#yes this is about everything with the program i didnt get into could you yet? obviously that's all im properly melting down abt lately
Here's an ask for the squad in general - have you guys seen or even met any 'famous' Commanders or Jedi? If so, how was it? And is there someone in particular you'd like to meet once?
Knox: We have, yeah!
Kess: We met a bunch of the command batchers when we were in training. Part of the programs were to have the commando squads square off with the commanders for cross-training. No one was famous yet at that point, though. Everyone was still trying to make a name for themselves. Competition was pretty fierce with that bunch.
Knox: I got paired up with Commander Bacara for a sparring match, once. I was faster, but he packed one hell of a punch. And he was relentless. Don’t think anyone has ever been that determined to beat my ass. But I also don’t think he was expecting me to put up that much of a fight, either. We went 11 rounds before the trainers finally called a draw. He wasn’t happy about that, let me tell ya. Normally I wouldn’t have been happy with a draw either, but I felt like a pile of mashed potatoes by that point, so it was fine. Lol Now I can say I survived a fight with a marshal commander, though, so that’s something.
Speedy: yeah that was a hell of a fight
Speedy: i ended up doing marksmanship drills with commander blitz at one point
Speedy: picked up some great techniques from him for using dual pistols
Speedy: and i got to help him improve his quick draw which was cool
Speedy: oh hey kess didnt you get to meet jango once
Kess: I didn’t meet him directly, no. He was overseeing a training exercise I was in. At the time, it felt like such a privilege to get to train under his instruction. Super weird to think about in hindsight. Dodged a big-ass blaster bolt there, I guess.
Drums: Yeah, no kidding. I don’t really remember the commanders I met that well, but we have gotten to meet some Jedi masters! We’re at the Temple frequently enough that we run into folks. Mostly because of Master Eeridos, though. She knows everybody. Lol
Nitsani: She’s got the in-roads since she has a seat on a couple of the advisory councils. She interfaces with the High Council members pretty regularly.
Drums: She actually arranged for us to train with Master Rancisis recently! He’s an expert at Battle Meditation, so he was able to help us refine our Mind Bridge technique.
Nitsani: I was rather giddy about getting to work with him, not going to lie.
Knox: Me too, that was awesome. One of these days I’m hoping we’re in town when the 212th are planetside, though. Their hand-to-hand combat is legendary, I’d love to talk to some of those guys.
Speedy: they were in town the last time we were at the temple
Knox: Wait, really?
Speedy: yeah I saw general kenobi in the hallway
Knox: What??
Speedy: i saluted him and everything
Knox: WHAT?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!
Speedy: i had lunch with commander cody too
Knox: No you didn’t, shut up
Speedy: yes I did
Speedy: he regaled me with stories of all the droid punching hes done
Knox: Speedy, I swear to god
Speedy: it was great wish you could have been there
Knox: I’m gonna kill you
Speedy: he was showing me his special drop kick technique
Speedy: and the whole time I was thinking
Speedy: you know who would love this? knox
Speedy: knox would love this
Speedy: and then i
…
…
…
Kess: Okay, what happened?
Drums: Knox just came barreling into the rec room shouting “I’LL show YOU a drop-kick technique!” and Speedy made a break for it. Not sure he’s gonna survive this one.
Nitsani: Force be with you, Speedy.
Kess: Sounds like he’s gonna need it.
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enough for you
Sebastian stan x actress! reader
based on “enough for you” by Olivia Rodrigo
masterlist!
mentions of: cheating, angst, past relationships
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7|
A/n: sorry I have not posted in a while I was out of state having vacation, but back to regular scheduled programming. also didn't know what else to do with this story because all of the songs are very angsty so, I am so sorry that this turned out the way it did
Sebastian and you were both on the couch watching Black Widow together on Disney plus. It was a hot night in California, your relationship was steady for the past couple months, everything was going swell. Sebastian was slouched on the couch and your head was on his thighs looking at the big screen in your house. You guys haven't moved in together yet, Sebastian wants to really bad, but you have your doubts still about this relationship still. Yiu haven't told him that you just dodge the question of moving in altogether.
Right after the movie, you both made jokes about how your characters are going to end up like Natasha, dead of course, but not the way she died, but nonetheless dead. You ended up crying remembering that scene in Endgame where the Avengers thought the only family Natasha had was the Avengers and today you saw a different side of her life. Sebastian chuckled and grabbed you a box of tissues
Then this led to Sebastian bringing up your relationship before you both broke up.
”I remember you cried like this in the Endgame premiere, even though you were there filming it.“he said chuckling getting up from the couch to clean his cup that held some alchol.
” I wore makeup when we dated because I thought you liked me more, If i looked like the other models that I know you loved before I tried so hard to be everything that you liked just so you could say that you’re not the compliment type“ you dont know why you blurted that out but you did for no good reason, Sebastian looked at you confused from the kitchen. Your eyes grew wider over time knowing what you just did. This is going to be your first big fight, and its going to be your fault. You felt sick, you told the public you were dating again just for you guys to break p again.
“Sorry?” sebastian was so confused you can read his body language
“I read all your favorite books so you would think I was smart” you didnt know why you were continuing this, why you were adding fuel to the fire, but here you were, you couldnt help it, it was like you were under some sort of truth serum.
“What are you talking about?” Sebastian started to grow furious as time went on
“Stupid, emotional, obsessive, little me”
“You are not making sense right now y/n, what is going on?” Sebastian sat next to you on the couch
”I never really told you about how I felt when we started to get together or when we broke up” you say looking and meeting his eyes
”Why are you telling me this now?” he asked, his eyebrows starting to become one
”We were talking about our relationship.. I dont kow I just figured-“
”You figured that this was the perfect time to ruin our relationship now?” Sebastian cut you off, enraged
“I knew from the start this is exactly how you would leave, you would find someone more exciting, the next second you were gone, you left me either crying wodering what I did wrong“
“No I did not-“ Sebastian tried to defend himself
“You fucked someoe else when we were together!” you yelled getting up from the couch becausse this was getting heated “ You say I'm never satisfied, but I dont think thats true because all I ever wanted was to be enough for you“
“Because you never are satisfied!” Sebastian exclamied also getting up from the couch
“Sex wise! yes that's so right! I am sorry your dick hasn't made me orgasm! “
“Thats a lie, you scream my name-“ Sebastian says
”Thats not an orgasm dipshit! I'm also an actor I can fake it”you exclaimed
“maybe I'm jut not as interesing as the girls you have had before , but god you couldn't have cared a less about someone who loves you more!" you shouted
“You didn't love me!” Sebastian yelled back
“yes I did! I was the one who planned the dates out, I made you gifts,I visted you on set all the time, For fucks sakes Sebastian! I said I love you first! you can't tell me I didn't love you, I fucking did, that's why it hurt so much!” god you wish your neighbors can't hear you guys shouting.
“I would say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that, Now I dont wwant yor sympathy, I just want my self back!” you say starting to tear up
“Than why the fuck did you get back with me?“ Sebstian was still yelling.
he stumped you, ypu, youself can't even bring up an excuse. You didn't even know why you got back together again. Yoy were just hurt and missed him ,that's all, he has said 'I love you' plenty of times since your date with your friends, and you have yet to say it back, you don't love him anymore, than why are you with him? you thought you were happy, but apparently that was all an act, from the moment you both broke up till now you always acted as if you were happy.
“dont you think I loved you too much, to be used and discared? Don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserved nothing?” you almost whisperedd it, but Sebastian could hear it and you could tell he was hurt for you. He knew hw fucked up before and promised he would never do it again, but he never knew exactly how hurt you were.
It was like Sebastian’s heart broke into two when you said that and he didn't know what to say anymore. The only word coming out of his mouth was.
”Sorry”
“Dont tell me you are sorry boy, feel dorry for youself beacuse someday I'lll be everything for somebody else, they'll think that I'm so exciting and you will be the one who's crying.“ you didnt know why you were still saying this still if he apologized and you could tell he was sorry. The only explanation was that you had to get this off your chest once and for all. You didnt mean your previous statement, but you couldn't help it. Seastian also knew you didnt mean it.
“yeah you say I'm never satisfied, but I donr think that's true, that's not me it's you! All cause all I ever wanted was to be enough
But I don't think anything could ever be enough!” yoy were full on sobbing because you missed the old you, the one who was happy with her significant other and never worried they would cheat. It wasn't about Sebastian, yes he played a part of some of it, but you were the one crying because you miss your old happy self. Sebastian took your body and hugged you, whiping the tears from your face and trying to comfort you, because at the end of the day, you always like to be hugged it made you happy.
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Entry 5 - Good Weather Day
part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist
Previous entry here
Yoongi x reader
Ft. nonidol!bts
Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi
slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life, series of drabbles/one shots,
a/n: i know it took me such a long time to update this. I even contemplated on just leaving this like this but no, i’ll have to see this till the end. Even i, myself need closure. Anyhow, to anyone who have stumbled upon this I hope you like it.
Word count: 1,700
“Hey.. you run?” he commented as soon as he saw you on your tracksuit and running shoes standing in the living room.
“Yeah… i do.” He looks at you all puzzled. As you make your way to the kitchen and gulped half a liter of water in seconds.
“You just dont get up so early in the morning, my friend. I run and I haven’t run in days and I can’t think—so I have to run.” You continue to babble and looking a far while holding your water mid air “it’s like my head’s all cloudy and the sunlight just wont stream in. And I can’t think….”
He made his infamous tight lipped smile and said, “what are you being so poetic for so early in the morning?” he drank his water and continued to gaze at you.
You let out a small laugh in your own non sense.
“I dont know either. Anyhoo, why are you up…” you paused to eye him from head to toe “and ready to go out? At 7 am in the morning…. who are you?” Not believing your eyes that this, in fact is the man you’ve been living with for months now. He’s not a morning person and you respect that about him.
“I have a schedule to meet with this new artist, for her debut and this is the only time she has and her agency said she really wanted me. So here i am.” You nodded and found an opening to tease him. “Oh, she wants you… wink wink.”
Completely ignoring you like always, he finished his glass of water and grab his keys and turned back on you.
“Arent you going to run?”
“Yeah let’s go.”
Before locking the door behind you, he asked “You sure you have everything?”
Checking your pockets to see, “Yes.”
“Cash? Phone?”
“Check, check!”
“You sure you’re didnt forget anything?”
“Yoongi please.” You irritably answered.
He smiled and locked the door to your apartment. Walking together towards the stairs when you said,
“Thanks for fixing the light bulb by the way… last week.” Gaze fixed he just nodded.
“Are you okay btw?” Surprised by the question, you didnt even realized you both are already at the ground floor and in front of his car. You looked at him puzzled.
“Yeah i’m okay, why won’t i be?” Still looking at you when he pressed on the keys for his car to open.
“Nothing. I’ll go ahead.” He said and be on his way. You waved him bye with a smile and walked away with your airpods on.
Running is the thing you do, when your mind’s all clouded and you can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong either. You ran around the block and into the nearby park. And by the end of it, you were just honestly walking and admiring the view. Thinking to yourself what a good weather day this day is.
Hoping it’ll actually be a decent day indeed.
You went home after a long meeting with a colleague about this new book she’s planning, and asked if you would consider doing the illustrations for her. Of course, you felt flattered and told her you’ll probably need some time to think about it. She respected it of course, and asked you to take your time.
You sneaked in quietly into the living room, and found a girl drinking in her coffee and watching the tv and Yoongi standing by the sofa and watching it intently with her.
Standing behind him, you tapped his shoulder gently and said, “Hi….” Smiling sheepishly.
He smiled at you and you immediately said, “I don’t want to disturb, I’ll just go to my room.”
Before you can even escape, he grabbed your wrist and said, “No, come on. I want you to meet Hyuna.”
The girl, so feminine and soft greeted you with her eye smile and friendly face. You felt almost embarrassed, he doesn’t really have to introduce you. “Hi, I work with Yoongi.” She extended her hand and you shook it embarrassingly and said, “well, i’m…” looking over to Yoongi as you paused, “I’m his roommate.”
You have no idea what are you so shy about, it’s not the first time you’ve met one of his friends. Casually at the same restaurant before, you bumped into each other and he introduced you to Jin and Hoseok. It was fun and casual, but this one felt a little different. You’ve never seen him bring a friend home before and if he did then you probably weren’t home to actually meet them unlike this time.
After the introductions and small talks about the program they were watching and the fact that you were already dying to just go to your room, that is unfortunately across the hall. You opened your mouth to say something, only to close it again. And then after a second you said, “I better get going—to my room.” You wave goodbye to Hyuna, “It’s nice meeting you, Hyuna.”
And before you can move again.
“Why don’t you have dinner with us? I’m cooking.” Yoongi suddenly offered.
‘Well that sounds like a date,’ you thought to yourself. You immediately declined and in sudden panic you said, “No, no, no, no… I don’t want to interrupt. And I… I actually have plans, dinner—with Haneul today. So yeah—I better go get changed.” You hurriedly walked to your room before Yoongi can say anything again.
And as soon you got into your room, you sighed the greatest relief. And wondered why in the world would Yoongi even invite you just to be polite?! It already feels like a date and there seemed like something going on between the two of them. You dont like being caught in the middle of anything that’s why you have developed the habit of lying fast just to get yourself out of situations you don’t like.
And this one is just one of those moments, obviously. So no, you don’t have dinner plans with Haneul. Your original plan for tonight is to actually sleep, but you already said that you’d be out and apparently changing clothes also so that you have to do. With a heavy heart, you’ve changed your clothes after an hour of thinking more ways that you could probably get out of this, and despite that you left the room in defeat.
You went to see both of them in the kitchen, looking at Yoongi’s back as he cooks and her telling him some stories and holding a beer beside him.
‘Aww they already looked like a couple.’ You thought to yourself.
You stopped in the kitchen and quickly told them you’d be going ahead.
And ahead you go, out of the apartment and the sun has just set and you feel really tired after the day you just had. You do have your car keys with you but you decided not to go far instead. So you walked, just a couple of blocks away—your favorite deli just opened a new restaurant beside it and you’ve been meaning to try their food so you thought maybe today’s the day.
You went inside the restaurant, cozy and thankfully enough not that crowded still. You sat by the window, brought out your notebook and ordered yourself a bottle of wine and some oysters. There’s nothing to celebrate but wine is always a good idea. ‘Maybe you can celebrate Yoongi’s love life,’ you thought and that kind of made you smile.
Dinner’s done and as you were just finishing your bottle of wine, and wondering whether to get another one. You thought you saw someone familiar outside, the street’s quite small and the street light’s just adequate. You’re not sure.
You saw this guy, has a black cap on and his back facing you—180 cm in height so familiar and yet so different. He’s with a girl. He opened the door to the passenger’s side of his car, hand covering her head lightly as he guides her inside, gentlemanly. He hurriedly went to the driver’s seat and then the car left.
