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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 50

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49

THANK YOU’S

I can't explain how much AM Conversations and YOU&ME has meant to me. This was a story I started just for fun after I realized how much I loved Niall. After only a few chapters, i almost let it die. It took me 4 years to decide to continue it again, despite knowing back then that no one cared or was interested to read. I don't know how I got lucky enough that you guys actually gave this story a chance. And I can't thank you enough for trusting me. I hope I entertained you through the past year and a half, and I really hope I made you go through a bunch of emotions, good and bad. I don't think all of you realize how happy you made me feel with the likes, the reblogs, the comments, the feedback and the ideas you sent me. It made me want to write more, it made me want to continue this story and actually finish it.

And here I am. It's the very first time I actually finish a story. two books. 105 chapters. Over 440k words. I can't pretend I'm not proud of this. This story will always be my baby, my favorite. And all of you who took time in your busy days to read and comment it mean more to me than I can ever explain.

I love you guys. I love you so much. I can't seem to express how grateful I am.

Julie ( @paynesqueen ): thank you for brainstorming with me almost every week. thank you for all your ideas, and all the help you gave me through the year I wrote these books. even when in quarantine, we'd talk for hours on the phone and you'd be there to help me. thank you for your big heart, thank you for being an incredible friend that I can always count on, thank you for listening to all my sad shit and feelings even if i know I rarely share because i feel stupid. thank you so so so so much! you're one of my best friends, and im so glad i have you in my life!

Isa ( @sushiniall ): you are such a beautiful persons. idk if we would have started talking if it wasnt from this story. i like to think that we would, but i can never be sure. thank you for always commenting, sending ideas, liking and reblogging. As a writer, it blows up my heart that someone would be so kind, and as a friend, it makes me want to cry. you're amazing, youre incredible, and you were always always there to cheer me up and tell me that I had talent, It made me keep going and I can never thank you enough for that. I love you. I really really do.

Laila ( @liallerr ) : what can i say? you've always been there for me, to make me feel better and to tell me how much you loved my writing. thank you for being such an incredible person. and thank you for being so patient with me whenever i'd message you (even if it wasnt about this story). thank you for never judging me, and for your beautiful friendship. I really hope I bring to you as much joy as you bring in my life. im so happy we met, im so glad we started talking. i love you so so much, youre like a little sister to me. thank you for always commenting and reading my story. thank you for being you, because i cant think of a better quality in someone. thank you.

@ewhkylie: you were always one of the first to comments every single chapter. how can i not thank you for being so loyal and giving my story a chance. i saw all the efforts you made into commenting. and every single time, it made me smile. youre amazing, thank you so much!

@llainnaroh: thank you so much! your tags always made me smile! thank you!

@bamb11: thank you for always caring and reading!!! youre amazing!

@behind-my-hazeleyes27: i saw you reblog with tags or comments every time... thank you so much!

special thanks to you guys who reblogged, commented, or messaged me so often! thank you! i noticed every time!

thanks to you guys! @beachsecrets @wasteddarlinglover @torismusing @sunsetter96 @bunbun9396 @missy14us @mannien @cybermugneckpsychic @mariamorris913 @sunshine-sma @mypugsley @loulouloueh @awomanindeniall @tylkotroche

and many many more! (im so sorry if i forgot you!)

thank you to all of you who liked and reblogged my chapters. thank you to those who recommended my stories to their friends or on your blog. thank you to the person(s) who nominated me for the 1d craft awards. thank you so much, you're all amazing!

thank you so so much to all of you who sent me anons about my chapters or the story as a whole. thank you for taking the time to do that. i love every single one of you even if i don't know who you are. just know that waking up with comments and feedback from you in my inbox made me smile every single time!

thank you to every single one of you who ever sent an idea or a request, even if i may not have used them. please know that it's not because your ideas weren't great, but just because it didnt fit in the story. (i received almost 300 requests/ideas for the 2 stories!)

thank you to the 41 persons who asked to be notified when this story was updated. I never thought it would be that many, and every single time i send you guys the link im amazed by how many of you actually care! thank you!

thank you to all of you, the silent readers. those who never messaged me, sent me comments or requests... i don't know who you are, but I know there are some of you out there. i hope at some point you get less shy and send me a comment or two!

i'm extremely thankful for all the love i received, and i'll never forget this. thank you everyone for following me in this crazy adventure. i love you all.

Olivia 💗

Chapter 50 (final chapter)

OLIVIA

I felt Niall's lips brush the skin of my neck and my lips curled. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I chuckled low, tilting my head to allow him to kiss me more. We had been back from our trip to Vegas for about a week, and had intentionally and very carefully ignored the messages and calls we had gotten. All we did was send an invitation for a party to everyone we knew, including our parents, along with plane tickets. We had taken hotel reservations for them and made sure their stay would be perfect. Everything was ready, everything was planned, and all the persons we loved the most in the world were going to be present. I was extremely stressed and as usual, Niall was totally relax about it. I had no idea how he did it, but the fact that he was so calm and laid-back helped me relax, too.

"This is amazing." he let out, pecking my skin more. "Everyone that really matters will be there."

"I hate talking in front of people, you know that." I whined, raising my nose up in a grimace.

"But everyone who'll be there actually loves you, petal." he argued, running his hands gently and slowly up my arms. "I love you the most and I'll be standing right next to you."

"How do you think they're react?"

"Mm, our moms will cry, our dads will laugh, our friends will scream and Louis will curse."

I let out a louder laughter, making Niall chuckle against my neck.

"You told him, didn't you?"

"I showed him the ring but I didn't tell him when I was going to ask you, or that we would just fly to Vegas to get married." he shrugged. "I just left him there and ran to you."

I smiled fondly and turned around in his arms to face him, tilting my chin and licking my lips as I stared in his eyes. He was wearing a tie and I gripped it gently, pulling on it. He had convinced me to wear a dress even if I knew I'd feel uncomfortable the whole evening but I knew I couldn't just wear sweatpants to this event, even if I desperately wanted to.

"How's my make up?" I finally asked, raising my eyebrows, after a few minutes of silence.

"On point." he replied, making me laugh.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" I asked as he pulled me closer by the waist.

"No idea. None."

I laughed more and he bent down to kiss me gently. "All I know is that you're beautiful. You always are." he whispered, brushing his lips against mine again.

"You're so full of shit, Horan." I breathed back against his mouth, my lips curling slightly.

"I mean it." he insisted very low, his arms slipping around my waist as he pressed my body against his. "You're the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. You shine so much, you glow, my love."

I giggled and he smiled, moving his face slightly away to look at me. My smile faltered a bit and turned into a fond one. I wanted to stay right there, in our living room, as he'd hold me close, but I knew we had somewhere to be.

"My wife."

My eyes fluttered close and my lips curled more. All the papers were signed and the 'I do's were said. We were officially husband and wife and that thought always made my heart jump in my chest. It probably always would.

"Yes?"

"I would love to stay here and make love to you all evening but we should really get going."

I laughed a bit and shook my head, knowing it was exactly what we had been doing for the past weeks but I didn't mention anything. Instead, I tilted my head and just nodded. I was stressed and I was not sure why but after everyone was arrived and had consumed at least one drink, Niall walked up to the small stage and I frowned a bit when I saw him grab his guitar. His eyes found me and he made a quick head movement, telling me to join him.

"Go!" Louis told me, pushing me gently but I just pressed my lips together and breathed in deeply. "Come on, my queen."

I finally joined Niall and he cleared his throat, placing himself in front of the microphone. That was it, that was the moment I was dreading, and I started feeling nauseous.

"Hello everyone, thank you for coming here tonight." he let out with a smile. "I know you're all here because you think we're getting engaged."

I bit my bottom lip but suddenly, I relaxed. Perhaps, it was the sound of his voice that calmed me down, or maybe the fact that we were surrounded by all the people we loved, or maybe it was just the thought that we were married and that no one could take that away from us. Either way, I moved closer and I smiled while staring at him.

"Uhm, we're not getting engaged. In fact, if you haven’t heard from us at all in the past two weeks, it's because we flew to Vegas and got married there."

The memory of him, standing in front of me as he held my hands and promised to love me forever came back to my mind and I held my breath. Everyone started whispering but coming loud from all the murmurs was the sound of my best friend screaming "FUCK YEA!" from the middle of the room. I let out a laughter as my eyes looked for him and he sent me a 'rock on' sign with his free hand while the other was holding up a glass of wine.

"Thank you, Tommo." my boyfriend let out with a smile and a small head movement. "So you guys are here to celebrate the fact that Olivia and I are husband and wife, legally and emotionally. I waited until you were all at least a bit intoxicated to let out the news but if you're here, it's because we love you, and we wanted to live this with you. We knew you would all be happy for us, because after all, Liv and I, it was meant to be."

