#yet again a sucker for the circle of fifths

[pasta-connoisseur]

No one told me that beggars opera was that good

[everybodyscupoftea]

b you know I’m a sucker for rafe smut hook it up

yes ma’am :)

since this is a thanks for fantasy draft help, this could be the second part of that football rival request i got mayhaps?

(warnings: cursing, nsfw)

due to rafe being about 2 hours away, your job, and your ingrained hatred of all things oxford and ole miss, you didn’t see rafe much more than one weekend a month, occasionally two if neither of you were busy.

one friday afternoon, you’d forgotten at rafe was coming to stay with you, and decided to take a nap after your yoga class and shower. it felt like you’d just fallen asleep when a knock at your door jolted you back awake.

with a groan, you rolled over to see four missed calls and a bunch of texts from rafe about getting dirty looks at the gas station in starkville, more dirty looks in your apartment’s parking lot, and the most dirty looks waiting in the hallway for you to wake up and let him in.

you grinned, rubbing your eyes, and got out of bed to go unlock the door. throwing it open, you leaned against the door frame and crossed your arms, “afternoon, baby,” you told him.

he looked you up and down, focusing on your bare legs, before leaning down to kiss you. pulling away after a few seconds, he whispered, “you wearing pants, sweetheart?”

“i dunno, why don’t you come in and find out.”

his grin was sharp and he wrapped you up into a strong hug, “damn i missed you.”

your smile softened and you hugged him back, “missed you too, cameron.”

stepping back to let him in fully and shut the door, you finally got a good look at him, “you’re complaining about dirty looks but you rolled into down decked out in ole miss shit. i don’t know why you’re so confused.”

he laughed, head falling back, and put both of his hands on your shoulder, “oh i have a plan.”

“yeah, what’s that?”

“i want you to wear it.”

recoiling harshly, you shook your head, “fuck no. hell will absolutely freeze over before i put that shit on my body voluntarily.”

he smirked, “don’t speak so soon. you owe me one.”

furrowing your brows, you thought back, “wait, what?”

“you lost our last bet and i’m cashing in.”

“no, absolutely not. that’s not part of the terms and conditions.”

“hm, seems like it’s part of the fine print,” he joked, pulling his shirt off and handing it over to you, “put it on, baby.”

“okay, so i wear it, you fuck me, and then i can take it off?”

“no,” he smirked, “you wear it all night.”

you bristled, but he was right, you’d lost the bet fair and square (how the fuck did the saints manage to lose to the fucking panthers). so, you pulled your shirt off and put his on with a heavy sigh, really playing out the dramatics.

rafe sat down and smiled with his arms crossed, “this is hot.”

“i hate you.”

“you don’t.”

and you didn’t, but your patience did start to wear thin as he wanted to order dinner and watch a movie and barely touched you all night. rafe kept you in eyesight so he could constantly see the logo on your chest which for some odd reason was really doing it for him.

when it hit 10 and the movie was ending you turned to face him, “okay, either we have sex now or i’m taking this shirt off and going to bed.”

he laughed and nodded, “alrighty then, let’s do it.”

you rolled your eyes, feeling bratty, and stood up, holding a hand out. rafe shook his head and you groaned, “cameron, come on.”

“sorry, what is it you want?”

“to take this fucking shirt off. why, you see something you want?” you asked, covering up the logo with one of your hands, stubbornly.

“hmm, maybe. you sure you don’t see something you like too?”

you shook your head, “nope. only a blonde asshole on my couch.”

rafe smiled, “i think you’re lying.”

finally standing up, he crossed the room and stood behind you, pressing up against you. you shivered as he dipped his head and bit down gently on your earlobe, his hands grabbing yours and pulling till they were resting on the arm of the couch, you leaning forward slightly.

his hands slid from your hands up your arms to your shoulders as he started kissing down your neck. you gripped the arm of the couch tightly as one of his hands wandered down, pushing the hem of the shirt up and pulling the band of your shorts away from your pelvis. you thought he was going to push them down, but he let the band snap back, startling you, and laughed.

rafe’s other hand traced the stitched logo on your chest repeatedly as he stood up straight and dug his chin into your hair. you bent forward slightly and he tapped the inside of your foot with one of his, signaling for you to spread your legs more.

“i think there is definitely something you want,” he spoke lowly into your ear.

you sighed, “fuck you.”

rafe pushed his hips forward to let you feel him, half hard in his sweats and you dropped your head back on his shoulder. before you could move, he was pushing forward again, “keep your hands on the couch, sweetheart.”

you did as he said, tightening your grip, and he rewarded you by sliding a hand back under your shirt, circling your belly button a few times before sliding up to cup your breasts and you exhaled sharply, nipples rubbing against his rough palms.

 he shoved a hand back into your shorts and stiffened when he realized you weren’t wearing any underwear. you could hear the smirk when he asked, “is this for me?”

“no,” you started, cutting yourself off with a moan when his fingers slid between your folds, “i didn’t even know you were coming.”

“forgot, huh? for that maybe you won’t be coming?”

“nooo,” you whined and rubbed your ass against him, trying to prompt him forward.

rafe clucked his tongue at you and pushed two fingers into you, “be good or you definitely won’t be coming.”

he kept pumping his fingers in and out, every so often pulling one out to rub teasing touches around your clit. your knees went weak after about the fifth time and your nails dug into the couch as you tried to stay upright. 

it was hot in the room, rafe’s body heat radiating from behind and a bead of sweat dripped down your temple as you fought to stay standing while his fingers took you apart. 

you clenched down around him three times, close to coming, and rafe mumbled out curses, trying to shove his sweatpants down enough to free his cock. grabbing the condom out of his wallet, rafe pushed your shorts down and you sighed out in relief, finally about to get what you want.

“don’t come yet, baby, i know you’re close,” he told you, warning in his tone.

you whined as he put the condom on and pumped himself a few times before lining up and finally sinking into you. rafe slid an arm around your stomach, under the shirt, and started thrusting.

dropping his forehead onto your shoulder, he spread one palm across your stomach and traced over the ole miss logo with his other hand. you gasped as he bit down on your shoulder, accompanied by a harder thrust. 

“fuck,” he groaned lowly, lips brushing against your neck as he sped up, pulling you back to meet his thrusts.

you couldn’t do much more than whine, still focusing on not coming and holding onto the couch. rafe was getting close, you didn’t want to risk him stopping. the hand on the logo started to massage your breasts through the shirt, and his other hand dropped to rub over your clit.

knees weakening, your head dropped back on his shoulder and you tightened and loosened your grip, anxious to move your hands.

“you can move ‘em, sweetheart,” he reassured, and you did, one going to the material of his shirt, hanging on to it to ground yourself. his thrusts started to speed up, going even deeper, and he sucked the side of your throat, teeth pressing into your skin.

pulling away slightly, he growled, “i want to feel you come.”

“you’re going to have to fuck me harder,” you egged him on between gasps.

rafe growled, hand on your breasts dropping slightly to hold you in place when his hips sped up. moving one of your hands, you dug your nails into his hand and bit down hard on your lip.

cursing into your neck, rafe’s hips started to stutter and his finger on your clit sped up, working it hard and fast. you panted and shook and at his growled, “come for me, baby,” went limp, coming hard and clenching down harder.

rafe growled and you pulled his hand away from your clit to rest on your stomach, smearing wetness across your skin. he pulled your chin up and kissed you hard, tongue sliding over yours feverishly. 

“getting close,” he groaned and you whimpered out his name. rafe came quickly after, grunting with each pulse of his cock inside you, and stayed in place as he softened, pressing soft kisses over the harsh marks he’d sucked earlier.

you hummed at the feeling, wiggling slightly until he slipped out of you and sank into his arms. rafe chucked and helped you and your weak knees to the couch. laying down, rafe pulled the blanket over you and pressed a kiss to your cheek, “gonna go take care of the condom and be back.”

eyes squinted, you watch him kick his sweats the rest of the way off and head to the bathroom. he came back a minute or so later and got under the blanket with you, cuddling into your front. you nuzzled his chest, “that was fun.”

“yeah?” he asked, “fun enough to get you to keep the shirt on?”

you rolled your eyes, “fuck off, cameron. whenever i wake back up, i’m burning it.”

“no you won’t.”

“bet,” you argued back sleepily, not waiting for his response before falling asleep.

[myherowritings]

the jealous type

— overview: class 1-a has a game night in the common room. bakugou sees you and todoroki getting too close for comfort and can’t stop himself from getting jealous.

— pairing: bakugou katsuki x female!reader

— word count: 3.4k

— warnings: lots of swearing, jealous bakugou (yes that is a warning bc damn boy), sexual tension

— author’s note: this request was so fun to write i was literally on a roller coaster of emotions the whole time. like i couldn’t stop laughing at some parts, then other parts i straight up cried while writing, then i got happy and giggly again...agh. this was something else ;p enjoy!

“Does Todoroki have to be good at everything he does?” Uraraka whispered from beside you, staring in awe as he easily reached five stars on the game Just Dance.

You giggled in agreement. “And does he have to look so good while doing it?”

Ashido joined in on your little circle, nodding as she admired the way his toned muscles flexed while dancing to “Womanizer.” “The rest of the boys really have nothing on him.”

As the three of you--and most likely every other girl in Class 1-A (plus Midoriya)--admired Shouto’s subtle yet graceful style of dancing, Bakugou fumed from behind the sofa. Why was everyone so obsessed with that bastard?

Katsuki scoffed and, startled, you glanced back.

He stood behind the couch you, Mina, and Ochako were on, the ever-present scowl on his face deeper than normal.

“I don’t get what the big deal is,” he muttered, staring past you to glare at Todoroki who was currently beating Kaminari in “Hot n Cold.” “He’s not even that good.”

“He’s beaten everyone he’s played against so far,” you said in a singsong voice. “Seems quite good to me.”

“Tch.”

Mina took a quick break from ogling at Shouto to roll her eyes at Katsuki. “Seems like someone is jealous.”

“Fuck off, Raccoon Eyes,” Bakugou scoffed. “What would I have to be jealous of?”

Just then, the song ended, the screen flashing a crown over Player 1, Shouto.

“Damn!” swore Kaminari, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Eijirou gave him a pat on the shoulder as he sat down.

“Todoroki-chan!” you exclaimed, jumping up from your seat and giving him a high five-turned-hug for his fifth win in a row. “You were amazing, as always.”

Shouto gave you a small smile in return, patting your back gently as you handed him his water bottle.

“Thanks, Y/L/N.”

“Anytime, Icy Hot,” you said with a wink.

Meanwhile, Mina was smirking at a red-faced Katsuki.

His hands were gripping the cushion of the couch, sparks sounding off his forearms. He watched Todoroki whisper something in your ear, causing you to laugh, and he felt his stomach churn uncontrollably.

“Not jealous, huh?” she remarked.

His left eye twitched. He was not jealous of that half-and-half bastard.

But your hand was still on his arm--why the fuck was your hand still on his arm?--and you had a slight flush to your face. What could Icy Hot have possibly said that made you blush? Bakugou would rather read only Machiavelli for the rest of his life than attempt to make conversation with that boring square.

“Look, he won again!” you said, wielding a triumphant expression as you walked back to your seat. “Still think Todoroki’s not good?”

“Anyone can win in that stupid game,” Katsuki muttered under his breath.

“Why don’t you prove it then?” Ashido piped in, a devilish grin on her face. “If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you play against Todoroki and see who wins?”

He scoffed. “And why would I want to prove anything to you?”

“Aw, come on, Bakugou,” you said with a pout. “It’ll be fun!”

Of all the things you had to say…, he thought crossly.

“I don’t think so.”

Tilting your head to the side, a challenging look mingled with your features. “Oh. I see.”

“See what?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

“You’re scared.”

“What the hell would I be scared of?” said Bakugou, voice louder this time.

“You’re scared you’re going to lose to Todoroki, so you’d rather not play!” you proclaimed as if it were the most obvious thing. He felt as if a vein in his forehead was about to pop. “Your scared that maybe King Explosion isn’t the best after all.”

He heard Kaminari and Kirishima ‘ooh’ from the sofa next to you, but Katsuki was too outraged by your comment to spare them a second glance.

“You think I would lose to that bastard?!” he practically scoffed.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

With his ears growing hot in anger, he grabbed the Player 2 Wii Remote from your outstretched hand and did his best to ignore the smirk on your face.

“Fucking bring it, Half-and-Half,” he growled at Todoroki, who was simply standing in front of the television screen with a blank look on his face. “I’ll show all you dumbasses…”

“Hell yeah!” Kirishima cheered, hopping up from his seat on the couch to give Bakugou a pep talk, Kaminari and Sero following behind with equally animated faces. “You can do this in your sleep, Bakubro.”

His forehead throbbed at the insufferable nickname, but before he could say anything Mina dove towards the Wii console with a DVD in hand.

“Can I pick the song?” she cried, changing out the game version to Just Dance 4. “I have the perfect dance in mind!”

And that’s how, ten minutes and tons of arguing later, Katsuki found himself with Shouto’s arms around his waist as they danced to “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” in front of his dumb crush and all their dumb classmates.

How he got suckered into being the female dancer, he wasn’t sure.

Mina said he should be the girl because he was shorter-- To which he replied by promising to dye her hair puke green while she was asleep. But the moment you looked up at him with those stupid, pleading eyes and dimpled smile on your face as you told him it’d be so much better with him as the girl, he found himself giving in.

He was a complete fucking fool when it came to you. And the day you ever figured it out would be the end of him.

“Don’t kiss my fucking hand,” Bakugou hissed, ripping it out from Shouto’s grasp as the song went into full action.

Todoroki barely spared him a glance as he posed for the signature move and continued swinging his arms. “It’s part of the dance.”

“Do you think the dumb game can actually tell if you touch me or not?” he retorted, sending him a flying kiss with the remote control.

“Maybe that mentality is why you’re losing.”

Katsuki gaped.

Shouto smiled.

With an annoyed grunt, he began to take the game much more seriously. He’d show that half-and-half bastard…

“Damn, get it, Bakugou!” cheered Kaminari as he scored his third perfect ‘YEAH!’ on the golden poses.

“I hate to say this, but I can’t tell if Bakugou or Todoroki looks hotter doing this dance,” Mina loudly whispered to you and Ochako.

When heard you agree with a fit of giggles, he felt a smug grin spread across his face. In fact, the sound of your laughter was so captivating, he didn’t even mind Todoroki’s clammy hands on his waist as he twirled around.

As the song drew closer to the end, they both easily surpassed the 5 Stars mark, with his score bar merely a centimeter higher than Shouto’s. But he was winning that son of a bitch and that was all that mattered.

“Grand finale time!” Kirishima yelled as Bakugou and Todoroki clasped hands for the final time, tiptoeing away from each other.

“What?” he asked.

“The infamous lift!” you said with a clap of your hands. “Just like in Dirty Dancing. You have to finish the dance off with the lift!”

Katsuki grunted in annoyance but turned to face Todoroki in time with the figures on screen. Shouto raised a brow in amusement and Bakugou wanted to wipe that all-knowing look off his face.

“Do it for Y/L/N, right?”

“Fuck you.”

With a deep scowl, he ran towards the bastard and leapt off the ground with his hands on Todoroki’s shoulders.

“You drop me, you die,” he warned in a menacing tone.

Todoroki let out an indignant puff of air as he caught him. Adjusting to the weight in his hands, Shouto’s arms briefly trembled before he easily steadied them.

“Hmm. For someone so short, you’re actually quite heavy.”

Bakugou’s mouth dropped open. “Who the fuck are you calling short?!”

“You.”

“I’M 172 CENTIMETERS TALL.”

“Yaoyorozu is taller than you.”

“By one fucking centimeter!”

“You’re still short.”

“Why, you little--!”

This time, Bakugou didn’t hold back. He swiftly swung his leg, aiming for Todoroki’s stomach, but right as he was about to make contact, Todoroki jumped out of the way, his grip loosening as Bakugou came tumbling down.

With a strangled yell, Katsuki felt his stomach drop at the 176 centimeter fall (bastard wasn’t even that much taller than him) as he landed with an ungraceful thud.

His eye twitched as he glared up at Shouto’s eerily calm face. “You fucking dropped me!”

“You tried to kick me.”

“That doesn’t mean you can drop me!”

Bakugou was so caught up in arguing, he hardly noticed his well-deserved win. That was, until Kaminari and Sero came up to him and Todoroki wandered off to talk to you.

They were raving about how cool his dancing looked, but all he could focus on was the smile on your face as you gave Half-and-Half a high five. When you wiped a bead of sweat off his temple with a teasing crinkle of your nose, Katsuki just couldn’t stand it anymore.

He played this damn game--put on this stupid fucking show--all for you. And while he knew you didn’t owe him anything, it was frustrating to see how easily you blew it off the minute you got a simple glance from Mr. Perfect.

Clenching his jaw, Bakugou stormed out of the common room without a word, shoving his way past any of his classmates that tried to see what was wrong as he headed up the stairs to his room.

Fuck them all, he thought. He was angry at Icy Hot for getting close to you in a way he never could. He was angry at Raccoon Eyes for planting the stupid idea of jealousy in his head. And he was angry at you for making him feel this type of way.

A churning stomach, a heated face, clenched fists-- Those are all things he loved to feel during a fight. But not here. Not now. Not because of you.

Irritated, he pulled out the key card from his pocket. But just as he was about to unlock the door, he heard someone panting as they ran down the hall.

“Wait!” you cried through deep breaths, trying to catch up to him. “Bakugou!” You paused when you finally reached him, leaning against the wall to steady yourself. “Why’d you leave like that?”

His hand was still on the handle but he turned his head to look your way.

“What do you mean?” he managed to get out steadily.

“I mean, I thought we were all having a fun time, but then you ran off with a pissed expression on your face!” You frowned, taking a step closer to him. “Is something bothering you?”

Yeah. How close you and that half-and-half bastard were.

He scoffed. “No, of course not.”

You bit the inside of your cheek.

“I’m surprised you even noticed with how inseparable you and your boyfriend were,” Bakugou grumbled before he could stop himself.

Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass.

“My...boyfriend?”

He folded his arms across his chest, avoiding your gaze.

Staring up at him, you blinked. “Are you talking about Todoroki?”

“Tch.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” you said with amusement, rolling your eyes. “I don’t even like him in like that.”

“Funny. Doesn’t seem that way.”

You grew defensive. “Why do you care, anyways?”

“That’s a dumb question.”

“And that was a dumb answer.”

“Hmph.”

As he continued to dodge the conversation, you grew more and more annoyed.

You sighed. “Could you just answer the question?”

“What question?”

“Why did you leave?!” you asked with an exasperated shout.

“Why do you care?!” Katsuki bit back.

You glared at him and he matched your intensity head on. “Because, for some pathetic reason, I care about you, asshole!”

“It didn’t seem that way when you kept cozying up to Todoroki!”

“Why the fuck do you keep mentioning Todoroki?!” you cried, frustrated.

“Because he’s the only damned person you seemed to notice all fucking night, baka!” Red in the face, he couldn’t contain his emotions any longer. “Todoroki this, Todoroki that-- ‘Wow, Shouto, you were so amazing!’” he mocked in a harsh tone. “If you’re so fucking obsessed with him, why aren’t you there right now?”

“I don’t know!” Your voice came out in a strangled shout and when Bakugou looked at you he noticed the glassy sheen in your eyes and the hurt expression in your face.

Your cheeks were puffed slightly and your lower lip jutted out in a tremble so slight he only noticed because of the close attention he was paying. He instinctively reached forward to wipe a stray tear away, but you pulled back, stung.

Katsuki felt like shit.

Of all the things that could’ve happened, making you cry was the last thing he wanted to do.

With a sniffle, you folded your arms across your chest and lifted your chin up. “You’re right, I could be downstairs with Todoroki and the rest of our friends, dancing and having a fun time, but instead I’m in a hallway with a jerk who obviously doesn’t want me here!”

He sighed, his voice coming out rougher than usual. “I never said I didn’t want you here.”

“No, but you’re acting like it.”

Katsuki bristled. “Fine, just go and run to Todoroki then! No one’s forcing you to stay!”

“Good, because I don’t want to stay!”

“Good!”

You both glared at each other, heat unwavering as you refused to break eye contact.

“You know what? You’re such an asshole, Bakugou!” you cried in frustration, fingers digging into your palms as you balled your fists. You shook your head, angry tears threatening to fall down your face. “To think I actually like someone like you.”

He blinked at your words, taken aback. “What?”

You glowered. “Are you really going to make repeat that?”

“No, baka, I just--” Katsuki blew a quick breath of air through his teeth. “Don’t you like Icy Hot?”

“Yeah, as a friend!”

“Then why do you two always look so goddamn cozy anytime you’re in the same room? It’s like he’s the only person you see when you’re around him,” he grumbled, uncertain of his admission. “It’s not to make me jealous, is it?”

“Oh, get over yourself, big head!” You eyes narrowed as you scowled, but at least you were no longer sad. Bakugou would much rather have you annoyed with him for the rest of his days than make you cry again. “Todoroki and I are good friends and I’m just comfortable enough around him to act like that. It’s not because I like him-- And it’s certainly not because I was trying to make you jealous!”

At your menacing frown, Bakugou held his hands up.

“Okay, fine,” he snapped defensively. “My mistake, then. It was my own idiocy that made me jealous.”

“Exactly!” you retorted. Then, more quietly, “Wait-- What?”

“What now?!”

You bit your lower lip, suddenly averting your gaze. “You were jealous?”

He snorted, trying not to let his embarrassment show. “Isn’t that what I just fucking said?”

“Well, yes… But why were you jealous, exactly?”

“Do I need to spell it out for you, baka?” Katsuki asked disbelievingly. “As if it couldn’t be anymore obvious.”

Ashido knew. Uraraka knew. Even Todoroki, the most oblivious asshole in all of Japan, somehow figured it out. How the fuck haven’t you?

“Your obvious and my obvious seem to be different,” you said in an accusing tone, taking a step closer with each word as you prodded your finger into his chest.

“Obviously.”

“What?” you cried in disbelief. Even Bakugou didn’t know what he meant by that. Your body was just so fucking close to his he couldn’t even think straight anymore. Damn you. “This conversation is going nowhere! Just answer the stupid question!”

“Yes, I was jealous! Okay?” he said brusquely, moving away until he shoulder hit the corner of his doorway. “I was jealous of you and that damn half-and-half bastard. Whenever he’s around, it’s like he’s all you see. He looks at you, smiles at you, touches you in a way that I never can.”

You shifted even closer to him, almost closing the distance between the two of you, and Katsuki saw the nervous tremble in your step despite the confident look on your face.

“And why would you be jealous of that?” you asked slowly, almost tantalizing.

His felt his face heat up, flustered. Were you really going to make him say it?

You raised a brow and he growled, “Because I like you!”

“And I already told you I like you, too--” You broke off with a disdainful shake of your head. “God knows why.”

Although you told him those exact words earlier, his stomach still churned with the same intensity. “Then why aren’t you like that with me?”

