#you know I've grown much more isolated in the past year or two than I was at the height of the pandemic

[liedownquisition]

SO,

which of those fics you’re hiding away appeals to you the most?

AND, what do you believe are the specific obstacles between you and figuring out how to finish it? if it’s a lack of foundation, what specifically is lacking in the foundation? if it needs more research, what would you need to research? if you’re not in the right mindspace anymore for the story you were telling, how has your mindset matured between then and now?

I think this is the first time I've had a legitimate and decent question in a really long time and honestly for that I'm going to give you a bit more information than you asked for bcs you've given me and Excuse.

First off, I'm going to give you info abt more than one, bcs asking which one "appeals" to me the most is like asking me to pick a favorite child, specifically the ones I have the most regrets about:

(This got super long I'm sorry)

(FE3H) A Study in Late-Onset Emotional Responsiveness - This is abt Byleth but in particular abt their response to *spoiler*'s death from a 3rd person perspective. I favor GD so it's from Claude's. The reason this makes the list is bcs while it's not as large as some of the other fics, it has what I think is one of my absolute best written little idk, metaphor isn't exactly what I'm looking for, but there's a poetry to it that just, I think it's good. I think it's real good.

(PJO) Love and Dying, Per the Sea - Not-really-Percico Hanahaki AU abt overcoming self-destructive loves and growing with it and growing against it. as much as I want to continue it, fandom climate grew in such a way that I was uncomfortable writing for characters in this age bracket/the age range of the target demographic. Also, I'd have to decide if I want to make it have a shippy endgame or not. Which again, Fandom got to be such a way that I got nervous about touching on any of that...

(DCMK) Bindings Between Us - Kaishin fic series centered around books and libraries. DCMK is... a fandom that has always been *good* to my fics and they're the one fandom that I contemplate writing for the most bcs of the validation they give me. This fic I would need to do a lot of research on esp mystery and heist novels since the "prequel" is abt them making sassy comments at each other via book exchange. there are two other prequels that I had ideas for/started to write but there's a decent bit of it that *relies* on the history of the book exchange, for that *and* the sequel. but also just, hm, i feel like outside of the prequel I don't feel as much direction in it (Note, you would not believe how many other DCMK fics I've got plotted out in my gdocs. Major fics even. The biggest roadblock to *all* of them is largely that either they need to be casefics, which I sometimes am not the cleverest at *making* puzzles even if I love solving them, or that there needs to at least be some degree of references to cases/heists to make it work.)

My writing has definitely matured a lot from my DCMK days, and I wonder if I could really manage to not make things... sound like they work together I guess. I like to think my character portrayals have gotten more in-depth and human, but in particular a lot of that means mess. I love mess, but not SOLID mess. like. Dynamic mess where people have flaws and hurt each other but work on it, or sometimes they just accept those flaws are going to hurt but they love someone enough to deal with it bcs it's not toxic - or, sometimes, it is toxic and it's about learning when to leave each other mutually even though it hurts but at least you had each other for a while - enough for it to have been good, enough before it became something bad. People are different and aren't going to agree. It's making the broken pieces of each other fit even though sometimes those pieces really really don't want to.

(TPP) Courtly Affairs - SpaceFae. Just... SpaceFae. The worldbuilding I have tucked away for this mfer that's never going to see the light of day even if I DID finish it is insane. I'm... so far behind on this podcast that I don't think I could do it justice until I do, but it's gotten *harder* for me to focus on them so it's... a lot. Mostly it's that yeah. well, and also a similar thing to the DCMK stuff is that all three of the fics that are supposed to go in this series are Casefics that build to one overhead case and like, that's a lot of interwoven Plot that I have to do just for character development. Lays down.

(NTWEWY) The Art of Living - this was posted as a oneshot, I'm very content with it, it's not my most popular work by a longshot bcs idc how big the fandom is in general but the dynamics that this oneshot covered are so very Niche that most people won't even look twice at it. "But Axel, this is about stuff you haven't written/posted, why are you talking about something you DID?" because, my friend, it was supposed to be multi-part, and I settled. It was supposed to be abt Josh being a shit who does nice things in the meanest way possible and Shoka calling him out and them roasting each other. But, also, about depression, suicidal idealization, and finding reasons to live for yourself and not just for other people. About finding Yourself when you want the people you care about to find You first and make the whole experience easier. It's a bit... raw, and I suppose that makes me nervous. (I also tried to get back into art/drawing with this one, I've got a picture all laid out for the scene but I can't bring myself to finish it.)

(AA) Unnamed LangWrightWorth - I have to confess that this one is actually the least planned out one. At least, not in the way the others are. Like? in the other ones (not counting the oneshot)? I've got several files of JUST notes and keeping track of things and Chapter Breakdowns. this one is just some rough backstory then some word vomit and a vague direction of where I wanna go with it/events I need to happen that I haven't notated outside of that One File. But it's got so much flavor. honestly? I think the biggest obstacle here is my brain is not fixated on this fandom rn.

Now we're in to my most recent fics in my Current Hyperfixation.

(DC/Batfam) Peggy Sue Me for Trying to Make Things Right - Jason Peggy Sue via deus ex machina. He recruits Tim as his civilian confidant and gets more than he bargained for. Most of the terrible stuff is canon in the original timeline with some concept-specific causes. I have arguably about 13+ batfam things but some that I feel more strongly like "oh I wish I could write and share this" and this is one of them. The main reason I do is bcs, well, you would not believe how many batfam fics I've read in the past…. idk, 6 months? I've gone through and read the majority of several major tags. a number of fics I've read more than once. This fic is one I really love the idea of but also am the most afraid of doing bcs there are dynamics in the fandom that I don't quite agree with. I tolerate many of them, but I don't agree with them on a legitimate basis. This fic has some *incredibly specific* dynamics in it, and those dynamics are messy. But, like, Human Messy. These people aren't inherently bad or good but sometimes they are Deeply Wrong about how they interact with each other and what they choose to do no matter how Noble they may try to be. This one is also a lil bit of a case fic. I worry about my ability to keep the plot from dragging as I air out the dirty laundry of every character involved.

(DC/Batfam) Essential Vigilante Guides -Jason Todd-centric. Utilized my highly specific Jason Todd's Bio family backstory that I thought was fun. Jason doesn't have a lot of canon friends from his Robin days and this fic doesn't exactly fix that - it's about him compensating for not having peers of his own by chatting up the only people he is around enough to build a relationship with: Villains. This right here is legitimately THE main fic I was referring to when it comes to having things plotted out to be honest, because each one that I think about maybe possibly sharing just kinda makes the feeling bigger. 3 seven-chapter fics either 3 oneshots or a single collection of those (and possibly other) oneshots to cover some gaps. the biggest issue here? Situations. I know what I want to do with the character dynamics. I know my goals for every single chapter. the problem is keeping it jazzy enough to not be some kind of monotonous "It's this situation again but with new character to interact in it!" Especially the second of the multichapter fics. It's... Big. It's intimidating. I don't have a good track record with multichapter fics/series even if this one is basically a bunch of vaguely linear oneshots set to Theme.

My biggest issue overall? Self-confidence. I've been out of the "posting my writing outside my writing discord where my 1 friend who loves me and everything I do can read it" game for so long that I guess I struggle to see value in my work. I struggle to believe that anyone would be interested in it. And, I know, and I fully support the "write for yourself, not anyone else" but the corollary to that is, admittedly, that if it's not for anyone else then why should I show it to anyone else.

IDK, don't get me wrong I love my friends but sometimes I need more support to push me to finish something, and It's been a struggle that I've fallen short on every time I try to get into a new community that could broker that. Not on the part of the community, but on mine. (no I haven't tried getting into any batfam-adjascent communities. I haven't been active in the DC fandom since... not since I used to RP a fanfic-inspired version of Wally West. And RP communities have gotten so much more intense than they used to be.)

[mrhaitch]

Living in London, I feel like a lot of incidents are isolated attacks that you dont hear about as opposed to organised riots. Whilst there have been some riots in the more conservative areas (like Walthamstow and Chingford) and more towards Central, in East London especially, I've experienced and heard of isolated anti-immigrant/muslim 'attacks' where it's one or two people that are perpetrators.

East London is the MOST multicultural place you'll find, but my dad's car was kicked in by some white guys literally two days ago. Thank God he was already in the car and was able to drive off, but I've found that it's mostly incidents like these.

