#would write a 300 word review of my review each time I wrote one - it was weird and he would analyse sentences and assume my emotions from | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hypocrisyofandrewdobson · 4 years

Text

Dobson's Patreon: An Addendum to His Monument of Sins

(The following is a submission from @soyouareandrewdobson, meant to be an addendum to the multi-post submission @ripsinfest made a while back. Ironically, this one also had issues when being submitted, so I’ll be copypasting it here with all the images and links originally intended.)

In 2018, user @ripsinfest wrote a multipart series of posts for THOAD, recounting Dobson’s attempt to establish a patreon in 2015 and how it resulted in failure on a massive scale, to the point that his patreon is arguably “a monument to all his sins”.

Personally I think the post series is extremely well researched, rather “neutral” in terms of tone (letting the posts provided as evidence speak more for themselves than the opinion of the writer) and gives a detailed but quick rundown on what went wrong. Primarily that Dobson overestimated his own “value” as an artist and did NOT attempt to give his few supporters what they wanted through his artwork posted around the time.

I do however want to use the opportunity to also point out at certain obvious things that in my opinion (and likely the opinions of others) added to the failure of the patreon account, that were not accounted for in detail and are primarily related to how the internet perceives popularity and Dobson’s inability to understand, how to “sell” and make himself look good to the public.

To begin with, let’s just point out a certain truth about making money via Patreon: To do so, depends a lot on your popularity as a content creator online. That is simply because the more popular you are, the bigger your fanbase is and as such the more likely a certain percentage of people may be willing to donate money to you and your work in hopes they get something out of it, even if it is just the altruistic feeling of having helped someone they “like”. It doesn’t take a genius to see, how e.g. internet reviewers such as Linkara or moviebob (around 2800 and 4400$ earnings via patreon each month respectively) can make quite some money, while other, more obscure content creator or artists barely make money to go by, earning essentially pocket money at best.

In addition, popularity is fleeting. A few years ago e.g. internet personality Noah Antweiler aka The SpoonyOne managed to earn 5000$ a month via patreon, just shortly after establishing his account. But his lack of content over the years AND his toxic behavior online resulted in a decline of popularity and with it people jumping off his Patreon. As such, Antweiler only earns nowadays around 290$ a month via Patreon and most of that money is likely form people who have forgotten they donate to him in the first place anyway.

And Noah is not the only one who over the course of the last couple of years lost earnings. Brianna Wu makes barely more than he does, despite having once been the “darling” of the internet when the Gamergate controversy was at its peak. Many Bronies who once made more than 2k via video reviews on a show about little horses at the peak of its popularity (2013-15) earn less than 300-800 on average nowadays because interest on the show as well as people talking about it has declined.

Heck, in preparation of writing this piece I found out, that one of the highest grossing patreons nowadays is “The last podcast on the left”, a podcast that earns more than 67k a month by making recordings on obscure and macabre subjects on a regular basis.

So there you have it folks: As the interests of the internet users change, so does the popularity of certain people online and -in case they have a patreon account or similar plattforms- their chances of making money via their content.

Which now brings us back to Dobson, who was not popular at all at that particular time and managed to become even less popular as the months and years passed by.

Sure, Dobson had his fans via deviantart, people knew who he was. But the later was more because of “infamy” than popularity and the number of fans he had accumulated online were representing people interested in him at least since 2005 and did not quite represent his actual present day numbers of supporters at the time.

And mind you, the number of supporters was less than 100k, most of them likely underaged deviantart users. And if my research indicates something, then that most content creators with a halfway decent patreon earning need at least 100k+ followers in total. Because of those fans, only around 1-3% will on average then spend money on you, if you actually create content they enjoy and on a regular basis.

Which brings up the next major problem: Dobson did not create content people enjoyed and that in more than one meaning of the word.

On one hand, as pointed out by ripsinfest, he barely released any content at all over 2015 after a few initial months, despite the fact that he was obviously active online a lot, as shown by his presence on twitter. On the other hand, the few things he did create were not the stuff people wanted.

As an example: If you go to a restaurant and pay for a pizza, you expect the cook to give you a pizza. If however for some reason he just gives you a soda, you get ripped off and never come back. In Dobson’s case, the thing people wanted was not pizza but comic pages. But what he delivered was mostly bland fanart, such as of Disney and Marvel characters crossing over or KorraSami. Sure, a few strips of “So…you are a cartoonist” were still released at the time, but not really many.

To give an overview: Taking the release dates on Dobson’s official SYAC site into account, he released around 16 strips of it between March and August of 2015, the last two being “No Leia” being titled “Zip line”

Afterwards, the next official strip released was “Anything at all” in October of 2016.

Now to be fair, there was at least one more strip at the time Dobson released via patreon, that is also save to see on kiwifarms and other plattforms, which has not been uploaded to his official SYAC page. Likely because he simply forgot about it.

But I think that in itself should tell you something about Dobson’s work ethics when it comes to his webcomics. He promoted his patreon in his own video as a way to ensure he can make comics in a timely fashion again for others to enjoy, but in an environment where certain artists are capable to create multiple strips per week at minimum, Dobson could overall not manage to produce more than 16 over a course of six months, which means an average production of 3 strips per month.

For comparison, Tatsuya Ishida of the infamous sinfest webcomic (a garbage fire of epic proportions from a TERF who I think should be put on a watch list) has produced on average 4 strips per week, including full page Sunday strips, for years and nowadays even releases stuff on a daily basis to pass the covid crisis. So a mad man who wants to see trnas people die, has better work ethics than Dobson.

In other words, people expected Dobson to actually get back into creating comics (with some even expecting a return of Alex ze Pirate), but he got in fact even lazier than before, releasing only SYAC strips and random fanart as a product. Which he then also tried to justify as his choice to make because a) he had mental health issues and b) no one can tell him what to do.

And sure, people do not need to tell you what to do. But when people pay/donate money to you expecting to get a certain product in return, they should get the product. Linkara e.g. by all means doesn’t NEED to review comics to have a fullfilling life, but he got famous for his reviews, people want to see his reviews and they pay him for those reviews. So obviously, he will continue those things.

Then there is also the fact that despite Dobson’s claims how he wants to create comics for everone to enjoy and that he aims to keep his artwork online for free so anyone can view it…(his exact words in his promotional video AND text on his patreon once upon a time)

youtube

…the reality was, that he wanted to use patreon as a paywall. Something I actually kinda pointed out at on my own account (shameless self promotion) once, but want now to elaborate a bit. Basically at the time Dobson opened up his patreon, he also was on the verge of leaving deviantart as a platform people could look at his work behind. Which he eventually did.

Meaning that the only major platforms for people to watch any “new” stuff by him were his patreon or art sites such as the SYAC homepage or andysartwork. Which granted, he did EVENTUALLY put his stuff on.

But unlike other content creators who would put “patreon exclusive” new content up on more public plattforms often within a few days, weeks or a month after making them “patreon only” at first, Dobson waited longer and did barely anything to promote his sites as places to look his stuff up for a public audience. In doing so creating a “bubble” for himself that hurt him more than it helped, as Dobson made himself essentially come off as a snob.

A snob who did not create content for everybody to enjoy, but ONLY for those willing to pay him at least one dollar per month. As evident e.g. by the fact that as time went by, certain content was never released outside of his patreon at all, such as a SYAC strip involving Dobbear screaming at the computer because he saw a piece of art that featured tumblr nose.

Lastly, there is the issue of his patreon perks and stretch goals.

See, his perks were essentially non existent. Aside of the beggars reward of “my eternal thank you if you donate 1 dollar”, two other perks that come to my mind were the following: If you donated up to 5$ at minimum, you got your name thrown into a lottery to potentially win buttons and postcards of his artwork. Unsold cheap merch from years prior he failed to sell at conventions basically. There was just a problem with that thing: That lottery thing, which he also was only going to initiate when he reached a stretch goal of 150 dollar a month? It was illegal!

Patreon itself has in their user agreement a rule that forbids people from offering perks that essentially boil down to “earning” something via gambling, which this lottery by Dobson was.

(THOAD chiming in here to add that, in addition to all this, he fully admitted he would be excluding Patrons that he “knew were clearly trolls” from the lottery. Which made the already illegal lottery also fixed, so...yeah.)

The next thing coming to mind was his “discount” on previous books of his he offered online, if you donated at least 10 bucks per month to him. Or to translate it: You would get a bare minimum discount at pdf files of books such as Alex ze Pirate and Formera (you know, the permanently cancelled Dobson comics) if you paid up 50-75% of their original price on Patreon already. And considering the quality of his early works, he should have given you at least a book per month for free if you dared to donate him that much.

As for the stretch goals… lets go through them, shall we:

100$: A wallpaper per month. Something he did provide with eventually, but barely. And after less than five of those he stopped to make them overall

150$: Monthly Gift basket Lottery, which as I stated, was illegal and almost got him into serious trouble with his account. Also not an initial stretch goal he made up but instead came up with a few months into his accounts existence. Finally it got temporarily replaced by Dobson playing with the idea to use 150$ per month to open up a server and art site where people could upload stuff for free similar to deviantart, but under his administration. Promising a “safe space” for other artists. Which considering Dobson’s ego and inability to accept criticism or delegate responsibilities would have likely ended like this:

175$: Establishing a Minecraft server for him and his fans to play on. Meaning Dobson would have just wasted time he could spend on creating comics to endulge in his Minecraft obsession.

200$: Writing a Skyrim children book. Aside of the legal nightmare that this could have been (I doubt Valve would have been happy of someone else profiting of their property) I have to ask, who was even interested in Skyrim by 2015 anymore? Sure, Skyrim was a popular game and it had its qualities, but it was also a trend that had passed by that time. So in other words, there was not a market to cater towards here.

300$: A strip per week guaranteed.

… are you fucking kidding me? 75$ per strip essentially? Something people expect you to produce anyway if you want to be considered a “prolific” creator worth supporting online? Imagine if certain internet reviewers would do that, telling you that if they do not earn at least a certain amount of money, they will not produce anything, period, or less than usual. And Dobson had already proven that he can release more than just one comic within a few days, if he is motivated by enough spite.

600$: Starting a podcast with his friends to talk about nerd culture. In my opinion could only work under the assumption that people even like the idea of listening to Dobson and his opinions. Which considering how very little people like talking to him sounds doubtful. Also, considering how Dobson tends to be late to the party when it comes to nerd culture, likely tending to be out of date faster than he could upload. Finally... what friends?

700$: Returning the love, as he says it, by donating some of the money patreon users gave him to other content creators. This in my opinion is the most self defeating cause possible. On one hand sure, being generous and all that. But essentially Dobson admits here he would blow the money people give him to support HIS art on others, essentially defeating the purpose of HIS own account. He also does not clarify how much of that money he would donate, meaning there was a high chance that he would spend less than 10% of it on other creators, only creating the illusion of support while putting the actual earnings/donations into his own pocket.

2000$: A massive jump ahead. 2000$ per month would result in him getting better equipment (as in a new computer e.g.) and as such “potentially” make more comics. Mind you, only potentially.

This goal in my opinion is also the most fucked up one. Primarily for the following reasons:

Lets say Dobson would have achieved the goal and actually earned over 2000$ per month for at least a year. His annual earning would have been 24k, minus whatever he had to pay as taxes and payment for using the patreon service. And what would he do with this money? Get himself a better computer and equipment by paying a minor fraction of it once. Then he could use that computer for years to come while still having over 10k in his account, plus his monthly earnings. And he may still just produce 3-4 comics a month of a series that has as much depth to it than Peppa Pig if not less.

Sure, many patreon users have 2k+ as a stretch goal on their accounts to signify that if they could make that much monthly, they could have the necessary financial security to focus their time primarily on their content instead of a regular job. And if the content they create is actually well made, many people would support that or be okay with it.

But 2000 dollars to buy ONE computer and not account for how this money will add up over time? And that in light of such profits people may actually expect you to create more than you barely do already? That is either a case of narcissism, plain stupidity because you can't look further than 5 feet or just shows how Dobson did not understand at all the tool he had at his disposal.

Bottom line: Dobson, like many times before, fucked it up. He overestimated the potential support and resulting profits he could make, he expected that his name alone would be enough to assure gainings instead of creating content to justify support and he was unwilling to really give his supporters anything worthwhile back.

And while I am sure that there were also many other factors guaranteeing his failure, those at least to me, were his "common" mistakes most other people familiar even with the basics of internet popularity would ahve avoided.

#long post #patreon #syac #submission #very long post #andrew dobson #adobsonartworks #tom preston #adobsonart #soyouareandrewdobson #ripsinfest

47 notes · View notes

purpleyin · 3 years

Text

2020 Fic Writer’s Year In Review

So 2020 in review because I like doing stats, there’s something comforting about working them out for me. Even if 2020 was not all that good a writing year.

I actually started writing this post in February but I stalled at the whole favourite lines part because I like to link to the fics and so it sat in my drafts for aaaaagggges and I’m finally getting to it again in May!

For anyone who got tagged in this post and is wondering why, that’d be because there’s a section way way down in the post for ‘Writers You Should Read’ where I am reccing you. :)

Word count written: 90,283/104,000

Word count for posted stories: 63,662/156,000

Number of fics: 34 - I included fics/fic chapters and ficlets I do with moodboards if they were about more than 100 words

(I also made 5 fanmixes + 1 fanvid)

Fandoms written for (for posted works): The Flash, BBC Sherlock, Legends of Tomorrow, Stargate Atlantis, HP Series, Uncharted

(for the vid - Mass Effect: Andromeda + Game of Thrones for 1 fanmix)

Shortest Story: If I only count fics that have dialogue that’d be the snippet of Killergold Jurassic Park AU I did for Femslash February, at about 300 words.

Longest Story: “A Matter of Time” my angsty/whump Hartmon timeloop fic I did for the Hartmonfest exchange, that’s about 8.5k words.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

So I did decently by my writing goal, 90k out of 104k, even though that wasn’t much compared to the previous year. I thought I’d done less, because I didn’t feel very productive, but I guess half my problem was writing things that didn’t get finished. I was hoping to finish more WIPs in general from prior years too and so get more posted than I written but I didn’t really manage that, oh well. I have 35 new WIPs awaiting finished from 2020. No clue if that’s better or worse than last year, may need to start keeping track of them somehow.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write most? The Flash was my most written for fandom to no surprise. Most written pairing was Savisnow but Hartmon almost beat it out in 2020, very close with both at around 17k words each. Genrewise it was largely angst and whump as usual.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

For pairings - I would have to say either McKay/Sheppard/Weir or Coldvibe.

McKay/Sheppard/Weir I didn’t expect because it’s such an old fandom and I was only into it in passing. Somehow I had a resurgence of squee for the fandom and a moodboard plot bunny that demanded to be more so ended up a ficlet. It was more not!fic than proper fic but I unexpectedly enjoyed making it.

Coldvibe was another I didn’t expect to write anything for. Moodboards, yes, and I did a fair few but actually writing a snippet with dialogue in it to go with my Elseworlds AU I wouldn’t have predicted at the start of the year I don’t think.

Genre - I definitely had a higher than usual fluff % though, it’s becoming easier to write with practice I suppose. I never expect fluff! I certainly also didn’t expect to write 2 quarantine/lockdown fics...

Fandom - unexpected was Game of Thrones. Because what I made was for Braime, which I love but I’ve otherwise only lurked in that fandom. I did a fanmix and a moodboard with short blurb and that was more than I thought I’d ever do.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I branched out into several pairings I’d not written full fics for before (Snowest, Westhallen) and I started posting my Savisnow multichapter even though it’s WIP slow posting and hardly going to be popular because it’s niche.

But probably the riskiest fics felt like ones that I wrote where I was worried what if I got wrong somehow (like my Iris with mirror powers oneshot or Hartmon ASL day fic) or that were very heavy emotionally like my Hartmon quarantine fic.

Do you have any fanfic or general writing goals for the new year?

Finish more already started fics! Literally that is the main goal this year. Start less stuff, finish more old stuff. I need to be more disciplined. I may not always feel like writing a certain thing but with so many WIPs there should be something I want to make progress on surely no matter my mood.

I also still have 4 bingocards to do - Bad Things Happen, DCTVGen, Hartmon (overdue but eh, if I post stuff it’s still good to do) and WIPbingo now.

From the past year of writing, what was your...

Best story of this year: I think my Westhallen ‘it’s the little things’.

Most popular story of this year (by kudos): This is hard to say when the top fic is “Why Should I Trust You” that is multichaptered and cross year so I can’t tell how many kudos it got last year specifically...it has 166 total. Otherwise, for new fics in 2020 it was ‘with one’s own hand’ a Hartmon fic with 44 kudos.

Personal favorite: It’s so niche but my Savisnow Valentine’s fic is my fave.

My favourite fic to write: The 2nd chapter of One Way Or Another. It was also tough to write but the not quite Frost!Caitlin back and forth with Savitar was strangely satisfying to write out. Also I cackle at the end of chapter angst.

Most fun to write: Definitely my Coldwestallen fluff/teasing heatwave ficlet.

Story with the single sexiest moment: Alas I wrote none this year on my main account and only 1 on my secondary PWP account so there’s no true competition there.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Honestly can’t think of one, wasn’t really a darkfic kinda year. The few Savibarry things I created (a fanmix and 2 moodboards including a short ficlet) are probably the most likely to fall under that category for the pairing alone.

Most challenging to write: The Hartmon timeloop fic, because the plot needed to be good enough and getting pacing right was hard too.

Funniest fic: I don’t do funny much but I’d say the heatwave ficlet again.

Fluffiest fic: My Westallen coffee shop AU probably? Or the Westhallen fic.

Saddest fic: This one is hard to judge. I suspect One Way Or Another is overall saddest, because Savitar, but the Iris has powers one is fairly sad too given her inevitable trauma from being in the Mirrorverse. My Uncharted fic ‘Slip of the tongue’ is also post-breakup so quite morose/regretful.

Fic I’m proudest of writing: Probably the Hartmon quarantine fic, ‘Between Hope And Fear’ because it was a hard subject to deal with for me emotionally at the time. It was cathartic to write but then it looks like from the response that it resonated with several people so I was glad to have been able to write it.

Least popular fic: Going by kudos or hits, my Uncharted fic with only 4/35 but it is a tiny/kinda dead fandom. My Iris fic also was next least popular with only 9 kudos & 52 hits - I’ve only written for her a handful of times as I get a little nervous about if I can write her well enough and I never know if some Iris fans might avoid me due to ship wars.

Biggest disappointment: I wasn’t disappointed in anything I posted but I was least confident about my Snowest fic, ‘Love isn’t a science’.

General writing reflections: I should try and do more variety. Experiment more. Let myself write more shortform stuff again. I get a lot of grand ideas but I need to accept not everything can be long fic. It’d be nice to have some stuff somewhere between longfic and moodboard blurbs as those seems my current two extremes 90% of the time. I should probably worry less about fact checking canon stuff and handwave things more.

Writers You Should Read: My answer wasn’t initially gonna be much different than last year and I’d generally say check out my bookmarks on AO3.

But then I thought more and realised there’s definitely some other writers I found in 2020 and a few others I want to mention.

@voldiebuns has lots of great short fics I enjoyed a lot when I hadn’t many spoons to read fic.

@violetteatime writes great Hartmon.

@astrid-goes-for-a-spin I really enjoyed their Iris and Westallen fics.

@dance-is-life27 has some lovely Snowestallen.

