#yutaka if they were still alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maguro13-2 · 21 days

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The Dark Picture REPAINT Pt.9 ~ Origins of the Ink Demon : Operation Drawcia Pt.10 ~

*Sonic SFX : Jet Roaring*

Ashley : [To Commander] Who are you?

G.U.N Commander : Why...? I am the Commander of G.U.N, I operate the entire military of the United Nations, I am in charge of the operations on taking out the things that we caused in San Francisco. Despite all of our efforts in the Space Colony ARK, all of men have been jeered by the public and I had no choice but to AWOL them as well.

[Break you down by Yutaka Minobe]

Ashley : San Francsico, The police, Eggman's ambitions, it was you! You ordered all of that to get in Eggman's way of conquering the world! You were the ones for trying to kill both Sonic, Shadow, and including his friends as well!

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : [To Commander] How dare you used your grudges against others! I will used my flames to melt your body from your bones!

G.U.N Commander : Excellent deduction, girls. Of course that was me who did it, well the secretary of defense has been arrested for doing that to the Blue Hedgehog. In any case, Shadow must die, a farewell gift to the Black Arms.

Ashley : [To Commander] So that's what you're after, Shadow's involvement with his alien dad!? Are you crazy!? If you kill him, there won't be any appearance in Sonic's games! Your abusing your power against others, but what are planning to do with that contraption that you're controlling.

G.U.N Commander : For this? I am going to crush Shadow in this machine once and for all! So stay out of my way!

*DBZ SFX : Blasting off*

Ashley : Man...That Gun commander is crazy as AF. So he's the one responsible for sending the military to destroy both Sonic and Shadow back at the Space Colony ARK incidnet.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : I didn't know that G.U.N was controlled by one man all this time, but where are the others generals?

Ashley : Probably AWOL'd or something like being demoted to the outskirts.

Jacqueline O'Lantern Dupre : Guess they got what they deserve for messing with the Blue Blur himself and despite the mad scientist's recklessness, I wonder he had any sort of connections with the Black Arms?

*Meanwhile at Eggman's Base*

[E.G.G.M.A.N. (Doc Robeatnix Mix) by Paul Shortino & Jun Senoue]

*Eggman and robots are watching a footage of the battle*

Eggman : Look at them, those idiots! Ever since the Space Colony ARK incident, those aliens have waited to comeback for 50 years after Maria was shot dead, but I never got a chance to see her, all because of him. But if I only met her, I would've been involve, because I was afraid to go into space. But for me, after Metal Sonic took everything for using the power of Chaos, he's still in the slammers after starting a renegade with a diabolical coup!

*slams*

Eggman : That does it! First Chaos, then Metal Sonic, now this!? I am at my limits and I would be prepare to do anything since Rail Canyon and Bullet Station have been renovated by Grim's army men. So that is why I am sending in the new Eggman Fleet! CHARGE!

*The Egg Pawns runs for battle*

*Scene changes to Prison Island*

"PRISON ISLAND...4 Years later"

[Prison Island (Shadow the Hedgehog) by Jun Senoue]

Grim : What do you think, Seto? Is this the place where Shadow was held for 50 years ago?

Seto : Hai.

Grim : So this is where he was kept alive, but we need to find top secret disk? But be careful, this place is contaminated with green fluid since all the waters used to be clear, it was once a beautiful paradise that they installed since a huge reaction of explosives were implanted into this facility, in which the scientist used as a death trap to put an end to Sonic. Thankfully, for his friends efforts, he was able to get out of cage alive. But...Sonic Man of the year, he wasn't jeered by the public like in the past, so I'm thinking that he was jeered by the public 1997, but in reality, that never happened, unless, he escaped San Francisco to seek revenge, if it wasn't for rotbotnik's recklessness, he would've made the humans hating on all hedgehogs.

Seto : That's seriously illegal hot water! ?No wonder why G.U.N wanted to kill Sonic in the first place. Humanity is always an arrogant species, they trusted him and his friends in the 1990s before that happened in the Space Colony ARK incident. Luckily, we were able to find those Top Secret Disks? Well...What's a Disk?

Charmy : Only I get to say that...The military has been ackin' Cray-Cray since 2001!

Seto : [To Charmy] Huh? AAAH! A bee! *Gets behind Grim*

Charmy : Hey, Come on, now! I' mean no harm, I was just asking! I'm only here to help.

Seto : *from behind Grim with a mean look* I don't even like insects, thank you very much!

Charmy : I just wanted your help, that's fine by me.

Grim : No need for rudeness, Seto. This is Charmy...Charmy the bee and you are...

Charmy : That's right, and we're the Team Chaotix!

Grim : Oh, I remember you ring-holding heroes, you were with Knuckles back in the 32X title before the company was left out of the hardware industry.

Charmy : *Sweatdrop icon* Uhh, thanks by the way, Yeah we used to be with Knuckles in the 32X title before all of Sega's hardware assests ceased all operations on making consoles since the Playstation beat us to it.

Seto : Oh...That's why. It's a pleasure of seeing you, guys back at the company, but who acquired Sega back in 2004?

Charmy : Sammy.

Seto : Wow...The industry had not much to change since I played a playstation to make Sega go out of hardware business because of that.

Charmy : You do? Well, the Playstation version of Sonic Heroes definitely really looks weird and kinda stupid looking, but hey, it's okay. At least the Playstation is the best console in the world, Sega also had harships with Nintendo back in 2001 one when they unveiled the gamecube.

Seto : Really? Thanks so much, since Sega's out of hardware business, they can get along with their rivals. They sure know how to be common rivals in the industry since humanity had the technology to create games even brighter and cool!

Charmy : You used to play them as a kid, you know?

Seto : Yeah. But right, this is the Real World we need to wake up.

Charmy : I get it. No problem! Just in case,

*Grabs Saber*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Hey, put me down!

Charmy : Arthur Boyle, the First Meister of the New World.

Seto : You brought a woman, I mean that woman is Excalibur's original first meister?

[Have a Nice Talk by Yoko Shimomura]

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : You knew that I was the first meister all along, didn't you? Ah, yes, Grim...Grim the reaper or should I say...Grim the hedgehog.

Grim : You must be Arthur Boyle...Did you have some sex changes after your original resurrected through reincarnation as a woman?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : When you have that in favor.

Seto : What's a former comrade to the Devil in a woman's body in the first place?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Well...Since the Time Eater arrived and destroyed the entire Ohkuboverse, we completely lost our originals and had to resurrect ourselves into new ones, for me, I was resurrected as a stuck servant, I felt a strange emptiness within me. I recalled longingly of the days hustling money in joustin, the rush of swordsmanship combat, and partnership with Shinra, those guys from the Nasuverse cannot quell these yearnings. So...I had to slip out of the Nasuverse and headed towards to America to reunite with Shinra, who I has last seen at the vicinity of the Garden. No offense, but the Garden for him is like some kind of retirement home.

Seto : But this is the last time I ever get to see everything, but despite all of my efforts I've finally get a chance to see this happening, in all of my life. But you, a famous swordsman, a knight in a woman's body, but...I do feel so weird about having muscles on my back...But doesn't that make you sound not weird?

Saber (Arthur Boyle)) : Yes...I have muscles with a slim body...but I was given a cup size on the melons...yes this body is a woman and weird, and especially hate it! But rest assure...I've discovered that I found the first of the four Top Secret Disks, and the last one should be right here.

Seto : [To Saber] Where exactly?

*scene changes*

Seto : (groans in boredom) This is taking for ever, there's nothing on this island, nothin' but green liquid stuff, burning plants, and eventually prison cells that used to hold prisoners, everybody's dead. But for the warden, what happened to the warden of Prison Island.

Grim : Well...

*flashback*

Grim : [To the Warden] Why are you people keeping the Blue Blur held as prisoner, foolish human? And what are you humans trying to do so on attempting that Sonic was the criminal?

Prison Island Warden : I...I thought he was Shadow so that we could detain him on this island.

Grim : In a color blindful attempt to kill one hero? Nice try, but it seems that all of my men would do for the talking and humans like you should take their responsibilities for letting others take the blame, the way you meant to take Shadow's.

*The Egg Pawns are closing on to the warden*

Prison Island Warden : [in fear] No...N-No...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*changes back to the present*

Grim : [To Seto] So you see, Seto? I had to teach those humans a lesson for letting to do all the messes and then had to do all the forbidding.

Seto : [To Grim] You really mean it, grandad? That sounds interesting. 50 bucks saying that this giant military-facility is now washed-up toxic wasteland with all of it's remains.

*hears a board screeching sound*

Seto : [To Grim] Is that the haunted Chalkboard from that cartoon I was watching?

Grim : [To Seto] This is no haunted chalkboard...this is a survivor from the incident.

*They see a G.U.N Soldier making screech sounds with Knife*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : What do we have here? A visitor? A fellow survivor? Must be my lucky day. I'll go talk to him.

*walks over to the soldier*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Excuse me, sir? Are you ok? Do you need some help or anything? Sir, I am asking you a question. Do you seriously need like some therapy session or--Woah!

G.U.N Soldier : Gaaaah!!!

*gets caught by the G.U.N Soldier*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Hey! Hey! Hey! What are trying you to do, stab me!?

G.U.N Soldier : Grim reaper! I remember your face coming down to this facility. I've been in Prison Island's bunker for four years and had eaten every single food and water once in my life! You all saw the same the thing, the Kusakabe Family, the madness, all just part of the influence of Shinra and tell who in the hell is Demon Vibe, that Sabotaged Shinra's world?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : *Straining* He...He opposed himself as the mysterious evangelist and he wanted all of us dead, but we helped Shinra to stop him and banished him to that dimension where he could never be forgiven!

G.U.N Soldier : [To Saber] Guess what...? I used to be a firefighter like you, I saw everything, Demon Vibe wanted to use Shinra's world as a hot bathing ball of death and destruction, he wanted to use all 8 hearts to unleash the darkness that is Demon Vibe, I tried to get a hold of him, but I died, and then becoming the bod of another soldier.

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Yeah? Well that's in the past! We're just looking for the Top Secret Disks! Those Disk could lead to the unknown truth about 50 years of Shadow's past.

G.U.N Soldier : You want it? You got it!

*releases Saber*

*DBZ SFX : Thud*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : *coughs out*

G.U.N Soldier : There is no way that the Ohkuboverse long gone, The truth about it was hidden by the influence of Shinra Kusakabe, and the industry had nothing but to blame Shinra, blame the entire world for it! But for Gerald, he put the blame on humanity by mistake, he only want revenge on not us, but Black Doom! That's all he ever had to do!

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Why is that?>

G.U.N Soldier : Because...Bad Parenting! Why in God's name would he trust an alien to give Shadow's life!? Just for the sake of parenting!? But congratulations on making it this far, I've got the last Top secret right here, and if you don't mind, Shadow has already acquired the Chaos Emerald at another castle. Here just take it, I won't be needing it anymore. *he holds out the fifth and last Top Secret Disk*

*Sonic SFX : Cha-ching*

Charmy : The Top Secret Disk! I got the last one!

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : This should be a piece of cake.

*Takes the disc*

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Mission accomplished.

Charmy : [To Saber] : That's exactly what I'm going to say.

[Round Clear by Jun Senoue]

Charmy : Great! Now let's get these to Vector right away.

*before the group leaves*

G.U.N Soldier : [To Saber] Arthur...Listen to me...I have one request from the Ohkuboverse.

*the group stops*

G.U.N Soldier : ...The World is gonna burn for what we did to ourselves.

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Huh? N-No! Don't! STOP!

*G.U.N Soldier committs Hara Kiri by neck*

All : [exclaims]

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : *gags+covers mouth*

Charmy : [In horror] ...Okay. I think that was the scariest thing I ever seen a man committing suicide in my entire life.

