#wy's jaw is nice

[maximura]

[chocum]

WY@ !

— “even i know you ain’t no good for me, but you feel so good to me” feat. toji fushiguro & nanami kento (separate)

WARNING. you know you shouldn’t be messing with them, but fuck it feels good. femreader (she/her) v in p, dirty talk. missionary, hatefucking toj, namis ur boss, corruption kink kinda in nanamis, pervy nanami, ( 1.3k ) note. kindaaa ib wy@ by brent faiyaz mhm. thank you all for the support, hope u all enjoy bc i genuinely enjoyed writing this !!

TOJI FUSHIGURO — YOUR EX

“look at how fucking wet you are f’me baby. making a mess all over my fingers. i know you fucking miss me. cmonnn, come back to be, doll”

you’re trying so hard to mask the raw, carnal desire that pools and swirls deep in the pit of your core, refusing to stroke at his overgrown ego any further because being here, pressed up against his stupidly muscular frame after yelling hitting, and swearing to the heavens down to hell that he’d never see you again is already more than enough.

“n-no” you spit, an attempt to sound firm but it only comes out as a little whine making him erupt in laughter as he brings his dripping, slicked-up fingers— they’re glistening, covered in your mess, to your face, spreading them in front of you to make you watch how you web and coat every inch of his thick digits, “dunno why you’re tryna act all hard ‘s obvious you want me. pussy’s basically talkin’ ta me.”

“shut up and fuck me already” you never fail to bite.

“only ‘cause you asked soo nicely,” but he always bites back.

now he’s folding you over, pushing against the backs of your thighs so he can bully his thick cock into your more than welcoming pussy— he’s fucking into you like he hates you, knocking the air out of your lungs with every stroke, his pelvis brushing up against your clit because he’s soo deep, reminding you who your walls belong to.

“shiit toj’ it’s-“

“oh, now i’m toj’, hm?” he tilts his head, black hair hanging to the side, raising his pitch to mock your whiny tone. you hate him. originally you had only came over to pick up some clothes you had left when you first moved out. it all happened too quick, the argument starting over something so small, you were bound to forget some things.

you told him you were coming over to get your things; he knew. so the lack of a shirt, the towel that loosely wrapped underneath the deep cut of his v-line was no coincidence. one second you were looking through his drawers for your stuff, the next— well, now you’re getting the shit fucked out of you.

each time he drags his heavy cock against your walls stuffing your little pussy, each time he calls you his, tells you how dirty you are for him, you slowly start to forget why you broke up with him in the first place.

“playin’ tug a war with my, dick baby. shits so tight fuuuuck, nobody been in it since me, huh?”

you shake your head against the sheets, your resolve now dry and gone thanks to his cock pressing your sweet spot over and over and over, moans flowing past your slack jaw, “no. no one”

“good fucking girl. you know nobody can fuck you like i do. who pussy is this?” he’s grunting out straight filth and he’s got that stupid smirk on his face, teeth flashing underneath the characteristic scar.

but you don’t want to give into him— fighting till the end, so you mumble a “yours” your head falling to the side to avoid his dark eyes, opting to stare at the blank walls that have heard your scream for him time and time again.

but he stops, fully plugging you up, making your body tense and keen. “can’t hear you, doll?”

you truly do hate him, “‘m not movin’ till you answer my question. you can lay there and warm my cock all night, ‘s fine by me.” with every fiber in your being.

but still, you whine out a desperate “‘s yours” a little louder, heat spreading and scorching every inch of your body like waves of molten lava. because you need it. so bare and exposed for him, so vulnerable.

“who?”

“your’s toji! your pussy, all yours!”

he loves breaking you down like this, pounding you to a pulp, leaving you so small and empty underneath him to pick up and glue back together.

“there you go” he hums, “wasn’t so hard was it?” before rocking against you again, finally, finally scratching that itch so deep in your cunt only he can reach it. he knows it and with how you keep coming back, he knows you know it, too.

KENTO NANAMI — YOUR BOSS

mr. nanami, or kento as he repeatedly encourages you to call him with a sweet honeyed smile, has a thing for the cute, bright-eyed new girls that come into the office. he’ll fuck em a few times, dump out his warm cum, empty his balls then move onto the next.

but with you, it was different.

you didn’t stumble into his office as hurriedly as the others, didn’t pick up on the subtle hints he would drop, brushing his hand against your shoulder, grazing your blouse or squeezing your arm with his large hands, reassuring you when worried about your workload like a good boss should.

but you never got it. and it made him want you even more.

so he decided to make it painstakingly obvious. saying he needed you to stay later than everyone else that night to fill out some very important paperwork you missed when you were first hired.

walking into his office .. felt different, he felt different. its dark and most importantly, his desk is empty, not a single sheet of “important paperwork” in sight on the brownish wood that raises and decorates his modernly adorned office.

“sir?” you chime, grabbing his attention because he was lost in thought, adjusting himself against his black office chair with a grunt.

he smiles at you, sweetly, to hide his hunger. like a big bad wolf in sheep’s clothing “yes, come in. over here. next to me”

you shuffle over to where he sits, his back to the tall windows that loom and overlook the city, perched up on the top floor.

“come sit” he’s humming, patting at the large bulge in his lap making you gulp. but you obey with a shaky, “o-ok”

he’s your boss after all.

you sit, your thighs opening, spread for him on either side of his, making your tight pencil skirt rise and bunch up around your ass. his hands move to map your now exposed upper thighs, a smile growing on his lips.

“you’re such a hard worker. always turning in high-quality work. on time, too. i wanted to give you a reward.”

he moves higher, higher, and oh.

you’re not wearing any panties.

.. which is odd because he peaked earlier when you were bending over to pick up some dropped papers— could'nt help his curious eyes, and he could’ve sworn you had on cute little thong. yellow. his favorite. did you take them off? just for him? fuck, you know exactly how to drive him crazy, maybe you weren’t so innocent after all.

“would you like that?” he pulls you in closer, your bare cunt now flushed against his unfortunately clothed cock, drooling onto the cottony fabric of his dress pants.

and you smile, “i’d like anything you give me, kento.”

the way you say his name goes straight to his dick. twitching against you as he unbuckles his pants, the sound of metal clacking filling your ears and making you squirm against him, your pussy clenching around nothing needy for his thick cock.

he barely pushes them down, just enough to let his cock spring out, hissing when you move forward to press your sloppy, messy cunt against him. then he groans, grabbing at the back of your neck underneath your hair to make you watch as he slides in, forcing his cock past your puffy lips into your tight little hole.

you’re already hooked on the stretch. your jaw slacking open at how he fills you all the way up. your perv of a boss, slicking your walls with his precum.

“how — fuck, how long have you wanted to fuck me, hm?”

you press your hand against his chest, using it as leverage to roll and rock your hips against him.

“since i first laid my eyes on you, sweetheart”

[stiricidewrites]

The Damage You Do: ch 23, pt 16

wwx's one brain cell is working hard man

CW: references to the spank and the CNC scene in the woods

This is the end of this chapter~ I'm busy tomorrow, so I'll be back with the next update Tuesday! Enjoy the starts of your weeks!

Previously

~

“wy,” lwj said sternly, one of his hands drawing up to wwx's jaw to force him to meet his gaze. “If you feel uncomfortable, you must tell me. It is normal for needs and wants to shift between moments and partners. Especially with having so little experience, you may have thought you would enjoy something, but actually dislike it in real life.”

wwx blinked blankly back at his dom, wondering what in the world he was talking about. “I’m not uncomfortable, Mr. Lan.” He wasn’t. Yes, the slap had taken him off guard and shaken him a bit, but wasn’t that part of the point of all this? Heavens knew that being fake r*ped in the woods the day before had shaken him—partially because he hadn’t actually realized he would be that into that sort of thing, partially because it had been scary at times. Watching the world fade as lwj choked him? Feeling a cock forced inside him while he begged for mercy? That had all been so much. It had all been overwhelming and wonderful.

Why should he be concerned about being afraid of a little spanking? That was just a different flavour of fear and pain, which he knew his dom enjoyed inflicting on his subs. Plus, lwj would be there to care for him when it was all over, and that part was always nice.

lwj didn’t exactly look convinced, although he didn’t look completely non-believing either—more aware that wwx wasn’t saying something. It didn’t feel like he needed to say anything more, though. lwj liked surprises, wwx was sure. The man would probably enjoy learning about his fear of spanking another time, right?

“I promise I’ll try to sass you less, Lan-Laoshi~” wwx teased, pushing himself back into his dom. This was ruining the mood, and that was no good. Time to pivot.

lwj’s fingers traced the edge of wwx’s jaw, a lovely shudder running through him at the soft, tickling touch. “I’m sure wy will try his best to make this teacher happy,” the man said, easily moving into the flow of wwx’s scene. “If not…”

He dragged his fingers over the spot he had slapped, and wwx bit his lip, trying not to pull away as his stomach clenched. This was fine. This was so totally fine. Just a different flavour of pain, a different level of fear. Nothing to worry about.

“If not,” his dom continued, fingers tugging at the bottom of wwx’s too short bottoms, “I’m sure wy can find a way to convince me to pass him.”

wwx fought down a giggle at the change in the moment, from dom showing off his skills while he watched his sub fall over, to pervy yoga instructor and insolent, incompetent pupil. “Of course, Lan-Laoshi~” he cooed, smile turning teasing and coy—he had practised smiling at himself in the mirror last night, so he now knew looked very enticing when he wanted. “This student will endeavour to please Lan-Laoshi however he can.”

[dougrobyngoold]

Cirque of the Towers Loop - Wind River Range, WY

Doug, Tom, and I headed out the afternoon of the 14th, looking for a camping spot for the night near the trailhead and to meet up with Terry and Judith (friends coming in from the Denver area to join us for our backpacking trip). They arrived safely and we had a beautiful evening together in the shadows of the Wind River Range.

Myself, Tom, Doug, Judith, and Terry ready to begin our 24.5-mile, 2 nights/3 days, backpacking trip into the Cirque of the Towers on the morning of the 15th.

After a short climb, we arrived at this beautiful meadow. Not to mention spectacular views of the Wind River Range in the distance.

The day was cloudy, but it was perfect hiking weather. Not so great for pictures, but we enjoyed the cooler temps and the blooming wildflowers.

We are making progress toward to granite faces in the distance, but the clouds are getting darker and more ominous....

The skies opened up and we all found trees to hunker under until the worst of it had passed. So happy for my rain gear, and as we descended down into the valley, I was even happier about having a face net. The mosquitoes were unbelievable and hungry!

We continued down the valley, the weather continued to look threatening, but we were easily distracted by the spectacular gray formations in front of us. We started to look for a place to camp, hoping to get our tents set up before it started to rain again. Unfortunately, it started to pour. We tried to wait it out, but after 45 minutes we were getting colder and wetter and the temperatures were dropping. We scurried out into the rain and set up our tents. Doug and I changed into dry clothes and climbed inside our sleeping bags, trying to warm up and dry out before the temperatures dropped anymore. Tom had started a fire and the 3 of them were trying to dry their clothes out, while we huddled inside our tent! We finally emerged and enjoyed the heat from the fire, made some dinner, and then surrendering to the cold and darkness we all went to sleep.

The next morning, we awoke to sunshine and warmer temperatures. We spread everything out in the sun, trying to get it dry before we had to pack up. What an incredible view we had from our campsite. Today we are climbing over Texas Pass, a short, but steep ascent into Cirque of the Towers.

Leaving camp we hiked past several lakes, all offering picturesque views of the backside of Cirque of the Towers, as we made our way toward Texas Pass.

I didn’t take any pictures on my climb up Texas Pass, I was too busy trying to control my breathing and heart rate! I definitely wasn’t the first person to the top of the pass, but I made it. What a rocky, steep ascent - I was so happy to reach the top.

As I crested the top of Texas Pass, all complaints about the hike up disappeared as the Cirque of the Towers spread out in front of me. Breathtaking!

After spending quite a bit of time taking in the views and lots of photos, we began the southern descent off Texas Pass. This was really steep and long, not a whole lot of switchbacks, more like “S” shaped sharp turns and loose dirt. We were glad to get down that surface with no injuries.

We found a spot to camp and enjoyed the sun and views. We built a nice fire and had a lovely evening under the massive gray mountains. The next morning we packed up early and were able to get a few sunrise and reflective photos before heading over Jackass Pass.

The climb up Jackass Pass was much easier than Texas Pass, but I was still glad when we reached the summit. It was hard to know which way to look, the scenery was jaw-dropping in every direction.

Looking back to the north, as we climbed over Jackass Pass, with Texas Pass in the distance. 

Looking southward from the top of Jackass Pass.

Summit of Jackass Pass.

Looking northward from Jackass Pass.

The view southward as we began our descent from Jackass Pass. The spire on the right side of the photo had rock climbers on it when we went by.

Doug and Tom documenting reaching 900 miles on the CDT, which this 24.5 mile loop was part of.

What a fantastic backpacking trip this was. I would highly recommend this loop, in spite of the fact that it was crowded, it was some of the most beautiful scenery we have seen in our travels. So happy to do this bucket-list item with Terry, Judith, and Tom. It was also a great way to end Doug and Tom’s CDT experience (More on that in the next entry). We ended the entire adventure with dinner and a couple of cold brews at Wind River Brewing Company.

[weiying-lanzhan-fics]

hold me fast, fear me not by cicer

Nice story. LZ is WY’s rock and WY is devoted.

Quotes:

If you fail to placate the Patriarch with an offering, legend said, he will tear out your beating heart. You will become a foot-soldier in his army of corpses, and you will belong to him forever.

Such talk was common among credulous peasants, and it was embarrassing for cultivators to heed these rumors. But Lan Wangji loved his brother, so he took the box and opened it. Within, he found his mother's favorite hairpin. Their father had given it to her on their wedding day. In every one of Lan Wangji's memories, his mother wore this hairpin.

He would surrender one of his limbs before he gave this away. But he merely nodded to his brother. He placed the box into his travel bag.

————

By midwinter—three months from his visit to the forest—Lan Wangji could deny it no longer. One morning, he rose early. While half of Gusu was still asleep, he uncovered the mirror in his bed-chamber. He parted his sleeping robes and took a careful look.

In the winter, the sun rose late. There was only candlelight to dress by. But even the dim candlelight showed the gentle swell of his belly. Lan Wangji stared at himself for a long time. Then he swathed himself in his robes again.

For now, thick winter robes would conceal the problem. It might be another month—perhaps even two—before anyone noticed the changes in his body. Yet Lan Wangji knew he could not hide this forever. In the meantime, though, he tried to behave as he always did. 

M, 16k

Summary:

The Yiling Patriarch hummed. "You would like some of my plants?" he asked. 

A rhetorical question, of course. Lan Wangji gave him a small nod.

"I would," he said.

"I see!" The Patriarch's thumb brushed against the edge of Lan Wangji's jaw. His fingers curved around the back of Lan Wangji's neck. "But surely you are willing to pay for what you've stolen."

Lan Wangji resisted the urge to moisten his lips, but he allowed himself to swallow. The Patriarch's eyes locked onto his throat.

"What does the Patriarch ask as payment?"

(In which Wei Ying is Tam Lin, Lan Zhan is Janet, and they must both fight their way to freedom.)

[nabsthevulture]

This is the (currently not clean) skull of WY X1. Shes got a lot going on both with her skull and her teeth.

My basic assumption for everything is-

She got something, likely wiring of some sort, tangled up in and around her teeth, and in some way or another, her skull. The unnatural wear and the shape of the grooves is what makes me think wire, as it wouldve had to be durable enough to remain entangled in her mouth for the time necessary to do such intense damage.