In Whitechapel, which is literally full to the brim with Muslims, a young girls hijab was ripped off a month or two ago. Whilst I don't live in Whitechapel, me and my mum have been called nasty names to the point where my mum didn't feel like it was safe wearing her face veil anymore. Islamic private schools have been subjected to attacks as well and generally havent been perceived well, but this is nothing new. It's been happening for years, but you don't really hear about them because it's isolated incidents. I only know because I've been in those spaces and environments and have experienced it personally.

Loads of my friends don't feel like it's safe to go out being women because of the new wave of anti-muslim/poc sentiment and people mainly targeting women. Again, whilst this is nothing new from my experience of being born and raised in London, the anti-muslim/immigrant sentiment has only grown, and certain individuals are feeling braver because of the nationwide riots.

But there's a sense of community in London because of its multiculturalism that other places up North and around the UK don't have. Where you have some people committing hate crimes, you have others that are staunchly outspoken against it and that are really supportive, which I'm forever grateful for. My neighbours are absolutely wonderful, and I know that I'm completely safe with them, I know that if anything was to happen, I'd have people supporting me.

Its weird though because London is one of those places where you'll find there are extremely wealthy areas right next to some of the most destitute places, driving through Bow Road/Mile End Road/Whitechapel Road to Aldgate is a perfect example of that, you can see where it immediately changes and switches up. Same with Hackney and Shoreditch, you walk for 5-10 minutes, and it's like you've entered a whole new realm, likewise with Canary Wharf. It's kind of dystopian, tbh and literally, all the new buildings being built are high-rise 2/3 bedroom flats that obviously aren't for families.

It's like the with the new architecture too is trying to push families out. Alongside the serious underfunding of government facilities like public libraries and gyms. Over the past couple of years, dozens of libraries across have been closed, and public gyms have been sold off to private organisations. Youth facilities are horrendous, too. I've gone completely off on a tangent here, and I do apologise. But I just think it's so crazy that London has some of the poorest areas in the whole UK with poverty being at 25% I think (correct me if I'm wrong) just after the North and West Midlands which is around 28%.

I really shouldn't complain because I know in London we are so fortunate to have such an interconnected train/tube system and that our health care and schools are much more funded than those outside of London. But with more business and wealthier people coming in, the costs in London are increasing so much more disproportionately to wages.

My mum works in the NHS, and what the government did is before increasing the London living wage, they increased the NHS staff wages by 5%, compared to the London living wage by 10%. The NHS HCAS didn't increase, however, and stayed the same. On top of that, NHS staff are subjected to higher national insurances. I think it's just ridiculous. Anyways, I apologise for the long and rambling ask, and I totally lost focus. I hope you have an amazing day, and there's no pressure to answer this whatsoever <33

Nothing further to add here, as I'm not that familiar with London - call it a northerner's suspicion - but will definitely provide further insight to people less familiar with the UK.

[catscratching]

[ Apologies for being quiet, I've been struggling with health issues for the past couple of months. Hoping to start writing again soon! ]

•───────────────────⋅☾ ☽⋅───────────────────•

Seda had not grown up celebrating Starlight.  Her mother had not been observant, and Bocquet had not felt strongly about it one way or another.  So she didn’t make big plans for celebrations at the Meyhane, beyond hanging stockings for the children and small gifts of appreciation for the staff.

Stepping off the airship in Ishgard, however, was a delight for the senses; decorations and festive greenery were everywhere, music played, and the scents of apples and cinnamon and evergreen filled her lungs.   She and Fakhri took their time provisioning for the trip out to the cabin, and she suspected she wasn’t the only one sliding a few unplanned purchases into her pack.

The isolated, desolate beauty of the Coerthas mountains embraced her, and she often wondered if this was what Halone’s devout felt when they stepped into one of her cathedrals;  peace, grace – a place for reflection, for spiritual rejuvenation.

Celebrating Jól with Fakhri was another memory to tuck away for later; warmth and laughter as they wove fresh garlands, fingers sticky with sap.  She never really needed an excuse to snuggle in front of the fire with him, but watching the yule log burn through the night and quietly talking about the future had felt like a religious service; she’d never experienced anything quite like it.

She had brought a few small gifts for him for the season – a bundle of beautiful goose feathers she had dyed various shades of green and gold, so he could use them for fletchings, a new bowstring, a hand-knit pouch for Arak stuffed with down from the same geese.   It was important that their four-legged family member be sufficiently warm while they spent time in the wilds.

Secretly, she had hoped to give him an additional gift, but her cycle had arrived four days before they left, and… it was foolish to expect results so quickly after they began trying, but her heart had yearned anyway.

The holiday passed and Heavensturn arrived, and then it was Seda’s turn to share a family observance.   She didn’t know if it was something her mother’s people had done, or if it was more widespread over Eorzea, but for her, the holiday had always been a night of remembrance and reflection. She pulled the cushions off the sofa and piled them in front of the window with the best view of the clearing around the cabin, then further padded the nest with pillows and cushions.  It was not required to make a comfortable lounging nook – normally she just used a comfortable chair, but this year felt special.

“We place a candle in a window and sit vigil through the night while it burns,”  She explained in a quiet voice.  “The intention is to reflect on the turn just passed; express gratitude for the good things, and reflect on the things you have learned.  In… my family, we also used the holiday to remember loved ones that aren’t with us – either in another geographic space or passed on.” 

She couldn’t see his eyes, the fire was left burning because they would need the heat, but all other lighting had extinguished.  “In the morning, you extinguish the candle and think of two things you want to learn or improve on.  They’re not… hard-fast rules, just a goal to work toward through the year.”

She set a large, fat candle on the sill, then two smaller ones on either side, looking down at them for a long moment.  “Normally I just light one candle – for my mother.  But this year has given me a great deal to reflect on, and I thought perhaps we could light a candle for your boys, as well.” 

Striking a match, she lit the big centre candle before shifting out of the way, leaving the other two for her beloved.

Seda had never thought she’d find someone to love – not after Rucio, not after everything she’d gone through.  Casual, temporary relationships had suited her lifestyle much better than permanent connections. 

Fakhri and Arak had changed that, and as the candle’s light bathed their bed for the evening in a soft, golden light, she blinked tears away as emotion swelled in her chest.  She never would have imagined, a year ago, the life she led now – employment that she not only loved, but could feel very good about doing, a wonderful partner that supported and cherished her, and perhaps motherhood on the horizon.

The thin golden thread that stretched between them was sometimes difficult for her to sense; but in that moment she could see it in her mind’s eye, strong and bright, shining like the sun.   Settling into the cushions, she smiled to herself.  It had been a good year.  And she had many, many more to look forward to.

@gray-morality

[nodeathissuffering]

August

Loneliness. Once again you seep into my bones reminding me of my humanity.

The month of August was quite an interesting experience for me in 2023. For the most part I found myself high for almost half the month. I bought a 30-pack of edibles thinking that they'd last me more than a month. Sadly, I devoured all thirty of them in less than two weeks. Weed has been both a savior for me as much as it's been a curse. Though it has alleviated part of what ails me, the aftermath is much more severe. My mentality is burdened by my lack of work ethic on the things that I wish to achieve. Streaming, making content, writing. Every time I try it all seems to fall apart before me. It could be a result of self-sabotage and often times I think that is the result. A symptom of depression that ceases to be quelled no matter how much effort I put into attempting to live my life. Expectations so high that they burrow into my skin as they scar my insides as well as my flesh. I can say that I am making small improvements here and there. It's just that nothing seems to suffice. I discourage myself easily and at my worst it just seems as if I'm not even in my own body. This is especially true when I have panic or anxiety attacks. Upon witnessing the nervous breakdown, things just seem to happen. Things that I most often regret. It is up to me to learn from them and to not let depression, anxiety, or whatever else deter me from living my life. My progress reaffirms this though I just wish it was more. I wish I could explode from these shackles and make content but often times these chains tie me to my bed or to the shower or to my car or anywhere else that's warm. I may love the cold but an embrace is what I desire most.

