#you have to admit that both of their acting in this scene was phenomenal whether you agree with this post or not

[castielinpastel]

“you’re pretending like everything’s okay, like we didn’t kill barb? like it’s great, like we’re in love and we’re partying. yeah let’s party, we’re partying. it’s bullshit.”

nancy doesn’t deserve all of the hate she gets for this scene. she feels guilty for leaving barb that night and she feels guilty that she can’t tell barb’s parents what actually happened to her. she didn’t say that she wasn’t in love with steve or that they were pretending to be in love, she just said that they were acting like what happened with barb didn’t happen.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I (Want to) Love Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I heard Disney was making an animated series based on Tangled, acting as a continuation from the original movie, my initial thought was, "Why?"

Sure, Disney is infamous for its unnecessary sequels of the story after happily ever after, with the many, many, many failures that follow suit. Even then, though, most of these continuations were movies that kind of have the potential to tell more of a story. But what more could be said about Tangled? Sorry to spoil a movie that's over ten years old at this point, but by the end of it: Rapunzel lost her golden hair, was reunited with her parents, fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Her losing the golden hair is the most essential part of that list because how can you do a series based on a Disney princess when her most iconic feature is gone? Then I found out that the series forced a way for her hair to come back, and my new initial thought became, "Oh man. This is gonna suck, isn't it?"

Despite the hesitation, I decided to give it a chance anyway. After all, I've been pleasantly surprised before. Things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, The Mitchells vs. the Machines, and even The Owl House (yes, really), were shows (and a movie) that I didn't think would be that special. Only to find myself enjoying nearly every minute. So after watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, I can certainly say I was surprised...but it was entirely for the wrong reasons.

And to explain how requires spoilers. So if you haven't checked the series out yet, I highly suggest you do it to form your own opinion. Just keep in mind that it's a bit of a mess, but it can be an enjoyable mess...sometimes...let me explain.

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation/Art Style: The series swapping from 3D to 2D might have been the most brilliant decision anyone could have ever made with this series. Usually, when an animated movie gets turned into a show, the most noticeable downgrade is always the animation. Whether it’s not as detailed or not as fluid, it's always subjective that the movie is better animated than the series. But by switching up the styles, the contrast becomes objective instead. 2D and 3D animation each have their pros and cons, so deciding which one is better is nothing more than a matter of opinion. So by changing the style, Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure avoids getting complaints of being a downgrade from the original movie. It also helps that the art style of the series is really unique.

The best way to describe how the show looks is that it's like a coloring book brought to life. At times, everything looks like it was drawn and colored in with crayons, which sounds like an insult, but in actuality, it's one of the best features of the series. As much as I love most animated shows nowadays, I will admit, they all look a little too similar at times. Then here comes Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, which tries to incorporate a whole new style that successfully sets it apart from most shows.

As for the animation itself, it's really well-made! It's remarkably expressive when required, while the movements are really fluid during the correct scenes. Sure the fighting can be a little floaty during some action set pieces (yes, those exist here), but the dialogue and comedic moments are really where the series shines with its animation. I may have problems with the series as a whole, but I give credit where credit is due for the perfectly executed effort that I see in every episode in terms of animation.

Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship: This was not something I was expecting to enjoy from the series. In the movie, Rapunzel and Eugene were fine. They were the typical Disney couple that worked off of each other enough that it was always entertaining, even if it was unbelievable that they fell deeply in love with each other after, like, two days. They weren't bad, but they weren't anything to go crazy over.

But the writers for the series said, "You know what, let's make these two adorable in nearly every scene they're in." And they are!

Even though I don't believe in their relationship in the movie, I fully believe it here. Both characters have a large amount of faith in one another on top of having endless love for their partner. Like how Eugene knew Rapunzel would be fine when taking out an airship or how Rapunzel couldn't bring herself to say a bad thing about Eugene when making Cassandra a sparring dummy of him. It's legitimately pleasant to watch, to the point where I put Rapunzel and Eugene in my top ten list of favorite fictional couples. They're that good to me, and it's one of the reasons why I don't jump on the bandwagon of shipping the two main female characters together. I'm all for LGBTQA+ representation, but give Cassandra her own girlfriend. Rapunzel's taken, and most of my enjoyment of this show comes from her and her man. So, you know, keep things as they are.

Cassandra (Seasons One and Two): Seeing how I've already mentioned her, let's talk about Cassandra, shall we? Because when making a series based on a movie that had only four prominent characters, with two of them being comedic animal sidekicks, you're going to need to introduce more members to the main cast to write more potential stories. And Cassandra, in Seasons One and Two (I'll get to Season Three), is a worthy addition. She acts as a strict straight man (I know the irony) who interacts well with Rapunzel and clashes perfectly with Eugene on occasion. She was passably entertaining in Season One and developed amazingly in Season Two. Her growing frustrations with Rapunzel's actions lead to a slow build-up that made her betrayal heartbreaking but somewhat understandable. And as for the results in that betrayal...yeah, I'll get into that later. For now, I'll just say that Cassandra was a pleasant addition to the main cast, especially when she was a part of the main trio, and she's yet another good surprise that the writers supplied for the series.

The Songs: The songs are...not going to be for everyone. Most of them are passable yet kind of generic, while others sound like they belong on Disney Junior (Looking at you, "Bigger Than That"). But when Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure makes a hit, MAN, it is a home run. Numbers like "Ready As I'll Ever Be" and "Nothing Left to Lose" are sung phenomenally, orchestrated well, and are songs I can listen to on repeat multiple times. And "Waiting in the Wings" is not only something I consider to be the best song in the series, but it's also something I'd place as high up on Disney's best due to how f**king incredible it is. "Waiting in the Wings" is a powerful ballad that manages to be both tragic yet inspiring on top of how well it sums up Cassandra as a character. The writers may not always be on top of their game when it comes to music, but songs like these prove that they know how to earn that Disney name.

And that’s all I have for the likes...Oh boy. That’s not a good thing is it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

It Peaked at Season One: It did. It really did.

Season One felt like the writers had a grip on what type of show they wanted: A slice-of-life series with Rapunzel dealing with the issues of her kingdom with a meager threat of these black rocks growing in the background. It was all cute and well-balanced for the most part, but that all disappears in Season Two. Because now it's sort of about this adventure, but because Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure set itself as a slice-of-life series, there need to be these small-scale stories that intertwine the grand narrative being told. The issue is that the story comes to a grinding halt one too many times as fans are forced to sit through these filler episodes that, while not all of them are bad, still feel like a distraction. And by Season Three, the series does feel more focused while having some slice-of-life episodes added to the ongoing story instead of distracting us from it. But the writing isn't as strong, there are several plot holes in the narrative (how did Rapunzel's sunstone get into her dress?), and there is way too much time going back and forth on Cassandra's morality. They claim that she's a villain while arguing that there might still be some good in her, and they continue this train of thought for nine episodes when it really could have been settled in two. For me, it's a bad sign for a series when the first season is the best one. Because if it's all downhill from there, what's the point of even watching?

It Tries to be Epic: This might have been the worst decision the writers could have made.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind grand epic tales of adventure and battles against demons. If anything, I'm all for them...when it's appropriate and fits with the tone of the series.

Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure suffers a similar problem Frozen II has, in which the writers felt like a big, life-threatening adventure was the perfect continuation of a meager, personal story about the relationships of characters. It isn't. If anything, it's completely missing the mark about what the original story was about. And sure, sometimes writers can succeed in telling personal stories through grand adventures. Just look at The Owl House and parts of Amphibia. But with those shows, it's established within the first few episodes that action and peril will be a series staple. With Tangled, while there was some action and peril, it's all very subdued compared to how high the stakes got raised in later episodes in the show. Especially in the series finale.

And, I mean, c'mon. You're making Rapunzel an action hero?

Judy Hopps? Yes.

Moana? Maybe.

Raya? Most definitely.

But Rapunzel? The character who’s all about optimism and seeing the best of others. That's the character you're going to morph into a hero that fights against an evil demon laid dormant for years? Did you even watch the original movie? Yeah, sorry, but I just don't buy it.

If you want to tell an epic story that gets the blood pumping for fans addicted to adventure, go for it! See where the wind takes you. But make sure to set that tone as early as possible while also making sure that it fits with the characters. If not, the end result is a series that feels like it's trying to be something it’s not.

Eugene is Kind of an Idiot at Times: It should be noted that Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene are practically two different characters. In the film, Eugene was more or less the straight man, as he often questions the wackiness in the world around him and keeping Rapunzel grounded in reality. For the series, most of that personality got transferred to Cassandra. Thus making Eugene's new role in the series act as the egotistical imbecile. Sure, he had those moments in the film, but not as frequently, and it really pains me when the writers really lean hard into a minor aspect of his personality. Sometimes there are moments when Eugene acts like his original self. But it's all small scenes that are spread apart with entire episodes where he has half a brain cell. I'm sure some people didn't mind this change to the character, but as someone who adores the movie version of Eugene, I can't help but feel disappointed.

The Villains are the Worst: Now, I don't mean the one-off villains that show up, cause some chaos for a bit, and disappear at the end of the episode. Those are characters with fun personalities, occasionally cool designs, and do their job as villains of the week. It doesn't matter if their motivations are laughably simple, as their purpose is to be enjoyable characters above anything else. So I actually enjoy those villains...it's the ones that act as season-long antagonists that really grind my gears.

The purpose behind these types of foes is to build up how evil they are throughout the season. The issue is that the writers try to give these characters, or at least two of them, a point. To be fair, this can work. Just look at Killmonger from Black Panther and sometimes Karli Morgenthau from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. You understand and probably even sympathize with the logic and reasoning these characters have. It's just that their actions couldn't be farther from what you would do. The problem with Varian and Cassandra is that they have the motivation, but it's not written suitably for the story.

Cassandra is a whole can of worms I'll get to in a minute, but Varian is someone I can easily discuss for a brief time. Because while I can comprehend his pain for having his father frozen in yellow rock, I don't think turning evil is the best decision to go with that character. Because A. Everything is his fault. He blames Rapunzel for not helping him, but even if she didn't have a crisis to deal with, there was nothing she could have done to stop it. His frustrations are not only unjustified, but given the fact that this wouldn't have happened if he listened to his father in the first place, it feels like him becoming evil is too drastic of a turn. And B. Varian worked much better as a supporting character rather than a primary antagonist. He was just this hopeful, if not a clumsy scientist who wanted to prove himself, who causes minor catastrophes due to not thinking ahead. Turning a character like Varian into a villain is a bit of a misstep because if the guy acts hilariously incompetent as a good guy, it makes little sense to have him be intelligent and ten steps ahead of Rapunzel when being evil. If he were to become more serious and careful when helping the rest of the main cast, I'd consider that character progression done properly. But becoming a villain is just an overreaction.

However, none of that compares with my issues with the main antagonist of the series: Zhan Tiri. This goes back to my problems with the series making itself too epic. Because if Zhan Tiri existed in any other show, I probably wouldn't have any problem with her. She's built up well throughout all three seasons and is kind of threatening at times. But she doesn't belong in a series based on a movie that dealt with a small, personal issue where it wasn't even the character who killed the villain in the end. It was her love interest and animal sidekick. Even if Zhan Tiri works well as a character, the fact that it doesn't feel like she belongs in the show makes her too distracting to enjoy. And that's why these villains suck. If not poorly written, they don't belong in a series that should focus on small-scale issues. And if you can functionally write an antagonist that appears for only one episode but flounder with ones that show up in several, well, that's just embarrassing.

Cassandra (Season 3): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY, do I have some words to express with this character. Like with Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene, Cassandra from Seasons One and Two is frustratingly different from the psychotic IDIOT from Season Three. Basically, just take the issues I have with Varian, multiply them by ten, add them with some bafflingly stupid decisions, and you still wouldn't get how much Season Three-Cassandra frustrates me!

First off, her motivation...what the f**k were the writers thinking? The big reason why Cassandra betrays Rapunzel and motivates all of her misdeeds was that Cassandra's mother was Mother Gothal...EXPLAIN THAT LOGIC TO ME?! Because Cassandra should know what type of woman Mother Gothal was. She should know what Mother Gothal did to Rapunzel in the first eighteen years of her life. So how is Cassandra being abandoned by Gothal the central motivator to cut ties with Rapunzel, who is probably an even bigger victim in this scenario!? Seriously, Rapunzel was cut off from the rest of the world and treated as an unknowing prisoner because she was beneficial to Gothal. Cassandra was adopted into a household with mutual love and got to actually live her life. In no way does it make sense for her to be angry at Rapunzel.

Nor does it make sense that the writers try to play it off as a good thing in the song "Crossing the Line!" Sure, it sounds nice, but thematically, it gives across the opposite feelings that the audience should have. Because if Cassandra cutting ties with Rapunzel is meant to be tragic and awful, why is the music suggesting it's the best possible thing that's ever happened for the character? If you like the song, fine, but even you have to admit that it's thematic nonsense.

But, sure. Cassandra's evil now, and she considers it a good thing. Whatever. I'll take it as long as it leads to good stories...but here's the thing: In the penultimate episode before the three-part series finale, Cassandra asks a question. A question I would have never expected her to ask, despite everything that has happened in the last season. A question that was so baffling, I had to legitimately pause the episode to process the fact that she asked something so stupid. Because Cassandra, the character who is intelligent and grounded in reality, asked, "Am I the bad guy?"

I was honestly shocked to find out she was shocked! How, in the flying, everlasting, cock-a-doodle-doodling F**K does a person like her not pick up that maybe, just maybe, she isn't the hero in this story!? Call me crazy, but endangering the lives of people you once called friends and family, dressing in black, AND HAVING A GIANT EVIL-LOOKING TOWER MADE OUT OF F**KING SPIKES aren't qualities I would give to a hero!

If Cassandra was like Thanos, a character so wrapped up in his ego that he can't even notice how evil he is, I would understand. But she doesn't have an ego. Anger, yes. But for the most part, her personality is based on having logic and reasoning. So turning her into a villain and having her unaware that she's a villain is an act of lunacy that I am incapable of understanding. I don't know who's idea this was, but whoever is to blame...you've got issues.

>Sighs<...This series isn't good, is it?

IN CONCLUSION

I like the animation and some of the characters...but that's not enough. Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure is a mess of a show that tries to do too much for a story that should have so little. Meaning that it's a D+ for me. I want to enjoy it and give it a higher grade, especially with how much I hear people praise this series. And if you do enjoy it, all the power to you. Your opinions are valid, even if I highly disagree with them. Because for me, this is a show that I won't get myself tangled up in again in the future.

[saturnsummer]

 law school: love and goodbye letters

notes: i would like to give out love letters to the amazing cast, our 8 students from hankuk law school. like what the director said, i’ll support them in their journeys as they take a step into their new chapter, wherever they go. their stories continue and live on. it’s been an amazing journey, although I was initially hesitant on starting it. while i will definitely be suffering withdrawals and probably think about it too much, i’m thankful i started watching.

the finale has left me with so many thoughts, I want to send them off right. also, writing these letters have helped my process my feelings towards the show and stop me from getting so withdrawn. so, shall we begin this court hearing?

over the next couple of days, my inbox will be open to requests! i may not write the fastest, but I’m willing to fulfil any of your desires about law school now that it has ended.

(skip please, if you don’t want to see my personal reflections.)

HAN JOON HWI// KIM BEOM

you have been a pleasure to watch, a seasoned actor indeed. you brought life to joon hwi, depicting the student that is smart, aloof, but is actually caring for their friends alike.

joon hwi, when you entered law school, you wanted to be a prosecutor. now, you finally got your dream. you were broken, sad, betrayed by your uncle. you remind yourself that you cannot be your uncle. but at the end, you’re happy, aren’t you? you’ve been through hell, yet somehow you told yourself to hang on. believe it, samchoon is proud he raised a noble nephew to fight and correct the flaws in the law. 

you have taught us the black and whites, yet seeing the greys of law. and with that, as you continue your journey as a prosecutor, remember to judge fairly and make sure no one suffers unjustly. 

you’ve done well, kim beom. thank you.

KANG SOL A// RYU HYE YOUNG

hyeyoung, you’ve brought so many emotions across the screen. as kang dan and sol, you had the challenge to play polar opposites, the moon and sun. you were feisty, you were soft. yet, you brought the humane qualities out of sol, conveying it to us.

kang sol a, you represent that majority of students, or even adults alike. you’re single parented. you come from a broken family. you have an estranged sibling, one you try so hard to find. you are barely making enough to live by. on top of that, you are on a scholarship, yet scoring grades that skim the pass. you represent so many students in the world. yet, you didn’t let these weights hold you from feeling your passion into law. you fought tirelessly for your friends and family, and stayed grounded in your morals and values.

this is why you are my personal favourite. that you love and strive for something so much, you work on it endlessly and still rigorously put in hard work. your passion for law inspires me to be equally passionate for my future degree as well. the fact that you went to law school seeking an apology, I hope you have gotten your apology. your zeal for justice will live on.

as a lawyer now, i hope you will remember your endless nights. i hope you know your worth. i hope that everyday, you trust yourself and be bold and courageous, like how you are when defending for your professor. you will excel, and you will be a good lawyer. 

so thank you, for speaking up for the students who find it tough to get through school. for telling us and giving us faith that we can survive. 

KANG SOL B// LEE SOO KYUNG

sookyung, you are far from your character of solb. yet, you were a perfect representation. you were elegant, classy and held that prestige whenever you acted.

solb, you represent that group of us that are pressured. when the society pressures us, it is nothing compared to our family’s pressures. you held your mom’s pressure to heart, studying endlessly, trapped in a cage that you couldn’t get out of. you isolated yourself to break free, acting cold.

you finally broke free, with your consultations with your therapist. and i hope you know just how proud i am of you for standing up for yourself. your unnies and oppas will always be supporting you, and wherever you are now, whether you are training to be a judge or not, i hope you never forget that you are supported. you are a free bird, and you should do things for yourself. 

thank you, for being the solb we have learnt to love, the student we aspire to be. solb, you are forever an A+ in our eyes. 

SEO JI HO// LEE DAVID

david, you are the man backstage always goofing off. your character hates goofing. yet, your simple eyes and acting brought so many emotions. you didn’t have many emotional scenes, but your expressions were so well done.

jiho, you started law to fight for your dad, for justice to be served. but over your journey, aren’t you glad you have made so many friends? your 3 years there have proved that you have earned justice, but you earned friendships that you will never experience anywhere else. 

wherever you are, if you are at a law firm working and earning lots of money, cherish the friendships. justice is served. learn and let go, and maybe you will enjoy your life a bit more.

JEON YE SEUL// GO YOUN JUNG

youn jung, where can i start? your acting was phenomenal. you played the cheery girl so well, yet at the same time you empathised with the victim of a domestic abuse. your scenes blew me away.

yeseul, I hope you carry this on your heart. you are loved, you are right. you are not wrong. you speak up for those abused, because you were once them. with the power of the law, I know you will go on to defend for them and fight for them. you will bring justice, and you will be the woman of power in the courtroom.

leave your immature self behind. you have matured to be a woman of confidence, boldness and most importantly, knowing you are not wrong.

you will be the woman of the courtroom. your kindness is your strength. wherever you are, defending abuse victims, thank you for speaking out for the millions of women who victimise themselves, still. you have inspired the generation of women to provide support for them.

MIN BOK GI// LEE KANG JI 

kangji, your goofiness on set and in the show plays out especially well. you were lively, yet at the same time the right support we needed.

bokgi, you will forever be remembered as the boy who comes to classes with a head band. you were casual, easy going and the extroverted one in the study group. you brought life to them, taught them to live and take things easy. you supported yeseul regardless, and always stop by her side. you are unafraid to be defensive over your friends.

for that, we thank you for being the character that is loyal. that regardless of what happened, you stayed with your group even though you could easily walk away.

