#wow this got a lot more angsty than i intended

[official-kenralie-fanbase]

oralie and bronte hcs?

One word: YES.

Bronte won't admit it to anyone but her, but the two of them are best friends

He gives really good hugs, but Oralie is the only one who knows it

She is pretty much the only person who can approach Bronte without direct invitation and not receive a scowl

They get together once a week to gossip about their coworkers.

Oralie's a coffee drinker and Bronte's a tea drinker and they've had many arguments about which is the superior drink

When Oralie joined the Council, Bronte kind of took her under his wing and helped her get adjusted. He would badmouth a lot of the other Councillors to her, so Oralie thought the entire Council hated each other, but no, it was just Bronte

Bronte was one of the only people who didn't underestimate her right off the bat.

In fact, he's never thought of her as weak or fragile. He knows that a lot of her strength goes unnoticed and he'll give her opportunities the other Councillors won't give her

He's also the only one who noticed as Oralie's relationship with Kenric began to evolve from enemies to friends to something more

He confronted Kenric about it, warning him that if he broke her heart, there would be consequences

But then he realized that Oralie really did love Kenric

And he did whatever he could to keep their secret

On the outside, he acts all sick of their nonsense, but he really does care about their relationship.

He tried to convince the two of them to leave the Council. Over the years he's seen a lot of relationships ruined because of the law, but they're both so stubborn they wouldn't leave despite how much Bronte tried to convince them.

When Kenric died, he mostly tried to give Oralie space. With all of the drama at and after Kenric's funeral, the thing she needed the most was time and space to heal.

But then a few days later she showed up at his house late at night, telling him that she couldn't sleep and needed someone to talk to.

Bronte was surprised, but he invited her in and noticed how tired she was, how pale and sick she looked.

He began asking her how she was doing with all this when Oralie just... broke.

Up until that point, she had tried not to cry too much around her coworkers, especially once the funeral had already taken place and Alina had been elected.

But that day, seeing Alina move into the house Kenric had once lived in, seeing Alina at the window Kenric had sat at when they'd both been at their windows pantomiming ridiculous messages to one another, it just really hit her what she'd lost.

And right there, sitting on Bronte's couch, she finally lost it.

Bronte awkwardly patted her back and let her sob into his shoulder, hoping he wasn't just making it worse for her.

But a few minutes later Oralie looked up with tear-stained eyes and told him thank you for just being there for her.

Their relationship was different after that. They'd always been friends, but after sharing something like that, they were closer than before. They were each other's only friend, and often comforted one another in the chaos that would unfold.

When they became Sophie's contacts on Team Valiant and had that strange conversation about her biological parents, Bronte began to realize something was off.

It was only when Sophie accused Bronte of being her biological father and Oralie had an interesting reaction that Bronte went wAiT a SeCoNd

He confronted her about it after Loamnore and Oralie finally admitted the truth

At first, Bronte was really upset with her. Why would she risk so much for a morally ambiguous project by a rebel group?

But as he began to realize her reasons and her justification, he understood why she'd done it, even if he didn't exactly agree with her

And he knew he'd have to stick by her side, now more than ever

They will defend each other and fight for one another to the bitter end, which is going to make things really difficult when Oralie's secret is revealed

Oh and Oralie has 100% given Bronte multiple makeovers which is why he sympathized so much with Sophie in Legacy

[kitthepurplepotato]

Chapter 11 - The falling of the Number One

WARNING! This chapter ends with a cliffhanger and it’s really angsty for 2 more chapters. If you are sensitive, please wait until Chapter 14 is out.

18 +, please check the warnings.

Also: The beginning is really suggestive so please keep an eye for the red warning and skip that bit until you see the green writing!

Warnings: Suggestive then… uhm… Near-death experience, description of major injuries, mentions of blood, cliffhanger. I know, funky combination.

First Chapter Master List

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“I just read a fanfiction where you cheated on me with Pro Hero Shouto. What’s your opinion on that?” You look up from your phone with a grin. Izuku rolls his pretty eyes with a cheeky smile on his face and doesn’t respond for a second - probably have taken the question a bit more seriously than it was originally intended to be - as he sits on the sofa next to you in his pretty little glasses, which you can’t wait to ruin later. Well, that sounded like a threat but after the first few times you two ended up in a heated make out session while he was wearing it you decided to keep some spectacle wipes on the coffee table. It runs out as quickly as the milk in the fridge.

“Hm. While I’m quite certain I am a straight man, Kaminari said this to me once: You can’t call yourself straight unless you’ve tried both. Well, I haven’t tried both hence why there is a possibility that maybe, the fact that he’s a man wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it seems to be in my head. Although…” Izuku strokes the non-existent beard on his chin as he keeps pondering. Izuku can’t grow a beard by the way. He tried it once and ended up looking like a 14 year old. He literally had 10 little hairs on the two sides of his chin and a really thin “mustache” and that was it. Katsuki laughed his ass off that day. “Shouto is one of my best friends but if it comes to his personality, I’m not sure if I would be able to… think about him like that. I mean, can you even imagine him in bed with that face? Or kissing him and when you move away it’s just… his deadpanned face? Right in front of you? I would cry, Y/N. You know how much reassurance I need. I can’t see him clocking that there is a problem with me. He’s just… a little bit… emotionally constipated?”

“Wow. That was a really detailed response, thank you.” You gawk at your boyfriend who looks extremely happy from pleasing you. “So if you would need to choose one guy, who would you choose?”

“I would probably give Kacchan a chance.” Izuku blurts out without even thinking. Damn. “Not the old Kacchan, but this one. But I would miss being romantic and cheesy. I don’t think he does that too much. Then I have a friend, Rody, from Otheon. We got along really well while I was on a mission there. While he’s not the most honest person in the world he has a bird called Pino who’s basically connected to his soul and his real emotions are mirrored in the bird so for instance, let’s say he says something super happy but if he’s trying to hide that he’s sad, Pino will cry for him. It’s fascinating, really. But I don’t feel like I would be as happy as I am now with anyone else, to be honest. Man or a woman, it really doesn’t matter because even if you would leave me I would only look for you in everyone but there is no one in this whole wide world who would be able to be even as half as good as you are, so…” Izuku shies away from your gaze, his cheeks dusted pink. Your heart makes a somersault in your chest from his words; sometimes, it’s still unbelievable that this moment, here and now, is actually real and not just a daydream.

There is one thing weighting you down when it comes to this current situation though; the weird feeling in your stomach like everything is too good, too perfect and everything that’s this good must have an end date.

You read a lot of drama fanfictions before you actually ended up to be a main character in one and there was one recurring event in all of them; pro hero Deku dying. For you, for your country, from exhaustion, from an old, untreated injury… the list is endless but since you two got together you couldn’t even look at those stories without feeling sick. Izuku is a hero, one of the best ones at that, but being the best also means he’s the one fighting the most complicated battles, ones no one else can or no one has the guts to, depending on the situation. But it’s really hard to think about these dark, deep thoughts when Izuku slowly looks up, waiting for your response at his impromptu love confession, eyes bright and full of childish glee.

“What about you, Sweets?” Izuku asks cheekily, slowly crawling closer to you; he puts his cheek on your chest, snuggling into the soft bits, warm and content.

“Honestly? Call me a real fanatic but I never really wanted to date anyone else but you.” You admit sheepishly. “I did find Pro Hero Shouto handsome, I did like Katsuki’s bad boy vibes but… it was always you. Your kindness, your pretty little cheeks, the freckles, the curls, the way you go all shy when people ask you about love in interviews. You are so… pure, almost angelic. Even through the screen, you felt like someone I could trust with my life, not just as a hero, but as a person, a human being. You just feel… safe. Like the kinda person you want to marry and stay with forever. And now that I got to know you… I want nothing else but all of that, tenfold.”

“You want to marry me, Sweet Pea?” Izuku smiles with a tiny blush on his face as he sneakily pulls the strap of your camisole out of the way with his finger so he can pepper kisses all over your collarbones. Your whole face erupts in flames.

“Well… uhm… one day, yes, of course…” You mumble, a barely audible sigh leaving your lips as Izuku wets his own to make the seductive slide on your skin even more enjoyable.

“What else do you wanna do with me, Sweets?” Izuku sneaks further up, his kisses wet and so full of emotions your whole body trembles under him as the soft plush of his lips reaches your sensitive neck.

Warning! Cheeky

“Wh… Izu?” You try to look into Izuku’s eyes but your whole body freezes from his lustful gaze; his eyes are dark and there is something new sparkling in the depth of them, his eyelids fallen to half-mast as he gazes at your lips, soft but hungry and he takes a deep breath, tries to school his features but it’s way too late; his gaze is etched into your mind now, living there rent free for the rest of your life.

“Was that too much?” Izuku tries to pull away but you grab the back of his head, fingers clutching into the soft curls, keeping him in place and Izuku keens, a hiss leaving his mouth which ends up sounding like a moan by the end of it.

“I want… I want to go hiking with you again.” You mumble and you can barely hide your smile as Izuku looks up at you, utterly confused by the dramatic difference between your touches and your words. “I want to bathe with you in the river when no one is watching. Maybe find a secluded area, somewhere further away so we can… fool around until we have nothing to give to the other.”

Izuku’s breath hitches.

“Uhm…” Izuku tries to respond but you grab into his hair again; Izuku’s hips make a dive towards you, the touch featherlight and probably unintended but you can’t help but bite into your lips to muffle the moan that’s trying to erupt from your chest at the motion. Izuku doesn’t miss the tiny whimper though; you could cut the tension between you two right now, the air so hot and heavy you kinda want to breathe through Izuku’s mouth to soothe your stinging throat.

“I want to show you how much you mean to me in every way possible…” Your other hand snakes under Izuku’s shirt, caressing the skin on his back until the soft touch isn’t enough; you scrape the soft skin on his back with your nails and Izuku’s eyes fill with tears, but not from the pain. “I want to kiss every single freckle, every single scar, every bump and every crevice because you deserve it, Izuku. You are the sweetest, most caring person in the world and you make me happy so… whatever you want, you can have it. From a cheeky ice cream at 2AM to me pleasing you until the end of dawn, you can have all of it. You deserve all of it.”

You swear you can hear the snap of Izuku’s self-restraint, the sound loud and echoey as Izuku looses his composure and attacks you hungrily, his tongue barging into your mouth with a strong lick.

“I love you.” Izuku mumbles, his breath hot against your lips as he takes and takes and takes, until your whole world turns upside down again, the wet sound of your lips against each other the only sound in the silent room.

“Show me… how much…” You whimper, back arching from the sofa subconsciously.

“Fuck.” Izuku whimpers back, his arms snaking around your middle, pulling you flush against his growing erection and you can’t help the tiny yelp leaving your mouth as the hero takes you in his arms, bridal style, and RUNS into the bedroom with One for All crackling around his body to get there quicker, the motion making you dizzy for a few seconds.

Izuku puts you down with so much care, moving slowly as he settles on the top of you, hips flush with yours as he mutters to himself quietly, probably trying to calm himself down enough to be able to be to remember your first time for the rest of his life.

“Are you okay?” He mumbles hazily. There is a moment when everything freezes; Izuku looks deep into your eyes as though he’s trying to see what’s behind it, to see your soul, your heart, to see and experience everything that is You through one simple gaze and you can’t help but want more than that look; you find the bottom of his shirt and yank at it in a silent plea and Izuku responds by tossing the fabric to the other side of the room. His arms snake behind your back, pulling you up from the bed a little bit, manhandling you like you are weightless; he slowly rolls your top up, his movements slow and careful in case you want him to stop but needless to say there is nothing in the whole wide world that could make you stop right now; you’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, it was almost excruciating in the last few days and now, Izuku is finally yours, just yours.

“You are so pretty, Sweets.” Izuku puts you back on the bed and slides his finger over your skin from your neck to your lower belly, then he stops there, playing with the hem of your shorts, as he moves his upper body up and his hips down to grind between your legs while he stares at your naked chest with lustful eyes.

“Closer.” Is all you mumble between two muffled whimpers as you pull yourself up with your hands on Izuku’s back and kiss the biggest scar on his chest. Izuku’s eyes tear up again, choking on a sob as he slowly slides your shorts down, you doing the same with his joggers, fingers slightly shaking when the soft fabric passes the tent in his underwear, his arousal loud and clear. “Izu…”

SAFE FROM HERE

Izuku’s high tech bracelet suddenly screeches, the annoying, high pitched sound ruining the mood completely.

“No fucking way.” Izuku mutters, so fucking frustrated he’s about to yank the fucking thing out of the window. He straddles your hips as he fumbles with his phone. “Not now, not fucking now!”

He’s a few seconds away from crying. It actually breaks your heart.

“Izuku, love, it’s okay. Everything is okay. We can finish this another time. Or we can… just fool around? If you uhm… want me to help?”

“It’s… this massive case we’ve been working at.” Izuku sighs, given up. “They’ve been lurking in the shadows for several weeks now and this is their first time coming to the surface hence why I was notified. I could technically ignore, but…”

You can’t help, but smile. This is Japan’s number one hero to ya’.

“… you don’t want to. And that’s why I respect the shit out of you, pro hero Deku.” You mutter while your hands caress the sides of his hips soothingly.

“I’m sorry.” Izuku lies on top of you for a second, stealing a few more kisses before he stands up and starts getting ready. “This will probably take a while, so… don’t wait for me.”

“You know I will, anyway.” You smile, but knowing how sensitive Izuku is, you decide to continue. “I have some commissions to do, don’t worry. I’ll keep myself entertained.”

“I love you. Thank you.” Izuku gives you one last kiss before he jumps out of the window and the flat is silent again, cold an empty without his warmth.

You sigh into the cushion then take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Maybe, a cold shower would be a good idea, so that’s what you start with.

Izuku wasn’t lying; he’s been out for several hours now. You turned the TV on in case they decide to show the fight, a bad habit Izuku always begs you to stop with but you just… can’t. It might be painful sometimes, seeing your loved one getting hurt while you sit on your sofa, safe and sound, drawing stupid fanarts for a living, completely helpless in case shit hits the fan but at least you can see him this way, know where is is, what he’s up to, know he’s alive and breathing.

It’s enough to soothe your troubled soul, the fact that there is nothing in the TV, that the situation isn’t dire enough for them to interrupt the broadcast for it, so you start on your commission, the TV nothing but a quiet background noise.

It all happens really quickly, in only a second which somehow still seems to stretch on for an eternity; the broadcast is cut off with a buzz, the tv making a low pitched, humming noise, grey, black and white dots fuzzily zigzagging on the screen right before it connects to another broadcast.