Most of my improvements come in the form of self-care. It might be disgusting to say but there were times in the past where I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth. There were times where I wasted money on eating out because I sought comfort the only way I knew how. The companionship that I once sought through friends, family, lovers, are often times pushed away. This results in me deleting my social media or changing my phone number. To this day I still question if the people that care for me truly do but I know better now that this is just me choosing to stay in my head of all places. My head; where negativity bounces around almost continuously, almost infinitely. One changes I've made to help thwart this is by moving back home. In the four years that I've lived in Texas I can say that I have not made a lasting relationship. All of my work friends I've pushed away. All of my lovers would either choose to block me as a result of my volatility or I would block them because I grew disgusted with myself. Abhorred by the conditions which already choke me and preferring to not let the monster that I see in the mirror be freed. A beast reminiscent of my brother and all of the flaws he carries. His narcissism, manipulation, anger, and other abominable behaviors. In my adult life, these have grown into my worst fears as I know these are cogs to what keep me isolated. Moving back home with my friends, though not the best situation, is certainly a lot better than where I was. I do feel happier here but even so loneliness proceeds to invade my mind. That emotion perverts my thoughts of them at times. Mostly this is spawned from their sometimes inconsiderate nature but at the same time I am aware that I can act the same. It reaffirms one of my goals in that I wish to live by myself or, at the very least, not live in their sun room. I have 11 more months of this which does fill me with some excitement and hopefully I can achieve this once that time comes.

As far as my book goes, my biggest improvement seems to be dedicating an expensive notebook to writing down all of my ideas. Most times I will delete all of the progress I've made on writing particular parts because my story continues to evolve with every form of inspiration I absorb. Though they have yet penetrated paper I am confident that, at the very least, it could lead to a very compelling, very ambitious story. Writing for me has been a therapy of sorts. It distracts me from pain that continues to define my being. Continues to prevent me from living my life. I try motivate myself to write something everyday whether it be poetry or my book, short stories, my journal, and even on here. This has proved to be a positive experience for me as I have not seen most of my past habits seem to have dissipated. Of course, the real test will come when I have an anxiety or panic attack. I hope I can prove my past self wrong by behaving more like myself. More like the person I want to be.

As far as streaming and making content goes, I have found that recording youtube videos is a lot easier when I'm high. This might be because I'm less critical of the product but at the same time I still need to be wary that I still need to keep the content that I have and no delete it later. That seems to be a big problem as I am quite the perfectionist. Streaming is a different story. I need to defeat the anxiety that comes before me even attempting to stream. I get in my head beforehand and often times talk myself out of it. It reminds me of a time where I needed to take a self-injected shot for one of my diseases and I ended up hyperventilating. This is something else that I need to learn to attack in the future when I am in a better position to do so as it is one of the things that also impedes me from living my life. It doesn't affect me from making content however as that is all mental so hopefully I can take the steps necessary to achieve this as well. The same can be said for keeping social media. I don't know how to use social media..... like, at all. Often times I delete accounts not only as a way to disappear but also because I stop liking the things that I post. It seems as if I can't win in that regard even when I do make multiple accounts to fulfill both of the ways that I wish to use it. I try to stay off social media as a result which unfortunately doesn't help me either since I know that I'm addicted to using it. It does provide a boost of serotonin for me which, as a result of my depression, makes it even harder for me to quit. What I need to do is make profiles just to promote the things that I wish to do while occasionally posting something real. Maybe one of these days I will achieve such things.

Right now, and for as long as I can remember in my adult life, I lack focus. Focus is relative to my time management as well as my stress management. Often times, when I'm overly anxious or nervous about something I'll find myself just not doing anything except doomscroll through social media (which is another reason why I decided to leave temporarily since I am obviously letting it affect me to much). If I can just focus and take things day by day, eat properly, sleep well, cook for myself, while also allowing myself to pursue these side projects then I think I'll be ok. It's easier said than done and making improvements is one thing but I wonder how impactful it would be if I applied myself just a little more. If I could exert more effort into these things. If these things are possible then I can truly claim that in those moments that I am unstoppable. Until then, I have another pack of edibles, I have my crazy work schedule to abide by, and I have temptation to thwart before it tramples me any further. Hopefully next month I can provide something more substantial in ascertaining these goals of mine. Next time I might be able to talk more about the other exploits in my life and not allow inconsistent things or inconsistent people impede my ambitions. Hopefully, I won't feel the need to delete this post like I've done all the others. All I can say is that we will see.

[ctenvs3000w23]

Nature Interpretation Through Science

After thinking about what I wanted to share this week, the idea of my future plans, trips, and adventures came to mind. As an individual who loves to travel and is always seeking new adventures, the past few years were quite challenging due to the covid-19 pandemic. I can remember being in Florida at a Track and Field training camp when I heard the seemingly good news that we would be getting an extra two weeks off of school due to this virus called "covid-19". At the time, I was excited knowing that we would have an extra two weeks off of school, not realizing that the two weeks would actually turn into two years. From masks to lockdowns, to social distancing and being in isolation, the world began to feel like a ghost town. Businesses were closed, people were inside, and there was little to no social activity. When we left for Florida, I realized soon after that my training partners and I were on one of the last flights, as most flights and trips were cancelled less than a week later. Both my sister and mother were headed to Cuba for the March Break, about a day or two after I had left for Florida, however, their flight ended up being cancelled and they were sent home.

As restrictions have been lifted and the spreading of the virus has slowed down, my urge to travel and see more of the world has only grown stronger. This past summer my best friend and I took a spontaneous trip to Vermont, about a week before school began in the Fall. I'm so glad we took the chance and decided to go, as it was truly an eye-opening experience of what the world had to offer. Even though we only captured a glimpse of Vermont, as we were there for three days, I can honestly say it has inspired me in so many ways to plan new adventures, make more memories, and continue exploring! Since returning from Vermont, both my friend and I have made big plans, as to where we want to go next and what we want to do. As a student, going on trips can be expensive, however, I've realized that there are ways to properly budget and travel affordably!

This summer our plans are much more adventurous and in some ways daunting. We have narrowed it down to Iceland or Tanzania. In Iceland, we are thinking of going backpacking through a part of the country without a guide. We will pack enough food and water with us for a week, bring a small tent that can fit into one of our hiking backpacks, and set out into the wilderness. Of course, before attempting such a feat we will train for it and do smaller trips leading up to it. We will also plan out our seven-day hike beforehand and bring a marked-up map with us. After the seven-day trek, we are thinking of staying in a hostel or low-cost accommodation in one of the towns and being more of a tourist.

In terms of our possible plans to visit Tanzania, it may even be more adventurous. After doing some research, I found out that you can climb Mount Kilimanjaro with a guide for approximately 2000 dollars. This may seem like a lot, but the experience of summiting one of the world's highest mountains would totally be worth it! It takes about 5-9 days to summit the mountain and climb back down, so it is definitely possible within a two-week trip. As for the rest of the Tanzania trip, we haven't made further plans. Any suggestions? Let me know by reblogging my post or in the comment section below. I will definitely take your ideas into consideration when planning our summer trip.

In addition to our potential plans for the summer, I also wanted to highlight an interesting perspective in one of our readings this week, entitled, "Convergence Between Science and Environmental Education". In the final two paragraphs of the article, under the subheading, "Place and Identity", it states, "The reasons for the recently established disconnect between people and place that results from a preoccupation with and dependency on ICT (17) are underresearched, but there is some evidence that such technologies can actually reconnect people and places (18)." If you are unaware of the term ICT, as I was at first, it simply stands for "Information and Communications Technology". Overall, I found this perspective on technology and nature to be quite unique, and one that I haven't really thought of before. In the past, I have regularly viewed technology as something that has taken us away from and damaged our relationship with nature, rather than strengthening it. The article goes on to say, "Numerous examples exist of citizens monitoring changes in the environment (e.g., bird migration patterns and quality of water, soil, and air) using geographic information systems, cell phones, and specially designed monitoring applications (11). As such, ICT devices actually get people to go outdoors, even those who normally are not inclined to do so." I found the idea that current technology like our cell phones having the ability to enhance our connection with nature to be quite encouraging as scientists and engineers continue to innovate and find new ways to become more efficient.

P.S. Any suggestions concerning our summer trip would be much appreciated!

This is the mountain we may climb! I can only imagine how beautiful the view is from the top!