You laughed to yourself, sipping in your last wine.
‘It can’t be Joon, he doesn’t drive.’ You shake your head to shake those crazy thoughts away and finished your meal and got your bill.
After dinner you stopped by the deli to get some of your favourite sausages and some cheese. Eventually buying ice cream as well to topped off your day. Walked around the neighbourhood for a couple more times before eventually walking back to your place. Thinking to yourself, that you’ve probably given them enough time to themselves and by this time you can just eventually say, ‘It’s late, i’ll probably just turn in’ in case—they would politely ask you for anything.
Bag of groceries in your wrists, hand inside the pocket of your hoodie and ice cream on the other. You went inside your apartment only to find it quiet and empty. Yoongi with his glasses on just sitting in the sofa watching tv.
“Hi” You raised your hands with ice cream to greet him and eventually sat on the sofa.
“What happened to your… date?” Eyes fixed on the tv and still eating your ice cream as you asked.
“It’s not a date.” Yoongi replied
‘Yeah right’ you thought. But you just eventually shrugged your shoulders as a reply.
“Do you have more of that?” Yoongi asked.
Eyes still fixed on the tv, you reached for the other ice cream in your bag and give it to him without even looking.
“I know you like this flavor.”
“It’s okay. I just eat it because you keep buying them.” You turned your head towards him with a confused look.
“Then what do you like then?”
“Nothing in particular, Vanilla’s fine.” Opening up his own ice cream and eyes still fixed at the tv.
You turned your head back, nodding.
You both sat in silence eating some cookies and cream ice cream while watching Batman Begins.
mood board sr: x x
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How start to love favoritism and get redemption arc in LO.
So i want to talk about Underworld work, especially how much there prospers favoritism. There is you can read post why favoritism is bad
link
as in this post i started to interest in it after discussion between Daphne and Thanatos, but after i started reread LO i have seen how much Thanatos was right, but his position was shamed by everyone, by"good" characters, by audience, even Author have shown it as something wrong, and only he strated to love Persephone and thought that special attitude to her is fine, he became good person and start his redemtion arc.
i don't want to talk about how unbalanced this relationship is (I saw many posts about it and i have nothing to add), i am more interested how it influences on other co-workers.
Favoritism in underworld or maybe on Olymp seems to be something normal, because Hera given this work for Persephone for to get closer with Hades (it was hinted very clear), although they had antoher opotuinities for this, with their finances and love for Savor they could do Dinner party, ball, party etc where Persephone and Hades could know each other better. Why was love affair at work best variant for it? I sincerely have no idea.
Wherein Persephone said that she isn't enough skilled for this work, so someone enough skilled doesnt get this position, because Hera want to make couple from Persephone and Hades.
i would be fine if Persephone try hard for this job, yes, some characters said that she is smart, but I didn't see her labor and striving, i dont feel like she deserve this position, her only merit on that moment was beuty, it s not enogh i think, btw to be nice and kind too. As they say in my country "a good person is not a profession".
Let's look on Underworld's bosses.
in story RS tried to show as Hades is hard worker, he preferred work to relationship, he thinks about work even in strip club and many characters said that he is so. But his behavior shows him absolutly from another side.
to my mind he and Hecata busy only his personal life. With Minthe and after with Parsephone.
as soon as Hades knew that Persephone in Underworld he left everything and flew to save her, very romantic, isn't it? but let's think a bit: Persephone came in dangerous closed facility (btw where their security system?) and made accident, it like someone broke in secret laboratory and start the fire, even if it accidentally it s not something that would be left without responsibility.
Someone can said: it's not her fault, it reptile Minthe!
I partially agree with it (only partially) but it s truth for audience not for Hades, he didnt know it. For him it should be random person which got into forbidden place and acted badly there.
Hades reaction: he started to regret her, to apologize, to go everywhere with her, What the Hell was going on? oh yes and another co-workers had to look for Persephone`s brooch and cloak, so they had to left their their direct responsibilities, because somebody coulndt go away after she understood that this place is dangerous, she could wait after door of Tower 4 or befor Hades cabinet, she wouldnt lost anything in this way. But Persephone is sooo smart, isnt she, Hera?
btw very considerable moment Thanatos started to worried about his work when he knew that Persephone is liked by Hades, because he entered in train before her, does it mean that Hades not only choose favorites but shamed co-workers which dont like this favorites? we will see that yes he do it.
Another situation is presentation Persephone, oh i feel your cringe Minthe, i were in similar situation, my past boss forced our team to congratulate his girlfriend with birthday, should i say that we even didnt know her? it was so awkward. when i read this part of story i feel the same cringe as in that day. Yeah this boss was kinda terrible, mb he didn't like me because i am not enough beauty for him? i have this feeling after LO reading.
First working day of Persephone is just quintessence of favoritism. initially Hecate went with her everywhere, after - Hades started to do it, they even changed his schedule and yeah i find indignation of Minthe and Thanatos (i dont care about their motives now) very reasonable and Hecates arguments were just silly. Why he should work with someone unqualified? and why boss dont have better business than to take an excursion on Underworld with new intern?
Hecate arguments is annoying, he cant said that she is unskilled (she is really so) because he eaten her baklava? great. Why they need to apologize for Persephone stupidity? Tell me someone pls, it s to hard for my mind. And yeah it's not school prom, mb Hades will start to work and stop flirting with new intern?
Oh i start to hate her, how she can be one of the favorite character by audience.
Can she just be honest? Persephone is here and everyone go around her because Hades find her attractive.
Another favoritism example it is Persephone salary, Author could not accentuate that trainee dont get salary in Underworld, and it would be fine, okay she get receive income now but no, Persephone should be special and other interns aren't so special, it would okay if she would work in office some time and she would be so hard worker that leadership would want to prize her for it. But she is just special, just because she is attractive for Hades.
In chapter 88 Persephone confessed that she flirt with Hades, but she dont want special treatment, but she embarrassed only by business card, not salary, not that everyone worry about her.
It shown as joke, oh ha-ha how naive Persephone, for me it looks not like joke, more like mockery for people who work hard and don't have such prizes, because they are not attractive for their bosses.
And in this chapter Hades left his working place and gone to decide Persephone's problems, problems other workers don't matter, but Hecata asked nice question.
i think no, how Hade's corporation are still active and success with such directors?
but actually no, looks like Thanatos and Minthe are still try to do some job, because only they could teach Persephone how to work with computer program (why is not Hermes? he works in the same position as Thanatos does it mean that he doesn't understand in this work anything because she even did not ask him?) and I on Thanatos side in this, why he should spend his time for her? (He already has trouble that he works worse than Hermes) and btw he tried to work, did not fawn for boss favorite, so he tried to make his work better in honest way.
And maybe she will try to read user guide? if she learned how to rule car from reading what is problem to do the same with computer program? and doesn't waste time of another workers.
Anyway It's strange that people which try to work are not fire yet. Because another worker who tried to do her work right was almost fired, because princess don't know her ID. Whose fault is it? Again for Persephone's fault another worker had trouble, and why is shown as humor again? why pain and fear are funny here, and it's unfunny where Gestia acted with Persephone in similar way. I think if it s funny it should be funny with everyone not only with defenseless and weak workers which isnt boss favorite.
and of course hades gone to bank with their interns, because what else he could do on the work? pffffff
the only time where Hades reaction looks adequate at the start at least, it accident where Persephone given coins to souls which made riot because of it and again with it should deal other workers. everything what happened with Persephone that Hades was a bit angry and after they kissed, she transformation in butterflies, he forget about this accident and started to search what transformation means.
I thought it makes no sense to compare relationship Hades/Persephone and he\his other workers. For everything that she done any other worker would be fired, beaten, killed or something.
this leitmotif in LO if you like Persephone you are nice, if you don't - go to hell. Thanatos redemption start from his liking Persephone and think that Favoritism is fine.
Why it should care other workers and Thanatos especially? because they have trouble because of her, she tried to waste their time, and some great hard worker dont get any prize, where she get prize only for flirting with boss. their boss became unproductive and don't care about them, he think only about his sweet princess.
So go away Daphne, pls. You are such smart as Persephone.
Btw Thanatos is gathering souls, and Hermes falsified counts of souls because of Persephone, i am not sure about that but looks like Hermes productivity were such great because of this falsification, so if it is so, he can hate her with pure conscience, because he was blamed that he is lazy and bad worker and didnt get increase in salary.
So okay, i think Favoritism can be in fiction, but not how it was shown in LO, as something unequivocally positive and romantic, and Thanatos opinion was unequivocally shamed, everything it can work with grey moral story and such type of characters, someone can say: in LO characters are "grey", maybe, for me they are much worse than grey, but in story they dont show as grey, grey moral story it s when you can like any character and dont be in others eyes "misogynic" or no one will say to you "dont sit right with me" because of it, and another phrases which get person who prefered unpopular LO characters.
Oh what a huge post, thank you if someone read it to the end)
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wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!
yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!
there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!
I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !
(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)
“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”
not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad
ACT 3 INTRO:
(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)
imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling.
her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it
ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:
sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)
dialogue of importance:
"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."
+
"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in."
"So you can't really fault her for that."
"It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?"
"It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently."
"So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself."
"I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill."
"Still, though..."
"I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?"
"I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together."
"But what's the point when none of it is even real?"
"I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"
ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??
"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.
happy end poem
OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.
if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.
my own route
hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.
it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.
its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)
also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??
"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway."
"It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."
this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat
wine
ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy
I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse
edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them
:’)
edit 2: haha.. um ouch
“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls
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I have so many ideas for AUs I can post here
like now time to introduce Trash King Obito and his sex android Kakashi, aka. my attempt at a cyberpunk AU (non-con warning but not between obkk, Kakashi had a very rough life and yes its angsty)
Obito was a poor kid who didnt have much luck in life and had to often find scraps in garbage to eat, he got beaten up a few times and had fewer and fewer places he could go to
Eventually, he started going to the junkyard, where madara lived. Madara was an old grumpy guy who at first yelled at Obito, seeing some kid go through the trash but eventually let him stay. Obito started assisting Madara, sorting the garbage and finding some more precious parts that could be sold or used again
One day Obito got into an accident and lost an arm and an eye, he fell onto some sharp parts
But Madara knew more or less about implanting cybernetic parts and saved Obito by giving him an artificial arm, but didnt have any eyes so for a long time Obito just had one eye
Eventually Madara died and Obito stayed living alone on the junkyard, but he got into tinkering with putting the parts together, he'd always use the best parts to improve his arm and eventually found a purple eye to fill in
Madara had a crappy android put together from the scraps (yes zetsu hehe) and Obito often used Zetsu as his model to build better ones but it took him years t o get most necessary parts
He'd often fix smaller things and improved his little house uwu and sometimes people came to him and he'd help them out
(Okay enough backstory time for the obkk)
Obito would always salvage the best parts as soon as new trucks would unload more trash, and one day he found an android. It wasn't even powered off, just staring blankly at him and had a few missing or broken parts
But Obito was mesmerised how pretty it was made. He picked it up and normally would throw it onto the barrow with the rest of the parts but decided to carry it home instead
The android only sighed tiredly but didnt struggle
Obito murmured who would throw out a working android instead of fixing it and the android replied "They broke me on purpose. Got done with me."
"Hold on, I think I had the right parts, I'll fix you up"
"I have just one purpose, shouldn't you know if I'm worth fixing first?"
"You can introduce yourself as I fix you, then"
"I'm Kakashi. I guess last name won't matter anymore."
Kakashi watches Obito for a while and asks "What about you? You just have an artificial arm, the rest is human, right?"
"I'm Obito Uchiha. Hey, you were even given a last name? Based on the company that made you?"
Obito's surprised because he thinks Kakashi was a really well made android and he's even more baffled he was thrown out
"No, an actual last name. You won't find a company named Hatake making androids."
"So what's with your single purpose, then?"
"Sex."
Obito makes a startled noise and looks at Kakashi with wide eyes
"What"
"You heard me. I'm a sex android."
Obito continues fixing, now with a slight blush on his face and Kakashi chuckles
"Told you you should think whether I'm worth it"
"Hey, maybe I'm lonely. Girls don't like someone with the nickname King of Trash, you know? And I ain't putting my dick anywhere near Zetsu no matter how desperate I am"
"Zetsu?"
"An old crappy android."
"Well, Obito. Aren't you lucky then."
Though Kakashi has an disinterested tone all the time so he sounds sarcastic and Obito raises an eyebrow
They continue talking and Kakashi mentions his 'work' parts are surprisingly undamaged
"Guess even when they were throwing me out they still hesitated whether to fuck me one last time or not"
"How long did you even work for?"
"Hm... A year?"
"WhO THROWS A WORKING, HIGH QUALITY ANDROID AFTER A YEAR OUT"
"Chill, I told you they were the ones who broke me too"
"Yeah, why?!"
"I can tell you later. Now, you said you were lonely?"
Obito says he's fixed everything but he's not sure
and Kakashi grins "Well then time for a test run, right?"
They end up fucking hehe and Obito realises this feels so damn good
And despite the fact he's never really had a lot of sex before, fucking Kakashi feels... real
The way he moans and gasps and thrashes in bed, it's like he's a human, and after sex Obito keeps wondering who would put this much effort into a sex android
Most he's seen are just like living sex dolls, moaning and doing hardly any movement, maybe only shaking their ass and bouncing on your dick
Obito keeps Kakashi and Kakashi is so pretty that Obito even tells him not to help him at work too much, joking Kakashi might get hurt
They fuck every night and Obito finds Kakashi cute and pretty and before he realises it he enjoys Kakashi's presence a lot
One day Obito chuckles he could sell Kakashi for a few thousands since he's practically as good as new and he's so damn good but then sees Kakashi frown and his eyes look upset and Obito gets flustered and says it's just a joke
"No, it's fine... No offense taken. Androids are just... toys, I know"
Obito feels stupid for saying that and asks Kakashi finally
"I have to know... Why do you... Uh... Why are you so..."
"real?"
"Y-yeah"
"It's okay, I know. You have no idea how many times I was compared to other sex androids. How they showed off how much they can make me mewl from fingering alone when other androids would hardly react"
"I-I just can't understand why they'd throw you out if they've put so much effort into making you."
"They didn't really put much effort, you know?"
"But the coding-"
"What coding. There was no need for complicated coding. Just making sure I'd be horny all the time and wouldn't cry and say no."
"... what?"