Seto : He...He committed suicide before he noticed on telling the truth about what happened to your world. Isn't that right, Arthur Boyle? *take a sip of her hot chocolate*

[Tragedy by Kenichi Tokoi]

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : (sighs) It's true. After Shinra created the New World that is Soul Eater, I realize that Excalibur was the only who could never die, but eventually, he did die when the Time Eater had no reaction of that Excalibur Face meaning that Excalibur is not very affective to him. So...Both the Time Eater and it's relative, Homura Akemi, annihilated all of us with expungement and erased the Ohkuboverse for good riddance Shinra was scolded for creating the New World. And now...look at me, this is what I become...As an aide to the Devil who saved all of humankind in the Ohkuboverse, I used to be a handsome dude who has blonde hair and blue eyes like me, but the loss of the Ohkuboverse, I lost my own body, and resurrected into a new one by going through reincarnation, but it's not reincarnation or not just reincarnation, it was Isekai Resurrection from the Nasuverse,and I, Arthur Boyle, still proclaim that everyone in Japan calls me Saber, but my real name is Arthur, I'm a man trapped within a woman's body. I've got nothing but my self in the real world.

Seto : And then what happened?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : So after that resurrection stuff, the only job that I could ever get from the Nasuverse was to be a stuck up servant who serves nothing but teenagers like him.

*a photo of Saber and the Fate S/N is shown*

Seto : That's your resurrected form, you're a servant that serves youths?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : Yes, that's me and the group, we were part of a large game that serves nothing but teenagers, but apparently, the game that I played turns out to be a visual novel made by type moon, the creators of the Nasuverse, and I believe that this considered to be made for grown ups, but despite being an H-game, I do believe that the servants have acted their selves as a power system, but why would me, a man woman's body, would offer a young boy's just to have sex?

*Shadow the Hedgehog SFX : Mission Failed*

Seto : Ehh, what? You offered to do what with boys? [To Grim] Master, what is Sex? Does Sex have to be a thing in the Nasuverse

Grim : [To Seto] Only when you grow up, and you are right? Sex can be a thing in the Nasuverse.

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : If I was something kid-friendly and not kid-friendly about being a major part of the nasuverse, then you could say that--"SEX" IS REALLY A THING IN THE NASUVERSE! That's what it is, in the world of Fate, Teenagers offers me to have nothing but "Sex" in the plot! Oh what am I going to do about a man in a woman's body giving SEX!?

[Comedy by Hideaki Kobayashi]

Charmy : Ooh, geez. I mean...heheheh...Take it easy, men. You use the word "Sex" on TV, Oh wait, you can say that on TV.

Seto : [To Saber] Maybe you're going to need some serious counciling, so what are you thinking about being a man in a woman's don't worry. We'll get to the bottom of this.

Charmy : And of course. [chuckles] We gotta give these to Vector.

Vector via Walkie Talkie : CHARMY! WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG!? HURRY UP AND GATHER THOSE TOP SECRET DISKS!

Charmy : [on Walkie Talkie] Leave it to me, Vector! I'll lead them to your way!

Vector via Walkie Talkie : Good. Good. But how are you going to be at Eggman's base? Espio and I needed those discs!

Charmy : Easy! Just jump right through to this Warp pipe!

*SMB2 Victory Fanfare*

Charmy : [To All] Alright, who wants to go first?

Saber (Arthur Boyle) : I do. Even though, that I am a man in a woman's body, but I guess you could say that it's ladies first. Time to go!

*Mario Jumping+Warp Pipe Sound*

Grim : [To Seto and Charmy] You heard the man, ladies first. That means you, Seto.

Seto : Hai. Time to head to the base!

*Mario Jumping+Warp Pipe sound*

Grim : You there, bumblebee. Get in. We need to head for the doctor's base.

Charmy : [To Grim] Yeah, uhh, no problem.

*Jump+warp pipe sound*

Charmy : CANNONBALL!

*WARP PIPE SOUND*

Kaguya the Clown : Now I finally understand, what you beings of the planet that you really are. Protecting the planet was your priority, I mustn't let anyone done that, even if it costs us the planet itself.

"What will happen next if one's universe could lead to the downfall?"

~ Mission 09 : The Shell of a Woman ~

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gb-fics · 4 years

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The One Who Hurt You

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: Some of you may be able to tell from the title, but this fic is referring to the song “Ano Hi Kimi wo Kizutsuketa no wa” (I know, I know, it’s from Killer Tunes, ssh ^-^;). I just got this idea from Dorobune lately and it matched too well to not use it. Also, I’m never sure whenever to point this out or not, but there is slight mention of mental health issues in this fic, just so you know.

On a more personal note, I’m sorry I didn’t post anything in quite a while already. I’ll try to be a little more active again soon (^-^)

„Can you come over?“, Shou asked without introduction. He sounded breathless.

Yutaka tilted back his head and stared at the ceiling.

He didn’t feel like going over to Shou’s place tonight. He hadn’t felt like picking up the phone to begin with.

But he had told himself, that it might be something important. Something about Shou’s health, or news from Jun, or some infection among the staff members. He hadn’t dared to decline the call, although he wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Shou.

“Maybe another time”, Yutaka suggested. “Let’s make plans for the next time you are free.”

He couldn’t help sounding bitter. They all had a lot of free time recently, but still, Shou always seemed too busy to meet up. Yutaka understood that everyone had a different way of copying with the situation, but he was mad at Shou anyway. He had cancelled their dates one time too often lately.

“I meant more like now”, Shou said.

Yutaka checked for the time and sighed.

He had planned on a lazy evening all by himself. His intention had been to pity himself throughout for not receiving enough attention from his boyfriend and not knowing what to do with himself either. Maybe, he would have gotten a little drunk, too.

He considered how long it would take him to find his motivation, take a shower, maybe eat something, because Shou’s refrigerator was always poorly stocked and drive over.

“I can be there in like two or three hours”, he admitted.

He didn’t quite understand, why he was always the one to give in, when Shou on the other hand was allowed to cancel their plans last minute without so much as a proper explanation.

“No, Yutaka, I mean now”, Shou sounded urgent. Yutaka felt the old, familiar ball of panic rising within his chest. It tasted sour at the back of his throat.

He remembered the panic, back from when they had been nothing but friends, way before they became popular. Every time Yutaka’s phone had rung, he had flinched. When it was Shou, he had panicked. When it was the number of a stranger, or someone who knew Shou, Yutaka had panicked, too. Shou had been unstable back then and even now, that his mental health had improved, Yutaka had never really gotten over the fear of loosing him. Ever since the pandemic had started, the fear had become more acute again. He wasn’t sure how well Shou was doing and the fact that he closed down on him, caused Yutaka to worry even more. Not being able to meet with Shou, didn’t just anger him, because he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend. It made him feel anxious, when he wasn’t able to check on him regularly. He felt helpless then, having to watch from the outside but unable to interfere, because Shou just wouldn’t let him in.

“Has something happened?”, he wanted to know, trying to sound calm. Shou would feel bad, if he knew how much Yutaka worried; worried so much that he wished to rip open his chest and close his hand around his heart to physically stop the panicked pounding.

“I’m fine”, Shou said, but his voice sounded funny, somehow flat like it usually did when he was stressed or distracted.

Yutaka had learned to read his voice over the years, because it was actually more telling than his face. Whenever they talked, Yutaka kept scanning his voice for little warn signals, for red flags that would tell him if he needed to act.

Although Shou sounded stress, he didn’t seem at the verge of a nervous breakdown yet, so Yutaka decided to aim for a compromise.

“I’ll take a shower and drive over immediately. I’ll be there in an hour and we order takeout?”, he suggested.

Shou was silent for a moment.

“No, please”, he said. “Come here right away. I don’t care if you’re showered or not.”

Yutaka bit his lower lip. Maybe he had been mistaken. Maybe Shou was closer to a meltdown than he thought. But then, why wouldn’t he tell him right away?

“Are you sure there is nothing wrong?”, he assured.

“Don’t worry”, Shou said. “Just come here as fast as possible. Please.”

He was practically begging now, something that was extremely rare for him. Shou didn’t like using the word “please”. He didn’t like to ask something of other people, even if it was Yutaka. He was better at apologizing.

“Okay, I’m on my way”, Yutaka said and suddenly felt angry at himself.

He had promised himself to not let Shou walk all over him any longer. If he cancelled on Yutaka without explanation, Yutaka shouldn’t rush out to meet him, as soon as Shou called. He wasn’t a dog. He had wanted to explain to Shou, that he couldn’t treat him like that. He had wanted to tell him, that he would need to make an effort, too, if he wanted their relationship to continue.

But old habits were hard to overcome and all that Yutaka could think of was the pale, gloomy kid Shou used to be, always so very close to breaking. Every time Shou called him to his side, Yutaka was unable to decline, because the blood rushing through his ears seemed to turn into a whisper of “What if it’s a relapse? What if this time it’s a relapse and you are not there?”

“Thank you”, Shou said quietly.

Yutaka held on to the phone a bit longer, listening to the silence at the other end of the line. He wanted to make sure he did not miss any meaning hidden in it.

“Don’t just sit there, get going!”, Shou exclaimed finally and started laughing.

“Okay, okay”, Yutaka huffed out, annoyed that Shou acted like he just didn’t hang up, so he wouldn’t have to leave the house. All the same, he was also relieved Shou sounded lighter now, his scolding nothing but a tease. He didn’t sound like he was close to breaking.

“See you soon”, Yutaka added, then he hung up.

He got up and tried to stay calm. There was no point in rushing out the door. He needed his keys and his helmet. If he stormed out senselessly and forgot something, he’d only waste time by having to come back up.

He considered changing into a proper pair of pants, but than it wasn’t like Shou would care. He usually looked unfashionable whenever they met.

Yutaka breathed in deeply while he put on his shoes.

Over the years he had learned to calm himself. There was no point in letting Shou see how unsettled he was. It only made Shou pull back harder, worried to bother Yutaka. It had turned out that appearing relaxed and almost a little brash was what put Shou at ease the most. Sometimes, he needed Yutaka to speak to him firmly, so he got it together again. By now, Yutaka had gotten quite good at finding the right balance of caring for Shou without letting his own panic show. Shou had no idea how scared Yutaka was, whenever he texted him in the middle of the night, or when he didn’t pick up his calls several times in a row.

It hadn’t been like this when they were still on tour together and Yutaka could keep his eyes on Shou at least every other day. But the lockdown had made the old fear kick back in. Yutaka felt the pressure of the forced isolation and the unpredictability of the coming months weighting down on himself as well, and Shou had always been the more sensitive one.

He put on his helmet and swung himself onto his scooter. Luckily Shou’s place was close by. It had been one of the reasons Yutaka had decided to rent this apartment after all, although he hadn’t told Shou back then. Their relationship had still been too fresh. He had claimed the reason for his moving was the need for a bigger place. By now, Shou seemed glad about the short distance, too.

Yutaka forced himself to focus on the traffic. He had to fight the urge to skip red lights and cut in on the cars on the road. He wanted to be at Shou’s place as fast as possible, but he had to get there alive.

He’d feel calmer, if Shou would agree to see a professional, at least while the measurements were in place and they weren’t able to continue their tour. It was Yutaka, who had coaxed Shou into trying therapy for the first time, too, but unfortunately, Shou had not been too convinced by the results. He had written it off as pointless. Yutaka would be relieved, though, if a professional kept looking for warn signs, too, and it wasn’t all up to him to carry the burden. Maybe, he’d be able to sleep more peacefully at night again.

