#yes im a dramatic bitch

[kyuzuberri]

im so 💔 rn

[nintendont2502]

I'm gonna be a little bitch for a second GOD it's so so so fucking exhausting being a non USAmerican online. Like. Jesus fucking christ the levels of defaultism are just,,,, god. The 'default' audience for every post is Americans. American pop culture is universal obviously, and god forbid you bring up a show from your own country because no ones ever watched that! The millions of kids in your country don't count clearly. When American places are mentioned it's always Town, State, Country, but when anywhere else is mentioned you're lucky to get State, Country, or the closest major city if you're really lucky. Fahrenheit and MM/DD/YY and American spellings dominate even though they're the only country that uses them. People constantly talk about how x and y 'breaks the law'. They mean American laws, because those are obviously universal. American news and American politics are everywhere. You *have* to care about this. If you don't, you're a monster. The only time my country makes it is when we're literally burning to the ground, and even then they don't even touch the political side of things. Even international incidents somehow get brought back to America - call your representative (I dont have one). Go to these protests (they're on the other side of the world). Sign this petition (it's for US residents only). Im going to go insane.

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

Chase’s relationship with First is a strange one. He instigates ‘death battles’ with First but God help anyone else who comes close to killing his “husband”

Strange perhaps. but oh so tantalizing~ (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) It's about that sweet sweet undescribable bond that blooms between people who clashed as opponents and equals, my man. And occasional fights to death and proprietary behaviour is Chase's questionable way of flirting, lol.

also i have a small collection of tumblr posts that kinda fits their ship dynamics in my head ;P

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

also extra silly ones;3

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do���

Do Howdy and Barnaby ever get together in your human au 🥺🥺

of course they do, who do you think i am

oh BOY do i have things to say about human!Laughingstock! im so unwell about them allow me to talk and talk and talk and ta-

~

so in this au they're like... the ultimate slowburn. their feelings for each other slowly simmer and grow over the course of *checks nonexistent watch* a lil over a decade i think. it's not very dramatic - just soft & silly w/ just a heap of pining and a pinch of angst for Flavor

it starts when they were teens - Howdy had a lil crush on Barnaby in middle school. and how could he not? Barnaby was cute, hilarious, and kind. at this point, they weren't friends! Barnaby knew Howdy's name, but only because they'd shared a school since elementary (as with 6/7 of the other neighbors) & speaking from experience, you just Know Those Names. Howdy slowly "grew out of" this crush, especially when the friend group started forming and he & Barnaby became actual friends.

that crush would fluctuate over the years. It starts out strong and then softens into just this hum in the back of Howdy's mind. always there, often easy to ignore, just... part of him, in a way.

Barnaby has a similar experience. when he and Howdy became friends, he got a lil crush - how could he not? Howdy was cute, laughed at all of his jokes and had a few of his own, and was endearingly eccentric. but at the time, Barnaby didn't recognize the crush for what it was. so he elected to ignore it until the crush dwindled to something easily manageable, something he wouldn't realize is still there. as with Howdy's, it'd never fully go away

and its noticeable enough to their friends that they'd all kinda side-eye how touchy Howdy & Barnaby are with each other (Barnaby is a physical guy, but damn. if Howdy is nearby they Will find a way to be touching at all times), the way they always laugh at each others jokes, the way they always ask "where's [x] / is [x] coming with" whenever the other is absent. but the group couldn't be sure if they were looking into it or not. it's too subtle. over time they get so used to it that they don't bat an eye - Howdy is Barnaby's best friend after Wally. of course they're close!