"Well, you probably haven't come across something like me yet. To be honest, I didn't either until I got into trouble"
Kakashi sighs and tells Kakashi his story finally
"I feel real because I am real. I told you, I have a last name. Because I am Kakashi Hatake. If you look me up, you'll find some shit out probably. "
"Real. As in... You were- are a human? But-"
"I have an android body? I know, shocking. According to the official info, I even have a date of death. I couldn't pay off my dad's debts so some bad people with too much money on their hands decided to make me pay off in a different way"
"W-why make you an android"
"I told you. Humans can get broken too quickly, they cry and scream they don't want it, keep saying no and begging for mercy... And most importantly, they're not always in the mood"
Obito feels sick hearing it and starts apologising to Kakashi, that he shouldn't have just fucked him, he probably didn't want it, etc etc
But Kakashi smiles and cups Obito's cheeks "I told you to. You didn't tell me anything."
"But you just said, they forced you to always want-"
"I don't jump at people wanting to be fucked, Obito. Most of the time it's just a passive feeling that if someone grabbed and fucked me, I'd be okay with it"
"But when I tell someone I want it, I want it."
Obito looks confused and Kakashi giggles
"Obito, you're the first person to ever show concern for me"
"You didn't just think I'm a junk, you princess carried me to fix me"
"Well I... uh... You were still working and you were so..."
"Pretty, I know"
They end up kissing and hugging
And Kakashi whispers "So please, don't sell me. I want to be with you"
"I wouldn't dream of it. I want you too"
*
Some extras:
Kakashi can be powered off, he can have a few things programmed like how long he should be on standby, imitating sleep
They didnt power him off because they just saw kakashi as nothing more than trash. They used him for a year and got bored
Kakashi used to live in constant fear once his dad died and the debt collectors chased him. He couldnt get enough money to pay it off and they finally decided to make him their bitch
So Kakashi hasn't seen any kindness in years. Plus Obito looked hot. So for the first time Kakashi saw someone he wanted to have sex with
Normally he'd probably say thanks and offer to help at work but since he was made to be a sex android he couldnt think of other ways to show gratefulness
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SO, WHAT I GET FROM WHAT HAPPENED IN THE END OF TENKUU SHINPAN ARRIVE
Of course: FUCKING SPOILERS, IF IT ISNT GOD DAMN OBVIOUS! and yes i say it like that because i see someone saying ‘EWMYGEWDIWASSPOILE--” shut up.
shut the heck up.
I wont cross tag, this will be explicitly called Tenkuu shinpan arrive spoilers and the others ones i have. i wont even tag characters to not spoil anything at all.
now get ready....
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.SO!
Yuri faced Alien-kun, who seems to be the predecessor God of this realm. Or so it was told. It seemed to the the retaiing existence of him.
even with the facing she did, she cannot save Senya with the power she has. The only posibility is Senya returning by his own or something like that. He seems to be trapped in another area, different that the first high rise world of the survival game, and also different than the barren survival world
Yuri and co are thinking of going there it seems, Oribe says its too dangerous, but she thinks it only
Yuri learnt there is a CREATOR of all this realms. Each survival game, and each dimension of survival. Yuri says she needs to stop that person once and for all. Yuri says if that mean is defeated, maybe everyone might come back, from Senyas will, to Nanamis father, though its a possibility. (aka, also Kuon would return, my baby <3)
it seems the creator is IN A REALM CALLED AS ‘ARRIVE’. he said she found it, and what she really must do.
Oribe, seeing Yuri happy, thinks she is a little bit crazy....Also, she says when Senya goes back to normal ‘I will also....’ (ngl,if she confesses to him i would be dissapointed. That would feel forced a bit. sorry. And i like ships (?)
Yuri asks Kuon, who is with her,what about Daisei. Kuon says the battle with Daisei its almost over. Rika succeded in killing his body and Rika, Sniper, Nise,Hayami Shintaro, and Great angel colaborated in reducing the energy of the realm, so Daisei would be consumed aka killed. But he ran away with a little bit of energy
That confirms my theory that when the realm energy gets consumed, if there is a being that was born with that energy (Aka Daisei or Kuon), that entity dies since its made of energy, and the energy was consumd. That explain many people wondered why Yuuka (since Yuri being the admin, and Rika being a non-electible for god God candidate) didn’t keep going with the god trials, not only because there wasnt enough energy only, but also because the energy consumed would mean Kuon’s death.
Kuon asks Yuri if she meets Daisei she will kill him? Yuri says yes. Since Yuri before wanted to be diplomatic with Daisei, but no, fuck diplomacy.
Tenmas was listening all the new info all along, with Asuka on her back. She seems interested with the new realm, info and energy. She wants to be stronger than the original Yuri, so she taunts her saying if she reaches that place, she will finally be able to surpass her. Yuri is puzzled *Choco chuckles*
Tenma admits she cant surpass her in strenght competition, but with ‘this new little acqueired guy’ she will, as she wants to absorbs his abilities. That ‘little guy’ is no one as Daisei as an eye/cloud. Tenma has seized him. Tenma wonders wht will happen if she has him at her side (well, mostly as kidnapped---).
Daisei’s seems to gone crazy as he is crazily repesting the world ‘equality’ multiple times. his motto for him to be god.
Kuon sees the scene surprised. “Daisei...how pitiful...”
Yuri tells Tenma that her sin was only because of Daiseis program when he created her, and for that, she didnt pursued her. Yuri warns her if she indeed goes away and keeps going and stuff with Daisei, that means Yuri and co will take her down.
Tenma looks at her down, mockingly. Asuka raises her the middle finger
Far from there, Sniper is aiming at them with his rifle, ready to take the shot. In the end, he sighs and mutters “what a bother”, and lowers his rifle. Ttaku is pretty much the japanese “Tch” muttering.
Something that noticed later...I feel Sniper a bit odd. Maybe its just my imagination because I’m not used to see him with no mask but...
Tenma notices Sniper was threatening, her, and she mutters he is scary, so in the meantime she will ran away with her friends (dunno if she only meant Asuka, or she will take Zeon and Juo(rika) with her too)
She says one last thing, in honor to the ‘Originals’, aka they main 5 original crew:
“Thank you....and goodbye, clumsy people.”
As she said the Clumsy people phrase , we see different pannels: Rika watching the horizon, Nise with Mayu (nise’s clone) in her arms, Great Angel also watching the distance and Shintaro Hayami (Prophet) reuniting with Shika Hayami finally.
Tenma ports away. Yuri falls and laughs softly. Saying that indeed, they are clumsy people, not only her, but also her crew, that being because... (She alludes to the fact that maybe they could have done the teleportation to the OG world, but not happening because Yuris powers were unstable (special chapter) and also the fact they would sacrifice Kuon)
Yuri reassures Oribe and Nanami that with time she ‘will deliver them to the OG world, so please rest assured.’
Oribe comments that she is a bit confused since it seems the Original World is also turning to be dangerous, and also that her head hurts.
Oribe says she wont go back yet, she still have many things to do. Yuri smiles softly to her, but a bit sad.
Oribe looks at the distance and asks Yuri about that orbital elevator. She asks her about if Yuri has a way to make that elevator work somehow, of course if it doesn't bother her. Oribe says she is curious if it is truly connected to space
Oribe: “I...I actually like it a lot. The universe...”
With that last phrase, we see the last panel of Senya resting in a bed. He is resting with a smile.
SO, IT IS AN OPEN ENDING. IT SEEMS MAYBE, MAYBE WE MIGHT ALSO HAVE A CONTINUATION OF THIS, SINCE WE ARE FACED WITH THE REALM OF THE CREATOR AND A POSSIBILITY TO STOP FINALLY EVERYTHING ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Besides they need to go back. And also there is the issue if bringing Senya back, alongside with Kuon’s returning to have a physical body. and the slight possibility if the creator is defeated, maybe some things will be solved.
(Yuri says maybe she can bring back Nanami’s dad if she faces the creator, but I’m not entirely sure because Supervisor told us before bringing people back to life was impossible, and the only exceptions being the ones with the Judges “Resurrection.” Even Senya’s state is still unknown. But ther eis a posibiity for Senya to come back.)
THATS ALL, EVERYBODY! STAY TUNED IF I KNOW SOMETHING ELSE!
for now i will go and write some fanfics and cope with this because holy smokes, i am curious
Also no, no ‘visual’ confirmation about the ships for the ones who likes that. Yes, we know some ships are freaking almost undeniable canon but ANYWAYS
....And I really hope i’m wrong with Sniper. It’s an interesting theme of him seeing a downfall to what has been told since day one in Tenkuu shinpan, that Gods doesn't need to feel and stuff, and Sniper already facing one of the 3 god trials. And knowing Sniper’s key-stuff of his personality is his humanity and how he clings to it so hard... It pains me.
Also he needs a freaking rest for fucks sake. Like, stop, let him be happy for once---
take care <3
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Ice cold
part 2 (Sakusa Kiyoomi x Reader | series)
Ice Skating AU
Song rec: Unhealthy - Bakar
BEEP BEEP BEEP
I slowly opened my eyes, sun streaks painting the walls of my room. What time is it?
BEEP BEEP BEEP
„Alright, alright.“ I mumbled as I tapped viciously at my phone screen to turn the horrendous sound off.
My limbs felt heavy as I dragged myself up out of bed.
„God damn it...“ I let out a huff when I realised I’ve been sleeping for way too long. My parents were going to kill me.
Suddenly my phone started ringing again but this time it wasn’t my alarm. Grabbing my phone again, I took a moment to look at the foreign number. Who the hell is calling me?
„Hello?“
I brought the device to my ear and waited.
„It’s y/n, right?“
Sakusa?? My eyes widened. Where did he get my number from?
„Yes, but how-“
„Can you open up the rink for me?“
My brows furrowed at the request.
„Why are you asking me? I’m not working today.“
He sighed. I could practically see him rolling his eyes.
„I know that dumbass, the rink isn’t open on sundays. I asked Mr. Takahashi to open up for me today but he seems to be sick and told me to call you.“
Oh man, I just wanted a day for myself to do nothing and just lay in bed... Guess that’s how it’s like when you have a job.
„So?“
Sakusa voice rang through the phone with more caution.
„Yeah yeah, I’m coming. It’ll take me a bit though.“
Suddenly the boy let out a dry chuckle.
„What, did I wake you up?“
I pouted at his stupid question.
„Shut up. Just wait for me.“
Before he could let out another comment, I hung up. He is such an ass.
I sighed as I remindef myself, I’m only doing this for Mr. Takahashi.
Walking out of the Bus I could immediately make out the curly head from the distance. As I came closer I noticed him wearing some big black headphones.
That was weird, he usually never really listened to music beside his CDs.
I approached him from behind and tapped his shoulder. He flinched and pulled one side of the headphone aside.
„Did you have to touch me?“
Sakusa glared at me. I chuckled as I walked towards the entrance.
„Jesus, I’ll remember to yell next time. Seriously though, there was no way you could’ve heard me with those on.“
I pointed at the device on his head. Sakusa only rolled his eyes and waited for me to open up the place.
„What are you listening to anyways?”
The boy took of the headphones completely and tapped on the screen.
“Don’t know the song.. I’m just searching for something new.”
He shrugged.
“What got you so interested in music all of a sudden?”
I turned the key and pushed myself against the door, opening it.
“I just need a song for my next program.”
Sakusa furrowed his brows in confusion.
“What got you so interested in what I’m interested in?”
I came to a halt, turning around to the boy that stood behind me.
“I don’t know. Just trying to make conversation s’ all.”
As Sakusa secured his skates, there was still a faint sound escaping his headphones. He seemed to be more annoyed than usual. This song thing really got to him, huh.
“I’m gonna stay here since I can’t give you the keys just like that.”
Sakusa gave me an amused smile and turned towards my form.
“I’ve been going here since I was a kid, do you really think Mr. Takahashi trusts me any less with this rink than you?”
His stupid questions began annoying me at this point. Why does he have to be so smug about everything?
“Which song is it gonna be? For the performance I mean?”
I looked at my feet as I tried to ignore his attempt to get rid of me.
“Like I said, I don’t know yet.”
He sighed frustrated with the situation. His hands were propped on his knees as he looked at the rink infront of him.
“I could-“
I stopped talking before I could embarrass myself even more. I don’t need him to think I am more of an idiot than he already does.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Sakusa groaned snapping his head back to me.
“If it was nothing you wouldn’t have tried to say anything. Just spit it out.”
I kept being quiet, contemplating if my idea was really worth it.
Done with my bullshit, the boy stood up and began walking towards the rink, his headphones still dangling around his neck.
“Maybe I could show you some songs!” I panicked before he could step on the ice. His head slowly turned to me.
Before he could say anything to degrade me again I spoke up.
“I’m not gonna show you some lame pop charts song. I’ll try to find something that can be meaningful.”
I quickly took out my phone and unlocked it.
“Just- just tell me what kind of concept you’re going for and I’ll help you.”
His quietness became a bit alarming, making me look up from the screen.
Sakusa was staring at me, he wasn’t glaring or rolling his eyes- no. There was something different that I couldn’t quite place.
“Just show me something different.”
What? I perked my brow in confusion as he put his headphones back on and turned away, sliding off onto the cold ice floor.
Different? Maybe he meant something unique?
I grumbled as I sat myself back down on one of the benches. Since he was wearing headphones I just began playing different songs.
Helping him wasn’t really going to make him like me or give me anything in return, but at least I wasn’t staying in my room allday.
Suddenly the constant scratching of the blades underneath the skaters feet were coming to a halt. I looked up at the rink for a moment.
He had one of his arms propped on his hip and the other on his phone, tapping away on the screen.
Then he looked up, catching my eyes. I quickly focused on the device in my hand.
I think I have some songs... But I’m not really sure if he’ll like them.
I’ve seen Sakusa so often that I knew he was a perfectionist, germaphobe and someone that didn’t wear much color, but that was it. I didn’t know what genre he liked, what food he likes or what his type is.
His type? What the hell am I even thinking about-
“Do you have something?”
My thoughts got interrupted by the devil himself. The curly head stood right infront of me with his arms crossed. I cleared my throat in an attempt to get myself back together.
“Yeah, I think so.”
I didn’t even dare to look at him as I went through the playlist that had only contained 3 songs, hoping he at least didnt hate one of them.
He suddenly came closer and sat down an arm length away from my seat.
“What’s this one called?”
My head snapped towards him. It was the third and last one.
“Still dont know my name by Labyrinth.” I read out loud as I fidgeted with my phone. I quickly stood up and walked towards Mr. Takahashis little office.
“The bass sounds even more intense if you have boxes like here just wait a second I’ll try to-“
I began rambling until I connected the device in the office to my phone.
Rewinding to the beginning, I pressed play and the song erupted from the boxes.
Sakusa was leaning against rink. I slowly approached him and continued my rambling. “It’s actually from a tv show so maybe it’s a little too mainstream I guess, but I just thought the sound was...unique?”
My body was situated right beside his now. His eyes met mine as he slowly nodded in approval.
“It’s unique, yes. I didn’t know it though.”