His eyes found me and I smiled more, I took a step closer and licked my lips as In gripped the side of my dress nervously. It took only a second for Niall's hand to reach mine and when he squeezed my fingers, I felt better.

"Thank you so much for being here. We're sorry you missed the ceremony, but it was important for us to do it just the two of us. When you find the love of your life, that one person you want to spend all your days with until the very last, then there's no reason to wait. I've always known Niall was my soulmate, but now I know I'm his too, and nothing can change that. I know it's cheesy, but each and every single one of you were with us when we said 'I do'"

Niall chuckled next to me and shook his head slightly. "Here, let me reenact what happened to you." he turned to me and just let out a low 'I do' before grabbing my face and kissing me.

It was not as gentle and emotional as it had been when it really happened, but I still felt my heart jump in my chest. I loved the feeling of his warm palms on my cheeks and the way his fingertips brushed against my jaw and neck. I loved his touch. I heard everyone start cheering and clapping and I laughed through the kiss, feeling his lips curl into a smile too.

When he pulled away, I could swear my eyes were sparkling and when his eyes met mine, he smiled even more. "Okay so I wrote a song for you." he explained when the small crowd of our families and friends became quieter. "I wanted to sing it here, in front of everyone, because I thought it was perfect for today."

I took a step back and when he started singing, I recognized the lyrics. I had read them in his notebook a few months before. It was the song he wrote in the middle of the night and I remembered watching him for so long, his pen running quickly on the paper and his hand moving in his hair from time to time, messing it on the top of his head. I remember reading the lyrics the next day and tearing up when I realized there was my name at the bottom. I remembered everything and I tried to keep the tears in as he sang.

"Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See you standing in your dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life"

I knew Niall would have preferred a more traditional wedding, and I also knew he gave it up just for me. This small reception was the closest he would get from telling everyone that he promised to love me forever and somehow, with this song, he was doing it very clearly and openly.

"I want the world to witness When we finally say I do It's the way you love I gotta give it back to you I can't promise picket fences Or sunny afternoons But, at night when I close my eyes"

I held my breath, feeling suddenly a bit guilty that he couldn't have his family and friends with him when we got married, but I teared up at how beautiful his lyrics were, even if I already knew that. I breathed in deeply only when the song was over and without thinking, I walked up to him quickly, got on my tiptoes and kissed him.

"I love you so much." I just let out before my lips crashed against his.

Everyone started clapping again but I was not sure if it was for the kiss or the song. Either way, it didn't matter. I just deppened the kiss and he answered it without hesitation. I knew he didn't like PDA, but I couldn't help it and when he pulled me closer, I knew he didn't mind. I felt half of his guitar press on my stomach and laughed a bit.

"I love you too."

NIALL

Everyone was dancing, talking, laughing and drinking. I remained close to my wife the whole time and when I saw our parents talking together, I knew that was the ultimate test. I was pretty sure they would be okay with this but I was still a bit scared of their reaction. I felt Liv hold my hand so tight that I almost took it back. Instead, I squeezed her fingers back and smiled as we walked up to them. Quickly, my mom engulfed me in a hug and all the stress disappeared. I noticed Olivia's parents do the same to her and I hugged my dad before turning to my parents-in-law and hold out my hand to her father. It took a few seconds but his lips finally curled and he shook my hand before pulling on it and hugging me too.

"I am happy for you, son."

"Thank you."

"We're sorry that you couldn't be there with us. I promise we didn't want to hurt you, we just..." Liv started before licking her lips and pressing them together. "We just wanted to do that alone."

Her mom raised her eyebrows and they stared at each other in silence for a while.

"Es-tu heureuse?"

My girlfriend's lips curled and her eyes fluttered a bit. "I've never been happier, maman."

Her mom nodded and after a while, it was my mom's turn to hug her. When they pulled away, Olivia frowned and her lips parted. I couldn't help but think that she looked too pretty for words but I tried to push that thought away when I heard only one word escape her mouth. "How...?" My mom smiled more and chuckled slightly. "I just do."

I was about to ask them what they were talking about but I felt someone slap my back and it took me by surprise. I jumped slightly and groaned low as Louis appeared in front of me.

"Congrats mate, I'm happy for both of you." he said, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tight that I lost my breath.

"Thank you." I said as he let go of me to engulf my girlfriend into a tight and more emotional hug.

I stared at them for a few seconds and finally turned to Eleanor who congratulated me too before hugging me. Soon, Liam, Julie and Harry joined us and after hugging everyone, we all started talking and laughing together. I knew everything would go well but at the same time, I was a bit nervous. It was important for me that our friends and family would be okay with the fact that we got married without telling them, and I just wanted them to know it was not against them at all, but mostly just for Liv and I. We had started just the two of us, and it was just the obvious way to do this.

For the rest of the night, I spent my time watching my girlfriend dance, laugh and interact with the people we loved, telling myself that this was the happiest time of my entire life. I watched everyone leave one by one, our parents being the firsts and then our friends. Louis was the last one to leave and we decided to just leave with him.

"You know, you literally made me want to do it too." he let out low, looking at our girlfriends saying their goodbyes and making me frown. "Your speech earlier. It made me realize that maybe I shouldn't wait anymore."

My lips curled and I let out a chuckle. "Go for it." I just let out, knowing perfectly well that their couple was as strong as ours and that they both considered each other their soulmates. "I don't even know why you waited that long."

He didn't send me a glance, he just kept looking at El and after a few minutes, we said good night and left in a different cab. It's only when we walked inside and closed the door behind us that I felt all the stress disappear from my body. It was a good stress, but it was still nice to relax.

Olivia disappeared in the hall and I just sat on the couch, loosening my tie and putting my feet on the coffee table. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the back of the couch as a bunch of memories came to mine. I had been so close to lose the love of my life forever and by my fault. I had hurt her in a way I had never hurt anyone else in my life and at the same time, I had hurt myself in a way I had never been hut before without realizing it immediately. I couldn't lie and pretend Olivia was not the best thing that has ever happened to me because she was, and I liked to believe I was for her, too. You can call it fate, you can call it destiny, you can call it 'soulmates' but in the end, it was just an other love story for most people. For me, however, it was epic and the accomplishment of a lifetime.

After everything we've been through, every wrong decisions, every mistake and every problem, we still managed to reach this point of happiness together. Olivia has always told me that love was not all you need, despite the popular song, and I knew she was right. But it was because of the love we have for each other that we actually tried over and over again. It was because of this love that we actually ended up together, because we were ready to make the effort, and because we believed in the feelings we had. I knew I would never truly be happy without her and now that we were together, I planned to do everything possible and impossible to keep her in my life.

My girlfriend came back and put something next to the couch, which I guessed was her purse. I was not surprised to see she had changed into a pair of my sweatpants and a shirt that also belonged to me but looked so much better on her. It stuck to her chest and hips in a way it didn't to me and I loved it more than I should.

"I would have loved to take that dress off of you myself." I admitted with a smirk, making her raise her nose up as she sent me a smile. "But hey, I'm not surprised."

She moved closer and gripped my tie, pulling on it gently and making me laugh right before her lips reached mine. I was a bit tipsy and mixed with my happiness, it made me sound totally drunk, but she knew me well enough to know I was just ecstatic from the night we just had had.

"You can take my sweatpants and t-shirt off later, if you want." she proposed before I nodded. "I'm not wearing anything under, if it changes anything."

I chuckled and she kissed my lips again as one of my hands reached for her waist. "Come on, sit on me, will you?"

I watched her hesitate and bite her bottom lip gently before actually straddling me. I moved my chin up, endeared by her behavior, and my hands reached for her thighs. I let my palms rub slowly on the fabric of her pants and stared at her as she licked her lips.

"Thank you for the song." she whispered, a shy smile gracing her lips as she looked away. "Honestly, I had read the lyrics before. I know I shouldn't have but it was sort of an accident."

I raised my eyebrows and smiled back at her. "You're so nosy I swear," I joked. "No one told you not to touch other people's stuff?"

"I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have. Forgive me?" she asked with a cute grimace, making me roll my eyes with a smile.

"Of course." I just let out, moving my head slightly. "I almost sang you 'This Town' instead." I paused and she frowned. "I know I wrote it when we first dated, and I told you it was partially about you, and partially fiction... but when you were with Dylan and we met again, It hit me how it had completely turned out to be what I was actually going through. And the lyrics are still true, you know? Everything comes back to you."