@finalfantasyx writes very thoughtful Snowbarry that is also Iris-friendly.

Check out @tygermine if you want humourous/fluffy Dramione and she also has a lot of Merlin fics.

@jessequicksters is a great writer and got me reading some Flash pairings I’d not considered before.

@secondratevillain has a lot of fab Rogues fics.

@joanthangroff for great DCTV gen in particular.

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels who has such great Timeless fics, especially for Garcyatt, but also has started writing great Witcher fics too.

Favorite character to write: I think this year that’d be Hartley, but Savitar is still up there for the same odd reasons as before.

Favorite opening lines:

I don’t think I have any favourites for this.

Favorite closing lines:

A break that created something else, each shard a possibility, a new path to see herself another way.

- from After Image (Iris, The Flash)

Because words are her thing and all Rodney really needs to understand is he doesn’t have to be perfect, he can just be, the same as John is with her. That’s all they really need.

- from my McKay/Shep/Weir College professors AU ficlet (SGA)

It’s her turn to blush then, and that brings out a smile from Barry that makes all his previous smiles seem dull in comparison.

- from my Westallen Coffeshop AU (Barry/Iris, The Flash)

Other favorite lines:

'I can do that' and 'We ought to be able to manage it' and so many variations of those have been uttered by him over the years. All permutations on the theme of him not exactly promising to borrow/beg/steal an object for the client themselves per se. 'I could do that for you', with the words 'I won't' left off.

{...]he blames Elena for her moralizing him – changing his perception from shades of grey to a stronger contrast.

- from Slip of the Tongue (Nate, Uncharted)

there's nowhere to go. Except there's that tug inside her, like a whisper of gravity, that says, there's here.

- from After Image (Iris, The Flash)

Hunter, who turned out to be less bring-home-to-your-mom material and more of a wants-to-take-you-home-in-the-trunk-of-his-car kinda guy.

- from my Snowbarry Little Shop of Horrors AU (Barry/Caitlin, The Flash)

But it makes Cisco swallow hard because that isn’t the Piper outfit he’s most recently seen Hartley in. This is the outfit he made for Hartley, erased from existence like every other part of their friendship.

- from my Hartmon Alice in Wonderland Fusion (Cisco/Hartley, The Flash)

#purpleyin #purpleyin: fanfic #fic writing #year in review #2020 #writer recs

9 notes · View notes

alwaysonthemend · 4 years

Text

Destiel Fic Recs (An extensive rec list of almost every single Destiel fic I‘ve ever read.)

NOTE

- This is a masterlist of all of my fic recs. They include AUs, SPN universe, codas, ficlets, schoolfics, and more!

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.

-This rec list is all Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

-Yes, many of these works are NSFW, but usually said scenes can be skipped without losing important plot info.

-This list will be updated whenever I find a good fic, though probably not regularly if I'm honest. (Life happens...)

-I DO NOT own any of the work found on this list, nor do I claim it to be my own; I am simply making this so that others can enjoy these fics as well.

-Please do not hate on anyone or anything. If you don't like Destiel, then don't read the fics. If you hate the author, don't tell me because I don't care about that drama. (Walk AwaaAYyaYAaa)

1. Twist and Shout****** by @gabriel and @standbyme Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm sure that there is nothing I can say that you haven't already heard. Just read it. Suffer along with the rest of us. There's fluff, smut, angst (the holy trinity.) This is truly the best fan fic ever written. Period. 20/10.

2. 300 Things by @cautionzombies. (I can't find the original source so you'll have to try and find it on your own...)

Thoughts- What's a Supernatural rec list without 300 Things? This really is an amazing fic and it is written so well!

3. How A Righteous Man Raises A Rose by @swordofmymouth- Live Journal.

Thoughts- This fic really took me by surprise. It's tagged as an AU, but I think you'll find that it's not at all what you think. The author effortlessly sets a mood of loss and regret, yet still gives the light a chance to shine through. I went into this fic thinking it to be an AU, and it was at first. But I soon realized that there was much more to this fic than what at first meets the eye. I shed a few tears over this one.

4. Cleanse the Mirror* by @takadainmate -Live Journal.

Thoughts- Man, this one hurts, but in the best way. I read this fic a long time ago but lost it and couldn't find it for a long time. I am so glad that I found it and was able to re read. Just as enjoyable (if not more so) the second time. Dean gets a better understanding of what it's like being an angel. (And Cas is written so well in this fic! He's just like he is in the show. It's incredible!)

5. A Hole in the World by @bauble - Live Journal.

Thoughts- This one just hurts and hurts and hurts. This is one that you'll just have to read and see for yourself. No happy ending. (You've been warned.)

6. In the Shadow of Your Wings by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really well written fic. There were several times that I almost forgot that I was reading a fan fic because the characters and story are just so well though out. It's a bit of a long one and is set in a (sort of) canon!verse.

7. My Throat is An Open Grave* by @inkandpaperqwerty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was one of the first fan fics that I ever read for Supernatural. This one is just so heartwarming, but not before plenty of angst and hurt/comfort. The author seamlessly puts Sam and Dean into a heartbreaking AU and it's all about the love that Sam and Dean have for each other. (NOT Wincest.)

8. Thursday's Child* by @strangeandcharm - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- All I can say is... Ow. Slow burn to end all slow burns, but so worth it in the end. This one is set in the End!verse (which I'm a total sucker for.) Dean and Cas are just so sad and I just want to hug them and make it all better. Imagine, Future!Dean's plan to kill Lucifer!Sam works and now he has to live with the fact that he killed his own brother, devil or not. And Cas has to come to terms with the fact that he survived the epic showdown, despite his belief that he wouldn't, and now has an addiction that he has to get under control. I love this fic and it really is a painfully slow read, but more than worth it in the end.

9. Après by @imogenbynight - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean and Cas go to Paris... Need I say more? I love this fic because it addresses the crappy way that Dean always has Cas coming to him and how Dean needs to step up and realize the sacrifices Cas has made for him (shameless bias opinion... Sorry) All us Cas stans will really appreciate this one. Written well, characterization flawless... What else can you ask for?

10. Dean's Days Off* by @MittenWraith - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just the sweetest, fluffiest fic you could ever ask for. Reading it made me want to fall in love so badly it hurt. Cas and Dean just get some well deserved rest and quiet. I am absolutely in love with this fic and I'll read it over and over again. (Especially if I've had a bad day and need some happiness)

11. Unlit, Unmarked, and Forgotten by @awed_frog -

Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a beautiful coda for 11x17. There's some Destiel if you squint. It's very sad but somehow manages a happy ending that renews your hope and brings a soft smile to your face.

12. Down Like Water by @museaway - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I really like this fic a lot. It is very sad with a lot of Hurt!Castiel but it does actually have a happy ending. Just grit your teeth and bare through the angst and sadness to make it to the beautifully sappy ending.

13. Till Kingdom Come* by @freckles_n_feathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a season 11 AU that was written before season 11 aired (the author actually somehow predicted things that were going to happen before they aired!!) This fic gave me really high hopes for season 11 that weren't quite fulfilled. I loved season 11, don't get me wrong (it's actually one of my favorite seasons) this fic was just so perfect and I wanted it to be canon so badly. (I re wrote this review like four times because I kept saying "actually" lol)

14. 12x19 Destiel Ficlet by @Samanstiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This was written before 12x19 aired, and if you were upset with how things went down then this is the fic for you. The characters are written so well and it really feels like an actual episode.

15. Contrapasso*** by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This might be the best fic ever (trumped only by Twist and Shout...) Inspired by Dantes Inferno and so beautifully written! I just... There aren't words. It's very dark, and the ending was not at all what I wanted (but after much thought, I realized that there couldn't have been a better ending.) I really got lost in this fic. I could see exactly what the author described, I could feel what the characters felt. This is true art... This is the fic we've all been looking for.

16. Put Up Your Dukes by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is by one of my favorite authors (who has featured on this rec list before...) Hilariously dirty. Dean and Cas are bone heads who can't make up there minds. Human!Cas is also a little sh*t and I'm living for it. There's some smutty times in this one... (which can easily be skipped if you're not comfortable without losing any important points of the story. {at least I didn't feel like I missed anything})

17. Then I Defy You Stars* by @speary - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So many tears were shed while I read this. The plot is just so amazing and a plot twist to end all plot twists at the end. It's full of sacrifice and love and angst and bittersweet moments. I love this fic (and I promise you will too.)

18. All the Nights by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This takes place after 15x03 episode "Golden Time". A bit of a fix it fic, but canon compliant to a point. I really love this fic (I love anything written by NorthernSparrow). Also a case!fic, which I'm always a softie for. Some big questions that I have since season 15 are addressed in this fic, and I absolutely love the way they are answered.

19. A Winter's Tale* by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh my gosh. So much Hurt!Castiel. There isn't outright Destiel but there is heavy DeanCas relations. This is a season 9 re write and it just hurts so much. If you can make it through all the pain, the happy ending makes it all worth it. Human!Cas just deserves so much better... Ahh! It's just so sad and perfect and awesome.

20. Give All My Secrets Away by @morganoconner - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a sweet little fic. Not particularly long, but oh so meaningful. Dean gets cursed and his soul is pushed from his body, leaving him vulnerable and scared (the author portrays the human soul in a very interesting way). Cas looks after him and it's just so fluffy.

21. Plot Holes* by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Holy crap! This fic took me a whole week to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it! Every chance I got I would pull my phone out and read. I was rudely interrupted many many times so I just decided to finish it at night and stayed up until 2AM on a school night. (oops?) It's soooo well written and feels like an actual season of Supernatural. 12/10 all the way.

22. Someone Who's Feeling For Me by @ellispark - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Here's a fic to kick you right in the feels. I actually really genuinely enjoyed reading this fic because of how well the characters are written! Dean, Sam, and Cas run into Lisa Braeden post her mind wipe in season 6 and it brings up a whole bunch of drama for our boys. (While also helping Dean realize that she was never really the person he wanted to be with 😉) A bit of light smut and a bit of angst but definitely worth a read.

23. Chalk and Chainmail by @angelwingsandthings - Wattpad.

Thoughts : Oh this one is so good... It's very angsty at times and Dean is a lovable dork who can't win no matter what he does and Cas is just a confused little assbutt who doesn't know what to do with himself. (So he's himself if we're being perfectly honest here 😂) There's some light smut but nothing too graphic. This one is a Highschool!AU, so prepare yourself for the delightful drama that comes along with teenage hormones. (And Charlie is a total QUEEN and I'm living for it. I love her so much.)

24. Remember When * by @VioletHaze - Archive of Our Own

Thoughts: Sooo... I've been on a bit of a School!fic kick recently. (Not a little bit. Like a lot a bit thb) This one is just so god da*n perfect (scuse my French) Dean and Cas have been best friends since fifth grade; they do everything together. Then some crap happens and they get in a huge fight junior year. Years later, they finally make it back to each other. (*Cries in fangirl*) Warning, it's sad, it hurts like heck. But there's also so many perfect moments. I promise you won't regret reading it. (And once again Charlie is a total queen and I would give my life for her. She deserves so much better... {SPN writers I'm looking at you.})

25. Everytown, USA by @aileenrose - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts : I've seen this fic on tons of recs but never really thought much of it. But I kept seeing it so I decided to give it a read and boy was it worth it! This is just a great fic that has plenty of fluff (And angst... Because what's a Destiel fic without sadness and pain?) Cas is a lot different from his character in the show but somehow the exact same? He's Cas, but it's like he's what Cas would have been like if he had grown up human. I just love him so much in this fic (and I want to give him a hug too... 😢)

26. I Through My Window by @dehavilland - Live Journal.

Thoughts: I've seen this fic on several recs and I finally got around to reading it myself. Some ample Destiel angst to hit you right in the feels. But I love this fic because it is incredibly motivating! Post season 5 canon-divergent and Castiel is permanently rendered human. Dean is a ginormous penis head and leaves Cas to fend for himself. Cas pines after him for a while before realizing that he doesn't need Dean to live his life. Cas stans will love this one. I just gotta include a quote because it's just beautiful. "No, I don't need you. But I want you."

27. A Light for My Path* by @domesticadventures - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Oh my goodness. This fic is just... *chefs kiss* Told from the perspective of Cas' Continental. (A.K.A "Connie") Dean and Cas are having a difficult time figuring out who they want to be after the end of the last The-End-Of-Times-We're-All-Gonna-Die, but they figure it out together. There are plenty of Impala!pov fics (and even an actual episode), but I don't think I've ever come across one from Connie's perspective. Definitely worth a read.

28. Named* by @RC_McLachlan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Hooo boy. This fic.... This is a complete season five re write and I LOVE IT. It's pretty angsty, but it also has some funny times thrown in. Dean is a sassy girl the whole time and I love him so much. And the plot twist at the end literally blew my mind. (brains splattered on the ceiling and everything.) 12/10.

29. And Even In The Quiet Night by @KelpietheThundergod - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, this one is pretty sad. Not full on angst, but more fluffy sad. (If that makes sense...) Dean wants to celebrate Christmas but no one else seems interested. I just want to wrap Dean in a blanket and sing Hey Jude until he feels better! But don't worry, an absolute beautifully written cliche and sappy ending will make up for it.

30. Just More of the Same (*??) by @outpastthemoat - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : There really aren't words to describe this series. It's just so fricken bleak but beautiful at the same time. I really don't know how to describe it. Read it, the only regret is that it ends. I honestly hated how it ended, so unfullfilling. But, that's life sometimes, and I think that's the whole point of the series. I don't know if I love it or hate it but there's no denying that it is absolutely beautifully written. 12/10

31. the cost of a thing**by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Hooo boy! This is a great fic! Fake marriage? Check. Slow burn? Check. Case!fic? Check. Fluff and angst? Check. This fic has it all. This fic kicked me right in the feels. My gosh, beautifully written and the characterization is FLAWLESS. But trust me, bring tissues as you watch Dean and Cas, slowly, painfully, but surely heal the trust that was shattered between them. This is an AU for season 8 in which Dean was the one who undertook the trials, not Sam. Dean is dying and there's nothing Sam and Cas can do to stop him, especially since Dean is insistent on just giving up and accepting his fate. Cas can save Dean's life, but at what cost? Surely a terrible one... Angst insues. 10/10.

32. I'll Dig a Hole and Pull You Through by @JoCarthage - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: If yall hated the DeanCas interaction in season six (didn't we all...?) then this is the fixit!fic for you. In this fic, Dean helps Cas defeat Raphael. And boy, there's some flangst. (Also Dom!Cas is a thing 😏)

33. Stitches by @Askance - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: I wouldn't exactly call this a fixit!fic, buuut it is a sort of fixit for season 7. (Except Cas gets hurt, which I hate. {So does Dean...}) Cas survives the Laviathan taking over his vessal but is rendered blind. Sam and Dean have to take care of him. Loads of whump and hurt/comfort. Definitely shed a tear or two (or twenty.)

34. The Way Out* by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: *fangirl noises*. I hate to say this, but OMG! This fic blew my frickin mind! The time line is very confusing and the author gives you a way to read it in chronological order, but it's worth it to read the way it was published. Everything starts making sense around the third to last chapter and it is glorious (-ly sad and angsty.) But there is a happy ending and it's soooo worth it. First timetravel!fic I've ever read and it did not disappoint.

35. What is Hidden, What is Seen* by @ExpatGirl.

Thoughts : Wow! This is a pretty long fic but so worth it. The author joked several times about the fact that the fic is longer than her Masters thesis. This is a complete season 11 re write and I LOVE it. It's got some beautifully written OCs, Crowley, Rowena, and a certain someone who needs to come back canonically. (Again, looking at you Spn writers...) This is just written so well and the author was able to put in small Easter eggs the whole way through just like any real season would. Some light smut but nothing too graphic, angst (Hello, my name is angst but you can call me Destiel.) There's even some humour in here too! All in all, an absolutely beautifully written fic.

36. And This, Your Living Kiss*** by @opal_bullets - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, first off, insert fangirl screams here! I LOVED this fic. (And not just because I'm a clown {which I totally am} but for some personal reasons I'll elaborate on in a sec...) This is an amazingly written, thought-provoking, and heartwarming fic to read. I loved it especially as it featured poet!Dean which I don't find a lot of. Now, I particularly liked this fic because it really hit home for me. The author described exactly how I feel when it comes to poetry. They described how poets often write best in times of sadness and misery and how we often stop writing because we are destroying ourselves in our own heads and can find nothing to write about when we finally allow ourselves to be happy. The author puts it perfectly in this fic. Not only did the fic make me rethink some of the opinions that I've had on poetry writing for years, but it also inspired me to pick up my pen again after not writing for almost a year and a half. So, thank you to the author for getting me back into writing poetry. (I can't thank you enough! ❤️) Please read this fic yall!

37. What We Remember by @Tiro - Fanfic.net

Thoughts : (Not Destiel btw) Oh my Chuck. This is soooo sad. Some nice emotionallyscarred!Dean for ya. It starts out so unassuming too! Totally blindsided me with the angst. But also some brotherly love between Sam and Dean. Definitely worth a read. (P. S, I'm writing this from the floor of my room while I sob in fangirl.)

38. More or Less by @schmerzerling - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Oh my goodness this is such a great fic. Lots of emotional angst and trauma (Just the way I like it.) This fic is so amazing and I loved every minute of it. There are so few stutter!Dean fics out there. This fic is unfinished and hasn't been updated since 2016 but I think it is still worth a read. The point at which the fic is left off has no immediate cliff hangers so I think that the fic can still be appreciated as is. Definitely worth a read.

39. Every Part of the Animal (*?) by @Askance and @Komodobits - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - I hate this fic. I hate how dam* near perfectly written it is. I hate it for the hours I spent crying. I hate it for the hope it gave me before ripping it away like it was a game. This fic was recommended to me on a group chat. I was warned. I was warned that it was a terrifying, horrific, and heartbreaking fic. What did I do?? I read it anyway. (Shocker, I know...) This fic is genuinely terrifying. It's horrific and I have to say, READ THE THE TAGS. Beautifully written, as to be expected by the authors. (Both of whom have featured on this list before.) This is a case fic gone horribly, horrifically, disgustingly wrong. 10/10 would recommend, but be warned: there is NOT a happy ending.

40. Hautley's Bend **** by @ColdInTheStudio - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay! So, first of, if you aren't into long fics this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. A whopping 42 chapters, all masterfully written without a flaw or typo in sight. I LOVE this fic with all my heart. I mean, I'm an absolute clown when it comes to Highschool!AUs, but this fic is just... *chef's kiss. * This is the Highschool!fic you have all been wanting. It's got angst, it's got fluff, emotional trauma, not to mention some fan favourite characters. (Gabriel, Charlie, and Kevin to name just a few.) But you should check out the tags before reading as there's some heavy stuff dealt with in this fic: Dean is not a very nice person at the beginning of this fic. There's also underage drinking and detailed substance abuse. Self harm is also pretty prominent in this fic as well as some A+ John Winchester parenting. But the pain is so, so worth it. Bring tissues!

41. Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @MandalaRose - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - The fluff is too much! I mean, we got firefighter!Dean saving Cas' life! (For Chuck's sake...What more could you ask for?) Also some single father Cas caring for a baby Clair, so some cute daddy!Cas for your troubles. So sweet and heartwarming and a very happy ending. 10/10.

