#yeah he's definitely not a good person but he's still way more human than charles

[carewyncromwell]

“Everyday people, in their own sweet way, Like to add a coat of paint and be what they ain’t! That’s how our little game is played, Livin’ like a masquerade, actin’ a bizarre charade, While playing the saint!”

~“Facade” from Jekyll and Hyde

x~x~x~x

Ahhh, no!! Carewyn!! D:

Ahem -- yeah, this is a counterpoint to a piece I’ve done in the past about Jacob and how he got ensnared by Charles Cromwell and R’s web...but this is going to take a little bit of explanation! First, though, my musical accompaniment while working on this includes Things Are Not What They Appear from Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World, Elsie Lovelock’s cover of Trust in Me from The Jungle Book, and Wolfsong by Omnia. 😊

Okay, right to it. Those of you who know Hogwarts Mystery, there’s a moment toward the beginning of year 6 where MC meets Jacob in his old room at Hogwarts, after following Sickleworth the Niffler, who’s carrying a white quill that it turns out is a threat from R, reminding MC that R still intends to “collect” on one of their friends’ lives. Well, this scene has always bugged me, because Hogwarts is supposed to be nigh impregnable, to the point that even Voldemort couldn’t get inside during the First Wizarding War -- so how does a non-Hogwarts-graduate like Jacob get in so easily?

My answer -- that is not really Jacob. In my canon, the person Carewyn instead meets is an agent of R, who -- with inside help from another agent who plays as the newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor -- was able to sneak into the school and impersonate Jacob with Polyjuice Potion. And this agent impersonating Jacob is none other than Carewyn’s maternal uncle and heir to the Cromwell Clan, Blaise. 

Blaise Cromwell is a character who -- quite honestly -- I think deserves multiple punches to the face. He is ridiculously possessive of his family, seeing them as akin to prized toys that no one else is allowed to touch but him, and his sister Lane and her children are no exception. Blaise is just as determined as Charles is to force Lane, Jacob, and Carewyn back into the fold of the Cromwell Clan, and he has no moral compunctions that might temper that desire. He’s more than willing to lie, deceive, torture, or even kill to achieve that goal. And because he was raised by Charles -- who like Jacob and Carewyn was born with immensely powerful Legilimency -- Blaise became a master of Occlumency at a young age, all in the effort of maintaining some privacy in and control over his own mind. This Occlumency and Blaise’s rather convincing act makes it so that Carewyn at first has no idea that she’s not speaking to her brother...at least, not until Blaise as Jacob collides with her in Knockturn Alley, while Carewyn herself is disguised as Patricia Rakepick. But for now, Carewyn is completely unawares...not just because Blaise was so good at capturing Jacob’s mannerisms and overall attitude, but because he sounded so sincere, speaking of his desire for their family to be as it once was. It made it so that when he so “reluctantly” accepted her help with the Vaults on the condition that she not involve her friends “unnecessarily” the way he did Duncan and Olivia, Carewyn didn’t suspect anything amiss. And well, Blaise does want his family as he once had it. He wants his sister Lane back at the Cromwell estate...and he does want her children there with them. Sure, for her and them, it’d be a cage, but they’d learn to accept it. They were family, after all -- the Cromwell estate, and the Cromwell Clan, was where they belonged. 

For however terrible of a person Blaise is, however, I will point out that the moment Blaise collided with Carewyn in Jacob’s old room was the first time he’d really been able to interact with his niece. And however much he was focused on his goal, it didn’t mean he felt nothing, seeing her for the first time. 

Lane had been Blaise’s favorite sibling when they were young -- admittedly largely by default since they were closest in age and Lane was both intellectual and disinterested in social gatherings enough that Blaise enjoyed her company -- so her departure had a profound impact on Blaise, just as it did the rest of the Clan. He missed his third sister dearly, and hearing that she’d not only married a Muggle, but that that wretched man then proceeded to abandon her and her children upon Jacob’s Hogwarts letter arriving at their door, Blaise felt a surge of overprotectiveness toward both Lane and her children. They deserved better than what they’d had to live with -- they deserved to live well, not in poverty; they deserved to be treated like high society, not like freaks; they deserved a real home with the Clan, not living in a Muggle gutter. Jacob and Carewyn’s experience with their father should prove to them the superiority of wizardkind over Muggles -- not drive them further into the arms of Muggle lovers like the Weasleys or Mudbloods like Olivia Green or Ben Copper. With Blaise himself a widower and single father, he’s imprinted some of those twisted paternal instincts onto both Jacob and Carewyn as well -- and when he met Carewyn for the first time while disguised as Jacob, he witnessed her capacity to love first-hand. For while he wore her brother’s face, this usually stoic, pretty little teenager fussed over Blaise, fixing his robes and expressing sincere and open concern for his safety. The closest comparison point Blaise had for Carewyn’s behavior was that of his own deceased mother, Marilyn -- and yet there was no sense of asserting control here, with Carewyn. Charles only used “concern” as a means to an end -- to get a better read on who he was talking to. Even Marilyn would express concern by taking some authority over her children -- telling them to sit up straight, fixing their collars and hair to make them look perfect, because she wanted them to succeed, which would also reflect well on her. But not Carewyn. Her caring was given with no caveats or conditions -- no semblance of dominance or control. It was so...selfless.

Blaise had had no concept that any relative of his could be so weak-hearted. And yet all it did was make him want to bring her into the fold more.

People are rife to take advantage of a child like this. The people around her already have taken advantage of her. These ‘friends’ of hers that she’s so desperate to protect from us...what have they done, to deserve her caring? Who are they, to deserve her loyalty? Muggle lovers, Mudbloods, paupers and orphans...they are not her family -- we are her family!

The thought made Blaise’s inside flare with resentment and anger. 

And I intend to treat her like it. 

At one point during their meeting, Carewyn asked the man she thought was Jacob if something was wrong. Blaise tried to play this off, simply claiming he was lost in thought. Sensing Carewyn might be starting to pull away from him, Blaise offered a shred of vulnerability. 

“...It’s just...the last time I saw you...you were only a child. You still would be a child, if not for the Cursed Vaults...”

Some resentment slipped out despite himself. As much as he wanted his family back together, and as much as he knew his father Charles’s word was law so long as he was head of the Clan, Blaise really hadn’t wanted his son or any of his nieces and nephews to be involved with R. He’d fought hard to keep Tristan and Pearl and Claire’s children out of this whole mess. 

“...I wish I could shield you, Pip. I wish that...things could be just the way they were.”

Carewyn’s eyes softened. Feeling compassion in her heart for who she thought was her brother, she then opened up her arms and encircled “Jacob” in a hug. The gesture made Blaise flinch. 

“Me too,” Carewyn murmured. 

The warmth of her embrace flooded Blaise with a strange, trembling kind of pain -- an ache he hardly knew the origin of. He so rarely received hugs as it was, but this kind of hug in particular -- however much it comforted Carewyn as much as him, once again, there was no sense of transaction, no sense of control. She was just offering him comfort, and she found comfort herself just in giving it...such a weak-hearted gesture, and yet expressed by such a firm, warm embrace. 

Abruptly, before he fully knew what he was doing, Blaise had lashed his arms out and seized hold of Carewyn, cradling her against his chest the way he did his own son, Tristan. The strength of his hug made Carewyn give him a light squeeze in return, which in turn made tears clutch at Blaise’s throat. Forcing them back fiercely, the heir of the Cromwell Clan simply held on tighter, resting his head on top of Carewyn’s as a choked song drifted absently from his lips. 

“The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms... When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, So I hung my head and cried.”

Blaise hardly knew the origin of the old song anymore, aside from it being his main choice of lullaby for his son, Tristan, when he was young. Carewyn seemed to know it, though. Her lips even curled up in a small, sad smile of her own as she sang the chorus with him --

“You are my sunshine...my only sunshine... You make me happy when skies are gray... You’ll never know, dear...how much I love you... Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Patricia Rakepick had told Blaise that Carewyn was a true Cromwell, when she sang. Seeing what she meant, by hearing the warm, trained tone of his niece for the first time, made Blaise squeeze Carewyn that little bit tighter.

Oh, if only his mother could’ve heard her, Blaise thought of Marilyn at the grand piano so many years ago...if only she’d had the chance to hear Lane’s daughter sing...

“We can’t forget Laney’s baby. We must get something for the baby...”

When Blaise finally forced himself to let go of Carewyn, he cleared his throat, trying to pull himself together as he turned away. 

“...I should go. The longer I’m here, the more of a chance someone’ll see me. Can’t afford to get you in more trouble, on my account...”

Carewyn frowned. “Mm...”

Even with how disappointed she looked, she still nodded. Blaise turned to her much more seriously. 

“Best not tell anyone I was here, Pip,” he said. “If your friends are anything like mine...I doubt they’ll just stand back and watch, if they know you’re helping me with the Vaults.”

Carewyn’s eyes fell away as she nodded again grimly. She clearly didn’t need to be convinced -- she’d already come to that conclusion herself. 

Good, thought Blaise coldly. The more she separates herself from them now, the easier it’ll be for her to let go of them and return home to us. Then she’ll know what home and family truly are.

The memory of trying and failing to completely modify Ben Copper’s memory outside the Ice Vault -- of seeing him fearfully mumbling Carewyn’s name in his sleep in the Hospital Wing, after he was recovered -- made Blaise’s fist clench around his wand as he left the room and disappeared down the hall. 

Everything would be the way it should be, Blaise thought, once he brought Lane and her children home. He’d make sure Lane, Jacob, and Carewyn had everything they could ever want, once they came home to the Clan. He’d make sure they were content -- that they’d have everything they needed, at home, where they belonged.

Then they’d stay. They’d stay, and never leave again.

[anxious-witch]

Part two of this analysis aka Edwin, Charles and asexuality and why I personally like hcing Charles under the ace umbrella rather than Edwin.

Previous part was about why I don't see Edwin as ace and this one is about why I can see Charles as being on ace/ace spectrum.

So, you might be thinking, what the hell is he talking about? Charles clearly flirts with Crystal from the start and is attracted to her!

And to that, I say, yes....and no. He flirts with her from the start, absolutely! I'd even say he likes her immediately and think she is pretty. But given we aren't in his head, we can't really know exactly what he thinks. His reaction certainly isn't as extreme as the one Edwin has to the Cat King, which clearly showed instant sexual attraction.

So, the way I see it, I think he likes Crystal and very quickly develops a crush on her. But those are romantic feelings, not sexual ones. And we all know how intense Charles' feelings are, especially when it comes to devoting himself to someone.

"He literally agrees about being a nice addition to her body count! And he seems to know ghosts and human can have sex!" Yeah. Which is why A) I hc him as demisexual aka only feeling sexual attraction when he already has feelings for someone and B) as an ace person myself, believe me when I say that researching sex as a concept by an ace person is not uncommon. It's interesting part of human experience, whenever you wish that for yourself or not.

But I digress. Back to my point and that is, when does Charles seem to kiss (and if you believe they slept together after that one scene)? When one or both of them are in need of comfort.

We know Charles is physically affectionate person in general, so while I understand the whole thing was muddled with him and Crystal, I do find it odd he never kissed her due to being excited, or relieved. It would be so very in character for him and yet??? We see them kiss, if I remember correctly, after Charles has his breakdown over not being able to stop anything or after the Devlin's house? I mixed up those two in my head but regardless-it's a form of comfort. You know how a lot of ace people who like sex describe why they like it? Because it makes them feel closer to their partner, because yes, the sex itself is enjoyable, but there is no need for it, no attraction to spur it on. But when you care about the person, you want to make them feel good and you want to feel closer to them.

So for Charles, who constantly craves positive validation, especially through touch? I feel like he'd be either sex positive ace or as I mentioned earlier, demisexual. He doesn't seem spurred by it by attraction.

Hell, after Crystal has a nightmare, what is his first instinct? To kiss her. Because he feels helpless with how to help her other than get her closer to him! But , no offense to Crystal, I find it a bit difficult to believe Charles looked at her in that moment, traumatized by the nightmare and thought "god you look so hot right now I have to kiss you".

And again, we see this repeated when Crystal is about to leave for London and she kisses him goodbye. They never kiss as a consequence of something happy. Which yes, can definitely be contributed to the general narrative of that relationship likely being there as more of a comfort but still.

When we talk about headcanon sphere, because I don't pretend like the writers planned on making Charles ace coded, I think it would make sense.

Also why he doesn't clock Edwin's meeting with the Cat King for what they are! He is suspicious, we could even say he is jealous, but up until Edwin doesn't bring up his feelings for Monty, Charles doesn't connect the two. Which I find odd. Charles doesn't seem surprised that Edwin is gay, so how did he not make a connection about the Cat King until that moment?

Unless he usually connects sex with romantic feelings! Of course, he knows other people sometimes don't but surely not Edwin? Surely Edwin would think like Charles and want to love someone before feeling any sort of attraction? Right? Right??

Wrong. You sir, give strong demi vibes.

No but in all seriousness, I feel like Charles being demi/ace doesn't have a lot of uncomfortable implications that Edwin does? And it doesn't play into the stereotypes either. Why not hc someone flirty and easygoing as ace for a change?

Not to mention that he can be flippant around sex because that's what's expected. We know Charles is not above putting up a front if it makes it easier for everyone around him. To feel accepted.

So he likes a girl. She is pretty and powerful and she alive. Of course he is attracted to her. It's natural. That's how attraction is meant to feel like. Right?

And especially with demi hc, I feel like that fits very well bc he is used to having to "convince" himself before he feels the attraction.

Another cool point I could see being raised is how, he thinks Edwin isn't interested in anyone for the longest time, so Charles in turn, fully turns out any possible romantic feelings for him. And in turn then, he never think he can be attracted to Edwin because he could be like oh! No romantic feelings? No attraction either. Cool!

But yeah. Again, just hcs in general, but if we are talking about making someone ace, I feel like Charles is a more logical than Edwin, personally

[hensunrik]

Do you think Michael and Charles would get along if they knew each other in present?

You mean in today's timeline and not a different hypothetical where they might have been teammates or a dynamic like that yeah?

Because (and keeping in mind that I don't think it's always a straightforward answer because drivers are at the end of the day humans and they have their own biases and favorites and egos - take this to be factually stated than in a derogatory manner since it's normal for them to be fostered in such a highly competitive and prestigious environment), but factoring everything in, I do actually believe they would have had a good relationship yes.

I feel like sometimes in f1 circles we tend to speak more about michael's war crimes and attitudes on track or regarding his competitors and not nearly enough about how truly special and strong the bond he had with every last team member was, the way he spoke of ferrari and how the mechanics still speak of him and the warm atmosphere he would create with the utmost affection to this day, how he would care for the little guy, that he would walk with them on the trackside to ask about their families and make them feel included, how he is both a myth yes but also just one of them and one with them - truly one of the guys-, the way he said "When you are part of a community for 14 years, it inevitably shapes you. I will always have a part of Ferrari beside me; a part of my heart will always be red."