I figure she maybe got caught up in chicken wire, or perhaps shredded snare wiring. If it was a hard enough material, it couldve slowly dug into the roof of her mouth until puncturing, or causing infection that created the hole itself.

There absolutely is some level of infection going on, as it ate through the roof of her mouth up into the maxilla and into the surrounding tooth sockets.

As for the hole above her right orbit, I wouldn't definitively say it's related to the rest, but if she did counter a face full of hard wire, some could have punctured her face. It just seems oddly isolated, but infections can spread very interestingly.

I can't imagine how uncomfortable life must've been for this poor gal. She was a pretty small coyote, despite being an adult. It wouldnt surprise me if she faced stunted growth due to malnutrition. Talk about your jaw being wired shut.

When shes done cleaning, shes going into the patho box. As much as I would love to keep her in the research bunch, shes too compromised by pathology to be a good example of the 'average'. Nonetheless! I do study my pathological yotes, and she'll be contributing to that for sure.

When shes done cleaning I'll take some nice pictures of her and show yall the scope of her weirdness.

[hozukitofu]

james bond can piss right off (pt.2)

“i’ll have you know that i am actually very disappointed in the both of you for forcing me to complete this mission and if i don’t get a hefty sum of money for it, then our friendship is momentarily suspended,” he whines into the intercom, repeatedly rigging the communication line so that every time hongjoong switches to a different radio frequency, he’s on it first and his rant is ongoing.

“one mission went awry and you suddenly have insecurity issues. really, if i knew the great WY can be shaken so easily -” hongjoong’s voice is cut off, as a sniper bullet whistles by and shatters his earpiece, all with only a pop of a trigger.

he has to do this, and then go back and chew hongjoong out later. in three languages, because he doesn’t deserve nice and eloquent.

drawing his gun, he doesn’t make a sudden movement, scanning across the rooftop to determine where the shot came from, and pulls, bullet striking something in his eleven o’clock, slamming down a shooter.

he’s sure he has more, but he doesn’t have time to shoot them all down before the mission is over, and he has to prioritise. any moment now, that politican will be walking by, unprotected by bullets, and he has to rescue him, so that whoever high up won’t end up yapping onto yeosang and him about how he lost his favourite playing piece and won’t pay them the fees he signed the contract for.

gosh it’s all a big headache. politics is a playing field he’d rather not be in, but given his line of work - he keeps finding himself winding back in it, time and time again.

“i can assure you, sir, that this election campaign will be a success -”

he hears the cocking of a gun. two o’clock.

pop! and another one incapacitated.

he scans about, surveying his landscape. yeosang thinks there should be around ten, so he’s got eight more to knock out and possibly call it a night, if everything goes according to plan.

a shadow drops down from thin air. wooyoung tries hard not to sigh.

nothing ever goes according to plan, not in this line of work.

the guy in black - wait, is that a cowboy hat - barely dodges a flying bullet, himself drawing two handheld guns from his coat and whipping about, knocking silencing shots to both sides of his extending arms.

wooyoung should leave it be. wooyoung should just shut up, focus, and move on. don’t do it. don’t do the thing, jung wooyoung.

he hears a thump! and the guy is one knee down, significantly not as much as a threat. look, they have a common enemy, they might as well combine manpower. what is that saying? your enemy’s enemy who is your enemy is a shared enemy?

there are too many enemies in that saying for it to be right. he ditches his post and shoots to his ex kidnapper, backing his six.

“funny how,” he draws a blade, deflecting a stray bullet, “we keep running, literally into each other.”

“well, we do need to go on that second date,” is the amused returning par, as the guy’s back shifts closer to him, the two of them spinning in a circle, their weapons drawn and on the offence.

“our first date was absolutely terrible,” he ditches the gun completely - his wrist still rubbish after him straining it too hard, and he’s better with a sword on his left anyway. “i want a refund.”

“i know a nice french restaurant, just a bit from here,” the masked cowboy jokes, swivelling them around, cocking his guns above and below. “let me walk you there.”

“are you going to wine and dine me with a mask on, oh mysterious spy master?” he mocks, pulling a knife from inside his belt, hurling it at an open window.

“you covered my back, so,” a decisive clang! as mystery cowboy turns to him, half hidden in the city lights’ glare, “you get a name in return.”

wooyoung shouldn’t feel as excited as he just did, but it happened, he’s still working through it, don’t judge him.

“yeah? i reckon you should just repay me by,” he leans in closer, because he and yeosang had tirelessly combed through all the footages and known photographs of people with the sketch of the eyes wooyoung staggeringly slaved over, but came up with nothing, and he’s still pissed about it. normally it worked. “taking off your mask and give me a smile.”

“i’m a hitman for hire, not a stripper for show,” an eye roll behind the mask.

“i can just,” wooyoung shrugs, pulling back, before launching himself at the figure shrouded in so many layers of mystery, intending to fully rip the damned ugly mask off, to see what’s the rest of this face is, and if it’s as pretty as the eyes.

he needs to keep a tab on those gay thoughts. they are interfering in his work. hongjoong might dock his pay if he keeps on ranting about how pretty this guy’s eyes are.

like he said, he’s rubbish at dismantling things that he hasn’t seen before, but he’s also unexpected and he is persistent. he will make it work.

so while the mask doesn’t come off completely, he glimpses a shadow of a jaw, a ghost of a dimple, pressed tight against the corner of a smoked salmon mouth - and he is lightheaded as he is knocked back on his feet, too weak to stay standing.

dear god hongjoong is going to dock his pay so much that when he’s out of it, he’ll be crying slave labour for a month.

“you and your unprecedented ways,” mystery cowboy rolls his eyes, goggles slipping to his neck. “the mask comes off on the fifth date.”

“are you showing me what’s under your coat on the fourth?” he jokes weakly, as his brain goes into overtime replaying the memory of that goddamned jaw, with those pretty pretty eyes that smile from where they are, and the stupid dimples.

yeosang needs to send him overseas so this won’t happen again and -

“how did you know?” the man gasps, pretty giggles pouring out of his throat. “maybe, i won’t give you a name this time. save it for next time.”

wooyoung’s head swims with the mention of a next time. that can’t possibly be too good for his brain. it can. not.

“not even if i beg for it?” he flutters his eyelashes, lips pursing into a pitiful pout. he’s been learning. he will get what he wants, no matter how he does it.

and also this bastard is weak for jung wooyoung, he knows that much. he’ll fold, like a house of cards.

“you play dirty, jung wooyoung,” the man, the myth, the legend - sighs, staggering lightly, smile pressing onto his mask. “maybe in our third date, i will tell -”

wooyoung feels like he’s being hit by multiple trains, all at once.

“you called me jung wooyoung,” he interrupts, stunned, pushing aside every pretense he ever held. “that’s korean. you just spoke korean, so well, to me. you’re a korean speaker.”

bet he didn’t think wooyoung would be that sharp, did he?

“you never cease to surprise me,” the guy sighs, looking above his head, “and yeah, i speak korean, but only a little, i’m not overly great at it or anything -”

“handsome guy,” wooyoung can’t help himself, okay, he’s a creature that is built up from scratch from multitudes of impulses. “won’t you let me have your name?”

it worked like a charm. the guy stutters and staggers, careening off to the side of the rooftop, and disappears from view, but wooyoung has a trained ear, next to an almost irreparably mediocre one. he definitely heard -

“san. my name’s san.”

he leans over the rooftop, across the balcony, whistling, a little bit too nefariously.

when yeosang picks him up, he has a grin on his face, almost too evil and too many teeth for it to be a nice smile.

“what’s with your face,” his friend, partner in crime, accomplice in legal misgivings, shoves a bottle of disinfectants onto his hand, glancing over him.

“i got a date ~” he singsongs. “also i promised him sleeve garters, so.”

yeosang blinks, and scoots away from him.

“i don’t want to hear about it anymore. keep that to yourself.”

(he leans over the balcony, screaming in wild abandon to the night sky -

“maybe on our third date, i’ll show you my sleeve garters, san-ssi! look forward to it ~!”)

[pandemicperipatetics]

Canada National Parks: Banff, Yoho, & More!

Lake Louise at sunrise

BANFF NATIONAL PARK

Banff National Park is an all-time favorite destination for us. The park has incredibly beautiful lakes and mountains, is close to multiple other incredible national parks (Yoho, Jasper), and has the lovely city of Banff. Banff is especially good for amazing views without much effort -- versus, say, Glacier National Park which is much better seen through its epic hikes.

The city of Banff itself looks like a European alpine village surrounded by jaw-dropping mountains, and it is a very comfortable place to stay – great food, nice and plentiful accommodations, and a shuttle that conveniently goes through town. It felt fairly similar to Jackson, WY – the billionaire-fueled resort town by Grand Teton National Park. We highly recommend staying in Banff and using it as your jumping-off point to any of the beautiful destinations in the area – we spent one night in Banff and two nights by Lake Louise and definitely preferred the former for better accommodations, food, and overall value for money.

Downtown Banff in the evening

WHAT TO DO (our favorites, starting with our most recommended)

1. Day Trip to Lake Louise (see our Lake Louise blog post for much more information)

Lake Louise at sunrise

a. What: A lovely lake that is the most famous attraction in Banff National Park, and has some wonderful hikes, teahouses nestled in the mountains, and the beautiful Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise. If you have half a day and are willing to hike about 13 miles, we REALLY recommend the teahouses hike. While you’re in the area, visit stunning Moraine Lake nearby as well!

b. Where: About 40 minutes’ drive from downtown Banff

c. What else to know:

Food and accommodation options in the Lake Louise area are limited, so it can be nice to stay in Banff for your entire trip and drive out to places like Lake Louise and Yoho National Park for day trips. This adds driving time but we think it is worth it.

Parking at Lake Louise can be very challenging – it is recommended to get there early or consider making a Banff shuttle reservation to get to and from the lake. We read somewhere that you can get your Lake Louise parking validated if you eat lunch at the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise (we read it’s best to get a reservation at the hotel as it gets crowded). That said, when we visited on the Wednesday after Labor Day, there was plenty of parking both in the morning and the afternoon, and it seemed easy to pay at one of the walk-up pay stations in the parking lot.

2. Half-Day Trip to Yoho National Park (see our Yoho blog post for more information)

Emerald Lake in the afternoon

a. What: A national park bordering Banff that has some beautiful sights, especially Emerald Lake and Takkakaw Falls, and some neat mountain hikes that allow you to see impressive glaciers, gorgeous glacial lakes, and more beautiful scenery

b. Where: About 70 minutes’ drive from downtown Banff

3. Half Day or Day sightseeing other nearby lakes and scenic areas

Johnson Lake in the afternoon

a. What: See other nearby lakes like Johnson Lake, Lake Minnewanka, etc (the list goes on). And check out lovely sites like Johnston Canyon.

Minnewanka Lake in the afternoon

4. Spend an evening in downtown Banff

Dinner in downtown Banff

a. What: The downtown area is full of shops, food, and great views

b. Why: At a minimum, you’ll probably want to eat here. There are some really delicious food options!

c. What else to know: Parking can be hard to find and is paid in most parts of town; also, driving can get very jammed (as we experienced on Labor Day). There is a free parking lot by the train station that we were told usually has spots and is about a 10 min walk from downtown. We opted to take the ROAM shuttle around as it was incredibly convenient (a day pass costs CAD$5 per person; our hotel gave us day passes for free)

5. Drive the Icefields Parkway from Banff to Jasper

Bow Lake, one of the first stops along the Icefields Parkway from Banff to Jasper

a. What: A very scenic drive 

b. Why: It has many, many glaciers, icefields, glacial lakes, and otherwise impressive scenery

c. What else to know:

Download the Gypsy Guide app audio tour ($7.99 for Icefields parkway) for narration during your drive; it will guide you to popular stops along the way.

Even if you don’t have time for the whole drive, Bow Lake and Peyto Lake are early in the drive and very worthwhile to visit. If you have more time, the Columbia Icefield is amazing – you can literally walk right up to a glacier. Just check ahead of time that things are open – Peyto Lake was unexpectedly closed during our visit!

The entire drive from Banff to Jasper takes about 3 hours on a one-lane road. When I did this previously, a car accident caused a 3+ hour delay and we waited in an extremely long line of cars on the road. Make sure you have plenty of fuel before you get started and other preparations in case you get stuck on the road (snacks, warm clothes, etc.)

6. Hike Tunnel Mountain in Banff (~3km hike roundtrip, moderate)

View of Banff from Tunnel Mountain in the afternoon

a. What: This hike is a short but steep incline up to lovely views of the city of Banff.

b. Why: The views are great, and it’s a great starter hike to see the town and get into hiking mode.

c. Where: Just a few minutes’ drive from downtown Banff

d. How: Search for Tunnel Mountain in Google Maps – you’ll drive partway up the mountain and find a small parking lot. We visited in the afternoon on Labor Day and were able to find a spot immediately.

e. What else to know: If the sun is out, it can feel really hot during the hike – especially given the continuous incline – but it is cold and windy at the top, so take a jacket! There are plenty of good views to sit amongst the rocks or on the ground and have a snack at the top.

7. Drive through Kootenay National Park 

This is a national park that happened to be on our drive from Kalispell (near Glacier National Park) to Banff. The scenic drive through the park is exceptionally beautiful – gorgeous rivers, forests, and of course the Rocky Mountains. Going-to-the-Sun Road is one of Glacier’s main attractions, and we thought this drive was at least as nice.

We didn’t have time to stop at any of the attractions and aren’t sure if they would be worth the time (at least in comparison to all the things to do in nearby Banff National Park).

Note: There is no cell phone coverage on virtually the entire drive to Kootenay!

NOTABLE STUFF WE DIDN’T DO

1.Hiking at Johnston Canyon

a.       What: There are a couple of miles of trails to a well-known waterfall and a hike to the Ink Pots (water pools) that we read are incredible

b.       Why: It’s one of the top recommended attractions in/near the town of Banff!

c.       How: Map to Johnston Canyon in Google maps; it’s located between Lake Louise and Banff

d.       What else to know: The entire canyon was closed on Labor Day; when we arrived a ranger told us there had been an accident at the site that morning. Try to check that the Canyon is going before your visit.

2. Ride the Sulphur Mountain Gondola

a.       What: An expensive gondola ride to a high viewpoint in Banff (you can get a slight discount by booking online in advance or going after 5PM)

b.       What else to know: You can alternately take a steep hike up to the viewpoint, but Google and AllTrails reviews indicate the intensity of the hike may not be worth it, especially if you can take the gondola instead. We considered doing this but didn’t have time and didn’t want to take a potentially crowded gondola during the COVID-19 pandemic. Also, I took the gondola on a previous visit to Banff and have no recollection of it, so we figured it may not be worth the price.

 WHERE TO EAT (VEGETARIAN, OF COURSE)

We’re admittedly not the most informed on this, as we only stayed in the city of Banff for one night and otherwise ate mostly simple sandwiches that we made ourselves. However, on a previous visit to Banff, I recall the food downtown being really excellent.

One place we must recommend is Nourish Café, a vegetarian café (also very vegan-friendly) that has the most incredible food. We LOVED the mushroom ravioli in coconut sauce and thought the nachos and kimchi burger were also very good. We can’t wait to return to try more of their menu items.

We also adored Saffron for Indian food – the bhindi masala was out of this world and the dal tadka was also excellent.