You don’t need to be a psychic to know what you are about to see on the screen; you had a feeling for a while, a terrible, dark feeling, a constant, unwelcome weight on your shoulders you tried to ignore and almost succeeded at it while Izuku held you in his arms, but once he left, deep inside, you felt something lurking in the shadows; you somehow felt like the next time he comes in through the door or the window he won’t be the same but you pushed the thought down so well it never even came to the surface during your emotional goodbye, it just kept lurking, somewhere between your heart and your soul, close to the edge but too far away for it to reach your actual brain and form words inside your head.

Maybe if you would have embraced your thoughts and followed your instincts… Izuku would have never left.

You can’t help but laugh at your own, silly thoughts; Izuku staying home because of her paranoid girlfriend instead of saving hundreds of people from a tragic death? Good joke.

But maybe… he would have been more careful. Less… self-sacrificial. Maybe, if you would have said something you wouldn’t need to watch Izuku running into an obvious trap just to save a child from the massive gang of villains. Maybe, you wouldn’t be forced to watch him fall LIVE, on TV, broadcasted through the whole country.

“The urge to save everyone and everything is what makes us heroes but that urge is also what makes us weak; one day, we might jump into our deaths to save that one person who was left behind. To be honest with you, I don’t mind dying that way.” - Deku had said in an interview a few months back. Now the words haunt you, letters jumping in front of your eyes as the battle on the screen escalates; Izuku jumps right in front of a massive explosion which was initially heading towards the small, terrified girl. Katsuki and Kirishima yells, their hero persona long forgotten as they both run as quick as they can after the the number one hero but none of them are quick enough to catch up with him before the explosion hits Deku right in the chest, his blood splattering on both of his friends as they stand frozen in one place, their faces white as a sheet.

Katsuki falls on his knees as the remaining of the building crumbles right on top of Izuku after he throws the girl towards Luna and the rest of his team, making sure the girl is safe and sound even if it costs him his own fucking life because that’s who is; an undeniable hero, the symbol of hope and peace.

His best friend is rendered broken and useless even without being physically hurt, just yelling and crying on the floor while Kirishima pats his lover’s back a few times and says something you can’t decipher from so far away; after a few seconds he makes a beeline towards the battle field, throwing massive pieces of cement into the air as he searches for his friend; the villains are nowhere in sight now, they evaporated into thin air, literally, with a massive smirk on their faces. Their plan worked. They won.

After years of constant winning, for the first time in the last 10 years, the villains have won.

Katsuki still haven’t moved from the floor. He stares at the small splotches of blood with disgust, then a loud sob emerges from inside of him. Eijirou is still searching, yelling Izuku’s first name as tears streak down his hardened face, arms working as quickly as humanly possible until he finally finds something; he sobs and yells and pats Izuku’s face a few times but he’s unconscious, arms dangling in an unnatural way, chest so bloodied its impossible to see the real damage behind it but by the constant stream of blood on the floor as Kirishima makes his way towards the first aiders is anything to go by, the situation is… dire.

Right now, in this moment, just a few hours after you two almost had your first night together, Izuku is dying in his friend’s arms and you can’t do anything but cry, useless and broken while the whole world prays for Deku with tear stained cheeks and broken hearts, rendered speechless as the Number One Hero disappears inside the first aid tent.

The whole world goes silent after that.

… Next Chapter!

IMPORTANT: GUYS! You know me. I won’t kill him. Don’t worry too much. The next 2 chapters will be angst, I’m not going to lie, and I hated every second of it but it’s already written and I can 100% tell you that :

1. Izuku will wake up in the next chapter.

2. He’ll get better eventually.

3. There is at least one scene that’s less depressing in every chapter. Or at least I tried to write it that way but @porusuniverse would probably say otherwise 😂

Thank you for your patience and if you need reassurance or feel too overwhelmed due to the topic just send me a message and I’ll tell you more about what’s gonna happen. 💜

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Potato ramble:

- I hope you guys are okay! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but trust me, you need a bit of a break before this shit escalates 😂

- I got so mad at this fucking angst that I wrote 15k words while working full time and finishing late every day just to get it out of the way. 😂 please don’t hate me, I’m also hurt by my own cruelty.

- Also, if you are a Shouto fan, don’t hate me! I don’t think he’s uhm… unattractive nor uncaring. I have a Shouto x Reader one shot up on my page, I love him with my whole heart btw and he was my first MHA crush so if you wanna read it, go into my masterlist and check it out!

- I stand by what Kaminari said though. 😂 don’t judge until you’ve tried both HAHA

- I will be honest, I’m glad they were interrupted because the cheeky bit of this chapter was a little bit uhm… too hot. I think Izuku wants his first time to be a bit more mild than whatever was going on before the phone call.

- HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND, GUYS!!! I hope I haven’t ruined it too much! See you next week!

TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave

[demonslayedher]

Links, why started, and why abandoned:

Rengoku+Akaza Sitcom: It was very silly and rereading it still makes me laugh. I've had passing ideas here and there and have made two separate attempts to continue it, but I haven't captured the same flow. Kyojuro's efforts to get me fired as the lead writer and keep this sitcom canceled have so far panned out.

Low-Key Married AU: When I look at the notes sometimes I am like, "wow, this must be my most popular AU, but it is such a mess and I feel so bad for people trying to follow it." I got as far as The Nezuko Incident, but it was already super long, and rather than being engaging it felt more like it was just trying to give chronology to this AU. ZenNezu Angst (no link): I was in such an indulgent, angsty mood when I wrote it, and I wrote myself into an angsty hole. It was whump with an intended happy ending but by the time I went back to it I was not in as whumpy of a mood and I had forgotten how I was going to build up to the intended happy ending and found it meh. Also, I am embarrassed by how whumpy it is and even considered publishing under a different name.

Raw Sword Production: I want so badly for the fandom to appreciate the intricacies of Japanese sword production, which is why I put it into fiction format in the first place with Teppi being the vehicle through which readers can learn a complicated but fascinating process. I wound up learning a lot more since publishing that, and wanted to fix some details, as well as make it clearer with more illustrations, and add on the full process of smithing (instead of glossing over it in the conclusion and focusing most of the smelting). Got to about the point of polishing (one of the last steps), felt overwhelmed by the amount of illustration it would benefit from to be clear, and lost confidence feeling that even with all that effort, there probably would not be many people who read all the way to the end. Filler Arc w/ Character Beats: I still really like the ideas, have had ideas for how to expand it to a proper flow and make a solid story out of it, it had a very cute start, but I lost steam. I want Ufotable to make it instead and just let me direct. EDIT: So far it doesn't seem this one is going to win the poll, so I reread what 5577 words I had, and gosh dang it, it was cute. So I have posted it.

Again, zero promises of any of these projects getting more attention, even if they win the poll. But knowing what people would enjoy reading might provide more inspiration. EDIT: Guys, if you want "other," ya gotta tell me which one! Also, if you want more than one, feel free to say so too. Again, the point is to see if I can work up the inspiration to finish. If.

[bl-bracket]

4, 8, 16, 24 for ask game

4. Favorite Side Character

Okay this is so hard cause I love side characters so much. I think in terms of who has given me the most brain rot, I gotta go with my son Sound from My School President. Like angsty lonely gay teenager being adopted against his will by a group of weirdos (affectionate)? It's like they made a character specifically for me to project onto. I'm constantly torn between wanting to shake him around in my teeth and wanting to give him every good thing in the world. He's just so!!!!

8. First BL

So way back when (like 2017), I somehow discovered 2 Moons (the original one). Now I had never seen or heard of bls before beyond like yaoi manga, so like a full length live action tv show was so revolutionary to me and I could watch the whole thing on youtube? wow! I was obsessed (especially the ming/kit story line). Now, I wouldn't rec the drama nowadays but like little old me was shook and told all of my friends at school about it. BUT somehow I never watched another bl or show from Thailand until 2022 when I saw people posting about Not Me on the dash/trending tab and decided to watch and then from there I got into the BL fandom proper. Anyways when I saw people posting about Triage I was like so shook because I knew those guys!!!! I, for the record, have not seen 2 Moons 2 nor rewatched the original in so many years.

16. Favorite Trope

Ok so there are many tropes that I love a lot, but nothing gets me more excited then some good ol classic identity porn (side note: I really wish that it was called something else because telling my irl friends that I'm into identity porn is the worst). But yes I love it when characters have a secret identity and then when they interact with the same person in both identities? ooo that's the stuff. Guardian is my favorite example of this. Like all the work Shen Wei put into keeping Yunlan from realizing he was the Black Cloak Envoy? The quick identity switches? Zhao Yunlan putting the pieces together slowly? Ugh it's just so good, especially in romance stuff where like the character is falling for both identities and doesn't know what to do. I also love a good character reveal, particularly when they're revealing that the character who seemed very ordinary and normal is actually very powerful and cool. (another reason why I love it in Guardian). It can definitely be dragged out too long (I have not watched Miraculous Ladybug other than a couple episodes in my French class when I was younger but I have heard much about the infamous love square that is two people), but like it's definitely something that needs to last for a considerable amount of time in order to really scratch that itch in me. 23.5 kinda did this with the Earth/Ongsa thing, but while I did love that, I wouldn't label it was being the same as Shen Wei/Black Cloak Envoy. Like with Ongsa it was more of a mistaken identity/miscommunication thing while I like it when the character already has an established alter ego thing that they don't intend the LI to get close to, if that makes sense? Anyways this is a quite long of saying I like when characters are revealed to be more than they seem.

24. Dream Actor Pairing

Look I'm not breaking new ground here when I say that I want Jeff and Bible to do a drama together. It's so evil that Kim and Vegas didn't have any interactions. I think they would kill it (no pun intended) playing a couple in a drama. Other than that, I'm not too sure? There's a lot of actors I really like and want to see more of or think could act well with another, but I don't have many other I need these two to play lovers that haven't already? Like I would absolutely love to get Gawin/First again (Danyok was not enough for me) or for Tor and Gun to actually get to play lovers some time.

[waterfallofspace]

53 and 55 for d/azai and ch/uuya (the sick one 👁👁) perhaps please if you would like… <3

