#written all on my PHONE thats how down bad i was to write this

[genshin-impacted]

so close (yet so far)

[Alhaitham x Reader]

You ask Alhaitham to be friends with benefits with you. (The both of you overestimate your ability to not get your feelings involved.)

word count: 11k* (one-shot)

notes: heavily nsfw**, female reader; "you", inexperienced!reader, friends to fwb to lovers, unrequited to mutual pining, modern au (reader and alhaitham went to hs together), some profanity, brief body insecurity on reader's side

*split into three main parts: one part is Alhaitham's POV btw a speed demon possessed me to write this much (im kidding; my friend put brain worms in me)

**oral sex, brief descriptions of face fucking, 69, car sex, dirty talk, face sitting, thigh fucking

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Dating apps vary in tone and quality, you find out firsthand. Certain ones call for one-night stands and hook ups and others are prone to less of them (but they will always be there). You don't feel like you can make genuine relationships with people without meeting them first, but you figure you should give it a chance at least before giving up.

You are close to doing so when you show up for a date, and he cancels last minute.

"Ugh, man..." You sigh, putting your phone away after seeing the apologetic text. You won't blame your date: it may as well be a real emergency, but if not, he is not beholden to you to show up, though it would have been nice on his end to let you know earlier.

Still, you are here, and you are hungry, so you step into the cafe in hopes of grabbing fresh pastries when a familiar face catches your eye. You almost don't believe it, considering how many years have passed since you've last seen him. But there is no mistaking the silvery hair and the nose still buried in a book; even the green headphones remain the same, a detail that makes you laugh a little when you approach him and hope he isn't too upset at the sudden reunion.

"Alhaitham," you say cheerily, waving at him in case his noise-canceling is on. "It's been a while!"

Alhaitham takes his eyes off his book to look at you, hands raised to take off his headphones. You grin when it seems that he is just as surprised to see you as you are. "It has," he agrees. "More than a few years." He takes a look at you. "You haven't changed a bit."

"How rude!" You say teasingly, "I've changed a little bit in the past few years. Maybe not in appearance, but still. Mind if I sit?"

Alhaitham moves over when you take a chair over to sit in front of him, and it feels like the two of you never left high school-- if not for the stark fact that Alhaitham has changed physically since then. His jaw is more defined, shoulders broader, probably even taller than he was back then. He's handsome, you think, though then again, he always has been.

Wistfully, you think about the years you've lost connection with him and wonder what he has been up to. You've always enjoyed his company, much to some of your other friends' chagrin, and that sentiment has not changed now when the two of you converse easily.

"So," Alhaitham says, "were you on a date with someone?"

You don't even bother asking how he knew, only sighing and waving a hand. "I was going to be. He canceled last minute so I was going to grab something and go." Alhaitham hums noncommittally, and you snort in laughter, reminded of his apathy towards relationships then and, you guess, now.

You remember the times Alhaitham turned down people in high school at a ridiculous rate. "Another one?" You remember someone saying jokingly, seeing Alhaitham simply toss a letter slipped into his locker.

"You won't respond at least?" You asked, sympathetic over the courage it took to confess.

"I don't know them," you recall him saying. "Why should I consider being in a relationship with them when we haven't even spoken to gauge our compatibility?"

Alhaitham ended up not accepting anyone's confessions. You don't remember him dating in high school or during university either in the times you've messaged him just to catch up. Not that you have a stellar record either, having dated only one person your whole life without it going very far. You can't say you haven't tried though.

"So you're not dating anyone?" You ask, taking a sip of your drink.

Alhaitham looks at you briefly; you can never tell what he's thinking. He eventually looks away and says, "No. I'm not interested in dating."

"At all?" You ask again, voice high in genuine disbelief. 'Still?' is the unspoken question. (What a shame, you can't help but think.) When Alhaitham gives a nonchalant shrug, you let yourself sit back, astonished. You think about your (lack of) experience, the fatigue from dating apps, and then look at Alhaitham.

You've always found him attractive; you can't deny this. You trust him as a friend and as a confidant, because in his own words-- what is the use of telling secrets? Alhaitham is as intelligent and rational as ever, something you have always admired in him, which is why you trust him with this question.

"Would you be down for a friends with benefits relationship then?"

Alhaitham raises his brow in question and pauses in thought before responding. "...In general?" He asks, "Or with you?"

You love the way Alhaitham needs no explanation.

"Both," you reply. "Serious inquiry."

Worst case scenario Alhaitham rejects the offer and the two of you move on from this conversation (hopefully). Best case scenario is him saying yes. Last thing you expect is to have Alhaitham look at you with an expression you’ve never seen on him: unadulterated shock. You laugh at his reaction despite the tension that could have been held between the two of you, and you start to wave off the entire ordeal when Alhaitham tells you "sure."

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It's only Alhaitham, but you show up at his apartment with a nervous flutter in your heart. He opens the door soon after you knock, donned in a regular shirt and sweatpants. You feel your shoulders relax at the casualness of it all and thank him for his hospitality as you enter his home. It does not take much to strike a normal conversation with him, words between the two of you flowing like usual. You are given a tour of the apartment per request, briefly admiring the tiles of the bathroom floor before ending the route in his room. It is minimalistic aside from the usual amenities, and it feels so much like Alhaitham that you smile as he types something on his laptop before turning back to you.

"Is my room that amusing to you?" Alhaitham scoffs, closing his laptop.

"Yeah, it kind of is," you agree easily. "It's better than a man cave, I'll give you that. But the walls are as empty as the day you got this place probably."

"I'll be sure to let you know when inspiration hits for me to decorate," he says sardonically, making you giggle to yourself. "Did you want music?"

The sudden change in topic makes you tilt your head in confusion. "Music?" You echo. "Music for what?"

Without skipping a beat, a song starts playing on low volume, bass steady and clear in his speakers. Alhaitham stands tall then, his headphones off, you note vaguely. He seems a lot taller than you remember, but perhaps it is because he is usually conscious of the difference in height to stand at a distance, so you don't have to crane your neck. This time, when Alhaitham stands right in front of you, close enough to bump chests, you look up and realize it is the first time you've really looked into Alhaitham's eyes.

There are more colors than you thought.

You instinctively want to take a step back, but his hand holding your arm-- firmly, just enough to stop you, but not strong enough to keep you there if you wanted to leave-- keeps you underneath his gaze. You are normally so good at defusing the tension with a few well-placed words of humor, but you aren't quite sure this is a tension that you want to cut through.

Just like that, your heart is at your throat. Alhaitham truly is very handsome, you think, eyes looking at his long lashes, the curve of his nose, and his lips. You can't help but jump when Alhaitham leans down, face closest to yours as it has ever been. You feel ridiculous, being strung taut as a caught fishing line just from being close to Alhaitham. Your cheeks prickle with the speed in which it warms, and just when you begin to wonder what Alhaitham could possibly be waiting for before he kisses you, his lips are on yours.

Your eyes close almost immediately, arms reaching up to hold onto him and finding purchase around his neck as he pulls you close until the two of you are flushed against each other. How long has it been since you've been kissed, let alone been kissed like this? Lips separating from yours only enough to find new ways to kiss you again. You gasp when Alhaitham gently bites and pulls at your lower lips. Feeling emboldened by your reception, Alhaitham swoops in and meets his tongue with yours, and you melt in his embrace.

You are surprised to see that you could probably go on kissing Alhaitham forever if that was all you could do. You only vaguely realize how efficiently you've been breathing through your nose through it all when you separate from him, dazed, and hear him mutter "fuck" under his breath.

A rush of adrenaline. You were already aware that Alhaitham is a willing participant in this newly established situationship, but to hear him being as affected as you do numbers to your rapidly increasing arousal. It's only fun when the both of you are enjoying it, after all.

"Not bad from someone who hasn't smooched anyone in years, huh?" You begin to tease, rightfully earning yourself a dirty look from Alhaitham. His lips are still wet, you think, and heat curls up from your lower abdomen up. The room suddenly feels hot.

"Are we trying to rate every encounter now?" Alhaitham remarks dryly, only to make you laugh at the thought of it.

"Not if it's not at least a 7/10," you say breathlessly. You shake in laughter again when you see him roll his eyes before holding onto his hand and tugging him to the couch. "Here, sit. My neck is starting to get tired. Being shorter is a struggle, you know."

Alhaitham sighs but sits obediently where you take him. "What do you-" He snaps his mouth shut when you swing your legs over his lap and sit yourself on top of him. You quirk a smile at the rare sight of Alhaitham being stunned once again and wonder how easily it seems to have gotten to make him react like that.

His hand easily finds its place at your waist as you curl your hands into the hair at the nape. "Trying to make myself comfortable," you say slyly. "This is much better."

You close the distance and kiss him again. You're a quick learner, so you do what has been done to you: nipping at his lips, tugging and pulling, and licking into his mouth until it makes him as breathless as you are. Is this what it's like to have chemistry? You wonder, feeling Alhaitham's hands dip underneath your top to slide his hand across the expanse of your naked skin. You want him to touch you more.

Alhaitham must have the same ideas because he murmurs at you to take it off, and you raise your arms easily to let him do exactly that. His fingers waste no time in pressing into the softness of your breast, over the white cloth of your bra. He is quick to grow tired of the thin barrier though, pulling it down just so your breasts can pop out into full view. Your cheeks prick in embarrassment at how exposed you feel-- this is the first man to see you like this, after all-- and having Alhaitham look at you with intense focus does not help with it.

Alhaitham's hands are warm when they cup your breasts, gently squeezing them until your nipples perk against his long fingers. You gasp in pleasure when he pinches them and tugs. Your arms reach out and hold onto his shoulders for support. As though on cue, Alhaitham swoops down to capture one of your nubs in his mouth while his hand plays idly with the other. He swirls it with his tongue, leaving a trail of spit when he detaches himself from it to move onto the other one. You hum as your hands card through his hair.

Alhaitham's free hand unhooks your bra, leaving it to hang down your shoulders. You immediately tug it completely off, casting it carelessly elsewhere. He is quick to be on you again, encouraging you to wrap your arms around him as he sucks onto your tits. It feels rather uneven, the way you're half-dressed but he's still fully clothed. You can feel the way his muscles contract underneath your hands, fingers tracing along the exposed skin of his neck that is far from being enough for you.

Just as you decide to ask Alhaitham to return the favor and take his clothes off, your hands spasms in his hair when Alhaitham takes a nipple between his teeth and tugs, hard.

Oh fuck, you think, letting out a long, shaky breath just before Alhaitham does it again, his hands on your back as it arches at his touch. "Fuck," you say aloud this time, and you can feel the way Alhaitham's lips curve up in amusement, the bastard. "Hey, you take your clothes off too," you tell him, tugging up the hem of his shirt.

Alhaitham looks at you steadily. "Why?"

You stare back at him and sputter. "What do you mean 'why?'" You-" You scowl, feeling your cheeks warm as Alhaitham continues to look at you with a smirk. "You just want me to say it, don't you?"

"I'm not a mind reader," he says, lips curving up. "How would I know what you want if you don't tell me?"

"I want to see you," you say, cheeks prickling with an embarrassment that you push through. "I want to touch you too, you know." When Alhaitham smirks at you before sitting up from the couch to take his shirt off, you huff. "Ugh, this is why everyone keeps giving you side eyes," you say, your hands sliding over his open chest with a mild sense of reverence despite your words. You knew Alhaitham was toned to hell, and this is the first time you've been granted the chance to view it in all its glory, your hands brushing over his built abdomen, thumb brushing over his nipples.

Alhaitham jumps slightly when you do so, and you giggle, ignoring the narrowed look you get from him and the way he grips onto your hips just the slightest. You shift in your seat, only to feel Alhaitham's hold you still, face flushed despite the impartial expression on his face. "What, what's up-" You feel it then, the hardness underneath your thighs, and you know Alhaitham sees the realization dawn on you because his blush travels down his neck.

He's embarrassed, you think gleefully. After initiating the hottest make out session you've ever had and easily pulling taut your strings, Alhaitham is embarrassed that he's hard? If anything, he should be-- better be! And you're a little flattered, you tell him just as much teasingly, and you can't help but hug him when he scowls at you.

Ah, you feel your heart flutter, knowing the effect you have on the immovable Alhaitham. But he is far from it now, chest heaving under your palm, cock hard as you press down onto it despite his modest resistance. You won't say it to him out loud, knowing he wouldn't like it, but you think Alhaitham is adorable as he is now. (You imagine people would say you're the only one who would think that.)

You rock your hips, eyes not straying from Alhaitham's as he stubbornly meets your gaze. His thighs are tense underneath you as you line yourself up to press your pussy lips against his clothed cock. A skirt was a good choice, you think dreamily; it lets you grind on him with aching accuracy and lets Alhaitham slide his hands across your legs and reach behind to squeeze your ass. You hum again in appreciation, kissing Alhaitham again as he generously cups your behind, making you moan, which he easily swallows up.

"Take your pants off too," you say, sitting back onto his legs. Before he can ask, you press your palm down on his bulge and quip a smile at him. "I want to try sucking you off."

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You tie your hair up before kneeling down between Alhaitham's knees. His cock sits erect on his stomach, head flush with arousal. It should feel intimidating the way Alhaitham watches you, but you know Alhaitham, and you figure if there is anyone that you can be comfortable doing this with, it would be him.

"Tell me what to do," you say, hands softly trailing up and down his thighs. "I've never done this before."

"You've watched porn, haven't you?" Alhaitham replies dryly, making you roll your eyes good naturedly.

"It's not the same thing as doing, and you know it." You look over at the nearby table he has kindly set up for you in advance and take the bottle of lotion to pour some onto your hand. Alhaitham jolts slightly at the coldness of the lotion, hissing in a breath, though with the way you are steadily pumping his cock, you aren't quite certain the sound wasn't at least partially from pleasure. "Alhaitham," you begin, a whining lilt to your voice. "Come on. Teach me?"

"Alright, alright, fine," Alhaitham says, his hand covering his face. "Just- just stop for a second."

You let go of his cock, beaming up at him as he shifts so that he's sitting more comfortably. "Here," he says, almost boredly. He gestures for you to take him in hand again, and your heart skips when you feel his hand over yours, squeezing it as he guides it up and down again in a steady rhythm. "Tighten your grip like this. A little harder is fine. There are more nerve endings at the tip, but there's nothing wrong with covering the base as well." You can only nod in acknowledgement, a lump in the back of your throat as you emulate exactly what Alhaitham has shown you.

Is this how he normally gets himself off? The same strength, the same motion-- maybe a little extra attention at the tip where it is more sensitive? You feel your face warm and hope it does not show as you watch Alhaitham's face for approval or for any signs of pleasure.

Alhaitham has always been intense despite his neutral face. But you know him well enough to recognize the minute changes that occur. The tense jaw, partially open mouth, half-lidded gaze is enough to light a fire in your stomach. But you wonder how he would look if he were completely drowned in pleasure, if you could be the one that makes him look like that.

