#yeah. that feels a lot like telling individual consumers to stop using straws and giving Exxon a pass to do whatever

[horce-divorce]

Yes, YES!!! this Twitter thread is such a poignant summary of issues with dems, and why this attitude of "but supporting dems is harm reduction, you HAVE to vote!!" is just pissing so many of us off more. Very well said. I especially appreciate the connection between the supposed cruciality of voting as harm reduction vs rugged american individualism, wow. What an angle.

[thetakenpokemon]

Act 2 - Contest Winner (or Loser?)

[PoV: Jezebel]

After downing my next shot of rum, I set the small glass back down onto the bar counter - right next to ten other glasses.

Even though that’s a LOT of extremely potent alcohol I’ve consumed within such a short amount of time, the most that I’m feeling is a strong burning in my stomach - as well as a similar feeling on my face. I’m probably blushing really hard from the rum. Thankfully, my fur is there to conceal it.

Elizabeth on the other hand? She’s barely able to sit straight in her seat, she’s currently wobbling all over the place. The only thing keeping her upright is her free hand having a vice-grip on the counter, her other hand holding her eleventh shot glass of rum - said liquid spilling from the uncoordinated movements of her arm.

Honestly? I’m actually very impressed that Elizabeth managed to last this long. Part of the reason why I’m very good at holding my own alcohol is because I’m a Fire-type, so the heat within me helps burn some of the alcohol before it enters my system. That and paired up with a liver of pure steel? I can keep drinking this stuff all throughout the night.

Elizabeth? She’s smaller than I am, so I guess the only thing that’s keeping her going is the fact that she’s used to drinking this much.

“I cannnn keep doooooing tees all...n...” The Lopunny slurs, her expression being that of a goofy smile. She didn’t finish the sentence though, since she practically chucks the rum into her mouth. She smacks her mouth, her tongue lolling out. “Seeeeee...? Steell...going....!”

The bartender gives her a concerned look before looking back at me, obviously rather hesitant on giving us another round of shots.

I roll my eyes before looking at him with a smirk. “Just one more shot for the both of us.” I tell him.

I have a feeling that this’ll be the straw that breaks the Camprupt’s back, since Elizabeth is barely holding on as it is.

He slowly nods his head and grabs two more shot glasses and fills them with the crystal clear yet extremely strong alcohol. He sets them down in front of me and the Lopunny before taking a step back and watching us at our ‘game’.

I grab my glass and look at Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow at her. “Number twelve.” I say before immediately downing it, the burning sensation being the same as the previous eleven.

Elizabeth immediately goes to grab her drink, but in her attempt to do so she immediately starts falling off her stool. I quickly extend an arm and catch her, preventing her from having a rather rough embrace with the wooden floor.

“Noooooo...” She whines. “I can...do eeeeeeeet!” She tries to sit up, yet even with my assistance she can’t get herself fully back onto her stool.

“I’d say that it’s over, Elizabeth.” I say to her,. my smirk widening.

Honestly? Even though I’ve won, it didn’t really feel as satisfying because of how effortless it was. Yeah I get to have her ‘do anything I want’ for an hour since that was the wager that was made, but if anything I don’t have much interest in that.

If anything? Teaching Elizabeth a lesson was the biggest motivator for me since she really needed to not go off the deep end. Right now? Obviously she’s way too drunk to realize her mistake, but at least I get to feel rather smug.

“Nononooooo!” She continues to complain. “I...ammmm...not dooone. Tere ees...steell...” At this point she’s really falling over, in which I now have to use both hands to keep her from stumbling off her stool like a ragdoll.

“It’s over, Elizabeth.” I repeat, trying contain a chuckle. When she doesn’t respond to this I instead give her a stern look, in which she somehow manages to meet with her own gaze before slumping.

“Fiiiine...” She sighs, her cheeks a deep shade of purple from the booze.

With a bit of effort I manage to pull her off her feet and get her to lean against the counter, in which I turn back to face the bartender.

Said individual is looking at the massive spread of empty shot-glasses with a look of immense respect. “Sheesh, ladies.” He exclaims with a shake of his head, chuckling. “You two hold your liquor far better than anyone I’ve ever met.”

I couldn’t help but give my own chuckle, smiling to myself. “We’re not any simple ladies, after all.”

He whistles. “No kidding. If you members of the Guardians of Twilight all have similar alcohol tolerance, this place will be out of drinks in a night if at least twenty of you were to visit at once.”

I fumble with my dress before pulling out my wallet, and after sifting through it I pull out a sizable amount of money that should pay for all of the alcohol - and provide an impressive tip. I set it down on the counter before giving him a nod of thanks.

The bartender grins and takes the money. “Much obliged.” He says before looking at Elizabeth. “Need help, or-?”

I shake my head, still chuckling. “No need, I will take her back.”

I stand up from my stool - the action causes my body to lose its balance slightly.

Hmm, perhaps the alcohol has more of an effect on me than I thought. That’d also explain why I’m also more loose with my emotions. Guess it really has been a while since I last drank...

Grabbing my staff that’s leaning against the counter, I clasp Elizabeth’s arm and pull her to my form.

“Lean on me.” I tell her. “I’ll support you as we head back to the guild HQ.”

She doesn’t respond - verbally at least, and together we slowly begin to make our way out of the club.

The moment we step outside I immediately feel myself get blasted with fresh air, the strong scent of sweat disappearing with the midnight breeze. The city itself is also relatively quieter compared to the club, so my ears feel very thankful as well.

As the two of us slowly make our way back, Elizabeth starts talking again.

“Nooo...” She whines once more. “I...do not waaant...to beee....your slaaaaave!”

The last word causes my body to freeze, the action making Elizabeth stumble forward before falling - and with her grip on her body, she ends up taking her with me.

The two of us fall flat onto the sidewalk, my staff releasing from my grip and clattering the ground. At this point my face is so flushed that people would probably actually see a noticeable shade of pink on my cheeks - despite the dark fur covering them.

“E-Elizabeth!” I shout indignantly. “Not in public!” I blink before immediately following up with: “And forget about the wager, I have no interest in-”

“Buuut eet was a beeeet!” The Lopunny retorts in her drunken stupor. “I ‘ave to do eeeeeeet!”

I grit my teeth. “Elizabeth-” I start to say, but she cuts me off again.

“What weell you ‘ave me...doooo?” She continues her drunken tirade. “Weell you ‘ave me...streep een publeec? Weell you ‘ave meeeee....chained to a bed so youuuu-”

I don’t even let her finish that sentence. “NONE OF THAT!” I shout frantically, my face full on burning now.

At this point we definitely have a lot of onlookers now. Gritting my teeth harder I get back to my feet and grab my staff, and once I have my balance I pull Elizabeth back to her feet.

“Not another word!” I hiss at her. “Let us get back, no more of this nonsense!!”

She looks at me with confusion. “Buuut thee wag-”

“No!” I growl at her. “No no no! No wager! Just stop talking!”

And so we continued the long trek back to the GoT HQ.

...

Where did she get THAT assumption?! 

---------------

Much to my chagrin, the journey back did not go smoothly at all. Elizabeth continued to go on and on about the ‘wager’, shouting and whining about all sorts of obscenities she thinks I will do to her. Even with my best attempts I just...could not...get her...to shut up.

I have half the mind to burn her on the spot and be done with it. And the worst part is that if I drank any more alcohol? I probably would’ve actually done it due to the sheer embarrassment I’m feeling.