Thank you so much for the ask/request!! These have been so fun hahaha~~ I did get just a touch angsty/fever heavy towards the end, so hopefully that's alright, I promise it's not super serious! I also did want to include a little french, and while I did take it in school, I remember less than nothing, soooo this is all thanks to google, therefore I apologize for anything inconsistent/incorrect! [ Putain de merde = Holy shit ] [ À tes souhaits = Bless you ] [ Merde = Shit ] [ Je dois = I've got to ] 2.1k words, prompts 53 and 55, story under the cut! ~Part Two/Continuation Post Here~ 53. "Bless you?" 55. "You sound awful." (References to mild violence, high fevers, and swearing just in case anyone doesn't like any of those!)

~~~~~~~

Dazai is nothing if not observant. There is hardly a single detail in any given encounter he hasn’t seen, or predicted. Which is why he finds it almost insulting that people always insist on ‘hiding things’ from him. Especially his former partner. 

‘Chuuya still seems to believe, incorrectly and against all odds, that I won’t notice if somethings wrong. Something such as the cough he was suppressing that was shaking his frail little form. Or the pink tint around his nose. The nose he couldn’t stop touching throughout our encounter.’

This is how Dazai came to be leaning against a wall outside a pharmacy. And if it just so happens to be the pharmacy a certain hat-adorned Mafioso frequents, wouldn’t that be a strange coincidence. ‘Any minute now, don’t keep me waiting- Ah. Here we go~.’

Chuuya steps out of the store, a gloved hand pinching his rapidly trembling nose. ‘He must have been trying not to sneeze the whole time he was in the store. Aw~! That’s just adorable. It’s practically famous within the Port Mafia that our dear Chibi can’t hold back to save his little, tiny, life. Well, time to announce myself!’ Dazai smirks, pushing off the wall and stepping into Chuuya’s line of sight. 

“Chuuuuuya~! What a surprise, running into you here!”

“heH’EK- fuck!”

“Uh, bless you?”

“Damn it you idiot, you scared it away.” 

Dazai lets his mouth twitch, a smile threatening to break through at the look of annoyance on Chuuya’s face, nose practically twitching with unreleased tickles. He snapped his hand away from his face the second he saw Dazai, but they both know he’s just itching to bring it back up, pun intended. ‘Oh this will be even more fun then I’d foreseen.’

“S- scared away the sneeze..? Is even Chuuya’s nose easily startled?”

“Eh?! I- You- oh whatever. What the fuck ar- hahEHhh… hePT-!huhh… Damn it- What are you doing here, Dazai?”

It’s practically a growl, and Dazai doesn’t miss the way Chuuya’s hand twitches as he presses it firmly into a fist against his side. ‘You wanna rub so badly, don’t you? I wonder how long you’ll be able to hold out. Judging by that glaze coating your eyes, I’d say not long, but hey, I out of anyone know how stubborn you can be. Shall we test your resolve, Chuuya~?’ 

“I was just passing through this part of town, and happened to notice the sky starting to look a tad cloudy, so I figured I’d duck under a nice dry roof! Just so happens to be of a pharmacy- say, what is Chuuya doing in a pharmacy anyways?”

“Nothing.”

“Wow, you bought a bag just for nothing? Seems a bit of a waste.”

Chuuya’s eyes roll, teeth clenching as he snarls, both of them knowing that any other time, he would have aimed a punch at Dazai for that. 'And we both know why you didn't. Little preoccupied there, Chuuya?' Dazai studies him carefully, noticing the way his mouth is starting to twitch right along with his nose, the itch seemingly spreading across his whole face.

“I bought some pain medication, alright? I get hurt a lot in this job, and I was running low.” 

“Doesn’t the Port Mafia supply the good stuff? Why settle for cheap store bought?”

“I- I jus- Why do you even care! Doesn’t the ‘great Dazai’ have better things to do?”

“Awe~ You think I’m great? Chuuya~ you flatter me!” 

Chuuya opens his mouth to retort, but what falls out instead of a cough that he quickly attempts to suppress, ducking into his hand and spinning on his heel, away from Dazai. ‘It’s a futile effort, I can still clearly see your body shaking. I think you know that.’

“Oh Chuuya, are you not feeling well?”

“Sh- huHh-! Really? Of all the times to come bahhHh- back… hePT’NNSHH’oo-! hAh’IZZSHHAA-! heHh… AhHH-! ahH’YZZSHH’iuh-!”

“Bless you.”

“Shut up, bandage factory. J- just leave me alone, I have things to do.” 

Dazai notices the roughness of Chuuya’s voice as he lowers it, adding a growl in an attempt to make it seem intentional. ‘You must be feeling worse than I thought, a couple sneezes and a cough shouldn’t be enough to wreck your throat. Unless, of course, you’ve been doing it non-stop for days.’

“Well my schedule is completely clear, so I think I’ll just hang out with Chuuya for awhile! Where are we going next?”

“There is absolutely not a ‘we’. I am going back to my apartment. Alone.”

“Aw- come on, don’t be like that!”

“Ge- hehHh… get lost… hH’KZZZSHH’iuh-! Fucking… Ehh’knGSHH’aa-!” 

“Double blessings for the double sneeze! Keep up the doubles and you’ll start sounding like me.”

“A fate worse than death, truly.”

Dazai clutches his chest, an arm draping across his face in mock hurt, making sure to keep one eye trained on the shorter man. ‘He’s practically trembling. It’s chilly out, but not enough for that reaction, especially not for someone like him. It’s most likely a fever, but it could just be exhaustion. I’ll need an excuse to get in close to check.’

“You wound me!”

“I’d certainly like to. hah’gNNShh’aa-! hh’ETZZSHH’iuh-!”

“Quite a threat, if only you could back it up. Alas, I fear this illness has reduced you to the level of a mere goon. Certainly not an executive in the elite Port Mafia.” 

The words work exactly how he’d planned, a closed fist hitting Dazai squarely in the chest as the shorter man lunges at him, giving Dazai every opportunity to let his hand brush against Chuuya’s forehead. ‘He’s burning up. With the clouds gathering faster than I’d foreseen, I’d better get him off the street and fast, otherwise we’re looking at an outcome I’d rather avoid.’ A grunt breaks free from Dazai’s throat as Chuuya finishes the attack with a kick right to his gut. 

“That feel like a sick man’s blow? Didn’t think so. D- damn it… hAhhHh-!” 

Dazai pauses, leaning back against the wall to watch the show unfold. Chuuya has a gloved hand gripping his nose once more, eyes starting to gloss over as they lose focus. His hand is trembling, eyes starting to water. ‘Tsk tsk. We both know you can’t hold this back, are you really going to break your nose in an attempt to? Sorry, I just can’t have that.’ 

“Even Akutagawa can punch harder than that, Chuuya.” 

“Eh?!” 

Chuuya’s eyes snap to him, his hand wavers, and just like that, Dazai knows he’s won. The loss in focus, even for a second, is enough to give Chuuya’s nose the upper hand, its twitching visible from between the cracks in his fingers. ‘Checkmate.’ 

“ih’KNXT’chh-!”

Dazai bites back a wince at the way the stifle seems to scrape at Chuuya’s throat, a hiss escaping through his clenched teeth as his breath catches once more. ‘Bad idea, Chuuya. You know that’s just gonna make you-’ 

“eH’KnGT’chhh-! inGT’chh-! GNT’chh-! heHh… dTnxxgt’chhh-! hH’KNgT’choo-! hEH’INGSHH’AA-!”

‘And there it is.’

“You gon-”

“AAISHHH’OO-! ATSHH’AA-! hH’INGSHH’AA-! heh’ASSHH’iuh-!”

“-gonna live, Chuuya?”

“hNGGSHH’OO-! Shut- nnMMGSHHH’AA-! Shut up- hH’INMSHHH’IUH-! S- slug… heAhh-!”

A deep chest soaked cough starts pouring out between the sneezes, rattling Chuuya to his bones, and sending chills down Dazai’s back. He nearly flinches as Chuuya falls against the wall, using it to study him as the wet coughs shake through his lungs. He manages to catch his breath, tears freely flowing down his cheeks, just to have it sucked out of him again as another round of sneezing starts up.

“hEH’NNGSHH’AA-! eh’KETSCHhh’iuh-! heP’TZZSHH’aa-! Putain de merde!”

“Doing french, are we? Well then, À tes souhaits, Chibi.” 

“Whatev-”

The hoarse quality of Chuuya’s voice, barely above a whisper causes them both to pause, a wince escaping across Dazai’s features before he can mask it. Chuuya’s eyes widen, the panic in them seeming to seep into Dazai’s very soul. They stand for a minute, eyes locked, before Chuuya straightens his into a glare once more.

“You sound awful.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just saying. You should really have taken some medicine for that.”

“That.. was the plan.. before you.. interrupted me..” 

Dazai can’t help but grimace at the harsh whisper, Chuuya attempting to lower his voice to a growl to make it sound intentional, but they both know no one’s buying it. ‘I really need to get him home and get him to take some medication. If he gets caught in the rain like this, it’ll be bad.’

Making sure to catch Chuuya’s eye, Dazai lets his hand slip into his pocket, pulling a dose of medication out, the kind you won’t find at any pharmacy. He smirks at the flash of desire that Chuuya doesn’t manage to hide.

“Whoops, guess that one’s my bad. In that case, this will just have to go to waste, I suppose. Since you have your own, and I was so rudely uninvited to your apartment.” 

“You.. can’t be uninvited.. to something you.. weren’t invited to.. in the first place.. hH’RSHH’AA-! oww…” 

They both flinch at the sneeze, Dazai letting his concentration slip for just a second. However, a second is all Chuuya needs, planting a roundhouse kick on Dazai’s arm as he snatches the vial, taking a swig before sticking it in his own pocket. Dazai raises an eyebrow at this, cheshire smile painted across his face, but a hint of something much more genuine in his eyes.

“What aggression Chuuya! You should really try some anger management classes to get that rage under control.” 

“I didn’t have.. anger issues.. until I had the misfortune.. of meeting you..” 

“Oh yes~. You were just a ray of sunshine when I first met you! Definitely no thinly repressed rage bubbling just below the surface that boiled over every time anything happened.”

“Oi.. are you trying.. to get punched again.. jackass..? eH’KtSHH’iuh-! Christ.. hASHHH’AA-!”

“Save your energy, you’ll need it. And besides, I’ve taken quite enough of a beating today.” 

Chuuya doesn’t respond, ‘Electing to save your voice too, are you? Smart, given how quickly it’s fading’ but he does give Dazai a nasty look, raising his hand to scrub at his nose once more. Dazai feels a swell of concern in his chest at how unashamed his former partner has grown about his rapidly increasing symptoms. ‘The medicine should kick in within the hour… but I doubt you’ll make it home on your own before then.’ 

“huh’KKSHH’AA-! hEIYYSHHH’iuh-! nNGT’chh-! eh’INGT’chhh-! M- merde… Je d- dois… ehH’hEZZSHH’aihh-!”

A hand is casually raised as Chuuya attempts to cover, aiming for his shoulder with a hazy look that isn’t like him. ‘Damn it, I was hoping to avoid this outcome-’ Dazai manages to think, getting cut off, just as he foresaw, as Chuuya collapses into himself. A strong grasp catches the smaller man, Dazai letting out a huff at the weight suddenly in his arms. 

“Easy there, still with me?”

A weak nod is his response, the glassy nature of Chuuya’s eyes suggesting the fever has grown worse. Touching his forehead, Dazai winces again at the heat, ‘Definitely gotten worse. The game is over, I’m taking you home now.’ Without a word, he lifts Chuuya into his arms, not missing the grunt he gets in response.

“You can fight me, and risk falling on your face, or you can just let me help you.”

Chuuya growls, but lets his eyes flutter shut, ducking away from Dazai and into his shoulder as another set of exhausted sneezes tears out of him. 

“heh’nNKjschh’uhh-! ah’mmKNschh’uhh-! hehHhh-! hEH’IZZSHH’iuhh-! Guhh..”

“Bless you. Can you stand, or shall I carry you?”

Dazai easily dodges the fist aimed his way, but doesn’t miss the way Chuuya shakes at the force of his own weight. Without a word, he moves Chuuya’s arm back over his shoulders, letting the man lean against him. There’s a certain level of unease when someone’s relying on you to walk, and yet, with the two of them, this is an all-too-familiar sensation.

“Let’s get you home, partner. The medication will kick in soon.”

“Not.. your partn-”

“Save your voice, it’s physically painful for me to listen to you. I can feel my own throat starting to ache.”

A dirty look is shot his way before Chuuya’s eyes flutter shut once more, not even bothering to turn his head away, instead aiming the sneezes towards the ground in front of them. Dazai grimaces, not from the possibility of germs, instead, entirely from the concern that washes through him at the lack of shame.

“heH’DTZSHH’AA-! AIISHH’oo-! ehh’gnSHHH’iuh-!”

“Bless you.”

“Save.. your breath.. stupid Dazai..”

“Hey, at least you still have that temper! I’d be really worried if that was gone.” 

“Just.. take me home..”

Dazai lets a smile wash over his face, a warmth replacing the panic in his chest as Chuuya leans into his touch as they start the journey. ‘I’ll keep you safe, partner. Leave it to me.’

Without a word spoken between them, he knows he was heard and understood, just as he understands the response. 

‘I trust you.’

[ddeongies]

.....wow

i mean... what else can i say. this chapter (the whole of choreo au, really) was beautifully written. like it really is just a character study under the guise of smut, and u pull it off so well every time. i love how much emotion is ingrained into everything, their words, their actions, their thoughts, even the narration

the strap bit was so good, i love the specific way you write yeji kind of gnc, especially in these parts. it's so fun (and also makes me look very bigly at succubus au for. reasons).

i also love the little bookending with the first line "ryujin thought she'd prepared herself for hwang yeji. she was wrong" and the last "nothing could have prepared ryujin for hwang yeji", i love when stories come full circle like that. i know we're getting an epilogue chapter but even without it this is still such a perfect place to end this story

on a completely different note. biting yeji's stomach........ im so glad we are all on the same page AGH. i will be normal. she. ohhh the yummy...

-🖤

i'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter/fic!!! 🥰 choreo is definitely as horny as it is... not LOL. it's obviously a smutty fic, but the smut is really there as another device to examine and progress the dynamic and the characters. i honestly didn't know what this fic would turn into when i started writing it tbh... i wanted it to be like kinda toxic kinda angsty sexy ryeji and then i ended up with this! and i'm very happy about it tbh!!

the strap bit was so important as a final scene tbh like it's kind of the definition of choreo. like it's smutty as hell but there's something much deeper (pun not intended) going on there and it hits as hard as it does bc of all the internal shit like... imo it wouldn't be half as hot without the 40k of emotional shit that lead up to it! (i love gnc/Not Cis yeji..... i am also looking bigly as succubus au like can ddeongies just write that already 😭

i'm addicted to bookending in fic. i try to do it in all of them (sometimes in more subtle ways than i did it here) i really really wanted this chapter to feel Final and Complete. like i'm super excited to write the epilogue and i've already got a lot of cute and hot ideas cooking for it :D, but i really didn't want to leave anything hanging after this monster of a chapter. like if i couldn't wrap it up in 20k then LOL

yeah the body worship scene was... a journey to write. like genuinely ask @lonewolflink she was getting so pissed at me bc i literally had just the yummy part to write for maybe like 2 weeks bc i just couldn't do it it was actually so hard it made me feel CRAZY (i have clearly decided to not be normal pls join me)

[effervescentdragon]

Hi! I just wanted to say that this week I chose to read some of the fics you have up in AO3 ( and by some of them I mean a lot) and I'm obsessed with your Sebchal Old Guard AU.

I haven't watched the movie yet, but I've been tempted in the past and your writing was the last reason I needed to do it.

That scene when Sebastian has apparently died and Charles holds him while praying in Latin, and he is so devastated about losing Sebastian because immortality is only a gift if Charles gets to share it with him.

That was..WOW..Yeah. No words. Tens across the board.

Those dreams of Lewis and Nico. The ending in Suzuka when Charles is wearing red again. People choosing to spend immortality together just really gets to me, I guess.

That fic really did something for me, and I have to thank you for it.

PS: your Nico/Jenson Soulmate fic made me see why people ship those two.

PS 2:"Red Gods of Old" is so phenomenal. I had to keep pausing to look at the wall and think about every paragraph.

PS 3: I was blown away when I saw you posted again, and blown away again because I had already read the Piarles piece, but didn't realize it was part of a series. I loved your first chapter. So angsty, and I hated the fact that you made me relate to Lando, but also thank for that.

Thank your for sharing your writing, and I know sending this right now seems so convenient because of your post earlier, but I really enjoyed the reading sprint I had on your stuff and I wanted to say so. Sorry for writing so much this got a little bit longer than the single paragraph I had intended it to be. :)

anon this made me so happy. like so so so happy, insanely happy. the answer is gonna get long because i cant not ramble about all this, so, cut.