You speak before you can lose the courage to. "Can I use my mouth?" You say, "I want to use my mouth."

Alhaitham's cock twitches in your hand.

"Then put it in your mouth then," Alhaitham says, "and avoid teeth. It hurts."

Obediently, you nod and sit up on your knees, puppy licking the tip to test the waters before opening your mouth to put it in. You had thought this when your hand could not completely wrap around his cock, but Alhaitham is big, enough to make your jaw ache when you try to fit more of his member in. You make a sound of discontent when the cock head hits the back of your throat and you aren't even halfway down. You let your tongue rest on the bottom of his cock, saliva pooling underneath with a mouth so full.

It doesn't fit, you think somewhat dejectedly. You swallow around his cock, making a discontented noise when you feel Alhaitham's thigh clench as he bucks up into your mouth. "Sorry," he says, and you tell him an incomprehensible 'it's okay' around his cock. His thigh tenses up again.

You tentatively raise your head, lips wrapped around his member for a moment before pulling yourself off, ready to ask for guidance when Alhaitham offers it to you. "You can use your hand to cover the rest of it," he says. "A wringing motion like this. It'll feel better if you suck while you're doing it too. Use lotion or spit if it's too dry."

You nod and follow his words step by step, swallowing his cock again and hollowing your cheeks. The other hand pumps his cock as you slowly bob your head up and down. You lift yourself up with a breath and let saliva spill from your lips to ease the motion, your eyes glancing up to meet Alhaitham's eyes.

You don't think he has taken his eyes off of you for even a second.

It's a little addicting to know that his attention is all yours. What does he like best about this whole situation, you muse. The fact that he's your first? The eager way in which you are trying to please him? Or is it the look of you drooling over his cock, getting off just from sucking it?

You hum in pleasure around his cock and he throws his head back, hips jilting up only slightly.

You pop yourself off of him again, hand pumping the entire expanse of his cock as you tilt your head to lick at his balls. "Fuck," Alhaitham mutters, hands clenched into the couch. You watch as his eyes flutter open before looking at you again, chest rising and falling. Not one to give neither you nor him reprieve, you are sucking him off again, and then off, and then on. It's a little fun watching him writhe, and you slowly begin to realize the power you seem to have over him.

You are so grateful to Alhaitham for saying 'yes.' The feeling of being wanted, of being desired, of being empowered is intoxicating. Watching Alhaitham fall apart before your eyes because of you is even more so.

He says your name, strained, "I'm close."

Alhaitham lets out an involuntary groan when you pop off again. "Does cum taste bad?" You ask. "It's a lot neater if I swallow, unless you want it somewhere else?" The thought of Alhaitham finishing on your chest or face is somewhat appealing, though you worry about the mess.

It doesn't seem like Alhaitham particularly cares, because he grits out, "Your choice." He muffles a grunt of pleasure that you wish you could hear at full volume. "Just-"

The key to success is consistency, you think. You bob your head up and down in tandem with your hand, licking the head and swirling your tongue around his shaft until Alhaitham lets out a strained, "I'm coming-"

Despite the warning, the warmth that spurts in your mouth is still surprising. You slow your pace as Alhaitham cums, all pretty gasps and grunts that makes your head spin as you take all he is giving and swallowing. It's a lot more than you think too, your hand daintily at your mouth as you swallow as though it were the last bite of a meal. You look at Alhaitham, skin glistening with sweat, breathing hard after his climax, eyes slightly wide as he watches you lick your lips.

Before you can ask for it, Alhaitham shifts just enough to reach for a towel-- he really is prepared for everything-- for you to wipe your hand with. You hear him let out a long breath before you return the towel to him for his own uses. You stand up, wincing at the marks on your knees from kneeling for so long before grinning at him.

"So, what's the verdict?" You ask jokingly, making him scoff and roll his eyes as you had predicted.

"I'm not answering that," he says. He stands up and picks his sweatpants from the ground to make himself more modest. "You can extrapolate for that type of answer yourself."

You expected as much, but you still pout and sigh. You sit on the couch next to him. "Aw, boo, well I guess I'll just give myself an 8/10 then." You stop when you feel Alhaitham's gaze on you, calculating. "What, what is it? Am I lowballing it or what-"

"I think it's your turn," Alhaitham says simply.

"Oh, uh..." You honestly didn't come to his house expecting anything, so this comes as a surprise to you. That and a few certain parts of you makes that bit of insecurity flare up the moment Alhaitham mentions reciprocation. "It's fine," you say, "we don't have to-" You snap your mouth shut when Alhaitham parts your legs to put his knees between, his hand lifting your chin so he can kiss you. You vaguely think about the fact that he can probably taste himself on your tongue.

"I insist," Alhaitham murmurs against your lips.

"What do you suggest then?" You stammer, and Alhaitham pushes himself off just enough to look at you directly.

"We could try fingering. See if that's to your taste and then move on." He gauges you carefully. "We could stop if you truly wanted to, but don't make that decision on my behalf."

"Well, we could try," you say, lowering your gaze, feeling your heart pick up in anticipation.

"Alright," Alhaitham replies softly. "You can stop me at any time."

This is why you trust Alhaitham. This is why you asked Alhaitham to do this with you, to-- for a lack of better, less dramatic phrases-- be your first. It was made as a casual request but Alhaitham knew to take it seriously for you anyways. You aren't sure how much he knows how his words make you feel at ease.

The sense of ease is immediately replaced with nervous anticipation when Alhaitham parts your legs, pooling your skirt at your stomach, and slips his hand underneath your panties. You hear him let out a sharp breath, and before you can ask what's wrong, he says, almost in awe, "You're so wet."

You understand Alhaitham's feelings earlier now when you had felt his bulge; your arousal on full blast is nothing short of mortifying even though the situation calls for it. You hadn't even noticed, so focused on the task at hand, but when Alhaitham pulls back with glistening lines of slick between his fingers, you don't doubt his observation.

"W-Well, you know," you mumble, your hand grasping onto his supporting arm. Your eyes flutter when Alhaitham cups your sex, fingers sliding a line down the middle. Your hand spasms when his thumb hits your clit on the way down, and Alhaitham does not miss it. "Wait, Alhaitham-" You squeal when he presses onto your clit, swirling around it with persistent pressure that makes it hard to say anything coherent. You wouldn't have wanted to tell him to stop anyways, but you have a feeling he just wanted to tease you.

"Sensitive?" He says almost smugly.

"Not usually no," you choke out, breathing out a sigh of relief when Alhaitham lets off.

"Interesting," he says, and it's only now you realize how quiet Alhaitham was before when you were on your knees. Now with him at the upper hand, he can speak all he wants, and you're the one left catching your breath. It really is different when it's someone else doing it. "I'm putting one in to start, okay?"

You nod, but when you feel the first intrusion prod in, you reach out to seek out Alhaitham for support. "Relax," he tells you. "Your muscles are too tense for anything."

"Sorry," you say, taking a deep breath. He pulls you closer, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder. You hot breath hits his neck when you turn to him. "Make sure you really lube that up, Haitham." You breathe again when his finger enters, and when it curls up onto the spongey part of your cunt, you feel it. It's nothing of import yet, but Alhaitham seems patient enough to build up to it.

One finger barely fits, but even with time, the second finger enters too. "You're tight," Alhaitham grunts, and you feel yourself redden as your only response. "I think you're stretched out. Any pain?" When you shake your head on his shoulders, you feel his fingers slowly pump in and out of you.

It picks up in pace and intensity, and then when he curves up this time- oh, you aren't sure you've ever felt this sensation before. Alhaitham's fingers are so much longer than yours, so it makes sense he can reach the places you can't, knuckles deep in you. Your breathing quickens and with it, Alhaitham's speed, his fingers pounding at that same spot over and over. You're at a daze, not any closer to a climax but not bored without pleasure. You aren't sure how long Alhaitham goes at it until he slows down, and the fog clears up.

"You okay?"

You hum, turning your head to face Alhaitham when he peers over to you. "Yeah," you mumble, "I feel good, just can't come from this."

"Hm."

You miss Alhaitham's warmth when he pulls away, fingers grasping at him. The haze that you feel quickly blows away when Alhaitham gets on his knees and pries your legs apart. "Whoa, um-"

"Most cannot finish with vaginal stimulation alone," Alhaitham says factually. "Hence, I'll be focusing my efforts on other areas."

"Yeah, I get that," you say, blinking with embarrassment. "It's just, um..."

Without your understanding, Alhaitham gives you a deeply unimpressed look. "Hair is a natural phenomenon. It doesn't matter to me in the slightest."

You would find it hard to believe, an insecure part of you convinced that it must be polite niceties. But this is Alhaitham, and he is never one for false platitudes and social norms with strangers or friends or you. When he says he does not care, you believe him.

"If you're sure," you tell him, and you let out a small squeak when he tugs your panties down, not even bothering to take it off completely before you feel his fingers pry your leaking lips apart. A lick up your clit has your legs closing on his head, but Alhaitham's hands easily pry you apart and keep you that way, your pussy open to be eaten.

You want to look away when Alhaitham's meets your eyes, and then his lips press to your folds and he begins to gorge himself on you.

It's impossible to keep your eyes open then when you're too distracted by how Alhaitham's tongue swirls around your clit, the muscle pressing into the bud of nerves with a dogged persistence. Even the noises you have kept to a minimum spill from your lips involuntarily. You can only breathe in hiccups, Alhaitham relentless in his pursuit of your climax as he sucks on your clit and begins to press his fingers against the zone of pleasure inside you as well.

'It feels good' sounds like an understatement at this point. You climb the precipice at an alarming speed, and you cannot help but grasp onto the hand keeping your thighs apart to ground yourself. It's almost overwhelming, but then you feel Alhaitham unfurl his grip onto your leg to grasp onto your hand.

It must be the endorphins, but you feel a warm ooze of affection for Alhaitham pool in your chest.

Logical, calm, and reasonable Alhaitham. Arrogant, antisocial, abrasive Alhaitham. Observant, considerate, and kind Alhaitham. You've known this man for so many years, and you are reminded in this instance that in all the times you have trusted him, he has never failed you once.

"Alhaitham-" You cry out. Your head feels hot as you curl your toes, your heels at his shoulders. When he hums in response, you feel the build up towards the beginning of the end. "I'm- I'm coming-"

You throw your head back, gasping in pleasure as your body jerks with waves of pleasure. Hazily, you feel Alhaitham lap at your hole at a slow but steady pace, his mouth never leaving you even as you buck against him.

Alhaitham only lets you go when your body slackens, legs limp in his arm as he gently sets it down in a comfortable position for you. You watch him, dazed, as he quietly grabs the towel to wipe his face and hands. He must see you look because he turns to you and offers you the towel too, though the mess between your legs is one of the last things you care about at the moment.

"C'mere," you say, arms reaching out for him. When he doesn't immediately come to you, you wave your hands insistently. "Plea-a-ase come here? I wanna cuddle."

A flicker of emotion comes and goes on Alhaitham's face before he replaces it with exasperation. "I didn't realize the benefits portion of friends with benefits included cuddles," he says, but he walks to you anyways, huffing in laughter at the small 'yay!' from you. Alhaitham settles in the space you moved over for him on the couch, and you immediately latch yourself onto him, head fitting easily at the crook of his neck. As his arms wrap around you, you heave a content sigh.

"You should have read the fine print, Alhaitham," you drawl, cheek pressed against his naked skin. "It was right there on page 562, 9th clause, addendum number four." You close your eyes, smiling at the sound of Alhaitham's little huff.

"Out of the two of us, I'm the one more likely to read a written agreement in full," he says. His voice reverberates in your ears, low and comforting.

You always thought he had a nice voice, reading out texts in class and reciting lines without effort. The two of you are a long way off from high school, but thinking back at the Alhaitham back then brings you good memories. It's even more so when you compare it to the Alhaitham now of whom reconnecting with was happenstance.

Alhaitham has changed a little in the years you have not seen him, with what you know now includes a fallout with Kaveh and an early college graduation. He's a little softer, you think, edges more blunt but still just as deadly when wielded with a sharp wit. It is to your comfort that most parts of him remain the same. A little smug, a little snark.

You're glad; you've always liked him just the way he is.

You feel his hand absently rub circles into your shoulders and feel as though that sentiment has only grown stronger.

"...You're hard again?" You ask after a moment, muffling your laughter into his skin when he clicks his tongue and shifts his legs so the offending body part in question is no longer touching you.

"A normal physical reaction," Alhaitham says, miffed.

You pause. "You want me to do it again?" You ask.

Alhaitham shifts so he can look down at you as you give him a grin, reaching down to grasp at his shaft and watching that moment when you catch him off guard, eyes fluttering in pleasure. Oh, yes, you think, heat pooling into your abdomen, you can certainly go for another round.

.

.

.

You tell him that you are tired of dating around with men you have no connection with, afraid to build intimacy when you are still inexperienced, and trust him enough to put up the offer to be friends with benefits. Alhaitham knows he is in love with you, but he says yes anyways. He does not make miscalculations often, but he acknowledges that he is only human, so he is prone to them occasionally. He thinks this decision to be friends with benefits with you may be one of them.

He has always had a hard time featuring his own feelings in the equation, surprisingly volatile in its unchanging affection for you even after all these years. (How long has it been since high school?) Anyone with a brain not controlled by their libido knows entering a purely sexual relationship with someone you’ve never quite stopped having feelings for is a recipe for disaster. But just maybe, being aware of that much will let Alhaitham avoid ruin.

It doesn't stop the way something in his chest twists painfully at the thought of holding you close even though you could not be more further away. After all, in initiating this relationship with him, you must have seen him as only a friend. You seem excited at the prospect of starting this type of relationship with him, and he is not one to deny you something if he believes it is something in his power to give.

On that note, he is surprised when he hears you have no experience being in a physical relationship with a man. Alhaitham does admit the idea of being your 'first' appeals to him, and because of that he thinks maybe he isn't so infallible to the whims of desire.

He's liked you for ages. He isn't sure even the best of men can refuse when the object of his affection asks him to treat them gently. (Or so he thinks. You may be more of his weak spot than he ever anticipated.)

You show up on his doorstep a week later, beaming at him when he lets you into his apartment. In the days leading up to this meeting, Alhaitham has prepped the environment with necessary amenities. You didn't specify what was to happen today, so he prepares everything to the lube to the condoms to the towels. Music, too, is something he did extensive research in, having learned that it can often set the mood.

Alhaitham isn't necessarily the most experienced person, but for the sake of knowing, he has slept with people and learned about his own preferences. He is more curious than he admits to finding out more about your preferences.