42. Season Z*** by @Castielslostwings, @CR Noble, @cutelittlekitty, @EllenOfOz, @fangirlingtodeath513, @heylittleangel, @jscribbles, @MalMuses, and @son_of_a_bitch_spn_family - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So you might notice that there are LOTS of authors listed above and they all came together to create something beautiful. They started publishing chapters right after the season 14 finale and published a chapter every week until the season 15 premier. This is, essentially, a complete season 15 re write. It is masterfully done! Team Free Will vs. a zombie apocalypse. Also, lots and lots of old faces all brought together to save the world one last time. There's some heartbreak, some love, some smut, some fluff. (Also some Samwena to make everything even better.) 22 long chapters, each feeling like an actual episode, made this fic seem like an actual season. (And I wish the writers would steal from this fic's finale and make some... stuff... finally canon.) Truly a timeless Destiel masterpiece.

43. Something about Pinneaples by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is an EXTREMELY adorable little DeanCas ficlet. No angst, no Big Sad ™, just sweet sweet, tooth rotting Destiel fluff.

44. Last Night on Earth by @the_communist_unicorn - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Sooo, I'm sure we all remember that disastrous night out, when the first big ol Apocalypse was gearing up, and Dean found out that Cas was an eons-old virgin... And I'm sure we all remember the disaster that was Cas and a prostitute. Anyways, here's what might have happened if Dean had taken a bit more of a... hands on approach. 😏 The chapters are all episodes that took place after the season five episode "Free To Be You And Me" and how they would have unfolded had Destiel become canon. I will warn you, their is smut (easily skippable) and there is DEFINITELY some angst. The whole thing is capped off with a bittersweet alternate ending to season five finale "Swan Song." I can't say much else without spoiling the ending, but all in all it is a very good fic to read.

45. Painted Angels *** by @WinJennster - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- HOLY FRAHOLY. I love this fic. A beautiful take on the classic trope of "We Had Something Good But I Ruined It, Now I'm Gonna Show Up Twelve Years Later And Try To Fix It... Also You're Engaged To Someone Else. Oops?" But seriously, all joking aside, this is an awesome fic. Painter!Dean x Writer!Cas, a match made in Heaven. (Hehe, get it? Heaven? Sorry I'll leave.) HOWEVER, do please be mindful of the tags. There is mentions of suicide and a couple paragraphs describing a rather grizzly accident to one of the main characters. Also, some lovely A+ John Winchester Parenting ™ and several instances of homophobic language. Still, this is an amazingly written fic and I can't stress how much I enjoyed it.

46. Forgotten *** by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- So, first off, I have to talk about the author for a little bit. I have read every single fic by Northern Sparrow and EVERY SINGLE ONE is a friggin masterpiece. The amount of research and backstory that goes into these fics is truly awe-inspiring. Northern Sparrow leaves no plot holes, no mistakes, no typos, nada. Now, the actual fic in question is no exception. While not particularly a Destiel fic, it can be taken as pre slash. There is a sequel, a Destiel version and a non Destiel version, called Flight that I am currently reading as well. (The Destiel version of course 🤡) There is some serious whump and angst here, both physical and emotional. This fic is a canon divergent from around mid season 9, in which there is no Mark of Cain and is a continual re write of the season. Cas goes through a lot in this fic (my poor baby) and Dean and Sam go through some gnarly stuff as well. This is such a good fic, I really can't stress enough. I wish I was half as talented as Northern Sparrow is when it comes to writing stories. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed. 12/10

47. All is safely gathered in by @randomdestielfangirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a cute little coda for season 12 episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” It’s mostly Mary-centric and her understanding of the Dean/Cas relationship. I’ve always had a soft spot for season 12 codas where Mary sees that Dean and Sam have grown up. (Especially those that have DeanCas in them.)

48. Bring Up the Deep by @deathbanjo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a pretty cool case!fic with eventual Destiel fluff at the end. The story line is a little heavy and dark, but nothing more than canon-typical violence. This involves Sam, Dean, and a human Cas traveling to the beach to investigate a “sea monster.” Fair warning, there are moments describing Cas’ depression and struggle with figuring out who he is and who he wants to be, but again, not as bad as season 9... (STILL not forgiving the writers for that fiasco.)

49. Hazy Shade of Winter by @GeekPrincess - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is yet another case!fic. This one has Team Free Will and Mary teaming up to solve a case in rural Wyoming in the middle of winter. It takes place not too long after Mary’s resurrection and Sam being freed from the British Men of Letters. At first it seems to be just a normal case, but per Winchester fashion, someone ends up getting attacked. Definitely worth a read.

50. A Little Old Fashioned by @theheartchoice - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another coda, sorry... (I’ve been going through a faze) This one takes place in the aftermath of 14x13 episode “Lebanon.” I was disappointed that Cas didn’t play that big of a role in the 300th episode. I thought for sure he would considering he WASN’T EVEN IN THE 200TH EPISODE. *Clears throat* Umm, ya. Just some Destiel fluff of Cas taking care of Dean’s wounds the old fashioned way after John’s departure.

51. Same Deep Water by @braezenkitty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Team Free Will heads to California to investigate a string of mysterious deaths in a supposedly haunted hotel called the Brookdale Lodge, nestled in the redwoods of Santa Cruz. I particularly enjoyed this fic because it has a definite early SPN vibe. Very creepy and eerie and reminded me a lot of No Exit (2x06) and Playthings (2x11). Also a bit of flirty!Cas and jealous!Dean.

52. Looking for a Sign* by @emwebb17 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- THIS FIC... is sooo adorable. Holy Chuck. Dean meets Cas on his bus ride to work and tries to talk with him. Not realizing that Cas is deaf, Dean just assumes he’s being ignored and goes out of his way to get Cas to interact with him. After weeks of no response he finally realizes that Cas can’t hear him and so Dean offers that they start over with their acquaintanceship. Dean meets all of Cas’ friends and they quickly grow closer and closer. They would be perfect for each other except Cas refuses to date hearing people. (Also, bonus points for the pun in the title.)

53. Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by @Sparseparsley - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve seen this fic on so many rec lists and I’m so mad that it took me this long to finally read it. Bartender!Dean meets Cas at a bachelor party and they hit it off right away. Then, when Cas’ car breaks down, Dean offers to drive him around to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Dean has a massive crush, but thanks to Dean’s remarkable ability to jump to conclusions, he thinks that Cas is the one getting married in 2 weeks. Read it just for the sake of watching two idiots dance around each other for weeks on end. They aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.

54. My Marble Guardian by @LadyDrace - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Bring tissues cuz this one hurts like a season 12 finale. (Heh. I’m hilarious.) Dean is killing himself trying to support little Sam after their parents die. Dean is close to ending it all and takes to talking to the marble angel statue that sits by his mother’s grave. I can’t say much else without spoiling the ending so you’ll have to read it yourself to find out how it ends.

55. The Law of Equivalent Exchange** by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Holy crap! This fic is truly amazing. @awed-frog is one of my favourite authors of all time. (And has featured on this rec list before.) This fic follows Castiel caring for his ward, a man who will one day be called Dean Winchester. Follow Cas through Rome, Greece, Paris, Russia, Germany, and more as he guides the impossibly bright soul that Heaven claims will one day save them all. In other words, Cas is sent to earth to watch over Dan, son of Enoch and continues to do so until January 24th, 1979, the day Dean Winchester is finally born. The fic then becomes canon-compliant all the way until season 11, then stems into a canon-divergent for defeating Amara. All from Cas’ POV, we see how he went from being Castiel, Angel of Tears and Thursdays to Cas, Angel of Dean Winchester. 12/10.

56. A Way Back Home* by @thatpeculiarone - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another AU with deaf!Cas. Dean is a lonely bakery owner whose past is full of heartbreak and loss. He meets Clair Novak, a mute girl who has no one to talk to, after Jody suggests that they meet. Neither are too keen on the idea at first, but they soon discover a perfect remedy for their predicament. Dean loves to tell stories and Clair loves to hear them. Dean has a story for every pastry in his bakery, and Clair soon realizes that all of Dean’s stories seem to revolve around one person. After finally discovering why Dean always looks sad when no one is looking, hates Valentines Day with a passion, and only ever talks about his best friend in the past tense, Clair is determined to help Dean get the happily-ever-after that he never got to have.

57. Such Familiar Magic by @saltnhalo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic was inspired by the artwork of very talented @lizleeships here on Tumblr. This is the first witch AU I’ve ever read and it did not disappoint. Cas is a reclusive witch with unimaginable power and Dean is one of the most powerful familiars in North America. Both of our boys have some dark secrets and ghosts from their pasts threaten to separate the two for good.

58. I'm fine by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Can I just say, WOW. This one is yet another small ficlet to go along with @lizleeships artwork. This fic, despite its short length, is so potent and amazing! The writer effortlessly blends the canon SPN with the world of Destiel and I am LIVING for it. The somber and quiet nature of this fic makes it an excellent read for a late at night fanfic session.

59. The Shadows on his Shoulders by @lizleenimbus (Yes, I know. Two in a row... I don't care.)- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay, first off, @lizleenimbus has become one of my favourite fic writers EVER. This fic is canon compliant (sort of) for season 6, just when Dean is beginning to figure out that something is wrong with Sam. (In the soul department, that is.. .) This here is a wingfic to end all wingfics. I love the writing, the characterization, the plot, everything, just... *chefs kiss.*

60. The Care and Feeding of Castiel by @MalMuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Soooo, another wingfic!! (No, I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem...) I am a total sucker for wing!grooming DeanCas fics. I just, gosh! I love them so much! I love this fic more every time, no matter how many times I've read it before.

61. Asunder by @rageprufrock - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Now, listen here lil clowns. Everyone loves a good "I need a plus one for my brother's wedding" trope and this here fic is the perfect one. And if you don't love it, this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. Sam is getting married and Dean doesn't want to go to it alone, so he enlists the company of his best friend Cas to go with him. Shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue, topped off with a healthy serving of meddling family members. A great rainy afternoon read.

62. Good Call by @sysrae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - First, please be mindful of the tags as Dean meets Cas by talking him off of a ledge. However, despite the horrible start, this series is still incredibly fluffy and sappy. It also has Therapist!Benny being exasperated by Dean and Cas' utter stupidity around each other. This is a very heartwarming fic that balances the angst with fluff perfectly.

63. 'Tis but a Crush by @Annie D - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Here is an awesome little meet cute modern AU fic! Cas notices that a man with startling green eyes stares at him whenever they are together. Cas is interested immediately but the green eyed man seems too shy to approach Cas. Fluff and awkward moments soon follow.

64. Where There's Smoke, Theres Fire** by @OsirisApollo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So, first of, I am absolutely in LOVE with Firefighter!Dean. Cas is an ER doctor who meets Dean after the fire alarm in his apartment building goes off. Cas manages to make a fool of himself but is comforted by the fact that he'll never see the attractive firefighter again. Boy, was Cas wrong. The two men seem to run into each other practically everywhere, and no matter how hard Cas tries, he always seems to embarrass himself with every meeting. This fic was responsible for making me squeal aggressively at 2 AM. 10/10 Destiel fluff.

65. Forget - Me - Not -Blues*** by @noangelsinthegarrison - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a fic that I go back and read over and over again. It’s got a perfect balance of fluff and angst, misunderstandings, and a healthy dose of clueless, meddling family and friends. Bottom line is, Sam is getting married and Dean is going to be the best man. He’s thrilled, until he finds out that Castiel Novak is Jess’ honorary Maid of Honour. Dean and Cas had a... something or other back in high school. Dean would ask to be friends again but Cas is intent on pretending that they never knew each other in the first place. Misunderstandings, awkward moments, and an obscene amount of embarrassment ensues, no thanks at all to the “tradition” surrounding the Maid of Honour and the Best Man. 10/10.

66. Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by @impatient14 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, this one has practically every romcom trope out there... AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. (*Clears throat) Ya, soooo. Doctor Cas and Firefighter Dean are friends. Best friends actually. Totally platonic bros. A bromance for the ages. The broist bros to ever bro. That’s it. No homosexual feelings to be found here. None at all... Or so Dean tries to convince himself.

67. Prosopagnosia by @misseditallagain - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Man, this fic is really adorable and quite heartbreaking at times. Cas has a cognitive disorder that means he can’t ever remember faces. He’s given up on finding love until he meets one Dean Winchester, but he’s afraid to tell his hot date the truth about his condition. Assumptions are made and misunderstandings threaten to tear the two apart for good, but maybe there’s a chance for these two after all.

68. Midnight Blues AKA To Hell and Back (Courtesy of Sig Sauer) by @outofminutes - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As we all know, I am a glutton for damaged!Dean being cared for by Cas. Dean is a war veteran. He’s been discharged for five years but he hasn’t dared to go back home until now. He’s not the same person he was all those years ago and the constant haunting of horrors past threaten to tear him apart. Thankfully, he’s got a loving family and a new friend (Hehe. Guess who. Sorry, I’ll leave) to help him pick up the pieces.

69. Scars by @lemonsorbae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, first off: WOOOO 69! NOICE! OKay, I’m done... So, this fic stands out to me for the writers unique take on some popular tropes. Dean is a tattoo artist with green hair (Insert Priestly from Ten Inch Hero here.) and Cas is the stereotypical hipster. They don’t get along very well at the beginning of this fic. (Which is a HUGE understatement btw). Then, a drunken party leads to certain... unsavory actions, and both swear that it will never happen again. And that’s a total lie. Lots of smutty times in this one so be warned, also references to past trauma for both of our favourite boys so please mind the tags before reading.

70. The One Thing You Can’t Lose by @MajorEnglishEsquire - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a cuddly, tooth-rottingly fluffy little ficlet for some happy DeanCas feels. Warning: Do not read in public place for there WILL be squeals.

71. The Ugly Sweater Verse by @nerdylittledude - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Everyone who’s ever read Destiel fanfiction has heard of the Ugly Sweater Verse. I don’t care! I’m reccing it anyway. A newly human Castiel wants to experience every holiday to its fullest, dragging Dean and Sam (But mostly Dean) along with him. This is an AU for after season 5 in which Sam is alive, Cas is human, and Dean finally gets his head out of his ass. (With a little... okay a lot of help from the rest of Team Free Will.) This is an awesome feel-good Verse that is always nice to read after a bad day. There is a prequel to this Verse that is stand-alone, but you don’t have to read it to get the rest of the Verse. (Also, if you’re only looking for fluffy times then I wouldn’t recommend reading the prequel. You have been warned.)

72. Cats and Tats by @Jemariel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This here is the quintessential Coffee Shop AU that no one asked for (Well.. I asked for it. I’m lonely dammit) Cas owns a coffee shop that is right next door to a tattoo shop owned by our own Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t like the pastel coffee shop because it totally ruins his badassery vibe, and Cas doesn’t need another distraction like Dean, and poor Sam never gets a moments peace.

73. Moving On by @BruisedCastiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel is a witch who reads fortunes for a living. One day he gets a customer named Dean whose reading has a shocking outcome. Not too much later, Dean’s ghost comes looking for Castiel seeking answers. This fic starts out pretty sad and things look hopeless for Dean and Cas but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending.

74. Into the Fire** by @NorthernSparrow- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve mentioned on this list before that NorthernSparrow is my favourite fic writer of all time. And their work has been featured several times on this list before. Now, be warned. This fic gets VERY dark VERY quickly. Dean, shortly after the Mark of Cain is removed, is cursed and he kills Cas. The trauma of the Mark, the guilt he feels for killing Cas, and the looming threat of the Darkness sends Dean into a mental breakdown. Sam, mourning the loss of Cas himself, is left to try and put together what is left of Dean’s sanity AND to come up with a plan to defeat the Darkness. Sam and Dean, with the help of several allies, come together to save the universe once and for all. This is a full AU starting sometime in early season 11 and finishes all the way through the end of the season. There is a lot of sadness and guilt in this fic, so please be careful going into it. Bring tissues. I cried gratuitously throughout this fic. But don’t worry because THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. Bonus points for TrueForm!Cas. 15/10.

75. There’d Be No Distance by @imogenbynight - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- Just a short, feel-good, fluffy Christmas fic for ya. Cas is lonely on New Years because he assumes that he won’t be welcome to the family get-together. But don’t worry! Dean sets the record straight with his angel. (Well...Not straight but... you know what I mean.)

76. Imperfect Proposals by @Fallen_Angel_Meg - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, so, Cas is a total jerk at the beginning of this fic. He’s demanding, arrogant, cruel, and just rude to practically everyone who works at his firm. Dean is his new assistant and needs this job if he’s ever going to make it as an architect, but Castiel isn’t making it easy for him. Things get more complicated when Cas is threatened with being deported so he says that Dean is his fiance. Dean isn’t on board until Cas threatens to fire him if he doesn’t play along. Now they just have to make it through Sam and Jess’ wedding. Easy... Right? (There IS a happy ending it just takes these two idiots a while to get there.)

77. The Novak Hickey Mystery by @FagurFiskur - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a short ficlet involving Professor Novak’s mysterious relationship and some VERY nosy students. Nice and quick happy-go-lucky fic with no angst and plenty of tooth rotting fluff.

78. Come Back* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is yet another short, canon-verse ficlet for you guys. (I know these last couple fics have been pretty short but I have been reading so many long fics recently that I’ve needed a bit of a mental break from the stress of a slow burn lol) Anyways, this is one of my favourite authors. Literally, every single thing by this author is a freaking gold mine of Destiel goodness. This particular ficlet chronicles Dean and Cas sharing an intimate conversation after a particularly nasty hunt. I love these types of fics in which Dean and Cas actually Use There Words™ and talk like Grown Ups™. (Never happens canonically so I’ll take what I can get. Looking at you SPN writers.) ALSO, this has artwork also by @lizleeships! I swear, this individual is too frickin talented. 10/10!

79. And then there were Six* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Two in a row by the same author... This author rocks okay! (Seriously, go check them out) This right here is a wing fic my friends. But not the type we are used to. It involves a bashful Cas, flustered Dean (And I know we ALL love a flustered Dean), and a very amused little brother. I love this ficlet especially as it is a beautiful take on the fact that Seraphim are supposed to have six wings.

80. Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here’s another fic from a “rec list favourite” author of mine. This is a pretty cool case fic with an awesome monster of the week. (Japanese folklore at its finest.) A creature manifests itself as a person’s true love. Sam sees Jess, Cas sees Dean, Dean sees Cas (And has a freakout along the way.)

81. Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by @sobsicles - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Hoooo Boy! Talk about an angst fest. Set sometime in early season 15, Dean and Cas get their memories wiped and Dean is convinced that they are serial killers on the run from some tall guy named Sam. Things get awkward when they get their memories back, as they also remember what the two of them did when they were on the run together. Dean talks out of his ass, Cas gets angry (rightfully so), Sam and Eileen just want a moments peace, and LOTS of bad blood gets let out out into the open for the first time in years. This fic was hard to read because, true to Winchester fashion, Dean and Cas’ communication during this fic is TERRIBLE. Just when you think the two of them are about to hash things out, one of them goes and says something stupid and they have to start all over again. I definitely recommend this fic, but be prepared to brave some hardcore angst before Dean and Cas get their happy ending.