my sebchal old guard au is my favourite thing ive ever written and i love it so much and people dont often go for it, though i do have some wonderful asks in my inbox that im saving for a rainy day and i just. thank you for coming here to tell me this and i hope you watched the movie because its MASTERFUL. i put so much into that fic, for example i tried to figure out how to make two white boys be joe and nicky without being insensitive or appropriative about race, and how not to apply the fundamentality of joe's loveliness of being an arab man (gentle and kind and a poet in his soul) to this german dude. that one kept me up for a while, so i decided not to mirror it perfectly but to apply seb and charles' personalities into the context, except adapting the other way around. it was a challenge to write, because i wove so much little ideas and nods to other people in there, not the least lewis and nico as andy and quynh, and then in the end i just really wanted them to come a full circle and somehow tie it in with f1. i always do this in my au's, give a little nod to f1 somehow, just to show my love for it. anyways, thank you so much for reading it and just. i love that you liked it.

oh god the princess cake soulmate fic - i saw the prompt and i couldnt resist! it turned out to be a prompt by a tumblr friend so that worked out even better. i love nico and i love him with jenson and i need to get back to writing him some more soon tbh. he is such a complicated and interesting character and he has twists and turns and i just love him insanely much. (if you liked the soulmate fic, i refer to this fic as my princess cake master thesis, so you may like that one too, maybe.)

oh my fucking god. this part. this part had me stopping in the middle of my corridor when i saw it because like. nobody reads that fic? nobody knows it and its my first proper rpf that i wrote and i love it so much and i just. im just heart-eyeing you now, because that was me trying to figure out some things about seb and about ferrari and to make it work in my head so i know how to proceed, so, thank you for reading it, and especially mentioning it!

thank you also so much for reading my carlando, im very excited about it because i never wrote them and im a bit nervous about the characterisation but so far it seems like it has a positive reception. i made it angsty on purpose because lando is just a ball of anxiety and i rly tried to show it. im super hyped about the next chapter two, but please keep all your limbs crossed for my uni work, which i have to do tomrrow on penalty of death.

please, never think its inconvenient to read something as lovely as this ask, no matter if its because of a post i made or just because, it literally doesnt matter, because you took the time to come and tell me these lovely things anyway. it made me happy and it made me hyped up and thank you. and there's never ever too much rambling, i dont see this as rambling i see this as something lovely. thank you <333

[sfb123]

Another Man’s Treasure

Book: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir/The Royal Finale

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Summary: During a trip to New York, the group runs into someone from Riley’s past, and learn a little more about her life before Cordonia. 

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Discussion of emotional abuse, discussion of violence, swearing. 

Word Count: 3,515 (sorry 😬)

A/N: This is a one shot I’ve been working on for like 7 months, and only just finished yesterday. It’s pretty heavy and angsty, but I felt like it was a story that needed to be told. 

It’s not the story I intended to post this week, but it makes more sense for this one to exist before that one, so I’m switching it up a little. 

Thank you @phoenixrising308 and @txemrn​ for pre-reading and giving me the push I needed to actually put this out into the world. I am very lucky to have you guys on my team.

Tags: Listed below, if you want to be added or removed, just let me know! 

Whenever Liam and Riley were in New York, they always made it a point to stop for a drink at the bar where their story began all those years ago. On this trip, they were joined by Drake, Maxwell, and Hana, so it was a particularly fun night. They sat around the table laughing and telling stories of the early adventures that cemented them as the family they had become. As much as Liam and Riley loved being alone together, it was these moments with the people closest to them that were some of their fondest memories. 

They made sure to come on a night when Riley’s old friend, Daniel was working. He was one of the people that she missed most when she left, and the rest of the group had grown pretty fond of him in the time they would spend, whether it be them visiting New York, or him spending a few weeks in Cordonia. 

As the drinks flowed and laughter was dispensed, a man approached the booth. “Riley?”

Her head snapped up at the familiar voice, a voice she never expected to hear again. “Oh wow, Jeff. Hi.” She smiled at him, but everyone at the table noticed that she was using her queen smile. 

“That’s her majesty, Queen Riley to you buster!” Maxwell said jokingly. 

“Max, cool it.” Riley looked over at him with a serious expression. “I didn’t know you still came here.” She turned her focus back to the man standing in front of them. 

“I don’t, you know how much I hate it here. It was Johnny’s suggestion, and everyone else agreed, so I didn’t have much of a choice.” He nodded over to a table at the other side of the bar. “I almost didn’t recognize you, you look great.”

“Thanks, I’ve got a good thing going for me. That helps.” She looked down, a slight blush appearing across her cheeks. 

Liam sensed that this was more than just an old acquaintance, and placed one arm, possessively, around Riley’s shoulder, extending the other out to greet the blast from his wife’s past. 

“Hello, I’m Liam. Riley’s husband.”

“Oh sure. The king, right?” He reached his hand out and shook Liam’s, looking back to Riley. “I saw you on the news, you know, being a queen and all that. It seems like a lot of work, not really your kind of thing. Though, I guess you have servants now that take care of all those things around the house you never seemed to find time for.” 

The bluntness of his comment shocked everyone at the table, except for Riley. She tried to stay composed, but stuttered her response. “I mean...I think I do ok...it’s different than…”

“She’s a great queen. Best one our country has seen in decades.” Drake interrupted, sizing up the unwanted intrusion. 

“Jeff, these are our friends Maxwell, Hana, and Drake.” She gestured towards each of them as she introduced them. “Guys, this is Jeff.”

Liam looked between Jeff and Riley, trying to read the situation. He could tell Riley was uncomfortable, but there was something more there. A hurt that tore him up inside. He wanted this man gone. Even if he had to call Bastien over to have him removed. He didn’t like flexing his king muscles like that when they were trying to have a normal night, but he wanted to make sure that Jeff knew how important, how special, Riley was to him, and that he would do anything to keep her happy. Something he clearly wasn’t able to wrap his head around once upon a time.

Jeff gave a half-hearted wave, barely acknowledging the rest of the table, keeping his eyes focused on Riley. “You should swing by the table and say hi to everyone. It’s been a while. It would be nice to catch up.”

“Sure, I’ll try to swing by before we leave.” She lied. There were only a couple of Jeff’s friends that Riley actually liked. None of them were sitting at that table. 

“Great! I’ll talk to you in a bit then. Good to meet you guys.” Jeff waved at the table, his eyes still never leaving Riley’s face. 

As Jeff walked away, Daniel hurried up to the booth. “Riley, I am so SO sorry. I had no idea he was here. He must have come in while I was on my break.”

“It’s fine Daniel, really.” Riley waived her hand dismissively at him. “Old news. Fuck him for thinking I’m going to go over there to talk to those idiots, though.”

The arm Liam had wrapped around her shoulder, slowly moved so that his hand was on her back, rubbing it gently. “Love, who is Jeff?”

Daniel’s jaw dropped. “Riley! You never told him about Jeff?” 

She shrugged. “No, not important. Old news, remember?”

“I take it you two dated at one point?” Liam asked.

“I’m going to go get you guys another round. On me. You’re going to need it.” Daniel reached over the table and gave Riley’s hand a quick squeeze before walking back towards the bar. 

Riley took a deep breath, preparing to revisit a place she didn’t go often. She had gotten past it, but she knew that the people in front of her would not be quite as passive about the story she was about to tell. “Yeah, he’s actually the last guy I dated before I met you. We broke up a couple of weeks before your bachelor party.”

“How’s that for timing?” Maxwell raised his glass smiling. 

Drake punched him in the arm. “Are you drunk, or just that dumb? Not the time, Beaumont.”

Maxwell slouched in his seat, giving Riley an apologetic look as she continued. “I mean, for the most part, he was a good guy. He was sweet, and thoughtful. He would pick up little trinkets for me every now and then. Like, if he was out and saw something that reminded him of me.” She quickly glanced over to Jeff’s table, he was showing his friends something on his phone. “He was a hell of an arguer. I was 0 for like a million in fights with him.”

“What do you mean?” There was a look of worry on Liam’s face as he urged her to continue. 

“He’s a very...particular person. He has a very specific idea of how things should be done, where things should go. Timelines that things should be done in. If you didn’t follow that, you were wrong. No question.” She shrugged. “I get it, he likes things a specific way, but he just wouldn't bend, or listen to any other opinion or suggestion. He yelled louder, and was more persistent, so I would always back down from a fight and tell him he was right. Then when I apologized, he would lecture me like I was a little kid in the principal’s office, but with more insults.”

“Insults?” Hana asked, confused. 

“Yeah, he would explain to me that the reason I disagreed with him, or didn’t do things his way was because I was lazy. That I didn’t ever want to do anything. You know, general self-esteem blows.” Riley looked around the table at the sad eyes pointed in her direction. Liam’s hand was still rubbing her back, the other had moved to hers on the table. 

“So basically, he was a piece of shit, and wanted to drag you down and make you feel as awful as he actually was.” Drake asked, his grip tightening on the glass of whiskey in his hand. His eyes quickly grew wide. “Brooks, he never...hit you or anything did he? Because I swear to God, I’ll go over there right the fuck now and…”

She quickly cut Drake off, before he could get too carried away. “No, definitely not. And he was sure to remind me of that.” The group gave her a collective, questioning, look. “Anytime I called him out for the way he was treating me, he would basically justify it to me by saying it could be worse, he could be cheating on me or hitting me.” That didn’t appease Drake’s anger. 

“What happened, how did you guys break up?” Hana said, trying to redirect the conversation. 

“One day, I was on my lunch break, sitting in an empty parking lot sobbing. He had picked a fight with me over text messages while I was working. That was becoming pretty regular for us, and I guess I had just hit my breaking point. I got home that night, and we had a rational conversation where I laid it all out on the table. I told him that nothing I did justified being talked to that way, and that I couldn’t take it anymore. He just kept defending his actions, and tried to explain to me that not doing the dishes the second he said they needed to be done was reasonable cause being screamed at and talked down to for 45 minutes. I realized at that moment that he was never going to understand my side of it, so my only option was to leave. I packed a bag and went to Daniel’s place for the night. The next day, while he was at work, I came back and packed the rest of my stuff. Daniel took me in, and I stayed with him right up until I met you guys.” 

A silence fell over the table. The group all looked back and forth at each other. Maxwell, Drake, and Hana’s gazes landed on Liam to gauge his reaction. His eyes were locked on Riley, blinking rapidly. No doubt, trying to stop the tears from falling. 

“Oh my god, you guys are such drama queens. It’s fine, I’m fine. I traded up anyway.” She brushed them off and leaned into Liam, smiling at him, trying to soften his expression. She was unsuccessful. “Liam, it’s ok. I’m ok. I have you.” She gently placed her hand on his cheek.

“Love…” He replied softly, it was the first time he had spoken since she told them her story, and he had no idea what to say beyond that. 

“I. Am. Fine. Please don’t worry about me.” She kissed him softly on the lips. “That goes for all of you. Stop looking at me like I’m a lost puppy.” None of them knew where to take the conversation from there, they couldn’t believe how flippant she could be about the information that she had just dropped on them. She rolled her eyes at them. “Ok, well I’m going to go to the bathroom. Hana, you coming?” Hana nodded, and they both stood up. Before Riley walked away, she turned back to the table. “And when I get back, I want my happy fun boys back...plus Drake.” None of them laughed at her joke, and she took a deep breath before turning back around and walking to the ladies room. 

Liam watched Riley until she disappeared behind the restroom door. Once she was out of view, his face turned to Jeff’s table, his sadness quickly morphing into anger. A hardness spread over his features as he clenched his fists on the table.

“Man, I can’t believe Riley went through all of that. And that she can just talk about it like it was no big deal.” Maxwell said to Liam and Drake. 

Neither was listening. Liam had his eyes trained on Jeff, and Drake was watching Liam with a look of concern. “What’s going on Liam? Talk to me.”

“How could he treat her like that? How did he not see how incredible she is? He acted as if she was nothing.” Liam’s voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the rage in his tone. 

“Yeah, but I mean, isn’t it kind of good that it didn’t work out? If they were still together, you guys never would have met.” Maxwell was trying desperately to diffuse the situation. 

“It doesn’t matter. Riley is the strongest, most incredible woman I know. He tried to extinguish her flame. I can’t let him just carry on, knowing how he treated her.” He threw his head back and finished his scotch in one gulp before standing from the table. 

Drake quickly jumped to his feet, standing in front of Liam and holding his hands out in front of his friend. “Liam, hold on, you can’t do this. He’s not worth it.”

“He is worth less than nothing, but Riley is worth everything, and I made a vow to protect my wife.” He tried to push Drake aside, but he wouldn’t budge. Maxwell quickly jumped out of his seat and joined Drake in keeping Liam at the table. 

“She wasn’t your wife back then, you didn’t even know her.”

A quick look of disbelief flashed in Liam’s eyes. “Drake, Riley has been my wife since the day she blessed this earth with her presence, we just hadn’t found each other yet.”

“Liam, stop. It was a long time ago, she’s moved past it. She’s doing so well for herself, she has you, she’s an amazing Queen. She’s already getting back at him by just being her.” Maxwell said, trying to calm his friend down.

“So I’m supposed to let this man walk away as if she just took a fond trip down memory lane?”

Drake placed a comforting hand on Liam’s shoulder. “As weird as it is to say, Maxwell makes a valid point. Liam, you know I would be right by your side holding that bastard down for you if I thought it would do any good. But all it’s going to do is upset Brooks.”

Liam took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. “You’re right. As good as it would feel to take him down right here in front of all of these people, in front of his friends, it would upset Riley. I would never want to do that.”

Riley and Hana returned to the table. “Hey guys, what’s going on? Why is everyone standing up?” She approached Liam, who quickly pulled her into his side and kissed her softly. 

“We were just getting ready to head out, it’s getting crowded in here.” Drake replied, grabbing his coat from the booth. 

Riley grimaced. “Oh come on, you’re not seriously making us leave because of one table of jerks.”

“No way! We don’t care about them!” Maxwell faked a yawn and stretched his arms over his head. “I’m beat, I need to get my beauty rest.”

Riley rolled her eyes, not believing his excuse. “Yeah, ok. Sure Max.”

Liam leaned and whispered in Riley’s ear as his hand traveled to her backside. “The sooner we get out of here, the sooner we get back to the hotel and I have my way with you.” He took her earlobe between his teeth as his hand squeezed her ass, trying to channel his energy into a more positive form. 

“Alright gang, we’re out of here!” Riley clapped her hands to get the group's attention. She intertwined her fingers with Liam’s and walked toward the door, holding her head high as they passed by Jeff’s table.

“See, I told you she was a stuck up bitch.” The entire group froze, overhearing the not so quiet comment made by one of Jeff’s friends. 

Liam released Riley’s hand and turned to approach the table. Riley grabbed his arm, pulling him back. “Riley, let go.” He commanded. “I’m not going to let them disrespect you like that.”

She placed her hands on either side of his face. “I know you’re not, and I love you for that.” She kissed him softly before continuing. “But can you let me stand up for myself?” 

He nodded silently in response, reluctantly stepping aside to allow her to walk past. She smiled gratefully as she walked toward the table. 

“Hey, Riley! Long time no see!” The friend who had made the catalyst comment greeted her cheerily. 