By Lake Louise, the food options were SUPER limited (there were like 3 places open for dinner), but we were able to get a pretty good vegan pizza one night at Timberwolf Pizza, located inside the Lake Louise Inn. We were impressed that they had vegan cheese and that the pizza tasted pretty good!

 WHERE TO STAY

Given uncertainty around whether we would be allowed to cross the international border due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we booked our accommodations on the day we entered Canada. This meant a lot of options were booked out, and we didn’t have a ton of time to do research.

Banff: We loved the Rimrock Resort Hotel. It was admittedly much more luxurious than we were expecting or aiming for. The facility is gorgeous and customer service was excellent, especially helpful with managing the COVID tests that Canadian border patrol mandated we take during our visit. The location is right by the Sulphur Mountain Gondola and is easily accessible to town via the shuttle, which stops right in front of the hotel. The only downside: it is very expensive!

Lake Louise: We would have loved to stay at the infamous Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise, but it was booked out. We stayed instead at the nearby Paradise Lodge and were decidedly not impressed for how expensive it was – next time, if not the Fairmont Chateau then we will stay in Banff and drive out to Lake Louise. Note: There is also a very famous Fairmont hotel in Banff, and there is a fun podcast episode on the National Park After Dark podcast about ghost stories in this hotel.

Camping: We didn’t have a chance to look into camping options but would have loved to try this given how scenic the whole area is. Next time!

 LOGISTICS

Crossing the Border: US >> CAN

Crossing the border wasn’t the easiest process due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We had to:

1.       Register our anticipated border crossing online (or on a Canadian app) within 72 hours of our visit, no sooner. This entailed determining approximately what time and which city we would be crossing at, which required advanced planning.

2.       Take a COVID-19 diagnostic PCR test and receive results within 72 hours of our visit. We were able to book NAAT PCR tests (promised TAT is 24 hours, ours completed in under an hour) at a Walgreens in Montana – tests were in very short supply, so we woke up early 2 days before our desired testing date to snag testing slots as soon as they were released.

3.       Provide our passports and COVID-19 vaccination cards at the border: We had to provide the physical evidence, despite having uploaded images of the cards during our registration as well.

4.       Complete a take-home COVID-19 swab within 24 hrs of arrival: The Canadian border patrol agent informed us we were randomly selected to do this, and gave us VERY detailed written instructions that warned of possible fines and imprisonment for not completing the requirements. In brief, the take-home tests were much more involved than the U.S. Labcorp Pixel take-home test: we had to book a virtual appointment with a contracted testing company and meet with their agent over Microsoft TEAMS to walk us through self-administration of the nasal swab. This required Internet (not a given in the Canadian Rockies, so we were glad to be staying in a nice hotel in Banff) AND an ability to drop off the completed swabs to FedEx or schedule a pickup (which we delegated to our wonderfully helpful hotel), and overall took about 90 minutes of our time during our ~3 day trip to the Banff area. It wasn’t our favorite use of time, but we were very impressed by the Canadian government’s logistical prowess, especially when we received our test results within 72 hours of doing the swab!

Note: Crossing the border back to the U.S. was a very different experience. All we had to do was answer a few simple questions and show our passports. No COVID due diligence whatsoever.

 Entering Canada from the U.S.

A few helpful things to know:

1.       Pause and change your vehicle’s settings to display speeds in km instead of miles. Do this in Waze as well (Google maps seemed to automatically adjust to km). This will help you to follow local speed limits.

2.       Check if your car insurance covers you in Canada. Ours (Geico) has a note on its website that it does cover you for short visits to Canada but not long-term stays (>6 months).

 Entry Fees to Canada National Parks

You can purchase an annual family pass for approximately CAD $140 or a day pass for CAD $10 per person, valid until 4PM on the following day. The pass includes admission to all Canada National Parks. We opted for day passes for 3 days (CAD $60 for the two of us), lasting us from when we stopped at the ticket booth at the entrance to Kootenay National Park (Monday around 10AM) to Thursday at 4PM. We were given a timestamped pass to tape to our car’s dashboard.

[hellsangelsheavensrejects]

The Purgatory Files: You Move Me (Into the Dark): Chapter 1

CW: Child endangerment.

When Wynonna stepped into the BBD office at the precinct at an hour far, far too early for a Saturday morning after a long, sleepless night, and set two Styrofoam cups of tar-like coffee on the conference table, she was surprised to find a very large powdered-sugar doughnut pushed at her by a certain wizard.

Wynonna peered down at the doughnut, then at Harry. “What’s this?”

Harry blinked a few times, then looked down at the doughnut with an exaggerated expression, as if to make sure it really was a doughnut. “It’s a doughnut, Wy. Unless I really need to get my eyes checked.”

A little smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and she accepted the proffered confection. “No eye exam necessary. Just wondering why the hands-on service.” She took a bite out of the doughnut and made a pleased sound, eyelashes fluttering. “Not that I’m complaining about hands-on service. I like hands to be on.” A piece of the doughnut got caught in her throat right about the time she became aware of the accidental innuendo she had made. She coughed and waved a finger for clarification. “In service, I mean.” Right. Not much better. She sighed. “Okay, yeah. Fine. Embrace the innuendo, Wynonna. Become one with the innuendo.”

Harry, the asshole, was standing there snickering at her. “Good to know you appreciate the many and varied things these hands can do.”

She had to clear her throat one more time– dammit, why did he have to look so smug? And tall? And with those gorgeous eyes and an ass that– CHRIST, Wynonna. She managed a smile, as if her brain hadn’t started mentally undressing him of its own accord a mere second and a half ago, and picked up one of the Styrofoam cups, holding it out to him. “Coffee? See, I can do hands-on service too.”

Harry waggled his eyebrows at her. “Most impressive,” he said, drawing the words out with a terrible faux-European accent as if he were a cheesy TV villain.

“You need a bad mustache if you’re going to keep doing that accent.”

He tilted his head towards the steaming cups of coffee on the table. “Two cups? All for me? Good call. I turn into a pumpkin at midnight if I don’t get my daily I.V. drip of caffeine. And believe me, you wouldn’t want that. I met a pumpkin guy once. Wasn’t fun.”

Wynonna raised an eyebrow, that look of wry amusement that showed up whenever Harry was around slipping back onto her features. She could never quite tell if he was bullshitting or not. Probably was this time, though. Seriously, a pumpkin guy? Obviously bullshitting. “Two cups, yeah. But one’s for me. A girl’s got to have a good wake up, you know.” She picked up one of the cups and offered it to him.

“Well, damn,” He said, shaking his head as he accepted the cup. “And here I thought you were just being extra generous. You know, ‘cause you like me so much.” He reached for one of the cups. “Guess one will have to do.”

“I was being generous. One cup of Nedley’s brew could pass for unlawful punishment. It’s because I care, Harry.” The words were said sarcastically, but only on the surface. Because it was true, Wynonna did care for him.

Quite a lot more than she would ever be willing to admit. Not when things seem to be going so smoothly between them. It had been nearly a month to the day when he had dropped into her life from out of the blue, and she had almost hit him with her truck. Well, she hadn’t precisely almost hit him, but she could have hit him, if she hadn’t seen him and stopped.

Of course that would be how she would meet a man. Not that there was anything between them, of course. But he was a man. And she met him. Therefore the statement was accurate.

Lifting the steaming beverage to his lips, Harry took a sip of the bitter, black liquid and grimaced at the taste. Wynonna watched him, one corner of her mouth twitching. Nedley’s coffee was… interesting, to say the least. But a look of satisfaction passed over Harry’s face, and his head tilted in a slight nod.

“I would’ve gotten you two cups,” he mumbled, clearly trying to hide his smirk behind the Styrofoam. Really, that seemed to be his default expression around her.

She took a sip of her own coffee, sans the grimace that Harry displayed.  Her own lips pulled up into an amused smile at that particular thought, dimples appearing as she did so. “Aw. That’s sweet. A little wasteful since it’s even worse cold. But sweet.”

That’s close to admitting I like him. Isn’t it?

“I’m a sweet guy,” Harry said. “I think it makes a nice contrast to this tall, dark, and dour thing I’ve got going here.” He arched a brow and gave Wynonna a studied, somewhat inscrutable look, one corner of his mouth turned up.  “I have layers. Like an onion.” A broad grin flashed across his long, angular features, and he wagged his eyebrows at her, Tom Selleck style. “You just gotta unpeel me a bit first.”

“The first two are accurate, but I can’t think of you as dour when I’ve seen you in a pair of pink sweatpants and a Celine Dion shirt–” Sometimes the lost and found of the Purgatory Sheriff’s station gave her unexpected enjoyment. “–with your cowboy boots and that jacket.”

“C’mon,” Harry complained. “You’re killin’ my grimdark superhero vibe here. I work hard on that shit.”

“What superhero talks to a skull?”

You just gotta unpeel me a bit first, she thought. I bet that wouldn’t be a bad looking sight.

The somewhat delayed replay of that statement in her mind and the thought that followed it veered towards a visual that was decidedly not that of an onion, surprising Wynonna so suddenly that she had a small coughing fit.

Harry stepped beside her and gave her a good, solid slap on the back.  “Careful there, Trouble. Coffee is for drinking, not inhaling.” A quick glance at his face told her that he was wearing an infuriatingly smug smile, and she suddenly had the uncanny certainty that he knew she’d been thinking about him and… peeling.

Heh. Asshole.

She gave one last cough before gracefully moving out of arm’s length to grab up the right case file. And to get out from under his touch. Not that it was a bad one. It wasn’t in the least.  But nothing good could come from casual touches and innuendo.

Not when they were dealing with a…something or other from hell that liked to snatch kids.

Innuendos could wait.

Missing kids couldn’t.

Harry took the folder from her and began rifling through its contents.  “So, what’ve we got? More bad juju in Purgatory?” His voice pitched to a flat, sardonic drawl. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Purgatory is pretty much saturated with bad juju,” she told him once she stopped coughing. “But this one is…” the Heir shook her head, sobering immediately. “It’s taking kids.”

All amusement deserted Harry’s expression when Wynonna divulged that particular detail. His lips compressed into a thin line and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “Kids,” he echoed. His voice was pitched low, a dangerous edge sharpening the lone syllable.

People who hurt women and children always set him off. She wasn’t sure of the reasons. Maybe he was just old fashioned, maybe he was chivalrous, or maybe, like far too many men she had encountered, he was just a chauvinist pig who hid his sexism behind a benevolent facade, but the reaction did seem to be deeply ingrained and reflexive. He took a slow, deep breath, and Wynonna knew he was trying to rein in his emotions before his magic went wild and caused a power outage– though the lights flickered erratically for a few seconds.

“Okay,” he said finally. “Give me the details.”

She perched herself on the edge of the table. “Nedley and Haught have gotten a handful of missing persons cases. In each report it’s been a kid that just…disappeared. No note, no ransom calls, no reason. Every family member in every case is revoltingly squeaky clean too.”

Harry paged through the file as Wynonna spoke, frowning at the photographs of the children with their families. Sunny photographs of ball games, days in the park, horseback riding, Christmas mornings in the snow.

The sort of childhood Wynonna knew he had been denied. She tried not to notice the sadness in his eyes as he perused the photos, but she did anyway. Was he wishing he’d had what they’d had? Or was he just hoping that they had been happy while they had been alive to experience that?

“Seven kids,” he mused. “All firstborn.”

“There some occult significance to that number?” a new voice from the doorway asked in a rumbling baritone.

Harry glanced up and nodded curtly. “Dolls.”

The Deputy Marshall didn’t nod in return, but eyed Harry carefully before stepping into the room. “Dresden.” Dolls turned his head, and he did nod to Wynonna, his expression softening minutely as he did so, and there may have even been a hint of a smile touching the grim line of his mouth. “Earp.”

Wynonna smiled reflexively, greeting Dolls with a nod in return. Her gaze moved from a just-arrived Dolls then to Harry.

A muscle twitching in his jaw, Harry studiously continued flipping through the file, eyes flitting through the notes, letting the question hang in the air for a few seconds more than was probably strictly necessary. You could taste the sudden overabundance of testosterone in the air. Jesus. We seriously don’t have time for this, she thought.

She rolled her eyes and pushed off the table, moving from between the two to where she’d set down her coffee.

“Now that we’ve got a refresher on last names could we cut the intense looks and concentrate on this?” The word this was punctuated by Wynonna holding up the flyer of a little girl that couldn’t have been more than twelve. Though it was not an exact mirror of the incident when the seven (another seven, unlucky number) revenants invaded the Earp Homestead all those years ago, it still tore at that raw, never healing wound that was Willa’s disappearance and death.

“We’ve got missing kids, a whole lot of things coming up unlucky seven, and we’re in the Ghost River Triangle. Thanks to what Harry just said, I don’t think that’s a coincidence. And I really don’t want an apocalypse because I just got these boots last week so let’s do what we do best.”

To their credit, both men looked suitably chastised. They exchanged the briefest of glances, and then set to work.

“You could say there’s some significance, yeah,” the wizard said finally. “Just a bit. It’s vitally important in Biblical numerology. The number of spiritual perfection. Or… completion. The seven days of creation. Resting on the seventh day. Sacrificial animals had to be seven days old. Seven stems on the original menorah. Seven days of atonement for the altar. List goes on and on. It’s big mojo in Bibleland.” He flicked his eyes up at Dolls, then to Wynonna, lingering on her for a few seconds before dropping his gaze back down to the file. “Also linked to the Apocalypse. Seven seals. Seven trumpets. Seven bowls of wrath. Seven partridges in seven pear trees.”

Wynonna frowned; the detail about each child being a firstborn wasn’t something she’d thought about taking note of. Which was a little ironic, all things considered. She held a copy of the MISSING flyer for the most recent case, willing herself to think of any other details she could have possibly missed.

When she couldn’t she sighed heavily, shaking her head at herself. She should have noticed something. Anything. Then, “We need to figure out how they’re all connected. It’s Purgatory. There has to be some sort of common thread… ”

Harry frowned deeply, his brow furrowing in concentration. “Purgatory. Hm. Small town. Limited number of people. Limited options for… procreation.”

“Yeah, yeah. Limited dating options. Preaching to the choir here.”

Harry looked at Wynonna. “How many people in this town are related, even distantly? What major family lines live here?”

Wynonna made a face at Harry’s question. “I never tracked it but there’s probably a shitton. Us, definitely.” She veered away from the fact that the Earp firstborn was already dead. No use lingering there. “Cryderman. Hardy…It’s a tangled web.”

“Okay. First things first. I’m going to do a tracking spell, but I need something connected with the kids. Biological material is better– hair, fingernail clippings, things like that. Dolls, you’re the one who’s been interacting with the families so far. Can you get hold of those things?”

The Deputy Marshal narrowed his eyes at Harry, but after a moment he gave a curt, silent nod. Harry returned with a nod of his own and turned to Wynonna.

“Wy, while he’s doing that, let’s go look for family connections. Bloodline connections. Would that sort of thing be catalogued in the library?” He arched an eyebrow. “There is a library in Purgatory, isn’t there?”

Dolls saved Wynonna from responding how she wanted to by answering Harry before she could. “Yes. Should hold the genealogical records.” He levelled his eyes on Harry. “What’re you thinking?”

“Working on the details. But if there’s a connection in the bloodline, that’s probably the deciding factor.” He looked up from where he had been scanning the police reports. “These reports have been sanitized. I’ve seen it before. Something weird or unexplainable shows up in a case, it gets glossed over. BBD isn’t going to grab up some random child kidnapping case; you’re on this for a reason. What’s being withheld here?”