I swear, who the FUCK does she think I am? With all of the shit she’s saying, people would think I’m some extremely kinky freak!

At this point we’re navigating the hallways of the HQ, and thank Arceus because there’s barely any people walking around this time of night. The few who do walk by us have expressions of confusion - or worse, smirks.

As we’re navigating, a thought suddenly strikes me.

I have...no idea on where Elizabeth stays. Obviously asking her is out of the question, because of the fact she failed to listen to a SINGLE word I said ever since we left the club.

“Shit.” I say aloud, the uncharacteristic word causing a nearby passerby to flinch. I turn and glare at them, my green eyes blazing. “What are you fucking looking at? Keep moving!” I half-shout at them, causing them to start sprinting off - and nearly tripping while doing so.

“-aaand once you are done weet te strap-on...” Elizabeth continues with her tirade, in which I start cringing even harder.

“BY THE GODS AND GODDESSES ABOVE, ELIZABETH!” I shout at her in anger. “I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL TO YOU! STOP TALKING LIKE I’M ABOUT TO FUCK YOU!”

Okay, normally I would be complimented on having insane composure. How I am the pinnacle of professionalism.

Me right now? A combination of alcohol as well as massive doses of irritation and embarrassment is apparently enough to take said reputation and shatter it completely and utterly.

“Buuut te wag-” Elizabeth starts for the umpteenth time.

“Fuck the wager!” I growl at her, my teeth flaring.

Her eyes widen as her flushed face grows even more red.

It took me a moment to realize my poor choice of words. With an even louder growl I start dragging her stumbling form with me.

You know what? Fuck it. I am not navigating these hallways to find her room, especially since there are many potential witnesses. I’m taking her to my room so she can sleep this whole shit off, and MAYBE I still have a chance to salvage what little I have left of my dignity.

Of course Elizabeth continues to babble as we make our way as quickly as physically possible to my room. My ears are definitely flat against my head now, my jaw clenching so hard that it’s actually hurting.

As we finally take the last turn, I feel relief fill my body as the door to my room comes into view.

FINALLY! My salvation!

As I approach the room with Elizabeth in tow, I rest my staff against the wall as I start fumbling my dress for my room-key.

Elizabeth starts mumbling in a confused tone, her words lost to me. As she watches me pull out my key and put it into the slot in the door, her eyes widen to the point where I swear they’re going to pop up.

Oh no, you little shit. This is NOT what you’re thinking of.

“You are sleeping in my room till you’re back to your normal self.” I growl, doing my best to prevent her from saying a SINGLE word. “Nothing is happening in here except you getting rest. Got it?”

I don’t let her respond. As soon as the door opens, I stash my key, grab my staff, and drag her into the room.

Ignoring the scattered papers around my ‘humble abode’ from my duty as temporary Night Hunter Leader, I pull Elizabeth towards my bed and practically throw her at it. Her body stumbles before falling on top of it, her voice becoming muffled as her face is against the sheets.

With a sigh of relief I walk over to my study and sit down at the chair next to my desk. I rest my elbows onto the paper-covered wooden surface, using my hands to cradle my head.

It’s over, Jezebel. It’s over, no one will hear that dirty rabbit anymore. You’re safe.

You have a plan of action. You can tell everyone who overheard Elizabeth that she was in a drunken stupor, and that you were helping her to her room. If they ask about your outbursts, you can claim that they must be mistaking and it was Elizabeth who was acting in such a way. That or they misheard due to lack of sleep, since it was late at night after all.

I feel myself smile.

Yeah, it’ll all work out. Everything is good, your reputation is-

“I...am ready.” I hear Elizabeth meekly say from the direction of my bed.

My body tenses, my eyes widening.

I don’t dare look behind me to see what the hell she means exactly by that. Ohhhh no. No no no.

Hell. Fucking. No.

I cross my arms onto my desk and let my head flop onto them, and thus I begin to scream in exasperation.

[i-like-writting-sometimes]

Yesterday (24th of June 2019), I went to bed and, as I sometimes do, I opened the YouTube app to listen to music before going to sleep – I don’t have any downloaded music in my phone because of lack of space so, yeah, I do that. As usual, I scrolled down to see if there was any video or music that interested me at the time, and I found a video named “50 Minutes to Save the World���.

Now, I’ve always been interested in Ambiental issues, and always had some conscience about pollution since I was a kid – the kindergarten I went to made/makes (it’s still running and still conscious of the global issue) sure every kid that went there was educated about global warming, pollution and ways to recycle and reuse stuff.

My grandmother even told me – and I have no memory of this, that’s how young I was at the time – that, once, me and my family were at a café and a man ordered a coffee. In Portugal, where I live, when you ask for a coffee, the waitresses give you a tiny paper bag with sugar so you can add it if you want. Now, my grandmother tells me that, right when I see the man throwing the paper bag to the floor after using it, I pointed to him and said really loud “You don’t do that!!”. With the man looking at me, my mother made me quiet down, afraid that he would get angry or something, but my grandmother noticed that he was very embarrassed instead and ended up picking the paper bag from the floor.

I grew up still worried and conscious about pollution. At the age of what? 7? 8? I remembered being with my dad, in the car, and telling him how idiot the human race could be, as it was killing itself by polluting, because that would increase the global warming and ended up affecting us too. At the age of 11/12 I joined the Ecology Club and, as long as I went to that school, I went to almost every meeting, even going to events with my colleagues (I had no notion of how bad ass that was at my time, actually. I wish the high-school I went to had more publicity for the many clubs it supposedly has).

I never stopped caring about the planet, even when all my colleagues would throw trash to the floor claiming they were “giving a job to the street cleaners”. Hell, I yelled at a friend for throwing trash to the floor and made him pick it up and put it to the plastic bin. Even when nobody around me seemed to care at least as much as I do, I never stopped caring.

Could I do more? Yes, absolutely, and I wish I could simply correct all the things that affect the world in a negative way just with a snap, with one radical change, but the truth is that I don’t have enough capital to do that. Plastic free stuff are still a bit expensive to my family, and seems a bit hard to find at a price that we can afford; and I can’t donate to big organizations because 1) I have trust issues with money, I barely trust myself, honestly; and 2) I usually prefer to have that money so I can help my family with some other things.

But that doesn’t stop me. It’s just like in the movie “The Princess and the Frog” – you gotta work for it to come true, the wish doesn’t come true for itself. And I’m taking baby steps – I bought my own bamboo toothbrush and straws, and I’m planning meals to eat more vegetables so my body will accept a vegetarian eating habit in a less radical and, (in my point of view), more healthy way, giving me time to learn about what I can eat, and how to manage the nutrients and stuff. And I’m getting more conscious about what I consume every day.

And, on top of all that, I’m finally surrounded with people who also care about these things! All my friends are conscious, and although some are more negative than me, we all are trying to take baby steps and change the world. My best friend just bought her metal straws, and another is going to buy her own bamboo toothbrush. We all have our own reusable water bottles and share information about products and ways to recycle and reuse stuff with each other – I’m really proud of them, as you can see, and also proud of me for surrounding myself with these people.

Yet, I know it’s not enough, there’s a lot of stuff I need to change as an individual, and, mostly, actions that need to be made by a collective group. It’s my wish that my actions, and mostly my ideas, will affect society and make the world a better place.

The thing is, I still have a lot of things to learn about this situation.

