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#you can probably see how he felt about baz all those years
newtonsheffield · 1 year
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Impostor Syndrome and the feeling of being completely useless is such a real thing and it’s great that Anthony has someone to help him with it and he’s there for his son. As an ADHD person, it’s horrible when we see things that other people are doing without any effort at all and we’re just like “god why can’t I do that. Do I really have a problem or am I just too lazy or too stupid to do it?”
The world is so mean to us, I’ve listened to the most vile things at school, from actual adults, telling me just how I was lazy, I was stupid, I was faking it because I wanted an easy pass, that if I just tried harder I would be able to do the things I could do it because everybody did it and I’d go home and cry because I was trying my damn hardest and I probably was just stupid like people were saying. I had a school classmate tell the entire school they should stay away from me because I was crazy, since I took controlled psychiatric medication when I was 11.
ADHD is so much more than just lack of attention. It messes with the way you feel, the way you Interact with people. The world is not made for people like us and it fucking sucks. It took me YEARS to understand that it was not my fault and accept me l how I am.
I can totally imagine how hard it would be for Anthony, someone who felt it on his skin to have his kid go through the same feeling of helplessness he had to go through.
Can we see some badass protective dad Anthony from ATIM???
Ily, Molly ❤️
Ps: I miss offside lol
Ps2: the new chapter was amazing, I would like to personally murder Baz.
I think obviously this is something Anthony's really sensitive about, it's why he reacted so strongly when Kate implied that he should have known she wanted him to stay over because she offered it. And no, his ADHD isn't the reason he didn't pick up on it, but he felt that prickle of awareness that had been so frequent in his teen and childhood years. The feeling that everyone else knew something he didn't and he hated it. He hates being made to feel stupid.
And of course, once Kate realises this is a huge trigger for him, she'd never say anything like that ever again. In fact Anthony's heart fills with love when Kate gives him for his birthday one year, a recording of her reading his favourite book series. Because she knows how much it meant to him to feel seen when he read those books as a kid, and she's always laughed when Anthony had sighed You've got my favourite voice. And he also loves that Kate will sit down with him and, without blinking talk to him about the new techniques she's been reading about, and she doesn't do it slowly, or as if he's stupid, she talks to him as a professional equal. And he loves the way she loves their children, all of them, but especially the way she loves Miles with the same fierce intensity that she loves him. Crouched in front of Miles, her eyes locked with his while she gives him one clear instruction at a time, her smile so beautiful when she kisses his forehead. Milo, you are doing so well.
And he loves her for how fiercely she shakes her head when they get Miles' diagnosis, and Anthony feels those old insecurities claw at his throat and his wedding ring feels so tight on his hand, and he feels like she's stuck with him.
"Kate, I'm sorry, I'm- we should have- I don't want him to go through this. I don't want him to have to be like me."
Kate cut him off with her arms tight around his chest, tucking his face into her neck. "You are my favourite person, Anthony. If every child we had was just like you I would be so happy. And maybe it'll be hard for him but we are going to love and support him and look at how amazing you are. He'll be just like you."
It stings in his chest when he takes a shuddering breath and his hands still shake but he gets it out. "I love you."
"I love you too."
And yet it still stings when he overhears it. Not from children, who can be so cruel because they don't understand. But from parents who should know better.
"God, imagine being a doctor and having your kid struggling to read."
"The apple rolls away from the tree sometimes I guess." Another woman said before they both burst out laughing and Anthony snapped. But he crouched in front of Miles first.
"Hey, look at me, buddy."
Miles still stared down at his shoes, "Daddy, I'm sorry, I- I try. I'm trying but it's so hard."
"Hey, I know and you never have to be sorry for who you are okay? I love you, and Mummy loves you, and one day this is going to seem stupid but you aren't. Do you understand? Different isn't stupid."Miles nodded slowly, Anthony's heart pounding in his chest when he gave him a tight hug. "Go find Neddy and meet me at the car okay? It's just over there, Mummy's there with Charlotte."
Anthony waited as Miles sprinted off, his backpack jostling before he turned to the women, pretending not to listen a little awkwardly and tried not to let his voice shake.
"He's got dyslexia and ADHD, and even if he didn't want gives you the right to talk about my son like that? He's six years old! And he's struggling enough without people like you weighing him down."
"Well I-"
"It's just ignorant, educate yourself, and do better. You're adults and if you aren't old enough to know better, which I firmly believe you are: You're old enough to learn." He forced a smile on his face before he said "Have a nice weekend."
His heart was still pounding in his chest when he slammed the car door, his pulse hammering as Kate whispered. "I know this isn't the time but protective Papa Bear is your sexiest look to date."
And he can't help but grin when he turns to his wife and says- "Keep it in your pants Dr Sharma."
(Your classmate is a shitty person and I'm so sorry this happened to you. Ignorance is a disease man.)
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septembersghost · 10 months
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cilla anon:
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i really can't tell what her reaction was overall either, other than that it wasn't outwardly negative, and she mentioned the ending being so sad, which...is to be expected. :( she seemed a bit nervous and self-conscious about it, and i think that makes sense given it would be very strange to see a fictionalized version of your life, and now she's experienced that in close succession twice, plus the death of her daughter, it would be very hard to process. she's SO loving and enthusiastic toward austin and baz that i also wonder if sofia's film just unnerves her a bit. regarding her repeating that it's based on her book, and the discrepancies in it (which i think happened for various reasons, including it still being too close to losing him, and her being under a bit of duress to get it out there), those issues are likely why she's tried to clarify or walk some of it back in the years since, and tell her story vocally in person rather than printed and edited by someone else. so i hope that was taken into account when approaching the film, but i can't imagine she’d give any approval at all if she felt it was hurtful? idk especially with what she said at the end of the interview regarding what she wants people to know most about him is his generosity and how genuine and real he was, she mentions his sincerity and fears and vulnerability, putting his heart and soul into every show…she’s not trying to tear that memory down and i can’t imagine she’d sit back while anyone else did at this point.
the venice festival rumor kind of freaks me out because i know the internet will NOT respond kindly, but we’ll see. i remain angry to this day that austin was treated so horribly on social media and i don’t want his name cruelly dragged into this to mock him again either, so i feel anxiety for elvis AND for aus? 😭 you can probably tell i am a bit of an outlier on here in that the intimately personal stuff is of less interest to me (and there’s nothing wrong with anyone invested in that and i am not shaming it any way, i come at things from my own perspective is all!). it frustrates me a little that subject is given such key focus in media, as if it solely defines him, when there’s so much else interesting/unusual and beautiful and meaningful about him, but all i can hope is this brings more of that interest and memory forward as we go.
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destinyc1020 · 1 year
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while I dont agree with your take on banshees ( I enjoyed it and I felt colin delivered a really good perfomance and I found his performance to be much stronger than austin tbh) I can actually see why someone may not like it, its structured like an irish fable and its comedy is very bleek, mundane and absurdist which is not something someone might be looking for in a comedy. I can see how that comedic style may not connect with everyone as opposed to the romanitic comedy or a buddy comedy. My sister had a similar opinion where she couldnt connect with the film and lost interest in it real quick.
But to that one anon, its unfair to expect everyone to understand the allegory of irish civil war, if the viewer couldnt see the connections then it may be because the film didnt truly contextualize the setting or the histories of the characters or maybe the viewer just wasnt invested in the film.
Also art in general has multiple meanings, the allegory to civil war is one of many themes the film presents.
I agree women king should have been there but dont hate me but Im taking out elvis.
while I dont agree with your take on banshees ( I enjoyed it and I felt colin delivered a really good perfomance
I definitely felt like Colin's acting was strong in this film. The entire cast was great imo. Very believable. 😊👍🏾 I've just seen Colin in other films where I felt like his acting was more noteworthy. There wasn't really anything that really stood out to me that made me say that his acting was much BETTER than Brendan's or Austin's. I'm sorry. 🤷🏾‍♀️ That's just my opinion.
and I found his performance to be much stronger than austin tbh)
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Yeeeaaa see, I'm sorry but this is where I'm gonna have to disagree with you here lol 😆
In all honesty, I actually think that Austin probably had the hardest job out of all the other nominees. I venture to guess he probably worked the hardest as well. He and Baz poured their blood, sweat and tears into that film...a prep and filming that took all in all about 2 and a half years in the making...
Having to not only act, but also sing, play piano, play guitar, work with a vocal coach who not only had to train him on speaking with a southern drawl, but also how to SPEAK like Elvis spoke, SING like Elvis sang, MOVE like Elvis moved, have the same mannerisms that Elvis had, etc... and this is someone who's larger than life that everyone knew/knows, so the pressure to nail it must have been immense!
Add on top of that, thanks to covid, they could no longer film the movie in chronological order, so one day, Austin had to be 1968 Elvis, and the very next day be Elvis from the 50s.... including having to tweak his singing AND speaking voice for those various decades because Elvis' voice changed over the years. 🥴 I mean, to make sure you don't get confused with all of that... That in itself is amazing.
Austin's acting may not have been Shakespeare lol, but imo he did a very excellent job, and really stood out (even above Tom Hanks) in the role, and that's very hard to do since Tom is a GOAT. They have some very TENSE scenes together in the film which I think Austin did beautifully imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️
Colin's acting was good too (don't get wrong), but imo just about anyone could have been in the role and it would have been the same. Nothing really stood out to me. 🤷🏾‍♀️
Imo, Brendan's acting in "The Whale" is the best, with Austin being a close second based on the top 3 contenders that I've seen so far of nominated "Best Actors".
I haven't seen EEAAO yet, so my mind might change after that. 🤷🏾‍♀️
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I can actually see why someone may not like it, its structured like an irish fable and its comedy is very bleek, mundane and absurdist which is not something someone might be looking for in a comedy. I can see how that comedic style may not connect with everyone as opposed to the romanitic comedy or a buddy comedy. My sister had a similar opinion where she couldnt connect with the film and lost interest in it real quick.
I actually don't mind dry humor, or even films from a foreign perspective. I actually like some foreign films, and I did find some of the scenes in the church confessional to be pretty funny lol 🤣
I just wouldn't really call it a "comedy", but to each his/her own 🤷🏾‍♀️
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I agree women king should have been there but dont hate me but Im taking out elvis.
Lol I'm not gonna hate you lol 😂 Everyone is entitled to their own opinions! That's the beauty of art!
I mean, the way "Woman King" has just been completely IGNORED by the Academy, when this is usually the type of movie based on historical elements that they typically seem to like.... is just very very interesting to me. 😒
I looked through the list of Best Picture again and I tried to find a "weakest link" lol, but I honestly can't find one tbh. Of all the films I've seen, I think they ALL have smthg great about them.
I personally wouldn't take out "Elvis" because to me it was probably one of Baz Luhrmann's Best films (jmho lol), and the film itself said a lot about a time in US history, fighting for civil rights, amongst an artist and singer blended into the very fabric of American living, and how the music really touched different aspects of people's lives. Not to mention, the fact that Elvis wouldn't be anywhere without black music, which I felt the film tried to highlight beautifully.
It was hard to cram 30 years of someone's life into a 2.5 hour movie, but I felt like Baz did the best he could do!
Honestly? You're probably going to hate me lol, but if I had to take out one film I've seen so far and put "Woman King" in for BP nomination, I would actually take out "The Banshees of Inisherin" 👀 I'm sorry!! 🙈😅😅
Compared to the other films on that list? 👀 Like, c'mon lol 😆
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palimpsessed · 3 years
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Medieval History AU
for @carryonthroughtheages
For my piece for the medieval era, I took inspiration from illuminated manuscripts.
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(Please click the image for better quality.)
Read more about the piece below the break.
I want to first say a huge thank you to @bazzybelle​ for organizing this event and also for just being a really great human. ILY! Despite the fact that I of course left everything to the last minute, I have had a blast working on my two posts and can’t wait until I have time to actually look at what everyone else has done.
About the artwork:
This is a haphazardly researched piece at best.
I initially planned to simply do a group drawing, showing the gang dressed appropriately for their places in my medieval AU. I had that sketch sitting around for months and never felt inspired. Then I started to think about how I could adapt my arsenal of art supplies to give the effect of something more suited to the time periods. And then I thought about a lovely comment that someone made on one of my drawings, that it reminded them of an illuminated manuscript. And then the book art nerd in me was activated. Thus, I spent the next week pulling references from various illuminated manuscripts that have made it online in some form or another over the years. Next came the design. I wanted to find a way to still include the whole group, but a simple line-up no longer made sense. I wanted to make SnowBaz the focal point, for obvious reasons, but I found a way to include the others in insets, as some full page illuminated manuscripts depicted smaller scenes around a central idea.
I knew that I had to include at least one dragon for Simon and somehow reference Baz's vampirism. Monsters appear all over illuminated manuscripts, after all, and I saw no reason why they shouldn't be in mine. Vampires in medieval folklore were different to the way we think of them now; they weren't living people who turned into blood drinking creatures, but rather reanimated corpses. These revenants are usually depicted as some variation on a rotting corpse or skeleton. I decided to stick with our modern understanding of vampirism, because I'm not wholly sold on the zombie thing. A skull and some rats chilling around it probably gets the point across, and ties in Baz's years in the Catacombs, which definitely still exist in this AU. Also, I see medieval Baz as a minor feudal lord of some kind, which plays into the classic vampire metaphor. Simon is a former knight errant who gave up his questing days once he faced the reality that perhaps he wasn't all that different from the monsters he hunted.
The vessel at their feet, which sits over flames, is a crucible. Because of course I was going to include a crucible in my medieval AU. The crucible is an ongoing metaphor in Simon and Baz's story, and I wanted to carry that motif into my piece, too. I based the shape off a couple different depictions I found that related specifically to alchemy. Alchemy is all about transmutation, rather fitting for two half monsters who continuously challenge the roles they've been assigned. (One of the crucible drawings I found even had a tiny dragon looking down the spout and blowing fire into the vessel!)
The alchemy theme continues to the top right corner, with a green lion eating the sun. This is a very common image in alchemical texts, a metaphor for vitriol purifying matter, which would then leave behind gold. Next to the green lion is Agatha, who finds far more to interest her in making friends with unicorns than in the attentions of any courtly suitors. The larger panel in the center shows the castle, the hub of medieval life, inspired by the look of Watford as depicted in the map at the end of Carry On. This version of Watford is also protected by a moat filled with merwolves, because they are exactly the sort of unholy beast that would appear in the marginalia of an illuminated manuscript. (Maybe the Mage got the idea of the merwolves from one of the "four-hundred-year-old texts" he dripped gravy on.) Stars fill the sky, because we all know how important those are. On the castle's other side is Penelope, bent over a parchment in a room filled with thick books, living her best scholarly life, now that she's retired from life as Simon's shield bearer. She and Shepard are both modeling the latest trend in eyeglasses, which is to say, the only trend, because that was cutting edge technology back in the day. (Would either one of them have had access to that kind of fancy tech in their respective positions? Idk, but they have unicorns, and flying sheep, and merwolves, and dragons, so let them see is all I'm saying.) Shepard is, if you couldn't guess, a shepherd, because I had to. But he's still a nomad at heart, and this new flock was acquired in a rather secretive deal during his last adventure. Lastly, the slogans on either side of Simon and Baz are the Google Translate Latin equivalents of: "Magic separates us from the world. Let nothing separate us from each other" and "Light a match inside your heart, then blow on the tinder." (If you can actually read my writing, and you actually know Latin, and these aren't correct, just pretend that they are.)