Her eyes fluttered and a fond smile spread on her lips. She brought her hands to my cheeks and let her thumbs brush on my stubble. I wanted to keep telling her how much I loved her but quickly, she pressed her mouth against mine and my hands gripped her thighs at how good she tasted. I don't know how long we stayed close, her forehead leaning against mine while we both kept out eyes closed, but I focused on her weight on my lap and the aroma of honey and vanilla invading my nose. I could have stayed like that all night.

"Told you our parents would be happy." I let out after a while, making her sit back up to look at me.

"Mm, and your brother?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He sent a text message to say congrats earlier." I explained as my hands kept running on her thighs. "You know we're gonna have to entertain our parents for a few days. That means we can't spend our days locked her to fuck anymore."

She laughed a bit and tilted her head. "I think we can take a few days break."

I frowned but shook my head, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her closer. "That's not what I meant, we can still have sex when we come back home, and if you're too exhausted I can do all the to work."

"I suspect you actually enjoy that." she laughed, making me smile more.

"Mm, maybe I do."

I pulled her closer and when her lips brushed against mine, I heard her whimper low. I slowly deepened the kiss just to taste her and she let me, moving as close to me as she could. I felt her ass rub on my thighs and groaned when it reached my cock.

"Maybe we should go to our room now, what d'you say?" I proposed in a whisper before kissing her more.

"Not yet." she murmured back, grabbing my upper lip between hers and sucking on it.

I felt myself get hornier and groaned low as I grabbed her waist and turned us around, laying her down on the couch. She let out a little scream and I quickly moved over her, smiling big.

"Fine then, we'll do it here."

We kissed a bit roughly and deeply for a while but when my hand slipped under her shirt, she quickly stopped me. "Niall wait, I have something for you first."

I frowned but even if I was curious, I definitely thought it could wait. Seeing her face though made me back away slightly and after a few seconds, I sat up and she did the same, pulling on her shirt to put it back in place.

Without a word, she reached for what she had put next to the couch and held me a white gift bag. I stared at it for a while and finally turned to her, a bit suspiciously.

"Did I miss something? An anniversary or something else that was important?"

She chuckled and shook her head, but I noticed how she was nervously playing with the fabric of her pants. "No, don't worry. I just wanted to give you a little something."

We just looked at each other for a while and I let my eyes roam on her face before finally take the colored tissues off the bag and dive my hand in it. I grabbed something and took it out but it took a few seconds for my brain to process everything. It was a piece of fabric, almost the same white as the bag but a bit lighter, and when I turned it around, I understood. On the front was written "my daddy is a rockstar" and somehow, I felt my heart jump so high in my chest I had to swallow it back.

"Petal." I whispered before turning to look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

Slowly, she nodded, her eyes never leaving mine, and I felt my heart jump for a second time. I blinked a few times, feeling tears coming to my eyes as a bunch of emotions flooded me. My eyes roamed on her and ended on her belly who looked exactly like it always did but when I looked up, I held my breath, realizing something.

"My mom knows."

She nodded slowly again. "She... she guessed it. I don't know how she knew, but she congratulated me earlier, at the party."

"You... you didn't drink?"

"Not a drip. I had soda." she explained, tilting her head and pressing her lips together. "I thought you had noticed."

I didn't answer, I just blinked again a few times before looking back at the small pajama I was holding. It seemed surreal and despite what I thought I would feel if it happened, I felt overly emotional but in a good way.

"I'm really gonna be a dad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and finally turning to my girlfriend who just nodded. I chuckled a bit, and then some more. "Fookin' hell."

"Are you happy?"

Her question was legit since we had had a pregnancy scare a few months earlier, but it seemed like so many things had happened in such a short period of time and now that my tour was over, I felt like it was a good time to jump into this.

"Honestly, Olivia..." I turned on the couch to face her and noticed she was holding her breath and tearing up. I moved closer and her eyes fluttered. I watched one single tear fall from her left one and cupped her face, brushing my thumb on her cheekbone to catch the tear. "I thought marrying you and finally being with you was the highest moments of my life. I honestly never thought I could be even happier than I already was. But you just made me the happiest man in the whole fookin' world, pet."

She let out a loud sigh of relief and I brought my lips against hers. "I love you so much, Olivia. I can't wait for that future with you. You and Me. This is just the beginning."

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afictionaladventure16 · 5 years

Note

this is a little (a lot) dark but for the teen!reader prompt list, can you do a severely depressed reader that feels she's never going to be good enough and has caused enough heartache and disappointment (maybe a really bad argument happened?) so she decides to try and end it all with Robert or Evans finding her? With 23, 33, and 48. it's okay if you don't write this

Fall Apart Twice A Day (Chris Evans x Teen!Reader)

A/N: Okay, I tried my best to make as dark as I could! I didn’t want to make it too dark, fearing it might be a bit triggering but I hope it’s too your standards!

Actor Fics Masterlist

Character Taglist

Teen!Reader Prompt List

Warnings: Suicide attempt, mentions of self-hatred, mentions of self-harm, kind of dark

Word Count: 1,500

“Mom, I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” you said softly into the phone. You had been arguing with your mother about money. Money that you worked hard for. Money that she wanted to spend on things for herself, like a new car, a new house, a luxury vacation.

“And I didn’t think an acting career was a good idea but I supported you on that,” she spat back.

“You barely even supported me,” you muttered.

“Excuse me? I was the one to drive you to all those annoying auditions!”

“Yeah, those annoying auditions got me to where I am now and I don’t think it’s fair that you’re wasting all this money, that I worked hard for, for yourself!”

“Well, I’m your mother! I raised you, I think you owe me this!”

“I don’t owe you anything! You chose to have a child! I didn’t ask to be born! If anything, I wished I never was!”

“If you’re just going to treat your mother like a piece of garbage after she ruined her body to give birth to you after she raised you by herself for half your life then don’t even think about coming home!” with that your mother hangs up the phone. You couldn’t believe the nerve your mother had. Were you wrong? Did you actually owe her? I mean, you worked for that money, you had planned on buying yourself a nice home when you were older. You had wanted to give some to charity, to those who needed it the most and if you had decided to go to college, the money would be there for that too. You decided to give it a couple of days, to let your mother cool down if she ever did. You’re only sixteen, it’s not like you could just go rent a place for yourself, you’d had to get a court order to be emancipated first and you knew all the drama that would cause.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

You walked into your hotel bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror, “am I ever going to be good enough?” you whispered to yourself. It felt like whatever you did, you just wouldn’t be good enough for your mother. Even with the new house you had just bought her, she still wasn’t happy, she wanted a newer house, a bigger one. Your heart panged at the thought, did she even appreciate the gift?

Your eyes gazed over to the razor in your shower, the razor you used to shave and nothing else. You had been tempted multiple times to use it for more than just that but you couldn’t do that. Not to your mother, not to your friends, not to those who cared… but right now, your mind was clouded with horrible thoughts. Before you could even think about it, you were reaching over to the razor, breaking it so the small blades were all that was left. You took one last look in the mirror, “worthless,” you mumbled as you looked at yourself in disgust before continuing what you had in mind with the blade.

Chris’s eyes slowly fluttered open, he groaned as he looked over to the small nightstand clock. 1 A.M. it read.

He sighed to himself, deciding now would be a good time to check on you. He did it every night, randomly waking up at certain hours in the night and walking over to your hotel room to make sure you were okay. He thought of you as your own, took you under his wing while filming the new movie and now that you guys were on a press tour, he took it upon himself to make sure to take care of you as if his life depended on it.

When he told your mother he’d take care of you, she didn’t seem to care, he caught onto this. He found it a bit weird, wouldn’t most parents be grateful?

Chris walked across the hall, swiping the extra hotel card he had for your room into the small card slot. He creaked open the door, giving it a small knock, “Y/N?” he said softly, loud enough so he wouldn’t wake you if you were asleep but if you were awake, you could’ve heard him.

As soon as Chris stepped into the room he noticed you weren’t in bed. He looked around, spotting the bathroom light on with the door almost open, “Y/N? What are you doing up?” He asked with a small chuckle, “isn’t it a little late to be doing face masks?” He’s caught you a couple of times doing some face masks, usually, on the days, your acne got bad. Chris stopped before the door, worried filled his mind when you didn’t respond, “Y/N?” He asked softly as he knocked on the bathroom door before opening it wider.

His heart drops at the sight, you laid in a pool of your own blood as your eyes began to slowly shut. Chris grabbed a nearby towel before quickly running to your side, placing your head on his lap, “Come on, hon, you have to stay awake for me!” he said as he patted your face. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He muttered as he placed the toward on your wrist, “why would you do this?” he whispered. Chris let out a frustrated sigh as he gently placed your head back on the floor, running to the hotel phone that was near the bed, he called the front desk, “Hello?”