Even I, who has always cared about the future, the planet and the life in it, who does not want to go to Mars or any place out of this Earth to live, still am not educated enough to have practical ideas to propose to the government, nor do I understand how politics work (I feel like I’m a peasant from medieval times, basically). There’s still people and organizations’ work I need to investigate, crafts that I need to discover and share with my friends, local shops I need to go and consume, propositions and ideas to be written down and discussed and very little time.

So little time, it fucking scares me – I’m not ok, all this situation gives me stress on a daily basis. I was in a Drawing class, me and my friends discussing global warming, when one of them tells me that no matter how many trees we plant they won’t be enough to recover from the damage of the ozone layer. I physically froze, right there. I looked at him in the eyes and, just like I was a child again, I asked him “Really?”. And he confirmed it. I nearly cried in front of my friends because of how hopeless I felt in that moment, while they kept talking and eventually changed topic. I went home after that class completely devastated, depressed.

It took me a few hours to recompose myself and convince me that there were still other things that could be done. I thought that I could still do it in other ways, and still keep that hope with me, every single day.

After watching Amir Zakeri’s video, I felt it physically. My head started hurting, and all I could think was that there was still the possibility of the biggest fear of my 9 years old me coming true: world destruction/world’s ending – and I don’t want that to happen, neither does anybody.

So, hopefully Amir Zakeri didn’t make a video form nothing and neither did I shared it and write all this for nothing! I hope that after reading this, you too will be more aware of what’s happening and starting take baby steps like me. There is a lot of things that can be done!

Starting now, you can share the video that I shared, or this text, or even other kinds of media that will educate you about this issue. Even if you can’t do everything that there is to be done, there are some other people who can, but maybe don’t know about it. So, by sharing information, the possibilities it will reach them, and they will help in ways that you understandably can’t, rise. The more people who know, the more people will start taking actions and choices to help make the world a better place, making easier that others will too!

Also, you should search for activists and organizations and try to support their work in any way possible! The video of Amir Zakeri makes many references about organisations that are working on restoring and protecting the coral reefs. Search them, follow them in your social media platforms and soon, thanks to an algorithm, more accounts of other similar organisations and information on the topic of coral reefs and ecology will start to appear on your explore page.

Learn from whatever you find and start acting! Life is about experiences and learning from that same experiences so you can be better! Start by trying to do small things and slowly you will grow to be affecting the world in a positive way. If many individuals around the world start to do small changes, if we gather all the work of these people it will make one big difference. We don’t need people to have a perfect zero-waste lifestyle, we need everyone, or at least a hell lot of people, to have an imperfect one.

So, start acting in any way you can, and never think that everybody already knows about this. People may have an idea, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg, there’s always more to learn. But also, don’t be mean to people who don’t know/understand this threat. Instead, teach them about it, and they may join you in this cause! I, myself still have a LOT to learn, a LOT of activists to search for (I barely know one or two), but I’m still trying to do the best I can.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Orange Man Bad

Okay. This is gonna be a long one so buckle up.  First and foremost i need to say this in no uncertain terms. I have zero love for the current president. Do i think he’s doing some things right and some wrong? Yeah but that’s how presidents work. You’re not gonna like everything they do. Which leads me in to why i’m even typing this out.

To start out with, I live in the US. Meaning the news many of you hear from our media and yours is likely not fully accurate. So pay attention. 

In the early 2000′s things were slowly but surely getting better. Tech was advancing at a blinding pace, Social Media was just really starting to get it’s feet on the ground, Drama was all over TV and YouTube was still the wild west of the internet. Fast forward to Obama getting elected. The first Black president ever in the US. We were making progress in our own way. But fact is not all was well during this presidency. We will come back to that.

Fast forward to 2014, Hyper-progressivism is taking hold in certain circles and one event would happen that set about a chain reaction that would shake our culture for years to come. That event would be the Zoe Post. The spark that lit the fire that was what came to be known as GamerGate. Now let me inform the masses here for a moment. What you are told to believe, by most of the US and World media, is that GamerGate, was a harassment campaign made to drive women and minorities out of gaming. For those of you that don’t know what this was, this was a scapegoat. A well timed, “look over here, there’s nothing to see over there”.  Now for anyone with a brain stem, willing to look into the events that led up to GamerGate, you’d know a LOT of people did a lot of digging just to be certain of what was going on. And they found out that there was a LOT of shady things going on in games journalism. The Zoe Post was just the straw that broke the camel’s back for gamers and consumers in general to actually get their head in the game and start paying attention to the shady things games journalist had been doing. 

What happened however, was three people took advantage of this to make money. Zoe Quinn, whom had tested out nude modeling and did not feel like continuing, Anita Sarkeesian, an up and coming con artist (See Here), and Brianna Wu an Indie Game maker who saw potential gain for herself and her brand. Now this might seem bias but do your due diligence. Check the sources. Everything pretty much adds up. Now to continue; These three became the modern face of what would later be called 3rd Wave Feminism. Or as most of us know it. Radical Feminism. Reasons being as follows. (Side note: The FBI did a full investigation into threats and other things in regards to GG. What they found was a lot of nothing. Just a bunch of troll account hiding their assholery behind the anonymity of the internet. The entire rest of GG was good people trying to solve a now exposed and exploding problem in games journalism. A problem that was expanded when it was picked up incomplete by mainstream news. Mainstream news that misrepresented the 98% of what was GG. Just gamers that wanted their own journalists to be honest and ethical. That’s literally it. But sure if you don’t believe that, believe the well off journalists that were in front of the bus when this whole incident dropped. Or rather. The boy who cried wolf. Believe the liars if you want but that’s your choice to be or stay ignorant.)

1.It does not seek for equality. It seeks for power over men and other women.Nothing more.

3rd Wave feminism does not care about women around the world. Only empowerment and monetary gain of themselves. 

This version of feminism more or less gave rise to the what later became the Women’s March. The leaders of which, were confirmed antisemitic, Pro-Islamist’s whom were friends with the man who wrote the anti jew handbook, Louis Farrakhan.

Told women that wearing giant stuffed vagina’s are somehow empowering, and bleeding all over yourself is giving your finger to the man.

Also, This version of feminism was not about empowerment of all women. Only certain ones. This can clearly be seen due to the deletion of jobs that certain women wanted to be in but others deemed “not appropriate”.

Now explain to me. Where is the female empowerment of taking jobs away from women. Where is the empowerment in telling women what they can and can’t ware. Where is the empowerment in telling women what they HAVE to believe, and do with their lives. You can’t. Because their is no empowerment to anyone other than those whom are setting those standards. That’s NOT feminism. That’s control. 

Event’s that followed led to what is now known as #MeToo. This movement started from a good place. There were women whom were not in a good place at all, and whom were taken advantage of, ignored by police and friends, as well as suffering. The lifespan of this movement however outlived it’s stay as soon as the term “Believe all women” became a thing. The creation of this phrase per lack of a better word was sheer ignorance. Because since 2008 forward, the Mainstream media has reported on over 20 cases of false rape. The biggest of which was Duke La cross, where the girl admitted to lying so the guy she was crushing on would not find out she slept with 2 of the three boys indited in the claim. Now understand. I KNOW, there there are women out there that are not believed. I know there are evil men out there that have gotten away with rape. Here is the issue however with the entire MeToo Movement. Early on, it seek’d to wall men who had been raped out. More over it told men that they could NOT be raped. And it also ignored VERY HEAVILY woman on woman rape. The only care MeToo had for a long time was, “FUCK ALL MEN”. And i can likely still find that sentiment on twitter even now with someone who’s profile proudly waves the MeToo Hashtag. Plenty more than likely. (Side Note: This is not me saying don’t believe women. Not at all. Believe your friends and believe your family. But understand something very clearly. People lie. Anyone and everyone, lies. And the reasons they will do it can be next to anything. What i AM saying is do not crucify people until you know they are guilty. And word of mouth is NOT proof.)