Still, when you look up at him doe-eyed and cheeks warm in anticipation, he is taken aback by the idea that he'll be the one to guide you today. He remembers when you were the one to direct him to class when he was lost as a transfer sophomore in high school. You were so assure of yourself, confident-- he never would have anticipated that you would have a shy side to you.

Perhaps that is what makes it all the more endearing, you all the more desirable, his chest searing with want as he closes the gap to finally feel your lips on his.

He really likes you, he's reminded, heart beating hard in his chest he thinks you might be able to hear it. And though you do not kiss him with the same feelings he holds for you, when you look up at him like that, he can almost imagine that you do.

Lips are one of the erogenous zones outside of sexual organs, filled with sensitive nerves that can sense even the slightest difference in temperature. The auditory sense is powerful too when it comes to stimulating the libido. It's why Alhaitham wants to devour you when he hears your small gasps as he pulls at your lips.

"Come sit," you murmur to him, and he can only acquiesce without a word. Good thing, because he would have been made speechless the way you boldly swing your legs over to sit on his lap. Alhaitham is acutely aware that his cock has begun to fill, straining against sweatpants that shows no effort to hide his arousal.

Your kisses sear his lips, your hands welcoming his to explore your body which he does with little hesitation. Alhaitham wants to see you in full, your breasts spilling out and nipples hard being irresistible that he cannot do anything but put his mouth to use again.

Your skin is smooth against his palm, your sounds of pleasure almost like music to his ears he almost wishes it weren't buffeted by the sensual base notes of a playlist he searched up last night. "I want to touch you too," you tell him breathlessly, and who is he to deny you that?

When you take a moment to admire his body, he takes this moment to look at you-- an overview, one might say. You are breathtaking in his perspective, lips slightly swollen, breasts bouncing when you adjust yourself. Alhaitham feels his cheeks warm when you innocuously grind yourself onto him (that damned skirt), and he only grows hotter when you do it again with purpose.

He should have known you would be able to flip the tables on him like that, inexperience be damned. You've always had a way to do that.

And then you are on your knees, hair up and ready to pleasure him, and he almost doesn't know what to do. Except he must-- you want him to guide you, to teach you how to make him feel good, and the way you easily do that forces him to do his best not to buck up into your touch. He must be more sensitive because it's you, or maybe you really are that fast of a learner, even when it comes to sucking cock.

Would you like dirty talk? He wonders, praise or degradation? You seem to like it a little rough, though you seem receptive to his gentleness too. Not that he can think it thoroughly with the way you are hallowing your cheeks, tongue swirling around his cock. Seeing you swallow his cum-- all of it-- is almost enough to revive his softening member, the way you look at him coyly an attractive look on your face.

He thinks the way your face contorts in pleasure is also an attractive look for him too. Alhaitham looks up from his position between your legs and watches you with hazy desire as you close your eyes, hand at your mouth to muffle your gasps. Alhaitham thinks of telling you to stop covering yourself, but he thinks that just this one time, his mouth has better things to do.

His name on your lips as you reach your high makes him close his eyes and hum in pleasure, tongue delving into you again as your slick gushes from your hole. Alhaitham is a man of pride, and watching your body slacken, spent on pleasure that he wrought from you makes his chest burn with satisfaction.

He wipes himself and sees you look up at him almost sleepily, and the satisfaction quickly morphs into gentle affection. He wants to kiss your forehead, clean you up himself and hold you. But is that too revealing? Too much emotion for a relationship like this? And Alhaitham is brought back to the reality that you are only his friends with benefits. (He is well aware of the concept of 'post-nut clarity' but finds it loathsome at the moment.)

Just as he begins to formulate words to wrap this scene in a pretty bow, you wave him over with an endearingly whining croon, and he comes to you without thinking otherwise. He is yours to hold-- always has been.

Alhaitham cannot control how you feel (would never want to), but he can control the way he will not fall apart even as you lay down with him, tracing shapes into his hand in a way he's never allowed himself to dream of. So close yet so far, he thinks, trying not to smile when you whinge at him at pushing you off the couch until you go to the bathroom. He'll take care of you as long as you'll have him.

.

.

.

You go over to Alhaitham's when you can. You try not to treat him like a booty call--though, as he has told you before, that is simply the nature of the relationship. But you are his friend before it comes with the benefits, so you try not to treat him any less. After all, you like spending time with Alhaitham, sex or not, though for some reason he seems almost bewildered when you come over his house and want to take him out for a taco truck you've been craving to eat.

"Isn't this what friends with benefits do?" You point out, biting into your taco. "Being friends with some extra stuff attached?"

Alhaitham looks at you for a moment. You take this time to squeeze some lemon onto his uneaten tacos for him.

"I suppose so," Alhaitham says noncommitally. "I was under the slightest impression you also wanted to use me for experimentation, considering your lack of experience. So you would want to take every opportunity we get to do something."

You scrunch your nose. "I don't like the word 'use.' It’s not like I talked to you and asked you this just for that reason." You frown, and the thought settles in you uncomfortably. "Please don't say that I'm using you. I'm not. I care about you," you say firmly. "I don't want you to feel that type of way, so if you do, we can stop being friends with benefits and just go back to-"

Alhaitham raises his hands in surrender. "No need," he says." I apologize. I wasn't being careful with my choice of words."

The discontent dissipates almost immediately with his words. You can't help but feel pleased. "And aren't you the one with a linguistics degree?" You tease, making him roll his eyes as he takes a bite of his food.

You imagine his eyes are rolled back again if he were to open them now on the ride back to his place as you give him a hand job. Only on the red lights, you vow; you wouldn't want to cause an accident on the road if he were to close his eyes while driving, though the unamused look he gives you has you biting the inside of your cheek to stop smiling.

The two of you end up parked at a neighborhood street when you unclip your seatbelt to finish him off with your mouth. You think his cum tastes a little better than before, and you tell him just as much when Alhaitham tucks himself back in. He only shrugs nonchalantly, but when you look into his fridge later after another session for refreshments you find freshly cut pineapple wrapped in a plate.

You wonder if you would taste better if you started eating them too.

And a month passes with the same routine: you ask if you can come over, the two of you go out to eat or go for an outing before inevitably ending up back at his place for some stress relief. You don't mean to do it every time you go to his place, but it ends up happening anyways. You ask if he wants to try something and then he says yes.

69-ing ends up being a lot more difficult than you anticipated, mainly because you keep getting distracted by things other than the pleasure itself. No matter how many times Alhaitham insists you're not too heavy, and no, you cannot break his neck (his confidence extends in all spheres), you can never get yourself comfortable.

And then there's the alignment issues. You may as well just take turns; it makes it easier for the both of you.

Some things he suggests too, such as face sitting. Alhaitham seems adamant on proving you wrong when he settles underneath you, your thighs on either side of his head as he serves as your seat until your legs are shaking in pleasure.

Alhaitham, you find out, is as good at dirty talk as you imagined. It's the linguistics degree in him, you always joke, but then you're always put in your place when he makes you beg for him to continue eating you out. He is smug as always after these sessions and you can only jab at him to no effect when you see it.

Leaving your jaw slack as he fucks your face, groaning about how good you're taking him, how good you look taking in his cock like you'd like nothing but to take his load down your throat- well. If it was possible for you to finish with just his words, you gladly would have. You are certainly close enough afterwards that Alhaitham only needs his hand on you for a minute before you're creaming onto his fingers, words murmured into your ears like soft feathers.

You voice does end up a little hoarse afterwards, throat sore, but Alhaitham is quick to bring you warm ginger tea to soothe it.

"Go to the bathroom," he tells you sternly. "I won't be responsible for any UTIs."

And when you come back from the bathroom, stark naked (you've instigated round two with this before by accident), your clothes are always ready and folded at the coach with Alhaitham in the kitchen getting you refreshments. It's times like these that make you forced to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room: the more you try not to think about it, the more you feel like Alhaitham would be a really great boyfriend.

Clearly, you overestimated your ability to not catch feelings for a long-time friend whom you trust and has told you straight up he is not interested in dating. You've put yourself in a bit of a sticky situation because you find yourself wanting to abide by the boundaries set by being friends with benefits, but also barely holding back from kissing Alhaitham on the cheek goodbye or asking if you can stay the night. Or taking him on real dates. Or holding his hand when you go out.

You think Alhaitham might not like the hassles that come along with being in a relationship. It's definitely got obligations that he may not be interested in fulfilling-- at least until he finds the right person. The fact he has not said a word to you about it only tells you that you are not that person. (Your heart hopes and yearns though, and you think it needs to shut up.)

Luckily or not, you end up being busy with work and family matters, so you don't get to see Alhaitham for a while. You still message him often, if only to talk about random things or complain about so-and-so. You think you should be more disciplined; perhaps the distance will keep your feelings at bay, but then the moment you find a reprieve in work you're immediately texting Alhaitham to meet up for coffee.

The feelings aren't going away, you think with mild exasperation when you find yourself nodding and hanging onto his every word as he talks about something stupid his coworker has done (and always does). All things come to an end, but you think you like to hang onto Alhaitham like this just a little while longer. Eventually you'll have to broach the dreaded but much needed subject of 'what are we?' but until then, you are more than content being with Alhaitham like this even if you wish you were officially together.

But you can't blame the way things have turned out. After all, if this never happened, would you ever have gotten close to Alhaitham like this?

You check the time on your watch and sigh. "Ugh, I promised I'd run errands for my mom so I gotta go," you say, standing up from the coffee table. You grab your empty cup and toss it in the trash. When you look at Alhaitham, he seems unsure. "Uh, what's up?"

"...I assumed we were going back to my place afterwards," he says carefully. "I thought that was why you called me."

"Oh, no," you say, mouth open with words at the tip of your tongue. You feel your heart rise to your throat as your cheeks grow hot at the honesty of your next words. "I just wanted to see you. Sorry. I should have said something."

"No, it's fine." Alhaitham pushes his seat back to stand too. "You did say we were friends first before the benefits."

You did say that, you remember, but now you can't help but wish the two of you were more than friends. You bite your tongue from blurting those words, but you end up staring at him for a moment too long to not be awkward. "Yeah," you end up saying, "I think I'll be able to see you again next week? I'm less busy, if that's okay?"

"Sure," he says, and you can't help but feel he is so far from you even though he is in arm's reach. "See you then."

It is settled in your heart and head (both in agreement this time) that your friends with benefits relationship with Alhaitham has an expiration date that is coming soon. You like Alhaitham too much to keep pretending that you don't, so it is only a matter of time you end up being just his friend again or begin something anew as a couple. The probability of Alhaitham also catching feelings for you the same time as you is basically zero, you think miserably, so you can only bite the bullet when the time comes.

"I think next time," you say after another session, "I want to have you fuck me."

You hear Alhaitham stop rummaging into his fridge to look at you. His face betrays no emotion and for a frustrating moment, you wish it did just so you can see if he is affected as you are. But this is Alhaitham, and you know better than to expect as much.

"Alright," Alhaitham says. "I can bring the lube and the condoms-"

"No condom," you find yourself saying, "I can take birth control." You look at him, gauging his reaction. "Is that okay with you?"

Alhaitham meets your gaze steadily. "If you are."

"You'll take responsibility, won't you?" You say with a light lilt to your voice, though you trust Alhaitham to take your words seriously. "I'll see you next week?"

He nods. "Next week."

.

The expiration date comes more quickly than you hoped. You shake your head and the negative thoughts away at his front door before you knock. You care for Alhaitham and you like him as more than a friend: these truths are unchanging for you now, so there is no point in despairing about what is not to be. Besides, you don't want your first time-- with someone, with Alhaitham-- to be marred with angst. You want to enjoy it with him to the last minute.

You ring his doorbell and hear his footsteps approach the front door, your heart beating fast in nervous anticipation.

Alhaitham looks normal, which is to say, as calm as ever when he lets you into his apartment. You put your bag down in your usual spot and amble to the kitchen take a sip of water. Alhaitham walks to his room first to wait for you, and with a deep breath in, you follow after him.

You are reminded of the first time you came over to his house, standing there as you wait for Alhaitham to make the first move. Alhaitham does the usual routine: putting the music on, setting out the equipment, and laying down the towel. He turns to you as you quietly watch him and bends down enough to press a kiss to your cheek.

You feel the tension melt away.

You raise your hand to brush his hair from his eyes before cupping his cheeks to bring him closer to kiss. They are gentle ones though still full of feeling, heat thrumming behind every touch and warm breath shared. "Alhaitham," you murmur, his hands sliding your shirt over your head and guiding you toward the couch.

It is almost rehearsed the way Alhaitham's fingers nimbly remove your bra, his knees between your legs as he helps you out of your bottoms. You sit waiting and watching as Alhaitham removes his own clothes--a personal show-- before he is back on top of you, leaving a trail of kisses along the same spots he knows can make you tremble.

And Alhaitham knows you quite well now, you think, beyond the bedroom. He knows how you take your coffee (not black), how you like to order your food (spicy), the way you can get carsick so he drives smoother, the nasty habit of staying up late so he messages you at 11 pm to tell you to sleep. You trust him so terribly much, and he knows you terribly well-- it is no wonder that you fall apart under his touch in no time at all.

"Alhaitham," you breathe out, holding onto his wrist before he overstimulates your clit. "I want you inside of me. Please?"

You let out a surprised gasp when Alhaitham turns you, so he is facing your front. Your heart is beating so loudly underneath your hands where you've rested them on your chest. You think maybe you would have cold feet but instead you are surer than ever that Alhaitham is someone you want to be your first. You gasp in pleasure when Alhaitham's cock clips onto your clit as he glides it forward and back along your sex. You don't think you've ever wanted someone as you wanted Alhaitham.

But you like to think you know Alhaitham well, now better than ever. So when you look up at him as a flicker of emotion flashes across his face, you can identify it. Alhaitham stays in that position between your legs, conflicted, and that is enough to ebb away the waves of desire to ask him if he's okay.

His expression freezes then, his grip on your legs tightening just a little before releasing them again. "What do you mean?" He asks, and you have half a mind to not laugh at the fact he thinks he can fool you.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," you say. "Not right now and maybe not ever if that's not something you want-"

"I-" Alhaitham snaps his mouth shut, lips twisting as he tries to say words that, for once, do not come easily to him. "That's not entirely true."

"What's not true?" You prompt.

"That this isn't something I want." Alhaitham looks steadily at you then. "Nothing could be more true."

"...Then how about you fuck something else?" You say, closing your legs and letting the plush of your thighs envelop his cock instead. Alhaitham swallows thickly, though his face is as impartial as ever (but you know better). "Pretend it's the real thing. For practice," you say coyly.

Alhaitham curses under his breath, closing his eyes at the sensation of his cock locked between your thighs.

You breathe out slowly, eyes mesmerized by the slant of his brows from concentration, mouths parted, and eyes closed in pleasure. You find that you don't mind this type of view at all, especially not for the finale. You watch every minute detail of Alhaitham chasing his bliss and ingrain it into your memory to keep.

