#you’re so sincere and thorough and i think that’s probably why i’ve become so attached to you ehehe

[inkykeiji]

Don't worry your pretty little head about it, I won't, doll. I'm exclusively yours, and I think it's cute.

I'm here to bring you comfort, but you end up making me comfortable too.

- Dabi, Touya.

i 🥺🥺 love you very much, thank you 🥺🥺🥺 i feel uhhhhh very bratty for that but i wanted to be honest with you :(

do i really????? oh gosh i truly hope so :(( seriously, i hope i’m able to even bring you just an ounce of the happiness you bring me <33

[originalhybridloverfics]

I Can’t Let You Disappear From My Life A Second Time - Ch 5

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I've had some family stuff going on lately.

I apologize in advance for any mistakes.

“How about this one?” Eda stepped out of the bathroom connected to her bedroom, she wore a royal blue mini dress with a deep V neck, exposing the appropriate amount of cleavage to be sexy. The spaghetti straps and open back showed off her shoulders and the skin of her back. The supple soft fabric cut at thigh high length, showing off her legs, the front was in a wrap-around style with chic runch detail.

“Pretty. So pretty.” Alara clapped her hands. “I want to look pretty, too. Can I go with you?”

“No,” Halil shook his head, picking up Alara and setting her on his knee where he was seated on the edge of Eda’s bed. “You’re already pretty and you have to stay home with me tonight.”

Alara frowned, not liking the idea. “Why?”

“Because I’m meeting someone really important and I want everything to go right,” Eda told her.

“Can I meet him?” Alara asked.

“Yes but not tonight.” Eda looked at Halil. “What’s your take, Halil?”

Halil looked her over deliberately starting from her legs and stopping at her eyes, his smile was sincere, eyes kind. “I think you look perfect. Serkan won’t be able to breathe when he sees you.”

“You think?” Eda walked over to her mirror, turning left then right looking herself over.

“I know,” Halil said and there was something in his voice that had Eda looking back at him but as soon as she met his eyes he looked away.

But it was long enough for her to see the longing in his eyes.

Eda bit her lip, a feeling of guilt etching into her stomach. It wasn’t hard to see that Halil had feelings for her but it was easier to never talk about it. She didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t want to hurt him. She pretended not to notice the long looks he gave her, the way he smiled at her, how his eyes lit up when she walked into the room.

Halil was a great guy but he wasn’t the guy for her. Things probably would’ve been easier if she returned his feelings however nothing worth fighting for was easy. And the life she saw for herself with Serkan, the love she never stopped feeling for him that was worth fighting for and she refused to live a lie by pretending her heart didn’t beat for Serkan Bolat.

She looked back at herself. She wore a longer chain so she could hide her ring in her cleavage, it was the only piece of jewelry she was wearing tonight. Her make-up was light, enhancing her natural beauty and her hair flowed around her shoulders in waves, the ends tickling at her back.

She walked over to her vanity and slipped on a pair of silver strappy heels and grabbed her clutch. “Okay, I will see you guys later.”

“Is he picking you up or are you meeting him there?” Halil asked suddenly.

“I’m meeting him there,” Eda answered.

Halil stood up, holding Alara on his hip. She rested against him with ease and trust, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I’ll drive you.”

Eda shook her head. “That’s not necessary.”

There was no need for Halil to torture himself.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure,” Eda walked forward and pressed a kiss to Alara’s cheek. “Just take care of our favorite girl and I’ll be home later.”

Halil looked down at Alara and held her closer. “Okay.”

Eda forced a smile, she had the urge to hug him, the way she would if she had a brother but she didn’t want him to take it the wrong way or read incorrectly into it. Instead, she offered him a smile and a wave and walked out the door.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Serkan arrived at the restaurant early, he requested their table be out on the deck. It offered an amazing view of the city and he remembered Eda loved the sea. He hoped she would appreciate the gesture.

He looked at his watch just as it hit seven o’clock. She should be there any minute.

He looked up and his breath left him, his lips parting.

How was she more beautiful every time he saw her?

He pushed his chair back and stood as Eda came toward him, he moved around the table. “Eda, you look unbelievable.”

Eda smiled. “Thank you.” Her eyes took him in,  the dark suit, the vest, the way he wore his hair, the stubble covering his jaw. It all suited him so perfectly, she felt her stomach flutter.

Serkan pulled out her chair and she thanked him, leaning forward brushing her lips against his cheek. He paused staring at her before swallowing thickly and pushed her chair in.

Eda set her clutch on the table as he retook his seat across from her. “I’m sorry if I kept you waiting.”

“No,” Serkan shook his head. “I arrived early.”

Eda smiled and her eyes caught on the ocean, the lights of the city reflecting off the dark waves. “This is an amazing view.”