Now lets go back a few years prior to this. Islam and blind acceptance of the religion and culture. Now i’m no xenophobe. Nor am i purely anti Islam. I’m just in support of those within the religion who are trying to mellow it out, and stamp out extremists. Here is the problem. When mass immigration started, there was little vetting. As such, many evil people came over with the good people. And they did it in mass often leaving women and children behind in war zones. And often young men between 14-40 whom only knew their culture. This led to several incidents that hyper progressive Europeans do their best to label, “fake news”. Examples: Link1 Link2 Link3

Now I will be the first to stop you RIGHT THERE, before you utter the phrase, “Not all migrants” or “Not all Muslims”. That’s true. It’s not by any stretch all or even most. But it’s enough that have come from a culture of women being subservient to men, more or less, that have come in with NO want to mesh with the culture. Rather, changed the culture of the land into their own. A culture that prides itself on patriarchy. That really evil thing that modern feminism can’t seem to stop griping about. But it’s largely ignored because, “they don’t know any better”. Ok let’s see you get raped by someone that “does not know any better”. I’m 100% positive you’d very much change your tunes then. And that’s not me wishing it on you. As i’d never wish that on anyone, ever. Fact is however this stuff has happened. And it has happened in bulk. With more than a few arrests being made due to CCTV footage. Though several were ultimately leg go because the government didn’t care to prosecute them. This was the same thing that happened a while back in the UK i believe. A sex trafficking ring that was known about for 41 years, but was left almost completely untouched, because the government thought it would be racist to prosecute them, as it happens many young teens tried to tell the police, only to be treated like prostitutes, and threatened with being locked up or charges filed on them. In what world is this ok? It’s not. But this is what happens when you just turn a blind eye because you want to “own” the other side of the political spectrum. 

Which brings me not to another event in the past, but something i need to say. I don’t care if you are left, right, center, up, down, slanted or otherwise. YOU, need to learn to make up your own mind, and learn how to do your research. Fact is everyone in the media around the world, Australia, Europe, the US and Canada all have a Main Stream Media bias problem. A hyper left progressive bias problem. And do you know why? Because the more angry and divided the people, the more you give into hate, the more you give into hate, the more you listen to them, mindlessly believing every single thing they say. Without question. Like for example, recently there has been a trend of movies doing poorly. Who does MSM blame? “Alt Right Trolls”. Alt Right being a group of radical racists and homophobes, some of whom are literal nazis. But the number of these individuals is small. Less than a percentage of the world populace. Here is the deal though. They make money from you being angry. They make money from US ALL being divided. That’s the thing though. They don’t actually give a damn about being right. They don’t care if they have the facts. They just want your eyes, on their product. And the more you fall into their trap headlines and clipped videos, false framing etc, the more power you actually give them. 

No matter what side you are on, most of us no matter left, right, center, liberal, progressive, conservative, etc, we just want to live our best lives. And trust me i have bones to pick with every side. Why? Because i’m not really on a side. If anything i’m just left of center but i don’t agree with most anyone on anything at this point. Why?

-Liberals are too soft spoken now a days and need to grow a spine, also realize that conservatives are NOT all the same. And neither are all republicans.

Progressives and Hyper progressives are too demanding, childish, irresponsible, hateful and vindictive. They don’t care about collateral damage at all. Nor if anyone gets hurt so long as they can have their way. Not to mention Antifa whom have injured SEVERAL innocent people, AND the fact you’re all actively promoting kids getting danced on by drag queens. Yeah.....you are responsible for that one. A grown man, who dresses like a woman as a career choice, dancing for a young girl. Oh and lest we forget the Drag kid stripping in gay bars for ACTUAL MONEY! IE: You’re fascists.

Conservatives need to stop taking it up the tail pipe and actually put up a fight against the left when they come swinging. Stop playing the “We can’t sink down to their level” game. Because not only are they not playing that game, they are actively participating in corruption and there is little FILED proof because you want to protect your moral high ground. Also also, Rape and Incest are BOTH valid reasons for an abortion. Why? Because the guilt and trauma of either could lead to thoughts of suicide or just as bad death of the baby by the hands of the mother after the birth. So if you are a conservative and believe in having an abortion if the mothers life is at risk? Consider how many rape victims commit suicide. 

Alt Right........Just......go play with alligators. Or Vipers. IE you’re all assholes and no matter your intent your all POS whom are not any better than the hyper progressives. 

Long story short? We stand divided. We stand divided because we let the news control how we see the world. And many of us can’t form opinions for ourselves so we latch on to others. Others that don’t actually care about you. They only care about using your voice as a megaphone to project their own. How does that benefit you? It doesn’t. Stop being so damn divided. Stop judging the other side of the argument before you even hear it purely because you think you already know what it is. OPEN YOUR DAMN EARS. Hate breeds hate. And you can never fight hate with hate because it becomes and endless cycle of only hate. And then it won’t ever stop. Also you need to realize....closing your ears and screaming “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA” does not make you right. It makes you a dick. People are NOT the politicians that “represent them”, just like the Politicians are not the people they aim to supposedly represent. Conservatives are more chill now than they have been in years. But progressives actively chase them out of spaces, and then wonder why they are up in arms. Maybe it’s because you call them all buzzwords that are not true, you protect monsters just to “own the cons” and often turn a blind eye to your own sides wrong doings. (Side Note: An example of this is the huge Ellen controversy when she was seen with G. W. Bush. Everyone said he was a war criminal and should have been put in prison or worse. You know who makes plenty of public appearances and next to no one criticizes? Obama. The man who build your “Concentration camps”, the man who STARTED the parent child separation policy. The man who is responsible for MORE INNOCENT DEATHS in the middle east than most of the previous presidents combined. Do you have any idea how many innocent women and children died in his drone strikes?! If anything Bush was an idiot who was controlled by Chaney. And the VP is also in active control of the Military at any given time. And i hear constantly. “Oh i’m not excusing Obama but we are not talking about him”. Yeah you POS. No one EVER talks about him. No one EVER holds him to the standard they hold Bush to. Do you know why? Because he’s a Democrat. And if people criticized him, they have to admit THEY are the ones that put him in office. They’d have to admit THEIR side is not right. Fuck right off.)

Lets just to Trump as he is the title of this thing. The news will NOT leave him alone. It was Russia for 3.8 years and for the next little bit it’s been Ukraine. And they did the same thing to Tulsi Gabbard when she ran. “Russian Asset”. Sound familiar? Well if it doesn’t it’s the same BS they pull when they say, “This movie did poorly because of alt right white men” It’s the same sentence, different context. It’s an excuse to slap someone down because “Alt right” “white man” “Russia”, and other bullshit are all words and phrases that make people LOSE THEIR SHIT. They don’t even need proof. All they need is one finger to point at the target and blam. All hands on deck to destroy anyone and anything pointed at, no matter who or what it is. None of you actually care about a cause. You care about hurting others. You care about bullying. And before any of you get uppity and go, “well they bully, and they hurt”. When and where did it become ok to become your enemy. And if they really are doing that, do NOT, meet them head on as if doing the same thing as them is somehow ok. Malcom X Justified raping black women as practice for when they’d do it to white women. Are you going to justify rape now? Because if not then sit your ass down and realize who and WHAT you are becoming. That bully you bitch about. That bigot with hurtful opinions? You are becoming them. You are just trying to justify it by saying, “Oh well they deserve it”. So what if they do? When did YOU become judge, jury, and executioner?