References

Wals, A. E., Brody, M., Dillon, J., & Stevenson, R. B. (2014). Convergence between science and environmental education. Science, 344(6184), 583–584. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1250515

[sunooasis]

ミ. let's fall in love? + yang jungwon

☽. pairing: jungwon x gn!reader

☽. genre: fluff, first love!au

☽. word count: 1.3k

☽. warnings: mentions of broken family(?) , a single curse

☽. song rec: the only exception - paramore

⿻. note: !reuploaded as i did changes! i apologize in advance if it turned out pretty bad (did major skips). this is also my first time writing with 1k+ words so.. : ]

the bliss flooding through every veins of yours drove your senses disturbed. it was preposterous, you think. the unwelcomed feeling suddenly engrossing you as if it never appeared to you as a hindrance which you thought otherwise makes you queasy. you've grown up in despise of risking your heart with no affirmation, with you presuming that it's uncertain.

as almost as instantly, the fear rushed in attempt to consume you once more with the memories of your broken family...years of endless fights while your silent whimpers echoed in your room, their promises slowly falling apart right in front of your home, a damaged bond trying to be fixed, and an empty heart as you grew up promising of avoiding loving someone, because you believed on how only pain will benefit you from it.

so now you're confused why, why does it got to be you stucked in this stupid game of fate? even all the advices you have tried to gather naively in the internet since you got no one to help you, didn't helped one bit and you're scared to all of this. you're scared of falling in love only to be shattered mercilessly and helplessly by it once again.

you hated the tingling sensation you're feeling right now as he embraces you tight, suffocating yet it consoles you. you hated how he noticed that you're having a hard time and so he gave you a comforting hug despite him barely knowing you. you hated that it feels warm and tender like your old favorite hibiscus tea. so why does all of it feels so right?

"i love your hug y/n, so expect me to ask you a lot of this starting tomorrow, hm?" the boy said, breaking the silence created five minutes ago as both of you are currently the only ones left inside the classroom. his voice rung to your back and it sent more confusing tingles to your body. it's been months since the bewilderment of you by this feeling started yet it's the first time making the butterflies errupt this wild. fortunately luck's with you this time as your tinted face safely hid in his shoulder.

"a-are you being serious right now jungwon?"

he pulls away from your hug. and now you feel uncomfortably cold that you wanted to immediately retreat yourself in his arms but stopped from doing so. you tried to convince yourself that you're used to winters and if not, you can always be warm without him, but why does it feels wrong?

"actually dead serious y/n" he furrowed his eyebrows jokingly with his head going up and down but still focused on you. it made you hesitantly give a thumbs up as you nod in agreement and stifle a laugh. you can't say no to him, not when your heart tells you thousands of yes.

a week swiftly flew by yet you're still unable to gather your own thoughts and feelings. all of it seems to be happening so fast and you can't still even comprehend how in just one day, your heart decided to skip a beat to your seatmate.

despite all the ways you tried to get rid of his solicitude towards yours off your mind, you just inevitably think about him all over again at the end of the day.

part of you can't deny that one whole week, where you spent all the free times you have thinking about something that you fear, and that is what if you maybe just confess what you truly feel towards him? that maybe it's better that way than be isolated by your hidden fondness for the past few suffocating months to the certain boy.

but surprisingly after days more, finally the thought pushed your what ifs flooding your mind that you got tired of overthinking it. you got tired of being ludicrous for trying to suppress it yourself.

you wouldn't want to wait anymore for it to fade since it's only getting steadfast.

4:50 pm, at the school garden. the unoccupied bench was strangely settled by you with jungwon beside yours.

the area felt far away to any chaos; it feels healing with all the blossoming wildflowers surrounding you. it made the possible outcome of your disclosure to him less unnerving. the two of you were kissed by the sun that's sinking little by little, and the breeze caressed in solace after a long day.

"i have something to tell you.." you muttered. "what is it?" asked him, turning his face to look at your side. you hated the way he's looking at you right now with his eyes glinting in curiosity like what you'll be saying could possibly be special to him. suddenly a bird landed near and chirped, watching your spot steadily as if it already witnessed hundreds of confessions made at this place.

"this will be long since i will talk about all of my gathered feelings, so i ask for your time. second, i'm sorry in advance for my fucked up emotion," a faltering chuckle escaped your lips first before you proceed and he nodded in understandment. the warmth suddenly felt too suffocating for your likings, and your throat suddenly felt irritated, yet you snubbed it and eventually let on your words.

"three months ago, my heart suddenly started beating unusually when you smiled at me....i don't know why and how. at first i didn't mind but the unusual beats only got faster day by day as i got to know you more, then the tingle in my stomach followed that i can't just ignore it anymore. i can assure you that i tried my best to stop it and i'm beyond disappointed with myself, i promised not to love anyone. i hated that idea so so much jungwon, but my heart keeps telling me to risk it for you...every night it keeps telling me that there's nothing to be afraid of loving someone, of loving you. and now i'm unimaginably pouring all my thoughts to someone i've perhaps fallen with, hoping that after this i can move on at last,"

the whole time you spoke, your gaze only could focus on the green grass tickling beneath your feet. you felt dizzy after your confession, but thankfully the air- or relief finally entered your lungs.

silence surrounded the place. you don't know what's his current state right now and you have no plans on looking at him. is he surprised? is he mad at you? is he-

"i'm thankful y/n,"

but that's when you finally face him. he's smiling at you as the dip on the side of his cheek peaked. then the tears you're holding for the past months started to run down your face and you felt suddenly weak, now entirely confused on what's happening when your own vision started to appear so hazy to even discern the moment.

he then placed both of his hand on yours. "thank you for trusting me, thank you for being brave...and thank you for loving me." he wiped your tears away before coming back to your hands, intertwining it with his and it magically fitted in perfection. "as much as i know how much you are scared right now, can i prove you first on how beautiful love is?" , "and if you're still wondering....i also felt all the tingles creeping inside me beside my heart involuntarily pounding when i'm with you."

the uneasiness you felt before was long gone and now replaced by contentment as you could only smile at the clouded memory. few years ago, you believed that love is nonexistent, a thorn behind a delicate rose, but he came and played the role as your only exception. he made you realize that the idea of love shines through the lack of vividness when it's someone made for you.

with his arms wrapped your waist and yours layed on top of his shoulders, he sways you both slowly, following the beat of the soft melody from the speaker that is filling your dimly lit apartment. your head cuddled against his chest as you find the slow beats of his heart in comfort while the faint smile of his lips pressed against your hair.

"thank you for showing me how truly beautiful love is, my jungwon."

[lovee-infected]

twisted wonderland theories part 3 : Opening explanation and parallels

Well well , hope you guys enjoyed reading the previous two parts of twst theories so far

Anyways , this is the third part . I decided to go through the opening and original disney animations and also black Butler anime references one more time so this is the combination of all I've found this time , together with some stuff you might've missed

Twst's official opening was pretty mysterious and is most likely giving us hints of the upcoming adventures during the storyline . Well here's the link to opening with eng sub and also the summary of the main character references that were given to us:

1) Ace and Deuce's rivalship : We talked about this one a lot back in (part 2) so let's skip this one

2) Leona's sadness and pain : Leona's tearn falling to the ground and the Ruggie and Jack coming for him ; that's just how he always is : mentally sad and broken with a horribly frustrating past , but will avoid expressing himself and letting anyone see his pain anyway . Not really weird that these two are always around him , Leona does really need to be looked after ...

3) Azul's seek of power : He just looked...mad in this scene . Ursula's shadow on his fave and that creepy smile totally freaks anyone out. It really explains how great his desire of power is . His neglected self in the childhood and pretty poor talent got him to this point...

4) Jamil's cold and kinda confused self : Well this one isn't really clear yet since ch 4 isn't out . But perhaps depression has this guy... spending his whole life serving the the nasty Kalim he might've grown the same characteristics as Jafar , who was so long sick of being the second one in everything . But still his ideal of life is much different from Jafar's . We saw him hypnotizing Kalim in order to make him force students to do better at school . He's trying his best to leave up to his promises as the vice dorm leader but still , having the nasty Kalim as the dorm itself is making it a lot harder for him so he's got no choice but to hypnotize him...