“Yes, I need an ambulance to room 406! My uh- my kid, she’s bleeding… She tried to kill herself!” Chris felt choked up as he spoke. He quickly hung up the phone and ran back over to you. Placing your head back onto his lap as he sat on the floor.

He continued to apply pressure onto your wound, “Chris,” you said softly. You didn’t want him to find you like this, you hadn’t thought about it. “I-I,” your words drifted slowly, your eyes fluttered from the lack of blood.

“No, no, no, no, don’t do this to me now!” Chris said in a panic as he gently patted your face again, “come on, Y/N, stay with me! You can’t leave me, you hear? I can’t lose you, baby girl!” You tried your hardest to stay awake but your eyes kept fluttering shut and soon the darkness consumed you.

The sound of the heart monitor was the first thing you heard when you woke up, you looked around and spotted Chris looking down at his phone. You wondered how long you had been out for. You looked down towards your bandaged wrist, letting out a shaky sigh causing Chris to pull his attention away from his phone. He perked up when he saw you were awake, “hey,” he said softly as he sat down on the chair next to your bed, “how are you feeling?”

“Peachy,” you said softly.

Chris gave you a nod as he brushed some hair out of your face, “you gave me a scare,” he whispered, “I thought I lost you forever.” You looked over at Chris, noticing the tears forming in his eyes, you felt so guilty for attempting to commit suicide.

“I’m sorry,” you let out a small sob, Chris quickly wrapped his arms around you, placing a small kiss on the top of your head.

“It’s okay,” he reassured, “it’s okay, Y/N, all that matters is that you’re alive and you’re going to recover.” he slowly let go of the embrace as soon as you started to calm down, “why did you do it, hon?” You sighed, then explained the small argument you had with your mother and how it made you feel like you weren’t good enough. “You know that’s not true,” he said softly as he gave you a smile, “you are good enough, Y/N.”

“Has she come to visit me?”

He sighed, “… she hasn’t, but she’s been asking for updates through text.”

You rolled your eyes, “she doesn’t care,” you whispered.

“You can always get emancipated,” Chris suggested, “you can afford it.”

“I know I can,” you said softly, “but all the drama that comes with it and the thought of being alone.”

“There’s always going to be some sort of drama, Y/N, but you can’t keep living in this situation and you’re not alone. You have me and dodger. You can stay with us until you’re ready.” You sighed, thinking about his offer, “just know that you have people who care about you, Y/N, if it doesn’t feel like it, if your mind says otherwise, you do have people who care. Suicide is never an option, it’ll only cause more pain, hon.” Chris was right, you did have people who cared about you, you were just blinded by the self-hatred that you didn’t see it. Sometimes you just had to take a deep breathe and wait. Wait for the clouds to pass by so you can see clearly.

Permanent Taglist: @otomefan @dejaazaro @culturebay @kpopishilarious @fireproof-heaven @iloveyouthreethousand-o6 @weappreciatepower @whereyoustand @white-wolf-buckaroo @spider-woman22 @coffee-habit @supernaturallover2002 @barnes-parker @therealmrshale @myinternetissoslow @myhippiehopes @benhardyswifeee @celyndavies @xzowiex @ximaginx @wooshytooshy @ellaorelizabeth @rororo06 @just4muggles @chloe-geoghegan1 @unapologeticallymimi @glitterquadricorn @lady-of-lies @cassmoreiraxo @mellorine-paprika @agirlruinedbybands @yougottalovefandoms @avngrsinitiative @lizlil

Chris Evans Taglist: @icegirl2772 @livi-lu @mpc0411 @acalmandquietplace @sleepylunarwolf @alicat-life @captaiinameriicasass @edgyhargreeves @noobmaster63 @pleasantlysecretdream @xiumin-girl99 @thejourneyneverendsx @peachacracy @buckybcrness

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r-ahh-mi · 6 years

Text

Pacify (Rami Malek Smut)

This smut was inspired by an ask I got about THAT sensuuaalll audio involving the lovely Rami Malek. Hope this doesn’t disappoint; Enjoy xx

Warning: Unprotected Sex, Swearing, and some Angst.

Word Count: 3.3k (sorry, but absolutely not sorry)

____________________________

This smut is completely based off of this audio and I high recommend you listen to it and then listen to it 10 more times prior to reading: x

Winter was still holding on to the last days of March when we had the fight.

It was our first screaming match that left both of us heated and furious with the other. We both said terrible, awful things to the other in order to prove our side of the argument and, honestly, I had never seen that side of me or Rami before, but we both had to equally share the blame because neither of us stepped in and embraced the other, instead we pierced each others hearts with our words and this ultimately resulted in Rami storming out of our front door.

He walked out without so much as a word or indication of where he was going, but, at that very moment, I didn’t even care. His spewed words had damaged me so deeply that I didn’t even sleep in our shared bed, but resorted to the sofa instead. Sure it was uncomfortable, but I, in general, felt uncomfortable and anything was better than being in a space that we had shared intimate memories in and a room that still smelled of him and had him all over the place.

Now, it has been 48 hours. Again, zero calls, zero texts...

I felt afraid.

So fucking afraid that this was it. Everything that we had built up in our relationship was being thrown out the fucking window over a fight that, now seemed so trivial. All I wanted was to be near him again and to feel him again, but I was too scared to be the first to reach out, in fear that he was still tender and reeling from our altercation.

But he was my boy and god did I want my fucking boy back.

His anger driven words had consumed me when he first spoke them, but now I knew he was saying it all out of anger and, in all honesty, none of his or my words were worth this. Worth throwing everything away.

I just miss my fucking boy.

I’d spent most of my time on the couch-eating, sleeping, crying, mentally scorning myself. I hadn’t changed out of the pajama’s I was wearing, when we had our fight, I hadn’t showered, I had barely eaten. The only thing I could muster enough strength to do is brush my teeth and get up to grab another box of tissues as I let my pain flow freely down my cheeks.

Some re-run of a comedic television show was playing on the screen as I stared mindlessly, not paying honest attention to the plot, the character, or even what the fuck the show was. All I wanted was him right now; he was the person to comfort in situations like these and to tell me everything was going to be okay and stroke my hair as I cried into his shoulder, but right now all i had was matted hair and a throw blanket stained with my tears to comfort me and it wasn’t doing a damn thing to help ease this agonizing pain and fear that I felt.

Loud thumping footsteps in the hallway immediately drew my attention. As crazy as it was, I knew the sounds of him moving and living and breathing and, yes I know, crazy, but they sounded like his movements. After a couple minutes of silence, I gave up hope that it was him, until I heard the loud noise of the front door opening and closing.

I jerked my head over in the direction and saw him standing there. His condition was similar to mine; same clothes, untamed hair, and puffy eyes stared back at me as he stood in the doorway, probably feeling the exact same way I was-cautious, yet wanting to run into each others arms.

His footsteps were loud as his loafers pattered across the hardwood floor over to our bedroom as I watched him slip off his shoes and undo his tie, flinging it on a nearby chair.

“It’s cold in here”, his voice echoed from the other room.

I cracked a pathetic excuse for a smile, if you could even call it that. He was always one to complain about how cold I liked our home to be, but without him here to complain, the temperature remained to my liking and I hated it. I wanted nothing more than for him to turn the temperature up, without my knowledge, like he always does, and then we play fight over a suitable temperature that we could both live with.

I watched him slump down into a seated position on the edge of our bed as he rubbed his temple, wincing in pain, presumably from a headache that he often got when he was very tired or very stressed.

“Do you ever feel like you’re dying inside?”, he choked out as his gaze remained fixed on the floor.

I couldn’t help but let a soft sob audibly fall from my lips as he then looked directly at me as he said those words. Those completely heart stricken words.

I knew I felt the exact same thing because Rami was a big part of my life that made it worth living and without his presence, what was the point? He was my happiness, my comforter, my confidant, my friend, and my lover through thick and thin, but right now we weren’t keeping our vows to one another. In sickness and in health can seem so literal, but sickness can also mean when anything in general just isn’t right and we weren’t right right now.

Without a word, I stood up from the couch, shifting my body a little to allow it to regain its strength and mobility that it had been stripped of during these past two days. My feet were slow and shuffling, but they moved closer and closer to our bedroom and, specifically, to Rami.

His red eyes watched my every move as I came to stand in front of him with a foots length, or maybe even less, between us. We both stood just staring at the other, taking in each others appearance and evaluating the result of this fight. I for one never, ever wanted to fight like this again; this pain was much too much to bare and the constant anxiety of thinking I had lost him for good had eaten me away for far too long for my liking, and even now, I had no idea what he was thinking, Maybe he was actually done with me and simply stopped by to tell me himself.