82. Lost in Words, Hand in Hand* by @hallowgirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is the fluffiest fluffy fic to ever fluff! (Try saying that 10 times fast.) Dean tells Cas that he never got read to as a child, so Cas takes it upon himself to read to Dean. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the two enjoy the time together more than they thought they would. Plus, there’s so many books to read, and laying in the same bed is just practical. That’s it. Just guys being dudes. And if Dean happens to fall asleep on Cas’ shoulder? Well, that’s not his fault at all. (Also, bonus points for Sam being the typical smug little bro who lets Dean know that he and Cas aren’t as subtle as they think they are.)

83. La Hantise** by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay so, I have been waiting to read this fic for FOREVER. I read the first couple chapters a long time ago (back when it was still a WIP) and I immediately fell in love. I decided, rather painfully, to stop reading and save it to my Marked For Later until it was finished. I have a hard time when it comes to WIPs because I forget what I read during the previous update and I often times lose interest until I can read it all in one go. I couldn’t wait to read it and I was not disappointed! This fic is BEAUTIFULLY written and the story seems to come to life before your eyes. This is the Destiel we all fell in love with; Two damaged and broken beings finding peace within each other. Warning: these two are complete idiots and there’s a lot of pining and some pretty hefty angst. Castiel’s backstory is truly, completely and utterly, tragic. Dean’s isn’t a picnic either I suppose, but it’s Cas past that comes back to haunt Dean and Cas in this fic. The author seamlessly interweaves the reality with the make believe and it sucks the reader into the story effortlessly. 14/10. A Destiel classic.

84. Cheers, Angel Eyes by @wannaliveindeansdimples - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As I’m sure you all know by now, I am in love with bartender! and barista!Dean. This fic has a healthy dose of bartender!Dean for you. In this fic, Castiel, known to Dean only as Angel Eyes, is a regular at the bar that Dean owns. The two hit it off during the few conversations that they have and decide to give themselves a chance. Very minimal angst and only just a small bit of pining from Dean’s POV. A very good, quick, none painful read.

85. best friends without benefits by @lizbobjones - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is set between the end of season 11 and the beginning of season 12 and is canon divergent for the most part. This one is pretty funny and enjoyable to read, if only for the sake of poor Sam and Mary dealing with two complete idiots. Dean lets slip to Cas that he finds Cas driving Baby “hot” and Cas admits that he has known of Dean’s attraction for years. Cas proposes he and Dean enter a Friends With Benefits relationship and Dean just can’t say no. But Dean just digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble after he mistakes Cas’ preposition as a rejection of deeper feelings. Misunderstandings happen, Dean is a big baby, Cas is clueless, and Sam is stuck in the middle.

87. Shifter by @@LadyLini - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- There are tons and tons of fics out there where Dean and Cas are the bumbling idiots of the story (Yes, just like in the show) and Sam is the one who has everything figured out. But this fic looks at the idea of Sam being the one out of the loop and Dean and Cas being the ones who actually know what the heck is going on. This is a cool AU in which Sam went to Stanford, John Winchester is still an ass hole, and Destiel is canon. This was a cool take on how the events of the show would have taken place if Sam wasn’t there and Cas had been the one to save Dean from Azazel.

89. diamond star halo by @jad - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a wonderfully light-hearted little fic in which Cas possesses Dean while his vessel recovers from the attack dog spell. We also get some great brotherly banter, Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple, and other Team Free Will shenanigans. Also, poor Sam.

90. like moses and batman and james dean by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oooohh boy. This fic is quite the can of worms for me. Here, the author gives us a more detailed account of Dean’s past of turning tricks in order to raise little Sammy, and how this past is affecting his current relationship with our Wayward Angel. This is a heavier fic and please be mindful of the tags (Yes, John Winchester’s A+ parenting is one of them...) But it DOES have a happy ending.

91. any port in the storm by @mishcollin - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- If you are looking for a case!fic with Dean and Cas pretending to be dating on a couple’s cruise then you have come to the right place. I love this fic specifically for the care and detail of the case. Even more, there are lots and lots of OCs in this fic and every single one of them has their own personality and backstory. Be warned: there are lots of arguments between the elder Winchester and newly human Castiel. (Most of them because Dean is a big ol idiot in this fic and keeps the possible location of Cas’ fallen grace from him because of his Winchester Fear Of Abandonment ™)

92. Sunset Plaza by @LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dang! This is a great fic. Cas is practically married to his work and never goes on vacations, so his loving brother Gabriel decides to book him a weekend at a resort. Cas ends up having to share his room with one Dean Winchester the first night due to a problem with the server at the hotel. But they manage to make the best of it (if ya know what I mean...) Everything is great until its time to go home. They could make it work, but our lovable idiots can’t let anything be that easy. (Extra points for a little dash of Sabriel and meddling Gabriel.)

93. Longing by @whelvenwings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really fluffy fic set in canonverse. Dean and Cas finally have a discussion that has been long in the making, ending years of mutual pining. The tone of this fic is very sweet and is a great, feel-good, nighttime read. Give me Destiel and Impala confessions and I’m one happy clown.

94. Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- EnochianThings is one of my favourite fic writers of all time! I can’t believe its taken me this long to rec this fic. This is an angsty holiday fic in which Cas confesses his feelings first and Dean is a total assbutt about it. Dean is at a loss after he realizes that he might of just driven away the one thing that could have made him the happiest: Cas. (Oh, don’t get me started on a rejected Cas... My heart can’t bear his sultry seraphim sadness.)

95. I’ll Cross the Sky for You by @superhoney - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I am going to start this off by saying that I wasn’t really into this fic at first. I had found it through tags alone and it sat in my Marked for Later for months. I liked the tags, but I wasn’t sure about the premise of the fic. I could NOT have been more wrong. This fic was absolutely adorable. Barista!Dean meets Captain!Castiel... but in space! (With space ships and everything!) Anyways, very adorable, very cute. Definitely worth checking out.

96. Nepeta Cataria* by @thepopeisdope - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I would literally give anything for there to be more Witch!Cas x Familiar!Dean fics out there. This is one of my favourite AUs and I feel like it is so lacking compared to many of the others. In this fic, Cas is a lonesome witch who plants catnip to prevent mosquitoes from being in his garden. Little did he know that it would also attract Dean, a powerful familiar, who just so happens to be the love of Cas’ life. (Familiar!Dean is almost always a dog in the fics I find so it was great to get to see him as a cat. Honestly, Cat Familar!Dean might be my favourite.)

97.Texas State of Mind** by @palominopup – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is an awesome fic with country singer Castiel Novak meeting Dean Winchester, a man who was once an award-winning country music star. Dean has a complicated past, as he didn’t leave the industry on a good note (Compliments of John Winchester’s A+ Parenting™) He’s sworn off ever singing again and is content to look after his horses for the rest of his life... That is, until Cas Novak wants to sing a duet. This is an awesome fic with lots of familiar SPN faces. It takes Dean and Cas a little while to come around for each other, but once they do, they’re a fluffy force to be reckoned with.

98. In Real Life by @cloudyjenn – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a hilarious little meetcute in which Dean has been communicating with this guy online... They’ve never done anything but exchange messages and texts, never even seen each other’s faces, but Dean is pretty sure he’s in love with him. Sam decides that such a relationship is completely pointless if the two will never meet so he introduces his brother to Castiel. Dean thinks he’s hot and would totally go out with him, but he just can’t bring himself to like someone other than his online mystery man. But Cas is fine with Dean not being interested, mostly because there’s this guy he met online who, even though they’ve never met... Aaaand ya. You all can guess where this is going hahaha. But it gets even better when Sam realizes that Dean and Cas are each other’s mystery online crushes and decides to have a little fun with it.

99. Rentboy by @Naoe – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean Winchester’s life hasn’t been pretty, but he’s happy with it because at least he got Sammy the life and opportunities he wanted. Dean’s life takes an interesting turn when he meets Castiel at a benefit. Dean, ashamed of his job, comes up with a new name and a new life story for this strange man. Somehow, the two form an unlikely bond, Dean supporting Castiel as his wife is dying. But the lie Dean told is still there and he has no idea how to fix it. And once Castiel’s wife is gone, the lie is the only thing keeping them from truly being together. Castiel isn’t in love with Dean Winchester... at least, not the real one. Needless to say, life isn’t easy for a Rent boy in the 80s.

100. Silver and Cold by @superhoney – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Silver and Cold is an amazing AU in which Castiel is a wayward hunter afraid of settling down and a dark past that haunts him everywhere he goes. While on a case investigating a possible werewolf attack, Cas runs into Dean Winchester, a recluse who lives up in the woods of Sydnam, Maine. He’s got a bad temper and a past to rival Cas’. If it weren't for the alarming amount of evidence pointing towards Dean being the werewolf, Cas thinks Dean might just be more kind than he lets people believe.

101. Any Little Heartbreak* by @followthattardis – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was a fic that I started reading a long time ago, but somehow lost and couldn’t find it again. But I finally found it and the joy I felt was unparalleled. (My little clown heart could barely take it) Dean is a heart surgeon. He’s frickin good at it to... Maybe even one of the best in the US. He knows everything there is to know about the human heart. (“Anatomically speaking”) He’s just transferred to a new hospital and the head nurse is totally hot. And Dean also happens to make a fool of himself in front of said nurse on his very first day at the hospital. From there, it seems that despite his best efforts, Cas doesn’t like Dean at all. (And EVERYONE likes Dean so, what the hell?) Dean thinks his crush will go away if he can just get all that tension out of his system... Boy was he wrong. I LOVE this fic and I am so glad I was able to find it again. I especially liked how all the hospital staff were all familiar faces. 😊

102. What happened between me and Cas* by @AthenaErrata – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This right here?? Broke me. BROKE ME I TELL YOU. (*Clears throat) This is a coda set just after 11x19 episode The Chitters, in which Dean finally tells Sam everything. The secret kisses, stolen touches. The betrayals, the lies, the guilt. Everything. All the things involving Cas that Dean promised himself he would never tell another soul. Dean retells events from seasons 4 to 11 and gives a bit more info into just why he and Cas can never truly be happy together. The fic continues into a canon-compliant tale all the way until a beautiful happy reunion set in 13x06 episode Tombstone.

103. True Faces* by @Tibbins – Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm pretty sure that this author has featured on this rec list a couple times before. Tibbins is one of my favourite SPN writers of all time. This is a trilogy verse in which Dean, Sam, and Cas tell some truths that should have been shared a LONG time ago. In the first one, titled “Behind the Mask”, Dean convinces Sam to open up about some things that has been bothering him and Sam finally sheds some light on what it was like being tortured by Lucifer. The second, titled “In the Mind”, follows Dean as he opens up to Sam following the conversation from the first fic. He tells Sam more of what happened in Hell and why he will never really be able to wipe the blood off his hands. The last fic (Which is pre slash Destiel) titled “Under the Skin”, Cas gets to discuss with Dean the things that haunt the angel’s mind. The last one is especially painful... Though the two finally admit their feelings for one another, Dean explains to Cas why he just isn’t ready yet. It’s sad, but it has a hopeful ending.

104. In My Time of Vinyl by @freclesarechocolate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- First off, damn! This fic is one to pull at your heartstrings. I am a a shameless lover of hurt!Dean and this fic delivers beautifully. Cas, driven to seek shelter from the rain, enters the record shop owned by Dean. Dean is sweet and offers shelter for the night and Cas ends up promising to come back to buy some records. The two create a fast friendship but Cas ends up noticing some things that are a little off with Dean. He’s always smiling, but sometimes the smiles can’t cover up the sadness in his eyes. He doesn’t talk about his family or his past, and he never seems to have a lot of food in his fridge. This is a story of coming to terms with mental health, friendship, love, trust, and letting others help you. I absolutely recommend this fic! Quick warning, however, Dean has a very troubled life and his story is no picnic ride. Be sure to check out the tags before reading.

105. Hunter’s Caress*** by @Ltleflrt - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is probably in my top five most favourite Destiel fics of all time. I have read this fic all the way through at least twice now. The story follows Castiel Jameson, a Pinkerton Detective, who is on a quest to revenge his murdered brother. He seeks the help of the outlaw Dean Winchester, a dangerous man who supposedly has enough blood on his hands to fill an ocean. Cas saves Dean and his brother Sam from being hung in exchange for their assistance in tracking the rat bastard who killed his brother. The two start out as enemies, then to begrudging allies, friend, and maybe even something more. Cas tries to keep his mind on business, but he aches to learn the feeling of a Hunter’s Caress. 20/10. Be warned though, this fic gets pretty gritty. The world of hunters and outlaws is messy and dangerous. This fic deals with death, injury, rape, and worse. Be careful before heading in but I assure you, this fic will not disappoint.

106. Love Bites* by @malmuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- MalMuses is one of the best fic writers out there. A true legend in the SPN fandom! This fic is one of my favourite as it features Creature!Dean x Human!Castiel. In this fic, Cas takes in a bat that his cat got a hold of. Cas knows that there’s something special about this bat. He seems to understand human speech and loves hamburgers. But even stranger, his eyes are the exact same green as the cute mechanic who comes into the coffee shop sometimes.

!107-117. All of these are just codas set for post 15x18 and for post finale/finale rewrites. They are pretty much very similar. Dean breaks down and Sam is left to pick up the pieces. Most, if not all, have happy/hopeful endings.

107. Everything is Blue by @malmuses - AO3

108. Tag to “Despair” by @Alvinola- AO3

109. Time by @Chipper99- AO3

110. When It All Crashes Down by @spacegirlstuff - AO3

111. Through the clouds by @judithhandronicus - AO3

112. Because it is by @60r3d0m - AO3

113. the burden of belonging by @Newtondale - AO3

114. Counting the days by @WanderUntilLost - AO3

115. The Weight of Silence by @jscribbles - AO3

116. As It Should Be by @Loser_Angel_666 - AO3

117. When you have a home by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

118. What’s Left Unsaid (Is Finally Said) by @A_Place_To_Roam - Archive of Our Own.

119. When you have a future by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a lovely fic in which Sam succeeds in closing Hell and Castiel is able to board up Heaven. Everyone lives happily-ever-after. No looming Apocalypse, no higher power, no fate. Found family is the only thing that remains. But Dean is left with this strange feeling rolling around in his gut. Like he’s waiting for the next disaster to happen. Meanwhile Sam learns about dog poetry from Castiel, Team Free Will gets pet rabbits (named after porn stars), Dean finally gets his head out of his ass, and Sam learns something shocking about his older brother.

120. Remarkable by @shiphitsthefan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel’s the new elementary school teacher in town. One of his classmates, one Ben Braeden, has a father who is just as annoying as was promised. Dean’s “helpful” books and readings he brings Castiel about being more socially aware get easily dismissed as overly-involved-parent-crap. But that all changes after Castiel reads Ben Braeden’s essay assignment.

121. (Dis) Affection by @justkeeponwriting - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This fic!!!!! This fic is soo frickin adorable. Dean and Cas’ nosy friends set them up on a blind date. Neither of them is very happy so they devise an epic plan of revenge. Act like the most disgustingly in love couple ever and then have a terrible public breakup. Hopefully their friends will feel so guilty that they never try to set the two up again. The plan goes amazingly. Dean and Cas find it easy to fake being a newly in love couple... Almost too easily.

122. Uniform of a Winchester******** by @monsterfuckerdean - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Its fics like these that I think set the SPN fandom apart from others. The thought put into these works makes them so real, so painstakingly relatable, make the characters come to life both on screen and in words. This is a heartbreaking character study of Dean Winchester. The author gives the reader a glimpse into the backstory behind Dean’s jewelry. The skull bracelet given to him by Missouri, the ring given to him by a childhood friend named Lee Webb, and more. This fic will break your heart. And if you’re like me, you won’t be able to find another fic that comes anywhere close to it. (If you do, please give it to me.) I’ve read this fic many times over. I take this fic as canon, completely and utterly. Dean Winchester is written so perfectly that the writers of the show are frickin jealous.

123. In Someone Else’s Life by @blue_morning - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- A classic Destiel wedding trope! Cas, along with his obnoxious-but-lovable brother Gabriel, accidentally crash a stranger’s wedding. Cas meets Jessica, the lucky bride, along with Sam, the best man. But its the groom with beautiful green eyes that Castiel can’t take his eyes off of. Assumptions are made, embarrassment ensues, and maybe... just maybe, happily ever afters do really happen.

124. Nobody’s Fault But Mine by @peanutbutterjelly-pie - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh! the fluff! Its killing me. Cas meets Dean and Sam Winchester. Both ridiculously attractive and both total sweethearts. But Castiel finds himself falling for Sam, the older brother with the beautiful green eyes. Too bad he’s getting married to Jessica in a few weeks... Tee hee hee. It’s glorious.

#destiel+ficlet #Destiel #destiel fluff #destiel feels #SPN #SPNFamily #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #castiel #charlie bradbury #crowley #deancas #dean winchester fanfiction #castiel fanfiction #dean whump #castiel whump #clownin' around

47 notes · View notes

majesticnerdynerd · 4 years

Text

Reichenbach Falls Recap 2020

Hello! Since it is December 31st of this tomfuckery of a year, I decided to make a post about something that brightened my days since the 25th of May, my fic Reichenbach Falls that keeps me company every day which I love very much. Never ever would I have thought I’d come up with a 300-chapter a.k.a. 3 works in 1 fanfic. And yet here we are!

I wanted to reflect on how the initial writing process went, then the posting, and how it evolved until today.

So, Reichenbach Falls. It is a Gravity Falls Sherlock AU, but as I plotted more and more, it evolved into the monstrosity of SuperWhoLock. 2012 called that they want their Holy Trinity back, but guess what? I may be late to the party but I still groove! It will mostly be SuperLock once it really gets off in further episodes later on, but the SuperWhoLock episodes? Y’all won’t see the crazy stuff coming.

Now: the origins. As I mentioned above, the 25th of May 2020 is when I speed-wrote episode 1 of RF. The original document was 13k words long and mere 3 chapters, and I have a policy of writing on and on until it is needed to start reviewing. Upon said reviewing in the last week of August. It was a lot of work; since then I had decided to have each episode be split into 5 chapters, so I had to add 2 and review the new stuff. Today, episode 1 - Pixie Cut is the longest I have so far with 30k words. However, that may be soon overcome by episode 8 or 9 or even 10 - I noticed that episodes down the line are quite elaborate as I write them, which I suppose is good? I mean, it gives us more lore and interactions!

After writing all summer on speeds similar to those of Mr Krabs on methamphetamine (and my friends Bee @jasombee and Dee @ipromiseimnotaspy can attest to that), I suddenly found myself facing September 1st. The day I published Introduction to the characters and chapter 1 of ep. 1. And guys, the reception and feedback I got at the beginning? Still mindblowing to this day!

And I am incredibly grateful for everyone who clicked, gave kudo, commented, or subscribed to the fic, because I honestly didn’t think that a Sherlock AU that is taking on its own life and consuming mine would get much attention. But it did! And it’s all the more exciting to be able to share the story of John, Irene, Sherlock, Greg, and Mrs Hudson with anyone who joins the ride!

But the special thanks belong to Bee and Dee whom I mnetioned above as well. Bee took her time to bless Reichenbach Falls with fanart of the Colour Wheel, and Mary, John, Irene, and Sherlock. And there will be more for some other important peeps, too, eventually! And her art is gorgeous, so she definitely also deserves some serious love. Dee took her time to read the episodes I put in front of her and gave me first-feel feedback as a reader, which I value so much! She also prohibited me from spoiling her the plot twists, so she’s a bit of my lab rat to see her reactions, while Bee is my sounding board and helped me flesh out the overarching plot across the full 3 works and she also graciously helps me smooth out details regarding the crossover bits. Oh, and Dee also made moodboards for Sherlock and Irene! Thank you girls, I don’t know what I’d do without you.