Riley rolled her lips between her teeth and shook her head in response. “Nah, I’m not playing that game with you. I’m not dating within your stupid little clique anymore, so I don’t have to play nice. I can call out your bull shit for exactly what it is.” The chatter around the table halted and all eyes were on Riley. “I’ve never been a stuck up bitch, but I have always been better than the dumb shit that you people pull. None of you ever emotionally matured past high school, that’s why you don’t have any friends outside of this group, and have this weird, incestuous, everyone has dated at least two people here thing.” She took a deep breath before gesturing to her group. “Do you see those three men over there? They have been friends their whole lives. They grew up together, keywords grew up. They managed to maintain their friendship while making new ones. Any one of them would risk their lives for me in a heartbeat, as a matter of fact, they literally have, on multiple occasions. And you idiots can’t even get your heads out of your own asses long enough to respond to a fucking text message.” 

“Hey Riley, relax. He didn’t mean anything by it” Jeff stood up and approached her. Liam took a step forward, but Drake placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

Riley turned slowly, her eyes narrowing as they met Jeff’s. “Don’t you dare tell me to relax. You’re the worst one of them all. You know how they are, you hate it just as much as I do, but you still keep putting yourself through this.” She paused for a moment, building up her courage. “That’s why you always came home and took that shit out on me. They wouldn’t do anything for you, so you expected me to do everything, they would never back down, so you always forced me to. I had way more to offer than you were giving me credit for, and you held me back from that.” She took a deep breath, and turned to face Liam, her gaze briefly softening at the way he was looking at her. “That man saw me, he saw everything I am, and he loves me for it, even the flaws. He doesn’t let a day go by without telling me how wonderful, and amazing I am, or how much he loves me. All he wants is for me to be happy, and he will do whatever it takes to make sure that I am. Do you even remember the last time you saw me happy, Jeff? I bet you can’t, because you spent so long dragging me down that I don’t even remember the last time I was happy with you.”

Liam’s heart swelled with pride as he watched his wife face her past, and stand up for herself better than he could have ever done on her behalf. He would give anything to defend her, protect her, but he also knew that this was something she needed to move past on her own. 

Before Jeff had a chance to respond, Riley turned on her heels and headed for the door, walking past her group. “Let’s go guys, I’m over it.” Before she could get out of reach, Liam grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his chest bringing her in for a deep kiss, resting his forehead against hers. “What was that for?”

“Because you are amazing, and I do love you, more than anything. I am in absolute awe of you right now.” He spoke softly, but she couldn’t miss the adoration in his voice. 

Riley smiled, leaning in to kiss him once more. “Then what do you say we get out of here and you can show me just how awestruck you really are?”

He nodded, kissing her on the forehead before pulling away and walking out with his wife, hand in hand, their friends following behind. 

In the SUV on the way back to the hotel, Maxwell, Drake, and Hana were chatting while Liam and Riley sat quietly in the third row of seats, her head resting on his shoulder. “Hey Liam?”

“Hmm?” He kissed the top of her head. 

“That kiss, when we were leaving. What was that all about?” She asked innocently. 

“I was just so proud of you, watching you stand up for yourself like that, I couldn’t help myself.” She could hear the smile in his voice. 

Riley picked her head up off his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Plus, you kind of wanted to mark your territory in front of my ex?”

Even in the darkness of the vehicle, Riley could notice a blush coming over Liam. He smirked coyly, bringing up his hand and pinching his thumb and index finger together so that they were just shy of touching. “Maybe just a little bit.”

Riley threw her head back in laughter, “I’ll allow it.” She kissed him softly and returned to her position resting against his shoulder for the remainder of the ride. 

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[beautifulterriblequeen]

some fresh Moonshadow assassin angst

Today in "I'm gearing up to write more whump so I'm thinking about sad things":

These two panels from Bloodmoon Huntress will not let me go.

Firstly, I love that Rayla and Runaan are coming at this argument from two totally different places, and they do not reach an accord.

Runaan is tired and hurt and he has a whole new elf living in his house when he gets home from a rough night.

Rayla just got left behind by her parents and had one of her new dads say "I kill people" instead of "good morning" at the breakfast table.

Rayla's reaction to Runaan's statement isn't super obvious without dialogue, but in the top panel it looks like she's jerking back from Runaan in alarm and/or disgust after he told her what his job actually is.

Moonshadow elves respect life. She's seen him be respectful of everything from grasshoppers to flowers to elves. And then he drops this bomb on her. It seems wrong! And Ruthari were kinda lying to her all along! Rayla's still little, she just had the worst day of her life yesterday, and she does not take this well.

So Runaan immediately frames his work in the way he uses to justify it to himself: if I don't do this, then someone I care for will have to.

The implication is clear to us, if not to Rayla: Someone Must Stab. And Runaan has decided that it should be him, so no one else has to darken their soul with such deeds.

Why must someone stab? Well, my perennial favorite is Dragon Politics. If the Dragon Queen Luna Tenebris decided that asking for mercy for the good humans meant the Moonshadows needed to bear the burden of weeding out the bad humans forever, she probably has enough magic to make that a binding deal. And with the art book telling us that "blood promises" are A Thing for Moonshadow elves, well, it's looking more and more likely that there is, in fact, some kind of horrible curse on the Moonshadows.

On the Moonshadow assassins.

And specifically, on Runaan's bloodline. Which may be the same exact thing.

If every assassin in the Moonshadow Forest is related to Runaan by blood because they're all descended from the same elf, that's a lot of people to protect! Remember how Rayla tells Villads that she's an assassin, even though she hasn't killed anyone? It sounds like "assassin" is more of a clan or family assignation rather than a job title. Maybe it's even a bit of a curse in itself. If the assassins are all descended from the Moon Druid who begged for mercy, if she became the first assassin out of a sense of duty too (and if she is the Bloodmoon Huntress, then this is extra angsty, imagine if your grandma just refused to die and wandered the world being creepy and raiding family reunions, if she liked moonberry surprise you'd just never get any, wow rude).

So someone from Runaan's family has to go do the Dragon Throne's bidding, and soft boi Runaan doesn't want his people to have to suffer death/injury/ghosting because they're soft too. So he gets it together and volunteers as tribute, learns to kill by telling himself he's protecting dozens, hundreds of elves with each precise stab. He has to make it make sense.

And then, see, once he's learned how to be an efficient killer, he can't stop. If he does, someone less skilled will have to try, and they might fail, and people will suffer. His people, and possibly the target as well. So he trains, constantly, relentlessly, to remain in top form, to be able to accept all the missions himself.

Runaan is a cat, guys, and he's the cat with the highest kill count in the neighborhood, the one who greets you every morning with another dead bird or mouse on your doormat. He's ruthlessly efficient and he's never off the clock.

Okay, I'm sure he is off the clock sometime, but you get what I'm saying. Runaan intends to do as much of the killing his people are asked to do as he can, because he's better at it and his loved ones will be safer at home than out in the field.

This is as much as he can do for them within the framework of the rules, and this is probably what got him chosen as their leader.

The other assassins that go on Runaan's mission - except for Rayla - have shoulder markings, so I still think they've managed to take targets before. Runaan mentions that Rayla hasn't taken before, as if that stands out among the elves he selected. He can take all the missions he likes, but I bet there have been overlapping missions where he just couldn't be in two places at once, or missions where he had to take backup with him, and so these elves have done the stab before, either alone or at Runaan's side.

Here's where a whole new layer of angst comes in, though: in Tales of Xadia, the TDP ttrpg, we were given twelve pre-generated characters to play with before we learned how to make our own. One of those characters is a Moonshadow assassin named Eljaal, who went after their target only to see him fall and perish in an accident.

Not taking their target themself is Bad tm for Eljaal, because they're not sure they will be accepted back home after having failed their mission. And so, they wander the world seeking new alliances and new purpose.

The key to the angst that Eljaal's backstory reveals is in the time stamp for Tales of Xadia. It's set between S3 and S4 of the show.

That's after Runaan has been cursed into a coin. After he can no longer take on the bulk of the missions. So others must still do the stabbing.

It's apparently going as well as Runaan feared: soft elves are having trouble killing people. Eljaal has the same covered-shoulders look that Rayla has, hiding the place where Runaan's other assassins bore blue markings like military ranks. Eljaal is old enough to be wearing horn cuffs, but they've never taken a target before?

Possibly. Runaan's overdrive to spare his loved ones the need to go stabbing may have resulted in a whole bunch of assassins who have never gone on a mission in their lives, and who are suddenly being asked to do so! To their cost.

Runaan dedicated his life - in the most literal sense, "my heart for Xadia" - to protecting those he loves from harm, but when he fell, they were suddenly in danger anyway. All his years of training and effort to keep them safe was for nothing. Just like Rayla, he wanted to change things, to make a difference. But he couldn't. He just ingrained the cycle a little deeper.

The Moonshadow assassins are possibly in more danger now than they ever have been. There's something evil driving their bond to the Dragon Throne, and until that is dealt with, Runaan's extended family will continue to be killed, scattered, and ghosted. Except for the ones who may follow in Runaan's footsteps and go around killing people really efficiently. And that's... not better.

Am I actually getting my accursed Oath of Fëanor, TDP-style? Am I?? *maniacal fangirl laughter*

Listen, the real secret here is the dragons. They're so big and tall, their legs are like skyscrapers that rise into the fog and we kind of tune them out with all the angsty action going on down on the ground. But their giant pawprints are all over Xadia.

Eljaal's backstory indicates that Zubeia, for all her light and love, is ordering assassins out into the world to take targets even after everything Rayla did to bring her baby back to her.

Ohohoho. Dragons.

[boohoobruja]

You’re So Dark (Devil’s Advocate Pt. 2)

Summary: reader has trouble defining the line in her newfound relationship after her and spencer get caught by a coworker

Relationship: fem!reader x spencer reid

CW: semi smut, light convo abt consent

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: holy SHIT 100 notes on my first fic! since i promised a continuation if i got good interaction, i thought i would make it a little steamy, a lil angsty, a lil fluffy. writing full smut isnt my move right now so bear with me while i find my voice for it :) listened to she’s so dark by the arctic monkeys while writing if you want to vibe out w me!

here’s the thing about hating someone that you can’t avoid, let alone someone with an undeniable attractiveness about themselves- that hatred can easily turn into tension beyond just spite. there’s a sexuality that lingers underneath the surface, no matter how much effort is put into denial, and as their faces had hovered inches away from each other y/n felt a deep longing to know how he tasted rather than the bloodlust that had boiled in her just moments before.

it had been a week since they crossed the line from enemies to lovers; since the underhanded comments and sarcastic remarks changed to hasty, sloppy kisses shared in the back of the suv. from the moment they stepped out and back into the station they tried their hardest to avoid each other, but glances were stolen and smug smiles were shared between them. the team noticed- jj suggesting they must have reached an understanding during their investigation, derek and emily insisting that it was less verbal and more a conversation of body language.

these days time was passed with the anticipation of the next time spencer would pull her into the broom closet, the next time either one brushed past the other and whispered in their ear. she danced the line of actually sleeping with him, fingers skirting the hem of his pants or running down the buttons of his shirt as his fingers tangled in her hair. y/n didn’t hold sex as sacred or important in the slightest, but she worried about being double-crossed, revealed and cast out for fraternizing with such an integral part of the team.

“copy room?” he suggests quietly as the conference room finally empties, and she’s quick to oblige. while the risk of deceit rests in the back of her mind, in this moment she would eat dirt if it meant that she could feel his hands exploring her body.

she waits a few minutes after he leaves to avoid suspicion, but when the copy room door closes behind her he’s pulling her to him by the hips and pressing soft kisses to her jaw. he’s unusually tender and it puts her off.

“is something wrong?” she whispers.

“no, no. you just...” he nips at her neck. “look so fucking good today, y/n.”

it’s exactly what she wants to hear as their lips meet, and as he brings his thigh up slightly in between her legs it’s tempting to ignore the doubt in her mind and let him fuck her until she’s left navigating the bullpen with shaking legs. just as the thought crosses her mind the door opens.

“oh! oh my god, i am so sorry.” garcia is shielding her eyes with a bright pink folder, slowly backing away and closing the door.

“garcia, wait!” y/n pulls away from spencer, who’s still pressed against the wall in shock, chest heaving. she closes the door, leaving him alone to pursue garcia who pulls the folder back down. her mouth is open, and for the first time since y/n has started at the bau, garcia is speechless. “you have to keep this a secret.”

“my lips are sealed, lovebird. but you have got to find better places than the copy room. i came in expecting paperwork, not- not softcore porn.” with that, garcia turns on her kitty heels and walks across the hall to her cave. when y/n turns, spencer is face to face with her, smoothing his shirt. 

“that could have been bad.” she hisses to him, trying to resist how turned on she is by him towering over her, by the subtle smudge of lipstick on the side of his mouth.

“maybe we should try somewhere more private next time, then.” he suggests. “my apartment?” 

absolutely not, she thinks. not now, not ever. spencer reid is bad news.

“absolutely.”

---

the sun is setting on the horizon, the sky a canvas of purple and orange and pink hues when she knocks on the door to his apartment. she does it softly, almost hoping that he won’t hear and she can go home, but the door creaks open and he’s ushering her into the living room. 

“wow, your apartment is way nicer than mine.” the walls are lined with books perched on shelves, not to mention books stacked on end tables and the kitchen counter. it smells like coffee and lavender. she runs a finger across the spine of a book on the dining table and a slender finger hooks under her chin, tilting her head up. his gaze is intoxicating. 

“do you remember kansas?” he asks. how could she forget? it was one of her boldest moments, and she’s gone toe to toe with serial killers before. she knows what he’s getting at and the thought stirs a feeling in her stomach.

“mm, what about it?” she responds, playing dumb. he leans to where his lips brush against her ear.

“i’ve been curious about what you said. ‘i could show you how much of a slut i am,’ i think it was.” a heat is growing between her legs as he repeats her own words back to her. he caresses her cheek before looking at her with a stern expression. “now is this really what you want?”

bad news, the voice in her head screams. bad, bad news.

“i... i don’t know, spencer. i don’t know if i trust you enough yet.” she averts her gaze from him as he pulls away and his face softens.

“hey,” he whispers. “hey, i get it. i’m not asking you to trust me. i don’t even know if i trust you. but i will never, ever put you in a situation that you don’t want to be in, y/n.” she nods, her face flushed as she starts towards the door.

“i- i guess i should go then?”

“you could stay.” it comes out faster, louder than intended, a hint of desperation lingering in his voice. he clears his throat. “we could stay in or go out. if you want.”

“that sounds nice, reid.”

- - -

as they walk down the street with paper cups in each of their hands, y/n is practically stuck at a jog to keep up with his long strides.

“that place was so nice, how did i not know about that?” she exclaims.

“i’m just full of secrets, especially secrets about the best spots in the city. if you liked that, there’s plenty more i could show you.” he pauses. “if you’d like to go out again.”

“doctor spencer reid, my sworn enemy, the BAU’s resident genius, asking me out?” she gasps, placing a hand over her mouth and looking around with wide eyes as if to check for cameras. “how could i not accept?”

a comfortable silence settles as spencer shakes his head, both walking side by side now. the backs of their hands brush and she hooks a pinky onto his.