And that’s my issue. Trump might be a loud, ignorant, obnoxious, troll. But a lot of the things we’ve been told by the media that he’s done...is blatant shit framing, and flat out lies. Trump is polarizing because no one can actually control him. He can’t keep secrets, and he won’t shut up. Which is still better than Obama AND Bush. Because we hear more or less everything. Or rather, we would if the media would stop talking about fake stories. Why not talk to conservatives about the lack of the wall they wanted. Or how Trump has put crap gun laws in motion. Or maybe, talk about how even though the economy was amazing, pre corona, Trump is still an idiot. You don’t bring anyone to your side by screaming at people. And you certainly don’t do it by berating them. Main stream Media and Social Media have not helped this division and have only made the problem worse. Listen. Love. Learn. You might not like what someone has to say, but let them say it. Listen to people and TRY to understand why they are saying what they say. Even if you don’t learn, and even if you still don’t agree, you will have walked away with a better understanding as to WHY. And the WHY, in everything is what’s most important. The world can’t grow from a what. Nor from a who. Only from a fundamental understanding of WHY. 

[aforeverunfinishedproject]

Am I a Woman with Undiagnosed Aspergers/High Functioning Autism?

This is going to be a long post. I’m writing it for myself and myself alone, to help me try to get a grasp of what I’ve been reading. Obviously that’s not to say you’re not welcome to follow along, but be warned… I’m not writing this with a mind for other people to be able to easily follow along.

I’ve been wondering more and more lately about whether I might be undiagnosed autistic. It just feels like the diagnoses I have don’t fit quite right, and the more I learn about women with autism, and about how likely they are to go undiagnosed (or diagnosed with other mental disorders), the more I think I fit the mold.

The following is an article I read online (https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/) one of several, that makes me feel like a poster child for this. I copied and pasted the symptomology list so I could work through it for myself:

Suggested Use: Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.

When determining an AS diagnosis (or Autism Spectrum diagnosis) reviewing an individual’s childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and present day is advisable. This particularly applies to communication challenges; many females with AS teach themselves the communication rules to the point of extreme. A primary identifier might be they are still teaching themselves social and communication rules; in other words they are still rehearsing. (Section A consideration/prolific artist in place of writer and/or both.)

Section A: Deep Thinkers

•A deep thinker I don’t really know what is meant by “deep thinker”… I do think and philosophize a lot but I’m not sure that counts •A prolific writer drawn to poetry I write a lot. It’s mostly gobbledygook, like pieces of stories or lists of the names of people I know. It’s relaxing and allows me to organize my thoughts or check-out of reality for awhile •*Highly intelligent the explanation of intelligence this author gives seems to fit. I don’t think I have a particularly high IQ though •Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes YES. OH MY GODS. People always act like I’m such a freak because I can identify my own thought processes and see where my thinking is irrational but can’t change my behaviours/anxieties that are affected by the irrational thought processes. •Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually Pretty much constantly •Serious and matter-of-fact in nature Maybe not so much… I don’t know •Doesn’t take things for granted I don’t feel like I do, but I’ve been accused of taking John for granted when we were together, so I don’t know. I know I don’t take Dar and my Dad’s help for granted and am constantly mentally preparing myself for when they stop helping me and I do my best not to take/ask for their help as much as humanly possible •Doesn’t simplify •Everything is complex I feel like this shouldn’t be a symptom. Everything IS complex. Nothing is simple. Nuance is everywhere. •Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare) This is a nearly all-day, every day thing for me. I thought it was called maladaptive daydreaming. Maybe it is.

Section B: Innocent

•Naïve I think that finally, at the tender age of almost 38, I’m finally starting to be a little less naïve… but yes. I trust way too easily •Honest Too honest. I really do need to learn when to omit •Experiences trouble with lying I do. I either stutter (not only when lying, mind you), or can’t speak at all and the discomfort in my face gives me away every time •Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty This is why I’m so naïve and trusting… I just find it difficult to believe that someone would purposely be manipulating, disloyal, or a liar until after the fact •Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation if this world were truly a good place, then everyone should have trouble with these concepts •Easily fooled and conned if ashamed to admit it, but yes. Very easily. However, I think less so than when I was younger •Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed every single day •Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet WHY DO YOU THINK I REFER TO THE HUMANS AS “THE HUMANS”?!? I relate SO HARD to this point •Feelings of isolation YES. I isolate myself because it’s overwhelming not to, but I don’t like feeling isolated and lonely. It’s very confusing •Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone yes, but not just as a child to be honest.

Section C: Escape and Friendship

•Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action yes •Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects I don’t know how to define fixations, obsessions, and over-interest. I don’t think this one applies •Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming YES •Escapes through mental processing what does this mean? •Escapes through the rhythm of words yes, and sometimes I almost feel hypnotized by it •Philosophizes, continually pretty much •Had imaginary friends in youth I mean, not that I believed were real, but I did make up friends to tell people about because I wanted people to believe I had friends •Imitates people on television or in movies sometimes. Like, I’ll repeat things people say on TV in the same way they say them, and sometimes not realize that I’m doing it until someone asks me what I’m talking about because they weren’t listening to the tv/radio etc. so my words seem weirdly random •Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students” “consumers” “members” again, I don’t know what this means •Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood) I’ve never made friends with females easily, but most of my best female friendships were always with older women, like bosses and coworkers •Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech) the ones whose style I admire, for sure. I’m more likely to imitate characters I admire, more than the really real humans, though •Obsessively collects and organizes objects no. •Mastered imitation probably, although I’m not sure I would use the word “mastered” •Escapes by playing the same music over and over I used to but I find that my annoyance with repetitive sounds has drifted into music now and I can’t stand listening to the same songs on repeat •Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real) yes, both real and imagined. Especially imagined •Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification) I find words and language bring more comfort than numbers, although things like Sudoku are great for helping me to relax and ease my mind •Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging um, I don’t know. I have, but I find this behaviour has subsided in recent years •Escapes into other rooms at parties YES. Or I go sit in the car for awhile. At work, I escaoe to the bathroom to just sit and calm myself periodically •Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts true story •Everything has a purpose I don’t know what is meant by this. Every THING has a purpose, yes, but not everything that HAPPENS TO YOU happens for a reason. At least, I’ve come to believe this recently after reading about it.