We also got a SuperLock episode, which actually took a lot longer than I liked to write in July. It was the first passing introduction of the Winchester brothers, and I have to say that I’m satisfied with it. The original episode was 22k words long, the present posted one stands at 25.888 words. The Winchester brothers will be vital to the plot and very relevant as the story progresses, so it’s definitely not the last time we saw them in ep2 Gloria Scott! And I mean it, did I mention there’s a lot of lore? :)

This fic has its own memes in my gallery, because me and my friends couldn’t help it, and somehow, a twisted impostor spirit of Niclas Cage and ghoul Freddie Mercury ended up as parts of the plot in their respective episodes. What can I say, this fic is full of surprises even for me as I write :D and there’s a lot more to come as we unravel the many mysteries of Reichenbach Falls and its origins!

Honestly, it’s such a blast to write this. I never thought I’d set out to write a project this big. I have a shcedule I try to keep to, posting on every fifth day of the month. Season 1, Deja Vu, is roughly plotted out, but I’ve discussed this on my secondary blog where I had a nice chat with Iris. Season 2, name of which I won’t disclose yet because that is 1 year in the future in terms of being posted, is also plotted out roughly, but I give myself enough free leeway so as not to feel restricted or suffocated by my own expectations. Which works out, because I always improvise on the whim as I write, and it’s all the more fun!

And the people who reached out, even those who didn’t or lurk, I love you. You’ve made this experience of posting fanfiction all the more exciting and I can’t wait to show you all there is. Thank you <3

The primary ship is, of course, Johnlock, but I don’t stop there either ;) but other ships are a surprise for now!

Also, here’s something I find quite funny: almost 4 full months of Reichenbach Falls being posted and it reached a beautiful number of hits.

Do you see that?

Oh yes. It’s all coming together. What a way to end 2020. Crowley shall enjoy the ride as well, because we’re on our highway to hell! (wow it rhymes)

Seriously, though. Thank you for tagging along.

I’ll see you on January 5th with episode 6

Happy New Year!

-Vee

#reichenbach falls #my fic #recap #spn #dr who fandom #Sherlock #johnlock #Johnlock fic #superwholock #really thank you

9 notes · View notes

abigsexyjellyfish · 4 years

Text

2020 Writing in Review

Total number of completed stories: Nine, plus two WIPs

Total word count:

34,296

At the speed I’m writing, this may as well be a million.

Fandoms written in:

Fallout New Vegas, Fallout 3, Fallout 4 and Disco Elysium

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Before this year, the last time I wrote fic was in 2015. No points for guessing.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes - I’ve been meaning to write this story roughly since 2011 and never got around to it. It’s not perfect - I wrote it early after picking up fic again at the start of the year, but if feels good to have gotten that bit of lore out of my head.

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I had absolutely zero illusions about Cabaret Boys finding an audience. Too questionably het (even though it’s really not) for my usual crowd, and significantly too gay for the average person who might click on something tagged Male Courier/Cass. I’m glad I wrote it, though, because I really enjoy this dynamic: two hedonists who love each other as much as they can given certain restrictions, and who continuously brig out the worst in each other by being too indulgent.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Keep writing. Maybe rewrite All Lies And Jests (note the absence of a link - I’m not terribly happy with this one).

I’d also like to write at least a token-fic for one or two of my old fandoms - Les Miserables and Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell come to mind.

Best story of the year?

Snow Like Ashes, hands down. My one contribution to the Disco Elysium fandom essentially wrote itself.

Most popular story of the year?

Right after the old “...but you fuck one goat” principle: The Fisto Incident. You write one robofucker fic-

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Please read Whatever is Left of The Libraries, even if the tag/ship list is growing increasingly wild.

Most fun story to write:

An Irresistible Force, Such as You - Arcade and my boy Arthur have lovely chemistry when I actually let them loose on each other. Also, this exchange between my Lone Wanderer and Old Longfellow from Whatever is Left of The Libraries: They walk deeper into the heart of the island for what feels like forever. Trees and shrubbery now grow thickly around them. The sky darkens until it is difficult to know the time, not helped by the smog of the weather.

Gazing out at the trees, Longfellow quotes a line from a poem by a long dead namesake.

“This is the forest primeval. The murmuring pines and the hemlocks. Bearded with moss, and in garments green, indistinct in the twilight.”

Perhaps he does not expect Leaf to recognize the verse, but this is another thing where their tastes are surprisingly aligned. At home Longfellow has a small stack of salvaged prose and poetry, all gathered in collections beneath his bed, right next to a pile of tattered magazines full of women’s skin that, for Leaf, hold no fascination.

“They shut the road through the woods seventy years ago,” Leaf quotes in return, struggling to clamber over fallen logs, nearly toppling with the gear strapped to his back.

“Weather and rain have undone it again, and now you would never know there was once a road through the woods.”

Longfellow’s answering laugh is so loud as to disturb a small flock of black birds that had been going about their own business in the bushes along the path.

“Allons!” he bellows, closing his large hand around Leaf’s forearm to pull him up. “The road is before us! It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well—be not detain’d!”

Most unintentionally telling story:

Just how much I, the gratification junkie, enjoy writing fringe rare-pair slash content for a fandom that is 90% het.

Biggest disappointment:

All Lies And Jests - I was going somewhere with it, but I wrote it at a time when my writing was growing progressively less rusty, so the inconsistency in quality between chapters was pretty significant.

Biggest surprise:

Snow Like Ashes - I write it in a couple of hours (never happens - usually I can do about 300 worlds of decent content a day), and as far as I can tell it’s some of my best writing.

#fallout #fallout new vegas #disco elysium #end of year fic meme #blogging from the rarepair dungeon #my fic

4 notes · View notes

prettylittlelyres · 4 years

Text

My Year in Writing (2020)

Hello and Happy New Year! I thought it might be nice to share with you all an overview of what I've written in 2020.

First of all, let me say that I haven't written nearly as much as I wanted to, but that's OK, and it's OK if the amount you've written feels or looks pretty similar. The point is, it looks some way (I daresay pretty) because you've taken up the pen and put some words on a page.

I don't want to gloss over how bad aspects of my 2020 Writing Year have disappointed me, because that would be as silly as casting a damper on the whole thing by focusing only on the trickier bits. What I'm aiming for here is a balanced review - even if it's a rather informal one - of my achievements, and my feelings about my writing this year. In the interest of balance, let's start with something GOOD!

Right at the beginning of the year - around January - I started redrafting a rather fabulously dark fantasy romance, of which you've probably seen a little bit on this blog: Songs from the Crypt Forest, which I dropped after 9,800 words, because I wanted - and needed to work on my first dedicated book, and on my Year Abroad Research Project.

I managed to write about 17,000 words of the dedicated book in its original form before I realised that it wasn't quite working, and that I ought to try a different tack. The story I was telling there is a story I still want to tell, but I just wasn't ready to write it at the time. I'm hoping to pick it up properly in 2021.

I realised I needed to try getting back into the world I wrote in 'Violins and Violets', by writing something set around the same time and involving some of the same characters. In March, I started writing 'Book J', for which I didn’t have a proper title until I was nearly done with its first draft! I gave it the working title 'Book J', because I was writing it for my friend Jenny. By the time summer came round I had 52,000 words, and a first draft that was as complete as I think it ever will be.

Lockdown hit my life quite hard in Spring 2020, and I lost my language assistant job in France when all schools closed, and I had to come back to the UK to live out the academic year with my parents. Nevertheless I had to carry on working with my Year Abroad Research Project, Which I was able to hand in by 18th May, having squeezed all my findings into a dissertation of 6,000 words.

Now that my YARP was out of my way, and I had no more work to do for university, I started redrafting Jenny's book, now called 'Vogeltje', and cut it down to 44,000 words, which I polished until August... when I had copies printed for Jenny, so that she could read a book written especially for her. I would have given it to her in person in France, but lockdown happened, and I ended up posting her copies from one part of South England to another. A rather typical outcome for a meetup planned in 2019 for 2020, I suspect!

During lockdown, I also trained as a proof-reader and copyeditor, and did some volunteer work for a company that needed translators. Online training courses have been a godsend, and I've particularly enjoyed a novel writing course and a travel writing course that I've been following. The novel writing course has pushed me to flesh out plans for a number of books, including more detailed and cohesive outlines for 'Songs from the Crypt Forest' and 'The Night Has Teeth' (two books I want to write in a similar universe), along with my on-again-off-again WIP 'The Manylove Quarter' - and the plans for these three alone come to 7,850+ words!

I moved back to Southampton in July, and took August to start drafting 'The Manylove Quarter ', but that ended up petering out with about 19,200 words of prose on the page. Still, I spent a lot of time querying, and got plenty of reading done, so - especially considering the heatwaves in my area and a pretty enormous academic crisis in my record (fixed in November, after writing a LOT of letters and reports!!! So, this is where I send a million hugs to my lecturers and tutors for all the help they've given me, thank you, thank you, thank you all SO MUCH!!!) - I still felt fairly well-accomplished at the end of the month. I also did quite a bit of painting.

In August and September, I started typing up the journal I've been keeping since the beginning of April, once I'd settled back into life in the UK, to keep track of my feelings about the pandemic and my reactions to what I've seen or heard in the news. I write an average of 6,000 words per month, so I'm coming up to 50,000 words on the whole thing (but have yet to type up November or December). One day, I'll use it to write some extremely illustrious memoirs about how much fun, I had stamping up and down the stairs in my parents' house in order to get my steps in! (I really did get quite fit, though, and I want to get back to it in the New Year!)

At the start of September, I published a 2,500-word travel log my university's "study abroad" blog, all about how much I came to love the French city of La Rochelle, where I spent my 3rd year working. I think I will polish it at least a little before I post it here, but I would love to post a redrafted version on this blog!

My final year of university (BA Modern Languages, French and German) started in October, so all my reading and writing that month - or so it felt - was linked to my course. However. I've lost count of how many pieces I've translated between English, French and German, just to prepare for each class. I love my course, but it doesn't leave much energy for anything else!

Welcome to November, when all my graded assignments were due at once, and the associated stress started taking its toll. Luckily, my tutors were there to help me get extensions for work I couldn't hand in on time because my brain had turned into mashed potato. By the middle of December, I ended up with a 300-word translation and 300-word scripted scene for French, a 1,000-word commentary on a translation into English, a 2,500-word essay for French History, and a 2,000-word short story for German, which I've translated into English, and will post here any day.

This has really been a big year for letter-writing, especially since I came back from France. My cousin and I love writing longhand letters to each other, as I love writing them to my grandmothers, and, as such, I've written about one hundred letters this year! My cousin and I have kept every letter we've ever sent each other, and these collections have approximately doubled in size since the start of 2020.

I keep trying to redraft the first chapters of 'The Manylove Quarter', but never seem to get very far. With about 3 redrafts started since Autumn, I'd say l have about 1,000 words typed up. I can probably say the same of the story I'm trying to write as a kind of Standalone, kind of Sequel to 'This Still Happens' and 'Curls of Smoke', except that I'd put those around the 2,000-word mark.

If my Mathematic capabilities still stand up, I estimate I've written about 210,000 words in total this year (not including text messages, letters, emails and entries in my regular diary (which I keep separately to my pandemic journal)), which. honestly, makes me feel a little like I've failed myself.

That's why l'm making this post, actually, to address that feeling - because | know it's not rational, so I'm not going to call it "that fact" - and to tot all my work up in one place, so that I can see my achievements as one big hulk. Looking at my 2020 in terms of projects l've actually finished, it's disappointing! But to look at 2020 as a final wordcount makes me feel an awful lot better. My sister just pointed out that "210,000 words" is "nearly a quarter of a million words", and, put in that way, it's much easier to feel like I've accomplished something of which I can - and Should - feel proud. I've written a lot this year!

Now l'm asking all of you who feel like you've "not done enough work in 2020" to reassess the way you're looking at it all, and to see that:

Productivity shouldn't define how much you feel you're worth, no matter how productive you've been. Please don't fall into the capitalist trap of thinking you're only "doing the right thing" if you're working! You're worth a huge amount and you deserve to be proud of yourself!

You've achieved a lot more than you first thought, whether in the projects you've finished, the number of words you're written, the ideas you've had, the research and planning you've done, the time you've put in, the skills you've honed... OR THE FUN YOU'VE HAD! It all counts, and it's all important, and you can be proud of all of it, just like you can be proud of yourself.

If you don't feel like you've done enough, find a new angle from which to look at what you have done. I'm willing to bet someone out there can see how brilliantly you're doing already. Try to see yourself through that someone's eyes!

#writeblr #blog #writer's life #writing about writing #2020 in writing #motivation #positivity

1 note · View note

iwbfinterviews · 4 years

Text

Jake Brown Interview

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer? Is there a particular reason you chose to write about music, singers, etc?

I didn’t actually, lol. I’m a songwriter/producer first, I grew up playing and writing music but always wrote as a way to kind of get through school because I was terrible at math, sciences, tests, etc. I think there’s alot of people in the music business who started out like that. It kind of happened accidentally, I was working for a record label right out of college and started writing copy for their catalog titles, press releases, etc and it just expanded from there. I met a literary agent through that who suggested I try to write a book, and we sold the Suge Knight memoir to Amber Books, who gave me my start. Another big early foot in the door moment was when I had the opportunity to write books with Ann and Nancy Wilson & Heart in 2007 and in 2009 with Lemmy Kilmister and Motorhead. Then the book nearly 10 years into my career that really kind of made me appreciate this career was the opportunity to work with legendary guitar player Joe Satriani on Strange Beautiful Music: A Musical Memoir. I’d also started specializing in anthology-style books that feature LOTS of exclusive interviews in one book in chapter profiles so you could tell a bunch of people’s live stories at once, including the BEHIND THE BOARDS series, which began 10 years ago as a Rock & Roll producers’ series, the aforementioned In the Studio series with Heart, Motorhead, and others, and then finally about 10 years into living in Nashville I began working on the NASHVILLE SONGWRITER book series and most recently the BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE book. SO: the long answer to that question is, because I love telling the behind-the-scenes stories of both the hits and those who make them, be it songwriters or producers or drummers in the case of the BEYOND THE BEATS rock drummers series, or Hip Hop producers with the DOCTORS OF RHYTHM audiobook and upcoming physical version in 2021. I’ve also been fortunate to write memoirs with some interesting characters like Kenny Aronoff, country rapper Big Smo and upcoming Freddy Powers The Spree of ’83 book which features Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson. So it's been an interesting run.

How long does it take you to write a book?

I work on several at once usually, that’s kind of my process, half day on one, a day on another, but for BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE, I spent 4 straight months day in and out writing this book exclusively as it was over 600 pages. I was reading the audiobook for Blackstone as I was writing it too, which was the first time I’ve ever done that. Usually the audiobook is read after the book is completed. Then it’s about a month of editing before its handed into the publisher. So this was a real push, but it was worth it because of the feedback I’m getting first from the producers I worked quite extensively in many cases with on their individual chapters, and collectively in the book being a first of its kind for country music fans where they can read about how their favorite hits by country’s biggest stars were made while listening along on Spotify, iTunes, Tidal, etc.

What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?

Oh, I don’t know... I write every book thinking from the outset before I’ve even started putting words down to paper thinking about how that book will be marketed and promoted upon release. There’s no point in writing something no one is going to read because when you get to the finish line you don’t have a gameplan on how to make readers aware of it. Publishers, to be honest, can only do so much in that arena, every publisher’s publicist is usually like a social worker with 30 cases on their desk, so yours can only get so much attention. So for instance, I always recommend to a writer to hire a great publicist and know that while that’s a considerable expense, it may be the best money you spend in getting the word out about your book because that publicist is working for YOU, not for 30 authors at once. It's just a fact of the business that I think should get more light shed on it because you’re competing with that number I mentioned above of 60,000+ books a YEAR coming out. I also negotiate the right to press my own promo runs of 100 if needed because if not, you’ll wind up with a paltry 10 copies from the publisher, who for their own budgetary reasons, might not for instance be able to service all the physical review copies you’ll have to give away during the book’s promotion, whether to a disc jockey interviewing you on the air or the listener he or she is giving away a free copy to during that broadcast, as just one example. If you don’t plan ahead for that, you’ll wind up paying that publisher $6 or $7 per promotional copy, which is something I’m SURE some of my own publishers would hate for me to pull the curtain back on, but its true. Writers are paid LAST usually in the royalty chain, especially early on, but you move up in that order as you build a value into your name as a writer, which only comes with people hearing about you and your book. So again, HIRE A PUBLICIST, HIRE A PUBLICIST, HIRE A PUBLICIST! Your agent can be helpful too, but its typically up to you as an author to maintain your own social media presence and look for every available avenue to spread the word about your book so it has a chance to be read. This is equally important for newer or more established writers, because there’s always a new generation of equally-as-talented new wordsmiths knocking on those publishers’ same doors...

What do you like to do when you're not writing?

In a studio making music or writing books for the various publishers I work for, or recording audiobooks for Blackstone Audio, so it’s pretty time-consuming. I did just sign a worldwide music publishing deal for my songwriting catalog with Streets Music and David Gresham Company. So I’m lucky to stay busy, to be honest, you have to too make a living in the entertainment business. I have a wife and a dog too, so I spend what time I have left with them. ☺

Your 50th book is coming out June 23rd, “Behind The Boards: Nashville”. Can you give us insight on what it will be about?

First, I exhale deeply every time I get asked that because it's finally DONE! I spent 2 years collecting extensive, first-hand – many for the first time in a book – interviews with 30 of country music’s biggest producers, and in some cases, that meant waiting for a break in their busy studio schedules to talk, in others it meant multiple conversations over a couple years as we wanted to make sure we had all their current hits as they kept banging them out, and in other cases, because of the sheer volume of their catalog – some of these guys have been in the business since the early 70s – it took that long to chronicle it all. That’s just the interview process too, then I had to write it and I write everything in one shot vs. a chapter here and there. Its to me like staying in character as an actor throughout an entire performance, and when you’re writing a book like this, you’re in a headspace that never lets you sleep because creative narrative is CONSTANTLY hitting you about specific hits, and there’s over 300 # 1s in this book. Additionally, there’s an EXHAUSTIVE amount of research I do to source out certain critical quotes of praise, for instance, from way back in the 80s, 90s, early 00s, etc from magazines that aren’t even in print anymore, as well as supporting quotes from the actual superstars these producers work with in the studio, which also takes a great deal of time. So after all of that prep, once you begin writing, there’s another 3-4 months before the manuscript comes to life as a finished product.

As a result of that, country music fans here are given arguably the MOST definitive to date book chronicling the stories behind the making of their favorite hits in the studio, again how those artists specifically and uniquely work at their craft – i.e. does George Strait sing each hit over 3 or 4 vocals or 25 or 30 takes, etc – as well as how specific # 1s within those individual catalogs of Greatest Hits were created in the studio. Then from the other side of the boards, so to speak, you get the producer’s first-hand recollections of their own personal journeys from the time they could first crawl and walk and started discovering music to their teenage bands and first tape-recorder or 2-inch reel to reel or 4-track or laptop home recording sessions all the way up through their rise to become the biggest names in the business working in country music today.