You breathe out through your nose roughly when Alhaitham's cock hits your clit, his pace quickening as he slickens your thighs with a mix of your arousal and his. You moan at the thought of it, the sounds emanating from it a joint effort between your two bodies.

Alhaitham says your name then, making your heart skip a beat as your focus is back onto him. His eyes don't leave yours as he brings himself close to the climax. "Come for me, Haitham," you say, "come for me, baby."

Almost obediently, Alhaitham does as you say, cum staining your chest as though someone made your body a canvas. You watch him come back from his high, taking a finger to swipe some of it from your chest to taste. You smile at his coyly when you see Alhaitham watch you.

It's been fun, you think, as Alhaitham stands up to grab a towel to clean up. You sit up, combing a hand through your hair, working up the courage to say what needs to be said. You're jolted from your thoughts when you feel Alhaitham wipe a towel across your chest, cleaning up the mess the two of you made.

"Oh, thanks!" You say, laughing, "I almost forgot that was there."

"Your mind works in strange ways," Alhaitham says, and you think you are more compromised than you think when you hear the way his voice seems to dip lower, softer when he speaks to you. He pauses in his movement. "Sorry about earlier," he tells you. "Did you have another idea in mind?"

"It's fine, Haitham." You wave his concerns away. "And, um, sorta? It's nothing sexual actually, I just think I need to talk to you about something."

To his credit, Alhaitham only takes a moment to process your words. "Alright," he says. He takes a towel to wrap around your shoulders before putting his pants back on just for modesty. You watch him fondly as he sits next to you.

"I wanted to say thanks," you begin, "for doing this with me. I trust you to treat me right and you've never proven me wrong."

"No thanks needed," Alhaitham trails off, "is what I normally say but I don't mind a word of gratitude when it comes from you." He lets out a huff of laughter when you knock shoulders with him; yours is the only one that ends up a little sore.

"And I know we started this out as friends with benefits, but, um..." You breathe out. "I think... I've started to catch feelings for you." Not honest enough, you think, and add on, wincing, "A lot, actually. I like you as more than a friend." You turn away from him then, focusing on your hands as they fidget in your lap. "I don't think I can keep on doing this and pretend like I don't, so I think we should stop being friends with benefits."

You stammer, heart fluttering with anxiety, "A-And I know you said you didn't want to be in a relationship anyone, but I was wondering if you were interested in doing that with me...? If not, it's okay, I'm honestly really okay if we stayed as friends. I just wanted to be transparent with you because I think you deserve-"

"Why do you assume I wouldn't like you back?" Alhaitham cuts through. You turn to stare at him, and he meets your eyes and keeps them there. "I never said I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone."

You stare. "What are you talking about? You're literally the one who told me you were never interested in dating."

"I'm not," Alhaitham says slowly. "I'm not interested in dating, but that doesn't mean I'm not open to being in a relationship with someone."

"Huh?" You blurt out. "But how are you supposed to be in a relationship with someone if you don't meet someone to date them first?"

Alhaitham is patient with you despite your growing frustration. It is so obvious he has connected the dots and is waiting for you to catch up. "I don't need to date," he says, "because I already met someone I'm interested in being with. I don't need to meet new people."

"Wait, what?" You gape. "Who?"

The face that Alhaitham gives you is by far the most unimpressed he has ever looked. You feel like punching it a little. You cross your arms, huffing.

"Give me hints or something," you say, clicking your tongue in annoyance. "Do I know them?"

"Very well," Alhaitham replies, sidling close to you that your arm can feel his body heat.

"Are they from our high school?"

"Yes."

"Really?" You gasp. "Well, we have your friends-"

"They are also your friends."

"-and my friends, which are yours..." You trail off, feeling your face warm and your heart rise to your throat. You can't be hopeful, you think. It is such a dangerous thing when you assume, but you think about who Alhaitham has befriended, who he is still friends with, and who he is closest to. The best answer you keep arriving to is yourself.

Is it too arrogant of you to think that it's you that Alhaitham wants to be with?

"No, it's not prideful to think it's you if it's true," Alhaitham says, and you wonder if you said it aloud. That thought is quickly discarded in favor of thinking over Alhaitham's words. Your heart feels fit to burst, lips wobbly without your permission. His eyes soften when he looks at you then, hand raising to cup your cheek.

"I like you," Alhaitham tells you. "I want to be more than friends."

"More than friends with benefits?" You can't help but ask, and you laugh through the sudden tears when Alhaitham scoffs before pressing his forehead against yours.

"Yeah, way more than that," he says quietly. He presses a gentle kiss to your temple. "I've always wanted more with you."

You sniffle, grinning. "Good thing I asked you then, huh?" You let put a shriek of laughter when Alhaitham pins you down, arms caging you in and making you feel nothing but safe. He looks at you then, eyes full of affection that you wonder how you could have ever missed that before.

"You want to retry from earlier?" Alhaitham asks, pulling your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles.

"I won't lie," you say, laughing when Alhaitham nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck. "That talk took a chunk of my energy. I kind of want to nap and cuddle. With you! Besides," you say, shifting so that Alhaitham can join you on the coach, the two of you as close as you can be, "we have all the time in the world to do new things together." You turn to look him in the eyes and hopes he sees how much you adore him in equal amounts.

"I can wait," you say, and Alhaitham leans to kiss you.

It is not the last time he does so.

[bb-eilish]

phone sex

pairing; beomgyu x f!reader

warnings; phone sex(obvi), use of toys, dirty talk, mutual masturbation.

a/n: since i haven’t written in a little while i decided to write something small, i also have a lee know fic on the way!

——————————————————————————

Being away from Beomgyu was hard, you missed his personality and how your heart skips a beat every time he looked at you. And right now, you especially missed him more than ever. Your gut burns with desire and need as you toss and turn.

What you wouldn’t give for him to push you into a position and have his way with you. You can feel the fabric of your underwear dampen more as your brain speeds up. He’s on tour right now, what time is it for him? You test the waters and peel an eye open, grabbing your charging phone from your nightstand.

I miss you, are you awake?

Three bubbles soon appear and you let out a sigh of relief.

I miss you too, what’s up?

Can you call me?

Of course

As soon as his caller ID pops up across your screen, you press the accept button, waiting eagerly to hear his voice.

“Hey baby, everything okay?”

God his voice is so hot, you’d give anything to have him here.

“Yea…I just…miss you.” Beomgyu knows you like the back of his hand and catches on to you.

“Yea? You miss me? I miss you too, baby. So much, you know what I miss about you?”

You hum for him to continue.

“Miss your hair, your soft skin, your pretty eyes, and I especially miss your perfect fucking cunt.”

The gasp he hears has him chuckling, “Why’d you really call me? Hm? Is it because you’re wet and miss my cock?”

You’re not able to see your face, but you know you’re blushing, and you know the look thats settled over your eyes as well, it’s always the same when he speaks to you like this.

“Yes, need you so bad, Beomgyu.” You try not to whine too loudly. A hand trails down your stomach, scratching the skin lightly, the first touch over your underwear has you inhaling sharply.

“Mm, are you touching yourself, cutie?”

You hum again, pressing your fingers more firmly against the dampness.

“What’re you thinking about?” His hand copies yours and drifts downward, hips lifting slightly to push down his pants enough to comfortably free himself.

“Well-‘ A strangled whine comes from you before you could continue. “The l-last time you touched me. Oh my god, I think about it a lot.” Before going on tour he wanted to leave you with something, an insatiable ache between your legs. He hit all of your spots and had your legs shaking in minutes, now you’re here-with your hand.

“Hehe, did you like it? I know I did, the way your wet little pussy sucked up my cock-god.” He moans, hand beginning to fist around his shaft.

“Please, keep going, Beomie.”

You could hear the smirk when he starts talking, this is a major ego boost for him.

“You know what i’d do if I was there? I’m not sure I could control myself seeing you touch yourself, but I’d love to eat you out. You always taste so good, and it’s so cute when you try and shut your legs around me, or the sounds you make-fuck-I’d have you shaking by now just with my tongue.”

The hand between your legs goes below the fabric and presses against your clit directly, the lack of clothing making it much more sensitive. The burning in your gut becomes hotter, like he has personally lit a match in you.

“Y/n, I want you to do something for me. Can you?”

He could’ve asked for anything in that moment and you would’ve agreed. “Yes, anything.”

A mischievous smirk spreads across his face before he speaks. “I want you to rub your clit until you’re almost there. But, do not cum until I say so. If I find out you that you came without my permission, you will not enjoy when I come back. Do you understand?”

You frown but agree anyway. Your fingers press a little harder and the fire inside you starts to spread. You haven’t gotten off this fast in months, and it’s all because of him. A moment goes by of you moaning into the phone, you’re not usually this sensitive but neither of you are complaining.

“Feel good, baby?” He asks, lazily stroking himself.

“Y-yes, close.”

“Stop.” His voice is firm, you know not to keep going.

Your hand slows to a stop, the fleeting feeling of your orgasm makes you whine out loud.

“Good girl, now, move your fingers down. Tease your cute little hole just like I do.” Your wetness meets your fingertips when you do as he says, you didn’t realize how wet you were.

“Fuck, I’m so wet, Beomie.” Your middle finger dips into you, just a little before coming back and circling around the wetness.

“You’re so cute, yknow that? I wish I could see your pretty face right now, you always look so gorgeous when I touch you.” His hand goes a little faster, knowing you won’t last long.

“Yknow what, I have a great dea. Open up the bottom drawer of our nightstand, grab your pink vibrator.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me, baby. Grab it.” Your heart spikes at his request, but you do as your told. Opening the drawer and grabbing the specific one he said. Once it’s in your hand a shiver runs down your spine, along with a bunny vibrator in the front, it’s fit with a shaft, about 6 inches if you remember. Beomgyu saw it online and raved about how cute you’d look using it.

“I-I have it.”

A deep hum comes through the phone, “Good, prep it. Rub it up and down your wet little pussy.” The toy is cold when it first makes contact with your hot skin, it has goosebumps spreading over your legs and arms. You sigh when you begin to coat the silicon with your wetness, it reminds you of how Beomgyu does the same thing to tease you.

“Now, turn it on and only use the bunny.” He for real wants to torture you, you deduced.

The bunny’s ears spring to life as you tap the button and you hesitantly press it to your clit, a strangled moan is pulled out of you and it’s music to Beomgyu‘s ears.

“That’s right, feels good doesn’t it?”

“Yes, so good. But, I wanna cum so bad, Beomgyu please.” You’re to your wits end and Beomgyu loves it.

“You’re so greedy, yknow that? But, fine. Fuck yourself with it, let me know how it feels.”

You don’t have to be told twice before sinking the silicone into you and tossing your head against the pillow, letting go of the phone. You put it on speaker and rest it next to your head.

The slight sting has your brain short circuiting for a second. Beomgyu on the other line swears he’s never been so hard, precum drips down his fist in pearls before he smears it over the head. A shutter racks down his spine before he demands you to speed it up.

“Faster, baby. Need you to cum soon.”

You agree and borderline slam the toy, the deeper you go the more you feel the bunny ears on your throbbing clit.

“You’re gonna get it so bad when I come back, cutie. Gonna lose my mind when I touch you again.” He moans, a deep guttural moan. It has you so much closer, along with his words. This whole ordeal is so erotic you can’t keep going any longer.

“Close, I’m so close.” The breathiness of your whines has him bucking into his own fist, imagining it was you he was inside of.

During the last seconds of sanity, you can’t help but do the same. Imagining it was Beomgyu stretching you right now. Your limbs tense up before you let go.

“Fuck, I’m-“ You loudly whine at the white hot pleasure and clamp your eyes even more shut. The tips of your fingers prickle and goosebumps rise. You keep up the pace of the toy until you can’t anymore.

Beomgyu is the same, “Me too.” He fucks his fist a few times to ride out his high.

You hurriedly turn off the vibrating before you’re overstimulated. Panting is the only thing heard before he chuckles at the sight of his hand covered in his cum and the situation.

“That wasn’t the only reason I called you, by the way. I miss you in other ways as well.” Your voice is sincere as you speak.

“Don’t worry, baby. I know, I miss you too, so much. I’ll be home in a month, and I won’t leave your side.” His kind words go right to your heart.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/n. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

[defectivefanboy]

hey i’m just asking maybe could you do dating head canons for crimson from helluva boss? nsfw or sfw i don’t mind <33

Absolutely. I love how the fandom is already down bad for mafia man.

hey i’m just asking maybe could you do dating head canons for crimson from helluva boss? nsfw or sfw i don’t mind &lt;;33

Overall notes: Stories written on this blog are GN until specified. While this story uses they/them pronouns, and I don't mind female readers on my blog, I do not write for y'all, and if you are a fetishizer fuck off????????????????? ew.

C/W: Possible OOC, Mentions of kidnap, abuse, torture, murder, death threats, mentions of sexual assault, cursing, spoilers (duh)

Notes: I tried making it as close to mafia man without him just beating you low-key /j, the first part of this I made into a small story without realizing, I hope that alright. Just some build up to it. <3

SFW

Prior to the relationship

"Earth Hell Angel"

Let's ignore the fact he would probably, most definitely never come into contact with any of us. Point blank.

You would have to be making some kind of deal with the Knolastname family, born into riches, or work for him. (I have stories for each in my head)

But let's tinker with the process shall we

The way you two met was by young Moxxie

You were a musician playing at one of the very few operating clubs in greed, operating meaning wasn't just a front for something else.

Moxxie was a teen at the time and being a teen felt a little rebellious. Like of course who wouldn't rebel against their mafia father.

Only issue was, Moxxie was in the middle of a mission when he decided to rebel leaving his father's men to find him in a club listening to a singer.

Crimson was just gonna burn the place down, maybe this time Moxxie would learn to not fuck with him anymore, but he wanted it to run deeper.

He wanted to kidnap who ever the singer was and torture them in front of the young imp to properly ingrain the lesson into him.

What he didn't expect was to be seated at a table each passing night, lit cigar in hand as he waited for the performer of the night.

It slowly became routine for him, and he slowly become your top patron. Enough to were you didn't need to preform so much.

That was until you met a bright eye imp with a tune for music...

And his devilish father

The young imp for express his passion for music, which you could only respond with the same enthusiasm, if It wasn't for the menacing eyes scanning over your body as he whispered to the shark behind him, eyes never leaving you.

This went on for months, moxxie would come and talk to you after shows and show you some songs he made. Though it wasn't just Moxxie paying you visits.

If it wasn't moxxie in your dressing room after a show, the older Knolastname would take his stay.

He often made snide remakes on working in, as he would say, "The only place where even the roaches don't wanna go" while he made himself comfy on the couch in the room.

Originally he had body guards posted around the room, outside the door, and around the outside of the building.

But that ended when one of his men tried to make a move on you while he was on the phone.