JO YE BEOM// KIM MIN SEOK

minseok, you were fun to watch on set, yet a more fun character to watch grow with your actor friends. yebeom had many iconic lines, yet you did well in them.

yebeom, I will not understand why you were a spy. i however, will empathise your situation. what could you do? regardless, all that is useless now. you were sidekicks with your bestie bokgi, and together, you were both the life of the group that reminded them to breathe.

you made a good choice to be honest when sol a confronted you. and you should be thankful that the group still kept you even after all that. I hope that in your law career, you will remember the codes of law, and remember what is right. you stand for truth, you stand for justice.

YOO SEUNG JAE// HYUN WOO

hyunwoo, you had lesser scenes, yet each scene you had was a turmoil of emotions each time. you conveyed your emotions so well, and I’m so impressed.

seungjae, you are the oldest of the study group. you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you? you’re permanently suspended from law school, and with a kid now. I hope things are going well for you, whether you are a doctor or a computer guy now.

thank you for being the bigger man, to admit to his mistakes and asking for a bigger punishment. you have deep regrets, but I know you will grow and learn from them. you deserve your happiness.

to my law school fam,

thank you for this beautiful journey. you have taught me to be righteous, to be bold and to be confident. you taught me the results of tenacity. you taught me how to upload my values. you taught me the reasons to be lawful and that I should stand by my morals. you taught me confidence and courage.

truth and justice, only by the law.

it’s been a journey, my graduates. I close the hearing as make my final decision. i will close my case.

thank you, directors, pds, writers, staff, editors, musicians, make up and stylists. I hope you will meet again on another shoot.

goodbye, thank you. we’ll see each other again.

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: Episode 5

I thought this would be a shorter recap. Ha!

Every now and then throughout this show we are getting CGI wide shots of the Dragon City, mostly establishing the time of day. They have three settings: nighttime, daytime, and sunset/sunrise. While quality-wise those wide shots would not feel out of place in a video game from ten years ago, with buildings looking all rubbery, I actually really like this sunset sky. I also appreciate that they firmly establish that this is city is not, in fact, a real place. I almost wish the architecture was a little bit less familiar, but making the city look truly otherworldly here would make location scouting much harder. As it happens, the buildings on the forefront have a very 60’s art deco revival inspired feeling, and there are some distinctively neoclassical buildings peppered around as well. We can also see that the roads are very wide, and generally there is a hint of Stalinist grandioseness about the downtown. Unfortunately, it looks nothing like the locations and sets the characters are running in; we also get a feeling that the Dragon City is very large, which is not entirely consistent with the very few locations that were available when shooting the series. This shot does, however, remind me the city I grew up in (Moscow).

The actual plot of the episode centres around Huang Linqi and his fiancé, Li Jiaqi, going missing - it will be important, because their disastrous wedding will produce the most Clark Kent moment that Shen Wei will ever have. We also meet the parents of the couple, who are stinking rich and extremely unpleasant. It also introduces us to Butler Wu (Wu Tian’en) and his son, who will become important in later episodes. Butler Wu is not actually the villain of the piece, despite this shot clearly telling us otherwise. 

Back at the university, Shen Wei is having a morning tea with his dean. He holding his teacup with almost god-like elegance, very close to actually covering his mouth when he drinks, which is extremely old-fashioned. This is in stark contrast with him brazenly and un-gentlemanly showing his ankles. 

Shen Wei is asked to move off campus, because, apparently, having a chief of the special task force showing up at your office is bad for the reputation. Since the professor does not look surprised, and states that he has already found a flat, I’m guessing that he was clever enough to have predicted this turn of events, and used it to secure the place a breath away from Zhao Yunlan. It is up to speculation as to when he started scouting for an apartment: it could not have been more than a few weeks since he met Zhao Yunlan, and finding a flat can take a while. 

At the SID office, we are treated to a lovely moment between the team members, crowding around Lin Jin’s new invention: a popcorn-specific microwave.

It’s very sweet to see the team indulge in some nonsense outside of their case work, made even better by Wang Zheng being there. The fact that Zhao Yunlan is on board with his department’s time and resources being spent on a popcorn maker only makes this scene better. He is crouching on the table, because chairs are for the weak.

After inspecting the crime scene, Zhao Yunlan is spending some time outside chatting to Buttler Wu, and comments on Li Jiaqi’s good looks, since Zhao Yunlan is a man who can appreciate beauty.

As Xiao Guo is awe-struck at his boss’ ability to note someone’s prettiness from a distance, Chu Shuzhi literally rolls his eyes calling those “instincts of a beast”, and Zhao Yunlan fails to reprimand him for the remark, because… fair enough. Very fair enough. It’s hard not to relate to Zhao Yunlan, a self-admitted bi disaster. 

Shen Wei is being shown his new apartment. He does not even look around it, staring instead at Zhao Yunlan’s front door across the hall from him.

Moving here is a completely senseless thing to do. How on earth is he planning to hide his Hei Pao Shi persona while being a next door neighbour to the chief of SID? My conclusion is that from a character stand-point, it’s nothing but an act of desperate devotion; from a narrative stand-point, this codifies that their relationship is about to get very intimate indeed. 

The SID members are interrogating Buttler Wu: as is often the case, instead of bringing him in, like they did with Shen Wei, they hijack a cafe nearby to have a more relaxed conversation. As they talk, Shen Wei is making his way past the cafe, which both Wu Tian'en and Shen Wei notice. 

Shen Wei proceed to follow Butler Wu, who calls him out on it. This leads to a removal of his glasses so epic it warrants a jump-cut to close-up, on top of the dutch angle used mere seconds prior to it.

Instantly recognizing Shen Wei as Hei Pao Shi, Wu Tian’en sinks to his knees in reverence. Again, fair enough. After having a brief conversation about their shared history, Shen Wei states that Butler Wu is not allowed to lay a hand on Zhao Yunlan. 

“Chief Zhao? You’re stalking him?” 

“You don’t need to know more.”

That is not a no. Mostly because that is a yes. 

Shen Wei promises to not take Wu Tian’en away before the man resolves his current problems, adding that he hopes his old acquaintance won’t have any regrets when that happens. As Shen Wei walks away, he muses “Then how much time is there left for me?” 

(And I have to fight an uncomfortable sinking feeling in my stomach, which is occurring a lot as I rewatch those series.) 

The same evening at the SID offices the team is struggling with the case so much Da Qing suggests asking Hei Pao Shi’s help. Zhao Yunlan bristles at the idea, and… calls Shen Wei instead. Of course he does.

To be fair, he does so to check whether the other man is stalking him, but he also calls him by his given name rather Professor Shen, reinforcing that he makes this enquiry as a friend, not at as the chief of the Special Investigations Department. 

During the phone call Shen Wei is absentmindedly playing with the corner of the publication he is reading. 

While Yunlan does not deny that he still thinks Shen Wei is potentially up to something dodgy, he still proceeds to ask his advice on the case. This continues the dynamic from the previous episode: it’s not that Yunlan is completely blind, it’s just that he trusts Shen Wei regardless of the secrets he might be hiding. 

Moving on, here’s what I have to say on he topic of bad CGI. There are several reasons in the world for a piece of visual media to have a poor quality computer animation. It could be laziness, or it could be absence of imagination, both of which are inexcusable. It also could be absence of funds, as is the case with the Guardian. And, honestly, I am alright with that. It’s not their fault, and I would much rather see this drama as it is - bad CGI and all - than none at all. 

And, the quality of CGI here has energy similar to Live Action Sailor Moon (PGSM), which I honestly find both nostalgic and endearing. 

That show also has a talking cat, but it’s performed by a literal plush toy on strings, so Guardian certainly wins here.

While Huang Linqi and Li Jiaqi are being kept together (possibly in an alternate dimension, seeing as how they have emerged from the lake completely dry), they talk through their relationship issues, and the audience finds itself with a sugar-sweet take on the arranged marriage/strangers to lovers trope. I feel a little bit bad about their disaster wedding now. 

At the same time, Xiao Jun and Wu Tian’en’s story is a tiny echo of Shen Wei end Je Zun: the son thinks his dad left him to fend for himself when he was young and vulnerable, and distrusts the very concept of love because of that perceived abandonment. Unlike Je Zun however, he stops to have an actual conversation, which ultimately forces him to quit his senseless act of revenge, and make the first step on the path of reconciliation and redemption. This is Guardian telling us that communication skills do, in fact, matter. 

He also drops this bombshell of a line, which hurts my heart a lot.

“In the face of death every love in the world is mere foam”

On an entirely separate note, I am very glad that the actor who plays Butler Wu is wearing nice thick knee pads. 

They are very visible, and they make a little “boing” when he hits the ground, but the actor has to fall to his knees twice in this episode, both times on hard surfaces, one of which is literal gravel, and I’m happy that the production is being considerate of their actors’ physical well-being. 

While this episode does not mark the first time Zhao Yunlan is being understanding to the Undergrounders in pain, this is the first time anti-Unvergrounder bigotry is explicitly framed in a negative light. The two evil businessmen, who cast a child aside just because he has special powers, are shown as unquestionably in the wrong. Xiao Jun is lightly scolded for his rash actions, but he is not brought back to SID in cuffs, and he is not immediately given away to Hei Pao Shi. Far from that: he is brought in softly, to spend some time at his dying father’s side. 

As Butler Wu slipping away, we once more see Guo Changcheng being recklessly heroic, as he is prepared to use the Longevity Dial to share his life force. Instead of letting him do it, Zhao Yunlan snatches the Hallow away and decides to perform this particular miracle himself. This is the same man who will later sacrifice his eyesight to bring people’s lives back. Bai Yu’s acting in that moment is utterly phenomenal, showing a whole range of emotion from horror to determination to dismay in mere seconds. 

Hei Pao Shi teleports in, and, without a preamble, scolds Zhao Yunlan (the first episode in the series-long “don’t touch the Hallows” saga), and then asks him whether it’s worth shortening his life for an Undergrounder. This is in equal parts a provocation and a test, because I’m fairly certain that Shen Wei was going to save Wu Tian’en anyway. 

As SID members beg Hei Pao Shi to save Butler Wu in perfect unison, Zhao Yunlan states that a person is a person, regardless of their origin. Shen Wei notes inwardly that SID had changed, and, as expected, heals Butler Wu, while Yunlan stares at his power with relief and awe.

Since I have talked about the wide shot of the Dragon City, let’s talk about its counterpart in the Underworld. 

I have failed to notice before that there appears to be a vast city next to the volcano river, some way away from the royal Palace, looming over it. Geographically, this makes little sense: we will see characters leave the Palace and instantly end up in a city square throughout the series, but I still really enjoy this wide shot. It is also interesting to see the architecture of the place. It is somewhere between (western) medieval abodes and futuristic shipment container blocks, with living spaces built on top of each other, crammed-in, and unpleasant. I also love the lighting here, contrasting blue and red.

Hallows random power #n: projecting their brethren. Imagine how useful it would be if they also did that for the Brush and the Lantern.

The next day, Zhao Yunlan and Da Qing are on a leisurely morning jog, while Yunlan is wearing bottoms that my partner refers to as “sheggings” (as in, shorts + leggings)

They are talking about Shen Wei, naturally. In my head-canon, Zhao Yunlan is driving his colleagues nuts because can’t help himself but bring the good professor up every goddamn minute of every goddamn day.

As they turn the corner to go home, they bump into the subject of discussion, who informs them that he moved into the building, and leaves abruptly looking more than slightly pleased with himself. 

Finally, we are treated to Guo Changcheng’s surveillance exam. I don’t know why he thought this outfit would make him look less conspicuous. 

Eventually, the SID will learn that some of their staff members don’t have to be fighters or detectives. In Xiao Guo, they have found the heart of their team, and that is enough. 

Next up, Episode 6: The Coat Zhao Yunlan Will Buy

—

PS: I have mentioned earlier, that I have a sinking feeling as I watch Guardian, and I would like to elaborate on that. You see, I am very scared of flying. It’s an irrational fear, but it is the one I nonetheless have. There is a very specific feeling I get just as the plane starts gaining speed on the runway: there is joy, because at the end of this journey they is something to look forward to (my parents’ hugs, a drink with a friend, a favourite place, a new city to explore), but there is also a painful anticipation, as I brace for the moment the aircraft will tilt upwards, knowing that I will be pushed back into my chair by gravity, battling against an onslaught of a panic attack, shaking, learning to breathe, fighting with everything I have to keep my heart rate down. Watching Guardian from the beginning, knowing where the story is going, mirrors that feeling perfectly.

PPS: The following conversation happened with my partner as I way typing this recap.

My partner: Do you think Shen Wei ever wears sheggings?

Me: Sweetie, I think he would rather die. 

[hookedontaronfics]

Honky Dancer series - Chapter 8

Chapter title: Consequences Read the previous installments here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3  | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 Rating: M Pairing: Taron x OC Warnings: Trigger warnings for a subtle mentions of an eating disorder and some medical drama A/N: A lot happens in this chapter, and it’s quite dramatic. The chapter bears its name well; you cannot outrun the consequences of your actions, as our beloved Juliette will soon find out. I hope you enjoy this emotional ride! X

Night shoots, I quickly learned, were a special sort of experience. Most of us had tried to nap before the call time, and we were all standing around clutching cups of coffee, full of caffeine and running on adrenaline. The choreography for “Saturday Night’s Alright” required every dancer that was hired, and a cast of extras simply to fill the background too. The amount of crew and the rigging required to give the number an expansive feel also added to the sheer number of people on set at the moment. The volume level was almost too much, with everyone chatting excitedly.

I was standing with my usual group, minus Markus, who was giving me an extremely cold shoulder by not acknowledging my presence at all. I couldn’t blame him, though; I’d told him to never talk to me again, after all. But now that it was the next day and my simmering anger had dulled, and I’d managed to smooth things over with Taron, I wondered if I hadn’t acted out too irrationally. Blame the baby hormones, I thought ruefully to myself.

Being on that carnival set, amongst the twinkling lights and magical atmosphere, made us feel like we were transported somewhere else. And I certainly hoped that effect would come across on film when it was all said and done. My favorite part was the massive Ferris wheel, ablaze with color. I spotted Taron, talking animatedly with Dexter, and when he looked over I gave him a small wave, which he cutely returned.

“Ugh, adorable,” Leah commented, making me smile behind my coffee cup lid as I took another sip. After what felt like a waste of an hour, we were finally called into place. We discarded our coffees and dumped our jackets and bags and went through last-minute costume checks, the costumers nit-picking over the littlest details, adjusting collars here, snipping stray threads there. We had already been walked through some preliminary blocking, but now that the cameras would be turned on, we all wanted things to be as perfect as they could be. The less takes we all had to do for each beat, the better.

Still, that constant ripple of excitement and thrill ran through all of us and kept us going as the nightly hours wore on. Watching Taron in his element really felt like a treat though. How he managed to turn that energy on and maintain his performance level take after take after draining take was mind-boggling, really. And whether he was tired or not, he never showed it, and he stayed positive and kind to everyone around him. But even though the work itself was exhausting, I still loved everything about it. 

The track itself was phenomenal, and Taron’s vocals were strong. I never got tired of listening to it no matter how many takes we did. Giles Martin was a genius, keeping the original integrity of the song but building segments of the different musical influences that Elton had been exposed to and incorporated into his music over the many years, and those flavors had also been used in our dance styles. The choreography was engaging, energetic and exciting, and being a part of this musical number certainly felt like being a part of something much larger than ourselves. The sequence was a crucial part of the storytelling, and needed to feel as youthful and adventurous as Elton’s life was during that time.

I had to admit that I was more than happy when they finally called that night’s filming to a close, as the first creep of dawn was just beginning to tinge the sky. I felt the exhaustion and soreness in every fiber of my body, and blearily changed out of my costume, located my bag in the pile, and wearily made my way off the set and toward the tube station before realizing someone was calling my name. I whirled around, nearly knocking myself off my own feet as I stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk.

“Juliette! Hey, wait up,” Taron said, jogging over to me and sweetly brushing his fingers over my cheek, still somehow not looking exhausted. “Clara’s with her dad and your mum has Troy. Can I just drive you over to my place?” he asked, and I was so tired I didn’t bother arguing, and nodded instead, letting Taron slip his arm around me supportively.

“How are you not completely exhausted?” I grumbled.

“Well, I’m not pregnant, so that helps,” he quipped lightly. “But I’m also just used to it, I think. Not exactly the first night scene I’ve ever been in.”

“I can think of a few,” I smiled. “Bit of a fan of your work, here,” I teased lightly.

“Well you nearly have to be, now that you’re dating me,” he smirked back, and I cracked a smile despite my exhaustion. I sank gratefully down into the plush of the car seat, fighting off falling asleep right then and there. The last thing I needed was Taron taking it upon himself to carry me to bed, as sweet of a gesture as that would be.

“I think today went well,” Taron spoke into our tired silence.

“Really well, at least on our part. It’s always one thing to rehearse a dance. It’s another to see it in the place, in the world so to speak, the lights and colors and costumes. Something about that just made everything feel much more real today,” I replied. “And you… You totally killed it.”

“I don’t know if I killed it, but I wager I gave it everything I had,” he smiled, looking over at me.

“Well, I think, from what I’ve seen, you’re carrying this whole damn thing.”

“I don’t know about that,” he said, running his fingers through his hair in the way he did when he felt humbled by something.

“Well I do,” I smiled, more to myself than anything.

“I am so ready to crash,” he yawned when we finally pulled into the drive and parked. 

“You and me both,” I sighed wearily. We made our way inside, and I realized oddly that I hadn’t been in his home for a fair bit. It felt just as cozy as before as he led me to the bedroom, pulling me to him for a couple of sweet kisses before we both got ready for bed, too tired for anything more. He did his best to try and block the morning sunlight creeping across the floor, able to darken the room a bit, and we curled up together and were sound asleep within minutes, my brain for once too worn out to keep me awake.

The baby, on the other hand, had other ideas, waking me up a few hours later. I stumbled to the bathroom and wretched, hardly anything in my stomach to get rid of. I groaned slightly and splashed water on my face before returning to my slumbering boyfriend. I checked my phone briefly, scrolling through social media mindlessly, waiting for sleep to find me again, but hunger found me first instead.

I got up and, still too exhausted to make anything else, popped some bread in the toaster oven, rapping my fingers on the counter as I waited for it to be ready. I smeared some butter on, then took a few bites, chewing slowly, my hand resting on my belly. But then the part of my brain that worried about calories kicked in, and I found I couldn’t eat another bite. I tossed the rest of the toast in the trash and reminded myself I needed to stay away from carbs as I returned to the bed, not entirely satisfied but at least my stomach had stopped gurgling uncomfortably.

“Mmmm,” Taron murmured next to me, turning over and sliding his arm over my waist and nuzzling into my neck. “Can’t sleep?” He asked, cracking his green eyes open and looking at me.

“I got sick. And then I got hungry,” I smiled, as his eyes drew down to my stomach, his fingers splaying out under my sleep shirt and caressing my skin there sweetly.

“This will be worth it in the end,” he said gently, kissing my forehead. “Try to get some more sleep. Tonight will be difficult if you don’t.” I nodded at that and tried to let him soothe me back to sleep, and I eventually did end up drifting off again.

We woke with enough time to shower, make some dinner, and watch a little telly together before heading to set and doing it all over again. The second night seemed a little easier, but maybe it was just because I knew more of what to expect, the lag between scenes, the flurry of activity, the massive rigs swinging around and being readjusted constantly, the dead space where we had to try and keep our bodies warm, the constant makeup and costume retouches, the attempt to keep our energy up through the slog of what felt like a 14-hour night. We had fun with some bumper cars and there might have been more horsing around than actual dancing during that sequence.

The next two nights felt a little more laid-back, as a bulk of the large group shots were already done. The transitions into and out of the scene, with the bar and with Kit Connor, who played the mid-aged Reggie, were the focus of those days, so I spent more time sitting around than anything else, but that also gave me time to be curious about the behind-the-scenes machinations of putting a movie together. I found it completely fascinating, so different and removed from what I did on the stage when I danced professionally, a completely different set of lingo I didn’t quite understand. What was a grip? A racking focus? A polarizer? I had no idea, but hearing people talk casually about the technical aspects made me feel curious to know more.