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

•OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) I don’t think so •Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have synesthesia) Yes. I get overwhelmed with sensory overload, and also have an obsession with texture. I need to touch everything, especially soft/bristly/smooth/cold. Texture also affects the foods I can and cannot stand to eat. •Generalized Anxiety I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so yeah •Sense of pending danger or doom almost always •Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive) This happens, although not overly frequently. I spend more time depressed than overjoyed lately, but do have a bad habit if being both inconsiderate as well as over-sensitive •Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination (may have Ehlers •Danlos Syndrome and/or Hypotonia and/or POTS syndrome) I don’t know. I mean, I have poor muscle tone but I’ve also been pretty sedentary over the last few years. I am double-jointed, though •Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten I have very disordered eating habits that were concerning to my psychologist, but she said they weren’t quite disordered in such a way as to qualify as an actual “eating dosorder”. Food plays a very important role in my ability to emotionally cope with life. •Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues yes, but I think this is a result of my anxiety disorder? •Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges chronic fatigue should almost be my middle name *yyaaaawwwnnn* •Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness diagnosed with GAD, BPD, Dissociative Disirder, Major Recurrent Depression, and at least one shrink has suggested Schizo effective disorder (but I was drunk when she interviewed me so she can suck my anus with her stupid guess). I am of the belief that most of this is grasping at straws and none of it feels exactly right. •Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac” I have lots of physical symptoms, but I’m afraid of going to the doctor so I can’t be labeled hypochondriac •Questions place in the world No lie… Every. Single. Day. I just feel like I have no use or value and I’m not sure what I’m even doing here and I’m so confused •Often drops small objects um… no, not really •Wonders who she is and what is expected of her yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. I have major MAJOR issue with my identity. I also have major problems understanding what people want of me unless they’re super specific. •Searches for right and wrong yes •Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD) I’m depressed a lot, yes. •Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often YESSSSS. I pick my scalp, rub my hands so much I make them sore by rubbing skin off, I constantly break my fingernails because I’m always pushing them down and pulling them up and picking at them. I also frequently dig my fingernails into my palms, hands, and arms. Other stuff too, probably Section E: Social Interaction

•Friends have ended friendship suddenly (without female with AS understanding why) and/or difficult time making friends I don’t understand how to make or keep friends. I don’t currently have any friends left that aren’t related to me. At least a few aquaintances, though. •Tendency to overshare yes, and it’s so embarrassing when I realize I’ve overshared, but somehow this doesn’t stop me from doing it again and again •Spills intimate details to strangers yep •Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class I didn’t participate in class really at all during high school. In college (when I was 26) I maybe over-participated •Little impulse control with speaking when younger when younger? I’m almost 38 and still struggle with this •Monopolizes conversation at times sometimes, but not that often. Definitely when I’m given an opportunity to talk about myself, which embarrasses me to admit right now •Brings subject back to self I used to all the time but I’ve become more mindful of this and tend to choose silence over talking about me •Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling (is not narcissistic) I’ve been called a narcissist, but I’ve read extensively and taken multiple tests online to determine if I am one, and I’m definitely not •Shares in order to reach out yep •Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested yes lol and I think it confuses people •Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside yes •Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly” YESSSSS. •Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship I used to. I’m afraid of new relationships now, because they always end painfully because I’m such a weirdo •Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation yes, but I’m getting better by copying how others do it •Conversation are often exhausting Yes. I avoid them like the plague •Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually I don’t know, honestly. Myself, sure, but not others so much I don’t think •Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter yes •Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people yes, especially reading •Visualizes and practices how she will act around others This is necessary for survival •Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room again, this is necessary to avoid stuttering, or freezing, or blurting stupid shit •Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others yes, oh yes. So much yes. •Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation yep. It’s necessary or I start over sharing or acting weird or repeating other people or whatever •Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others lol yes. So many times I see my family cringe in embarrassment when I make an apparently inappropriate joke in mixed company/public •As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk I barely spoke as a child. My mom would periodically check to see if I was sleeping/dead because I was so quiet •Finds norms of conversation confusing very confusing. Sometimes annoying •Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply Yes. This is one of the reasons I thrive more in monotonous, repetitive general labour work with specifically laid-out instructions, meal times, and limited autonomy Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

•Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing” YES •One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member) I mean, I never thought of it in terms of “threat”, but yes. When someone visits I tend to run to my bedroom and avoid the visit unless they specifically ask for me •Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety Knowing anything logically doesn’t change how I feel about it, no matter how irrational I know it is •Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar to the point where I make myself sick, yes •Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up yep. It makes me feel so nausiated •All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about yes. So much panic in my first waking minutes/hours •She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event yep •OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well) I am a badass at budgeting, and even made a killer Excel workbook for that purpose. And time, too… I’m obsessed with being early. Running late makes me sick to my stomach •Questions next steps and movements, continually I try not to think about next steps, actually, because I never know what to do and it makes me too anxious •Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone AHHH YES!!!!!!! Not on stage, but like someone is always watching and judging, either through cameras or through some magical way of viewing through my own eyes. Sometimes I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I don’t want the watcher to see me naked, and it definitely affects how I behave in a multitude of ways •Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy. yep. I liked my CBT group therapy, but it left me feeling stupid because most of the techniques don’t work and make me feel worse kinda •Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind hells yes •Requires a large amount of down time or alone time YES. I put this in my dating profile, even, because I’m sick and tired of people not understanding that I need a LOT of alone time to recharge and just be •Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest depends on the activity, but yes •Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms yes very much. I have taught myself to pee in public washrooms, though, which I hail as a great accomplishment •Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater yes, I panic easily in these situations, especially if I don’t have an “anchor person” like my sister with me. Section G: Sensitive

•Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep oh my gods yes. Sometimes I can hear the fibres in my pillow when my hear beats and I have to just sleep without a pillow because it makes me crazy. And I have to unplug things like the clock radio because I can hear the electricity and it annoys the ever-loving shit out of me. Smells and textures, too, for sure. All of this. Yes yes yes. •Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort yep •Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature yes. Sometimes my dreams are so anxiety filled that I wake up feeling emotionally exhausted •Highly intuitive to others’ feelings yes. I assume it’s a survival mechanism? •Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion because sometimes I can’t really differentiate my own feelings from those of others •Takes criticism to heart yeah, I try to accept “constructive criticism”, but it always hurts my feelings. •Longs to be seen, heard, and understood it’s really a never-ending battle between not wanting to be noticed because I’m terrified of how people perceive me, and desperately wanting to be noticed but only if it’s in a positive light. I really do long for understanding. I have for as long as I can remember, and have yet to find it. •Questions if she is a “normal” person yes, although by this point I’ve more or less accepted that I am not, in fact, normal. Now I just want to be accepted in my abnormality. •Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions Yes. I pay attention to how other people think and feel, and try to be as non-offputting as possible based on the things people seem to like and dislike •At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words yes. Not always, as I do feel I have reasonable critical thinking skills, but I have no problem changing my opinion based on a fresh perspective being offered by someone else, especially if that someone is in a position to know better on that subject that I do •Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly of course… I always found it weird that other people aren’t keenly aware of their own limitations •Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work Yes. I cry. Not in front of people, if I can help it, but I cry •Views many things as an extension of self what does this mean? Do you mean, like, my arts and crafts? Because that is totally an extension of me. But also things like my car and my aviation goggles also feel like that, too •Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment Yes. I pretend I don’t, and sometimes I succeed. Really I’ve gotten to a point where I only care about being judged in certain areas, but not so much in others. Also, I care more about what my own people think of me than about what strangers think… or at least the things I care about my own people thinking are different from the things I care about strangers thinking… sort of •Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people HOW CAN ANYONE ENJOY THESE THINGS!?!? I hate those “funny” video compilations of “epic fails”. I hate the circus and the rodeo. All these things are horrific to me and I can’t watch. •Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood) As a kid I did this a lot. If I looked down from my bedroom window and saw ripples in the pool from a drowning fly, I would run down the two flights of stairs to rescue it. Tbh I would still do this, which is weird because if a spider or earwig enters my private space, I feel guilty in killing it but I still kill it. •Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification) Yep. To this day I feel physical pain for my stuffed animals if they “get hurt”, and don’t even get me started on how much I’ll freak out if I find out you’ve thrown one of them away •Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.) I don’t know. I don’t really think so. Some things make my face get red and blotchy, and other things make my face and scalp itchy, but not enough to stop eating/drinking them or whatever. •Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action no. I am way too afraid of rejection to offer advice or to make plans •Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person always. I read and read about social justice and other such subjects because I want to be better. I feel like I’m useless and valueless and I want to be useful and have value so very very much •Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts Yeah, but I mean, not so much anymore. I’ve started to give up on the idea of eventually finding understanding. Section H: Sense of Self

•Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in Yes. Sometimes I go out dressed like Tank Girl, because I want to be unique and badass and different (and I love Tank Girl), and other times I go out dressed as toned-down as I can because I want to blend in to the back ground. •Imitates others without realizing it I’m not sure. I know I definitely tend to talk like other people. Like, I take on other people’s accents and English skills very quickly, often to the detriment of my relationship with the person because they think I’m mocking them •Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood) I’ve done this so much that I’m not sure I even have any true wishes anymore. I honestly don’t know what I want out of my life other than to avoid stress. •Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood) Oh yes, very much. I’ve wondered if I fit the mould for a codependent personality disorder, before. I know this is a big part of what drove my ex away from me •Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule Yes •Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms YES •Feelings of extreme isolation You have no idea, my friend. I feel so alone amongst all these humans •Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work Yeah, I really have to consciously try to feel good about myself, and often still can’t get there. Taking time to make myself look “pretty” does help, but is often not enough. •Switches preferences based on environment and other people yep •Switches behavior based on environment and other people yep •Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her YES!! And even then, it took a fair amount of bullying before I started making a real effort in this regard. I didn’t even brush my teeth regularly until high school •“Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later Do I? I’m not sure about this one. What constitutes “freaking out”? I’ve had random freak outs, like panic attacks I guess, but I don’t think I’ve ever been able to identify why they happened. •Young sounding voice yeah maybe. I do get mistaken for younger than I am fairly frequently •Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces) No? I don’t know. I don’t think so. •Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve) YES. Like, I’ve been told by one shrink that I seemed to have a bit of a “Peter Pan Complex”, and while I’ve since learned that’s not really a thing in psychology, I still agree that it should be because he was right Section I: Confusion

•Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest This has been a painful lesson, to be sure •Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’) Yes •Confuses appointment times, numbers, and/or dates Yeah, I have to keep multiple calendars and set reminders immediately or I get confused •Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest Yes, and it’s always confounding •Spoke frankly and literally in youth I don’t know, I’m not sure •Jokes go over the head Yeah that does happen, though not as often as it once did. That’s probably because I’ve become more reclusive and therefore am not present around people who are telling jokes so much any more •Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray Yes, like I’m so harmless I don’t understand why people would treat me poorly when they do. I also don’t get it or like it when they treat others in these ways •Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme Yes. Very much. •Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike I’m not sure what is meant by this. Like, do you mean I’m troubled by witnessing hate and dislike? Yes, I am. Do you mean I have trouble feeling hate and dislike? I mean, kinda? I don’t know. Those kinds of emotions confuse me •Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her Yeah, this goes back to my confusion of the previous point… When I know I should probably hate someone, I do, but I also feel bad for the person for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that maybe I’ve wrongfully determined that they were bad to me •Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity Yep •Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next Yes. I’ve become afraid of letting myself have these emotions anymore •Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white It depends on the subject matter. When it comes to how I feel about myself, it’s very black or white. With everything else I feel a deep complexity •The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality) Yes. •A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world Yep, but I can usually recover •A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss LOL Almost ALWAYS Section J: Words, Numbers, and Patterns

•Likes to know word origins and/or origin of historical facts/root cause and foundation OMG LOL! YES!!! But knowing the etymology of words helps me in guessing and understanding the meanings of new words I haven’t heard before. Historical stuff, too… it gives life context. •Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word No, this isn’t me at all. I love words, and learning that there are alternate spellings to a word only intrigues me •High interest in songs and song lyrics No, not really •Notices patterns frequently Yes •Remembers things in visual pictures Is this not normal? •Remembers exact details about someone’s life Depends on the person, but yes •Has a remarkable memory for certain details For some things, yes. For others, not so much •Writes or creates to relieve anxiety YES •Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers Yes, words. •Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship Yes (Optional) Executive Functioning & Motor Skills. This area isn’t always as evident as other areas.

•Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship YES AND IT’S SO CONFUSING. •Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome I literally didn’t learn to drive until I was 30, yep •New places offer their own set of challenges YES •Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic Yes •The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety Yes •Mundane tasks are avoided Yes •Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable Yes •Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task Yes but I rarely actually ask them •Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia No. •A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming Yes •Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class YES •Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope) I don’t know. I guess?

[lunatheranter]

Luna Takes on The Vegan(ist)s

Let's be honest, I was going to pop up on one side of this at some point. You might be surprised to learn that Luna the Ranter is actually fairly neutral when it comes to the vegan/non-vegan argument; I don't have any strong opinions on whether or not one should or should not consume animal products. There are fair points on both sides. Back in the day, my mum used to say she'd never met a healthy vegan – but back in the 80s, the kind of nutritious alternatives we have now didn't exist and vegans pretty much had lettuce. On the other hand, animal products provide important sources of vitamins and minerals which we, as omnivorous predators, need to survive and it is somewhat ingrained into our nature. Give a lion a salad, I dare you.

What I do have strong opinions about, however, is the aggressive, we're-right-and-you're-immoral vegan uprising that's been steadily heading over the past year or so. To kick off, let me state outright the problems with this approach:

1. It's aggressive. Aggression is not positive, it is not fair, it is not necessary, and it does not work. It's more likely to force people to agree with you externally and then go somewhere else and do the polar opposite of what you've told them to do. And yes, it's not asking. It's telling. Guilt-tripping, yelling, forcing disturbing images in people's faces – these things are not only going to make people walk away, but also cast a shadow on any positivity in your movement. It is totally counter-productive and in the meantime you just make other people feel like shit. 2. It's obsessive. It nitpicks. It delves into the darkest, dankest corners and generalises its findings. It hunts through lists of ingredients to find a vitamin which may be derived from an animal product's second cousin twice removed. It demonises people who use animal products. Do you like being called an evil, immoral, heartless demon with no humanity on your way to feed homeless orphans because there's eggs on the menu? No. Does it even make sense? No. 3. It is immoral in itself to try to force another person to think the way you do, to believe the same things you do. That is called indoctrination, and that constitutes harm. By forcing your opinions on somebody else, you are harming them. This is part of my own moral code and belief system, so feel free to draw your own conclusions on this point.* 4. It is unrealistic. I am not a vegan. I am not ever going to be a vegan. I had a dream where I got water on my vintage suede trousers and I woke up in cold sweats so the idea of me getting rid of them is ludicrous. There are thousands of people like me who are not and will not be vegan, no matter how many statistics you yell at them. Trying to straight-up convert people who do not want to be converted is a fool's game. More on this later.