Just as my thoughts began to drift to the worst of outcomes, I felt his hands barely graze my fingers. He seemed so scared to touch me, like i’d flinch or flee any second or that he would wake up from this dream he was having where we were both in the presence of one another again. Thankfully, this was anything but a dream and we needed to fix this; we needed to fix us.

I took the initiative and pushed my fingers in between his and grasped his hands tightly with mine as we both continued to just look at each other, silently apologizing and pleading with the other. Mutely calling each other stupid and childish and banishing the fight from our memories so we could get back to normal again.

Without a single word I pressed my lips to his. This kiss wasn’t normal either, it was passionate, it was sorrowful, and it was lustful all wrapped into one and Rami’s hand immediately went to the back of my head, pushing our mouths even closer together as his actions let me know he felt the same and he wanted this just as much as I did.

Our tongues and lips quickly moved with one another, synchronizing perfectly , just like we always had before, as our hot, audible breath was furiously filling up the room.

I let both of my legs move to either side of Rami as I lifted myself onto the bed and straddled his waist and began to grind my hips against his groin area. His erection soon became quite noticeable as I felt it brush against my clit through his pants as I continued to rock my hips against him.

Now, Rami wasn’t usually too vocal, letting out noises of passion when necessary, but tonight he wasn’t holding back. His soft, yet heavy breathing against my mouth was making my core drip with desire to feel him inside of me..but I wanted this to be slow. I wanted to feel every inch, fuck, every centimeter he had to give me. I wanted to hear everything, taste everything; I wanted all he had to offer and I wanted it slow and good.

“Lift up your shirt.”

Instantly, I pulled away from Rami, just enough so I could lift the fabric off of my body and fling it to the floor, leaving the upper half of my body completely naked; Rami following suite as he lifted his own shirt off of his body and brought his hands to my back as he pressed my bare chest against his, also, naked chest.

Both of your hearts were beating frantically, pounding out of your chests as they thumped against one another while our kisses became much, much more desperate, almost mirroring the first time we had sex with each other. Both so nervous, desperate, turned on, and deprived of one another; we couldn’t get enough and even the slightest of movements or grabs of the others body was giving us borderline heart attacks, yet we would never stop and no fucking way was I stopping now.

As much as I didn’t want to, I climbed off of Rami’s flustered body, to which he responded with a whimper, and planted my two feet on the carpeted floor as I tucked my fingers in the elastic of my pajama pants and my panties. Slowly, I pulled the two pieces of fabric down my legs; Rami’s eyes watching my every move as if he were taking a photograph with his mind whilst I finally became fully nude in front of him.

Rami’s blue toned eyes were terrifyingly dark in this moment as he shamelessly eyed up every inch of skin that I was exposing to him and it wasn’t long before he was tugging his jeans and briefs down his legs to join me in complete naked vulnerability.

He looked glorious clothed, but god damn did he look even better with absolutely nothing covering up his glistening tan skin that was just asking me to devour every inch.

Removing my eyes from his face, I let my gaze slide down his body; it started at his thick neck and moved down to the toned chest that I’d clung on to so many times while he fucked me senseless. Next, his tight stomach..his v shaped hips..

I let my gaze flicker back up to his eyes, briefly, before I got on my knees in front of him and moved my gaze down to his, now unclothed, erection. His tip was searing hot as I lightly tapped the skin with my finger, moving the pre-cum, that had developed from his slit, around the head as Rami continued to loudly let out strangled breaths.

I continued teasing his tip with my finger, never fully touching his cock until I felt his fingers spread out against my scalp, gently raking his fingers through my hair and moving any locks covering up my face. He simply looked at me and I knew he was pleading. He wanted my lips so bad and I wanted nothing more than to make him feel good in this very moment.

My eyes remained glued to his as I took his tip in my mouth, slowly moving my tongue around the sensitive skin as Rami continued moving his hands in my hair and wincing as I gave him a hard suck and then removed him completely from my mouth.

I repeated this popping motion a couple times before moving my mouth along his cock, slowly, slowly, slowly bobbing my head along his member as he kept his eyes fully focused on me. He never once urged me to go faster, simply letting me take my time to eat him up and show him how sorry I was and how much I loved pleasing him with my mouth.

Soon, Rami’s hips began to roll with my movements, ever so often, pushing his cock gently against the inside of my cheek or further down my throat until he grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled my mouth away from him so I could come into a standing position.

My bottom lip was tugged between my teeth as I practically pounced on him, feeling our naked bodies mesh with one another while I left sloppy kisses to his sharp jawline and leaving trails of saliva as I bit and sucked on his favorite spot just below his ear, causing him to let out an equally whiny and breathy moan as his hands grasped my ass, squeezing them firmly.

In one swift movement, Rami had flipped our bodies, causing his to hover above mine as he rested between my spread legs. His lips immediately went to my breasts as he pressed loving kisses to each of them before lapping his tongue around one of the nipples. My hips bucked upwards as his erection poked into my thigh, teasing me, as Rami continued making out with each of my breasts, making each nipple feel loved and sensitive.

We both kept eye contact as Rami pulled away from my chest and pressed his erect cock into my, already soaking wet, entrance. We both winced and moaned at the contact that somehow felt so much more different this time. It was as if our bodies were saying i’m sorry where the words were failing us and with every pleasure fueled movement and loving gaze and adoring touch we were saying a perfect apology to one another.

Rami kept a slow speed, at first, as he continued moving in and outside of me, letting me feel ever vein and twitch of his cock as he pulsated against my walls. My hands flew up to his hair as I pulled his lips down to mine, feeling and hearing his hot breath against my tongue as he fucked me right.

I moved my hips up to meet his thrusts as we rocked together; his cock buried deep in my pussy as he began to speed up his thrusting movements, filling me up entirely and sending sharp tingles through my ridged walls all the way to my thighs as they lightly shook beneath him.

I adored missionary with Rami, he made the simple position so pleasurable, but right now I wanted nothing more then to sink into him and let me do all the work and him enjoy what I had to offer him.

I removed my hands, which were raking down his back and pushing his lower body deeper into me, away from his body as I pressed my both of my hands against his chest, making his movements stop.

He looked so confused and so sad, I almost drew my hands away and let him keep continuing until we were both cumming with each other, but I wanted to make him feel and let him lay there, in completely relaxation and pleasure as I made him feel so, so good.

My hands forced Rami down onto his back as I climbed on top of him, straddling his waist and letting myself hover over him as I brought my lips to his and we kissed; simply just kissed and relished in our love and who we had both become while loving each other and growing with each other.

In desperation, Rami started moving his hips, forcing the tip of his cock to tap my clit and I knew I couldn’t deny him this pleasure anymore and I, also, didn’t want to. Whatever he needed, I wanted to be the one to give it to him.

Gripping his shaft in my hand, I lowered myself onto him as he went even deeper inside of me, making me feel every pleasurable inch he had to offer, all the while, Rami took in a sharp and silent breath, making the room quiet, for the first time since we started making love, then let out a loud audible groan as I started grinding my hips against him.

My hand on Rami’s chest held me up and assisted me in keeping a neither slow, nor fast, but medium pace as his hands came to rest on my hips, helping guide my movements as his stuttered breath continued to make me ache even more just from the noises he was making.

Rami continued guiding my hips against his, perfectly assisting my body to move so I was fully feeling the sensation of him inside of me as well as the brief friction my clit was getting from gliding across his body. I kept my eyes fixed on him; adoring the sweaty man with a creased forehead as he tried to hold in the orgasm I could tell he was desperately trying to put off until I came. He always wanted me to cum first, always.

As he tucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, his quiet ‘mmm’ sounding groans hummed throughout the room as he watched the space where our bodies were deeply connected and working with the other in a perfect mechanic motion.

My orgasm was bubbling and I was in much too needy of a spot to be slow or averaged pace right now as I sped up my movements and began furiously grinding my hips as Rami started moving his own hips, thrusting upwards hitting the most euphoric spot. It didn’t take long for me to be mixing ‘oh fuck’ and ‘rami’ as I felt my orgasm crash into my body with full force. I briefly closed my eyes during my orgasm, but when I opened them back up Rami was staring directly at me, a half smile on his lips as his teeth still kept his bottom lip tucked in.

I slowed my grinding movements, earning a whimper from Rami, but only to catch my breath for a moment before I moved slowly upwards with Rami still inside of me and then slid my wet pussy back down his shaft.

He immediately responded by rolling his head back against the pillow and letting a ‘mmmm’ and ‘ooo’ sounding moan rip from his lips at a loud volume. I smiled, admiring the mess I was making of him and bounced on his dick at a fast pace; knowing he was close to orgasm, I didn’t want to tease him any more than he had done so to himself by holding in his own orgasm.