Needless to say, I was grateful when night shoots, at least for that sequence, were done. It was kind of saddening to see the carnival get dismantled, but of course it had only been put up for the film and I knew that. I had to return to my own crazy schedule, my daughter and my own students and trying to balance that with further rehearsals for “Bitch is Back” and time with Taron as well, though the next few nights he spent at my home with me. It wasn’t even a conversation we had, he just showed up every evening, joining me in making dinner and helping Clara with her homework and walking Troy and just generally filling a space in my home I hadn’t realized had been empty. Eventually I thought it was high time he had a key, so I made it a point to make a copy and give him one.

“You’re in the special group of people who gets one of these,” I giggled as we cuddled on the couch together, long after Clara had gone to bed.

“Oh?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “And just how many people get a key to my girlfriend’s abode?” he chuckled.

“My mum, of course. Zayn, just in case something came up with Clara. Now you…” I smiled, as Taron flipped the key around in his palm slightly. He seemed a bit reserved about it, but then he’d been a bit reserved the past few nights. I chalked it up to just being knackered from night shoots until he sighed slightly and spoke my name in a hesitant manner.

“Juliette. I really need to ask you something,” he said, his eyes focusing somewhere just above the crown of my head.

“Anything, T,” I replied, even though a cold knot had formed in my stomach.

“Markus pulled me aside the other day and um, he wanted to pass along a few… things.” It was just like Markus to try and fuck everything up for me, even if we weren’t together. Even if I’d thoroughly ended things. Why could nothing in my world stay perfect, ever? I swallowed past the lump in my throat, willing my voice to not shake.

“I’m sure he wasn’t doing so out of the kindness of his heart,” I said coldly.

“Of course I took things with a grain of salt. We haven’t exactly had the best history, Markus and I, all things considered,” he said, finally focusing on my face, but the look of hurt that knitted his brows caught me off guard. “But he told me that you two were still together, that you slept with him again, when you had told me you wanted to be with me. When you were supposed to have broken up with him. And you never told me about that, and your nonadmission might as well have been as good as lying to me,” he continued, his voice cracking slightly.

“I… I’m so sorry,” I tried, my brain still processing what he was saying to me.

“I’ve been wrestling with this for a few days, whether to ask you about it or not. Whether to strike a divide between us or not. I’m forgiving, but relationships have to be founded on trust and communication, neither of which you’ve given to me, and that hurts.”

“I tried to break up with Markus. I tried to tell you that I failed. I felt so...humiliated and… ashamed. Of my history, of my weakness, of this shitty pattern I’ve never been able to get myself out of. I never meant it to hurt you, so I thought I could protect you from… me,” I said, stumbling over the words, unable to keep the tremor out of my voice. “You have to believe that, please.”

“I believe you, it’s just a misguided principle, really. Relationships sometimes hurt. Sometimes you have to be raw, and open, and vulnerable, and ugly in front of the other person, and sometimes that makes them hurt for you, because they love you. I want to accept your flaws, your imperfections, but I can’t do that if you won’t open up to me. I can’t do that if I can’t trust you to be honest with me. I can’t do that if you try to protect me from the difficult, painful bits. I can’t do this, if you won’t extend that to me,” he said into the dead silence of the room. My heart was near pounding out of my chest and I felt the need to get sick.

“What are you saying, Taron? Are you breaking up with me?” I asked softly, tears already threatening in my eyes.

“I just need...some time. To think. To know where I stand. I am hurt, and you’ve got to learn that there are consequences for your actions. But I’m not leaving you, no,” he said as evenly as possible. “I told you I loved you, through the hard times too. I stand by that. I just need you to try and earn my trust back,” he said softly, brushing his fingers lightly over my chin.

“Okay,” I sniffled slightly, feeling the shame burning in my chest.

He leaned over and set the key on the coffee table, the clink of the metal against the wood top making me cringe slightly, before he stood up and turned to me.

“I’ll see you around at the studios. We’re not going to be strangers. But there is this wedge we need to deal with, and I hope you can understand that.”

“I created it,” I said, a couple of tears rolling down my cheeks. But I couldn’t pity myself; I had done this. I had turned Taron away from me, yet again. I had made a muddled mess out of something that should have been good and pure.

“Hey, no need to cry. We will work through this, alright?” he said, tipping my chin up to look at him, but his face was fractured into a thousand tiny pieces through my tears.

“Why would you want to? Why aren’t you pissed off at me?” I asked, pulling away from his touch, his arm returning to his side awkwardly.

“I was, at first. But I try incredibly hard to not act out in anger. It never leads to anything good; it tends to cause more problems than it solves. I also know that even while you had promised to choose me, you really hadn’t, not yet. I wanted to believe I’d be enough to convince you...” he trailed off.

“Fuck, of course you are, T. You’re the best thing that’s ever really happened to me. And I keep trying to ruin it, so maybe you’d be better off without me dragging you down,” I said harshly.

“Stop, stop. I won’t let you talk about yourself that way,” he said, kneeling down in front of where I sat on the sofa, directly into my line of sight again. “Your self-loathing won’t help anything. Please see that.”

“Maybe I’m one person you can’t fix. Maybe no one can,” I said shakily, and Taron sighed deeply.

“I hope this feels better in the morning, but going around in circles on it with you all night won’t help either. I’m going to take my leave, and you should get some sleep, and we’ll figure out how to move forward together. That is, if you still want to.”

I couldn’t give him an answer so the silence between us yawned open until he stood up and placed a soft kiss on my forehead before gathering up his jacket and letting himself out the door. I’m not really sure how long I sat there, staring at nothing, thoughts whirling around my head. Time passed me by unnoticed until Clara padded barefoot into the room.

“Mum?” she asked, and I startled back into reality.

“Yes dear?” I asked, trying to push back the edges of darkness I felt threatening to overcome me.

“I got sick in my bed,” Clara said, starting to cry.

“Oh, honey,” I said, instantly sweeping up off the couch and going to attend to my sick daughter, cleaning the linens and giving her medicine and crashing in my bed with her that night, her feverish little body shivering next to me as I held her tight. At least I had this; I could look at my bright, inquisitive, beautiful daughter and know I had a hand in bringing her up in this world, hopefully teaching her how to avoid the pitfalls I’d fallen into in so many ways. I was grateful she was still young, that boys still had cooties and she was still years from her first kiss, her first love, her first heartbreak.

By the time the morning rolled around, neither Clara nor I had gotten much sleep, as much from Clara’s illness as from my dark thoughts. I called my mum to see if she could watch my sick kid while I went to teach classes and later Rocketman rehearsals, and of course my mum was all-too-kindly available to come over. I tucked Clara in her own bed, glad that her fever had come down overnight, and called school to tell them she wouldn’t be in that day while I waited for my mum to arrive. I made some coffee, desperate for the caffeine boost, and when my mum finally made it across town I blearily stumbled through my day. 

I couldn’t help glaring daggers at Markus’ back during rehearsals every time he wasn’t looking, which was most of the time, but I knew that was petty. It certainly wouldn’t make him apologize for ratting me out to Taron, and it wouldn’t take back what happened between us either.

By the time I got home I was completely exhausted, but Clara was feeling better and I couldn’t just crash out, even if my mum offered. I shook my head, telling her she’d done enough already for me, and sent her home with a thank-you pound note she tried to protest but I slipped into her purse anyway when she wasn’t looking. I ended up tossing a frozen pizza in the oven, but found it difficult to choke down the calories, while Clara didn’t seem to notice how little I ate as she chowed down on her slices. We watched a movie together, and I admittedly might have nodded off a few times, the Disney songs drifting in and out of my dreams.

I was so happy once Clara was tired enough to put to bed; I even skipped a shower just so I could faceplant in my bed that much quicker. I missed Taron’s warmth next to me as I pulled the blankets tightly around me. He promised we’d be okay, but what if he found more reasons to stay away from me in this temporary absence? What if he didn’t really miss me all that much? What if I was the one that was unlovable? I shivered slightly under the covers, the darkness creeping even closer than it had before in my mind, threatening to take over as I sank into a restless, dreamless sleep.

That darkness that resided inside my brain manifested itself in my attempt to control my calories; every little thing I put in my mouth had to be accounted for, and controlling my diet seemed to help me calm my nerves. Even when everything else felt like it was spiraling out of control, this one thing I could have total control over. I had exactly one scrambled egg white and 8 ounces of a protein shake in the morning, a 150-calorie protein bar at lunch, a handful of plain unsalted nuts for a snack to sustain my energy, and usually made some fish and vegetables for dinner. Eating for two was an absolute myth; I was religious about my prenatal vitamins and making sure the growing baby inside me was still getting the crucial building blocks it needed. But overeating wasn’t going to help either of us so I stuck to my routine, obviously varying things up for Clara so she wouldn’t be bored or wrinkle her nose up at my dinners. 

Over the next couple weeks of classes and rehearsals, I started to see an instant change in my arm and leg tone, and that made me at least happier. I had been needing to lose that unnecessary weight for years, and even if I couldn’t stop my belly from getting bigger, I could stop the rest of me from following suit.

As we headed full on into the summer months, the weather grew hot and sticky, as London weather was wont to do. We’d been rehearsing the Broadway musical-style choreography for “Bitch is Back” for a while in the studio, but were finally taking rehearsals outside, into the back lot to do some initial blocking. Taron was of course there, sporting some mockup cardboard wings that looked completely ungainly to manage. But somehow he did, as we danced our way through the piece and Dexter showed Taron and Matthew Illesley, who played the youngest version of Reggie, how the scene would operate.

I could feel the sweat trickling down my back, down my arms and legs, dripping off the edge of my nose. We were all allowed to wear our sunnies since it was a rare bright day in London and we weren’t officially filming yet. But when the production was able to secure the Pinner Street location, we would all need to be ready to go, so putting in this work now was important. They made us take a lot of breaks, providing Gatorade and water in massive jugs to keep us all hydrated, but I was beginning to feel rather sick to my stomach and had to fight through the nausea for the rest of the rehearsal.

Seeing Taron there, being so close to him and yet feeling far away, was painful. He acknowledged me, but it was mostly in a professional manner, and I could feel the difference in my bones. I wanted nothing more than to have him scoop me up in his arms and hold me to him, but that reality had been shattered. There are consequences to your actions, Juliette, the words popping into my brain and making my heart ache. I couldn’t run from those consequences; the only way to move forward was to accept them and move through them.

But how was I going to be able to prove to Taron that he could trust me, when we weren’t even spending time together? What grand gesture could show him how much he meant to me? I wasn’t really sure, and these thoughts hounded me throughout the day.

The next few days were much the same, the temperatures staying sticky hot and making me feel worse for wear. Pregnancy and heat did not go well together, and I found myself taking a few more breaks than everyone else, coming up with some lame excuse as I hadn’t told anyone on set I was pregnant. Only Taron and Markus knew that, and well, we all know who actually did his part to check in with me, concern written all over his face.

But then rehearsals suddenly ground to a halt, and we were left in a strange holding pattern as the production moved onto other scenes, keeping to its schedule and of course keeping Taron very busy. We had a couple short rehearsals to keep the choreography fresh in everyone’s brains, but there wasn’t much else for us to do. I focused more on teaching my classes, texting off and on with Taron when he’d ask how Clara was doing.

<She’s got a recital next week, if you’d like to go. She’d probably like that; she’s been wondering why you haven’t been around as much. I just told her it was because of work.> I responded one evening.

<Of course, I’d love to go. Text me the details and I’ll be there.>

And be there he was, dressed in a sharp navy suit coat, a white shirt underneath, and pressed slacks, looking as handsome as he ever did. Sitting next to him was almost intimidating, stealing glances at each other, sharing awkward smiles with each other as we waited through student after student, some well-practiced, others not so much, waiting for Clara’s turn.

When she got up on the stage, I could hear a bit of an audible gasp from the crowd; my opinionated little girl had chosen to don a sequined, sparkly pink jacket over her recital dress, and she had on a pair of star sunnies too, “just like Elton!” she’d declared when I’d tried to convince her otherwise.

“That’s our Clara,” Taron grinned over at me with a chuckle, before looking down at my hand and slowly taking it in his. I sucked my breath in slightly, still staring straight ahead as Clara took a seat at the piano. “You look beautiful today,” he whispered in my ear, taking in the light summer dress I’d chosen.

“Thank you,” I said, glancing over at him, those dimples of his causing my heart to flutter again. That special thing we had, it wasn’t gone by any means. We sat through my daughter’s songs, Clara gamely making it through Bach and Debussey with only a few stumbles, before getting to play a chosen song. And of course she’d chosen “Your Song,” playing it with gusto to much applause and appreciation from the audience. She gave an enthusiastic bow after her performance and skipped off the stage, returning to us excitedly as we were still clapping for her.

“Lovely job, sweetheart,” I said happily, giving her a huge hug.

“I think Elton himself would be very proud,” Taron added, making Clara grin so big she was showing off her toothless gaps.

“Yeah, if only he’d been able to watch it,” she sighed, making us both laugh.

“He’s a very busy man, but maybe some day you could play for him,” Taron said, as I playfully slapped his arm.

“Don’t promise her that!” I hissed slightly under my breath, but Taron waved it off.

“I’m sure I could get it arranged,” he said, as Clara fairly begged Taron to stay around for dinner. He obliged, and it turned into a really decent evening, the first one I felt I’d had in a bit, even after Clara commented “ewww, fish again?” when I served us dinner. He stayed long enough to tuck my daughter into bed, but said he probably shouldn’t wear out his welcome, though we lingered too long at the doorway, unspoken words and feelings passing between us.

I was actually at the academy when I got the phone call that the Pinner Street location had been secured, and that we’d be needed on set within a few hours. I scrambled to get my afternoon classes covered and made sure mum could pick up Clara from school before heading over to the studios, arriving just in time to get through hair and makeup. We changed into our costumes and were all boarded onto a shuttle and driven across the city, dropped off on a suburban street where crews were already busy setting up rigging for the cameras.

The place was an absolute blur of activity as us dancers huddled in the shade of some trees, trying to stave off the bright sunlight. We used each other to stretch and warm up, a steady hum weaving through the shimmering air as directions were shouted loudly, people running frantically to and fro. I hadn’t imagined this much chaos as the rest of the production had always been incredibly orderly. But I supposed this could happen with locations in the streets; it probably was a pain in the ass to secure city permits to shut entire blocks down for filming. When the city gave you a window of time, you had to spring into action; there would be no dragging feet here.

This sequence, of course, was an important element of the story that brought Taron into the picture as a sort of segue from rehab into his childhood years. It involved the other patients in rehab and the counselor, a brass band, and Taron in a bright orange neoprene Elvis-inspired devil costume with massive wings. The first time I saw him in it I nearly tripped over my own feet. The costume left very little to the imagination, but it was also somehow fitting to the vision of Elton that Dexter and Taron had created for the film. Elton at times played the devil, but he could also be the angel, and in many ways he was neither and both at the same time in his own story.

I loved the energy of this part of filming; the heat, not so much. The makeup crew constantly had to step in and powder us all between takes, and I’m sure our costumes weren’t going to smell very nice by the end of it. The filming day was kept short, as there were heat advisories and the production certainly didn’t want anyone to pass out. The heat sapped the strength right out of my body, and I wondered at how weak I felt as I made my way home, knowing I’d have to fight through the next few days in the same way.

The weakness in my body didn’t really abate the next day, and was joined by more nausea. Even if I didn’t get sick, I still felt turned inside out. I could barely stomach water, but I made myself push it down nonetheless. If my performance suffered for it, no one said a word to me. The third day, the dizziness hit me like a sack of rocks, making me stumble into another dancer and completely ruining the take. I mumbled my apologies and tried to concentrate the best I could. My muscles knew the motions; my brain couldn’t keep anything straight so I tried not to think too much and let my body do the work it knew by memory.

But some things you cannot win against, no matter how hard you fight. Weeks of undereating had caught up to me, leaving me emptied out; spots began to dance across my vision, my skin flushed cold despite the heat, and I found it difficult to breathe. I vaguely thought someone was calling my name, but I couldn’t hear them over the rushing in my ears. The music continued on, but my body did not; I dropped to the ground and stayed there. I don’t remember hitting the pavement, but I came to with my face burning, pressed against the hot surface. I was dimly aware of people gathered around me, and I thought I heard Taron yell at someone to “get these bloody wings off” before bright orange swam into my view.

“Juliette, can you hear me?” he asked as he knelt down beside me, the material of his costume stretching taut over his thighs. I don’t know why my brain focused on that, but I couldn’t move my head enough to look up at his face. The crystals glittered almost painfully bright in the sun as my vision went in and out of focus.

“She’s probably got heat stroke,” one voice said.

“Give her some space,” another added.

“Where’s the fucking medic?” someone else in the throng of voices shouted, my brain picking these out amongst the murmurs.

Did I really look that bad? I wondered, unaware of how crumpled I must have looked. Someone brought over an umbrella and at least shielded me from the sun; someone else tried offering water but I could neither hold the bottle nor swallow when it was poured into my mouth, vomiting onto the pavement instead, a strange thought that I should be embarrassed weaving its way through my brain, too wispy for me to grab onto.

I felt my body being moved as my pupil reaction was checked, my pulse taken, my body fussed over. Words were said that I didn’t understand and then I was being lifted through the air on a stretcher and pushed into the back of an ambulance. I flicked my eyes around at the faces staring down at me, the hands pushing IV lines into my arms, everything blurry and strangely in slow motion. 

And then I felt the sharpest pain in my abdomen, making me cry out. I instinctively tried to curl into a ball but the straps held me down, and I started to feel panic rising in my chest as another sharp pain wracked my body. I clutched at my stomach, gasping out something incoherent; this wasn’t right, and I knew it could only mean something terrible was happening.

“Oh god, the baby,” I heard Taron say, his voice sounding too loud and tinny to my ears, my secret spilled out for everyone within earshot to hear.

What was happening to my baby?, I thought, as more hands poked and prodded me, more needles stuck into my flesh, more words were said I couldn’t make sense of. All I could understand was the shivers that shook me, the pains that tormented me, the blackness that threatened to overtake me. The noise was too loud, the siren, the beeping machines, the medics’ voices, the rattling of wheels over roads as we sped toward the hospital, the hush of the cast and crew we left in our wake, growing in a cascading crescendo inside my brain until, mercifully, there was silence. 

I began to float into the void, the absence of noise, of feeling, of the physical realm, detached from what was happening to my body. The darkness came up to meet me, soothing me, warming me, easing me into slumber, the medicine working through my veins, easing the fire in my body. And then everything, everywhere, went black, and I was gone.

This is not the end of the story. Read Chapter 9 HERE.

[westendwithsteph]

Curtains: A Musical Comedy Review

Curtains is a murder mystery musical comedy, based on the book by Rupert Holmes, which I saw in The Wyndham’’s Theatre, London. It tells the story of a murder investigation that takes place backstage at a theatre. Faded film star, Jessica Cranshaw (played by ensemble member Nia Jermin), collapses dead after the final bows of the production of Robbin’ Hood, a western version of the classic ‘Robin Hood’, where she is playing the lead. The rest of the show depicts Lieutenant Frank Cioffi (played by Jason Mansford) trying to solve the murder. There is of course more to it than that, so more of the plot will be revealed throughout my review, but I of course will not reveal the killer.

I will start off by saying that I did not particularly enjoy this show, but still have a lot of good to say about it. The cast were all fabulous, and the costuming (by Danielle Gallagher) was excellent and very appropriate for the plot and setting. My main issues were the plot, and the songs (by John Kander and Fred Ebb).