He pulled up in front of Shou’s apartment building, taking in another deep breath. There was no need to worry Shou even more with his own panic. He had to be calm. He had to be the stable one, so Shou could hold on to him, when he stumbled.

Yutaka climbed the stairs. He could have taken the elevator, but he didn’t like to stand idle with his thoughts, when he felt like this. As long as he focused on walking, his brain wouldn’t produce pictures of what he might find. He thought of Shou’s first apartment. Small, messy, the blinds always drawn by day and night as if Shou was scared of what the light might exposed. Yutaka had always felt uncomfortable visiting him there. Not that his friends from university had lived in more luxurious places back then. But Shou’s apartment had always radiated the sadness of an animal cage that was too small for its inhabitant. He knew Shou had had troubles leaving the house on some days. That was why he had always thought of the place as a cage and avoided visiting Shou in it. Even today, although Shou had moved several times and was in a much better mental state, Yutaka felt queasy whenever he approached his front door. He was scared, that someday Shou would open and Yutaka would find his apartment had turned into a cage again.

He rang the doorbell.

It took quite some time, until he even heard noise from the other side. Yutaka wished he had a key. He hadn’t brought himself to ask about it yet.

Then the door was opened and he stared into Shou’s face. For a moment, Yutaka felt like his heart just stopped beating. There it was, his worst nightmare. He felt horrified and oddly relieved. At least, he’d be allowed to stop searching Shou’s face for hints now. Everything was open on display.

Shou’s eyes were red and swollen and filled with tears. He had obviously been crying until just now. His nose was running, too, and he made weird sniffling noises. His hair was in dismay as if he had tried to get it out of his face angrily and then forgotten to straighten it out again. Red stains were showing on his cheeks like it always happened to him when he was stressed or just got emotionally worked up.

He looked upset and puffy and Yutaka knew, that someone had hurt him. He had seen Shou hurt so many times already, by girls who had not returned his love, by colleagues whom Shou deemed better than himself, by so-called fans who had been nothing but cruel and too demanding.

Yutaka stepped inside, closed the door behind himself, so no one would be able to spot them and pulled Shou into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around him and held him without the intention of ever letting go.

To his surprise Shou leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Yutaka’s waist and allowed himself to be held, which usually happened quite rarely.

Yutaka inhaled deeply. Shou’s hair smelled smoky as if he had been roasting something. Yutaka wondered if he needed to worry. Had Shou set something on fire in his own apartment and the shock had upset him this much?

“Hey”, Yutaka whispered, still holding on to Shou.

They were about the same height and he could rest his head against Shou’s neck comfortably. Sometimes, Yutaka wished to be taller. If he was as tall and buff as Kenji, he’d be able to make Shou feel small and safe. He knew that it would not help him fight off all the invisible enemies Shou was struggling with, but maybe he’d feel better, if at least he was able to protect Shou physically. Maybe it would make him feel a little less helpless.

“What happened?”, he asked lowly.

“Ah.” Shou pulled back and chuckled. He reached up to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s nothing. Not what you think. I’m fine.”

He managed a smile, exposing his gappy teeth. His mind seemed to be elsewhere, though.

“Hey”, Yutaka repeated, taking hold of Shou’s hands. He held them in his own for a moment, turning them around, so Shou’s palms were pointing up. He gently trailed his fingers up Shou’s arms, in a gesture that was meant to be tender, but again, he could only concentrate on the sound of his own blood that rushed so loudly in his ears all of a sudden.

He knew exactly what he was doing, what he was doing currently whenever he met with Shou. Their sex had turned too desperate and too greedy, too, because Yutaka got impatient to tear off Shou’s clothes. Lately, Shou had pulled back from him a little and often enough, Yutaka had had to go home after receiving only so much as a kiss. Shou could sense the fear that drove Yutaka, even if he might not understand what he was doing. But Yutaka felt overwhelmed lately, almost shaking with the desire to assure that Shou was alright. He needed to inspect his skin, make sure no marks or bruises were to be found anywhere. Shou’s phase of self-harm hadn’t lasted long. It was Yutaka, who had never gotten over it. Maybe Shou wasn’t even aware Yutaka had noticed back then, so he couldn’t guess what he was searching his body for now. Yutaka’s greed had to remain incomprehensible to him, and whenever Yutaka found no traces on Shou’s skin, he turned tender, almost compulsively so. The relief made him want to cherish every part of Shou’s body and he wanted to wrap himself around him, to make sure no one harmed him ever again.

“Tell me, who hurt you”, Yutaka inquired. “I’ll punch them in the face. This time I’ll do it, I swear.”

Shou laughed quietly and pulled back his hands from Yutaka’s grip.

Yutaka was glad to hear him laugh, although he had been absolutely serious about his words. It had never been Yutaka, who hurt Shou, but it was his duty to protect him anyway. He’d make sure he was alright and that he had a reason to smile and laugh every single day.

“You won’t”, Shou said with a gentle sternness. “Now, come in. But give me another moment, you got here faster than I expected.”

He led Yutaka to the living room area, that wasn’t so much a living room as a working space, because obviously those two things went together for Shou. The desk with the technical equipment took up a large part of the room. Yutaka couldn’t understand why Shou didn’t search for a bigger apartment. Everything here looked cluttered. He wasn’t very good at dividing his space economical, either.

“Just wait here, okay?”, Shou asked and gestured for him to sit down somewhere at the low table. “I’ll be right back with you, then we can talk.”

Shou wiped his eyes again, then he turned around and disappeared into the kitchen. His kitchen wasn’t really a separate room, but rather a part of the apartment that was separated from the rest of the living room through a divider. Yutaka wasn’t able to see Shou, but he heard clattering and a low sizzling. He wondered if he had arrived so early, that he had interrupted Shou’s dinner plans. It would explain the burnt smell.

Yutaka looked around the room and tried not to think of Shou’s red and puffy eyes.

He had clearly not expected Yutaka yet. Obviously, he had pointed that out to indicate he would have forced himself to be calmer already otherwise. The thought hurt. Had Yutaka gotten here a little later, Shou would have done his best to cover up the distress he was in. He would never expose his vulnerability to him. Yutaka would always have to guess and worry, if he was able to catch up on the hints in time to protect him. Shou wouldn’t ask for help, even if he needed it. It was all up to Yutaka.

He wondered, if it would have been better to confront Shou immediately. But he wanted to give him time to collect himself.

He was probably cleaning up the kitchen just now, trying to come up with the right words to explain to Yutaka, what had happened. He’d wash his face in the kitchen sink. His cheeks would be very red from the cold water and his eyes would look somewhat less puffy. He’d try to seem collected and Yutaka would pretend he was, to leave Shou with the feeling of dignity he obviously needed to open up to him at all.

Maybe giving him that much space was the problem, though. It gave Shou the time to recoil again and again and maybe Yutaka would never get through to him like this.

A loud clattering came from the kitchen and then Shou swore so heartily that it nearly made Yutaka flinch. Shou wasn’t exactly using polite language around him usually, but outbreaks like these were surprising for him anyway.

Yutaka decided that he had worried enough for today.

When he had seen Shou on the doorstep, all of his anger had vanished. He had only wanted to protect him. But now, he was here, after Shou had called him and begged him to come, making Yutaka worry. And then he had opened the door crying, worrying Yutaka even more, only to place him here alone in his living room, as if Yutaka’s worries and feelings didn’t matter at all.

He got up and walked over to the kitchen area, determined not to let Shou get away with it this time.

Shou had his back to him. The water was running, but he stood in front of the sink without moving. Yutaka took that as a very bad sign. Shou seemed to be dissociating.

“Who made you cry?”, Yutaka asked, not nearly as gentle as he had intended.

Shou shook his head without turning around. He finally turned off the water, though. Yutaka heard he make a sniffling sound again.

“It’s embarrassing”, Shou said quietly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can’t call me over here crying and then have me sit around calmly without getting an explanation”, Yutaka said loudly, this time sounding angry for real. He wished he had his voice under control not to daunt Shou. But he was angry and most of all, he was very, very scared. “What happened? I can’t help you, if you don’t tell me who hurt you. Who made you cry?”

Shou turned around. For some reason, he was clenching a plastic box filled with mushrooms to his chest. His cheeks were even redder than before.

Accusingly he lifted his arm and pointed over to the countertop next to the stove.

“That!”, he shouted. “That made me cry, okay?”

Yutaka turned his head slowly. On the countertop sat a grater and half an onion.

“I was grating onions. You know it always makes me cry.”

Yutaka stared at the remains of the onion for a while. He realized he’d look pretty ridiculous, trying to punch it.

He turned back to Shou.

“But you seemed so stressed”, he insisted.

“I am stressed!”, Shou exclaimed. Now he was the one unable to keep his voice down. He gestured around the kitchen. “Look at this mess.”

He held up the mushrooms before slamming them down onto the countertop as well.

Yutaka now noticed the pan sitting on the stove. It contained pieces of meat. The meat was nearly black. It still smelled burnt inside the whole apartment.

“Wait”, Yutaka said slowly. “You were trying to cook? For us?”

Shou crossed the arms in front of his chest. He always looked defensive when he did.

“You got here too early. It wasn’t ready yet. And while I opened the door, the meat got burnt.”

Yutaka looked down onto the pan and slowly shook his head.

“So, this is why you called me over?”, he assured. He wasn’t sure if he ought to feel relieved or even more angry. He was too baffled to feel either. “You begged me to come here as soon as possible … for dinner?”

Shou shrugged, pouting slightly. It made his full lips look pretty, especially with his cheeks this flushed. Yutaka was determined not to get drawn in by it, though.

“You wanted to be here only in an hour”, Shou muttered. “I had already started. I was worried the food would grow cold. You had to come right away.”

Yutaka nearly wanted to laugh, but he still felt something like an unpleasant afterglow in his chest. Even if he knew that there was no acute danger in sight, the fear didn’t just disappear from that knowledge. It clenched his bones a little longer with the cold sensation of panic. Even if his brain knew that Shou was currently safe, Yutaka’s body hadn’t accepted that reality yet. He still felt too shaken to forgive Shou this easily.

“You can’t do that to me”, he said. He had wanted to say that for so many weeks already. Every time Shou cancelled their meetings last minute, every time he called him when actually he should be asleep, every time he seemed a little too moody and recoiled from Yutaka’s touch. Shou couldn’t do that to him without explanation, because then Yutaka’s mind went into overdrive and he imagined him hurt and caged in and possibly gone forever.

“You can’t just call me over like something is wrong and then stand there crying and expect me to be okay with that”, he went on. “Because I worry about you so much. It scares me.”

Yutaka inhaled shakily. The words were out at last. He didn’t want to sound accusing or like he was blaming Shou for being sensitive. But it was important for him to know, that Yutaka needed more from him.

Shou looked up. His dark eyes were kind and pained. They were clear, though, not teary at all.

“I know”, he said softly. “I know you worry. I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I need time for myself to process everything that’s going on currently. But that doesn’t mean I’m not able to handle it. I’m sorry, I cancelled on you so often lately. I wanted to do something nice for you today. I thought it would make you happy, if I cooked for you.”

He gestured around the kitchen helplessly.

“But I’m godawful at it. I wanted to prove to you, that I’m doing alright and that I’m able to take care of myself. But I was wrong. I can’t take care of myself.”

He sniffled quietly once more.

“Fuck, I don’t even know if you need to wash mushrooms or not.”

“Shou”, Yutaka said gently and took a step towards him. He reached out hesitantly, touching Shou’s cheek lightly. His skin felt very hot to the touch. “You know, it’s not your cooking skills I’m worried about.”

Shou closed his eyes. For a few seconds, he looked peaceful.