Oh boy the look on his face when he came back into the room and saw you being held down by one of the guards.

He doesn't know why, but when he saw the scared look on your face, a silent plea for help was all it took for a whole new line of guards to be instated.

"One bad apple can rot the rest. So its only best he gets rid of them all right?"

He was gonna need a LOT more walls in his home for plaques.

From there on out the only people that were allow in your room were him, Moxxie, oh and him, did he forget to mention that handsome imp right there? yeah him, oh wait thats him, whoops.

It became routine, well, as much as mafia work can be routine.

Each week he'll ask you when you're preforming, then not respond to any other text or conversation after that, because why would he? That's not what he's asking for.

Don't worry though, he still actively listens and pays attention, even making mental notes here and there on some things, but nothing else matters.

He's just going through his mental calendar of the week to make time for each show. <3

And if he's unable to make it, he'll either send Moxxie or a goon with a stack of money to make up

Though half of it just goes to the person who delivers it, you tried sending it back once and the poor goon had to walk back to the club with a bullet in each knee

Soon after moxxie was the only one allowed half the money

He found out the goons were given half the money and were made to give it back, half alive of course.

Dating Crimson

This old man only realized he liked you when he was in an argument with Moxxie.

Moxxie had a date with chez, but Crimson wanted to send him to the club with yet another stack of money.

"Sir, this is the third time you sent them money today. I think they are well off for the night."

"I didn't call you here to think, boy, I called you here to go to that club. I don't want to repeat myself."

"Well, sir, I don't think sending your son with a stack of money is gonna win their love."

The air grew still in the room as silence over took them

"Get out."

Moxxie needn't think twice with that one, as he raced off to his fishy lover (pun intended)

Jesus and thats just before the relationship, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to date him. (yes I can thats why im here, albeit VERY OOC cough you're not abused cough)

When this man finally has you in his grasp, I hope you don't like traveling far.

He is a possessive lover, like Possessive lover with a capital p.

As much as he hates it, he'll allow you to play at the club, it's not like he owns it or anything.

He does, he bought it awhile ago when he overheard how your boss talked to you. good to not he's not missing... side eye

Oddly enough (I say as I write) he's very touch starved.

He is very handsy the moment you allow him to be, a hand is always on you, if you're not already held close to his side.

"What are you talking about? I keep you close to me so you don't get lost. Can't have you winding up in an unsavory deal down here."

His favorite thing to do is come into your dressing room and hug you from behind as you get ready in the mirror.

Face buried in your neck as his body slumps and his tail wraps tightly around your leg.

Only looking up when your hand runs through his hair and you let out a light giggle, a soft glare pointed at you through the mirror.

Another has to be when you're sitting on his lap in your dressing room, music playing in the background as you softly sing the words to him while you chart your hands through his hair

Crimson never cared for music, to much of a sinner thing for him, mostly because he did business with other hell-born and never interacted with them, but he could appreciate it a bit if you came along with it

Especially when you give him that look, one that would carry the seven rings of hell alone, and it was all for him.

God, he would lock you up away from all of hell in an instant if you let him.

He actually tried once, though it went over quite quickly when you threaten to no longer give him kisses or attention in general, he surprising backed down quickly.

Though his next statement was for you to move in with Moxxie and him. No, not a question, Yes, a statement.

Your belongs had already been moved while you had this conversation. Hope you don't mind.

Oh Oh OH did this make Crimson happy. The first morning he felt a warm body wrapped in his arms, he dug his face deeper into the source.

He could call off his meetings for the day, not like they could do much about it.

Not when he has what he wants right in front of him.

He may never encounter an angel from heaven, but why would he need to, he had his own right here.

Crimson only truly realized this when you barged into his office one night, grumbling incoherent insults carrying a plate of food in your hand.

"You know for someone who gets on me for not eating right you always take it above and beyond."

placing the food on his desk you pull a chair around and sat next to him reaching into your pocket.

"I hope you're not planning on killing me, darling."

"You have a headache, don't you?" "huh?"

"You've been at work for over a day, you gotta have one by now."

Placing a bottle of pain killers on the desk you picked up the fork and softly blew on it to cool it down, before bringing it to his mouth.

Yeah, he could get use to this, he could get really use to this.

And yeah he may not be his son's biggest supporter, but when he sees Moxxie and you gushing over whatever nonsense that came to mind, his home no longer felt as cold like it once did.

NSFW

C/W: Marks, Degrading, Collars, Choking, Smoking,

Did I mention he was a possessive lover? Because he's also a jealous lover, and it tends to end with a few REALLY obvious marks on your body

From the dark and almost concerning hicks that adorn your neck, to the red and angry claw marks that riddle your thighs, the guest started to wonder if you were mauled by a bear.

or a cannibal... Say, did he sound like a radio host?

He doesn't even want you looking at anyone else and if he found out anyone was trying to be with you it would mean their head was mounted on the wall

and yours was planted in the bed... <3

"To think we would go through this again, it's almost as if you want to be treated like a dog"

Mind you he's still an old timer, he isn't one for anything fancy. Aka: you brought up toys in bed and he got a little too jealous at the thought of you cumming from something that wasn't him

"Saying I don't fuck you well enough? That's funny, because if I do recall, your pretty little head was cock drunk before I even did anything, or are you just that much a whore that you need more then one?"

The thought of getting an Ozzie's Mold your own Cock kit did pass his mind once or twice.

Remember how I said he was handsy, I don't know it's because he's a murderer or not, but I do see him being very fond of choking.

It reminds him of a collar in a sense, getting you one has passed his mind too

You would wear it for him right? At least when you two are alone? Just for a bit.

Long enough that he can take some photos of your blissed out face saving it for later, as the metal tag shines slowly with each rise of your chest.

But in all honesty his hand looks much better wrapped around your neck as he ruts into you from behind, growling in your ear as his grip tightens.

Crimson is literally the definition of Grr, bark and growl, and they all happen at once.

It started out with a low growl from him as you talked to a male coworker, soon it turned to him barking orders at you to get on your knees in your dressing room.

What? It's your fault you decided to talk with that low life. He should be rewarded for letting him walk away with half his vision.

I must say though, the old school charm does such wonders.

Especially on date nights <3

He may have already been in your pants, he still goes out of his way to treat it like it's the first time.

Compliments thrown your way as he pours you a glass of wine, all of it over looked by a sneaky tail trailing its way between your legs in the middle of dinner.

You ARE at Ozzie's after all

Those nights end up with you slowly riding him, his hand on your jaw to keep you looking at him.

"Something the matter dear? Do you need help finishing? Just ride me a bit more, yeah? You've been doing so good for me."

Crimson's strong suit... is definitely not his praise, but he does pick up on the small noises and movements you make each time he does.

Yet, he saves it for those soft and affectionate nights. He's still a mafia man at heart, but hey, he's coming around.

One last thing that will set this imp off is you smoking, as random as it may seem. Be it weed, a cigarette, shit, even one of his cigars, his lips(?) are on yours inhaling the smoke you exhale.

You did mention a band named cigarettes after sex at point. Why not put it into action.

Talking about after sex.........

He's fucking terrible at after care. You would be lying through your teeth if you said he was.

He's gotten better after a few months, few meaning over half a year. He's gotten better at least?

It's not everyday a Mob lord is on his knees cleaning up after himself, or running to fetch a glass of water.

Though he makes it up with more trips to the lust ring~

He can't help it, they have the best clubs in all of hell <3

“I never learned to like something, darling. I only let it consume me.” 

[spooky-bunnys]

Hello! May i request haikyuu with a black cat m!reader? Maybe a tsundere type...oh and also can it be written with Kenma, Suna, and Hinata? (You can add other characters if you wish !)

Thanks!

I'm not sure how to write for Tsundere types but I tried. Hope you Enjoy!

(Name) sighed as the air blew in through the bus window. It was time for another Volleyball training camp. But this time was different. Especially considering all of his boyfriends. We're finally gonna be together again.

That's right boyfriendS as in more then one. He was already at school with one. But now that the other two were gonna be there....(Name) huffed loudly. Catching a certain someone's attention.

"Hey babe. Wanna see the picture I just took of Atsumu?" Suna sat beside his smaller boyfriend and pulled him close. (Name) tried scooting away, but his boyfriend wouldn't let him.

Atsumu made a dying animal noise and everyone laughed. Wel except (Name)'s older brother. "Rin what have I said about your blackmailing?" He didn't hesitate to answer. "Not to tell you about it. Sorry Kita."

Everyone laughed again as Atsumu immediately threw himself on the couple. "Oi! (Name)! Get ya boyfriend under control!" (Name) flinched under the weight and tried ousting the male off.

"Rin get this sangwoo ass bee off me!" Atsumu yelped loudly as he was shoved into the floor. "Oi Barry he's taken remember and besides, you know the rules. Don't bother (Name) or Kita will make you run laps."

A shadow covered Atsumu. He slowly looked up meeting the cold eyes of his captain. "Sumu. 30 laps when we get to Nekoma." (Name) rolled his eyes and looked out the window. He grabbed his headphones and plugged them into his phone.

He silently raised a headphone to the male beside him. "Rin I'm gonna listen to music." He didn't get a response but felt the male take the other headphone. As (Name) turned on the music his eyelids got heavy.

Suna felt something hit his shoulder and smiled softly. (Name) was sleeping softly on his shoulder. Which was rare since (Name) didn't like PDA. Suna took a picture and sent it to a groupchat. The groupchat had the other two boyfriends.

~

The I love (Name) ♡ Groupchat

Sleepy Fox: sent a picture

Gamer Kitten: saved a picture

Solar Energy: saved a picture

Gamer Kitten: wow he's actually asleeping on you? on the team bus? how tired is he?

Sleepy Fox: apparently according to his brother, (Name)'s nightmares are back

Solar Energy: THATS NOT GOOD!

Gamer Kitten: Shoyo your caps lock is on again

Solar Energy: oh my bad. but seriously that's not good. is he okay?

Sleepy Goz: dunno but I'll make sure sumu stays away from him s he can sleep. bastard flopped on (Name) early. his brother assigned atsumu 30 laps when we arrive lol

Gamer Kitten: only 30? I would've given the bee 50

Solar Energy: isn't that a bit mean Kenma?

Gamer Kitten: no :)

~

Suna closed his phone and sighed, looking over at (Name). His kissed his forehead and layed back. Maybe he can catch some sleep before they make it to the training camp.

(Name) woke up when the bus stopped. He raised his head and yawned. Rubbing his eyes. He looked through the window spotting the Nekoma high school.

(Name) turned seeing a sleeping Rin. He gave a small smile. He took a picture but before he put the phone away, it was snatched by the no longer sleeping male. Suna gave him a sleepy grin and a week before pocketing the phone, and walking off the bus.

(Name) blushed and frown, before quickly followed the male wanting his phone back. Once off the bus though, (Name) was almost taken down by a ball of energy. Or in this case. (Name)'s youngest boyfriend Hinata Shoyo.

(Name) groaned loudly at the impact but didn't say anything. Cause he knew when Hinata came, his other boyfriend wasn't far behind him. (Name) felt more arms wrap around him, before feeling a head snuggling into his back.

Ah yeah. His more quiet boyfriend. Kozume Kenma. "Welcome (Name)!" (Name) flinched at the volume of the voice. Kenma who felt the flinch quickly calmed the other male. Suna who was watching from the side quickly got jealous.

"Oi! Come on you three we got a training camp remember?" (Name) tried to walk to the gym but didn't move. He hated how all three of his boyfriends were stronger then him. So he did the only thing he could do.

"If you guys let me go and go to the gym I MIGHT let you guys sleep with Rin and me tonight." Just like that the other two were gone and quickly making their way to the gym. The older Kita quietly laughed at his brothers misfortune. But even with the glare sent his way.

He knew (Name) was happy, and that he loved them very much.

[cosmicstxrr]

𓆩♡𓆪 college ! ellie williams headcanons . . .

warnings : drugs mentioned , ellie is a drug dealer , edibles , ellie being a loser , super bad writing😔 i think thats all

NOT PROOFREAD!!

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚

⌦ her phone is never charged, and if it is it's on like 12% and shes texting customers about how much they want and how much they're gonna pay... or you 🙈

⌦ shes a loser lesbian at heart!! Has dinosaur and space or nasa boxers. When she came out to Joel, he tried to research about the flag and stuff and tried to buy her boxers with the lesbian flag on them but accidentally bought the gay flag ... Idk js a funny thought i had

⌦ when she met you in her 2nd hear of college, she was at a party a SUPER crossfaded. She was flirting with you in such a loser way... cringe pickup lines you would here in those tinder in real life videos 😭

⌦ the next morning, she woke up in her bed and went on her phone (at 100% bc you charged it for her when you brought her back from the party!) and she saw a text message from you and started to blush bc you left her a text saying something about bringing her home bc she was so drunk

⌦ makes edibles like no one else!!! farther down the road of meeting her she would leave you in her dorm when she would go sell drugs or go on errands you found her edibles in the fridge and ate some bc they were brownies... Let's js say when she came back you were knocked out

⌦ her last year of college, after talking about you to joel for 3 YEARS she finally agreed to take you to Joel's for a couple days and Joel LOVED you... Y'all watched cone heads and other stupid comedy movies

⌦ LOVES horror movies!! She will watch anything! Even those weird bad b-rated scary movies

⌦ whenever she goes to the gas station to pick up a quick snack I feel like she would get a single cosmic brownie and a dr pepper

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

: ̗̀➛ this is so bad and so short but this is what I got 😕 my first ever thing that I've written so I hope y'all like it 🫣 i really hate it

[jjtheresidentbaby]

@bebbie-bilinski again!! hi ^^

i wanted to request a regressor!stiles (r we surprised xD) fic with mainly platonic CG!noah stilinksi or maybe derek or whoever else u think would fit this scenario! i was thinking it could be a fic about noah having to bring stiles with him to the station for a last minute shift he needs to cover for whatever emergency thats later in the night! maybe make it baby regressor coded pretty pls 👉👈👀 it could be that stiles is just super fussy the whole night and exhausted and noah has to find a way to work around it!

anyways thats <3 all if u want more specificities or ideas u can always pm me!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ waiting on a ticket ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

|| stiles stilinski x theo raeken | read on ao3

notes: are we surprised I threw theo into this? not in the slightest, hope you don’t mind <3

warnings: classification au, inexperienced caregiver theo, bottles, formula, set sometime after s5

-

Theo fidgets with the loose string on his shirt as he sits in the uncomfortable metal chair at the police station. He’s waiting to get his ticket written up, Clark found him sleeping in his truck, again, and dragged him back to the station to get him out of the rain that’s been heavily pouring down for hours now. It’s not that bad to be at the station in hindsight, there’s heat here and a vending machine.