And at the same time there is no one else who would ever be in a more prime position to truly understand the internal challenges that are quite frankly (and a bit embarrassingly) an integral part of the team, the way he himself chose this instead of easier paths that were available and wide open to him as a two time champion, so truthfully and while I'm no schumologist I know we would never see anything remotely close to the absolute braindead takes some pundits toss out into the wind like farts these days (obligatory ralf is an idiot interjection here because I haven't said it in a while and because I can)

So at the end of the day while we the tifosi would all agree that this bond is irreplicable and irreplaceable (and also there are quite a few differences namely the most important being the way each of them entered the team which ends up shaping completely different dynamics) there are definitely echoes of it in the way charles has brought this team together around him, in the way he genuinely truly believes in them and they believe in him in return, in the way you can see his dedication and hard work but also the way he speaks of them, the way he protects them, the way he never shirks personal responsibility and has committed to self improvement and how you can still see him growing into this leadership role, which is the promise of a future. And I think this more than anything has earned him a lot of credit not only amidst the tifosi but also the team higher-ups, ex drivers and figureheads like jean alesi, and I have also seen former ferrari engineers acknowledge it (I'm a disorganized mess and I never save anything so this is the one I have but if anyone sees this and wants to send me more to archive feel free)

There was also this whole rhubarb a couple of months ago about charles' admissability of mistakes being a weakness which was compared to michael (another can of worms that I will not open now but there is this tendency of pundits to completely conflate publicity statements and press releases to how drivers work within teams and very erroneously at that because michael was infamously much more self critical when the mics were off). In my opinion takes like this are a total miss on the difference between two completely different eras and team mentalities, where with this team and this era of racing in general the priority is not to project an air of invincibility, of inviolable confidence and intimidation as you would see from f1 20 years ago but more of hard work through accountability, acknowledgement of errors and building on that towards genuine improvement, all with the final goal of victory via learning, via honing skills and via achieving the perfect synergy as a team. I think this is a genuinely better way of doing things, or at the very least a way that fits who charles is as a driver and the team he is building around him much better and that he should stand his ground and stick to it and I do very strongly believe that michael would have said the same.

So tldr; while I am obviously not a mind reader, for all the reasons above and seeing the general wave of promise and good will charles has inspired around everyone close to ferrari regarding its future I cannot see them have a bad relationship. The one issue which I usually see negatively influencing punditry not only regarding ferrari but f1 in general is, hilariously, often their own personal hangups and self projection issues (hello damon hill, hello jacques villeneuve, hello nico even, I love you but these still are public therapy sessions you are airing in broadcast for free my man :')) and for all the problems that have plagued ferrari in the past decade (rip) there is nothing about what charles has been doing that anyone in their right mind and michael first of all would consider either a threat or an affront to his legacy,, I dare say it is in fact quite the opposite.

[earnestly-endlessly]

if you don't mind, could we have a fic rec list where Moira is a character and has a respected role (cherik or otherwise)? I always feel that she deserved so much better and is overly bashed in the fandom when she could honestly be greater

Yes!! I love when people appreciate Moira. She was really done dirty in the films so it's great when a fandom acknowledges that and takes matter into their own hands. I'm sure there are many more fics out there where Moira is appreciated but these are the ones I found. The fandom doesn't have many Moira centric fics out there, but there are plenty where Moira is appreciated. I'm especially a sucker for fics where Moira and Erik are reluctant friends, or begrudgingly respect one another lol. I hope you like these.

Moira appreciation fics

Domestic Disturbance - pocky_slash

Summary: "My wife kicked me out."

Only half of that sentence is a lie, although after the shit Nick's been pulling this week, Moira can't say she doesn't feel the urge to do some kicking.

Still Standing - heyjupiter

Summary: It's been over forty years since the last time Moira MacTaggart saw Raven Darkholme. Now CIA Assistant Director MacTaggart is visiting the mutant terrorist Mystique in her holding cell, hoping to get some information from her about the Brotherhood of Mutants and the so-called "mutant cure." She may get more than she bargained for.

Riding Lessons (The Indian 841 Remix) - heyjupiter

Summary: There's a motorbike in one of the Xavier garages and the person offering lessons is not the person you'd think.

"Oh, come on," she says. "I work for the CIA." Why does everyone always forget that?

Continue Firm and Constant – aesc

Summary: Moira hasn't seen her old partner in saving the world from threats human and intergalactic, Erik Lehnsherr, for a few years. When she finally does see him again, she finds a man different from the one who's been with her down in the dark and the dirt and the blood... or maybe he isn't so different after all.

rooms/shares - pocky_slash

Summary: Erik is single, working a cube job he hates, letting his master's degree in mutant studies collect dust, and living on his best friend's couch. When she kicks him out, he's forced to trawl Craigslist for the least-offensive rooming option within his meagre budget. He never expects a response from the persnickety, high maintenance ad he replies to as a joke, but it's possible this too-nice apartment and mysteriously absent roommate might be the answer to all four of his problems.

No Yesterdays on the Road - pocky_slash

Summary: It's been two months since Cuba and things are settling down for Charles, Erik, and the beginnings of their mutant school. Right up until Charles disappears, that is. Faced with the possibility that a bitter Emma Frost has kidnapped Charles, Erik is forced to team up with Moira to hunt down the remainder of the Hellfire Club. From there, they hope to locate Frost and retrieve Charles, without killing each other along the way.

(Or: Erik and Moira Drive Across the Country and Talk About Their Feelings.)

Unfinished Business - pocky_slash

Summary: It's March of 1963 and Charles Xavier's life seems to be falling into place. Sebastian Shaw is dead and he, Erik, Moira, and their team and young pupils are well on their way to opening their mutant school for fall enrollment.

Everything would be perfect if it wasn't for the childhood nightmares that Charles keeps accidentally projecting to the house, the odd dreams that leave him sleepwalking through corridors that haven't been used in decades, and the children's insistence that the house is haunted by a ghost that roams the halls at night. Erik thinks Charles is seeing things, Moira is afraid that the strange occurrences have something to do with the mysterious man trying to woo her, and Charles just wants proof that it's not all in his head.

Sequel to No Yesterdays on the Road

Rumor Has It - blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

Incy Wincy Spider - Tawabids

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don't yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik's past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

Handle With Care - pocky_slash

Summary: Moira thinks Erik Lehnsherr is a liability despite his skills and knowledge, but she's not above using Charles Xavier to keep him in check.

Barflys - pocky_slash

Summary: The truth is, Moira really is Erik's only friend. And she does occasionally have good advice. Like when she lets him know the hot guy in the corner booth is definitely checking him out and he should definitely hit that.

Stage Left – Sixthlight

Summary: Young Scottish soprano Moira MacTaggert is a rising star at the New York Metropolitan Opera, tutored by the mysterious Opera Ghost. At least, he would be mysterious...if her childhood friend Charles Xavier didn’t keep pestering her about the brilliant mutant mind he can clearly sense hiding in the opera house, and Moira was too stupid to tell the difference between an Angel of Music and someone hiding behind her mirror.

Note: Thanks @lead-acetate for recommending this fic 

[dickgrcyscns]

Gold Rush

Gold Rush, Charles Xavier Imagine

An imagine based off of “Gold Rush” by Taylor Swift! I tried my best to keep this as gender neutral as possible, if you catch any mistakes please let me know and I will fix it! Simple Summary: In which you, the reader, fall in love with the amazingly kind, caring, and handsome telepath. Only to find out, many others had also fallen for his same soft spoken smile and bright eyes.   Set During: An AU, post-first class but the school is operational and the events of Days of Future Past did not happen. Word Count: 1,493 words Gif used is not mine! 

It was funny how easily the human heart could break, sometimes without a person even fully knowing what had happened. Because the human heart was odd; it could take so much and then one day it would crack. The heart would find itself shattered. It never mattered the amount of time or effort a person tried to save it from breaking. Doing that just delayed the inevitable, it just delays everything that was meant to happen. You knew that falling in love was dangerous, people all around you had fallen in and out of love many times. And you never wanted to get hurt like they had, so you avoided it at all costs. 

But even if a person tried to hide from it, love always finds a way to creep inside a persons heart. For you, it happened slowly, and you couldn’t stop it. Even if you could have, would you? 

You thought about that often, even if there was a way to stop yourself from falling for Charles, would you have? If there were anyone to break your heart, you would prefer it to be Charles. Because at least then you know it would be gentle, he was never capable of anything other than being gentle (at least, that’s what you had taken from his demeanor). It broke you, though, to see his bright smile when Moira walked around the corner. The smile that rested on her face, the hand she had placed on his shoulder, laughs roaring from the both of them. And you couldn’t be angry, not with Charles and definitely not with Moira. 

No, because it was your fault for not speaking to him sooner. At least that’s what you told yourself. You should have spoken to him the minute your feelings ever popped up. And it was funny — there was this part of you that expected him to just know. For him to have randomly read into your mind, despite the fact that he had promised you he would never do that. Or, there were a few days where all you could think about was him. You thought that then, in that moment, he had to have heard those thoughts. They had to be loud, you were sure of that.

Blinking away at the mist your eyes began to create, you grabbed your book from the coffee table. Reading was an easy escape for you — you got to close your eyes and imagine a far off world where no one broke your heart, unless it was a character. But in books, when you’re reading, you could tell that it was leading to something. There were always hints in words, you never had an issue with picking up on those. They were right in front of you. People were never that easy. Feelings were so easily masked by a fake face of one emotion, the words leaving their lips seeming to fit that one emotion.

Flipping the page in your book, you felt someone else join the library. You glanced up, meeting the baby blue eyes of Charles. He gave you a soft smile and a wave, pushing himself over to one of the bookshelves. It took almost everything in you to look back down at your book, to look away from him. You let your eyes carry down the page, eating the words hungrily. A smile grew on your face when the two main characters got together in the middle of the main conflict. You had felt that coming, but there was that hopeless romantic part of you that wished for something like that. For someone to care about you in that way.

And by someone, you really wanted Charles to like you that way.

He was still pushing himself across the library, grabbing more books that he gently placed onto his lap. His eyes would glance over to you from time to time, watching you as you continued to read. You looked back to him with a smile, “How are you Charles?”

“Quite alright (y/n),” He smiled. “How have you been?”

“Good,” your voice was soft, you shut your book gently. “What books are you getting down?”

“Just a couple books that I can use in my classes,” Charles showed one of them to you, it was one of the many books regarding science that he had within the library. You nodded, placing your chin in your hand. “Are you alright? You’ve seemed distracted this week.”

You felt your throat dry up, as if you couldn’t speak, “I-I’m fine.”

Charles’ brows furrowed, looking down to his lap. “(Y/n), I respect you to much to go reading through your mind to find the real answer. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” you sighed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“With someone who could read my mind? Not really,” you tried to get him to leave you alone, figuring it might be easiest to avoid any and all conversations that could lead to the topic of feelings.

“You know I would never read your mind without your permission,” Charles grabbed one of your hands. “I gave you that promise.”

You smiled at him, shaking your head. Grabbing at one of the books that sat in his lap, you couldn’t help but have your smile to grow larger. It was your favorite book that he had pulled down. You thought for a moment, there wasn’t much he would have to teach about it within his class. “Is there a reason you grabbed down this one?”

Charles’ cheeks gleamed with the color pink, “W-well there was no reason really. You mentioned once that it was your favorite, so I figured that in my downtime I may give it a read and we can have a talk about whatever is going on within it.”

“I’d love that,” your chest felt warm, you could still feel your own heartbeat sounding in your ears. Like butterflies had exploded within your stomach, you felt like a fifth grader again. A little kid with that innocent, childish crush. But you didn’t want to feel like that, you didn’t want to anticipate the butterflies. You wanted something real, something that gave you a chance to kiss him whenever you had the permission, something that allowed you to interlock hands with him. Something that made you two more than just friends. And that was something you thought you would never get. 

“Are you sure that you're okay?”

“I’m just dandy,” the tone of your voice dripped in sarcasm. You were itching to tell him, right then. To get it over with. Maybe, just maybe you thought, if you thought loud enough he would be able to hear you without meaning to. So that was exactly what you did, repeating “I’m in love with someone” over and over in your mind until it was obvious that he had heard. Now, it’s not like you told him that it was him you were in love with, that would have taken a lot more courage than what you had mustered up. 

Charles let out a cough, “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, whoever they are, they’re incredibly lucky to have an amazing person like you (Y/n).”

Part of you broke right then, the light in his eyes was different. Like a part of him was hurting because of your statement. You grabbed out to his hand on instinct, which had him looking back to you in a questioning glance. “The only problem is, the person I’m in love with doesn’t know that I love them.”

“Then tell them,” Charles smiled. “If it’s eating you up on the inside like this, tell them. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“I ruin one of my closest and best friendships,” you whispered, staring back at him. “That’s a risk I’m not sure about.”

“I don’t think you could ever ruin your friendship with someone.”

“If I tell this person,” you muttered. “And they don’t feel the same, I won’t be able to take a friendship with them. Not with the way that I feel. I couldn’t do that.”

“What’s got you so scared about this (Y/n)? You’re not normally the person to cower away from saying something.” His thumb had taken to rubbing soothing circles onto the back of your hand. 

You let out a shaky breath, “Because, I’m.”

Charles looked up at you as your words caught in your throat, “You can say it.”

“Because you’re the person I’m in love with Charles,” you blurted out. “And of course, this is going to absolutely ruin our friendship-”

“I hope so,” Charles leaned over, a smile on his face as he drew closer to you. “Mainly because I feel the same way about you (Y/n).”

You let out another shaky breath, glancing down to his lips. “Can I?”

He nodded and that was the only answer you needed before placing your lips on top of his.  

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slashers / Horror Villains as: Animated (Children’s) Movie Villain Songs

+ A Nightmare Before Christmas 

First of all, its mostly Disney. Second of all, I hope you know that this was a struggle for me. 

Also, note, Bubba will be the only Leatherface in this post and Billy and Stu will be the only Ghostfaces. There is Norma Bates though, so sort of a consolation. 