Illuminated manuscripts were usually embellished with gold leaf, and my budget version is metallic gold marker, which I used sparingly throughout the piece for fire and other objects of note (though it's probably hard to see in the scan).
That's all, I think. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!
Bonus! Process shots;
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danijimenezv · 3 years
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Coercion
Prompt/Summary: Based on the lovely Christmas moodboard that @jamespotterthefirst​ made ❤
Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Jillian Valentine), and a little bit of Bryce Lahela x Ivy Valentine (MC’s younger sister)
Warnings: nothing, mostly fluff. Maybe a swear word here and there, but nothing serious.
Word Count: 1722 words
A/N: I’ve never written anything for this fandom, so I’m tagging a few people that I’ve seen around the main tags. If you don’t want to be tagged if I miraculously write anything else, let me know, no hard feelings at all! As always, feedback would be very much appreciated!
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“Absolutely not.”
Ethan stared horrified at the velvety monstrosity the younger Valentine was presenting him, while Lahela and Mirani stared expectantly at him. He shook his head vehemently one more time, in case his previous statement hadn’t been clear enough.
“Come on, Ethan.” Baz clasped a hand over his shoulder, “It’s not that bad.”
“Uh, it’s not bad at all!” Ivy Valentine exclaimed, fully offended.
“Yeah, how come he gets a normal sweater but I get an ugly Christmas sweater?” Bryce complained.
“Because you look good in anything.” Ivy fluttered her eyelashes at her boyfriend.
“Smooth, Valentine.” Bryce hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, immediately crashing his lips against hers.
Ethan rolled his eyes at their very public display of affection, and turned back to the papers scattered all over his desk, taking advantage of the fact that they were no longer focused on bothering him.
“Doctor Mirani, was there anything you wanted to discuss about the case?” he redirected the subject of conversation.
“Not about the case.” he grinned unapologetically when Ethan narrowed his blue eyes at him, “The day is almost over anyway, there’s nothing else to discuss about it today, and you should be trying to make yourself presentable.”
“I am presentable. And I’m sure there are things still left to do here, so you should focus on that.”
“Come on, Ethan, this is huge. It’s all everyone has been talking about.”
“What?”
“Yeah, everyone knows tonight is the night.” Baz wiggled his eyebrows, “You’re having Christmas dinner with the Valentine’s, aren’t you? That’s a big step for you and Jill.”
Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation, hating, now more than ever, how the hospital gossip traveled around. He never cared much for it as long as everyone did their jobs, never paid much attention to it, but now it involved him, his girlfriend and her family, and that was what made it all the more annoying.
Girlfriend. The word popped up in his mind in a fraction of second, and although it still felt sort of weird, it wasn’t unwelcomed. It had taken them quite a lot to get to exactly that point, namely most of it was his fault, but to be able to call Jillian Valentine his was something he was incredibly grateful for. The second-year resident and junior fellow of the diagnostics team had practically weaseled her way into his life, and she had made such an impact, with her coquettish charm and quick wit, that he could no longer imagine his life without her.
“Ramsey, please.” Ivy returned her attention to him, “You’re a grumpy old man, aren’t you supposed to like this kind of sweaters?”
“I’m not a grumpy old man.” he barely looked up from the paper he was reading, “And I’m still not wearing that thing.”
“I even got you a different shade of green to match your eyes better. More blueish, instead of the plain green.”
“Much appreciated.” he let out sarcastically.
“Bryce.” Ivy whined softly, asking her boyfriend for help.
“Ramsey, my man.” Bryce grinned widely, knowing exactly how to approach it, “I have it on good authority that Jillian would love it if you wear this sweater tonight.”
That made him falter. No amount of begging from the youngest Valentine would make a difference for him. Jillian, on the other hand, was another story entirely; at this point, he was sure there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
“Super true.” Ivy caught on quickly, “She has a similar one, and she’s probably going to wear it tonight.”
“It’s less than half an hour for dinner, don’t you two have to go get ready?” Ethan tried one last time to get rid of them.
“I don’t have anywhere to be right now.” Baz pointed out, causing the older doctor’s glare to direct at him.
“Not you, them.”
“We are ready.” Bryce winked confidently, gesturing to his and Ivy’s matching red ugly Christmas sweaters.
“Jesus Christ, you two are nauseating.”
“As are you and my sister.” Ivy rolled her eyes, “But you said it yourself, it’s less than half an hour for dinner, what the hell are you waiting for?”
“I’m simply waiting for Jillian, who, unlike the three of you, is still working.”
“Or she’s changing in the locker rooms.” Bryce offered, “Ivy and I finished our surgeries a while ago. Just admit it, doc; we, surgeons, are just way better than you, medical guys.”
Ethan simply scoffed, but before he could retort back, Baz spoke up, “Wrong, but that’s a debate for another day. I should go find Zaid, and you need to get going to that dinner. You can’t be late, Ethan.”
With a wide smile on his face and a last wave, Baz exited the office, humming a catchy Christmas song softly.
“Okay, enough of this, I’m done.” Ivy marched towards him and shoved the sweater in his face aggressively, “I’m Jill’s sister, and as her boyfriend you need to keep me happy, right? So wear this tonight.”
Ivy spun around on her heels and strut right out of there without a look back. Bryce shrugged, not being able to come up with an explanation for his girlfriend’s loss of patience, and quickly followed after her, leaving the diagnostician finally alone. He inspected the item of clothing closely one last time, before cursing the youngest Valentine. Time seemed to stretch as he continued to stare at the sweater, almost with offense, before he sighed in defeat and pulled it over his clothes. He was in the middle of grumbling under his breath about the damn piece of clothing he felt forced to wear, when his favorite voice resonated from the doorway.
“Hey, I’m sorry for the delay, but I’m ready now.”
He looked up in time to see Jillian halt completely and inspect him from head to toe, but before he could offer some kind of explanation, a breath-taking smile overtook her delicate features as she spotted the sweater. And just like that, all the insults and complaints that had been swirling in his head since Ivy showed it to him disappeared, because even if he wasn’t a huge fan of it, wearing that damn sweater made it all worth it if it got his Jill to smile like that.
“You got a Christmas sweater?” she asked breathily, still staring in wide-eyed wonder at him.
“No, not those awful sweatshirts your sister and her boyfriend are sporting around proudly. This barely counts as a Christmas sweater, and it’s as far as I’ll go for the holidays.”
“Good enough for me. It’s the sentiment that counts.”
Jillian walked decisively to him and threw her arms around his shoulders, standing on her tiptoes to reach better, while Ethan slouched slightly and wrapped his own arms around her waist. She giggled softly as Ethan ran his nose against hers, their foreheads pressed together and blue eyes boring into honey-colored ones.
“Did you wear it for me?”
“Most things I do are for you, Doctor Valentine.” he smiled softly at the adoring glint that sparked in her eyes, “But I was also coerced to wear it by your incredibly annoying younger sister.”
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t have to deal with Ivy as an intern, then?”
“Of course I am. She’s Harper’s problem, I already have my hands full with one Valentine on the medical team.”
“And you wouldn’t have it any other way.” Jill grinned, “Right?”
“No, I wouldn’t.” he leaned in and kissed her, though the moment was too short-lived for Jillian’s liking, because she whined softly when he pulled away, “Now, I believe we are expected to attend Christmas dinner with your family, so we should get going. I don’t want to be late.”
“What if we just… skipped it?” one of her hands wandered slowly down the expanse of his chest, gripping the sweater and releasing it multiple times.
“Jillian Valentine, is there a reason you don’t want me to have dinner with your family?” his voice was teasing, light-hearted, but the question had a twinge of worry underneath.
“It’s not like that.” Jillian spotted his doubt immediately, with that uncanny and unexplainable ability to pick on his thoughts as if reading his mind, “It’s just… as loving as they all are, my family is a bit complicated. My siblings are a nightmare, you would know because you’ve already met Ivy. And my parents are… intense. You’re too important for me, I don’t want them to scare you away.”
“That’s what you’ve been worrying about the whole day?” Ethan asked, placing his hands firmly on her hips and looking down at her with a stern expression on his face, “Jill, there’s nothing that could take me away from you. I thought you already knew that.”
“I know, I know, but I’ve just been overthinking about it.”
“Well, I promise you, there’s nothing in the world that can change the way I feel about you.”
“Okay.” she whispered, completely dazzled by the intensity of his words.
“Was that all?” he wanted to make sure.
“Yes, I promise. Nothing else. Definitely not any doubts about you or our relationship. I’m in for the long haul.”
“Good, because so am I.”
Jillian caressed his cheekbone delicately, “Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you, Ethan. After all, I was the one who fought for us, remember?”
“That you were.” he agreed, sighing in relief, “And I’m so very glad you did.”
“Me too.”
This time, when he kissed her, he made sure not to rush the moment. As soon as his lips came in contact with hers, they kissed passionately and urgently, like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Ethan deepened the kiss and pulled her as close as he physically could, his hands exploring the soft skin and subtle curves he already had memorized by heart. Finally, Jillian pulled apart from him, softly nibbling his lower lip before letting it go.
“Now, let’s get moving, Doctor Valentine.”
“Yes, boss.” she answered back mockingly, biting her lip to stifle her giggles.
“Jillian.” Ethan warned her.
With a heartfelt laugh, Jillian pulled away from his embrace, but entwined her fingers with his, and finally, they made their way out of the office together, ready to meet the Valentine’s for Christmas dinner.
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Tags: @jamespotterthefirst​, @missflashgeek​, @parkerattano​, @openheart12​, @starrystarrytrouble​, @takeharryandgo​, @aestheticartsx​, @choicesfanaf​, @caseyvalentineramsey​, @utterlyinevitable​, @aworldoffandoms​, @the-pale-goddess​, @dr-ramseys-rookie​, @drariellevalentine​, @tsrookie​, @perriewinklenerdie​, @genevievemd​, @drethanramslay​, @openheartthot​, @mvalentine​, @justanotherrookie​, @lucy-268​, @paulfwesley​, @writinghereandthere​, @rookie-ramsey​, @missmiimiie​, @openheartfanfics​, @ramseyandrys​, @ruinedbypixels​
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tsrookie · 4 years
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Illicit Affairs
Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Alyssa Brooks)
A/N: Hey everyone! So this is my first time writing a fic and... I’m pretty nervous😅 Massive thanks to @kaavyaethanramsey and @ohramsey for pre-reading this fic. Thanks so much for your support you guys!
Song Inspiration: Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift
Word Count: 2463, so yeah, I went a lil overboard😬
Warnings: One curse word. Pretty tame besides that.
Summary: My version of what might’ve went on in MC’s head after the kiss in Chapter 8. And uh, excuse the Taylor Swift references😁
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Make sure nobody sees you leave
Hood over your head, keep your eyes down
Tell your friends you’re out for a run
You’ll be flushed when you return
She watched the lights of Boston city pass in a blur as her head reeled from what had just happened. Ethan Ramsey had kissed her. Not the other way around like it had been for a very long time. She was still flushed from the encounter and had no idea what to make of it.
She got out of the cab and walked to her apartment in a haze. “God I hope no one’s still awake.”, she thought to herself as she was about to open the door. But as fate would have it, Jackie was curled up on the couch with her phone. “Where on earth have you been?”, she asked, as Alyssa’s mind struggled to give a proper answer. She’d told Sienna about her whereabouts and had hoped that she would’ve given the others an explanation. “Just went for a walk. Needed to clear my head after that match.”, she finally said. Jackie skeptically raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t ask anything else. She was grateful for that, as she had enough on her mind already.
Take the road less traveled by
Tell yourself you can always stop
What started in beautiful rooms
Ends with meetings in parking lots
She flopped down on her bed as her heart raced. “Why? Of all the 7 billion people on the planet I could’ve fallen for, why did it have to be my boss? Anyone, just about anyone else would’ve been great.” She hated herself for this reason ever since they first kissed in Miami. Her heart always aspired to rise higher, but the more she had to lose along with it. Be it in her career, or a relationship.
She knew that it would be hard for her family to see her leave for Boston, since her brother had also left a couple of years ago to London and could barely get enough time to make a call once in three months. She didn’t blame him though, he was her big brother and she loved him no matter what. But it broke her heart to see the looks on her parents’ faces when they found out that she was going to leave Cedar Cove too. They’d always been a tight-knit family and her parents had hoped that she would find a good job somewhere close by. But getting matched to Edenbrook was her dream come true and they didn’t want her to give up on it as they’d supported her from the moment she’d decided that she wanted to become a doctor.
She didn’t want to lose them. She was scared that she wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with them if she left, but thankfully, she managed to squeeze in some time every weekend to make a FaceTime call.
Then came Ethan Ramsey. Her medical hero, her inspiration for becoming a doctor, the reason she applied to Edenbrook. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she would spend the second year of her residency working under him in one of the most prestigious diagnostics teams in the country, and possibly, even the world.
But ever since she first saw him for just Ethan, and not the world famous Dr. Ramsey, her heart longed to fill that missing void in him. She saw past his name and saw him with all his flaws and imperfections. The real Ethan Ramsey was nothing like the man she’d idolized throughout med school. He was an utter mess. But he was the mess that she wanted. She could’ve let go and focused only on her life anytime she wished. But she didn’t. The path of dating a superior was always avoided and forbidden, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be there for him, whether he liked it or not.
And that’s the thing about illicit affairs
And clandestine meetings and longing stares
It’s born from just one single glance
But it dies and it dies and it dies
A million little times
Her mind wandered back to the night Ethan returned from the Amazon.
One look into his ocean-blue eyes and she was a goner. Two months of trying to bury her feelings, all wasted in one moment. And she knew he felt the same way too.
She’d mentally cursed herself for staying past last call with him as she walked with him into the beer garden. She knew that he’d missed her like hell from the longing glance he’d given her when she had run her fingers through his new beard. “I know I’m getting rejected, so why the fuck am I trying to have a conversation with him?!”, she’d reprimanded herself while she tried to get him to say why he hadn’t stayed in touch with her for two whole months. “How am I supposed to push you to be everything you can be if I...” Those words broke her heart all over again. He’d trailed off like this in the exact same way back in Miami. Her heart shattered for the millionth time since that first kiss, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She put on a brave face as she walked away from him, having no idea how she was supposed to ever look at him again without longing and pain evident in her eyes.