He let out one last breathy moan before he shot his load inside of me, furiously thrusting his hips up to meet my bouncing movement as he rode out his high by burying himself as deep inside of me as he could.

I watched as his once heaving chest attempted to return back to normal pace as he opened his eyes to look at me. We were both smile at each other and I giggled as he dramatically let out a satisfied and spent, breathy ‘ohh’.

We didn’t say anything words. No ‘thank you’s’ or ‘holy fuck’s’, we just used our intertwined bodies to speak for us as Rami would occasionally press a kiss to my sweaty forehead and I would grasped his hand in mine and press a kiss to each knuckle.

This was the best apology we had ever expressed to one another and it wasn’t even with our words, but with our bodies.

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Tag: @oxuminaa @hazeleyedbeth @runawayxwithme @rami-sunflower-malek @deacytits @killerqueenofthenight @amcquivey @rami-malek-trash

#rami malek #rami malek smut #rami malek x reader #rami malek imagine #rami malek one shot #rami malek fic #the pacific #borhap #merriell shelton #snafu shelton #ahkmenrah #elliot alderson #mr robot

273 notes · View notes

transbcyfriend · 7 years

Note

Every Question >:3

well Shit ig now bc i’m Required By Law to answer these i gotta

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes – and god am i grateful.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

i mean i’m 18 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

…yesterday? the day before?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do it all the time at work so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i wouldn’t say mad.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

too many to count!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a legend of zelda hoodie and a wild patterned set of lounge pants from pink republic. i haven’t changed in several days i’m uh Sick

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i don’t do it every single day it’s scientifically proven i’ll shrivel up and die

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans. jeans definitely.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

it did at the time, and not for the better. fuck that shit

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

mmMMMMMmMMM depends on the situation?? if i’m like clocked in at work, if i’m somewhere i actively enjoy, or on The Web™, i’m social, but otherwise i don’t rlly interact with ppl hnfngnf

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

not yet.

13. What about ‘R’?

nope!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

can i get a FUCK NO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

depends on the person. someone i’m close to and like? yes. someone who i’m not close to and dislike? nah.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmMMMMMM a few days ago? few days ago.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

HMMMM y’know i don’t think i would, mine are like ?? hazel and ppl make comments abt them being diff colors n shit in certain lights sometimes and i Like That so

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

in fact, yes! i would uh Die For Him

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

i’m sick and can’t breathe

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YOU KNOW I BE ON THAT GAY SHIT !!!!!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a wooden chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yep!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

oh yeah. god yeah.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@lazybones25

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, not rlly. last time i got sick was … sophmore year of hs? junior year? i don’t remember.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

it was a gift from my buddy bri

30. Does anyone hate you?

there’s at least one i can think of off the top of my head, soooooo yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

noooo, me? drink? me, a consumer of alcohol. ur pullin’ my leg, i don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

i’m just Meh on it bc most movies nowadays are so played out and predictable that they’re just not scary to me

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

kinda, yeah. it’s an on/off want, still deciding.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

just one? fuck. any of the years between being 13-16.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

actually i did! i had a dream i lost my job bc one of my managers was in a bad mood and was basically like “well u should’ve thought more abt your career than ur education, ur fired since u wanna go 2 college, can’t change ur hours”

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmmm … unlikely.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yep.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i’d hope so! don’t gotta be, but it’d be cute and i’d Like That

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was ok – i spiraled into being sick, but it was ok

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

unlikely.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yep.

44. What’s the best part about school?

mmm mM MM prolly just making friends w/ ppl in ur classes. that, and just how chill the professors are.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

fun fact – i don’t have a facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

fuck yeah my guy

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

way too often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not and god i’m rlly happy abt that

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

looking when college classes start again but i Don’t Wanna

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

i’d be lying to ur face if i said yes

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be – some ppl tho, i just. can’t. there’s reasonable salt.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve done it before, i don’t see why not.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

when the situation calls for it, i’d like to think so

56. Do you think you like someone?

mhmm

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

…… y’know i don’t think i have! that’s surprising i’ve kissed a lotta ppl

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

tbh p much the only ppl i tend to never rlly make friends with are cis guys. there’s rare exceptions, but the vast majority of my buddies are either cis girls or trans/nonbinary/etc.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yep – a few of them. not many, but a few.

60. Do you hate anyone?

i wouldn’t say hate, but there’s a couple of ppl i severely dislike.

61. How’s your heart?

atm? better. better than usual, i’m rlly glad abt that

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

anytime from being 12-17

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

i ain’t gonna say names buuuuuuut Someone I Know

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they’re painted a dark wine red actually, i uh got bored

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

best decision of my life, if anything

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

from my own Personal Experience, kinda? i mean every person i’ve been w/ kinda likes it bc it’s like, i’m letting my walls down and letting them in, so i mean ig

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

thankfully no!

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@lazybones25

70. How do you look right now?

surprisingly decent for feeling icky

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

just two – but i’m content w/ that.

72. Can you commit to one person?

under the right circumstances, ya – otherwise i gotta dip

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

my roommate @stasiroowho

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

can i get a Hell Yeah and It Hurts

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, i just woke up wanting attention and feeling Blah

76. Are you a jealous person?

hhMHMhmMMHMHM depends ?? ? ? if we’re talking from a relationship perspective, like i don’t give a shit if the other person wants to like, make a shitton of buddies and like actually Have A Life, that’s good, but when it comes to like, romance specifically? then i’m just. m i n e

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

very rarely, but some are and god is it so fucking satisfying in every aspect

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

can i get a HOOYAHHHH

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to the apartment and uh Feed Cats

81. Last person you cried in front of?

do i rlly gotta @ my homeboi ash a 3rd time

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

in a good way or a bad way?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yeee – in a good way tho

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably either just chillin’ watching netflix and eating chips/popcorn, or gettin’ heated while also shotgunning that good good

85. Are you over your past?

CAN I GET A FUCK NO

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

just two! and two’s a good number, i’m happy w/ that.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i’d immediately murder him on the spot. i’d still take the gifts off his corpse tho bc hey Free Shit

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

ya – i do trust that one, he made me breakfast one time so i wouldn’t burn my own house down, he a tru homie

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

uuuhhhhhhh-huh

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

highly likely

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

i used to! he was the Popular Kid™ back in high school, who fuckin’ knows where he’s at now

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

when i was like 4, yeah, we were each other’s childhood crush so uh shrugs

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope! things were getting heavy, but no relationship yet.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

absolutely.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

hmmmmmmmmaybe

97. Who do you have texts from?

in general? my mom, ash, 3 coworkers, one of my managers, my one tru buddy from the womb @infinitelycastiel, and my buddy lynette.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i mean ?? i’d b upset, i’d b depressed, i’d b a lil torn up abt it, but i ain’t gonna stop whatever happens from happening. not my choice to

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

ya – not too much older, but ya

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

AAAAAAAALL BY MY, SEEEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEEEELF

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

fun fact: no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yEP

#GOD I FUCKING LOVE ASK MEMSE BLESS U . .. .#tapirz #sanswers;;#i don't remember my ask replies tag hnnfgnf

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remembertae · 7 years

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Brockmire “Road Trip”

(Photo: IFC)

S1 E6, May 3, 2017

WRITTEN BY: Amanda Sitko

SYNOPSIS

Minor League baseball team owner Jules James and her not-so-serious boyfriend/ballpark announcer Jim Brockmire are hanging out at the small town bar she owns. She can’t believe that after so many years of taking great care to not get pregnant, she is now knocked up. Fetus father Brockmire is ready to fork over cash for an abortion, but Jules isn’t sure that’s what she wants He fully acknowledges the choice is hers, but asks for some odds. She says she’s 60/40 in favor of having the baby, which surprises him. She asks him to seriously consider whether or not he could be a dad.

While playing a game of catch with his teenage assistant Charles, Brockmire asks the young man, “You think I’d be a good father?” Charles quickly responds, “You would be a terrible father, don’t do that.” Meanwhile at the bar, Jules quietly asks the (unnamed) bartender if she’s ever had an abortion. The young lady responds that she has, and relates a rather frank and disturbing story about having to travel long-distance to Pittsburgh for the procedure, where she encountered violent protesters; however, she asserts that she regrets nothing. Jules reveals she is pregnant, but when she starts getting into personal details, the bartender encourages her to call a friend instead.

Jules later visits her friend Diana, a mother of three. Diana is excited for Jules’s pregnancy, telling her this is her “sign” that she’s ready to let go of the past and settle down. When Diana’s youngest wakes up crying, mom encourages an uncomfortable Jules to hold the baby.