And there it was. The million dollar question. The source of all his frustration.

Why was it so easy for you to be with Todoroki--to laugh with him and flirt with him--when you could barely look Bakugou in the eye unless it was to glare?

“Because you’re you,” you said, shuffling your weight between your feet. “You make me nervous when you’re around. It’s easy to talk to Todoroki because I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. But with you-- You make my stomach feel weird and my heart acts funny and it’s like I suddenly forget how to speak.” You paused like you were out of breath. “I...I don’t know how to make it stop.”

As you talked, he found it hard to swallow. His breathing came out in sharp huffs and he found his warm hand resting on your hip, drawing you nearer.

There was a lapse of silence after your admission, and you wanted to withdraw in embarrassment, staring down at the floor and wriggling out of his grasp. But before you could move, Bakugou lifted your chin with a gentle finger until you faced him.

You looked into his eyes for what felt like forever until he spoke up.

“That makes two of us,” he said with a bark of laughter. Bakugou shut his eyes, almost in pain by what he was about to say next. “I’m a complete idiot when you’re around. It’s like I can’t help but make a fool of myself.”

“You did look pretty foolish earlier tonight,” you said teasingly, a shy smile on your face despite the way you ran your hand up his torso and rest your palm on his chest.

“Tch. Is that so?” He hoped you couldn’t feel how heart his beating through the thin material of his shirt. “You looked pretty impressed during the dance.”

“Yeah, at Shouto.”

He knew you were joking, but he couldn’t help but stiffen, almost drawing his hands away from you until you laughed.

“Sorry, was that too soon?” you said through giggles, placing Bakugou’s hands back on your hips as you leaned towards him. His back was pressed against the wall as you stood between his legs.

Katsuki huffed at your response, but his annoyance was easily forgotten when you peered up at him with wide eyes and a pouty lower lip he wanted to take between his own.

“You never have to worry about Todoroki, or Kirishima, or Shinsou-- Or anyone else. Because it’s you I like. And although you make my head hurt and annoy me to no end, I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else.”

“I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else, either,” he admitted roughly. “I’m glad it’s you.”

“Good.” Your features lit up with a grin and Bakugou felt like he was attacked by the Sun itself.

He felt himself smiling back foolishly until his cheeks hurt. “Good.”

As you tilted your head upwards, Katsuki’s leaned down and met you halfway. Your lips were soft with a taste of cherry lingering on the surface and your body was inviting as you brushed your hips against his. It was slow and it was deep, passionate yet sensual.

And it was the best damn kiss he had ever had.

- - - - -

author’s note: *SCREAMS FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT* the end! tt.tt *goes from crack fic to agonizing jealousy so fast i got whiplash*

i WHEEZED while write the shouto and katsuki dance duet someone PLEASE draw them doing the iconic dirty dancing lift with some of class 1-a + reader reacting like “what the fuck but also damn...respect” PLEASE I’M ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU JSAHFK

[spockandawe]

The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish

Okay, legit book pitch time, because I’m doing a terrible job of coherently typing out the premise every time I try to tell a person about this book, and I cannot stop telling people about this book. Bottom line up front: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish started off a little rough (a combination of everything happens so much in the story itself, and, I think, the translator finding their footing), but I’ve been having such a good time that I am deep, deep in the mtl pit, because I can’t stop reading it.

The premise! This is a transmigration novel, where our hero Li Yu (his name literally translates to ‘carp’, for the record) enters the universe of a novel he just finished. He does not enter the body of a character from the novel, he enters as... a fish. A tiny little ingredient-for-fish-soup tier fish. Before he’s totally figured out what is going on, there’s an attempt to turn him into soup, and even when he flails his way out of the person’s hands, he’s.... stolen by a cat. And then, at the very last moment, he’s saved, and placed into a bowl of water to recover. This is the part of the book where So Much Is Happening and I was genuinely stressed by fish suffering.

But once he’s safe in a bowl, he finally gets to really talk to a System, and gets given some actual instructions. Surprise, sucker! You’re in a book! And he’s tasked with changing the path of that book’s protagonist, who goes from being the fifth imperial prince to eventually being the emperor. He’s like ‘oh my god, are you serious, i’m literally a fucking fish’ and the System is like *shrug* and says that well, he can either do the mission or he can die? So he’s like ‘OKAY, COOL, LET’S CHANGE THIS PRINCE’S LIFE.’ He’s also told that if he completes enough tasks, he’ll regain the ability to become human again, which is where I was like okay, this book is maybe not going to be quite so ridiculously batshit as the summary implied. The initial mission doesn’t say anything about romance, but I was still reading it like ohohohohoho, romance!

And the original book! At first, the fifth imperial prince, Jing-wang, was nominally out of the running to take the throne, because he was born with natural mutism and the emperor was told that this might be passed down to his children. He was his mother’s only surviving child, and she died soon after his birth, so he grew up very... isolated and disconnected, which makes sense given his temperament, even before all the other factors come into play. He’s a very cold, distant man, and in the book, eventually won out over his brothers to become the emperor. A cruel, rigid tyrant of an emperor. But! He did have a husband who he loved a lot. Unfortunately, that husband was planted by his brother and sure didn’t love him. The text calls him a black lotus, and describes that relationship as ‘sadomasochistic’, which I’m not sure is quite the right word, but it sure seems... melancholy, and the relationship seems to make Li Yu sad when he thinks about it.

Now, Li Yu is very worried about how the hecc he’s going to impact this imperial prince’s life in any meaningful way, but from the very start, the people around Jing-wang see him going soft for his new pet fish. His father especially is very moved to see his son finally attached to something that way. And I want to say that even the very early bits are... unexpectedly sweet?? Jing-wang doesn’t angst about not being able to speak, which I’d been worried about (I do hear that the mutism gets fixed eventually, which i’m not wild about, but i don’t feel like he’ll ever be a super verbal person tbh), but it’s really cute seeing him figuring out to interact with a pet where not being able to speak shouldn’t even really be a factor. And especially early on, Li Yu makes an effort to be as cute as possible, and way he pets and plays with his fish is the cutest, CUTEST thing.

(li yu is given an escalating series of unbelievably lavish aquariums, but even one of his earliest ones, jing-wang notices he’s interested in a pearl and just quietly fills the aquarium with priceless gemstones for his fish to play with)

There’s something that’s very hard to articulate about this, but in an early scene, Jing-wang brings the fish with him to a stressful meeting and gets angry, and starts holding the fish in a self-soothing way, and Li Yu is like AGH, TOO TIGHT and wriggles out, but before Jing-wang can even get properly upset at being rejected by his fish, Li Yu circles back around and starts winding through his fingers. Even before romance is a factor, the physical contact and comfort were absolutely precious.

When I’d started reading this, my initial mindset was basically ‘okay, so i can see Jing-wang getting attached to his fish, but love? seriously???’, but honestly, the story handled it in a REALLY nice way. There are around 160 chapters total, and by the mid-twenties, Li Yu gains the ability to occasionally/briefly transform into a human, and by the mid-thirties, Li Yu and Jing-wang have had an extended interaction where they’re both human-shaped. And Li Yu acquires other special powers with time, including interdimensional storage space and Super Jumping Powers, and he is seriously, seriously, the most sketchy-ass fish you’ve ever seen, and Jing-wang is a smart cookie.

At first, it’s little things like ‘okay, while Jing-wang is out, I’mmmm going to explore this room!’ And he does the fish equivalent of holding his breath and hops around for a while before returning to his tank like a good little fish, but Jing-wang comes back and there’s water all over the floor and he’s like ‘..............’ So what does he do? He starts leaving teacups of water all over the floor so that his fish can stop and take a breather without worrying about getting back to his tank. And when his fish seems interested in the work he’s doing at his desk, he sets up a teacup next to where he works so that his fish can watch what he’s doing. And initially, he’s kind of like ‘this is normal fish behavior, probably’, but. Li Yu is so focking sketchy. And it really, really doesn’t take long for Jing-wang to start connecting the dots between the strange young man who periodically materializes in/near his quarters and steals his clothes and his fish.

But this story is so funny. When Jing-wang starts getting suspicious, what he eventually concludes is that oh, this is like that fairy tale about the white snake spirit who seduced a human man to steal his spiritual essence. Or the fairy tale about the fox spirit who seduced a human man to steal his essence. Okay. Awright. And he spends considerable time waiting very impatiently, wondering why isn’t my fish seducing me yet??? He even sets things up so that while Li Yu is on his desk watching him work, he starts pointedly reading erotica about the snake spirit and fox spirit, and I can tell that he’s embarrassing himself, while meanwhile, Li Yu is a modern human trying to read ancient Chinese writing, and he’s like ‘haha, lmao, he reads way faster than me, I have no idea what’s happening.’

(later on, when they’ve managed to do a little bit of communication and work things out, Jing-wang proudly tells someone (writes for someone) that the food he’s eating was made for him by his boyfriend. and when the person is like ‘ah, okay. uh. what... is a boyfriend?’ and Jing-wang is like ‘I’ve got no goddamn idea.’)

Also, you may note. That one of the tags on this story is mpreg. And that was honestly why I dove into it, I was like ‘haha, there’s no way a story like this could sell me on a plot point like THAT, go ahead, try, I double dog dare you’. Well. Last night I reached that plot point. Y’all....... it.... worked. It was still silly, but the character himself was like ‘oh my god, you can’t be serious.’ It was silly and cute. At a slightly earlier point, the emperor sends Jing-wang to take a military force and go fight bandits, so Jing-wang was planning to leave Li Yu safely at home, and Li Yu wasn’t happy and non-seriously said, ‘no, your highness, you can’t leave me behind, I’m... CARRYING YOUR CHILD.’ And he didn’t mean it, but Jing-wang wanted to believe it at first, and was really happy, and was :( when Li Yu clarified that no, physically, he’s... not capable of doing that.

Smash cut to not long later, when the System gives Li Yu his next task in the main mission line and it’s.......... babies. Li Yu tries to plead with the System that no, oh my god, I am not physically equipped for this, but also at this point? The System has straight-up modified his fish body several times. He doubled all his attributes once, not realizing this included size, and got stuck in his aquarium cave. And later on, he upgraded from minnow(?) to koi and promptly... got stuck in his aquarium cave. So they’ve already coaxed me along through believing body modifications. And then the actual fish pregnancy process was very understated and low-key, and then once the fish babies hatched, after nine months, they got the ability to turn into human babies. The story even plays around with the idea of fish babies being capable of much more independence than human babies, and the babies being Displeased with the situation. Guys, they sold me on the mpreg. How did they do that?????

And something I genuinely hadn’t expected is that the relationship takes negotiation and growth. The earliest courting scenes are very... high-handed. Which I was into! I can dig a romance novel like that, where the love interest pins the protagonist to a wall and kisses him so good he sweeps him off his feet. But Li Yu gets to be upset, and push Jing-wang away, and be angry when Jing-wang tries to wiggle around the boundaries he’s trying to establish. He gets to tell Jing-wang he feels disrespected and taken advantage of, and Jing-wang learns to back off. And when he decides that he does want to give this thing a try, he lays out a couple base rules for Jing-wang, and Jing-wang takes it so seriously that he legit hangs them on his bedroom wall. 

And everyone who loves Jing-wang is so happy for him. They’re so happy for every positive development in his life. They’re happy when Jing-wang starts caring for his pet fish, and they’re even happier when he falls in love with an actual human. The main barrier to formalizing their relationship isn’t that Li Yu is a man, it’s that Jing-wang needs heirs, and well, that gets worked out. Even the emperor casually mentions that he used to have a male concubine back in the day.

You guys, I’ve been genuinely Moved by this silly novel about a fictional prince falling in love with his pet fish.

I’m not done yet, I’m almost exactly halfway through, and I’ve got no idea what’s coming next. I assume it will be political maneuvering, because Li Yu’s System told him that it’s guaranteed that Jing-wang will eventually become emperor, but the rest is up to him, and there are still a few other princes floating around who opposed him in the original book. And that black lotus husband from the original book is still around too. But Jing-wang has other allies who would have died in the original novel by now, who Li Yu managed to help save. And I’m so invested! I want to know what happens! Li Yu is periodically unlocking Jing-wang backstory reveals as rewards for completing missions, and some of these things give him a better understanding of Jing-wang in the present, but some open up brand new mysteries about Jing-wang’s past. I have to go do my actual job now, and I’m really unhappy about that, because I want! To read more!!! I’m reading the mtl right now, and if you’ve tried mtl, you know the prose can be barely comprehensible at times (i spent like ten chapters thinking jing-wang had two cousins when he has... one....) but still!!! I’m so, so invested, and I can’t stop recommending this book to everyone who has the misfortune to exist in the same space as me :’)

[kazbrkker]

Chapter 8: Second Chances

Chapter summary: Aftermaths of the Wolf’s escape & two painfully, oblivious pining idiots. 

Warnings: mention of stitches, old scars. (3502 words)

28 October 2019, 2330 "Alexis" and "Alex" | Codename Aces CIA with SAS and Urzik militia Sakhra, Urzikstan

    "Stop moving," Alia grumbled exasperatedly for the fifth time. Her nimble fingers were supposed to make stitching up Alexis' gnarly forehead gash easy—if she could stay still. Then again, nobody could sit still through that without anaesthetic.

Begging for a distraction, Alexis' teeth scraped against her pale lips and her fingernails subconsciously dup deeper into Farah's arm with every stitch.

"I don't know why you do this without painkillers," Alia mumbled absentmindedly, every movement meticulous. It went unanswered, for Alexis refused to supply the 16-year-old with more horror. A few more stitches later, the young girl leaned back and smiled.

Thank Heavens. High pain tolerance, sure, but needles... Alexis was wise enough to stay far away.

Alexis' impatiently patted the medical gauze, nodding at the decent patch-up. Of course the Marines had professional medics on deck, but when Alexis awoke, she felt responsible for Alia's red-rimmed eyes and loud sniffles. So, pain be damned.

Alia scowled, swatting her nosy hand, "No! Do you want an infection?"

"I am older than you," Alexis reminded.

"Yes. More stupid too."

Bewildered, her neck craned towards Farah, jaw-slacked at the commander's blatant shrug in agreement. Overwhelmed by the thunderous support, "This is a mutiny of some sorts..."

"Uh-oh, your boyfriend is coming," the young girl loudly announced. Her accusation reeled stares from closer bystanders.

Heat found its way to Alexis' cheeks, spreading under Farah and Alia's teasing grins. Dizziness soon trickled in, forcing her to blink rapidly in an attempt to concentrate past the nasty headache. "Alex is not my boyfriend."

"Did I say it was Alex?"

Farah huffed, bumping fists with the younger. The conniving duo displayed megawatt smiles when Alex and Kyle came into hearing distances. Holding a box of ration packs, Kyle gestured for them to take their pick. That knocked their smugness off.

Alex plopped beside her, eating out of his rations. "Tell me you feel better," he more than demanded, giving her battered state a once-over. His eyes lingered on her forehead.

"Am I supposed to lie?"

A shadow flickered past his face, "Should I bench you?"

"Yes, if you wish to die in your sleep," her quick movements to snatch away his wristwatch communicator intensified the pain. "Although blunt force trauma is not as deadly as this headache."

"Crack another joke and I'll deliver you to Price," Alex threatened at her lightheartedness. Though his menace soon faltered at her radiant grin.

"Boss is not in a good mood," Kyle chimed in.

"Mutiny..." Alexis mumbled. "Fine, no more jokes about concussions."

The group chatted about their game plan for tomorrow when a rude growling stomach sounded. It certainly didn't go unnoticed by Alex, who willingly gave up his rations. Packaged pasta had never tasted better, she mumbled gratefully, "Have I ever told you how amazing you are?"

Alex laughed, "Now I know you hit your head too hard."

"Would you be open to the idea of getting matching injuries?"

"Are you flirting with me?"

"No, it's just in season," Alexis shook her head, bemused. "Shut up and eat your veggies, you're giving me another headache."

The scorching look of triumph was clear in Farah and Alia's expressions and for the same reason, she purposefully evaded their eyes.

"I thought the CIA frowned upon dating in the circle?" Kyle asked casually.

The unexpectable question forced her to choke, coughing loud enough to render someone patting her back. Alexis flushed at his concern, aware of the stutter in his pats. Both CIA agents were red, and boy, were Farah and Alia having a field day.

Alexis prayed her face was the usual controlled indifference. This wasn't the first time someone mislabelled their friendship, so why was this suddenly a big deal? "Yup. They hate it."

Kyle's lips formed an 'o' upon realisation, "Sorry, I thought you two were..."

Alex cleared his throat, "That's a popular opinion."

"Maybe everybody has a point. You did call her baby–" Alia cheekily added.

You little...

Alexis gently slapped a hurried palm against her mouth, muffling the jocular giggles from the young woman. It didn't stop her from cheekily winking at the group. Other than the two in cynosure, the others wore matching grins.

Perhaps they were playing matchmakers, but right now, her priority was to dig herself a hole.

From the unreadable look on Alex's face, he felt the same. When Alia tried to wrestle out of her grips, she thought the reddish hue on his face was a figment of her imagination. Yet if it wasn't, he sure didn't spare her the glory with this knowledge, as his head swiftly lowered to observe the hardwood floor panels.

Witnessing him this taciturn was a rare sight. Before she could entertain her illusions that maybe her friends were onto something, Price yelled for Kyle.

The tension in the air snapped.

"Get some rest. We need energy to catch the Wolf tomorrow," Farah gave a friendly side hug, saving Alex from Alia's nagging reminders about her stitches. He replied with a salute.

And then there were two.

"She's awfully like you," Alex smiled. Spitfire personality, dauntless and stubborn.

"Hopefully not, I'm a horrible person," she joked wearily, eyes losing in a battle against the slurry languor that washed over her. Coupled with the splitting headache, she wrangled between climbing upstairs to find a bed or staying here. The latter almost won until she was hoisted up.

"Don't bother, you're not walking," came Alex's reply and she obliged. When she reopened her eyes, Alex had already sat her down a bed to unlace her boots. She carelessly slithered her sweaty top off her skin.

They squeezed into a tightly-confined shower, sighing in bliss as warm cascades of water enveloped them, splashing the warfare away. Her arms looped contentedly around Alex's neck as he started to wash her blood-crusted hair, careful to shield her head wound.

"Hi," Alex wore a suspicious smile.

She sighed, "Here we go."

"Damn right. You have an immaculate talent for making people worried."

"Why thank you..."

Goosebumps raised as he silkened down her arms, tracing the red streaks clearly shaped from her nails. The way his dark eyes fastened on her made her heartstrings twitch nervously, "You could have died."

She laughed humourlessly. "You think too little of me."

"I'm serious, never do that again. You run into anything you can't handle..."

"I had him under control," she retorted.

"Clearly not enough."

"The bastard got to me. My fault, okay? I messed up. I don't need another reminder," she snapped, and the hands in her hair stopped. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Sure you did," he nodded, not in the slightest offended. The fact that someone managed to one-up her caught his attention instead, "What did he say?"

Now Alexis suspected he could read minds. "Why did you think he said something?"

"Call it a hunch."

Alexis sighed, not fond to revisit her failure. "Alex..."

That was her warning, and he took it. "Just saying, I've never seen Price that worried."

She closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively, "He's just annoyed he'll have to answer to Maddox and Forbes. I'm a prized possession."

The cubicle echoed with their laughs.

Alex worked past the scars that littered her body, leaving trails of soap bubbles. He could pinpoint them with his eyes closed, yet with today's new additions, he had more to commit to memory. His thumb brushed over a spot on her upper right thigh, smirking at the slight shudder he induced but more so at the memory.

Was she nervous?

Hearing Alexis' hoarse voice confirmed his suspicions, "Remember this?"

"'course, you took a bullet for me," Alex said, still glazing over the raised bump.

August 2016, Brazil. 30 grand bounty over their heads. They played a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the entire city. A mercenary almost tore through his kneecaps until she knocked him out of the line of fire.

A charming smirk reappeared, "Few things say "I love you" like a bullet to a non-essential area."

She snorted, punching his chest. Cloudy mist floated around them, the water was too hot, almost scorching. Or maybe it was his warmth, she guessed. Her mind was foggy, only thinking how much endurance she had to not bask in the feeling of his coarse hands.

Then again, she was a soldier. Willpower was all she got.

Maybe not, her hormones decided. As hard as she tried to toss the raunchy thoughts, Alex made it difficult. Especially his arms... she was a real sucker for strong arms. The temperature was sweltering and with their bare bodies practically pressed together was not aiding.

"Switch," was all she said before she forcefully flipped them, leaving her under the running water—hoping it would clear her mind. Hasty fingers weaved in his wet hair, her turn to bathe him.

"Nasty scar," she picked up their conversation, "Scares people away."

"Maybe you should revaluate your definitions of a partner," Alex scoffed, "Scars are god damn sexy."

"In theory, I must be sexy as hell."

Hm. You have no idea.

The bullet scrap on her arm healed nicely by now—still an open wound, though it no longer hurt when she raised her arms. Useful to know, as she foamed his hair. Her gaze traced the numerous tattoos across Alex's body, eventually landing on his chest.

Her favourite tattoo of his—a butterfly.

Butterflies are the universe's proof that second chances exist, this stuck with her ever since she read that somewhere in a digest.

A similar tattoo rested along the sides of her ribcage, accompanied by an eye on top of it. The idea struck her when she finally made Lieutenant. It felt symbolic, a parting gift to her old life.

She always had a sneaking suspicion Alex wanted a matching tattoo but was too afraid or embarrassed to say it. He'd chat her ears off about parallel tattoos, as if she didn't pick up on it. So it was no surprise when one day, he suddenly showed up with a butterfly stuck on his chest.

It was a sweet gesture and thus made her way more resolute to not jeopardise their friendship. Tattoos were sacred to a man like Alex, who never stood a chance against Command. He'd make sure to find something he loved in every location he went, and inked it. His way of establishing control over his job—by remembering parts of the good.

Her finger skimmed past his butterfly before grabbing the showerhead to drown his hair clean. They were two people engrossed in good memories among warfare. And it felt liberating.

That was until she noticed he was looking at the prominent area on her chest.

Burnt flesh, the size of his palms, staring back at them.

The entire atmosphere shifted. A shiver of glacial magnitude rushed from her toes and her heart sank. The scar's jaggedness made her feel even more self-conscious.

Hot poker on her skin, an iron branding from the mob. If she closed her eyes, she could envision the exact scene. Fear not, if the mental baggage wasn't enough, there was a physical one.

"You deserve the best, you know that?" She didn't know which irked her more, the sympathy in his tone, or that he placed her on a pedestal.

I'm damaged goods, the thought fed her demons. So why do I deserve the best?

She peered at the man in front of her, every word earnest. He'd say it a million times and yet she wouldn't believe him.

Perhaps it was the head injury or hormones, but her eyes soon welled up with tears. Within seconds, what started out as small sniffs transformed into full streaks of tears. The tears blended into the stream of falling water but it was unmistakable.

The sight broke Alex's heart. Shattered it, really.