“I am okay”, he said. He spoke quietly, but very firm. He opened his eyes again, looking right at Yutaka. “You need to believe me, when I tell you that.”

Yutaka hesitated.

“I just remember how it used to be, before the band worked out for us”, he admitted. “Remembering you that unstable frightens me. With everything that’s going on … everyone is stressed.”

Shou nodded.

“I know. But I’m a lot stronger now than I was back then. I’m not loving the current situation, but it’s not bothering me that badly, either.”

He took Yutaka’s hand, placing it against his neck and holding it there.

“Back then my whole future was insecure. I was scared of where I was going”, he continued. “But you know I have savings now.”

His grin looked out of place for their serious conversation, too boyish and gleeful. Yutaka found himself smiling in return.

“I know I won’t end up on the street. And back then, I was heartbroken, too. Now, I’m in a happy, fulfilling relationship and I have a loving boyfriend, who supports me.”

He leaned in and his lips brushed against Yutaka’s, a very light and very quick kiss, before he pulled back again.

“So, you’ll ask for help?”, Yutaka asked, still full of doubt. “If you need it?”

“Please, trust me”, Shou repeated, giving Yutaka’s hand a light squeeze. “You don’t have to look out so closely. If something is wrong, I’ll tell you.”

“I want to protect you”, Yutaka whispered hoarsely.

“I’ll let you.” Shou’s reply came immediately.

Yutaka exhaled, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Shou’s. Sometimes, it was nice they shared the same height. Maybe there was no need for being taller after all.

He closed his eyes.

“But you know”, he said quietly. “I have another confession to make.”

Shou hummed under his breath questioningly.

“I also don’t know if you need to wash mushrooms or not.”

Shou broke into a laugh, his body trembling against Yutaka gently. He was still holding on to his neck.

“So, what are we going to do?”, he asked. “You actually don’t seem very helpful.”

“Don’t worry”, Yutaka said and finally opened his eyes to pull back. “I might not be able to protect you from everything myself. But I know who can.”

Shou raised his eyebrows. Yutaka grinned triumphantly.

“Uber Eats.”

#Golden Bomber #Kiryuuin Shou #Kyan Yutaka #kirikyan #fanfiction #fanfic

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uruhaxrukifanfics · 6 years

Note

Please write more of your detective au! ^^

“Is this the kind of welcome back greeting I get?”

“Fuck you.”

Kouyou snorted and rolled his eyes to high heavens, a lopsided smile quirking the corner of his mouth as his eyebrows raised. There it was. The unforgiving cut of Takanori’s tongue that was as sharp as jagged glass.

It wasn’t exactly the kind of warm welcome he expected, but it was better than the uncharacteristic solemn air Yutaka said had been wrapped around Takanori like a widow’s shawl since returning to work. Cracking their latest big case they’ve been at the heels of for over two years should have felt rewarding. They had plans to open the top shelf liquor that still sat in the drawer of Kouyou’s desk afterwards, unwrap the luscious bow decorating its neck and drink until they reached the bottom and then some while Kouyou would gloat how he hadn’t gotten any of them killed like Takanori said he would in the beginning. Had nearly gotten himself killed, but that was beside the point.

Rather, Takanori wouldn’t let him have even that.

“You are a reckless fool,” Takanori scolded. He was tense, pacing back and forth enough to make Kouyou believe he’d work a hole in the floor, but he couldn’t blame him. The reckless part, that is. The part that didn’t know when to stay down when told despite everything else, take a bullet to bring the case to a close and save his kidnapped partner, bond and gagged and painted with a hysteric sound like a wounded animal, tearful and enraged smothered under the makeshift gag, as if he had been struck himself. It was a sound Kouyou would never forget. If he closed his eyes, he could still hear it and the ghost of Takanori’s voice in his ears amidst the singeing building call to him when blood lose made him feel too dizzy and lightheaded to keep going, royally pissed like a cat submerged in water.

“You son of a bitch,” Takanori had wetly sneered with furious tears in his eyes. “I swear to god, if you die on me, Kouyou, I will never forgive you!”

That part of him? That was what got them out alive. That was what kept him alive.

“You think this is a joke?”

He didn’t, but Kouyou found himself shrugging all the same. Wrong choice. It only served to make Takanori’s nostrils flare with a flash of anger as his fingers twitched with an urge to throw something as he stopped pacing at long last, and Kouyou was willing to bet his last yen it would be aimed for his head.

“You were unethical,” Takanori spat. “You undermined me, compromised me–”

“I saved you,” Kouyou interjected to correct him firmly, “and this case by the skin of its teeth, and you know it. If I hadn’t went over your call, if I had even listened to you–”

“But I almost lost you! Does that not mean anything to you?” Takanori bellowed, stretched tight with eyes full, too exposed. “And you walk back here, and just–” He shook his head. “This case means nothing if you… It wasn’t worth it if you…”

Kouyou’s throat felt too tight to swallow, the air too thick to breathe as they allowed Takanori’s admittance to wash over them and sink in. He stepped in close and carefully touched the palm of his hand with his fingertips. Takanori didn’t draw away, hadn’t even flinched when Kouyou’s other hand slowly cupped the round of his cheek and guided his full eyes to look up at him save for the weak furrow of his eyebrows. Takanori’s lips parted around nothing, drawing short words that were just out of reach only to stutter around a quiet, hushed noise when Kouyou lowered his head to gently press their foreheads together. Instead, he was met with Takanori’s temple as his nose skimmed across his skin as the shorter turned his head away from him, parted lips planting into the palm of his hand with a wet, shaky exhale.

“You emotionally compromised me,” Takanori whispered into his palm.

Kouyou slowly nodded. “I know.”

After all, so had he.

#Uruki #uruhaxruki #prompt request #drabble request #sorry this took a bit to get around to!#Anonymous

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sparklyjojos · 6 years

Text

[THE CHILDISH DARKNESS Recaps, Chapter 8]

[tw: gore, adult-minor relationship, a bundle of homophobia / biphobia / transphobia]

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EIGHT

Saburou always told Kaede that she should find a honest, loyal and benevolent man, even if he himself wasn’t really any of these things. Every man Kaede tried to date sooner or later turned out to be awful, which inevitably led to a break up, sadness and – on a surprisingly large number of occassions – Saburou beating up the boyfriend of the week.

Nobody, not a single one of these men believed in becoming or having a partner whose love is honest, loyal and benevolent. But what about Saburou himself? He certainly believed there could exist a woman that had all these qualities. Just like all the girlfriends and wives of his friends: honest (not mentioning something to their partners technically wasn’t lying!), loyal (it’s not like they wanted to leave their husbands!), and benevolent (they forgave Saburou a lot!).

“I wouldn’t say that’s love,” Kaede said. “That’s something you understand when you get there. You never actually were in love, right?” Well, not really. “How about with me?” Idiot.

That being said, he cherished Kaede. He got angry at her good for nothing boyfriends and let her cry on his shoulder. In turn, Kaede forgave his flaws and kept hanging out with him. But that had to be only because they were good friends. Besides, his body never responded with arousal when in physical contact with her, so clearly that wasn’t love, right?

The love he felt for Yurio was different, but… she was thirteen, he twenty-nine. Just thirteen! This wasn’t something considered to be normal, and he definitely didn’t have a lolita complex or something! He’d really have to start dating single adult women from now on! Yurio should live her own life, get a boyfriend her age and grow up normally. He cared about her and so never attempted to kiss her or have intercourse, even if it was tempting.

When she told Kaede about his Yurio problem, Kaede called him a lolicon, reminded him that he’s an owner of a cram school filled with minors, overall questioned his morality and proposed giving himself up to the police.

Around the time Saburou had finished writing the third Runbaba novel, Kaede for whatever reason married their childhood friend Okamoto Yasuhiro (But really, with Okachi? Was he maybe not as strictly into guys as he had thought as a child?). The reaction of Saburou’s brothers and father to this news was to tell Saburou that he’s an idiot for passing the occasion to marry a good woman like her. Shirou – who knew about his many sexcapades -- told him without any qualms that maybe he should just cut his dick off. In hindsight, maybe it really would be better if he’d done that before it showed interest in a thirteen-year-old.

Saburou’s mother didn’t say anything back then, but he knew she was disappointed too. Kaede had often visited their house and earned the favor of the entire family. Even Maruo’s election committee member Mitamura Hidenori had said that Saburou found himself a nice girlfriend, and that she looked amusingly similar to Saburou’s mother in her youth. Maruo’s secretary Kato Satoshi replied that Saburou was still young and would surely meet a lot of nice women later (little knowing that Saburou had surely had a fruitful meeting with his granddaughter once).

What would Jirou say about it if he was still there? Back when Kaede had been in middle school and Jirou’s companion Kawai Kazuhiro attempted to date her, he got punched by Jirou so hard he flew a few meters away. Then Jirou used a cigarette to give him several burns on his right hand, arranging them in the shape of Cassiopeia (at that time burning constellations into people was his big ‘interest’). He also had Kazuhiro wear female underwear, knowing that when Kazuhiro and his twin brother Youji had been children, they were often made fun of for wearing cute feminine clothes and hairstyles their parents loved.

Jirou repeated all of the above later with Youji who had attempted to get revenge for his brother. Youji’s constellation of choice was the Big Dipper.

Without a doubt Jirou had some interest in Kaede. He never hurt her and she was about the only person in the entire prefecture who didn’t show fear in his presence. He never looked as relaxed as when talking with her.

Have Saburou married Kaede, maybe Jirou (if he was there) would beat him up too and burn Orion or something into his hand.

But hey, it’s not like Saburou’s relationship with Kaede was Like That.

Was it?

Even if Yurio still occasionally showed up in Saburou’s bedroom with a knife asking him to stab her and he had to fling the knife out the window and chant “It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright”, these outbursts became much rarer. Things were going good.

Then Saburou got a call from Atena, who told him in tears that Shirou was currently fighting for his life after he’d been hit by a runaway driver in the hospital’s parking lot.

Saburou made sure that Yurio would be fine staying alone in the house and that she had her phone nearby (pink with a sticker saying ‘love’ and their tiny photo), and left to drive to the hospital. It seemed Shirou had borrowed his BMW in the morning, so Saburou had to use Ichirou’s Bentz instead.

A traffic officer called Aoyama told him that right when Shirou had been leaving the building, he got hit by a car so hard he bounced a few times between the car’s roof and the porch ceiling. Hardly an ‘accident’. Fortunately Shirou could be taken to ER immediately afterwards, but the outcome of surgery was uncertain. It wasn’t the first time in the span of not even three months that Shirou had been seriously injured in a car accident.

Who would be trying to take Shirou out? Some sort of gang? Saburou called a yakuza member he'd met once when he’d been hanging out with Jirou, Tsuji Yutaka (first lieutenant of Furutaka-gumi related to Hoshino-kai). But before he could really ask about anything, Tsuji shot his own question at him:

“Is is true that Mr. Jirou returned? A whole lot of rumours is flying around claiming that he showed his face in Fukui lately.”

Apparently, somebody had seen Jirou in the Palace Hotel in Fukui, assisted by a woman, and now various group were trying to find him. Was that just innocent Kawaji Natsurou being mistaken for Jirou? Were the two men one? Was that someone else? And who was that woman? No, there’s no way that…

Could Jirou be trying to murder Shirou? He shouldn’t have any reasons to pick him as a victim over Maruo or Saburou, but maybe he changed his approach somehow. Saburou remembered a piece of dialogue from Thomas Harris once again.

“Do you spook easily, Starling?”

“Not yet.”

Jirou / Natsurou had showed up in his dreams as Hannibal Lecter. Would Clarice “Saburou” Starling be able to put him behind bars?