Wynonna shrugged a shoulder as she reached out for the papers that they’d just been going through. The sanitization was still somewhat out of her purview. Her gaze joined Harry’s as it moved towards Dolls.

The BBD Deputy Marshal folded his arms across his chest, eyes never really shifting away from their ‘Occult Consultant’–A slightly ironic moniker considering the fact that the whole division itself was occult based. He obviously still didn’t trust him. “It’s not the first case of first born children being taken. Overall.”

Harry arched an eyebrow. “Oh? Do tell.”

“We have cases dating all the way back to the nineteenth century. Usually just one or two at a time, all firstborn. A lot of the victims were related to the kids that were taken recently. Some distantly. Some directly.” The Deputy Marshall eyed Harry’s pentacle. “All of them were taken round about this time of year. Mid to late October. I understand that’s a pretty important time for you… people.”

The subtle barb– or accusation?– in Dolls’ words elicited a slight narrowing of Harry’s eyes, but nothing more. Wynonna drew a longsuffering breath and willed herself to keep from rolling her eyes at the two men. “Samhain. October 31,” Harry said. “It’s a time when the barriers between worlds are practically nonexistent. Good time for raising things that have no business being raised. I’d be interested in the local folklore surrounding Halloween– ghost stories, cryptids, weird phenomena in the sky, weather anomalies, things like that. If they were raising something, there were bound to be omens and incidents.” He glanced down at the photos still in his hand. When he spoke again, his voice was low and hard. “Did they ever find any of the kids?”

“There’s not exactly a difference between Halloween in Purgatory and…every other day in Purgatory,” Wynonna pointed out. “If there has been shit going down it was pretty under the radar until now.” So what changed?

Dolls’ subtle suspicion dropped a level or two. He stayed silent a beat before shaking his head. “Not alive. Not in one piece.”

“Right,” Harry said. “Then I suggest we get cracking on this. Wynonna, you and I can hit the library and see what bloodline connections we can find. You know more about the locals than I do, so you can watch for anything that could be relevant while we do our digging. Dolls, after you collect the samples from the families, you take the historic and paranormal angles– folklore, unexplained sightings, weird history, that kind of thing. And dig up those old case files. We’ll meet up back here tonight to compare notes and draw up the next step.”

Dolls listened to Harry’s whole spiel with raised eyebrows, then said, “Funny. I don’t recall you having rank over me, Dresden.”

“Hell’s bells.” Harry passed a hand over his face. “Can we just get past this pissing contest for five minutes so we can work together and find these kids while they might still be alive to find?”

“Who’s pissing? All I’m saying is that your credentials are… questionable. You show up out of the blue, conveniently a supposed partial amnesiac, insinuate yourself into our cases, and claim to be an expert in all things occult while calling yourself a ‘wizard,’ of all things. Yeah, you’ve proven that you have some kind of paranormal abilities, but you’ve given no solid indication as to where those abilities come from, how they work, or if they’re a threat to us, beyond just your word, which means all of nothing to me without evidence. So let’s get one thing straight, right now, Dresden. You’re here to work for us, not the other way around. That clear?”

Harry returned Dolls’ glare, but he nodded. “Crystal.” He couldn’t blame the guy, really. He’d be just as suspicious if the roles were reversed.

“Good,” Dolls said with a nod. “Earp, escort Dresden to the library and look through what records you can get your hands on.” The unspoken order to keep an eye on Harry was still clear. “I’ll reach out to contacts and see what I can come up with.”

Wynonna counted to ten in her head, wondering how the hell she’d become the most mature out of the three people in the room. Like that’s not a scary thought alone.

“Got it. Musty paper archeology. She canted her head slightly, a touch of annoyance on her features. “You’re getting dinner tonight,” the Heir informed Dolls as she walked out of the room.

[nightmare-afton-cosplay]

Bizarre Beverly Hills Estate Owned by Dr. Phil Is the Week’s Most Popular Home

realtor.com

Last week famed TV interventionist Dr. Phil McGraw decided to part with a home he owns in Beverly Hills, CA. And while a notable name selling a pricey property in SoCal isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, it was the home’s daring decor that caught us all a little off guard.

It’s the mansion where the rocker son of the syndicated TV star was living, and it was outfitted to resemble a Tim Burton fever dream, complete with custom artwork, bizarre vine-covered staircase, and, perhaps most puzzlingly, a wall of firearms displayed behind glass in the dining room wall. Photos of the maximalist emo-millionaire frat house spread far and wide across the web, catapulting the property to the top of the most popular homes of the week.

Other homes that caused you to click this week included a gigantic, 47-bedroom Colonial mansion, which was used as a location in the new film “Little Women,” a home from Season 4 of “Fixer Upper,” and two mansions meant for the billionaire set: a 226-acre ranch in Jackson Hole, WY, and the eternally epic Palazzo di Amore in Beverly Hills.

While we wouldn’t dare ask you to explain the decor choices in a home owned by Dr. Phil, we would like you to scroll on down and have a look at all of this week’s most popular homes.

10. 3391 Speegleville Rd, Waco, TX

Price: $645,000 Why it’s here: Known to HGTV’s “Fixer Upper” fans as the “Hot Sauce House” from Season 4—thanks to the Tabasco wallpaper adorning one of the home’s rooms—this property was the site of one of Chip and Joanna Gaines‘ most dramatic renovations. The couple reconfigured the layout, added vaulted ceilings, and smoothed plaster onto the walls, among many other updates, to create a rustic Italian dream home. It has been a popular short-term rental on Airbnb.

Waco, TX

realtor.com

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9. 6004 Shadyside Ln, Texarkana, TX

Price: $365,000 Why it’s here: Built in 1994, this four-bedroom house has been featured in Four States Living magazine. A recent renovation added new light fixtures and kitchen with double ovens and quartz countertops. With plenty of room for entertaining, the property features open spaces indoors and out, including a game room, two patios, and a spacious yard.

Texarkana, TX

realtor.com

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8. 3500/3550 Highway 22 W, Jackson, WY

Price: $35,000,000 Why it’s here: Massive in every way, this 226-acre property formerly known as Puzzleface Ranch is teeming with wildlife. Surrounded by spectacular views of the Grand Teton and Snake River, this 18,300-square-foot, seven-bedroom house was completed just last year. High-end highlights include an elevator, four-car garage, and nine fireplaces. The acreage includes a caretaker’s house, a 7,200-square-foot barn, and a 2,100-square-foot workshop.

Jackson, WY

realtor.com

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7. 535 W. 13th St, Laurel, MS

Price: $156,500 Why it’s here: According to the listing, this historic home sits on a third of an acre on one of the town’s most lovely streets. Built in 1929, it’s a nice-size, three-bedroom family home with a sunroom, hardwood floors, and a basement.

Laurel, MS

realtor.com

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6. 9505 Lania Ln, Beverly Hills, CA

Price: $129,000,000 Why it’s here: The hefty price tag on this 25-acre estate is jaw dropping, but it’s actually a fairly sweet deal considering the place was previously listed for $195 million. The property named Palazzo do Amore includes a vineyard, city and ocean views, a tennis court, and 12-car garage.

Beverly Hills, CA

realtor.com

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5. 4066 Twin Oaks Ln, Sealy, TX

Price: $950,000 Why it’s here: Completed in 2016, this “barndominium” is a refined residence with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The 2,400-square-foot home features vaulted ceilings, a large kitchen, leaded-glass French doors, and an open floor plan. The home sits on nearly 28 acres and is currently configured as a horse property with 5 acres of pasture, a barn, and tack room.

Sealy, TX

realtor.com

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4. 1160 Woodside Dr, Flint, MI

Price: $159,900 Why it’s here: Sitting on a corner lot in the city’s College Cultural neighborhood, this striking English Tudor was built in 1927. The four-bedroom brick home features original details like the hardwood floors, tile, and woodwork. There’s also a screened porch, full basement, and two-car garage.

Flint, MI

realtor.com

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3. 679 George Hill Rd, Lancaster, MA

Price: $2,500,000 Why it’s here: The 55-acre Thayer estate features a 1903-built mansion with a whopping 47 bedrooms and 24-plus bathrooms. The mansion’s nearly 22,000 square feet have been so exquisitely restored, the home was used as a filming location for Greta Gerwig‘s “Little Women.” It sits just an hour outside Boston and could make for an awesome wedding and event venue. The carriage house is being sold separately for $500,000.

Lancaster, MA

realtor.com

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2. 514 Cumberland St, Harriman, TN

Price: $302,000 Why it’s here: This 1905 Colonial Revival–style home was possibly designed by George Barber and is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. The four-bedroom home features charming details like the wraparound porch with limestone posts and Doric columns, a private second-floor porch, as well as a third story, which is unfinished and could be used for storage or space to expand.

Harriman, TN

realtor.com

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1. 1642 San Ysidro Dr, Beverly Hills, CA

Price: $5,750,000 Why it’s here: Rock musician Jordan McGraw was living in this mansion purchased by his dad, TV’s self-help star Dr. Phil McGraw. The younger McGraw meticulously outfitted the place as an homage to his favorite filmmaker, Tim Burton. Unless the new owners are into the snake fountain, “Alice in Wonderland” entry with full bar, and dining room with gun wall—there’s probably another high-dollar renovation in the property’s near future. Either way, the decor didn’t deter buyers as the home is already pending sale after just a week on the market.

Beverly Hills, CA

realtor.com

The post Bizarre Beverly Hills Estate Owned by Dr. Phil Is the Week’s Most Popular Home appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

from https://www.realtor.com/news/trends/dr-phil-bizarre-beverly-hills-estate-most-popular-home/

[weiying-lanzhan-fics]

moonlight caught in mutton fat by Raitelzen

Perfect! It was a wonderful, emotionally fulfilling read. LQ and WY’s developing relationship was nice. Very good case fic.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Quotes:

He opened his eyes, looking up as Xichen knelt beside him, flicking back his long grey sleeves with the grace of habit, but then stared, and stared, and Wangji understood in that moment why Uncle had looked at him with such horror. Shreds of skin hung off Xichen’s hands, wrists, joints, patches of it peeling from his cheeks and forehead, and where they had come away there was the same pale white stone as was slowly being revealed on Wangji’s own hands, where the skin was sliding off him like the thinnest of gloves.

“Wangji, no!” Xichen caught him by the wrist before Wangji even realised that he’d lifted his hand to his face, but the compulsion was too strong. The curse was roaring, louder than Uncle and now three other disciples’ qins. It was shouting Wangji down, drowning out his name, his spirit, his self, with its voice. It was renaming him for its own purpose, and the name it would give him was the curse itself.

Jade, it said, you are ours, and you are jade.

————

Wei Wuxian looked into Lan Zhan’s pale stone face.

He was jade the colour of mutton fat, translucent as the finest candle, as if moonlight itself had been caught and suspended in wax. Exquisitely, coldly beautiful, and so wrong when neither of Lan Zhan nor Xichen were cold at all. Both brothers felt too much. It was what made them such strong musicians and the intention in their music spells so powerful. The heart behind the notes that Lan Zhan struck lit them with living warmth. No wonder the dead swarmed to answer his Inquiries.

Wei Wuxian paused, his hand resting on Lan Zhan’s cheek. There, carved in the subtlest shadows of jade about his mouth, in the tension at the corners of his eyes, the set of his jaw, the smallest cues and clues that Wei Wuxian had come to learn to read, was pain, and fear, and all the things that Lan Zhan should never have to experience any more when Wei Wuxian was there at his side to protect him.

T, 45k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22557811/chapters/53903959

Summary:

It wasn’t bone. It was too smooth. It caught the light like something greased.

“A curse,” Lan Wangji breathed, because it could only be such.

 

The Twin Jades of Lan get turned to jade.

[fadekhat-blog]

Prompt for you! While out in the Hissing Wastes, our band (non-mage Lavellan, Solas, and any two others of your choosing) tangles with the Venatori. The Inquisitor gets separated from the rest and spirited away. While captured, she's forced asleep and a Venatori dreamer goes about trying to break her mind in the Fade (in whatever way you choose). Unpleasantness ensues. There's a daring rescue. Then recovery. Or something. I'm never sure if I'm doing prompts right! Cheers!

That prompt is incredible, thank you! I’ve never written a non-mage Lavellan, so I’ll use my original Inquisitor Revanelan (Elana) sans magic as a stand in - let’s say she’s an archer. Not having magic definitely adds something to the scenario… This might be more than you signed up for, but I got pretty into it XD @dadrunkwriting

“Such a pity. To think, the elven empire was once impenetrable.  Your people possessed magic beyond our wildest imaginations, immortality they say, and you are reduced to this. Sticks and stones will not save you,” the woman said, gesturing to my quiver of arrows with disdain.

She didn’t have to introduce herself. It was Mythal, I simply knew. Whatever doubts I once had fled my mind in an instant. My vallaslin, her vallaslin, seemed to dance upon my skin.

The all mother was beautiful - not in a covetous way, though every mother has a sensuous side, but in a way that was love given form. Her face was the face of everyone who had ever touched my heart, a shifting, flickering mirage of familiarity.

Every part of me wanted to please her, to make her sacrifice worthwhile.

“They can do more than you would think,” I said into my chest, explaining myself.

“And yet what do you have, really? Who are you, really? An elf from the wilds who mouths the words of the Chantry’s god. Your lies are written on your face. Do you think you’re human? A person rather?”

“I, what? No.” I said, my tongue unsure which question to answer. “I’m just trying to help them. The breach endangers us all. Mythal’enaste.”

I bowed my head, moving my hands in a clumsy sign of reverence as my keeper once taught me, but Mythal struck out at me, shattering my gesture of piety with a single blow.

“You will get no such thing,” she said with a sneer. “Not when you serve shemlen gods. Wear their colors, live in their halls.”

The slur sounded wrong on her tongue, but I couldn’t say why. My cheeks burned beneath the gnarled scar across my brow and my mouth moved wordlessly.

Suddenly every piece of my red and gold armor felt like an accusation.

“I don’t serve their Maker! I’m only trying to help,” I cried out, anger at myself and at them sparking in my chest.

“But you don’t serve me either,” she said, swooping in so that her perfect nose nearly brushed mine. “You don’t even believe in me.”

“That - that’s not true.”

“I don’t deserve it,’ you think. ‘What goddess would let her people suffer like this,’ you think. ‘One that is either impotent or indifferent.”

Her fingers traced the curve of my jaw as she spoke, and it seemed as if my thoughts echoed around us.

Well aren’t you?

How do I even know this is real? You’ve never bothered speaking to us before now.

I gasped, as if to inhale my words, but I couldn’t stop them. They came not from my lips but from my mind itself.

“Ah, but you forget you were gifted the freedom with which to fail yourselves. It is you that has failed me, child.”

Suddenly I was on my knees. She loomed over me, at once a goddess and a horror, a parent and an executioner.

“I haven’t…” I said. Part of me strained to turn away, to run, but I found myself enveloped in the sticky slowness of dreams. My will was not enough for my body, and I couldn’t bare to look at her any longer.

“Where is your clan?”

“In the Free Marches.”

“Where in the Free Marches?”

“Wy-Wycombe.”

“Why?”

“Because we sent them there. To protect the people - and the city elves. They would’ve been slaughtered without our intervention.”

Her slap rang out like a thunderclap, and suddenly I was thrown up against the ruins of a wall. The remains of an old temple hung around us, the leafless tree of Mythal depicted in colored glass at its center.

“The tree of your people is dying. You are but a lifeless leaf, an arcane warrior born without magic. A single spasm in the death throes of your kind. But you may still serve me.”

