i really need everyone but especially anyone who romanced gale with a bard tav to know about this interaction from early access that larian took from us
Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
It is a beautiful day, and you are a horrible research transport vessel. Things are progressing as normal (i.e. it's boring) when a SecUnit pings you, lies right to your metaphorical face, and then tries to bribe you with human media to give it a ride. This is as unexpected as it is unprecedented, and the sheer nerve of it is really to be admired. There's no protocol to this, so what should you do?
Now, this is against a bunch of rules, and could be dangerous if you weren't so impressive and incredible, and you're technically an employee (and can probably rewrite the Univeristy charter at will (until someone notices and puts it back)) so those rules are for other entities.
So, what you should do is allow the rogue SecUnit with a broken governor module and a sketchy story aboard. If you check the files it dumps and find zero (0) malware (which is confusing), and it doesn't even try to trash the place or lay in wait to ambush a crew member, then you've got a good candidate!
Next, what you're going to want to do is absolutely nothing. Just watch it patrol your halls until it's time to leave. Continue staring at it while you're undergoing embarkment procedures. Maybe analyze it a little (you've got plenty of processing power to spare) when it finally sits down and starts watching media. Allow it to settle in and get comfortable while you stare at it and get further and further from port.
Now that you two are alone (intimacy is key!) and you've determined that watching media is all the SecUnit is going to do, it's time to make contact! Make sure to open by telling it it's only survived due to dumb luck, and letting it know you could melt its brain into putty. This starter will work to develop conversation naturally and smoothly, just like you've seen the humans do, and it will be smooth sailing from there!
This has been Perihelion's guide to making friends/finding life partners/fuck off Holism I had to work hard for this find your own
Foolish: You know what? Fit: it's the perfect alibi. "Just a janitor," going through... just to cleaning around everywhere... talk to a lot of people... and you're just bald and such, you know, no one would think twice that you- may be you'd up to something.
Fit: Foolish that's- that's literally the entire point, we've been over this.
Pac: You like the plumber's work, right? You like to get your hand in the plumber's and- do the stuffs, and plumb [makes a very loud popping sound] those pipes, right?
[Everyone loses it and starts laughing]
Pac: I'm sorry- I'm sor- I'm- [laughs] I did- I didn't mean-
Fit: WAS THE SOUND NECESSARY???
Foolish: No, the sound made it.
Pac: I didn't- I didn't hear myself- sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh my god, I'm so shy right now, I'm just gonna sit.
[Full transcript ↓ ]
Foolish: You know what? Fit: it's the perfect alibi. "Just a janitor," going through... just to cleaning around everywhere... talk to a lot of people... and you're just bald and such, you know, no one would think twice that you- may be you'd up to something.
Fit: Foolish that's- that's literally the entire point, we've been over this.
Foolish: Have we?
Fit: I said I'm- I'm trying to find out more about like, the Code Monsters!
Foolish: I thought you just wanted- liked being a janitor.
Fit: Well, I actually do kinda like it, I'll be honest with you, I like getting paid, but-
Foolish: Wait damnnit, Philza's doing it right.
Pac: You like the plumber's work, right?
Fit: Yeah.
Pac: You like to get your hand in the plumber's and- do the stuffs, and plumb [makes a very loud popping sound] those pipes, right?
[Everyone loses it and starts laughing]
Pac: I'm sorry- I'm sor- I'm- [laughs] I did- I didn't mean-
Fit: WAS THE SOUND NECESSARY???
Foolish: No, the sound made it.
Pac: I didn't- I didn't hear myself- sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh my god, I'm so shy right now, I'm just gonna sit.
I’m thinking about how Tommy just visibly relaxes when Buck assures him the kiss was ok. How he got all flirty and ‘came in a car today so I actually have to worry about traffic’. The whole finger guns and Call Eddie thing with his adorable nose scrunch.
So cut to the moment he closes the door and is standing in the hallway (while Buck is all smiley faced/shocked Pikachu just inside). I just imagine Tommy sagging against the wall and like letting his head fall back and his eyes close. And he’s thinking to himself *holy fuck. that’s a Thing that just happened. I just kissed that beautiful guy.* And maybe he makes this hysterical little breathy laugh about that because the whole thing could have gone massively sideways. He could have ruined things with Eddie’s Best Friend and Chris’s idol.
He takes the steps 2 at a time down to his car because he has this extra spring in his step and feels lighter than air and life is Good™️ Even shitty crosstown traffic isn’t enough to sour his mood. When he gets to Harbor, Lucy and his team tease him, asking if he got lucky before shift and he just rolls with it, ignoring them pressing for details.
Later, after a few calls and they have a little downtime, it finally really hits him. He decided to shoot his shot and he kissed Evan.
Now, Tommy is an experienced guy and this isn’t exactly new territory. But. Tommy of 10+ years ago… Tommy working under Gerrard and the macho bravado BS of the LAFD, Tommy who had to listen to all the horrible ignorant comments when DOMA was passed, Tommy who didn’t know yet what Right was supposed to feel like and didn’t get what all those RomComs were trying to sell — he’s proud of himself. Because he didn’t think this would ever happen. He didn’t think this — living open and free and loving how he wanted — was even a possibility for him. But it is. It’s his life and he gets to have it. He huffs out a wet chuckle, glad no one’s really paying attention to his epiphany.