Saburou decided to check who that woman was first and thought about Jirou’s old followers he could ask about her. Maybe Kawai Kazuhiro? Saburou found his number in the phone book, but was told that Kazuhiro and his twin Youji had gone missing fourteen years earlier in December 1986.

Exactly when Jirou vanished. Did he take the twins with him for some reason? As a mystery writer Saburou instantly reacted to the twins being involved by thinking of some complicated body switch trick. That would be ridiculous. But Saburou couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of Jirou running away with someone and soon realized just why he felt so bitter about it.

Why hadn’t Jirou taken him along?

No, he had to resume thinking about the case at hand. He had to finally become useful. Or was he really that stupid and good for nothing?

Upon getting to the hospital, Saburou first went to visit Maruo in his room overcrowded with political partners (the news spread fast about his son possibly being targeted) and was startled to find Maruo crying. He took Ichirou’s secretary Hasegawa Katsuyuki aside.

“Hey, why is Maruo crying?” he asked.

“What do you mean ‘why’, Mr. Saburou? Mr. Shirou got hit by a car!”

But Shirou was still alive, and when Saburou had called Maruo earlier the man sounded unfazed.

“He wiped his tears and took a few deep breaths before getting the call,” Hasegawa said. “He didn’t want to show you his panic. That’s what parents do.” Hasegawa added that they had tried to contact Ichirou in vain. He must have still been searching for their mother.

Maruo thanked Saburou for coming, and Saburou knew that he meant “thank you for being here at this time”. Ever since Nozaki’s attack Maruo got a lot more timid. Shirou would claim that looking death in the eyes had changed him.

“What do you think, Saburou?” Maruo asked after a brief exchange about the accident / attempted murder. “Why did that happen?”

“I wonder if there’s someone who holds resentment towards him.”

“Do you think it’s my fault?” A wry smile. “You too think that all these things happening to my family is my fault?”

How could one respond to such a question? Deep inside, Saburou felt like Maruo really was the cause of all their problems, but of course a whole lot of other people were at fault. Maybe they -- the brothers as well as their mother -- could have done better instead of giving up on Jirou. Maybe Maruo and Jirou should have tried better for the sake of each other.

“Everyone’s gone already,” Maruo continued. “Everyone’s leaving the Natsukawa house.”

“Maybe it’s better if they did,” Saburou replied, “if they can do what they want. Even if split up, family is still family, right? Everyone would be able to finally solve the problems they couldn’t tackle while staying in that house.”

Maruo certainly feared losing the family he kept around him. When his wife had been attacked and fell into coma, he slept an entire day long as if trying to escape intense grief. He’d always been a weaker man than he looked.

“That’s not possible,” Maruo said after some thought. “The family must stay together until the end.”

Saburou didn’t plan on screaming, but he couldn’t help yelling through sudden tears about how Maruo is always saying things like that and making everyone miserable, that this fixation on keeping them together is ruining everything, that it’d be best to finally let everyone go and live separately!

Maruo looked shocked, but clearly not believing in anything he’d just heard. “You’re going to leave too, aren’t you? Then leave!”

Saburou hadn’t said that, but he was already sobbing like a little boy and couldn’t voice his arguments well. Surely Maruo just spoke brashly in an attempt to hide weakness, but Saburou still felt hurt. Leaving the room, Saburou heard one more thing behind his back.

“You’re not my child anymore!”

Saburou broke down crying in the hallway.

Natsukawa Saburou, abandoned by both his parents. No, that last name wasn’t even his anymore. His house wasn’t his house anymore.

Hasegawa walked out after him and told him not to run away, that Maruo surely understood what Saburou had meant, and that he needed just a little more patience and some more calm talking.

But it was always the same! They just always returned to the starting point, and no one ever seemed to grow the fuck up!

Hasegawa didn’t agree with that, and told him that Shirou had decided to become a candidate in the summer election to replace the still hospitalized Ichirou and Maruo. In fact he only showed up at the hospital that day because they were talking politics. Even despite his own job back in the USA, Shirou was more than ready to do something like this for the good of the family.

Saburou yelled at Hasegawa to shut up and ran away. Who he was running away from? Hasegawa, Maruo, Shirou? Himself? He hadn’t done anything useful like Shirou, and even if he intended to help Yurio, in the end it was Shirou who really took care of her and her mental health.

Waiting in front of the operating theater, Saburou talked with a man called Fukushima Manabu, who until pretty recently had owned a convenience store, but was now Shirou’s secretary. He also happened to be a son of one of Nozaki’s victims, who had died after a long coma. Fukushima wondered if it had been the right choice to try keeping her alive for that long.

“I don’t really understand it myself,” he said, “but I often saw my mother’s ghost when doing laundry. Or rather her soul, seeing as she hadn’t died yet at the time. Her face showed up in the water inside the washing machine, looking at me without a word, expression hard to read. But when I’d push the button to have the water drain out, she’d look at peace. I thought that maybe this was her way of asking me to finally let her go. But I was too afraid to do so, and I liked our little meetings. I couldn’t kill my mother. Eventually she died and never again showed up in the laundry water.”

Saburou didn’t know what his own reaction would be if the one in the coma was one of his brothers or father -- would he be able to cut off their life support, snip!, goodbye? -- but shuddered to even think about killing any of them. Besides, he wanted to show them that he’s worth something. No matter how horribly they’d suffer, he would stand his ground and refuse to kill them.

Just to what extent could egoism born from love be forgiven?

Saburou realized that not only had Shirou borrowed his car that day, he was also wearing his clothes, as he usually did because of how little baggage he had taken with him from the US. Whoever the runaway driver was, his intention wasn’t to kill Shirou, but Saburou.

Saburou thought that he really should have been the one to get hurt.

In the end, the doctors said that Shirou would survive. Around that time news surfaced about a car with a busted front window found near the hospital. The driver thought to be the one who had attacked Shirou was still sitting inside. The problem was, said driver was found with all the skin of his head and limbs peeled off, and all the teeth pulled out. Despite that he was still alive and said his name was Okamoto Yasuhiro. Okachi.

Saburou called Yurio and learned that Kaede had come by earlier asking to see him.

A little later Saburou arrived at the Mouryou Pond and found crying Kaede. He was afraid – because of Okachi’s attempt to kill him, because of Kaede waiting here for him with unknown intentions – but then again, the entire world held nothing but fear for him now. He’d been thrown out of the family, Shirou was injured, and his mother, Ichirou, Jirou were all far away.

But Yurio was still there. He had to put this mess in order and return to her.

Kaede said that she’d been in love with Saburou for a long time, and no matter how much she tried to date others, it just wouldn’t work. She had no idea that things would lead to this awful situation. She had thought that maybe getting together with Okachi would be fine, that he’d have no interest in her. But lately he had seemed to have grown more at ease with touching and kissing her. They had a lot of long conversations about it.

Saburou remembered the note that had been found by Okachi’s body.

Saburou, I’m glad you’re still alive. Even though a lot of time had passed, do you continue doing what’s right? Just by observing you a little I was able to make sure. You’re a honest and docile person. (...)

Do you still read mystery novels? Do you remember the title of the book that I, you and Shirou read together and liked a lot? ‘Red Dragon’ by Thomas Harris. Have you read its sequel, ‘The Silence of the Lambs’? I did. If you’ve read it, but can’t remember the details, you can check it for yourself later: the thing that Lecter tells Clarice about Buffalo Bill:

“Billy’s not a transsexual, Clarice, but he thinks he is, he tries to be.”

Saburou, this man just like Buffalo Bill is trying to deceive himself. This statement should be enough for you to understand the meaning of what I did. Observe the scene from all sides, try out all ideas. When constantly looked at by a new pair of eyes and in a different light, everything will certainly reveal itself.

This is a simple, maybe a little flashy work of art made to show you just that. I hesitated a little over whether or not to use novocain, but this indecision was swept away when I heard that Shirou had been saved. The point in the first place wasn’t to give this creation suffering. I chose the song “I will survive”, as this man’s self-deception was just that persistent.

You see, flaying alive is a popular execution method in the East and in the West both, but in the Sixteen Kingdoms period particularly, skinning the person’s face was followed by making them sing and dance for everyone’s amusement. I’m sure you would enjoy it too. His rendition of “I will survive”.

The above note had been put into Okachi’s mouth together with a giant pink dildo signed by “Death God Jawakutora”. The handwriting style of the note without a doubt belonged to Jirou. Saburou had no intention of ever showing that note to Kaede.

Okachi had felt jealous about Saburou and Kaede. Had he been just faking it like Jirou implied, or was he actually bisexual like Kaede thought? When he’d once said that Kaede had been the first woman he’d ever fell in love with, was it true? Maybe his talk about how the border between gay and straight is hard to see was born from his experience of not falling squarely on one of these sides. Was his murderous intent towards Saburou true jealousy or somehow born from false emotions?

Saburou’s thoughts were interrupted by a phone call from Yurio, who gasped and hanged up as soon as he mentioned he and Kaede were at the Mouryou Pond. Since he and Yurio had first met here, she probably considered it a special place.

When he turned to face Kaede again, she was holding a knife, but didn’t make a move, crying that she didn’t understand anything anymore. Saburou had a feeling that the situation couldn’t be resolved other than by having someone be stabbed.

“Stab me, Kaede,” he said knowing well that she wouldn’t. She wasn’t Yurio. Her love was different. But maybe it’d be better if she did stab him. Everything was his fault, his and his love’s. “I have loved you all along, Kaede. That’s why it’s better if you stab me.” He both didn’t actually want to die and thought that it’d really be a better option.

All of this was the fault of the egoism of his love. He had known about Kaede’s suffering, but refused to disconnect her life support. Disconnect himself from her. He stubbornly stayed near her as she hovered at the faint line between life and death, not really falling on either side.

He kept telling her to stab him, she kept saying she can’t and at last dropped the knife, and he embraced her.

Maybe her inability to kill him was also the effect of egoism born from love.

In the end, Kaede said she’d go to the police and tell them about Okachi, but that she wanted to stay alone at the lake for a little while. Only when walking down the mountain did Saburou realize that she still had the knife, but highly doubted that Kaede would hurt herself. He considered turning around, but if he wanted to support her, the right choice was probably to just leave. To cut the line of the life support.

Goodbye, Kaede. Snip! Goodbye.

When Saburou returned home, he found a headless corpse in the garden, and the ID revealed the dead to be Yurio’s father. A knife – the same that Saburou had thrown out the window -- lied discarded to the side. Yurio must have used it.

But the one she should have killed wasn’t her father. After Yurio cut his father’s head off, she carved a (still bleeding) “LOVE ME TENDER” into his chest and put Saburou’s pants on him.

The one lying dead on the ground should be Saburou.

Without even trying to find Yurio or taking care of the corpse Saburou entered the underground storage and closed himself in the darkness, exhausted from everything that happened lately.

He heard footsteps again, heard them stop abruptly over his head again, but this time someone opened the trapdoor. It wasn’t the pale ghost of a little girl.

“Found you!” laughed Kawaji Natsurou.

He looked an awful lot like Jirou -- made himself look like Jirou -- but his hand bore several scars arranged in the shape of the Big Dipper. Kawai Youji.

“Long time no see,” Saburou answered. “You seem to have found a really good mask.” A spitting image of Jirou. Wait, if Jirou had peeled off the skin from Okachi’s face, did Youji do the same to Jirou and wore it like his own?

Saburou tried to fight, but Youji managed to inject him a knockout drug.

As if whatever god there was had finally gave up on him and decided to cut off his life support after seeing him return to that same small darkness under the floor over and over again.

Snip! Goodbye, Saburou.