I stared into the broken stones that littered the ground, unable to focus on even a single blade of grass, but my mind answered for me.

How?

“Set. Them. Free.”

Her voice was all around me, formless.

“Rip the breach open, let the Fade rain from the sky. Allow Thedas to be realm of true magic once again. There, even you will not be worthless.”

I struggled to speak, to breath. My logic was slow, otherwordly. Her words wound through my mind like muck through a dead river.

“Slave,” she hissed.

There was a flash of pain and light, and then I was running. Roots and branches flew past me, all that was beyond consumed with shadows as my feet carried me forward.

I fled not by moving my legs, but my wishing they’d move. It was small difference, but it was there.

Then I was in a clearing. I was small, and Arlathae was pinned beneath a bear of a man, her left leg crushed into a mass of bone and meat.

“Leave her alone,” I stuttered, but my bow fine longbow was gone. In its place was a silly thing of twisted wood and string, practically a child’s toy.

He didn’t hear me, or simply laughed, and yet the scene didn’t seem to move.

I had a single arrow, I realized in an instant. I grabbed it at the hilt, like a dagger, and plunged it into his neck. Then he was on me, and Arlathae was screaming with rage and pain and I stabbed him over and over again. My hands moved by their own will, a memory of what was already done.

A blade tore across my face, maiming me once, and then again. The moment seemed to skip and pass over itself - at once we were fighting him, but also we were slipping away from camp, and then we were looking down at a corpse, unable to put a name to what we had done.

We won’t return to camp until we have our first kill, we’d promised ourselves. We’d meant a deer.

I saw the arrow in his eyes, once, twice. The blood trailing down his cheek as he finally died beneath me.

“The Fade will fall on them,” a voice whispered from on high.

I rose to speak and the painful light flashed again.

I was on a battlefield, or what I once considered one. The charred corpse of a human militia simmered around me. I’d pushed her - it was Arlathae’s magic, and yet we had both watched them die. Willed it.

If anything, my only regret then was that I had not been able to flay them myself. That my clan had to flee yet again.

“But you will.”

“You will be something.”

“Not a puppet, not a tool.”

“A weapon, a messiah of your people.”

“They will burn, or you will.”

The voices came as if from within me, filling my head as a final flash of blistering light engulfed my vision, bathing me in fire.

And then I was fire. Without and within me, all I could see is flame. My companions stood around me in a circle, and beyond them the masses watched me burn.

“You’ve done all you could,�� Cassandra said, “But heathens must be cleansed from this world.”

I screamed and screamed and felt my skin strip away until there was only anchor and bone.

“It will make a nice relic, I think,” Dorian said.

Their every word felt like a dagger beneath my nails. Not in a metaphorical sense - every syllable was punctuated by visceral pain. I wasn’t a person then, but a gaping wound. An unwanted feeling.

“It would be helping to end it,” Cole mused beneath his hat.

“Creatures like her do not deserve compassion, Cole,” Solas said, stepping into the circle with an air of cool certainly. “They know nothing of this world, or what came before.”

When he touched me, the world was at once made of ice.

“You are nothing,” he said into my lips.

Not you.

And then he was smoke, and a second Solas stepped through him.

We were in a windowless cell, somewhere deep underground. I sat up on a wooden bench and my feet brushed the body of a masked Venatori mage.

“Are you okay, ma vhenan?” He moved to touch my arm and I flinched away, the bright pain flashing in my mind.

He said something else, but I didn’t hear him. It was all coming back.

There hadn’t been many of them - just enough Venatori to take out our party with the element of surprise. I had been left standing amidst a circle of my fallen allies wishing, hardly for the first time, that I possessed the barest spark of magic necessary to heal another’s wounds.

Then there was darkness, and light, and darkness again as they pulled me in and out of consciousness, transporting me. There was pain, both real and imagined, and I was covered in scars I didn’t recognize.

Battered, but alive then.

“Are they gone?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“For now, yes,” Solas said, his eyes pained. “Did they say what they wanted?”

My hands shook, and I kept my distance, shifting over on the bench so he could join me.

“Well, the anchor, of course. He, they, whoever, said I should bring the sky down…”

“For the good of our people,” Solas finished, shifting closer.

“I, yes. But how did you know that?” I asked, a chill kissing my bones.

“It is no small thing to hold such power,” he mused. “I suppose you have never considered what else you might do with the anchor?”

“What else? There is nothing else. We close the breach.”

He laughed softly, shaking his head as he took my hand.

“That is one option. Imagine what we could do together, Elana. With the anchor, we are equals.”

Almost, hung in the air, an unspoken truth.

“You’ve never talked this before. Why is the fate of the elves suddenly so important to you?”

We’re not your people, remember?

He teeth glittered in the darkness as lazy haze of magic rose from his fingertips as he stroked my skin around the anchor. Once again, I was curiously unable, or unwilling, to move.

“Say you’ll do it, for me?”

“For you?” I repeated, in a trance.

“Say it.” His fingers dug into my palm, forcing their way into the strange in-between of the anchor. It flared, turning my arm into a shrieking claw.

“I…”

Was in a cave.

Cole was hunched before me, his form faint, quivering.

“I found you,” he said weakly. “I ran ahead. I felt you crying. Your mother dead, a bear in the woods… only it’s not really a bear, is it?”

“Cole,” I exhaled his name as I fell into him. “Cole, please, just get me out here.”

His arms encircled me, always cooler than you’d expect, as he spoke into my neck.

“But I need help now,” he said, voice hushed.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’m unraveling, unbeing before your eyes. Can’t you see it? Will you help me? If the Fade is now, we will always be together. There will be someone who understands.”

“Say it.” His hands closed around my neck.

Blackwall in a tunnel.

Cassandra in a field.

The Iron Bull on a ship, Dorian by his side.

Sera in a back alley.

Varric in a forgotten bookshop.

Vivienne in an attic.

“Say it, dear.”

I tore into the next moment like a woman possessed. Perhaps I was.

The stars hung above us, distant and utterly imperious in every direction. A shadow stepped toward me, but I knew what was coming.

“I won’t say it. I won’t say it. I don’t care who you are. I won’t bring the sky down.”

The words flew from my lips like bile as I pressed my hands over my ears, blocking out their pleas. I felt them close in on me, a touch on my shoulder sending a lance of pain, or a memory of pain, coursing through me.

“Don’t touch me,” I barked, the spiky lip of a battlement pressing against my back. A fallen sword glittered in the periphery of my vision and I dove toward it, putting the blade between me and my attackers. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

There were three, Cassandra taking point with Solas and Dorian on either side. I was breathing wildly, so fast I could hardly think. The bursts of air through my nostrils nearly drowned out their words, but I could see their faces. Looks of worry masked with attempts at comforting concern.

“It is okay, Inquisitor,” Cassandra said, doing her best to sound soothing. “We’ve removed the Venatori. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

I scoffed, my eyes skittering away from their own.

“That’s what happened before, and that wasn’t real. Not ever,” Running my free hand through my short clipped hair. “Do whatever you want. I won’t say it.”

“Say what?” Dorian asked quietly, stepping closer.

“Nothing, shut up!” I shouted, swinging the sword to underline my point. He stumbled backward, eyes wide with fear layered with the seeds of pity.

“I - of course. It’s okay Elana, you don’t have to tell us anything. Let’s just go home, hm?”

Home, and suddenly I was reminded that they could hear my thoughts.

If I said it, I was theirs’. I could feel it in me, the power behind those words. But what if I only thought what they wanted? Was that enough? Could the Venatori possess me the way they had all those tranquil?

As I thought, I stepped back until my free arm was hooked over the wall. We were on a tower. I looked down onto the cliffs below, the sword always between us.

Could I make the jump?

Did it matter?

“Elana,” Solas said, his voice ever soft.

“You don’t call me that,” I snapped. “And don’t give me any of that shit about ‘our people,’ I know you don’t care. Not about ‘wildings’ anyway.”

“Inquisitor, then,” Solas said, his voice even despite my barrage of insults. “You are correct, what you saw before wasn’t real. The Venatori trapped you in your dreams, but they are not in control now. You’re free.”

“Free. You mean free until the next time I wake up,” I muttered.

“Pay attention to your body. To the way you move - not by will, but by action. That is distinction is unique to the physical world. You are not dreaming any longer, Inquisitor,” he said, as if it were any other conversation in his rotunda.

“Mm,” I said, loosening my grip on the sword. It fell to the ground, clattering harshly against the stone. “This is… real.”

“Exactly,” he said, guiding me forward with an arm that never quite touched my body. He seemed to understand that this was beyond me.

“Come Inquisitor, let us leave this vile place,” Cassandra said, leading us out of the tower.

I saw the corpse of the Venatori mage as we passed. I tried not to think how familiar it looked as we rode for the nearest Inquisition camp.

Instead, I focused on the majesty of the stars above and on the friends close at hand.

“I won’t say it,” I whispered into the wind.

Inspired by my very real and intense fear anytime someone pulls that “Wake up, Fakekhat, just wake up!” style prank - how can you know you’re not a brain in a jar (or a dreamer stuck in the Fade)? You can’t!

[dawnfletcherstuff]

The sky was gray, rumbling in the distance as a faint drizzle began above the outskirts of Sylvanas Town. Two figures walked side-by-side – the taller of the two being a blood elf sporting an especially fancy pair of sunglasses to complement some rad horns as well as a split felstalker bone mask around his collar. On his back was a small brown satchel of books that bounced precariously over the two vibrant pink draenite axes that were hooked onto his hips. Between his blonde pompadour and his odd vest, it was clear that this fellow was one odd customer indeed! That said, the man walking beside him was equally unusual- Lush hair with small, dark mushrooms growing in it was the perfect accentuation to this necrolyte's jaw of solidified shadow and five glowing ochre eyes. For that matter- his arms were a hybrid of shadows and vines.

The two, Armaleonis and Canthar, respectively, plodded forward through the gray mist, looking ahead, determined, but in good spirits, both smiling as they traveled West. As the Amani crypt colloquially known as the 'Tomb of Mystery' drew closer into view with every step, the rumbling in the sky intensified, leading the friends to hasten their pace to the unconventional shelter.

It was much darker in the tomb than it had been the last time- no loa-magic lanterns, no torches or even glowing mushrooms- further, it was silent, save for the slow dripping of a water leak deeper in. Had something happened since their last visit? The atmosphere was completely different, that much was for certain. While some might see an attack that nearly cost the pair their lives as undesirable, there  had been some good company, at least. This time, however, it truly lived up to its nature as a graveyard.  The two looked to each other, confused as they began to explore. “HEEEEEEEY!” Arma yelled into his cupped hand, pointed toward the deeper interior of the stone catacombs. “WHERE YOU AT, MUMMY DUDE?” Turning, he flinched a bit when he saw Canthar's displeased expression. With five eyes, the necrolyte could give a withering glare that may very well have been able to kill the recipient.

Before Canthar could get the opportunity to give his opinion on the matter, there was a long, agonizing wet noise that culminated in a thud behind them. They turned instantly, looking at what appeared to be a troll mummy in the dark. “Oh, S'tanky, you scared us.” Canthar said, breathing a sigh of relief- that is, until their eyes adapted to the low light and they realized what they were looking at was no troll mummy. It was some sort of creature that most closely resembled a jellyfish, bending itself into a trollish shape. Its body was rippling and swirling as a kaleidoscope-like rotation of colors and patterns quickly emanated from its goopy form, along a cloud of pheromones of some kind. The patterns were quick, even at the start, but at least they had some sort of sense- lines, colors- they began to move at a speed that made all of Canthar's eyes spin. While wordless, there was an undercurrent of chanting in some odd pseudo-language that accelerated as fast as the patterns upon its flesh.  The two had no chance and everything went black.

-

Armaleonis awoke in a cold sweat in the most comfortable bed he could ever remember sleeping in. He tilted his head as he wiped his eyes and yawned. Yeah, that was a bed. His bed? Wasn't he just in a tunnel or something?

He yawned again, gently tapping his forehead as he tried to make sense of the world. It was too early for this, he concluded. He lay himself back down and pulled up the covers, determined to look into it after another...oh, five minutes or so.

“WOOOOORF!”

He was not going to get that extra five minutes. On the one hand, he was mildly annoyed that he had to wake up at this moment, but on the other, he recognized that bark- the owner of which came running into the room with a wide open mouth and lolling tongue! “Roland!” Arma cried out, grinning as he sat up. Most people would have flinched when a giant timber wolf with rusty red fur leapt onto their bed and snuggled them, but not Armaleonis! No, he gave the big lout the biggest dog hug that he could manage. “I've missed you so so much buddy. Man....” “WORF!” The wolf was looking down at him as though he were crazy. Arma leaned back and looked at  the big beast and canted his head, as though expecting Roland to explain himself. In that moment, however, the wolf hopped down, made a sharp “Yip!” of urgency and ran out of his room, turning to yip at him again when he was slow to follow. Scratching his head, Armaleonis got up and followed his four-legged friend, who led him through a home that was bigger and more beautiful than any he remembered. Everything fell into place, however, once he passed the West Balcony- and was able to look into a star-filled sky that looked onto the Twisting Nether with alabaster bolts of lightning that tore across the sky. “This is...home?” He said, tilting his head. Another, slightly annoyed yip down the hall reminded him that the wolf was not the patient type, and thus the young blonde elf had to run to catch up. As he did, he found himself entering a forum, in the center of which there was a small series of tables- and most notably, two figures with food on their plates- as well as a third plate! Squinting, he could recognize them- even if his brain took a few moments to catch up- The black haired woman with her hair in a bun and the beige regal priest robes was none other than his mother, and the blonde man in sharp red and gold civil attire was his...father? He looked more closely at his father, head feeling like it was swimming through murk. Don't I have a Dad and a Not-Dad?

He tried to figure this out for a couple moments before his father got up and started walking toward him with a smile. 

“You coming to eat breakfast with your old man and your mother or are you gonna stand there til sunset, Leon?” When Armaleonis canted his head a bit, it looked on the one side like his father's hair was scruffy and cut short, but when he looked at him straight, it was as though his hair was perfectly in order and long. He shook it off, chalking it up to not being a morning person, and made his way over to the table, sitting down at the third seat. Roland was sitting next to his chair. He was a good boy. The best boy. His mother leaned on her left hand with a smile. “We thought you weren't going to be up til tonight with how hard you partied last night, Leon. You really ought to thank Roland- at least ONE of you remembered your date with that Ezekiel boy.” Armaleonis tapped his chin. “Ezeki.....Zeke?”

Suddenly, everything made sense to him! His face went red and he put his hands on his cheeks in near panic! “OH NO I'M GONNA BE LATE TO MY DATE! AAAAAAGH!” He immediately jumped up, grabbed a piece of toast, put the corner of it in his mouth and ran to his room to change.

His parents laughed as Roland looked on, panting in what may have been the canine version of a laugh.

As he rapidly changed from his heart-print pajamas into his favorite outfit- a long-sleeved shirt with a fantastic V-neck and fancy ruffles as well as ruffled wrists with slacks and sandals, something struck him as he looked in the mirror.

His eyes. They were...aquamarine.

Something about my eyes...they don't....well, I do have nice eyes.

He flashed himself a grin and nommed a bit of his toast. Mm, cinnamon. With a fist-pump of excitement, he leapt onto the railing and surfed it down to the ground, where he landed with a triple-flip. He waved to his parents and Roland with toast still in his mouth as he ran out to meet his date not too far from home!

