Clark: [stares at Ace] Is that what I think it is?
Bruce: Oh, that’s Chewperman, Ace’s favorite chew toy.
Clark: You let Ace chew on a mini me?
Bruce: That’s what it’s made for. If it makes you feel bad, I’ll make one for Krypto too. He’ll love it, right boy?
Ace: Woof.
The following week at the Fortress of Solitude…
Bruce: Why is this toy kept behind a glass casing? It’s meant for Krypto. [takes it out of the casing and tosses it to Krypto] Here boy!
Krypto: [happily chomps on the Batman chew toy]
Clark: Noooo! Don’t! Krypto, let go of Batsqueak!
Bruce: Batsqueak?
Clark: It just feels wrong, Bruce! I can’t bear to let any harm come to Batsqueak. He should be kept safe in his ice cave, not mauled by giant fangs.
Bruce: …
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all good fics come from broke college girls or bad bitches who are 30+
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this might be a hot take but i actually don’t think humans were meant to know what is going on in everyone’s lives all over the world every second of the day and constantly be available for conversations or collaborations or call-ins for work and texts and phone calls and social media posts without end. i think we were supposed to just help the people around us and spend time with our family and friends and eat yummy bread and berries and relax
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James: Okay, you guys, there’s Reg. Watch. Just watch this
Regulus: *walking past*
James: See? Still pretending he’s not interested. Oh! He’s coming over. Just pretend like we don’t know him. We’ve forgotten who he is!
Regulus: Hey guys!
Remus: Hey Regulus!
Peter: Hello!
James: …
Sirius: Hey, Reggie. You know Prongs, my best friend? He’s nice. He’s not bad to look at, right?
James: Thanks, Pads
Regulus: Well, of course
Sirius: Do you want to go out on a date with him? You got my blessing!
James: Sirius!
Regulus: Sure. Is Sunday okay?
Sirius: Sunday’s perfect. He can’t wait
Regulus: On the date, I will be able to talk to him directly, right?
Sirius: Yeah
Regulus: All right, see you Sunday, Potter *leaves*
James: Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don’t answer me
James, giggling: I have a date with Reggie!
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a quick summary of episodes 4 and 5 (x)
✨here be memes✨
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Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, I wasn’t expecting a visit this late.
Gordon: My apologies, Bruce, there are some things that I need to talk to you about regarding the Wilson case.
Bruce: No apologies needed, Commissioner. Please, have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?
Gordon: Tea would be-
Bruce: ?
Gordon:
Bruce: Commissioner?
Gordon:
Bruce: Commissioner Gordon, is everything all right?
Gordon: Bruce, there’s a- there’s a ghost floating down your hallway…
Bruce: [turns to see a sleeping Clark floating horizontally out of his bedroom, wrapped up in his blanket]
Bruce: Oh, that’s just my great-great-granduncle Tom. He’s always haunting this hallway on Thursdays. It’s his weekly chess game, and he never got over that one loss. Poor Uncle Tom…
Gordon:
Bruce: Alfred, why don’t you go and see if Uncle Tom can be persuaded to haunt another hallway instead?
Alfred: Right away, Master Bruce.
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