There are links to videos on YouTube ^^

~~~

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher / Ghostface: Playing With the Big Boy’s Now (Hotep and Huy, Prince of Egypt) 

Well... they’re part of the ‘big boys’, now! They are part of the Slashers group that, uh, ‘inspired them’. Imagine instead of Egyptian Gods, they’re chanting Slasher names. 

[HUY] Pick up your silly twig, boy [HOTEP & HUY] You're playing with the big boys now! Ha ha ha ha!

[EGYPTIAN PRIESTS] By the power of Ra Mut, Nut, Khnum, Ptah Sobek, Sekhmet, Sokar, Selket Anubis, Anukis Hemsut, Tefnut, Meshkent, Mafdet... 

Chop Top and Nubbins + Bubba Sawyer / Leatherface: Kidnap Mr Sandy Claws (Lock, Shock and Barrel, Nightmare Before Christmas) 

I mean... they aren't Drayton’s minions, but they are like this XD 

I say that we take a cannon, aim it at his door And then knock three times And when he answers Sandy Claws will be no more

Yes you're so stupid, think now If we blow him up to smithereens We may lose some pieces And then Jack will beat us black and green

Kidnap the Sandy Claws Tie him in a bag

Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: In The Dark Of The Night (Rasputin, Anastasia)

Mystical man? Check! ‘Betrayal’ (As far as he sees it)? Check. Made them pay? Check; I think Nica, Sarah and all the other families he destroys throughout the franchise can attest to that. And ‘One little girl got away’? Well Andy isn’t a girl, but yeah. Check. 

I was once the most mystical man in all Russia When the royals betrayed me they mad a mistake My curse made each of them pay But one little girl got away Little Anya, beware Rasputin's awake

Drayton Sawyer: Don’t Fall In Love (Forte, Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas) 

Its such a crochety, unessessarily rude way of describing relationships to someone! I mean, I understand completely and resonate deeply with the desire to be alone and not be responsible for anyone else, but- come on! Beast doesn't share your view! Let it go! 

Its just like Drayton’s reaction to Bubba having a crush. Super cool video too! 

As soon as your heart rules your head Your life is not your own It's hell when someone's always there It's bliss to be alone

And love of any kind is bad A dog, a child, a cat They take up so much precious time Now, where's the sense in that?

Freddy Krueger: No More Mr Nice Guy (Rothbart, Swan Princess) 

A man with an uncomfortable relationship with the main female character pretending to be normal and not homicidal for a while before unlocking more power and letting there inner bad guy loose and taking great pleasure in it? Sounds familiar. They also have a similar vocabulary- except of course Rothbart is rated G. 

I'll become that nasty, naughty, dirty, spiteful Wicked, wayward, way-delightful Bad guy I was born to be

Lyin' loathesome, never-tender Indiscreet repeat offender No more Mr Nice Guy That's not me 

Inkubus: The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind (Professor Rattigan, The Greatest Mouse Detective)

‘Inkubus’ is literally a movie about him listing all his crimes over the centuries and messing with the police force because he has a bone to pick with a detective. Sounds pretty similar to me! Listen to the song! ^^

Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course! My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain! 

Jason Voorhees: Despicable Me (About Gru, Despicable Me) 

I... this is all I could think of!! But the more I listen to it and read the lyrics... it f i t s Jason so well! XD Please just let this slide; I know Gru isn't really a villain but he is at the start!! Let me have this. 

Why ask why? Better yet "Why not?" Why are you marking x on that spot? Why use a blow torch isn't that hot? Why use a chainsaw? Is that all you got? Why do you like seeing people in shock? But my question to you is "Why not?" Why go to the bank and stand in line Just use a freeze gun it saves me time. I'm havin' a bad, bad day It's about time that I get my way Steam rollin' whatever I see, Huh, despicable me I'm havin' a bad, bad day If you take it personal that's okay Watch, this is so fun to see Huh, despicable me

Jennifer Check: Trust In Me (Kaa, The Jungle Book) 

She’s a succubus demon. Tempting boys into a safe-feeling, docile state so she she can strike is her thing. 

Will cease to resist Just relax Be at rest Like a bird In a nest

Trust in me Just in me Shut your eyes And trust in me

Mayor Buckman and Granny Boone: Savages (Governor Ratcliffe and the Colonizer’s parts, Pocahontas) 

Obviously, because of the (Inaccurate) historical relevance of both movies (Different time’s, same terrible prejudice,) and also because there is definitely a very cult-ish feel about both Governor Ratcliffe’s song and Buckman’s leadership. How easily they’re able to gather support from their people for the most horrible reasons. How horrifying it is to audiences and historians. 

They're only good when dead They're vermin, as I said And worse

They're savages! Savages!

Barely even human

Savages! Savages!

Drive them from our shore! They're not like you and me Which means they must be evil We must sound the drums of war!

Michael Myers: The Gospel Truth II (Muses about Hades, Hercules)

In a Disney movie, Michael would have others sing his song about him as he goes about his silent, determined walking XD 

If there's one God you don't want to get steamed up It's Hades 'Cause he had an evil plan He ran the underworld But thought the dead were dull and uncouth He was as mean as he was ruthless And that's the gospel truth He had a plan to shake things up And that's the gospel truth

Midnight Man: Oogie Boogie’s Song (Oogie Boogie, Nightmare Before Christmas)

A song about a “Gamblin’ Boogie Man” is perfect for the Midnight Man! He and Oogie could be pals. 

Woah! The sound of rollin' dice To me is music in the air 'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man Although I don't play fair It's much more fun, I must confess When lives are on the line Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy Now that'd be just fine

Norma Bates: Mother Knows Best Reprise (Mother Gothel, Tangled)

Norma is soooooo so so so unbelievably manipulative towards Norman (And Dylan. It just works better on Norman) and this song absolutely presents that. She can go from sweet, loving mother to spiteful, heinous bitch in two seconds if Norman or Dylan don't do what or react the way she wants them to. 

Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented

This is why you never should have left! Dear, this whole romance that you've invented, Just proves you're too naive to be here Why would he like you? Come on now, really! Look at you, you think that he's impressed? Don't be a dummy Come with mummy

Pamela Voorhees: My Lullaby (Zira, The Lion King 2)

In a opposite approach to a villainous mother to Norma, we have Pam, who was heartbroken by the camp councillors letting her son die and vowed to get revenge. She didn't know she was teaching Jason to be the Crystal Lake killer like Zira did, but she did, and the whole song does have her kind of feel to it also. 

Sleep, my little Kovu Let your dreams take wing One day when you're big and strong You will be a kingI've been exiled, persecuted Left alone with no defense When I think of what that brute did I get a little tense But I dream a dream so pretty That I don't feel so depressed 'Cause it soothes my inner kitty And it helps me get some rest

Patrick Bateman: Cruella De Vil (Arthur, 101 Dalmations) 

Never before was there a song that described audiences reaction to watching Patrick living in his daily life and hearing his thoughts better then this one. 

Cruella De Vil Cruella De Vil If she doesn't scare you No evil thing will To see her is to Take a sudden chill Cruella, Cruella De Vil

The curl of her lips The ice in her stare All innocent children Had better beware She's like a spider waiting For the kill Look out for Cruella De Vil

Pennywise (Both): You’re Only Second Rate (Jafar, Return of Jafar)

Mostly for the video and Jafar’s energy in this scene actually XD So many transformations, so many tasteless puns! I was going to give this to Freddy but its the closest thing to Penny I could think of. 

Go ahead and zap me with the big surprise Snap me in a trap, cut me down to size I'll make a great escape It's just a piece of cake You're only second rate You know your hocus-pocus isn't tough enough And your mumbo-jumbo doesn't measure up Let me pontificate upon your sorry state You're only second rate

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: Hellfire (Judge Claude Frollo, Hunchback of Notre Dame) 

A nasty filthy man who think’s he’s in the right despite being the biggest creep and monster ever? Mhm. 

*Note: I honestly didn't notice the deformed baby, Quasimodo/Thomas link until the day after I wrote this. Don't know how I feel about it. I mean, Hoyt is actually nice, in his way, to Thomas so the connection isn't totally there but onwards:

Beata Maria You know I am a righteous man Of my virtue I am justly proud

Beata Maria You know I'm so much purer than The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd 

End of Post! 🌼

(Bonus’ under the cut) 

I did think of other connections which I obviously didnt landed on but still have merit! Here! 

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher: ‘Gaston’ was considered, but that would have just been a joke XD I don’t think Stu is quite as obsessed with Billy as LeFou is with Gaston. 

Chucky: Friends on the Other Side. Obviously! That link was actually what inspired me to make this post. In The Dark of Night fits to a T though. 

Freddy Krueger: You’re Only Second Rate! Ah, its perfectttt. But No More Mr Nice Guy fits better. If I ever do a Slashers as Disney Villains post, he’ll be Jafar for sure. Or Hades. Or Scar. Or Oogie. Probably Hades. You know what? Without the gore and blood and explicit sexual references, Freddy could be a Disney Villain himself. Its not like Disney hasn't towed the line before with perverted villains. >_> (Jafar and Frollo) 

Jason and Pamela Voorhees: Mother Knows Best! Of course. 

Jennifer Check: Love is For Peasants (Barbie Island Princess) Because Jennifer thinks like this: 

Men? <<< Literally anything else. 

Patrick Bateman: How Can I Refuse? (From Barbie Princess and the Pauper) XD If Patrick were a kids movie villain, he would totally join the ranks of corrupted usurpers pretending to be trustworthy royal advisory staff. Also ‘Let It Die’, that little interruption part of another song that O’Hare sings in the Lorax and ‘How Bad Can I be?’. 

[vaguely-concerned]

X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time 

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable  

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still  

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f  just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it 

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure   

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik 

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)  

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol) 

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol) 

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain  

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you? 

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???) 

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’  

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is 

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)  

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh 

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive 

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES 

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself  

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters 

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh 

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott 

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail 

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster 

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic  

 - ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!! 

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj 

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’ 

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men 

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!  

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha) 

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing 

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)  

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give 

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’ 

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

-          remy                           rogue

                              🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates 

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma 

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww 

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak  

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture 

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence 

baby u r my

 ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it) 

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him  

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what 

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself 

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this 

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day 

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol 

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same 

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess 

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents) 

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau 

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3 

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back 

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha  

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa 

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do 

birds of a feather motherfucker  

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet) 

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u  

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha) 

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay  

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it 

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go” 

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most. 

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.  

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage) 

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s  p r e t t y  solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)     

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)   

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D: 

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!! 

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???  

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way 

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all) 

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts 

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable 

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated 

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol) 

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells  

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 08

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, fainting, anxiety

A/N:  this is a tiny chapter that i wrote while listening to folklore from taylor swift and i just really wanted to share it today. hope you enjoy it. much love xx

NEXT CHAPTER

Y/N rushed off the set, she felt sick, too sick. The scene replayed in her head like a wrapped twisted horror movie scene and everyone around her seemed to look at her, almost as if they knew, shaming her. She continued to run, to run to the car as if going to the car was going to save all her issues. It was Bucky’s car and Bucky made her feel safe, it was safe, it was safe there. However, she could still feel the stares burning on her back like camera flashes and with her hands in front of her face, she ended up going against someone. 

     - Y/N? Are you okay? - the words sounded echoed and she looked up to see Chuck holding her, concerned drawn all over his normally relaxed features. Yet, not even the familiar face seemed to calm her down. She could still feel it, she could still feel his hand on her leg, his rough, sandpaper like skin rubbing against her thigh. Was that why she had gotten the role? Did she had no ability to act? Was it all a way to get her close? She started to breathe in fast, breathing in and out faster than her body allowed her. Soon enough, she felt herself dizzy headed. - Y/N? Y/N, can you hear me?

The sound seemed to dim and the lights got brighter until suddenly everything just collapsed on top of her and she felt herself get heavier and heavier. Chuck gripped onto her as so she wouldn’t fall onto the ground. The man looked around for anyone but there wasn’t anyone who was even looking at him or had even noticed her. As he looked around he did see something, Bucky, staring him down who started walking his way as if he were a lion and Chuck a gazelle. On that moment, Chuck wished he hadn’t been the one who had caught her.

    - She fainted. - he said before he could taste a bit of the former Winter Soldier’s ire. - She was breathing too fast, I don’t know why.

Bucky mumbled something under his breathe, cursing the director and himself for not having been there for Y/N. He took her from his friends’ arms, his own arm going under her knees to pick her up bridal style, her face leaning against his chest. He looked around and people still weren’t interested. At least there was something that didn’t change about the world, he thought. Still selfish, still unable to look outside their own lives to see others. He wanted to be wrong about her being eaten alive, he so wanted to be wrong yet you don’t live to be over a hundred and not know what soft people go through. 

He wanted to be wrong so badly, he wanted to protect her from everything. God, he wanted to be able to tell her it wouldn’t happen again but he couldn’t. He could punch his way through protecting her but he could never tell her that other people wouldn’t try it. In that moment he wondered what was worse, if his past or her present. 

Bucky guided her into the back seat of his car, pulling a quilted blanked, which normally laid on the floor of the car for whenever one of his friends passed out drunk, and laid it over her. Last thing she needed was for some cheeky paparazzo to photograph her unconscious in the back of someone’s car. As he drove, his eyes were glued onto the mirror, eyes on her. He drove the softest and slowest he could, as if he carried a newborn baby. 