“I thought you would appreciate it.” Serkan picked up his menu, pretending to look at it, and cast glances at her as she looked over her own menu.

The waiter came over a few minutes later and took down their orders.

“You still order dessert first,” Serkan said in amusement.

“Some things never change about a person,” Eda said. Like the way, she felt for him.

“I suppose they don’t.” Serkan agreed. Serkan took her in, his eyes roaming over her every feature. Her cheekbones, her dark eyes, her flawless skin, her gorgeous hair, the curve of her lips, the smell of her perfume wafting in the air, mixing with the aroma of the food.

His eyes went to her hand resting on the table, his own tingled with the urge to reach out and laced their fingers together.

He once said that there were invisible handcuffs between them and he still felt that was true. Even now. There was this force between them, tying him to her and now that she was in front of him he felt he couldn’t part from her.

It was wrong, he knew she had a family at home waiting for her but It did not change how he felt. He was in love with her and that was never going to change no matter how far out of his reach she was even when sitting right across from him, looking more beautiful than ever.

Eda's heart sped up at the way he was looking at her. “Is something wrong, Serkan?”

“No, I’m just, taking a moment to commit tonight to my memory,” Serkan answered.

“Why?”

“You have no idea how much I have missed you. For the longest time, I held onto the history between us to remember you by, your smile, your eyes, how beautiful you are, your kindness, your strength, your courage. I tried to remember every little detail about you. Yet, having you sitting across from me, I know now my memories of you did not hold up to the real thing. I need to be thorough in committing you to my memory from now on that way when I miss you to the point my body aches with regret, I will have that image to hold close to my chest.”

Eda felt tears gather in her eyes at his words. She went to discreetly wipe them away when she caught him twisting and turning the ring he wore. His engagement ring to her.

“Is that why you still wear your ring? Because of the memories attached to it?” Eda asked, feeling emotion tighten her chest.

“No, I wear because it has become a part of me,”

Just as much as his love for her had become a part of his soul but he couldn’t tell her that. Not when she had a family waiting at home for her.

Eda’s heart pounded in her chest. God, did he have to say things like that? She had the urge to say hell to everything, with her plan of taking the time to get to know each other again and just reach across the table and kiss him, tell him to take her back to his place so she could show him just how much she still loves him.

“I have never once taken this ring off and I won’t,” Serkan swallowed, he brought his gaze to her. “I know you have a family now waiting at home for you and that for you what we shared is your past, not your future but-”

“I don’t,” Eda blurted, knowing she had to tell him. She couldn’t let him continue to think she had left him behind in the past. “I don’t have a family waiting for me. My engagement is fake which is why I didn’t wear the ring tonight, and I don’t have a daughter.”

“What?” Serkan’s eyes shot to her hand and relief unlike he had ever known washed over him at her naked finger.

“Let me explain,” Eda reached across the table touching his hand. “Yes, they're at home waiting for me and they’re family but not in the sense you’ve been thinking.”

The waiter appeared then delivering their food.

Serkan turned his hand over and grabbed a hold of hers as soon as the waiter was gone, holding on. “Tell me.”

“I had this roommate in Italy when I was finishing my degree. Aiyla. She was pregnant, disowned by her parents. She was putting herself through college with the help of her brother Halil. I became very close with Aiyla and by extension Halil. When Aiiyla was 32 weeks pregnant she got into a car accident. She didn’t make it but the doctors were able to save her baby.” Eda paused, the sadness she felt whenever she spoke of Aiyla’s death creeping up on her. “She was a sister to me, I felt so lost when she died, that was when I called you, I thought you better than anyone knew what it was like to lose a sibling.”

“I’m sorry you lost her,” Serkan squeezed her hand, his thumbing brushing across her knuckles.

Eda nodded. “Halil, got custody of the baby, Alara. It was hard for him in the beginning and I did all I could to help him. Alara is the closest thing I have to a niece.”

“And the fake engagement?” Serkan asked.

“Halil has a job in politics and he needed a fiance to approve his image since he had a child. It is not known that Alara is his sister’s child and not his. He does his best to keep it from the media. He does not wish for Aiyla's memory to be dragged through the mud for having been unmarried when she got pregnant and he doesn’t want that scandal to follow Alara around for the rest of her life. He asked that I pose as his fiance, giving Alara a mother in front of the cameras and reporters. It was never anything more. Halil is a good friend and needed help and like I said I did what I could to help.”

Serkan felt a weight lift inside his chest, something uncoiling from around his heart but it was still a lot to take in. “I thought you started a family.”

“No.” Eda shook her head. “One day. Maybe.” Only with him.

Serkan nodded slowly, his hand tightening around hers. “Good. That’s good.”