Leave the perfume on the shelf
That you picked out just for him
So you leave no trace behind
Like you don’t even exist
The day after the board had decided to solicit high-profile patients was one of the worst days of her life. He hadn’t said a single word to her since he came out of the boardroom. She was consumed by guilt. Not because she’d found a way to save the team and the hospital, but the fact that she had hurt Ethan and broken his trust in her in the process.
The next few days were hard. June and Baz were being as supportive of her as they could, but even they just barely skirted around Ethan, as no one wanted to face his wrath. He was an absolute monster to the poor interns, and she felt terrible knowing that it was all because of her. Sothy in particular, had only asked Ethan as to whether he had seen Dr. Rosario, and was chewed out in the atrium in front of everybody for it. Needless to say, Elijah was pretty upset for the rest of the day and it took a lot of convincing to get him to go on his planned date with Phoebe that evening. Alyssa felt horrible that everyone around her had to suffer Ethan’s harsh behaviour ten times fold because of her.
She had to, quite literally, run out of the office once a team meeting got over so that she didn’t have to be alone with him. And she only did her paperwork at home and in the doctors lounge, since she didn’t want to hurt him by leaving any traces of her work in his office. Ethan pretended as though they were never something special. He never treated her in any way less than any of his other colleagues, but his blue eyes that once filled her with warmth, now reserved a coldness that was meant just for her. Quite a few days passed with him not even acknowledging her. She felt like she didn’t even truly exist to him anymore.
Take the words for what they are
A dwindling, mercurial high
A drug that only worked
The first few hundred times
Leland Bloom’s case was something she personally loathed. Ethan had almost reverted back to his normal self when this case was assigned to the team. Then it was back to square one. But she wasn’t afraid of facing him anymore. The look of his face when she called him out for being a spoiled child would forever be etched in her mind. She was proud of herself for it, and deep down she knew that he was too.
His mood constantly changed whenever the team discussed Leland’s case. But he at least didn’t look at her like a criminal anymore, and that lightened her heart a little.
She would be forever grateful for Leland’s work ethic though, as it finally gave her a chance to openly talk to Ethan on the yacht, a task they’d both been avoiding for weeks. He’d tried to maintain an indifferent facade, but of course she’d made sure that he miserably failed. When he’d told her that she made it incredibly difficult to stay focused, she had almost laughed out loud in joy. That was a clear indicator that his walls were coming down, and that they were back to their old banter. He had made hundreds of reasons and excuses to push her away in the past, and he was slowly running out of them. “You can only run away so many times Ethan.”, she’d thought to herself as she looked at him fondly, glad that he wasn’t angry at her anymore.
And that’s the thing about illicit affairs
And clandestine meetings and stolen stares
They show their truth one single time
But they lie and they lie and they lie
A million little times
Her mind came back to the present as she remembered the kiss they’d shared a few hours ago. The kiss he’d initiated. A few weeks ago if someone had told her that this would happen, she would’ve probably told them to go for a mental health checkup. But it had actually happened. “Ethan Ramsey took the initiative to kiss me.” She let those words finally sink in.
She was supposed to be ecstatic. She was supposed to be jumping like a maniac in her room. “So why am I not?”, she thought to herself.
The answer was simple: she was scared. Scared of being pushed away again. Scared of Ethan lying to himself and to her by saying that it didn’t mean anything.
She was done with the whole “stolen stares” and “painful glances” thing. They’d both shown their true feelings tonight, and she was not going to go back to the start again. “I only hope that he feels the same way and doesn’t run again.”, she sighed as she thought back to her first day at Edenbrook...
And you wanna scream
Don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby”
Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me
You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else
“You. Rookie. Get in here.” Those were the first words he’d ever spoken to her. She was feeling a little insulted at being called a rookie at that moment. She never thought she would miss that nickname so terribly ever since her second year started. Sure, it was undermining her in the beginning, but she knew that it became a term of endearment for both of them as time passed.
She’d realized how much it actually meant to her the night she visited his apartment after her suspension. She knew that he was trying to being distant as soon as he called her ‘Brooks’.
There were plenty of guys who had hit on her in the past. Heck, Bryce and Rafael had pretty obvious crushes on her too back in her intern year. But none of that mattered to her after Miami. She just couldn’t look into anyone else’s eyes other than Ethan’s clear blue. Those eyes made her feel like she was flying miles above the ground. They made her feel like she was at home. Sure, to everyone else, those eyes would only show harshness. But ever since she’d gone with him to follow his mother, she’d seen nothing but an uncharacteristic tender look in his eyes that he had last given her when she’d won her ethics hearing. She definitely wasn’t complaining about it.
Don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby”
Look at this idiotic fool that you made me
You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else
Her eyes filled with tears as she recalled the day she’d found out that Ethan had left, or rather, fled, to the Amazon forest. She was beside herself, sick with worry in hopes that he would be alright, and hurt beyond measure that he didn’t even bother to say goodbye.
She’d felt like an absolute fool. An idiot, who believed that they would be alright, as long as they just focused on their patients. She was broken, to find out that he had taken such an extreme measure to put distance between them.
“I am so so sorry Alyssa. I told him not to go, but he was very insistent.”, Naveen had tried to console her when she had marched up to his office as soon as the announcement of Ethan’s departure had been made in the atrium. She didn’t blame Naveen though. Ethan was as stubborn as a mule, and there was nothing that could’ve been changed even if she had known beforehand about his decision.
Sienna had tried, in vain, to set her up with some cute guys, but her heart just said no to every single one of them. Whenever she tried to give them a chance, her heart just kept telling her, “He isn’t Ethan.” No one could ever have even a small part of her heart since it completely belonged to him.
And you know damn well
For you, I would ruin myself
A million little times
Her heart hurt worse than ever. But surprisingly, she liked the pain. She wasn’t the kind of person who liked an easy answer. That was why she admired Ethan. He loved the challenges of being a doctor. He loved the puzzle. And so did she.
She pondered over her thoughts as a query struck her mind: “Do I love him?” She always knew that her feelings for him were strong and something special. But she’d never thought of the L-word before.
She thought about why she came to Edenbrook. She wanted to become the best doctor she could be. She wanted to make a difference for the people who had nowhere to go. But now, she was stuck in a situation where she was willing to risk it all for her boss. “I think I do love him...”, she thought. “No, I know I love him. He’s worth the risk. I’m not going to ruin my career by being with him. I will fight for this. For us.”, she said to herself with a determined mindset. She loved Ethan Ramsey with all her heart, and she was not gonna lose him no matter what. As exhaustion finally overtook her, she closed her eyes with the knowledge of her promise. She was going to fight for them, she definitely was.
———————————
Hope you guys liked it!😊 Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist. And any constructive criticism is much appreciated! I have an idea of making this into a series, so do let me know if you wanna see more song-inspired fics🎶
Taglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @ohramsey @aylamwrites @caseyvalentineramsey @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @nithya @mrsmatsuo @choicesolivia @rookiefromedenbrook
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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years
Text
Adore You (Ethan x F!MC)
Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 1,000+ Warning: Adult language Premise: Ask from @hatescapsicum​ : Can you please write a fic where Ethan "I'm a spoiled child" Ramsey mulls over the day's events and realizes how massively fucked he is and how utterly powerless he is in front of MC?
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_____________________________
“For someone who's always talking about the way life works, sometimes you don't seem to get it.”
After the day he had, the last thing Ethan needed was to add insult to injury. Yet, his traitorous mind replayed her scathing words in a constant loop. 
If it had been anyone else, Ethan would have returned the insults tenfold, spectacularly ending his speech with a write-up or worse. The problem was that no one else at that hospital would have dared to set him right. 
“Oh, I'm sorry. Would you prefer ‘spoiled child?’ Or maybe ‘entitled jackass?’ Baz, June, and I are doing our best in a crappy situation. What exactly are you doing to help?”
No, the real problem was that, instead of nursing a bruised ego, Ethan found himself repressing an ever-growing admiration for her, paired with a swelling in his chest he refused to acknowledge. 
This power she held over him without even knowing or trying was maddening.
He was utterly fucked. 
Ethan stopped at the sliding doors of the diagnostics office. There she was, her back to him, her attention enraptured in a patient file. 
At the sound of his approach, Lilac shut the file and turned. “Sorry, Baz, I was on my way — ” Their eyes met and she paused. “Oh. I just came in here for the Solano file.” 
As he neared, he noticed the deep set crease in her brow and the carefully schooled smile she offered him, too weak to be authentic. 
“You're agonizing over something,” he observed. 
Lilac blinked, surprise etched on her beautiful features. A quick flush colored her cheeks. She was no doubt wondering how he could possibly know that with such certainty. 
Instead of asking him that, she gave a defeated sigh, shoulders deflating. “We saved Leland Bloom’s life today.” 
“That we did.” 
“Then why do I feel so fucking awful about it?”
“Ah, that,” he said wearily, running a hand down his face, the exhaustion of the day finally weighing on him.
There was a long pause as he considered his response. The shit storm that had been the Leland Bloom case was weighing heavily on him too.
“I won't lie to you and say that we should nullify our feelings of disgust and guilt because we saved someone,” he started at last. “But I can tell you, with absolute confidence, that the unfair advantage people like Leland Bloom have over others is not your fault.”
Lilac laughed humorlessly. “No, what is my fault is exploiting that advantage for the sake of monetary gain.”
“To help patients in desperate need of care,” he returned without missing a beat. His voice rose slightly impassioned. “Lilac, you were right. We might not always agree with the outcome but you were still right all along. Don't let the shitty state of our country's healthcare system or me acting like an ass convince you otherwise.”
Lilac looked wholly unconvinced. The way she gazed at him then, tormented and doubtful, was a far cry from the vehement, righteous Lilac who put him in his place. She had looked confident, beautiful in her fury, and more of an equal than a subordinate. 
He felt a stab of guilt for being the asshole who made her doubt herself. 
Ethan sighed. “Lilac, you’re better than this,” he said almost imploringly. His feet, of their own volition, carried him closer to her until only a feet or two separated them. 
 He offered her a small smile. “Just think of it as draining the rich of their money to give to those who need it.”
To his relief, she smiled at that. A playful arch of an eyebrow as she said, “Are you suggesting I think of myself as Robin Hood?" 
Ethan rolled his eyes, a smile of his own threatening to break over his face. “I'm not encouraging you to actually steal from them, Lilac. And if you are, don't tell me so I can have some deniability.”
“A doctor having deniability —” 
“If you make a Hamilton reference, I swear to God,” he interjected sternly though not unkindly.
That earned him genuine, delighted laughter that made his stomach feel weightless. He enjoyed the sound, feeling far too gratified that he was the one to make her laugh like that. 
They had moved closer to one another unintentionally, mere inches separating them now in the quiet office. 
When her laughter naturally subsided, she quietly studied his face, lovely green eyes finally fixing on his. Her teeth bit into her lower lip, a tell of her anxiousness. Ethan’s eyes focused on her lips and all coherent thought abandoned him. 
“Ethan, what I said, the other day at Leland's…” she started, the words spilling out in a rush. It was almost as if she wanted to say them before she ran out of courage. 
“When you called me a spoiled child?”
She grimaced at the memory. 
“And an entitled jackass,” she added.
“I recall.”
“I might've been too harsh.”
“You were harsh,” he allowed. “But I was being an unwarranted, unrestrained asshole all that morning. That's exactly what I deserved and probably more.”
It was definitely admiration and pride, that feeling stabbing through his chest. In a mere year, she had gone from an almost meek intern who wilted under his stern feedback to a self-assured, empowered doctor who could call him out without a moment’s hesitation. 
She said nothing, probably playing his jarring words from that morning in her own head.
 “I’m sorry for that,” he said quietly. “I was out of line with my remarks to you that day. You didn’t deserve that.” 
There was a short, stunned silence as both allowed the rare Ethan Ramsey apology sink in. 
Then, with a small smile, Lilac stepped even closer, completely closing the space between them. Her hand reached up to rest on the ridge of his jaw, thumb tracing the line of his cheekbone. The gesture, so intimate that it made his breath catch, was her way of accepting his apology. 
He allowed his eyes to close briefly against her touch. When he opened them again, he hoped she would not recognize the unconcealed love struck way in which he looked at her. 
It was the most contact they allowed each other to have. Lilac must have realized this at the same time as him because she gently dropped her hand and stepped back. 
A small silence. 
“So,” she said with a playful glint in her eyes. “You listened to Hamilton.”
Ethan rolled his eyes. “What makes you so sure?”
“You got my reference,” she returned. “Way to keep up with the youth, old man.”
He almost laughed at her teasing. “You’re impossible.”
That laugh again, tantalizing and beautiful. He resisted the impulse of staring at her, awestruck as he was. 
He was utterly fucked. 
__________
Author’s Note: She was agonizing over you, Ethan. 
Also, all I can think about now is MC convincing Ethan to go see Hamilton live. They can go on his one dollar a year salary.
THANK you so much for reading. Truly! 
Masterlist
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Tags: @openheart12​ | @ethandaddyramsey​ | @noboundariesplease​ | @silverlitskies​ | @the-soot-sprite | @infinitiestones | @emotionalswift2 | @flyawayboo |  @paulfwesley | @hatescapsicum​| @myusualnerdyself​ | @thatysn​ | @choicesyouplayandmore​ | @chasingrobbie​ | @trappedinfandoms​
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writeblrfantasy · 3 years
Text
as promised, here is some snowbaz fanfic (k words) this was a birthday gift for my best friend last year, who has a ferret which i became intimately familiar with over phone calls. this actually holds up, or so I think? anyway, enjoy!
snow's new ferret
This was all Baz’s bloody fault.
“Let’s go walking round London,” Baz had said, because it was Saturday, and neither of them had homework, and he was trying to be romantic and spend some quality time with Snow for once. “We might even find a place with sour cherry scones."
“None as good as Watford's,” Snow had said, but grinned and hurried to pull his shoes on, tripping over his own feet.
Look where romance got him, because now Baz was hovering behind Simon in a pet store of all places while he excitedly chatted on the phone to Bunce. Both of them were squeaking and squealing over the small brown ferret in Snow’s hand. Bunce sounded like she’d have given anything to see it.
“Ooh, Penny, can we keep him?” Snow asked for the millionth time. Baz rolled his eyes.
“Yes, yes, of course! I’ll…” Bunce’s voice faded out as Baz stared the ferret down. Its beady little black eyes, eyes of a demon. It was creepy, but also strangely cute.
Baz glared at it, but its gaze never wavered.
Before he knew it, Snow was off the phone and smiling at him. “We’re getting it,” he said stupidly.
“Yes, I have ears, Snow,” Baz retorted, but Snow was already wandering off to the pet shop owner.
***
“Cherry Scone?” Baz demanded. “You named it Cherry Scone?”
“She, not it, Baz,” Snow said instinctually. He was too distracted by the ferret cradled in his hands. It already had a full cage set up in Simon’s room, decorated with stickers and beads. It was gaudy, in Baz’s opinion, and entirely unnecessary.
But Simon grinned and lit up looking at it, so Baz was okay with it, he supposed.