He got to her apartment and drove inside the garage, parking next to that oil stain before going to pick her up once more. He probably guessed she had fainted due to fast breathing, probably an anxiety attack. He should’ve gone after her, he told himself as he stepped inside the lift. Some of her neighbours gave him encouraging looks, as if carrying an unconscious woman was something to be proud of. He gave them intimidating looks, exiting the lift and walking straight to her home. Her home always smelled nice, notes of vanilla, apple and cinnamon, probably due to the tea light candles she had scattered around several rooms. In any other situation he would tell her about it being a fire hazard but by the amount of candles, he guessed it probably brought her a sense of comfort to see the twinkling flame and smell the sweet aromas. 

Walking into her room, he pushed the several blankets that decorated her bed and laid her down, pulling the blind down and the blankets to cover her. She will be okay, he told himself. He just didn’t know if to believe himself. 

Y/N woke up not with the sun shining, no, it was night time and she couldn’t remember exactly how she had ended up home. She gripped her sheet and rose her torso up, leaning against the metal framing of her bed while her free hand rubbed the sleep off her eyes. Her hearing was still somewhat echoey but she could hear two people fighting. She rose from her bed and walked up to the door, opening it slowly to check who was fighting.

    - She was feeling uncomfortable and she fainted. Are you seriously gonna give her a talk because of that? - she could recognise Bucky’s voice, seeing his arm from the fringe of the door. 

   - She’s a disappointment for this agency. What if the production had gone on hold? - that was definitely Miss Olson’s voice.

   - She’s human and considering how you and your people treat her, it’s not surprising she hasn’t been completely healthy.

   - You are her bodyguard so I would suggest you stay out of this. 

   - I will protect her from you if it’s necessary now get out. You can speak with her during her working hours like a regular person. - he closed the door on her, the harsh sound making Y/N take in a silent gasp, hand in front of her mouth. She wasn’t entirely sure how the former Winter Soldier would react to someone listening on his conversations so she rushed back to her bed, pulling the bedding up to her.

She felt guilty, guilty he had to deal with her problems and guilty she had put the agency in trouble. She didn’t meant to, she really didn’t meant to cause anyone any harm. Maybe people were right, maybe she should’ve stuck to theatre, that was all she could do. Maybe her father was right, she should’ve made use of the law degree which was gathering dust in the attic. She didn’t know, she didn’t know anymore. The only time the director seemed to be happy was if she was being what he wanted, the agency was barely happy. Maybe she wasn’t a good actress.

    - Y/N? - she turned her head to the side to see Bucky holding a paper cup from the tea shop downstairs. - I got you some tea, thought it’d make you feel better.

    - Bucky, it’s past your clock in time. You should be home with your friends.

   - Well ... - he sat next to her, putting the cup on her bedside table. - I only consider Steve my friend, the others are just people I live with. Besides, it’s Taco night in the tower and I don’t particularly fancy it. 

   - I really fucked up didn’t I? - she sighed. - I’m going to get fired.

   - No, princess, you’re not gonna get fired. - he handed her the tea. - The director personally promised me you’re not gonna get fired. 

   - Really? - he felt the breath that had gotten stuck on his throat leave once he noticed she didn’t seem to realise the pet name he had let slip.

   - Yeah. Come on, you just got nervous, it happens. I got nervous too when I was first drafted. 

   - With all due respect, Bucky but you don’t look like the guy who gets nervous. 

   - When I was first drafted, I spent at least half an hour in the bathroom throwing up. I would say you deal with stress much more gracefully than me. 

   - You’re just saying that to make me feel better. - she laughed, moving her head to look at the blankets covering her legs, hair moving to form almost a curtain which kept Bucky from seeing her soft, almost princess-like smile. Bucky had met several women and taken out some more but none of them seemed to have the softest of movements Y/N had, the elegance which came ever so naturally yet mixed with her natural clumsiness so perfectly. It was a stellar thing he loved to experience. - I don’t know if I’m worth all of that. 

    - Come on, you did so good today. 

    - Sure ... “it’s like he was touching a piece of wood” surely sounds like a great day of acting. 

    - That’s not your fault, maybe your friend just sucks at touching.

    - No, I just suck at reacting to touch. 

    - Mhm ... - Bucky looked at her before an idea popped into his head. He smirked, before his fingers went to touch her torso, dancing around and effectively tickling her. Y/N let out a hearty chuckle, letting herself lay down in the middle of her several pillows while he tickled her torso up and down, head moving with chuckles. He was standing atop her watching her eyes closed, large wide smile, the only type of smile he’d seen in Coney Island which her hands trying to shoo his away while the most melodic of chuckles excited through her still painted scarlet lips.

    - Bucky! - she shrilled as his hands left her torso to instead hold his body, each hand on the side of her shoulders. Y/N gained her breathe, her eyes opening up to stare at his. She wondered why time suddenly stopped, one hand going to cup his face while other pushed some of the hair that covered his eyes away. 

The eyes, you cannot change someone’s eyes. They remain mostly the same from the moment you are born to the moment you die. They remain the same through hard and good moments of your life and Bucky’s had remained the same. They were bright, bright and clear, contrasting his mostly conflicted mind. You could almost see yourself in them. 

     - You have really pretty eyes.

     - Don’t change the subject. - he coughed, trying to maybe get the flush he was getting to disappear. - You seem pretty reactive to touch, I’d say it’s Charles fault. 

     - You don’t need to make me feel better, Bucky. - she sat up. - You really don’t. Maybe I’m just not good enough for all of this.

     - You cannot win every single battle, no one does.

     - Have you ever lost a battle? - Y/N found it harder to believe that the Winter Soldier formerly known as a ghost story for how good he was would have ever lost something. No, she just seemed to be finally waking up that maybe her place was not here.

     - Yes and my loss was pretty much publicised all over the Washington papers. You can Google it, Sam has pretty much all of them framed in the kitchen. I am reminded of it everyday. - he chuckled, turning to face her. - It’s not going to happen again, Y/N. I can promise you that. 

Y/N remembered one thing that her mother had told her when she was little. She was riding her bike and hit a stone making her crumble and fall to the ground, hurting her knee in the process. She didn’t want to get on a bike after that but her mum took her hand and sat her on the bike, told her she believed she could do it again and when she replied she couldn’t, her mum told her “it only really takes one person to believe in you”. She had never thought of it much after, she had never really had someone believing her. She could maybe say her agency did but she was too smart to know what her contract stated. If she did well, they earn money. It’s not that they believe in her, it’s that she’s bankable. However, looking into Bucky’s eyes, hearing his words echo in her mind, maybe someone believed in her.

     - Thank you for defending me today.

     - Anytime. 

taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @nsfwsebbie @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @buckyandsebastian @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @tonystankschild @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverrated @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwrites @bluevxnus @that-girl-named-alex​

[zzinvolterra]

I’ve read your post about the downsides of having powers and I loved it cause I always thought it couldn’t be that easy. Now I want to know the others!

I have a couple of ideas but I’d love to read your headcannons for Aro, Marcus, Edward, Alice, Jasper... I mean... everyone with a power.

Have a splendid day and be safe!

[previous post]

Thank you so much, you too!!

// mentions of panic attacks, anxiety attacks, sensory overload //

Aro

When he touches someone, he can read every though the person has ever had.

The possibilities.  I think the primary concern would be losing or mixing up his own memories with others’ thoughts.  He’s come into contact with vampires with millions of their own thoughts many times, and because of his memory, they’re all locked in there, perfectly preserved forever.  (Also, the criminals that he would be reading would likely have quite gruesome memories.)  So forgetting who he is, experiencing constant déjà vu and horrific flashbacks (that aren’t his... or are they?), and becoming overwhelmed to the point where he can’t function are all very possible.

Marcus

He sees the relationships or connections people have to one another.

I suppose Marcus could occasionally be overwhelmed, perhaps experiencing headaches when looking at a large coven.  (Also, there’s so much honesty in his gift, meaning in nearly every relationship he has, he knows exactly how they feel about him.  Which could be painful at times.)

Didyme

Aura of happiness, I guess. [not a quote]

Didyme emits an aura of happiness that seems unconscious and may have occurred to a lesser degree as a human.  Like I mentioned before with Chelsea, every relationship she’s had could have been affected by that.  (...including Didyme/Marcus - would their love be the same if she didn’t have her Ability?)  And depending on how much her gift affects a person, she could be sobbing (vampirically) and everyone else in the room would still be grinning and laughing euphorically.

Everyone else is under the cut!

Edward

Edward can read the thoughts of anyone in close proximity to him...

I just started MS, so I’m not quite sure how this is in canon, but I imagine it would be quite easy for Edward to become overwhelmed, especially as a newborn when he didn’t know how to block out voices.  He could also experience migraines.  Plus, in terms of how much he’s got bouncing around in his head, he’s like Aro Jr.  Not Good.

Alice

She can see into the future, although what she sees is based on decisions being made; thus, she must wait for a decision to be firmly rooted in the mind or acted upon, before she can see the end result.

Her visions send her into an almost catatonic state, and she sees them often enough that there must be quite a few of them preserved in her mind.  She exists on a different plane of reality, really, that must make it harder for her to connect with others.  Could definitely see her experiencing constant déjà vu (she’s just living to catch up to her next vision) as well as anxiety attacks from trying to avert every single possible disaster.

Jasper

Jasper has the ability to both feel and manipulate the emotions of those around him.

It seems like Jasper is constantly inundated with the emotions of others, including their thirst, so him experiencing sensory overload is definitely possible.  He’s also able to manipulate others with his gift, so unconsciously influencing someone could be a concern of his.

Bella

Her mind is impenetrable; no one can read her thoughts unless she allows it.  She can shield herself from all types of psychic attacks and learns to shield those around her.

I like to think that Bella feels a dampened down version of whatever she’s blocking, especially when she’s expanded her shield.  For example, she could feel a stinging sensation when Jane attempted to Pain™ them in BD.

Resume

She can show people her thoughts by touching their skin.  So far, no one has been able to block her talent.

Sounds scary, but okay.  Maybe showing other people her thoughts drains her energy?  (While we’re talking about her, I support the headcanon that Resume is like an immortal child in the way that she draws people in and encourages them to die for protect her.  Her Ability could increase that effect.)  There are also some weird parallels between her and Aro.

Zafrina

Zafrina has a strong illusory talent.  She can make her target see any illusion she wants, or see nothing at all.

Hmm.  I suppose for Zafrina, she could perhaps experience a diluted form of her own Ability when using it on others for an extended period of time.  I’m assuming that she has to concentrate on what she wants them to see, and maybe after a while, she starts seeing bits of it herself.  Or, her own vision could start growing dimmer as she exerts more energy.

Eleazar

He has the ability to sense the type and strength of gifted vampires’ talents.

Eleazar is like a gift metal detector.  Consequences could be that being around powerful gifts, or many at the same time, could overwhelm him.  For example, getting headaches when he was part of the Volturi or during the army witness gathering in BD.  (And I’m assuming Aro visits him semi-regularly, which is not an enviable position to be in.)

Kate

She has the power to cause a painful, electric shock-like jolt in anyone she touches.

I think with Kate, she could become drained, especially if she’s touching more than one person or using her Ability for an extended period of time.  And until she fine-tuned her control over her gift, she was probably shocking everybody and was afraid to touch those she loved in fear of hurting them.

Benjamin

He can influence the elements – water, earth, fire, and air.  He is able to physically manipulate the world around him with his will, similar to telekinetic.

Because of his power, Benjamin wasn’t allowed to leave the house for years, so yeah.  Downside of being the Avatar is everybody wants you.  Also, it seemed, at least in my opinion, that he doesn’t have the greatest control over his gift - meaning every time he uses it, it’s large and powerful.  In the BD (movie) vision, he creates a chasm... that’s deep enough to reach magma?  (Fault lines!!)  So if he were to ever lose that bit of control over his Ability, he would do a lot of damage.

Maggie

She is able to tell if a person is lying.

Maggie is compelled to point out lies, to the point where she can’t stop even when people become uncomfortable and punish her for needing to state the truth.  Therefore, hearing lies could hurt her, mentally or emotionally.  It could also be sort-of an obsession of hers to have everything be the “truth”.  (Do with this what you will - basically what I’m trying to say is that Maggie is unable to not point out lies.)

Siobhan?

Some suspect she can affect the outcome of a situation through willpower alone.

If she does have an Ability, I suppose it could be that the outcomes she causes have unintended side effects - a bit like how Alice attempts to manipulate events, but those new events bring new potential disasters.

James

He was a skilled tracker, able to sense in advance the most likely moves of his prey.

Demetri-ish?  Hyper-aware of his surroundings.

Victoria

She was exceptionally good at evading enemies.

She’s canonically good at hide-and-seek...?  To me, it seems like an Ability that was invented to explain why nobody could find her, but all right.  Perhaps a mix of Afton, hiding-wise (though she doesn’t turn invisible-ish), and Bella, evading-Demetri-wise.

Fred

He has the ability to make anyone feel physically repulsed.  He can use this ability to make someone unable to think of him for a period of time.

In “The Second Life of Bree Tanner”, it seems like Fred’s Ability is always active.  Perhaps gaining control of that power could be difficult because, until he does, he pushes everyone away...(Reneta-ish?)  Also, he’s called “Freaky Fred”.  Rude.

Raoul

He had a limited ability to make others view him as their leader.  It worked best on those who were directionless.

This is hard because it almost seems like Raoul is just exceptionally charismatic.  Potential scenario: if his directionless followers somehow found direction, he would have to deal with an uprising.

Alistair

Alistair can track both people and things.  He can sense the general direction of whatever he is looking for, but it takes him a long time to narrow this feeling down to a specific location.

(He’s very good at finding those car keys.)  He would be aware of his surroundings, similar to Demetri but to a lesser degree.  Not sure if he’d be as overwhelmed as often since it seems like he needs to focus on something specifically to find it, but I imagine his first few years weren’t fun.

Charles

Charles can sense when someone is lying to him.

Maggie 2.0?  Or perhaps more accurately, Maggie 0.5?  Sounds like he’s essentially Maggie, but less affected by lies.

Mele

Could take Abilities and transfer them to other people.  However, she couldn’t use the gifts herself. [Also not a quote]

Gift snatched.  Her power on its own is not very helpful to her survival, since she can’t harness the gifts she takes, nor is it beneficial to her existence.  In my opinion, Mele, due to her Ability, will always be stuck in the position of serving someone (like Sulpicia in Life and Death) or be killed because she’s a threat (Aro).

[carewyncromwell]

"What do you think?"

"...I think you're...very beautiful."

"I should hope so. And just who might you be? What are you doing here?"

x~x~x~x

Yay, Halloween is almost here! And my "movie character costume" for Carewyn and Jacob's aunt Pearl Cromwell is definitely a combo breaker. Although all of my other entries in this series have featured dressing my characters up as animated movie characters, I decided on a live action movie villain for Pearl -- specifically Mombi from one of my favorite underrated childhood movies, Return to Oz! (As a side, it was bloody impossible to find good quality still image references for this dress!! I had to simplify it quite a bit simply because I had so little to work with.)