Collectively, BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE features Dann Huff, James Stroud, Jim Ed Norman, Dave Cobb, Justin Neibank, Ross Copperman, Zach Crowell, Chris Destefano, Jesse Frasure, Norbert Putnam, Josh Osborne, Luke Laird, Clint Black, Frank Liddell, Shane McAnally, Jimmy Robbins, Josh Leo, Nathan Chapman, Paul Worley, Jeff Stevens, Jody Stevens, Bobby Braddock, Michael Knox, Don Cook, Frank Rogers, Joey Moi, Ray Baker, and Buddy Cannon, who did the Foreword, which was a TRUE honor. Frankly, it was an honor to have every one of these legends speak to fans so candidly and openly about both their personal and professional lives in the music business. Their stories are inspiring, ear-and-eye-opening, exciting, insightful, and hopefully educational for those kids growing up on their records now hoping to break into the same business. So hopefully, there’s something for everyone who opens the book.

What were the methods you used to get ‘the’ interview with all the big names you’ve written about?

When you’ve been around this long, fortunately you can get in touch with just about anybody, whether they say yes or not to the interview is another story! (laughs) But I’ve been pretty lucky, especially for instance with my NASHVILLE SONGWRITER book series, which has TWO volumes and 50 of the biggest songwriters in country music in the first two volumes, and a THIRD volume with another 30 legendary songwriters coming out at the end of 2021, and especially with BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE, which has 30 of the most legendary record producers in country over the past 50 years, guys like Norbert Putnam, who ran Quad and produced Jimmy Buffet’s “Margaritaville,” Jim Ed Norman, who produced Hank Williams Jr’s Born to Boogie album, Ray Baker, who produced that whole 70s Honkytonk soundtrack including Moe Bandy, Whitey Shafer, and Merle Haggard and Freddy Powers among others. Then you have the Millennial generation’s biggest names like Joey Moi, Dave Cobb, Dann Huff, Jesse Frasure, Ross Copperman, Shane McAnally and Josh Osborne, Ray Riddle, and on and on.

What do you think makes a good story?

Well, for this book, the most common thread woven throughout many of the chapters/live stories of these producers were the long-term working relationships they’ve maintained with many of country music’s biggest stars throughout their entire careers or the majority, for instance, Jeff Stevens and Luke Bryan, Byron Gallimore and Tim McGraw, Buddy Cannon and Kenny Chesney, Michael Knox and Tony Brown, Frank Rogers and Brad Paisley, Miranda Lambert and Frank Liddell, the list goes on and on as long as the Greatest Hits track listings do. Equally as importantly for a book like this, is the fact it takes the reader quite literally inside the studio and pulls back the curtain on how their favorite country music stars record their biggest hits, and almost literally re-creates their recording from behind the boards by the producers interviewed. Then on a totally separate front, from the academic side, its a 600-page book full of tips about how the recording process works from all sides, points of views, approaches, ages, and technologies, old and new, from analog to digital and the hybrid of both in the “in the box” generation of record making. Hopefully, we’ve covered all sides of the process, that was the aim anyway so readers get a 3-D look, so to speak, at how the recording business really works.

How did publishing your first book change your process of writing?

I sold my first book to my first publisher, Amber Books, in 2001 and Tony Rose gave me my start in the business and I wrote for them almost exclusively for the first 5 years and 10 books of my career from 2002 to 2007. So having a stable and still exciting publisher willing to take chances on you and equally-as-importantly, the kinds of books you might approach them with, is KEY for any new writer because writers must remember EVERY time a publisher takes a chance on their book, they’re putting real money behind it before they ever see a dime back. It's a big leap of faith, and carries with it alot of obligations for the author, where it doesn’t just end with handing the book in, but also helping promote it and building a brand for your name so it can become more and more reliable for both readers and new publishers, as any writer’s goal should be to eventually build a catalog where they write for as many publishers as possible throughout their career. But be prepared to start out writing for one, or anyone for that matter, who you can verify has a good track record as a publisher, or if they’re new to the game, doesn’t just want to put out an e-book, which anyone can do without a publisher, and is willing to commit to a physical pressing, and promotion of that pressing. I wouldn’t go looking for advances on your first or even necessarily second book out, but start asking for them as soon as possible as its an important piece of the income stream for any working author, as much as royalties are later on down the road. An advance lets an author know a publisher first can afford to put money into their book, and values them, vs. Alot of these starter deals that promise big back-end but nothing up front. You have to be able to afford to take that hit once or twice out of the gate, but its not a career model any writer should plan on if they want to make a living as a working author. The other reason I mention all this is because being a working writer is not just about the creative side of the process, but the entrepreneurial one too, because you have to be a self-promoter, and not be shy to doing interviews or promotion on social media, etc, as you’re competing with a THOUSAND new titles a week minimum these days between all the digital e-books and print books out there. I think the statistic was to be something like 60,000 books published in 2018 alone, so that tells you the competition you’re up against to even get a book sold to a publisher, let alone compete on bookstore shelves for the reader dollar.

What’s your favorite under-appreciated novel?

Of my own books, I wouldn’t say any are underappreciated, I’m grateful for the fact that people still read my books after 20 years and 2 or 3 generations of teenagers (which are a primary part of my reading audience) still buy my stuff. I try to give them consistently interesting reading subjects, either in the personalities I co-write with – like country rapper SMO, whose memoir My Life in a Jar: The Book of Smo, was released in 2019, or the Freddy Powers Spree of ’83 memoir, which is presently in film development and that I co-wrote a screenplay for with Catherine Powers last year, that was also something different, and say something like legendary R&B producer/artist Teddy Riley’s forthcoming memoir Remember the Times, which we’ve been working on for the past 6 years off and on and is looking like it might be heading to Teddy’s fans’ hands in the next year. One key thing I tell new writers when asked for input into starting a career in the current climate for our business is be prepared to commit as much time to a book as the artist needs, its similar to an album – if the publisher wants it on a deadline, be prepare to deliver, but getting an artist to open up in depth about their life takes time, both to build trust and to physically take the time to do the interviews not only with them in principle but also with the huge list of supporting cast members between peers in the band and business and family members and friends, record executives, peers, etc that usually wind up on those lists. It's a process you should NEVER RUSH yourself, only move at the rhythm of the people you work with and for, and you’ll wind up working alot longer in the business than those who are in a hurry.

How many unpublished and half-finished books do you have?

Haha, I actually have a folder called “Projects That Probably Won’t Happen” and its filled with all kinds of “famous” bands/musicians books that just never got off the ground for one reason or another, but they’re all under contractual deals where I can’t talk about them in case they want to put a book out in the future, and I hope they all do. Sometimes you encounter someone who is thinking about writing a book but is really 10 years before they’re ready to, or they aren’t really committed yet past the concept, so you do some sample chapter interviews but it never gets past that starting line. I’ve thankfully left on good terms with the majority of those names, but with 50 published books in my catalog, most of what I have committed my time to has thankfully made it to store shelves. That’s important for any new writer to remember, because with every new book project you take on, you’re committing a year to two years of their life to that process from the start of interviews through the completion, handing it into the publisher, editing, etc. Anyone in a rush usually isn’t going to get anywhere is what I’ve found, it takes time, even if your mind is moving a million miles a minute, and your ambition even faster, pace yourself and you’ll last a lot longer in the race I’ve found anyway (cheesy sports metaphor aside ☺).

Do you read your book reviews? How do you deal with bad or good ones?

Haha, I’ve had some good and bad experiences there over the years. I have NO problem with a consumer buying my book and then reviewing it one way or the other on say Amazon or Audible, etc, because that’s part of the business, but as far as book reviews from other writers, I just have to hope they like it and write fairly about it as it does matter impressionistically what readers then think of it as a potential product to buy and read themselves. Sometimes, in walking the fine line I have to be between the technical and the creative in a series like this or Nashville Songwriter or say my In the Studio series, which has over 10 books in it alone, so you never know. Its something I don’t pay alot of attention to as well because by the time a review comes out, the book has been out a couple months usually and we’re on the back-end of a promotional push, so if its a good review, it's a nice 4th quarter boost of coverage, and if it's not, then it's pretty buried vs. hurting the book’s launch on the front end. I’m just being honest, sorry, but book reviews play a very MINIMAL role in most books’ launches if they’re properly promoted via author interviews, premier placements as we’ve done with American Songwriter, CMT, SoundsLikeNashville.com and others coming up, and for any newer writer, accept ahead of time that you’re GOING to get a bad review here or there, it's just part of the subjective review process, and doesn’t speak for your larger reading audience.

Do you believe in writer’s block?

Not when you write for a living. It's not a luxury I think any of the writers I know who work professionally writing books can afford, that’s why you have to follow the simple rule of A.B.W. (Always Be Writing) ☺.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Probably doing the same thing, writing is how I make a living, so it's will be with me until arthiritis set’s in, but I’ve got 2 screenplays in development and hope to have at had at least one of them produced into a film. I’m not unrealistic to think that it will go to theatres, but I’d be happy to see a streaming service selection with my name on it as a screenwriter, there’s 3 or 4 of my books fortunately in that cycle right now so we’ll hope one or two of them make it that far. Beyond that, I’m in the studio every week as I have been the past 20 years making music and will continue doing that, hopefully to a greater degree with these new publishing deals I’ve signed as I have over 200 released songs in my own catalog, none in Country lol, but I just try to keep putting out new creative product across multiple mediums at as prolific a pace as the muse allows without the quality of the end-product being compromised. That’s the point at which I’d stop I guess, if the quality of the writing lessens to where people don’t want to read my stuff anymore. Thankfully, I have built up a pretty loyal reading and retail-buying audience over the past 2 decades, and hope to keep putting out books that help music listeners understand how hard and still rewarding a business the record business is. It's an amazing world to wake up working in every day, and I love helping musicians tell their stories on paper, so we’ll just have to see. I hope to have hit 60 books by then, although my ultimate goal is another 50 over the next 10 years! (laughs) Thanks again for your time and support of this latest project!

2 notes · View notes

tessatechaitea · 4 years

Text

Cerebus #6 (1978)

Is The Secret a story about Cerebus manifesting reality because that's what he winds up doing pretty near constantly, right? Like Elrod and the Regency Elf and the Black Tower and his relationship with Jaka and running a tavern?

I just developed a massive migraine thinking about doing reviews for the Latter Days Woody Allen issues and had to lie down for three weeks. Based on the cover alone, I have no idea which Cerebus story this is. Is it the one where he first meets Jaka and gets drunk on Apricot Brandy? Or is it the one where we learn he's a hermaphrodite and there are three aardvarks? No, no! Probably too soon for that! Dave didn't yet realize he wanted smart and interesting people reading his comic book; he was just looking for us fantasy loving fools hoping for some chainmail bikini side boob with a little black and white barbarian battle gore to go with it. Although for people wanting side boob and gore that was also in color, there was a better option out there: the four collected Elfquest volumes. Especially Volume Four! Elf orgy, baby! Skywise dicks like five elf maidens at once! Although how that's possible, I don't know. It should have been Nightfall taking five elf cocks at once. Maybe six. They're small! Deni announces in the "A Note from the Publisher" bit that she and Dave are getting married! Is that exciting enough for an exclamation point even though we know it ends in tragedy? Is divorce a tragedy? Probably not on the scale of, say, the sinking of the Titanic. But then again, was that really a tragedy? I know a lot of poor people died but don't forget a lot of robber barons did too! If there had been a Schoolhouse Rock song about Astor and Guggenheim and Straus drowning when the Titanic sunk, it probably would have been my favorite Schoolhouse Rock song. The chorus (and maybe title!) would have been about Archibald Butt and, sadly, that, as opposed to the "Eat the Rich" theme, is probably why I would have liked it so much. In Dave Sim's Swords of Cerebus essay, he explains how he came up with Jaka. She represented every girl Dave ever had an unrequited crush on. Not that he knew the crush was expressly unrequited since he never actually spoke to any of the girls he had a crush on. He decided stalking was easier. I get it! That's exactly how somebody who thinks women as objects is a much more attractive package than a woman who can express their own agency and beliefs! Dammit. That last statement hurt my feelings because I also had a problem expressing my feelings toward the ladies. Although that time Marilyn Mendoza came up to me in the library and said, "I hate being stared at," I did stop staring at her! It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life but I stopped! I didn't stop obsessing about her and wishing we could do whatever it was two people in love did to each other (hold hands and drink milkshakes out of one straw while staring in each others' eyes?). Eventually she, apparently, couldn't take not being stared at anymore so she began talking to me again. She also slipped me a note that said, "I love you anyways," and she tried to give me one of her school pictures unsolicited and she convinced her friends to take the phys ed class I was in and she asked for the rose I had on my desk that I was going to give her for her birthday but had chickened out giving it to her. And if that doesn't convince you that by not staring at her, I won her affection because you're a cynical jerk who still thinks the rom-coms where the guy wins the girl through sheer determination is a pox on society (which, I mean, it kind of is but that admission goes against my real life experience I'm relating), this is what she wrote in my 9th grade yearbook:

Sure, it sounds like a 9th grade Yearbook form letter! But check out the kind of jealous shade thrown at Kim and the "Luv ya kid!" up the side!

If you're wondering how I didn't immediately sweep her up in my arms after reading this and declare my undying adolescent love (You know? The kind of undying love that only adolescents can have which, also, dies rather quickly), it's because my friend Sal noticed the "Luv ya kid!" which I had failed to notice. This was halfway through summer and Marilyn wound up going to a different high school than I did. Although Mr. Edwards in my Spanish 2 class called her name for attendance on the first day of 10th grade! Stupid cruel life! After that slight confessional, you'll realize why I was primed for the Cerebus/Jaka will they/won't they drama to come. Cerebus has arrived in Iest and quickly meets a dying man who may or may not have expressed to him The Secret. Judging by the way the guys who were chasing and/or killed him, E'lass and Turg, are fantasizing about a future full of gold crowns, my guess is The Secret is the location of some treasure and not the means to bend the universe to your will simply by desiring shit. They believe Cerebus has learned The Secret so Turg tries to beat it out of him. But as we, the enraptured and attentive readers, have learned from the previous five issues, Cerebus can't be bested in battle. And since force doesn't work like it almost always does 100% of the time which is why America's diplomatic policy is "Don't even tell us your problems because we'd rather just beat the shit out of you until you shut the fuck up," E'lass decides to get Cerebus drunk. People always blab secrets when they're drunk! Which is why I try not to write more than 35% of my reviews while drunk. That way, you can't tell when I'm actually confessing to some gross misconduct I engaged in in my youth or I'm just writing a satirical joke about how reckless and terrible young men are in general.

This scene makes me think of Bill Cosby which makes me think of the Picture Pages song which makes me sad that I can only now sing it as, "Picture pages! Picture pages! Now it's time for Picture Pages! Time to grab your condoms and Rohypnol!"

I'm ignoring the spelling error because I'm above petty gripes. Once Cerebus is drugged, E'lass turns Cerebus' attention to the dancer, Jaka.

Love at first sight of side boob.

Cerebus climbs on stage to watch Jaka dance and nobody cares because he's an animal. Animals can get away with murder around pretty women! They can sniff their crotches and paw at their breasts and put their tongues straight up their noses. It's like, if you're going to scold me for doing it, maybe scold animals for doing it too? Be consistent in your messaging, women! Is it funny and slightly embarrassing when your crotch is sniffed or is it the actions of a sex pest?! Would it help if I wore a dog costume everywhere I went, especially yoga?

I'm going to pretend this doesn't read like a Cerebus getting an erection joke so that I appear more intelligent and sophisticated.

Jaka tells Cerebus he is cute. Jaka also refers to Jaka in the third person exactly like a princess from Palnu wouldn't. But that's what makes her stripping disguise so excellent! What also makes it excellent is that Dave Sim didn't really know who Jaka was yet. Which is fine! It's much harder to come up with a 300 issue story all at once and then remember it and then write it exactly as you conceived it without changing and updating it as you learn and grow with the work. It's much easier to write an off the cuff story about a stripper and a barbarian and unrequited love. It doesn't make it any less entertaining because it wasn't pre-planned. Also, the fun thing about comic books is when a writer takes a story from the past and recontextualizes it. That's why Geoff Johns and Grant Morrison have always been so popular! That's all they fucking do! A brawl breaks out because Cerebus is in a bar. It's the kind of thing that has to happen once the protagonist walks in a bar. And you can even role-play your very own bar brawl in my introductory Places & Predators module, "Welcome to Poorchaghoul!" While Cerebus is distracted by the brawl, E'lass and Turg go backstage to threaten Jaka. If she doesn't get The Secret from Cerebus, they'll make sure she never dances again. So that's how the Cirinists eventually take over Iest! Jaka decides not to help them and instead of breaking her legs like the reader assumes their threat means, they bring in the Cirinist matriarchy to take over and outlaw dancing! They're so clever! Jaka lies to Cerebus and tells Cerebus E'lass and Turg will kill her if she doesn't help them. But that's not what they said at all! Oh, those wily women and their words and sex appeal! Cerebus, desperate to drink apricot brandy out of one of Jaka's orifices (is the belly button an orifice or is it more of a scar? Let me check the dictionary definition: "an opening, as of a pipe or tube, or one in the body, such as a nostril or the anus." Woah, dictionary! You couldn't have chosen a different second example?!), beats the shit out of E'lass. After that, things get sexy (if you're into woman-on-animal action).

Unbeknownst to Cerebus, rich is the last thing Jake wants to be again. Her dream is to settle down with a cuck with a Messiah complex while dancing illegally for rent until she gets her boss killed. Now that's the life!

Cerebus lays out his future plans with Jaka once they're rich. You can read about those adventures in Going Home which won't happen for another two hundred or so issues. Because before that happens, Cerebus has to come down from his Rohypnol trip, forget about Jaka, become Prime Minister, remember Jaka, be rude to Jaka, become Pope, lose everything, live as a guest in Rick and Jaka's apartment, travel through space, talk to "God," and finally run a bar and lose all of his friends. While shopping for a present for Jaka, Cerebus sobers up, forgets about Jaka, and decides to get unsober again as quickly as possible. Meanwhile Turg and E'lass get their comeuppance. It's such a great comeuppance that I think they never again appear in Cerebus. I could be wrong but I think they basically get replaced by the more entertaining McGrew Brothers, Dirty Fleagle and Dirty Drew. Cerebus runs into Jaka one final time but doesn't remember her.

Deni said this final page was her wedding present from Dave.

In "A Note from the Publisher," Deni writes, "This issue is special to me in that the ending is my wedding present from Dave. No joke!! It's different and when you read it, I think you'll understand." Dave, in his essay, writes, "I can remember trying to come up with the ending for a few days. I knew that Cerebus would have to snap out of it eventually. It was at that point that I realized the essence of the problem. I had been thinking of Cerebus' point of view of the situation, but I hadn't stopped to consider how Jaka was reacting to him." So Deni's wedding present from Dave Sim was to give a female character in his book a point of view? To give her agency? To show her as not an object of Cerebus' lust but as a human being with feelings of her own? Nice one! And it was cheap! This month's Aardvark Comment contains a letter from Elric creator Michael Moorcock! Holy smokaroonies! He was entertained by Elrod but just wanted to point out that Elrod looked nothing like Elric based on Moorcock's writing. It was really based on an artist's rendition of another artist's rendition of Elric and the first rendition wasn't based on any written description at all! I have a vague memory of reading the Elric books and referring to the cover and thinking, "Is that supposed to be Elric? Weird." This issue begins the one page of reader art that Sim pays $150.00 for. This one is of a kid doing art while his "lacks discipline" report card lies at his feet. I think Dave Sim might have screwed up this first one because there's no attribution other than the artist's signature which you can't really make out. I'm sure he'll correct that next issue since he made a correction from the previous issue here: he added the rest of the Swords of Cerebus essay that was missing last issue. Cerebus #6 Rating: A-. This is a solid effort and begins to really show Sim's plotting ability and narrative control. It's got a lot of good jokes in it as well, both in dialogue and slapstick forms. One thing I haven't mentioned is just how good Dave Sim is at slapstick. It might seem like the easiest humor to work into a comic book but it takes some really well-crafted writing and careful planning of action across panels which not a lot of writers and artists can pull off. It really helps that Dave's doing both so that one or the other job isn't the cause of it all falling apart. Also, it was Jaka's first appearance!