[>>>NEXT>>>]

#sparkly reads tcd #maijo and jdc stuff

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puroresu-musings · 6 years

Photo

AJPW CHAMPION CARNIVAL 2018 ~ Day 13, 14 & 15 Review (April 25th-30th, Tokyo, Korakuen Hall)

Day 13:

A Block: Naoya Nomura vs. Shingo Takagi ****

B Block: Yoshitatsu vs. Yutaka Yoshie **¾

B Block: KAI vs. Zeus ***½

B Block: Suwama vs. Dylan James **½

B Block: Jun Akiyama vs. Naomichi Marufuji ****½

Day 14:

Jun Akiyama, Zeus, Suwama & Hikaru Sato vs. KAI, Dylan James, Yutaka Yoshie & Yohei Nakajima ****

A Block: The Bodyguard vs. Ryouji Sai ***½

A Block: Joe Doering vs. Naoya Nomura ***

A Block: Shuji Ishikawa vs. Shingo Takagi ****½

A Block: Kento Miyahara vs. Yuji Hino ****

Day 15:

Shuji Ishikawa & Suwama vs. Yoshitatsu & Naoya Nomura ***¾

Jun Akiyama, Joe Doering & Yuji Hino vs. Zeus, The Bodyguard & Shingo Takagi ****

2018 Champion Carnival Final: Kento Miyahara vs. Naomichi Marufuji ****½

Photos.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this years Carnival. It featured consitently great action, and the final three days at Korakuen Hall were no different. Carny action kicked off on Day 13 with Dragon Gate’s Shingo Takagi scoring a Made In Japan assisted win over youngster Naoya Nomura at 10:41in a great little hard-hitting sprint. The win meant Shingo was very much still alive in the tournament and still had a good chance of winning. Yutaka Yoshie pinned a resurgent Yoshitatsu with a top rope Big Splash in a decent encounter. KAI defeated the mighty Zeus, when he countered a Jackhammer into a small package at the 13:57 mark of a very good bout, to eliminate the big man from contention. Dylan James chokeslammed Suwama out of the tournament to win an OK match-up. And in the main event, old NOAH commerades; Jun Akiyama and Naomichi Marufuji squared off to see who would win the B Block and advance to the finals. This was an excellent, heated match, built around a compelling backstory. Uncle Jun destroyed Maru for most of this match, piledrivering him on the floor, delivering his patented knee drop off the apron, and killing Marufuji with hard knee strikes. Marufuji fought the old grouch off with his own hard strikes, then got a great near fall with the Shiranui as Akiyama got the ropes. Akiyama hit a huge brainbuster, then the Exploder, but Maru kicked at two to a big pop. The match disintegrated in to knee strikes, as Akiyama was just killing Marufuji with knee strikes, but the NOAH boss kept fighting back with his own Ko-oh knees. In the end, it was Maru who came out on top as Uncle Jun just couldn’it take anymore hard knees to the face, and was finally KO’d at 20:53, to send Marufuji to the finals. This was an incredible display from both, and is potentially the match of the tourney. Special praise goes to Akiyama who’s had a great Carnival, and really is the modern day Tenryu in the grouchy old veteran steaks.

Day 14 was an exceptional card of action. In the first Carny bout, Bodyguard, who was injured in the early going of the tournament, submitted Sai with a Camel Clutch in a very good 11 minuter. Naoya Nomura scored a surprise, sub-five minute win over Joe Doering to eliminate him from contention. This was good whilst it lasted, but the finish, which saw Nomura get the three count with a jacknife cradle, fell apart a little bit, which hurt it somewhat. Big Shuj knocked Shingo out of the tournament after he won a fantastic, dramatic match with the Giant Slam at 18:37. I loved this match, it was unpredictable and hard-hitting, with a heated crowd buying every near fall. They maybe kicked out of one too many big moves, but this is a minor gripe as this was a truly excellent encounter. The main event between Miyahara and Hino was also excellent, but was hurt a little by having to follow the previous match. This was completely different and told a great story, with the stakes being high in that the victor wins the A Block and goes to the final. The massive Hino dominated most of this, and Kento did his great sell-jobs throughout. In the end, Kento hit numerous Blackout knee strikes, which weakened the big man from Big Japan. Hino went for his Fucking Bomb finish, but Kento escaped down the back, stunned Hino with another Blackout, then hit his Shutdown Package German for the win out of nowhere at 19:32.

The finals saw a couple of excellent tag encounters. Firstly, the Violent Giants took on “World Famous” Yoshitastu and Nomura in a great doubles clash. Yoshitatsu has had a really good tournament, and seems to have found his footing as a performer again, after being just another face in the crowd in New Japan (lets face it, he’s going nowhere in NJPW), and I’m really happy for him after his career was nearly ended after he botched that Styles Clash back in 2014. He tapped out to a Suwama choke to end this one at around 15 minutes. The super hard-hitting six man semi final was a compelling bout held before a really hot Korakuen faithful. Zeus and Hino’s crazy, at times horrifyingly stiff, chop exchange was the highlight here. The finish saw Doering pin Bodyguard with a Spiral Bomb to end an excellent match at the 18:42 mark. And the 2018 Champion Carnival came to a close as B Block champion, Marufuji, squared off with A Block winner, Kento The Ace, in another tremendous wrestling match. This of course was battle of the knee strike, Blackout vs. Ko-oh, as both have served their owners well in this tournament. They exchanged both throughout, Maru hit a piledriver on the apron, before the Triple Crown Champion battles back with a Blackout in the corner and a big brainbuster for a near fall. Marufuji hits a Shiranui for a near fall, then Kento starts nailing Blackouts and gets another near fall with a delayed German suplex. In a great spot, both guys tried their respective knee strikes at the smae time, but clashed knees. Marufuji then obliterated Kento with his strike and superkick combo. He goes for another Ko-oh, but Miyahara catches him in another delayed German. Marufuji escapes a Shutdown attempt, wipes Kento out with more knees, then hits the Pole Shift into the Emerald Flowsion to win the Carnival at 24:49 of a fantastic bout. This was great, but it felt like the best was yet to come as the two are almost certainly going to have a rematch for the Crown at some point.

NDT

#ajpw #champion carnival 2018 #review #kento miyahara #naomichi marufuji #jun akiyama #shingo takagi #yuji hino #shuji ishikawa #zeus #all japan pro wrestling #puroresu #wrestling #bjw #dragon gate #wwe #njpw

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frederator-studios · 7 years

Video

vimeo

Austen Payne - The Frederator Interview

Austen Payne is a budding dungeon master, a storyboard artist at Smiley Guy Studios in Toronto, and a bonafide Cool Kid™. “One Hell of a Party,” the short she created with a team of fellow Seneca Animation 3rd years, is enjoying a glitter-glue coated festival run: it nabbed the Golden Reel Award at Nevada International Film Fest and Best Canadian Short at Toronto After Dark. “I didn’t know that was a category!” - Austen.

The positive response is no surprise to us - “One Hell of a Party” is one hell of a student film. Check it out above - then give a looksie to our convo with Austen, where we discuss the artistic merits of “Baman Piderman,” D&D as a crash course in storytelling, and the underrated genius of never giving up.

So what drew you (heh) to animation?

In high school, I was really into art and comics - and then I took a class on filmmaking, and I really loved it. Once I realized that animation was like the marriage of drawing and filmmaking, I was hooked. I went to Sheridan for fine arts for 2 years, then to Seneca for their 2D animation program.

What inspired “One Hell of a Party”?

In 1st year, I got sick with the flu, and one night really couldn’t sleep with a fever. So I was just laying awake, being really nice to myself and thinking about how I would never manage to come up with a whole story - I always think in shots, or scenes, but hadn’t ever thought of a real narrative. And then I just decided to do it, right then, fever brain and all. I thought about what I like, and I like demons. I thought about what you do with demons: you summon them. And I just kept like that, and by the end of the night, I had all of the story beats figured out. Then I held onto the idea super tight for 2 years, until 3rd year came around, when I pitched it to my class. And it was one of the ones we decided to make!

How did you decide you wanted to be a board artist?

I knew I wanted to board really early on. I mean, comics and films are my two favorite things! So I focused on it as much as I could in school, and there was some compromise involved. At one point, I just straight up didn’t do my assignment for board class, and brought my professor the boards that I was doing for an internship application. I was like “Well, I have this!” and he was just like, “Ah! This is great”. I got lucky.

That’s badass! Sounds like you had cool teachers?

Oh yeah - my boarding professors played a really important role. One of my most memorable moments was at the end of 1st year, actually. I had the BEST storyboard professor - super passionate about boarding, really cool, and loves teaching. I brought some stuff to him that I was working on, and was talking about how I knew that I wasn’t ready to apply to some position yet - and he just goes, “Oh I don’t think that’s true”. I was just like, “Whhaaa?”. He said that in a couple years, he thought I could be boarding professionally. It was the first time that anyone had said, “You can do this” to me - it was a moment that kept me going through school, and that I still carry with me. Oddly, it was my boarding professors who encouraged me to go for it - my teachers in other subjects said it was too hard.

Oof! Speaks to the power of discouragement… what else can you recommend to budding boarders?

Definitely keeping up with the best people who are working professionally, because it gives you a sense of the caliber of work that’s required.. Know what a professional board looks like (and they can look really diverse!) and research how board artists got where they are. Also, asking a lot of questions - your professors want to help you, and mentors are really important! And lastly: don’t give up! It is really hard, really time consuming, and really competitive - but you know that going in. The fact is, it’ll never happen for you if you quit - and if you don’t quit, others will, while you keep improving - and then there will be better odds that it does happen for you then that it doesn’t!

Tactical! Enough work stuff, let’s talk parties. Does the short accurately depict Seneca’s scene?

Ha, I wouldn’t really know! I didn’t go to a single party the entire time we were working on “One Hell of a Party”! Sweet irony. The film definitely represents parties I’ve gone to - when I’ve done that sorta thing. Drinking just kinda makes me sleepy.

Saw you’re a D&D fan though! Any go-to character you play?

I’m usually a ranger, but lately I’ve been a DM, so I’m making up characters! I just created this awakened undead skeleton named Rook, who’s a very cheerful, pretty innocent sweetheart, for a skeleton. He gained sentience and came to hate the necromancer who brought him back to life to be a slave, so he ran away, learned magic, and then got revenge on his old master. Now he’s joining the story - my players just met him - but I can’t wait to play as him in another game!

Has DMing helped you with your storytelling skills?

Oh yeah - it’s helped me take a step back and approach humor in a new way, too! Like I listen to Critical Role and Adventure Zone, these D&D podcasts, and they’ve really influenced my comedy sense. Like laughing along with these guys, I wound up asking myself ‘Why do I find this stuff funny, and other stuff not?’. I’d never thought of comedy as something that you learn, but it really is! I’m honing my own sense of humor, getting a handle on it.

What are some elements, comedic or other, that you would bring to your own cartoon series?

I’m really interested in character acting - I love when characters have distinct ways of moving. I think there’s so much you can tell about a character through how they move. One of my favorite shows that does it so well is actually “Baman Piderman” - their characters feel more alive because of the attention put into their mannerisms.

“Baman Piderman” is a modern masterpiece. Any other favorite shows?

Oh geez, that’s a tough one. There are a lot. “Gravity Falls” - Alex Hirsch is a huge inspiration for me. “Fullmetal Alchemist” - both, though I like “Brotherhood” just a bit more. “The Misadventures of Flapjack”, “Rick and Morty”, “Steven Universe”, “Mob Psycho 100”, “Transformers Prime” - the 3d TV series - I like the “Transformers” franchise except for the movies.

What about favorite artists or writers or sundry creative humans?