Kander and Ebb are also the writers of Cabaret and Chicago, which were huge hits, so I find it such a shame that the songs in Curtains were so lacking. One of the main issues is that most of the songs add absolutely nothing to the plot. The show is a musical (Robbin’ Hood) within a musical (Curtains), so it makes sense for a few of the songs to be songs from Robbin’ Hood, but there were just too many, and they were often way too long. There are twenty-two songs in the whole musical, and ten of them are from Robbin’ Hood, so they often don’t do anything for story. The very first song, ‘Wide Open Spaces’, is one of those songs. It is 3 minutes long, so not massively too long for a normal song in a musical, but for a song that does not add anything to the real plot of the show, it is too long in my opinion. It does introduce that the lead actress, Jessica Cranshaw, isn’t very good, but she is then murdered at the end of it, so really, it could have been said in a more concise way since we hardly needed to get to know the character. I feel the show should have opened with the last thirty or so seconds of ‘Wide Open Spaces’ followed by Jessica dying, that way the point is gotten across without the audience having to sit through a very repetitive song.

(Photo: Richard Davenport https://www.theotherrichard.com/)

None of the other songs in act one were especially memorable, so I will skip to the end. The final song is the exceptionally long: ‘Thataway!’. This song is seven minutes long and is worthless to the plot. The cast are rehearsing the number with the new leading lady, Georgia Henricks (played by the exceptionally talented Carley Stenson), and that is it, that is the whole reason for having the song. 5% of the entire show is dedicated to pointing out that the new actress needs to rehearse before going on stage for an audience, which seems obvious to me and probably everyone else. The act ends with another murder to leave the audience wanting to come back, but after being beaten down by the inconsequential, seven-minute number just before, I almost left during the interval, which I have never done before.

After weighing up the options, I did not leave during the interval since I did not want to waste the money I had paid for my seat! Thankfully, the second act was a bit better. During the second act we got to see what I think was the best song in the show, ‘It’s a Business’, sung by the character Carmen Bernstein (played by Rebecca Lock), who is a co-producer of Robbin’ Hood. Rebecca Lock is phenomenal in this role, and she shows off the power of her voice in this song. She sings about why she backed the show and reveals that she is in it entirely for the money; Lock plays the crooked producer excellently.

(Photo: Richard Davenport https://www.theotherrichard.com/)

Another ‘perk’ of act two is that we get to here the only song that is actually about who the cast thinks committed the murder: ‘He Did It.’ For a show with a double page spread in the programme titled ‘Whodunit?’, I would have expected more than one song on that subject. I do tell a small lie, there is a reprise of the song, called ‘She Did It’, but I really don’t think that a reprise should count as a second song due to it being so similar to the first version. This is my second big issue with the show: there just is not enough about the murder! In a show that’s meant to be a murder mystery, the majority of it should be just that, but instead it’s filled with numbers from the show within a show, which feel like filler, and songs about a couple of different love interests, past and present, and that is about it. There is not even a song when the murder is solved and the killer is revealed, which seems like a massive flaw to me.

The final major issue I have with Curtains is that so many of the songs are reprises. Some of the reprises make sense, for example ‘In the Same Boat’ is reprised a few times, but that’s to show the writing process and how the writers are trying to find the perfect version to complete Robbin’ Hood, so it is more acceptable. There are three different versions throughout Curtains, each with different lyrics, tune and actors singing them, but the same orchestra part, then one final version where they put all three together. They are also all very short, apart from the final version, so I cannot complain about them, they were all enjoyable. Most of the other reprises, however, do not have the same necessity or add the same interest. They are almost identical to the originals, so it just feels like lazy writing. Act two consists of twelve songs altogether and, including the ‘In the Same Boat’ rewrites, seven of those twelve are reprises, which just leaves the show feeling samey, since very little new music is being heard. The last three songs of the show, which take place after the killer has been named and caught, are all reprises, so there is no exciting ending to the show where we get to hear a celebratory new number, which is a big let down after sitting through two hours of wondering who the murderer is. Overall, I just found the songs lacking, and in a musical that really cannot be the case! I will admit that I am only twenty, so my dislike of the style of songs could be put down to that, but that still does not excuse the volume of reprises and repeats.

(Photo: Richard Davenport https://www.theotherrichard.com/)

On a much more positive note, the cast were excellent, with Rebecca Lock standing out to me especially. Jason Mansford played the lead well and, unsurprisingly, his comedy timing was spot on. The dancing was well choreographed and well performed, as well as fitting the time period. The ensemble was full of highly trained dancers and were thoroughly entertaining to watch, the dance breaks/numbers were some of my favourite parts of the show!

As I said at the beginning, the costume design was wonderful. There were many costumes, since each song that was ‘rehearsed’ had its own set of costumes, as well as the clothes the cast were wearing when they were not ‘performing’ or ‘rehearsing’. All of them were beautiful and worked amazingly together. The set also worked very well done. I especially enjoyed how it was used at the beginning. They have to quickly switch between ‘performing’ view, and ‘backstage’ view, after Jessica Cranshaw collapses, so they simply turn the set pieces round and put up an image of an audience on the back wall, it was very effective. With both the costumes and the set, there was always a distinct difference between the sets for just Curtains, and the sets for Robbin’ Hood, which I think is important. The sets for Robbin’ Hood always had a much fancier, slightly tackier, look to them, as with the costumes. They were also western styled, which was obviously a big part in them looking different to the non-Robbin’ Hood sets as well.

(Photo: Richard Davenport https://www.theotherrichard.com/)

I can’t forget to compliment the band, who played without a hitch, and the backstage crew who kept the set pieces moving as they should be, the sound and mics working perfectly and the shots being called on time! The lighting was stunning as well, it really added to the atmosphere of every scene.

If you are wondering whether to see this show or not, I would recommend listening to some of the music first, since that really is what ruined it for me. If you enjoy the music, then you will most likely enjoy the whole show, but if you do not enjoy the music, chances are it will ruin the whole performance for you. It was not this particular production that had any issues for me, it was just how the show was written that I did not like. So, I can safely say that I will not be seeing any other productions of Curtains, no matter how amazing the cast list seems!

(Photo: Richard Davenport https://www.theotherrichard.com/)

[alena-kostornaia]

Alena Kostornaia - The ideal figure skater. What is she good at?

Russia’s Match TV released an article written by Anastasia Panina analyzing Alena Kostornaia’s quality of skating. Translated by Edwin, edited by @birdie02​.

Spoiler: Kostornaia is good at everything, but she also has problems.

As soon as she appeared on the international junior scene, specialists and fans started talking about Alena Kostornaia, astounded by her marvelous skating quality. The girl stood out with her high jumps and her strong command over her skating despite her tender age, a command many top 10 senior figure skaters would envy.

In her sixteen years, Alena managed to stand on the podium of the Russian Championships twice, win Junior Grand Prix Final and win the silver medal at Junior World Championships, losing only to Alexandra Trusova.

Alena started this season with two victories. First, at the Finlandia Trophy, she won and left Elizaveta Tuktamysheva, the 2015 World Champion with her three 3As, in the dust. At her first senior Grand Prix competition of her career, Alena also convincingly won and bested 2018 Olympic Champion Alina Zagitova.

Now everyone is talking about Kostornaia. What is known about her? She is studying in a regular – not sports – school. Until recently,  she dreamed of becoming a neurosurgeon. She loves horses and unicorns. The girl is emotional and straightforward – she does and says what she feels. For example, at IDF 2019, she disappointedly grumbled “why did I strain myself?” When she saw her low marks for her SP with her 3A. And then, at the award ceremony, she laughed contagiously along with other medalists when the organizers mixed up the medals and handed Kostornaia’s gold medal to American Mariah Bell.

Match TV figured out what exactly is so strong about Alena Kostornaia and how she can be defeated.

JUMPING

As far back as last season, Kostornaia’s jumping set did not stand out among a dozen other figure skaters in Russia and the world – 

While it was not distinctive in complexity, it was praised for the cleanness of its execution.

At the Russian Test Skates, Alyona looked like an obvious outsider among her Team Tutberidze classmates – there were no quadruple jumps, experience in senior-level performances, world records, or titles. Back then, she also made mistakes. Alena did not put up with this situation, and immediately after the Test Skates she began to learn the 3A. A month later, two 3As elements were performed at the Finlandia Trophy in the free program, allowing Kostornaia to defeat the other 3A wielder, Elizaveta Tuktamysheva.

Now Kostornaia’s content is as follows:

SP: 3A // 3Lz, 3F3T (BV: 24.35 points)

FS: 3A2T,  3A, 2A, 3Lo // 3F3T, 3F1Lo3S, 3Lz (BV: 53.55)

From the point of view of the current rules, Kostornaia’s jumps should be awarded high GOE's. She jumps with amplitude, like Tuktamysheva, but always uses a difficult entrance (for example, from an Ina Bauer), exit (several one-leg turns on the landing leg), and sometimes  a difficult air-position variation during the jump (tano or rippon).

Unfortunately, Alena has a problem with her blade edge on toe jumps. Exclamation marks indicating an unclear edge on the Flip and Lutz appear from time to time in its protocols, but the “e” mark is a wrong edge – the technical team has marked Alena’s jumps since 2017.

In particular, at the recent Grand Prix competition in Grenoble, where the judging was especially strict, Kostornaia immediately received two exclamation marks - on the Lutz in her short and on the Flip in her free program. What does this mean in the future for Alena? If you do not try to correct these errors, Flip and Lutz will always be a convenient tool for manipulating results - this issue can negate all advantages that the 3A brings to it.

SPINS

Spins account for approximately 20% of the base technical value of a program, therefore, a loss of levels or poor performance can significantly affect the total score. Kostornaia has no problems with this at all - over the past two seasons, she has never lost a single level on spins. In addition, the GOE given for her spins are large – on average “+3” and “+4,” with some “+2” and numerous “+5.” While Alena does not have the outrageous flexibility of Yulia Lipnitskaya and the stunning Biellman spin of Kamila Valieva, she spins with very high quality – maintaining the position and achieving the desired number of revolutions without losing centering or speed.

STEPS SEQUENCES

In the 2019 – 2020 season, Kostornaia receives level 4s for her sequences. Last year, she received approximately an equal number of level 3s and level 4s. Again, her GOEs are high – an average of at least “+3.” The only exception is the Russian Championships, where Alena tripped and fell during the step sequence.

Achieving level 4s on step sequences with high GOE is a sign of a top-level figure skater. The best step sequences elevate figure skaters to become Olympic champions, World champions, and Continental champions [Europeans and Four Continents]. Kostornaia’s step sequences look spectacular thanks to her quality skating skills, which is a separate point of our analysis.

SKATING SKILLS

Let's see what criteria are used by the International Skating Union [ISU] in determining the parameter sliding:

- Deep edges, steps and turns

- Balance, rhythmic knee work and leg accuracy

- Ease of gliding

- Variety in force, speed and acceleration

- Multi-directional skating

- One-footed skating

Since she started competing on the Junior Grand Prix, Alena never received less than 7.5 points in the components for skating skills, and by the time she entered the senior ranks she often received 8.0 or 8.5, corresponding to a rating of “very good.” Above this rating are only “excellent” (9.0 – 9.75 points) and “outstanding” (10.0). Provided consistently clean performances, Kostornaia will be eventually evaluated at this top level. 

During the short program at IDF 2019, Alyona lost to Alina Zagitova in the components score by about 3.5 points. In the free the gap was no longer so large – only 2 points. This should be expected – on one hand we are talking about the reigning World and Olympic Champion, and on the other about a debutant in senior competitions. 

PRESENTATION, INTERPRETATION

In a recent interview, Alena admitted that if she is touched by a certain piece of music, more than anything, she desires to skate to it so that everyone around her says that her performance is very good. Whether the acting lessons that Alena attended as a child helped or whether her natural abilities played a big role, only Kostornaia can perform to music with a superb interpretation, even when given an unremarkable music piece.

An example is her new free program to the Twilight soundtrack. There is no outstandingly dramatic music, and even in the plot of the film there is nothing that would motivate the viewer to rewatch it again after many years – there is nothing substantial to cling to. But thanks to how Alena carefully arranges her choreography and her energy according to the layout of the program, her performances always look sublime for such an exceptional skater.

PSYCHOLOGICAL STABILITY

Last season, Alena performed immaculately for six competitions, only making three mistakes in twelve skates – a singled 1A in the short and a fall on a 3F in the free (both errors were made during JGP Czech Republic) as well as a fall during the step sequence during the Russian Championships. Moreover, her execution of jumping elements is phenomenal – almost 97% of cleanly performed jumps and combination jumps. Only Evgenia Medvedeva is comparable if you sample her first two senior seasons.

Alena Kostornaia is undoubtedly one of the strongest skaters in the world at her age. Her strength is not only that she can jump high and difficult or skate beautifully, but that she is good at almost everything – a sort of ideal product of the 15-year existence of the ISU judging system. Problems with edges on the Lutz and Flip can somewhat complicate Alena’s competitive life, but with a competent coaching approach this can be fixed.

[dancer-cotillion]

Don’t Make it Weird

[A/N] Basically, during the trial in Chapter 5 I had the thought (theory) that maybe both Kaito and Kokichi were in the Exisal and lying about having a voice changer. That they'd perhaps swapped in a different body from a previous murder or used blood bags to make it look like a new murder had occurred, especially since the first game had set a precedent for such things being possible. I realized for this to be the case that Kokichi would have to be sitting on Kaito's lap since the Exisal supposedly only had one seat and probably not much room for anything else. My immediate follow up thought was 'oh my gosh, I ship it like Fedex'. Then I decided I very much wanted this thought/theory to be true. It wasn't though. T.T But now that I'm officially writing for this fandom, I decided to write it out for fun. There are plot holes, I don't know where Kokichi got the second antidote or the blood bags, or how he got either of those things without Monokuma knowing and thus hinting towards his plan. I don't even try to explain it. So please forgive my plot holes for the sake of them hiding in the Exisal together. Oh and also, Kaito isn't sick here. Or if he is, it's not fatal because he needs to live. [A/N]

*

With a sinking feeling, Kaito watched Maki disappear from the window, fleeing as she was helpless to do anything else. Dammit, that antidote had been meant for him. He never would’ve predicted Kokichi would be that ruthless, especially after Kaito had saved him.

He looked back over to see that the gremlin had pulled out one of those pink electro-bomb things that Miu had made. He pulled the pin out and dropped the grenade on the floor in the middle of the open doorway between the hanger and the bathroom. It exploded with a loud buzzing pop and seemingly nothing of it remained.

“What was that for?” Kaito asked as Kokichi turned back to face him.

“That was for the next step of my plan,” Kokichi replied as if he hadn’t just condemned Kaito to die of poison. But of course he had a plan, he was just like that.

He walked over to stand in front of Kaito and pulled out a bottle. It looked identical to the empty antidote bottle in his other hand. “Drink this,” he said, holding it towards Kaito as if he expected him to take it.

“What is it?”

“Another antidote. Now drink it.” Kokichi pushed it towards him again. “You dying would ruin everything.”

It was possible he was lying – where would he have even gotten another antidote? – but Kaito was already poisoned so he accepted it and drank it. While he did so, Kokichi smeared blood from the crossbow bolt wound on his shoulder onto the bottle in his hand and placed on the floor by Kaito.

“Now,” Kokichi took the now empty bottle from Kaito and put it back in his pocket. “Hold out your arm so I can take out the arrow.”

Kaito maybe felt a bit better? The poison was slow acting though, he’d only just been starting to feel its affects, so it was possible he hadn’t been cured of it. This was all a bit fishy.

So he pushed himself to his feet to regain his height advantage. “What is this about? What are you planning?” And did Kaito really want to play along with it? Kokichi was claiming to be the mastermind after all. Whether that was true or not was still not quite one hundred percent proven yet as far as Kaito was concerned. If he was willing to lie about being the culprit, why wouldn’t he also lie about being the mastermind? But to what end?

Kokichi frowned up at him. His face was paler than it should be. With pain no doubt, just the one arrow in Kaito’s forearm hurt like hell and Kokichi had two of them sticking out of him. But he snapped into a smile anyway. “We’re going to fool the mastermind by faking my death.”

“Aren’t you the mastermind.”

“Nope, that was a lie.” As Kaito had half suspected. “Now give me your arm.”

Kaito hesitated but did as he told, he wanted the arrow out regardless of anything else. “And how are we going to…” he cut off with a squawk of pain as Kokichi held his wrist with one hand and used the other to yank out the arrow. “Ow.”

“Don’t be a baby.” Kokichi placed the arrow on the ground by the bottle. “Now your turn.”

Kaito wanted to protest being called a baby – because he wasn’t, he’d had an arrow in his arm, it getting yanked out had hurt more than it going in had, and that was saying something – but now unfortunately wasn’t the time. “First, tell me what the hell we’re doing.” If Kokichi’s plan was a bad one, it’d be best to leave the arrows in for now as the pain should incapacitate him somewhat, which is exactly what Kaito had been aiming for.

“We’re going to make it look like you killed me with the crusher but we’re going to make it seem as if we tried to fake your death with the intent to fool the mastermind. Shuichi’s going to figure that out. He won’t call our double bluff though because everyone will assume that one us of is dead. We’ll hide in an Exisal and pretend we have a voice changer for the class trial. After the vote is called, we’ll both pop out, revealing our bluff and beating the mastermind at his own game, hopefully ending it for good.”

“Uh… what?”

Kokichi gave him a look like he thought he was stupid. “Did you really not understand?”

“Yes… no, I understand just… how?” There was no way that would work, right?

“Take out the arrows first please and then I’ll give you the exact steps while we start to set up.”

Now Kaito had a choice to make. Go along with Kokichi’s plan to fool the mastermind or go with his original plan to incapacitate him? Fooling the real mastermind would be phenomenal and might even end the killing game. Hopefully it would. And even if Kokichi was the biggest pain in the ass Kaito had ever met, he was also clearly very smart. If anyone could pull off a plan that could fool the mastermind, it’d be him… even if Kaito didn’t want to admit it even to himself.

With a sigh he stepped closer and bent over to put one hand on Kokichi’s shoulder, the other he wrapped around the arrow shaft right above where it entered him. “Okay, I’m going to pull it out in three… two… one… now.”

Kokichi had visibly braced for it but still let out a hiss of pain as Kaito yanked out the arrow. He let out a heavy breath as he took the arrow and placed it next to the other one on the floor. Then he turned his back to face Kaito, taking no time to let himself recover. “Next one.”

This one looked like it had been embedded deeper than the one in his shoulder had been. Any deeper and it might have been a potentially fatal wound, he was perhaps lucky that it wasn’t.

Kaito repeated what he did before, bracing with one hand, gripping the arrow shaft with the other. “All right, three… two… one… now.”

Kokichi was silent this time but when he turned back around to take the arrow, there were tears in his eyes. Were they real though? … Well, he’d just had two arrows ripped out of him, that had to hurt so perhaps they were. What should Kaito say though? Should he even say anything?

“Tell me your plan now,” was what he ended up saying. There wasn’t much they could do about their injuries right now so perhaps it was best to pretend they weren’t in pain.

 -

The press finished lowering with a loud clang, bursting the blood bags and spraying blood everywhere. If Kaito didn’t know better he’d believe a murder had happened here for sure. It was messy and gross and… should’ve made him feel sick enough to vomit. But he’d seen so much blood and death by now it didn’t faze him much as it should. … That was the scariest part of all. They needed to end this killing game before they all went insane, hopefully Kokichi’s plan would accomplish that.

Speaking of Kokichi, he turned back to watch him dismantle the camera’s tripod. He’d taken off his shirt to flush down the toilet to ‘hide’ the evidence. Not a step Kaito was sure was truly necessary but Kokichi had insisted that it was. He looked even skinner as a result.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a smile as he turned to face Kaito.

“No.” Kaito looked away, crossing his arms. “But now that that’s done, please tell me you brought medical supplies.” The arrow wound in his arm was painful and still bleeding an uncomfortable amount. Kokichi’s wounds were oozing blood too.

“Yep.” Kokichi vaulted over the railing of the control platform instead of going down the stairs like a normal person. … Kaito followed suit so he wouldn’t have to look at the bloody press again. Even knowing there was no body under there didn’t mean he actually wanted to look at it.