We then see Brockmire seeking more advice from baseball player/father-of-thirteen Pedro Uribe, who speaks glowingly of fatherhood. When Brockmire sees Jules later, he’s excited about the prospect of raising a kid. But when Jules tells him she definitely wants an abortion, he heaves a sigh of relief and thanks God. The two make plans to visit a clinic in Pittsburgh.

Jules and Brockmire meet with an abortion provider, who is put off by their relentless snarky joking. When the doctor explains that Jules qualifies for a medical abortion, she bristles at the thought of swallowing a pill and asks if she can snort it instead. The doctor tells her to please refrain from making cocaine references in his presence. He asks her to ingest the mifepristone right away and the misoprostol later. When she takes the first pill, much slapstick-y gagging ensues, but she does eventually swallow it.

Later at the hotel, Jules and Brockmire are ready to “pre-game” her abortion. While she mixes drinks in the bathroom, he snorts a couple lines of what he assumes to be coke but, alas, he has unwittingly snorted her misoprostol. They meet with the frustrated doctor again. He imagines Brockmire might experience some of the same symptoms Jules will experience when she aborts, but can’t say for sure since this hasn’t happened before. He gives Jules another pill, and again she gags multiple times before actually swallowing it.

The next morning, Brockmire and Jules lie in bed, both wrecked from a rough night of medical abortion symptoms but otherwise relieved. She thanks him for being so thoroughly supportive throughout her brief pregnancy. She says she wants something positive to come out of this situation. Later we see that they’ve invited all thirteen of Uribe’s children to town so they can see their father during baseball season.

KEEPING IT REAL QUOTIENT

I don’t care much for this show, but there’s a lot to love about this abortion episode. For starters, I really dig Jules and Brockmire’s dynamic throughout the story. This is how I imagine pro-choice grown-ups dealing with an unplanned yet not entirely unwelcome pregnancy. Though not necessarily a maternal figure, it makes sense that Jules — an entrepreneur who’s aggressively promoting this sleepy small town’s baseball team — could see herself tackling motherhood with that same gusto. But in the end, even after holding her friend’s “cute little fat angel baby,” she just didn’t feel it. Brockmire does everything he can to support her, and in just the right way. When she tells him she’s leaning toward keeping the baby, he replies in his typical, colorful fashion, “I understand. I gave up my vote at ejaculation.” He doesn’t blab about her situation to anyone, even when he’s seeking advice from friends. Other than accidentally snorting her abortion pill (which mainly upsets her because he’d greedily snorted both lines), he puts her desire and comfort first. His going through the abortion symptoms with her perfectly symbolizes his surprising capacity for empathy.

The way they deal with this problem together makes for a funny and surprisingly sweet episode, but it’s also refreshing to see this depiction of a fetus father type who isn’t quite so rare in real life as TV would have us believe. I’ve watched a lot of abortion episodes and there is this tendency to create drama by placing the fetus father at odds with the pregnant woman and whatever choice she is making. Way less often do we see the guy say to her, “I’ll support whatever you want,” which is exactly what my boyfriend said to me when I was getting ready to terminate an unplanned pregnancy. Of course this is not everyone’s real life experience, but it seems underrepresented on TV.

But my favorite thing about this abortion tale is that magnificent scene with Jules and the bartender. The young woman begins her tale by explaining how difficult it was for her to get an abortion. Unable to visit her local Planned Parenthood, which had recently been firebombed, she had to pay for a round-trip bus ticket to Pittsburgh, plus the cost of the surgery, plus the cost of three nights at a hotel. These are the sort of real life barriers that prevent people who live in small towns from accessing abortion, and that is something TV shows almost never discuss when they talk about termination. I’m extremely pleased that so many shows in the past few years have embraced the once-taboo topic of abortion and that we’ve see many pregnant protagonists — from Scandal’s Olivia Pope to Bojack Horseman’s Diane — choose termination without the tiniest bit of shame. But most TV shows feature middle and upper class characters who live in or around major cities where abortion is still pretty accessible. I live in a mid-sized southern city where you cannot get a legal abortion. If I needed to terminate, I’d have to travel two hours to a larger city, where I’d have to wait 48 hours for the pill or procedure itself. For people who work low wage jobs and/or don’t have a car, abortion becomes an expensive, time-consuming, potentially job-threatening endeavor. How pleasing to see a young, working class woman character on a TV show lay this all out for viewers who may not understand how hard it is to get an abortion here in flyover country.*

I also love the bartender’s story because it includes the funniest dark joke of the whole episode. Describing what happened when she got to the abortion clinic, she says, “The protesters screamed the worst things humanly possible in my face. But it was fine because I was listening to ‘Shake It Off’.” She smiles, then adds, “And then somebody threw a diaper full of rocks at me… That I couldn’t shake off.” As horrifying as this is, the casual, almost gossipy way she relates the story makes it so funny.

Indeed, her nonchalance about sharing her experience (“I tell everyone that story! It’s the first thing on my dating profile”) honestly reminded me of some of my millennial friends. I’ve always run with a pretty liberal and open-minded crowd, but I don’t remember me or my girlfriends talking so casually about abortion when I was in my early twenties. Even in the very church-going, abortion-unfriendly town where I currently reside, I’m regularly delighted to witness the open and unapologetic way some of my younger friends talk about termination. This bartender reminded me a bit of one young activist I know, who posted on Facebook the day after Tennessee’s anti-choice Amendment One passed, “Someone needs to knock me up so I can have a spite abortion.” I still laugh out loud every time I think about that.

Alas, this scene is not perfect. A couple small details bugged me. At one point Dale, one of the redneck yokel bar flies, brags about being the person who firebombed the Planned Parenthood (which the bartender shrugs off with an eye roll). Look, I know some enemies of abortion access could best be described as “redneck” but this is a cheap shot. The writers of this show seem to have so much contempt for small-town people, but I suspect most of them probably don’t know any. It makes for some pretty hollow satire, especially because firebombin-rednecks aren’t the main reason rural women can’t get abortions (Republican legislators and anti-choice organizations are).

And then there’s this other detail, about which I have mixed feelings. After telling Jules that the procedure itself was easy, the bartender says, “Sure, when I woke up I felt like shit and I had a black eye from the rock diaper. But would I do it again?” With a slightly embarrassed look, she says, “Yeah, I did.” Ah, now here’s a major taboo, both on TV** and IRL - the woman who seeks multiple abortions. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it until we fully obliterate termination stigma, THERE IS NO CORRECT NUMBER OF ABORTIONS A PERSON CAN HAVE. If you call yourself pro-choice but catch yourself saying things like, “abortion shouldn’t be used as birth control,” or, “abortion should be safe, legal, and rare,” you are hurting the movement. As long as you believe that more-than-one-abortion is tacky or yucky, you are keeping stigma alive. Please stop.

So yes, I look forward to the day when “I had two abortions” isn’t a punchline. Nevertheless, I still appreciate seeing a character say that she did, especially one who is this funny and cool.

GRADE

A- Based on previous episodes, I had no expectation of loving this story as much as I did. The grievances listed above would usually result in a lower grade, but that just shows how great the rest of the episode is.

* While the bartender’s timeline implies that there was a waiting period for her procedure (consistent with Pennsylvania law), this is not something Jules encounters when she meets with the physician. I imagine this detail was omitted for the purpose of moving the story along, but it is an oversight.

** The only other character I’ve seen who talks about having had more than one abortion is Mimi-Rose from Girls.

- by Tara

UPDATE: A reader correctly noted that Samantha from Sex and the City also talked about having had two abortions. Good catch!

#abortion #abortion episode #brockmire

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glorioussoulwerewolf · 6 years

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The Switch part 4

The Switch

Part Four

After showering and having breakfast, Jake handed Jonathan a pair of cross trainers, socks, mesh shorts and a t, and told him to get dressed in them. Harold came in to announce they had a visitor; a Mr. Anthony was there for Jonathan. Jake asked Harold if everything was ready and was reassured that it was.

They entered the study to find Anthony standing there. He had removed his shirt and was the perfect fitness specimen with his large ripped arms and legs, as well as his firm, tight ass and wash board abs that popped from his chest. He looked at Jonathan and asked him if he was the one who needed a trainer. Confused, Jonathan did not know how to answer. Jake explained to Anthony that it was important for Jonathan to have a body like his; well shaped and defined. He wanted his 42" chest to expand to 48" while his waist was to decrease from 36" to 30"; his legs and arms were to double in size. Money was not an object and he had secured the condo below them to be used as a gym. Anthony put his arm around Jonathan and said "We're wasting time here. Let's get started." Harold accompanied them to the elevator and brought them to the new gym. "I do trust you will find all of the equipment you said you would need here Sir. I do apologize but the mirrors will not be installed later today." Anthony asked if he was to juice Jonathan up and was told to do whatever is needed to prepare Mr. Jonathan to meet Master Jacob's specifications.

