I believe everyone deserves to be loved and feel loved. I always want people to do the things they want to do and do whatever makes them happy with out getting hurt or hurting others. But why must I keep myself out of this? Am I not worthy of loving someone? Am I not worthy of happiness? of true happiness? Did I make my expectations of myself too high that even I can't reach them anymore. Did I fail myself in my journey of self-love? Have I lost my way of being?
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i sit at the table, eyes glued to the back of your head- watching as you move about the world, hold people’s hands, kiss their foreheads, pull them into your chest. longing has made a duplex inside of my heart at this point and i know you don’t care. you never did.
i’d like some of you too, and i know that if i tell you that, i’ll lose whatever little i do have. so i’ll sit in quiet corners and read books about love and spin a fictional end for us in solitude.
we’ll meet somewhere. even if it is in my head.
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Crush
crushes are nothing more than simple attraction
barely even know you but you have my heart in your palm
knowing you can make my heart race at anytime makes me nervous
giving me butterflies in my stomach and further
I could imagine the rest of my life with you
laying in my bed and waking up next to you
fighting but making up and making out
cuddling and more and I'm not even a sexual being
how could you awaken two things at once? smart and funny
you're quite beautiful and you make me imagine me in your arms
hold my hand in yours and have me in your bed
we could lay there and watch "the regular show."
teach me how to cook your favorite meals and I'll teach you how to cook mine
show me all your favorite activities and then we can do mine
but you're simply a crush
wish it could be more
I want to go on dates with you
I want to be your pretty passenger in your Nissan car
I want you to think of me as you do your homework
I'll think of you as I do mine
I think of you as I do everything
never leave my mind
once you hold my hand, I won't want you let go
stupid crushes are nothing but attraction
and I'm so attracted to you, it's the first time I've told someone I'm actually attracted to them.
I want you to be my first love
I want you to be my first everything
my first date
my first kiss
my first boyfriend
my first serious relationship
my first
then I want it to lead to other first
my first dance
my first and only husband
our first kid together
our first grandkids
it's only a crush,
I have to remind myself that it's only a crush
nothing more.
but how can it not be anything more when I picture us together for the rest of my life?
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