I gave him a quick smile.
Did he actually like it? He hasn’t made a single negative comment in the last couple of minutes, which is a good sign.
“I’ll think about it.”
The song stopped, making us simultaneously look towards the office.
“Should I play it another time?”
“No, it’s fine. I need to go anyways.”
“Oh, okay...” I scratched my head awkwardly.
Maybe I was a bit too enthusiastic there.
After I locked the entrance door I turned away to walk towards the bus station. Sakusa was already ahead of me, of course he didn’t care to say goodbye again. What an ass...
I shrugged and began trudging towards the station.
Why did I even bother helping him? He didn’t care either way.
I haven’t seen Sakusa for two days but I was pretty sure he didn’t pick the song. I don’t know why that got to me so much, I really couldn’t stop randomly thinking about this guy.
“Wow Ms. L/N, you’ve really outdone yourself today.”
Mr. Takahashi applauded as he approached me.
“It was nothing really.”
I smiled at him, putting away the mop in my hand. I’ve just finished mopping down the entrance hallway that had been getting dirty from all the people getting in and out.
It felt so good to finally see everything looking clean and fresh again.
“You know, Kiyoomis practice starts now. I’d be fine with you leaving the rest of the work to me.” The old man spoke with a small grin.
“Oh- Okay, sure. I mean we’ll see if I’ll watch his practice. Maybe I’ll jusg go home.”
I stuttered a bit. Damn it, did I look that desperate to see him?
“Do as you wish, kid.” He turned away and walked out of my sight.
Mr. Watanbe always looked the same. He had good posture, his hands behind his back carefully as he watched his student. The trainer seemed so invested in his movements, it was like he controlled him with his mind.
Quietly seating myself on one of the benches I began watching his student. Sakusa was doing some sort of spin, over and over again.
Suddenly he felt my gaze and looked back to me for a second.
Instead of turning away I gave him a smile and small wave. The boy only continued his practice without giving me any sort of acknowledgment.
Why the hell did I wave? What am I? A twelve year old girl that has a crush on the popular guy? God-
“He always seems a bit more secure when you watch.”
I flinched at the sound of his trainers voice beside me.
“What do you mean?” I asked unsure while looking at the tall man that still had his eyes glued to the boy on the ice.
“Sakusa is a perfectionist but when he’s alone or around people he doesn’t care about he’ll allow himself to mess up. He’ll shrug the mistake off and do it until he deems it as perfect for himself.”
The trainer suddenly took his eyes off of him and sat down next to me.
“He wants to imress you. You can see it clearly.”
Starstruck I tried forming words but I couldn’t. My eyes moved towards the body that was moving on the rink.
“Why would he want to impress someone who doesn’t know anything about the sport?”
That was the only thought I had.
The man next to me only laughed, crossing his arms. “You’ll need to ask him that yourself.”
We didn’t talk much after that, only watching Sakusas precise movements. I just couldn’t really get Mr. Watanabes statement out of my head. He wants to impress me.
“Mr. Watanabe, we need to start the choreography soon. I want as much tiem as I can to practice it before the competition.”
Sakusa was leaning against the rink as the Trainer approached him with a water bottle.
“Did you pick the music yet? We need a concept before we can start.”
Sakusa gave him a short nod, I catched him clancing my way for a second.
“I’ll put it on.”
Then the curly head strutted out of the rink and walked towards the office.
Suddenly I heard an all too familiar sound blaring out of the speakers above us.
He picked my song.
“Interesting choice. Not really the stuff we know from you Sakusa.”
The trainer let out a chuckle as he watched his student walk out of the office. A blush crept up on his face, he didn’t dare to look my way.
“You picked my song?” Excited I stood up from my seat and approached him.
“I gave it a chance. Thought I might need something new to shock the judges.”
His back was still turned to me but I couldn’t let loose. I walked up next to him, still making sure there was enough space between us to not ruin the moment.
“Thank you.”
I kinda wanted to hug him but I don’t think that would’ve ended well.
The dark haired boy gave me a quick side glance and mumbled something under his breathe.
“It’s nothing.”
A harsh pat on the back ripped us both out of the moment.
“Well aren’t you guys a great team. Maybe L/N can help us with the concept too, if she’d like?”
Mr. Watanabe had his hands on both of our backs and gave us a wholesome smile. Before I could panic about ideas Sakusa already began talking.
“The song seems to involve love and intimacy so maybe we’ll need to start there.”
His eyes finally catched mine. He really wanted me to help, I could feel it this time and I wasn’t wrong for once.
“Actually the lyrics go into putting someone you love on a pedestal. ‘I would die your slave but you still don’t know my name’ could mean that you’d see them as some sort of god but they don’t even acknowledge you.”
I explained more engagingly. Sakusa actually seemed interested as he listened. Watching me cautiously through his lashes without intervening.
“The question is if you want to present the yearning lover or the powerful reckless god?”
I asked a bit more sarcastic.
Sakusa looked down for a moment and seemed to be in thought. He was actually considering my ideas.
“I’ll do the lover.”
My eyes went wide and I couldn’t hold back a small laugh.
“It’ll make more sense since the lyrics are from that perspective.” The boy explained hastily to justify his sudden unexpected answer.
“Sure, thats why.”
The sarcasm was clear in his trainers voice as he stepped away from the both of us.
“Well then let’s get to work.”
The man clapped his hands together but quickly turned to me again.
“Oh and L/N why don’t you help us some more? I know you aren’t too familiar with the sport but it’s always good to have an outsiders perspective, am I right?”
He looked expectantly towards Sakusa.
“Sure, why not.”
After a few more training sessions and brainstorming, Sakusa and Mr. Watanbe created some of the first elements for his program.
I was still excited to be involved in the project, trying my best to include my ideas here and there, even learning new stuff about figure skating on the side.
“You know it wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring you with us to the competition next month. Maybe it’ll help Sakusa calm his nerves.”
Mr. Watanabe was munching on some Onigiris Mrs. Takahashi had made. He has really been getting more comfortable around the both us.
“You’d really think she would calm my nerves?”
Sakusas head snapped back to his trainer. I only pouted at the boy, mouth full of rice.
“Well?” His trainer quirked a brow and waited for a final answer.
“I don’t care.” His student shrugged before grabbing a Omigiri himself.
“Wait, where’s the competition?”
I asked nonchalant as I expected a couple of hours drive since it wouldn’t be held in a small town like this.
“Paris.”
My eyes went wide as I almost choked on the food that eneyered my mouth.
“You’re kidding right?”
His trainer only shook his head with a grin plastered on his face.
“Sakusa is the real deal, L/N. I thought you knew that by now.”
I looked to the boy beside him, waiting for some sort of reaction.
Sakusa only carried on munching on his food without a sign of this being a joke.
How the hell am I going to explain this to my parents?
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—ateez college au series [psh]
so seonghwa is a nursing major bc why not and no this isnt bc im also a nursing major or maybe it is idk shh
he wanted to become a nurse bc his mom was one, and he saw how much she adored her job
plus seonghwa is a self-less and caring person, so this was the perfect choice for him
he lives in an apartment on campus with his roommate hongjoong and it’s both a blessing and a curse
it was a blessing because his and hongjoong’s personalities matched very well, so they rarely had arguments
but it was also a curse bc joong was a music production major so he’d be producing music in his room, which normally wasn’t a problem, but on nights where seonghwa was studying for his exams, hongjoong would be in the room next door blasting music
usually all seonghwa had to do was knock on his door and ask him to keep it down, but there were nights where he would just pack up his stuff and study at the campus library instead
he often stayed for about 3-4 hours or more if he had an exam the next day
hwa really liked anatomy and phys but absolutely despised chemistry
“what the hell is the difference between polar and nonpolar? wait, why does this lewis structure only have 2 bonds? shouldn’t it have 3? ah shit i forgot an electron–”
sometimes hongjoong would come out of his room to get a glass of water only to find hwa asleep at the kitchen table with a copy of the periodic table on his head
he loves getting to wear his scrubs on lab day bc 1) scrubs are super comfortable and 2) it gets him excited thinking about the future
he also started volunteering at the nursing college in the labs
he’d help the lab ops set up the labs, refill the fluids, repack the medication, or clean up the simulation rooms
this also gave him the opportunity to get to know his future professors, and he would never admit it, but whilst he was volunteering, he would admire the older nursing students wearing the official university scrubs
it made him that much more determined to get into nursing school
during his first semester his second year, he had less of a workload compared to his first year, so he had more free time and was able to go out more
one day hongjoong asked seonghwa if he wanted to hang out with a few of his friends, and he said yes
so the two of them went out to this nearby boba cafe where hongjoong’s friends mingi, san, and wooyoung were waiting for him
you were there as well, tagging along as a mutual friend of san’s, and he introduced you to the two them
“hey hongjoong, seonghwa, this is my friend y/n! i hope it’s cool if they come along. i needed to drag them out of their room or else they’d be studying for hours on end,” san teased, knocking your head lightly w his fist
you stuck your tongue out at him then turned to shake hongjoong’s and seonghwa’s hands
when you made eye contact with the latter, his face lit up with recognition “oh wait, y/n? you’re in my pathophysiology class right?”
“oh yeah, i sit right behind you. nice to meet you, seonghwa!” you flashed him a smile, and he smile back
after everyone introduced themselves, you all found a table and ordered your drinks
mingi, san, and seonghwa sat on one side of the booth whilst you, wooyoung, and hongjoong sat on the other
you were quite surprised, and quite relieved, at how well you were fitting in and getting along with hongjoong and seonghwa…especially seonghwa
during the time that you all were together, seonghwa found out that you were a nursing major too and the two of you launched into a full blown discussion about it, unaware of the looks the others were giving you both
hongjoong had a faint smile on his face, mingi was chuckling and shaking his head, and san and wooyoung were giving each other knowing smirks
at the end of the night, seonghwa had asked you for your number in case yall wanted to study tgt, and you happily obliged
then you all said your farewells and went your separate ways
a few days pass and you don’t hear from seonghwa, which was quite understandable considering the fact that it was midterm season and you were both busy
but you were also kind of looking forward to study with him, he seemed really smart and self-disciplined which was exactly the type of study buddy you needed
but another couple days pass and lo and behold you receive a text from the one and only park seonghwa that reads: hey you wanna study tgt for the patho exam at the library today?
ofc you said yes and half an hr later, you found yourself at the library sitting right across from seonghwa
the two of you had your laptops, notebooks, and handouts spread all over the tables and were completely in the zone
after an hr or two of straight studying, you suggested taking a small break and that’s where the two of you got to talking abt nursing and why you both chose to major in it
“well my mom’s a nurse, and when i was younger she would always talk about how much she loved her job. she’s super hardworking and cares about her patients, and that’s how i want to be someday. plus as a nurse, if i could just make someone’s day just a little bit better, then that’s all that matters to me.”
needless to say, you were captivated by the raw passion and love seonghwa had for his future career, and you couldn’t help but admire him for it
after your short break, the two of you went back to studying, but this time yall would often make eye contact and send each other encouraging smiles
you found yourself slowly becoming more comfortable with seonghwa as the time passed by
and after that, the two you started having more and more study sessions, growing closer and closer
whenever an exam or quiz was coming up, you two would always be found studying tgt whether it was at his apartment or the library
and that’s when the hesi exam came in
the amount of time you guys spent studying for regular exams was nothing compared to the amount of time yall spent studying for the hesi
on the day of, you and hwa were practically freaking out
“oh my god y/n i’m so scared. what if i forget how to do the conversions? what if i forget everything i learned in anatomy? what if i forget basic grammar–”
“hwa shut up you’re making me nervous!”
basically yall are a wreck from the beginning of the exam all the way to the end, and once yall walk out of that testing room you almost collapse
anyways fast forward a few weeks later it’s almost the end of the semester and also around the time where you would be receiving your letter saying whether or not you were accepted into the program
it was a friday night and the entire gang was at your apartment having a movie night
you were looking thru your emails when you stumbled upon one from your university, and when you saw what the subject was you screamed, scaring the living daylights out of mingi who was sitting next you
“y/n what the hell–” “guys, guys my nursing school letter came in oh my god, oh my god!”
the entire room went silent for a millisecond before san let out a shriek and soon everyone was crowding around you
hongjoong gripped seonghwa’s shoulder “did you get yours yet?”
the latter’s eyes widened in realization and he also whipped out his phone, letting out a choked gasp when he saw the same email “mine came in too!”
at this point all of yall were freaking the hell out, and you and seonghwa somehow found each other’s hands and held them tightly tgt
“okay, okay, okay!” you reposition yourself on the couch so you were facing your fellow nursing major “on the count of three we open it at the same time, yeah?” all seonghwa did was nod
“alright, one…two…three!” everyone held their breath and it seemed like an eternity had passed…and then you and seonghwa jumped up from the couch
“i got in!” you yelled at the same time, which caused the others to belt out the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard
overwhelmed with excitement and pride, you threw yourself onto seonghwa and gave him the tightest hug, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, gently lifting you off the ground
when you guys separated, both your eyes widened at the lack of space btwn the two of you, and you immediately jumped away from each other
“um,” you cleared your throat “i’m…i’m really proud of you, hwa.” he gave you the softest of smiles, one that made your heart race even more than it was right now
“i’m proud of you too, y/n.”
aaaand fast forward again to the beginning of the next semester! you and seonghwa were officially in the clinical portion of the nursing program which meant you two were now able to wear the university’s official nursing scrubs seonghwa probably cried a little when he first tried his on
and since yall were in the program tgt, you saw each other more frequently, even more compared to the previous semester
which certainly didnt help alleviate the strong emotions you were feeling ever since the two of you shared that small, intimate moment just a couple months prior
before you didnt use to feel anything when you hung out with seonghwa, but now just thinking abt him was enough to get you all giddy and nervous at the same time
it had reached a point where you couldnt take it anymore, so you decided to seek help from the one person who knew seonghwa best: his best friend and roommate, hongjoong
when you met up with him and poured out what it was you were feeling, hongjoong sent you a fond, knowing smile “y/n…you like him. romantically, i mean.”
you gaped “i…what?”
“you, y/n, have romantic feelings for my best friend, seonghwa.”