Silently, Alex switched off the faucet and dressed her. Every step jerked new tears that stained his bareback. At her quiet sobs, he berated what an idiot he was for reminding her.

The contact of soft mattress made her flinch. With tear-stained eyes, she gaped at the man who Omar Sulaman promised to kill and it almost made her whimper pathetically.

The malice thoughts stopped whispering when warm touch on her face descended her back to reality.

Alex.

"Yeah?" She hadn't realised she said it out loud.

"Stay with me," she implored. His head was already nodding, but it didn't satisfy her.

A hand shot out anxiously, "No, not this. You can't ever die on me." Her sudden request puzzled him. "Promise me."

"I promise," he said. "What happened, Alexan– Alexis?" Her birth name sat heavily on the tip of his tongue, almost escaping in his concern.

Over time, she'd built a reasonable resilience from Alex's relentless questionings, yet today her defenses lowered. "Back there... He said he'd kill you, he'll make me watch," she swallowed the rising bile. "And I let him go... Fuck."

Alexis felt like an utter failure. Not only did she fail to extract information about the stolen gas, but more people would suffer as a result of the Wolf's escape.

Losing the usual silver lining from her interrogations made her dangerously close to spiral out of control. In her mind, she unjustly tortured a man. And it was vile—even if that man was Omar Sulaman. Now, she found the line between her and her torturers blurred.

Though she didn't specify, Alex placed two and two together. "The Wolf?"

She merely nodded, still gripping his arm painfully like he'd slip away. The desperation her pleads carried haunted him.

"I'm going to fucking kill him," He saw red, only able to suppress his anger by making this promise. Without hesitation, he levelled their faces together, mumbling reassurance of I'm not going anywhere.

In the moonlight, Alex could still see the faint tint of pink that stained her nose—he compared it to the pink chrysanthemums he saw earlier today. How could anyone still look this enchanting while sobbing was a mystery to him, though he was staring right at the answer.

She never ceased to amaze him.

"I'm with you, okay? Always." This sentence never lost its genuineness. He'd do anything for her—the world begins and ends where she says so.

She felt his lips move against her ear, and her racing heart slowly composed itself from his assurance. Losing composure was uncommon for her, but even in this exception, she was sagacious enough to know the air between them had long changed.

Refusing to play host to her desire, her head stay lowered. She opted to wipe her tears and joked about how she didn't want his ghost to haunt her, hoping a distraction would alleviate her pounding heart.

Despite her prayers, Alex tilted her chin upwards to meet him, "Never happening."

They were so close. "Even when you're a ghost?"

"Mhm. I'm pretty hard to shake."

"You'd definitely be one of those annoying ghosts... With no sense of boundaries."

The magnetic allure of her lips called to him. On its own accord, his thumb ghosted ever so slightly over her parted lips, stealing a sharp breath from them both. They were dead silent.

And something in Alex warned him to reduce his voice to a whisper, afraid that he might scare this moment away, "Boundaries... You want it...?"

Everything was electrified. His touch, his gaze. Alexis worked hard not to crumble under his intense stare.

Then it happened, his gaze fell on her lips. She definitely didn't imagine that.

"Do you?" she deflected. Mildly embarrassed that her voice had the abraded texture of stone against stone.

Even when her lungs screamed for air, Alexis still forgot to breathe. She was busy listening to the angel and the devil warring inside her, pleading to her rationality. It was clear which side won when she closed her eyes.

Her world was pitch black. Senses put into overdrive. The touch along her jawline felt like it burned. She thought if this was what being set on fire felt like, she'd gladly pay the price.

His breath fanned across her nose. And then their noses touched.

Alexis felt horrible for her overworking heart, rapidly pumping oxygen to her brain—she certainly dared not to breathe, terrified to screw this up. Maybe there was a screeching voice inside her head, but it was fogged by her desires.

Tingles rushed through her when his lips brushed her own, the velvety feeling of it already so addictive. Alexis closed her eyes, waiting for the impact, and then–

A sharp knock forced them both apart.

She almost got whiplash from how fast she turned to the door, making her clutch her head in pain. The silhouette of Kyle Garrick stood in front of them, head still bowed while reading a prescription off a medicine tube.

"Nero- no, Neosporin," he cluelessly recited. "Antibiotic cream." When Kyle finally raised his head, a look of doubt crossed his face upon the flustered duo.

He awkwardly tossed the tube to Alex. "Okay... Weird vibe. Alia said to apply it or else."

"Thanks, Garrick," Alexis grimaced at her slightly pitchy voice, "Um. Get some rest, yeah?"

"Mhm. As you were..."

The door closed after him. Tensed at the shuffling sounds behind her, her brain replayed the scene much to her protest.

"Still want me to stay?" Alex said in a low voice. She hadn't realised she was still staring at the empty doorway.

What was that? She never loathed her noisy thoughts more than this moment. Oh fucking fuck, shit. I'm so stupid.

No... Why am I embarrassed? He initiated the stupid kiss! She reasoned, digging for some form of consolation to find the courage to snap around, preparing herself for what might come next. But she wasn't expecting the smug smile he so proudly wore. She then wondered if she should feel relieved or nervous.

But as a wave of dizziness forced her to grab a handful of bedsheets, she inwardly spoke gratitude that she didn't have to decide.

What was this? What were they, really? Too many questions and too little answers.

"Come on, it's past your bedtime," Alex pulled her back into the bed and started to administer the medication on her cheek wounds. Today was already a heck of a day, and with the soothing circles rubbed into her skin, she surrendered to her tiredness.

"Night..."

Upon her steady breathing, Alex tossed the tube across the room and it landed accurately on his vest with a soft thud. His finger outlined a path from her forehead and hovered hesitantly above her lips. The very same one he should have already felt.

Thanks, Garrick.

A frustrated sigh escaped him, loud enough to make Alexis nuzzle deeper into him, an arm draped over his waist.

He laid back down, replaying their scenes from earlier. A bolt of lightning might as well strike him now—maybe that would explain the bursting feeling in his chest.

"Wow," he mouthed in realisation. "I'm a damn idiot."

Years ago when she tipsily ended up on his doorstep desperate for him to take the pain away, he willingly obliged. No denials that he had the biggest selfish reason to say yes.

Fuck, it was a strange feeling to finally get all that he dreamt of. That night, he was too busy planning a confession in his head to sleep. But by dawn, the demons inside him questioned if he truly deserved someone like Alexis.

Someone like her? For him? It was too good to be true. His mind raced with the "What ifs?"

"What if our jobs clashed?"

"What if I put her in danger?"

"What fucking if the long distance fucks everything up?"

Their friendship would be in shreds. And she was one of the– the most important person in his life. No way would he lose her.

So he pushed her away—looked her in the eyes and lied. For Heaven's sakes, he wanted to punch himself. And he knew he made the right decision because when their friendship took a hit for a few weeks, the loneliness was unparalleled.

He didn't want to feel that way again. Ever.

Alex might have kept their friendship, but at the cost of everything. He liked to picture how different things would have been, if not for his cowardice. He thought about it frequent enough to imprint a permanent gnaw in his heart.

Now, here it was. A bloody second chance. His second chance.

Alex peered down to the butterfly tattoo on his bare chest, smiling. The universe's proof, alright, he whispered, "Gotcha."

The night ended with Alex falling into dreams of the woman he loved.

‧͙⁺˚*·༓

a/n:        they're such stupid fools... & omg i hate this chapter so much idek. btw what do yall think alexis’ real name is?

taglist: @flyboidameron​​ @wanderlustgiant​​ (wanna be tagged? lmk!)

[esonetwork]

Timestamp #226: Let's Kill Hitler

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/timestamp-226-lets-kill-hitler/

Timestamp #226: Let's Kill Hitler

Doctor Who: Let’s Kill Hitler (1 episode, s06e08, 2011)

Hello, sweetie.

Prequel

A phone rings as the TARDIS is in flight. The answering machine picks up and Amy leaves a message.

As the camera pans across the console and the dark control room, Amy asks if the Doctor will fulfill his promise to find Melody Pond. Even though she knows that everything turns out okay, she doesn’t want to miss Melody’s childhood.

The Doctor listens intently, but doesn’t pick up the phone. He’s clearly wracked with regret and sadness.

Let’s Kill Hitler

It was once a nice wheat field. Then the Ponds plowed through it, scrawling the word “Doctor” into the crop. They stop in the middle of the O – a giant crop circle – to find the TARDIS and the Doctor in his new pea green double-breasted coat. The Doctor shows them a newspaper article chronicling the event.

It turns out that this was the only way Amy and Rory could figure out to get the Doctor’s attention. He consoles Amy: He will find Melody because River lives. The moment is shattered by police sirens, a speeding red car, and a woman named Mels. The new arrival holds the Doctor at gunpoint and demands to be taken in the TARDIS. It seems that she wants to kill Adolf Hitler.

Flash back to a long time ago in Leadworth as young Amelia, your Rory, and young heretofore-unknown Mels grow up together. Apparently, Mels knows all about Amelia’s “imaginary” friend, the Doctor, and that knowledge gets her in trouble. A lot. Including stealing a bus. She’s also present when Amy finally figures out that Rory loves her.

In the present, Mels, Amy, and Rory take a trip in the TARDIS. Mels actually shoots the TARDIS console while in transit to Nazi Germany. In Berlin, 1938, those same Nazis are being observed by a team with future technology as a machine (posing as a custodian) shapeshifts into a Nazi officer. That team is inside the machine, a highly advanced ship called the Teselecta, which shrinks the Nazi officer and draws him inside. Since the officer is responsible for a series of hate crimes – after all, what Nazi wasn’t? – he is disposed of by a series of “antibodies”.

The Teselecta then goes to Adolf Hitler’s office and activates Justice Mode, but two things interfere in the plan. First, they are too early in Hitler’s time stream. Second, the TARDIS crashes through the wall into the office.

The Doctor evacuates everyone from the TARDIS as it smokes away, then stashes Mels’s handgun in a bowl of fruit. The travelers are beside themselves for actually saving Hitler. The Teselecta tries to attack Hitler again, but he shoots the ship before being stashed in a nearby cupboard by the Doctor and Rory. The Teselecta feigns a fainting spell while the crew analyzes the TARDIS and determines that the most wanted war criminal in history has arrived.

Also, Mels has been shot by Hitler.

Mels, short for Melody, regenerates into a very familiar form. Mission complete. Well… sort of. This new woman has no idea who any of her traveling companions are, she is incredibly self-centered, and has maintained her programming that demands murdering the Doctor. She tries multiple times with every weapon in the room, but the Doctor is several steps ahead of her, but he misses the poison lipstick.

Melody jumps out of window and takes on a squad of Nazis. The soldiers try to shoot her, but she survives due to her regenerative state and uses the discharged energy as a weapon. She picks up their guns and drives away on a motorcycle. Rory and Amy give chase with the sonic screwdriver, followed by the Teselecta disguised as a Nazi soldier.

The Doctor enters the TARDIS and extracts the smoke. He consults with the TARDIS voice interface – the sequence of trying to find a face that doesn’t remind him of his failures is hilarious – and determines that regeneration is impossible due to the poison extracted from the Judas tree. The interface mentions “fish fingers and custard,” inspiring the Doctor to set a course in the TARDIS.

Melody storms a restaurant and demands that the patrons give her their clothes. Outside, the Teselecta takes Amy’s form and miniaturizes Amy and Rory. Just before being killed by the antibodies, the Ponds are given clearance privileges and taken to the control room.

The Teselecta nearly passes judgment on Melody for killing the Doctor, but the Doctor arrives in a tuxedo and top hat. He uses a sonic cane to scan the ship. He also verifies that the Ponds are okay. The Teselecta places Melody in stasis before the crew explains that the mete out justice to war criminals at the ends of their respective timelines. Amy convinces the crew to offer any help they can to the Doctor.

The Silence, a religious cult who believe “silence will fall” when the oldest question in the universe is asked, are behind the plot to kill the Doctor. When the Teselecta crew reveals that they don’t know what the question is, the crew resumes their torture of Melody.

The Doctor asks Amy to save her daughter, so Amy disables the crew’s privileges so that they will all be attacked by the antibodies. The Teselecta releases Melody and the crew is teleported away to a mother ship. As the antibodies descend on Amy and Rory, the Doctor tells Melody to save her parents.

As the Doctor faces his imminent demise, he begs Melody to help him. She talks to the TARDIS and learns to fly the ship, rescuing Amy and Rory before returning everyone to the Doctor’s side. Melody Pond, a child of the TARDIS, wonders who she is. The Doctor asks her to find River Song and pass on a message.

As the Doctor falls unconscious, Melody asks who River Song is. Amy uses the Teselecta to show Melody her own face. Melody decides to pass on her regeneration energy – all her remaining lives – to the Doctor with a kiss, thus becoming River Song.

River wakes up in a hospital with the travelers looking on. The Doctor’s message was that no one could save him, which made her think that she could. This is how she learns Rule #1: The Doctor lies. The travelers leave her with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism to recover, complete with an empty TARDIS-shaped diary. She’ll find her way back to them in time.

As the Doctor ponders the data he downloaded from the Teselecta, River Song enrolls at the Luna University in 5123. Her motivations are simple: She’s looking for a good man.

There are a couple of items working against this fun ride: First, the introduction of the previously unknown Mels. Second, the crux of the assassination of the Doctor relies on him being the smartest man in the room again.

The first can be explained if we’re looking at the events of this season through Amy and Rory’s perspective, therefore seeing a low-impact change in the timeline after Melody’s birth and abduction. The second, while an annoying feature of the Steven Moffat era of Doctor Who, adds a lot of humor and hangs a lampshade on the Doctor’s blind spot for River Song. Especially considering the fact that she is the person who kills the Doctor, an act for which she is imprisoned and is now revealed to be a fixed point. The second also hearkens back to the Ninth Doctor in Boom Town, but it worked there because it wasn’t as much of a storytelling crutch for Russell T. Davies.

That humor, coupled with the character development for River and the Doctor, really makes this story work. The origin story for River Song helps tie off her story and could have provided a convenient story terminus if not for the character’s immense popularity.

The humor also worked because it was self-deprecating. The scene with the TARDIS voice interface poked at the ongoing theme with companion departures and shame, invoking Rose, Martha, and Donna in the process. The scene also point us back to a moment of combined shame and innocence by invoking Amelia Pond, whom the Doctor had not yet screwed up but did leave hanging for her childhood years.

Going back to Rule #1, we find out in this story that temporal grace – the state in which the TARDIS interior exists – houses a “clever lie”. The Fourth Doctor claimed that weapons could not be used inside the TARDIS in order to stop Eldrad in The Hand of Fear. Of course, we already knew that it wasn’t absolute from Arc of Infinity – “Nobody’s perfect,” claimed the Fifth Doctor when challenged by Nyssa about a Cyberman shooting in the console room – as well as The Invasion of Time, Earthshock, Attack of the Cybermen, The Visitation, and The Parting of the Ways.

With all of the discussions about Doctor Who canon/continuity in fandom, it’s a good reminder that Doctor Who canon/continuity has never been consistent.

This story also presents a fascinating parallel to The Caves of Androzani, during which the Doctor was poisoned by could survive by regenerating. The Doctor had several lives to spare at that point, but this encounter comes at the supposed end of the Doctor’s regeneration cycle due to the events of Journey’s End and The Night of the Doctor.

There are also several other franchise callbacks: We’ve seen “justice machines” in the past, though they were in the form of the Megara; We’ve previously seen the TARDIS materialize in a micro environment, courtesy of Carnival of Monsters, and materialize in a micro state, courtesy of Planet of Giants; We’ve seen the TARDIS materialize around people and objects before in Logopolis, Time-Flight, The Parting of the Ways, and The Waters of Mars; We’ve also heard about transferring regeneration energy in previous adventures like Mawdryn Undead, the TV movie, and The Ultimate Foe.

I’m also a sucker for the “Doctor who?” title drop gag, which has been around since the beginning. It makes me snicker every time.

All told, I really enjoy the action, the spirit, and the heart of this story. It takes a tired time-travel trope (“Let’s kill Hitler!”) and turns it on its ear to both develop characters and move a story along. Well done.

Rating: 5/5 – “Fantastic!”

UP NEXT – Torchwood: The Gathering

The Timestamps Project is an adventure through the televised universe of Doctor Who, story by story, from the beginning of the franchise. For more reviews like this one, please visit the project’s page at Creative Criticality.

[arabian-bloodstream]

Gendrya are married. Period.

*I decided to just post this here in its entirety.

I believe that Arya and Gendry are married. Period. And (almost) all of the clues were right there in front of us. Why was it sub-textual instead of clearly there in the text? I have three thoughts on that. One is that I think that D&D miscalculated in thinking that viewers and even die-hard fans would over-analyze the series like they had in the past looking for answers. That simply was just not going to happen since this was the final season and viewers expected definitive answers.

I did analyze (and over-analyze) everything having to do with Arya and Gendry’s arc and this is what I’ve come up with… you may or may not agree. I think it’s pretty clear, however, when taking in all of the following that Arya and Gendry were wed when Game of Thrones came to a close.

A Wedding Foreshadowed

The Fruitful Mother 

Cloak of Protection 

What Gendry Knows 

That's Not Me 

Life Versus Death 

A Gift To No One 

His Wife 

Third Time's The Charm 

She Begins Where He Ends 

She Wore His Colors 

The Ship That Was Promised 

Circles and Secrets

To the End of the World 

Happily Ever After

  Below the cut (because this sucker is long) I break down all of the above.

A Wedding Foreshadowed

The night before what many thought was going to be their last day, Arya briefly joined the Hound on the parapets. This scene held significance or three reasons. Firstly, it set-up their conversation in the fifth episode, "The Bells," where the Hound once more fights for Arya. In that, his fight for her is his determination to turn her away from his path of dying for revenge and turn her towards living.

The second is one that had played throughout the season, how his story with Arya was connected to Gendry’s with Arya. When Arya first saw the Hound, Gendry came right behind him. When Arya first spoke to the Hound, it was in defense of Gendry, and Gendry was witness to their reunion. In the following episode, Gendry and the Hound discussed Arya, Gendry went to Arya, and her next scene was with the Hound, a thread of life and death, choosing life or death running through them.

Finally, Beric showed up and joined Arya and the Hound and spoke to Arya, in so many words, apologizing for how things ended with them. Viewers who remembered their history knew that his apology was for selling Gendry to Melisandre. The Hound’s question to Arya if Beric was another one on her list and her acknowledgement that he was for a short time was another nod to her history with Gendry.

And the nods to that history are important to note because of the Hound’s line when Beric first came upon them and the scene that played right after Arya left the “two miserable old shits.”

Oh, for fuck's sake, may as well be at a bloody wedding.

Three people in the cold, dark night in a castle of thousands and that is what he said… hmm. And right afterwards, Arya laid with Gendry for the first time.

The Fruitful Mother

Prior to the actual lovemaking—and yes, it was lovemaking. She had to have sent word to him where she was otherwise, he wouldn’t have known. It was Gendry that she wanted, period. Ahem… prior to the actual lovemaking, any type of sexual situation with Arya and Gendry happening was *obviously* going to happen in the forge. Because, you know, Gendry=the forge, thus the hashtag #forgesex was well associated with Arya and Gendry literally years before season 08.

In fact, even after Arya and Gendry actually had sex in some random storage room, their lovemaking is still referred to as forgesex. Here’s the thing, though, was it random? Where Arya and Gendry did the deed was on sacks of grain. Why not in the forge? Arya had already gone and sought her weapon once before. Wouldn’t it have made sense for her to go looking for that weapon yet again as an excuse {wink*wink} to see Gendry in the conveniently empty forge for… wait for it! …. Forgesex! Actual forgesex.

Nope, instead, they were in a storage room filled with sacks of grain. Yes, grain. Hmm. And what does grain make one think of? Harvesting, and digging deeper, we can look at mythology and my mind automatically went to the Greek goddess of harvest, Demeter. Although, she is often described simply as thus, she also presided over the cycle of life and death. (See that section below). Around 205 BC, the worship of Demeter was merged with that of the Roman agriculture goddess Ceres. In Roman culture, married women were taught to emulate Ceres, the devoted and fruitful Mother.  By following these rites, it was believed that would help ensure a good harvest and increase the fertility of those who partook in the tradition.

So, instead of forgesex, we got grainsex. Grain=harvest and harvest=fertility, life, renewal, rebirth, many things that Arya eventually chooses for herself in the end and when this reference comes into play Gendry is literally joined with her in this particular process.

A reach, perhaps, admittedly, but it’s yet another piece to add to the whole.

Cloak of Protection

Arya’s third and final scene in the second episode held yet another significant clue. Cloaks are a major symbol of marriage in Westeros.   During weddings, a bride wears a cloak of her house (called “the maiden’s cloak”) and during the ceremony, the maiden’s cloak is removed and the groom places a cloak of his house and colors upon her shoulders. This signifies her moving from one house to another and that his bride is now under the protection of her husband and his house. (Recall the humiliating situation that Tyrion found himself in when he was unable to place his cloak on Sansa during their wedding due to Joffrey having the stool removed.)

When Gendry came to Arya in the storage room with her weapon he was dressed up as nicely as we’ve ever seen him. Including wearing a cloak that featured, oh so coincidentally, the House Baratheon colors. (Nice, Gendry.) The fur was a burnished beige-ish gold and the rest of the material was black. And in that final scene when the two lay atop those sacks of grain in the aftermath of their lovemaking—while Arya was dealing with all of the feels she’d unleashed, she was covered by Gendry’s cloak, kept safe and warm from the cold.

Yes, indeed. A small thing, but yet another one.

What Gendry Knows

One of the most important scenes in Arya and Gendry’s story was when he chose to stay with the Brotherhood without Banners. He did so because he’d never had a family and he chose them for that chance to have one. Arya told him then that he could be her family, and in doing so she was telling him that she loved him. We know because Maisie Williams told us that she was directed to say that line like “I love you,” and that was the take that was used. Gendry’s response was that she wouldn’t be his family, she would be “milady.” Bluntly put, Arya offered herself to Gendry and he turned her down.

When Gendry proposed to Arya, it was a reverse of *that* scene. In other words, it put them on equal standing in absolutely every way. They are not only now both technically a lord and a lady, but they had both offered themselves to the other and been rejected in turn. Instead of saying “I love you” in so many words with “I can be your family,” as Arya did to Gendry, Gendry actually said the words. He told her, “I love you.” He said: “Be my wife.” He offered himself to her, and she turned him down.

So how is this a good thing and part of the Gendrya Wedded Belief? Well, since we had Gendry rejecting Arya, and Arya rejecting Gendry how does the narrative go? Third times the charm. When they next meet, the offer to be with one another will come again and this time it should be accepted. How do we know this for sure? Again… it was all there on the screen, in what was said. Gendry made it perfectly clear where he stood. He knows exactly what he wants. He always has. That has been a consistent with this character. This is what he told Arya before he got ahead of himself and made his drunken, clumsy proposal:

All I know is you’re beautiful and I love you and none of it will be worth anything if you’re not with me.