Wy tidd feal zmy ydypylzid darvw za ittyez zmuw witruouty, za qujy zmy fdzupizy pyrth ul zmy flylvulq vryip. Gujy zmywy zsa zmy gryiz dirc myrth!  

Armaleonis scratched the back of his neck, squinting for a moment. “What was that?” He looked around as he walked, but nothing seemed to be making that noise. He shrugged it off, dashing to meet his date! The tall sin'dorei who was waiting for him was the ultimate ideal of cool- his hair was both wild and expressive, black as night and yet the style was all natural- no hair products necessary! Two large wings stuck out of his back and the lime green tattoos that were on his body, as well as his wicked horns and dragonlike tail swishing behind him made it clear that he was something exotic- a demon hunter! Arma bit his lip, nearly jumping in place, excited to see his date and friend. He didn't know what to say, and luckily, didn't need to say anything as Zeke hugged him firmly.

“You're late, y'know.” The demon hunter couldn't help but snerk at Arma's nature, even if he was late. “Good thing I like you that much, huh?” 

Arma's face was completely red as he gave the goofiest grin, fiddling his thumbs together. “W-well, yeah! Yeah! I owe you one! Yeah! So where did you have in mind that you wanted to go?” Zeke tapped his thumb to his chin and shrugged gently. “I was thinking we'd go to a nice place to look at the stars. I know you're gonna wanna stop by to check on your best pal on the way, though.” Armaleonis blinked a few times before nodding rapidly. “Yeah! Oh my gosh, you think of everything! That's why you're the best!” He then tapped his chin. “Well I mean you're the best for a bunch of reasons, from your considerate nature to your confidence and sense of humor and the fact that you're incredibly attractive and are a lot more wise than me and like spending time with me and such.” He babbled a bit, completely redfaced. Zeke merely rubbed the top of Arma's head and led the way. It didn't take long for them to get to their first destination- a large mansion with what looked to be a purple phoenix-print for the door. Tilting his head to look at the yard, he saw a young man who couldn't have been much older than himself practicing dance moves in the backyard. Recognizing him, he waved frantically. “PURPS! OH MY GOSH PURPS! PUUUUUUUURPS!” He waved, jumping up and down for visibility. His date couldn't help but snicker at his enthusiasm.

Across the fence, the young man froze up when Arma cried out, but instead of looking embarrassed, made a beeline right for the gate and opened it at a brisk pace, waving at Arma in return. 

“LEON! HEY! BUDDY! PAL! BUD! MY BEST FRIEND! HEY!” His pal, Purps, was looking extra nice today- definitely alive, for starters. His hair was almost fuschia and he had the biggest grin on his face. “I am so glad you stopped by!” He said, hugging Arma gently.

Armaleonis returned the gesture and looked his best pal over. “You are looking really healthy and happy! I'm so glad that you're in one piece and have never fucked my father which means it's okay for me to have a mild attraction to you but not too much because I am your best friend and brotherish figure sort of it's weird but bear with me I'm glad you're you and that's what matters!” Purps nodded. “Yeah man! That's exactly right! Hey, I would love to stick around, but I'm gonna have dinner with my folks! They just got back from a trip and they missed me a whole bunch! I'll hit you up later, okay?” Armaleonis flashed Purps a thumbs up. “Tell me how it goes man!” And with that, he turned toward Zeke with a grin. “Man, you are the best! You made a great day even better!”

Kyye afr witruoutyw kaflv za zmy kditc pyrth! wy'ry qaulq za witruouty zmy aly lipyv cilzmir ourwz!

Armaleonis blinked a few times. Did Zeke say that? Nah. Couldn't have been.  The two made their way to their favorite hilltop and lay down together to look at the stars. Getting comfortable and snuggling together with Zeke, Arma smiled.

“This has been the best day ever. I don't know why, but everything just feels...right. I mean, I feel comfortable here with you, and we got to visit my best pal Purps, and my parents are happy together, and I'm healthy and....man. I'm so lucky to be here with you.”

Zeke looked at him warmly and gently brushed a stray hair away from in front of Arma's face.

“This can go on forever, you know.”

Something about his voice sounded off, but Arma did everything in his power to not care. He was happy. This was all that mattered. This was...his perfect world.

As he was lost in thought, something blocked the stars. Shaking his head, he recognized it once his eyes adjusted- it was Roland. Gently moving the wolf out of the way, he sat up and looked into the wolf's eyes. The beast looked at him with a gaze that said everything, wordless as he was.

“Something just ain’t righ...oh Light. You...you died a while back, didn't you, buddy?” Arma asked, breath suddenly tight in his chest. Those eyes looked like they were apologizing to him, grateful to see him, but with a dire warning. The wolf gently set his head on Arma's shoulder and whined.

Gyz zmy clujyw ryivh! wuzm zmywy, sy sudd kulv Canthar za zmy bdulv ezyrluzuyw vorv qiul qryiz easyr!

Armaleonis looked up- it was as though, beyond the stars, in the sky, there was some sort of glass dome over his world that he could now see through. He saw several troll cultists standing overhead, knives drawn above his pal Canthar.

Dream-Zeke's hand gently rested on his shoulder.

“You don't have to go. We can be here, forever.”

Armaleonis looked to Roland. 

“What do...I have to do?” He asked the hound tepidly.

The wolf gestured with his head to a shadowy area not too far away, where, when Arma squinted, he could see the form of Ghar'bygg, and behind him-- the demon hunter who made him truly feel fear. Arma took a sharp breath and lowered his head. 

“You've done enough for everyone. Don't you think that you deserve to be the one that gets rescued? You don't need to suffer any more. Think of all the good things you've done- you don't need to take that shitty life back!” Dream-Zeke looked more upset than Arma felt, and that was an accomplishment.

Softly, Armaelonis took Zeke's hand off his shoulder and stood up.

“I want nothing more than that.” He said quietly, before looking up at the troll cultists. “But it's out of my hands. I wouldn't be the person you love if I didn't do the right thing. I'm gonna miss you.”

Taking a step forward, he gave the timber wolf one last hug. “You're the best dog a man could ask for.” He was crying now, holding that wolf and trying to lock it into his memories.

Slowly, he got up and walked toward Ghar'bygg, the hound demon. His hound demon. 

Someone was about to have a very, very bad day.

As he approached, the form of the felstalker shrank into a red and black orb that hovered in the air in front of the silhouette of the Illidari monster that hurt him. Arma looked up at that monster defiantly and grasped the felstalker essence and closed his hands around it, taking it into his true self.

In a flash, his world was pure agony as he felt every Illidari memory he had been trying to run from at once- and the physical transformation ripping him to shreds- felstalker tendrils ripping out of his back, the mask forming on his neck, the tail jutting out from his spine- and the loss of his true eyesight.

And it was that pain that woke him up with a shriek.

–

The Twilight's Hammer Cultists hadn't intended to run into two adventurers in their looting of an Amani catacomb, but they were all too eager to unleash a new variant of Faceless One upon them- the Dark Mercy- a creature that would entrap its victims in their own fantasies. They had drawn their daggers to sacrifice their new victims, only to be interrupted when the blood elf roared back to life and covered the two cultists standing over him in shadowflame. They turned and ran, but were too slow. The demon hunter gave them a thrashing they would never forget, leaving them holding onto life by mere threads, before picking his friend up and carrying him back to the town they called home.

-Fin.

[itsjesperfahey]

“It Was”

Pairing: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck

Fandom: Six Of Crows

Word Count: 3,509

Summary:  "We’ve attempted and succeeded in a rescuing of a rogue scientist out of the most heavily guarded building in the world. And put your father in jail. And survived Kaz while Inej was held hostage. I think we can manage baking a few waffles, merchling.“ 

“Making waffles and dodging bullets are two different things.”

“Are they? You hope for the best and pray nothing blows up.”

Or the one where wylan and jesper try and make waffles for breakfast but instead follow a recipe that calls for lots of kisses and a giant mess

A/N: So I did a thing. A 3.5k word thing. I’m gonna post this on AO3 later but I’ve been trying for 20 minutes and it doesn’t wanna load :/// idk. Anyway I hope you all enjoy !! This is a thank you for everyone who’s followed me! Y'all are great! <3

He woke up to the feeling of the sun bathing his skin with its warmth.

Jesper’s eyes opened slowly, reluctantly. If he could, he’d bask in the tub of soft comforters and even softer pillows for days.

But there was work to be done.

People to threaten.

Money to be gained, or perhaps stolen.

Teases and kisses to be given to a certain curly-haired boy.

The Zemeni boy sat up, arms stretching towards the sky he loved so. He let out a yawn, stretching in a manner that let his bones crack deliciously. Perhaps he could get  a massage today. Though as great as the gray skies and damp air in Ketterdam were, the sky above couldn’t compare to the one stretched across his boyfriend’s skin, with freckles for stars and blushes as clouds. Jesper loved finding the constellations littered across his skin and tracing them with his finger.

He couldn’t help but look over, a fond, tired smile appearing on his face as his eyes gratefully drank up the sight of Wylan splayed across the bed, clutching the bed sheets close to his chest with his slim fingers, cheeks slightly flushed and curls draping across his forehead. His back rose and fell in a steady rhythm, the corners of his mouth occasionally twitching in to either a smile or a pout.

I’m so lucky, Jesper thought for the millionth time, feeling his heart beat harder in his chest.

Though his back was to him, Jesper could still see the relaxed pout on Wylan’s face, and his smile widened even more.

It was Sunday, so there wasn’t much to do besides laze around and go over documents and legal papers. It had been almost two weeks since the whole incident with Kuwei, so they were still finalizing things and getting accustomed to their new lives. It was strange, not being on the run constantly from either the government or gangs. As much as Jesper loved relaxing and doing nothing of importance, that energy within him was going bonkers. If he didn’t do anything for too long he felt like he’d explode.

So today he’d do something.

“Wylan.”

The boy stirred slightly, a crease of worry forming above his eyes, but otherwise remained trapped in the realm of slumber.

“Wy.” Jesper tried again, leaning over him and slowly carding his long fingers through Wylan’s soft heap of curls. “Wake up, darling. You’ve gone too long without seeing me, you must be suffering.”

At that Wylan groaned loudly, causing a deep chuckle to emit Jesper. “’S Sunday. Piss off.” He mumbled into the pillow, though he turned anyway to face him, refusing to open his eyes.

“Ouch. I’m offended, one could even say wounded. Is that how you talk to me now? Because frankly I don’t approve one bit.” Jesper clutched his chest, feigning a look of pain. “Come on now, get up. I’m starving. Growing boys such as myself need to eat, if you weren’t aware.”

Wylan simply huffed, turning on his back and blocking the sunlight from hitting his eyes with his arm.

Sighing dramatically, Jesper straddled him, peering down at him wistfully. “Wyyylaaan.” He stretched out each syllable, laying down fully on the poor boy.

“Sweet Ghezen, you’re heavy. Careful with my ribs.” Wylan breathed out after he refilled his lungs desperately. His ribs were doing better, they were constantly putting ice on it, much to Wylan’s dismay, but his torso was still quite sore.

“I am. And, as I previously mentioned, growing boy.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence after that, Jesper’s face buried in Wylan’s neck. If he really wanted, he could fall asleep like this, in the arms of his boyfriend, not a worry in the world.

But he didn’t want to, so he wouldn’t.

Wylan was already half asleep again, Jesper could tell by how soft his breaths were, and how heavy and warm his body felt.

Slowly, he pressed a kiss to Wylan’s neck, hiding his grin as he felt the boy tense and shiver underneath him. Otherwise he stayed unaffected.

He blinked an eye open as he pressed another kiss to Wylan’s neck, watching as the skin beneath his lips morphed from pale to pale-pink. He loved making the little merchling blush and fidget. It was the highlight of his days, really. “Wake up, Sunshine.” Jesper pleaded, now scattering kisses all across Wylan’s neck and shoulders, slowly working his way upwards.

“Jes, stop that. It tickles.” Wylan giggled, trying his hardest to wriggle out from underneath the large Zemeni.

“Not until you open your eyes and pay attention.” Jesper replied, now pressing his kisses across Wylan’s jaw. “Sunshine. Suuunshiiine. Open your eyes lovely.” The nickname wasn’t new. At first it was ‘Wylan Van Sunshine’ but Jesper thought it was too long to say, so he shortened it to just ‘sunshine’, and it stuck. Even if it made Wylan stutter and blush like an idiot.

At this point the ‘sun-ray’ was a mess of giggles, his entire face being peppered by kisses. It was like Jesper was trying to kiss each and every one of the freckles dotted across his face. And that really really tickled. “J-Jesper, stop!” He gasped out through his laughter, uncovering his eyes and blinking them open reluctantly. “L-Look, look, they’re open! Now quit it!”

Jesper hummed in victory, pulling away as a grin stretched across his face. “Victory is mine. Better luck next time, merchling. No one can resist me and my charm.”

Wylan snorted. “You weren’t charming me. You were attacking me. There’s a big difference.” He sat up, yawning and stretching.

Jesper climbed off him, making sure not to hit any bruises as he did. “Is there? I wasn’t aware of any such differences.” He leaned in to press a kiss to the pale boy’s forehead, brushing his locks of curls back. “Good morning, sunshine.” He murmured, voice soft and touch even softer.

“Morning.” Wylan whispered, his smile shy. Jesper still made him feel all warm and gushy and shy inside. Well, Wylan was naturally shy regardless but Jesper made it so much worse with his constant teasing and flirting. “Why 'sunshine’? Is it replacing 'merchling’?”

“Heavens, no. You’ll always be a merchling.” When Wylan pouted, Jesper continues. “I called you 'sunshine’ when you first suggested the idea of there being an antidote for the parem, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“You didn’t question it then.”

“I was too busy turning into a pile of mush to respond.”

“And you say I don’t charm you.” I Wylan rolled his eyes, though a fond smile was on his face regardless. “I say a lot of things, Jes.”

“That you do.” The zemeni mused out loud, before a hint of worry appeared in both his eyes and voice. “Do you not like it? The nickname, I mean.”

“No no no, it’s fine. I-I like it.” He confessed, cheeks turning that pinkish color that Jesper had come to love.

“Good because I wasn’t planning on stopping regardless.” Jesper stood up from the bed, stretching once more. “Now, I’m starved.”

Flushing again, Wylan stood up as well, trying to fix the bed slightly.

On weekends Wylan liked to try and do everything himself rather than have the servants and maids do everything. He wasn’t like his father. He didn’t like abusing people for his own personal benefit.

“I could ask the cook to-” He started, though was immediately stopped as he saw the look on Jesper’s face. A look similar to one he had seen before. “That look reminds me of a scheming face, oh Jesper what are you thinking now?”

“It’s not particularly a scheme, per say, but it is an idea. A marvelous one at that.”

“My definition of 'marvelous’ is different from yours, I think.”

“You think too much.”

“Didn’t you once say I was cuter when I was smart?”

A smirk appeared on Jesper’s face. “I say a lot of things, Wy.”

“That you do.” Wylan walked over to him, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Now, what’s your so called 'marvelous’ idea?”

“How about instead of having the cooks make us breakfast, we make it ourselves?”

A crease formed between Wylan’s eyes. “Us? Cook? I think you’ve confused the words 'marvelous’ and 'absurd’.” A giggle escaped his parted lips. “Why on earth would you want us to attempt to cook?”

“We’ve attempted and succeeded in a rescuing of a rogue scientist out of the most heavily guarded building in the world. And put your father in jail. And survived Kaz while Inej was held hostage. I think we can manage baking a few waffles, merchling.”

“Making waffles and dodging bullets are two different things.”