“i..i like him? i don’t…i don’t have–” you froze upon seeing the way hongjoong raised his eyebrows at you
“i…i like…i like seonghwa,” you finally breathed out. hongjoong’s gaze softened and he chuckled “took you long enough…now if only seonghwa could stop being a coward and just ask you out already,” he mumbled the second part under his breath
not knowing what to do with the information you had just uncovered abt yourself, you thought it’d a good idea (read: it was the stupidest idea) to distance yourself from seonghwa for a bit, just long enough for you to process the thoughts racing thru your mind
you were unaware, however, of how you distancing yourself might look like from seonghwa’s pov
he’s noticed you not hanging out with him as much anymore outside of class, and during class whenever he’d try to talk to you, you’d just scurry over to the other side of the room
he started getting worried and, ironically, he went to hongjoong for advice
upon hearing what’s been going on, hongjoong sighed loudly and slammed his hands down on the counter
“okay, initially i wasn’t going to say anything because i wanted the two of you to find out on your own, but obviously that isn’t going to happen so i’m just going to say it. y/n’s avoiding you because they realized they’ve fallen head over heels in love with you and don’t know how to react. so hwa, please be a nice guy and help them figure it out if you catch my drift.”
at that, hongjoong walked out and into his room, leaving an open-mouthed seonghwa frozen in the kitchen, he was at a loss for words
he knew hongjoong knew abt his feelings for you, but he didn’t think you’d feel the same
after contemplating whether or not what he was abt to do was a good idea or not, seonghwa simply said “screw it” and dashed out the door, heading straight for your apartment
once he arrived, he knocked rapidly on your front door
you had barely opened the door when seonghwa practically slid right in
“seonghwa? what are you doing he–”
“y/n, i’m sorry for just barging in but i need to ask you something really important and i want you to be completely honest.”
you gasped softly at the way he was looking at you, it was so intense and so serious you’ve never seen him like that before
“uh, okay? what’s going on?” you asked nervously
“do you have feelings for me?”
you choked “w-what?!”
“i talked to hongjoong and asked him for advice bc you’ve been avoiding me the past few days, and he said it’s bc you like me. is that true?”
you didn’t know what to say, the familiar warm feeling in your stomach came back and you found it difficult to maintain eye contact with seonghwa
a few seconds of silence passed, and you could see seonghwa’s serious gaze slowly start to crumble and all of a sudden you panicked
“yes! y-yes…it’s true. i do have feelings for you,” your voice trailed off at the end, but you knew he heard you when he saw him stiffen up
he let out a shaky breath “how long?”
“huh?”
“how long have you liked me, y/n?” he asked more firmly
“u-um, i’m not sure? i honestly didn’t start noticing i felt like this until about two months ago when we found we got accepted. although, the more i think about it, i’ve been attracted to you since our first study session together. the way you talked so passionately about your future and how dedicated you were into making it come true made me feel something, and what you said was really inspiring to me and i just–”
your sentence was interrupted by a pair of lips connecting with your own, and it took a second for you to realize that…seonghwa was kissing you
oh my god…oh my god seonghwa was kissing you
once you finally registered what was happening, he pulled away from you, eyes wide and cheeks flushed
“oh..oh shit, y/n i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to–i should’ve asked for your permission first. i’m so so sorry!”
seonghwa tried to take a step back, but you grabbed his wrist before he could
“y-y/n?” he stared at you
you couldn’t wait anymore. not after that.
“please, do that again.”
now it was seonghwa’s turn to choke on his breath “h-huh?”
you tightened your grip on his wrist “seonghwa, this is me giving you permission. kiss me again.”
and he did
unlike the first kiss, this one was much longer and more heartfelt. you felt his arms snake around your waist, tugging you closer and closer
you could feel the way your cheeks were heating up, but at the moment you didn’t care, wanting this moment to last forever
but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end
“hey y/n, who was at the doo–holy shit!” at the sight of you and seonghwa, mingi let out the loudest screech, causing the two of you to jump away from each other
“oh fuck i forgot san and mingi were here,” you cursed under your breath. seonghwa stood next to you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck
mingi still remained where he was in the hallway, mouth wide open in shock before he recollected himself “ohoho my god, san! text wooyoung and tell him he owes me dinner!” and with that, mingi took off running down the hall and into one of the rooms
and once again you were left alone w seonghwa
for the longest time, the two of you just stood there, refusing to speak nor look at each other
the room was so silent you could practically hear both of your hearts racing
“so uh…does this mean you and i are…?” seonghwa asked sheepishly, taking a small step towards you
you glanced up at him and couldn’t help but giggle at the hopeful look on his face
you turned towards him and flashed him the brightest grin “yeah, we are.”
the smile that appeared on seonghwa’s face at that moment was enough to take your breath away, and you had to physically restrain yourself from kissing him again
instead you opted for taking his hand in yours and entwining your fingers tgt
now that you and seonghwa were officially dating, it made studying that much more fun
when you guys started doing your clinicals, it became hard for yall to see each other, but it made your time tgt much more special when you did have time
seonghwa is a very touchy and cuddly person, so whenever there’s a short break in btwn lab or lecture, he’ll either be sitting next to you with his head on your shoulder or his arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest
the other nursing students (and sometimes the professors) would scream at how cute yall were
and bro if you thought seonghwa was your biggest motivator before you started dating, then he’s even bigger motivator now
when he quizzes you, he’ll always give you a kiss on the cheek if you answer a question correctly, or when you come back from a particularly rough shift he’ll be there to hold you and tell you that you did your best
oh yeah and to cheer you up he’ll say a bunch of anatomy jokes
“hey y/n, i aorta tell you how much i love you”
“oh god, hwa don’t even start.”
“oh c’mon, quit ovary-acting.”
“park seonghwa”
“you’re going tibia okay”
“i’m breaking up with you”
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。・゚゚・ — introduction.
introducing ... violet’s demise ! aka grayson aka her big brother she’s been wiring money to stay away in europe <33333
name: grayson swag money jeon
age: 22 turning 23 (don’t ask me about his sign that’s for liza to figure out someday <3)
gender: cis male; he/him
hometown: baltimore, maryland
sexuality: bisexual & biromantic
listen i was feeling rlly committed to completing his stats but i’m already over it so don’t ask dont tell xx anYWAYS let’s get on to the juicy stuff hehe
i tend to ramble a lot so this intro is gonna be probably a mixture of paragraphs and bullet points and everything in between but let’s start simple. also i rlly wanna emphasize a massive DRUGS TW bc his character largely revolves around his interest in and addiction to drugs
blackmails
grayson is claiming that he's been in a rehab program for the last year and is now completely sober and reformed when he really was just using the money to party and travel throughout europe.
without his parents paying to support him now, he's had to start dealing to make ends meet and keep up appearances. it’s mostly coke, but he dabbles in harder substances depending on what his connections can get him.
grayson dabbles with calligraphy and was notorious for forging excuse notes and parent signatures all throughout high school and even now sells forgeries for a quick buck. the most notable of these was xavi’s letter of recommendation that helped him get into yale.
background
grayson is violet’s older brother!!1 yes, that’s right, THE big brother who’s been out of the country getting LIT (and by lit i mean he’s been traveling europe on a series of solo trips w his parents’ money and doin lots of recreational drugs)
i haven’t fully fleshed out the dynamic he has w his parents but just know it’s ,, bad ASDHFJNK basically the jeons treated their children like accessories and expected them to be their little trophies and grayson just was not having that as a kid!!! so he acted out a lot and obviously got himself into a pretty bad scene (thank u goosie) and is basically the bane of his parents existence at this point <3 yet they still try to appease him to keep him under control but that’s for the family task to work out hehehehe
despite hating his parents, he adores both of his siblings. before the drug use started, he was always a big nurturer and would have done anything for either of them......now he wouldn’t be caught dead praising violet but he loves her in secret from afar HSJDFKG
yeah basically he met goose when he was around 15 i think????? and got introduced to drugs around 16 or 17 i wanna say and by the time he graduated high school he was just....a much different person than the soft big brother he used to be. his parents sent him off to europe pretty much as soon as he turned 18 under the guise of going to school internationally, but grayson obviously knew the truth and understood that he was being sent away so he wouldn’t be his parents problem anymore.
he basically spent the last four years galavanting europe and just....trying to enjoy it???? but it’s hard to enjoy an extended vacation when u have no family or friends on ur side anymore </3 he basically used the money to stay in hostels and worked odd jobs here and there to stay afloat and keep supplied w the...special goods....but yeah lots of drugs, alcohol, sex, and recklessness but he DID learn a couple languages??? or at least enough to get through some pretty basic conversations in most european countries so <3 guess it’s all okay then!!!!
anyways idk what else to put here that u won’t just find out in the family task so uhhhhhh idk lmk if u need anything else i guess
present/personality
so now grayson is just vibing at yale obviously ummm he actually got super into writing after high school, especially poetry. he used to carry journals full of just random prose about his addiction and his deepest thoughts, as well as probably some lighter stuff about his love escapades or maybe goose idk...basically he used poetry as an outlet and it allowed him to really ground himself and find his place in the world even if it didnt include who he thought it would SO with that being said, grayson got into yale due to a poetry competition he was a part of. he saw some big fancy competition being advertised and on a whim decided to submit some poem about his struggles with addiction and losing his family (a v raw piece that he didn’t expect to ever see the light of day) and he actually ended up winning! it caught yale’s attention and they invited him to apply and, knowing how much it would probably disturb his little sister, grayson very smugly applied and was pretty stoked to see he got in
because that poem gained such publicity, it was assumed that he was a survivor of addiction and was writing from a sober perspective. he didn’t want to correct anyone, so he just went with it and has basically crafted this story about his massive success and has become an advocate for addiction treatment and rehabilitation. of course, none of the companies that sponsor him or the events that host him as a motivational speaker know that he’s snorting lines in the bathroom beforehand or dealing to half the elites, but that’s between grayson, god, and the blackmailer !
basically grayson showed back up because of violet’s blackmail being exposed. he was off in europe, unable to defend himself, and with a massive vendetta against his family so he decided what better way to reenter society than by publicly outing himself as a martyr <3333 his plan is basically to bash the family name to fulfill whatever angsty coming of age arc he has in store for him to make up for the pain of being sent away .... really angsty yeah </3 rip grayson
anyways yeah he’s a total fake. he’s been using his status as a martyr to his advantage a lot, the best example being his recruitment into the elites. he guilted them into accepting him by discussing the PR benefits of recruiting a member that struggles with addiction and how supporting addiction treatment and second chances would be such a good look for them. like he basically threatened to publicly expose them for denying him due to his troubled past and accuse them of being exclusionary so they said boop ! ur in. now the elites are proud advocates for second chances <3333
i would describe grayson as fearless, overconfident, infamous due to his condition being exposed recently, a little gloomy, he’s kind of just got this chip on his shoulder and feels like he has something to prove....he’s gotta be better than his parents, gotta stick it to them and to violet and to everyone who doubts him. he’s a grumpy guy with a massive vendetta and a need for some kind of justice. he just doesn’t know what that is yet. despite all of the bad, however, he’s genuinely a pretty good guy. he’s really goofy and a genuine person, pretty friendly with literally everyone until they give him a reason not to be. basically, unless you are a member of the jeon family he probably likes you or is at least cordial to you (unless we plot differently ofc but u know). he’s just a big lovable dummy with some sweet drug connects and a knack for poetry. he also knows calligraphy but that’s beside the point .
idk if this is enough to describe him but yeah if u have any questions just let me know hehe
this is probably gonna make things hard but considering violet was just exposed i think that he’s pretty new to yale ???? like probably just transferred in/started this spring semester rather than being here for the entire year/a prolonged amount of time so most of our plots will likely have to be newer/center on him first showing up OR we can establish their connections from pre-europe which is also fine w me....idk i didnt rlly think this timeline through so let’s just plot and see what happens aghbfjnd anyways i included some connection ideas to help us all just in case
wanted connections
i’d say he’s the honorary dealer of the elites aghbdfjn so literally anyone who needs a plug could be a potential connection. we can obviously tweak this and customize it to each character <3
maybe someone who met grayson in europe. they could have travelled together for an extended period of time or even just a brief encounter. he was over there for four years, so the possibilities are endless.
building off the last one, this same connection could work with a romantic interest. maybe they were romantically involved for a time in europe and fell out of touch or maybe grayson/your muse just left in the middle of the night and they never saw each other again until now and maybe there’s some unresolved feelings/one-sided longing or need for closure. it could also be that they just hooked up whenever this person was in the area and that was that, no strings attached.
maybe someone who genuinely believes that grayson is actually sober and really admires his strength and idk maybe they’re struggling w their own issues and seek advice from him or maybe they just make it harder for him to actually do his thing bc they’re constantly around and it’s not like they can catch him strung out and acting up
someone in the literature department or with a background in english or writing. someone he could read poetry to, or share his favorite lines with. someone who’s taken the same professors and can tell him who to watch out for or what to expect. idk i just want him to have someone to share his passions with. maybe a little crush is forming? maybe they’re just friends who share a love of fiction? idk i’m open to literally anything
he’s sort of a motivational speaker now bc he advocates for rehabilitation resources and stuff so like maybe ur muse saw him give a presentation or participate in some kind of seminar and they called bullshit on him after the show bc they were like,,, bro i literally saw u partying w max and avery last weekend what the fuck are u on about and now they could potentially hold that blackmail over his head hehe......
exes plots are always fun we love angst in this house
fuck it let’s bring another family member BHJFNGKM no but grayson rlly is a nurturing guy and like....definitely develops unhealthy attachments to cope w his loss of family so he’d love all the sibling-like bonds he can get to kinda numb the pain of “””””losing””””” violet
if none of these interest you i’m literally so down for anything pls just let me know and i’m happy to brainstorm always <333333
thank u for reading this....smooch .
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Love, Armitage
chaptrer 46 of So Happy Together
masterlist
note: ariana grandes new song came out an hour ago. this chapter was written in that hour. enjoy. also stream positions by ariana grande
The air was cold as the two of you walked to Maz’s place. You explained to her that a lot of students eat there since it's within walking distance, and is open 24/7. She listened intently as you told her about you, and Hux’s friendship really started there. You told her about everyone she would be meeting tonight, and she confessed that she was a bit nervous. The two of you walked into the restaurant, and you looked around for your friends.
“Don't be nervous, trust me they're the most laid back people you will ever meet,” you said as you spotted them. You led her over and smiled as you heard everyone trying to greet you.
“Hey guys, this is my new roommate Kaydel!” you announced.
“It's lovely to see you again Kaydel.” your grandfather said. “Allow me to introduce everyone.”
You sat down next to Ben who gave you a soft kiss on the lips after you took your seat next to him. Matt was focused on the menu trying to figure out what he wanted, and Phasma smiled at the young girl.
“That very rude young man with his nose in the menu is Matt.” He still didnt lift his head up, and Phasma hit his shoulder.
“WHY?” He yelled. “Oh, hey, who's this?” he asked pointing at Kaydel.
“Kaydel you would know if you were listening.” Phasma whispered to him. She giggled as she watched him get scolded.
“The young lady next to him.” your grandfather continued nodding towards phasma. “Is the brilliant Miss Phasma.” she smiled, and waved at Kaydel.
“Lastly the gentleman holding onto my granddaughter like his life depends on it, is Ben.”