There was a reason this line was included in their scene. Especially that last part. “None of it will be worth anything if you’re not with me.” What was the point of that if it didn't matter? Everything, because *it did* matter.  For Gendry, none of it is worth anything without Arya, so... he is going to give it up. We just didn't see it. Because, again, as I stated atop, D&D perhaps thought that fans would over-analyze like they had in the past and figure it out themselves.

And so the pile keeps growing.

That’s Not Me

First off, let’s get the meaning of Arya’s infamous "That’s not me," out of the way. The full conversation was essentially about gender inequality.

Arya: [Bran] wants to be a knight of the Kingsguard. He can't be one now can he? Ned: No, but someday he could be lord of a holdfast or sit on the king's council or he could raise castles like Bran the Builder. Arya: Can I be lord of a holdfast? Ned: You will marry a high lord and rule his castle. And your sons shall be knights, and princes, and lords. Arya: No, that's not me.

So, yeah, Ned—as great a father as he was—essentially told Arya, yeah, you're just going to be some man's property and pop out his babies. THAT is why Arya said, "that's not me." So when Gendry (drunkenly and thus stupidly) phrased his proposal as he did, he put her right back in that position of just being a lord's wife who was expected to pop out his babies, and, no, that is not her.

However, that's not who he wants. He has zero interest in a lady like that because he's most definitely not a lord like that. However, he didn't say any of that, instead he just asked her to be his lady and so she kissed him sweetly and softly and she told him that he would be a wonderful lord and any lady would be lucky to have him. She did that because she wants him to be happy, and, yes, because she does love him. You could see that written all over her. She loves him so much, it was shining all over her face, radiating from her very being.

That's not the only reason she said no, though. Once she had made her decision to tell him no, it was only at that point that she allowed herself to show him her love—thus his confusion. Prior to that moment though, when Gendry told Arya that he loved her and proposed, she looked terrified. And that made perfect sense.

Think of how the episode began. She had lain fire down on a funeral pyre for a man who had sacrificed himself to save her life. She felt the pain of that after being numb for so long, Arya had only recently begun to allow herself to begin to feel again. Feelings that include pain. She's not ready for that. Compounded by that, she doesn't want Gendry getting hurt or dying. She never wants to feel that pain. So, she's going back to the numb persona from her years on her own, before she saw Gendry again.

Plus, she had made her decision to go to King's Landing and finish her list. Arya was going to kill Cersei Lannister and she didn't expect to survive. So how could she tell Gendry she would marry him if she was planning on dying? She couldn't. So she fell back on her old stand-by. She wasn't a lady, not in words, not in action. It just hadn't occurred to her that Gendry wasn't a lord in words or actions either.

But it will, because Gendry isn't going to remain drunk forever. He knows Arya, and he's going to figure out where he went wrong—especially because she pretty much spelled it out for him. He doesn't want a lady like she described. That's not him.

Life Versus Death

I mentioned in the first section about how the Hound’s story with Arya was connected to Gendry’s with Arya throughout all of season 08. It was because they represented opposite choices of her life going forth.

The Hound is death. Gendry is life.

It’s all tied up together. Gendry (life) chose to walk away from her all those years ago, and then Arya ran away and was captured by the Hound (death). In episode 04, Gendry (life) offered himself to her, but she chose to walk away and met up with the Hound (death).

This is the reason that Arya’s story was entangled with the Hound and Gendry all season long. And it absolutely was.

In her very first scene Arya saw the Hound and literally a few seconds later she saw Gendry. Of particular interest was that the Hound was on a BLACK horse and Gendry was on a WHITE horse. Throughout history, mythology and literature, black horses are often associated with death and darkness, while white horses are associated with peace, fertility and life.

When the Hound first saw Arya, Gendry was there, and of course, when Gendry first saw Arya, the Hound was present. This was in their reunion scenes with her that were literally combined. Gendry’s was just extended so that when the Hound was gone… Arya was still there with Gendry. Yes, again… when the Hound (who represented death) was gone, Gendry (who represented life) remained.

As mentioned in the first section, the night before the Battle of Winterfell, Arya left the Hound (and Beric who died during that battle to save Arya) to be with Gendry.

The Hound (of *all people*) told Gendry he should be celebrating life (with Arya)… not Davos, not Tormund, not Jon, but the Hound!

When Arya left Winterfell–and Gendry–she left on a BLACK horse and met up with the Hound. Remember when the Hound first arrived in Winterfell, he rode a black horse.

Arya left death and destruction behind her in King's Landing on a WHITE horse. Again, remember when Gendry first arrived in Winterfell, he rode a white horse.

Maisie Williams mentioned in her pre-season press tour that Arya would be torn and that is something that we hadn’t seen prior to episode 05. After episode 04, I had believed the struggle would be that Arya was torn between choosing death or life. And that is exactly what happened.

It eventually came down to Arya making the choice herself to walk away from death–which I believed that the Hound would push her to do–and choose life, and as I’ve pointed out, in many ways, Gendry equaled life just as the Hound equaled death. And that is what opened her eyes and did give that final push. As the Hound told her while the Red Keep was falling down around that them:

You think you’ve wanted revenge a long time? I’ve been after it all my life. It’s all I care about and look at me. LOOK AT ME! You want to be like me? You come with me, you die here.

This is what David Benioff said about the scene itself in “Inside the Episode” right after the show aired.

It’s a small scene, but it’s also, for us, one of the most important scenes in the whole episode because it’s the culmination of their story together. The road to vengeance always ends in one place. Which is what the Hound is saying to her here. "I’ve made my choice a long time ago, and this can only end in one possible way for me. But for you, you have so many other options.

The Hound has genuinely come to have affection for Arya. I think he loves her, as much as he’s capable of loving someone. And he knows that if she comes with him at this point, she’s not going to make it out of there.

And here’s where we go back to the section above. Arya knew that that she wouldn’t get out alive too. After she turned down Gendry’s proposal–in my analysis, rejecting life–and joined the Hound on the road to King’s Landing to kill Cersei, expecting to lose her life in the process, she rode a black horse.

After listening to Sandor’s words, after choosing to let Cersei die by a means other than her hand, running through the streets of death and chaos, she fought to live, fighting to try and help others live. She survived because the God of Death declared that no, my former pupil, death was not happening, not today, Arya Stark stood amidst all of that death and she stood in the light. The sun shone upon her and she saw a way out of that darkness, away from all of that death, back to life. She saw a white horse.

And she rode on that white horse away from death. To life? To Gendry? I think so. Why? Well, that brings me to another couple of key scenes that led me to my Gendrya Wedded Belief: the first and last scene with the Hound.

In the first scene, Gendry and the Hound were at the feast celebrating the North’s victory over the undead–Arya’s victory. And, of course, Arya was nowhere to be found.

Gendry: Have you seen Arya? The Hound: You can still smell the burning bodies and that's where your head is at? Gendry: I just want to thank her– The Hound: I'm sure you do. Gendry: Look, it’s not about that. The Hound: Of course, it's about that, you twat. Why shouldn't it be? The dead are dead. You're not.

The Hound made it pretty clear that he was well aware that Gendry wanted to *be* with Arya and when Gendry tried to deny it, the Hound called him on it and, surprisingly, pointed out that it was exactly what he should be doing. Now, let’s make this clear. Gendry wanted to celebrate LIFE with *Arya* and the Hound flat-out told him that such was exactly the thing he should be doing.

Contrast this with the final conversation the Hound had in the episode.

Arya: You're heading to King's Landing. The Hound: I have some unfinished business. Ayra: Me too. The Hound: I don't plan on coming back. Arya: Neither do I.

So, there we had the show using the Hound to illustrate that *Gendry* is life as Gendry wanted to celebrate life with Arya–who you remember was “celebrating” by shooting arrows at a target–and on the opposite spectrum, that Arya had indeed once more chosen to pursue death. Therefore, the conclusion to draw from those scenes that bookended one another so beautifully—when taking into account that Arya did choose life in the next episode—is that in choosing life, she will choose Gendry.

Gendry came riding into Winterfell on a white horse. The Hound rode a black horse. Arya left Winterfell and headed to King’s Landing on a black horse, expecting, intending to die. The Hound did die, Arya lived, and rode out of King’s Landing on a white horse.

The Hound is death. Gendry is life.

Arya chose Gendry. Just because we didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Everything added up to such is exactly what did indeed happen.

A Gift To No One

Now, taking all of the above into account, the Arya and the tangling of Gendry and the Hound–which just had to be deliberate because it was so meticulously crafted–this little bit of tidbit gave further credence to my Gendrya Wedded Belief. In early Spring of 2018, D&D helped create a new Spotify playlist: Game of Thrones: The End Is Coming. Upon doing so, they told For the Record in an email:

The answer to the ending is one hundred percent hidden in the playlist choices. No one will believe us, but it’s true.

One particular song caught my attention specifically because of a video on the official Game of Thrones YouTube channel. It’s title: Game of Thrones | Season 8 Episode 5 | The Hound’s Gift (HBO).  The description of the video is: "Maisie Williams explains Arya’s choice."

Why *this* was interesting is because prior to that episode I had been going on quite a bit about Arya having to make a choice between life and death. I had even written a post before episode 04 titled “Arya’s choice.”  That one essentially revolved around much of what the previous section here entailed. In the video Williams was talking about the "gift" that the Hound gives Arya.

This is a really important moment, the Hound realizing that “I don’t think this kid knows what she’s gonna get into.” And turning around and giving her this incredible gift, which is the second ticket to a new life.

He’s wanted revenge his entire life, and do you wanna be like him? “Is that what you want?” Just a moment in Arya where all those emotions that she’s been trying to suppress and trying to ignore and trying to focus on the task at hand all bubble up again, and this man who she cares so much about and has learned so much from and admires so much turned around and says ‘You don’t want this. You—you go.’ She realizes there is another way. There is another life that she could have.

Breaking down what she said, it obviously lined up completely with where I had seen her arc going. Arya stepped away from her whole list-friendly, emotionless persona and having Sandor basically tell her that she doesn't want to be a miserable old shit like him was a real wake-up call.

Her first “ticket” to life was obviously the coin from Jaqen Hagar. This was her second, and getting that from the Hound who had seen and been through so much with Arya, as well as seeing the devastating horror of rampant death and destruction all around her brought that message home loud and clear. She doesn't want that life, his life. That life which is death. She is choosing now to take what she wants. And what does she want? Well, that brings me to that Game of Thrones Spotify list and those clues that D&D talked about.

While going through the songs, and having watched this particular video clip the day before, I was pretty damn shook when I got to the end of “No One Knows” By Queens of the Stone Age. Here are the complete lyrics. However, what I want to focus on is the chorus and the outro as we close out the song.

[Chorus]

And I realize you're mine Indeed a fool am I And I realize you're mine Indeed a fool am I

[Outro]

Heaven smiles above me What a gift here below But no one knows A gift that you give to me No one knows

That’s right.

What a gift here below / but no one knows / A gift that you give to me / No one knows

The Hound gave Arya a gift. Arya was No One.

No one knows a gift that you give to me. The Hound gave No One (Arya) a gift (life). And what had the show made clear—as I’ve already shown? Gendry represents life.  What happened prior to Arya choosing life, she had rejected Gendry��s proposal because she was choosing death.

Now look at the chorus again.

And I realize you’re mine / Indeed a fool am I / And I realize you’re mine / Indeed a fool am I

Arya’s choice. As Maisie Williams said, Arya would be torn during the season. She was torn between choosing life and death. Arya made her choice. Life. Sure, life doesn’t necessarily mean Gendry… but so much points to that it does, doesn’t it? It’s just all adding up.

His Wife

Quite a few people noticed this one. While Arya was reeling through the destruction of King’s Landing, trying to get out of there alive, she ran into someone who looked vaguely familiar. He wasn’t a character we knew; he was just a random citizen of King’s Landing who was desperately trying to survive, and more importantly, he was desperately trying to find his wife.

Why he looked familiar to so many is because, quite frankly, he looked like Gendry from earlier seasons before he’d cut his hair from when he and Arya had traveled together in their youth. There were countless tweets and comments on Tumblr about how much this guy looked like him. That was interesting enough, I mean, of all actors to cast in this small role, they cast someone who has the same coloring and hairstyle as Gendry opposite Arya from when they were together before. (Although, really, the man didn’t look all that much like him. It was just that in the quick flash of time we saw him in the chaos, the similarity to Gendry is what was striking.)

However, we then get to the why of the scene at all? Why have a guy who looks so much like the Gendry of old—the Gendry that Arya first fell in love with (per Maisie Williams)—grab onto Arya in the midst of all this madness as if to momentarily ground her and ask for his wife? It’s almost like it’s a reminder that the last time Arya saw Gendry, it was that he asked her to marry him!

But, wait, there’s more! This Gendry-look-alike’s wife’s name is Alanna. OK… and? Well, you know, Alanna sounds quite similar to Lyanna. As in Lyanna Stark, Arya’s aunt, the one that Arya is compared to quite a bit in the books—if not in the series, but there are quite a bit crossover book readers/show watchers. Oh, and Lyanna also just happened to be the woman that Robert Baratheon—that would be Gendry’s father—was in love with.

Yeah. A reach, maybe. But it’s yet *another* reach and if you keep on reaching, eventually you’re going to get your target. We’ve been reaching quite a bit.

Third Time's The Charm

So, despite everything in the narrative pointing to Arya choosing Gendry, the offer presented and accepted this third time, it didn’t happen. In fact, there was just a blip of interaction between the two in their “scene” in the final episode. That scene was in the Dragonpit where they were surrounded by others and basically didn’t actually interact at all. All that happened is that after Arya threatened Yara, we got a clear focus on Gendry’s reaction which many a fan interpreted as ‘Yup, that’s my murder bae!'

OK, I’m half-joking here, however, they did make a point of including Gendry reacting differently to her threat than everyone else, and his look did rather read like, ‘she’s so cool.’  And Gendry was looking over at her, making sure that he got a good, nice view. So, what was the point of that? Really, what was it? I can’t think of any other than to remind viewers that, yes, Gendry still has the feelings for Arya.

Despite what she told him to do, he sure isn’t ready to just move on. Nope.  Of course, that was made clear in another way, sartorially-speaking. Gendry is the fourth male (now) legitimate Baratheon we’ve seen, and thus attired in the official House Baratheon garb. His, however, is the first to have claw marks on the shoulders slashing into the leather. Perhaps (as in, absolutely!) letting the world (as in, Arya) know that he belongs to a certain wolf. Outfitted as such, is it that much of a stretch of imagination that once the votes were cast, Gendry had a word with the newly-appointed King about his lack of qualifications to be the lord of Storm's End?

After all, Storm’s End clearly has been running fine without a lord there since Gendry showed up all nicely garbed. That is something we actually can be pretty certain of. How? Well, no one was lord there for quite some time which means a steward was probably in charge and quite capably so, definitely better than Gendry would be–again, he has literally zero no-how in the lord-ing department. We know all this about Storm’s End because we were literally told that by Daenerys when she legitimized Gendry. She asked (in so many words):

Hey, who’s running Storm’s End? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? No one knows? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Here, you! Yeah, you, kid who has zero experience, no-how, nothing, you can have it since your daddy was a big ole whore. No big. It makes me look good.

Oh, and speaking of that, not only was Gendry a Fleabottom-bastard-recently-made-legitimized lord with no lordly training, he was legitimized by the Mad Dragon Queen. There’s not going to be too many people who are going to be all in for this guy as the Lord Paramount of one of the biggest regions of Westeros for those two reasons alone.

Finally, remember, as he told Arya when he saw her after he was given the title and the lands and all of it:

None of it will be worth anything if you’re not with me.

They both survived the Battle of Winterfell. She survived the Battle of King’s Landing. And here they are meeting once again. Third time’s the charm.

She Begins Where He Ends

This is a very small thing, and may likely not mean anything at all, but… in the first episode, Arya saw Gendry in her first scene. He wasn’t looking at her, so he didn’t see the way she was looking at him, but she definitely saw him and she liked what she saw.

In Gendry’s last scene, he was looking at Arya. She wasn’t looking at him, so, like him in her first scene, she didn’t see the way he was looking at her, but,he definitely saw her and he liked what he saw.

Again, a small thing, but that bookend of their scenes—Arya’s first was her looking at Gendry, admiring him, and his was looking at Arya, admiring her—had a lovely symmetry to it.

Another reach? Sure, but they add up.

She Wore His Colors

In the first and second episode of the final season, Arya is wearing a cute capelet (her version of a cloak) and the colors are those of House Stark: Grey with the fur, a mixed shade of grey and white. In the final episode, when she tells her family that she is going West of Westeros and when we see her on the bow of her ship, she is wearing a similar capelet. There is a very distinct difference, however.

The material of the capelet is now black, and the fur is a beige-ish gold color. You may recognize those colors as described above from the “Cloak of Protection” section. They are the colors of House Baratheon. Also from that section:

Cloaks are a major symbol of marriage in Westeros.  During weddings, a bride wears a cloak of her house (called “the maiden’s cloak”) and during the ceremony, the maiden’s cloak is removed and the groom places a cloak of his house and colors upon her shoulders. This signifies her moving from one house to another and that his bride is now under the protection of her husband and his house.

In addition to the capelet now bearing House Baratheon colors, the prominence of her dagger and sheathe—both golden in color—highlight even more so the gold of House Baratheon next to the black of the capelet (cloak) that she is wearing. (Here’s a comparison of the colors.)

In other words, after seeing Gendry at the Dragonpit—after seeing Gendry upon deciding to choose life—the very next time we see Arya, she is wearing his House colors. Arya Stark is no longer wearing the colors of House Stark, instead she is wearing the colors of House Baratheon. The only time a maiden wears the cloak of a house other than their own is when they join that house which they do… by marrying into that house.

Arya doesn’t generally follow the rules, but, again… added to everything else, yeah.

The Ship That Was Promised

This is another reach admittedly, but I think it maybe, might (probably doesn’t) mean something. Arya and Gendry are two characters who were both connected with ships/boats coming and going by the end of the series. Yes, you had the Greyjoys, but they were about the sea, ships in general. And other related characters, who were seaworthy (Davos, for instance), but again, it was in generalities. But with Arya, the fourth season ended on her on the ship leaving Westeros and then arriving on that same ship in Braavos in season 05. It was an important part of her journey, partially, because when she left Westeros, she was essentially leaving Arya Stark behind her.

The same was the case for Gendry. When he left our screens for an extended absence of time, it was on a boat and normally such a thing wouldn’t be a big deal. However, Gendry on a boat became quite the meme; it even made it onto the show when he returned. ("Thought you might still be rowing.")

Now, Arya is embarking on an extended journey on a sea vessel, just like Gendry. Once again, the two are on similar paths. Yeah, it’s a small thing, and likely this one really doesn’t mean anything, but it caught my attention.

Circles and Secrets

This is for the book readers mostly and could honestly be one of the reasons why we didn’t get the definitive, ‘yes, Arya and Gendry are married.' Although, we did get the well-known quote from the first episode from Robert to Ned:

I have a son, you have a daughter. We'll join our houses.

Arya and Gendry being wed is definitely the payoff to that line. However, D&D simply did not seed the parallels between Arya/Gendry and Robert/Lyanna that are lain throughout the books into the television series, so that payoff that will almost definitely be there in ASOIAF just wouldn’t land in the show even with that line from the Pilot.

Here's the thing, Gendry and Arya are essentially the getting-it-right version of Robert Baratheon and Lyanna Stark. Gendry is strong, stubborn, handsome like his father, but he’s also good and loyal and knows to treat his Northern lady with respect and love for exactly who she is. Arya is strong, willful, beautiful like her aunt, but she’s also loyal and steady and would never betray her vows, her home and leave the rest of the world to destroy itself.

Robert and Lyanna began this story and it ended quite badly. I think that George R.R. Martin–with all of his foreshadowing and seed-dropping (I mean, he wrote a love song for Arya and Gendry) intends for them to *finish* this story happily. Arya and Gendry joining the Stark and Baratheon Houses brings the story full circle. They are the ship that is promised.

Now as for the couple that got it wrong, let's talk about Lyanna for a bit. As I mentioned above, it didn't happen much in the show, but in the books, there are quite a few comparisons between Arya and her Aunt Lyanna. And what did her Aunt Lyanna do? She defied convention and ran off with a married man, an enemy of her family, left her betrothed in the dust and secretly wed him. Now, obviously all of Westeros didn’t know this. They believed that she had been kidnapped, but Lyanna damn well knew what she had done. And a war—and so, so, so much more happened—because of her actions.

While the circumstances aren't the same, if Gendry did give up his wardenship and Storm’s End (I doubt he would have given up the legitimacy) to be with Arya, that would have caused quite a stir. Arya marrying him despite him doing so might cause an even bigger stir of its own. And, naturally, she wouldn’t want the fuss of all of that, so a secret wedding may have taken place… but again, it’s something that we didn’t see.

Because as I stated above, Arya doesn’t follow the rules. That’s not her. So, yes, I could absolutely see Arya deciding to follow in her aunt's footsteps and marrying Gendry, who like her, was officially a noble in name only and ready and happy to just live an unencumbered life without restrictions.

So we didn’t see it happen on the show, but all signs point to it happening in between the Dragonpit meeting and her telling her family that she was going West of Westeros. Again, a reach? I don’t think so. I just don’t.

To the End of the World

After Arya and Gendry re-connected in the first episode, Maisie Williams said something very interesting in one of the “Behind the Scenes” clips about Arya’s feelings for Gendry.

I think for Arya, it's remembering who she was before. Like, I used to be that girl and that's who I was in love with and thought I would follow to the end of the World.

As the series ends and when we last see Arya, where is she going? West of Westeros. Yes, West of Westeros, which as far as anyone knows, yup, that is the end of the World.

Interesting turn of phrase used in retrospect, isn’t it?

Happily Ever After

Yes, a bittersweet ending for a show like Game of Thrones was always in the cards. However, I find it hard to believe that not one Stark, hell, not one main character received a romantic endgame after eight seasons! Sam and Gilly did, but (a) Sam is a supporting character and (b) the resolution of their love story (i.e., the two coming together as a pair and staying as such) was back in season 05.

So, yes, not one of our main characters got a happy, romantic endgame... except for possibly Arya Stark. She is the only one who had a love story that developed during the season and with someone with which the foundation was there. The seeds of the endgame nature of her love story with Gendry was essentially planted in the Pilot with Robert's line to Ned about their children that never had pay-off in the series. (But definitely will in the books!)

With everything else that happened between the two, all of the subtext, the costume points of reference and the behind the scenes interviews and quotes, well, I think it does add up to Arya indeed being that one character who got her full-on happily ever after.

I mentioned the D&D GOT Spotify playlist above. There are a few other songs that clearly reference Arya and Gendry (”Howlin’ For You,” "No One Knows" (already referenced), "Killer Wolf," "The Time is Now," "Devil's Spoke" (possibly). Now, there is one more song that screams an Arya/Gendry endgame with references to wolves and packs and howling winds (a.k.a. the fury of a storm). It’s about a youth who’s lost to the wild, but brought back to humanity by love. A restlessness remains, but a wolf can never be tamed. Still....