“Are they? You hope for the best and pray nothing blows up.” Jesper’s signature smirk appeared on his face. “Besides, I know a thing or two about cooking”, He paused, face falling slightly, a somber tone in his voice, “My mother and I used to bake a lot. My father loves sweets,“As quickly as it came, the nostalgic mood was gone, "Plus you’re a genius when it comes to numbers. You can measure the ingredients and the time and all those things I most likely can’t.”

“Jesper, I don’t know-”

“Please? I want to do something nice for us, and also Inej. She’s here and she most likely misses Nina and waffles are their thing. Maybe it’ll make her feel better. Not to mention I’m tired of not being tired. I need to do something. As much as my mind loves laying in bed with you all morning long, my body feels differently on the idea of how to spend the day .”

Wylan sighed dramatically, and hope bubbled up in Jesper’s chest.

Who was Wylan to say no to that?

“Fine. We can cook-”

“Yes!”

“-but only if you promise not to make a mess.”

“You doubt my organization and tidyness?”

Wylan huffed, walking over to their closet and opening it as an example. “Judging by your side of the closet, yes.”

“You’re no fun, sunshine.” Jesper rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Fine. I promise, no mess.” He let out a huff.

But, as everyone knew, promises were made to be broken.

—•—

After they had gotten dressed into more appropriate clothing - that being a large sweater and shorts for Wylan, and a tank top and sweatpants for Jesper {a/n: these existed in the 1800s right?} - they headed down stairs to the kitchen, bare feet passing against the cool wooden floors. Neither could tell if Inej was awake and wandering the house or still asleep, she was too silent for them to figure out. But they hoped she was asleep. It was nicer to surprise someone with breakfast when they were in bed.

“So, where do we start?” Wylan asked, flicking his curls out of his face as he climbed up atop of the kitchen counter top.

“To be honest, I was hoping you’d know.” Jesper said sheepishly. When he saw the look of disbelief on Wylan’s face, though, he let out a bark of laughter. “I’m just teasing, merchling. I’m not that hopeless.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, we need to get the ingredients out. I’m praying to all the saints and your aunt Eva that you’ve got them all already.” He turned, and began to search through the cupboards.

“Why do you say that?” Wylan asked as he watched his partner shuffle about the kitchen, grabbing boxes of things as he went.

“What? I told you, you’ll always be a merchling because you’re the son of a merchant.”

“No, not that- I mean, why do you say 'and your aunt eva’? What if I don’t have an aunt Eva?” He asked, swiftly catching the bottle of milk Jesper tossed to him.

Jesper pulled his head out of the cabinet, staring at Wylan for a moment before shrugging. “Saints, it’s an expression, sunshine. Alright, fine, then your uncle Dorian. Is that better for you?”

Wylan rolled his eyes, lips twitching up to a smile. “Yes, actually. It is. Thank you.”

“You’re a little shite, did you know that?” Jesper smirked, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s rose-pink cheek.

“But I’m your little shite, right?”

“Right.” Jesper gave him a quick kiss, leaving their hearts both beating frantically, before standing back and looking at the large assortment of ingredients, as well as all the tools. “Seems we’ve got everything. I’ll read you the ingredients and you can put them in the measuring cup and mix them. If you feel like my numbers are off you can make adjustments. You’re the one good at chemistry here.”

“Well, I am but cooking and chemistry aren’t that similar.” Wylan said, a bit flustered at how Jesper had so much trust in him with this. He’d never cooked waffles before. How was he to know If Jesper remembered the recipe a bit wrong?

“You’ll find a way to make it work, as you always do.” Jesper mused, handing Wylan one of the bowls and the measuring cup. “Now, pour 1 and ¾ of milk into this bowl here.”

Wylan huffed, but did as he was told anyway, pouring the proper amount of milk. “Next?”

“Crack two eggs!”

Wylan picked up the eggs, cracking them in one swift motion, a bright smile on his face. “Eggs, cracked! Now what?” This wasn’t as hard as it seemed.

Jesper continued rattling off the list of ingredients with their correct proportions, although he did almost put too much vegetable oil and not enough flour. But once the batter was all whisked and ready, they poured it into the waffle iron, closing the lid and letting it bake.

“And would you look at that, no mess!”

Wylan rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face. “I suppose I doubted you. You have my apologizes.” He began to clean up the ingredients, since they no longer needed them.

Jesper hopped off the counter. “Ah, how I love hearing people admit I was right. It’s music to my ears.”

“Shut it or I’ll take it back.”

“You would not.”

He was right, Wylan would not.

The Zemeni boy took the bag of flour into his large hands, examining it carefully. “Wylan, close your eyes and don’t open your mouth.” He said after a moment of silence, trying to hide the smirk on his face.

Wylan raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told. “Why? What are you going to do?”

“Have some fun.”

“I think purchasing a thesaurus would benefit the both of us at this point, since we seem to have very different definitions on many wor-” Before he could finish, a bomb made up of a powdery substance erupted against his face, silencing him. He quickly opened his eyes, spitting out the flour in his mouth. “Did you just-” he took a deep breath, glaring at Jesper, “Did you just throw flour at my face?”

Jesper’s devilish, and he bounced the bag of flour in his hand teasingly. “Who, me? I don’t recall. If I did, however…. then what are you going to do about it, merchling?”

Wylan frowned, turning around and grabbing  an egg. Jesper’ smug face immediately fell. Before he could protest, Wylan quickly threw the egg towards Jesper, the cracking sound echoing through the kitchen as the shell shattered and the insides splattered across Jesper’s shirt. A bit of the egg was strewn across his neck, causing his dark, rich skin to glean in the sunlight.

A gasp left Jesper’s lips, and Wylan couldn’t tell if it was from shock or pain, or both. “Oh, it’s on, sunshine.”

The fight that ensued was a food massacre.

Flour was strewn across the counters and clothing, milk splattered on the floor, eggshells in Wylan’s hair. Though neither cared, they were laughing after all. Loud and airy laughter, the one that made your stomach hurt and the corner of your eyes crinkle.

Wylan was sure he’d never felt as happy as this in his whole life. The same could be said for Jesper. It was a better feeling than any gambling hall could ever provide.

When the fight was over, the kitchen void of the ingredients that were there 10 minutes ago, they stayed there, panting heavily.

“You know, your aim isn’t half bad.” Jesper finally broke the silence, a grin on his face, white teeth showing. “But I guess I broke my promise.” He said, gesturing to the mess with his hands.

“You did. Who- Who’s go going to clean this all up?” Wylan breathed out, trying to catch his breath. He flicked his hair out of his face, grimacing when he felt some of it stick to his forehead due to the egg yolk.

“Well, I know someone who can clean you.”

Wylan blushed a deep red.

Jesper stepped closer, standing between Wylan’s legs. “Even with the flour on your face, I can still see you blush like a rose.”

He blushed even harder. “Shut up.” He mumbled.

“I can’t help it, sunshine. You just make it too easy.” Jesper pressed a kiss to Wylan’s forehead before connecting their lips together.

When they pulled away, both were as breathless as they had been during their food fight. Kisses do that to them, sometimes.

“You taste bad.” Jesper breathed out, resting his forehead against Wylan’s and nudging their noses together gently.

“So do you.” He replied, leaning up and kissing his lover desperately.

Whether it was seconds or minutes that passed, neither could tell or care. Their minds were fogged, but intentions clear. Eyes closed, hearts open. Lips dancing to the rhythm of their hearts. They were too wrapped up in what they were doing, in the moment, in the feeling, in each other, and neither of them felt like getting untangled anytime soon. It was beautiful. It was magical. It was igniting. It was floating. It was falling. It was soft. It was warm. It was everything they had ever wanted, craved, desired, dreamt, needed. It was…

It was…

“I thought I heard you two wrecking havoc, but Saints I didn’t think it was this bad.”

Wylan jumped, retracting from the kiss immediately at the sound of another person’s voice. He looked behind Jesper to see Inej standing beside them, eyebrow raises and arms crossed. Of course she had seen them. Of course they didn’t notice until she had spoken up. Her footsteps were quieter than a pin dropping.

“A 'good morning’ would suffice, thank you.” She added, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“G-Good morning.” Wylan managed to croak out, splotches of red revealing themselves on his cheeks. Ghezen, he hated when Inej snuck up on them.

“Inej! Don’t you know how to give two men some privacy.” Jesper huffed, turning to face her.

“It Isn’t privacy if you’re in the middle of the kitchen. What happened here? Actually, I’m not even quite sure if I’d like to know the details.”

“We made you waffle- Oh! The waffles!” Wylan cried out, hopping of the counter and opening the waffle iron as quickly as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized the waffles weren’t too badly burnt. “We made waffles for breakfast but-”

“But we got carried away, as you can imagine.” Jesper finished, signature smirk shining brightly. “Wylan’s quite competitive when it comes to who can toss flour the hardest.”

Inej grinned, a sight neither of them had seen much of in the past weeks. “I’m not surprised. Wylan’s got a fighter in him. Thank you for the waffles, nonethelessI’m sure I’ll enjoy them. Now, after you clean up this mess, care to join me for breakfast?” She said, taking a plate, carefully to avoid the mix of food ingredients strewn across the floor.

“We’ll be right there. This might take a while.” Jesper chuckled, gesturing to himself and Wylan.

After taking her waffle, Inej left the two boys in the kitchen. Wylan sighed, the rose color finally beginning to drain from his face. “I hate not being to hear her coming. She walks in on us all the time. One day it’ll be on something not so innocent.”

“Oh really now? 'One day’? When do you think that day will be?” Jesper asked, grabbing a broom and handing a wet washcloth to his loved. “I’m curious. Amuse me.”

“Not anytime soon if you keep it up with your antics.”

“Aw, you’re no fun, merchling.” Jesper stuck his tongue out at him teasingly. “I’ll make you change your mind, just you watch.”

Another blush creeped up Wylan’s neck. “I don’t doubt that.” He mumbled to himself as he began to wash down the counter.

They cleaned in silence. A comforting silence. Not deafening or heavy as it sometimes was. It was the type of silence one could bask in for days. They’d clean, share a kiss or two if they got close, and continue cleaning. The domesticity of it all was overwhelming in the best ways possible. It was the same feeling they had felt earlier.

It was love.

[allofusandco]

not goodbye, just see you soon // wy + wav

with @theycomeuninvited (Waverly)

Wynonna says goodbye to Waverly ahead of hitting the road with Sam. Waverly doesn’t take it well.

“Wav?”

Not in her room. Not a surprise. Why would Waverly be in a bedroom when this place held ten thousand books? Wynonna adjusted her bath robe and headed back to her own room to dress in something a little less low-key (seriously low-key, but she wasn’t sure the world needed to see her in a bath robe).

Dressed in jeans and a sweater that was about three sizes too big, but seriously comfortable, she headed towards the library, poking her head into the various nooks and crannies as she went, anywhere that had a desk or an armchair (seriously, how many people was this thing supposed to house?).

“There she is,” Wynonna said, dropping into an armchair. “Hey, sis.” She leaned across to look at the book. “Is that a spell for eliminating all Revenants on an entire planet with the flick of the eyelashes?”

–––

Wav:

“God, don’t you wish.”

Waverly grinned, a laugh following her words. That would be too easy, way too easy. But she was working on some things, she’d even gotten Sam’s opinion on some spell work so maybe they’d catch a break…maybe. Wasn’t really their luck but a girl could still hope.

“Just reading up on some demon lore, trying to figure out exactly what rank we’re dealing with. Might make them easier to track. Did you know Hell actually have some sort of hierarchy to it? According to this and to what Sam and Dean have run in to there are knights and princes. Can you believe it? I mean knights of Hell and Princes of Hell.”

Waverly shook her head as she rambled on.

“I don’t think that’s exactly the prince charming most people are looking for.”

She sure as hell wasn’t but then again anything could be better than Champ was. She stifled another laugh and cleared her throat as she let her attentions shift from the book to Wynonna.

“What’s up?”

–––

Wynonna:

Wynonna pressed her hand to her forehead. Demon hierarchies? No thanks. Knights, princes, presidents, whatever, demons were just demons. Wynonna pulled her legs up onto the armchair and made a face.

“How about you be in charge of knowing more stuff, and I be in charge of just shooting them in the face. Sound like a plan to you? Although… now you say that, there’s every chance I slept with a prince of hell or two in my time. I have routinely terrible taste in men.” She shrugged. “Until just lately.” She thought another moment. “Actually, they probably weren’t princes. Bygones, bygones.”

No need to dwell. Also, no need to traumatize Waverly.

“Okay. So. Please remember I have your best interests at heart, here. And also mine, and… generally humans’ interests. I know you’re not going to like this, much.” Wynonna pulled the sleeves of her enormous sweater over her hands.

“Sam and I are hitting the road tomorrow. I need to get back to the job, and he has some ideas about how to find the revenants.” Maybe she’d skip the part about Wy being bait-y.

–––

Wav:

“Ooookay slow it down there Wynonna you’re talking the crazy talk.”

Waverly’s smile faltered and she shifted her hands to close the book she’d been reading through previously.

Wynonna really was speaking crazy, leaving with Sam was just…ugh this was dumb and leave it to Wynonna to come up with it.

“You’re leaving again, really? That’s your grand idea, leave with Sam to hunt some demons using yourself as bait while I stay here and hit the books. Nice, good plan Wynonna.”

Alright, maybe she was just a little annoyed with the idea but they didn’t even know the Winchester’s that well. How could Wynonna just trust Sam to go out on a hunt with her? Running a hand through her hair she sighed and tucked it behind her ears, leaning forward she dropped her elbows on the table and fixed Wynonna with a look.

“You know I’m not going to approve of this ever right?”

–––

Wynonna:

“My idea…” Wynonna shook her head. “My idea is to fix this. We can’t have them out there killing people. They got out of the triangle because of me. I’m the only one who can put them in the ground. Sam… is a wall of muscle and handy with the guns, so with a little luck and some… I mean, with a lot of care, and lots of really thorough planning, he can keep me alive. And in the meantime, I need to you figure out how to find the ones who are too dumb to fall for this, or even better, some kind of magic that will just… poof them all away. Sound good?”

She slumped in the chair.

“Oh, Wav. I know. I don’t like it either. But yeah, I trust him. I trust him enough so that I even trust Dean. And I don’t want us to spend our whole lives doing this. I wanna show you the world. Take you to Greece.” Her hand moved automatically to close over the key pendant, and the beads, that she wore around her neck. Like a very quiet prayer to Athena.

–––

Wav:

It was hard not to roll her eyes at her sister.

Of course Waverly wanted to stop the Revenants too. Who didn’t want to stop them? But rushing out there to take them on without a plan and with no way of tracking them was suicide. Besides, they were dumb but could the Rev’s be dumb enough to actually take bait like that? If she was a Revenant she would run in the opposite direction she heard the heir was in.

             “They’ll be stupid to show, this bait isn’t even going to work.              They’re not going to run head on in to the hair knowing you              can kill them, not when they’ve already got what they want              Wynonna, freedom.”

Promises of the world and getting to see it or live in peace weren’t going to ease her nerves on this and it sure as heck wasn’t going to make her agree any faster to letting Wynonna just walk out that door either.

              “You know I love you sis, but this is a dumb idea.”

–––

Wynonna:

“Come on, Wav, most revenants are too dumb to walk and chew gum at the same time. Plus Sam knows the king of hell. They’ll all probably want to impress him by coming after me.”

Okay, that was probably not the most reassuring thing to say, but.