Kokichi led him back to the bathroom, purposefully avoiding stepping on the blood trial they’d created. There, they tended to each other’s wounds in near silence. It was an almost intimate experience in a weird sort of way.

Then they combed the place for any evidence of what they were actually doing and got rid of it, leaving behind only the exact clues they wanted to be found. Kaito wasn’t sure what all that would be so he just followed Kokichi’s lead. He didn’t want to but this was Kokichi’s plan and area of expertise so he wasn’t given much choice.

“And I brought you a spare a jacket because you don’t look right without it,” Kokichi said once he’d deemed the ‘crime’ scene to be perfect. He tossed said spare jacket towards Kaito.

Kaito caught it and slipped it on, letting one sleeve dangle at his side to look cool. “You bring yourself a spare set of clothing too?” he asked, looking around and seeing no such thing.

“Uh… I may have forgotten to do that. Whoops, oh well.” Smiling Kokichi shrugged. He seemed unbothered but… it was just weird seeing him bare-chested like that. Dammit.

With a sigh, Kaito slipped the jacket back off and tossed it at Kokichi, hitting him in the face with it. “What now?” he asked. “We hide in the Exisals, right?” Hopefully Kokichi would put the jacket on and not make any sort of deal out of it.

But alas, his hurt expression – undoubtedly fake – said such was not to be the case even before he opened his mouth. “I went to all the trouble to bring you an extra jacket and you…”

“Just put on the damn jacket asshole,” Kaito interrupted. “Don’t make it weird.”

Kokichi hesitated for a couple second before pulling the jacket on, moving slowly and stiffly due to his injuries. He even buttoned a few of buttons to cover his bare chest. “How do I look?” He asked as if he were trying on an outfit at a store and not mere feet away from a giant broken hydraulic press covered in blood in the middle of damn killing game.

The jacket was a couple sizes too big for him, hanging on him almost like a short dress. The sleeves hung down past his wrists to cover his hands. All together it added to his false look of cute innocence.

“I told you not to make it weird. Let’s just get the Exisals.” Kaito turned away and started making his way towards the closest one.

“I think you mean Exisal. We’re going to be hiding in the same one.”

Kaito stopped and turned back. “But there are two of them in here.”

“Yes, but remember, everyone needs to assume only one of us is alive. We’re going to lead them to the conclusion that it’s you but we need to make it seem like we’re trying to hide that. So we need to hide in the same Exisal and pretend we have a voice changer.”

“But uh… that means…”

“Yep, it means I get to sit on your lap for an extended period of time.”

“Uh… no, fuck that.” The last thing Kaito wanted was for Kokichi of all people to sit on his lap for any length of time.

“I’m smaller than you though so it makes more sense that way. But I suppose if you really want to sit on my lap that bad, you can.”

“Nope, fuck that even more.” The only thing worse than Kokichi sitting in his lap would be sitting in Kokichi’s lap. He’d just… have to suck it up then. “Let’s just get this over with then, don’t you dare make it weird. Which one we hiding in?”

“The one still on rack.”

Kaito walked over to it and climbed up to the cockpit. The electro-bomb from earlier was still in effect so the hatch opened without a problem, allowing him to clamber in. The seat was surprisingly comfy. And the control panel while unfamiliar in the sense that he’d never been inside this kind of machine before still felt comfortable in front of him, almost like he was in the cockpit of one of the astronaut training simulators.

His nostalgia and growing sense of homesickness was broken as Kokichi popped into view. With literally nowhere else for him to sit, he inevitably ended up on Kaito’s lap as promised. He pulled the hatch done with him and it set in place with a small click, sealing them in together.

“Don’t make it weird,” Kaito said again.

“Oh, I think it’s bit too late for that don’t you think?”

Kokichi was right of course. There was nothing not weird about having someone sit on his lap, back pressed to his chest. What was he supposed to do with his arms? The most logical place to put them was around Kokichi’s middle but that was not happening. They were way too close to cuddling… heck, some people might consider them to be cuddling if they saw them like this without an explanation.

“My plan to wear your jacket and sit on your lap has proven to be a total success,” Kokichi said with a giggle.

“What? You specifically wanted this?” Kaito’s face burned at the thought.

“No of course not, that was a lie.”

“Oh… good.” It had been a nice thought though, someone actively wanting to be this close to him. … Just not Kokichi. Anyone but Kokichi and it would’ve been a nice thought. “What do we do now?”

“Sit, wait, I suggest taking a nap.”

It was in the middle of the night and Kaito was tired but… how was he supposed to sleep when Kokichi was pressed up against him like this? His body was warm but not unpleasantly so. Kaito had never physically been this close to another person before. It was kind of nice… except for the fact that it was Kokichi.

“So uh… you sure this’ll work?” he asked, shoving those thoughts to the side.

“I can’t know for sure of course but it should work.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll just have to try a different plan.” He sounded unbothered by that idea but it had to be a lie, right? So much work had gone into this plan of his, it failing would have to be devasting to him, right? “No matter what though I’m going to end this killing game.”

“Good, see? You’re a not a bad person. You’re just…”

“Before you say that,” Kokichi cut him off, “you should know the reason I want to end this killing game. I want to outsmart the mastermind, prove I’m smarter and better than him. Or her, it could be a girl.”

“That’s a lie though, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. For once I’m telling the truth.”

“Only a partial truth then?” Kaito didn’t want to believe Kokichi was all bad. He’d never wanted to believe that. But Kokichi seemed determined to make that hard. That had been part of his act to set this up though, right? He didn’t need to hold to it with Kaito anymore. “You want to outsmart the mastermind and help everyone?”

“Now you’re using that big astronaut brain of yours.” Kokichi reached back to tap Kaito’s cheek. “This ‘game’ is cruel and unusual; it needs to stop.” At the start of his words he sounded like he’d been smiling, by the end he sounded as if he were on the verge of tears. It might’ve been fake but it might’ve been real too; it was impossible to tell with him. “It’s not fun. It was never fun. It’s awful. I hate it.”

Kaito sighed as he wrapped his arms around Kokichi’s middle at last, letting his body relax and fold into him. It was far more comfortable and considering how long they’d be in here together, the comfier they could get, the better. “We’ll stop it,” he whispered.

Kokichi stiffened but relaxed back into him after several seconds. “I hope so.”

“We’ll do it for sure, don’t worry about it.”

Kokichi scoffed but otherwise didn’t reply for a long while. “Let’s try to get some sleep, we need to be rested for tomorrow’s trail.”

They stayed silent after that and eventually Kokichi’s breathing deepened as he fell asleep. It was calm and peaceful. With how cramped the space it would eventually get uncomfortable but for now Kaito was fine and soon started drifting off as well. Tomorrow would be rough but hopefully everything would work out and they’d be free of this nightmare.

[insanityclause]

“I’m a meat and two veg kinda fella,” says Kenneth Branagh. “I love my fish and chips, and my English breakfast, and I like my football and horse racing – my dad loved the horses.” His tastes, he admits, such as his signature dessert recipe for melted Mars bar over vanilla ice cream, were formed in his working-class childhood.

For the past four decades, this son of a joiner from Belfast has been living cheek by jowl with that other great scion of the lower classes – William Shakespeare. Ever since Branagh became a stage and film star playing Henry V in the Eighties, he’s been directing Shakespeare’s works, adapting them, playing many of his great characters. Now, at 58, he is assuming the bald pate, sharp nose and very pointed beard of the playwright himself, in the self-directed All Is True.

It’s an unexpectedly moving portrait. Branagh’s Will is entering his 50s, and retiring from London to Stratford-upon-Avon, where he had long owned a house, and where at 18, he had married Anne Hathaway, a 26-year-old already pregnant with their child. It’s 1613, the Globe Theatre has burned down, and the playwright is still grieving the death of his only son, Hamnet, many years earlier.

“For me, it was a sort of time travel,” says Branagh, whose enduring boyishness hides the fact that he is eight years older than the Shakespeare we meet in the film. (The playwright died in 1616, at the age of 52.) Branagh’s Shakespeare is stiff of bearing; Branagh isn’t. He’s playful while having his photograph taken in the London hotel where we meet, and his comfortable clothes – knitwear – mirror a softness in his tone and manner. It masks a seriousness that shows itself often when he speaks.

After all these years exploring Shakespeare’s work, does the think he has a feel for the man? “I have a sense of preoccupations that repeat themselves,” he says. “They came together when I played Leontes in The Winter’s Tale a couple of years ago, because it did feel like a play from a man at the end of his professional life, maybe in the evening of his life – there was such a longing in it for this lost child, such an ache for the reunification of a family, that it seemed to add up with all sorts of longings in the plays, even in the comedies.”

The grief for Hamnet in All Is True is so acute that, set against the way Will yearns for a male heir, and his complicated relationship with his daughters, Susanna and Judith (Hamnet’s twin), it makes you wonder whether Branagh has been contemplating his own mortality. Does he wish that he had had children?

“Didn’t happen,” he shrugs. “It doesn’t seem to me to be valuable to be wishing and hoping for things that don’t appear to have been on your dance card. I go with what we have. I start with, are you healthy, do you have some family, do you have some friends? Anything north of that’s terrific.”

Since 2003, Branagh has been married to art director Lindsay Brunnock. Before that, of course, he was married to Emma Thompson – a celebrity coupling that was so ubiquitous between 1989 and 1994 that they were referred to simply as “Ken and Em”. They acted in a series of Branagh’s films together, such as the history-repeats-itself thriller Dead Again (1991), the rather precious paean to privilege, Peter’s Friends (1992), and a very winning Much Ado About Nothing (1993), before the partnership ended with Branagh’s affair with Helena Bonham Carter. Does he think he and Thompson will ever work together again? “I don’t know,” he says. Would he like to? “She’s a terrific talent, so who knows?”

Branagh is clearly not keen to talk about his personal life, however much of it is already in the public arena. Yet so little is known of Shakespeare’s life that All Is True must make a series of guesses to fill the void. (The script is written by Ben Elton, who has already treated the subject as comedy in Upstart Crow.) But the element most likely to raise eyebrows is the casting of Judi Dench as Hathaway. Dench is 84. It’s very unusual to cast a woman 26 years older than her leading man, isn’t it? “Is she 26 years [older]?” says Branagh, surprised. “Really?” I nod – does he think audiences will balk at that?

“I don’t think so. I was aware that for the past 100 years of cinema that age gap has usually been the other way round. If it felt it was going to kill the story, I would have been terrified; for some maybe it will, but for me, not at all. She’s unique and to have that chance with one of the greatest living actors, the age thing didn’t come into it.”

Is it an example of “age-blind casting”? “Yeah, I guess so. She was the right person for the role.” The film seems to suggest that Hathaway and Shakespeare reunite sexually, too. I wonder if, as a director, he considered having a physical scene between them? “No, it didn’t seem appropriate for this. I wouldn’t have balked at it if it had seemed right, very much not.”

He also shares a seven-minute scene with Ian McKellen, who plays the Earl of Southampton, to whom Shakespeare famously dedicated two poems. It evolves into a duel between heavyweight Shakespeareans when both recite Sonnet 29 (“When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes”). “I practised for that scene as I’ve never practised before,” Branagh admits, explaining that he went to see McKellen perform as Lear last year, and rehearsed with him backstage. “I found that pretty intimidating… You’ve got to be up pretty early in the morning to keep up with Dench, but with him…”

It’s one of the pivotal moments of the film, which clearly suggests that the Bard was in love with a man. Is that an unavoidable conclusion from the Sonnets, four-fifths of which are addressed to a “fair youth”? “I think it’s certainly unavoidable not to consider it very strongly,” Branagh says. Is there room for doubt that Shakespeare preferred men? He laughs. He’s weighing his words carefully. “I think it’s a strong possibility.”

Branagh does this a lot, studiedly avoiding sound-bites. Asked if he believes Shakespeare was indeed the author of the plays, he decides: “The other theories are brilliant speculations, but there has been no winning piece of evidence. In the current state of knowledge, I would follow the man from Stratford.”

Branagh’s family moved from Belfast to Reading to escape the Troubles when he was nine. As a boy from the sticks, who arrived at Rada in the late Seventies, then went on to act, direct and try his hand as a playwright, had he wanted to actually be Shakespeare?

It’s impossible to imagine it, he says. He just felt “so at home and happy telling stories in the theatre to a live audience, the itinerant nature of it. Those that were ahead of me – whether it was Shakespeare or actors of the past or directors – I was inspired by them.”

Branagh’s career began in a blaze of glory. But while his stage reputation continued to grow, in film at least there was a mid-period lull. His Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1995) was panned; his run of big-screen Shakespeare adaptations stuttered with the widely derided song-and-dance version of Love’s Labour’s Lost (2000), and even when he returned with a striking As You Like It (2006) set in 19th-century Japan, around the same time as The Magic Flute (2006) and Sleuth (2007), all three “received a pretty rough time”, he says. Yet he’s sanguine about criticism. “Sometimes people don’t like ’em. It’s as simple as that. I put the same feeling into all of them.”

He has always had a phenomenal approach to work that seems to border on mania. Since he was 29, he has been using meditation to ensure that he doesn’t yo-yo between frantic activity – “I wouldn’t characterise it as manic, but I would say, yes, extremely hectic at times” – and its corresponding depressive state.

“I knew I had to work quite hard at all those things that would try to allow you some peace amid the noise and haste. I like to read about spiritual matters and I’ve developed the meditation since then to try to find the way to turn down the noise. When the engine’s revving really high, I think you have to be careful.”

A decade ago, Branagh made the decision to leave the West End production of Hamlet he had been about to direct, starring Jude Law, to take up the reins of Thor (2011) for Marvel. It was a change of direction that opened the door to a new phase in his career, as a director of blockbuster movies. He won’t accept the charge that comic-book films have killed grown-up cinema – “Well I’ve just made a grown-up film, I’d say” – and mounts a strong defence.

“In the best hands you get stories that involve spectacle and, in some cases, depth or wit or creative imagination that allows for a really cinematic experience, they provide stories that make you want to go to the pictures. They ain’t killing grown-up movies.”

His hit 2015 Cinderella, starring Lily James and Richard Madden, will be followed this summer by a lavish Disney adaptation of Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer’s 2001 novel about a boy genius who discovers the fairy world beneath our feet. Blockbusters bring their own set of pressures. Does he fear that if Artemis Fowl bombs, that avenue closes? “No, it doesn’t feel that way, although perhaps it is that way,” Branagh says. “I think if it felt like that it would be quite hard to do the work, but I’ve certainly been in situations where if a movie doesn’t work you’re really aware of the cold winds that blow around you for a while. It’s a commercial business and these are big investments.”

What would he do if an invitation to take on the Bond franchise came his way? “I have absolutely no idea,” he says. “I have Artemis Fowl to finish and I hope we get to make Death on the Nile [the second of his Agatha Christie adaptations, after Murder on the Orient Express, in which he stars as Poirot] towards the end of the year. Ask me the Bond question a picture or so from now.” He leans back.

“I should be so lucky.”

There will be a preview screening of 'All is True' followed by a Q&A with Kenneth Branagh at VUE cinema in Leicester Square on Wednesday 6th February, from 6.30pm.

Tickets are £20 for non-subscribers and £10 for subscribers.

[homesception]

May 31, 2013 - part 1: wherein Lobac eats a cookie.

To be fair, it has been like two hundred years since my last update.  That’s a pretty good nap.  Just means I’m all the more rested to work on new stuff, right?  I mean, I need to keep a spritely pace up if I still plan on catching up to Lobac’s liveblog before said liveblog catches up to the comic.  Which for sure is still an actual thing at all, and not a bit of exclusive humor between friends.

Last time Lobac was getting into some theory crafting and analysis of the classpect system.  I didn’t have much to say about that at the time, particularly not much that wouldn’t qualify as spoilers, so iirc I was mostly just responding with random thoughts and video links, half of which are dead now.  There was a bit left over looking at the troll’s perster names, which was also good stuff, but lacking anything coherent to say about it, I’ll just gloss past the rest of that post, apart from:

Lobac said:

Thank you all for sticking around °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

As if you could ever get rid of me.  ~{@PQ}~

Moving on, we rejoin the comic with PM visiting the Black Queen to retrieve the mysterious GREEN PACKAGE, which had been impounded by agents of the Black Court as a result of a traffic violation.  The Black Queen cuts an imposing figure, and Lobac is, of course, duly imposed.

later, Lobac said:

Are those… tentacles ( ´ _ ｀) I thought only the imps were affected by the prototypings?

OH SHIT OH SHIT THAT LOOKS SO COOL HOT DAMN (゜▽゜) Wowow look at her joints! Look at all the carapace-y stuff going on there!

These days, Lobac’s soft spot for this particular sort of shiny, black, possibly betentacled monster-type aesthetic is well documented.  I’m pretty sure she would have loved the black queen’s design even if it wasn’t just objectively cool as hell, but that certainly doesn’t hurt.  I’m kind of sad that we never got a proper fight scene out of this particular version of her.

That’s not a spoiler is it?  I’m pretty sure that’s not a spoiler.

Yeah, the random objects the kids threw in the general directions of their seizuresprites are directly affecting the final boss. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG HERE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

I don’t see the problem here.  Nothing the kids could possibly put in those sprites could be at all unsettling or dangerous.

haa haa.  hee hee.  hoo hoo.

Her face is so weird though It’s Jaspers-shaped, and her eyes are constantly narrowed, I can’t even tell whether it’s in distaste or amusement

Why not both?

Andrew sure is proud of that hand’s close-up She’s not even dramatically pointing she’s literally just saying “yeah I dunno anything about that kinda shit you best go down there and ask my pretty princess, I mean, subordinate”

It is a pretty great hand, honestly.  I think this particular image gets called back to a few more times yet.

Yeah Rose! You go and fulfill your as of yet unclear vaguely Seering-related destiny

Yeah, Rose!  Get on that, maybe!

ROSE NO YOU ARE 13 THAT IS GONNA TASTE AWFUL TO YOU Heh I legitimately don’t know whether her mom would be proud of or disappointed in her if she could see her now Is this an act of defiance or emulation Just silly teenage antics, probably, but I’d like to think she misses her

Rooooooose Rose nooooooooooooooooo （ ´ω｀） Ehehe I love how the artstyle turns super silly to reflect how upset/surprised she is

These two panels constitute one of the most iconic funny moments in the comic.  It works really well.  Shoot, I should have done the post topper-edit based on these, huh?  Oh, well.  The one I already did took like four hours, mostly due to my extreme rustiness, so I’m not going back now.

Otherwise, I also like to think of Rose missing her mom here.  Maybe not admitting it to herself, but still.  I also still ascribe to the “everything Mom ever did was 110% unironic, Rose made up the whole passive aggressive conflict between them in her head, her mom wasn’t passive agressive she was just a bonkers drunk rich lady” headcannon that I think I spoke about ages ago in this very liveblog.

Anyway, yeah, this is both a hilarious joke and a fantastic little character moment for Rose.  Another contributing factor to Rose being my big early favorite with a seemingly insurmountable head start in the ‘best character’ race.

Actually, lately, since the end of the comic, she’s been gaining ground again for me?  I mean, one of the trolls definitely surpassed her for most of my Homestuck fan life, but... eh, whatever.  There’s no way I can getting into how my feelings about those characters developed over the comics life without being way more spoilery than even I’ve already been, so that kind of talk will have to wait for later.  Even if later means ‘years from now’ or ‘never’.

BOO FUCKING YAH, IT’S THE WHITE QUEEN Or Windswept Questant, for now She’s also as of yet uncorrupted by the kids’ silly sprite shenanigans

Lobac had been waiting for this reveal for a while, I think.

PM: Command John to put the carved tablet into a pyxis.

You follow the command telling you to command John to put the carved tablet in the pyxis and type, “John, put the carved tablet into the pyxis.” You successfully do that, and he successfully does that too. Everyone is friendly and cooperative.

Ah yes, you so rarely get this kind of friendly cooperation from narrators these days

It was a rather uncommonly tidy sequence, for this comic.