Serkan ducked his head to hide his relieved smile.

“I want you to meet them, Serkan,” Eda said suddenly.

Serkan’s eyes snapped back to her. “What?”

“Halil and Alara.” Eda clarified. “I want you to meet them. They know all about you and I want you to know them.”

Serkan nodded. Of course, they would know of him. He was Serkan Bolat. It couldn’t be because Eda talked about him, could it?

“They are important to me and you are important to me and I would like you to spend time with them before Halil and Alara go back to Italy.”

“They’re not staying?” Serkan inquired.

“No, Halil’s life is not here but he wanted to give me and Alara some more time together and he wanted to make sure I got settled back in. He’s protective that way.” A smile pulled at Eda’s lips.

Serkan felt something twist inside him at the fondness she spoke of a man who was not him. “I can’t. I am very busy.”

Serkan wasn’t sure he could stomach seeing the man. He was still trying to process what Eda had told him and just knowing the man was close with Eda made his blood pressure rise.

“Please.” Eda looked at him with that look he could never say no to. “It would mean so much to me,”

Serkan rolled his eyes at his inability to say no to her even now. “Okay, I will think about it.”

Eda nodded. It wasn’t exactly a yes but it was good enough for her. “Thank you.”

Serkan nodded and began eating his food, Eda doing the same.

“Have you spoken to Selin after finding out everything?” Eda asked, after a moment.

Serkan swallowed a bite of food and took a drink from his glass of water. “No,” he shook his head, fighting down the anger. “After you left the office, I went to talk to her but she had left and she hasn’t been taking my calls.”

“She’s avoiding you.”

“As she should,” Serkan said, clenching his jaw. “I didn’t think she was capable of such deceit. I was wrong. Now I’m not sure I ever truly knew her.”

“What she did is in the past, perhaps it's best not to bring it up again,” Eda suggested, she hated what Selin did but she refused to give the woman the power to affect her life after all this time.

“No, she has to know her actions have consequences.” Serkan jaw clenched. “She will answer for her lies and deception.”

“Okay,” Eda said, she could see the anger in his eyes and she didn’t feel like arguing on a woman’s behalf who only proved herself to be selfish, manipulative, and self-centered.

“Since we're discussing this, I have to ask,” Serkan looked at her. “Why did you never try to reach out to me again?”

“After Aiyla died my life became so complicated. I was finishing up school and Halil was all alone with Alara. He needed help and he needed family and I couldn’t imagine leaving that little girl behind. Being in their lives..it really helped me process my grief in a healthy way. Being around them helped me stay connected with Aiyla even after her death. It kept her memory alive for me.” Eda licked her lips. “And if I’m being honest I was scared to reach out in case you really didn't want me in your life.”

“I am always gonna want you in my life.” Serkan words were immediate. “You always had this way of shining color and life into my world when I didn’t even know it was missing. I have missed that.” He missed her but he was hesitant to put his heart completely on the line. She still had a family waiting for her at home even if it wasn’t in the sense he thought and he wasn’t sure if he could still fit into her life like before.

Eda smiled and reached out touching his hand. “Serkan, I know we have a lot to work through and catch up on and there’s always going to be this history between us but I would like the chance to be a part of your life again. I want us to start over.”

Serkan's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He had to force himself not to reach his hand up and place his palm over it.

He wanted to stand up and pull her into his arms and crush his lips to hers but there was this little voice in his head telling him she still had someone in her life. She didn’t need him and maybe she never did, not the way he needed her.

He couldn’t turn her life upside down but he knew he couldn’t let her go either. He couldn’t let her disappear from his life again.

“So do I and I feel confident about what I’m about to say. I want you to come work for me as a landscape architect. You’ve made a huge name for yourself and I think we can do some amazing things when we work together.”

Eda felt her heart drop into her stomach. She didn’t know what she had been expecting him to say but it wasn’t that. She felt like Serkan was putting her in a professional box.

She looked into his eyes and she could clearly see that he still felt for her but he was setting boundaries for them.

“You want me to come work for you?” Eda asked, needing clarification. She didn’t want any more misunderstandings between them.

“Not for me. With me.” Serkan released her hand. “You will have your own office and will handle your own projects with full creative control. If you say yes, you can come by the office first thing tomorrow and we can work out all the details.”

Eda drew her hand back slowly, her skin feeling cold. This wasn’t what she wanted.

Of course, she wanted to work with him. They worked so well together but she wanted more than work to be between them. She wanted everything life had to offer with Serkan.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Eda walked through the door to her home. It was almost ten o’clock, most of the lights were out.

She wasn’t surprised. By now Alara would be sleeping in her bed and Halil would be working, pouring over documents.