*Secondly, I feel I have to make a statement about morality before I continue; when addressing such a topic, it is important to note that we are born with humanity (that is, the ability to love, to care, to nurture etc (with the exclusion of sociopaths)) but morality is not inate. Morality is something we build for ourselves. It doesn't come from some mystical far-off cloud land, and nobody's moral code is exactly the same (if yours matches somebody else's without discrepancy, I'm afraid you've been indoctrinated; refer to point 3 above). It's based on our experiences, opinions, ideas, and formation of the way we individually understand the world. We are not born moral beings. If we were, history and society would look very, very different.

But enough of the support act, let's get the headliner on stage. I'm obviously aware that this does not apply to ALL vegans (the same way it's not ALL men and not ALL white people; that's not the point we're addressing here) and I am specifically addressing the aggressive, obsessive, narrow-minded veganist (can we call it veganist? I like veganist) movement that's been spreading of late. The video which was the final straw in my shall-I-shan't-I internal debate on whether to post something was shared by a good friend of mine who is a vegetarian and animal rights activist, and who agreed with... the meat-eating man. Because she, like myself, does not like to see people aggressively ramming their opinions down somebody else's throat.

In this video, they quote a conversion statistic which cannot be verified. This is one of my bug-bares with these people. Are they calculating based on people who said they would convert on the day? More than likely. Did they conduct 6 to 12 month follow up interviews to find out whether those people actually made those changes? I highly doubt it. Therefore, the statistic is completely null. I see this time and time again with this type of movement. They take the most extreme, raw statistic and blast it out there like it's the word of a deity. Why do I know that this happens? Because I've done it. For my dissertation, I went to WHO and quoted the raw suicide rate instead of the age standardised rate. Why? Because it's higher. Because I want to make people think “oh my god, that's horrible!” (I then went back and corrected the statistic because that’s not ethical practice). I'm going to rest my case on stats and facts right here and let you mull it over while we have a paragraph break.

Silly, silly veganists (I'm using this term now). Did you really think that screaming “You're a bad person!” in my face as I walk down the street was going to change my mind? No. You've just ruined my day. So what I'm going to do is sit in front of your protest and eat this steak, because I no longer believe that your opinions are valid. You've successfully invalidated your own movement. Applause. Spamming social networks with disturbing pictures of mutilated animals is only going to get you blocked. This approach not only doesn't work, it can be dangerous. You could cause somebody serious mental harm by doing this. I've seen clearly anxious people forced to engage in arguments by these people. I've seen people crying because they're being spammed with traumatic images. This is nothing short of pure aggression. The desire to upset people. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of people jump on the bandwagon purely because they want to hurt others in this way, and not because they genuinely support the cause. It's extraordinary the lengths people will go to. It's unethical, it's unfair, and it's totally unnecessary.

 Let me exemplify with an analogy or two: I used to eat a lot of meat. I'm talking seven days a week, at least twice a day. My family have always been big meaties. Meat in everything. Meat with a side of meat garnished with meat. It was like meat > water. I didn't notice it for a while, but I was getting sick of eating so much meat. It actually made me quite ill. Don't get me wrong, I've always had a very healthy diet, but I started to meat overload. I needed to cut down. Then I went to Bermondsey Market, where I encountered RAW. The woman was super friendly, answering all my questions about how the vegan cakes were made, what's in everything, what kind of extra nutrients I can get from this food. I loved how varied the ingredients were. I bought some food to try, and I loved it. I now eat consequently vegetarian or vegan meals about 4~6 days a week. It's not even a conscious effort; I was shown an alternative, and I liked it, so I ended up cutting down. A lot. But wait! There's more! SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London) is known for it's... um... alternative? societies and events, so naturally we have a vegan soc. They like to do bakesales. I like it when they do bakesales, because my first ever taste of vegan cake was THE BEST lemon drizzle cake I've EVER had. I bought a few things to try, and I loved all of them. Not one of them was a different consistency than regular cake, not one of them tasted a bit weird. This year, I made myself a vegan birthday cake (mostly because we were having a dinner party, and one of my housemates is vegan, but I had wanted to try vegan baking since the bakesale) and when I discovered how easy it was, I switched to vegan baking. I'm not strict with it, but it's there (plus, if I want my housemate to try my cookies........) Why am I telling you this? I want you to notice how it was achieved. There were no placards or disturbing videos of people taking bites out of live cows. There was no demonising, no guilt-tripping, no force-feeding somebody else's moral code. I was simply offered the opportunity to try an alternative, with the hope that it might result in me making changes. Nobody told me that I'm evil for not being a vegan, immoral for my lifestyle choices. They just said “hey, would you like to try this? It's healthy and sustainable” so I said “yeah, let's give that a go”, and when I liked it, viola! It resulted in change. This just in! Being nice to people makes them want to listen to you more than being shitty and aggressive! Oh, that's not just in? What do you mean, that's been around for centuries?! Moving on...

I want to talk (briefly, because this is getting tl;dr) about the idealism of the veganist (I've coined the term now, it can't be revoked) movement, because it's not realistic. These people want everyone to stop using animal products overnight. Though I detest to do so, I must inform you that that's not going to happen. First of all, we need to remember that being vegan isn't just about diet – a vegan can't wear, wash in, eat or otherwise use ANYTHING which contains substances derived from animals. That means checking your fabrics, toiletries, appliances (because polymer and some other plastics (rather unecessarily, to be completely honest) use animal fat in the manufacturing process) for vegan friendly status before buying. Expecting everyone to suddenly commit to this change is just ludicrous. What we can ask people to do is to cut down. To reduce. To aim for things which are kinder and more sustainable. In mass production, even the “good” things aren't as great as we want them to be. We can encourage people to switch from supermarket to local marketplace buying as the animal products usually come from local, sustainable, well-structured farms which don't operate on a large scale and therefore rear their animals to a much better standard. We can ask for people to use less. To petition and rally for better farming practices. To be willing to pay a little more for better treatment of farm animals. In year 9 biology, we watched a video from a battery egg farm. I went home so disturbed that I point blank refused to eat anything other than free-range eggs. My mum said they were too expensive. She spent years saying they're too expensive. I still refused to eat eggs from caged hens. I went without eggs. Now that I'm an adult and I control what I buy, I was picking up free-range eggs every time I went home, because I knew my mum would have caged. One day, my brother ate one of my eggs (I was mad). When he noticed that the quality was much, much better than the ones he's used to eating, guess what? He refused to eat caged hen eggs. So then there were two of us. My brother pestered my mum relentlessly, insisting that free-range was much better. She now buys free-range eggs, and we all agree. It's better. My point is, it took me years to get one person to make this change. Some people will change their lifestyle at the drop of a hat. Others won't. Some will never come completely to your side, but telling them they're bad people isn't going to change their mind. I'm not ever going to be vegan. I can state that outright. But I've made dietary changes: all of the meat I buy is locally and sustainably sourced, I often opt for meat-free options purely of my own free will, I only buy free-range animal products and my milk consumption has dropped from 4 pints a week (hella milk) to 2 pints a fortnight (not so much milk). I know that I'm not willing to commit to a fully vegan lifestyle, (I eat A LOT of eggs and I love my purple suede trousers waaaaaay too much) but I have been encouraged to make changes by people who have approachably and enthusiastically offered me alternatives that I've enjoyed.

My problem is not and never has been with the movement. Your lifestyle choices are yours to make. It's not my place to tell people what they should or should not eat. My problem is with the methods, because aggression is NEVER the answer, and calmly offering an alternative always works much better than trying to force people to agree with you – and if it's not my place to tell you what to eat, it's not your place to do so either.

Luna out on vegan(ist)s.