“Hi Clark, Parrish.” Theo’s thoughts get pulled back to reality at Noah’s voice, Stiles is trailing behind him half asleep. He stumbles a bit before Noah’s sitting him next to Theo, dropping a rather large bag at Stiles’ feet. His hoodie and pajama pants are damp from the rain, as is his hair that flops across his forehead. Theo’s never seen him so uncaring, most days he’ll be running his hands through his hair to tuck the pieces into place and messing with his graphic tee to get the wrinkles out— seriously Theo doesn’t know how someone cares so much about a graphic t-shirt.

“Okay I have to go make some calls, you stay here and if you need anything Parrish and Clark are right there.” The tone in Noah’s voice is one Theo assumes would be used on a younger kid— Stiles must be regressed, his brain supply’s. He knows that Stiles is a little but he’s never seen the other boy small nor has he ever expected to. They aren’t the closest after everything that’s happened.

“What’re you doing here?” Stiles pipes up after a few moments of tense silence, Theo watching Stiles’ body language incase he needed anything, Stiles looking a little mortified at seeing Theo here.

“Waiting on a ticket.” One that he doesn’t think Clark is actually writing as she’s busy giggling with Parrish over something on his phone.

“Why?” The littles eyes drop their wide eyed stare to instead lean towards Theo, waiting patiently for him to answer.

“I was sleeping in my car. Why are you here?”

There’s a bit of nervousness in Theo’s chest as the conversation continues. He’s never cared for a little on his own, the most he’s done is babysit Liam with Scott there to help a couple times. He feels in over his head the longer him and Stiles talk, mostly about tv shows Theo’s never seen, and books he’s never read, and eventually about a park visit Stiles and someone named Derek went on, he doesn’t know who that is.

“Are you getting tired?” It is two in the morning and Scott had stressed how important sleep is to littles when they had watched Liam so Theo isn’t surprised to see Stiles yawn. Stiles nods, yawning again with a rub at his eyes that’s one of the most adorable things Theo’s ever seen. Not that he’d ever admit it.

“Um maybe there’s a blanket or something in here.” He picks up the baby bag, a little surprised at how heavy it is. It’s a light blue color with white pockets on each side and thick navy straps that have small key chains hanging from them, one that Theo recognizes as a Star Wars character Stiles was telling him about.

He digs around in the bag for a minute but comes up short on a blanket. There’s a smaller one, a stuffed wolf attached to the top of it, but that wouldn’t work as something for Stiles to sleep with. Plush toys, teethers, pacifiers, bottles, extra clothes, sippy cups and a can of milk substitute that must be a formula specifically made for littles, take up the rest of the bag.

“No blanket, are you thirsty?” He can make a bottle if Stiles needs him to, the directions are on the back of the can so it shouldn’t be too complicated.

“Mm.” Stiles hums with a firm nod that Theo can’t suppress his smile at. It’s odd to see the brunette so relaxed and happy when Theo’s only ever seen him while he was angry, running for his life, or so stressed out he looked like he was about to collapse. This is a nice difference.

“Do you want milk or water?” There’s a water bubbler over by Parrish’s desk that he’ll need to use either way but he figures giving Stiles the option is better than assuming.

“Milk.” Theo goes to stand to fill one of the bottles with water to mix with the formula but he’s stopped by Stiles’ hand tugging his shirt. His arms outstretch towards Theo when he turns around, it takes a second for Theo to cue into what’s being asked of him but he quickly hefts Stiles up to his hip once he does.

Stiles clings around Theo easily as he makes his way to the water bubbler. They have to shift around a little so Theo can bend enough to fill up the bottle, Stiles doesn’t seem to mind, he buries his face into the side of Theo’s neck and lets Theo move him around with no complaints. If anything, Theo thinks Stiles might be giggling when Theo huffs under his breath after he accidentally smacks his head on the bubbler.

“You don’t wanna be put down?” Stiles only tightens his arms around Theo as a response. There’s nothing Theo can do so he sits them both down on the metal chair, grabbing the can of formula with the same hand he has the bottle in. He’s pretty proud of himself for not spilling the water everywhere.

“How many scoops does your dad usually give you? Do you know?” The directions are a bit warped when Theo goes to read them, Stiles shrugs, he’ll be no help. Theo thinks he’s slipped into a younger headspace the longer they’ve been talking.

“I think that says three so we’re gonna go with three.” It’s either a three or an eight, three is safer than eight and Stiles isn’t laughing at him as he does it so he takes it as a good sign.

“Can you do it yourself or do you need help?” Avoiding Stiles spilling the bottle all over himself would be ideal, Theo really doesn’t want Noah to hate him even more.

“Come here, it’ll be better if we stand.”

Theo rocks in place as he watches Stiles latch onto the bottle, he drinks at an even pace unlike the rapid pace Liam had sucked down his juice box when Theo had handed it to him. There’s something softer about Stiles, Theo’s able to feel comfortable in his lack of caregiving experience with Stiles. He finds a nice rhythm of bouncing on his feet as he walks them around the station, humming under his breath with a smile at Stiles trying to match the sound. He hopes he gets to see Stiles this at peace more often.

[xnchxntmxnt]

LKJFHSKJ ok ok i hope i’m not past the deadline with this!! and happy birthday to both you and koi!

for the event, i would like to pull a 4 star! could i request headcannons for simeon and satan (if you don’t write for simeon then just satan is fine ^-^) where the reader has had a long day/week and is stressed about it? cuddles and reassurance from them would be nice! again happy birthday and i hope this fit all your rules

(if not feel free to tell me and i can resend)

thank you for all the bday wishes my dear /p - vic

Fandom: Obey Me! Shall We Date?

Characters: Satan, Simeon

Warnings: swearing, no extra warnings on satan’s; simeon: mc is not a math person, food ment.

Notes: tbh ive never written for either of these two so there’s a first time for everything!! Plus how can you NOT love satan like cmon. Simeon too i just love my little nerd

gn!reader

Reblogs > likes

Satan

Its not that he wouldn’t notice

I think he would

But hes more likely to wait for you to come to him

Thats what asmo told him to do anyway he doesnt want to overstep his boundaries and doesnt wanna make you uncomfortable or push your buttons

Plus his brother knows people, and youre a person right

Thats literally how he says it to himself in his head

So in the event that you do show up to his room in need of some comfort he is right there

He actually turned down an invite to go to a bookstore with levi earlier that day just in case you came looking for him. He wants to be there for you whenever you need him

So when you walk in the room and fall onto his bed, he puts his book down and gently rolls you over so he can see your face

“Hi, sweetheart” 

You, rolling back over onto the bed and sighing

He laughs a little and lays down next to you, reaching out for your hand. Again, doesnt wanna push it, but he wants you to know he’s there

“Would a hug help?”

You slowly work yourself around so youre laying almost on him, arms wrapped around tight and face buried in his chest

Asks if you wanna talk

If so he lets your rant to your heart’s content, offering advice if you need it, or simply getting mad with you. Not overly so but little comments like “oh yeah, that was a dick move” and things of that nature

If not, he probably grabs his book and reads. But this time he reads to you. Nothing better than fiction for a good distraction

Not the best person to go to when upset but not bad either 7.5/10

Simeon 

Its so irritating that he just kinda knows shit

You could be hiding it so well that youre having a rough week and he just knows

But it took him till the end of the week because he was hoping it would blow over

Because it didn’t and you didn’t come to him about the issue, he decided to (gently) step in

You show up to your room after a long, grueling study session with mammon, trying to wrap your head around pre calc before your test next week when you noticed your door was slightly open and the lights were on

Inside was a perfect scene: simeon adjusting and fluffing the throw pillows on your bed (some were his), a plate of snacks on your bed-side table and chill, comforting music playing softly from his phone

You could have melted when he smiled at you man

He greets you at the door and takes your things and sets them down without a second thought

Guides you to come sit with him 

He's so wonderful with words sometimes but other times (like rn) they escape him and his way of showing you how much he loves you is physical affection

He sits you on your bed and it doesn't take long before you're curled up in his lap, nose buried in his shoulder

“What's all this about?”

“You've been working too hard this week. I wanted to take care of you” 

If you're gonna cry anything out, do it now. Nerves, stress, anxiety, its so perfect

He runs his hand up and down your back if you cry or if you just cuddle closer

Eventually, he’ll ask you what's wrong but he’ll never push you to talk about it. Simply reminds you that he’s there whenever you need an ear to listen 

The two of you spend the night munching on snacks, cuddling and talking because youre too tired to do anything else

He does everything he can to make sure you know how much he loves you. secret: its a lot

9/10 good solid care

taglist

@emswordss @kodzukoi @iwaso @kage7ama

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

Hey, y'all! It's that time of the month again~~ Time for a monthly update!! 

I want to start this off with checking in on you guys. How's everyone doing? The year just started but it just feels like time is moving so fast already. I hope that this year will be much kinder to us all than it has been 🙏🏿🙏🏿 last year really tried to knock my dome top off, but I'm still here, so thats something. Let's all do our best, and kick or at least bruise the universes ass!

Clerical Updates

I have some changes that I'm planning for the Itch.io page, guys 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿First thing first, I want to change the game's title screen. I had initially made it in Canva with the aid of a friend from work, but as I continue to work through the game, I feel like there could be a much more fitting image. However, your girl isn't a graphic designer, so I want to commission someone to make a header or some shit.

Then I want to add a game starting page into the actual demo. I’ve looked at some examples from other IF writers who have made one, but I think my code is wrong (as it usually is), so I’m pacing back and forth trying to figure out exactly how and what I’m doing wrong. stay tuned for the shenanigans, cause I bet its something super simple 🙃🙃

I've been slowing down in writing. I typically write in my Google docs app on my phone, it's easier than opening my laptop, but the app has been having hella issues. I think it's because of the document size, so it's been significantly slowing down my writing time. I've been looking into alternative apps, so if anyone has recommendations, let me know. 

Game Progress

 I am officially at 60k+ words!!  

To be well (Alex’s Route): 49%

Search and Destroy (Mark's Route): <1%

Interlude (Intermission): 4%

So far, I have three big scenes left to write in Alex’s route. 

North Wing. Nuff said.

Convergent: not to be confused with divergence

Isekai? Isekai. 

Once I've written those scenes out, the rest will be smooth sailing. I just have ends to tie up and scenes to flesh out before I can finally push it into editing. I might do some of the fleshing out during editing to make it easier on myself (and to give myself a break), but I am just trying to go with the flow.

Once I push the game into editing, I'll take a break before I start on Mark's route. I'm still dealing with fatigue from Miss Rona despite having the same progress I had before I got sick but it just feels... weird. Like your girl is trapped in a slumber or something and I can't get out, but now I'm being anecdotal.

Back onto topic.

I want to talk about Mark's route for a moment. Because it truly is the bane of my existence, and I'm DREADING having to write it. I have three possible ways of how I want to deal with it:

Write the damn thing out, and stop bitching. Not ideal

Don't write it and be great 😤😤😤 most ideal

Release Alex's route once done with editing and worry about Mark at a later date. also not ideal cause then I have to come back to it! 🥴🤧😭

So, the last option is something I'm looking at real disrespectfully. Partially because I'm probably going to have to rewrite some of the subplots because when I plotted the outline for the entire episode, I had a precise idea of what was to occur. But Alex's route completely shifted from what was supposed to be there into something that I don't even recognize. Which isn't a bad thing, just… an inconvenience 🥴🥴

Therefore a lot of things that were supposed to happen just didn't. Which, again, isn't a bad thing. It just means that I need to reign the plot in again. I could finesse a lot of the content to make it flow, BUT that will take me some time.

So, in short... I still don't know what I'm gonna do!! 😭😭 but I probably will end up writing Mark's route cause I don't want to end up shorting you guys on content just cause I'm feeling lazy.

This episode has a LOT of variety in it. Like, I'm not even bullshitting. I'm aiming to make it so that you guys can replay it as often as you desire and still find new things you would have missed. (To make up for the fact that episode 2 probably won't be released until next year if we're being honest 🥴🥴)

The interlude isn't even something I'm thinking about at the moment. Partially because I'm trying to push through Episode 1, get done with Alex's Route and start on Mark's. A portion of it will still be in the update, but I'm debating if its going to be even smaller than what I intended it to be. Possibly? But again, I'm not so much of a planner as much as I am a 'go with the flow'er.

I'm hoping to drop pieces of the interlude this year until it's whole, instead of just writing the entire thing, cause I swear I'm not doing this shit again, lol 🤣🤣. Either way, I will keep you guys updated if anything changes.

I think that's it? If you guys have any questions, you know what to do. And if you need anything, let me know! I'm semi-available (not really) on the weekdays so I'll try to answer any asks as quickly as I can. But either way, love y'all 🤎🤎

[creekfiend]

I saw your post about reading fanfiction and I love it so much. My enjoyment of fanfiction doesn't challenge my availability to like understand Shakespeare. But, I know my enjoyment of fanfiction is because a.) It's Fun, b.) It's Comforting and I Feel Seen, and C.) It's Accessible.

I had a good high school education as in I went to a tuition free private school. It's easily the best high school in my area and some parents explained it as "An A in a public school here is just a C at this private school." It was common for straight A public school children to /fail/ our enterance exams. So, I know I'm very privileged to have this education where even middle of the pack was better than being left to the wilds of our county system.

I also know that I grew up poor and my grandmother hated buying me books. She saw them as a single use item even if I excitedly reread everything I owned. It was very rare for me to get new books of my own. I scavenged for free or someone gave them to me as a gift. You know what was free and readily available at this time? Fanfiction.

Now, I'm dealing with debilitated mental health where I rarely have enough spoons to do more than get out of bed, eat simple foods, and shower. Sometimes I have really great days! Other times, I have worse days.

Fanfiction is readily available on my phone, doesn't take as much mental energy, and isn't frightening because it's not an entirely new series. It's more like interacting with a new series in the same universe. I'm not having to forge new bonds with brand new characters or hope a series pans out even if the reviews looked good.

Writing fanfiction is also a hobby of mine. It brings me great joy. To solve the puzzles to fit in what I want to happen. Or, I connect little details I discovered and want to use.

As a reader and writer, it also gives me a chance to explore my own identities? My sexual and romantic orientations, gender, and polyam natures can appear in my favorite series now. They aren't being done in passing but have the chance to be fully explored in a way canon wouldn't really allow. It's fantastic.

It's also disheartening when people want to reduce a hobby that brings a lot of people joy down to "It's for the stupid masses." When that's not at all what's happening for majority of people? It's a free, enjoyable hobby that I watch person after person do as a passion project. This is just thing written from the heart with love.