Honestly, when it came to thinking of a costume for Pearl, I was kind of at a loss, in the beginning. Both Pearl and Claire are decidedly more subservient to Charles's will than even fellow Clan member Blaise is, considering that Claire is such a passive and ignorant character and Pearl follows him out of a misguided sense of honor -- so casting either of them as incredibly powerful, malevolent, self-focused Disney villains like Ursula or Maleficent seemed incredibly out-of-place. And yet even more "realistic" villains like Mother Gothel seemed more in-line with Blaise personality-wise, since Pearl's style of parenting tends to lean more on sternness and stoicism ("just suck it up and stop complaining," basically), rather than manipulation and feigned, cloying affection. Even Lady Tremaine, who I definitely eyed for a while, didn't come across as that great a match for Pearl, since she's never been the sort to want to social-climb through her children or otherwise, nor is she the sort to get any satisfaction from her subjugation and abuse of others, instead being much more the type to justify it as a necessary evil.

What really shifted gears in my head was finding a villain that looked more like Pearl, and Mombi immediately came to mind, since her original head has reddish curls just like how I imagine Pearl's, although quite a bit shorter and lighter in color. (Mombi's hair actually better resembles mine, funnily enough!!) And then yeah, I made the connection -- Mombi in Oz may be incredibly intimidating in her own way, but she's ultimately subservient to the real mastermind, the Nome King -- just as Pearl is subservient to the mastermind in her storyline, her father Charles. Mombi is perfectly willing to keep a child captive in a mirror on the Nome King's direction -- just as Pearl arguably keeps her own children, Arsen and Kain, inside the stifling Cromwell Manor because Charles is determined not to "lose" any other family members like he did Lane. And in the Real World, Mombi's non-magical counterpart -- Nurse Wilson -- is a very cold, stoic, oftentimes cruelly dutiful character who still betrays a tiny shred of humanity, since she does actually jump into a rushing river to try to rescue Dorothy at one point and looks genuinely distraught (maybe for the sake of her job, but also perhaps sincerely) when it looks like Dorothy is going to drown. This too is very "Pearl" to me: she can come across as heartless a lot of the time, but she isn't pure evil. Admittedly Pearl isn't as vain as Mombi by a long-shot, but hey, can't win 'em all.

I decided to base the head in Pearl's hands on her deceased mother Marilyn, just as a little shout-out to the rest of the Cromwell line. And well, that kind of macabre touch is very true to the film, that's for sure! Return to Oz overall is a movie I know a lot of people see as nightmare fuel, especially in comparison to MGM's The Wizard of Oz, which it tries to be a sequel to but doesn't match in tone at all. For me personally, though, I loved both films as a kid and I still do -- I like the MGM film for its music, dancing, and innocence, Return to Oz for its real sense of danger and darker, more book-accurate whimsy, and both for the unique and likable characters they created.

Coming very soon: our last two main Cromwell Clan members, Claire and Charles, to finish off these Halloween sketches for the year!

[arrow-guy]

The Lighthouse (10/??)

Summary: The town is sleepy, the people are nice enough, but life gets turned upside-down when the God of Thunder literally falls out of the sky.

A/N: It feels to good to finally be back to this story. It’s been too long. that being said, here we are with chapter 10! Serious discussions and movement in the story lie ahead, so buckle up, lads. Hope you enjoy!

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong

Pairing: ThorxReader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Harsh language

part 9

“I agree with (Y/N),” Thor says.

Loki scowls. “Of course you’d agree with her. You’re in love with her.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” I protest. “There’s been no talk of the ‘L’ word thus far in our relationship, don’t go putting words in his mouth!”

Thor glances up at me briefly but quickly focuses on his brother again. “I agree with her because she’s right. We stand a better chance of defeating him if we have support from the Avengers.”

“Thank you!” I cry. “At least someone in your family can see some kind of sense.”

“And you think it’s him?!” Loki hisses.

“I’m more inclined to think it’s him than you.” He scowls and I shake my head. “I mean, seriously. You, Thor, and I are no match for an intergalactic warlord!”

“She’s right, Loki,” Thor says. “You know this.”

“Fine,” Loki snaps. “Have it your way. Drag every single one of your little friends into this. Earth is doomed, regardless.”

“You don’t know that,” I say.

“I know what Thanos is capable of,” Loki says, his tone low and filled with dread. “I’ve been bent to his will and the instrument through which he exacted his first attack on your planet.”

"I'm not saying that working with the Avengers secures us the win. It just means that we'd have a fighting chance." Loki keeps his face carefully blank and I squint at him. “Unless you think that won’t be enough.”

“I know it won’t be enough,” he grinds out. “And I know this because there are three Infinity Stones on this planet, and Thanos won’t stop until he has all three of them.”

“Three?” Thor’s brow furrows. “I am only aware of two.”

“That’s because the last time you were on Earth there were only two.” He holds out his hand and a glowing blue cube materializes in his palm. “I possess the third.”

“And you couldn’t say something earlier?!” I hiss. “You’ve been talking us in circles when you had the answer up your sleeve the entire time.”

“You should’ve told us, brother,” Thor growls. “This isn’t the time for keeping secrets.”

“How am I to know?” Loki demands. “Your human has so much magic hidden inside of them, how can I assume that she has only the best intentions in mind?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.

“Don’t you?” Loki hisses. “You speak of performing spells that someone like you should have absolutely no access to as if you’re simply going for a stroll.”

“Wh-”

“Do you realize how much power is necessary to track something across the galaxy?” His eyes narrow and I try to shrink away from him. “There is something old and powerful within you that you’ve been tapping into. I’m surprised even Thor hasn’t noticed yet.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?” I glance between Loki and Thor, confused. "Thor?"

Thor shakes his head. "True, she's powerful, but I don't know what you're talking about, brother."

Loki scowls. “Of course you don’t. I don’t know why I even bother asking.”

“If you know so much, why don’t you fix everything then, huh?” I demand. “Because all you’ve been this morning is contrary and argumentative.”

“Clearly I’m not capable of solving this problem on my own, or even with my brother added to the equation.”

“Then what’s your grand plan?”

“Your power, in your untrained state, is volatile. But,” he says. “I could teach you.”

“You mean use me and my magic as you see fit,” I correct.

“No, I simply mean that I could better help you to hone your skills than Heimdall can from where he is,” Loki explains. “I am more than talented enough to bring out your full potential.”

“That doesn’t sound much better than what I just said you’d do.” I scowl. “Besides, we wouldn’t have to worry about taking down a galactic super tyrant as a band of three if we just call the fucking Avengers.”

“Oh please, you’ll need to know either way.”

“Maybe. But I’m sure as hell not learning from you, and I’m definitely not having this argument.”

I push myself up from the kitchen table and hurry up the stairs to shut myself in my office. I sit down in my chair, sigh, and put my head down on my desk.

“Childish,” I mumble.

A quiet thump against the door draws my attention away from wallowing in self pity. When the sound doesn’t come again, I get up to investigate.

Upon opening the door, I find Charles sitting outside, patiently waiting for me to let him in. I gesture for him to come inside and he meows before trotting through the door. He hops up onto my chair and then my desk, where he curls up on his blanket under the desk lamp. Only when he’s settled am I reminded that I hid in my office to distract myself with work.

I open my laptop and check my email.

Someone knocks softly and cracks open the door.

“I’m working,” I say.

“It’s been hours, (Y/N).” I glance up and Thor slips into the room. “I brought you something to eat.”

“Oh.” He holds out a plate with a sandwich and carrot sticks on it and I take it. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Thor scoops up Charles from the desk and takes a seat on the couch. I pick up a carrot and roll it between my thumb and index finger before taking a bite.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” I say. ”I was out of line, storming off like that. I should’ve stuck around.”

“Maybe, but there are times when Loki ignores the comfort of others in favor of pushing on with his own plans. But being the loudest person in the room doesn’t make him right.”

I nod. “I just don’t want to set things back because of a stupid argument. There are more important things to deal with right now than my anxiety over learning to control my magic.”

“I’d say you’ve got a fine grasp on your magic, for now. We wouldn’t be anywhere near where we are, had you not worked so diligently with Heimdall to find Loki.”

“Recklessly, is more like it,” Heimdall says. “Though I cannot argue with his logic. You’ve made incredible progress in your skill in the time that I’ve been teaching you.”

“But should I take Loki up on his offer?” I ask, my voice small. “I saw what happened when he restored your memories. I’m not sure my body could handle that.”

“I’m sure it would be different, were he to teach you and not forcibly put the knowledge into your mind, but…” Thor shakes his head. “That’s not a choice that I can make for you.”

“I know.” I pick at the sandwich. “I still think we should contact your team. Even if Loki’s right, and they aren’t enough, they’re bound to know more people that can help.”

“Then we’ll call them.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“What about Loki?”

“Loki doesn’t know everything, and I am well aware that I’ll never be able to convince him otherwise. But we don’t need to halt our progress simply because he disagrees with your plan.”

“Thing is, it’d be really nice if it weren’t just my plan.”

“It’s not. I have your back on this.”

I nod. “How do we contact them, though? It’s not like I can just google their phone number.”

“There’s no need.”

“Huh?”

“I memorized Stark’s number years ago.”

“You… memorized Tony Stark’s personal phone number?”

“I did. With the way he flits from one thing to another, he is not an easy man to keep track of. Most of the team either memorized his number or stuck to him like glue.”

I laugh. “I see.”

He smiles. “You should eat. We’ll call after.”

With my meal finished, Thor and I situate ourselves on the floor in the middle of my office. Charles climbs all over our laps and I have to push his face away from my phone several times.

“You’re sure this is the right number?”

“I’m certain.”

“Okay.” I dial the number, put the phone on speaker, and hold it away from me. “What if he doesn’t answer?”

“He will, (Y/N). It’s not as if it’s easy to find this number.”

“Okay.” I bite my thumb, unsure of what to do with myself. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Explain the situation. We know Thanos is close and that Banner is Earth-side." He tries to reassure me with a smile. "You can do this. I promise."

The phone suddenly stops ringing and my eyes snap to Thors. He nods once and I focus in on the phone.

“How did you get this number.” It’s not a question.

“Tony Stark, right?” I ask.

“If you know enough to ask, then you know you’ve got the right number. Now, how’d you find it?”

“Thor gave it to me.”

“Bullshit.”

“Considering he’s sitting directly across from me right now, I’m gonna say it’s really not.”

"Still don't believe you."

"Well, I could always hand the phone off…" I catch Thor shaking his head. "I'm getting a firm no from the big guy, so I'm gonna say he wants me to do most of the talking."

"Convenient."

“Yeah, extremely. Listen, you can hang up on me, but at least hear me out. I wouldn’t even think about calling you or anyone on your team if it weren’t a life or death situation.”

He sighs. “Fine. If I don’t like what I hear, I’m hanging up.”

“I can’t promise you’ll like it.”

“Just talk.”

I take a deep breath and start talking.

“A few months ago, Thor crash landed in the forest just outside of town. No memory of what happened to get him there or anything like that. I helped him find Loki, who restored his memory, we found out that Asgard was destroyed and then the ship they were on was attacked by a galactic tyrant named Thanos, who’s on his way to Earth as we speak.” I pause a moment to take a breath. “But you knew that last bit already.”

“How would you know?”

“Because Dr. Banner’s back on Earth.”

“... Yes he is. Crashed into some wizard's place on Bleeker Street.”

I frown and glance up at Thor. “Wizard?”

Thor leans forward. “Stark, you said a wizard on Bleeker Street?”

“That you, Hammer Time?‘

“Yes, it’s me. You said a wizard on Bleeker Street. Do you mean Doctor Strange?”

“Have you two met?”

“Yes, actually. Last time I was in New York.”

“Really wish you’d given us a call, pal.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time, but right now we have bigger things to worry about.”

“Right, another alien invasion. What do they want this time?”

“The infinity stones,” Thor answers. “I’ve no clue how many he’s managed to gather as of now, but there are three on Earth as we speak.”

“Three?”

“One is with Strange, one with Vision, and the third is here, with Loki.”

“Thanos is coming here because we’ve got half of what he needs,” I interject. “If we can figure out a way to protect the stones here or use them against him, we’ll be better off in the long run.”

“And where do you play into this?” Stark asks.

“I just want to help. I can’t fight, but I can use magic. I’ll do whatever I can do make sure we win.”

“You really dig deep into that ‘we’ thing. We haven’t even met yet.”

“I trust her,” Thor says. “She’s powerful, and more than that, she’s reliable.”

“And what about Loki?”

“He’ll see reason, in the end.” Thor nods resolutely. “I’ll see to it that he does.”

“Good. I’ll fill the team in and send a Quin out to pick you three up. Be ready to leave early tomorrow.” He pauses. “Where exactly are you?”

“You’re the one with the fancy computers,” I say. “I’m sure you’re more than capable of tracing the call.”

Stark laughs. “You’re right. I started looking before I even picked up.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“What’s your name, mystery girl?”

“(Y/N).”

“Alright, (Y/N). I look forward to meeting you.”

“You too.”

The line goes dead and I drop the phone to the carpet before scrubbing my hands over my face.

“That went much better than I expected it would,” Thor admits.

“I never wanna do that ever again.” I laugh a little hysterically. “I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.”

“I promise, he’s a kind man. He is, however…”

“A little paranoid?” Thor nods. “I can’t say I blame him.”

“Are you sure that you want to go with us?”

“Of course. I can’t let you guys cowboy around on your own, especially knowing your team’s past with Loki.”

“I only worry that you may not be safe.”

“I know, but I’ll be able to protect myself, to some extent, and I’m going to work on my magic so that I’ll be stronger before we have to fight. But, until then,” I push myself to my feet. “I need to apologize to your brother.”

“Oh?”

“Well, I figure I should be in good standing with someone before I ask them to teach me something.”

“You’re going to accept his offer?”

“I am. I have conditions, but we don’t have the luxury to wait for Heimdall now.” I cast my eyes upwards. “Absolutely no offense to you, we’re just pressed for time.”

“None taken. (Y/N). As it stands, I’m afraid we’ve most likely exhausted our resources.”

“Duly noted.” I reach out to Thor and he takes my hand. “Things’ll be fine. I promise.”

“I know.” He kisses my knuckles. “But that doesn’t mean that I fully trust Loki.”

“Don’t have to trust him to benefit from his knowledge.”

At that, Thor laughs. "I suppose you're right."

"Would you think of dinner ideas while I talk to him?”

Thor nods and gently pushes me towards the door before getting to his feet. Charles follows us out into the hall and takes off down the stairs. Thor finds Daisy when we reach the ground floor and takes her outside to play. I find Loki in the living room, reading a book on the couch. Charles has situated himself in the recliner across the room and is glaring at Loki, tail swishing.

“You should make an effort to tame your beasts,” Loki says, calmly turning the page in his book.

“Oh really, you’re worried about a little house cat?”

“He doesn’t like me.”

“I don’t like you much, either, so I can’t really blame him.”

He closes the book and sets it to the side. “What is it that you want?”

“I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier.”

“Why?”

“Because I was harsh and abrupt, and I figure it’s better to apologize before I ask you to teach me than after.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“The Avengers are sending a jet to pick us up tomorrow. All of us need to be ready for what’s coming, and Heimdall won’t be able to make it before Thanos does.”

He grins and leans forward on his knees, clearly enjoying this. “So what you’re saying is… you need my help.”

“Yes, that’s what I just said.”

He sighs and leans against the back of the couch, examining his nails. “It’s alright to admit you were wrong, you know.”

“I literally just did. I’m saying that I need your help to fully understand my magic.”

“Now,” he rises to his feet and quickly approaches me. “Was that so hard?”

I roll my eyes and walk off to the back door. “You’re ridiculous.”

Alright, so we’re headed directly towards a confrontation with Thanos. More than a little stressful to think about, if I’m being honest. Learning from Loki won’t be any treat either, I’m sure.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this chapter! How do you feel about Loki’s place with the reader and Thor? What do you think will happen next? Be sure to like, reblog, comment, and/or shoot me an ask and tell me all about it!

if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters, let me know!

Tag list:

@ghostlyhamlet, @claws-of-vibranium, @creaturefeatures101, @buckysendoftheline, @imagine-assembling-the-avengers, @ptprocrastination, @1950schick, @amayasymone23, @arfrona-and-marvel, @ek823, @fanaticfangirl001, @furrywerewolfcollector, @kissofvenom922, @dawn-phantomhive, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @silas-aeiou, @mairhof1, @starryeyesbadguys, @trap-house-homiecide, @buckywhitewolfbarnes, @kaepm981, @howdoesoneadult, @pcdmesamidala, @thefandomplace, @sian22redux, @skeletoresinthebasement, @lady-thor-foster, @jazzcutie, @gaytonystark, @geeksareunique, @nyxveracity, @idalinette, @breezy1415, @darling-loki, @lemonadeorange73, @tofeartheunknown, @queenoftheunderdark, @tomorraw, @feelmyroarrrr, @thisismysecrethappyplace, @princess-unicorn124, @hermionie-is-my-queen, @avengerscompound

This fic:

@chelzwwefan, @claire-of-the-country, @sunflowers-and-swear-words, @heystucky, @annathewitch, @thebdelliumlady, @myfuturisticallysteadycollector, @inumorph, @slitherysneke, @bojabee, @givemethatgold, @emarich7, @shynara51​, @bluestaratsunrise​, @wonderlandfandomkingdom​

[ayellowcurtain]

robbe and sander having a class together and getting paired up for a project, involving watching a movie (points if its Romeo + Juliet) and they start off watching on opposite sides of the couch and gradually get closer but are both trying not to be obvious about it but end up cuddled up by the end of the movie? And they pause the movie throughout to talk and get to know each other and draw out their time together as much as possible?

Sander is trying very hard not to laugh or smile or even snort leading them to the living room, trying to ignore the silence that’s louder than anything he could do to make this less awkward.

Life really likes to play tricks on him. Their teacher had a whole class room to pick and put together for this final project for the semester and, of course, Robbe was chosen to work with Sander. Of all people, it had to be Robbe IJzermans.

Maybe, just maybe, Sander likes to make his own life harder sometimes. He didn’t have to go after Robbe that night, and he really didn’t need to kiss him again when nobody was watching.

His girlfriend was still mad inside and he went back to fix that after but he couldn’t miss the opportunity to kiss that cute boy again, for real this time, not thinking about how many people were around them, clapping and screaming. It was just them for a minute, and Sander liked that kiss a little too much.

It’s wasn’t a dare anymore, there wasn’t all their friends - and girlfriend - gather around, waiting if they would have the balls to do it or not. Sander will never forget opening his eyes to meet Robbe with his still closed, a little dazed still. Sander left one last kiss on his lips because they were right there. Sander was never as happy and excited as he was in that moment and he know that Robbe enjoyed it too.

Sure, he was pissed when Sander followed him outside because he saw Britt’s and her scene in the kitchen with Sander afterward but he was smiling when Sander left that last kiss on his lips.

They didn’t talk after that night because there was not much to talk about, they were still riding that “it was a drunk kiss during truth or dare” excuse. The drama dragged between them for weeks anyway, Sander couldn’t look at Robbe walking down the hallway with Jens that Britt would already start complaining about it.

In the same week that he broke up with Britt, he was paired to work with Robbe.

And now they were alone.

They had this movie to watch, write an essay about it, and use their insights from the movie to make their own art with it.

“Jens told me you’re good with making videos.” Sander tries to start a normal conversation, knowing well he’s not able to hide his smile any longer.

Robbe looks around at all the popcorn Sander’s mom made for them before leaving for her dinner date with her coworkers. He notices the can sodas in the coffee table too, the salt and pepper right next to it. Only after noticing every cliche thing Sander’s mom set up for their “movie night” that Robbe looks at him and rolls his eyes quietly when he notices the dumb smile.

“I can edit and make some videos.” He says shyly and Sander sighs, thinking of how he doesn’t need to get himself into another romance right away.

“That’s cool. I make dumb videos but definitely not good enough to use for anything. It’s just a very dumb hobby, very personal too.”

Robbe nods his head, awkwardly sitting on the tip of the couch, putting his hands on his knees, clear as the day that this is not at all comfortable.

“You can sit back and relax.” Sander snorts, pointing to the huge couch he has on the living room, way too big for the space but his dad likes to act like they have a movie theater instead of a normal living space. Robbe looks even smaller sitting on it, and he’s way too cute, “I won’t bite.”

Sander thinks out loud but from what he can see in the corner of his eyes, it doesn’t go unnoticed as Robbe huffs as he pushes himself back until he can relax against the backrest, his legs streched all the way, still not close to the edge of the couch.

He waits until the boy is comfortable, distracted with his phone and he grabs the controllers, closing the curtains and turning the tv on, making sure to sit as far away from Robbe as possible.

Robbe looks over his shoulders, watching the curtains close with the touch of a button and Sander watches him quietly, not sure if he wants to start the movie already, put a limit to their time together.

“I like drawing.” He says even though Robbe didn’t ask him back what he can do.

“Noor told us about it.”

Sander has no bite his lip not to ask the cheesy “So you asked about me?” line. Noor is a good friend of his but she’s Britt very, very best friend so there’s no way Robbe went to her to ask about Sander.

“Hopefully she said my drawings are okay.”

Robbe laughs, and Sander lets himself exhale, happy that he didn’t scare Robbe away completely.

“She said you’re okay.” He nods his head and Sander smiles, starting the movie.

“Have you ever seen this movie?” Sander was trying to keep his cool and keep the mood light but the way Robbe sighs makes him look at the boy across the couch again. His eyes are shinning so brightly, even in the dark, reflecting the movie and he smiles from ear to ear, all his lines and dimples showing and he doesn’t even bother to look back at Sander, barely blinking as the actors start to deliver their first lines on the screen.

“Yeah. It’s my favorite.”

“Really?” Sander lifts his eyebrows, ignoring the movie completely. He already watched it once too but it was a long time ago, and he doesn’t really like it, makes him think too deeply about love and feelings and he, more than anyone, can get way too carried away thinking. He’ll start and it never stops again.

Robbe nods his head, finally relaxing a little more on the couch, sinking against the soft pillows a little more, quietly kicking his socks off his feet.

“Yeah.”

“I’m guessing he’s your favorite actor...” Sander rolls his eyes because of course, Leonardo Di Caprio would be a favorite. Sander doesn’t get it, honestly.

“Yeah. You have one?” Robbe finally looks at him and it takes him by surprise, looking at the screen, trying to think of actors he likes.

“Al Pacino is amazing.” Is the only one he can think of so quickly, and Robbe laughs, nodding his head and Sander is back to staring at him.

“Old school, huh...”

Sander smiles, turning his body a little so he can really look at Robbe without stretching his neck too much.

“I like Josh O'Connor too, if Al Pacino was too old for you.”

Robbe frowns, looking at him with curiosity and Sander thinks about watching God's Own Country with Robbe.

“He’s Prince Charles in The Crown. You should watch it, has some amazing shots. He’s not bad to the eyes either. Better than Leo.”

He bites his cheek and Robbe pushes himself up against the pillows quickly making him sink on the couch.

“You don’t think Leo is good looking?”

Sander shakes his head, liking the feeling of being completely open and honest and not being too judged about it. Robbe is sweeter than he thought it was possible for a human to be.

“I liked kissing you, so that should be considered too if we’re talking about people we find attractive.”

Robbe takes a very long, deep breath in to buy himself some time but also to keep his attention on the movie for a second longer. Sander leans back against the couch too, resting his head against his arm, so stretched out and still not able to rest behind Robbe. Sander is starting to hate this gigantic couch right about now.

“It was very dramatic too.” Robbe looks at him from the corner of his eyes.

Sander smiles, nodding his head, watching the movie again.

“Sorry about that.” Sander loses his line of thought when he notices Robbe just very carefully leaning closer, pretending like he’s adjusting the pillow behind him and the only comfortable way is closer, “But I’m a single man now, so maybe it wouldn’t be that dramatic if happened again...”

Robbe nods his head in agreement and Sander watches him for what feels like seconds but are probably long minutes. Robbe doesn’t seem to mind, but he doesn’t keep the conversation going either. It feels like the movie finally mesmerized him deep enough where he can’t talk and watch at the same time.

He tries to move smoothly closer but the couch is too soft and comfortable and it sinks around where they’re sitting, so Sander has to make too much effort to move closer to go unnoticed. But Robbe doesn’t say a word, keeps watching his favorite movie, so relaxed Sander wishes they could do this every afternoon.

They make small talk from time to time, when Sander is about to yawn to keep himself from falling asleep. And it’s conscious movements that they don’t talk about it, but when there’s still around fourth minutes to go, they’re basically in each other’s arms.

Robbe is almost in his arms, actually.

Sander is sitting in the middle of the seat that was separating theirs first, and Robbe moved closer, not close enough, but close, leaning his top half even closer, letting Sander’s arm finally rest behind him on the couch. Sander quietly moves his hips to sit straighter and now they’re basically together, pulling a smile out of Sander, finally able to watch the movie even thought he spend most of the time watching Robbe watch his movie.

He smiled sometimes for no reason, his lips twitched a few times when he was about to repeat the lines that the actors were saying but he pressed his lips together and never said anything.

“You really like movies.” Sander whispers, leaning down, almost leaving a kiss at the top of Robbe’s head.

He nods his head and makes himself smaller on the couch, almost hugging his knees.

“I watch too many.” Robbe looks up, and Sander smiles when he sees Robbe staring at his lips, only a few inches apart.

“We should do this more often. Movie dates.” Sander whispers, noticing how long Robbe’s lashes are, how perfect he is, even in the smaller details, seeing up close like this.

“You’re watching my favorite one so I guess that’s a good start.”

Sander nods his head and kisses Robbe’s temple while he moves his head to go back to watching the movie.

[watermelonbird]

A fanfic of Quackity learning how to care for his employees, starting with a slime

I sent an ask about this and you wanted to tagged so @dreamsclock here this is!

Charlie is a weird dude Quackity has to admit. His decision to recruit him seemed smarter at the beginning. Learning about the slime makes him more hesitant to include him in anything. But right now he’s acting odder than usual.

¨I am a normal human and since you are also a normal dude, can I ask you a question, person to person?¨ Charlie asked, pushing into Quackitys office.

¨Fine, keep it quick¨

¨Well, my head hurts? And I am kinda achy? And I feel super warm? And-

¨Charlie! That is all just normal human stuff, that if you were a human, you would know, and since you definitely are a human, these things must be normal to you!¨

¨Us humans are some strange creatures, aren't we? Charlie says with an attempted smile on his face.

¨Mhm yeah, just get out of my office.

Charlie did not realize being a human would be this difficult with all the pains and gross feelings people have to go through. He just wishes he could go back into a nice damp hole.

Quackity called a meeting of some of the members of Las Nevadas.

¨I need some dirt on Karl and Sapnap because they have a riviling country or territory or whatever type of paradise that Kiniko Kingdom is. And that can be dangerous to my whole operation!¨

¨I think, and this might be a dumb guess but perhaps its a Kingdom? Just an idea¨ Purpled muttered.

¨I don't need any of your fucking sass.¨ Quackity rubbed a hand over his face, carefully missing his scar, ¨this is why you dont work with teenagers, they all fucking suck. You and Tubbo and Tommy and even that Ranboo kid was an annoying pushover!¨

¨Dude, it's obvious that the only reason you want to spy on those two is because you miss dating them! It's fine. Love fails, you gotta move on¨ Foolish sighed

¨Where Charlie? I want a nice person who respects me!¨

¨I respect you Quackity and while I do not know what Kiniko Kingdom is since I have kinda been in isolation for a while, I would not mind checking it out!¨

¨Course Fundy, you're such a good pal but I want you to lay back and relax, you don't have to worry about what's happening at all.

¨Cool, yeah yeah I understand¨

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quackity walks over to Charlie's room which was right next to his.

¨Slimecicle, what's been up with you? I'm a very busy man and I can't afford for my spy to get lazy, you understand me?

¨Ah, well I heard that when humans get sad or feel bad we just lay down so¨

¨We don't have time for this Charlie! We dont have time for your stupid crisis! I need you to suck it up because that's what humans do!

Quackity grabs one of the slime man's arms and immediately regrets it looking at the slime residue that rubbed off on him. He pulls up Charlie and fixes his shirt.

¨Besides we’re friends and it really sucks that I am working my ass off and you are just lazing around because of a little emotion. Nothing like that has ever held me down!¨

Charlie yawns, ¨You make a good point Quackity of Las Nevadas.¨

¨Of course I do, and I´m so excited to see the info you catch of the residents of Kiniko Kingdom, you can do that right?¨

¨Sure! I got you, friend!¨

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charlie knew he wasn't being the best friend to Quackity but he was not feeling as good and goopy as usual.

But this was his first official spy job and he was gonna do a great job and extra show that he does not need to be killed! Quackity gave him slight directions but seemed strained talking about this place. Charlie wondered if it had anything to do with the drama of their recent relationship and if they were still together or not. But he's sure that this spy job is for purely professional reasons and totally not a pathetic attempt to see if his exes miss him!

Charlie went along the path he was told but he saw a small damp looking hole and decided to jump in. He had really missed this environment. The Casino was always really warm and Charlie wanted to ask Quackity to lower it but the one time he did, the duck hybrid got teary and muttered that if his fiance was here, the heating system wouldn't be necessary.

Slimicicle had felt lightheaded the past few days and he figured a nap would be the perfect way to rejuvenate. Not thinking about his mission or when he was expected back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quackity was kinda freaking out, It had been hours after when Charlie agreed to come back, he knew he was a bit absentminded but he should have realized when it got dark it was time to come back. He knew that his fiances were jerks who abandoned him but would they attack or even worse kill an innocent slime? He knew he should have done a simpler first mission, he just wanted to hear any news on his fiances and figured this would be a smart way to get info.

Quackity sighed, ¨Hey Purpled, I'll have to rescue Charlie, fucker managed to mess up even the simplest of tasks¨

¨It's obvious you care for him, don't put up that bs with me, I really don't care about you enough¨

¨I don't! And as your boss, you don't get to use that voice with me¨

¨Okay bossman¨, Purpled mocked

Quackity ran out of Las Nevadas and into the forest. He briefly wondered if this was running just to find the corpse of the slime. Or would there be tiny broken Charlies? He shook his head, not wanting to focus on grim things like that.

¨Charlie? It's me! Quackity from Las Nevadas! Your friend! Charl-

He got cut off by falling into a crevice.

¨Oh my god, this is just the type of hole he would have liked¨ Quackity sniffled

¨Oooh can I meet this He you´re talking about? Because I also really like this hole!¨ Charlie exclaimed

Quackity reached out, putting his hands on Charlie's slimy cheeks

¨You're okay? I was so worried!

¨I just sat down in this hole and fell asleep

¨Well I am glad that you learned how to sleep I guess? But man, your face is really warm right now¨

Charlie leaned his head further into Quackitys hands, ¨Mmhhm¨

¨Are you- are you sick?¨

¨Doesn't that mean cool cause if so yeahh¨

¨No buddy, that's not what that means, it means you don't feel well

¨But you said to suck it up if I don't feel well? And you neverr take care of yourself?

¨Well, uh, exceptions can be made of course, if you're feeling bad enough! Which I never am! I sometimes may feel a little down however Its an easy fix that for me, working more totally helps with!

But I guess for you, you'll need someone to take care of you? Is that true? Quackity sighed, already knowing he would regret this but whenever he was sick he just imagined his fiance's caring for him again and he thinks maybe, maybe he should help Charlie

¨Ugh come up and out of the hole, let's go home.¨

¨Well Quackity of Las Nevadas while I would love to go back, this hole is comfy and damp and the environment I should be in. Las Nevadas is great, however it is hot, and I always feel like I am melting in the housing units .

¨Oh, how about I fix your bedroom up? Make it chiller and more¨, Quackity gags ¨damp¨

¨Really? You'd do that? Thank you, friend!

He hops forward and does a partial hug with Quackity, not having the strength to fully embrace him.

Quackity picks the slime up in a bridal style carry with Charlie being in awe.

¨Wow, you're really strong

¨Yeah buddy, and I'll fix you up and you'll be perfectly fine. Uh, just for work reasons, I totally don't care for you.

¨Quackity from Las Nevadas, I think you're being sarcastic and I love you¨

“... I love you too”

[atmilliways]

Dethentine’s Day 2

February 9th - In the Style of Disney/Studio Ghibli

Inspired by but not closely following The Little Mermaid. Charles is a merman, Nathan is a human, they... meet and stuff. 

Blood Ocean