but then there's this one college party Howdy drags Barnaby to (and by extension, Wally). they're drunk off their asses, Wally's edible has kicked in, the party is pretty chill and everyone is having a decent time. all three of them are on the couch, and Barnaby and Howdy start drunk-complimenting each other. naturally, this feeds their mutual attraction, and one thing leads to another! they make out on the couch. naturally with Wally sandwiched between them, snacking on chips and committing the moment to memory (it's a surprise tool that'll help them later!) neither Barnaby nor Howdy will remember this

now, something i'd like to state for Barnaby in this au! he has had a lot of relationships - from one night stands to actually dating someone for months. sometimes the one night stands were a "he takes someone home after a date, & they leave while he's sleeping and ghost him" situation. with actual dating, the other person always breaks things off after a few weeks, if not days. it breaks Barnaby's heart a little bit every time. to the point where in his mid-20s, he just... stops dating. he avoids other people's advancements towards him, he always takes a friend with him to bars/etc as a buffer, he becomes an expert at gracefully turning people down

("why, pray tell" no one asks "do they always leave him? he's such a catch!" that he is! when he was in school, it was his friend group. he'd try to introduce his 'girlfriend' to his friends, and it'd be an immediate "eugh, you're friends with those freaks? no way!" as an adult, people found it off-putting how (by societal standards) unusually close he was with Wally. also, again, a "weird" friend group. they'd think it's too much, or just not their scene, or 'why don't you date your little blue haired boyfriend', etc. Barnaby never holds it against Wally or his friends. he has the mindset of if that person was the one, they would accept every part of Barnaby - and his friends are indeed part of him. Howdy has also dated around a little, but to a much lesser extent. he's too busy! he doesn't have time for that!)

but the ball really starts rolling in their late 20s. something the group does together - as a fun lil rare hobby - is LARPing. they get really into it! Sally made them all custom costumes, Julie helped make the weapons (like a giant sword for herself), etc etc. they fully commit to the bit (even Frank <3). so at this event's point in the timeline, Eddie is fully integrated into the clique, but that's unimportant - just to show where we are!

so they're all doing their thing, it's a pretty big LARP event - there's always way more people than our dear neighbors, yk. they're just part of the crowd! & there's a big battle hosted, the group is split between teams, but Barnaby & Howdy are on the same side! yay! during the battle, Barnaby is "mortally wounded." Howdy half-drags him away from the main battle under the cover of their teammates (including Eddie and Julie) and sits him down by the tree. now, Howdy & Barnaby are the ones who get into the roleplay the most. they get lost in the sauce! they perform the hell out of everything they do!

& since Barnaby is "dying", he really acts like it. Howdy acts accordingly, but again, they get a little too emotional, a little too into it, a little lost in the sauce. genuine tears are in their eyes, Howdy's voice is genuinely shaking a little as he holds Barnaby in his "dying moments" (Barnaby is holding the sword between his arm and his side. he has ketchup on his armor.) Eddie and Julie are getting choked up just watching this happen. and as Howdy & Barnaby look into each others' tear-filled eyes, those little feelings that have been so quiet for so long come right back babey! full force! but then they all get hit with "arrows" and have to die right there and then, and the moments over. but! both Barnaby & Howdy walk away from this LARP session grappling with Partially Realized Feelings.

Barnaby struggles with this the most, since yk at this point he's sworn off dating. he's being careful with his heart! but when he tells Wally all of this, cause he tells Wally everything, Wally's like "oh. yes, i know! remember that one college party where you two kissed for an hour". and then he goes on to point out every instance where he's thought "right, Howdy and Barnaby are in love" (bc Wally is way more observant than he lets on! he saw that shit! his peepers were peepin!)

BUT IT'S STILL A SLOW BURN BABEY!