That was until the fateful Wednesday evening.
Baz had just gotten through a tiring day of classes, and all he wanted was a drink, some food, and to kiss his boyfriend.
A blood bag and leftover pizza was guaranteed to be in Simon’s fridge, but he didn’t get his usual hello kiss by the door. Instead, the Simon opening the door was distracted and fretting.
He was moving away before Baz could even lean in. “What’s wrong?” Baz asked, setting his bag down on the couch.
“Cherry Scone’s disappeared,” Snow said, looking under the blanket on the couch, carelessly moving Baz’s bag away to look there. “Can’t find her anywhere.”
“Don’t you and Bunce have schedules for watching it?”
“Her, not it, Baz,” Simon muttered, shaking his curls out of his eyes to search under the couch. “And yes, but Penny’s out tonight.”
“Out? Where?”
“New bloke she met on flinder.” Snow checked under the tv stand, behind the tv itself, then disappeared into Bunce’s room.
“I sincerely hope you mean Tinder.” Baz went into the kitchen to get said blood bag and pizza. After a drink and a bite, Snow still wasn’t out, so Baz followed to check. He found Simon on her bed, head in his hands.
“Snow? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t find her anywhere.” Snow’s voice wavered, like he was actually crying. Baz’s heart ached. “She was just running around in my room, and me and Penny let her run round the flat after always checking the doors and windows are closed… I don’t know where she’s gone, Baz, she’s supposed to be in her cage by now, what if she-”
“Hey, hey, don’t go there. We’ll find her. We will. Come here.” Baz went to hold Simon close, and though he felt shame at feeling this way, there was nothing quite like the warmth of holding Simon in his arms.
Simon relaxed for a moment before tensing up again. “Can you help look? I know you’re not the most fond of her, but…” With the way Simon was looking at him, blue eyes wide and sad, how could Baz ever say no?
“Of course, Simon, of course.” Baz reluctantly let go and got up, leading the way into Simon’s room. He made a beeline for the cage, where, just like he’d guessed, Cherry Scone was safely sitting, the door still open. She stared up at him with those beady black eyes. Baz stared back, hesitantly lifting her out, at a distance in case she’d bite. She didn’t, but she did stare at him while he carried her to Simon.
“Was in her cage,” Baz said, handing her to him. Simon’s eyes lit up like it was Christmas.
“Oh, Baz, thank you!” He leaned forward and gave Baz the heated but chaste kiss he’d first wanted. Baz’s lips tingled, and he hoped for another one, he hoped Snow would put the ferret back in her cage and leave her there. Baz allowed himself to dream about a good snogging session on the couch, maybe with the pizza box open on the coffee table and the tv playing something insignificant in the background…
But Snow was already taking the damn thing to the living room, talking sweetly to her, promising some treats.
Over Snow’s shoulder, she watched Baz until Snow disappeared around the corner.
***
Normally, walks to the park were just that. Walks to the park.
They were often romantic. Baz and Snow had had more than one picnic date there, even with all the ants and bees. To see Snow, disaster that he was, get biscuit crumbs all over himself and still grin about it was more than enough.
Besides, there were a fair amount of plump birds in the park for Baz.
But of course, Baz should’ve known better than to think this park date would be like every other.
“I still can’t believe they make bloody leashes for those things.” Baz shook his head. Snow grinned, eyes sparkling as he looked down at the ferret, scuttling along on the ground.
You used to look at me that way, Baz thought, then berated himself for being so pathetic. At least Snow was still holding his hand and brushing shoulders with him, walking slowly and leisurely like they used to, and maybe if Baz turned his head he could steal a-
“Hey!” The warmth of Snow’s hand left his, and Baz opened his eyes from his daydream to watch Snow running after the ferret. She’d escaped his hold on the leash. Of course. It was bound to happen.
“Baz, c’mon, help!”
With a sigh of resignation, Baz jogged after him.
***
Baz should’ve known the words, “Love, could you watch Cherry Scone for the day? Penny’s visiting family and I have class, and you don’t, so…” would never end well.
But Simon had called him love, and he’d been looking at Baz with love in his eyes as he said it, and however could Baz resist that?
Now, he realized he probably should’ve tried much, much harder. He should’ve floundered up an excuse or something, “Oh, I need to go get kidnapped by numpties again, be back tomorrow, don’t forget to tell Fiona,” because this was utterly ridiculous.
How could Snow ever love something so determined to make life miserable? Baz’s mind helpfully placed himself in that spot, but he shoved the thought away, because Simon’s beloved ferret was currently terrorizing the kitchen.
“If you wind up in the actual cherry scones, I don’t think even Snow would forgive you,” Baz told it, reaching out and unsuccessfully grabbing it. It scrambled along the kitchen counter, jumping, looking like it was trying to climb the fridge. Baz cupped his hands and tried again, but it jumped, scratching him in the process. Baz swore.
“You really are a devil, aren’t you?” Baz snapped, running his finger under the tap. Where had the bloody thing gone?
A mighty clatter rang through the kitchen. Baz slowly turned around, dreading what he’d find.
The ferret had gotten into the jam jar. No, more like it had knocked the jam jar off the top of the fridge and landed next to the remains.
Baz swore again and bent to check it. It was fine, just covered in red, and the broken glass was far away. Thank god Simon wasn’t here; Baz shuddered at the thought of all that worrying. Though if it meant pulling Simon into his arms to console him…
“I have half a mind to just leave you here,” Baz said to it, grumbling as he picked it up. He took it to the bathroom, because Simon had told him it needed a bath sometime that day, so he wouldn’t question it. “But I love him too much for that.” He placed it in the bath, turning on the water. “If you make him happy, so be it. I can live with you.”
***
Yeah, that wasn’t going to last.
Baz was simply sick of it. The bloody ferret had all of Simon’s attention, and nearly all of his heart. At least, Baz hoped there was still space there reserved for him.
Either way, she was putting Baz out of a job. Whenever Simon got anxious or sad now, he’d hug the ferret instead of reaching out to Baz. She was always in his lap, always being fed treats while he stroked her fur, always looking up at Baz with those evil eyes.
Baz was tired of it all. He was practically invisible to Simon now, and Simon would just nod and make noises whenever Baz talked, told him about his day. As if he didn’t think Baz would notice.
Bunce found it all hilarious. Simon was oblivious as usual.
As annoying and humorous as it was that Simon had chosen a bloody ferret over Baz, in some ways it did genuinely hurt. He hated to feel that way, but he hated more that the only kisses he got from Simon these days were when he did something for the ferret.
It was all building up to one fateful evening at Snow’s flat. Penny was on another date with that bloke from Tinder--Baz couldn’t even remember his name, but Bunce seemed to like him well enough, and Simon apparently approved. Baz would still need to meet him, give him an effective talk, before he had his approval as well. Bunce deserved only the best.
It was the same old situation. Baz had memorized this dance they did. Knock, Snow opens the door, distractedly says hi, because the ferret is in his arms, wriggling to get away. He puts it over his shoulder with one hand on its back, Baz comes in, Snow shuts the door. Snow walks over to the couch with the ferret, Baz goes to the kitchen--except tonight he doesn’t.
Baz instead followed Snow to the couch, ignoring the surprised eyebrow raise Simon gives him. They were going to have this conversation like mature, civilized adults. Baz would explain what was bothering him, hope Simon would make a change, and that would be that.
“Baz? What’s wrong?” Simon asked, and it hurt that that was more attention than Simon usually paid him these days.
“Nothing, I--”
Damn his default deflections. “Actually, something. I- ever since you got the- the ferret, I can’t but feel like, I, uh…”
After a pause that was definitely too long, Simon gently prodded, “What?”
It didn’t help that he was still absently stroking its back. “That you pay more attention to it than me,” Baz blurted. His cheeks immediately bloomed red. “I--just--you don’t smile at me as much as you used to, you’re always tending to it--her, you only kiss me when I feed it or watch it for you or find it when it gets lost--”
“Baz--”
“You know what, it’s fine, forget I said anything, Snow, I--”
“Baz--”
“Really, I’m good--”
“Baz!”
Baz finally dared to look up. Simon's face was pinched. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Penny did warn me, but I didn’t think it would…I don’t want to choose between the two of you,” Simon said softly, his eyes gentle and caring when he looked at Baz and goddammit Baz do not cry--
“Well you have been,” Baz snapped, because if he can’t cry, he’ll be angry. He felt himself go red, angry and defensive and hurt, and he cursed himself for drinking before this.
“I’m sorry,” Simon said again, shifting the ferret on his lap, and even that hurt Baz a little bit. “What would you like me to do?”
Baz floundered. He hadn’t honestly, expected to get this far. “Uh, make some time, like when I’m over, where you put the ferret away? It has to sleep sometime, surely.”
“Yeah, at night.”
“Well…can you put it in its cage when I’m here?”
After a breathless second, Simon smiled- at him this time, not the ferret- and said, “Yes.” He looked down at his lap one more time, smiling, and this time it didn’t hurt at all. Simon loved them both, and Baz knew that now for sure, even if he had always known it.
“Would you like to pet her before I put her away?” Simon asked, and Baz realized that he’d never really felt it. Yes, he’d picked it up to give it a bath and help it out of the jam mess--something he had still not told Simon about--but he hadn’t taken notice of the texture of its fur. He was usually too annoyed at it for that.
“Yeah, fine.” Baz scooted closer to Simon on the couch, feeling heat radiate off him, and as much as he wanted to just forget about the ferret and be close to his boyfriend, this would make Simon happy.
So he pet it. It looked up at him, quite distrusting, but slowly warming to him. At least tolerating him. “It’s--it’s quite soft.”
“She is.” Simon grinned, then finally, bless, got up to put her away.
The minute waiting for Simon to come back was the most agonizing of Baz’s life, like this was their first kiss and not their 1000th. Finally Simon sat back down, smiling, and leaned over, taking Baz’s hot cheeks in his hands to give him a long, sweet kiss. It left Baz’s insides warm, his lips burning, and all he wanted was more, more, more--
And Simon let him have more, he gave as good as he got, pushing closer to Baz, letting Baz lick into his mouth, giving one last long kiss before pulling away.
Baz was breathless. Simon was golden.
“Thank you,” Baz said, surprised to hear his own voice so low, panting the way he was. Simon smiled, his sun, his golden boy, and kissed Baz again.
Forget about bloody ferrets for now.
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crazy-loca-blog · 3 years
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Personal thoughts on Open Heart Second Year, Chapter 19
Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.
Let’s see… how do I even begin with this? Oh yeah… I’m mad. It’s really hard to be mad at my favorite series, but I’m mad (but nope, it’s not because of what everyone has been complaining about in the last few hours… keep reading and you’ll find out). But let’s start with the good things that happened this week (because yeah, there were many good things that must be highlighted):
The Caroline Bloom case had some bittersweet effect on me. On one side, and I’ve said it before, she is a good woman, and she doesn’t deserve any of this. Her diagnosis was heartbreaking and it only followed the same path as most of our diagnosis throughout this book: terrible things happening to incredibly good people. On the other hand, we had our revenge… sweet, sweet revenge (at a terrible cost, of course!). When we treated Leland Bloom, the man literally bought a new kidney to keep living… and we were all mad at him because of this. Well, every decision we make must have a consequence (good or bad) at some point, and now we know how things ended for him. No one would have ever thought that saving him would mean “killing” the only thing that truly matters to him… his wife.
Also, even though I love the dynamic and the work ethic between the MC, Ethan and Baz (excuse me, but June who?), I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll see Baz in Book 3 or if he’ll keep working with us as he does in Book 2. You know, I really enjoy when the writers give us a chance to have diamond scenes with secondary characters that are loved by the readers, but I think that the scene with Zaid wasn’t there just by chance. Even since the beginning of the chapter we got plenty of information on Baz Mirani, like too much information for a single chapter. Now we know that Baz is a world-class immunologist, that he’s receiving an award that is attached to a job offer, and that he is more into research than into diagnosing people… so Zaid is probably the only reason why he hadn’t left Edenbrook yet. But overall, I loved helping them, not only because they are great characters, but also because now we know that Baz is the reason why Zaid became a doctor, and also because PB keeps teasing us with the type of relationship that Zaid and Ines have (just choose to help Zaid on his words choice and you’ll see). It was a great moment.
There is also this scene with Ethan… even though this is not a romance scene, I’m beginning to think that the OH writers might be reading some fan fictions during their free time, because this is something that Ethan stans have been asking and writing about for a while now. Overall the scene was nice, BUT the fact that some of the content in it is paywalled bothered me a little bit. In normal circumstances I wouldn’t mind about it, but after Louise got admitted at Edenbrook, Ethan’s issues with her became more visible to every player, not only for people who pay the diamond scenes. So even though there are some brilliant moments in it (not only we confirmed that, if you’re romancing him, Alan is the captain of that ship, but we can also tell the MC will be teasing him about his teddy bear FOREVER!), I have too many questions about how this scene went in different scenarios. I personally think I got the proper closure to his issues, he promised to visit his dad more often, the relationship between them seems to be fine now, and Ethan even told Alan that he would give his childhood pictures to Louise (I took the route to forgive her). But again, I’ve bought all of his diamond scenes and a lot of this stuff was already paywalled. But what happens if you took other routes? I mean, how do things go if you don’t forgive Louise? What if you don’t buy his diamond scenes at all? Don’t you feel like something was left there like “floating” and unsolved? Because it does feel weird to me.
And finally, we had this scene with our friends, which I liked it, but I didn’t love it… I would have expected to see them wrapping up things at Donahue’s after completing the bucket list. However, I’m very happy for all those people who wanted to romance Sienna, Aurora or Elijah… because I guess a kiss is better than nothing (?)
Anyway, I wanted to stop for a second to talk about Rafael. I want to dedicate a full paragraph just to him this time. Because there is something about him and his behavior… and I’m really sorry for Raf stans, but something is not looking good here. Even before the incident I had a bad feeling about him, and it has nothing to do with the idea of PB daring to kill him. He’s been a mess this whole book (and nope, I’m not talking about the writing). He rekindled a relationship with his ex that never felt right. He took a lot more risks than he used to do, to the point that he ended up being suspended. Then he quit a job he apparently loved. Then we had the incident, right before he moved to Brazil looking for a fresh start. After the incident, he decided to move to a new neighborhood, and last, but not least, we’ve discovered he’s not a fan of riding helicopters anymore (do you remember how excited he was about this in Book 1?). There is also what he said today and that got our MC thinking... and I think… guys, I think Raf has been going through some HUGE depression during the whole book, but it’s only being more evident now. He definitely needs further treatment, like ASAP. Also, and I know I’ve said it in the past, our MC and Raf really need to have some type of “heart to heart” conversation, a deep one, because in my mind, they need each other to find some real peace after all they went through together.