Here are some key phrases (Here are the full lyrics) ...

I heard my mother shouting through the fog / It turned out to be the howling of a dog / Or a wolf to be exact / The sound sent shivers down my back / But I was drawn into the pack

When suddenly a girl wandered aimlessly /But she didn't seem to see / She was listenin’ for the angels just like me

So I took her by the arm / We settled down upon a farm / And raised our children up as gently as you pleased / And now my fur has turned to skin / And I've been quickly ushered in / To a world that I confess I do not know

But I still dream of running careless through the snow / An' through the howlin' winds that blow / Across the ancient distant flow / It fill our bodies up like water till we know

There’s another very key thing to bear in mind that I found quite, quite interesting. The song is called “Furr.” That title clearly references the narrator (a male, but still, clearly in this case would be Arya) being a wolf. The group name is Blitzen Trapper. Blitzen is, of course, famously known as one of the reindeer who pulled Santa’s sleigh. Yes, science has now proven that all of Santa’s reindeer were likely female as male reindeer shed their antlers in December, however, it is highly unlikely that when the tale was first told that such was known therefore we’re going with the original conception that Blitzen is indeed male. And since Blitzen is known as a male reindeer, well, another name for a male deer is a… stag.

So, not only does the song itself alone howl to the winds an Arya and Gendry endgame (it really, really, REALLY does) but the group name + the song title + the meaning of the song literally = The Stag caught the Wolf with his love.

Yeah. Arya and Gendry... Endgame.

In Conclusion…

Over and over I repeated that some of these were a reach, were small things, that they didn’t mean much and I don’t deny that, however… when you add them all up, put them all together, well, it makes quite a compelling argument, I do believe. All of these things are parallels and hints and bits and pieces that when woven together make a very clear picture, and I do think they prove that Arya and Gendry were wed by the time Arya’s ship set sail at series’ end. We just didn't see it happen.

But, but, but… why not make it clear that Arya and Gendry were together in the end? Give us something obviously concrete. The quick conversation between Gendry and Bran, that secret wedding (similar to the Lyanna/Rhaegar one) or… or… at least Gendry on her bed in the cabin as she was getting dressed in the final scenes. Something!

Well, I mentioned one theory at the top. Another is that because D&D saw it so clearly in their minds they didn’t feel there was a need to because all of the signposts were there that they felt the audience would know it was going to happen. We all know how D&D are... they figure the audience will fill in the obvious blanks. Such as how we didn't need to see Arya and Sansa's reaction to finding out who Jon really was. Or Jaime and Bran's initial meeting. Or... or... or... (You know, fill in your blanks...)

However, I don’t think that’s the case because if it were, D&D would have maybe confirmed the two were wed by now. Instead, honestly, I think that they didn’t want it to be concrete. Maybe they deliberately went with the leaving it open for analysis to have it both ways. A single Arya for those wanting her off sailing free and unencumbered by love because “that’s not her,” but also playing fair for those who want the love story to read the clues into the well-lain narrative of a happily-ever-after with Gendry.

Now, there is a third possibility, and this is actually the one that makes the most sense in light of the decisions made with wardrobe, with interviews, with the Spotify playlist, with the Hound=death/Gendry=life, etc. HBO didn’t want Arya to have a definitive romantic endgame in leave their options open for an Arya Stark spin-off. Honestly, that would explain a lot of the narrative decisions that all seemed to lead to a very clear Arya and Gendry happily-ever-after endgame.

And everything with Arya—with Gendry—pointed to that happening for her and for them. D&D would have written, planned everything out most likely before HBO might have put a little whisper in their ear. Since Arya is the only one that allows for a spin-off that would work without any other Game of Thrones actor (aside from Maisie Williams, of course) it makes sense that they would prefer that such a definitive endgame not happen for that specific character.  Alas.

If that is what happened, it doesn’t change the fact that all of the other key points leading up to that definitive endgame *were* indeed in place. Furthermore, until such a spin-off potentially happens nothing says that Arya and Gendry didn't get married. So… Gendry Baratheon and Arya Stark Baratheon, lord and lady in name only, sailing the high seas, living their best lives.

It all adds up; nothing contradicts this theory. It works for me, how about you?

(This was originally posted at GOT_TheUnbroken.)

[skzsauce01]

3.14

Description: March 14 is both White Day and Pi Day. You're a sucker for puns, so obviously Felix has to make you a pie.

Warning: none

Word Count: 2,116

Pairing: fem!reader x Felix

Contrary to what his friends thought, Felix is not a complete idiot. Sure, he might be failing calculus, but he knows your handwriting like he knows the Pythagorean Theorem.

He knows it very well.

The note attached to the box of chocolates is not signed, but the sharp curves of your characters are a dead giveaway. He can't lie; seeing the store-bought box makes his heart sink. He hoped you had some semblance of romantic feelings for him, but he never saw an inkling. However, when he pulls off the white ribbon, he is ecstatic to see that his previous assumptions were wrong: the heart-shaped chocolate inside is hand decorated with lines of icing and carefully dotted with pink sprinkles, which means you are actually into him. He is smiling so much. He yells down the hallway filled with tired teenagers who couldn't care less about how he has a Valentine.

“My crush likes me back!” he shouts, earning him a few grossed-out looks.

He leaves the chocolate in his locker, but he tucks the note-- Happy Valentine's Day, Felix <3-- into his calculus textbook and thinks of less than 3's all the way to class.

However, last month's delight is now this month's dilemma. He almost forgets about White Day until Chan asks him what he is going to give you in return. His nervous laugh gets a sympathetic look and a well-intended but not helpful suggestion to buy an expensive box of chocolate. The two main problems with Chan's idea is that Felix has limited funds and anything store-bought just doesn’t show off what a great boyfriend he can potentially be.

Never mind that he doesn't even know when White Day is exactly.

Google tells him that it's on March 14. Felix has been stuck doing math for multiple hours per day, so his first thought is That's Pi Day.

Then it hits him.

He'll make you a pie. A pie so beautiful and delicious that it will make the relationship official. Instagram official.

He's jittery during the entire day. He has only a couple days to make sure his plan goes smoothly. The pie has to be perfect.

After school, Felix takes the bus to the grocery store and searches up apple pie recipes on the way there. His eyes grow wide as soon as he realizes how much work he has to do. To motivate himself, he opens the front cover of his calculus textbook and rereads your handwritten note from last month. This will all be worth it, he tells himself.

When he arrives at the grocery store, he heads straight to the produce section. Each recipe recommended different kinds of apples, so screw it; you are going to get an everything apple pie. Like an everything bagel, but apple pie.

Back at home, he has Chan in a Discord call with him as he dices up apples and cuts strips of pie dough. Chan's not doing much, just reading aloud pie making tips that Felix has seen over thirty times while looking up recipes. Felix tunes him out at what has to be the fifth mention of squeezing lemon juice on top of the chopped apples to prevent browning.

"I know already. I know what I'm doing," Felix says. "Why are you so worried anyway?"

Chan's voice is shrill and tinny as he practically screeches out, "Because you've never made a pie before, and you only have until tomorrow to get it done!"

"High risk, high reward?"

"That's not how it works!" There's a sigh from Chan's end. "Why did you choose pie? Chocolate would have been fine, too."

He considered just melting down and molding chocolate for your White Day gift. However, the homemade chocolate you gave him on Valentine's Day was so elegant and elaborate, a normal gift wouldn't suffice.

White Day also happens to be on Pi Day, and Felix knows how much you love a good math pun and a good apple pie. Hence why he is spending the night before White Day baking.

He tosses the diced fruit with the apple pie spice he picked up at the grocery store.The apple-and-spice mixture goes into the store-bought pie crust soon after, and then Felix searches up how to make a lattice.

Actually, why doesn't he put Chan to work?

"Chan, how do I make a lattice?" he asks, using the same tone he would when talking to Siri.

Chan grumbles, protesting that he's not his personal AI assistant, but Felix can hear him typing away. While Chan reads off a list of instructions and sends him video links, Felix wipes his flour-dusted fingers on his no-longer-white apron and checks his phone for messages from you. There's nothing new; the latest message in the chat between the two of you is still a picture of question 19 of his calc book with a big question mark drawn on. He sees that you haven't even seen the message yet, so you must be busy.

Felix picks up the strips of dough and follows Chan's instructions. It's easier than he expected, but the design still looks off.

Oh well. It's not too late to start over without ruining the entire design.

"Did it turn out okay?" Chan asks, breaking Felix out of his thoughts.

"It's… not bad," is the best answer he can give. He takes a picture and sends it to his friend.

Chan laughs at the crooked placements and the less-than-stellar job Felix has done at cutting the strips. "I can tell it's a lattice at least. Is it baking yet?"

"You're more anxious than I am," he remarks as he sticks the pie into the preheated oven.

"Well, someone has to be! It's your first White Day together! It has to go well."

"Which is why I'm making an apple pie for her!" Felix shouts. He realizes how loud it was and apologizes. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's fine. I was being annoying, wasn't I?"

He says, "Yes," with no hesitation, and Chan laughs.

"She's your first girlfriend, and you're pretty much my little brother. I have good reason to be stressed out for you," he explains. Felix hears him typing again, and he has a feeling he's about to receive more unsolicited advice. "Anyway, did you put an egg wash on it? All these recipes are saying something about an egg wash."

"Chan."

"Right," he sighs. "I'll stop."

They switch topics to something not pie related. Felix complains about not understanding calculus, while Chan groans about how long his statistics problems take him. After a heated debate on whether calculus or statistics is harder, Felix phone buzzes with a message from you.

When he checks it, he sees a picture of your notes with a bright red circle drawn around a section labeled, "Partial Sum Decomp. When the Denominator's Power is Greater than 2."

His phone buzzes again, and a new message from you reads, "I gotchu babe."

He is so grateful that you pay attention in class. He sends back a heart emoji as Chan calls out, "You still there?"

"Sorry. Y/N texted me," he says as he reads another message from you.

Y/N <3: Wanna do homework together?

Me: Sure

Felix puts his phone on the counter and tells Chan the news. "I'm going to do homework with Y/N now. See you tomorrow?"

He can hear Chan smiling. "Have fun. Don't spoil the surprise."

"Stop projecting your worries onto me."

Before Chan can defend himself, Felix ends the call and starts a new one with you. He quickly gets a chat message that just reads, "Don't call me out like this >:(."

You answer the Discord call. "Hey."

Your voice is clear and sweet, a stark contrast to Chan's anxious ramblings. Felix smiles. The lilting in your voice is soothing, and he can tell you just woke up from a power nap based off of your soft tone.

"Hi," he says back. "Sleep well?"

There's a brief pause as you wake your brain up to formulate an answer. You reply, "I slept for three hours straight, but I also dreamt that I got a 47 on yesterday’s test."

He laughs because your dream is going to be his reality. "You'll be alright. You know what's going on."

"But the last question!" The sleepiness is replaced by fiery passion, and he hears the unmistakable sound of you slamming a palm against a table.

He lets you vent again and checks the pie in the oven. He thinks it's turning out well? The apples are bubbling a bit, and the crust looks more brown. He's never made one before; how can he tell? There's only a few more minutes left to bake it for.

With you still talking and oblivious to the world, he rushes to his room and grabs his textbook with his homework tucked inside. Just as he's back at the counter, you finish ranting.

"... I checked three times! Seungmin said he got something completely different! I think I got it wrong," you say.

"You'll be alright," he repeats. He knows he sounds like he doesn't care, but you truly will be alright. The last quiz you got a 92 with only half an hour of studying. He's also very worried about the pie because it is bubbling over now. "You studied for five hours."

"Seungmin has the highest grade!" Before he can retort that Seungmin isn't that smart, you let out a frustrated sigh. "Never mind that. Let's just do homework. I finished up to 25."

"Uh, okay." The apple pie won't stop bubbling, and he grabs a pair of oven mitts. He cracks open the oven door, and a blast of steam hits his face. "I'll catch up, and you can…" He trails off, trying to come up with an idea while taking out the pie. At the very least, it smells good.

"I can give you all the answers?" you joke.

"That will be great," Felix replies. He sets the pie down on the counter with a heavy thud. He then starts furiously typing into Google, "bubbling pie."

"What happened?" you ask, your voice laced with concern. "Did something happen?"

He's scanning blocks of text, so he carelessly answers, "I don't know if I messed up your pie or not since it's spilling over."

"My pie?"

His mouth drops open after realizing what came out of it. He now has two options: admit defeat and tell you the truth or lie to you and potentially make things worse.

He decides to go with the former. He presses a small section of the lattice with his index finger and watches it sink into the filling. Goodbye, hard work. He managed to screw up just like Chan predicted with a single sentence. He doesn't want to lie to you about something as silly as this. You know when he's lying anyway.

"It was supposed to be a secret," he quietly says. "It was your White Day present."

There's a moment of silence and then a burst of laughter from you. "Felix, you made me a pie? But you never baked before!" There's a softer laugh, and you sigh, "That's so sweet of you. Thank you."

His face feels as hot as the oven. The lattice section starts breaking off. "I wanted to do something special. And I know you like your puns."

"Pun?"

So, you forgot. With a grin, he says, "It's Pi Day tomorrow, too."

"Felix Lee, you're an amazing boyfriend," you declare. "I will gladly accept your pie."

He quickly yanks his finger out. "Really? Chan said it looked kind of bad though."

"You made it! Of course I'm going to take it. Felix, I will take whatever you make, no matter how horrible it looks."

He is so proud. And a little offended that you actually think his baking is hideous. He snaps a picture of the finished pie, which has cooled down a bit and stopped bubbling like a witch cauldron, and sends it to you.

He hears the notification sound from your end of the call and your nails clicking against the screen of your phone not long after. After a few seconds of waiting for the picture to load, he hears you laugh.

He loves your laugh so much, but maybe not in this scenario.

"Oh my goodness. Chan was not kidding when he said it looked bad!"

"It's not that bad!" he protests. "You said you would take it no matter what!"

The laughter dies down, but there's still a playfulness to your words. "I know, I know. You're the best, babe."

"Mmmnh. Anyway, question 19?” he asks cheekily.

~ ad.gray

[siriusmuch]

happy birthday, james potter!

i swear i’ll write some more later, but happy birthday james. you, who inspired me to be brave and fight for my loved ones. you, who was the definition of never giving up. and you, who always chased your dreams.

here’s a bunch of headcanons n kinda angsty plot! pls enjoy ♡ 

- before lily started liking james, special occasions were the days that she tolerated him a lot more.

- and this applies to his birthday. the marauders make a big deal of everyone’s birthday in their group, so how could she not know it was his birthday?

- and so, every year, when it was james’ birthday, he learned to look forward to lily saying happy birthday. and despite her best efforts to not acknowledge it, lily’s heart fluttered when james’ eyes lit up.

- before hogwarts, james’ parents baked him a quidditch-themed cake every year. how could they not? james was obsessed.

- sometimes it’d be a cake with the field, others it would be a snitch, etc.

- during fifth year, though, things were different.

- every year, james would be surrounded by his friends. but what if The Prank happened before james’ birthday? (it fits in the time frame perfectly :3c)

- sirius was off to god knows where more than half the time. james noticed, of course he did. sirius didn’t spend much time in the great hall, in their dorm, etc, and he’d always bring the map with him. he knew sirius did something terrible, but he also knew that sirius felt extremely guilty.

- but he didn’t want to ask too much from anyone. because remus just had his trust broken, and sirius felt terrible, and peter was on remus’ side because it was remus who he was friends with first.

- so, during fifth year on his birthday, he didn’t want to mention anything. he woke up early and disappeared into the room of requirement that same day.

- it was lily who found him first, actually. james barely had any clue of how long he’d been in the room, but he’d been sleeping for most the day. the other half the time, he was doing work or reading about quidditch.

- “i had a suspicion you’d be here, potter.”

- james would never admit it, but he jumped. unknowingly to him, lily visited the room of requirement almost as much as he did. it was a good place to get away from her thoughts, and her visits increased tenfold as it neared the end of the school year. she didn’t want to go back home to petunia.

- “oh, hey evans,” james would try to be casual. it didn’t work on lily.

- the two sat down and talked. for lily, it was an eyeopener to james’ more sensitive personality. and i’m a sucker for remus and lily’s friendship, so lily knows of his furry little problem. and of what happened with the whomping willow.

- and for james, it was the first time he truly let himself be more vulnerable with her. he liked lily, and it was clear as day to anyone, and it hurt getting rejected, but he didn’t mind chasing (ha). he didn’t really know how to be himself around her, but he was learning.

- james tells lily how he saved snape. lily knew that james was a decent person, but it just reinforces it. it was at that point lily understood that even though james bullied snape, at the very end, he wouldn’t allow anyone to die.

- and james tells lily about how he didn’t want to bother his friends. he tells her about how sirius was purposely avoiding everyone because he knows that remus doesn’t want to talk to him. he tells her how he knows sirius feels terrible and that if he had a choice, he wouldn’t ever do it again. he tells her how he doesn’t want to force his friends to be together and talk to each other for his sake.

- most importantly, he tells her that even though he misses how the marauders were, how he knows everyone is traumatized from the event, he tells her how he was trying to be strong too.

- it continues opening things up for lily. this was james’ best friend and brother. sirius and james had an unbreakable bond, and everyone knew that. and sirius was like a phantom, barely to be seen, and remus was coping with his trust being broken. he knows everyone was struggling. but he was too.

- james has nightmares, sometimes. about not being able to save snape and remus having to be exiled. of not knowing about it. of hesitating for a split second. he hadn’t told any of the marauders that, but lily was... lily was lily. and james felt like time stopped when it came to her. he felt safe.

- and james confesses that he doesn’t want to talk about it either because he knows that peter and remus and sirius all have nightmares about it too. he can see it in the dark circles under their eyes. he can see it in the way sirius can’t look anyone in the eye. he can see it in the way remus couldn’t focus on anything he read, constantly rereading a page over and over. he could see it in the way where peter used to study, but lacked any motivation to do so anymore.

- he didn’t want to bother him.

- and lily’s heart clenches for him. because he was a boy that she painted to be so bright and arrogant. he carried himself with confidence and was a natural genius. but she sees him a bit more, now. james potter, someone who seemed so simple to understand before, was now a lot more complex.

- he was empathetic for his friends. he carried the brave face, a shit-eating grin, but he was observant about the tiny things. he was passionate and loved his friends more than anything, and was extremely loyal. 

- and lily’s heart swells some more.

- “i think we all have problems right now, james.” lily starts, her hand bringing james’ face towards her. it was the first time she ever addresses him by his name. “i think everyone in the marauders misses what you guys had before. yes, what sirius did was... terrible, frankly, but he feels bad for it. and maybe you guys can’t solve your problems now, but you guys will. because your friend group is strong. but they miss you. sirius was at the great hall for breakfast and lunch today, and he was carrying around a bulk which i can only assume is a present. peter had some snacks, but he started eating them because he couldn’t find you and got anxious. (james snorted, and lily grinned.) remus was holding a quidditch book, i think, and one of those honeyduke chocolate bars that you guys always seem to buy out the entire stock of before i get there. they miss you. things are tense, but you guys are the marauders.”

- and james nods. he didn’t notice, but his head had leaned into lily’s touch. they were still in that position before lily ends up hugging him.

- james thinks about how small and warm she was against him. he thinks about the scent of her hair, the pretty flush on her cheeks, and the way he felt like he could spill everything to her.

- lily thinks about the toned body of james, not in a perverted way (maybe a little in a perverted way), but in a way where it was reassuring and steady and made her feel safe. she thinks about how he smelt like broom oil and a faint scent of cinnamon. 

- after james’ birthday, their banter was more friendly. until the snape incident, where he called her a mudblood. james was defensive over lily, but lily didn’t want to talk to him.

- it was understandable. she just lost her childhood friend after realizing what people had been warning her about was right. and lily tried blaming james for a while, because it was his fault that he egged snape on, but she never had the heart to do so. because what best friend would call you a slur? what best friend wouldn’t stop hanging out with people who made them uncomfortable for good reason?

- come sixth year. by james’ birthday, lily and james were friends again. their banter returned to being playful, but they weren’t close. james had slowly ceased his flirting and pranking.

- lily couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why he changed, but she was happy. she didn’t have to feel bad about rejecting him. the pranks that james did still pull were funny, but it never went to the extent like it used to.

- maybe it was the war upcoming. students in hogwarts, no matter their year, seemed a lot more solemn now than before. everyone was on edge, and for good reason.

- and come seventh year. at that point, their friendship was the complete opposite of first year. because now, lily knew she was head over heels for james fleamont potter. and james knew that he was in love with lily.

- that’s when he’d ceased the flirting almost completely. because he was in love with her, and he realized that rejection hurt a lot more than before. so he kept his feelings to himself, although anyone with eyes could see just how much he loved her.

- on this birthday, there was a party. well, there was a party often, especially during birthdays, but this party marked their turning point.

- firewhiskey, muggle alcohol (who dared to sneak that in? probably remus.), butterbeer. there were tons of illegal substances, but who was stopping them? not the head boy and girl, of course.

- by the end of the party, most people had passed out in the common room. james and lily had retreated to the boys bedrooms (james knew better than to try climbing the girls side again), and they were a little drunk. liquid courage, amirite?

- it was tense, actually. they’d been on the brink of confessing their love for each other for ages, except james didn’t know that lily felt the same way. but james felt tense too, because he was scared to confess his feelings impulsively and scare lily off.

- it was lily who initiated the first kiss. james was probably talking about the future, how when he was smaller, he’d always wanted to be a quidditch player, but now he was going to be an auror. and lily just took a fistful of his shirt and pulled him in to kiss him.

- because he was just talking so much with those kissable lips, and lily couldn’t contain herself.

- and james looked frazzled, but it was a good kind. he pulled lily back in and kissed her, and he cheekily whispered, “hey, it’s not midnight yet. we could have birthday sex.” because he was a fool who was just a tad bit drunk and he was in love with her and she just kissed him.

- lily smacked his head, obviously, but kissed him again.

- they announced that they were dating the next day (but they both heard a few whispers, because “weren’t they dating already?”)

- so, happy birthday to james potter.

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Hit Songs of 2019

This year’s crop of popular music was... absolutely bonkers? I mean, this year we had Billie Eilish crash into the mainstream, Lizzo managed to get multiple hits out of songs she released nearly three years ago, the Jonas Brothers made a comeback, and the longest-running #1 hit in Billboard history became a rap/country crossover that got its start on Tik Tok made by a complete nobody and the dad from Hannah Montana. I’m going to admit, this list was pretty hard to put together, as I found it hard to find 10 songs that I genuinely loved that were hits this year. Despite that, the sheer absurdity of this year’s popular music gave me a spark of hope going into the new decade. For this list, I’ll be selecting my favorite songs off of Billboard’s year end Hot 100 songs list. I’m ready to recount this year in music, so...