5) Idia's severe anxiety and his protectiveness toward Ortho : This one was mentioned in s rather old re blog but here e go again : Well with how the rumors of the "cursed Shroud family" , Idia's anti-society self might be a bit explained . This guy's overblot is surely going to be EPIC ... we just know very few about him and yet that's more than enough for him to overblot at once . Also the mention of the process of bringing Ortho back to life was a bad hit...His family curse might've been the reason of whatever thst has happened to Ortho

6) Vil's anger of not being the fairest and breaking the mirror: This one's been pointed out a lot . His anger being the same as evil queen's and also the fear of him actually poisoning someone to become the fairest one more time....**

7) Malleus' isolated self and his hidden evil aura : This one's being shown too obviously . The lonely dark prince exposing his evil side under the full moonlight . All alone , beyond the forest of thorns (Lol how ironic) while the others are running to save him before it gets too late...***

(note : **,***: Vil and Malleus' description will be continued undercut)

Very well these were the general hints found on the opening , but don't miss the final seconds which included the biggest hidden facts you could've missed

Firstly , the splitted ink (This one was previously discussed on part 1 but still...) : We talked about how in the "Epic Mickey", Mickey accidentally splits the magic ink over the kingdom and which led to the creation of "shadow blot". This sight seems to be much similar to what we had here in the epic mickey

Well this parallel might be more than just an accidental one and finally and it might actually be that overblot is kinda Crowley's fault , too

Crowley crosses the mirror , turns into an actual crow and flies away...(DaMn YoU bIrDiE wHERe ArE yOu gOinG I'M noT doNe YeT-)

Well the reason he suddenly runs away isn't clear yet but being a fan of black butler for years , I was suddenly reminded of how Undertaker disappeared all of a sudden at this scene from the movie :" Book of Atlantic "

pretty similar , aren't they..?

In Book of Atlantic , Undertaker revealed his original identity as a reaper and the mastermind behind the "Bizzare dolls' " project after pretending to be a just a crazy cookie lover for so long . And at once , he comes up with his stunning sudden self-reveal , leaving everyone in the room speechless

Now now , what do we have with Crowley?

A principal who keeps hiding his face (remember that Undertaker hid his eyes , too?) , telling everyone "how kind he is" many times ... also:

1) In the opening , he was standing smiling in the mirror hall while the seven dorms were burning through seven mirrors

2) He didn't ever try to stop anyone from overbloting ; even Riddle whose overblot occurred right in front of him

3) In the beggining of the game, he asked the mirror to choose the right one and then! and MC was chosen ! MC took the hand of the one appearing through the mirror (seemingly Dire Crowley) and came here. With all said , so why did the mirror reject MC afterwards?

Also , how couldn't he help MC return to Their own world and didn't know about it if he himself brought MC here..?(Could it be that...MC doesn't remember how she/he was brought here?)

4) If he literally is THIS useless and can't ever stop or help anything, then why would he be the principal.....?

Sooooo enough with Crowley ; but what's with these two....?

The spindle wheel & the poison apple ; Sleeping beauty and Snow white

Well it seems that Diasomnia and Pomefiore are going to play a greatly important role in the storyline . We were kinda sure of Diasomnia's but Pomefiore's...? What's so special with it?

(A few hours earlier)

(Me : Hmmm ... the black mirror...where have I seen this before..? *googling - searching Snow White- going to the magic mirror scene* Me : Uh...)

Well... here it is : The Crowley's beloved flower of evil , back at his days with evil queen

feeling old yet ...?

Btw , just how important is being "the fairest one of all "to him ? How 'far' would he go to be the fairest...? With the bitten apple in the last few seconds of opening , it most likely seems that he IS gonna 'kill' to be the fairest again ...Who would he kill ? We don't know . But how about our pretty small guy Epel? Could it be him ? The stubborn freshman who refuses following Vil around and is usually mistaken with a girl......?

Also , why would the original mirror be so important to Crowley? If Vil's supposed to represent evil queen , why isn't 'he' the one owing the mirror...?

And now , the spindle wheel .Great maleficent's legacy , in the hands of Crowley...Well well this is 'too' much . Malleus' family treasure being kept hidden in NRC... pathetic

Also , the mirror which Vil broke in the opening . Well well seems like he isn't having the original magic mirror , afterall....

But wait , if there's the spindle wheel , who's gonna be the evil witch to pull the sweet princess to eternal sleep..? Right , there's only one who might be...

Well we talked about all we'd got so far , but what about Grim ? Isn't anyone going to mention his importance or why he was also mentioned in this chaotic final seconds of opening ???

So... this is what we had in the final seconds :

1)The apple

2) Crowley

3)The black ink

4)Grim

5)The spindle wheel

We talked about all of them except nu 4 . But before that , I've got the same question as before : Why is it "Sleeping beauty" & "Snow white"..?

We discussed the "overblot Grim " hints in (part 2), but here's another thing :

Very well , ever heard of "Grimm brothers"...?

In the case that you don't know who they are , here' the point : They are the authors of 'original' versions of sleeping beauty & snow white; two of the darkest , deepest and possibly creepiest stories of their own throughout the history

I believe that most of you are familiar with the original versions , but you may like to take a look at these two if you haven't yet heard of them check the two of these stories out : (note: I'm aware that there are darker , deeper versions of these too but I'm not gonna mention any of them because : 1)They aren't written by Grimm brothers & 2) They include overly sensual and inappropriate content which has no place in my posts . If you care to know about them , check them at your own risk)

Alright , if you ever wondered who was Grim named after , I guess we've got it now . Mentioning Grim , Snow white and Sleeping beauty together at once is too direct to be a coincidence ...but it's also terrifying ...

Thinking that Disney is actually referring to the original books written by Grimm brothers is a bit too dark... Original stories are really horrible and a great way to ruin one's childhood , but all these hints fit each other way too great and now , they may no longer be just a coincidence...

[padawanlost]

Hey love your content.

Just wanted to ask you something. There's a claim I've seen coming up in fandom a few times now that Obi Wan knew Luke would bring his father back to the light and redeem him. That he even planned as much and this is supposedly evidenced by his not killing Vader in A New Hope and telling Luke to face Vader but not kill him in Return of the Jedi

I'm not convinced, but can you offer a more conclusive answer rebuttal or whatever.

I’ll be honest with you, this is the first time I’ve ever heard such theory so I’ve no idea where it came from or what arguments are being used to support it. All I can show you is the OT itself. The movies make pretty clear that Obi-wan and Yoda were preparing Luke to kill Darth Vader, and that Anakin’s return was something considered impossible until that point.

Because I don’t keep track of DisneySW, all the evidence I provided is strictly based on the original canon, as developed by George Lucas. So if Disney retconned something, I won’t be able to help :)

That being said, that theory doesn’t make much sense to me, sorry. For Anakin’s redemption to be part of some Obi-wan’s master plan, the character would have to have an impossible foresight into everyone’s involved past and future. For Obi-wan to be able to manipulate people and events to push Anakin’s into going back to light, he would first have to understand why Anakin fell in the first place. And if there’s one thing Episode III makes painfully obvious is that Obi-wan was nowhere near Coruscant when Anakin made his fatal decision, nor was he aware of the circumstances that led him to it. Everyone who knew what truly went down were either dead or his new worst enemies.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at Obi-wan’s (alleged) ‘master plan’:

In Episode IV, we have Obi-wan openly lying to Luke about where he came from and dueling Vader (literary to the death). Not exactly the actions of a man who wants the son to save the father’s life.

In Episode V Obi-wan tells Luke not even Yoda had the power or skill required to see into the future of Han and Leia. Considering they were captured by one of the most even being in the galaxy, it wouldn’t be that hard to guess their future did not look pretty.

Luke: But, Han and Leia will die if I don't. Obi-Wan: You don't know that. Even Yoda cannot see their fate.

The idea here is tied to an important concept in SW: free will. The characters are fundamentally free to make their own choices. Anakin, despite being manipulated by Palpatine, ultimately made his own bed. This is true to all of them. Palpatine’s ‘master plan’ wasn’t about controlling people into doing what he wanted, it was using their own nature against them. He nudged them into the making poor decisions, he never stripped them of their agency.

Obi-Wan: It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants. That is why your friends are made to suffer. Luke: That's why I have to go. Obi-Wan: Luke. I don't want to lose you to the Emperor, the way I lost Vader. Luke: You won't. Yoda: Stopped, they must be. On this, all depends. Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil. Obi-Wan: Patience. [...] Obi-Wan: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.

Unless you see Obi-wan as a manipulative, cruel person who wants an untrained Luke to face two of the most powerful beings in the galaxy alone for his own personal, secret plan, I’d say the movie is pretty clear in showing us that neither Yoda nor Obi-wan want Luke to face Vader at that point. If the plan was to get Luke to going, wouldn’t have been easier to just let him go instead of creating an huge argument about it? Hell, they are willing throw Han and Leia under the bus to keep Luke from leaving. If that wasn’t shady enough now we are supposed to believe that was part of an even worst scheme involving pretty much everyone?

Yoda: Told you I did. Reckless, is he. Now... matters are worse. Obi-Wan: That boy is our last hope. Yoda: No. There is another.

Yeah, it doesn’t sound like using Luke to redeem Vader was their ultimate goal here.