“Nice to meet you, we're probably gonna see each other a lot.” he said as he held your hand in his larger one.
“Here you can't sit next to me Kaydel.” you said pulling out the chair next to you. She sat down, and smiled as she looked around at everyone.
“So Phasma here is gonna tell us all about her summer in New York!” You informed her.
“No way! You spent the entire summer in New York??” she asked.
“Yes, I did a summer program at a college there for theater.”
“You’ll hear all about the theater club here from this one she never shuts up about it.” Matt said with a laugh. She playfully smacked a menu against his chest.
“There's a theater club here?” Kaydel asked.
“Yeah, are you interested? Del is always looking for more people to join.” Phasma informed her.
Phasma bonded with Kaydel immediately after finding out she was interested in acting with the theater club. After everyone ordered she went into telling everyone at the table about her summer. The whole time Ben never let go of you. Even when you pulled your hand away he held on to your thigh. He even ate with one hand just to keep another one on you. You listened, and ate as everyone around you conversed. Matt kept trying to include Kaydel in him, and Phasmas conversations. You can tell he just wanted her to feel welcome, and that she just wasn't too comfortable yet. You told Matt, and Phasma about what happened when you dropped Hux off. Matt looked upset, and you knew it's because he wished he could have gone with you.
“Well, it's getting late. I better head off.” your grandfather said. “Will you be coming home with me tonight darling?”
You looked over at Kaydel before answering him.
“I think I'm gonna stay in the dorm tonight.” you said as you nudged her with your elbow.
“Very well. Shall I pick you up tomorrow so you can get your car?”
“I can take her Obi-Wan.” Ben said after he plopped his last bit of pancake in his mouth.
“Then I look forward to seeing the two of you tomorrow.” he walked over to you, and kissed your cheek. You kissed his back and gave him a hug before he walked off to leave the rest of you at the restaurant.
“Your grandpa is really nice.” Kaydel said.
“Are you kidding Obi-Wan is the best!” Ben said as he wrapped an arm around you.
“Yeah he’s literally one of the chillest dudes I know.” Matt added.
The rest of the table went on to tell Kaydel some stories about your grandfather, and how much they loved him.
“Remember when we all played in the rain at Elaine's graduation party?” Phasma asked.
“Oh yeah! I got sick like two days after!” Matt said. The table had been cleared of the plates, but all you had been to caught up in talking to actually leave. You knew Maz would never kick you out though.
Finally Matt yawned, and it caused a chain reaction of everyone else yawning. That was a sign that it was time to head home. You all got up, and went to the front to pay your bills. As you walked out Ben offered to drive everyone back. You happily agreed, and climbed in the front seat as everyone else got in. Phasma talked with Matt, and Kaydel as Ben drove towards the dorms. You studied his face as he drove. His eyes were glued in front of him, and his jaw was relaxed for once. You grabbed his hand that was resting on your leg, and held it tight in yours. You watched as he lips lifted into a smile at just the feeling of your hand around his. You lifted his hands towards your face, and kissed it before lowering them back down.
He Pulled into the parking lot, and everyone scrambled out. Phasma, and Matt walked with Kaydel as they continued their conversation. You stayed behind with Ben for a bit.
“She seems like a sweet kid.” he said as he pinned you to the car between his arms.
“She is. Her parents just dumped her here. Poor kid looked like she was gonna shit herself when I spoke to her.” you placed your arms on his shoulders, and played with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“She's gonna be okay. After all she has you.” he reassured with a smile. He leaned down, and put his forehead to yours. You closed your eyes, and smiled as you felt soft breaths coming from his nose.
“I'm sorry you were so upset about Hux leaving. I know you, and him were close.” he whispered as the two of you stayed in the same position. You pecked his lips before pulling your face away.
“I’ll be okay. I Have you guys to keep me company.” you went to walk away when he grabbed your hand, roughly pulled you into his arms, and slammed his lips against yours. You closed your eyes, and met his kiss with the same amount of force.
He wrapped one arm around your waist, and the other was at the back of your neck gently tugging at your hair. One of your hands was lovingly rubbing the side of his cheek while the other gripped his shirt tightly as you unknowingly tried to get closer to him. The only sound that filled the air was his heavy breathing as he desperately clung to you. He tongue gently swiped against your bottom lip. You mimicked the same motion, and he practically slammed you against the side of his car. A moan escaped you as he did this, and he snaked his hand from where they rested to your hips. You moved your hand from his cheek and ran it through his hair tugging on a few strands now, and then. He pressed his thumbs into the front of your hips hard as the two of you continued to make out. You knew there would be bruises there the next day. You felt your face heat up at the thought of him leaving a mark on you, and you unknowingly moaned again.
He pulled away, and pressed his forehead to yours. The two of you gasped as your lips were pulled apart, and your heavy breathing joined his. He took a deep breath before speaking.
“That was uhh-”
“Good.” you finished.
“I would say it was a bit more than that.” he said as he smiled. He looked beautiful like this. Lips red, swollen, and shaking. Face red with a thin layer of sweat coating it. His hair completely disheveled from you running your hand through it. You smiled back, and gave his lips one more peck before he let you go.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I'll see you then, my love.” he said as he playfully patted your ass while you walked away. He waited until you walked into the building before he left.
You waved at him before entering, and you smiled like an idiot as you walked down the halls towards your dorm. Once you got to your room you quietly opened the door, and saw Kaydel laying in her bed with her back turned towards her wall. She was snoring softly as she slept. You tiptoed in, and closed the door behind you. You started getting ready for bed. You pulled a shirt out of one of your bags, and an envelope fell out. You picked it up, and inspected it seeing your name written in a beautiful, and neat cursive. It was the letter Hux had given you before he left. You sat on your bed, and turned on your lamp to read it clearly. You opened it, and unfolded the paper.
Y/N,
As you read this I'm either on my way to Oxford, or I have been gone for a while. There are so many things I could thank you for. Firstly for being my friend. Not many people can handle me. I never hold back when I have something to say, I am extremely judgemental, I come from a horrid family, and I am all around not a good person. At least I wasn't before we became friends. I believed that my feelings towards you would be much of the same. Just a silly crush that I was to ignore in order to stay goal oriented. That day I saw you at Maz’s everything in my body begged me to call you over, and for once I listened to my heart instead of my brain. When you looked over to me I knew I would never be the same. As time went on with our friendship my crush turned into admiration. You are everything I wish I could be. You are effortlessly the kindest person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I’m with you I feel as if there is more to me than just the Hux name. Like I am more than what my family expects of me. When you are around I am more than just Brendol Hux’s son, like I am more than just an heir to the Hux fortune. When I'm with you I'm simply just Armitage. A boy who loves art, a boy with fears, a boy who loves cats, a boy who can feel without being ashamed. You have given me that, and I can never repay you for it. I always thought my father ruined me with his abuse. I believed that I would grow to be just as bitter, mean, and hateful as him. In the short year that I spent with you I learned it does not have to be that way. I can be more than he is. I can learn to forgive, I can learn to love, I can learn to be happy. You taught me that. You taught me that I can be more of a man than he ever will be. I never thought I could love a person until you came into my life, and I certainly did not think anyone could love me. I would also like to thank you for teaching me that it is not necessary for me to be so serious. You showed me that it's alright if I mess up. It's okay if I laugh during a tense situation, because 20 minutes later it won't matter. You taught me that I am human, and there's nothing I can do about, but smile, and continue on. There is absolutely nothing I can do to thank, or repay you for what you have done for me. Over the past few months you have become more than just a crush. You became my friend. My family. I love you. I wish you nothing, but the best during your senior year. I can not wait to hear about it every step of the way.
Love,
Armitage.
“Are you okay?” you heard Kaydel ask you.
You didn't realize how hard you were crying til you looked up at the little mirror hanging above your bed.your face was a bit swollen. Your eyes were bright red, and you could see how wet your cheeks were from all your tears. You sniffled, and wiped your face with the sleeves of the jacket you still hadn't taken off.
“Yeah. I just really miss my friend. He was one of the first friends I ever made here. We did almost everything together. Now there's an ocean between us.” you explained to her. She gave you a sad look before she got up from her bed, and sat next to you.
“I had to leave my best friend behind in Dulathia. I'm fine being alone, but being without her. I haven’t had to do that in years.” she said as she placed a hand on your shoulder.
“Your bed used to belong to my best friend.” you smiled at her.
For the next 2 hours you two sat in your bed telling each other about your best friends. The more she spoke about hers, the more you saw yourself in her. Her parents were never around and all she had was her best friends, Abby. She told you about how they cried together for days when her parents announced she would be attending the school you both sat in now. About how they spent one last day together. About how Abby begged her parents to allow her to come with her to help her move in. she informed you that even though they were apart now the two of them fully intended on going to Dartmouth together. It warmed your heart to watch how big her smile would get when she spoke about seeing her best friend again.
Finally you both fell asleep still sitting on your bed. You woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door. You sat up to see Kaydel curled up with Bruce in her arms. You smiled, and stood up. Hearing another knock you walked over, and opened it to see Ben standing on the other side.
“Why are you still wearing your clothes from last night?” He asked as he walked in. He looked at Kaydel in your bed, and pointed at her.
“And why is she holding our son?” he said in a loud voice. You shushed him and put a hand over his mouth.
“Quiet dude. We fell asleep while talking and I never changed.” you explained. He took your hand off his mouth, and held your wrist.
“Well hurry, and change I wanna take you to go get the rest of your stuff before we move on with what I have planned for today.” he said as you pulled away, and searched your closet.
“And what do you have planned for today?” you asked while pulling out an outfit.
“If I wanted you to know I would have told you when I planned it.” you shook your head as you walked into the small bathroom to get dressed.
You walked out, and stopped at your desk to write a note to Kaydel telling her where you were going. You also wrote your number down for her to text you if she needed anything. You put on some shoes, and grabbed your bag before you, and bed headed out.
Ben opened your door for you like he always did, and you sat in the car. Once he got in he immediately started it, and placed a hand on your lap where it always was when he drove. The ride there you two chatted about Kaydel. You told him about her, and what you guys talked about last night. He smiled listening to you talk about the girl. After you got done telling him all about her he told you about his classes. Him, and Mitaka had chosen their classes together so they had almost all their classes with each other.
“When am I going to meet Mitaka?” you asked him.
“You haven't met him yet?” he asked.
“No, that was Rey.”
“But he knows so much about you.”
“Nope. Never met him.” you said.
“Damn. Guess I talked about you so much to him I thought you had actually met him.”
“Nice save.” you said sarcastically.
“Oh thank you.” he said with a laugh before he brought your hand towards his face to kiss it.
Soon you were pulling into your grandfather's house. As soon as Ben stopped the car your grandfather opened the door, and waved at you two. Ben hopped out, and opened your door to let you out. Your grandfather smiled watching as you stepped out, and kissed Ben before walking over to him. You threw your arms around him as you said hello, and the three of you went inside. To your surprise your grandfather had made breakfast for the three of you. Him, and Ben talked about Anakin, and Padme's anniversary party coming up. Apparently you weren't supposed to know about it yet, because Ben wanted to ask you during your date today. Your grandfather laughed as he watched Ben awkwardly ask you to go with him. You of course said yes, but you weren't sure you were ready to meet them as his girlfriend. From what Matt had told you they really liked Rey, and you wondered if they would be as accepting of you as they were of her.
After you said yes your grandfather continued talking about the party. The more you heard about it the more nervous you felt. You had been to their house before. Even at a party they threw, but now that you were going as Ben's date that changed things. You sneakily pulled out your phone, and texted Elaine for advice. You listened as they continued their conversation, and watched your phone waiting for a reply.
‘They are gonna love you. Really. You don't have to worry.’ she responded.
‘I know, but they really liked Rey. What if they dont like me bc im not like her???’ you sent back.
‘I promise you they will adore you.’ you read her text over and over before replying about how much you missed her.
Just then you were pulled out of your thoughts by Ben nudging you with his elbow. You looked at him, and he gave you a big smile. You instantly felt at ease seeing how much bigger his smile got when you returned it. The slight sparkle in his eye as he looked into yours. You loved him, and he loved you. What does it matter if they don't like you?
Tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour
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my boyfriend never texts first
Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?
relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)
warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps)
notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!
____________________________________________________
Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.
No matter. Remus could cope.
May 1:
8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker
8:39 PM *today
8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?
May 2:
9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today
9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after
9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard
Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while!
May 7:
3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time
3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium
3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P
4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is
4:20 PM: bLAZE IT
4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop
4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad
10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.
June 2:
7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!!
7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu
7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes]
10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u
10:05 AM: [kissy face]
7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird
7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles
(Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))
Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first.
June 11:
12:14 PM: roMAN
12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf]
12:18 PM: YEAHHHH
12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT
12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA
12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]
Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)
“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.
“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.
“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”
“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.
They exchanged a glance.
“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”
“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”
Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”
“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”
"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”
“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.
June 12:
12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish
12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out?
12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things
12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance
12:34 AM: tell him i say hi
12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH
July 12:
3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!!
3:32 PM: marine biology babey
3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL
4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way
4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]
August 14:
6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst
6:32 PM: by the way i got a single
6:35 PM: no roommates
6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho
6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo
August 30:
2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here,
2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi
2:32 AM: ok >:c
2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium
3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything
3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di
September 28:
2:20 PM: i failed my test
2:22 PM: idk what to d
2:24 PM: *do
September 29:
7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions?
7:32 PM: it works!!
October 3:
1:10 PM: You’d like the theatre program, really
1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’
1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows
October 23:
9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8(
9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time
9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke
9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault
9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still
9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch
October 31:
6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain
6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings
6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it??
6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day
6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen
6:59 PM: it was worth it though
7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.
November 9:
11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.
November 10:
12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like
12:24 AM: a lot
1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you
1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You.
1:45 AM: but i wasn’t
2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a
4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you
December 2:
10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol
10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house
1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else)
1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.
December 21
8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing
9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course
10:12 AM: i love you
Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.
[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]
10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number?
11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first
The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.
“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.
“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”
“Yeah, I understand.”
“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”
“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”
“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”
“Right, I... I listen to it too.”
“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”
“You looked at the messages?”
“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”
“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”
“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”
“I really think I should tell you this in person.”
“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”
He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”
Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.
“I think he was going to ask for you to....”
“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”
“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”
“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”
“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”
God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.
But then Roman had died.
He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.
“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”
“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”
“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”
The line went dead in his hands.
Remus held himself and wept.
December 28:
12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party?
12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not.
12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.
January 1:
12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)]
12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug.
12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,,
12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3
12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger
12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe
12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back
12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u
12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman
Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.
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I Am Burdened
Loki Laufeyson
Masterlist - Join My Taglist!