10) Sucker by Jonas Brothers I never watched the Jonas Brothers show or listened to their music back when they were big on Disney, so I’ve got no nostalgic investment in them. However, this was a fun comeback to watch play out. This song was pretty dang good for a while, with the funky guitars and the instantly catchy lyrics. It reminded me of “Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man. Then it got the point where three separate radio stations were playing it at the same time, and now I can barely stand it. I think that after the radio releases this song from its clutches it will warm up on me again though, because I do like it overall.

9) Better by Khalid The strongest attribute of this song is its ATMOSPHERE. The beat, melody, and vocal delivery all compliment one another perfectly, combining to create a smooth, almost sexy sound that washes over you with ever listen. I also like the Daft-Punk-y vocoded lines that pop in at the end, they’re so unexpected and yet they fit in perfectly. I've always loved Khalid’s vocal timbre, it’s so chill and yet warm at the same time. The only thing I can’t praise about this is the lyrics, because I have no clue what they are. Khalid, bless his sweet soul, cannot enunciate. It’s the same problem I have with Ariana Grande. I love your voice, I want to know what you’re saying! 

8) Trampoline by SHAED Give me the hipster points, because guess who knew about this song before it was cool! I’ve loved SHAED’s music for some time now, so it’s been thrilling to watch this song climb the charts and for them to get the recognition and success that they deserve. While this song isn’t my favorite by them, (that slot would probably be reserved for “Perfume” or “Melt,”) it does showcase the group’s strengths, which are emotive vocals and glossy electronic production. I love the effervescent backing vocals and bubbling keys that pepper this song, it gives the song a floaty feel while still keeping it tense. 

7) Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus I can’t think of a piece of music in recent memory that has captured the public’s attention so swiftly and so completely, and you know what? Sometimes something gets big because it’s good. This song, despite all the memes and jokes and radio play and oversaturation, never ever got old to me. Every time it comes on, it puts a giant, goofy smile on my face, and I sing along to the whole thing. I want Lil Nas X to stick around, but even if he doesn’t, I want what this song represents, genre blending, trend-bucking, and a sense of fuck-it fun, to stay.

6) bury a friend by Billie Eilish Out of all the strange hits we had this year, this was the weirdest one to hear on the radio. It doesn’t have a classic structure! It’s about the monster under your bed! It’s got nothing but a shuffle beat, bass, and the sound of dental drill! It just doesn’t belong on the airwaves next to songs like “ME!” or “I Don’t Care.” Despite that, I’m beyond happy that Billie Eilish is bringing a bit of emo weirdness to the mainstream, because if the success of her music, specifically this song, says anything, it’s that pop is heading in a far scarier and more experimental direction. And I’m on board with that. 

5) break up with your girfriend, i’m bored by Ariana Grande The groove on this song is fantastic. The combination of eerie synths, bass, reverbed backing vocals, and rolling snares makes it feel tight and controlled, but also loose and flowing at the same time. There was a lot of pushback against this song due the sentiment of the lyrics, but it’s not like Ariana is unaware that she’s the bad guy in this position. There’s enough indifference and sarcasm in her delivery to show that she’s self aware. This was probably my favorite out of the hit singles from the thank u, next era, (”thank u, next” is great but got a bit old to me, and I don’t care for “7 Rings.”) 

4) Circles by Post Malone  This is embarrassing to admit, because I rarely, if ever, enjoyed any music Post Malone has put out in the past. But this song just hits different. The instrumental feels more acoustic-driven and has a nice pulse to it, projecting a warmth and comfort that none of his other songs have. This was a perfect hit for Autumn, being chill and relaxing enough for Summer, but the underlying bass groove makes you want to move into the productive patterns of the school year. If Post Malone made more music like this I’d reckon I’d enjoy his music quite a bit. 

3) Dancing With A Stranger by Sam Smith ft. Normani Sometimes radio filler turns out to be spectacular. The ambiance this track builds is relaxing but in an otherworldly kind of way, forming a soundscape of echoing drums and whispering synths. I’ve always stood by the opinion that Sam Smith sounds really good with an electronic beat under them, it helps their great voice move in a more free-flowing way. Normani also sounds amazing on this song, her vocals dipping into smokier territory, and when the two sing together they play off one another’s performances with ease. 

2) Sweet But Psycho by Ava Max Who predicted this in their last year’s hit song’s list? This bitch! I was so happy to see this hit the U.S. charts, you have no idea. It was such a breath of fresh air in that it was so splashy, sugar-sweet, and unabashedly pop. The lyrics are some of the silliest of the whole year, (”she’s poison but tasty” makes me chuckle every time,) but it doesn’t matter. The addictive melodies and the earnestness in Ava Max’s performance make them sound like Shakespearean poetry, or at least like she believes that they’re Shakespearean poetry. 

Should Have Been Hits

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift This should’ve been a single. I get why Taylor chose the singles she did, but this was primed to be a Summer smash, with the glossy synths and vocoded backing vocals and soaring chorus. We were robbed. Robbed, I tell you!

Graveyard by Halsey While “Without Me” got all the glory, this is my favorite of all the Halsey singles we’ve gotten so far by a wide margin. It’s the only one that I’ve made the conscious choice to listen to on my own time for one. I love the way the production rushes as the chorus hits, and the synths that sparkle throughout the verses, and Halsey’s reserved performance.

3 Nights by Dominic Fike This was a hit in the U.K., and I even heard it on a few alternative stations, so why no cross over? If there was any song that should have been the chill Summer hip hop hit, it should have been this. This song is weirdly addictive, the chorus is so inexplicably catchy that once you hear it one time through you will know all the words to it. 

Blame It On Your Love by Charli XCX ft. Lizzo When the mainstream decide that it didn’t need Charli XCX? Because it’s wrong, it needs her very, very badly. The success of “1999″ in the U.K., the name recognition, and the Lizzo feature should’ve been more than enough to boost this onto the charts, but I guess we didn’t want an instantly catchy and fun EDM pop song on the radio. Oh well. 

Motivation by Normani Normani and Lauren are my favorite Fifth Harmony members, so I’ve been rooting for their solo careers like nobody’s business. This single in particular had so much potential: a bouncy beat, a stamp of approval from Ariana Grande, and a kick-ass music video filled with impressive choreography. I hope this gets a bigger push into next year, because Normani is a wildly talented performer that deserves success outside of her collaborations. 

Guilty Pleasures

bad guy by Billie Eilish This was a good song, just not my favorite off the album, or of the hits, (I prefer ”bury a friend,” obviously, and “when the party’s over,” which made last year’s list.) Still, watching this idiosyncratic little tune become one of the biggest pop smashes of the year was enthralling. Like “bury a friend,” it was so strange to hear this on the radio. 

Close To Me by Ellie Goulding ft. Diplo & Swae Lee When a melody gets its claws in me, there’s nothing I can do about it. This is not Ellie Goulding at her best, (I’ll admit that I miss the days of “Lights,”) but the way she delivers the hook on this song is absolutely infectious. I’m not the biggest Swae Lee fan, but he’s fine here too. I never minded when this song came on the radio. 

This year was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Needless to say, there were several instances where I felt quite a bit of stress and insecurity, and oftentimes, I would turn to music to make myself feel better. There was one song in particular that a friend of mine, @hasanminajs​, introduced me to, that instantly became a beacon of self-appreciation and enjoyment to me throughout the year. And when I tell you that I have never been happier to hear a song on the radio than I have with this one, I'm telling the truth. 

1) Truth Hurts by Lizzo I have never rooted for a song’s success like I have for this one, and watching a hip hop track this bouncy, confident, and enigmatic climb the charts was an absolute joy. There are so many great punchlines in this song, from “why men great till they gotta be great?” to “I don’t play tag bitch, I’ve been it,” to the ever-iconic “I just took a DNA test, turns out, I’m 100% that bitch.” This song raised the standards for lyricism in the mainstream. I want Lizzo to be huge, I want her to be influential, I want her to be one of the biggest pop stars of the next decade if not longer. Everything about this song, from its production to its message to its performance makes me smile. And you know what? Sometimes that’s all that pop music needs to do. 

Do you agree with this list? What were your favorite hit songs of 2019? Leave a comment and let me know!

[goldandbluesmiles]

Gotham’s Keeper

Summary: Magic lived in Everyone. Or the one where was chosen as Gotham's Keeper at birth. 

Part 1 of a Series.

TW: There is mention of miscarriage. And there more moments when Bruce doesn’t really like himself. Mention of jumping off a building.

AO3

XXX

Magic lived in everyone.

From the tiniest hum under their skin, like the one Bruce heard from his mother when he cuddled with her, to the more visible and stronger kind that Alfred wielded with precision. Magic lived in everybody and once you were a certain age, it finally came alive.

Not that it was asleep before. It just wasn't...connected. Even then, most children knew what their magic was going to be like. The little girl who could make animals happy with just a touch knew she would be a healer. The little boy who's magic sounded in his laugh and one day would weave itself in his voice, even if it was too weak to do anything other then sing fussy babies to sleep.

Bruce could never understand his own magic though. It thrummed in his body, loud and fiery, with no way or direction. It did seem to want to teach or push or even lay down. It was just there like...like it was waiting.

Waiting for what? Little Bruce wondered for the first time after his fifth birthday when he had finally put into words the feeling that his magic gave him.

His mom smiled at him when he mentioned it, her omega scent of honey and apples wrapping around him.

"You will figure it out, sweetheart," she told him, "Everyone eventually does,"

His dad ruffled his hair and nodded, "Don't worry son. Your mother is right. Everything has its place, so does your magic,"

Relieved by his parents' reassurance, Bruce leaned into the Alpha, letting himself be surrounded by his scent of burnt cinnamon and smoke.

(Years later he would have a little boy who would tell Bruce that he smelled like smoked apples and honey)

XXX

He's seven years old and the magic is still twirling under his skin. By now he knows it's normal.

No, not like the majority. That means it's different from the rest.

But everything has its place. That's what his dad always says and Bruce believes him. So, he goes to the library and looks through books he shouldn't be able to understand and ignores the soft whisper at the back of his head that becomes louder every day.

(One day he would whisper back)

XXX

There two gunshots in an alley, two bodies, scattered pearls and Bruce can no longer ignore the voice in his head.

He knows better than to give in to it though.

Not yet.

(He does eventually. It's the best thing and the worst thing)

XXX

Alfred thinks he's mourning and coping. Leslie thinks it's s good hobby. Lucius is worried but thinks he understands the isolation.

They're all wrong.

Bruce devoured ancient texts after ancient texts hidden among normal libraries, seen as commodities and fairytales.

The magic doesn't say that though, but then not everybody had Bruce's magic so maybe they just didn't notice.

Everything had its place, that's what his dad had said and Bruce will find his place, no matter what.

(He does)

XXX

He's eleven, a grade ahead of kids his age and standing at the edge of a building. The jump might kill a normal person, it might not.

It won't kill him though. He's not trained yet, not the way the magic wants him to be but he knows the magic needs him and he knows the magic is alive, more alive than the most alive magic out there. It'll save him from that.

The Alpha behind him doesn't know that though.

"You not gonna jump, are you?" she asked

"No," he said as he turned around. She was pretty, about his height, with dark brown- almost black- curls, nice green eyes and olive skin. She took a good look at his face and her eyes widened.

"Bruce Wayne," she said, "What are you doing here?"

He could lie. He could tell a dozen different falsehoods that would fit a rich boy like him standing where he stood.

Instead, he told none of them.

"Three years ago my parents died here," he tells her and she nods with sympathy. Everyone knows the story of the fallen Waynes after all.

"I'm Selina," she said, "Want me to stand with you?"

That was unexpected.

"Sure," he told her

She stood with him and for some unexplainable reason, he felt them connect.

(Many years later, he would have a family, and she would still stand with him and he won't understand completely but he'd understand enough.)

XXX

He was fifteen and sitting in the precinct while Jim Gordon looked at him with tired eyes.

"You gotta stop doing this kid," said Jim, "Gave Alfred a heart attack,"

Bruce just pursed his lips and stared off.

Jim sighed and was about to say something else but someone else caught his attention.

"Wait here a second," said Jim, "And do not move,"

Bruce shrugged.

"I mean it,"

"Yes, Sir," mumbled Bruce

Jim nodded and went off to talk to a lady that was waiting for him. A few minutes later he felt something tug at his sleeve. He looked to the side and saw a little redhead, freckled girl standing at his side. If the pictures on Jim's desk were anything to go by, this was Barbara Gordan.

"Uh hi?" said Bruce

"Mommy and Daddy said I had to wait here," she said, "I'm Barbara. I'm four years old,"

"Hi Barbara," said Bruce, "I'm Bruce. I'm fifteen,"

"Hi Bruce," she said, "Are you here with your mommy and daddy too?"

Bruce lips twisted, "No,"

"Oh," she said, "Are they at home?"

"No. I don't have them anymore," In hindsight saying that to a little kid probably wasn't a good idea but Bruce wasn't well versed in talking to small children

Instead of becoming confused, Barbara got a serious look in her eyes.

"Are they with the stars?" she asked, "Daddy said that's where his mommy is now,"

Bruce remembered something about a funeral Alfred and Leslie had attended.

"Yes, I suppose that's where they are,"

She nodded again and kept looking at him.

"You can share my seat," he said, scooting over a bit. The chair was made for a grown adult but Bruce was really skinny for his age and Barbara was a tiny child so after some maneuvering, they both fit.

"Here," she said, holding out a small bag she had in her hand, "You can have some of my candy. Candy makes me less sad. It's leftover from Halloween. I was a fish for Halloween, what were you?"

"You ask a lot of questions, don't you," he said, taking a sucker from the offered bag

"I like asking questions," said Barbara, "You find out things,"

Bruce smiled. He was starting to like this little girl.

"Well, I was a superhero,"

Barbara nodded, "That's a cla-cla-lass"

"Classic?"

She smiled, "Yeah, a classic. I bet you looked really nice,"

"You too,"

That's how Jim, Mrs. Gordan and Alfred found them later, sitting together and talking about Halloween costumes.

"I see you made a friend," said Jim

"Yeah! Bruce is nice, Daddy,"

Bruce blushed.

"He is isn't he?" said Jim

Barbara nodded and when it was time for her to leave, she gave Bruce a big smile and waved goodbye.

"Bye Bruce. Nice to meet you. Eat more candy,"

After that, it became normal for Jim to bring Barbara with him to the manor. Lucius started bringing Tiffany, Lucas and Tam with him and before Bruce knew it, he was somehow babysitting four active kids while their guardians had tea together.

(Years later, Bruce would sit at a long table surrounded by his loved ones and tell the story of how he first met Barbara Gordan and there will be many smiles to go around)

XXX

He was still fifteen in his sophmore year when he met Beta Oliver Queen and realized Alphas weren't the only ones he was attracted to.

They had English together, but only because Bruce skipped a grade years ago. Oliver was funny, his kisses made him feel like he was floating on clouds. His touch was tingly, but Bruce didn't know if it's because of the Beta or because Bruce was practically in love with him. They went to dances together and skipped classes together. Bruce's friends became Oliver's and Oliver's friends became Bruce's.

People in their circles don't really like two Males, especially an Omega and Betas being together but neither of them cared.

Bruce thinks he might want to stay with Oliver forever.

Their relationship ended two years later with broken bones, blood on a bat and blood between Bruce's legs. It was neither of their faults but they didn't recover enough to stay.

Afterwards, Bruce looked through the ancient texts again and found every passage on Keepers and packs.

By the end, he had a few answers.

Keepers weren't meant to have normal packs. Keepers shouldn't have children. Keepers should only have connections for the sake of their city.

It was his fault. His fault his and Oliver's little girl was never going to be born. All his fault.

God, he wished he had never wanted Oliver in the first place.

(Years later, he would stand in a League of Keepers and stare at Oliver. Both of them behind masks and he would understand. And he would heal. It wasn't his fault. It was neither of their faults. Bad things just happened sometimes)

XXX

He was eighteen and he packed his bags.

Alfred was heartbroken.

Leslie had mist in her eyes.

Lucius's mouth was set in a hard line.

Jim watched with kind eyes

Little Barbara was confused.

None of them understood.

(Years later, they would. And they would be proud)

XXX

He was twenty and Alpha Talia Al Ghul was one of the most gorgeous people he had ever seen. Long shiny brown hair, golden brown skin, hazel eyes and small pink lips. He wasn't ashamed to admit that at first, the attraction had been all physical. She had been the last of his trainers with the League and she had worked him hard, just like he had expected.

What he hadn't expected was the way his heartbeat when she winked at him, or the way heat pooled in his belly when she pushed him on the ground or the way his fingers itched to run through her hair.

He hadn't expected the way his smile stretched wider whenever she was around, had not expected the flutter in his stomach, and definitely had not expected to be falling in love with her.

"You look lovely from up here," she said to him as she straddled his thighs, blade at his throat.

"Spend my heat with me," he blurted out

Talia raised her eyebrows and he blushed.

"That was not how I wanted to ask," he mumbled, looking to the side. He had thought about it of course but he had wanted to plan it a little better. Definitely hadn't meant to blurt it like that. And definitely not in the position they were in.

"How about this," she said, getting off of him, "Next time you beat me,"

"You could just say no," he grunted as she helped him up

"No," she grinned, but there was a sincere look in her eyes, "I'm merely making you work for it,"

"Huh," he said, smiling at her, "Okay then,"

He beat her three months later. She grinned at him asked when his next heat is.

"Three weeks later," he said

"Well, we have plans to make then," she said, a playful glint in her eyes

They talk about nesting, and his favourite heat snacks and...sex

"Have you had sex before," she asked

"Yes," He answered, pushing away the image of a blonde Beta with pretty eyes and an even prettier smile

"During heat?" she asked

"Yes," he said, pushing the memories harder

"Do you want to with me?" she asked, "We'll use contraceptives of course,"

He thought about it, "Yes,"

Bruce left the League seven months later. He could feel her eyes on him as he walked away. He had expected this. He was a Keeper, he couldn't stay and she would never leave her father.

It was better this way anyway.

(Over the years they would hurt each other in immeasurable ways. Still, he will never be able to bring himself to regret her.)

XXX

He's twenty-one and he's perched on top of one the oldest gargoyles in the city. His magic swirled around him, hungry and alive.

You are ready, Bruce Wayne

"So glad you approve," he said sarcastically

Now, now, none of that. You are ready.

"Yes. Yes," he said, "Why can I properly hear you now?"

Your mind is open now, child

"Hmm,"

Let us go forward

Bruce stood straight and cast his mind out to the city.

And Gotham answered its Keeper

He's home.

(Years later, he will stand in the same place. And he will not be alone.)

XXX

The ides just kinda popped into my head. What of cities chose their protectors and than it kinda snowballed from there. I also decided to add the a/o/b dynamic just cause I could.

I hope people enjoyed it!

[lupinscorner]

challenge accepted (sirius black x marlene mckinnon)

pairing: sirius black x marlene mckinnon

request: Hey! Idk if you do marauders era request but I’m a sucker for a blacking fix or imagine or anything really lol, thank you

summary: sirius is given a challenge to date the one girl that doesn’t like him - marlene mckinnon. 

takes place: sirius’s 6th year (marauders era)

word count: 1238

warnings: language

a/n: so sorry that this request has been here for a while, but writer’s block is a bitch, so....

“Jesus Prongs, how hard can it be to get a girl?” Sirius asked, after his best friend was, yet again, turned down by Lily Evans.

James played with the chicken on his plate, irritated and snappy. “Well, Padfoot, why don’t you  try to get the on girl who doesn’t want you. See how easy it is for yourself.”

Sirius scoffed, shoving a chicken wing in his mouth and talking at the same time. “Oh, come on, who wouldn’t like me? I’m obviously every girl’s dream.”

“Yeah, and by the way, you’ve got chicken smeared all over your face. That should be great with the ladies,” Remus quipped, setting down his book. Sirius just rolled his eyes, wondering who in Hogwarts wouldn’t like him. 

“You know, I think that Marlene doesn’t have a crush on you. She’s never swooning when you’re around, and I think she’s your friend, because, well, she wants to be your friend. Nothing more,” Peter commented, joining the conversation. 

“Yeah,” James sassed. “You try getting Marlene to go out with you. It’s harder than it looks.”

Sirius considered this. It was a challenge. And he was up for it. “Alright, I’ll get Marlene to go on a date with me. Just watch how easy it is, Prongs, and you’ll see that maybe you're the problem, not our dear Lily.” James just nodded, mumbling ‘good luck’ and going back to his dinner.

Inside the marauder’s dorm room, it was far past one in the morning. Sirius laid awake, his dark eyes staring up at the wall, examining the shadows cast by the moonlight that shone through the window. But all that he could think about was why Marlene McKinnon wouldn’t want to date him. She’s obviously just confused, Sirius thought, attempting to justify Marlene’s feelings. Or maybe she really does like me, and is just really good at keeping it a secret. But wouldn’t she have asked me out by now? This is Marlene we’re talking about. She asked Brian Covert out in fifth year when she liked him. Sirius smiled to himself. She really is a Gryffindor. And with Marlene in his head, he was able to fall asleep.

—-

The following morning, just after breakfast, Lily and Marlene sat by the Black Lake under the shade of a lush tree, the sun illuminating their faces in a golden light.

“So, you’ve got Sirius pining after you now?” Lily asked Marlene, leaning back on the tree behind her. 
Marlene nodded. “It seems so.”
“God, those marauder boys are like a virus. First me, now you. Next thing you now, Peter’s going to be asking out Dorcas every day.”

“Lily, I don’t think it’s too bad. It’s a little strange, but kind of sweet.”
Lily raised an eyebrow, leaning upright to face Marlene. “You think it’s sweet? Sirius has, one several occasions, yelled at you from across the transfiguration classroom ‘Marlene, want to go out with me?’ during a study period! When we’re all trying to focus!”

“Lil, no offense, but I don’t really care about focusing. Or tests.”
Lily pushed her red hair back over her shoulders, thinking about Marlene and Sirius until realization washed over her face. “But maybe you care about Sirius.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I care about him. We’ve been friends for years.”
“Maybe, you care about him…differently?”

Marlene burst into a fit of laughter. “Oh god, oh no, Lily. You’ve got it all wrong.”

“Listen, it makes sense. Now that you know that the likes you, you started thinking about it. And then, you just started to think about being together. Imagining dates with Sirius, cuddling by the fire, wrapped in blankets. Dates outside in the rain, your first kiss with him.”

Marlene just chuckled at the picture Lily painted for her. Me and Sirius? She thought. No, that’d just be weird…and awkward. Dates out at the Black Lake, eating at the great hall together, kissing…No that’s just wrong.

“Lily, that’s quite the imagination you have. But, no,” Marlene said, cutting off abruptly.


Yes, Lily did know that Marlene didn’t like Sirius. Not for now, at least. But she’d planted the seed. She knew that all that Marlene would think about for the next few days was Sirius. And being with Sirius. And that even though she didn’t like him now, that was all about to change. Lily Evans really was a genius.

