knew it I was 30 pounds heavier.... but worst of all the darkness started creeping back in.... here was my depression again.... and crippling anxiety.... it began to be too dark to see any light.... I failed 2 exams in my last semester.... but I still had hope and light because he was there. Reminding me I was smart and I could do it.... and when I opened up about my mental health, I told him I would understand if he didnt want to stay because he didnt sign up for that... and he told me he wasn't going anywhere.... and so I had some hope to hold onto.... because I knew the real Kat was in there still, but the world was piling it on and I was suffocating, and he was patient enough for me to get back to me again. A week later he changed his mind.... he decided he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings" for me as I had for him. A polite way of saying he doesn't love me, and knew he never would. And just like that, hope was gone....

Did I imagine it? The last 8 months? Was I really the only one who fell in love? Did I misread all of his actions as just really strong like and not love? The only reason I was open about my feelings towards him was because I genuinely believed he felt the same, his actions spoke louder than his words, or lack thereof. And I said I would wait for when he was ready to say it back, because I wasn't going anywhere and he made me believe he felt the same.... little did I realize he had one foot out the door from the start of our relationship. He thought the feelings would grow but they never did.... so when he smiled at me and held me close did he feel nothing? Was there not a fire roaring in his chest for me? Did not every fear and care melt away? Did the sound of my voice not send a thrill through his heart? Did he not look at me and feel pure happiness? What happened? What went wrong? What changed? It was me. It had to be me. Why else would he decide this now? He couldnt see the girl he first met anymore, I was a whole new person to him and he did not like what he saw or how he felt with me. And so he decided it wasn't "fair" to me if he kept me because he couldn't "reciprocate as strong of feelings."

Ultimately I don't believe I ever really had a chance with him, because he kept me at a distance emotionally. I realize now he never truly opened himself to me, and when he saw how serious, how real a relationship with me could be. He chose to run instead of opening his heart to being hurt. So you know what, maybe I do deserve better than that. I deserved the person he made me believe be was, he started out all in but I didnt realize he had that foot out the door, especially after I told him those three words. He has an idea of what he thinks love is like and how it's supposed to last, but doesn't realize that love is different each time you find it. He always told me he loves love, so why didnt he want the love in front of him? I think he still holds his heart for the one girl he ever really loved. So he'll never find what he is looking for because each new person he brings into his world, he never really gives a chance to, they'll never fit that mold. How can he expect to love someone, if he doesn't allow himself to? And yet, here I am... still wondering why I was not enough.... it's never enough.... and so I've closed my heart to love permanently. Because I can't stand this pain.... I feel so tricked... and so betrayed... the only quote befitting this is by Bob Marley "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her." How do I trust love if it ever comes again? Because what I mistook for love from him, was apparently nothing.... how do I trust actions now? How do I trust myself? And how did I mean absolutely nothing to him? Why am I the only one hurting? How was I so blind? I was foolish to believe someone like him actually loved me... it never crossed my mind that he didn't... he never made me feel otherwise.... I hate this. But what can I do? He'll never regret this decision, that isn't like him. Why would he regret leaving someone he doesn't love? He'll never miss me, for the same reasons. I can't make him love me if he doesn't. I'll be a fleeting thought for him, but for me he'll always be that maybe. I'll always find myself wanting to talk to him, wishing I could be with him. And if he ever does find love, I'll likely envy that girl. Because she must be something truly special to awaken his love... so I'll go back to finding myself. I'll try to finish school amidst this chaos in the world, become a nurse, buy a house with a backyard for my dogs. And be content knowing that I don't want love, I don't want this pain. I reached for too much happiness and light, and so the universe has ripped all of that away from me, reminding me that I don't get that kind of contentment. School hangs in the balance, still unsure if they will be able to continue due to Covid-19. The man I thought loved me is gone, and my love with him. That bright shiny future I thought was waiting this year is gone. So now I'm lost to wander alone. But this time I choose to be, because this pain isn't worth my sanity, or my life. I'm tired of surviving, I want to live.... Goodbye my sweetest of cinnamon rolls... I know you'll never see this... but I hope you know the love I felt was real...

03/19/2020 2220