By now, I don’t even feel like talking about the LIs anymore but yes, I will do it, because even though I loved the night out scene with our gang in Chapter 18, now I’m guessing this could have messed things up with our LIs. In case you don’t know, that night out was supposed to be a “night date”. Maybe that night date was supposed to be the scene where we would have “the talk”. However, we didn’t have that date, we haven’t had “the talk” yet, Edenbrook closed its doors and we were left like… OK… so what’s happening with our personal lives now? I’m hoping to see them fixing this mess in Chapter 20, because right now it looks kind of ridiculous. The fact that our MC almost died should have changed the perspective of all relationships (or at least that’s how it looked like during the incident and after the funeral). After the gala, it looked like finally all the LIs were at the same level and ready to take the next step. Now I feel like we’re all right where we stood at the end of Book 1 (I can see Jackie, Raf and Bryce acting as if we were a hook up and Ethan pushing us away all over again). And as I said last week, maybe this uncertainty is due to the fact that we still don’t know where the MC will go or where our LIs will go, everything is kind of blurry for all of us. But again, that doesn’t mean we don’t want to know what’s happening with our personal lives. Are we breaking up? Are we going to try long distance? Are we moving to the same city? Again, I know in the end we’ll stay in Boston and everything will “go back to normal”, but as of this moment, Edenbrook is closed and we must leave, so it bothers me to see that this part of our story hasn’t been addressed yet. I don’t need our LIs to say those three words, I don’t need them to be exclusive, I don’t even need them to be official… I only need answers on how they’re going to face the future.
Well, if you’ve read all this non-sense I’ve been writing, this is probably where you wonder “why is she mad besides the obvious?”. And my dear people, this is where we go to the very last scene of the chapter. When I saw the limo and Leland talking to us, my first thought was “I really hope that Ethan is inside that limo too, because I don’t want my MC having to make these decisions by herself” (I play as a girl). But nope, he wasn’t there… and that’s where I got mad, really mad… at Leland Bloom. Of course Ethan wasn’t there because Leland knows that he would say “no” without even listening to him, and of course he would go directly to the MC because Leland knows that if there is one person that Ethan would listen to, that’s the MC. Also, why didn’t he just call the board, just like he did the very first time he needed our help? It’s not like he doesn’t know how to reach them. Why did he decide to go to a second year resident’s home instead? There is something so, so weird about this guys… I don’t believe in his reasons to reach the MC instead of people like Ethan, Naveen or the board. I have a gut feeling that we’re walking on thin ice here, especially because accepting Leland’s money means we’ll have to play by his rules in Book 3. And I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t expect to have a happy ending next chapter… I think we’ll have to deal with some huge cliffhanger instead.
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eleanorbloom · 4 years
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When You’re Ready Ch. 09
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Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.
Word Count: 4.1k
Warning: Angst? And Ethan kinda psyco 🤣
A/N: It took me ages to finish this chapter because, to me, the plot is kind of boring and it was made just for story progression (and I just couldn’t leave it behind nor reducing it to a paragraph for the next chapter), but I have to admit that with the adjustments that I made yesterday, it’s now pretty decent. Fortunately, next chapter is way more interesting.
A/N2: Special thanks to @aylamwrites​ for helping me with some of my writing/translation issues and for her advices.  Gracias gurrrl 💜💜💜
Hope you enjoy it!
Taglist @utterlyinevitable​  @shanzay44​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @laiba-the-person​ @starrystarrytrouble​ @lahellacute​ @lucy-268​ @aylamreads​ @binny1985​ @romewritingshop​ @cinnamonspongecake​ 
Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist!
________________
Chapter 9. The Less I Know The Better.
Then I heard they slept together
Oh, the less I know the better.
Eleanor made her entrance into Edenbrook with confidence she never felt before. Not even last year, when she was starting the residency program of her dreams at Edenbrook, she had felt this proud of herself. It was her first day both as a second-year resident and as Junior Fellow Member in the Diagnostics Team, directed by her medical hero, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. And well, yes. The person she had feelings for.
But today was also the first day where she would leave all that in the past, to truly be over him. She would face him, talk to him, and make his presence something so usual in her life that after a few weeks he wouldn’t mean anything but a mentor, a colleague, and hopefully, one day, a friend. But not more than that.
She knew it would be difficult. The night before had been hard enough not falling into his spell again. Her lips were thirsty for his kisses, her skin aching for his touch and her mind only wanted to float into the sky of his eyes once more. But she wasn’t blind anymore. She knew it wouldn’t do her any good.
Bryce had opened her eyes. Even if Ethan had the most selfless intentions pulling away from her to not jeopardize her career, he had hurt her consciously. He had ignored her even when she was drowning. And what Bryce had done just in a few weeks? He treated her like the most precious thing in the world. Like a queen. In the way she always wanted to be treated by someone, but she thought it was just stupid ideas romantic love had put in her head. He had listened to her, respected her space, consoled her when she needed it, and even when she didn’t think she needed it. He had made her his priority. The less she could do at that moment was putting him as her priority over anything she might be feeling for Ethan.
And now, there she was, facing her first obstacle, standing outside the Department of Diagnostics. Big glass walls, and a sliding door before her. She took a deep breath and with a smile on her face entered as the doors slid softly to let her in.
The office was quiet and illuminated by the natural lighting of that summer morning. There was the faintest scent of bergamot and mandarin in the air, probably traces of Ethan’s perfume left early in the morning.
She observed the place taking short steps around. A big desk in front of the entry, a circular table on the right side with a big whiteboard behind…
“I’m here, I’m really here”
“Hey, me too.”
…And a couch between the table and the entry, where it was a man reclined, reading a medical journal.
A tanned man with tiny eyes and a grown beard stood up and approached her. He seemed familiar, but the big smile on her face made her think she might be wrong.  
“Um, Zaid? You’re on the diagnostics team?”
“Ah, I take it you’re one of my twin brother’s residents.”—He answered extending his hand to the confused resident.—“Baz Mirani’s the name, immunology’s the game. Game-slash-specialty.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even know Zaid had a twin brother.”
After a few moments talking, her mind raced to the smirk Ethan had given her the night before. That’s why he didn’t want to talk about the team members. It wasn’t about bias, he just wanted to keep it a surprise the fact that Zaid Mirani had a super friendly twin brother that made them look the personification of the yin and yang in terms of niceness and well, in term of twins. While Zaid was King of Sarcasm, Baz had no ability to perceive it. While Zaid was grumpy and serious, Baz was amicable and talkative.
Then it was the time to meet the last member of the team, June Hirata. June was a very intense-looking woman with a British accent and a self-assurance that exuded from her pores.
Eleanor felt a little intimidated by the way the attending was scrutinizing her, but she thought it was normal for a neurologist and psychologist to examine a new colleague not only on a physical level but in terms of corporal language too, just like she was doing it.
After a few minutes of chatting with her new colleagues, Ethan appeared through the sliding doors.
“Introductions done? Great. We’ve got work to do”—He said, while the three took a seat in the table.
She couldn’t help but feel a little twist of nervousness inside her stomach, but she tried hard to suppress any emotions she might feel, and just focused on trying to be just as stoic as her mentor always appears. She put her best professional face and started to observe how the team worked and took notes of all the things they were saying.
June and Baz started asking questions to Ethan, who had all the information about the new patient. Eleanor remained silent, witnessing the exchange, trying to absorb all the information possible. She was a bit intimidated because that level of confidence and questioning was really out of her league, but she tried to convince herself that it was a normal response for a first day.
The team divagated through some symptoms, theories, and diseases until June gave the final idea: Cutaneous Kikuchi disease. With that, Ethan asked her to run a biopsy on the patient's rash to confirm the diagnosis.
Once the team was dismissed, both attendings returned to their other duties, leaving Eleanor and Ethan alone.
“After you’re done with our patient, you can see Ines and Zaid for further assignments.”—He said as he was taking a seat by his desk—"You’ll be balancing your work here with your usual resident duties. Now that you’re a second-year, that will include rotations at the free clinic.”
“Yes Dr. Ramsey”— She replied standing up from the chair—“We will always diagnose patients without seeing them?”
“No, but we’re often asked for help by hospitals all over the country, so it’s a good habit to keep our blind diagnosis skills sharp.”
Eleanor was about to reach the door when she stops in her tracks, hesitating. 
“Is everything alright, Eleanor?”
“Actually, could we talk?”
Ethan gazed at her for a few moments before answering.
“About the job or about us?”
“The job. That’s why we are here.”—Eleanor replied with obviousness, but it sounded harsher than she intended. As if it would never cross her mind talking about them.  
His eyes betrayed him for a split of a second as he addressed the coldness in her response, but then he just got up from his desk and moved to the circular table. Eleanor sat beside him a moment later.
“I’m all yours”
She couldn't help but shook her head to herself, not missing the ulterior motives in Ethan’s words for the second time straight.
“I’m just surprised how well and how quickly you worked that out. How are you sure you made the right diagnosis?”
Ethan took his time to explain to Eleanor how the team proceeded, the normal way they work, and gave her some tips to be more involved next time. He assured her that it was normal that the first days she would be feeling lost and ignorant, but once she started to obtain more knowledge from medical journals and research, she would improve her involvement in the team. 
She nodded at every advice, and when he was done, she kept staring at him inquisitively.
“What is it?”
“Your glasses, I’m not used to see you with those on.”
“Oh, yes. I use them when I work on the computer. Now that you’ll come to the office frequently, you’ll see me a lot like this.”
“They make you look smart”—She teased, trying to diffuse the tension she still sensed on Ethan after her cold response.
“You've caught me. The illusion behind my status. Without these, I’m a simpering moron.”
That seemed to relax his shoulders a bit. They both laughed for the first time without the tension of their actual status, where recriminations wouldn’t be involved this time. Her eyes shined, happy for sharing that moment after so much discomfort.
“So, Zaid had a twin brother and you dared to not tell me.”
Ethan chuckled
“I wish I was there when you saw him for the first time. I can only imagine your face.”
“Haha, very funny. You’re such a trickster, Ethan.”
They had lean close to each other without noticing, their knees touching, and his fingers just an inch away from hers.  Her composure stiffed, her will power was once again being challenged.
She couldn’t give in. She had to keep playing the cold Eleanor that didn’t feel a thing about his mentor.
She swallowed hard.
“Well, I should get those test run.”—She informed, taking the notebook in her hand, and then standing up in one swift motion—"Thank you for your advice, Ethan.”
“You’re welcome, Eleanor. Anytime.”—He responded, caught off guard by the abruptness of her reaction. 
Eleanor left the office quickly, sensing how his eyes were following her as she passed through the door. She released the breath that had been holding a few steps away from the office.
She had made it.
The interactions during the day weren’t any different. She ran the tests, informed her discoveries to the team (with the help of her intern, Esme Ortega), and then she made quite an impression with the Governor by diagnosing her son was sick; which granted her an invitation to have dinner with Naveen, Harper, Ethan, the Governor, and her staff that night. She had become the best card Edenbrook had to secure important funds to keep the hospital afloat.
After dropping Harper home after the dinner, Eleanor couldn’t suppress the memories of the last time she was alone with him in that car. The night before he left. The night of their last kiss, of the last time they made love. The last time they consciously and voluntarily stared at each other as lovers.
She was in the exact same place where everything had ended and after two months it still hurt.
Eleanor turned to her left, wondering if Ethan might be thinking the same, but his face was serious, without traces of knitted brows or troubled eyes. The streetlights were framing his features in different shapes as the car moved down the streets. She fixated her eyes in his grown beard, which still felt a bit odd to her, but to some extent, it would be useful as a fresh start. He wasn’t the Ethan she knew and wanted. He was the Ethan that left for two months to start over and be the boss and colleague she needed.
Then she looked away, coming back into her senses. She clenched the silk material of her pine dress in her fists until her knuckles were white
“What. Are. You. Doing?” —She asked herself, pressing her fists into her knees harder at every word she said on her mind. 
The car stopped before the red traffic lights and she felt Ethan was turning to her, staring.
“Don’t look at him. Don’t.”—She ordered in her head, her composure tensing even more.
But after a few moments, she gives up.
Amber connects with the sky and the earth stopped spinning. She was so lost in him that didn’t notice he had brought his right hand to hers, taking it gently.
“We’ll be okay.”
His thumb caressed the knuckle of her middle finger, and that’s what it took to feel a shiver down her spine. He knew what she was thinking.  He was touching her. No. It wasn’t anything. It didn’t mean anything.
She had to look away, but if the first time had been hard, now it would be impossible while he was staring at her. She couldn’t just look away. She wasn’t that brave, at least for now.
From the corner of her eye, she perceived a change in the lights. Her way out.
“It’s… It’s green now”—She said in a tiny voice, his eyes desperate for a moment.
Ethan glanced back to the street, clearing his throat. The air returned to her lungs.
He drove the rest journey in complete silence and he barely looked at her when she got off the car outside her apartment.
“Thanks for the ride Ethan, see you tomorrow”
“Goodnight, Eleanor.”
She had made it again.
--
The next day, Ethan and Naveen were sharing their remarks about the dinner the night before when they spotted Eleanor, Bryce, and Sienna entering the hospital after their lunch break. Ethan tried to avoid looking at her, not wanting to expose his mixed feelings about her in front of Naveen, but the old had mastered at reading him after so many years.
“Rumors says Dr. Bloom has been doing good these past weeks”—Naveen said as he finds Ethan following her, reluctantly.
“Mmmh?”
“In the company of a surgical resident”
 “You mean with that scalpel jockey?”—He inquired, pointing out the resident who was walking beside Eleanor with a brief motion of his head.
“Yes, precisely”
“I doubt it. They are just friends. Besides, I don’t think she’d like someone like him.”
Naveen didn’t miss the bitterness in his last words.
“What do you mean? Just because he is a surgeon?”
“Yes.  He is arrogant and shallow.”
“Shallow? To me is quite interesting. I’ve heard plenty of praises from Harper. Very promising, bold, intelligent, and ahead of most of his fellow second-year residents, even some third-years.”
“Hmmm, well, the point is I don’t think Bloom would have that bad taste dating a jock like him.”
“Well, they have been seen pretty cozy. I, personally, have seen them while having lunch or going t-.”
“I’ve seen them too.”—Ethan interrupted—"You say cozy, I would say he’s a harasser who likes to touch women, that’s why he might have his hands all over Eleanor. I don’t know why she lets him.”
“Am I sensing jealousy in your tone, my friend?”
“Jealousy? For Christ’s sake Naveen. Why would I be jealous of a scalpel jockey? And there’s nothing between Eleanor and me to have the right to feel jealous.”
Naveen chuckled.
“Whatever you say, my friend. But to me, they make a nice couple, she looks very happy around him.”—The Chief commented with a smirk full of malice, waiting for his reaction.
“Of course she’s happy around him, he acts like a goddamn clown all the time.”
Ethan turned around and left with his head steaming with anger.
He didn’t believe Naveen’s words. He didn't want to believe his words. He was convinced that Bryce and Eleanor were just friends, or maybe they were having a fling as all resident do, but nothing more than that.