Days and days of Sirius pining after Marlene had passed. Until it was the Spring Dance - yes, this year Hogwarts had a Spring Dance. And all the time Marlene was getting ready - into a blush pink dress, knee length with a soft fabric and the type of skirt that swished out into a perfect circle when you turned - Lily would make countless comments about Sirius. 

“Wow Marlene, Sirius is really going to love this.”

“Shut it, Lils.”
“And I could say the same thing about you seeing him in his tux.”

“Not true, Lily.”
“With his hair combed back. Or maybe you just like it the normal, messy way that he has it. I don’t know, Marlene, what’s your preference?”

“Neither.”

Finally, after many pokes in the eye from mascara and taming Marlene’s hair through anti-friz spells and pins, the two girls finally made their way into the dance. A calm, slow song played, the artist rambling on about love. Marlene was absolutely…disgusted. Because she did not want to even think about liking someone, much less love. Or Sirius.

But just her luck, she immediately bumped into the marauders. 
“Well, well Evans, you look absolutely stunning,” James complimented, stepping closer to Lily and reaching his hand out to hers. Abruptly pulling away, Lily stepped back and brushed him off. “Thanks, James, that’s all great, but Sirius, how do you think Marlene looks?”
 

“Lily,” Marlene said through gritted teeth, giving her a death glare. 

Sirius inched a little closer to her, smiling softly and never taking his eyes off of Marlene. “I think she looks amazing Lily.”

Marlene avoided his gaze, grabbing Lily by the arm, ready to drag her away. “Lily, let’s go find-“

“Dance with me?” Sirius asked, interupting her thought. Hesitant, Marlene nodded, taking his outstretched hand and moving to the dance floor with him.

Sirius placed his large hands on her waist, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck and lean into him. 

“You know, originally, I was just asking you out because James said that it was hard to get the only girl who didn’t like you. And I said I’d prove him wrong. 

“Oh, good,” Marlene sighed, though disappointment tinged her heart. 

“Originally, Marlene.”


“Oh,” Marlene said quietly, too stunned to say anything.”

“But then, I think I started to fall for her. And now I don’t quite know what to do, except for dance with her and ask her if she wants to go with me to Hogsmeade?”

Marlene looked up at Sirius, a new light in her brown eyes. “I think at she’d like that.” 
Sirius shifted his head, slowly leaning in and touching his lips with hers, earning a wolf whistle from James. Lily just smiled, watching as they pulled apart, Marlene then resting her head on Sirius’s shoulder. 

Pondering, she thought about how their relationship mirrored hers and James. Maybe that could be me and James? Oh god. Do I like James now? What have you done, Lily Evans?

masterlist

[forzalando]

Babydoll ~ Sirius Black

hello loves! this was an anon request for young!Sirius buying the reader lingerie for Christmas ;) again, I’m a sucker for AUs, so this is still young sirius (20), but not Hogwarts aged Sirius. in this AU, James and Lily do not have Harry yet and Voldemort just like doesn’t exist. ok? ok. @potter-harryjames and @yourslytherinprincess I just felt like torturing you both by tagging you, I am so sorry. 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Request: young!sirius buying you lingerie as a present and you trying it on after everyone is gone ;)

Warnings: mentions of smut, flirting, cheekiness, language

Word Count: 580

Christmastime was your favorite time of year, and you felt very fortunate to be spending it with your dearest friends and the man you loved. 

After graduation, James and Lily married rather quickly, though none of you were surprised in the slightest. They moved into their own flat, conveniently right above you and Sirius, while Remus and Peter were roommates and lived just down the street.

It was a tradition, ever since your fifth year at Hogwarts when you began spending holidays with one another, to open presents around the tree together on Christmas Eve. Lily eventually joined in on this tradition once she could stand to be in the same room as James for more than five minutes. 

You all sat in a circle, and the person to the right would pick which present you opened. Remus was sat on your right, and when it came time for him to pick for you, he picked a simple white box with a gold ribbon tied around it. 

As you unwrapped your gift, Sirius was smirking from across the circle. A smirking Sirius was never a good sign, so you tentatively voiced your concerns.

“Why do you look so cheeky? This must be your present and it’s going to blow up in my face or something awful.”

You reached a hand inside the box and felt the familiar textures of silk and lace. Suddenly, you knew exactly why Sirius was smirking. Quickly, you closed the box and set it behind you.

“Oi! You know the rules, Y/N, you have to show the group what you got!” James yelled through a mouthful of gingerbread.

You began to protest, but Remus’s stealth and quick reflexes enabled him to grab the box before you could speak a word.

He pulled your present out of its box, and suddenly, everyone’s eyes were fixated on a pale grey silk and lace babydoll dress. 

Leave it to your cocky boyfriend to buy you lingerie that matched the color of his eyes. 

Remus’s cheeks were painted a fiery red as he handed you your present. He mumbled an apology, but you could hardly hear it over James’s laughter.

“Isn’t that sweet! Padfoot bought a babydoll for his babydoll!” 

After James got all of the immature and inappropriate comments out of his system, the night continued on. You sang carols, drank cider, and enjoyed spending quality time with your loved ones. 

However, you could feel Sirius’s burning gaze on you the entire night. When everyone finally left in the early hours of the morning, you yawned and began to make your way up the stairs to your bedroom.

“Ah ah ah, aren’t you forgetting something love?”

You turned around to find Sirius twirling the babydoll dress between his fingers.

“If you had bothered to read the card, you would have noticed that there is a second part to your present. But, you can only receive it if you’re wearing this.”

He walked up the stairs to where you were standing and dropped the silky material into your outstretched hand. 

“Sirius, why am I putting this on for you to immediately take it off?”

“Who said I’m going to take it off?”

Your eyes locked on his lust-filled gaze as he leaned in close, his lips barely brushing against yours but before you could close the gap, he turned his head and rested his mouth against the shell of your ear.

“I’m going to fuck you while you’re wearing it.” 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 1st December 2019

REVIEWING THE CHARTS SPEEDRUN – 1:20 (WR)

Top 10

For the eighth consecutive week, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is at #1.

Up a whopping 17 spaces off of the debut last week is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi hits number-two, becoming his fifth top ten hit in the UK.

At number-three, we have Stormzy’s big debut for the final single from his upcoming sophomore album, Heavy is the Head. With the album release, this can likely get to #1, but for now, “Own It” featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy has debuted at number-three. It’s Stormzy’s 19th UK Top 40 hit and eighth placement in the top 10, Sheeran’s 53rd UK Top 40 hit (Jesus Christ – that might actually be an inaccurate figure since I manually counted) and 27th top 10, and Burna Boy’s highest-ever peaking song and both his third UK Top 40 and top 10 hit.

The two new top three entries sadly crush Dua Lipa’s hopes at a #1, as “Don’t Start Now” is down two spaces to number-four. Let’s hope the Christmas period isn’t too rough on this track.

Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted”, is also down two off of the debut at number-five, fairing a lot better than I expected it to, to be honest.

Lewis Capaldi is two-for-two in the top 10, as “Bruises” is steady at number-six.

Unfortunately, Arizona Zervas is up to number-seven with the clunker that is “ROXANNE”... trust me, I’ll be covering this in about a month, although not to that much of an extent. My year-end worst list seems to be pretty small and uninteresting this year, actually.

“Memories” by Maroon 5 is down three spaces to number-eight. God, that sounded like an AI-written sentence.

At number-nine, we have Ed Sheeran’s pathetic “South of the Border” featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B continuing to fall down two spaces this week.

Finally, at #10, finishing off the top 10, is “Down Like That” by KSI, Rick Ross, Lil Baby and S-X, becoming what I’m pretty sure is the first UK top 10 hit for all artists here, although I could be wrong about that. Congratulations, I suppose, although the song is far from great.

Climbers

I am my own best source when fact-checking what the BBC site says. I don’t go to the Official Chart Company’s UK Singles Chart, I don’t go to ACharts, I go to last week’s REVIEWING THE CHARTS, especially for situations like this, in which BBC messes it up so badly that I’m confused to how they messed it up in the first place. BBC says that “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor, is down nine to #29. The issue is that it is placed after #20, and #22 continues after it. After looking at my climbers section last week, I found that “Pump it Up” by Endor was already at #29... last week. So, “Pump it Up” by Endor is up eight spaces to #21... and “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles is up seven spaces off of the debut to #28. BBC got that one wrong, too.

Fallers

There are only a couple here. We have the unfortunate continuing fall for the great “Must Be” by J Hus down seven spots only on its third week down to #20, as well as a couple of massive songs that have probably had their on-demand streaming numbers cut. It sounds about time for “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean and “Circles” by Post Malone to be affected by that arbitrary chart rule and they have, as they’re now down 21 and 26 spaces respectively, at #25 and #35. Oh, and “Paper Cuts” by Dave continues to flop down 10 spaces at #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We have a pretty plentiful number of drop-outs and, uncommon for the UK Top 40, two returning entries. The drop-outs are all reasonable and in order of their last chart position (For now, at least), we have “Buss Down” by Aitch featuring ZieZie getting its streaming cut from #21, Dermot Kennedy’s ballad “Outnumbered” finishing its run at #23, “Jerry Sprunger” by Tory Lanez featuring T-Pain flubbering off of the debut last week from #32 after Chixtape 5 fails to continue its hype beyond the first week, “Post Malone” by Sam Feldt featuring RANI dropping out from #34, “Follow God” by Kanye West embarrassing itself out from #36, “Opp Thot” by Poundz suffering from the amount of new and returning entries from #37 (This one’s the most likely to rebound), “Lover” by Taylor Swift dropping out from #38 despite returning last week and the release of the first dance remix, and finally, as expected from last week, “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy and remixed by Sir Spyro featuring Aitch and Jaykae, is out from #40. Hopefully, I never have to type that mouthful again. Our first returning entry is “Orphans” by Coldplay returning to #27 after dropping out from last week, thanks to the album release. Our second, well...

IT’S CHRISTMAS INNIT

It’s starting! We have a second returning entry this week in the top 40, and it’s “All I Want Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey at #34, which is making a play for #1 in the US. I’ve already reviewed the song last year, and I just love this song even more now, to be honest. That’s the only Christmas song in the top 40 (For now), but I figured I should just mention the other Christmas songs in the top 75. “Fairytale of New Yorks” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is back at #71, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is at #43... and that’s all for now. We’ll definitely have more to fill out the new It’s Christmas Innit section next week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Can’t Fight This Feeling” – Bastille featuring the London Contemporary Orchestra

Produced by Mara Carlyle and Hugh Brunt – Peaked at #4 in Scotland

It’s not exactly an unpopular opinion to admit that the original REO Speedwagon version of “Can’t Fight This Feeling” from 1984 is an incredibly well-written pop song, especially for the time, but real talk: I don’t like that version of the song at all. While I can’t deny the anthemic chorus, the song is such a slog at nearly five freaking minutes and it is exhaustingly dull. I was actually quite interested in hearing the full version of the cover, as the John Lewis Christmas advert always has a hit single to go along with it, in fact the next song I’ll be reviewing includes an artist who got their big break from John Lewis... and it’s only three minutes, and better yet, features the London Contemporary Orchestra in their first credited UK Top 40 appearance. I also like Dan Smith’s voice a hell of a lot more than I do Kevin Cronin’s. Notably, for a bit of trivia, this isn’t a John Lewis-exclusive single, as it features on a Waitrose advert as well. Huh. Anyway, is Bastille’s eighth UK Top 40 hit any good? Well, I feel it’s misleading to call it a Bastille song as this is very much Dan Smith crooning over an admittedly pretty gorgeous and busy orchestral rendition of the original Speedwagon single. Smith does sound overwhelmed in the mix by the strings at times, and the dude has a couple weak moments at times, especially during the verses, but he mostly holds his own and I’m always a sucker for some well-placed horns riffing out of nowhere. Even then, I don’t think the song is all that great, and nearly two minutes in, there’s a really abrupt, distorted string riff that clips heavily and it just sounds gross. Do I prefer it to the original REO Speedwagon song? Of course I do – it’s nearly half the length and I’m a fan of both Bastille and well... the Super Mario Galaxy soundtrack, as the tones of this instrumentation do resemble that at points (Which is never a bad thing). Oh, and I love the addition of the twinkly pianos at the end as a nice touch. Otherwise, it’s pretty good, but I don’t see it reaching the heights of the Lily Allen’s cover of “Somewhere Only We Know”, also from the John Lewis advert, that peaked at #1 in 2013. I guess it didn’t warm the cockles of my cockles.

#36 – “Into the Unknown” – Idina Menzel and AURORA – from the Frozen II soundtrack

Produced by Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez and Christophe Beck – Peaked at #55 in the US and #5 in South Korea

I don’t know or care about Frozen II. I am not a film person; I watch about five movies a year, and they typically aren’t boring Disney sequels that pose no interest for someone who has already seen the first film. I don’t think the sequel will ever reach the absolute phenomena that the original Frozen was because that era starting from 2013 is impossible to match, even for the monopoly that is Disney. This is Idina Menzel, or as most people know her, Elsa’s fourth UK Top 40 hit excluding those that she had as part of the Glee cast and AURORA’s second after the indie darling’s brief stint of fame she experienced due to covering the Oasis B-side from 1994 that was attached to a standalone single that peaked at #3 and got them sued by Neil Innes of Monty Python fame. AURORA’s version was featured in a John Lewis advert in 2015 and peaked at #11, and then she became a folktronica-influenced art pop songstress, who is still getting calls from companies to promote their products, despite the inaccessibility of her newer material. Regardless, this is “Let it Go” part two, or at least Disney’s attempt at one, and I have no idea what relevance this has to the film, but the song itself is okay, although it struggles, as do a lot of cinematic, orchestral show tunes, with structure and a lack of transitions that make the shifts in sections any less abrupt, as at times, it does feel like a certain string section is off-beat simply because you’re never prepared for what’s coming next. AURORA’s verse has a lot of odd empty space, and overall, her presence seems to kill the momentum of the song entirely, even if the chorus has a lot of swell despite some painful, dry mixing that Disney tends to have. Also, this will not be the next “Let it Go”. It’s way too disjointed and not nearly catchy enough, and nobody will be able to hit the belting notes these guys do in the chorus... except maybe Brendon Urie, who in fact did hit those notes in his inferior cover that debuted at #74 (Might be one of the first times since at least 2016 where both the US and the UK have had the same song twice on their charts). Weezer have a song on this soundtrack, too, called “Lost in the Woods”, and I kind of like it, to be honest, with some pretty cool, chugging guitar riffs and great harmonies from Cuomo in the pre-chorus. It’s kind of reminiscent fo the White Album, but I digress. “Into the Unknown” is listenable; next!

#35 – “French Kisses” – ZieZie featuring Aitch

Produced by Tré Jean-Marie

This might not be listenable, however. Aitch was the worst part of their last collaboration, “Buss Down”, which ironically dropped out this week (It’s almost like they called the Official Charts Company and asked them to switch the two out), with ZieZie being equally mediocre, although in his chorus, he was pretty cool, and in the verse, he was vile. I don’t have high expectations is what I’m saying. What a fitting producer for this song, though, and it’s ZieZie’s third and Aitch’s sixth UK Top 40 hit, so... eh? I actually quite like the vintage French vocal and string sample used here, but it’s abruptly drowned out by a bass-heavy Afroswing beat that sounds pretty okay but ZieZie doesn’t play it cool here, reaching into his relatively non-existent higher register in both the chorus and his verse, although admittedly that pre-chorus has some swagger. The post-chorus, on the other hand, has a nasal repetition of nonsense sounds, and Aitch just... Jesus, man, what the hell WAS that? He sounds half-dead, and his monotonous flow is continually harbouring on off-beat! His lyrical content is far from interesting either as he follows the main theme of the song, which is “I’ll give this girl French kisses and make her girl, “ooh-la-la”.” It’s a bit of a flimsy concept, and to quote a geography teacher, there isn’t enough place-specific detail to really excuse this dreck. This is pretty disposable.

#31 – “Loyal” – PARTYNEXTDOOR and Drake

Produced by Dregotjuice, OG Parker and 40 – Peaked at #63 in the US and #19 in Canada

Alright, well, I’m surprised this debuted so high but I’m not surprised it’s here. I’ve only ever liked PARTYNEXTDOOR on uncredited guest appearances (“Ghost Town” by Kanye and “Ratchet Happy Birthday” by Drake) so that doesn’t exactly bode well for him. I assume this will be a very Views or More Life-type song, which also doesn’t bode well as those albums are some of Drake’s worst but obviously have a very large PARTYNEXTDOOR influence. I don’t have much hope for this, but it’s PARTYNEXTDOOR’s third UK Top 40 hit (First as lead artist), and God knows how many of those Drake has at this point. The song starts off well with some lo-fi keys that could make a very smooth R&B ballad... but then the snares come in and it’s obvious this is some garbage. PARTYNEXTDOOR sounds checked-out as does Drake, although at times PARTY decides to just belt and it sounds freaking awful. It’s almost hilarious, actually. To be honest, the synths paint a really pretty atmosphere behind the Young Thug impersonator with the out-of-place “Ayy” ad-libs and the 808s that cover any sense of lead melody. This barely has a groove or melody to catch onto, and Drake’s heavily Auto-Tuned which leads me to believe he just came into the studio for about five minutes whilst drunk. It sounds like both of these lads are drunk, actually. Honestly, I’ve been nice. This is disposable, mediocre garbage, although the outro does seem promising, with some nice strings and cute synths... but I doubt that’ll lead to anything good on the album, if it even does. I doubt PARTY has that foresight. God, this guy is really only good for uncredited backing vocals, huh?

#16 – “New Dior” – DigDat and D-Block Europe

Produced by RXR Music

Okay, this song debuting high shouldn’t be a surprise. D-Block Europe get this high purely off of YouTube and Spotify every few weeks, and they’ve gotten to their highest peak of #16 before with “Kitchen Kings” and even “Nookie” featuring Lil Baby. DigDat, on the other hand, has never reached this high with one of his three UK Top 40 singles, not even “Guten Tag” with Hardy Caprio, which I’m still impressed by and don’t think he’ll make anything as good as that anytime soon, especially not with these two hacks. Young Adz and... the other one have consistently proved to be some of the most untalented yet also the funniest duo from this crop of British rap of recent years. I can’t take these guys seriously, and I know they want me to. This starts as all D-Block Europe songs do, with some incoherent murmuring from Young Adz and nonsensical guitar strumming, but this one has a lot of momentum initially, with Young Adz’s comedic inflections in the chorus (Which is all he has: for once, he doesn’t provide a verse) failing to cover up the hilariously cheap producer tag... but Goddamn it, I like it. I’ll admit, this is a pretty decent song all things considered. First of all, Sean Donoghue, the mixer of this song, sorted out the issues D-Block Europe constantly have with vocal mixing, and to be honest, now that I’ve got to hear his voice a lot better, Young Adz may be more talented of a singer than I thought, although he sticks to a pretty monotone cadence here. In the post-chorus, Young Adz genuinely raps pretty well, and the 808 hits that pound through the beat are a cool addition, as are the yells that act as screaming ad-libs throughout the chorus. DigDat is on-brand, and by that I mean a misogynist and untrusting gangster, but he has two verses here, and they both detail his court case with his brother – not in great detail, but it’s really interesting how he depicts his materialistic mindset failing to let prison tame him. It’s kind of emotional, which is something I never expected D-Block Europe to be. Dirtbike LB is just extra weight as always, although his line about telling his mother that Percocets aren’t vitamins is kind of funny. For once, I think these guys have won me over... well, this song has. I still don’t think these guys are any good, and this may be a complete fluke, but I don’t care. This song is good.

#3 – “Own It” – Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy

Produced by Fred Gibson and Jay Weathers

Somehow, I have less hope in this song than I do D-Block Europe’s. Since I’ve already said everything else about this song in the top 10 section, I can skip the pre-amble and get this done pretty quickly. I like the sporadic vocal samples, they have a crowd cheering effect and a sound you can genuinely attribute to found footage rather than some sampled pack. Stormzy doesn’t sound great here, in fact, he sounds asleep and oddly distorted, clipping in the mix several times in the chorus. The synths here are airy and boring, the groove is stiff, the ad-libs are awkward and the beat cuts out for no reason when they come in. Burna Boy comes in with Stormzy on the chorus and for a random bridge / interlude, so I don’t know his purpose here and it makes the song feel very disjointed. The extra glittery synths in the post-chorus are really nice-sounding, and Ed Sheeran can sing better than any of these guys, so he somehow gets the crown of the best verse here, especially due to the harmonies with his multi-tracked vocals and Burna Boy’s. I don’t like Ed, but he definitely brought his talent here, even though his vocodered contributions on the chorus are pretty gross, in fact the mixing on the song entirely is pretty gross – and muddy. Everything sounds a lot more distorted and loud than it should. Is it disappointing? For Stormzy, yes, but for a Stormzy collaboration with Ed Sheeran and extra baggage Burna Boy, it’s about what I expected.

Conclusion

Well, Best of the Week goes to... DigDat and D-Block Europe. Colour me surprised, but “New Dior” is actually pretty good, and Honourable Mention goes to Bastille and the London Contemporary Orchestra for their improvement on the REO Speedwagon classic, “Can’t Fight This Feeling”. Worst of the Week is definitely going to PARTYNEXTDOOR and Drake for “Loyal”, and Dishonourable Mention... uh, sure, ZieZie and Aitch. “French Kisses”. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank and I’ll see you next week!

[youngjusticerevival]

a small-ish drabble chronicling Evie’s post-season 1 arc. songs listened to while writing: x & x.

an anthology of fake smiles

It felt for a while she’d been faking her smiles. She faked it to the grocery store checkout. She faked it to Barry, and Iris, and Bart. She faked it to the Team, to him. And she faked it now at the groundskeeper, who griped at her to hurry up before the gates closed and she was locked inside. 

The supermarket flowers wilted in her hands. Evie clutched them loosely, taking in a shuddering breath as she turned her chin up, regarding the choice before her. High gated walls, poked with iron-wrought spikes at the top, rose up above her. She was small here, just a phantom passing through, a breeze. The only indication of her ever being there came as the faint scuttle of leaves along the dry pavement. 

But now, she had ceased to exist as a breeze. It was hard to be just a memory among the true, real ghosts buried in the cemetery. She took a step forward, then another, until she had crossed the threshold of the last part of her journey. 

***

Evie hadn’t expected the news to be so catastrophically gut-wrenching. It was like a punch that knocked the wind out of your lungs, the kind of sucker punch that made you keel over. To be honest, she had known for a while. Not consciously, of course, but deep-down she had been aware that she was not who she was. 

So when the scientist cackled, gurgling up blood to spit at her feet, and snarled,

“Your parents? Your parents sold you. You’re a gutter rat, a nobody, and we gave you a purpose, saved you from your meth head parents, you ungrateful little bitch - ”

Sam had been the one to knock his lights out with a harsh kick, even though she was sure she saw Rose mouth something, too, but the damage had already been done.

Evie had staggered away, until she found a corner to throw up in. 

The last piece of Evie Buchanan died. 