💜

I think it has become cool to shit on fanfiction recently in a response to the navel gazing self satisfied posts that were going around a bit ago about how fanfic is REVOLUTIONARY and ANTICAPITALIST and NECESSARILY INVOLVES BEING PROGRESSIVE and engaging in Fandom is A RADICAL ACT, being in Fandom is a MARGINALIZED IDENTITY, etc

Which, yeah. Those takes were frustrating in a lot of ways and failed to address a lot of nuance. But I think the sheer *glee* with which a lot of people have jumped to going "THATS NOT TRUE AND ALSO YOUR HOBBY AND SUBCULTURE ARE BAD AND STUPID" is... not a flattering look for those people either. Lol

It's something that brings people a lot of joy. It's a hobby! It means a lot to a lot of people. And that doesn't mean it cant have issues just like any other hobby subculture (most of those issues mirror the issues present in Mainstream Society, though. Usually these are not brand new never before seen issues invented by Big Fanfiction. Lol)

I'm glad you have an activity that brings you joy and a space that you feel you fit into. That's important for people to have and I think we should be glad when people have that in their lives. It brings me joy that people have joy in their lives!!! It's hard to be an alive human!!! God bless stuff that makes it less hard for anyone

[transfemlogan]

plz teach me how to start writing smth /silly

i want to write a fic but idk how to start lol

-rauberrauber

I WILL TELL U MY WRITING PROCESS (BADLY EXPLAINED) @rauberrauber

STEP ONE: THE IDEA PHASE !!!

Come up w/ an idea & then write it down like. Halfassedly. Like my current fic was written down as "Logan transforms in2 a wolf on a full moon & virgil stays w/ him & makes a potion or whatever 2 keep the pain away & then he just turns in2 a dogy" (exact quote) & then was added onto 2 make my outline

This is my current outline (censored just so you guys dont. Get spoiled 4 everything that happens in the fic HEHDKDN) its just a lot of like rambling, trying 2 get everything in ordsr

REVYS TIP: MAKE SURE YOU ARE DAY DREAMING ABOUT YOUR IDEA NONSTOP. /silly whenever I try to write something when I haven't thought about how it'll go while I'm doing a chore or listening to music or falling asleep, the idea will never ever come out bcuz I have no idea what I'm even trying to do.

STEP TWO: THE PLANNING PHASE !!

Start planning ! I use Notion 2 organise everything, but i used 2 use my notes app 4 the longest time (& sometimes still do if I am too lazy to open my computer).

I write down a basic summary of my plot, how many chapters there are if its a chaptered fic, the characters & relationships, a timeline if its needed, a to-do list (ex. Research [insert thing], give the characters last names, create the timeline, etc), a list of what I need 2 research (& then keeping track of everything I research), title ideas, world building, etc etc

My planning phase is like... A Lot of work bcuz i really like to plan! It is my favourite part of any creative work i do, bcuz there is something wrong w/ me /j /silly.

This is sort of what my notion page looks like for "To The Tune Of Your Death". I also have a page for character info, like pronouns & ages & genders & races & relationships w/ each other, & two separate timelines with exact years and days (bcuz it is very much needed 4 this entire au). One for the main fic timeline (like when Janus dies and when Logan and Virgil start dating) AND one for background information (like their parents divorces, bcuz it unforrunately relates to the fic)

REVYS TIP: DO NOT GET SCARED BY HOW MUCH PLANNING I DO. it is entirely a me thing. I have yet to meet anyone who plans as much as I do & enjoys it like I do.

STEP THREE: THE WRITING PHASE !!

Note: the writing & planning phase overlay each other A Lot. You are going to start writing & then pause 2 keep planning or u will be planning & realise you need to start writing to Continue to plan. This is very normal, esp if ur researching for a disability or a race— you will not do research One Time & know everything immediately.

START WRITING!!! I always have like 7-10 drafts & I'm usually rewriting as I write. I use CalmyWriter to write on my computer and then I transfer it to discord so I can have it on my phone. I also use my notes apps a lot of the time! Bcuz its easy to just write on my phone anywhere than wait 2 use my laptop. I avoid google docs, simply bcuz i absolutely hate google docs (& it usually lags real bad 4 me)

(I do however transfer everything to google docs once I am done, bcuz i like 2 share my fics w/ ppl who want 2 beta!)

When I start my first draft (which u will always have a first draft) I am not at all focused on grammar, spelling, or "good writing", I'm focused on getting the idea down & the basic flow of events & following my outline (unless it needs to be revised). Literally my first drafts are so awful & thats the point.

Its usually very like (example): Virgil walked to the store and he bought this. [Insert what he bought as it relates to what he will be doing later] logan said hi to him he is blushing & gay. They arw talking. [Skip kissing scene] janus dies yayyy yippee

Thats what my 1st drafts r like. & then either once I am done, or while I am writing, I'll start revising. I will go back and rewrite scenes or add scenes in or move stuff around. Sometimes I have my 1st draft side by side with my revision & sometimes I go off memory

& once I am done w/ my revision... I do it all over again. & then again. & then I keep doing that until its finished.

I always keep my sketchbook & a pen/pencil by me while I am writing, incase I need to make a quick note of something for later or if I need to sketch out a layout of somehing (for example, I stopped to layout Virgil's witchcraft/office room while writing tge analogical fic)

STEP FOUR: UM. THE REST... OF IT ALL PHASE !!

I title my fic (if it hasnt been titled already), I create a summary for AO3, I send it out for my friends who want to beta, I reread it like 50 times & go "wow I am so good at writing", I create drafts on tumblr & ao3 and make sure its tagged correctly & the correct ppl r @ ed if i had a taglist of some sort etc etc

Any of my fics (or art) that you see get posted, were 100% in my drafts for like 3 hrs b4 they were posted bcuz i kept going through it and making sure everything is good (esp bcuz i cross post on tumblr & ao3)

& that is... pretty much my entire writing process broken down.

I think one of the scariest parts of starting to write for me personally was the first draft part. I always felt like it needed to be good IMMEDIATELY or else i wasnt being a "good writer". But most, if not all, writers dont start off "writing good", they start off with a shitty rough draft. & then keep revising & rewriting.

The best advice i have ever seen was "just start it", bcuz if ur so caught up on writing well, nothing will ever get done. Just GO START IT RIGHT NOW GO QUICKLY RUN!!!!!! RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!! WRITE !!!!!!!!

[seriouslysam8]

Listen, I wrote you how much I loved your Ron, but then my phone decided to make a sudden update and my essay was deleted 🥹

So this is my second attempt and this is not going to be as emotional as the first and not as so long as the first, but still appreciative(hopefully)

I came here after reading both MIT and Petrichor and I love it.

I love your Ron so much.

So many Fic writer just bash him or write him so flat and without any spice. His personality is just

✨eating✨

Thats it. That’s his personality in all those pro! Weasley fiction.

You are just one of thousands that give Ron his real character a chance in the fanfiction world. Not only did Movie!Hermione stole all his great lines and great personality, but Queen Fanon! Hermione is written as if she was the best best friend of Harry. (i love Canon!Hermione too ngl, but she is not… yk my fav. She comes after Luna and Ginny for sure).

When I read Harry Potter I was 11 and finished it when I was 13. And from Book 1 was Ron my fav after Harry. I loved Ron so much and just wished I had a friend like him! And then I discovered there were the movies and… I hated Movie!Ron so desperately. It was so tragic what they did to him. (i hope HBO doesn’t ruin Ron and Harry again😭WB did them dirty) But the fanfiction world sadly hates Ron or doesn’t care about him.

So reading MIT was-

It was so great Sam, I could cry!

So a big

Thank you!

I love your Ron, because he reminds me of our Canon!Ron. Ron that fights for and with his friends, who is there for his best mate, who tries everything to make Harry feel comfortable. Who shared his family with Harry and always saw him as a brother. Who loved him desperately, so that GOF felt like that not only Harry was hurting, but Ron was also dying inside every second without Harry

I found Brontide, while searching for a Potter Family Centric fiction (and I feel the anon before me- I needed to skip a lot of weird stuff there) and I just didn’t expect just a wonderful Hinny fiction but also a wonderful Bromance between Harry and Ron. (And George)

Thank you, for writing those stories! They were wholesome! Fantastic! And just perfect!!!

Pls just take and accept my love

❤️❤️❤️

🥰🥰🥰🥰

You make me want to ugly cry because you are so sweet!

Book Ron is one of my favorite characters. He had one bad jealousy moment in GOF at fourteen but he was a stellar friend every other single fucking moment. (Yes, he left in DH but that was the Horcrux, not Ron). Everyone has a bad moment or two.

But Ron made sure Harry had Christmas presents. He worries about Harry at the Dursleys to the point he convinced enlisted Fred and George to steal their dad’s fucking car to rescue him. He was there time and time and fucking time again for Harry. They were BROTHERS in every single sense of the word that matters. They are the best platonic soul mates fucking out there. Ron is to Harry what James was to Sirius. Hands fucking down.

Ron was butchered in the fucking movies. You’re right, Hermione took on not only the Hermione role but also the Ron role. She was shoved in as the best friend (which she wasn’t) and she stole all of Ron’s amazing lines. Fuck Hermione. Honestly.

I am so glad you enjoy my Ron. Because I love me some Ron from his love for Harry, to his bickering yet heartwarming relationship with Ginny, to his hilarious personality, to underrated street smarts, to how fucking strategic he is.

People say Harry couldn’t have done it without Hermione. Fucking bullshit. Harry and Ron prices they didn’t need her in COS while she was petrified. Harry couldn’t have done it without Ron. Ron grounded him and the two worked amazing together.

I love their bromance. Hands down.

[joshriku]

here's another cherik fic rec for @vvivacious101 enjoy :)

same as last time, no sad endings here :sob: i like my happy stories

Frühjahrsputz by acetamide: half of my bookmarks are days of future past related when it comes to cherik movies and this is so. oh my god. it's about the healing. about cleaning. about cutting your hair. about healing and coming together once more. it's SO MUCH .

the recklessness of water by pocky_slash: i reread this this morning. and it made me go insane AGAIN. LIKE IMAGINE IF READING A FIC WAS LIKE DRINKING WARM TEA. THATS HOW IT FEELS LIKE

be so good by significantowl: this one's an au but *pointing at the chronic pain* HOLY SHIT !!!!! SO GOOD!!!!! i was reading this like hes just like me fr....except i dont have a sexy boyfriend who takes care of me but hwatever! ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!!

the beginning of knowledge by cymbalism: oh my god this fucks so hard SORRY IT JUST DOES. THE TENSIONNN. THE CHARACTER WRITING. THE ENDING? HOLY SHIT. YEAH. THE ASSIGNMENT WAS SO UNDERSTOOD

the world outside was hungry by tzigane, zaganthi: THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST INSANE FIC EVER WRITTEN LIKE I GAINED THE WORST MENTAL ILLNESS I COULD GAIN FROM THIS I WAS SO STRESSED AND ALSO SO GIDDY AND ALSO SO IN LOVE AND ALSO SO DEEPLY SAD I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO READ THIS FIC like some other day i go and reread my favorite fics and im like ok. sits down. pukes. cries. passes out etc. fuck it's SO good it's SO SO GOOD.

to those who wait by unforgotten: i love old men cherik so jot that down and this is so fucking perfect i think the way op writes charles and his bewilderment is so fucking perfecttttt LOL AND ! IT HAS LUNA IN IT. LIKE. OH my god if there's something that gets me worse than erik with his children it's erik with his GRANDCHILDREN it's so rare and in-between to find it but ohhjh myg oddddddddD

inertia by nekare: there's a part where it actually made me put down my phone and be like holy fucking shit. it's so good

westchester, redux by daymarket: i LOVE character studying i LOVE talks about grief i LOVE when it feels like im poutting them under a microscope and analyzing them its os fucking CRAZY

all you think of lately by annejumps: im just saying. the most character development erik can get in fics is if he bottoms one time. SORRY. ITS TRUE THOUGH.

close enemies by andraste: i fucking love TAS cherik. the savage land episodes are so insane to watch even though it's so like. short. and this fic delivers the tension AND the insanity AND writes erik exactly like in the show. sorry for reccing a fic that's 21 years old but in my defense it goes so hard

one night in westchester by brotherfromanothermother: LISTEN I THINK CHERIK TAS ARE JUST REALLY FUNNY. this is a very funny fic. i love it.

smoke and mirrors by sotano: i think about this fic more than i think about how i should be working on my thesis. which is a lot. very often. all the time, even

each day starts white by kianspo: ACTUAL insanity. holy shit. had me going YESSSS EXACTLY like every fucking second htat passed. I absolutely LOVED it

so good. i love these fics so bad!!!!!!!!

[ghostmacandcheese]

*quick authors note before we begin*

(Hello! I hope you like this fanfic. It’s going to be six chapters, that way i can put a good amount of detail into the story. It isn’t a Y/N reader, as the main character does have a name, and if it seems strange or annoying the way the conversations flow or the way things are described, sorry, thats just how i think and react to things. While most of the stuff in this is false, obviously, there will be a note at the end of each chapter letting you guys know what was actually real from personal experiences! Hope you all enjoy, i know i had a lot of fun writing this! Also, there’s parts where it seems like the character is talking to herself, and thats because she is, and i had it written in italics originally to differentiate, but tumblr didn’t like that so now you have to figure it out yourself, sorry.)

Summery: you meet Steven in the museum gift shop and become fast friends, and maybe something even more!

Pairing: just Steven x female reader

Warnings: some swearing, being the family disappointment, sleep disorders

Genre: fluff, meet-cute, friends to lovers

Heaven help the fools chapter 1

Chapter 1: strange strangers

I walked up to the gift shop counter of the British Museum, clutching a metal puzzle pyramid, a book on the curse of King Tut, and a plush Taweret, the hippo goddess. The man behind the register looks on the verge of passing out, his eyes barely open, lips slightly parted, curly hair messily resting on his forehead. As I stand there, unsure of what to do now that I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know I'm even standing there, I look at him more closely. He’s got lovely cheekbones and a great facial structure. I'm tempted to pull out my phone to take a reference photo. He’d make a great portrait. Those eyelashes and brows are stunning.

I find myself staring at him, my critical artist's eye going into a frenzy at this absolutely beautiful man standing before me.It takes a second to realize he’s now fully conscious and staring back at me, a quiet curiosity playing in his eyes. Wow, his eyes. They’re so soft. They have such warmth in them like they’re staring into me. Wait… staring-h-he’s awake!! Shit! He just saw me staring at him! Quick, think!

“H-hi! I…um, I didn’t mean to stare, I just… wasn’t sure if you were awake?” God, even I could tell what a terrible lie that was. I really need to stop staring at beautiful people.

“Oh, it's ok. I just feel bad I didn’t know you were there. I've been noddin off all day, haven’t gotten a wink of sleep in the last month, don't know why.” He chuckled to himself, cheeks slightly pink. Hmmm. He gets embarrassed easily. Adorable.

I didn’t really know what to say, so I just stood there, shifting from foot to foot, waiting for him to ring up my items so I could leave and then promptly die from embarrassment. It took me a minute to realize why he was still staring at me until I looked down and saw I had all my stuff still in my arms. Why? Why today of all days do I decide to act like a complete fool? And why is it always in front of men that are totally my type? Can I, for just once, get it together, please? I feel my cheeks turn bright red, and I get even more embarrassed, turning an even brighter red.