Barnaby and Howdy don't approach each other about this. they're both in the boat of "well, i'll just keep going and see what happens" to the point where they're practically dating without ever saying anything to each other. Howdy notices how Barnaby lingers around the store more. Barnaby notices how Howdy keeps turning up at his work to talk more. (they already chat so much...) but they still! dont! say! anything! but they both Know! they're not emotionally circling each other they are Dancing to their Own Music!

and Barnaby is letting himself believe that this can work because, well... Howdy already accepts him as he is. Howdy is part of the group. Howdy loves Wally just like the rest of em. Howdy has seen Barnaby at his (presumed) worst and didn't even flinch! as for Howdy, well, he just thinks this is right! his whole life no one has really caught his eyes or heart, but Barnaby is different. he's always been in Howdy's peripherals. it feels natural to love him so deeply. Barnaby slots into his life like the final piece of a puzzle!

there's a lot of stuff that happens in this inbetween state - Howdy's store burns down & almost takes him with it, there's some family drama that needs to be handled, The Crash happens, etc etc etc - so it's a while before they "actually" get together. but they're both patient! they've waited this long, even if they didn't know they were waiting. neither of them are in a rush. they're young. they have time.

[analogwriting]

Star-Crossed

Chapter 19: Sirds

Donquixote Rosinante x gn!reader word count: 2.6k first|next a/n: none of this chapter was planned. it started with a thought of maybe putting a flashback in here and then this happened so lmfao enjoy my improv

You slowly came to, but immediately things were wrong. You knew you had just been shot, so at the very least you should be in an insane amount of pain. That, and you expected to be in the hospital or at least Pops’ house.

Not in the middle of some fucking flower field with no pain whatsoever.

Did you die? Is this heaven? Surely that was a mistake. With all the people you had killed, you didn’t think heaven was something you deserved. Hell, you weren’t even sure it existed. You’ve seen too much ugly in the world to think there was a god that would allow things like this to happen. But if it did, you definitely didn’t deserve it.

Maybe you were just hallucinating. In the depths of your own mind. Shit, maybe you were in a coma and this was all just a dream. 

“Mamma?” You shot up, looking around as you heard a small voice. There was someone else here? You spotted a small child with their mother and your breath caught in your throat. Your eyes widened and you felt tears beginning to form.

You might not have seen her for nearly three decades and her features long since became a blur to you, but you knew your mother when you saw her. Everything seemed to come flooding back.

She was sitting with a smaller version of you in her lap. “Yes, stellina?” You felt yourself choke on a quiet sob as you heard the name she had always called you as a child. She was currently wiping away whatever you had made a mess of yourself with.

However, before you could answer, you heard a yelp and someone falling on the ground. You turned around, seeing your father slowly sitting up. He was younger and full of warmth.

“Papi!” Little you stood up, running over to where a younger version of your father had ate shit. You watched the scene unfold. Was this a memory? It wasn’t something that you could remember now. “Are you okay!?” 

Your father sat up, laughing as he dusted himself up. “Yes, angelo. Nothing’s hurt but my pride.”

“Pride? Uh oh! Does it hurt a lot? What part of the body is that?” Little you frowned as you helped your father dust himself off. He just laughed, scooping you up into his arms and covering you in kisses to which you screamed and giggled. You felt a pang in your heart as this wasn’t the father you remembered. Your father never did anything like this as much as you wish he did. It was just cold training - always at arms’ length. Was this what he was like before? Had it really been so long that you’d forgotten?

“I’m sorry you were robbed of this.” You jumped and looked to your side as you saw your mother.

“Just know that these times with you and your father were the best in my life,” she continued with a serene look on her face as she watched little you with your father. “I didn’t know your father would die the same day that I did. You deserved so much better.”

You shook your head, sniffling and wiping away your tears. “It’s fine. There’s nothing much that we can do now.” You’d already accepted this fact. You’d moved on with the help of your loved ones. Speaking of which, you knew they were probably all worried right now.

Before you could think long about this, you felt hands on your face. You blinked, noticing your mother now standing in front of you, taking your face in her hands. You studied her face, burning each detail into your mind. You were determined to remember her this time. 

“Just know, stellina, that I’m so proud of you. Despite everything that happened, you made a name for yourself and created a safe space for those who need it. I couldn’t be more over the moon with how you turned out.” There was sadness in her eyes. “I’m just sad I wasn’t able to be there to see it in person.”

She smiled, kissing your forehead. “But know, I’m always there with you, okay? You’re doing great.”