“i don’t think i ever really hated you.” he admits. a second more of silence. “i think that you’re different and it scared me. you’re so laidback and kind and communication is so effortless for you. it’s like you’re everything that i used to wish i could be.”

“spencer...”

“just let me say this, okay? i’ve been unfair to you and it isn’t because i hate you. it’s because i feel like i need to prove myself. but i don’t feel like that anymore. i want something with you. something better.”

“spencer, i could only hope to be half as intelligent as you, half as respected.” she shakes her head. “instead i’m just the naïve newcomer, someone everyone expects to break. sure, i’m good as far as emotional intelligence, but people skills and instinct don’t earn you anything in the bureau.”

“we have a lot to teach each other.” he says softly, and a smile spreads across his face.

“you really are full of secrets, aren’t you?”

[alyblacklist]

So about that kiss...

I apologize for ignoring a whole bunch of asks this weekend, but I wanted to share my thoughts on that emotional, beautiful, bittersweet, angsty scene on my own terms and not in response to an ask. Because wow, it’s been a long time coming. And yes, it was worth the wait.

It is so typical of the plight of a Keenler shipper to have Ressler and Liz’s first kiss delayed 8 months by a pandemic, and then filmed only under COVID restrictions because what - we’ve only waited seven years, right? Patience is always required when it comes to Keenler and this time was (and is) no exception. 

Overall, I thought the scene was beautiful and that Megan and Diego did an incredible job conveying the message that the emotion between Ressler and Liz that led to the kiss was absolutely genuine despite Liz’s play at the end with the gun. (Something later confirmed by the show runners, but that wasn’t a confirmation I needed - I thought it was obvious from how they played the scene). Anyone who insists these two are nothing more than good friends is watching a different show than I am, for sure. I feel like this was a turning point for the writers to finally acknowledge that, and I can’t wait to see how it plays out over the rest of the season. This was the kind of moment that a lot of Keenler shippers wished for back in S3 between them before she went on the run and while I don’t think Liz “on the run” is going to last very long based on the promo pics for next week, her abandonment and betrayal of the Task Force may not be so easily resolved.  

Let’s start with the meeting. Liz texted him and asked to meet in person. Why? She could have talked to him on the phone and asked him for time. Instead, she chose to take the risk of an in-person meeting and trusted him enough that he would show up alone and without the cavalry in tow. And no, I don’t think it was for the purpose of seducing him or nabbing his gun - she had her own weapon when she was driving the transport van with Dom, she didn’t need his except to prevent him from following her. And I’m sorry, but I just have to shake my head at the idea I have seen floated by some that Liz was somehow emulating her mother in that moment as if the tale of a 15 year old forced to sleep with American soldiers somehow inspired this?  Please. I think Liz asked to meet with Ressler in person because she knew she had seriously betrayed his trust by lying to him and she knew she needed to see him in person to try to convey that. I think that’s evident in the early part of their conversation as she sees the hurt on his face and she tries to explain herself. 

I don’t think she headed into this meeting intending at all to kiss him. I loved how they built up the scene between them slowly, and I thought Megan and Diego played their characters’ emotions perfectly. In fact, it was Ressler who stepped closer to her first (and it looks like he took her arm or her hand?), pleading for her to come with him and telling her he’ll back her no matter what.

You could tell how much that meant to her, and I loved how her lip trembled as she admitted that while she still needs the favor, she also needs him to keep believing in her. Because that matters to Liz, and it always has.

In fact, her reaction reminded me of the moment in the SUV on the way to the courthouse in 3.09 (also a Cerone episode) when she reacted to him telling her that, for what it’s worth, he believes she was framed. Both times, she had tears in her eyes.

Except this time, he does too as they have that long pause before she finally leans in to kiss him.

And I loved how he gently snaked his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him during the kiss.

And afterwards, his first words are "I won’t give up on you.”  That’s it - that’s setting the stage for the rest of this season.  He meant it when he said “not on my watch” in Brothers. He’s not going to let her slip away permanently into the darkness. But at the same time, he reminds her that he still has to do his job, although you could see on his face how much that pained him. And he’s back to calling her Keen instead of Liz, despite the kiss, already putting some distance there.

And I think this is the moment where Liz decides to take the gun. Not when she first decided to kiss him, but when he reminds her that he can’t just let her go. Because she didn’t have to kiss him to get close enough to take his gun - and certainly not on the lips as she did.  Moreover, if the purpose of the kiss was purely to get the gun, she could have disarmed him mid-kiss instead of waiting. She took it only when she realized she had to in order to prevent him from coming after her - they’ve been down this road before. 

And she knows as she does so, that she has hugely broken his hard-earned trust once again as she slips away into the night. The regret is palpable on her face.

So - where do we go from here? I think the writers have set Ressler and Liz up for a lot more short term angst and eventually a beautiful reconciliation. It was so typical of The Blacklist for their first kiss to come at precisely the wrong moment, but that’s also why it happened because it finally got them to cross that line. I am curious to see if Red and Ressler work together to bring Liz back from the brink. Red knew in S3 that Ressler had feelings for Liz - I don’t think it’s going to take long for him to figure out the current lay of the land. And especially not if Dembe is in fact returning Ressler’s gun in 802. 

I’d love for Ressler for once to tell Liz how her betrayals have affected him, to really call her out and for Liz to feel what it’s like to not always have him at the ready. But I also look forward to seeing how they interact with each other now that they have both mutually acknowledged feelings that go beyond simple partnership and friendship. I have a feeling their next kiss - and there WILL be a next kiss someday - will be very different. 

And on that note, the logistics of how they performed the scene honestly did not bother me - mannequins for the close ups, and live photo doubles (or “stunt kissers” as Zee called them) for the distance shot - they did the best they could in the world what we live in right now and I thought Megan and Diego sold the scene beautifully with everything that came before and after.  Of course we’d all rather have seen Megan and Diego do the whole thing but none of that takes away from the fact that the *characters* of Liz and Ressler had a “real” kiss no matter how it was filmed, and that moment is canon. If COVID restrictions get lifted, they can go back to filming like usual. If they don’t, I’d much rather see the actors play it safe than put themselves at risk for a little extra fan service. And to those gleefully mocking the mannequin moments - all I can say is laugh away, because we both know that if it was a different ship, you’d be lighting off fireworks in celebration no matter how it was filmed.

I’m still pinching myself that we got canon Keenler in the very first episode of the season! Looking forward to more - much more - to come as it sounds like their story will be a big part of this whole season. I still believe the ultimate outcome will be a good one for them - they have endured so much and come so far. Thanks to those who made it this far.  

[sanders-sides-fic]

We all pretend (to be the heroes on the good side)

So… This got real angsty real quick. I didn't intend for it to be that bad. But it went there… So… Yeah.

This is the prompt I was using

Trigger warnings: vaguely implied coma, vaguely implied character death, implied fall, abandonment, ability to move inanimate objects like they're alive

Virgil Sanders.

Most people didn't know that name. Some did, but not nearly as many as knew him. Weird, wasn't it? To be known, without your name being uttered. Maybe that was still part of his history.

He hadn't started out on this side of the fight. A few years ago he'd been feared beyond compare. "Nightmare", that's what they used to call him. Back when he'd been pushed into that role without a visible way out. He didn't have a choice back then, or, at least that's what he used to think.

Then, one night shit got down. He destroyed every connection he'd had, severed every bridge, left everything behind. "Nightmare" became "Anxiety" at that time. A villain-turned-vigilante, who didn't use his powers to terrorise his opponent's minds until they were unable to fight, but answered to the terror people around him felt instead.

Back then he'd started to work with some of his former enemies. They took him in well, everything considered. And he couldn't deny that they helped him a lot. He would sometimes join hands with "the brain", and occasionally even with his reluctant friend and Virgil's former nemesis "the prince".

There were a lot heroes with a "the" in their names, surprisingly.

Now, he couldn't tell anymore when it had happened. But at some time he found himself influenced by their heroic antics, and he took on the name of "storm cloud". His hero name. He teamed up with the brain in his mandatory probation, the so-called introduction phase before his official debut with title of hero. Sadly the name a common friend had offered for their team had been rejected by the hero in question. "Mind storm" would have been awesome, though, right?

And then things started to become brighter in his little world. Hell, his entire career was nothing more than a redemption arch.

That's why he was often times called "the light of hope" by the people. Light of hope, my ass! They were just relieved to see not every villain was beyond help. That was the only reason they liked him, if you'd asked him. Publicity.

That was what he kept thinking about in that moment, when he found himself facing off with his current nemesis. The golden snake was… an old acquaintance. A villain that'd only become a villain because of him. Or, because he wasn't a villain anymore. A villain that Virgil secretly couldn't bring himself to hate because of that, even after everything that had transpired between the two of them.

What even was this, really? A fight between a hero and a villain? If so, who was who? Virgil couldn't tell anymore. He didn't know who he was anymore. It was so… What was the word?

Ack! No time to think of it. He jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding the snake's poisonous fang. Ja- the villain had become quite good at this by now. Virgil was really driven to the edge of the building. Luckily there were no more civilians around, but he could still see reporters, some persistent fans, and police officers taking away the snake's underlings out of the corner of his eyes.

The wind blew strong this night.

A bolt of purple lightning shot towards Jan- the villain. It was stoped by the snake of pure gold he controlled so delicately without ever reaching him. Of course. What had Virgil expected? This villain was outstanding. Like he'd always had been.

Virgil tried again, the lightning coming from his finger tips getting harder to control by the second. Too many people, too much fear in the air, too little time to concentrate. And the villain knew this. Virgil could see his smirk underneath the shadow of his hat.

"Just give up, dark and stormy night! You can't hang on for much longer."

Virgil gritted his teeth and fired another bold of lightning. "And let you escape when we got this far? Big chance." Though he did want to do that, if he was being honest.

A laugh so hauntingly familiar and yet a far cry from what he used to know resounded through the tense air. "Suit yourself, then!" Another snake, another step back, pushing the golden puppet away from him with his lightning, parry, attack, cutting off the escape route, damn it all and…

And there was no more building under his feet. His hand somehow managed to grip the edge of the building, fortunately. He would decidedly not look down. And if the people around him would kindly stop sending their fear about him falling towards him, that'd be great, thanks!

He could see the golden snake stepping forward leisurely. "Told you so, dearest." With a smirk the snake retreated.

Well, from the sounds of it, Ro would arrive any moment now. He could hear him in the distance. So he only needed to hand on. Just a bit more. Even though his breath was heavy, and his muscles ached, and there was so much fear it felt like his powers were going to explode, and he was tired, and…

At that moment Virgil realised for the first time how tired he actually was. And he started to wonder what would happen if he would let go of the edge. Five fingers desperately hanging on. Now four. For how much longer? How long until Ro arrived? How much longer did he have to hang on?

What would happen?

Well, he would probably die. Splash, unsightly and painful. Sure. But, aside from that? Who would care? Who would actually care about it? Ro, who only accepted him after fighting so much to prove he was even a bit trustworthy? Lo, who had taken him in because he wanted to prove the point of villains deserving a second chance?

Would there be an official memorial? Like with other heroes? Or would there be merely a single line in the newspaper, like with the villains? Maybe there'd be a few lights on the edge of the street in his colour, like some did for vigilantes they especially adored.

But that would also be the end of so much bad stuff, right? No more pressure, no more screams in his head, no more false smiles, no more… No more tiredness accumulating in his bones.

Was that what would happen?

"No!"

The sudden desperate cry from the villain's mouth startled him out of his thoughts. And, oh… Oh, fuck. Oh, shit! Oh, in that moment of sudden stupidity he'd actually let go, without even fully noticing, hadn't he?

And again, the voice he'd always be able to recognise, no matter where he would hear it: "No! Don't you dare die! Not here, not like this, not now."

It was too late, though. And had Ro arrived yet? He could still see the shocked fans, the officers, the people up there. Frozen. They didn't move as he fell down to his inevitable death. But the villain? He did, he leapt towards the edge, as though he was still within reach.

And Virgil, no, Storm Cloud couldn't help but let out a startled laugh at the irony of it all. How ironic it was, he thought just before his vision went dark, that the only hand reaching out to him, the hero, the so called "light of hope"… the only hand reaching out to him now was that of his nemesis.

Maybe not hating the villain wasn't that stupid of a secret, after all.

❦

"Oh? So how do your powers work, then?" Janus looked up at him through his thick eyelashes, a content smirk on his face as Virgil played with his hair.

"I can hear their fears. They scream in my head, and I can feel their anxiety on my skin." Virgil thought about how to best describe it, fingers changing directions to trial the snake tattoo Janus had on his left cheekbone. "It's like static in the air. And I can either wait until it explodes, or I can let it free. That's what those lightnings are, just… The tension from the air gathered into sheer fear. If I condense it enough, it makes them pass out from fear."

Janus sighed, mismatched eyes closed. "Mine's so stupid in comparison. So I can control metal that looks like animals, wow. It's useless, really. Like, what am I? A fucking jewellery box? Stupid!"

Virgil couldn't help but laugh at that. "Yeah, yeah. But it's fine, isn't it? Since I was able to capture you that way. If you hadn't become my hostage, you wouldn't be with me right now."

"Like me!" The two of them startled, looking at the man hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Though I suppose I'm less hostage and more freeloader…"

"You both are technically freeloaders," Virgil corrected with a smirk "and I didn't kidnap you. You followed me and begged me to take you in because your brother's my enemy. What was it again that you said?"

"I'm leverage so you don't kill him! So I am a hostage. A willing one, though. And it's not bad, you don't torture me or anything. You're surprisingly gentle for a villain…"

"Yeah, well, I… It just happened. If I had had the choice, I…"

Janus sat up suddenly, a serious look on his dolled-up face. "But it did happen. And that's good, because there's no way either of us" he pointed between Remus and himself "will be on any other side anymore. It's too late for us, and we like it here. And you do too, right?"

Virgil looked at the eyes of the man he loved, the man who he pretended not to know had bought a diamond ring just a few days ago. And he couldn't answer. So he just sighed and kissed his forehead instead.

"If you ever change sides" Janus muttered as he snuggled back against Virgil "I'll come and terrorise the entire world to get you back. I'm no hero, but I'm on the right side." Virgil didn't see it, but he knew Janus' face got considerably darker during that last sentence. "So I'd sacrifice the world for you."

There was a beat of silence.

"I'll never forgive you if you leave."

And Virgil didn't plan on leaving. Really, he didn't. But the next night… It just happened. Like when he became a villain. A week later, when he finally managed to get back to their layer, everything was empty. But on top of the bar there was an empty bottle of wine and a black velvet box.