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to forget to put my things up, I just forgot I was holding them, heh.” You figured he wouldn’t believe you, and just nod along like most people, because how could someone forget they were holding something they just went to pay for? I mean-

“No, it's alright, the other day I had a terrible nightmare and jumped out of bed, forgetting I had my leg restraint on and ended up falling right on my face. My nose was purple for days.” He chuckled to himself again, and then we both sat there in silence for a minute or two, letting that sentence just rest. Then he started turning bright red.

“I-i mean- heh, I don't- ehhh” he looked around frantically, looking for something, anything, to break the awkward silence left by that last statement.

“Hey, don't even think of it. I tell one of my coworkers on a regular basis how easy it would be to kill her and everyone thinks I’m a psychopath when it's really just my way of saying that I care about her, so I guess we're both weird.” I look up and smile at him, watching some of the worry leave his eyes and fill with a slight bit of humor, and a little concern.

“Besides,” I chuckle, picking at one of my nails, “it's not like I have anyone to tell your deep, dark secret to, I have no friends.” He picks up the book, hippo, and pyramid puzzle and places them in the bag, telling me my total.

“Well, I don't have any friends either, so I guess your murderous ways are safe with me as well.” He looks up at me with a small smile, and I can see a hint of mischief in his dark eyes. God, he is beautiful. I smile as I take my bag, telling him to leave the receipt. I turn to walk out, but he catches me before I take another step.

‘Wait, wait... I don't know your name!” he looks worried, like if I walk through the door, he'll never see me again. I smile at the ground, blushing slightly.

“Oh, my name's Ophelia. Ophelia Jane. a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“I-I’m steven. With a V. grant. S-steven grant.” he coughs and shuffles his feet, embarrassed.

“Well, Steven with a V, I'll see you around, ya?” I give a small wave.

“Y-yeah, I'll be seeing you I guess.” he laughs nervously and waves back at me one last time before I leave, ready to head home for the day.

I sit in the back row of the bus, only half paying attention to the stops that are made along the way. With my traveling playlist blasting in my ears, I allow my mind to wander, absentmindedly humming along to the songs playing.

As I watch the city flash by through the window, one song fades out and is replaced by the next, Snaggletooth by Vance Joy.

ah, I love this song. My mind travels through all that happened today and stops to rest on Steven. Sweet steven. I don't think I've ever met another person that I've talked to so easily. I could sit and listen to him talk forever. He's got such a gentle voice, and it's so relaxing. And his lips, he's got such a beautiful cupid's bow and great cheekbones. And that five o’clock shadow and curly, unkempt hair. It looks soft, I would love to play with it. God, I bet he smells amazing, like incense and warm sunlight and old books and coffee. Imagine hugging him? Imagine falling asleep next to him? Ooooh, imagine-SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT THIS IS OUR STOP GET OFF QUICK NOW! I quickly scramble my stuff together, muttering to myself as I get off at my stop. “Wow, pervert, you really almost just missed your stop over a man you met ONCE IN A GIFT SHOP! This isn't a freaking fanfic, get it together!” I ran across the street to my building, just missing the rain that was about to fall.

Terry, the building guy, just looked up at me as I walked in, and I hopped in the lift, getting off at the 3rd floor.

Turning to the first door on the right, I pull out my key and swing open the door to survey the kingdom that is my flat.

I flip on the light and put my bags down on my already full table in the kitchen. A crappy place to live, but it's better than nothing. I get a small cooktop, an even smaller fridge, and my incredibly cluttered table in the far right, closest to the door, and in the left corner was my bathroom, with my bed in the back, desk by the window in the back right corner, and small tv and bean bag chairs in the somewhat center of the room. “Home sweet home,” I mutter as I kick off my flats, walking over to the fish tank on my desk.

“Alright, roll call guys, I need to make sure none of you died while I was gone. Let's see here… Morticia, Sally, Lydia, my gothic girls, you’re here, Jester and Harlequin, there you are, Buttercup, got you, Sunshine, still swimming backward like a little freak, hello, and lastly, my beautiful snail queen, pearl. How are all of you? Here,” I get them a sprinkle of food. “You get your dinner, now I get to shower and grab mine.” I go to my wardrobe and grab my favorite leggings and oversized shirt, and take a steaming hot shower, ready to crash from the long day I had.

*end authors not*

And thats the end of chapter one! I hope you guys liked it, i sure had fun writing it! As promised, here are things that are real about me that i put into this story because i can.

1) those fish are my fish, those are all they’re names. They’re now tumblr famous.

2) all the music mentioned, while not much, are songs that I listen to and LOVE.

3) i do indeed threaten my coworker with her own demise, but i do it out of love, and she knows it, so its ok.

4) i do actually talk to myself like this. I find it highly amusing, so i decided to put it in. I don’t care if anyone else finds it funny or not.

5) the only reason i think steven would smell like incense is because I LOVE the smell of incense.

6) i stare at people that i think are pretty because they have aesthetically pleasing faces and want to draw them. I can’t help it.

7) i have actually had stuff in my hands and forgot it was there. I am dory in human form.

[block-swing-perry]

god i have something terrible i need opinions on. its about possible reconnecting with a friend after i sort of not willingly cut ties with her and whether or not i should reconnect

so i had this childhood friend i was very close with. we were both military kids so eventually i moved overseas and was terrible at keeping up with her and all my other friends as one does. packages and letters sent months later due to me not really realizing how much time was passing+stuff was being insane.

just before the pandemic, my mother pulled me aside and told me that my friend had written a coming out letter to me that she sent to my mom and she had in her email. i do not know how long she had it before she told me about it, but she told me that it was okay to stop being her friend because she was bi/lesbian/questioning and that i was catholic. at this time i was very much in the closet and knew i was queer and it was disheartening and scary to have my mother tell me this.

she sat me down at the computer and watched me as i read through the letter and in it my friend laid her heart out in this letter and told me that she had a crush on me at one point and a whole bunch of other stuff and also she understood if my catholic beliefs said that this was wrong. i was super scared that if i was like "omg thats totally fine with me" my mom would have sniffed me out like a hound dog so i was non reactive.

i did eventually write a letter out, and i think i disclosed that i was ace, idk, and i did have plans to mail the letter, and even went so far as to put the sealed response letter by my moms bedside stand to mail. however the pandemic hit and there was a lot of restriction on when we could go out and who was allowed in the mail room. i forgot about the letter for months and was upset but didnt show it when my mom told me she hadnt mailed the letter (this i dont think she did out of malice, my family at a whole is terrible at responding to things in a timely manner)

anyways its been about three years. i dont have her phone number but i just refound her deviant art and it was active in may of this year.

should i reach out to her? im really worried my lack of response to her might have done serious damage to her socially. but also im worried that she might have made her peace and i dont want to bother her in that case. plus i dont think i can answer elegantly why i didnt respond back to her, as i am a very....low empathetic to people i guess? i cant lie to people and i dont get emotional about things i should. a different friend has called me up before crying that she thought her boyfriend died overseas and i honestly listed out the ways she could contact or get someone to contact him and check up on him and bluntly told her that if something bad was/did happen to him she was not in a position to help because i couldn't find it in me to tell her a white lie that he was probably ok. i dont want something like that, and im afraid that if she does forgive me i might do something really insensitive like being too buddy buddy or even worse, be untimely with my responses back to her again.

[octorosi]

So- you all may not know this about me, but I love to write! So here’s a little thing I wrote,

This is written from Bianca’s POV

I’m rudely woken up by Orson and ursa, they are early birds, they enjoy the morning. Me on the other hand, haha, I would rather sleep in. I lay in bed for a wile before ursa yanks my arm, gesturing me to get up. Ursa isn’t as patient as her brother, but hey, that’s what makes ursa, ursa.

I send the cubs off to their polar scout groups, knowing I won’t see them until later in the afternoon. As I walk back to my den, my mind begins to wander, I start to think about my twin brother, as you may know by now, or you may not, I have a twin brother, their name is barnacles! I miss them sometimes, considering the fact they are leader of the Octonauts now. I’m very proud of her, Although there are some times that they scare me, once they jumped in front of a attacking shark and needed surgery. I was so worried about her, I knew if something bad happened I wouldn’t be there in time, and they would have to through it alone…To fill the time I don’t see them, I call them as much as I can, although I need to keep it to a minimum so I don’t disturb their work.

It’s now 1 in the afternoon, I’m preparing dinner for Orson, ursa, and me. All was well! I was jamming out to a happy and energetic playlist, unlike my sibling, I enjoy energetic music! Barnacles enjoys calming music or sad- but Nicki Manaj is a acceptation, they love Nicki Manaj but they refuse to admit it to anyone! I jokingly tease her about it but I make sure to let them know I’m joking.

“Ring! Ring!” My telephone begins to ring. I put down the spatula I was holding and picked up the phone. “Hello?” “Hay bia!” I smile big, it’s barnacles! “Hay! I thought you were busy today?” I ask curiously, “well! The crew told me to take a break- “ “and you listened?” I answered teasingly, “barnacles well, I didn’t want to, but I messed up my leg this morning,” my heart drops. “you…WHAT????” She laughs nervously on the other side of the phone. “Yeah, I tried to help out a shark who got his tale stuck under a rock and I accidentally dropped that heavy rock on my leg,” I shut my eyes in frustration, im mad at them, they always get themselves hurt helping others, why can’t they help them fucking selves sometimes to. “Barnacles…” I begin, “bia don’t worry about me! I’ll recover!” I’m fuming at this point. “Barnacles.” I say firmly, “PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF! I DONT NEED YOU DIEING. THATS NOT SOMETHING I WANT.” I’m angry with her, they know better, “I’m sorry bia, I know your worried, I should take better care of myself. I just don’t know how,” I now feel guilty, I know barnacles was never taught how to care about themselves, they were always taught to put themselves last, “sorry barna, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that…” “all good bia bia” they laugh on the other side of the phone.

“IS THAT UNCLE BARNACLES ON THE PHONE!!!” The cubs shout as they run through the front door. clearly hoping it’s their uncle on the phone, “yes it’s aunt barnacles, come over and say hi!” If your wondering barnacles doesn’t really care what the cubs call them, aunt, uncle, doesn’t really matter to them, the cubs snach the phone and begin to explain to barnacles how they earned todays badge. I smile softly, If there’s one thing barnacles is good at besides being a amazing captain…is being a wonderful sibling, I’m glad I have someone like them in my life. I wouldn’t trade them for the world,

[panzerkatzee]

NaNoWriMo Journal Day VIII

Good morning folks!

I just slid past creative burn out, struggling like hell to write yesterday… still managed enough words… yet, I was feeling aweful.. Sooo I did what I learned in therapy.. and had some social interaction, via the phone, while going on a very nice long walk and doing some grocery shopping.

I should probably also clean my room, but I'll get to that aaafter writing for the day~

First up.. my plan for the day… is write. Nothing fancy.. If I get stuck, I will do some fancy sorting stuff on Obsidian, in hopse to make editing easier on me later, by putting all chapters into single files and splitting them up in scenes already. Obsidian has the neat function to fold up all the text beneath a headline, so that will break it down into even more manageable pieces. Last time, the sheer volume of what I had written and what had to be edited, overwhelmed me completely.. soo lets hope this new method works.

Ahh also a nice side effect of going on the walk, is that I woke up suuuper early today and I hope, I can turn this into my new wake up time, despite liking the night, it gives me more time to enjoy the light, which is quite the challenge for me in fall anyway…

Sooo.. Song of the Day: Serj Tankian - Borders are

Why is it on my Playlist? "Fear is the cause of separation"

Serj Tankian, ex-singer (or again singer) of the Armenian/American Metalband System of a Down, uses his voice as a solo-artist, to make political statements, questioning war, the enviromental crisis, capitalism and… nationalism.

The last, comes to bear in the song I talk about today, which beside one other, is on this playlist. It's about the artificial seperation of the world. And its complimented, by a very simple yet poetic video, showing a map of the world, every country painted a different shade, seperated by black lines, signfying borders between countries. Over the course of the song, the black lines fly up towards the viewer and disappear. I love this, because the different hues remain. Which I choose to interpret as an abolishing of the actual borders, while keeping our cultural heritage. Embracing unification without sacrificing what makes a culture or nation unique.

This… is not possible, as long as people are afraid. I came to this conclusion in parts thanks to Tankians song.. and in parts through learning about different cultures, their history. Immersing myself into it, helped me to concieve how a culture or a nation has become the way it is today. And this freed me of a lot of fear and made me realise… we are all humans. Which.. sounds like a no-brainer at first… but its something, I struggled with a lot and didn't really recognise until the fear was gone.

For example: When I moved to a bigger city with a high count of people who belong to the diaspora of muslim countries, my dad told me: "Be careful, daughter, don't smart mouth them, the men will have no qualms punching you in the face or stab you and leave you for dead." Only after actually talking to people from the cultures, getting to know them, I realised it to be utter bullshit. And I also realised, my Dad didn't say this, because he wants to be a racist… or is a bad person. No he was afraid.. Because all you hear in media is how a "Muslim immigrant stabbed his sister because she was in a relationship to a German man" or "Stabbing in XYZ might me a terrorist attack" "Immigrants take your doctors appointments" Sooo much the readily accessible information for the average German in form of news and media, usually only talks about the shitty stuff… because DUH… only the negative stuff actually sells.

Soo yeah.. It still might seem like fiction at this point… but that's why I write. I hope the people, who will read my books in the future, might agree with me on that, try to learn from it and maybe attempt to challenge their own fears about other cultures. Which is what this song is about… and also it wildly anti capitalist… but thats something for another day.

In the end, go check out Serj Tankian, he's amazing and deserves more ppl, listening to and understanding his music!

As this venture into music/politics/philosophy, was quite the long write - I excluded like at least a thousand words and saved them for later-, I will skip the daily challenge today and get into writing.

Okay… I started to procastinate at 10:20.. it's 11:00 now… lets eat something and stop procastination~

Sooo a little over two hours later, I am done for the day.. energy waning already… well it has a few reasons, one being my mother wanting to meet up in an hour or so, which means, I have a minor deadline, that tells me, I have to stop soon.

Also.. I am not really feeling it right now… therefore, I am going to do some selfcare and then get started on the whole ordering of chapters thing :D And after meeting my mum... its room cleaning time... like the saying goes... tidy home tidy mind.. or what ever :D

Never cared for these pithy wisdoms.. but I came to realise, cleaning up, whilst a hated task, is actually beneficial for my well-being, despite all within me recoiling at the prospect of having to clean anything..

I end the writing day for now at 1545 words… which is still above the word goal, which by now has dropped to under 1000 per day. Whoop!