Shit I just remembered those typing hands we saw when trying to name Jack, the reader is like a physically present entity??? Maybe???

What prompted this thought?  The earlier black queen hand image hanging in your head, then a bit about narrators entering text, and that old bit just pops up?  It’s cool how brains work, making intuitive connections and all that.

What if we eventually zoom out to reveal a human exile commanding everyone. We’ve only been watching that human mess around up until now. The real story begins when they just suddenly go “whelp that was kinda fun. gotta look for food tho” at an incredibly dramatic moment.They turn away from the console.  And then we watch them slump through the desert for thousands of pages and their journey of introspective self-discovery is the actual story. Yes.

Shit, Lobac just predicted the whole narrative!  No point in continuing this liveblog, I guess.  “[#P%]t

Well, obviously this means that WV has an uncanny knack for distances and PM has one for sounds AR can probably track down crimes by their scent He’s like McGruff the Crime Dog, but a little less fluffy

I used to love McGruff the Crime Dog.  Until I grew up and realized he was a tool of THE MAN.

dear gOD SHE REALLY IS PUTTING JACK IN DRESSES (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ He and Slick are basically the same person, right? Oh man he is gonna stab the shit out of her one of these days

~{%|%}~

Jack Noir, more like JACK NO. NO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT THERE MURDERING PEOPLE AND FROLICKING THROUGH THE STREETS WITH YOUR ASSHOLE CREW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS PATHETIC o(`д´ ｡)

I’d say this is a “be careful what you wish for” moment, but I think Lobac knew exactly what she was doing here.

Ticket? Oh, this thing. Ha, ha, look at that, you are holding a ticket. How did that get in your hand? It belongs on the desk with the others. No, you are not here to pay a parking ticket. You explain to the frightening man that you are here to pick up that green parcel.

GIVE ME A C! GIVE ME A U! GIVE ME A T AND I AND E! sheeEEEE’S A CUTIE!!!!

Honestly, they’re all cuties.  the cuteness of the entire cast, even the villains mostly, in both visual depiction and personality, really is a big selling point of the whole comic.

There was a time when I wasn’t super into cute things.  I was never viscerally opposed to cuteness, never when through a virulently anti-girly-stuff phase, but these days I’m MUCH more into things being cute.  I just like cute characters!  Sure, I like things that are somber and spooky, but the best is when they’re somber and spooky AND super cute!

Like, Hollow Knight.  That whole game is like exactly my favorite aesthetic these days.  Sad and morose and dark and adorable.

But more often than not homestuck still comes pretty close to that ideal.  You just want to hug the shit out of all of these doofuses, a few stab wounds here or there be damned.  Speaking of stab wounds...

WHOOPS TENSION. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. I DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO START KILLING PEOPLE OK

Maybe Lobac didn’t know what she was asking for earlier.

Wait, the crowns, what the fuck, he wants her to KILL THE KING AND QUEEN??? SHE’S JUST A MAIL LADY ヾ(´･-･｀)ノ”

How does he even know she’s desperate enough to kill people just to get one package?

The PARCEL MISTRESS departs with her mission of double agency. You wonder if she’ll actually be so foolish as to attempt to uphold her end of the lopsided bargain. You make a policy of handing out a REGISWORD and a HITLIST to just about everyone who enters your office. But you never think anyone’s actually going to GO THROUGH with it. 

What a phenomenal asshole That explains that

pretty much.  As for the box itself...

Yeeeeah you’re not actually gonna show me so, go ahead, taunt me, get it over with

PFFFFPFPFPFPFFF WHAT SOMETHING COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS APPARENTLY? NOT AS RIDICULOUS AS HIS FACE THO. Magnificent asshole cutie

Hahah, \[&P%]/

Anyway, at this point the action cuts back to the kids, and that seems a good a time as any to take a break.  I could just save this as a draft and finish the rest of lobac’s post later?  I mean, then I wouldn’t have to take extra time for another panel edit?  But I kind of want to post something now, so I guess well do this one in parts again.  part 2 scheduled for, let’s be ambitious and say may 2022

How did I ever use to have the time for this blogging shit?  I’ve been working on this for like six hours, and only got like a third of the way through one update?  I guess I was just younger then.

I’m so old now.  Time just gets away from me.

And my back hurts all the time.

[free-martinis]

Words by ROBIN SWITHINBANK 

Photography by MATT HOLYOAK

Styling byGARETH SCOURFIELD

“It’s not the kind of thing you’d expect to hear a movie star say, at least, not one who has starred in some of the highest-grossing films of all time. ‘I’m not part of the Hollywood A-list,’ says Martin Freeman, shrugging his shoulders. ‘I’m genuinely not. No. Nowhere near.’

That might sound unduly modest, but the thing is, despite appearing as the titular figure in Peter Jackson’s $3bn Hobbit super-franchise; despite being part of Marvel’s universe (twice, most recently in Black Panther); despite appearing alongside the likes of Billy Bob Thornton (as Lester Nygaard in the Coen-brothers-inspired TV hit Fargo) and Benedict Cumberbatch (as Dr John Watson in Sherlock); and despite being an Emmy and BAFTA-award winning actor (both for Sherlock), he’s not.

‘For a lot of people, the Hobbit was played by Bilbo Baggins,’ he says, that familiar look of knowing resignation writ large across his face. Surely playing the heroic halfling has transformed his career and spun him into the red-carpet superstar galaxy? ‘I don’t know how many people after that thought: “Get me that guy.” I genuinely don’t know. It didn’t feel like it made a massive difference to me. Honest to God.’ Perhaps that will explain where he keeps those awards. ‘On my roof,’ he quips. ‘So people can see them.’

It’s tempting to cast Freeman as unhappy. There’s certainly a tension in him. In person, he’s courteous and engaged – he says words like ‘genuinely’ and ‘literally’ often and fervently – but there’s a sharpness to his opinions, and there’s plenty that riles him. That said, he seems at one with his lot. Mostly. ‘I will allow myself to be proud of that,’ he says of his awards, clearly trying not to big himself up. ‘I do alright. I do OK.’

Martin Freeman might have done some blockbusters in his time, but his first love is independent film. His latest vehicle is Ghost Stories, a proper spooky, throw-your-popcorn-in-the-air fright fest. It’s also an anthology – the fashionable format of our time – featuring the mercurial talents of Paul Whitehouse, Alex Lawther and Andy Nyman. Freeman appears in the third and final act as a wealthy city trader with a ghost problem no prominent psychiatrist has been able to explain. It’s a bleak piece, but it’s funny, too, particularly when Freeman’s natural comic talents are front and centre.

‘People are being hit badly. I’d happily vote for someone who’s going to tax me more’

It is also, for reasons that can’t be explained without spoiling the film, another reminder that the 46-year-old is one of our most versatile actors (‘To be a good comic actor means you’re a good actor, right?’). We spend 10 minutes discussing the film, which Nyman co-wrote and co-directed with Jeremy ‘League of Gentlemen’ Dyson, before it dawns on us that we can’t really talk about it. Not on paper, anyway. One salient detail gets the full treatment, before Freeman jumps in: ‘Don’t give that away, for f**k’s sake!’ he implores. ‘This is my first interview for the film and I’ve already f**ked it up…’

Freeman is not known for his candour. He doesn’t do a lot of interviews and he’s no self publicist (he’s not on social media), only letting it slip that he and Sherlock co-star Amanda Abbington had split after two kids and 16 years together in an interview with the FT a year after the event. Is he with anyone now? ‘Well,’ he says, folding his arms. ‘I would never tell you if I was.’

Conversation about his background and family is therefore a bit stilted. He was born in Aldershot and grew up the youngest of five siblings in Teddington (‘yes, those are the facts.’). His parents split not long after he was born, but he recalls a happy home. ‘We kissed a lot and hugged a lot,’ he says. ‘I mean, it wasn’t The Brady Bunch – we also f**king screamed and shouted a lot.’

They were creative, too, a ‘showy-offy family, no wallflowers’. He’s the only career actor, a path he was encouraged to follow, particularly by his mother, who never got the chance. ‘I was only met with support,’ he says. ‘I didn’t have to leave home, I wasn’t booted out. I know people who faced active hostility from their parents, because it’s so unsafe and it’s in the lap of the gods whether you’ll be able to feed yourself or not.’

These days, Freeman is certainly able to feed himself. Over the past 20 years, his talents have served him well. His big break came in The Office, the mockumentary cringeathon that also made household names of Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Mackenzie Crook. ‘I’m very proud of it,’ he says of the show that in 2004 became the first British sitcom to win a Golden Globe for Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical. ‘I still think it’s a phenomenal show. And I still think the central performance [Gervais’s] is one of the best things I’ve ever seen, let alone acted with. I could not have wanted a better break.’

The apocryphal stories surrounding the show are legion, but the one about him originally auditioning to play Gareth, Crook’s character and the butt of all the jokes, rather than Tim, is true. Gervais and his co-creator Merchant spotted something in Freeman audiences have come to know him by. ‘The Office is basically a room full of Laurels and one Hardy, which is Tim,’ Gervais once told The Sun. ‘Tim’s character is pretty common in comedy – that person who thinks they’re better than everyone else, but it doesn’t seem to get them anywhere.’

For a time, it seemed Freeman might suffer the same fate. He became known as the guy that did ‘that face’. He once appeared on Never Mind the Buzzcocks and was invited by host Simon Amstell to do a ‘sigh-off’ with Gavin & Stacey’s routinely put-upon Mathew Horne. Did he worry he’d never lose that tag? ‘Yeah, I was nervous about that,’ he admits. ‘The thing is, I can do that face. But that face, it’s Oliver Hardy’s face. Not my face. He did it 70 years before I did. That’s just me channelling Oliver Hardy.’ Gervais was right, then.

During the mid-2000s, he picked up roles in Love Actually and Hot Fuzz, and played the lead in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Then came Sherlock, The Hobbit, Fargo, the awards and a lot more public attention. ‘I was out last night, having a drink with a friend, walking around town. There are people following you around with camera phones in your face – it’s not pleasant.’

The public is never far from Freeman’s mind. He’s openly political, not exactly in a ‘Ladies and gentleman, the next President of the United States of America’ kind of way (we’ve established he’s not Hollywood – he doesn’t even own a home in the US), but he did front a party political broadcast for the Labour Party in 2015 and endorsed Jeremy Corbyn’s successful leadership bid later that year. A question about fairness opens the floodgates. ‘I do genuinely think this Government is f**king up. I really do,’ he says. ‘And that’s not to say that a Labour Government would be doing much better. But I think people are being hit genuinely really badly, who shouldn’t be. That’s why I’d happily vote for someone who’s going to tax me more.’

Pardon? ‘I think I should be taxed more. I’ve got more money than a lot of people. In my lifetime, there have always been homeless people. Now there’s even more. Food banks, and people being made homeless by not being able to afford their houses, and not enough social housing being made or built, and austerity on and on and on… I don’t know what we expect to happen, but if you’re doing that and cutting the police, what the f**k do you think is going to happen?’

‘We’re getting more polarised. The inability to see the other side is a problem. Social media has helped do away with nuance’

He’s only too conscious of the conflict in being a very wealthy movie star who thinks more should be done to support the disenfranchised. ‘I get it,’ he says. ‘I get why people say: “Who is this prick?” I get it. Most people aren’t as lucky as me. That’s just the truth. So I can see easily why it comes across as pontificating, why it comes across as being champagne socialist. Which is what we’re all called, as soon as you’re not on the dole. If you’re vaguely famous and say anything left wing, it’s a very easy stick to hit you with.’

That’s the natural framework of popular discourse, though, surely? A binary response is easiest. ‘But we’re getting more polarised,’ he retorts. ‘Definitely. The inability to see the other side is a problem. Unless someone is actually driving down your street in a Panzer, then I think you have to keep dialogue. Social media has helped do away with nuance. If me and you have a disagreement here, we can still have a cup of tea. But we do it on social media – then you’re a Nazi.

‘We can’t go on like that. I will easily say I think Trump is a vile pig, but I don’t think every single person who votes Republican is a vile pig. That would be crazy. And I certainly don’t think that about everyone who votes Conservative. It’s not my team. It’s not my party. But do I know Conservatives? Do I like ’em? ’Course I do. Can I not stand some Labour people? Yeah, I can’t stand some of them. So, my hope would be, genuinely, that we start to put our phones down for a minute, and actually not get involved in these f**king wars, which are so safe to have, and so self-righteous… It costs you nothing to be an armchair activist.’

In Ghost Stories the themes of guilt, good and bad and choice run through the piece, holding it together. In one particularly chilling scene, Freeman’s character utters the deliciously portentous line, ‘I didn’t believe in evil until that night…’ He was brought up a Catholic, but isn’t ‘card-carrying’ now. Does he think the film is a modern parable, a wake-up call to burst our secular bubble?

‘Maybe,’ he says reluctantly. ‘I’m one of the only people who I know in my world who isn’t an atheist. I like the questions. That’s where the interesting stuff happens. I’m equally uneasy with hardcore unquestioning atheists as I am with born-again Christians with their hands in the air and their eyes closed. In the same way that yes, I’m of the Left, but there are people and things about the Left that make me very uncomfortable. The sort of unquestioning, demonising of anyone who doesn’t agree with you, kind of thing. I see that in atheists – if you don’t agree with me, you’re intrinsically a moron. And that isn’t helpful. The older I get, the more I realise you need dialogue.’

This, it seems, is the real Freeman. Vocal, ardent, yet nuanced. But he’s not claiming the soapbox. ‘Let’s face it, I wasn’t a very good omen in 2015,’ he says of his virtual doorstepping days. ‘I don’t want my voice to be a political voice. I’m not some political genius. There’s one thing I’m good at, and it’s acting. I have absolute faith in my ability to do that.’

Like it or not, he has a voice. Thank goodness, it’s not the hashtaggable, awards-season friendly voice of many of his fellow actors. He’s more balanced than that. More open to argument. That’s what we saw – and loved – in Tim. In Lester. In Bilbo. In Freeman, we see life’s ambiguousness, its ludicrousness, its ordinariness.

Freeman has to go. He’s got ‘kiddy things’ to do. He’s an active father when he’s not working, and frankly, I’m holding him up. In a flash, he’s gone.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Salutations to you, random people on the internet who most likely won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

Gonna be honest, I didn't think The Falcon and the Winter Soldier needed to be a full-length TV series. I mean, if Spider-Man can discover that he didn't have to replace Iron Man in a two-hour and nine-minute long movie, then the Falcon can learn he can't replace Steve Rogers in the same amount of time, right? I was excited, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know how they can fit a plot for a movie into a six-hour-long series. Unlike WandaVision, which needed to be a TV show to get those TV homages right for each episode, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier didn’t sound like something that would honestly work better as a film. But, once it started airing, and my excitement increased each week, I can positively say that it would not have worked as successfully if it wasn't a TV series.

Unfortunately, I'll have to get into spoilers to explain why, but trust me when I say that if you haven't checked it out yet, you definitely should. Because I'm about to dive in (or fly in) as I explain why The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is easily in the top tier MCU projects.

WHAT I LIKE

Sam Wilson: If WandaVision was about developing Wanda, then The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is about developing Sam. He might share the spotlight with Bucky, but this is so clearly Sam's story. It's his journey of becoming the new Captain America that gets more of a focus, and it is one of the best aspects of the series. And as I said, it's similar to Spider-Man's journey in Spider-Man: Far From Home. Sure, this time, it's more about stepping up to the mantle, but both Sam and Peter have to learn how to be their own hero rather than replace the one left behind. In Sam's case, it's more than just being the new Captain America, but also being the black Captain America. I'll talk more about the implications of that later, but for now, all I'll say is that it was so engaging seeing Sam accept his role. Plus, even though Sam tries to carry Steve's title, that doesn't mean he's Steve Rogers 2.0. He has his own ardor and personality as Captain America, on top of still representing the aspects of what that title entails. Partial credit for that goes to Anthony Mackie, who does a phenomenal job of portraying a man who's inspirational and charming in all forms of hell. I'd salute him as much as I'd want to have a beer with him...except not really because I refuse to touch a single drop of alcohol. But Sam Wilson would make me consider it! Because he's that good of a character.

Bucky Barnes: Much like Vision in WandaVision, Bucky takes the sidelines as Sam acts as the main face of the series. Unlike Vision, however, Bucky's story seems more like its own thing rather than something that's connected with his co-star. In a way, it's better, but it also seems worse. Because without having it be locked with Sam's story, Bucky's is still compelling as it develops him further in his own way. His journey may not be as engaging as Sam's, but it's still entertaining enough to watch his own narrative get continued in small spurts. Although, the fact that Bucky's story has little to do with Sam's does have the unfortunate side-effect that he doesn't need to be there. His inclusion is very much welcomed, but I feel like Bucky dealing with his own guilt and trauma as the Winter Soldier could be something that can fill up its own series rather than half of one. That being said, Bucky absolutely needs to be in this show. The emotional turmoil that Sabastian Stan portrays so well hits hard, and his dry humor works for some comedic highlights. Bucky's half of the story might be unnecessary for plot reasons, but it is unquestionably necessary for enjoyment.

There’s a lot of talking: This seems like a misstep, especially since most superhero shows are bogged down by characters talking to pad out the run time. Although, the dialogue in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is more like the dialogue in the series Daredevil. There are more words than action, but nearly every line is so incredibly engaging that I do not care. Sam and his sister talking to a banker about getting a loan might not sound as entertaining as Sam being in an air chase against terrorists, but I surprisingly held onto every word being said due to how well-acted it was. Plus, these discussions help make these characters more human on top of making the world feel believable. I understand the argument of show don't tell, but to me, as long as the dialogue is written well enough and said convincingly, I can learn to live with it.

The Flag Smashers: The concept of the Flag Smashers intrigues me. The idea that a group of people believes things were actually better when half the world got turned to dust is a perfect concept for the MCU to explore. In fact, this is the third story in a row that dives deep into the consequences of what happened post-Infinity War and Endgame, and I'm all for it! The universe is forever changed by this one big event, and it's not going to be irrelevant anytime soon. For the Flag Smashers, they offer the most striking glimpse of how the world is forever changed. Now, I'll admit, after seeing doom and gloom in Avengers: Endgame, it would be better to see the benefits of the Blip that characters claim to have existed rather than told about them. But seeing how there were dozens of fans who made the audacious claim that Thanos was right, I don't consider it too far of a stretch to believe that the Flag Smashers could exist. Especially since the arguments that characters present do seem persuasive enough. It's only the actions that the group makes that derail any sense of the discussion. But in a good way...for the most part. But I’ll get into that later too.

The Reveal of the new “Captain America”: This was the dirtiest, sickening punch in the gut that the first episode could have ended on...and I love it!

John Walker: I often find the best antagonists are the ones I'm willing to psychologically analyze. That's John Walker in a nutshell. He is an arrogant ass who deserved to get slapped around when taking things too far. Yet, I always find myself coming back to those scenes where he seems conflicted about becoming the new Captain America. I get a sense that he genuinely wants to do the right thing and those moments when he asks if he is all but confirms it. John's problem is the constant support he's given by his friends. I'd argue that building his ego is the very reason why he gets frustrated so quickly by people denying him, as he often reacts like a toddler who throws a tantrum when a parent makes the "mistake" of saying “no.” This is why it's satisfying seeing people more powerful than John kick the s**t out of him because it results in his ego going through a well-needed deflation. Still, the constant frustrations he has for not being respected as the new Captain America makes his further descent into insanity all the more appealing to watch. Because him taking the super-soldier serum proves Dr. Erskine's theory is true: "Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse."

...And this is why the writers dropped the ball when trying to make John Walker redeemable. It's exceptional if that was the intention. After all, I did say there were glimpses of a man who wanted to become great, not worse. However, given what John does in later episodes, we're going to need more than glimpses to believe his switch from bad to good. Especially since his decision to set his anger aside to suddenly help people is a little too unbelievable for my tastes given how fast it happens. It's not an awful decision. It's just one that needed a bit more polish. I still find John Walker an incredible character regardless, but I don't blame people for being a tad more hesitant given how poorly paced his redemption arc came across as.