You were boardline sobbing now. You looked over as your father joined you. He was holding little you who was just watching. You didn’t know what your brain was doing right now, but it wasn’t fair. Why would it craft such a hallucination?

“I’m sorry, angelo.” You just stared at him, not knowing what to say. “You deserved more than what I have given you. Just know that the me out there isn’t me. It’s as if my soul died but my body just kept on living. All my worst parts.” He frowned deeply. “I’m sorry we left you, angelo. It wasn’t fair to you and that was never my intention.”

You just stared at him, not knowing what to say. What do you say to that? This man had your father’s face and was filled with a warmth that you’d long since forgotten, but at the same time, he felt like nothing more than a stranger.

“You have a choice, stellina.” You blinked, looking back at your mother. A choice? 

“You can stay here with your father and I. Live the childhood and life you had been robbed of. You’d revert back to your smaller age, before everything happened. Your memories wiped clean and you’d know nothing but the warmth and joy you once did.” Your eyes widened and your head began to spin. Could you really do that? Could you really go with them and live the life that you’d long since forgotten and dreamed of?

“Or, you could go back. Go back to feeling pain and sadness. Feel the betrayal of everything that’s happened. Feel everything.”

You followed your mother’s gaze and you saw yourself in a hospital bed. You looked like you were sleeping, hooked up to multiple machines. You slowly walked over to yourself, looking you over. You looked like you were on death’s door. Everything must’ve caught up to you all at once. Not properly eating, the fighting, and then there was the whole getting shot twice thing - it made sense why you looked like that.

You looked from the hospital bed to your parents. Little you was gone now, the two of them standing there, watching you. Your heart was torn. You knew exactly what this choice actually tied to. Life or death. Were you going to let go and die, going into the afterlife with your parents? Or were you going to go back? Live life without them. 

As much as you wanted to just let go and enjoy time with your parents, you knew you wouldn’t be able to. You knew that you’d never be whole. Yes, you longed for the times when you were younger. When things were simpler and happier but…you were finding your way now. You had a family now and these two were nothing but strangers to you now.

You weren’t sure that you’d fit in with them. Not to mention, this was all in your head, so that afterlife bullshit isn’t even a guarantee.

You felt someone squeeze your hand and you looked down. Little you was standing there with a large smile on their face. “Come on!” She pulled you towards your parents and you didn’t move. For a moment, you waivered. You could forget all the pain and sadness. You wouldn’t have to stress or worry anymore.

You suddenly heard someone say your name. You paused, looking around. It sounded like a whisper on the wind, you had almost missed it. You looked to your parents once more, they were standing there, waiting for your decision. Little you tugged on your hand again. “C’mon!” There was a slight whine to your little voice.

You heard your name again, more clearly this time. “Please. Come back to me.” You felt your chest tighten again and you turned, looking at the hospital bed again. You still laid there, looking even more withered than before. How much time has passed here? You were sure that time was passing faster out there.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes so you could think. You knew what you wanted. Deep down, you knew exactly what you were going to choose, but thinking about the other option was just that - a nice thought. 

You couldn’t just leave. You couldn’t leave Pops and Marco. You couldn’t leave your hospital, your staff. You couldn’t leave Corazon.  Sure, you hadn’t really grown up with much of a family, that much was clear now. You could see clearly and it was never full of love like you had previously thought. It wasn’t as warm and you weren’t as close with your father as you had thought. It had been nothing but a farce now that you looked at it. Everything was nothing more than a business deal at this point. 

However, you did have a family. People who cared about you and you cared about them. You’d always considered them family and now they were your only family. Pops had taken you in when you had nowhere to go and raised you like one of his own. Marco had treated you like the sibling he never had and you treated him like your brother. They were your family.

Not only them, but also your staff at the hospital. You considered them an extension of your family. Sure, you got under each other’s skin from time to time, but you still cared for them. And Corazon. That sweet, sweet, clumsy man. Stumbled right into your life and into your heart.