Ahh! Okay, there’s so many. Ok: so Alex Hirsch for sure. James Roberts, a writer for IDW Transformers comics. Matthew Mercer inspired me to start DMing, and I’ve learned a ton about story from him. Dana Terrace, an incredible board artist / is amazing at everything. And Jenn Strickland, another awesome board artist and animator! Christine Liu and Lauren Sassen are two more amazing board artists. There’s Alan Ituriel (created “Villainous”) and Jhonen Vasquez who created “Invader Zim,” the first cartoon I was ever obsessed with. JN Wiedle is an awesome cartoonist and comics artist, and Bahi JD and Yutaka Nakamura are some of my favorite animators. I’m also super influenced by “Akira” and Studio Ghibli’s films!

Last query! Whatcha workin’ on?

Well aside from my work-work, I’ve got quite a bit going on! I’m developing two web comic ideas, and I’m doing the art for a comic called “The Goosefighter,” written by Marilyn-Ann Campbell, for Toronto Comics Anthology Vol. 5. It’s about a student who has a stand-off with a goose - so it’s about looking evil right in the face. Up my alley!

Thanks for chatting with us Austen, you rock! Looking forward to all of your upcoming projects!

- Cooper

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mageinabarrel · 7 years

Text

On the radiance of a certain anime.

At the end of Star Driver‘s premiere, the first closing theme, 9nine’s “CROSS OVER,” begins to play over the final moments of the episode. Takuto and Wako rest together in a giant stone hand, looking at each other. It’s the start of a crush. Wako’s stomach growls. The two teens laugh. Following on the heels of the show’s first mecha battle—lavishly animated by the perennially entertaining Yutaka Nakamura, infused with just enough feathery effect animation during the magical girl henshin-inspired stock footage, and fueled by glorious “Dazzling the Stage,” it’s a surprising moment in how it pivots from the grandeur of a giant robot underneath a rainbow sky into a much quieter, more intimate moment.

The ending sequence that follows, which serves as the show’s ending through episode 13, is magical. Fresh, warm, and (again) intimate, it serves as a model of characterization through peripheral storytelling. The sequence’s depictions of Takuto, Sugata, and Wako’s mundane after-school adventures simultaneously endear the audience to the characters and establish the closeness of their relationship—all without needing to take extra screentime during the episode proper. The repetition of this for episode after episode only serves to enhance the effect. It’s Wako’s can of soda, the summer rain, falling into the water together…

https://my.mixtape.moe/wpccxd.webm

“CROSS OVER” and the accompanying visuals are more than this, though. They are also—in tandem with the first opening—a very, very powerful statement of Star Driver‘s visual, sonic, and atmospheric aesthetic priorities. Star Driver is a well-told and well-written narrative, but it is also absurdly consistent in its aesthetic storytelling. Together, in written scene construction and visual direction and musical accompaniment, director Takuya Igarashi and scriptwriter Yoji Enokido have created a masterpiece evocation of the “summer of youth.” And while the show’s first OP and ED are, by nature, concentrated doses of this aesthetic, what is most impressive—and immersive—about Star Driver is the way it succeeds at maintaining this aesthetic code even in the midst of the world-ending adult machinations and mecha duels of its plot.

Forgive me if I’m a bit starry-eyed about this, but I was amazed. After all, this is a hope I’ve had for many anime in the past—that they would live up to the aesthetics of their opening and ending themes. Few, if any, have done it—but Star Driver does, and does so consistently throughout the entire series. I’m still agog, weeks later. It is one thing for a minute-and-a-half music video give the viewer the feeling of having been drenched in the lush tones of a passionate, gentle, and melancholic youth. It is another entirely for a 25-episode television anime to do the same alongside all of its other responsibilities. And to be clear, it’s not that Star Driver is so unique in its ability to maintain a consistent atmosphere, but that the actual show so perfectly resembles the sparkling aesthetics of its opening and ending sequences.

Obviously, the question is: How does Star Driver accomplish this?

An accidentally rhetorical question, since I’ve already given my answer: through scene construction, through visual direction, and through a gorgeous and well-used soundtrack.

The first of these—scene construction—is the most difficult to explain of the three. It would probably be easier to talk about how the setting of Star Driver, a closed system on a semi-tropical island in a perpetual summer, is a perfect choice. But I find it more interesting to consider how the way Enokido and Igarashi craft the episodes outside of the ritualized episodic beats (the shift into Zero Time, the ensuing duel, the aftermath). Consider, for example, all the times we’re shown scenes of Takuto, Sugata, and Wako eating together at Sugata’s place, or of Takuto and Sugata in the bath together with Wako talking to them from outside, or the encounters between Head and Sugata at sunset. The fireworks party. Going to karaoke. Walking on the beach under a star-studded sky. Meeting in the cafe, again and again. Eating in the school cafeteria. Or just hanging out around town after school.

There’s a recognizable coherency to all of these scenes, to the way they all fit together to illustrate the character’s lives through the tropes of a carefree high school life. They are typical high school things, shot through with that anxious sort of energy that possess the summers where you’re free, mostly, but not entirely. I have fond memories of meeting up with high school friends to play soccer at parks during the summer, and then going to get ice cream afterwards. The kind of feeling that you could stay out all day and into the night, with nothing you have to do. The repetitive, but comfortable feeling of doing the same things with the same people over and over again. Star Driver uses the common, mundane scenes of that kind of life. They form the foundation of the aesthetic.

Igarashi’s visual direction in Star Driver, then, builds off of this base—or, rather, works in conjunction with it. While I could write an essay just on how much I’ve come to like the way Igarashi’s style impacts the shows he directs (even when he only does the storyboards for a few episodes), the biggest thing that strikes me about Star Driver‘s visual personality is its use of color. Starting (but certainly not ending) with the primary colors of the main trio’s hair, Star Driver‘s color palette is delightfully bold.

Some of this is connected directly to the scene construction. Sunsets abound, and thus we get beautiful oranges (accompanied by dramatic lighting). A plethora of nighttime scenes on a tropical island mean we get the gorgeous deep blues of night, complimented by the sparkling stars. Shots during the day are often composed to highlight the rich colors in the sky and the plant life of the island. And this is to say nothing of the even more absurdly colored worlds of Zero Time, which are like the colors of the regular world in overdrive. The visual aesthetics of Zero Time sell the pattern. If Zero Time is then dramatized, metaphorized climax of the regular world’s story, then it ought to be the most visually charged as well.

Which is merely to say that the richness of the world’s color serves Star Driver‘s core aesthetic: A summer of youth, in which everything in life—love, sadness, tragedy, triumph—is vibrant, colorful, and alive.

So we come to the music, the thing that ties it all together. Star Driver‘s soundtrack is a fantastic, wondrously symphonic piece of work, a collection which grasps the sparkling essence of wonder, the comfortable rhythms of just hanging out, the grandiose explosions of mecha duels, and even the comedically theatrical mood of Kiraboshi. I’m no music critic, but even I can tell when a soundtrack is perfectly matched to a show—and the keyword is “richness.” The layers of instruments and even the sweeping scope of the overall sound all return to the same aesthetic the scenes and visuals offer.

Even as Star Driver‘s soundtrack ranges from acoustic guitars to organ solos to full-blown symphonies to dense echoing vibraphones (probably vibraphones), it maintains that core. Through sad scenes and happy scenes, dramatic scenes and mundane scenes, this remains true. No matter the variation, that same sort central feeling remains—that, even if a true “summer of youth” doesn’t always sound exactly the same, there is a lushness that ought to be there, a brightness. It’s intangible, almost impossible to explain properly. But it’s there.

I did say this was all “among other things,” right? How about our oft-maligned writer-director duo actually pulling a genuinely coherently thematic statement out of the show’s mess of character arcs, individual thematic threads, and randomly excellent throwaway life lessons? How about the sheer force of quantity of stunning animation, episode after episode? How about the the unbelievably charismatic cast—villains and heroes alike? The amazing emotional gravity of the love triangle between Takuto, Wako, and Sugata? The clever way layers to characters are slowly revealed, one by one, beneath their surface-level archetype?

All these qualities, and more, could be counted among Star Driver‘s merits. Certainly, these things were key to the enjoyment I had watched the show—and the enduring love for it I suspect I will continue to have. But, in the end, it is the way the aesthetics of Star Driver so perfectly evoke the summer of youth its first OP and ED imply that I have the most love for. To watch Star Driver is to be immersed, not just in the story, but in the feeling of its characters’ world. It is a fleeting experience that passes away after 25 episodes. But somewhere in there is a certain kind of light, a certain kind of passionate joy.

One might even call it “radiance.”

On the radiance of a certain anime. On the radiance of a certain anime.

#Aesthetics #Star Driver #Storytelling #Takuya Igarashi #Yoji Enokido

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dangcommaannie · 8 years

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Tagged by the wonderful @asgardianleviosa! :]

1. Are you named after someone?: I’m named after Annie from the musical. 2. When was the last time you cried?: Yesterday in my car. I had Spotify on shuffle and Stammi Vincino came on and I always cry during that song and Yuri on Ice. 3. Do you like your handwriting?: It’s just dreadful. 4. What is your favorite lunch meat?: Chicken, I guess. 5. Do you have kids?: No. 6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Maybe. I’m not a complete dick, so yeah. 7. Do you use sarcasm?: Yes. 8. Do you still have your tonsils?: No. 9. Would you bungee jump?: No. 10. What is your favorite kind of cereal?: Life. 11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: No. I’m lazy. 12. Do you think you’re a strong person?: Not really. 13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?: Taro, green tea, spéculoos. 14. What is the first thing you notice about people?: My hair? 15. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?: My weight. 16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?: Blue shorts and no shoes. 17. What are you listening to right now?: Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko. 18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: I have no idea. Black? 19. Favorite smell?: Books, BBW’s A Thousand Wishes, baked goods, bed sheets in the morning 20. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?: My best friend 21. Favorite sport to watch?: Soccer, tennis, figure skating 22. Hair color?: Black 23. Eye color?: Black/Dark brown 24. Do you wear contacts?: No. 25. Favorite food to eat?: Food. All foods. I love food. 26. Scary movies or comedy?: Comedy. 27. Last movie you watched?: I want to say the Princess Diaries, but I don’t really know. 28. What color of shirt are you wearing?: Pink t-shirt 29. Summer or winter?: Winter. 30. Hugs or kisses?: Both. 31. What book are you currently reading?: For class, I’m currently reading Native Son. 32. Who do you miss right now?: My best friends! I wanted to go and visit @never-been-sane this week since it’s spring break, but she’s sick and I’m tired af. XP 33. What is on your mouse pad?: It’s just a black mouse pad. 34. What is the last TV program you watched?: Rick Steve’s. 35. What is the best sound?: Laughter, rain, someone sighing contently, pages turning 36. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?: Beatles 37. What is the furthest you have ever traveled?: Texas to Paris! 38. Do you have a special talent?: Being extra lazy XP

Directions: you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. put your mp3 player, itunes, spotify, etc. on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping!