But he couldn’t ignore such information much longer and against all his self-control and dignity, he started paying attention to her interactions with the surgical resident. However, at first, he didn’t find anything extraordinary. They would have lunch with her roommates as usual, hang out at Donahue’s like always, and chat through the hallways of the hospital as all colleagues do. Maybe Bryce acted flirtily and a bit handsy with her, but it wasn’t different from what he has always been with her.
The idea of them having a fling made him feel a pit in his stomach, but at the same time, it relieved him that it was just that. She was sleeping with Lahela so she could to move on. And he couldn’t blame her. But a relationship? Love? With that jock? That was beyond his comprehension.
While he was observing him, Ethan wondered what Eleanor would see in him. He had listened, without no other option, that many residents, even nurses, found him very attractive— ‘hot” was the most used word in fact—, while other residents, mostly men, would say he was cocky and arrogant, but Ethan was sure that even when he agreed he had a cocky way to conduct himself all over the hospital—all over the world— he wasn’t arrogant without fundaments.
He indeed was an outstanding surgical resident, he had heard many praises from Harper the last few months, so he just knew his worth and how to use it, and Ethan couldn’t condemn him for that. And if he was honest about it, he also had to be honest about the fact that he was an outstanding doctor too. He was always kind and nice to patients, always on time to prep them for surgeries, and always had the time and patience to explain for the umpteenth time how would be the procedure to any patient or family who would ask to him. And that was actually an important trait. That said, Bryce Lahela wasn’t so despicable after all, but he was a scalpel jockey and probably was sleeping with Eleanor, and that was enough to Ethan to despise him.
A few days later, th attending was accompanying a patient before her heart valve replacement when Bryce came into the room to prepare her for the surgery.
“Good morning Mrs. Montero, how are you today?”—He greeted in a joyful voice and then he nodded to the attending—"Dr. Ramsey”
“Dr. Lahela”
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared.”
“You have nothing to be scared for.”—He assured—"Dr. Tanaka is the best doctor you could have to repair anything that involves your heart, so everything will be fine.”
“That means he could fix how broke my heart is after my husband passed away?”
Bryce stared at her with a sad smile.
“I’m afraid not. But with the new valve, you’ll get plenty of years to make new memories and adventures, so you’ll have enjoyed your time to the fullest before you left this earth to be with him."
“I like the sound of that.”
“I’m sure you do. And let me say you that you will have the best resident by his side too, so you'll be in the best hands Edenbrook can provide.—Bryce winked warmly at her.
Ethan suppressed a scoff at his words and stood up from his chair.
“I believe you, my boy.”
And then Bryce grinned. A broad smile with his nose wrinkled paralyzed Ethan in his tracks for a second.
The same grin Eleanor had done that night at Donahue’s and that he had found odd and new in Eleanor, but for some reason, it was familiar.
And it was familiar because he had seen it in Bryce Lahela many times when he prepared patients for surgery. That sincere and knowing smile.
“Dr. Ramsey, thank you so much for your company.”
“You’re welcome, Elena. You’ll be in good hands now. I’ll come to see you when you have your new valve, alright?”
“Alright.”
“Lahela”—He nodded before leaving the room with his head racing incessantly.
He had read a while ago that expressions are contagious between people, even at the moment they are displayed, as a show of empathy and to recognize other people’s feelings. He did know too that couples after some time would imitate their expressions and laughs. But it also could happen with friends, family, and whoever you share a place to live with.
Maybe it was normal and Eleanor not only had expressions from Bryce but also from Sienna, Jackie, and Elijah, as they would see each other  throughout the day and they shared an apartment. 
But there was another option that could explain the fact that Eleanor had acquired a smile from Bryce. But he was so in denial that he didn’t even want to put it into words.
That realization changed everything in Ethan. His focus was now on Eleanor. On study how different she was compared to the months before he left. And in their daily meetings or just in their encounters through hallways of the hospital, he found that she was again the same happy and sweet resident he had met last year, with a calm demeanor, her sunny smile, and firm disposition to help whoever needed it. But he also noticed that this 'start over' between them had been taken seriously by her. She was completely focused on the work and never talked about anything that wasn’t work-related with him, and he never found her looking for his eyes or his touch like she used to, but he could tell she used to grow anxious when she had to be alone with him in the office.
A few days later, Eleanor found Bryce, Rafael, and Ethan on their way to their morning gym session so she joined them in a heartbeat. When she got into the room with her workout clothes on, the three buddies were in the treadmill warming up. She went to the fourth machine and started to run beside Rafael.
“What made you want to workout with us this morning, Ellie?”—He asked
“I always try to find a moment to make any physical activity but I hadn’t had the chance these few last days so I’m taking the chance now. I want to stay healthy,”
“That's a very good reason. The body is a machine. When it goes without use, it rusts.”—Ethan conceded, at the other side of the room, in the first treadmill.
“Don’t think that’s medically accurate, Doc”—Bryce pointed out, running between Ethan and Rafael.
“I know surgeons don’t know how to read a book, but that’s called a ‘metaphor’”—Retorted Ethan. Even if there was a teasing smile on his face, the bitterness of his words was evident to everyone in the room.
“Geez, I’ll tell Jackie to send you an invitation to the hate group for scalpel jockeys, Ramsey. You would love it”—He said, not missing a bit, his confidence not even remotely shaken.
Ethan observed Eleanor, whose smile had fainted with disappointment. After a few seconds, as she observed Bryce was smiling as usual, she quickly shook it off and ignored the attending for the rest of the routine.
Ethan knew there was something there and just the fact that he might confirm the rumors made him angry. At himself and at Naveen. Why he had to tell him? It would have been so much better not to know what Eleanor was doing with her life. It was not his business and he had no right to snoop into her life like he had been doing these few weeks.
---
The unusual bitter comment the attending had said to Bryce, made Eleanor sense that maybe he was suspecting about her relationship with the surgical resident. The multiples times she caught him observing her in her lunchtime, at Donahue’s, and anywhere he would spot her with Bryce were making sense now.
Maybe there were rumors. Maybe Naveen had told him, he surely knew every gossip in the hospital—not just because he was the Chief, but because he liked hospital gossip—, and of course he would deliver this information to Ethan to wake him up. The old man had always been pretty honest about his support toward Ethan and her.  
Or maybe he just knew. He just figured it out because of her coldness towards him and because even if she and Bryce tried to keep it lowkey, there was always the chance that he could have caught them the times theye couldn’t help but holding hands or kissing when they were close.
Either way, she didn’t care.
At least not as much as she cared the day before he was back, but now she felt relieved that Ethan might have some clues of her situation. She still didn’t want to confirm it, she wanted to know if he was bold enough, if it affected him hard enough to approach her and ask her about her relationship status.
But she knew him. Ethan was never a man of facing emotions or tough conversations. He was a master at avoiding feelings and people and maybe he would wait for something or someone who would confirm the rumors. The problem was if he was emotionally prepared for that moment.
 ______
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shemakesmeforget · 3 years
Note
Fandom asks: 2, 12, 13 (I want some fic recs from you! )
hi! thanks for asking
okay anon, here’s the thing, i can’t choose so i made this list with my fave fics lmao IM SORRY but also im not. In no particular order and multi fandom af:
The truth about love by shushu_yaoi_lj (@llamapyjamas)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated e/44k/canonverse/smut - fluff - angst] 
Snow is about to go off, his magic is leaking out of him and I start to wonder if this was a mistake. I just wanted to tease him; I didn’t think he was going to get so mad over this. What the hell happened with Wellbelove?
“Snow, calm down or you’re going to go off.”
“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!” he shouts, “I want to know if you’re in love with her.”
Simon goes off and accidentally binds them together - 8th year Watford canon divergence.
Jealous by angelsfalling16 (@angelsfalling16)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated t/4k/canonverse/fluff - angst] 
After catching Simon making out with someone underneath the football stands, Baz plots a way to break them up while Simon comes to terms with his feelings for someone different.
Is that a gun in your pocket? by SHARKMARTINI (@sharkmartini)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated t/4k/mafia au/fluff]
Business is never personal for Baz. Unfortunately for him, Simon Snow falls somewhere in between the two.
Is this real? by wematch (@wematch)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated t/3k/fake dating/fluff]
Simon gets the surprise of his life when his roommate, Baz, asks him to pretend to be his boyfriend. Everything is going according to plan until the line of what’s real and what isn’t starts to blur, and they both have to make a decision.
Summertime by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire (@sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated e/168k - wip/canonverse/humor - smut]
Baz’s hand is moving under his pants and I keep panting for some reason. (Probably in anticipation of finally uncovering all his plots.)
Why hasn’t he taken off his pants? Wouldn’t it have been easier for him, more to see? I mean fewer movements, less restrictions for him because I definitely don’t want to see more. What I’m trying to say is that it makes sense to take the pants off while wanking. It’s just common sense. It’s for his benefit, not mine. I don’t even want to watch. Oh, Merlin, Baz is arching his back, his stomach is flexing and I can’t look away. He’s so fucking fit and apparently very sensual too. Unfortunately, I can’t see his face clearly from over here.
Starts summer before Watford 8th year. One month into the summer break, Simon decides it's time to uncover all of Baz’s plots. Luckily for Simon, there is a nice tall tree outside of Baz's bedroom window in Hampshire. What is Baz doing during his summer break exactly?
Fuck the Wavering Wood by aralias (@captain-aralias)
[carry on/snowbaz/rated e/20k/canonverse/smut]
The Humdrum never sends the same thing twice. This time, he sends sex pollen.
Footprints by the Lethe by lily_winterwood (@omgkatsudonplease​)
[yuri on ice/viktuuri/rated t/6k/canonverse/angst]  
Yuuri’s video of him skating ‘Stay Close to Me’ goes viral, and in that moment Viktor’s life flashes before him. The story is simple: he goes to Japan, he becomes Yuuri’s coach, he wins Yuuri’s respect and love. Then blah, blah, something something gold medal in the GPF, a wedding, and happily ever after. It’s perfect.
Until it isn’t.
(A 50 First Dates-inspired AU)
Kiss Me Through the Phone by phichithamsters
[yuri on ice/seungchuchu/rated e/2k/canonverse/smut]  
“But Seung Gil,” Phichit says, his voice a teasing lilt, “You’re always so expressive for me.”
It takes him a moment, but once Seung Gil realizes what Phichit is insinuating, his eyes go wide and he scrambles for his phone, turning off speakerphone as quickly as he can.
“Phichit, I’m in the locker room—“
“Then again,” Phichit continues, ignoring him, “I don’t want anyone else to see the faces you make when we’re alone.”
--
Seung Gil has come to expect Phichit's nightly calls, but this time, Phichit wants something different.
Fantasy by heyitshex
[yuri on ice/yuuchrisvik/rated m/488 words/canonverse/angst]  
During his free skate at the Grand Prix Final, Christophe reflects on his feelings for Victor Nikiforov, Yuuri Katsuki, and what could have been.
cry me a river by PeppyBismilk
[yuri on ice/seungchuchu/rated e/3k/canonverse/smut]     
All the other skaters have something Seung-gil lacks (or maybe it’s the other way around). It probably doesn’t give them an edge, but after a crappy night, what does Seung-gil have to lose by, well, losing it?
Lost in Translation by rageprufrock
[haikyuu/iwaoi/rated t/9k/canonverse/angst - fluff - humor]  
Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women's volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.
CREAM by kitcassiachan
[haikyuu/atsuhina/rated e/4k/smut - humor]     
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yup... That’s him. You’re probably wondering how a straight man like Atsumu ended up in this situation...
let me alone bask in your warmth by hqkrys
[haikyuu/kagehina/rated e/16k/canonverse/smut - angst]    
"With milliseconds to react, Tobio leaped in front of the spiked ball, his form and his mind completely thrown off by being on the receiving end of his and Hinata’s quick for the first time.
Tobio had never been in a relationship—not for lack of offers, there had just been no room in his life for a significant other considering how much of it revolved around volleyball—but Tobio was certain this was what being cheated on felt like."
~
Or, Tobio is a little jealous of Hinata and Atsumu's relationship, leading to a revelation of his feelings for the spiker.
wish you were sober by prologhe
[banana fish/shoreiji/rated t/7k/angst]    
“You look beautiful,” it came after a moment of silence. Eiji chuckled again, still not looking at Shorter.
He knew, deep down, he had dressed up and tried to look pretty just a bit, just enough for things to be different, for Shorter to maybe spare him a glance before alcohol made him do it. But Eiji wouldn’t admit it in a million years, and it hadn’t worked anyways — Shorter was drunk and staring at him with those vulnerable eyes that Eiji knew were reserved just to him, so instead, he rolled his eyes and said, “Is this you or the alcohol speaking?”
Eiji wished Shorter was sober.
12. longest fic you read this year
Summertime! (see above)
13. shortest fic you read this year
draw me like one of your exes by Adamarks (@adamarks)
[carry on/simpard/rated g/193 words/humor]    
It’s hard, sometimes, to get over a past love. Luckily Simon has Shepard.
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wetheformidables · 3 years
Text
top 5 WIPs from 2020
Thank you so much for tagging me @phoxphyre, @caitybuglove23 and @foolofabookwyrm! 
So...I have ✨ yet ✨to make my fic debut in the fandom, but I have been working feverishly in the last weeks to change that!  Being part of such a kind, loving and supportive community has been all the inspiration and encouragement I could ask for 🥰
Couldn’t resist posting because 1) I’m a little tease and 2) I need you all to bully me into finishing these p l e a s e , so here are lines just kidding these are more than lines from five of the WIPs I’m most excited about, among countless others, god, truly a disgusting number of ideas languishing together in a google doc. Writing these odd bits and ends and shaping them into proper drafts has made me feel diabolical all this month and so here’s to seeing them properly out in the world in 2021! 😇
the how-the-turns-have-tabled-Simon-is-plotting fic
“Bunce,” he says, and as much as I hate to indulge Simon in anything regarding Basilton Pitch, I must admit he does have that classic vampire look.  Only, now it’s less Dracula and more Nosferatu with those bags under his eyes and a pinched sort of look that reminds me of the shriveled rat Simon once showed me. (He put it in a sandwich bag and waved it about shouting, “Evidence!”)(We were banned from the library for a week.)  
I feel a sudden stab of pity for Basil.  
“I don’t know what Snow is about,” he says, “but you need to help me put an end to his plotting.” I would laugh at the way he stage whispers plotting if I didn’t know what Simon has planned. 
the soft oh-my-god-there-was-no-truce-and-we-meet-again-after-watford fic
It’s a startling realization to find that for all my not-thinking, I have thought of his skin against mine, that this want was somewhere tender and sleeping, because my whole body is awake with it now, thrumming and prickling, the closest thing I’ve felt to magic since losing mine. I can almost smell it, and I wonder how long I have imagined that magic smells like cedar and bergamot.
the mordelia-is-a-menace-and-says-entirely-too-much fic 
The twins are too young to reveal any of Baz’s embarrassing secrets, and the baby only stares sluggishly at me, which is probably why when Mordelia asks if the Chosen One can sit by her at dinner, I look hopefully at Mrs. Grimm and try not to meet Baz’s eyes.
the final-battle-enemies-with-benefits fic 😈
He has never been this eloquent in his life. Aleister Crowley, this is how it ends. With Snow speaking words without magic, that carry an incantation that will set me alight all the same. I want to blame the unsteadiness I feel on the excursion of the fight, yet another fight. There is always another fight. The last night we spent in Mummers House was something like fighting too, but closer perhaps to what we have been spoiling for since we were fifteen.  