Readapting “Star-Spangled Man”: I adore this for two reasons.

Reason #1: It's a solid callback to Captain America: The First Avenger, which I will always stand by as my favorite Captain America movie.

Reason #2: It proves how much John Walker doesn't understand what it means to be Captain America. When Steve did this song and dance routine in his movie, he hated it. Better yet, Steve despised it. Because he wasn't helping anybody. He was just being a dancing monkey to appeal to civilians, and you see how much he regrets doing it with each show. For John, he relishes the whole thing, because of course, he would! John loves having his ego appealed to, and this routine is doing nothing but inflates it. It's a solid case of visual storytelling to prove to the audience just how disconnected John is from being Captain America. Steve or Sam wouldn't have done this, because being a hero is more than respect and adoration. It's about actually doing the right thing. A lesson that John desperately needs to learn.

Sam’s and Bucky’s bromance: You remember how I said that Bucky's dry sense of humor can be a comedic highlight? Well, that's only second rate to the times he and Sam bicker like an old married couple. Whether it's because of the writing, directing, or Makie’s and Stan's natural chemistry, seeing Sam and Bucky interact with each other is always a blast to see. And on top of being funny, there are these well-handled moments of drama shared between both characters that make their relationship convincing. It's why you can't have this series without Bucky, despite it so clearly being Sam's story that gets the more focus. Because without either character, we would miss out on some entertaining interactions that I wouldn't trade for anything else for this series.

Isaiah Bradely: Well, this character was a pleasant surprise. Although, "pleasant" might not be the right word because every scene with Isaiah is absolutely gut-wrenching in all the right ways. Carl Lumbly gives a phenomenal performance for a character that has been beaten down, with very little hope he has for any change that matters for his race. Plus, his backstory may not be as unbelievable as you might think. Between 1932-1972, America performed what is known as the Tuskegee Experiment. Scientists tested the effects of syphilis by injecting it into African Americans, telling them that they were receiving free health care when they didn't. So the idea that scientists tested super-soldier serums on African Americans, not knowing the dangerous effects, is not that far of a stretch. Neither is the knowledge that a black man was disrespected despite fighting hard for his country. If you researched African American history, you'll find that this type of horse s**t happens way more times than it should. It is heartbreaking, and Isaiah Bradley represents all of it. Thus making the little Isaiah exhibit in the Captain America museum all the more tear jerking just because of how sweet it is to see him get some semblance of a win. This level of discussion of what it means to be an African American is something I never expected with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I greatly appreciate it nonetheless. What's even better is that these discussions don't end with Isaiah.

The discussions of racism: Again, this was something I didn't expect, but grateful for it nonetheless. I mean, I should have expected it given that one of the co-stars is black, but given how the story was about Sam being the new Captain America, I didn't think discussion of racism and racial injustice would come into play. Turns out that I was naive to think those things are separate. The burden of being a black Captain America is something that not many white people, including myself, consider a big deal. But looking at America's past and how others react to any African American in power, you realize that, yes, it is a big deal. Isaiah, and several real-life POCs in history, prove that America doesn't respond well to a person of color being better than the average white man. So it is easily reasonable to believe that there would be issues with a black man becoming a symbol of what America should be. Hell, I'm willing to bet that there were issues when this happened in the comics way back when. Not because of some bulls**t about how it doesn't fit with the character or story, but solely because they can't handle a black Captain America. And if you don't believe something like this wouldn't happen to someone like Sam Wilson, look back to that scene with the police who didn't know he was the Falcon. This crap happens every day, and it's The Falcon and the Winter Soldier that shines a light on it. Despite being something I didn't expect, the talks of racism are very much appreciated. And I'm as pale white as an introverted vampire. I can't even begin to comprehend how the African American community must feel about all of this.

Zemo: Who the f**k expected this guy to be one of the best things in the series?!

Seriously, from Captain America: Civil War, I wasn't too into Zemo as a character. I loved the idea that this powerless guy tore apart the world's greatest superheroes through intelligence and coercion. But his needlessly complicated plan and stale personality weren't enough to win me over. So when he returned, I expected to dread every minute of it. Little did I know that Zemo's comeback would skyrocket him into top-tier MCU villain territory!

Zemo is a character that, despite "helping" our heroes, still works on his own agenda. He might put them on the right path and occasionally assist in a fight, but only because he still won't stop at anything to make sure fewer super powered individuals are in the world. Because that's the thing about Zemo: His motivation was fine and understandable to a point, but his personality was flawed in Civil War. Here, I finally see how Zemo can work. Despite having no power, he uses his mind to look for any angle to control the situation, gaining an advantage even if it is for a short time. For instance, while he can't harm Sam or Bucky without risking his own life or jeopardizing his temporary freedom, he can still annoy the hell out of them. Like when he forced Sam into a situation where he had to drink literal snake juice. It's actually a ton of fun to watch, and I'm honestly glad that Zemo gets to live to see tomorrow. It means that he might make another return, and I can't wait to see what's in store for him in the future. Which is something I didn't think I'd say five years ago.

The Dora Milaje: It was actually pretty cool seeing these characters make an appearance, notably when they slapped around John Walker like it was nothing. Although, a part of me wonders that if Chadwick Boseman hadn't died last year, we would get to see T'Challa himself make an appearance. This lines up with the character, as I can see him dropping everything to hunt down the man who killed his father. Which would be just as awesome, if not slightly more so, to see. Still, we work with what life gives us. And what it gave are awesome cameos that make the MCU feel more inclusive about its characters rather than limiting them to their specific sections in the universe.

Walker killing the Flag Smasher: There is something so wrong with seeing that shield stained with blood. 'Cause here's the thing: Captain American can kill. He's a soldier. It's expected for a soldier to take lives for the sake of justice. What John Walker did isn't justice. It was vengeance. Vengeance that is fueled by anger rather than the need to do the right thing. Because when Captain America leads an army to kill the man who whipped out half the universe, that's fighting for a just cause. But when “Captain America” kills a man, the wrong man, for killing his best friend, that is an act of selfishness that no one would see your side on. And it was the final nail in the coffin that proves how John Walker does not deserve that shield.

Sam and Bucky vs. John: This might just be the best fight in the entire series. Not only is it so satisfying to see John Walker get everything that he deserves, but the whole thing was pretty intense to watch. After seeing what John can do with that shield, it makes moments when Sam and Bucky barely dodge his attacks with it all the more blood-rushing to see. Plus, Civil War's motif playing the background is another solid callback that fits well narratively since this is technically two superheroes fighting another superhero. It's an incredible scene that was worth the wait of four hour-long episodes to see.

Setting up Joaquín Torres as the new Falcon: I don't know if Marvel will follow through with this or even if they should. That being said, if they do, I'm all for it. Joaquín already seems like a pretty fun character, and his interactions with Sam show there's enough chemistry there to give Captain America a new wingman. I probably won't lose sleep if he doesn't become the new Falcon, but I'll still be excited regardless.

Madame Hydra: I know that she has an actual name, but I refuse to remember it due to how long and convoluted it is.

Anywho, we get a small glimpse of who Madame Hydra is as a character, but already I'm intrigued. She seems to have a fun personality, added by Julia Louis-Dreyfus' dry energy. Whether this is set up for the next big bad or just introducing a fun character, I'm interested. Madame Hydra was already a blast in the short amount of time she was in the show, and I can't wait to see what future installments have in store for her.

“Louisiana Hero”: Or as I like to call it, "Sam's Hero Theme." Because while this is the track that plays for the intro, it still shows up when Sam is training as the new Captain America. Not only is it insanely catchy, but I love that you hear a hint of the theme of Captain America: The First Avenger, yet "Louisiana Hero" is still very much its own thing. And that's another reason why I consider it Sam's motif because it fits precisely with the character. Sam is a person who has a hint of the good man that Steve was but still does his own thing when wearing the stars and stripes. Not a copy, but still heavily influenced by the original. So kudos to Henry Jackman for creating a musical piece that fits so well with a character far better than any other themes or motifs prevalent in the MCU. Because, let's be honest, there aren't that many.

Sam’s new suit: ...I mean, it looks cool. Kinda corny at times, sure, but points for comic accuracy.

Sam Carrying Karli: I mean, look at it.

This looks like something that should be painted and hung up on a wall due to how beautiful it looks.

Sam’s Speech: Two meaningful things are going on with this speech.

First, it proves once and for all that Sam Wilson is Captain America. He doesn't just fight for his country. He also believes the government that runs it should take accountability for any missteps before dealing with something worse than a person who took the term "rebellious teenager" into an extreme.

Second, it is so satisfying seeing Captain America tell government officials off about unjust treatment. Even if it does diddly-squat about anything in the real world, it's still a big moment that's effective because of the bulls**t that happens every day. It's far from an actual win, but it still feels good (I hope). And that still counts for something, right?

“We’ll need a U.S. Agent”: Credit to Louis-Dreyfus for saying a stupid cornball of a name and making it sound...not that.

WHAT I DISLIKE

Still running that Marvel Studios logo in every episode: It's still a nitpick, but its still annoying. It's alright if you want to use the full fanfare for the first episode, but at least shorten it for the rest of the season. Please? For the love of all that is holy?

The CGI: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier has some pretty...not great CGI. It's not as awful as the CG in the DC shows on the CW, but it is way too easy to tell what looks real and what doesn't. Failing to make CGI convincing has been a problem in the MCU for a while, as most of the time, characters barely look like they really exist in the scene. To me, I compare it to when Red vs. Blue switches between actual animation and Machinima. The CG models stick out like a sore thumb to the in-game models, but at least it looks cool. Because while I don't believe that I'm seeing an actual man with bird wings flying through a canyon while chasing helicopters...it still looks cool. Still, not many people would be as forgiving as I am to this type of thing, so it's onto the dislikes it goes.

The direction of the action: Now I want to clarify that I have no problems with the action itself. Some fight scenes are pretty cool while also added with some exciting set-pieces that kept me engaged the whole way through. It's just the direction of the action that I have issues with. The camera is always shaky with so many cuts that it's hard to follow half the time. It's an understandable technique to hide the stunt double's faces or to make it look like it really is the actual actor who's doing the fighting. The issue is that once you know a show like Daredevil exists, with its plethora of well-directed action, the cracks in the armor become much more noticeable for a series like The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Karli Morgenthau: Karli...frustrates me. Because on the one hand, Erin Kellyman does an impeccable job at portraying the heartbreak, frustrations, and determination that Karli has when fighting for her cause. On the other hand, Karli's cause is so layered with hypocrisy that it's hard to understand her position. She wants to prove how the world was better during the Blip, saying that everyone was happier then. So why do things like blow people up and kill “Captain America?” I get the latter. The guy's a d**k. But to prove to people how better things were, is death and destruction really the best choice to get that point across? I get the mentality of how people respond better to a harmful fist rather than a tranquil hand, but really, has that mentality ever worked out either? 

However, you could argue that her hypocrisy is fueled by the super-soldier serum, with the "good becomes great and bad becomes worse" theory that John all but confirms. Although, unlike John, we never got to see Karli pre-serum, so we don't know how much it really had affected her. With John, it's easy as many scenes indicate how close he was to snapping and murdering someone who disrespects him. We don't get that for Karli and are left to assume she was already crazy about thinking how intense violence can show the world how great things were during the Blip.

Then again, that could be the plan. Show how a person with the best intentions is ultimately wrong, given the lengths they go through to accomplish them. It worked for Thanos, so it should work here. And it would have...if not for Sam saying that Karli has a point. Because for the main hero to say that the villain is correct, you have to show them doing more good than bad. I understand the mentality Karli, and the Flag Smashers, have. But by doing nothing but committing crimes and violence, any point they have is discredited. Take note of the fact that nobody but nutcases on the internet says that Thanos has a point. Because he doesn't. He's a maniacal supervillain who does something so intense that nobody should be on his side. It's similar with Karli, but because we're apparently supposed to agree with her, she doesn't work as well.

...DO YOU SEE WHY SHE'S FRUSTRATING?! Because while I can see how she can be an incredible character, there are so many holes in how she works that I fail to appreciate any of it. And seeing how she's the main antagonist, a character who takes up a good chunk of the screen time, it's not a good thing that she tends to flounder more times than she should. I want to like Karli, but given everything that's wrong with her, I just can't.

Rewriting Sharon as the Power Broker: This is an intriguing idea met with a mixed execution. You see, I like the idea of a character who was once an ally becoming a villain, yet the heroes have no clue about it whatsoever. It creates solid dramatic irony, but only if done well. With Sharon, it's not really done well. It genuinely feels like her character was changed radically to give her this personality. A fun personality, I'll add, but one that comes across as really jarring when looking back at her previous appearance. Don't get me wrong, a character's current personality feeling so radically different from their previous one can work a treat, but only when we see them go through point A to point B. We're told about the s**t that went down with Sharon, but unlike understanding the mentality of the Flag Smashers, her personality change would have been more effective if we saw it. So while I like the idea of Sharon becoming another big bad in the future, I would have liked it more if we saw her decline into possible villainy.

------------

By using my usual scoring system for MCU shows and movies, I'd give this season of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier a solid 8/10. There are problems. Quite a lot of problems. Hell, even the stuff I like comes with a fair share of issues. It's just a matter of asking yourself, "Do I like some parts more than I dislike them?" For me, I find myself enjoying much more than I didn't. It's not perfect by any means, but while it definitely falters at times, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a series that soars to great heights. You might not be in love with it, but you’ll have a helluva good time regardless.

Now if you don't excuse me, it's time I swap from one superhero series to another as I share my more in-depth thoughts on--

[a-splash-of-stucky]

my thoughts on: I, Tonya

So ya girl finally got the chance to watch I, Tonya and ooooh damn, I’ve got some things to say about it. Spoilers and general ramblings under the cut. 

So first and foremost, I’m gonna be straight with y’all and say that my opinions on I, Tonya are probably biased, because Seb is in it. Bear this in mind, as it’s a point I’ll return to later on. Also, I’m not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to acting technique and etc, so like…I don’t really know what I’m talking about here.

I’m gonna say this first, because it doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the ramble: the music had me living y’all. It wasn’t really my usual ‘taste’, but it was well-suited to the film, in my opinion. Also, I liked the structure of the film, the way they shot it as if it were multiple interviews. I’ve never seen that done before and to me, it was novel and well executed.

Every single member of this cast was OUTSTANDING. Yes, I’m probably biased, as I’ve been rooting for this film ever since TIFF, but nonetheless, I had high expectations for this movie and they were EXCEEDED™. Before I talk about the main cast, let me kick things off with a short spiel about—

McKenna. She made me tear up. She has a rather minor part in all this, but the few minutes she has on screen are BRILLIANT. Truly, honestly, impactful. The part when she cried as her dad was leaving? Lord help me, I wanted to give that little girl a hug. I feel that this is a significant moment in the movie, because…I get the sense that Tonya’s been abandoned. She’s alone. And no child should ever have to feel that way.

Jeff Gillooly (Sebastian Stan)

Now. Sebastian. Y’all know that he’s 80% of the reason why I wanted to see this movie so bad. Warning: this part basically consists of me gushing over him. No, not in that way. If you’re not interested in reading about that, skip ahead, y’all.

Seb was funny and cute and an asshole, all at the same time. I kinda loved the moustache (le gasp). Also: HIS VOICE. It was…fucking hell, the accent and the way he speaks (when he’s not shouting) was so cute, I think my heart stopped a couple of times. And you know how Seb’s really good at being kinda bashful and dorky in interviews? Well, that comes across here, too. He pulls off that side of his character really well.

He was also really good at being a controlling, selfish maniac. Seb’s rage reminded me of a lion. Also, he says ‘fuck’ a lot, and for whatever reason, I have a thing for hearing him swear, so that part of me was satisfied.

Seb looked good. I, like most people, wasn’t a fan of the ‘stache when I first saw pics of it. But…it grew on me, over the course of the movie. Seb makes it work. There’s something about it that I kinda like. I was also impressed by the extent to which he transformed himself physically for this role. Like, there was no Beef™ in sight.

I will admit, my first thought when I saw Seb playing young Jeff was: damn he’s cute.

I think this is important, because I, as an audience member, could empathise with Tonya - like I can see how she could have fallen for Jeff. As the viewer, you (or at least, I) experience the same emotions that she does. But then again, that’s just my personal experience and could be due to the fact that I already have a deep-rooted love for Seb in general.

Now, I’m not gonna deny it - his character was a fucked-up asshole. But, if we separate Seb and Jeff for a moment, I think that Seb portrayed Jeff in a conscientious manner. Obviously, I don’t know Jeff personally, but you’d have to be blind to not notice the little mannerisms that Seb throws in. He’s so damn good at conveying emotions through body language and through nothing but his expression alone. I know that Seb will forever be known for his role as Bucky, but I think this film (and some of his other works, I’m sure), truly capture his capabilities as an actor.

Also - did we get a flash of the booty? For like, 0.3 seconds? I mean, I ain’t complaining about it, if we did — but the situation in which we got the booty flash wasn’t the nicest, I agree.

Having gushed about Seb - let’s now move onto the star of the show.

Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie)

Margot was PHENOMENAL™

‘nuff said.

Seriously. How did she not get any nominations from this? She was robbed. Cheated, I tell you — just like the character she was playing, funnily enough.

She made me cry, which is saying a lot because I don’t usually cry when watching movies. Now, I will admit: Tonya isn’t the most likeable person. Like, she isn’t the kind of person that I would necessarily want as a friend — but that’s kinda the point of the film, I think. To show you that she never quite fit in, that she was always kinda going on her own, isolated from people her age. It was hard on her.

That being said, there are qualities about Tonya that I loved. Her stubbornness, her fierceness of character, her ‘I take no bullshit’ attitude. Was she rough around the edges, untactful and crass at times? Yes. I do think that’s a product of her upbringing, however.

Margot played her beautifully. You see her grow up in the film, really see it. Tonya is a complicated character to play — she’s vulnerable and strong, weak and empowered, and the fact that Margot was able to tread the balance between the two amazes me.

At the end, when Tonya was told that she could no longer skate? My cheeks were wet, man. Margot should have been nominated on the basis of that alone.

Her character’s entire life revolved around skating. All the sacrifices she had to make to live her dream! When she said that not being able to skate would be “like a life sentence”? Augh, my heart broke. I wholeheartedly agree with her. Whether she was responsible, or had part in, the assault or not, I do believe that that was a harsh verdict.

LaVona (Allison Janney)

Imma quickly talk about Allison, before I delve back into Seb and Margot.

I hated LaVona. Like, I disliked Jeff and Tonya at times, but I truly Hated™ LaVona. I think that’s the point, though. She was, to me, the true villain in all this (no matter what she says about making ‘sacrifices’ for her daughter). Do I think that she was a villain born out of a particular context? Definitely. She’s unstable, but that instability and questionable parenting method is, I believe, a symptom of some underlying issue.

Is she a monster?

Meh. I honestly can’t tell you.

Allison was fabulous. She won an award and she deserved it. She deserves a million awards. Like I said, I hated LaVona, but I would not feel this strongly opinionated about this particular character if Allison hadn’t played her so well.

A short spiel on the Jeff/Tonya chemistry

So: Seb and Margot, Jeff and Tonya.

I can’t even imagine the amount of trust that was involved in filming those domestic violence scenes. Like, they were intense. There was no fucking around with the fighting, man — like, the hits and punches looked authentic. Though they were portraying a dysfunctional couple, I think that as a pair, Seb and Margot really worked well together.

That scene where Tonya was making her costume and Jeff was telling her his Wizard of Oz story? I loved that scene. The little neck kisses melted my heart. I loved that scene because it was them being playful and happy — and it really serves a purpose. Because both of them fell in love with a version of the other person. But the thing with love is that — you have to take it all. You want the good? You gotta take some of the bad. Sometimes, it gets to a point where you wonder if the good really is worth all this bad.