You couldn’t just leave them. Sure, if you did, you’d forget all that pain and sadness. You wouldn’t even have your memories, but you couldn’t do that to them. You couldn’t just push all your negative feelings off on everyone else who was still living. That wouldn’t be fair to them. Besides, you knew you’d have another chance to see your parents again.

You looked back to your parents and smiled. “I would love nothing more than to come with you.”

“I’m sensing a but.” Your mother mirrored your smile. You chuckled softly, nodding. “But, I have a lot of things I need to take care of and my own clumsy man to go home to.” Your father laughed loudly at that one. Your mother let out a soft laugh as well. You knew they would’ve loved Corazon had they had the chance to meet him, just as you did.

“I know that once I live out my life and I die of old age, I’ll be back here and we can all meet back up again.” 

“And make sure you bring the clumsy man too. I want to meet the man who’s won over my child’s steel heart.” Your mother grinned, grabbing your father’s hand.

“I expected nothing less. Just remember, we’re always with you and we love you so much, stellina. We couldn’t be more proud.”

A bright light flashed and they were gone. You felt yourself crying again, but you didn’t regret your decision. You turned, the scene around you changing. You were standing in the hospital room now, next to your bed. Just as before, you were laying in the bed, looking worse for wear. Only now you could see everyone else.

Corazon was in a chair right next to you, holding your hand and his head on your leg as he slept. Must’ve been the middle of the night. You saw Marco come in for a moment to check the machines before pausing. He looked down at you and you could see the worry and hurt in his eyes. You felt terrible for worrying everyone like this. You should’ve been more cautious. More careful.

“Don’t blame yourself.” You stopped, staring at Corazon who had shifted in his sleep. Was he sleep talking right now? How did he know? Was it just a coincidence? Linking of subconsciousness? Okay, maybe you needed to stop reading so many afterlife theory articles.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes. “Doctor, you’re needed down the hall…are they doing any better?” You turned around, seeing Law in the doorway. Well, at least it seems that things have returned to normal. Everyone is able to work comfortably at the hospital again.

“Things haven’t changed. At this rate, we’ve tried everything. It’s up to y/n now. They’ve gotta fight the good fight and come back.” Marco sighed, giving a small chuckle. You could hear and see how exhausted he was. You knew he was running the hospital solo right now and that wasn’t easy. Sure, you’d done it before but this was your hospital. You’ve also had Marco to lean on the last few years, so it’d been a lot better. Now he was dealing with the brunt of things. 

“Well, they need to hurry up and come back. I don’t know how much longer I can take of Cora’s moping.” Even though it was a statement that was supposed to be one of irritation, you could hear the concern in Law’s words. Seems like he cared in his own little way. “It’s been a month, how much longer could it take?” He frowned.

You blanched. A month? That’s how long you’ve been out? You were floored. Why the hell have you been out so long? Maybe the psychological effects of what Anthony has done to you locked you in your own mind. You didn’t necessarily process anything after it happened. You had completely shut down and then went into the heist without much time to actually go through everything. You’d read somewhere that trauma will do that and boy did you have tons of it.

“Who knows. Could be tomorrow, could be a year from now, hell, they could never wake up.” A deep frown set on Marco’s face for a moment before he shook it away. “But, they’re stronger than that, so I know it’ll be any day now.”

You had no idea what you did to deserve a brother like him, but you were glad he was in your life. He was your number one supporter just as you were his. Though, that title might be taken by Corazon soon enough.

You looked back at your body and you realized something. How the hell was this supposed to go? How did you get back into your body? You wanted nothing more than to go back. To wake up and put an end to everyone’s worries. To go back to the way things used to be. You groaned, burying your face in your hands as Marco and Law left the room.

After a moment, you removed your hands from your face. You walked over to yourself again. Was it just a simple touch? You weren’t sure what to do but that was all you could think of. You slowly reached out your hand, pausing for a moment, hovering over your own skin. What if this created some kind of paradox? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Yet again, what part of this did make sense?