I have dreamt of that darkness, that heat, that room these five years, have dreamt of his hands on me, have dreamt of everything he is daring to put into words here and now. When he speaks again, I think I might have been wrong about there being no magic in the words, because I’m rooted to the spot. 
the little-wraith-that-wasn’t fic 
or the real wraiths were the friendships we made along the way
The whole village calls me Stew, because my mum always used to say I was thicker than stew. Which explains how I have gotten myself into this caper, creeping along the back gardens of the Pitch estate—which everybody knows is haunted—and climbing a trellis. I don’t know why I still hang out with the lads who dared me to do it. They know I’m afraid of heights. 
“Don’t look down,” I tell myself, finding a foothold in the wooden lattice.  
God, we’re down to the wire and I imagine everyone has beat me to tagging you for your Top 5s, so consider this not so much a summons if they have, but rather a thank you for making me feel so welcome in the server and this little corner of tumblr 💕 but also because I think you are rad, here’s to another year of chaos! @snowverylost, @otherworldsivelivedin, @snowybank, @unseelieseelie, @banjjakbanjjak, @amphipodgirl, @annabellelux, @nick-eyre (hi 🥺) and honestly everybody damn, you are all so cool, thank you for being you 🥰
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palimpsessed · 3 years
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So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!
If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰
List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k
Total: 4 fics, 113k words
Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.
Best/Worst Title?
Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.
Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself
(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)
Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV
Best/worst summary?
Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.
Best:
To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.
Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away
Worst: A Man of Letters
I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.
Best/Worst First Line?
Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?
Best:
In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)
I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)
Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔
Worst:
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)
I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂
Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)
The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!
Best/Worst Last Line?
Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.
Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.
Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.
Worst:
To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."
It's not bad, it's just not mine.
Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?
I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).
I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?
I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.
What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?
A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.
Okay, NOW your most popular story?
That depends on the metric.
To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).
But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.
Story most upderappreciated by the universe?
I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.
Story that could have been better?
I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.
Sexiest story?
Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.
Saddest story?
At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.
Most fun?
To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.
Story with the single sweetest moment?
Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.
Hardest story to write?
Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.
Easiest/most fun story to write?
A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂
Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?
I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.
Most overdue story?
I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!
What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?
Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)
What are your fic writing goals for next year?
Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.
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Text
Now You Know
Pairing: Ethan x F!MC (Isabelle Rosenberg)
Book: Open Heart
Summary: Isabelle remembers a romantic moment shared with Ethan a few days earlier, and makes the decision to confess her feelings for him.
Author’s Note: Inspiration struck very late, and this was the result. I’m sorry for any potential typos, editing in the early morning is not a good idea. As always, thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read, like, comment, and/or reblog! You guys are the reason I continue to write, and words could never do my appreciation for you justice.
Tag: @aylamreads
Warnings: None really; slightly suggestive
Word Count: 1,610
----------
Six months had passed since Isabelle and Ethan had addressed their feelings for each other. For the most part, the two were able to keep things professional. Until one small moment of weakness.
Then, it was game over.
Isabelle sat on the train, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to think of what to say. Words seemed impossible to convey her emotions. How could she ever tell Ethan that she loved him without sounding insane?
“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
She glanced up at an elderly woman, and shook her head, picking her bag up and placing it in her lap. The woman took a seat beside her and they lapsed back into silence.
There was no way that Ethan would feel the same. He might drop hints, do whatever she asked, find any excuse to spend time with her…but that meant nothing.
At least, for six months it had meant nothing.
“Ethan, do you think you could look over some files for me?”
He looked up from his computer, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose. “Sure. What’s the problem?”
Isabelle started to explain, but she found herself distracted by his closeness. She took a shaky breath, aware that the way she stared at his lips was hardly professional.
“Rookie?” Ethan’s eyes widened a bit, and his face flushed pink. “Sorry. Dr. Rosenberg. Are you okay?”
It would be so easy to kiss him. “You know, you can still call me Rookie.” Her lips twitched when his eyes met hers. “I’ve grown rather fond of the nickname.”
He shook his head, clearing his throat as he focused back on the files. “Anyway, I think that you should run a test for—”
None of his advice registered in her brain. Isabelle was too busy staring, remembering what it felt like to have those lips on hers. She thought of the night in Ethan’s apartment, and how no one else had ever made her feel the way he had.
His lips against her skin, the way he’d gripped her hips as they moved in sync, the sound of—
“Isabelle, are you even paying attention?”
Screw it. She leaned forward, hesitating for just a second before kissing him. Ethan jerked forward, banging his forehead against hers. Wincing, she started to pull back, but he grabbed her face and brought her lips back to his.
Butterflies swirled in her stomach, and Isabelle held onto Ethan as if he was her life force. Every moment without his touch had been worth it for this kiss. She had always been the type of woman who knew what she wanted.
And she wanted Ethan Ramsey. Unapologetically, uncontrollably, undeniably.
Before things could escalate, just as he pulled back to kiss her neck, there was a knock at the office door.
The two of them sprung apart, and Ethan cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses. “Come in.”
Baz peered inside, grinning when he saw Isabelle. “Ah, Dr. Rosenberg. Fancy meeting you here. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
At the question, Ethan’s face turned an even darker shade of pink. “We were just looking over some patient files. How can I help you?” He looked over at Isabelle, who was sitting several feet away now. “Is it alright with you if we discuss this at another time?”
“Sure.” She could feel heat spreading across her own face, mumbling goodbye to Baz before grabbing the files and hurrying from the room.
A laugh slipped past her lips as Isabelle stood from her seat to get off at her stop. Baz knew about them, she had no doubts about that. The same went for June. In fact, the chances of most of the hospital staff having some sort of awareness about their short fling were high.
“What’s the smile for? Thinking about me?” Bryce sidled up to her, giving her a playful nudge in the ribs. He winked when their eyes met.
Isabelle laughed and shook her head. “Unfortunately for you, I’m not.”
“Aw.” He gave her a fake pout, and she rolled her eyes. “So, who is making you grin like that? Someone I know?”
There was no way someone hadn’t told him about the morning she’d been caught trying to sneak Ethan out of the apartment. If there was one person that Isabelle knew without a doubt was aware of her past with Ethan, it was Bryce.
“Maybe,” she said, humming to herself as the two of them walked into the hospital. “See you later?”
Bryce nodded, his attention on the other surgeons gathered at the end of the hall. “Definitely. See ya, Iz.”
“See ya.” She waved at him before making her way to the locker room.
Eventually, the initial excitement wore off, replaced with a sense of dread. What if Ethan rejected her again? Or, even worse, what if he laughed at her confession? It seemed extremely likely that he would react that way. They hadn’t been together in nearly a year.
The fear haunted her for the rest of the day. When the time came for her to go to his office and lay her feelings bare, Isabelle had to force herself to walk in the right direction. Every muscle, every instinct, screamed for her to run away.
“Yes?” Ethan’s voice was muffled when she knocked on the door.
Isabelle opened her mouth to answer, but the door swung open before she could get a word out. For a moment, the two of them stood facing each other, locked in a strange wordless exchange.
This was it. She had promised herself to come clean, consequences be damned. It was time to tell the truth, even if it left her feeling empty, scared, alone.
“Can I talk to you?” Somehow, she managed to keep some strength in her voice.
Ethan watched her a moment, nodding as he stepped aside. “Of course.”
When Isabelle turned around to face him again, she noticed the tension in his shoulders. He stood near the door, pausing for several seconds before he shut it. A clock ticked somewhere on the wall while they looked at each other.
Finally, Isabelle risked a step closer. “I think we need to talk about—well, about us.”
“There is no us.” Ethan responded immediately, though his face betrayed his words. “There can’t be, Isabelle. We’ve had this discussion several times already.”
She shook her head, taking another step closer. “Fine. I just came here to say something.” Fear began to claw at her, but she shoved it back in its cage. “I—”
Ethan shook his head, the pleas reflected in his eyes when he looked down at her.
Isabelle carried on. “I’ve been thinking about the kiss for the past three days. And it made me realize something.” This was it. This was the moment when six months of keeping a distance would crumble. “I love you, Ethan.”
He exhaled loudly, his hand trembling slightly when he started to reach out for her. But before he could touch her, Ethan pulled back, standing up straight as his eyes darted around the room.
“And I know that you probably don’t feel the same, but—”
“What makes you think I don’t feel the same?” He seemed to snap out of his trance, looking up at her again.
Isabelle frowned. “You’re always saying that we can’t be together. I assume that means the feelings aren’t mutual.”
Ethan laughed, taking a step closer to her. “Is that really what you think? That I don’t have feelings for you?”
Now, she felt annoyed. Isabelle glared, realizing that he hadn’t responded to her saying she loved him. She took a step closer to him. There was now less than a few feet separating them. “Well, what am I supposed to think? You keep pushing me away.”
“Isabelle—”
“Just give me an answer, Ethan! I’m tired of running around in circles with you. Do you care about me at all, or is this just some kind of game to you?”
Ethan sighed, staring into her eyes. Her frustration with him only increased. Isabelle tried her best not to groan, opening her mouth to take her annoyance out on him further, when he grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss.
Immediately, she relaxed, committing this moment to memory. Just in case.
They kissed with urgency, six months of holding back bursting in one swift movement. Isabelle ran her fingers along Ethan’s jaw, savoring the feel of his stubble underneath her fingertips. He gripped her by the waist, fingers digging into her sides as he kissed her repeatedly.
“Damn it, Isabelle,” Ethan groaned against her lips, but he didn’t stop.
Her hip bumped the corner of his desk when they backed up, but it didn’t bother her. For too long, Isabelle had been dreaming of a moment like this. Even if it was just for a few minutes, Ethan Ramsey was all hers once more.
All she could think of was his lips against hers, memories of nights spent entangled flashing in her mind. She wanted him. She needed this.
“I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long.” It surprised her to hear Ethan say those words, his hands fumbling with her lab coat.
Isabelle helped him slip it off, her heart pounding when Ethan lifted her onto his desk.
Any second now, someone could walk in on them and shatter the illusion. They would have a lot of explaining to do if they got caught. Still, she didn’t care. Now that Ethan knew how she felt, there was no turning back.
All she could do was hope that there would be a happy ending.
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Carry On Countdown - Day 22
Wow, watch me use the @carryon-countdown to plug my skating fic lmao
I don’t know if this counts, since Angelina is an OC and actually, Baz would totally make friends with/practically adopt a 17yo Russian girl, so I don’t know how unlikely it is, but it’s here. And also, I just really want to share more of On thin ice content, but the fic itself isn’t ready to be published yet so have this instead. 
For context, Baz used to train in Russia aged 16-20, and now both him and Simon train in Montreal (no, idk why I chose Montreal out of all places but that’s how it is.) Also I think Gelya is the Russian diminutive/nickname used for the name Angelina, but I’m not sure. The fic is still in the works, so this scene is bound to change/expand (I did omit it a bit when writing because spoilers) but anyway, I’ll stop rambling now. 
Prompt: Unlikely friends Word count: 1950 Rating: This scene is G, although the whole fic will be T or M 
SIMON
The ride from the airport to the hotel is awful. Baz must’ve suspected this, because he made me sit in the front.
“Go on,” he said teasingly. “The only skater who has motion sickness.”
I have to say, sitting in the front almost didn’t make a difference. I may not know how to drive, but even I know you’re not supposed to drive like that. When the cab drops us off in front of the hotel, I don’t even bother hiding my relief. Baz laughs.
“I never want to experience this again,” I say, knowing full well that this is my life for the next week. The hotel might be close to the venue, but it’s still far enough for it to be a driving distance. I can only hope buses are less deadly than cabs.
“You know, Moscow traffic is actually tame compared to the rest of Russia,” Baz smirks, handing me my bags.
“Well then I never want to see the rest of Russia,” I mutter, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder and stepping through the automated hotel doors. Baz scoffs and follows me.
This hotel is fancy – much fancier than the hotels we usually stay at. Baz doesn’t seem phased by it at all, the posh bastard. I bet the hotels he stays at when he’s on vacation are at least twice as posh.
He does, however, seem phased when someone yells “Basil!” across the lobby. Before either of us can register what’s going on, a small figure in a red jacket runs towards us at full speed and crashes into Baz, making him emit a surprised oof sound.
The moment I realize the figure is actually Angelina Nuriyeva is the moment she starts speaking in fast Russian. I don’t understand a thing, but Baz seems to, because he laughs and hugs her back.
I knew Baz and Angelina were friends, but I didn’t think they were this close. I mean, they’re the exact polar opposites; Angelina is an actual sunshine (she’s always hugging and smiling at everyone) and Baz is… Baz. (He’s a big softie, I know that, but he goes through great efforts to appear cold and closed off.)
But here he is, ruffling Angelina’s hair and telling her something in Russian. (I’m suddenly met with the realisation that being in Moscow means I’ll get to hear a lot more of Baz’s Russian. I am very much not complaining at this prospect, even if I don’t understand a thing of what they’re saying.)
Angelina is nodding along and she pulls out her phone to show him something, but that’s when Baz stops her, suddenly speaking in English.
“Wait, I think in the interest of Snow, we should switch to English. He already looks lost enough as it is,” he says.
“No, no, I’m fine, by all means…” I start, but I’m soon cut off by Angelina.
“Yes, of course! I’m sorry, Simon! Come here, it’s so good to see you,” she says and hugs me. (This is what I mean when I say Angelina is a sunshine.)
“Good to see you too,” I nod.
“I was just about to show Basil how his houseplants are doing. Do you want to see too?” she asks.
“Houseplants?” I don’t bother hiding the surprise in my voice. Since when does Baz like houseplants? His flat in Montreal doesn’t have any, spare the tiny cactus on the windowsill.
“I had a lot of houseplants when I still lived here, but I couldn’t take them with me on the plane when I moved, so Gelya took them in her care,” he explains, as if he’s reading my mind.
“Georgy is doing amazing but Ilya went a bit floppy. I changed his earth so now I’m hoping he gets better,” Angelina says, showing Baz a picture of two houseplants, side by side, one of them (Ilya?) looking slightly wilted.
“When it goes floppy, we say it wilts, and we don’t say earth, we say soil,” Baz corrects her. If I was Angelina, I’d probably be annoyed right now, but she just smiles at him.
“Thank you. It’s so much harder to learn English now that there’s no one here to practice with me,” she sighs.
“You know you can call me any time and we can practice,” Baz offers.