Requested: Yes
Request: Loki was always misunderstood, he didnt want to cause harm, (basically hes a big kid!) he just wanted some fun. I think it would be awesome if you could make a one shot from his point of view and maybe how he perceived the events of New York and things after that (it would be interesting considering he was being controlled by thanos at a time). Maybe cannon divergent - something that happened before New York? A guy he met ;)? Or after end game? Something angsty would be awesome but something fluffy would be just as good if not better??? I cant decide. Honestly I just love everything to do with Loki!
Summary: I combined this into one big fic (seriously, my longest yet!) and went with Loki's POV during the battle of New York and then what happens right after. Canon-divergent from when Loki gets shot off his Chitauri chariot by Clint. Little bit of angst, little bit of fluff, little bit of humor, little bit of romance. Loki is dealing with the Battle of New York and seeing the irreparable damage he's causing the city (and his relationship with his brother) when he gets the sense knocked out of him. A handsome Midguardian cop comes to his rescue.
Word Count: 4,234
Category: Angst and then fluff
Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.
"Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?"
I stared out at the Midguard city of New York as it burned, locked in a fight with my brother. I had done this. It didn't feel real; how had I gotten to this point?
This was far beyond mischief.
I wanted to listen to my brother, to do something about the madness he spoke of, but the pounding in my head was unbelievable, and any time I tried to find a solution it doubled in its intensity.
"It's too late," I panted, tearing the words from my body. The statement felt more honest than anything I'd done in days. I hoped my brother would understand. I hoped he could hear the regret in my voice. "It's too late to stop it."
"No. We can." My brother stared intently into my eyes, and I returned his gaze. "Together."
For a brief, shining moment, I was going to go with him. We would fix the city and stop the invasion, together. Be the heroes the Midguardian people so desperately craved, together. We could return home, victorious, together.
But then the pounding in my head got worse. My brother's look became a threat. It felt like I was burning up along with the city, and before I knew what was happening, I stabbed my knife straight into his chest.
He fell back, clutching at the wound, and suddenly I was back on Asgard, decades and centuries ago. My brother was young, traipsing through the forest without a care in the world, laughing as he ran with a wooden toy sword. I laid in the grass, waiting for him.
Thor knew I could shapeshift. He'd known for ages. I'd even done this to him before. Still, when my brother came across a snake in the grass, he couldn't help but stoop down to investigate. He picked me up, and before he knew what was happening, I transformed back into myself and jabbed a little knife of my own into his side.
"Blargh! It's me!" I yelled, laughing as he stumbled back in the grass. Thor was getting stronger and faster every day, and trickery and smarts were the only way I could get him anymore.
"Father!" Thor yelled, running back off to the palace. I didn't waste a second before turning into a bird and flying to my mother's room as quickly as I could. She wouldn't be happy with me, but she would protect me from the worst of my father's rage.
My vision faded, and I was looking at my brother on the ground again.
"Sentiment," I managed to whisper. It was the only thing I could think to say.
Before I knew what was happening, my brother was up and kicking me through a pane of glass. I couldn't think clearly enough to fight back; he picked me up and lifted me over his head, and for a moment everything froze. Then, time sped up as Thor hurled me to the ground. I landed hard, and the pounding in my head was joined by a ringing in my ears. I groaned, but then a tiny whisper in my head told me exactly what I needed to do.
I moved like I was trying to get up, then before Thor could stop me, I rolled off the edge of the Tower.
I fell through the air with nothing to stop me, and for a moment I thought this was the end. That whisper in my ear finally decided to kill me. But then, I turned and caught the handlebars of an empty Chitauri bike as it flew underneath me. I grabbed the handles and situated myself, and a squadron of Chitauri warriors flanked me as we flew through the buildings of New York.
It was too late to go back. My brother offered me an olive branch, and I denied it. The pounding in my head got worse the more I thought about him. About Asgard. About mother.
About the home I could never return to now.
If I was stuck playing the villain, I might as well do it right.
I marshalled my troops as we let loose on the streets of New York. The Midguardians ran and cowered in fear, and I flew over the rest of my brother's new friends. There was nothing they could do to stop me now.
I passed the Avengers, as they were apparently calling themselves, and rained down another round of fire on the Midguardians below. They scattered and scrambled for cover like rats. I barely knew what I was doing as I fired again and again and again. Nothing seemed real, except the pounding in my head. And every time I did as the whisper bid, every time I fired another shot, the pounding got just a little bit better.
I felt like I was watching myself from outside my own body as I swept through every street in New York. I had no idea how long I'd been doing it, or how much longer I was going to do it.
Eventually, I caught sight of my brother again. He and his friends had apparently overcome their differences, and were standing back to back, as a team, with the corpses of my army surrounding them. The next words out of my mouth felt like an instinct.
"Send the rest." I breathed the words, barely above a whisper, but my command was still heard. A fresh wave of soldiers and monsters flooded through the wormhole, and surely it was too late now. Powerful as they were, my brother and his friends would never be able to stand against this.
I looked down from my seat aboard one of the chariots. It was surely hopeless now, but still, everyone below kept fighting.
For some reason they just weren't willing to give up.
I watched them fight, but no matter how many soldiers they defeated, two more replaced them. As long as the portal remained open, they had no hope.
All of a sudden, one of my brother's new friends caught my eye. The redheaded one who spent so long trying to get information out of me had stolen a chariot and was heading for the top of the Tower at full speed.
I had to stop her. I was moving and shooting before my brain caught all the way up with my actions.
We flew through the streets at top speed. For someone who had no idea what she was doing trying to drive a Chitauri chariot, she certainly was a fast learner. Unfortunately for her, she had no gunner.
As we rose through the sky and came around the corner of a larger building, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Her archer friend was trying to get in my way.
I caught the arrow he shot without even looking. Even through the pounding in my head, that felt good. I looked at the archer to make sure he knew how sub-par he was. Then suddenly, I was blasted out of the air. Knocked straight off the chariot, I fell down, down, down. I hit the edge of something, I think Stark's building, but it did little to slow my fall.
I hit the ground hard, lying in a pile of rubble. If I were anything but Asgardian, I would surely be dead.
As it was, I was knocked senseless. The pounding in my head was replaced with an intense dizziness, and the Midguardian ground seemed to swim beneath me.
I staggered to my feet only to collapse in a heap again. What was wrong with me? My whole body felt weak...
"Hey!" I heard a yell, but from where I was laying on the floor I couldn't be bothered to look up and find the source. "Hey, buddy, you okay?"
I was rolled onto my back, and suddenly the face of a handsome Midguardian appeared above me.
"Hey, stay with me, okay?" he asked, looking me over and moving a finger back and forth in front of my face. I groaned and swatted his hand away, but he just chuckled. "Ha, looks like you're doin' alright. Somehow."
As he spoke, another massive piece of rubble fell right next to us, spraying us with shrapnel and dust.
"Although if we don't get movin', neither of us may be alright for long. Can you walk?"
"Of course I can walk," I scoffed. I sat up, apparently too quickly, because my head and the room started spinning again.
"Easy there buddy, no need to push yourself." Before I could protest, the Midguardian—apparently a police officer, if his uniform was any indication—put one of my arms over his shoulder and one of his arms around my waist, then hauled me to my feet.
I didn't want to rely on a Midguardian to walk, but no matter how hard I tried to lean away I couldn't.
I felt weak. And I didn't like it.
"Unhand me!" I demanded, trying to look at my captor as he dragged me through the rubble.
"You know, you've been talking so normally, I figured you didn't hit your head that hard, but if you're trying to get me to leave you in the rubble to get smashed? You must've really gotten a good whack."
I scoffed, but truthfully, I didn't know how to respond. Who did this Midguardian think he was?
"I'm Alex, by the way," he said, almost as if he'd read my mind. "What's your name?"
"I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened—" I cut off mid-sentence. It started as a reflex, like I had no other choice to describe myself. Burdened with glorious purpose. That just didn't seem right anymore... why would it have to be that way?
I was ripped out of my self-reflection by the Midguardian—Alex—releasing a snort of laughter next to me.
"What exactly is so funny?" I demanded. "Are you laughing at my suffering?"
"Sorry, sorry, no, it's just... I don't think I've ever heard a guy answer 'who are you?' with 'I am Loki and I am burdened' before. What a statement." He couldn't hold back more peals of laughter as he finished speaking, and all I could do in my current state was roll my eyes. Midguardians.
I didn't say anything else, and neither did Alex. We just kept trudging through the rubble, further and further away.
After a few more minutes there was a large explosion from behind us. I managed to look back to see the portal closing, dead Chitauri warriors falling out of the sky. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt relieved.
My brother was right. He managed to stop it.
The world started spinning again, and like the end of a Midguardian movie, everything started fading to black. I swayed a bit more on my feet, and I tripped over some rubble that I couldn't see anymore.
"Alright, we should probably get you to a hospital... hey, you still with me? Hey!"
Alex kept talking, but his voice was sounding quieter and quieter every minute. His voice faded entirely, along with all the rest of the noice and chaos coming from the city. Everything went dark.
****************
I came to with a pounding in my head again, and I wanted to panic. The pounding that had been driving me for days, the pounding that disappeared when I hit my head after falling to the bottom of Stark's ridiculous building, had returned.
As I woke more fully, however, I realized this was a different kind of pounding. My head hurt, but there was no endless beat driving me forward, to do things I couldn't fully understand. It was more of an ache, like something had been forcefully removed from the cavity in my skull.
My sight came back and feeling returned to my body, and I sat up. I was laying on a bed in a small room without much in it. I could hear sirens and see flashing lights coming from outside, which surely meant the Midguardians were still dealing with the emergency. So how had I gotten here?
"Hey, you're up. I was starting to think you mighta been a goner."
I turned to locate the source of this new sound and found Alex standing in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee. He no longer wore his Midguardian uniform. Instead he was dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, and he looked as tired as I felt.
"Where am I?" I asked, getting straight to the point. Surely my brother and his friends were looking for me, and I had no idea why this Midguardian officer hadn't turned me over to them yet.
"Spare bedroom of my apartment. The city's a mess, and it was closer than any of the nearest hospitals. One of the EMT's said you didn't have any injuries, somehow, so I figured I'd bring you here and give you some space to recover while I dealt with some other problems in the city."
Alex sipped his coffee as if his answer were perfectly normal. I, on the other hand, still had questions.
"Do you know who I am?"
"Yeah, uh, lemme see if I can get this right... you are Loki and you are burdened."
I covered up a laugh with a snort.
"Surely you're not that thick. You must know by now exactly who I am, and what I've done. You're a Midguardian police officer, for Odin's sake."
Alex sighed and walked over, sitting down heavily on the bed.
"Alright, fine, I know who you are. So what?"
"So why haven't you turned me in."
Alex didn't answer right away, instead taking a long sip of his coffee. I got the impression that he didn't fully know the answer to my question himself, so he was taking some time to think about it.
"I don't really know," he started, staring off at the other side of the room. "At first, you were just a hurt civilian, and it was my job to rescue you. But when you said your name was Loki... well, I'm not stupid. I watch the news, and I knew exactly who you were.
"Then you started into that stupid speech you gave in Germany, and I was all ready to call the Avengers and do my civic duty, yadda yadda yadda. But then you just stopped. And I don't know, you looked so lost, like you couldn't remember why you'd said that speech in the first place... I don't know. I'm probably crazy, but I wanted to give you a chance. I wanted to see if my cop instincts were right about what that hesitation meant, about why you didn't finish your sentence."
"And exactly what do you think that reason is?"
"I don't think you knew what you were doing. Not fully, at least." Alex turned to look me dead in the eye this time. "And maybe that's just wishful thinking, but my instincts are usually right."
"You'd really believe that?" I asked skeptically. It seemed far too good to be true.
"Hey, aliens just came down from the sky and tried to overrun New York. Anything's possible."
I sighed. I had no idea why I was getting so lucky, being found by a Midguardian who didn't want to immediately turn me over to my brother, but I figured I at least owed him the truth in return for his help.
"Alright. I suppose you're not entirely wrong," I said, looking anywhere but at Alex. "A while back... it's not really important, exactly how I got there or what happened, but I think... well, I had a run in with someone I didn't know existed until it was too late. He was..."
I shuddered, thinking about my time between worlds. With him, on his ship. The Sanctuary Two. I didn't even want to think his name.
I took a breath to collect myself. No matter what had happened to me, it was unbecoming for a Prince of Asgard to be rendered so helpless.
"Well, let's just say he was rather unpleasant, and far stronger than me," I finished, finally making eye contact with Alex. He was listening intently, his kind, crystal blue eyes never leaving mine. "I'm not quite sure, since most of my time there was a blur, but I think he may have done something to me. Gotten inside my head, perhaps quite literally."
Alex nodded thoughtfully, giving me time to keep talking if I wanted to. Once he was sure I was done, he spoke.
"I've seen that before. I have a buddy who works with S.H.I.E.L.D., and well... he's seen plenty of torture and mind control. He never gives me the details, but we're like brothers, so he comes to me to get a break when it gets to be a little too much."
I stared holes into the bed sheets around me. Torture. I'd never thought the word before, but there could be no other description for what I endured at his hands.
How did I end up in a place like this?
"So, I have to ask... are you feeling better now? Mentally, at least?" asked Alex. I looked back at him.
"You mean, do I still feel the urge to fight, kill, and rule Midguard?"
Alex breathed a small laugh. "I sure wasn't gonna put it that bluntly, but yeah."
I took a deep breath before answering, trying to assess how I really felt. My head hurt, my body ached, but I didn't feel that rhythmic pounding driving me forward anymore. I didn't feel like stabbing my brother any more than I did when we were children, no matter how angry he was sure to be at me.
Finally, I turned back to Alex. I had my answer.
"No. I feel mostly normal again, for the first time since... well, in a long time."
Alex smiled, and it sparked a warm feeling in my chest. What in the nine realms was that?
"Well good, I'm glad. If you're feeling up for a short walk, I made dinner. It's all ready to go in the kitchen if you want some. Assuming, you know, intergalactic beings like you and Thor actually eat that kind of thing."
I chuckled. "Yes, we do. Dinner would be wonderful."
"Great. Here, let me help you."
I was about to protest that I didn't need help to walk, especially not from a weak Midguardian, but as Alex wrapped his arm around my waist to help me walk, the words died in my throat.
"You good?"
I cleared my throat. "Perfectly fine, thank you."
We walked to the kitchen together, and the small dining table was set with places for two. I raised an eyebrow as Alex helped ease me into my seat.
"I was hoping you'd be up by now," explained Alex as he sat opposite me.
"Well, I'm glad you were right." I surveyed the food, and Alex sitting across from me in his little apartment. It all seemed too good to be true. "So, when are you planning on turning me over to my brother?"
Alex looked up from his dinner to give me an incredulous look.
"You seriously think I'm still going to turn you over to your brother?"