You bit your lip, looking to Corazon sleeping next to you. He also looked incredibly rugged and not in the hot and sexy way. He looked like he hadn’t been eating well. Or sleeping well. You hoped that you’d be able to provide some relief in that. You took another deep breath, touching your own arm.

Then everything went black.

[hueberryshortcake]

ritalin not working im just thinking about bentina beakley

[stsapphos]

anybody else suffer from incurable daily 6pm depression disease

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I love 😍😘😆 being dead 🪦🥀 named 🏷 by my mother 👩‍🍼👩‍🍼👩‍👦👩‍👦in front of ‼️‼️ people 🧍🏻‍♂️🧍🏻‍♂️who previously only knew my chosen name 😍😍🥳🥳😆😆🤩🤩😝😝🤗🤗

[chibi-scone]

Calling it now Izzy’s going to raise from that grave Carrie style and limp back to Stede and Ed’s fuck shack

[wcvensouls]

uenominako i let my intrusive thoughts win and didn't regret it for once! it was time for a much needed personal growth 💖 lately i've been thinking about how much i've changed over the years and how many things i've gone through. the person i saw in the mirror was familiar, yet she didn't feel like me anymore. she was still that excited little girl who moved to the big city on her own to see the world and realized things weren't that simple. the little girl that had to learn to fall down and pick herself back up again over and over, but that always refused to give up. i have every love in the world for her, but it was time to let her go. the road to healing and self-love is long and never-ending, but i'm proud of how far i've come. now, i wanted the outside to also reflect this new version of me, forever a beautiful work in progress, as it should be.

comments : hayashi.emi woman, you look stunning! why didn't you tell me you were going, i'd have gone with you. i can believe i missed this life changing moment 😭 i would have taken so many pictures! you are the most stunning person i've ever meat, both inside and out. i love you with all my heart, baby girl. s.ayaka this is a good look on you. you know i don't do well with these things, but being by your side through this journey has been a privilege. universe.sehyun 😍😍 that's my favorite girl, i'm literally barking and on my knees for you. you are perfect in every way possible adelineeee you look prettier and prettier every day, i think i'm in love starishnacchan i can't believe my baby cousin is all grown up and beautiful like this 🥺 i'm so proud of you, mina-chan~ i love you so so much ottokun always do what makes you happy 💕 you're one of the brightest stars i have ever met, don't let others dim your light fujioka.rina never thought i'd see you not blonde, but you are glowing more than ever before 🥰 you look happy jijihye SLAAAAAAAAAY QUEEN you deserve the world! kotochan oh my god i'm obssessed with this jiyoon.sugar my beautiful little sunflower💗 joodances did you know that you are my girl crush and i would do literally anything for you? because i would

[soldier-poet-king]

Tried to look up some traditional Gregorian chants for the triduum because I personally DO like plainsong and chant, my dumb ass folk punk loving brain is like. Actually. Things that are acapella and a little raw are The Best and more emotive than super polished choral pieces. That doesn't mean I'm gonna be like actually TLM is Inherently Objectively superior and we should abolish Vatican 2. But unfortunately that led me to a buckwild trad website about sacred music and all these bullshit articles about v2 and women and like. GOOD GRIEF I JUST WANTED THE HOLY WEEK ANTIPHONS NOT UR ABSOLUTE RANCID ASS

[cockyroaches]

bug fear comes in many flavors but "is that a cricket Inside the kitchen or Outside by the window. im not brave enough to find out and might as well starve" is my least favorite

[tiny-huts]

That part in the last threshold when Artemis is trying to be a sarcastic asshole but he's canonically holding a lobster claw in each hand

[w1nterk1tty]

shes kinda hot is my theme song bc no matter what someone says about me it always ends w “shes kinda hot though”

[outerrealms]

I’m writing a Sei-centric fic rn and I’m about to bestow upon him the highest honor there is: Projection™️

[chompe-diem]

when will i ever catch up to naddpod