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

1 note · View note

shemakesmusic-uk · 5 years

Photo

INTERVIEW: ALA.NI

UK-born, Paris-based artist ALA.NI will be releasing her upcoming sophomore album ACCA on January 24.

ACCA consists primarily of dense, harmonically intricate vocal arrangements with sparse or no instrumental backing at all. It’s the followup to ALA.NI’s debut 2017 album You & I and while some critics made comparisons to the likes of Ella Fitzgerald and Judy Garland, the infectious beats and rhythmic tunes on ACCA owe more to Dr. Dre and Errol Dunkley than Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughan.

ALA.NI initially envisioned her second album as a completely a capella project, and indeed ACCA is made up almost entirely of human voices (beatboxing serves as percussion, and she lowered her own vocals with an octavizer on several tracks to create the illusion of bass).

Along with Iggy Pop, Lakeith Stanfield (Sorry to Bother You, Atlanta, Get Out), makes an appearance on the album, but make no mistake: ACCA is pure ALA.NI. She wrote, produced, and arranged each song herself, layering up hundreds of vocal tracks in order to create an immersive, hypnotic world that blurs the lines between vibrating vocal cords, bowed strings, and blown reeds.

We had a chat with ALA.NI more about the story behind ACCA and the making of the record, collaborating with Iggy Pop, her struggles in the industry and more. Read the full interview below.

ACCA is dropping in just under two weeks. What is the record about lyrically and what does it mean to you?

"Lyrically, I speak on love of course, but from situations like the abusive relationship of a friend ('Hide'), my definition of love ('Wales'), a relationship in turmoil ('Van P'). 'Papa' was a poem for a friend that took a journey, via Mexico, into becoming a song. 'Le Diplomate' encounters a brief encounter with a french diplomate. I wrote about segments of my life."

You & I was written a capella but ACCA was created completely using a vocals-only technique which I think is so awesome and creative. What inspired you to make the record this way and what was your favourite part of the creative process?

"I always write a capella but with visions of instrumentation around it. With the ACCA album, the first song that made me feel confident that I could make a whole album based just around my voice, was 'Le Diplomate'. I wrote it for the man himself. It was not intended to be a song, but after I reviewed it and impressed myself with my mouth trumpet noises, I was convinced that I could conceive a whole album like this. I like working with parameters, so no instruments was a good one. Although after 3 months away from the studio recording process and some deep consideration and after being told by my mentor that it can't be "the ALA.NI show", I decided to add some subtle additions in the way of a male voice and low end instruments to the compositions. Accordion, bass clarinet, electric bass. Producing for me is like cooking. You add and taste, add and taste. Balancing the flavours out all the way.

"The process was...well I often used the words, "a brain fuck!!!!". It was a lonely process too. I had some stages with other musicians, but that was only for about 10% of the studio time, for the rest, it was just me and the engineer. My favourite part of the process was putting down the vocals. I love harmonising, so that was so satisfying....the rest has literally turned my hair grey! Ha!"

You & I had very much a a jazzy kind of vibe but the tracks from ACCA so far have a fuller and more upbeat sound.

"I never said ever, ever that I was a jazz singer. I have never wanted to limit myself like that, as I know I have many different ways and styles to express the music in me. The ACCA album allowed me to enter more into being able to move my body. I was stuck behind a stagnant mic for so long. I think that was the real reason for giving myself some beats."

You collaborated with legend Iggy Pop on a track for the album. How did that come about? We hear he is a big fan of yours?

"He is just too cool and cute and so incredibly giving of himself. I saw him perform recently in London and I felt so touched and happy and proud to watch this man at 72 do his shit! Damn! What an inspiration. He is a fan and I am so blessed to have his support. I literally got my people to ask his people if he'd like to collaborate and he simply said "yes". I went out to Miami to record him at his studio and it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. Directing Iggy Pop in the booth..."erm Mr. Pop, can you do that again please, the last take was shite!!!" Ha!

"He actually said this about me recently on his radio show...

"I worked as a guest once on one of her tracks and she came to America to produce it and brought a whole suitcase full of incredible microphones with her and she’s a perfectionist, her attention to detail is daunting and I had to toe the line, she’s tough."

"It's not true...honest..."

What do you hope fans will take away from ACCA?

"I have no idea. I can't control their ears or minds. I just made the music my heart wanted to make. I'm just happy to have them receive it...words from my heart. Whether they think its good or bad has nothing to do with me. You can't please everybody."

This is true! So, do you have plans to tour ACCA and if so, how will you translate the record on to the stage?

"This exercise too has been a head fuck. I have decided to go for cello, accordion and beatboxer for my live set up. Cello has a voicing that is very close to the human voice, so it works well and is so versatile as an instrument. Accordion has been a treat to work with. I never thought I'd be working with such an instrument, but it too is versatile and adds a very distinctive tone and texture to the music. I had to convert 300+ vocal parts into instrument parts, which was a fun (not) exercise. Beatboxer can do the most craziest things with his mouth. We are all learning to make mouth noises. Its a nice bunch of us on the road. I'm happy to be around good hearted, passionate people to make music with."

You've been in the industry a few years now. What challenges, if any, have you faced? And how did you overcome them?

"Hahahahahah!!!! It's daily and it seems to get worse the more I push to change the norm. Females are hugely under represented in the music industry, so its a daily struggle. I basically manage, produce, create myself, so its not an easy task I have given to myself.

"I don't have a tour manager, because I hate the fact that when I arrive at a venue, no one talks to me when I do have one. They only liaise with the "male manager" and not the artist. They are not used to dealing directly with the artist, especially a female one who knows exactly how she wants her gear set up. Oh, the fights I've had just to have my monitor where i like it. Its pathetic!"

That is absolutely ridiculous! But sadly, many women in the industry have similar stories. If there was one thing you could change about the music world today, what would it be?

"More tits, less dicks!"

Amen! You have had such an impressive career so far. What has been the biggest highlight for you to date and what are you looking forward to in 2020 and beyond?

"I remember nothing. I do the shit and I move the fuck on. I'm terrible like this. I like to be present and forward thinking.

"My career and life are so inter-twined, that for me, I keep it simple...I am just happy everyday to be alive and to be blessed enough to be able to do the work of my hearts calling. Thats all i ask for. To be able to continue to do the things i want to do....freedom."

youtube

ACCA arrives January 24.

Photo credit: Martin-oger Daguerre

#interview #ala.ni #acca #differently #sha la la

2 notes · View notes

scribeofred · 5 years

Note

2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47!

2. Whatis your latest fandom?

My latestfandom is Batman in terms of fic. There’s a wealth of reading material in it,and it is almost perfectly suited to my preference for brothers-relatedmaterial. There are also some very very very good writers to be found, and I’menjoying being able to consume in a large scale again, at least when I’m notsick of reading due to work.

3. Whatis the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

In termsof “this is my ideal place and I am never leaning,” absolutely Thunderbirds. It’salso a… very small fandom, and for a choosy consumer such as myself, that’sbeen a serious problem over the last year or two, what with the departure of alot of my favorite writers. Nevertheless, the world and the characters have embeddeddeep in my heart, and I’ll always be around somewhere in the fandom in one iterationor another.

5. Whichfandoms have your written fanfiction for?

A few! Ihave published fics for TRON: Legacy, Assassin’s Creed, FFVII, Star Wars, Sherlock,Thunderbirds, FFXV, and VLD.

As far asentirely unpublished fandoms… I have an enormous Merlin AU completelyoutlined, but I only wrote snippets of it. Too bad, because it was going to beSO GOOD. Alas, I am no good with monster projects, so it languishes, probablyforever. Unless I post the outline here. Hmm. I could do that…

7. Listyour NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Oh man. Well.Let’s see. Automatically anything incest or slash, they’re just not my mug ofpomegranate juice. Other than that, I’m relatively fluid when it comes topairings and tend to go in for anything that’s well-written and has dynamicsthat are to my taste, so I rarely hit upon pairings that make me nope entirely out.I tend to just not care about anything that doesn’t strike my fancy.

11. Whois your current OTP?

As notedabove, I am not a hardcore shipper. Favorite pairings come and go depending onmood and whether they’ve become boring due to overuse/overexposure/passage oftime or not. If I had to pick, I’d say I still default to Scott/Penny, though,because I’m still writing ’em.

13. Goon, who are your BroTPs?

Mostrecent fandoms only, in no particular order: Shiro & Pidge, Shiro &Hunk, Keith & Pidge, Keith & Hunk (VLD); Scott & Virgil, Scott& John, insert-all-possible-bro-combinations-here (TB); Dick & Jason,Jason & Stephanie, Jason & Cass, Cass & everyone, Jason & Damian(Batman).

17. Whatship have you written the most about?

I am stillinfluenced a ton by TOS, so as of the last five years, it’s Scott/Penny. They’rethe ultimate power couple, both heirs to enormous fortunes, and let’s face it:they look incredible on each other’s arm. The dynamics are lovely between them,very arch, very clever, and finding ways to make them relax around one anotheris just genuinely my favorite.

19. Anyships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Nyx/Araneafrom FFXV came out of the blue. I think I saw someone had written it once duringone of my only glances at the fandom’s AO3 section, and it lodged in my brain. Imean. I’ve read exactly one (1) fic for them and have written an equal numberof fics with them, and I don’t really think about them on my own time nowadays,but they did click with me, at least very briefly. I also super wasn’texpecting to like Shiro/Allura from VLD, but they touched hands in S2, and Idid that little flappy hand thing and made The Noise, and I knew I was InTrouble.

23. Whatfic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

See, I dothis thing. Where once I’ve posted a fic, I am disinclined to reread it withoutsome serious—usually external—prompting. Not because I hate it! But because I’vejust moved on to new ideas—that one has had all the hooks it had in my brainreleased by way of posting the story, and I don’t need to think about it anylonger. I’m not very interested in rewriting old material, although last week Idid reread Three Towels and a Tracy for the first time in a couple years, and Imade a few tiny tweaks to the AO3 version for improved readability. I edit soheavily while I initially write a story, though, that I really don’t leavemyself much room for editing/rewriting at a late date.

Arealistic answer would be “probably the first ten or so stories I posted becauseI know So Much More about writing, especially the technical elements, now thanI did then, and there are undoubtedly many missing/misplaced commas int them.”

29. Whatinspires you to write?

Sometimesit’s vivid mental images that I Must Put Into Words (an upcoming FFVII story);sometimes a piece of art or a song compels me to put words down. Imagery is abig thing in my writing, so it tends to be something visual that sparks aproject, although occasionally combinations of words just *sing* to be put downsomewhere. Truth told, I write for SS and no one else, so yeah, she’s myinspiration.

31. Doyou listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which bandor genre of music does it for you?

Music inand of itself rarely inspires me these days, with one notable exception, but I dousually listen to it while writing. Anything instrumental gets at least tried,but I lean toward film/game/TV scores (Hans Zimmer yaaaaaasssss), smooth jazz, epicproduction music, and some electronic music. If music is too much for onereason or another, I will pull up a soundscape generator—myNoise is amazing; I’vebeen all over the Black Hole soundscape recently—and let that run on animatefor an hour or two.

37. Doyou use established canon characters, or do you create OCs?

I alwaystry to write canon characters unless it’s necessary to create a person for aspecific scenario. OCs can be hard to connect with unless you’re very good at makingreaders care, so they’re a bit risky. I know I prefer to read about canoncharacters, though, so that drives my thinking when I create plots/scenarios.

41. Listand link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

@preludeinz is just… one of the best writers you’re ever going to find. The way she’sable to take literally any scenario or characters and make them interestingbaffles me even years into knowing her, and you will not find a better writer todescribe clothing. She’s as brilliant at handling character interactions as sheis at describing lasagna food. Also, her dialogue is A++

lurkinglurkerwholurksis another complete package. Everything about their writing is engaging andfeels so polished, and they have an enviable ability to capture characters’ voices.I’m constantly blown away by the quality of their work, and I’m waiting withbated breath for the next chapter of Nature and Nurture.

@headspacedad writes some of the best stream of consciousness I’ve encountered. The firstchapter of their story Falling took my breath away, and subsequent updatescontinue to knock the air out of me. Writing a character who’s lost a primarysense is no easy feat, but they make it incredibly easy, and indeed the storyis so rich with details that it’s 100% better that way.

If youwant a writer who’s going to challenge you with each chapter, each scene, eachparagraph, each sentence, pollywantsa is absolutely the writer for you. I’mperhaps a tiny bit traumatized by one particular work, but in general every storyis worth reading. There’s a sense of weight to each piece, a gravity that goesbeyond fandom trappings and sinks into your very bones, lives like mercury inthe bottoms of your lungs, dragging you down into the unshakable truths that areinescapably human. Real people make wrong decisions, destroy other people orthemselves; they are crude and profane and selfish and so very beautiful intheir imperfections, and polly will remind you of that with each tone-perfectword they’ve laid down.

Roundingout the list is @velkynkarma. Unusual stories and unique situations that I neverwould have considered reading are some of my favorite stories because of VK’sskill at finding the engaging threads to pull into the light. Space mouse vsCoran? Amazing. Keith + space mouse shenanigans? Incredible. Zarkon + eldritchhorror? Terrifying but so engaging. Slav and Sven AU? Worthy of popcorn. Heapsof Shiro angst? Sign me up. The high quality of both storytelling and technicalskill are not to be missed, and every new story and chapter updated is a TREAT.

(honorarymention: @deepwaterstars for being the sunbeam to my moonbeam

43. Whatship do you feel needs more attention?

Uh… I’mnot sure tbh. I’m not a “shipper,” and I tend to read gen fic as a wholesalerule. I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more Virgil/Penny, I guess?

47. Doyou leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/why not?

Mmmm.See. This is the thing I’m trying to get better about. Because I tend to go ALLIN when I comment and drop a solid 300–500 words, and that takes time, even ifthe words are flowing. I find it hard to write something more modest, because Iknow exactly how much I drool over the writers who leave me enormous comments,and I want to give them the same feelings. I tend to only comment whensomething has truly moved me, especially since I’ve tried to move on from the unasked-forcritique-style reviews. Maybe one day I’ll find a happy middle ground.

ask me about fanfic!

#red replies #preludeinz

7 notes · View notes

tinycartridge · 5 years

Photo

Approaching Infinity ⊟

[Guest writer Caroline Delbert brings us a fully unexpected article that manages to be both philosophical exploration and interview-based journalism, at the same time. I couldn’t be happier to share this piece! Find more from Caroline at her Twitter and Medium. -jc]

We live in a golden age of computing power. Our games are filled with giant procgen worlds and RNGs and thousands of ticking background variables. The math is surpassing human ability far faster than we can grasp, and we’ve, I think correctly, put it to work making the grass in Stardew Valley so fun to swoosh through with a sword. But the idea of infinity horrifies people more than almost anything else and remains as confusing and terrifying as ever. As our games get closer to endlessly detailed, I chose four designers who’ve worked on four of my favorite games of the last few years, all with totally different ways of using space, time, and more to give the feeling of an infinite playspace. I’ve also been spelunking the idea of infinity itself and why it makes us feel so uncomfortable and intrigued.

We Contain Multitudes

What is infinity? We aren’t born with an understanding of the idea of something that never ends. Psychology researcher Ruma Falk put together existing studies about infinity. “[C]hildren of ages 8-9 and on seem to understand that numbers do not end, but it takes quite a few more years to fully conceive, not only the infinity of numbers, but also the infinite difference between the set of numbers and any finite set.” You could spend your entire life counting out loud and get to 2 billion. But in calculus, which is all about approaching infinity, a billion is rounded down to zero. An average 2019 computer could count to a billion in about two seconds, depending on the code you wrote. That’s how tiny a billion still is. Falk calls the distance between our human billions and the idea of infinity an “abyssal gap.”

When I talked with Immortal Rogue developer Kyle Barrett about this project, he mentioned Jorge Luis Borges’s famous short story “The Library of Babel.” Borges imagined an infinite-seeming library of books filled with random combinations of letters and punctuation. He sets out 25 total characters and 410 pages. I averaged a few lines from David Foster Wallace’s primer on infinity, Everything and More, which had 57.5 characters per line. For just two lines of, say, 50 characters each, there are over six googol possible versions: that’s a 6 with 100 zeroes after it, for just two lines of a book of 410 pages. The largest math Excel let me do was for about four lines total, which became 3 with 300 zeroes after it.

Philosopher Daniel Dennett has spent decades writing about how humans think about problems and ideas. His 2013 book Intuition Pumps is filled with helpful analogies, including a spin on the Library of Babel. “Since it is estimated that there are only 10040 particles in the region of the universe we can observe, the Library of Babel is not remotely a physically possible object,” Dennett explained. But despite containing far more books than the possible volume of our entire region of space, that number of books is still a real number, not infinite! The takeaway from all this, and then I swear I’ll stop talking about math, is that nothing we can measure in real life is truly infinite. Infinity is a pure concept reserved for mathematicians and philosophers.

Playing with Time: Immortal Rogue

In Kyle Barrett’s 2019 mobile game Immortal Rogue, you begin in prehistory and fight your way through progressive eras in chunks of 100 years. But time is a flat circle, and eventually your progress is bombed back into preagricultural oblivion. The mechanics of Barrett’s game are fun and satisfying and I can’t recommend Immortal Rogue strongly enough, but the framework of endless time is what got my attention.

“It’s not really infinite,” Barrett explained. “It’s a matrix that loops every time you reach the end of it. There’s an x-axis that’s based on time, basically—it goes from agricultural to pre-industrial to the industrial era to the computational era and space age, so time based on human technological development, and if you get too far into the space era you’re gonna destroy the world and go back to the preagricultural era. Then there’s a y-axis that is based on authoritarian control in the world, so at the bottom you have anarchy, at the top you have fascism, and if you go too far into fascism you’ll get anarchy because people will rebel.”

I said I wouldn’t talk about math again, but Barrett brought it up this time. A matrix is just a grid. The Matrix is something else, but if you’ve ever done a “Sally has a blue hat and wasn’t born in March”-style logic puzzle, you’ve used a matrix. There’s also a proper math definition of a matrix and a whole field of operations we do to those matrices, collectively called abstract algebra.

Barrett’s matrix of time and authority determines the overall feel of the levels, but each one is procedurally generated after that. His day job is in mainstream game development, and he originally shopped the idea for Immortal Rogue as the system to power an AAA game. “You can imagine any AAA game with that kind of variety in environment would cost just too much money to make,” Barrett says. “It was a game concept that I had pitched to studios earlier as a sort of introduction piece—not necessarily to make the game, because I know that doesn’t happen, but as far as getting into the industry.”