There are some pretty big holes in that theory in terms of character development and narrative structure. I know everyone loves the idea of Vader and Obi-wan having some badass duel in ANH but the truth is Vader had spent the last 20 years training and killing pretty much all kinds of enemies imagine while Obi-wan mediated on Tatooine as grew shockingly old for his age.

As proven on Mustafar, raw power only takes you so far. Anakin has always been much, much more powerful than Obi-wan but in the end Obi-wan won because of skill, training and discipline. Unfortunately, for Obi-wan, he didn’t get much training in his isolation. He couldn’t have because he was in hiding! If that wasn’t enough, the EU confirms that Obi-wan sacrificed himself to allow Luke to scape. There was no secret plan.

Obi-Wan risked a glance through the hangar’s open doorway and saw four stormtroopers guarding the Falcon. He also sensed that Luke was nearby. Hoping to cause a distraction that would allow Luke to board the Falcon, he attacked Vader more vigorously. The noise of clashing lightsabers echoed into the hangar, attracting the stormtroopers’ attention. With his peripheral vision, Obi-Wan saw the stormtroopers leave their stations beside the Falcon and run toward him and Vader. He continued his attack on Vader, and several exchanges later, he sensed Luke’s movement and knew his plan had worked. He risked another glance into the hangar to see several figures racing for the Falcon’s landing ramp: the droids, Chewbacca, Han Solo, Luke, and — Leia! Obi-Wan hadn’t known that Princess Leia was on the battle station, but he recognized the girl in the white dress from the hologram that R2-D2 had displayed. Obi-Wan did not believe in luck or coincidences, and seeing Luke unwittingly reunited with his twin sister, he knew that it was not a tractor beam that had brought him to the battle station, but the will of the Force. His fleeting glance also registered that Luke had paused behind his friends. Luke stood a short distance from the landing ramp and was staring straight at him, gaping. Obi-Wan realized there was only one way Luke, Leia, and the others would escape the battle station alive. He smiled as he looked away from Luke, then closed his eyes and raised his lightsaber up before him. Darth Vader did not hesitate to strike. [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Imo, this theory ruins the character of Obi-wan by making him pretty much omniscient and way more powerful and manipulative than he was in canon. Obi-wan wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t palpatine level of manipulative either. He had no ‘grand plan’ beyond using Luke to kill vader and save the galaxy in a desperate attempt to save the galaxy.

On top of that, let’s remember that Obi-wan had no hope left for Anakin. He did not believe Anakin could be redeemed after Mustafar. If you do not believe md, believe George Lucas.

After the first complete take, Lucas and McGregor discuss when he should say each line: “As you watch Anakin slide down, how about if you take one step forward,” Lucas Suggests. “For a moment, you think about it. Your first impulse is to save him – but then you realize you can’t”. As the takes multiply and the actors find their rhythm and emotions, the scene becomes more and more powerful. Christensen yells “I hate you!”. McGregor says, “I love you. But I will not help you”. Lucas explains that what Obi-wan’s really saying to Anakin is: “Your were our only hope and you blew it. Now we don’t have any hope”. Take. After Anakin implores Obi-wan to save him, George asks Ewan to say “I will not…” softer, almost to himself. Take. “After he burst into flames,” Lucas directs, “it’s as if you’re talking to a dead person. To a piece of toast”. He suggests, to drive home this point, that McGregor change the words in the script to the past tense, “I loved you.” The actor acquiesces, but points out that his subsequent line would have to change to “But I could not help you.” Lucas agrees, and Tenggren alters the script accordingly.[ The Making of ROTS]

Another thing that George is very clear about is that Luke is the one who redeems Anakin.

It really has to do with learning. Children teach you compassion. They teach you to love unconditionally. Anakin can’t be redeemed for all the pain and suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t right the wrongs, but he stops the horror. The end of the saga is simply Anakin saying, I care about this person [Luke], regardless of what it means to me. I will throw away everything that I have, everything that I’ve grown to love - primarily the Emperor - and throw away my life, to save this person. And I’m doing it because he has faith in me; he loves me despite all the horrible things I’ve done. I broke his mother’s heart, but he still cares about me, and I can’t let that die. Anakin is very different in the end. The thing of it is: the prophecy was right. Anakin was the chosen one, and he does bring balance to the Force. He takes the ounce of good still left in him and destroys the Emperor out of compassion for his son. [ GEORGE LUCAS - THE MAKING OF REVENGE OF THE SITH; PAGE 221.]

This brings us back about what I said earlier about narrative structure. This is Luke’s story. Obi-wan is the mentor, that’s it. It’s Luke’s actions, Luke’s choices. To suddenly reveal that everything happened was the result of Obi-wan’s plan would be narrative equivalent of a slap in the face. We watched Luke’s hero journey only to find out his journey was a lie and his choices weren’t really his own. How disappointing!

Not only that but redemption comes from within. Even if Obi-wan had planned for everything, Anakin would need to WANT to change. and knowing it was Luke’s selfless actions that drove Anakin into killing Palpatine, suddenly finding out an ulterior motive behind Luke’s actions (beyond the character’s own goodness) would diminish the weight of Anakin own choices.

But, again, Obi-wan couldn’t have planned for Anakin to return to the light because he didn’t even believe one could be redeemed after such evils.

Obi-Wan’s spirit was invisible but present when Luke arrived in the Endor system, where the Empire had constructed a new Death Star battle station. When Luke surrendered to Darth Vader on the Endor forest moon, he listened as Luke maintained his belief that a remnant of Anakin Skywalker remained within Vader and had not been entirely consumed by evil. Luke urged his father to let go of his hate. Vader said, “It is too late for me, son.” Then he signaled to two stormtroopers to escort Luke to a waiting shuttle that would carry them to the Death Star. As the stormtroopers moved up behind Luke, Vader added, “The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your Master now.” Luke stared at Vader for a moment before he said, “Then my father is truly dead.” Obi-Wan’s spirit wished he had convinced Luke of this fact earlier. [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Even as they fought, Obi-wan didn’t believe Luke could save Anakin. It was only after witnessing Palpatine’s demise he started to realize what it meant.

Obi-Wan knew that Vader would never help, and he felt almost overwhelmed by a sense of dread. Luke would soon be dead, and Vader would remain the Emperor’s puppet. In fact, Obi-Wan was so convinced of Vader’s nature that he was stunned by what happened next. Vader grabbed the Emperor and lifted him off his feet.  [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Had Obi-Wan’s spirit not witnessed Vader’s action, he never would have believed it. Vader, the same monster that Obi-Wan had left to die on Mustafar, had sacrificed himself to save his son. And suddenly Obi-Wan realized where he had failed. For unlike Luke, Obi-Wan had not only believed that Anakin was completely consumed by the dark side, but had actually refused to believe that any goodness could have remained within Vader.  [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Btw, in ROTJ, Obi-wan doesn’t try to talk Luke out of killing Vader. In fact, the oppositve of that happens:

Luke Skywalker: There is still good in him. Obi-Wan: He's more machine now than man. Twisted and evil. Luke Skywalker: I can't do it, Ben. Obi-Wan: You cannot escape your destiny. You must face Darth Vader again. Luke Skywalker: I can't kill my own father. Obi-Wan: Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope.

Star Wars, at its core, has a very simple message about love and the power it has over people. in the end, the good guys won because they were good, not because they were being guided there by some powerful guy. In the end, it was love that won the war and saved the day. Everyone’s love. Luke’s love for Anakin, Anakin’s love for Luke, Han’s love for Leia, etc. Selfless love makes better people and good people do good things. It’s not about manipulating actions, people or even knowing everything. In fact, I’d say it’s the appositive.

Luke didn’t know he could save Vader, but he tried anyway and that’s what makes him a hero. It’s the not knowing but having faith in someone out of love, faith they can be better than they are. That’s what saves the world. It’s not knowing everything and still acting out love and compassion.

Anyway, I honestly don’t know where this idea of Obi-wan knowing Anakin’s future and planning for it came from. But I do know it’s not supported by the movies, the EU or George himself.  

[xtruss]

Dread at 30,000 Ft: Inside the Increasingly Violent World of US Flight Attendants

— Francesca Street, CNN

(CNN) — Working as a flight attendant previously afforded Mitra Amirzadeh the freedom to explore the world -- taking her from her home in Florida to destinations including Kenya, France and Spain.

As the pandemic spread, the perks of Amirzadeh's job diminished. Now restricted to domestic US flights, her work involves navigating not only the fear of catching Covid-19, but also the recent uptick in disruptive passengers.