Virgil leaned back, sighing. He looked back up, tears in his eyes. He was too late, huh?

"I guess you saved me, Jan," he muttered to no one in particular "since this is a nightmare. Or maybe it's hell. Who knows." He chuckled, tears still streaming down his face. "I hope I wake up soon."

He sighed, sinking to the floor, trapped in the most painful memory he had. "But then again, maybe that's what I deserve for always letting go at the worst times…"

The scene started to replay again.

Taglist: @gattonero17 @alias290

[bestworstcase]

To be honest tts had many characters who had their emotional and mental trauma handled horribly, they deserve better exploration on how they healed and what they went through. Tangled The Movie did a better job of handling these mature themes but why couldn’t tts?

ok so tbh i don’t agree ajklsdlkjf

like! ok to start with. tangled (2010) is kind of interesting to me in this regard because it does such a good job illustrating gothel’s emotional abuse and the harm it does to rapunzel but it - like, at the end of the day It Is A Disney Film. it spends almost all of its running time meticulously building up this very complicated emotional trauma for rapunzel, and then the resolution is like—BOOM!—she has a tearful reunion with her parents and they pull her boyfriend into a group hug, cue ending narration about how they got married and ruled corona and lived happily ever after. to me tangled (2010) feels like it runs off a cliff at the last minute because. lmao. 

leaving an abusive parent is the easy part.

which is not to say that it’s easy! but once you hit that emotional point of “i cannot have you in my life anymore” and cut them out... now you have a heap of maladaptive coping mechanisms and psychological scars and inherited behaviors that you have to deal with. you can’t just *flaps hands* cut off your abusive mother and skip off into the sunset with your long lost real family and new boyfriend whom you met three days ago and everything’s gravy. kskjdfjk it doesn’t work like that!

tts on the other hand - absolutely, there were clear limitations on how far they were able to go, and absolutely the plot-driven writing was a less than ideal vehicle for telling a story about recovery-from-trauma. but also like fundamentally tts is a story that is interested in recovery from trauma in a way that i don’t think tangled (2010) was. rapunzel has nightmarish flashbacks to gothel in s1, struggles because of her sheltered upbringing, expresses behaviors that she clearly learned from gothel and internalized as normal, flounders when she is handed responsibility because she is not used to making her own choices, and has complicated, messy feelings about her tower and gothel herself! there is a whole episode dedicated to exploring rapunzel’s ambivalent feelings about her new life in corona through the lens of her suddenly-fraught relationship with pascal. one of the emotional linchpins of the entire show is the moment in RATGT where rapunzel screams “enough, cassandra!” in a direct parallel to the way gothel yelled at her in the film, and while tts ultimately shied away from exploring that on rapunzel’s end, we got multiple episodes following up on how badly this damaged cassandra, eventually culminating in her villain arc in s3. 

likewise with cassandra - tts devotes two whole seasons to meticulously building up cassandra’s very complicated trauma, then allows her a whole season in which to have a messy, anguished, enraged breakdown because of it—and then her happy ending is *leaving behind* the toxic situation she was trapped in in corona to venture into the unknown and figure herself out, which is imo a lot more in scale and realistic than rapunzel’s happy ending in tangled (2010). 

likewise with varian - in QFaD he is badly traumatized, and the remainder of s1 examines how the failure of his would-be support network to actually support him leads to his continued downward spiral and eventual violent breakdown; when he is punished for this that explicitly makes everything worse both for him and for everyone else, and after his redemption he features as a deuteragonist in what is essentially ptsd flashbacks: the episode. etc. 

so my overall impression of the many places where tts *failed* to adequately examine characters’ trauma is very strongly that - they wanted to and they were capable of doing so, but there were disney executives going no, that’s too heavy, that’s too dark, you can’t portray the disney princess with serious deeply-entrenched flaws, you can’t have the disney princess be the one who’s in the wrong in her interpersonal conflicts, blah blah blah. s3 in particular just reeks to me of executive meddling and executive sanitizing of the intended plot. i’m honestly shocked that tts got away with going as far as they did, especially with rapunzel’s and cassandra’s childhood traumas, because frankly it spits in the face of the squeaky clean happily ever after Disney Princess Brand aljsdjfk. 

(also as an aside - one’s personal reading of the text is imo a big deciding factor in how unsatisfying the handling of trauma is, bc - i think there is a tendency in some areas of the fandom that are centered around varian and/or eugene for fans to go “they should be more traumatized than they are and it’s bad writing that they’re not broody and angsty about xyz” and like - 

the impression i have from being on the sidelines of this discourse is a lot of people have one specific model in their heads of what “trauma” looks like and that model is essentially “miserable and brooding and needing to be comforted” so when we get things like eugene coping with awful shit by cracking jokes about it or not having ptsd flashbacks to gothel stabbing him that gets interpreted as the narrative not taking him seriously as a character, whereas to me it reads as “eugene is a psychologically stable person who has the emotional resilience to cope with horrible events relatively unscathed”—

or this vibe of varian isn’t brooding and angsting all the time so obviously tts is ignoring his trauma, when my reading of him overall is that he’s the kind of person who deals with trauma by throwing himself into work that makes him feel better - like in CR he’s working in the demanitus chamber, surrounded by amber, but he’s doing dumb chemistry experiments he enjoys and over time that’s gotten him to a place where being around the amber is no longer triggering for him, he’s healed enough to have conquered most of that fear.

and obviously all of this is a matter of interpretation and this is not to say that, like, fans who wanted more of a raw exploration of these characters’ fear and sadness and struggle with trauma are wrong or like invalid for wanting that, it’s more - like, i personally choose to take the text more at face value and interpret the behaviors i see on screen as telling me something about how the character responds to trauma instead of as the narrative ignoring that they have trauma altogether. which leads me to “eugene is emotionally resilient and humor is a key feature of his resilience” and “varian copes by working on stuff that is intellectually engaging or just makes him happy in order to tackle his fears head-on” and so forth. and one consequence of that is i don’t really walk away from the text feeling unsatisfied with the way tts handled its character traumas, except insofar as i’m like “wow i wish disney had let them go even farther!”)

[chicknparm]

1. "Stay here tonight." + 31. "Calm down." Chaseprice

Uhhhhhh went a bit overboard with this one...it’s quite long and there’s some big big CWs for sex, alcohol, and mentions of abuse and suicide. Only felt right for the first Chaseprice scene I write to be extremely dark and angsty. Also gotta give credit to @chaseprice as the preeminent scholar in this field for letting me bounce ideas off of her and graciously editing.

“There...now get your hands off me.” Chloe says as she pushes Victoria’s arm away from her. 

“Well that’s a new one,” Victoria scoffs back, catching her breath. “Not in the mood to whine about being held this time?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Chloe says coldly.

Victoria watches her walk over to the mini fridge she keeps under the desk. Chloe reaches inside the freezer compartment and pulls out the bottle of Vodka that permanently occupies it. She unscrews the cap and takes a large swig, furrowing her face as she does so.

“What the fuck is your problem, Price? Do you have any idea how expensive Grey Goose is in this dump? Put that shit back right now.” She scolds. Chloe turns back at her.

“What are you going to do about it.” Chloe says, monotone and disinterested.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? You of all people can’t pull this tough guy shit. What do you think I’m going to want to put you in your place and pounce on you or something? That’s not how this works, you’re not worth my energy. You come over, I cum, you cry, you leave. That’s how this works.”

“You think I want you to touch me right now?” Chloe says, raising her eyebrows. 

Clearly Chloe isn’t expecting, or doesn’t care to listen to, an answer, as she takes another large swig of Victoria’s Vodka and sets it down, still uncapped, on her desk. She grabs her tank top that was tossed over a chair and nonchalantly puts it on. Usually during this stage Victoria can’t help herself but to sneak a couple more glances at Chloe’s chest, but it’s becoming clear this isn’t some ploy to keep her turned on.

Chloe is always moody after sex, but not like this. Normally, she just has a breakdown and embarrasses herself with a flood of tears, and the words never cross either of their lips, but it’s understood who and what she’s crying over. Victoria likes it when Chloe is aggressive, a little angry, that’s kind of the whole deal, but this is different. 

“I think you want someone to touch you.” Victoria says with a cruel smirk, having found her angle.

“Who?”

“Wow, you really are a masochist huh?” Victoria smugly looks at Chloe, if Chloe wants to play with fire let her get burned. “ Rachel. Rachel Amber. Your fucking angel dream girl whatever the fuck. You know, the one who left? The one who disappeared without a word?”

“Yeah. I do. You do too though.” Chloe grabs the vodka again and takes another swig.

“You’re going to be so fucking trashed, Price, you already stank of cheap beer when you got here. If you throw up in my dorm I’ll make sure you never step foot on this campus again. But, anyway, what the fuck are you getting at?”

“You wish she was here too. You miss her touching you too.” Chloe says, starting to raise her voice. Several shots worth of vodka seem to be catching up to her now. “Whole fucking school knows you two hooked up. Whole school knows what you are, Vic.”

“You’re such a cunt.” Victoria bites back. She shouldn’t lose her cool though, she can’t give up control like that. “Well if you know that, then I guess you should also know that she fucks better than you do.”

“I know exactly how she fucks. You think I care about your stupid fuckin, fuckin dick measuring contest?” Chloe sloppily screws the cap back on the Vodka and slams it back into the freezer. She starts fumbling with her pockets. “Where’d I put my keys.”

“No,” Victoria says, much more softly than she intended, “go walk home, you’re not driving anywhere like this except headfirst into traffic.” 

“Put some clothes on, you’re embarrassing yourself.” Chloe says, continuing her search.

Victoria hadn’t even thought about the fact that she was still naked. Duly embarrassed, she grabs some shorts and a tank top of her own as nonchalantly as she can so as not to give Chloe any satisfaction. Vic looks over and sees her still searching around the dorm room, illuminated only by the moonlight through her window. 

Victoria doesn’t care about her. She’s just a sex toy, a dirty one at that, but this still doesn’t feel right.

“Knock it off, Price, seriously, go catch a bus with the rest of the drunks.”

“What the fuck do you care?! Stop acting like you give a shit!” Chloe finally snaps.

This is also new. The way Chloe is looking over at her, looking down at her, is different from all the times she’s hate-fucked her. Usually all it takes is some comments about her being poor, being pathetic, being lonely, that get her to hold Victoria down and be rough with her, just as she likes it. But there’s not an ounce of lust in her eyes tonight. Not an ounce of desire, just hate. Can’t be far from breaking her now. 

“I don’t. Go get turned to paste like your dad for all I care.”

That does the trick. Chloe stomps her way over to Victoria’s bed and screams in her face. “Don’t you ever fucking say a word about him!” She grabs Victoria by the chin, with more force than she’s ever touched her before. “Not one fucking word!”

Victoria doesn’t flinch. She barely blinks. She doesn’t know how to react. Chloe lets go of her face and steps away, her own mouth agape in shock.

“I-I…” Chloe starts, but falls to her knees and starts to sob.

“Calm down…” Victoria tries to maintain her detached tone but it’s not working. Chloe has never snapped like this. Never even come close to getting physical (in a way Victoria didn’t explicitly want). But she’s never hit Chloe below the belt the way she did just now either. Victoria obviously wanted a reaction, but she didn’t want this. Or, maybe she did want it, and what does that say about her? After what happened last semester she’d been trying to save that extra level of cruelty only for herself. But Chloe’s always been the exception. And now she’s seeing the result.

“Price, you’ve gotta...come on just…” Victoria stumbles over her words as Chloe continues to sob on the floor, “Chloe. Don’t do this.”

“I’m a fucking monster!” Chloe cries into her hands.

“You’re not, no, you’re not a monster. You’re a lot of things, but you’re not a monster.” Victoria’s voice is softening, almost against her will. Used to be Victoria could make girls cry without a second thought. Or if she did feel a pang of guilt, she could always drown those feelings later, but this situation is on the verge of danger.

“I am! Get drunk, come over here and hit you, I’m like him...I’m like him and, him and your dad.” Chloe says wiping her face on her arm.

“No. You’re not my dad, and you’re not your step-dad either. They’re the monsters. Neither of them feel anything when they hurt people.”

“I gotta fuckin...gotta…” Chloe slurs, trailing off at the end as she looks across the room and gets up from the floor. She walks over to Victoria’s closet and grabs her jacket from the handle. She fumbles with the pockets but Victoria can hear the jangling of a keychain inside.

“Chloe, no, don’t do this.” Victoria panics, grabbing Chloe by the arm. “Please. Don’t do this, I don’t want you to go out there and kill yourself.” She says through tears of her own.

“Well why didn’t you say that to fuckin Kate Marsh! She didn’t do, fucking anything to you! I deserve this, she didn’t.” Chloe says, looking away from Victoria.

Victoria’s grip tightens on Chloe’s arm. She’s right. Kate didn’t do anything to her. And she kept pushing that girl, and pushing her and pushing her, and now she’s dead. 

“No. Chloe, neither of you deserve to fucking die and I can’t let another person do this. Please, stay here tonight.”

Chloe finally looks at her. A mix of fear, anger, and self-loathing shine through her watery eyes in the moonlight. Victoria never saw Kate this close, but she wonders how many times she had that same look in her eyes. Chloe looks at the ground again and pulls to move away from Victoria, but Victoria doesn’t let go. Chloe tries taking a step forward, maybe thinking she could drag Victoria with her, but she loses her balance and falls to the floor. Victoria still holds onto her arm and kneels down next to Chloe, once again sobbing into the floor. Victoria lets out a sigh and finally lets herself feel just how much she’s been shaking. She will have to push Chloe out of the door as soon as she wakes up. 

Just because Victoria doesn’t have any love for Chloe doesn’t mean she wants to see her dead. Every other night from here on out she’ll be her own problem, but at least she’s safe. For now. Victoria reaches over and pulls a pillow and quilt off of her couch, properly setting Chloe up for the night. She’ll have to get up to get her a bucket soon, just in case. It’s a while before she lets go of her arm.

[thequibblah]

⭐️ would love some commentary on that dancing scene (or really any commentary on the various parties thrown by the marauders) from the party happening next to the Potions Club party ⭐️

WELL WELL WELL

"This is...a lot of trouble to go to." "It's the Marauders. They love trouble."

i love writing party scenes (as i'm sure you all know lol) and one of the best/worst things w the marauders parties is striking a balance between their, uh, audacious plans, and what's realistically possible at hogwarts without getting caught. (aka literally why i made up the dodgy lodgings). i went back and forth so long on whether or not they could plausibly have managed that with slughorn's dinner next door, but then was like ah whatever the party has to happen for plot reasons so.... plot ex machina??

anyway, i love using parties to establish character — what a brilliant stage of teenage performance they provide. i love contrasting the hogwarts parties to, say, evan wronecki's — for instance, how lily and co. are more at ease in the former, as seventh years, with their classmates hosting, than they were at evan's nye bash

i also love that it gives me space to establish who is and isn't popular, so to speak, but also who acts or doesn't act the way we presume popular kids will act

doe, for instance, who is by all accounts a level-headed and non-wild person, has a more exciting time on net at marauders' parties than mary (drinking game, kissing remus), though she's not a big drinker and isn't really into parties. but she's comfortable in her own little social circle at a bigger event (like with michael at evan's) and so isn't bothered at all by the marauders' do, because...