The way Barrett combined his basic variables means Immortal Rogue does feel endless. My longest life so far is 800 years, and Barrett says a complete cycle in which you beat the game can take anywhere from 1,000 to 4,000 years. I’d love to tell you I believe I’ll beat the game at some point and see that full cycle. I’ll keep trying, at least.

Immortality and Endless Time

Would you want to live forever? This is one of the major philosophical questions that underpins western thought and especially the Christian form of the afterlife. Heaven and hell are each presented as an eternity, but again we run into Dr. Ruma Falk’s findings about how humans conceive of an infinite period of time. “One does not get closer to infinity by advancing the counting sequence because there is no way to approach infinity. Nowhere does the very big merge into the infinite.” If the lifetime of the planet Earth were condensed to one year, humans have lived for less than 30 minutes. We balk at the length of lives of record-setting elders who were born just a few years after the 19th century: imagine living that entire time and then living it again and again for literally forever. Our earthly understanding of time, and how our earthly brains process information, just isn’t compatible with thinking about living forever.

For many people, God or another higher power is the only way that infinity can make sense. In turn, a much longer afterlife helps to also make sense of how tiny and fleeting our earthly lives can feel. In the potentially infinite scale of time, our lives are the meager billions. They round down to zero, and it definitely feels that way sometimes. Falk cites 17th century mathematician Blaise Pascal, himself a late-in-life convert to Christianity and the trope namer of Pascal’s Wager. During Pascal’s lifetime, infinity was still a scandalous idea and a wedge issue for mathematicians and theologians. “When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in an eternity before and after, the little space I fill engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces whereof I know nothing, and which know nothing of me, I am terrified,” Pascal wrote. “The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me.”

In her memoir Living with a Wild God, journalist Barbara Ehrenreich describes grappling with the same problems as an isolated teenager in the 1950s. “I didn’t think much about the future when I was a child—who does?” she writes. “But to the extent that I did imagine a future, it held an ever-widening range for my explorations—more hills and valleys, shorelines and dunes. […] The idea that there might be a limit to my explorations, a natural cutoff in the form of death, was slow to dawn on me.”

Randomizing Infinity: Alphabear & Alphabear 2

Game designer Pat Kemp worked on both 2015’s Alphabear and 2018’s Alphabear 2 at Spry Fox. Both have the same core word game, a fresh take on the classic Bookworm where you have to spell words from rapidly deteriorating letter tiles. Unlike in Scrabble and its knockoffs, rare letters don’t have higher point values. And into the mix you throw dozens of different collectible bears, each with a total score multiplier and a specific boost like a bonus for 5-letter words or preventing all Xs and Zs. Both games are free to play with in-app purchases. In Alphabear 2, Spry Fox took the mechanic of the first game and added a linear story, multiple difficulty levels, and a host of other features. Playing the game feels like getting an upgrade at the rental-car place and realizing you have heated side mirrors. I didn’t ask for them, but I love them and now I need them. But why did the second Alphabear get so much bigger?

“I hope this answer isn’t disappointing to you, but the first Alphabear, although it’s a lovely game we’re very proud of and was critically well received and we got lots of features and good reviews, wasn’t much of a financial success for us,” Kemp told me. So Spry Fox went into development of Alphabear 2 with goals to convert more users into purchasers and more purchasers into multiple-purchasers. “The decision-making around making it into a world, and a linear campaign, and building out all the different features […] was creating this rich, interwoven progression system that players can feel invested in and value. Basically how you monetize a free-to-play game is, people play your game for weeks and months and come to really value things in the game.”

In the first Alphabear, each chapter had a set of collectible bears that quickly eclipsed the power of the previous chapter’s bears. “And you would almost never go back and use bears from earlier chapters, just because of the way it was set up,” Kemp says. “So you had this weird ‘disposable’ feel to bears. It was cool when you unlocked them, but the game was telling you, ‘You’re done with that bear, here’s some new bears.’” Now, the bears accumulate over time as one big group, and you can continue to level them up as high as you want, but your progress is paced by how quickly you regenerate in-game energy in the form of honey.

After a certain chapter in the Normal campaign, players can begin again on Hard mode, and then after a later chapter, they can begin Master mode. I don’t know the full length of the basic campaign, but I’m probably 100 levels in and somewhere in chapter 9 on Normal mode. The scope of the whole thing including all three difficulties is staggering, and the game had been out for just seven months when I talked with Kemp. “Have people finished the amount of content you’ve made so far?” I asked. “We know of at least one person who’s completed the master-level campaign,” he said. When I said I was surprised, Kemp said, “Every game developer I know has this experience where they’re surprised by some small portion of their fanbase that is just so into it that it defies all expectations.”

In this case, the fastest player ended up lapping the development team. “It was so far off that we had planned to build whatever happened when you did that later on,” Kemp said. “They sent us a picture of their screen of the campaign board, and all it was was just a black screen, because it was trying to load the next campaign board, which doesn’t exist. We were like, ‘Oh my god, we didn’t even put anything in there, and it looks kinda like you’re in purgatory or something.’” Spry Fox plans to replace the Sopranos non-ending.

Purgatory or Something

Earlier this year, I talked with my friend Tristan about his existential dread. He’s pretty fresh out of college and still figuring it all out. “I was going to write about games,” he said, “and as I entered my last year or so, I was going to write about movies. I don’t know if I’m still going to do that, so that’s a large part of the dread. Not knowing what I was actually doing.” Humans can’t conceive of infinity using numbers, but we can use our pessimistic imaginations. Our set of plausible options is no match for what we dream or panic about.

Christian existentialist Søren Kierkegaard wrote about dread and fear of the unknown in his 1844 book The Concept of Anxiety, where the Danish word angest could be translated as “anxiety” or “dread”. Using the story of Adam and Eve, Kierkegaard posits that anxiety dates back to a fraction of a second after original sin. “The terror here is simply anxiety,” Kierkegaard writes, “since Adam has not understood what was said.” In other words, like a pet in trouble, Adam didn’t know what was being told to him, but he understood it was bad from the tone of voice.

“Anxiety can be compared with dizziness,” Kierkegaard goes on. “He whose eye happens to look into the yawning abyss becomes dizzy. But what is the reason? It is just as much his own eye as the abyss, for suppose he had not looked down.” Those who think about Dr. Ruma Falk’s “abyssal gap” between the finite and infinity may be dizzy forever with the uncertainty of what they’re pondering. “A persistent pursuit of the infinite may bring the individual to a blind alley, both emotionally and intellectually,” Falk writes. His analogy isn’t an accident. A blind alley is like another famous philosophical idea, Schrodinger’s cat: without shining a light, we can never know if the alley is empty or full, terrible or fine. And we can never shine that light.

Infinite Reality: Telling Lies & Her Story

At 2018’s E3 conference, Sam Barlow appeared on a panel about the future of narrative. “People will write to me and say, ‘I haven’t played a game in twenty years, and I played Her Story,’” Barlow said. “Or ‘My daughter installed it on my iPhone for me.’” It makes sense: Her Story’s core mechanic is as simple as a YouTube search, and the game is set in 1994, with a Windows 3.1 aesthetic to match. The game also fits with Barlow’s career arc. His 1999 XYZZY-winning interactive fiction Aisle gives players just one chance to type any command before reaching one of the game’s dozens of endings, placing players in a finite setting that even feels claustrophobic, but setting before them seemingly limitless possibilities. He was a natural fit to lead two Silent Hill games after that, and he views Her Story as the surprisingly successful “one chance” he had to make a successful indie game.

“This is something I’ve pitched so many times to publishers, with the rationale that in every other medium, crime fiction, police procedurals, murder mysteries, detective stories—if you have a TV channel and a film company, you’re gonna have a few stories in that world because it consistently works,” Barlow told me. “Games publishers were never into the idea. They felt like the things that sold in video games were power fantasies and superhero stories.” Barlow chose to home in on the interrogation room both as a convenient single setting and the place where his interest in crime stories was naturally drawn. “I wasn’t trying to do the police chases and locations and all those elements which would be expensive, but also, I was zooming in on the dialogue and the interactions and the human side of it,” he said, citing the groundbreaking ‘90s show Homicide: Life on the Street and its Emmy-winning bottle episode “Three Men and Adena.”

“I did a ton of research, reading the interrogation manuals for detectives, academic studies and pieces about the psychology of the interview room, a ton of crime books, movies with notable interrogation scenes and police interviews. This was slightly ahead of the true crime wave that we’ve had since, so I was discovering there’s so much footage online of real-life interviews and interrogations that has been released or leaked,” Barlow told me. “One day, as these things do, I woke up and went for a walk, and my subconscious—which is far cleverer than I am—put all the pieces and all the research I’d been doing together. [T]he detective’s sat at a computer, and there’s always the twist where they stay up all night sat at the computer and then they find that one little bit of information or the one piece of evidence that will break the case.”

Her Story is made of hundreds of discrete video clips, divided into main character Hannah Smith’s answers to an unseen detective’s questions. For his upcoming game Telling Lies, Barlow brought the setting forward into the Skype era and is introducing new mechanical twists to match. “To some extent Her Story was about giving you the writer’s perspective into a story, and here it’s giving you some of that editing room insight, where you spend so much time with the footage, choosing whether to cut out on this frame or that frame,” Barlow said. Instead of separate clips, Telling Lies gives you long, uncut videos that show both sides of a Skype call that you can scrub through—meaning drag the progress bar searching for highlights. “Not only are you coming at these stories in a nonlinear way, but also within a given scene you might end up watching it backwards.”

The text side of searching has also evolved. Because the videos aren’t separated into clips, searching for a specific word drops you into a video at that exact place. “Those conversations are split into two parts, so you can only see one side of a conversation at a time. You have the full seven minutes in front of you and you get dropped in to the point where someone says the word [or] phrase you've searched for,” Barlow said. “So early on, if you search for the word ‘love,’ you get dropped into a moment when Kerry [Bishé’s] character says, ‘Love you!’ and hangs up.”

Including Her Story and now Telling Lies in a group of very big-feeling games runs into a funny obstacle, because they’re both made of a very finite number of minutes of video. Her Story even has Steam achievements linked with what percentage of the total clips you’ve discovered and watched. “Something like 20% of people 100%-ed it. For most games you’re lucky if 20% of people finish the game. It had a display that showed you all the clips you hadn’t seen—that was an incentive and somewhat maddening if you could see there were clips you hadn’t seen. My approach with Telling Lies was to make it so big and huge and messy and colorful that it would feel less like something you could 100%, because I really wanted people to lose themselves in just the joy of exploring these characters’ lives.”

Just Out of Reach

Even with the incentive to find all the clips, in Her Story I found myself revisiting clips I’d already seen as I tried to find new keywords or listen for clues, and I maxed out just past the 75% achievement. The rest eluded me. With Telling Lies, this one kind of mystery will be removed, and that’s a blow against infinitude. In the perfect world of pure mathematics, having one more item just out of reach is one of the fundamental ways we can make proofs of infinite ideas. This structured approach also helps us turn the overwhelming idea of infinity into, at least right now, the one step in front of us. It’s infinity in the form of a child asking a parent for just five more minutes of sleep, then asking for five more, for eternity.

In Daniel Dennett’s book Intuition Pumps he uses this idea as an illustration for why infinity just can’t exist in real life. If every animal evolved from another animal, then there are infinity animals stretching back into infinity long ago, always with one preceding. We know that’s just not true. On the other hand, a study of how children process infinity showed that knowing the names of some large numbers made children think those were the largest numbers. Learning named ideas pushed out the very idea of having unnamed ideas, which makes sense given how large and robust our language brains are. Being strong, clear communicators has shaped our brains and the societies we form as humans. If we all became existentially troubled abstraction peddlers, I don’t think that would necessarily be a step forward.

To consider infinity with a finite mind is a paradox, and as Dr. Ruma Falk explains, “Mathematicians and philosophers are often no less addicted to resolving these paradoxes than some adolescents are to experiencing the limits of existence.” Like the Library of Babel, an infinite world is made mostly of incoherent and random nonsense, compared with a human mind that can only remember its own history in cohesive story form. My friend Martin has a rich life and a beautiful family, and he told me, “My personal greatest fear is probably losing my mind. The idea of being unable to make sense of the world is horrifying.” In fact, studies show that we’re more able to tune out conversations we can overhear both sides of than those where we can hear just one side—this is how deep our need for clear narratives runs, and it’s why we’re not made for an infinite world.

Infinite Liminal: Sunless Sea & Cultist Simulator

In February of 2019, Alexis Kennedy addressed something that had grown beyond his reach, and his post was the catalyst for what eventually became this essay. On the Weather Factory blog, where the developer typically shares updates to 2018’s Cultist Simulator, Kennedy described an alternate reality game (ARG) called Enigma that he’s built into his work—not just Cultist Simulator but 2015’s Sunless Sea and even 2009’s Fallen London. In the Enigma post, he sums up the appeal this mystery seems to have to fans: “If you’re working through things and looking for meaning in your life, then all the hidden meanings in this project may look like they add up to something more important than they actually do.”

I love Kennedy’s work—if we’re friends, you’ve probably heard me talk about it—and while I’ve never mistaken him for a guru, his games have affected and stayed with me more than anything else I’ve ever played. He’s gifted with language, stuffing his work with plausible and evocative neologisms or uncommon historical terms. But his more powerful gift lies in what he chooses to reveal and how long you must wait for it. I’ve thought often of something my friend Diana said nearly twenty years ago, about traveling with other people and seeing their luggage: “They wonder what I’m taking, but I wonder what they’re leaving behind.” I constantly wonder what Alexis Kennedy is leaving behind.

“Gamers tend to be—to borrow a phrase of Mike Laidlaw's—more like dogs than cats in the way they consume content. If the core loop is even moderately compelling, they'll gorge on content and rush through it,” Kennedy told me via email. “As soon as players are doing that, they'll skim text, and if they're going to skim text, text had better not be your A feature. I constantly skim quest text in games, and I'm a narrative junkie. So pacing is a way of saying: hold on, appreciate this, take your time with it.” In both Fallen London and Sunless Sea, one variable shuffles what day it is, so you receive different flavor text or events even when you’re repeating actions or storylines. “I don't think I ever quite recovered from the initial terror, back in 2009, of seeing players consume Fallen London content literally ten times as fast as I expected,” Kennedy says.

Like Sam Barlow, Kennedy reached for inspiration outside of what’s traditionally in the purview of a video game. I asked how he chooses end goals in games with such wide-open mechanics—Cultist Simulator is even more open than Sunless Sea in some ways. “I come at those stopping points from two directions. One is 'what sort of emotions and experiences are we aiming for?' The other is 'what sort of activities would a character in a novel, not just in a game, do in this setting?' So in Sunless Sea, we want people to be thinking about loneliness and survival and discovery, and we also want people to be aiming for the kind of things they'd aim for in Moby-Dick or Voyage of the Dawn Treader or HMS Surprise.” The only ending I’ve reached in Sunless Sea is the most basic one, where you amass some money and retire. In Cultist Simulator, I’ve managed to live a normal working life and then retire, which is considered a minor victory. And still, the game wonders what I’m taking, while I wonder what it’s leaving behind.

Pure Abstraction

“The study of infinity stretches human abstract thinking to some of its loftiest possibilities,” Dr. Ruma Falk writes. “By definition, it calls for modes of reasoning that transcend concrete representation.” What I’ve found most interesting as I researched this piece and talked with these gifted game designers is how thoughtfully they’d constructed gameplay loops that continue to feel fresh and challenging. The games themselves couldn’t be more different in terms of genre or lack thereof, revenue models, or mechanics, but all feel large and immersive inside to an extent that I instinctively ignored whatever seams I might end up seeing.

I asked each designer to share a game that felt infinite to them as players. Sam Barlow answered the question before I even asked it, though. He described wanting Telling Lies to feel like a huge place to explore. “My only go-to reference, which is somewhat ambitious, is the way I felt when I was playing Zelda: Breath of the Wild and the way that Nintendo made me feel, where I could just go off and explore in any direction and I could let my curiosity guide me and I would always enjoy myself. I would always find something interesting.” He called this kind of freedom a form of magic. “To some extent, Her Story was me trying to get some of the magic and—again, this wasn’t a conscious thing—some of the magic of the old text parser games.”

Pat Kemp also chose Breath of the Wild. “The world feels huge and dense in a kind of unusual way even amongst all the other open-world AAA experiences that are out there. There’s this big mountain and you climb up it, and on the way up you encounter two or three little unique-feeling things, and you make your way down and encounter a bunch of other little things, and they’re all handmade little surprises. It feels like the world is just brimming with delightful little nuggets of story or interesting challenges or encounters. It’s really a remarkable achievement and it’s also one of those things where, as a game developer, I can recognize what a monumental task it must have been to create that world,” Kemp said. “Every inch of it feels handcrafted by someone who cares about that itch, which is just incredibly daunting. It must have been so expensive to do.”

Alexis Kennedy chose Elite: Dangerous, and I enjoyed how his answer mirrored how I feel about his games, where some amount of suggestion makes it easy and fun to project the rest with your imagination. “I put a hundred-plus hours into Elite: Dangerous because I so enjoyed the sense of jumping through galactic-size simulated space. I knew perfectly well that the procgen systems were largely identical in all meaningful ways, I knew the space between star systems isn't simulated and you're just jumping between skyboxed instances, but I've spent 47 years learning how space works IRL and I still carry over those assumptions if the sense of resource cost lets me. I need to feel like I'm working to cross the space and have something that will run out or need balancing.”

Kyle Barrett pointed out that, infamously now, No Man’s Sky sold itself as an infinite game. “The game definitely feels infinite. It also has the effect of what infinity would feel like, which is empty after a while. It teaches people that lesson,” Barrett says. It brought back to mind something he told me before about deciding how much to procedurally generate within Immortal Rogue: “If it’s pure random, I think it normally fails. That’s something designers find pretty quick. So it’s like, what’s the right amount of random and what’s the skeleton that can make the random meaningful?” He mentioned Dwarf Fortress as a game with infinite-feeling possibilities, and Minecraft as something that marries the two. “It feels infinite in scope and the amount of possibility feels infinite, which is why it’s probably one of the best games ever,” he said.

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom,” Kierkegaard wrote. “Freedom now looks down into its own possibility and then grabs hold of finiteness to support itself.” The games we love might feel infinite, but we only hang around in them long enough to realize this because of the hard work of building structures and feedback loops that make games fun to play. We study infinite math from the security of offices with comfortable temperatures and lighting. As Alexis Kennedy put it, “So it is a design choice, but there's a reason I made that one design choice rather than a million others.”

JOIN CLUB TINY AND OUR DISCORD Support Tiny Cartridge!

#caroline delbert #original #infinity #sunless sea #her story #telling lies #cultist simulator #sam barlow #alexis kennedy #immortal rogue

31 notes · View notes

alwaysonthemend · 5 years

Text

Destiel Rec List

NOTE - This is an old version of this post. A newer and more organized version can be found easily on my blog. I will no longer be updating this particular post.

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.

-This rec list is mostly Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) Though there are a few that aren't.

-Some are full AUs, some only partially, while others are canon!verse. (I'll appreciate anything as long as it's well written.)

-Yes, some of these works have smut in them, but they can easily be skipped without losing important plot info. (Make fun of me all you want, but I don't like reading smut.)