"I'm dealing with a lot of babysitting, which I never counted on doing," Amirzadeh, who works for a low-cost US airline, tells CNN Travel. "The actual children on board behave better than the grown adults do."

This summer, unruly passenger behavior seems to have reached new heights. In one incident, a passenger punched a Southwest flight attendant and knocked out two of their teeth. Video also circulated of a passenger getting taped to their seat after they reportedly punched and groped Frontier Airlines flight crew.

The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) said it has issued more than $1 million in fines to unruly airline passengers so far in 2021.

US flight attendants tell CNN Travel say the stress of the situation is taking its toll,

Susannah Carr, who works for a major US airline, says unruly incidents used to be "the exception, not the rule." Now they're "frequent."

"I come in expecting to get push back. I come in expecting to have a passenger that could potentially get violent," she says.

Amirzadeh says flight attendants across US airlines are just "over it."

Allie Malis, a flight attendant for American Airlines, says air crew are "exhausted -- physically and emotionally."

"We've gone through worrying about our health and safety, worrying about our jobs -- now [we are] worrying about our safety in a different way."

The Rise of Air Rage

There seems to be a rise in unruly passengers on board US airplanes. Pictured here: airplanes at Miami International Airport in August 2021. Daniel Slim/AFP via Getty Images

Pre-pandemic, the issue of unruly passengers was becoming increasingly omnipresent — data from the International Air Transport Association (IATA) suggested incidents rose from 2012 to 2015, while whole conferences were dedicated to the problem.

This increase was often linked to cabins getting fuller, with increased security checks and processes adding to tension.

In 2019, Malis, who is also the government affairs representative at the Association of Professional Flight Attendants, a union representing American Airlines air crew, spoke to CNN Travel about the decrease of personal seat space. She said her union believed it is "strongly correlated and in a large part to blame" for the rise in incidents.

Alcohol is also an often cited contributing factor -- travelers drink at the airport and board the plane without crew realizing how inebriated they are. When it all kicks off at 30,000 feet, it's too late.

That said, it has always been hard to get an exact handle on whether passengers have actually become more unruly. Not every airline that's part of IATA submits data, and not every airline records every instance of unruly behavior, while separate FAA data recorded oscillating numbers of investigated incidents between 1995 and 2019.

There have been suggestions that incidents just started to feel more ubiquitous in recent years because social media means videos of badly behaved passengers spread like wildfire.

But while FAA data might show fluctuating figures for much of the past 20 years, in 2021, incidents seem to have skyrocketed. In 2019, 146 investigations were initiated by the FAA. So far in 2021 that number is 727.

Covid-19 seems to have exacerbated an already existing issue to an unprecedented degree, at least in the US.

Amirzadeh recalls the silent flights of spring 2020. People were too fearful to even look at other passengers or air crew, she says, let alone cause conflict.

By summer 2020, travel had recommenced and reports of in-flight disruptions were back. Masks -- not yet mandated by the FAA, but enforced by some airlines -- were becoming a sore topic among some travelers.

In recent months, unruly behavior has reached new heights.

"It just seems like every next incident is getting a little bit more extreme, things you just would have never imagined last year," says Malis.

"As a flight attendant, it's really hard to imagine yourself being in a position that requires duct taping a passenger to their seats for the safety of everyone else on the plane, yet this is something that has happened numerous times in the last few months."

Malis says she feels like incidents have been on a steady rise since the January 6 attack on the US Capitol. It also involved disruptive behavior on planes and led to the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA (AFA) International -- which represents American flight attendants at 17 airlines — stating rioters should not be allowed on flights home.

"I think the insurrection was kind of an eye-opening experience," Malis says. "What do you do when you have multiple incidents happening on the plane at the same time with only four crew members?"

“I come in expecting to get pushback. I come in expecting to have a passenger that could potentially get violent.” — Susannah Carr, flight attendant

A survey by the AFA released in July of this year found that, of the 5,000 flight attendants surveyed, 85% said they'd dealt with unruly passengers in 2021.

Disruptive passengers had used sexist, racist and/or homophobic language, according to 61%, while 17% said they'd been victim of a physical attack this year.

"I thought I had seen or done or heard at all," says Amirzadeh, who has flown for six years and previously worked in customer service.

"But as I've learned the past 18 months, that is definitely not the case, I am seeing, hearing and doing things I never thought in my life I would ever be doing."

Flying During Covid-19

Masks are mandated by law in the US on federal property and on public transportation, including airplanes. Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Many incidents are linked with mask non-compliance, which the flight attendants who spoke to CNN Travel say has been an issue throughout the pandemic.

Even though it's now FAA-mandated and federal law, the wearing of masks remain the cause of the majority of inflight issues. In a press release dated August 19, the FAA says it had received approximately 3,889 reports of unruly behavior by passengers since January 1. Of those reports, 2,867 were passengers refusing to comply with the mask mandate.

"In the beginning, I would sympathize and say, 'Hey, you know, I get it, it's hot, I'm hot. I'm wearing it too -- I need you to wear it too. Can we please work together?'" says Amirzadeh.

"But here we are, it's been a year and a half, you're wearing them everywhere. And we're not the only ones that are asking you to wear them -- every train station, every bus, every airline..."

Carr says she thinks the problem is that mask-wearing is sometimes viewed as a political issue in the United States.

"The mask issue was less about public health and it was more politicized in the beginning. And that is something we're still dealing with today," she says.

Amirzadeh says fraught mask-related interactions often come as a result of passengers removing their face covering to eat or drink, and then keeping it off. It's one of the reasons she thinks alcohol shouldn't be served on planes currently.

“It just seems like every next incident is getting a little bit more extreme, things you just would have never imagined last year” — Allie Malis, American Airlines flight attendant

Carr agrees and also questions the availability of to-go drinks at the airport.

Still, not serving alcohol can be the cause of issues too -- as Malis has found on board American Airlines, which continues to ban alcohol in its main cabins on board most flights.

"On some of my flights it's caused people to get upset, because they do want to feel like they have a right to have a drink -- but at the same time [...] if you're getting so upset because you can't have a drink right now, that's the exact reason we're kind of afraid to give you one, that kind of erratic behavior," says Malis.

For some passengers, travel may feel more stressful and anxiety-inducing in the age of Covid. Carr suggests this -- and the stresses we've all been under during the pandemic -- are a contributing factor to the rise in incidents.

"We've been isolated for the last 18-plus months," she says. "So I think some of the social graces have kind of been put on the back burner, as far as what's acceptable in public and on an airplane."

Malis wants passengers to realize that the stresses and anxieties they might be feeling about traveling in the age of Covid-19 are also shared by many crew, even if they seem like "a very accessible punching bag."

"We've been putting ourselves on the front line, and quarantining from our families," she says. "We're doing our job, we're not the reason your flight got canceled, we're not the reason you're frustrated."

The ubiquity of events on social media also leads Malis to suggest there could be a "copycat factor."

To reverse this, Amirzadeh says it's important for people to realize that the passengers who've gone viral are paying the price.

Dealing with Incidents

Flight attendants are getting self-defense training as the number of unruly passengers is on the rise. CNN's Pete Muntean reports.

Flight attendants are safety professionals trained in dealing with everything from a medical emergency to a potential terrorist incident.

"We're not here to serve you a Coke, we're here to save your life," is how Amirzadeh puts it.

But there's the concern, she says, that dealing with unruly passengers could prevent crew from dealing with other issues on board.

"We are the people that are going to give you CPR, we're the people that are going to give you the Heimlich maneuver, we are the people that are going to put out the fire. But we might miss those things if we're too busy arguing with someone else about putting their mask on."

Malis says dealing with unruly passengers is a team effort -- if a passenger seems to have taken against a particular flight attendant, another crew member stepping in could calm them down.

Carr says she keeps tabs on mask-wearing from the moment travelers step onto the plane, and will first offer a friendly reminder.

If someone continues not to comply, there are several warning steps culminating in the traveler getting handed a card stating that if they continue, they'll be reported to the airline and could lose travel privileges.

As Amirzadeh points out, a flight attendant can't force someone to wear a mask.

"But I can let him know that if he doesn't, then I hope that wherever we're landing is his final destination, because his return ticket's going to be canceled, we're going to file a report with the FAA, and you could face fines, and other legal ramifications."

Flight attendants are also able to take self defense classes organized via the Transportation Security Administration.