“Wait, wait, wait,” I stop them both. There is so much new information I have to process. “You had houseplants? And you named them Russian names? And you taught her English?” (That would actually explain why Angelina’s English is so good.)
“Yes, Snow, are you keeping up?”
“And when he gave them up, he wrote me a whole notebook on how to take care of them,” Angelina chimes in. “And another notebook with English grammar.”
Maybe I do have trouble keeping up. Who is this Baz? (And why is he so attractive?)
“I never thought of you as a houseplant kind of bloke,” I shrug. “You don’t have any houseplants in Montreal.”
“I’m still mourning the loss of my old children.” Baz deadpans before turning back to Angelina. “Show me Alyosha. He was always my favourite.”
-
BAZ
Unsurprisingly, the jet-lag catches up with me right when it’s time to go to bed. I don’t know why I was naïve enough to believe I won’t need melatonin when dealing with an eight-hour time difference. I better take it now, before it’s too late.
I sigh and throw the covers back before picking up my phone to check the time. However, a text message notification from Snow grabs my attention before I can do that.
Is he nervous again? It would make sense, since this is a big competition for him. Would I be able to sneak into his room and sneak out the next morning unnoticed? I doubt that. There are only athletes staying on our floor, the coaches, press and competition staff are all on different floors, and I doubt the athletes would pay us much attention, but it’s still risky.
I’d much rather risk a few weird looks than have Simon spiral into panic two days before a major competition, though. I decide I’ll go to his room if that’s what he needs.
Maybe I should check why he’s even texting me before I devise any plans.
SS: do u have melatonine? SS: jet lag
I sigh in relief. He’s not having a mental breakdown. He’s just jet-lagged. (Which is a bit strange for Snow, but I suppose even his circadian rhythm can take a blow from time to time.)
BP: It’s spelled melatonin and yes, I have it. You can come get it if you still need it BP: Room 254
SS: yes ik where u r SS: I’ll b right over
I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for Snow to knock on my door. He’s staying a few corridors down, in room 273, so it takes him a few minutes. I jump up when I hear his knock.
He’s standing in front of my door, wearing joggers, a hoodie and those damned glasses of his again. His hair is messed up, like he’s been tossing and turning too.
“I thought you didn’t get jet-lagged,” I say, stepping aside to let him in. He settles on the edge my bed while I rummage my luggage for melatonin supplements.
“I don’t get sleep jet-lagged, but I do get food jet-lagged,” he says.
“What does that even mean, Snow?”
“It means it’s lunchtime in Canada right now and I’m so hungry I can’t sleep.”
I bite back a laugh. He’s an idiot. (An adorable one but an idiot nonetheless.) “You don’t need melatonin, Snow, you need this,” I say, throwing a granola bar at him. He startles, but manages to catch it.
“You’re just giving this to me?” he asks, audibly surprised. (Which is ridiculous. He gives me food all the time and here he is, questioning my generosity over a fucking granola bar.)
“No, Snow, pay up. Fifty rubbles.”
“I don’t have any Russian money,” he laughs, tearing the wrapping open. He’s going to get crumbs all over my bed, but I don’t shoo him away. Instead, I finally find the melatonin supplements and take one with some water. “Do you still want one?” I ask.
“Do you have any more granola bars?”
I laugh and pass him another one before sitting down next to him on the bed.
“Are you nervous?” I ask, just to make sure he’s really okay.
“Right now? I’m just hungry,” he says, tearing open the second granola bar.
“Right,” I nod.
“Baz. Are you doing that thing where you’re worrying about me again?”
“A bit,” I admit.
“Stop,” he says like I can just turn it off like a tap. (I wish I could.) We sit in silence for a while, me thinking about how much easier my life would be if I just stopped worrying about Simon Snow and him chewing through his granola bar. “I didn’t know you and Angelina were such good friends,” he finally says.
“We trained together for four years,” I shrug, but it’s not just that. The training environment in Russia was intense. It’s a bloodbath to even get on the national team there, so of course it’s intense, but I think every other skater the rink was looking at me sideways because I was an outlier. I wasn’t Russian, I didn’t speak Russian and I think they felt like I didn’t belong there. (I know now that I really didn’t.) They eventually accepted me and by the time I left Russia, even the ones who refused to speak during my first year there were sad to see me go.
But Gelya was nice to me from the start. She was only thirteen at the time and didn’t speak any English, but she clapped for me when I did something well and cheered me on when I was having a bad day. (Thanks to her, davai was one of the first Russian words I learned.) She brought me homemade pyraniki on special occasions and when I got injured and had to go back to England to have surgery, she sent me get well soon cards all the way from Russia and she made the entire rink sign them.
That’s just who she is. She’s this nice to everyone and it didn’t matter to her if I was Russian or English, I was just another person at her rink who she could bring biscuits to. Over the four years that I’ve lived there, she became like a little sister to me.
“Baz?” Snow’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. “You seem tired. I’m going to go.”
I have half a mind not to ask him to stay here. (We both know we can’t do that.) “Okay,” I say instead. He stands up and throws the granola wrappers in the bin. I stand up too, to walk him to the door (I have manners), but he waves at me to sit back down.
“It’s fine,” he says.
“Will you be able to sleep?”
“If my hunger doesn’t get to me again, yes,” he laughs. He’s already by the door.
“Wait.” I stand up and grab the last granola bar from my bag, offering it to him. “Just in case,” I explain. I want him to stay here, to make sure he sleeps well and doesn’t spend the night worrying about the competition, but I can’t do that, so this is the least I can do.
“Thanks,” he smiles, tucking it in his pocket. Then he hugs me briefly and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Sleep well.”
“You too.”
And he’s out the door.
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xavi-in-kpopland · 4 years
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Echoes of Darkness Ch. 3 Pt. 1
Pairing: Jackson Wang x Male Reader x Mark Tuan
Genre: Gothic Horror, Romance, Comedy
Warning: Mild Pillow violence, implied vomit
Author’s note: No bad hard-headed ungrateful brats were harmed in the making of this chapter. No matter how much of a whoopin’ they deserve. The reader and Rachel are written to be black.
Chapter 3: A Night in Collinwood
    I am (Y/N) (L/N). My arrival at Collinwood was met with the love and warmth of reuniting with my best friend but now I am left with a strong urge to leave this house, it’s occupants, and the town because the threat of death feels imminent.
(Y/N)
    “That’s a lot to take in, (N/N),” Rachel said. She and the guys were sitting around me in a circle on my bed with Rachel sitting in between Jackson and Mark. I simply took a bite on my fourth apple from the basket of fruit Mrs. Wu had brought up to me. Even though I had lied to Ms. Wu, I claimed I have hypoglycemia. I felt very ravenous and had already eaten three apples and orange while talking with her about my duties regarding the children. After she left I continued to tell the others of my premonition which brought us to this point.
“Try being the person that experienced all of that,” I said feeling much better after having eaten and told them what happened to me.  “I can’t explain it any more than I have but I will say this I am not going to that hill alone ever.”
“That’s understandable and trust me we aren’t going to let you go,” said Jackson with a very serious look on his face. I smiled at him.
“Thank you and as much I don’t need or want three knights in shining armor I do like the idea of safety in numbers. Mind you that is part of the reason why I wanted to tell you guys all of this,” I admitted.
“What’s the other reason,” asked Mark. Like Jackson, he had a serious expression on his face. The three of them had the same serious expression ever since I began telling them about my vision. I couldn’t really tell if they believed me or not, but if what Jackson said was any indication then it means he may believe me. 
“I don’t trust people. In fact, that is probably my biggest issue. It takes a long time for anyone to gain my trust, something that Rachel could tell you all about that. Rachel and I have known each other since we were twelve and she has become someone who I trust with my life. Now ever since I stepped off the train this afternoon and met the two of you, I’ve felt like I’ve known the two of you for years and I feel that I can trust. More than that I want to trust you two and I believe you deserve my trust. More importantly, J.Y. Park-Collins and the children are Jackson’s family members and I would like to know more so I can prepare myself accordingly,” I explained. Mark appeared to be a bit flushed by my explanation. Jackson seemed to turn pink also and had a wide Cheshire cat grin on his face. Rachel started fanning herself as if she was crying.
“I feel so honored and accept the position of your secret keeper,” said Rachel.  
“This isn’t a secret, to be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what this is,” I said
“You said earlier you thought it was a premonition. I was skeptical at first but the way you described Jackson’s uncle changed my mind,” said Mark.
“Wait, really!? Does he really refer to himself as ‘the Asiansoul’?” I asked.
“Unfortunately yes he does, thank God the kids are nothing like him,” said Rachel. Jackson nodded in agreement
“Well, if it is a premonition then I am sure that all four of us going there together can change it. So what are we waiting for? Let’s go,” I said confidently. I got up and grabbed my trench coat, but I stopped and thought about it. 
‘I wore this in my vision, maybe I should wear something different. I need to make sure it doesn’t come true,’ I thought. I went to the wardrobe, hung up the trench coat, and took out the green jacket that matched my slacks. I then remembered something else in the vision, so I pulled my turtleneck out some and reached down to pull out the sapphire pendant that I had been wearing the entire time. I looked up at everyone when I had finished straightening up my clothes. Both Mark and Jackson had been staring at me with a great deal of interest while Rachel had been checking herself out in the mirror. She turned gave me an approving look and then looked at the boys 
“Looks like (N/N) and I are ready, what about two?” She said adding a playful tone to her usual soft voice. Jackson quickly snapped out of it and got up while swiftly grabbing Rachel’s jacket. He helped her put it on while Mark and I went on ahead to the door of my room. Mark placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me once I touched the doorknob. I turned to look up at him with his hand still on my shoulder.
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” He asked. He had a genuine look of concern on his face that broke my heart. I placed my own hand on top of his and gave him the most reassuring smile I could muster. 
“I’m positive,” I said. He returned the smile and it felt like time had stopped for the two of us. It was like we were the only people in the room. I heard Jackson clear his voice. Mark and I snapped out of that moment and I quickly spitted out a sorry to Rachel and Jackson. I felt so flustered and embarrassed by the whole moment that I quickly opened the door and walked out of the room.
Rachel
Once Jackson helped me into my jacket I heard Mark asked (Y/N) if he was sure about going to the hill. There was a lot of concern in his voice which I had never heard coming out of Mark. I looked up and saw (N/N) place his hand on Mark’s which was on (N/N)’s shoulder. He smiled up at him and reassured him. Then I saw something that warmed my heart. (N/N)’s look changed and it was such a warm and loving look that Mark seemed to reciprocate the look. I realized they were having a first sight moment when it feels like you are the only two people in the room. Jackson had noticed too and gave a frustrated cough like he was clearing his throat. (N/N) noticed it and a look of utter embarrassment. He mumbled out a rushed apology and quickly ran out the door. Mark turned to Jackson with annoyance written all over his face. He turned and ran after (Y/N) calling out to him. I pushed Jackson hard when (Y/N) left the room with Mark rushing behind him. Jackson turned to me looking innocent and shocked by the shove. I wasn’t having any of it and gave him a look that showed.
“What? Why are you giving me that look?” He said.
“Don’t play innocent with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Those two had a moment and you spoiled it. Why would you do that?” I exploded, “you’re acting like you’re jealous or something. Wait, are you jealous?”.
“N-no of course not why would I be jealous. I mean I only just met Baz and sure he’s handsome and kind and he can really pull off that outfit and... and,” 
“Jackson, sweetie, darling, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!” I yelled. I reached over and grabbed one of (N/N)’s pillows and started hitting Jackson with it.
“Hey, Rach stop!” he cried out. I just kept hitting him with the pillow relentlessly. 
“How dare you have a crush on my best friend who you only just met two or three hours ago and not have a thing for me and I have been here for three months,” I vented out. Finally, I dropped the pillow back on the bed and sat down on it huffing and puffing from exerting myself. 
“Are you calm now?” asked Jackson timidly. I glared at him as I tried to catch my breath. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly with my eyes closed. When I opened them again I was ready to talk.
“I wish I had figured out you were interested in guys. It would have saved me the last three months pining for you,” I said, trying my best not to sound defeated. 
“Actually this is kind of a first for me. I mean, I am attracted to women and I have found some guys attractive too. I’ve never dated any guys, just women. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you liked me. I mean you didn’t show any interest before I left,” Jackson admitted while sitting next to me on the bed. I felt my eyes widening and my mouth drop.
“Seriously, I mean I tried to be subtle. I guess I was too subtle. I guess I was also holding back seeing as you’re my boss’s nephew,” I said.
“I considered that and I would like to take out on a date but I do want to explore my feelings for (Y/N),” explained Jackson.
“I can work with that but I have to warn you (N/N) is very oblivious to romance and won’t know if you’re flirting with him at all. Actually, he probably will dismiss that moment he had with Mark,” I said.
“So in other words this is going to be difficult,” said Jackson.
“Especially since he’ll be working here his mind will be completely preoccupied with the kids and painting during his free time,” said Rachel. Suddenly a girl with purple hair popped her head into the room.
“Sorry to break up this make-out session but Mark and (N/N) have left for Stannis Hill,” said Jamie Wu. I looked at her about to correct her when the final part of her sentence hit me.
“THEY DID WHAT!!!!”
Rachel continued
Jackson and I raced out to the landing and down the stairs when the smell of sawdust hit us like a brick wall. I looked over to the source of the smell and saw Carlotta sprinkling a bag of sawdust on what looked like vomit. 
“I’ll tell you later, you guys go I need to check on Lisa,” said Jamie. I took her word for it and quickly left the house before Carlotta could say anything to me. Jackson and I quickly walked up the path to hill until I stopped when I heard a rustling in the woods. Jackson was a couple of steps ahead but he noticed I wasn’t following him. 
“Rachel? What is it?” he asked. I shushed him listening out for anymore rustling. Suddenly I heard a twig snap from behind. I quickly turned and lunged out. I crashed into a mass of limbs squealing and crying out.
“Get off of me you fat oaf,” cried out a voice in Korean. I struggled and rolled around with the mass until I was able to get free and hold the two young girls down. I knew those two faces immediately. It was Yuna and Lia Collins with a package in Lia’s clutches. 
“What are two doing out here? It’s almost dark out here,” I said to the two heathens. 
“It’s none of your business,” responded Lia, the younger sister.
“Oh shut up, Lia, we got a few snacks for our new classroom pet,” said Yuna, the taller and oldest of the three kids.
“What classroom pet?” I asked.
“The one he has in the box,” said Jackson holding Jeung In the only boy by the back of his collar. Jeung was holding what I could make out to be a brown box with small air holes in it.
“You know what, no more questions. You three are coming with us,” I let go of Yuna since I trusted her to stay put and managed to get up off the ground with Lia in tow. We finally made it to the top of the hill when we saw J.Y.P. Collins asked for some form of  clarification from (Y/N) in a manic manner that made Mark step in between them. Then Jackson stepped up with Jeung In still firmly in his grip and made our presence known.
Taglist: @taemin-jaemin
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