"You're a police officer, aren't you?"
He sighed and set down his utensils, looking me dead in the eyes to make his point.
"Look, I get that I should turn you over, but I'm not going to. Don't ask me to explain it because I don't really want to, and I don't even really get why, but just know that you're safe while you're here."
As little sense as it made, I believed him.
I smiled to myself and started eating. What a strange place I now found myself in. Good, at least so far, but strange.
"So, Loki, tell me about yourself—"
Alex was cut off by a knock at the door. His face dropped, and he stood up quickly, looking extremely stressed.
"Stay here and don't make a sound."
He left the room without another word, but of course I wasn't going to listen to that. I was a very curious person, and Midguardians were not allowed to order me around.
I cloaked myself using magic (which was thankfully still working) and followed Alex to his front door. I found a hiding place and dropped my veil, since it was too hard to hold in my current state.
To my horror, Alex opened the door to my brother and his overly patriotic friend standing at the welcome mat.
"Can I help you?" asked Alex, looking calm despite the visitors at his door. My heart raced. Were my senses truly so messed up that I didn't catch this Midguardian lying to me?
"We're looking for my brother," said Thor, not wasting any time. "Some of the other Midguardian rescuers said we should talk to you."
"I can't help you buddy, sorry," said Alex, shaking his head. My heart started racing. He was lying to Thor for me. "I just got off duty, I honestly just sat down to dinner."
"Anybody else in there with you?" asked Captain Spandex, craning his neck to try to see around Alex. "Couple of people said they saw you bringing someone else into your apartment."
"Yeah, my boyfriend," said Alex, sounding slightly annoyed now. "We've both been through a lot today and we were sitting down to a nice dinner, until the two of you knocked on my door."
I had no idea if it was the way he stood his ground against my brother and Captain America, how easily and confidently he lied on the spot, or being called his boyfriend, but I felt my heart start picking up speed as I continued to watch Alex.
Thor started to leave, but Captain Stick in the Mud, damn him, wasn't so easily convinced.
"Do you mind calling your boyfriend over? We're in the middle of a global manhunt, and it would be great to talk to him too."
Alex started to speak, probably to tell the Captain to go to hell (making him instantly more attractive, if that were possible), but I stepped in before he could. It took a lot of effort, but I managed to summon a disguise and hold it. Now no one would be able to recognize me. Not even my own brother.
"Alex? What's the matter?" I asked, coming to the door. Thankfully this Midguardian was just as sharp as he seemed, and he quickly caught on.
"Just telling our city's heroes that Loki's not here. Just me and you." Alex wrapped his arm around me, and I planted a kiss on his forehead. All in the name of a convincing disguise, of course.
"Sorry we couldn't be of more help," I said simply. The Captain and my brother excused themselves, Rogers still looking suspicious. But it didn't matter. There was nothing they could do, at least not right now.
The door closed, and I let my illusion drop. Alex and I started walking back to the dinner table.
"Nice trick," he said, sounding much more nervous now that the danger had passed. I knew that adrenaline dump well.
"Likewise. You're a very impressive liar." Alex grinned as we each took our seats. "And boyfriend?"
Alex flushed an adorableshade of red, and I made up my mind. I liked this Midguardian.
"Well, I mean, they were right at the door, and I had to come up with something, so—"Alex was stuttering, so I cut him off.
"I like the sound of that."
Alex stopped mid-word and looked up at me, a grin to match my own slowly spreading across his face. What started as one of the worst days of my life may yet turn out to be one of the best.
If, someday, my brother and I managed to patch things up, I would have to tell him how terribly wrong I was for mocking him when he fell for the Midguardian.
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Big News
Summary: Sarah and Ava have big news for the groupchat.
WC: ~1.5k
[Other Bekker renamed the chat “HOUSE PARTY”]
Other Bekker: it’s official
Other Bekker: i own a house
Other Bekker: with my WIFE!!!!!!
Bekker: We’re throwing a housewarming party and everyone’s invited!
Dr. Lanik: What’s the dress code
Other Bekker: casual if you wear a suit ill kill you
Ethan Choi: When?
Bekker: We were thinking it would start at around six or seven? It would mean a lot to us if Crockett could make it.
FreeWilly: Will there be alcohol?
Other Bekker: some of us are sober. No
no-ah: I’m in
Maggie<3: Wait who’s sober other than Crockett?
Dr. Lanik: Me
Other Bekker: me
connor: @OtherBekker there was an open bar at your wedding
Bekker: Circumstances change
Ethan Choi: This is such a fun conversation. Let’s not have it.
April: So back to the party… details!
Other Bekker: ill send the address in a bit but its gonna be potluck style. Everybody brings food. itll be pretty casual so dont be that asshole (@Dr.Lanik). starting at six ish and ending at maybe 10 or 11 depending on how tired we all are
Ethan Choi: Crockett’s program usually ends at like 5:30 so we might be a little late?
Other Bekker: ok sounds good. how is he btw
Ethan Choi: Pretty well. He’s outpatient for another few weeks and then his doctors are going to discuss long term options. Hopefully he’ll be back at work soon, too
April: Tell him we’re proud of him?
Ethan Choi: As soon as I pick him up tonight.
-
Sarah: are we telling them tonight?
Wifey: I was thinking so, yes. I mean, we have our house, and the paperwork went through.
Sarah: im so excited
Wifey: Me too, honey
-
Nat: Not to alarm anybody but whoever’s in charge of Connor right now, come to treatment 4
FreeWilly: love the implication that we take turns babysitting him
Dr. Lanik: We kind of do. I think it’s Maggie’s turn.
Maggie<3: I’m not at work. Who’s next in line?
April: @QueenElsa
Queen Elsa: Fine
connor: im a big boy i can take care of myself
Nat: You literally have a concussion
Ethan Choi: Why?
Nat: He fainted after a surgery. His sugar is low on the finger prick and he said he hasn’t had any water since his shift started
Dr. Lanik: @connor We’ve talked about this
connor: ok boomer
Dr. Lanik: @connor Stop calling me a boomer! We’re the same age!
connor: ok
connor: boomer
Bekker: Can you grow up @connor
connor: no
Queen Elsa: Update for everyone, Connor is getting a CT. He’s eating a Snickers bar right now and we’re pushing fluids
FreeWilly: youre not you when youre hungry
Dr. Lanik: @Bekker @OtherBekker What day will your housewarming party be? My daughter’s birthday is Friday.
Maggie<3: IM SORRY YOUR WHAT
Other Bekker: ?????
Bekker: We were thinking Saturday.
April: @FreeWilly Did you know about this???????
FreeWilly: uh yeah?
no-ah: Why did none of us know you had a daughter?
Dr. Lanik: I just don’t see how it’s any of your business.
Nat: How old is she? Who’s her mother? What school does she go to? How did we go this long without knowing?
[Dr. Lanik has sent an image to the chat]
Dr. Lanik: This is Emma, she’s almost eleven, and this is the most information any of you will ever be getting about her.
Ethan Choi: Well this has been a wild ride
Other Bekker: now taking bets on how crockett will react. $10 says he thinks its a joke
no-ah: Coward. He knows everything. $20 says he already knew.
Other Bekker: youre on
Queen Elsa: ...Anyways, Connor’s CT came back alright. It’s a minor concussion; he’ll be fine soon.
Maggie<3: That’s good
Dr. Lanik: @FreeWilly and I will look after him.
Ethan Choi: Just picked up Crockett, he says hi. He also has letters for each of you as part of his process
Nat: That’s sweet
Ethan Choi: I have been assured none of them contain nudes
Other Bekker: thank g-d
Ethan Choi: I’ll be giving them to you all at work.
Ethan Choi: Crockett will be cooking something I won’t even try to pronounce for the housewarming party
Other Bekker: his cooking is all so good...
no-ah: It slaps
Queen Elsa: Is it that pasta thing??? With the crawfish????
Ethan Choi: Honestly, I don’t know.
Nat: Owen and I are bringing cookies.
Bekker: Important question, @Dr.Lanik… will Emma be coming?
Dr. Lanik: No. I don’t want her near any of you.
connor: hes got a point
Maggie<3: Have you never, in your life, had to bring her to a doctor?
Dr. Lanik: We use East Mercy so that you all keep your noses out of my life.
FreeWilly: ouch
April: I mean, if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want any of you near her either.
Nat: Harsh, I trust you with my son
April: You’re different.
Bekker: Do I hear wedding bells?
Nat: @April What if we kissed in the doctor’s lounge… and we’re both girls?
Nat: Haha just kidding
Nat: Unless…?
April: Did you just hit on me with a meme
Nat: Did it work?
Other Bekker: another win for the gaydies
Other Bekker: THEY BOTH JUST WENT INTO THE DOCTORS LOUNGE JHGFKHFRH
Ethan Choi: Crockett laughed
connor: do you read these messages to him?
Ethan Choi: Sometimes. He likes to be in the loop.
FreeWilly: hot take but. we could just add him back to the chat?
Ethan Choi: He’s not ready for that yet, but he does like to be updated on your lives and one-on-one texting is stressful for him
Other Bekker: we spend more time talking about crockett now than we did when he was in the chat
no-ah: Sweet I have my Crockett letter
Ethan Choi: I'll put them in your lockers. My shift is starting so I'm turning my phone to silent.
Other Bekker: Crockett Time
Bekker: Did he write me one?
Other Bekker: @Bekker both mine and yours are in my locker i think. one is for "blonde bekker" and one is for "brunette bekker"
no-ah: That's what he has your contacts saved as
Queen Elsa: Mine is just a smiley face sticker in an envelope?
Other Bekker: jsyk we should probably keep these private! this is important to him
Maggie<3: I'm so excited to see him again on Saturday, I've missed him.
FreeWilly: He's been busy. I think his program is like eight to five every day but Sunday
Nat: What's that even like?
Other Bekker: they have an in house aa group that meets a few times a day and theres a ton of other support like therapy to get to the root of the problem. i mean before he got sober the first time he was self medicating
Other Bekker: he does a lot of art therapy i think. when he was inpatient he kept mailing paintings to my wife and i
-
Curry (Not Dr.): Hey, it's Elsa Curry from Med. Sarah gave me your number. I was just wondering why you gave me a sticker?
Crockett: dont u put them on the inside of your binder? the one u put ur case notes in at the end of ur shift
Curry (Not Dr.): How did you know that?
Crockett: u pull ur binder out when ur stressed to reference old cases. i thot u might like another sticker so u know ur not in this alone
Crockett: :)
-
[crickett has renamed the chat "dick bros"]
crickett: @connor do u wanna fuck again this weekend lmao
connor: ???
connor: i thought that was a one time thing
Ethan Choi: It doesn't have to be.
-
Maggie<3: @Bekker @OtherBekker Sorry I'm running a little behind! I couldn't find my keys
Bekker: No harm, no foul!
[Bekker has sent an image to the chat]
Bekker: Definitely hurry, we're having so much fun!
-
Crockett: baby
HUBBY: I'm sitting right beside you.
Crockett: ik but im feeling kinda overwhelmed
HUBBY: Do you want to go home?
Crockett: i think i just need air will you cover for me if someone comes looking
-
Other Bekker: THANK YOU @Maggie<3 FOR ACTUALLY HELPING CLEAN UP
FreeWilly: sorry!
connor: sorry ahhhhhh i didnt think about it
Nat: Congrats again, you two, this is huge!
April: ^^
no-ah: Will we get to meet her, or will she be a secret like Laniks daughter?
Bekker: You'll all definitely get to meet her, but let's not do so much at once? Adjusting to a new home is hard, and from what the adoption agency tells us, she's had a rough go of it.
no-ah: Of course!
Queen Elsa: No little girl could have a better home! Congratulations on your daughter and I wish you really good luck. If you ever need help, we're all here!
Dr. Lanik: She's about eight, right?
Bekker: Yes
Dr. Lanik: If she needs help adjusting, let me know, and maybe Emma and I can help. She was about that age when I adopted her.
connor: the Lanik lore we are getting today omg
Dr. Lanik: You'll both be great parents, and @OtherBekker don't hesitate to let me know if you need extra time off. This is a big deal and you shouldn't have to stress about work when you should be worrying about your family. @Bekker I'll also ask Dr. Latham to be lenient with you as well.
Other Bekker: thank you from both of us <3
connor: who knew lanik had a heart.
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have determined that my role within my current group project is Countering The Asshole Mature Student
like i get it, suddenly being stuck around a bunch of mostly 18-22 year olds when you're 38 is a struggle, but this asshole CONSTANTLY talks over us, constantly cuts in to interject shit that's always completely useless - im serious when i say he's not had one good contribution so far. and yet he continues to see himself as over us because we're younger and will LITERALLY CUT PEOPLE OFF WHILST THEYRE SPEAKING TO SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT its infuriating
most of my team is very placid. they're generally pretty quiet and/or chill, and our other teammate who likes to talk/lead a lot is far too polite (and actually has good ideas and is nice so he's allowed). luckily i am a Bitch and i refuse to take his shit lmao
every time he rudely comes in with an interjection i shut him down. this dumbass has never owned a cat yet keeps trying to give us Cat Ownership Tips (we're making a cat feeder) that are completely incorrect so I'll firmly tell him he's wrong; not rudely, ill wait for him to finish and then bluntly and quickly go 'thats wrong; heres why'. this has led to him antagonising me which is absolutely hysterical to me, like huh you can't deal with a little criticism when you're being rude and not even fucking saying anything in the first place? bc im game
today Aleksei (the very polite dude) was leading a brainstorming session and he specifically asked me, as the most experienced programmer in the group, if I thought it'd be possible to program the features we'd listed out. before i could even open my fucking mouth the Asshole cut in some shit about how oohh he still didnt think the camera was a good idea bc what if it got hacked (really? youre worried about the ramifications of a static camera pointed at a bowl of cat food being hacked?) and i had had ENOUGH
I stood up, waved my arms in the air like a crazy person and fucking HOLLERED over him 'hi hello im calling dibs on the role of lead programmer. be quiet now. anyway as lead programmer I'm gonna say yes absolutely everything here is possible and ive got experience with a lot of this'
HE SHUT UP IMMEDIATELY AND DIDNT TALK AFTER THAT I FELT SO POWERFUL LMAO
the real icing on the cake was how several of my teammates mouthed 'thank you' afterwards and i even had one of the guys i chilled with for a bit after tell me he was dreading working with this prick on this coursework but he was glad he had me to counter him LMAOOOO
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So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.
Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.
Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.
Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.
And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.
And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.
But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.
These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...
I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.
But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.
But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.
And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you
But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.
Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way
Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.
So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.
It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.
I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...
Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.
Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.
Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.
Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”
It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them
When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...
And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’
Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.
Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like
Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.
I like that... i like thay thing we do
In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.
Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.
Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???
Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.
Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.
Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching
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