***

It started with Rose. 

Really, it started with Alex. The Bat had been the one to track Evie down and when she refused to come back to the Team, Alex had pinned her and threatened to knock the sense into her until she agreed to talk to her very, very distraught girlfriend. Evie, of course, had refused at first, but she relented after a while. But only after Alex slammed her head into the concrete a few times, of course. 

(Normally she wouldn’t be afraid. Normally she’d have a certain archer on her side. But he couldn’t help her. Not in the state he was in.)

She probably deserved it anyways, the head bashing. That’s how she found herself sitting on the edge of a Gotham skyscraper with Rose as the dawn broke over the city, their legs dangling off the edge.

Always taunting death, but never joining. 

“Why are you doing this?” Rose had breathed when she first stepped from the shadows, her hands fisting themselves in Evie’s shirt.

“Why’d you turn to dark magic?” Evie had asked coldly.

Rose had slapped her. Evie deserved that. But it didn’t stop her from slamming her boot into Rose’s chest, until they were brawling on the top of a skyscraper, hurling insults at each other.

It ended with Alex ripping the two off of each other, and that’s how they ended up here. The argument, the tears, those had passed. All that was left were scrapes and bruises, tear tracks, and the throbbing ache in her skull Evie nursed now. 

Evie flicked some of Rose’s blood off her cheek, just as the magician cleared her throat. She reached out, and Evie didn’t do anything, not as Rose closed her hand over hers. She squeezed, three times. She was crying, again, but she always cried, and Evie didn’t dare look, not unless she wanted to fall apart. 

“Just remember at the end of this, you have somewhere to run back to,” Rose murmured, just barely loud enough so the wind didn’t cover it up. Evie hummed, but didn’t agree. She could feel Rose’s eyes on her. Finally, the witch heaved a sigh. 

With that, she pushed herself to her feet precariously, balancing on the edge before stepping off. 

“Well, as you know of course, it’s past my bedtime and I do require my full 8 hours,” and at this Rose sighed deeply, as if 8 hours was such a price to pay, “of beauty sleep.” 

“I’m sure,” Evie replied, turning only slightly to catch Rose’s silhouette. The soft glow of a billboard made her look ethereal, more magic than she ever was human from the way her white blonde hair gleamed silver. 

Evie gave a smile, and she knew Rose caught it, from the way her face crumpled. Fake smiles. Rose hesitated, fingers flexing as if she might reach out. But she didn’t. 

“Come home soon, please,” Rose murmured, and with that, she turned, disappearing into the shadows, where no doubt a Shadow did wait for her.

***

“Hello?”

…

“...hello?”

“Hey.”

...

“Evie? Evie! God, where are you? Where the Hell have you been?”

“I’m fine, Iris, I -”

“Like Hell. Do you know how worried we’ve been? Barry hasn’t stopped looking for you, and Bart, he can’t eat chicken wheezies, Evie. Chicken whizzies! Where. Are. You?”

“I’m...I’m fine Don’t worry about it..”

…

“Like Hell - I ...Evie, please. Please, just, come home. Please, come home.”

...

“Iris, I’m fine, really. I just, need time.”

“Evie, honey, we can help you, please. Please, just let us -- ”

“SORRY THIS CALL WAS DISCONTINUED. DIAL AGAIN?”

***

Max came next. 

He arrived subtly, in the passing autumn when the leaves fell and crunched underfoot. Sometimes Evie didn’t understand Max, she realized dimly, much later. She didn’t pretend to either. It was something she accepted, a long time ago, in between sharing s’mores energy bars and bonding over a mutual grief neither wanted to address just yet. 

“How’d you find me?” she asked with sigh as his blurred figure approached in the window. 

A pause. She craned her neck, only to find the bird had slipped past her. 

“Well,” he said, grunting as he took a seat at the table, “ it took some master-sleuthing, but I finally followed the trail of energy bars and,” he spread his arms, as if to say ‘look’, “here we are.”

He leaned forward, settling his elbows on the table between them. Evie let the hint of a smile across her lips. She had missed this. Max had a rare ability to calm her down. She crossed the distance between them, nudging aside some salt shakers in the process, to gently take hold of his wrist. Just like that, the buzz of energy in her slowed, before it fizzled out. She didn’t feel that itch to run and disappear, just a dull, waning urge. 

Max said nothing.

“So,” he said after a minute, “you going to tell me what’s going on with you, Red? You’re taking quite the extended vacation.”

Evie considered telling him. But like she had considered telling Rose, the moment passed. She let go of Max’s wrist, settling back in her seat. All at once the same prickling energy returned in full force. She winced. 

“If I told you, you’d try to help.”

“What if I don’t want to help?” he retorted.

Evie raised her head, ignoring the way he studied her, as if she were a case, a puzzle, waiting to be cracked. 

“You always want to help.”

He didn’t answer. But his lips did twist down sourly, before he lifted two fingers, flagged down a waitress. He ordered fries, and a milkshake. S’mores.

“Are you coming back, Red?” he asked eventually, between a mouthful of fries.

Evie considered the question, before stealing one of his fries. 

“Nope. Not yet.”

His lips twisted. But he nodded, and the waitress came sidling up, asking if they wanted refills on water. They talked about little else. But he made her laugh about something dumb, and for a minute, just for a fleeting second of the After, Evie felt closer to home than she had been in a while. She didn’t notice the motorcycle that time, nor the rider, black helmet resting in his lap as he watched. 

***

She hadn’t really expected Jason to find her, but she suspected by the reaction he gave her, a wide-eyed impression of a deer in the headlights, that she had found him. And maybe, if she believed in destiny or fate or something like that, then that’s where she needed to be. Because really, he seemed to be in worse shape than her. 

He had dark circles under his eyes and the faint beginnings of a scratchy beard edging around his jaw. So she took a seat, and with the fake she bought in the back of a seedy bar in Idaho, she ordered a round for them. 

They nursed their beers together in a dingy bar somewhere in the heart of Jump City, until Evie found herself lightheaded, and Jason mumbling about something, about Guy, that she couldn’t remember.

And finally, the question, the age-old question. He tipped his head back, swallowing the last drop of beer, before he clanked it down on the counter. 

“You coming home?”

Evie paused, lifting her head. She couldn’t get drunk. A side effect of speedster life. The scars burned on her stomach. A life she had paid dearly for. Her lips twisted, and she almost offered a smile, before it guttered on her lips. 

“I don’t know,” Evie whispered after a moment, and it was the closest she had gotten to the truth in a while, which scared her. She found his searching eyes, her own sharp. “Are you?”

Jason grunted. No. Then he tipped back his fifth beer. That’s where they left it. 

***

Beeep.

“Heeey, Evie. Eves. Evester. Yeah, it’s Bart. I don’t know if you’re using this number, but can you call me back? Iris isn’t sleeping. Barry ran around the world three times. Three! Can you believe it? But seriously. Just come home. This isn’t crash anymore. Okay, well, later. P.S. the Terrors keep asking where you are. Okay, bye - wait! I miss you, too. Okay, now, later!”

***

TO: eviebucannonball05@gmail.com

FROM: cora_tran@gmail.com

Evie, 

I hope you are doing well. Zach taught me how to use the e-mail, so I thought I should reach out. Ray would like to say hello, as would Zayn and Sebastian. Ronnie says, and I quote, “Watch out for yourself, kid.” Jalil is not present at the moment, but I am informed that he has been actively keeping track of your whereabouts, as well as the others. We are doing well here. 

Wishing you the best,

Cora

P.S. I know you may not wish to hear it, but we do miss you, Evie. 

***

Evie checked her e-mails often enough. She checked them often enough to know that Iris had sent her dozens of them, Cora sent one, and then Zach sent one everyday, but only to be annoying. 

Today, he’d sent her a cache of eclectic cat memes before surreptitiously, just under that information dump, a location tag. Her location, of course. A subtle reminder if anything, but one she didn’t mind. She slid her phone back into her pocket, gaze wandering to the dusty window. It was about time to get going then. 

“More coffee?”

Evie looked up, catching the tired, forced smile of the blonde waitress leaning over her, coffee pot shaking in her hands. That forced, strange smile slid over Evie’s lips, too.

“No, thank you.”

She stepped outside minutes later, and into the frosty morning, turning her collar against the cold. Today was Utah, closer to the destination than she was home. Nevertheless, she liked it here. The tall high mountains stretched above the city, just barely jutting out of the morning haze. He would like it here. Her heart ached, gave a stabbing pang that made her pause. It wasn’t unusual, to have her thoughts wander to a certain archer, but she had shoved them down recently. Maybe because of guilt, of what state she’d left him in, or maybe because she knew, despite the desperation in her chest to run to him, that they couldn’t be. They couldn’t, not until they had both figured it out. 

Whatever it was they had to figure out, well, that’s what this sabbatical was for, right? 

She let out a frosty puff of air, shouldering her bag, and checked both ways, before, with a flash, she was gone. 

She never noticed the rev of the motorcycle that followed close behind. 

***

Beeeep.

“Evie, it’s Barry. I don’t know how else to tell you this, kid, but we miss you. I’ve looked everywhere for you, but you’ve stumped me. Just, I miss you. Come home. Okay?”

***

It ended how it always did. 

The amount of fake smiles Evie had given out that day amounted to a total of innumerable. She pushed her cart, ignoring the looks she got, giving them glassy vacant smiles. She knew - bloody lips, wide, black sunglasses, and wild mess of hair looked like she’d just gotten out of a bar fight. Really, she’d tripped running down a highway, and that was a much worse story than getting her lights knocked out in a sleazy bar. She caught the glare of a mother in a pink velour tracksuit staring at her baldly, her baby bouncing on her hip. 

But then Evie smiled, and the lady’s face rouged, turning around so fast she knocked into a table of free pot-sticker samples. 

The days seemed to be getting longer and the nights shorter and unfortunately, her emergency cash had started to run out. It didn’t stop Evie from stretching her arm out and dragging a row of cereals into her cart as she walked on by. She’d have to find more work soon, freelancing job maybe some muscle for hire. 

She turned a corner, only to recoil. 

It had been a while since she’d seen her own costume. The cardboard cut-out stood at her height, but her skin had been airbrushed, her windswept hair pulled back effortlessly into a bouncy ponytail. Mercury stood there, in all her cheery glory, reminding kids to take their vitamins, a fat bottle of superhero multivitamins clutched in her hand. 

She knew Rose had one, too, and so did Max, Ronnie, and Ray, and Cora. Even Bryce had one, a recent addition but hey, well-earned. It had been some dumb promo work for the League, to improve their standing. 

But now, Evie didn’t want to see it. She reached out, and turned her hero self to face a wall of pasta. 

The satisfaction only lasted a second. The bitterness welled up in her like a sore stomach. 

That girl was fake. Her entire concept had been fake from the start, and really, Evie thought as she wrenched her cart down the baking aisle, everyone could just forget about Mercury. She’d seen the news - there were questions, concerns if the same thing that happened to the first KF happened to her. 

They’d never know that Mercury was currently pushing her self-loathing ass through a QuickMart in Star City, loading up her cart with junk food. 

Why Evie ended up in Star City, she couldn’t tell you other than it involved a man named Scott Buchanan, and it ended with a very unhappy reality. Evie Buchanan had died. FindAGrave.com said so anyways. Scott Buchanan said so. So, Evie Buchanan didn’t exist. But Mercury did.

Evie huffed at that. She eased her cart into line behind a plump old woman wearing a large visor. 

If Evie Buchanan was dead, then who was she? 

This wasn’t the question she wanted to ponder in the supermarket checkout line, but it couldn’t be helped. There was another cutout of Ray, staring her down with that eerily cheery smile. A whole wall of them, some Leaguers, like Black Canary and Green Arrow, of course, but a lot of the team, and the one that made her heart kick up into some frantic drumbeat. An archer, bow drawn, his lips drawn into a severe utter lack of expression that nearly made a laugh tumble out of her lips. And next to him, they had placed her, a speedster with a wide, fake smile, the same one she had turned to face pasta. None of them had anything to sell. These were to take home. 

So if she was dead, then who was that girl, smiling back now? 

“Next.”

Who was that girl, that the team had begged to come back to? 

“Miss, next.”

The girl that the motorcycle followed, waiting? 

“Excuse me, miss -”

The answer hit her clear, all too overwhelming of a realization to be having in a Star City QuickMart. She was who she has always been. She was who her friends loved. She was Evie Buchanan. Not Evelyn. Not an experiment, not the girl she was mourning, not the life she never knew.

She had always been Evie.  

Evie felt the everything, the bitterness, the spite, gutter in her before it spiraled away and she was left with a gaping epiphany of what to do next.

It was time to go home. 

The stand of supermarket flowers was across the store, but that wasn’t a problem for Evie. She made it there and back in five. Five seconds. She pushed the cart away, forgotten, and slapped the flowers on the conveyor belt with a force that had the cashier blinking, hair settling back onto her shoulders from the quick breeze.

“Sorry,” Evie said, and plastered on that fake smile. “Just these.”

***

Evie exhaled slowly as a car passed her by. The sun beat down on her, through a thick bank of muggy clouds. Soon it’d be night, though, so it didn’t matter. She leaned back against the wall, sucking on a lollipop. She told herself she wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t keep adding names to the list. But it was hard to resist the curiosity. So here she was, watching as people passed in and out of the high gated grey walls. 

‘Star City Cemetery’.

This was it, according to that helpfully grim website.

She closed her eyes against the sun, ignoring her sunglasses perched on top of her head. 

He told her often he had a graveyard in his chest where his heart should be.

“Liar. I can feel your heart,” Evie would murmur in the hazy darkness that surrounded them in the early morning, and smooth her fingers against where his heart should be, feeling the rhythm of it against her palm. But he insisted. He insisted he had a graveyard blooming in his chest.

So, she decided, if he had a graveyard there, then she had one in her head, in the back of her mind, growing, growing, with each name she found etched into stone. 

With a sigh, she pushed off the wall and made her way into the cemetery. The groundskeeper warned her to be fast. That was one promise she could keep. She had mapped out the way already, from the directory, and now she wound through the white markers, the tall angels, deeper into the cemetery. 

Her path led her back, back past the military section, towards where the cemetery began to thin out into graying patches of grass and lone headstones, until there it was, underneath a scraggly oak tree. A simple stone marker. There were no others. 

Evie bent down, resting the flowers on her folded legs. 

A wind pushed back her hair, but she merely tucked it behind her ear, reading the worn-out engraving.

Evelyn Nilsson Buchanan 

December 20, 2005 - June 21, 2011

She was dearly loved.

Evie sucked in a breath. She scrubbed away the tears gathering at her eyes, before letting it all sink it in. Was. Was loved. 

“Correction,” Evie murmured sadly, tracing her fingers over the words. “She is loved.”

Quietly, she settled the supermarket flowers under the marbled stone next to a burnt-out candle and a soggy teddy bear. 

Evie bowed her head, and let herself, for the first time, mourn the girl she used to be. 

She stood when the sun began to cast the grey stone in gold, breaking through the leaves. It was time. 

She didn’t look back as she wound her way out of the cemetery. She stepped outside, out into the dying light of the sun as it dipped beneath the ocean. 

That’s where she found him, leaned up against that same motorcycle, hands in his pockets. 

Evie slowed to a stop. Her heart sped up, her mouth catching in an ‘o’, before she pressed her lips together. He wasn’t looking at her. Instead, his head was turned to the skyline, the golden orange light catching on his features, making his dark hair glint with gold, his skin somehow warmer. Ethereal. No, Evie thought, biting her lip, not ethereal, just, real. Home. He looked like coming home. There were fainter dark circles under his eyes, but, more than that, he looked better. Some kind of hope rose in her chest. Maybe they’d both figured it out. A tired smile tugged at her lips, and finally, finally, he looked up, his eyes meeting hers. 

Evie cleared her throat. She didn’t dare move just yet.

“Hey,” she called out softly, not hiding the nervous edges that caught in her voice. A gentle breeze tugged at her, and she pushed her hair out of her eyes, tucking the loose strands behind her ear.

“Hey,” Sam replied, just loud enough so she could hear. “Are you tired of running yet?” he asked dryly, straightening. His lips didn’t ever move above a quirk, but it was soft, the way he looked at her. The question was loaded like a gun. But it was one that Evie could finally answer. 

She took in a shuddering breath, then, felt herself nod. “Yeah,” Evie answered, “I think I am.”

She crossed that distance slowly, and he pushed off his bike, meeting her halfway as she walked into his arms.

He banded his arm around her waist, curling the other around the back of her neck. In turn, she curled her arms around his back, like a puzzle piece fitting together. He held her like she might run again. But this time, she was sure she wouldn’t. She let his warmth sink into her, reveling in the feeling. 

“Welcome back,” Sam murmured into her ear. Evie felt a sob of a laugh hiccup out of her, and she turned her head into his shoulder, curling her hands into the back of his jacket. It didn’t just feel like it. She was home. 

This time, when Sam pulled back and brushed the tears away, a real smile bloomed on her lips. 

[adambstingus]

Death of a Nation: more angry nonsense from Trump’s favorite film-maker

In the embarrassing new film from the far-right provocateur Dinesh DSouza, he compares Donald Trump to Abraham Lincoln, claims Hitler was LGBT-friendly and calls Antifa the real Nazis

Here’s a typical Dinesh D’Souza argument. In Death of a Nation – the far-right commentator, film-maker and recently pardoned ex-con’s fourth political documentary – he tries to make the case that Hitler was a lefty. That’s a tall order, and here’s the best D’Souza can muster: he says Adolf wasn’t a homophobe. Most historians think he was, and will cite as proof the 100,000 arrested for violating Nazi anti-homosexuality laws and the 15,000 murdered in camps. And yet here’s D’Souza claiming there were known gay men peppered about the Nazi top brass. Hitler didn’t have them executed or even demoted. Ergo, Hitler was an SJW snowflake. QED. Right?

Let’s think this through; D’Souza certainly didn’t. Putting aside his typically sloppy historiography, is he really saying that Hitler’s alleged LGBTQ tolerance disqualifies him from conservative circles? Has he accidentally let slip that, in 2018, much of the right remains homophobic? And isn’t he cherry-picking facts then arriving at a dubious conclusion that does nothing but suit his needs? Who would fall for this except someone who would unironically watch a film by Dinesh D’Souza? (Incidentally, D’Souza’s films are reliably lousy with faux-naive rhetorical questions.)

Then again, watching Death of a Nation (a film that tries to compare Donald Trump to Abraham Lincoln), you might not get a chance to think anything through. Throughout D’Souza does what he always does: he drops a bombshell, then before you’ve had a chance to recover, he hits you with another, over and over and over, for nearly two hours. It’s a downright Trumpian move: exhaust your enemies (and your supporters) through the sheer volume of your nonsense. Thing is, D’Souza’s been doing this for decades, well before the world was hijacked by the tweeter-in-chief. Confusing through multiplicity has long been one of his favorite tricks. And he has a heaping bag of them.

D’Souza has never had the fame and notoriety of an Ann Coulter (whom he once dated) or even a Laura Ingraham (ditto), but that’s not for lack of trying. Born in Bombay, he emigrated to the US as a teen and quickly made a name among the conservative intelligentsia for “going there” – saying anything to get a rise. At Dartmouth College, he was the editor-in-chief of the rightwing Dartmouth Review. Under his watch, the paper cruelly outed liberal campus homosexuals for fun, and it published a notorious piece known as the “jive column” – a takedown of affirmative action written in stereotypical black language. (The hed: “Dis Sho’ Ain’t No Jive, Bro.”)

D’Souza didn’t calm down as he got older. He’s relentlessly banged out books, some more appalling than others. In 1995’s The End of Racism, he defended Jim Crow, invented buzz terms like “rational discrimination” and casually dropped the words “the facile equation of racism and slavery”. The Enemy at Home: The Cultural Left and its Responsibility for 9/11, from 2007, argued just that, and not well.

It wasn’t until D’Souza rebranded himself as the Michael Moore of the right that he approached household name infamy. His cinema debut, 2012’s 2016: Obama’s America, is the fifth highest grossing doc of all time (though it made $80m less than Fahrenheit 9/11). It hit pay dirt because, during an election year, D’Souza told his target audience (read: scared white Republicans) that America’s first black president was a Manchurian Candidate – a plant brainwashed by his anti-colonialist Kenyan father to scale the peak of the US government and destroy it from within. D’Souza unmistakably, enthusiastically preyed on racist fears. His next film in 2014, America: Imagine the World Without Her, claimed slavery wasn’t that bad.

D’Souza could get away with this, sort of, because of another of his moves, and a most un-conservative one: he played the race card. Towards the start of 2016, D’Souza shows a picture of his hand next to Obama’s, pointing out that they’re the same color. He does this, he says, to show that he, too, knows what it’s like not to be white. What he’s really doing, though, is tacitly admitting this: D’Souza thinks, as a conservative minority, he can skip the usual dog whistles and say the repugnant things his white brethren no longer can.

A scene from Death of a Nation. Photograph: Dinesh D’Souza

The problem with D’Souza’s race-baiting? (Apart from, you know, being wrong.) It means his party alienates increasingly needed minority voters. And so his last two movies have attempted damage control. 2016’s Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party revealed the not-so-secret news that the Democratic party was, a century and a half ago, the racist one. Death of a Nation repeats this, but adds another grievance: he’s sick and tired of the left calling the right the party of racists and fascists just because the Republican president called all Mexicans “rapists” and all modern American Nazis are really into Trump. So D’Souza tries to turn the tables, or at the very least play an epic game of “I know you are but what am I?”

Death of a Nation is classic D’Souza, only even angrier than usual. All his tricks are present, particularly his cut-and-paste argumentative style. Back in 1991, on the heels of his debut tome Illiberal Education, a flustered Michael Kinsley asked in his review: “Are you going to use the evidence to think through something, or as a weapon?” D’Souza has always used evidence as a weapon. And so we get a handful of out-of-context FDR quotes to make him sound like he admired Hitler (before going to war with him). We get D’Souza being casually offensive, as when he says the Nazi doctrine sounds like it was written by Bernie Sanders, whose ancestors died in the Holocaust. We get pure nonsense, like when he equates Antifa members shutting down “alt-right” speakers with a recreation of the Nazis launching the 1923 Beer Hall Putsch. According to D’Souza, the anti-fascists are really against themselves.

We also get D’Souza interviewing Richard Spencer. The white supremacist is there so D’Souza can ask him leading questions, in a comically unconvincing attempt to make him and his fellow Nazis sound un-conservative. (D’Souza also compares Spencer to Malcolm X for some reason.) Thing is, D’Souza’s not really trying to convince anyone who doesn’t already agree with him. He knows how to play his supporters, how to hoodwink the gullible. When his critics call out his falsehoods, all he’ll do is cry about it on social media, make it sound like the media is persecuting him. For D’Souza, the Trump age and its record number of suckers must make him feel like a kid in a candy store. And yet he’s never been more mad, or made less sense.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/death-of-a-nation-more-angry-nonsense-from-trumps-favorite-film-maker/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/184081610487