When it storms over the open sea, flashes of lightning illuminate the upper reaches of the depths in a pale facsimile of sunlight. It lasts for only an instant, and below the surface the sound of thunder feels like the impact of whale sonar. But when the lightning comes thick enough, it takes on the strobe effect of a stop-motion picture show. 

A man falls into the water, followed by the downed mast of a wounded ship. 

Impact. 

The man is sinking faster than the debris around him, weighed down by his heavy boots and coat. He moves his limbs, but sluggishly. Too slow to make any difference, at the rate he's going. 

Impact. 

Tiny bubbles stream from the man’s mouth as he fights a losing battle to hold his breath. In the inky blackness below, just at the outside range of the storm’s light, something is beginning to dart upwards. 

Impact.

The man is gone. 

~

Charles doesn’t know what possessed him to do this. He hadn’t liked the Water God’s order to destroy any ships that ventured through their waters. That’s what the rest of the patrol are off doing, and tearing the throats out of any sailors trying to swim to safety besides—he can taste it in the water even at this distance. 

But he swims on, balancing the necessity of speed with the difficulty of keeping an airtight seal between his mouth and the now-unconscious human’s, sharing oxygen and releasing the creature’s exhales through his gills. This one must have been smart enough to try and climb to safety, and fell with the mast when the ship finally capsized. If Charles hurries, he can throw the man up onto the nearest accessible bit of shore and race back before he’s missed. 

The place he finds is rocky, but not so shallow that he can’t swim up to it or too steep that the human won’t be able to climb back to its people. Getting the man onto it takes some effort—he’s very broad, and overburdened with approximately the same amount of muscle as a blue whale. No wonder you nearly drowned, Charles thinks with an irritated frown, and gives one final heave—there, he’s up. Should be fine. The tide isn’t due to come in for another hour. 

He prods him, just to make sure, with the heel of one hand. The human groans and coughs up sea water. Yeah, he’ll be just fine. 

Suddenly a big hand closes around Charles’ wrist. “Hey,” the human he’s just rescued mumbles. “Hey, you . . . saved my life. . . .”

Charles feels his dorsal scales prickle in alarm. This isn’t good, the human wasn’t supposed to wake up. Humans aren’t supposed to know that merpeople exist, let alone go around thinking that they’re particularly friendly towards them. In spite of what Charles has just done, it wasn’t because he liked humans, it just . . . didn’t seem right, clawing holes in the bottoms of their ships as the Water God had ordered. It was like shooting birds in an air bubble. 

“No, I didn’t,” he hisses, panicking and yanking his wrist free. “And, ah . . . don’t tell anyone about this!”

The surf is trying to push him past the rocks into tide pools but Charles kicks off hard, both hearts hammering and doesn’t slow down once he’s out over deeper water. He still feels a phantom of that hand on his wrist, and he doesn’t understand why any more than he knows why he saved the man in the first place. 

He does not see the pale shape following at a distance. 

~

It takes Nathan a while, but he does manage to make his way up the rocky incline. Doesn’t help that it’s February, and that between his already wet clothes and the rain he’s shaking almost too hard to stand by the time he reaches the nearest town, but still, he gets there. 

No one believes him when he tries to explain how he survived the wreck. 

He spends the next several days in bed, still shivering. From time to time he rambles about shapes in the water and being rescued by a man who had a tail in place of legs, and people are pretty nice about it but they clearly think he’s touched in the head. By the time the fever breaks even he isn’t sure if what he thinks he remembers is actually what happened. 

Once he’s recovered enough to move on, Nathan decides to stay. It’s a nice enough town, and he’d been on that ship in the first place because he was leaving his parent’s home to find his place in the world. The town butcher needs an apprentice and has a room to rent above the butcher’s shop for cheap. He makes friends with the town drunk, who knows some guys who’re great on string instruments. They’re thinking of putting a band together. There are a lot of things that make hanging around worthwhile. . . . None of them are why he actually stays. 

Every night, Nathan dreams of his mysterious rescuer. Of hazel eyes and a blur of skin and scales. Of a mouth on his, breathing life and a heavy taste of salt into him. 

“‘Course ya dream about it,” Pickles tells him one night, when they’re both wasted past the point of Nathan being embarrassed talking about what might just be a vivid remnant of fever dream and possible head trauma. “Yer the sole survivor of that shipwreck, dood. If someone or something saved you, yer connected to it now. Gonna be until that debt is repaid. So, y’know, meybe that is why yer still here, yer all . . . connected to somethin’ by one’a those strings of fate or whatever.”

Nathan squints in conversation as he slowly absorbs this new idea. His hair falls across his face—it’s getting long, but it doesn’t bother him much so who knows when he’ll bother to cut it. “You mean like . . . an anchor?”

“Sure, either that’r survivor’s guilt.” Pickles shrugs, belches, and signals for the barman to bring them new pints. “I’d say it’s a fifty fifty chance that one’a those is true.”

That percolates in Nathan’s thoughts for a while, and in the meantime he finds himself picking his way back down to the rocky beach every day, rain or shine, and looking out across the water. 

Where are you? Nathan wonders. What are you? It had spoken to him with the voice of a man, so it, he, obviously had some reason. Nathan wonders if he has a name, and if so, what it is. 

He knows he’s obsessing. But if it’s fate or whatever, then what choice does he have?

~

Charles is going about his business, updating the abacai records for his patrol, when a great white behemoth of a merman crashes through the shell-curtain door of his office cave. Only a last minute dive saves him from being barreled into, but not before he gets a good look at the gnashing rows of teeth that belong to one of the Water God’s watchsharks. This one looks to be half Great White, and is wearing a misshapen piece of welded metal as a mask over the top half of his face. 

Fuck. This is because of that damn human, he just knows it. He’d thought he’d been so careful, and in the days since nothing had happened, reinforcing his sense of relief. . . . until now. 

The other merman has a crude knife, one of his own long teeth strapped to a handle with. After the first miss he turns—slowly, Charles notes—and lunges again. 

Everyday patrol schools are usually only taught minimal hand-to-hand combat skills, focusing mainly on hunting outer ocean game, targeted destruction of ships, and techniques for drowning struggling humans. But Charles had mastered the latter skills years ago and had, out of boredom and perfectionism, made a thorough study of the former in his free time. It’s something his colleagues often tease him about. 

Who’s laughing now?

He waits until the last second before darting to the right, counting on his own agility—and catches the arm with the knife, kicks into a spin, and pushes the razor-edged tooth into his attacker’s own side. The sand-rough skin scrapes at his palms, but if that puts any of his own blood in the water it’s definitely covered by the red gout billowing from the other merman, who Charles shoves ruthlessly into the wall before slipping out of the cave and swimming for his life. 

~

Leaving as quick as a riptide, for Charles, isn’t simply a matter of skipping town. It’s not just that he left without any of his personal effects until all this blows over. He knows his absence will be quickly noticed, and that means goodbye career. Between that and the watchshark—who could be dead or could have survived, there’s no way to know now, but even a corpse would tell a damning story—it’s goodbye colony as well. If the Water God has it out for him, no one will dare to take him in, not in any colony. He’s completely alone. 

Charles tries not to think about this, focusing instead on more immediate problems such as shelter and food. The further he gets from the colony’s heat vents, the colder the water becomes, so he’s forced to stick to the relative shallows along the coast, where there’s less chance of something spotting and ambushing him from below. 

Where he’d left that human. 

Somehow he proves harder to avoid thinking about than all the rest; when Charles floats awake at night in whatever new crevice he’s found to hole up in, he pictures the man’s face. Strong, stubborn jaw and high cheekbones. Heavy brow overshadowing eyes that are a deeper green than seaweed, with the dark depth of an ocean except without a trace of blue. Black hair that had streamed straight back during the hurried swim. Charles’ hand had brushed through it when first grabbing him and again when grappling to get him onto the rock, but out of the water it had clung to the man’s head and shoulders like an oil slick. 

He can still feel where the man had grabbed his wrist, an indelible handprint. Sometimes he catches himself rubbing at it absently. Still has no idea what possessed him to save someone only to lose everything, but for some reason he can’t move past that blankness of not knowing into being angry about it—at himself, at the human, at anything, because it just feels so . . . inevitable. As though he’d had to do it, no choice in the matter. 

This does not help him sleep, but eventually he does drift off. 

~

In some underwater caves there are pockets of air that were trapped tens of thousands of years ago when the sea levels rose. They sit, without light or wind, and do not wait because they expect nothing. 

But this one has light. This one has wind, and a smooth beach of solid rock against which Charles wakes, half out of the water. Using his lungs instead of his gills, which is more odd than uncomfortable. The air tastes clear and he smells the greenness of above-water plants. He has no idea how he got here; it’s definitely not where he fell asleep.

A human man stands above him. Not his human—Charles realizes he’s thought this an instant after doing so and feels his dorsal scales prickle—but an old man dressed in dark red and black robes. 

Somehow the old man knows that Charles is alone, an outcast in hiding. He introduces himself as Ishnifus Meadle and offers a way to escape pursuit for good. 

Naturally suspicious of both the offer and this whole set-up, Charles asks what the price is. 

Ishnifus tells him. 

Charles listens in dawning horror. It’s not the answer itself, but the scope of it; a coral outcrop that, upon further inspection, has formed an entire reef that he had until now mistaken for bedrock. Ishnifus knows things that no human should know. He knows things about Charles’ own life that no one could have possibly told him. Somehow it’s all connected, and the feeling of inevitability rises in Charles again like bile—but ultimately what Ishnifus is offering is an explanation. 

“Do you accept?” Ishnifus asks in his whispery voice. 

Impact. 

Charles takes a deep breath, slides down the rock shore briefly to wet his gills one last time, and says, “Yes.”

Impact. 

The merman is gone. 

~

On his daily visit to the rocky beach, Nathan finally sees something. He makes his way carefully but as quickly as he can down to the edge of the water, where a figure is sprawled on one of the rocks. It is in fact, he realizes when he gets there, the same rock he’d found himself on after the shipwreck, unexplained miles from where the ship actually went down. 

The naked figure is pale and hardly moving, cold and clammy to the touch, but Nathan helps him sit up because he recognizes him. Except for having legs instead of a tail, it’s the same mysterious hazel-eyed stranger who saved him from drowning. 

“It’s you,” Nathan says stupidly. He hesitates, but the guy is so weak from cold that before he even realizes he’s doing it he’s got his shirt off, a paltry offering but it’s better than nothing. It drapes hugely from the man’s damp, smaller frame, but after getting it on him Nathan feels like he’s at least provided some protection from the cold sea breeze blowing in from across the water. 

He scoops the man up—there’s something so weird about this, like their roles are reversed and how he has to stumble through the roll of rescuer like some sort of bumbling idiot with no experience in this sort of thing. But he manages to get them up the rocky incline and into town, into his room above the butcher’s shop without attracting anyone’s attention. Wraps the man in blankets and gets the kettle going until the bath is filled with steaming water. When the tub is full, Nathan turns back and sees the man struggling to unwrap himself, straining to get to the water on his own power.

“I can do it,” the man rasps as Nathan helps him, but it’s like watching a baby deer try to walk for the first time. This guy seems to have no control whatsoever over his shaking legs. But Nathan gets him stripped down again and into the hot bath, and he sinks into it with a sigh that borders on indecent. 

Nathan doesn’t know what to do with his eyes. It’s just the one room, and there’s not much to it, so it’s kind of hard to ignore the naked dude in his tub. Plus, he’s already seen everything the guy’s got to offer while carrying him in. So he settles for sitting on the end of his bed, shirtless and holding his wet shirt, and just . . . staring. He watches the man in the tub carefully pull each limb into the water and then dip under the surface, completely submerged, and stay there for a full minute. 

When he comes back up for air he uses the water streaming off him to slick his short hair back from his forehead and sits, nose just above the water to breathe, and stares at Nathan. 

“You, uh,” Nathan starts awkwardly. “You had gills before. On your neck. Right? Or did I hallucinate that?”

The man in the tub doesn’t answer, just stares at him. 

“What’s your name?” Nathan tries. “I’m Nathan.”

There’s a long pause, and then the man in the tub lifts his head just enough that his lower lip is out of the water. “Charles,” he says hoarsely, then coughs and dips down to sip from the tub. 

“Shit, don’t—You don’t know what I’ve had to scrub in there, don’t drink that. Hang on.” 

Nathan gets up and pulls on a shirt to go back out into the hall again, and returns with a glass of water. He hands it to Charles and watches him slowly try to sip from the middle of the glass. 

“It’s, uh, you gotta put the edge to your mouth and tip it,” he offers, miming it. 

Charles—fuck, it’s just so weird to finally have a name attached to the face, but a good weird, the reassuring Okay so I’m definitely not totally crazy after all kind of weird—gives him a skeptical look, but mimics the motion and successfully gulps the water down. Soon the glass is empty, and he hands it back. 

They stare at each other. 

“So, uh,” Nathan says, “you saved my life.”

“I did,” Charles replies. “And I, ah, think you might have just saved mine.”

For some reason, Nathan wants to deny this. Here he’s been, thinking about Charles literally every day for a while now, feeling at the very least like he owes him some sort of debt, then the minute he shows back up in his life they’re suddenly even again and that’s it? No. He shakes his head. “Nah, I just helped you get up the hill. You could’ve done that on your own.”

They stare at each other again. Nathan gets the distinct impression that they’re both fully aware that what he just said is all bullshit; Charles couldn’t even make it into the bath on his own. 

Charles says, carefully, “In that case, I, ah . . . I could use a place to stay.”

“You got it,” Nathan replies instantly, and is he really offering to share his small room and small bed with some stranger who he’s pretty sure is an honest to god merman, an actual mythic sea creature, no questions asked?

. . . Yeah. Yeah, he is. He’s not totally sure why, but he really means it, too. 

Charles is going about his business, updating the accounting book in the back of the butcher’s shop. Word has gotten around town that he’s good at this sort of thing; he’s due at the bakery first thing tomorrow morning to go through their books and make sure all the math is correct, and then in the afternoon the grocer wants him to perform an audit to make sure that none of the employees are stealing from the till. He actually much prefers this bloodless work to patrols. 

But he still practices hand to hand combat in his free time. Now that he’s found his land-legs it seems even more important to maintain whatever physical prowess that he can in this dry, non-buoyant environment. Nathan is helping him get better at lifting weights, and they both benefit in their own ways from the bar fights Nathan and his friends get into and that Charles finishes. 

At night, they share Nathan’s narrow bed. Charles is never cold anymore with Nathan there, although the man is strangely shy whenever he mentions this—some strange human hangup, he assumes, and doesn’t press the issue. He’s become unexpectedly fond of his human, more than fond if he’s really being honest with himself, but hasn’t yet learned the culturally appropriate way to act on this yet. 

Sometimes when he’s waiting for sleep to come, or when the figures on the page and flowing from the nib of his ink pen become so tedious he needs to tear his eyes away to stare at nothing for a moment, he thinks about what Ishnifus told him before giving him this above-water life. He wonders if it’s for the best that Nathan remains oblivious to all of it, Charles’ feelings included. 

There’s a storm coming, and Charles hopes that, if it comes to that, he’ll be able to save his human from drowning again.

[sebastianshaw]

Hey there @vvithteeth! So, this isn’t EXACTLY what you asked for the readlist to focus on, but I think it’s worth checking out all the same for a general sense of Emma’s history leading up to her current character!