There was one light shining in from the kitchen, she walked toward it.

Halil was at the counter surrounded by papers, a pen, and a notepad in his hands.

“I know you came here with me to help me get settled but I thought you could also use the time away from work to actually take a break yet here you are working.”

Halil looked up, his lips pulling into a smile. “You know I like to keep busy.”

“I know.” Eda set her clutch on the table and slid into the seat across from her.

“Can I get you a drink,” Halil asked, setting his pen down and standing.

“Water is fine,” Eda answered, she pulled her phone out of her clutch and set it beside her.

Halil retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator and placed it in front of her before pouring himself a cup of coffee and re-taking his seat. “How did the date go? Was it everything you wanted it to be?”

“It was and it wasn’t. I mean, it was great spending time with Serkan again and clearing the air between us but having the person you love sitting across from you really puts everything in perspective.”

“What? He’s more amazing than you remember?” Halil asked.

“Something like that,” Eda admitted. “I don’t think you truly know how deeply you miss someone until you're reunited with them. Or how much you still love them. All I wanted to do tonight was kiss Serkan like my life depended on it. He was close enough where I could do it but I’m afraid of moving too fast. I fear that he will reject me because of how suddenly I’ve reappeared in his life.”

“No man in his right man would ever reject you, Eda. Especially not one who had the pleasure of knowing you and falling in love with you. If Serkan Bolat doesn’t realize he’s the luckiest man on the planet then he doesn’t deserve you,” Halil's words were sincere as he looked into her eyes.

Eda swallowed, she could hear the underline sadness in his words, see the longing in his eyes.

It was no secret to her that Halil was in love with her. She has been aware of feelings for a long time. It was obvious in the way he looked at her, the way his eyes lit up whenever she walked into the room. How before the fake engagement he never once attempted to correct others for wrongly assuming they were together or that Alara was their daughter. How every time he would turn a woman down, he would look right at her.

Eda loved him just not the way he loved her. He was an amazing friend and maybe if she hadn’t given her heart away a long time ago or hadn’t already found her other half things would be different but that wasn’t the case.

She didn’t lead him on. He was fully aware of who she loves and that she wanted a life with Serkan, and Halil being the great guy she has known for years never once showed any resentment that she didn’t feel the same way about him.

Not once did he try to force his feelings on her or try to pressure her into feeling something for him in return. No, he had always just been her rock, her pillar, her friend, her family.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. She hated that she caused him pain without meaning to. “I know how you feel about me and I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings.”

“I was never great at hiding what I feel for someone I care about,” Halil said, looking away from her. He swallowed heavily, running a hand down his face.

Guilt ate away at Eda at the pain radiating from him. “Halil, I-”

“Don’t Eda,” He cut her off. “Don’t apologize for not feeling the same. I knew I never had a chance with you and I fell in love with you anyway. It’s not your fault.” Halil reached across the counter and placed his hand over hers. “For years you have been there for me and Alara without question, never once did you complain or imply that we were interfering with your life. You were the only support my sister had before she died. I have watched you move through life shining brightly but I always felt you were a little lost and maybe that’s because you left a vital piece of yourself with Serkan. You have sacrificed again and again for me and Alara, you need to start living for yourself. I want you to be happy Eda and if being with Serkan will make you happy then I fully support you being with him.” He squeezed her hands.

Eda smiled. “I may not love you the way you love me, but I do love you, you know that?”

Halil smiles and it was sincere and genuine and brought a smile to Eda. “I know,” he said finally. “Now, tell me how the date ended. Did you make plans to see each other again?”

“Sort of. He wants me to come work for him. I think he’s hesitant to put his heart on the line.” Eda said.

“Well, then you just need to accept his offer and show him you're not going anywhere and that you came back for him.”

“Yeah?” Eda asked. “You don’t think just jumping into everything with him is moving too fast. I don’t want to push him away.”

“You won’t. If he loves you as you love him, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. The way I look at it and everything you told me about your history with Serkan, the two of you have wasted enough time. Life is too short to live with regrets. We know that better than anyone. If you and Serkan love each other that’s all that matters.”

Eda knew he was right. She got up and walked over to him, she squeezed his shoulder in thanks. “Put the papers away. I’m gonna go get changed and then we are going to watch a movie, eat ice cream and plan out the places you and Alara should visit while you’re here.”

“Sounds good.” Halil started to gather up his work.

Eda smiled as she headed to her room. She would forever be grateful for Halil's compassionate heart. His advice about Serkan, circling in her mind. She knew he was right.

She didn’t want to waste time with Serkan, pretending she didn’t come back for him. She lost so much time with him already, she didn’t want to lose anymore.

A/N: Thanks for reading.

[noellaackley59-blog]

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