Anthony injected Jonathan with HGH and gave him a protein shake. "You will drink three of these a day and I will inject you before each workout. Shakes are to be consumed before our morning workout, before our afternoon workout and one afterwards. They're vanilla flavored but you might want to add a banana or berries to them and whip them up in the blender." Jonathan nodded in agreement. They began their workouts with Jonathan barely able to bench press 135 pounds. "That will change as you get stronger. Don't worry about the amount of weight; it is all about form for now." Anthony told him. They met daily at 8 am and worked out for four hours, stopped for a light lunch that Harold would bring to them, and then continued to work out for another four hours, repeating this regimen seven days a week. Jonathan would take his supplements as well to include injections of HGH, Creatine shakes with weight gainer added in, and vitamin supplements religiously. After dinner, his evening routine was the same - put on his chaps, sit on the new machine Jake bought him and have his hole opened wide. Then he would kneel before Jake who was dressed in his tuxedo and suck the cum out of his cock.

Every morning, he would wake up and immediately shower and dress to head down to the gym. Harold would have his breakfast ready for him down there consisting of oatmeal, his shake, a platter filled with bacon and eggs, and a large bowl of fresh fruit. Jonathan would consume it all. His appetite kept increasing daily as he worked out and his evening schedule changed. For the next couple of months, Jake would be "otherwise occupied" as Harold would say, so Jonathan would get fucked by the machine and head to bed. The dildo on the device had to be increased in size several times as his hole opened wider and wider.

A month had gone by and Jake saw Jonathan come up from the gym. "You hair is getting long and you need a dye job." he told his brother. "And look at those legs - you have hair on them. I am contacting Bruce at the salon and having him come over with a team this evening to have him take care of it. Put your black silk suit on this evening with your black sequin bowtie and black and white checked silk shirt. I want you to look especially nice for dinner. By the way, have you noticed? You are getting bigger. Your shoulders seem wider." Jonathan smiled at his brother. He was right he thought to himself. He did notice his dark roots were showing and his hair was getting long.

Jonathan went to change and put his shirt on. Before he could even button it, he found his shirt was a bit tight across the shoulders and as he put his pants on, he noticed they were getting loose. He attached a set of black braces to hold them up and started to pull his shirt across his body to button it up. He heard a tear in the back but said it would have to do, that he needed to get dressed the way Jake wanted. He put on his cufflinks, tied his bowtie, fixed his hair, added a pocket silk and lapel flower to his jacket and slid it on. He couldn't button it as it would not fit properly across his shoulders but went to the dining room anyway. "I see we need to get you measured for some new clothes." Jake remarked as he saw his brother. "But for now, this will do." Harold brought out a three pound roast. Jake watched as Jonathan loaded his plate with meat, veggies and potatoes, and then had a second plate, and then a third. This new workout routine had increased his appetite significantly and he could not believe how much Jonathan was now eating without gaining weight around his waist. In fact, Jake noticed how thin Jonathan was getting and smiled as he knew Anthony was worth every penny he was being paid.

After dinner, Bruce arrived with several members of his staff. He instructed Jonathan to change into a robe and meet him in the bathroom. The team went to work reshaping Jonathan's hair, dying it platinum, waxing and dying his brows, giving him a mani/pedi, and a full body wax. He was given a curling iron and shown how to use it to put marcel curls in the front and along the sides, helping him to have more of a 20's hairstyle.

This became the routine for the year. Jonathan and Anthony would work out religiously and Bruce would bring his team over every three weeks to refresh his looks. To make things easier, Jonathan had moved into a room in the flat downstairs but the only clothes he kept there were his work out attire and silk pajamas for that was all he needed. Anthony had Jonathan start using a tanning bed as well and today was the grand unveiling. Jake came down to the other flat to see his brother. His abs were harder and popped more than Anthony's. He now had tight washboard abs . His arms were huge and well defined with veins popping from his shoulders to his hands. His back muscles had grown and were now popping out. His chest was well developed and he was now a rock hard 48. He had no waist and no fat. In fact, he now had a 28" waist which made his upper torso look very formidable. As for his legs, the muscles and veins popped out there as well. With his blonde hair and bronze tan, he looked like a Greek God. Jake was pleased as he looked as his brother - muscled, tanned and oiled. Jonathan kept flexing in the mirrors as he stared at himself. He couldn't help himself as he was able to wiggle his pierced breasts. He was in love with how he looked. He was no longer that scrawny guy saw as he looked at his brother. He was tanned while his brother was ash white. It was a dream come true. Harold handed him one of his old silk shirts and Jonathan could not get his arm in either sleeve so Harold cut them off. Jonathan slid the shirt on and flexed, only to tear the shirt across the back. He was worried Jake would be upset but Jake only smiled and handed him another shirt telling him to do it again.

While Jonathan was training every day, Jake had mastered his signature and had taken control of all his assets. He had his looks and dressed in Jonathan's old style, always wearing a bespoke suit, tailor made shirts, braces, sheer socks with garters, well polished shoes, a pocket silk, lapel pin, and one of his signature bowties. He could not help himself. He could not bring himself to wear a necktie - he felt he had to wear bowties and suits from morning until he retired for the evening. Even when he went to church, he was now dressed more appropriately. He never went to church before he moved in with his brother and now he was a deacon, donning a morning suit with a large bowtie, gloves and top hat. Everyone there knew him as Jonathan and he loved the attention. He would take walks around the park after church dressed that way, carrying a diamond studded walking stick, tipping his hat as he passed a lady even though he no longer had any interest in them. He was never found without a suit on, even while sitting in his study. Yes, his study as he was now the only Jonathan Baxter.

He determined having two men with Jonathan Baxter's face would not suffice but he wished no harm come to his brother. He looked at the new Jonathan with that fantastic body but still saw his face. "I have to do something about his face. I can't have him going out looking so fit and masculine with my face." he told himself. He was already working on a new identity for Jonathan with a new name but needed to do something about the face as he would soon be known as Gordon Locke, after his golden locks of hair. And this flat with all of the athletic equipment would become Gordon's new home.

Anthony was also pleased with the new body Jonathan had developed and asked Jake what he thought. "You did a remarkable job with him. I have your check here. Thank you for all you did!" Anthony told Jake that Jonathan should continue with the shakes but discontinue the HGH, and that it was important that he continue to work out daily. "I will make sure it happens." As Anthony went to leave, Jonathan said his good-byes and thanked him repeatedly. Both men could not help but notice that Jonathan now spoke with a lisp.

Jake suggested to his brother that it was now time to get him some new clothing and asked what he would prefer. "Leatherzzz would be great. And I do like how the silk stuff feels on my body." Jake instructed Harold, "Obtain the services of the tailor we last used for Jonathan's wardrobe to come to the upstairs condo immediately. I believe his name was Armando. Tell him we have a challenge for him as my brother can no longer fit into anything off the rack." Armando arrived with swatch books and a tape measure in hand. He and Jake spent the day selecting suit and shirt swatches for Jonathan's new clothes as Jonathan stood by and watched. When Jake suggested he wanted a full rack of leather clothing for his brother, Armando suggested they not only look at black but tan and blue, and that Jonathan start wearing piercing blue contacts as they would look wonderful on him. He ordered an assortment of leather pants in black, blue and tan; some with stripes. As for shirts, they were all long and short sleeve leather with shoulder straps in matching colors. For the pants with stripes, the shirts had matching piping. High leather boots, a Sam Browne shoulder strap and belt, leather bow tie, cap, jacket, and trench coat, all in leather, all in colors matching the pants were ordered. "You do understand this will all have to be custom made", Armando told Jake and he said that would be fine. He then ordered some silk shirts in an assortment of colors and patterns, and said Jonathan will also need several new tuxedos as we as suits for special occasions. Armando suggested a black double breasted tuxedo, a navy with black satin trim single breasted with a shawl collar, and a black three piece tuxedo with a peaked collar. Jake loved the choices and had them added to the order. As for his suits, he ordered all 2 piece suits with peaked lapels in solid bright blue, light grey, and black, and a blue plaid, a grey with large pink checks, and a blue sear sucker. All of his ties were to be bow ties. Pocket silks, shirts, sheers, sock and arm garters, and lapel pins completed the order. Jonathan was excited over his new clothing and couldn't wait for them to arrive. For now, he would continue to dress in his mesh shorts and t's.

The two men retired for the evening. Unknown to both of them, Harold continued with their training by playing tapes in their bedrooms once they were asleep. They were becoming the men Harold wanted them to be.

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