"I think more and more flight attendants need to start taking some self defense classes and need to be prepared to protect themselves and that's a sad thing," says Amirzadeh.

On January 13, 2021, the FAA signed an order directing a stricter legal enforcement policy against unruly airline passengers, promising a zero-tolerance campaign.

Any passenger who "assaults, threatens, intimidates, or interferes with airline crew members" could face fines of up to $35,000 and prison time.

The FAA also recently launched a public awareness campaign, which includes a video, as well as some social media memes.

The agency has also asked US airports to ensure law enforcement on the ground deals with reported inflight incidents, as well as consider issues associated with to-go alcohol.

The AFA flight attendant union is pressing for the zero tolerance policy to become permanent.

"It's also important that the Department of Justice is prosecuting some of these events," says Carr. "These unruly passenger events have been so egregious, flight attendants have been attacked, and injured [...] in situations like that, it's important that they're facing criminal prosecution and that's something that needs to be publicized as well."

Malis also suggests there should be further coordination between airlines to ensure passengers banned from one airline can't board other US carriers.

Carr and Amirzadeh are both members of the AFA flight attendant union, while Malis is involved in the American Airlines' union.

They say flight attendants have been sharing stories with their unions and their private networks -- across carriers -- providing support and solidarity.

The AFA union is offering employee assistance via therapy sessions.

"There are certainly flight attendants that definitely need a break physically, mentally, and emotionally. But right now, the staffing is not there to support any type of voluntary leave option," says Malis.

State of the Travel Industry

Some flight attendants are concerned travel could shut down again. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images

After a difficult year of furlough and redundancies, flight attendants are concerned that the dual effect of Covid-19 and unruly passengers could see aviation grind to a halt again.

Carr says one of the joys of her job has always been supporting passengers on their travels -- whether they're heading on a long-dreamed-of vacation, traveling under difficult circumstances or anything in between.

"I love this industry and my coworkers and having the traveling public back is wonderful," she says. "But the pandemic is far from over. That is a reality. Covid-19 and the variants are still taking lives."

The last thing Carr and her colleagues want to see is travel stalling again.

"We are doing everything we can to keep passengers safe on board and keep travel going, but without the support of the traveling public -- without people taking those necessary steps to mitigate the spread, and help get a handle on this pandemic -- we could be facing travel closing again, which would be horrible."

[thesummerfox]

I loved your Kylo meta... I enjoyed the movie but my heart hurt for him so much and I felt myself start to lose hope for him getting a satisfying storyline. But I've read some things now that made me feel a little better, including yours, and it's nice to find others who are holding on some hope. Thanks for that.

Thank you so much, I’m so glad you loved it and that it made you feel a little better! I have more thoughts, so I hope you don’t mind me sharing those in light of this!

I have more hope for Kylo now that I’ve seen the movie, and I already had a lot of hope for him to begin with. His storyline is one of the key points in the ST, as he is the last of the Skywalker line, and his journey as the unpredictable and undecided factor has come to run entirely parallel to Rey’s journey as our main protagonist. 

Already in TFA, we see a Kylo Ren who has aligned himself with the FO because they are the closest thing he has to a place in the world. His indoctrination/seduction by Snoke (I feel dirty just typing that, but it is what it is) created that automatic alliance with the FO, but there are small moments within TFA and now also in TLJ that show that Kylo is supremely unconcerned with the FO’s goals and sometimes even seems to disapprove of the course of action taken by the FO. In that light, it’s a genius move to set him up as the new Supreme Leader: someone like Hux, whose fanaticism and belief in the FO are huge, would have been a safer bet for leadership by far. It’s a position that Kylo cannot hope to sustain for himself, and I think he knows it. Even within the FO, he is always alone. His relationship with Hux is outright antagonistic at this point, which might lead to some kind of coup in future considering the fact that Kylo’s actions lost the FO their one shot at ending the open rebellion they face.

With Kylo’s position in the FO rendered unstable, there is that sense of him being on shakier ground than ever before. My dad and I watched TLJ together and we were talking about his arc in the narrative in the car on the way home. My dad said that there is so much inner turmoil coming out into the foreground with Kylo right now at the end of TLJ and we both agreed that he seems undecided on who he is as a human being and on what to do/where to go next. There is that real sense of him being lost, and a huge part of that is because he’s entirely alone for the first time in his life. Canonically speaking, we know that Snoke already began to press in on him when he was in the womb. We know darkness came to claim Ben Solo before he was even born. Ben Solo grew up with the yoke of the Skywalker legacy on his shoulders, grew up with two iconic parents whose role in the universe may not always have left him enough space and time with them, grew up with Snoke’s influence in his brain 24/7, grew up around people who came to fear his abilities and his strength, grew up into one of the most powerful Force users while remaining conflicted about his path in life. 

It’s not really any wonder that Kylo Ren, at his core, acts out of selfishness and acts on his immediate passions/instincts throughout the narrative. He has learned throughout the years that he only has himself to fall back on. Abandonment is a recurring theme in his life and I daresay he has grown used to being left alone. Used to it, but always and forever hurt by it. Hurt by it so bad that he lashes out indiscriminately in his pain and rage – and, at the end of TLJ, we see that hurt finally going inward. We see him break at the end. We see him desolate, alone, and all the while the light is creeping back into the darkness that surrounds him. There is so much pain in that, but there is hope at the same time. And all of that pain has to go somewhere, all of that hope cannot be in vain. 

In TFA, he took some shaky steps on the road to redemption. Call me crazy for saying it, but the scene in which you see that most clearly is the scene with Han. We know how that turned out, but that scene highlights so much inner conflict and history with the dark and the light at war inside of Kylo. Han knew this, too, and I feel as though he knew that meeting Kylo there at that halfway point would spell his own death but allow cracks of light to seep back into his boy. His boy, who he feels he has failed. His boy, who’s hiding behind a mask. His boy, his son, who has always felt so deeply and has always been capable of so much good and so much evil all at once. It’s the first act of ultimate selfless love that Kylo encounters. 

In TLJ, Snoke remarks “you have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo”. That line alone tells me all we need to know: redemption is on its way. Through Han’s death, Kylo’s more fractured and splintered between light and dark than ever before. I think this allows Rey to get a foothold that strongly that fast with him, too – he is receptive to her, wondering and marvelling at their connection all the while, to the point where there is an almost childlike sense of shyness and joy inside of him about it. And when Snoke threatens that? When Snoke claims to have forged that bond between them? When Snoke infringes on the one thing that gave Kylo a sense of peace and belonging? That’s when Ben Solo rises to the foreground, furious, in pain, and lashes out at his abuser with an unflinching finality. Snoke’s voice inside his head goes silent for the first time ever, Snoke’s presence in his life and in his inner world fades for the first time ever, and young Ben Solo stands before Rey and extends his hand. He does so clumsily, does so with the remnants of his convictions ruining his speech to her, does so because he feels she might understand.

Rey’s heartbroken reply is understandable, too, but Kylo doesn’t yet see it that way. He feels alone again. Abandoned again. And he lashes out, furious. Takes up leadership of the FO on what I consider to be a whim born out of necessity – Kylo needs a place in the world, and the FO is still the only place he has left at this point. And then? Then comes Luke Skywalker, and Kylo rips himself to pieces in the attempt to tear Luke apart. Luke arrives in his role as a teacher, make no mistake about that. Luke is there to impart one final lesson on Ben Solo, and leaves him with the same words that Han Solo must have told his own son a million times: see you around, kid. That’s where the light gets in: through the cracks of Ben’s abandonment and isolation, through the pain and hurt of being failed by his teachers/masters, through the agony of his father’s death that he is responsible for, through Rey’s rejection of him. 

And when he kneels on that planet, Han Solo’s trinket fading from his grasp, Rey’s presence and connection still alive alive alive despite Snoke’s claim over their bond, his mother making her escape once more... Ben Solo is alive, and Kylo Ren is set to die. That’s how you do a successful redemption arc for a character like him: take it all away until there is nothing left for him to cling to, let him kill the past and face his demons, give him agency over his own actions and decisions, and give him space to come back. Put him in that position where we know as an audience that all it’s going to take is one final push. Where we know, as viewers, that Kylo Ren’s fate hangs in the balance and that the only one who decides its final outcome is Ben Solo. Where the only logical thing for the narrative to do next is to give him that space to decide – and where the only emotionally satisfying thing for the narrative to do next is to bring Ben Solo back into the light in a way that gives him peace.