“I can’t just sit here and wait for news, Waverley. I want this to be over. I wanna show you the world, and I want you to have a life that’s not just tracking down spooky shit so I can maybe, maybe kill it. I want this curse broken and over. Sam and I can do a lot together. He’s a hell of a fighter, and I’ve got Peacemaker. I need you to stay here and focus on finding something, a spell or something, that can find them more efficiently, but for right now, whether this is a good plan or not, it’s the only one we’ve got.”

She sighed.

“I know. I don’t want to leave you, either. But it’s not like Dean can handle this level of research on his own.”

–––

Wav:

             “It’s fine Wynonna, just go.”

Waverly sighed, giving up. There was never any point or reason to try and convince Wynonna that what she was doing was stupid. She was going to do what she wanted no matter what anyone else thought about it.

Pushing herself to her feet she snapped the book she’d been reading through closed and headed it back to its shelf. If she was honest she would admit she’d done it just for an ounce of breathing room since she was on the verge of saying things she didn’t need to say. It wasn’t going to do them any good to argue, it never did.

Picking up another book from the shelf she headed back to the table she’d been sitting at and set it down.

             “I’m telling you though Wynonna, they’re not going to come around              looking for you no matter who Sam knows. They may not be the              smartest lot in all of Purgatory but you don’t have to be smart to want              to survive.”

She looked up at she said it before dropping back down into her seat and lowering her eyes to her newest book so she could get to reading.

–––

Wynonna:

Shit. How was Wynonna supposed to leave with Waverly this mad at her? They’d been apart for so many years, and Wynonna had left her in Purgatory again… and now here she was planning to leave her in Lebanon, with Dean.

But that didn’t change the fact that they had to get rid of the Revenants – before the body count climbed any higher.

Wynonna crossed her arms on the table.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. I won’t go, if you have a better idea. Talk to me. I don’t want to do this for the rest of our lives. What happens when I die and they come on up out of the ground again – the six? Seriously, Wav, I’m open to ideas, baby girl, but right now, I can’t see any others but this one.”

She shook her head.

“But you were always the smart one. If you’ve got another idea, then I wanna hear about it. I can’t sit here doing nothing. You can’t take an entire library on the road. So what’s option two, Wav?”

–––

Wav:

            “I don’t have an idea Wynonna but that’s the problem,             you don’t either.”

Waverly looked up at her sister and shook her head trying to reign in her emotions. Getting mad wasn’t going to achieve anything and Wynonna was going to leave regardless. She wanted to be out hunting even if she wasn’t hunting what they should be. That’s just how she was.

             “Look just go, go out and hunt whatever you and Sam              stumble across…but it’s not going to be a revenant. I              can promise that much Wy.”

Turning back to her book she sighed again, her mind drifting to thoughts of caffeine and what tea she might be able to find stashed away here.

–––

Wynonna:

“Yeah, we might find other things, and if we do, we’ll kill them, too. I didn’t think that was something you’d have a problem with. You know the one place we’re guaranteed not to find any revenants, Wav? In here!”

She felt frustration gripping her jaw. Yeah, the plan wasn’t exactly refined, didn’t mean it wasn’t the best one they had.

“Don’t do this. I wanted a proper sister night before I leave, Waverly. Just you and me, hanging out… I don’t think we can start a fire, so roasting marshmallows is out. But something. I don’t want to leave like this. We lost too much time, Wav. I want this over so our life can start. Really start, without monsters hanging over our heads.”

–––

Wav:

But they might find a way to find them…or contain them…or break the curse. It felt like a fight Waverly didn’t even want to have. Wynonna was convinced. Waverly sighed, letting her eyes fall closed for just a moment as frustration curled through her.

Words were on the tip of her tongue, perched and ready to fall off but she bit them back knowing it would do them no good. This life that Wynonna wanted away from, it was inescapable. Waverly knew she wouldn’t ever be able to just walk away from it even with all the revenants dead and the curse broken. She’d seen too much, she knew too much, she even thought she might not be fully human herself so there was that.

Life had already started and the monsters were just a part of that. Waverly doubted Wynonna would ever be able to walk away either, not fully.

           “Ok.”

She closed the book she was reading.

          “Think Dean’s got any fun flavored whiskey around here?”

–––

Wynonna:

Wynonna knew that face. She hadn’t actually won the argument; Wav was just done arguing. The ornery part of Wynonna wanted to keep going until she’d won, but there were times it just wasn’t worth it, and this was one of them. Better they were able to say a brief farewell for now on good terms. One day, when they were free of all of this, this would be nothing but a mildly unpleasant memory.

(She ignored the way her stomach tightened when she imagined all of this being over.)

“I’m willing to bet he’s got enough booze stashed away in this place that we could throw an actual frat party,” she said, crossing to the sideboard she’d noticed the other day and opening the low door. She grinned, and looked up at Waverley. “Fireball. And bourbon honey liqueur? Weird, that doesn’t exactly sound like Dean to me. Tequila,” she added, pulling the bottles up and putting them on the table.

“Funny, I don’t feel at all bad drinking his hard-earned pool shark and credit card scam dough. By the way, you think we should try that? Either or, doesn’t matter to me. We’re gonna run out of cash, eventually.”

–––

Wav:

         “So, no fun flavored things. Noted.”

Waverly grinned and reached for a bottle to pull the cap off of. She didn’t bother waiting for a glass, she wouldn’t have at home either. Lifting it to her lips she took a long sip and passed it to Wynonna as thoughts of credit card scams ran through her mind.

In theory it was a victimless crime, but she still wasn’t sure how easy it would be or how keen she was on the idea of it. But Wynonna was right about the money. With BBD no longer backing her Wynonna was left without a job and the money from Gus gave her selling Shorty’s was only going to last so long. She still had a good chunk left having not spent it on getting the hell out of Purgatory like Gus wanted…but still it wouldn’t last forever.

         “I’ll ask them to show me the ropes, surely one of the two will be thrilled          to help me break in to a life of crime.”

Following in all the right foot steps she guessed.

–––

Wynonna:

“Give it a couple of months and you’ll be reigning queen,” Wynonna said blithely, taking the bottle, and swigging from the neck. It was disgusting stuff. Dean had to have a cast-iron stomach, possibly more impressive than Wynonna’s own. She couldn’t help but be impressed. She reached for another bottle. Slightly less disgusting. “A hack-off between you and Sam could be entertaining.”

She couldn’t shake the feeling that Waverly was still annoyed, but since it didn’t change the facts of what she had to do, Wynonna chose to let it be.

“Guess you and Dean have a project to do while we’re gone, then. It’s good to have goals.” She wished she had some idea of how long they’d be on the road, when she’d see her sister again, but it was too hard to estimate just then. She took another swig and stretched out, feet up on another chair. “Maybe you could swap languages. I bet he could teach you Klingon. Ask him, and if he says he doesn’t speak it, get him drunk and then ask him again.”

–––

Wav:

         “Yeah, guess so.”

Waverly reached for the bottle and took another sip before deciding that that was enough of that. She worked at Shorty’s long enough to be able to handle her liquor well so that wasn’t an issue, just the simple fact that it was gross and tasted like something Doc would try to pass off as drinkable.

         “I guess you should get packing though, make sure you have everything          you need to go hunting or whatever. You know you don’t have to hang          around here, right?”

She didn’t want Wynonna thinking she had to stick around and play a around of comfort the little sister. Especially if the topic was just going to keep coming back around to Wynonna leaving and what she was supposed to be learning while she was gone.

–––

Wynonna:

“Don’t be in such a hurry to get rid of me. We’re not leaving until the morning, and I don’t have much to pack,” Wynonna promised. “It’ll be fine. I’m gonna miss my baby sister, I need to get in a little more girl time before then.” She could see Waverly probably wanted some space. Ironic, since only moments ago she was telling Wynonna she shouldn’t go at all; but she was annoyed, and she needed to breathe, probably. Well, whatever. Wynonna needed to save a little of this up, to keep her sane over the next few weeks.

Thank god or Steve Jobs or whatever for video chat. She’d miss that irritated look, if she had to just imagine it.

“But you’re probably right. I should probably make a start so I don’t miss anything important.”

She pushed out of her chair, and drained the glass.

“But I’m gonna wake you in the morning for a hug, and I expect you to show a little enthusiasm,” she joked. “Night, sis.”

~complete~

[pandemicperipatetics]

One Beautiful Day in Grand Teton National Park

The Verdict: This is one of our favorite national parks. It’s a mountains-and-lakes kind of park, and the scenery is jaw-dropping in a Banff-like way. The town right by the park, Jackson, is one of the nicest national park-adjacent towns we’ve been to; it seems like a great place for an extended stay (though when we were there -- in late summer after 18 months after a pandemic -- it wasn’t the most affordable). Our only regret about Grand Teton is not being able to stay longer!

The COVID moose was a hit. Way to be adorable, St. John’s Hospital.

Stuff We Recommend

#1: Hiking to Surprise Lake & Amphitheatre Lake (~10 miles total: 5 miles out and 5 miles back; strenuous): This hike is AMAZING! You'll hike to two extraordinarily beautiful lakes against the backdrop of Grand Teton (the park's namesake mountain). For me, these lakes recalled the stunning lakes at Canada's Banff National Park. The hike is pretty much uphill the entire way; it is definitely strenuous but not because of any particularly challenging areas, rather because it is a marathon of an incline. We saw elk and pika, as well as a marriage proposal at lovely Surprise Lake! The full hike took us about 5.5 hours, split about evenly between uphill and downhill, excluding the time we spent picnicking at Surprise Lake. It was pretty cold sitting by the lakes, so definitely take a windbreaker for that bit.

Surprise Lake

Amphitheater Lake

If you choose to do this hike, check out Earthtrekkers' excellent summary. Note they recommend adding on Delta Lake -- we tried, but the lack of signage made it too difficult to find our way, and we ultimately decided not to pursue this additional portion of the hike.

Hiking up to Surprise & Amphitheater Lakes - take 1

Hiking up to Surprise & Amphitheater Lakes - take 2. See how the smile disappeared? It’s a difficult hike!

Elk hanging out along the trail

Pika chilling in the rocks by Amphitheatre Lake

Logistics: Park at Lupine Meadows Trailhead. BEWARE the insane potholes on this road. Not sure how anything besides a 4x4 or high-clearance SUV can do this, but we did see a handful of sedans that made it. We needed a solid car wash after doing this drive. We got here on Friday around 11:30 a.m. and the parking area was 90%+ full; we were able to park on the side of the road in a designated parallel parking area.

Alternate option: Don't want to do such a long hike? Try the shorter hike to Taggart Lake (starts from a different trailhead and parking lot; looks very beautiful). You can actually hike to Bradley Lake & Taggart Lake (5.5 mi roundtrip) from the same trailhead as Surprise Lake & Amphitheatre Lake, but these two hikes share the first 1.7 miles of a pretty unremarkable uphill climb, so the Taggart Lake-only option starting elsewhere might be nicer.

View of Taggart & Bradley Lakes from the hike to Surprise & Amphitheater Lakes

#2: Jenny Lake Boat + Hiking: Jenny Lake is the most popular part of the park. We hiked most of the Jenny Lake Loop (which goes all the way around the lake), but we recommend doing things a bit differently: Start at the String Lake Parking Lot and hike counterclockwise along Jenny Lake for incredible views of the lake. Stop when you get to the area for Hidden Falls (a very large and stunning waterfall) and Inspiration Point (a beautiful, high viewpoint over Jenny Lake). Going to Hidden Falls and Inspiration Point is about 2 miles roundtrip and well worth it, though a bit steep and very crowded. Then, retrace your steps and hike back to the String Lake Parking Lot.

Bridge at the junction of Jenny Lake and String Lake

Hidden Falls

View of Jenny Lake from Inspiration Point

View of Inspiration Point from the Jenny Lake Shuttle (boat)

Alternate option: If you don't have time or don't want to hike/walk along Jenny Lake, you can park at Jenny Lake Visitor Center Parking Lot and take the Jenny Lake boat shuttle roundtrip to/from Hidden Falls and Inspiration Point. This is expensive ($18pp roundtrip) and means you miss out on some of the especially nice views of Jenny Lake, but it is time efficient and may make sense if you have limited time to spend in the park. If you do this, get to the Jenny Lake shuttle as early as possible. When we walked by it around 11a.m., the line for the shuttle was extremely long.

One of our favorite views of Jenny Lake, walking on Jenny Lake Scenic Loop from the String Lake parking lot to Hidden Falls 

What we actually did (somewhat suboptimal): We parked at the Jenny Lake Visitor Center Parking Lot and walked along Jenny Lake about 3 miles to the intersection of String Lake. Most of this walk had trees obstructing the view of the lake; it wasn't that scenic. From String Lake, we continued along the Jenny Lake Loop trail and saw Hidden Falls + Inspiration Point, as recommended above. Then we took the Jenny Lake Shuttle ($10pp one way) across Jenny Lake to get back to the Jenny Lake Parking Lot. The shuttle was a 2-3 minute boat ride across the lake with very nice views of mountainous Inspiration Point, but it felt like a ripoff. The shuttle can also have very long lines, so if we did it again we'd save ourselves the trouble. This took us about 3 hours in total.

View of Jenny Lake in the morning, close to the Jenny Lake Visitor Center.

Sometime during the first ~3 miles of the Jenny Lake Scenic Loop starting from the Visitor Center and walking counterclockwise. 

Logistics: We're not sure about what it's like to park by String Lake. If you park at Jenny Lake Visitor Center, there are a few large parking areas. When we arrived on Friday around 7:40a.m. there were plenty of available spaces, but when we returned around 11a.m., the parking lot was full and cars were circling for spots as they opened up. Get there early to save yourself the stress of finding a parking spot!

#3: Drive along the 42 mile scenic drive loop (map): We drove most but not all of this, and it was definitely very pretty throughout. Exhausted after a long day, we only stopped at Oxbow Bend (amazing, and easy to get to as it’s right off the main road) and Schwabacher Landing (nice, but hard to get to due to a VERY pothole-y road; not sure if it was worth it.)

Oxbow Bend before sunset

Schwabachers Landing

Of course, there are plenty of other things to see and do at Grand Teton National Park. We loved the way we spent our one day there, and we hope to return to see more!

Lodging:

Springhill Suites by Marriott Jackson Hole: We spent one night at this hotel and it was perfect. The rooms are upscale and cozy, check-in was efficient and thorough, the downtown Jackson location is great, and the breakfast buffet was varied including delicious healthy options. We would have loved to stay longer, it's just very expensive! Logistics: Though the hotel offers pricey parking, we found free street parking right in front of the hotel and there were plenty of open spots. The city of Jackson also offers free parking garages, including one very closeby to this hotel.

Colter Bay Campground:  Located right by Jackson Lake in the northern part of the park, Colter Bay is about an hour north of the city of Jackson and 30 minutes north of some of the most popular park areas (Jenny Lake, Lupine Meadows). We were lucky to get a campsite just a few weeks before our trip, but Colter Bay wasn't terribly special. It wasn't scenic and, while convenient to get an early start to our day from inside the park, it wasn't quite as conveniently located as Jenny Lake Campground since that is more central to the most popular hikes. However, Jenny Lake Campground was booked out several months in advance.

Jackson, WY:

This is a very nice town with an unbelievably scenic backdrop and great amenities (restaurants, bars, nice lodging). Though we only had enough time to spend one night here, we would have loved to spend more time. We enjoyed the panang curry and IPAs at Thai Me Up, a Thai restaurant + brewery.

Logistics: The city of Jackson has free parking garages. Street parking is also free.