She did, in fact, trust the Marauders. Her general belief in the inherent goodness of people notwithstanding, she didn't think they would do anything to harm their friends. Intentionally.

this bit always makes me laugh

as with many things, i feel very saddened that i didn't get to make more out of the fools' olympics (although one could argue that The Dance was a pro) — as in, i wish i'd been able to squeeze more of it into the story itself. i could probably come up with a list of tasks and who completed them LOL

WAIT OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS it just might be my favourite part of this chapter

"How did you do that?" Gillian said, glancing between the other two girls. "Just — drink it without a second thought?" "Practice," said Mary. "Scottish — constitution," David said hoarsely. "I once drank some of Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mass Remover," said Priya.

priya is all i aspire to be

can i say, too, it's hilarious to me how many people worried niamh would be a james love interest? i feel like you will not rest easy on that count until he and lily are together... but that is not where the danger lies babes

circling back to popularity/unpopularity, another fun outlier. gillian is first established, in 33, as someone with friends (we see her around sara and in the seventh-year ravenclaws' compartment) but she's not exactly at ease at the party either — recall how she hesitates when mary invites her. only later, in 38, do we realise that our opinion of her has been skewed by the narration (from doe, who naturally assumes any friendly, nice person must have a wealth of friends and be floating through life; and mary, who naturally assumes anyone she isn't bored by must have the social skills of a medieval noblewoman at court), and she's a bit of a pariah in her own house

david, on the other hand, is just flat-out not in his element. and not because of the drinking or the, er, general revelry (see: summer with mary!), even though he doesn't partake much in either. unlike doe, the company breaks rather than makes his enjoyment — he's acutely aware, the whole time, that his cooler, more liked brother is around:

"Not your scene?" "What gave it away?" said David drily. As one they looked at Chris...

...and mary has intuited as much too, even though she has a lot more in common, superficially speaking, with chris than david

so, i think while i was writing this chapter i made a post complaining about how, as much as i love juggling the constraints of historical fiction, i hate that music from the 70s limits me in terms of tracklists. i.e., when i say a certain record is playing i can't just hit shuffle and go somewhere entirely different to set the mood shortly thereafter

this problem was because i wanted, NAY, NEEDED, to have "martha my dear" playing in the aftermath of that mary and david interaction. of course, time passes in that section break, but since "come and get it," which they talk about it, is a sirius song (though it could be a mary song), and i feel too strongly about needle drops to let that conversation go without a soundtrack. germaine even correctly guesses the white album is on because of mary:

Apparently Mary got fonder of the White Album the drunker she was.

...and of course the song itself makes me squeal with how very mary it is — not that it is something she would listen to, necessarily, or identify with (it would hold up too close of a mirror, ha), but it sounds like it could've been written about her ("hold your head up, you silly girl/look what you've done/when you find yourself in the thick of it/help yourself to a bit of what is all around you," which really sums up the entirety of her portree holiday, lol)

BUT! if "martha my dear" is to play here, then i have some Serious Chronology Concerns. i knew germeline had to kiss and jily had to dance and ideally in that order. but what would those scenes be soundtracked by!!!! i was limited to side two of the white album!!!

so i did the healthy thing and panic-listened to the white album. "don't pass me by" was, right away, an easy lock for the dance, because it's danceable, but not in a way that would've scared lily off. lyrically, it feels GREAT for jily in this moment, on the cusp of lily's realisation ("waiting for your knock, dear [...] i don't hear it, does it mean you don't love me anymore?" vs OF COURSE "don't pass me by [...] 'cause you know darling, i love only you"). i feel about "don't pass me by" the same way as NYT critic nik cohn: it's "straight ahead and clumsy and greatly enjoyable, backed by a beautiful hurdy-gurdy organ," which, if that isn't everything i wanted to evoke with the dance itself!!!!!!

ok we'll circle back to this, but onward with the musical discussion

thus i had four songs to choose from, between "martha my dear" and "don't pass me by," for the germeline scene — "piggies," "blackbird," "i'm so tired," and "rocky raccoon." the latter is on my sirius playlist, so auto-no; "piggies" is, well, like that, so also a no. "blackbird" is a certified germaine classic that was written personally by paul mccartney for germaine, but it seemed too introspective for the moment. i don't think i'd ever listened to "i'm so tired" before this panicked searching, and honestly it must be some wild luck that it is. just SO RIGHT!!!! it's so lethargic and tortured and angsty and, well, a bit of a stoner song, so.... it's THERE

AND NOW for the dance! true story, i initially wanted jily to have a real conversation, after the party. i had the dance in there and then james would catch up with lily after to be like, "hey i was wrong actually, you should write to petunia." but then i realised i wanted james and sirius to have a conversation about the bike/money, and i wanted it to strike a different chord, tonally, than the jily conversation. then i realised it would be too much to have both and i'd need to condense that conversation into the dance. VERY nearly cut the dance in favour of the conversation but wow i am glad i didn't

The tinkling piano signalled the start of the next song; she extended a hand, very matter-of-factly, to James, "Come on, this is a good one."

not pictured: james having a fucking breakdown

obviously, i could have gone the route of a genuine dramatic dance, but as previously mentioned lily would have chickened out, and i wanted to have this be an experience she could look back on and pine about because of how fun it was and james totally doesn't like her back

Loath as she was to admit it, this most indelicate of waltzes suited the plodding chords of "Don't Pass Me By." And worst of all, once they had stopped stepping on each other's feet James started to sing, in the poorest possible Ringo imitation she had ever heard in her life.

by the way, attentive readers of blink three times will recall:

He finally starts to lead — thank goodness, because she’s not the one who was forced into formal dance lessons as a child...

so in 36, this is james being drunk, but it is also james being silly on purpose because not only is he JAMES and so he must take the mick, he also knows it will put lily at ease

okay, and this bit:

"Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me blue," they both shouted rather than sang, "'Cause you know darling—" Lily broke off, laughing, dimly aware that she had done so to avoid saying I love only you while staring right at him.

from the FIRST MOMENT i picked out "don't pass me by," i knew i knew I KNEW that lily would have thoughts about this line. at this point in the story if someone questioned her about it she would probably have a full-scale breakdown about her male friends vs her female friends ("but no... i suppose i wouldn't mind saying it to remus.... but that's different!" how is it different, lily? "it's different!")

anyway, the bottom line is she could NOT abide saying it. i enjoyed writing that because 1. same girl and 2. it felt like a nice bit of close foreshadowing for her realisation, which i knew was coming soon. so that's a really circular way of saying, i knew what it meant but ideally to readers it was just oh this will mean something far-off in the future!!! which is usually true for me but SURPRISE babey it was just two chapters away!!!

note btw that lily "falls for james"

Lily spun faster than she’d intended to. The room was a brief, kaleidoscope blur. Then there was James. “Jesus, Evans,” he said, steadying her as the next track began.

>:)

and after i thought tracklists would fuck me up, i turned them into my WEAPON!!

Huffing, she stepped out of his arms. (There were some songs you could sing along to with your mates, and “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” was not one of them.)

(so, you know, keep in mind that for the rest of this conversation, paul is in the background howling "no one will be watching us/why don't we do it in the road?")

also:

"...I’m not drinking tonight, but I’d better get the royal treatment after we win on Saturday."

and then what happened <3

wait jesus oh my god i really went hard on this huh

She only saw its result: the easy grin had given way to an expression so serious it was almost sweet.

LILY??????

and hey, remember when:

...because in chapter 26:

Dex’s measured opinions about the wizarding world seemed more the result of upbringing and inexperience than ill will, but Lily had not expected a radical change of heart.

...but then in 36:

He was right, damn it. And a part of her had known all along, had sought him out expressly so that he would say the opposite thing to her. He’d gone and proven her wrong. She broke the staring match first [...] “What brought on the change of heart?” “It’s a long story, and I expect it’ll have an unsatisfying end if I told it to you.” Lily scoffed, but James had on that maddening grin that meant he would not budge. “Oh, all right.” Softer, she added, “Thank you.” He began to back away, towards the bar. “It’s give and take, Evans.”

in conclusion, i never forget, besties

[lordmomohismomoness]

Here are my top Zutara fanfiction recs.

The biggest factor in my ranking and why I recommend them is because I had a hard time putting them down. Other than that, they are pretty all over the place in terms of content and setting.

  His Majesty Prefers Blue by Shamelessliar

Rated M  212K+ words  Completed 2012

A year after the war's end, the gaang returns to the Fire Nation for a week of diplomatic meetings. There, they hear rumors about a vigilante who wears a blue mask and Katara finds herself digging deeper into his identity and motives. Blue/Zutara Lemons

Trigger warnings: rape, torture (1 scene)

This is my absolute favorite fic. It has a little bit of everything: romance, humor, drama, suspense. There is an actual plot too! It is also one of few fics which show Zuko and Katara being a great team.

  When The Mask Comes Off by Jamie Hasaku

Rated K  73K+ words  Completed 2006

After freeing her and her friends from capture, Zuko has no choice but to care for a gravely injured Katara, who was left behind by accident. The trick? Keeping his face hidden so she doesn’t hurt herself even more by trying to fight him. Zutara Blutara

This is not your average capture fic. Katara is still pretty badass. The scene where she finds out who is behind the mask made my heart melt. Hanae is one of my favorite OCs ever! It does have a sequel which has been abandoned, but that doesn't change the fact that this story is wonderful by itself.

  The Dragon and the Siren (AO3) The Dragon and the Siren (ff.net) by CultofStrawberry

Rated M/T  147K+ words  Completed 2012

Zutara, Hades x Persephone inspired. In a land of gods and spirits, Katara is the daughter of the Sea, and Zuko is the powerful and reclusive God of the Fire Realms. Zuko has been pining for her for too long... so he finally takes action.

Being a huge fan of Greek mythology and A:TLA, I did not think I would enjoy this fic. I was pleasantly surprised as the author combined the two seamlessly. The worldbuilding is amazing and the tale is not an exact replica of the myth. The AO3 link contains smut, but is incomplete. The fanfiction link has the completed story.

  Subterfuge by Smylealong

Rated M  113K+ words  WIP last updated Oct 2020

Thirty years ago, the Fire Nation attacked, throwing the world off balance. Katara entered the Fire Nation war camp at Ba Sing Se as a healer, prepared to do whatever it takes to play her part in stopping the war. Getting kidnapped with the Fire Prince and falling in love with him were not parts of the plan. AU. Zutara.

Trigger Warnings: Sexual Assault, Incest, Graphic Depiction of Violence

This fic is VERY dark. However, the writing is amazing which more than makes up for it.

  Dancing in the Dark by DamageCtrl

Rated T  61K+ words Complete 2006

Post-Season 2 AU: While in Ba Sing Se, Katara and Toph hear a rumor about two tea servers in the lower tiers of Ba Sing Se and sneak away go to investigate only to have their suspicions confirmed. On her personal time, Katara tries to teach herself to dance and fails so badly, a masked man takes pity on her to try to help.

In case you haven't noticed, I LOVE the Blue Spirit. This fic is full of fluff, and awkward Zuko is my favorite Zuko. It does start slow, but once you get into it, it is a pretty cute story. Zuko is the one with multiple suitors for once.

  Twist Me to the Left by Grapefruittwostep

Rated T  91K+ words  Complete 2017

So here Zuko is, with no family, no band, and no more record contract. Just another punker with a guitar who thinks he's got what it takes. Then he meets Avatar, the band breaking all the rules. They've got everything going for them, the rising star, and they're everything Zuko isn't. But maybe, just maybe, they want a new guitarist. As long as the pretty keyboardist with the blue eyes doesn't murder Zuko first.

Warnings: References to Drugs

This is a college age AU with an angsty emo/punk Zuko. A fluffy enemies to lovers trope, but fun nonetheless.

  Don't Stand So Close To Me by Cinemascope08

Rated M  76K+ words  Abandoned 2013

Katara and the Gaang are in full swing at Ba Sing Se University when interactions with a new professor start affecting Katara's life in increasingly complicated ways. Rated M for scenes of a graphic nature.

Trigger Warning: Torture, Murder, BDSM, Incest

Another really dark fic, but it takes a bit to get there. Once it does, you are hooked by the suspense. It is abandoned, but still a good read.

  So let us melt and make no noise by LittleLostStar

Rated M 69K+ words  WIP last updated Jan 2021

When a mission to the South Pole goes awry, Prince Zuko awakens in the home of a healer named Katara and finds his heart is damaged and his bending has vanished. His quest to find the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe is his destiny-- the one chance to regain his honour and return home. But as time passes and Zuko's heart heals, it becomes clear that Katara is protecting an ancient secret of her own, and that both of their destinies are entwined in ways never before thought possible.

We get to see Zuko at the mercy of Katara here. And this fic has an actual plot to it, which is an easy way to get into my good graces. There is a lot of mystery and suspense. It has slow updates, but the author has commented that she intends to complete it.

  Butterflies and Hurricanes by Rerbirth of the Phoenix

Rated T  103K+ words  Complete 2012

"You may find yourself capturing hearts that you are forbidden to keep." She is a servant. He is a Prince. Together they are about to go against everything that keeps the world at peace. Zutara

This one took me a bit to get into, as I was bothered by the ages at the start. Fortunately, it takes place over several years so we see the relationship develop. No spoilers, but wow the ending really got me.

  The Penance Series by delectate

Rated M  39K+ words  Complete 2010

The road to forgiveness is long and arduous...just ask Zuko. Season 3 Zutara, following the episodes past 312. Rated M for Mature.

Warnings: BDSM

Zuko is taken prisoner at the western air temple. As it turns out, Zuko is a masochist and Katara lets her freak flag fly. I like this one because it does such a different take on the characters, and it actually makes sense that Zuko would be a masochist since he has such a messed up family.

  Lotus Lake by Rebirth of the Phoenix

Rated T 65K+ words  Complete 2006

Zutara AU. An orphaned Katara and her brother find themselves at boarding school. Katara's first thoughts are that her life will now be filled with boredom. How wrong she was!

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse

This is a bonus rec. While not super high on my list, it is still an enjoyable story. Plus, I really like the boarding school premise since I love shows like Rebelde and Het Huis Anubis. I would have liked to see more drama with Jet though. Still a good one if you are looking for fluff.

  I added some more to my top recs!

  Indigo Summer by Serendipitea

Rated T  21K words  Complete 2020

Zuko takes up a life guarding job the summer before going off to university. What he doesn't expect is to be completely distracted by the surfer girl with bright blue eyes.

This one is just so darn cute

  And expectations she won't meet by Gxldentrio

Rated  T  8K words  Completed 2020

Katara’s organic chemistry TA is an asshole ----- or is he?

A texting/social media fic that I reread all the time because it is just that GOOD! I love the way the author uses all the character's interactions to tell a cohesive story.

  (if my wishes came true) it would have been you by TheDecension

Rated  T  34K words  WIP Last updated Mar 2021

Katara overshares on the internet. Zuko makes it a point to only lurk. Good thing there's nothing tying their online adventures to their real lives — right?

Or, Katara and Zuko have something of a history, and when they reconnect after months of silence, there could be more going on behind the scenes than they realize.

If you haven't heard of this one, you should! It is though social media posts and text, and it is just wonderful!