 EVIL 80s EMMA She’s not good reference for who Emma is NOW, but a good look at what she used to be, and what she’s overcome. I think looking at Emma when she was at her worst, helps one appreciate her at her best. If you see what she had to rise above in herself, you understand the self that she’s fighting back, you have a better appreciation for the kinds of things she’s tempted towards---and the kinds of things she no longer does.  X-Men (1st series) #129-131 is her introduction, as she tries to recruit Kitty Pryde to her school before Xavier does. One of the most chilling moments, for me personally, is when she threatens to destroy Storm’s mind so that she will be “human only in physical form” And then Jean drops a house on her, which is why she’s not involved in the Dark Phoenix saga, as she was still recovering.  Emma continues trying to get Kitty and other kids into her clutches in  Uncanny X-Men (1st series) #180 and  New Mutants (1st series) #15-17, but in New Mutants (1st series) #38-40 she finally manages it by exploiting their current fucked-up state and having her student Empath use his powers to manipulate Magneto.  But when the kids decide to return to Xavier’s school, Emma allows them to do so without a fight, and just tells them that they’ll always have a place with her if they need it. Which seems nice, but then her thought balloons reveal that this is just so the kids won’t believe it when Magneto tells them she’s evil. Firestar #1-4: Whoa mama, Emma is at max abusive here. See, she desires to eliminate Selene, and to this end she trains a young mutant she names Firestar. She does so by manipulating the girl, isolating her, convincing her that she NEEDS Emma to help her control her powers or else she’s dangerous to others, and even KILLS HER PET HORSE. Emma is someone who says “I love children. Teaching is my life.” and she MEANS IT, she has a genuine call to teach and her love for her students is her driving force, but here we see how she USED to treat her students. Then put her against who she is now, it’s a huge contrast. Honestly, I don’t know why SOME WRITERS want to erase her growth by pretending she was Actually Good All Along but yeah, here’s Bad Emma. This is who she fights. This is what she has risen above.  EMMA’S BACKSTORY ISSUES Emma’s history is. . . kind of multiple choice. She tells one version in Generation X #24, but this doesn’t fit at all with the Emma Frost miniseries that came out from 2003 -2004, which also doesn’t exactly fit with “X-Men Origins: Emma Frost” single-issue backstory. I personally would read the “X-Men Origins” one and at least the beginning of the miniseries, specifically the parts that deal with her home life. The reason is that both of these show how unhealthy Emma’s home was growing up, and how that made her who she is. When I saw I think Emma is “wired” to be a villain, I don’t mean I think she was born like that, but as in, I think her environment trained her to become like that. It’s kind of like how a lot of personality disorders aren’t something a person is born with, but come from being in a shitty environment where certain behaviors will help you survive better, and then even once that situation is over, you can’t get rid of those behaviors because it’s how your brain is wired now. That’s how I read Emma---she came out of this toxic, duplicitous environment of manipulation and abuse where she and her siblings were set against each other, and that’s now her default for how she interacts with the world, even though she was originally just a sweet little nerd who only wanted to be a teacher. The “Origins” one features a generic Shitty Abuser Shaw and isn’t as good as the more drawn-out miniseries, as it focuses more on physical abuse (like her father suddenly slapping her) to get a point across that her family is toxic, rather than the more drawn-out miniseries, which I think works better for explaining Emma’s specific brand of. . .Emma-ness. But the bit where her mother tells her that her father is hardest on her because he likes her most of all, is really important I think, since that reflects her relationship later with the Hellions, which is also shown in this. Because Emma is cruel to the Hellions, even though she loves them, and in fact because she loved them. Her love for them and her agony over their deaths is what drives her to join the X-Men in the first place.  As for which origin story is true. . .I think the miniseries one is probably MOST true, as it’s the only one that Emma herself isn’t telling as a story. But as the friend who helped me assemble this list puts it, “ Think of any origin story of Emma's as "a sort of fairy tale, a parable," where it's the theme that matters, not the precise events or timeline “ 90s EMMA Emma spent most of the 90s teaching Generation X. I don’t remember a lot of stuff for specifically what I’m talking about with her, but here are a couple issues that strike me as significant. Uncanny X-Men (1st series) #311-314: In  Uncanny X-Men (1st series) #281-284, the Hellions were killed and Emma Frost was left in a coma, her body taken care of by the X-Men. This is when she wakes up, takes over Iceman’s body, and goes on a rampage thinking she’s the prisoner of the X-Men. When she finds out what happened to her Hellions, she collapses in despair and turns herself over to the X-Men. This is her turning point. This is when we found out Emma Frost had a soul. That she LOVED the Hellions. That they were not just tools. And there’s this one line in the yellow narrative boxes that really sticks out: “As the Hellfire Club’s White Queen, she spent the better part of her life traversing from one mind to another, violating the very essence of anyone she so chose. Losing herself in the memories of others. Altering, at times, the opinions of those who opposed her. This time is different. This time it is about survival. This time. . .it’s for the children.” The words are echoed when she agrees to join Krakoa's Quiet Council, after Charles and Erik tell her their plan and convince her it might just work. "One more time, then. For the children." Emma’s true love, in my opinion, isn’t Scott. Nor is it Namor. It’s teaching.  Emma becomes the teacher to Generation X, as mentioned, and in Generation X (1st series) #18-19, during the Onslaught crisis, she’s so terrified of losing them like she did the Hellions, that she snapped, took the kids to a safehouse in Canada, and put them under her telepathic control for their own safety. This is an Emma who has learned that abusing her students isn’t the right way, but still doesn’t respect their autonomy or consent even as she’s desperately trying to protect them, and has to learn from Monet (who is. . . .actually not Monet) that this isn’t the right way to do it either. Emma did not grow up with adult models who showed her how to love and care for a child, she has to figure it out herself, and it’s a rocky journey at times, even though she has the best of intentions. I think this is a good issue to show an Emma who is in the process of evolving. She’s getting better, but she still hasn’t got it “right” yet.  CURRENT-ERA EMMA Emma really becomes the Emma we know with Grant Morrison’s New X-Men in the early 2000s. This is where she starts affecting a British accent, calling everyone darling, and the delightfully witty Queen of Mean while also still a devoted teacher with trauma over losing her students. She always was witty and a little mean, but Morrison takes these traits up to 11 and gives Emma the foundation of what a lot of writers would build upon. It’s also when she begins her telepathic affair/seduction of Scott, which is a more than slightly problematic dynamic, as I’ve discussed. Also, this is when she got her now-famous diamond form.  We get a lot of lovely Emma nastiness in this series. New X-Men #128-139 all have lots of great moments for her where she’s just WICKED yet still on the side of the angels, and New X-Men Annual 2001 starts us off.  However, character-wise, I think what really comes out here is Emma going from blaming her past actions on substances (she tells Scott in the New X-Men Annual 2001 that she just probably out of her mind on drink and drugs all those times she was doing bad things) to being forced to face her past and herself for the first time when confronted by Jean & the Phoenix in New X-Men #139. It’s the first time we get a look at what Emma’s family and home life was like, as well as the first time she’s established as having a brother, but more than that is the emotion that gets brought in. This is also when Morrison decided to retcon the Hellfire Club as a strip joint (which I hate and also shows up in Emma’s “Origins” story) but that’s neither here nor there. The point is, Jean makes Emma face all her flaws and pain and nasty, most vulnerable parts of herself.  Emma is left mentally broken...then one page later, physically, shattered by a diamond bullet that we later find out was fired by none other than Esme, the Stepford Cuckoo whom Emma later says reminded her most of herself. There is definitely poetic symbolism there. As my friend put it “This cycle of her students dying and Emma losing it and trying again but never facing the roots of her issues goes on and on until her roots literally kill her, and Jean of all people resurrects her. Jean, who saw right through Emma, saw something there worth saving, and literally and metaphorically put her back together again.” The next place I’d go is Astonishing X-Men, which is the first time Emma and Kitty work together. Kitty HATES Emma at this point, because, as she points out, Emma is the villain in her origin story. And Emma KNOWS this. That’s why she WANTS Kitty there. She knew that Kitty would keep an eye on her, wouldn’t trust her, and that’s what Emma WANTS, because Emma doesn’t trust HERSELF. So this shows that Emma KNOWS her moral compass is a very flawed one, and that she WANTS to be better so consciously that she’s getting someone she knows doesn’t like or trust her to be around because she knows she’ll watch her like a HAWK. This also means Emma is admitting she can fail, and giving some control to someone else.  There’s. . . so much that happens from here. Utopia. Phoenix Five. The Terrigen Mists shit. Secret Empire. I feel like there are probably great Emma readlists out there that include these, but honestly I just kinda zoned out through a lot of it. These are some additional read lists for her I found: https://lornahs.tumblr.com/post/87230882649/where-to-start-reading-emma-frost-lets-start  https://www.reddit.com/r/comicbooks/comments/2bwwok/emma_frost_reading/  It’s definitely a LOT and I wish you the best of luck tackling it! Also, I wouldn’t feel you have to read EVERYTHING, or incorporate everything into your depiction. Pick and choose what you feel works best for your version!

[gone-series-orchid]

I thought about this earlier today (what a year already) if Orc HAD done something during THAT scene in Coates. My gosh how would Astrid had coped with that? How would that affected her relationship with Sam? Would she still have gone into exile? How would she have handled even the thought of Orc? How would that affected Orc? The one person who saw you as a human is now like treating you like a monster? Would he have ended things? Like man I hate to say it but I kinda almost wish MG had played it out a little bit....

(just as a warning, dear audience, this post contains explicit discussion of rape/sexual assault.)

hi, emily! always nice to hear an ask from you!

oof, what a dark train of thought. if orc had tried something at coates, i think astrid wouldn’t have coped with it well at all, given she’s already at the end of her rope mentally. she already recognizes that orc may be a (implicitly sexual) threat, but, interestingly, doesn’t think he’s old enough:

“she wondered whether orc was old enough for her to worry about in that way. she thought not. but it was a frightening possibility” (p. 345).

this is despite the fact that he’s only a year younger than her—he’s 14, the same age that astrid was when she got together with sam! the fact that she’s heavily implied to be wrong would affect her greatly if something were to actually happen.

sadly, i can see astrid potentially blaming herself, even subconsciously, for not taking him seriously as a potential threat before it was too late. she’d be castigating herself for trusting orc when she knew that he was emotionally unstable and drunk; maybe she’d even be angry at herself for trusting orc at all. she thought he respected her, that he had a soft spot for her, maybe even loved her in his own way—only for him to treat her so monstrously. i think it would fundamentally break whatever trust she had in him.

astrid’s such a good person that I don’t think she’d have it in her to not care if he did end up offing himself (more on that later!), but I think she’d mourn the person he could have become instead of the person he was at the time of his death—and even that she’d do with intense bitterness, confusion, and anger.

I think it would *definitely* affect her relationship with sam, which was already on the rocks. post-ambiguous assault (whatever that might consist of), i’d imagine she’d be even more resistant to the idea of having sex with him. would she be able to tell him why? i personally don’t think so—i think she’d want to keep it to herself and try to forget it ever happened. i think she still would go into exile, definitely, not only for the typical little pete reasons, but because she’d want to emotionally process what happened and she’d think withdrawing from everyone could do that.

i think she’d think of orc as little as possible after that. she’d be completely done with him. any thought of him would probably bring up a lot of anguish, especially because, depending on how sexually-tinged the assault was (again, the ambiguity of it is kind of a big factor here, but it’s probable that it was at least somewhat sexually charged, given the context of earlier coates segments with orc staring at her and his conversation with drake—more on that later), it would be one of astrid’s first sexual experiences, even if it’s of the quasi- sort. :(

as to how this would have affected orc...ooh boy. first, i’ll kind of reiterate what i interpret his motivation to be in attacking astrid in the first place, starting with this quote:

“[orc] had no clear thought for what he would do when he found [astrid]. she was just the only one who had ever helped him. she was the only one who had ever seen him as charles merriman and not just orc. she should feel his pain [...] someone had to feel the pain” (p. 436).

this isn’t just a case of just straightforward violence for orc, sexual or otherwise. this is fundamentally a frustrated, warped attempt to communicate his pain to someone he trusts deeply, someone he feels will understand because she saw him as a human being and not a monster. it’s also implied to be an equally warped expression of sexual desire, though i think orc doesn’t recognize it consciously...or, if he does, it’s in a purposely obfuscatory way. while this is orc’s “let me be evil” moment, it’s also a “let me be evil but with psychological plausible deniability” moment; he recognizes what he’s doing is sexually charged and unwanted, but the thought of his actions as meriting the label of sexual assault would never cross his mind; cognitive dissonance all the way.  it would be too psychologically painful for him to reconcile those two things.

anyway, i think orc’s desire to attack astrid would also be seen as a violence-tinged version of the “sex for solace” trope (in which a character has sex with another as a way to comfort themself after a tragedy). similar to how sam longs to have sex with astrid (and kisses taylor) to cope with his ever-growing bevy of traumas, orc longs to have sex with astrid to cope with his self-loathing and suicidality. with sex usually comes love and acceptance (which, of course, is what he wants the most from her). it also means physical intimacy, which he’s been deprived of due to his mutation. orc wants to be close to her physically and emotionally because he thinks love (and thus sex) redeems. if astrid can love him, then that makes him good. and he thinks, in his drunken, heavily depressed state, that he can only get that approval through violence (ironically negating the fact that it’s supposed to be redemptive)—hence, this:

“[drake] peered closer at orc as if looking inside him. ‘nah, orc, the only way you ever get astrid is the same way i get her. and that’s what you were thinking, isn’t it?’” (p. 444)

notice that drake is peering as if looking inside orc at this point, implying that what he says has some merit/truth to it. orc has been thinking about “getting” astrid through violence (again, whatever that really means...more on that later).

anyway, so it’s a complicated mix of emotions that would inspire that sort of act, is basically what i’m saying. that doesn’t absolve orc of doing anything wrong at all, of course, but it is a thing to consider.

so, to answer your question, i think orc would be absolutely devastated once he released what he’s done. he’d think he entirely deserved astrid’s scorn/fear and would basically be even more self-loathing and drunk than he already is. i think he’d think that by violating astrid’s trust this way, he’d proved himself to be an irredeemable monster in full. i don’t know if howard would be able to help, either. he might try to approach astrid to apologize at some point, but i don’t think she would listen to him.

his suicide attempts would probably increase, but i don’t think he’s actually able to die (i think i read this on the wiki at some point but there was a fan theory at some point i believe that posited that orc’s mutation is actually a form of long-term regeneration; his stone skin “filled in” the parts on his body the coyotes tore apart and healed them until, by the time of his death in light, he’s got his original skin back beneath the gravel...so maybe his liver keeps regenerating and that’s why he can’t drink himself to death). he might long for his apology to be accepted by astrid, but i don’t know if she could find it in her heart to forgive him, and i don’t think she’d be wrong in doing that.

so, here’s the Big Question: what does orc do when he finds astrid?

i’m not sure. i think he’d be flustered and angry when he actually finds her, but unsure of how to channel his rage. it’s one thing to think yeah i’m angry and i want astrid to feel my pain but what does that result in? i can’t imagine him pummeling astrid with his fists, or hitting her straight out. i can imagine him picking her up, or maybe backing her into a corner...maybe he’d attempt to kiss her in a sort of rough desperation, or feel her up, or tear off her clothing, maybe hit her when she inevitably resists in a sort of mix of panic and anger. i’m not sure if he could actually force intercourse on her, but it appears that despite his mutation his genitals still function (after all, he can still pee), so maybe? but then again, he is stinking drunk, and that tends to impair sexual functioning anyway….

oof, that made me feel dirty. 😬

but i do really understand the inclination to wonder what would happen if mg had made it so astrid was present! i’m just not sure. curse you, mg and all your ambiguity!

but thank you very much for the question, emily!!! feel free to send more!!