You wonder why she came back to him. Tonya, I mean. She came back to him after the divorce because her career meant that much to her. She was willing to risk her life so that she could skate. She came back for love — not her love for Jeff, obviously, but for her career. The sacrifices she made were unreal. I don’t necessarily agree with her decision, but I am impressed by the fact that she had the balls to go through with it.

My point is: their relationship was not simple. There is no good guy, there is no bad guy. Partly, I think this is because each person has their version of the truth. But also, I think this is a relationship where both individuals fluctuate between good and bad, on a ‘continuum’ of sorts. I…felt for them. I truly wanted them to be happy.

fuck, I’m rambling. Let’s wrap it up with a few more bits and bobs.

Some profound thoughts:

The story is still unsolved, at the end of it (or maybe…I was just too spaced out to truly understand it???). You’re still not exactly sure who was behind the incident. You don’t know who knew what info, because the facts keep changing. Everyone’s tryna sell someone else out and pin the blame on another person and I’m just like ??? But, I will say that I didn’t know anything about the Harding/Kerrigan incident, but having watched this movie — I am very intrigued.

I also find it interesting that they didn’t include Nancy’s views on her supposed friendship with Tonya. There could’ve been any number of reasons why this wasn’t done, but I think that that would’ve added another element to the story.

As I left the cinema, my thoughts turned to a lecture I had recently. My lecturer (I love him, btw, great guy), said something that I thought was pretty funny, at the time. Now, in hindsight, and especially after watching this movie, I do believe that his statement is SO FUCKING TRUE.

He said: Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.

And that’s basically what this movie is trying to get at. “There’s no such thing as truth.”

Everyone has their own version of the events that happened, and everyone is influenced by their own unconscious bias. Out histories, our social context, our economic situations — so many things influence how we perceive the world. That doesn’t mean that our perception or interpretation is wrong, however. Each one of us is probably right, to some degree, but the important thing is that “true facts” should never be taken at face value.

I think that that’s a message that is really central to the entire film.

Remember what I said at the start? My opinions on this film are heavily influenced by the fact that I love Seb, and I’ve been hyped up by the positive reviews I’ve seen floating around the internet. You’ll notice that there’s barely any negativity in this piece, which in itself says something. Don’t take my “facts” at face value. Sprinkle on a pinch of salt.

So should you watch it?

Like I said, this film extensively features (kinda graphic) scenes of domestic violence. I, as someone who has been fortunate enough to never experience any of that sort of thin, found the movie uncomfortable, but watchable. I also don’t have any triggers or mental health issues, so that’s something to bear in mind.

If the domestic violence has been something that’s been putting you off, I say…it’s worth your time. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed myself, as I feel that’s inappropriate, given the context of the film, but I think that it was a couple of hours well spent. I don’t think you will be disappointed.

[wazafam]

Adapted from the non-fiction novel Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi, Goodfellas chronicles the rise and fall of mobster Henry Hill (Ray Liotta). The movie is populated with intriguing characters such as Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) and Jimmy (Robert DeNiro) but Henry's wife Karen Hill (Lorraine Bracco) stands out in a lot of ways.

RELATED: Goodfellas: Henry Hill's 10 Best Quotes

Through Karen's words, viewers get a clear perspective of the mob life. She acts as the film's second narrator and provides plenty of laughs and shocks along the way. She is a phenomenal character, as critics have acknowledged. For her portrayal of the character, Bracco received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

10 "All Of Them Were Named Peter Or Paul... And They Were All Married To Girls Named Marie."

During her wedding to mobster Henry Hill, Karen is introduced to all the relatives and as per her confession in a voiceover, there is hardly a variety of names at the ceremony. Apparently, every man either goes by the name Peter or Paul (Paulie). And all the women have no other name than Marie.

A similar scenario is seen in The Sopranos, in which a couple of characters share names. Tony Soprano and his cousin Tony Blundetto are referred to as Tony A and Tony B by those who know them both.

9 "There Are Women Who Would Have Left The Minute Their Boyfriend Gave Them A Gun To Hide. But I Didn't."

Early in their relationship. Henry surprises Karen by brutally assaulting a man who had disrespected her. He uses the handle of a gun to beat up the man before handing over the weapon to Karen to hide it.

In a voiceover, Karen admits that such a thing wasn't normal and it could have scared many women off, including many of her friends. But she was different. What Henry did made her attracted to him even more.

8 "They Don't Feel Like You're In Construction."

Henry proves just influential he is while taking Karen out for the first time. Instead of waiting in line at the Copacabana, he takes her to the back door and walks in through the kitchen. A table is then brought to them near the stage.

RELATED: 8 Actors Considered For Roles In Goodfellas

As they are enjoying their drinks, a curious Karen asks Henry what he really does for a living. He lies to her he is in construction. To verify his claims, she takes his hands and feels them. She comes up with the conclusion that his hands don't feel hard enough for someone in construction. He again lies that he is one of the bosses, not the laborers.

7 "Rossi! Janice Rossi, Do You Hear Me? He's My Husband! Get Your Own Man!"

Movies and TV shows about the mafia have show that it's a common thing for mobsters to have "goomahs" "comares" — mistresses. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. In Goodfellas, Henry Hill cheats on Karen with a woman named Janice Rossi. When Karen finds out, she heads over to Janice's apartment to give her a piece of her mind.

Through the intercom, she orders Janice to open the door so that they can "talk." Janice refuses, so Karen begins yelling. She tells Janice that she is going to wait there and tell everyone who walks into the building that there is a "husband-snatcher" living in Apartment 2R.

6 "Who The Hell Do You Think You Are? Frankie Valli Or Some Kinda Bigshot?

Karen isn't too happy when Henry stands her up on their second date. She gets even angrier when he shows up the next night and pretends like it wasn't a big deal.

Well, Karen isn't having it. She tells Henry that he needs to dial down on his sense of self-importance. He is not Frankie Valli, after all. Valli was the frontman of the popular Four Seasons rock band.

5 "When Henry Picked Me Up, I Was Dizzy."

The very first time Karen has to hang out with the rest of the mob wives at Mickey's hostess party, she doesn't like it. According to her, it was a very dizzying experience for her.

RELATED: The 10 Best Gangster Movies Ever Made, According To Rotten Tomatoes

The mob wives talked about nothing else but their kids and how they always beat them with broom handles and leather belts for messing up. Karen also takes a shot at their poor sense of fashion, claiming they applied too much makeup and wore nothing but pantsuits and double knits.

4 "Our Husbands Weren't Brain Surgeons. The Only Way They Could Make Money Was To Go Out And Cut A Few Corners."

After being married to Henry for a while. Karen gets used to the mob life. In another voiceover, she explains how it all felt normal to her. She even liked the way her husband was making money.

According to her, other men were sitting around every day waiting for handouts from their bosses at the end of the month. Mobsters were different. They went out every day and came back with money. To add weight to her statement, the scene then cuts to Henry and Tommy hijacking a truck.

3 "A Few Bucks To Keep Things Quiet, No Matter What They Found."

Karen also reveals what it was like dealing with the police. Apparently, they'd show up at the house frequently with subpoenas and warrants. They enjoyed harassing mobsters but most of them never really had the intention of arresting. All they wanted were handouts and they'd go away.

According to her, such warrants made them find a lot of incriminating evidence. However, they didn't do anything about it so long as money changed hands.

2 "We Always Went Together. No Outsiders."

Explaining what the life of a mob wife was like, Karen says that they always accompanied each other everywhere. No matter what great city or exotic island they visited, they were always together. As time went by, she found it fun.

RELATED: 10 Best 90s Biography Films, Ranked (According To IMDb)

The reason for this was to prevent outsiders from coming across any incriminating information about the mob. Each mob wife knew what her husband did, hence she could talk freely. There wouldn't have been the same kind of freedom if outsiders were involved.

1 "Wake Up, Henry!"

Understandably, Henry's affair doesn't sit well with Karen. One morning, she wakes him and when he opens his eyes, she is on top of him with a gun pointed at his face.

She demands to know whether he loves his mistress but he refuses to answer. She then admits that she can neither bring herself to hurt him or leave him, no matter how disappointed she is. She just loves him despite his numerous misdemeanors.

NEXT: The Sopranos: 10 Actors Who Also Appeared In Goodfellas

Goodfellas: 10 Best Karen Hill Quotes | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/2R03Pd0

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Scanners: The Sci-Fi Horror Movie That Changed David Cronenberg’s Career

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This article contains spoilers for the ending of Scanners.

Scanners was the fifth commercially released feature film (and seventh overall) directed by David Cronenberg, the independent Canadian auteur who initially made a name for himself as a director of visceral, provocative horror films such as Shivers, Rabid, and The Brood. Released 40 years ago on January 14, 1981, Scanners was a turning point for Cronenberg in many ways: it edged away from the sexually tinged “body horror” of his first few films and into the realms of sci-fi, action, and conspiracy thriller, while adding advanced visual effects and an overall polish to the director’s clinical esthetic.

Although none of his films up to that point had achieved any sort of mainstream success outside Canada, Scanners was a breakthrough for Cronenberg: his most expensive film to date (with a budget of $4 million), it was his first to also earn decent money in the lucrative North American market. Scanners briefly topped the Variety box office chart the week it opened, making it Cronenberg’s first Number One movie in the U.S. and the first Canadian film to hit the top spot.

Despite its modest success — which opened the door for future Cronenberg classics like Videodrome, The Dead Zone and his masterpiece, The Fly — Scanners was a difficult film for the director to make. 

“It was physically exhausting,” Cronenberg told Fangoria magazine in a 1981 feature. “Very hard, very long hours…It was also very demanding because we had so little pre-production time, it was my biggest budget, my longest shoot — it turned out to be about nine weeks — but I only had about two weeks for all the pre-production, which is ridiculous. And I had only written one first-draft script, which took me three weeks to write. That meant a lot of things weren’t together.”

The origin of Scanners goes back to Cronenberg’s earliest days as a filmmaker and his 1969 directorial debut, Stereo. That film was set in a bizarre institute where sexual experimentation was used to develop the telepathic powers of a group of subjects. The idea of humans evolving into telepaths ending up as the seed of two more scripts that Cronenberg wrote, titled The Sensitives and Telepathy 2000, both of which eventually morphed into Scanners.

Cronenberg admitted to Fangoria that Scanners was “quite different” from his previous films and their obsessions with psychosexuality and bodily mutation. 

“Those dynamics are not what make it work, in fact they’re almost not there at all,” he said. “What does lay behind the film is a fantasy, I think a very powerful one, that I suppose starts as a child’s fantasy. You go to sleep weak, and wake up finding that, in fact, you are strong. Someone says to you, ‘Not only are you not weak, you are stronger than you ever imagined’ — that’s one of the premises of the film, though it doesn’t come out exactly that way.”

Scanners takes place in the near future and opens in a shopping mall food court, where a woman is struck by an unexplained seizure after she is caught staring at a homeless man. That man is named Cameron Vale (Stephen Lack) and he is soon captured by agents of a private military company called ConSec. At ConSec headquarters, a scientist named Dr. Paul Ruth (Patrick McGoohan of The Prisoner fame) explains to Vale that he is one of 247 people known as “scanners,” humans with advanced telepathic and psychokinetic abilities.

Lack, who was an artist in Montreal’s bohemian scene when he met Cronenberg (and mostly gave up acting after Scanners to focus on a career as a painter), said in an interview on the 2014 Criterion Collection Blu-ray release of the film that he was intrigued by Cronenberg’s vision: “He handed me the script, and I sort of thought I understood it.” 

He elaborated in an interview that same year with Film Comment: “The film itself was groundbreaking, but I never realized it at the time. I had faith in David. I sensed his intelligence and I know from myself that the good stuff takes a while to understand.”

Since he is a telepath, Vale is driven insane by the cacophony of others’ thoughts constantly inside his head; Ruth gives him a drug called Ephemerol that blocks those voices and allows Vale to refine his scanner abilities. Ruth sends Vale underground to find Darryl Revok (Michael Ironside), the leader of a rogue group of scanners who is killing anyone — including other scanners — who stands in the way of his mysterious plans. 

Eventually aided by another scanner named Kim Obrist (Jennifer O’Neill), Vale tracks down Revok only to find that Revok has actually been looking for him all along. Vale learns that Revok plans to create a new race of scanners to rule over humans, while also discovering the truth about Ruth, the true nature of Ephemerol — and the connection between himself and his enemy Revok.

“When I did Scanners, I was only hired to do the black and white flashback sequence,” Michael Ironside (whose other major genre credits include Total Recall and Starship Troopers) told Den of Geek recently. “And (Cronenberg) said, ‘I’m thinking of rearranging the script a little and bringing you in more.’ So when I was on Scanners I literally got scenes sometimes the night before, sometimes two days before, because he was rewriting the script as we went. A very bold thing for a storyteller to do… only somebody like David, who is so deft at what he does, so good at what he does, could do that because you can really get yourself in a hole.”

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The reason Cronenberg was literally writing Scanners as he went along — an unsettling change of pace for a director who usually prepared his material meticulously — was due to the nature in which the film was funded. A company called Filmplan International supplied the budget through Canadian tax incentives — but the catch was that the money had to be spent and the movie shot before the end of the year. While that ended up providing Cronenberg with an additional nine months of post-production, it meant that he had two weeks to get the film going — and did not have a finished script ready.

“But it had to be done, so I found myself writing on the set, writing at lunch instead of eating, writing evenings, writing weekends,” he told Fangoria. “Then we had to juggle the schedule to make scenes that weren’t ready, in terms of special effects and sets, happen later in the shooting, which you don’t have to do if you’re prepared. So in production terms it was very difficult.”

Both Cronenberg and Lack recalled that the first day of shooting was marked by a horrible tragedy: as the production crew prepared to shoot alongside a highway, a man driving by in a truck was distracted by the filming and plowed into the back of a Toyota in front of him. “I turned around in time to see his truck climb on top of this little Toyota,” Cronenberg told interviewer Chris Rodley in the book Cronenberg on Cronenberg. “Our grips had to jump the fence and drag these two women out of the car and lay them on the verge. Dead. It was hideous. Everybody was just shocked and depressed.”

Special makeup effects artist Chris Walas — who later worked with Cronenberg on The Fly — recalled on the Criterion Blu-ray that the production of Scanners was chaotic when he joined. 

“I flew from Los Angeles to Montreal, where the production was already in gear and they were moving ahead quite rapidly,” he explained. “It was sort of a descent into madness for me, because Scanners was a very hectic production. There was a lot of spontaneity and changes David was having to accommodate for a lot of production pressures that were forced upon him. I was really taken aback when I saw how crazy the picture was going, but he wasn’t just a director who could handle the pressure, he was a director who still had his vision through all this insanity.”

One of the tests that Cronenberg faced was handling his “name” stars, Jennifer O’Neill and Patrick McGoohan. According to Cronenberg on Cronenberg, O’Neill was taken aback by the violence in the film after being sent a script by the producers from which the bloodshed had been omitted. Meanwhile, the famously complicated McGoohan presented the director with an entirely different challenge.

“He’s a brilliant actor,” Cronenberg told Chris Rodley. “The voice, the charisma, the presence, the face. Phenomenal…But he was so angry. His self-hatred came out as anger against everybody and everything. He said to me, ‘If I didn’t drink, I’d be afraid I’ll kill someone.’” 

But Cronenberg also admitted that he didn’t think McGoohan had confidence in the project or his director: “He didn’t know me. He didn’t know whether I could bring it off or not. We parted from the film not on very good terms ultimately.”

The other great hurdle facing Cronenberg, his cast and crew on Scanners were the ambitious makeup effects. While much of the film is devoted to action, chases, and gunplay, Scanners is remembered for two classic sequences: a scene early in the film in which Revok causes the head of another scanner to explode during a demonstration of scanning, and a climactic telepathic battle between Vale and Revok that features swelling, bursting veins on both men’s arms and faces, eyes erupting from heads, and one of the two powerful scanners going up in flames.

Scanners – exploding head

The exploding head — the iconic image most associated with the film — was a plaster and gelatin duplicate of the head of actor Louis Del Grande that was filled with corn syrup (for blood), scraps of latex, wax, “a lot of stringy stuff,” and apparently even some leftover burgers. But according to a featurette on the Criterion Blu-ray, the initial plan to detonate the head with explosives wasn’t working. So special effects supervisor Gary Zeller, after telling everyone to get clear, lay down behind the head, pointed a shotgun filled with kosher salt at it and blew the thing up from the rear.

“It’s an incredible shot,” said the director in Cronenberg on Cronenberg. “Incredibly gruesome, but also quite beautiful.” The producers were so worried that the scene would land the film an X rating that they wanted to shoot a less gory version. “I said, ‘Sure, go ahead,’” remembered Cronenberg. “They shot three more heads blowing up in various ways, but I wasn’t there to watch them. I just went back to my Winnebago and took a nap. I wasn’t interested. I had the one I wanted.”

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As Scanners comes to a close, Vale is captured by Revok and learns a bitter truth: the two of them are brothers, and Dr. Ruth — killed earlier in the film — is their father. Ruth gave their mother a prototype version of Ephemerol, meant as a tranquilizer for pregnant women, and discovered the unintended side effect that it turned humans into scanners — with his sons becoming the most powerful of them all.

After Vale refuses to help Revok with his plan to create a new race of scanners and subjugate humanity, the two engage in a vicious telepathic battle that literally tears them apart. As originally shot, the scene didn’t work, so Cronenberg reshot it — this time with the aid and expertise of legendary makeup artist Dick Smith, who had been serving as an off-set consultant for the film but came to Montreal to lend his genius to the final battle.

“Some of the effects that we wanted just didn’t work well enough, we really hadn’t worked them out in enough detail to make it work,” Cronenberg told Fangoria. Realizing that he “had no ending,” Cronenberg convinced the producers to use money set aside for a Dolby sound mix to reshoot the ending instead, this time with Smith there. “We were fortunate to have him come on the set at that time. Earlier I’d been quite disappointed that he couldn’t actually come up and work with us, so I was really thrilled, and it couldn’t have worked out better.”

Although Revok initially has the upper hand in the battle, Vale eventually prevails — but at the cost of his own body. He manages, however, to fuse his mind with Revok’s, creating a hybrid of the two that suggests Vale has defeated his brother. For Cronenberg, this could be considered an optimistic ending after the bleak outcomes of his previous pictures, although it still addresses the overriding themes of so much of his early career — the malleability of human flesh and thought, and how both can be manipulated by external or internal forces to take humanity in new and often bizarre directions.

Aside from The Fly’s lone sequel, Scanners was the only Cronenberg film to spawn a franchise of its own, a string of films that includes Scanners II: The New Order (1991), Scanners III: The Takeover (1992), Scanner Cop (1994) and Scanner Cop II: The Showdown (1995). The director had no involvement with any of those pictures, just as he has not been involved with a proposed remake that was in development in 2007 and a more recent (and now dormant) idea for a TV series based on the film.

Scanners remains an important touchstone in Cronenberg’s career. It was a moment in which he took both the peculiar philosophical concerns and body horror of his early work and pointed them in a slightly more commercial direction, while leaving his vision essentially uncompromised. It also remains a skillful, gripping fusion of horror, sci-fi and political/medical espionage thriller that resonates to this day.

“Scanners was a breakthrough film for me, because it was number one on the Variety chart when it came out,” Cronenberg says in Cronenberg on Cronenberg. “That was a big deal for a low-budget Canadian horror film, which is basically the way it was perceived…a lot of people in Hollywood started to notice me then.”

As for the evolution of his own filmmaking in Scanners, Cronenberg’s views are clear: 

“A complete filmmaker should be able to appeal to all facets of human existence, the sensual as well as the cerebral,” he muses in the book. “If you do get this mixture together properly…you have something that appeals to the intellect and to the viscera. If you mix them together you get a whole movie.” 

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Like his fused scanner siblings, David Cronenberg’s Scanners might well have been his first whole movie.

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