1. Art Deco - Lana Del Rey

2. I Love You - Ozaki Yutaka

3. Back to Black - Amy Winehouse

4. No Good - Ivy Levan

5. Smoke and Mirrors - Paloma Faith

6. If Only - Gin Wigmore

7. Being Alive - Raúl Esparza

8. Nuclear - Mike Oldfield

9. Dance Me to the End of Love - The Civil Wars

10. Can’t Help Falling in Love - Ingrid Michaelson

I know I’m supposed to tag 10 people now, but I’m so fucking lazy, so if you want to do it, consider yourself tagged! XP

#personal post #about me #tagged

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jojismagicsupplies · 8 years

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Let’s talk about Animation

Recently I have been having twitter back & forth discussions with Sean Thomas the director of The Legend Of Korra and Cannon Busters, Sean Thomas regularly talks about the differences in workflow between western and eastern animation companies and one thing that had always stood out to me was how much more technically impressive eastern animators were (and in many cases still are) than their western counterparts,

See most eastern animation is produced at the rate that it is released, Most of the time on a week by week basis, occasionally over larger breaks of time when it comes to things like OVA’s and sometimes they take seven years (Redline) so while western animators often have to deal with a large amount of work for a short period of time before release their eastern counterparts are working up until the hour of broadcast, and that is a literal case, 2016′s Hit series Yuri on Ice!! is completely different in the official crunchyroll/funaimation release compared to the Fansubs because for the staff at elation required more time to translate the episode than the fansubbers would, this led to a sharp increase in torrents of the series due to the much higher quality and this was only possible due to the way eastern production works,

Western production is much more uniform and from my perspective it can take some amazing animators and lower them, Andrew Chesworth is likely one of the most talented western animators currently alive, the way that he is able to integrate 2D animation into a live action setting is above the level that occurred with the animated component in Who Framed Rodger Rabbit and that is considered to be the pinnacle of commercially released 2D-Live action Hybrid (Andrew Chesworths 2D live action was an advertisement and you can find it on his blog) and in terms of more traditional 2D animation his animated short Palm Springs he showcases some of the most technical animation that the west has to offer, yet he is saddled as a 3D animator who performs short very expressive cuts for Disney films,

Eastern Animation is much more clear about the way it divides its staff, and this fits into the way that production cycles work, by making all staff need to work at a faster speed simply to release an episode makes all staff become more technically proficient and this is what leads to some of the most talented animators alive like Koh and Yoh Yoshinari along with the likes of Yutaka Nakamura, BAHIJD and many others these are some of the most talented and technically proficient animators currently alive,

I think the primary divide between western and eastern animation is that the west strives for uniformity between all staff while the east sorts animation talent by narrative importance (Unless it’s A-1 pictures) and this leads to some interesting places with the way that animated productions turn out,

Follow me

Twitter: @Jojimatthews

Learn More About Animators/Animation

https://sakugabooru.com

http://www.artofandrewchesworth.com (Andrew Chesworth portfolio)

http://andrewchesworth.blogspot.com.au (Has Links to other artists)

#Art #Anime #Animation #Andrew Chesworth #Sakuga #Yutaka Nakamura #BAHIJD #Koh Yoshinari #Yoh Yoshinari #Crunchyroll #Funimation

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norihisahyuga-archived · 8 years

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Scars

Mimura Shinji/Kawada Shogo Battle Royale 2000~ words. Sfw.

Shinji Mimura reflects on the end of the Program when he met Shogo Kawada and a few events that led them to their new life in America with Shuya Nanahara and Noriko Nakagawa while tracing Shogo’s scars. Post-Program AU.

They only have so many options, living the way they do. No one would believe them if they told them the extent that the Republic had taken as far as keeping people from rebelling. They would never believe any country would pit its children against each other, arming them with weapons and encouraging them to kill each other until only one person remained alive.

And they surely would not believe that the government could do that not once but twice to some people. Shogo carries scars from two different games now, bullet scars both faded and newer, fresher. Shinji catches himself looking at them sometimes when he doesn’t think Shogo is paying attention, stretched out on his side, taking a cat nap in the middle of the afternoon.

At first, he wanted to joke about it. Shogo needing to nap in the middle of the afternoon when he’s only sixteen years old, but Shuya had muzzled him about it before he could do it.

“He’s been through enough, I think he deserves to be able to rest,” he said, and Shinji had bit the inside of his cheek but nodded to show he was listening. He still isn’t used to this relationship thing, and he’s still not felt his way through whatever it was the four of them had lived through.

He can’t imagine what it was like for Shogo to go from one game to another, from losing everyone he knew and cared about, losing the person he loved the most in the world, probably losing all of his friends, and then having to do it again, this time with complete strangers.

At least the four of them aren’t strangers anymore. It’s taken time and effort to break down the barriers between them, but living together has made that an absolute necessity.

He ruminates on that a lot, especially on afternoons like this one. Free from work for the day, he’s joined Shogo for his nap, thinking he might be able to use a couple of hours of extra rest as well. But he can’t make himself close his eyes to sleep, finds himself tracing the collection of scars visible on Shogo’s back, the smaller and rounder ones making his stomach sour.

He stretches out a hand, tentative at first, then traces the scars with the tip of just one finger. Shogo makes no sound, doesn’t shift, so Shinji releases a breath and keeps going.

In this respect, he is lucky. He only has a few of these— his meager sacrifice to keep Shogo alive.

It had been instinct more than heroics. He was already hurting inside, already sick, having seen Yutaka and Keita both fall to the antics of some maniac. They had been two of his best friends in the world, and the three of them had devised an otherwise flawless plan to get themselves off of the island. If the exchange student had not come when he did, everything would have been fine.

Shinji had barely recovered from the loss when Shuya and Noriko had appeared, and he had no name for the second exchange student, having long since forgotten in the nightmare that the game truly was. He just remembers the gunfire, Shogo and Kiriyama struggling to get the better of each other. He remembers the explosion, how they had to hide from it to avoid dying.

Shogo has scars from that, too. Burn scars on his upper arm, some on his side. Shinji feels sick when he thinks too long and hard about them, because he considers himself responsible— the bomb had always been his idea, after all— but he doesn’t hesitate to touch them now.

He had been standing on shaky legs with Shuya and Noriko, the air blazing from the flames, and Shogo had been alive. Hurt, but alive, still clinging to his shotgun, determined they were not leaving until he was absolutely sure Kiriyama was dead. And he hadn’t been. Like some fucking demon, he had been alive even though he had been blinded, and he had fired just the same.

Shinji had done a stupid thing, in hindsight. Pushing Shogo out of the way. He doesn’t know why he did it, not really; his mind was a haze of anger and hatred and pain at the thought of two of his best friends being dead, and Hiroki was dead. He would have been happy to die on the island, die with them, but the bullet wounds were not serious enough to kill him.

Shogo had the time he needed to get the shot that blew up Kiriyama’s collar, and Shinji had been in agony on the boat back to the mainland. Bleeding and in pain, but he had grit his teeth and dealt with it while Shogo worked what first aid skills he had on him in order to help him.

If Shinji really thought back hard enough, he would have been able to call that the first moment he ever thought another boy was beautiful. He’d had the odd attraction to his friends, but…

There was something about Shogo Kawada, all lean tanned muscle, the bandanna, the Kansai accent so thick Shinji had been unable to keep a straight face when he first heard it. Shogo had said something about the blood loss getting to his head, but that was hardly it.

He also remembers being unconscious for a period of time, waking up before they made it back to the mainland. He remembers the struggle of packing what belongings he could into the one bag he was bringing with him, carrying it with the dull pain in his shoulder and in his arm. It would have been better of him to do his best not to bitch about it, but he’s never been able to keep his mouth shut for long, and it had hurt worse than anything else ever had in his entire life.

They had a limited amount of time to plan their escape, but by the time he and Shuya and Noriko had met Shogo in a back alley in the city, he already had everything set up for them. Even then, Shinji had been amazed for him, how resourceful he could be when the need arose. He should have expected nothing less, not when he’d realized that Shogo had been able to stop the collars from working, but… Sue him, okay, he was in pain from being shot. He deserves a little slack.

Resources and connections, for that matter, because Shogo had them this house before they ever stepped foot on American soil. Their landlord was just another refugee from the Republic and when Shogo had reached out to him, he had been there to offer aid. They live here relatively cheap, and it isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for them, and it’s a home they managed to make theirs.

Shinji had had so many questions back then, and though Shogo clearly did not want to answer all of them, he patiently explained everything to Shinji in detail. Just as there was a black market for getting products into the Republic that the government would never approve of, there were ways of communicating outside of its rigorous borders that it had not known about. Or maybe they did know and in hindsight just did not give a fuck about four teenagers walking away. It isn’t like a handful of kids really have a chance at dismantling the government all by themselves.

“Troublemakers.” Shogo had uttered the word around a mouthful of smoke, sitting on their back porch in the late afternoon sun. “That’s all we are to them, so maybe they didn’t see any harm in letting us go. It ain’t like they can cover the asses of every single citizen, y’know?”

Shinji, at this point, had been firmly convinced he might have the beginnings of a crush on Shogo Kawada, and he had merely nodded. “Sometimes it’s easier than trying to contain people.”

“Exactly. And this way, no one’ll ever know what happened. They’ll say we’re dead,” Shogo said.

The thought was depressing but, in an odd way, comforting. If their government didn’t care that they had walked away from everything, would merely sweep away their lives like so much unnecessary garbage, Shinji would be content to live this life. Shuya is the only friend he has left, and he would never want to lose him, not now, not after everything else.

Here, in the present, he leans in to press a kiss against the back of Shogo’s neck, his hand smoothing over the burn scar on his upper arm, his stomach knotting as it always does.

Shogo has more medical skills than anyone Shinji has ever known, but Shinji had been determined to help him as much as he could. He had never quite gotten used to having to clean raw, bloody wounds, but he had scrabbled together his resolve to do it for Shogo. Even if he had been the one willing to take bullets to make sure Shogo would survive, he still feels responsible for the pain that his bomb had inflicted. It might have blinded Kiriyama and given them all the last bit of a chance they needed to put him down, but it had hurt Shogo in the process, and Shinji had never wanted that. He never wanted to hurt anyone else, which was why he and Yutaka and Keita had holed themselves away. The idea of playing the game had never occurred to them; they simply met up outside of the school and struck out to find what Shinji needed to find.

For what it was worth, he had done the best he could on these burn wounds. Shogo had explained to him how to clean them, how to treat them, how to bandage them and let them bleed. In exchange, Shogo had helped him care for the wounds in his own body. They had taken care of each other long before Shinji felt anything for him that was more than a flicker of interest.

He slides across their mattress, wrapping his arms around Shogo from behind, trailing kisses along the back of his shoulders, the back and side of his neck. Too caught up in his silent shows of gratefulness, he doesn’t notice the barely-there stirring— Shogo has learned to wake almost without moving a muscle, and Shinji doesn’t realize he’s awake until he speaks.

“That’s quite a way to wake a man up, Mimura,” he says, voice soft and muzzy from sleep. When Shinji’s grip eases up, Shogo rolls over onto his back to look up at him. “G’morning.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Shinji shifts a little so he can lean over Shogo, pressing a warm and gentle kiss to his lips. He’s learned the value of intimacy and casual affection in the arms of Shogo Kawada, and he revels in it. He wants to show Shogo how much he’s loved and cared for, because who knows how much time they have? “Sorry if I’m the reason you woke up.”

Shogo laughs and stretches, and the back his body arches up makes Shinji’s tongue feel heavy and useless in his mouth. “You don’t gotta apologize. I was done with my nap.”

“I hope you slept well, at least,” Shinji offers, tossing an arm around his waist to hug him closer.

Shogo lets him, and leans into him, and Shinji revels in that. He likes that he can hold Shogo, can touch him, can be gentle with him in ways that the world has not been. He had wanted to find someone to love, wanted to know what that felt like, and he’s glad it’s with someone like Shogo.

“It’s cheesy as fuck but I always sleep better when you’re around.” Shogo’s fingers sift through his hair and Shinji blinks up at him, confused. “Being with you… Makes me feel say, Shin.”

Of all the things they’ve said to each other, all of the declarations of love and the promises of the future, this is somehow the most tender and vulnerable statement Shogo has made. Shinji leans up to kiss him, hand splayed over his warm skin, and he makes another promise, this one to himself, for only himself to know about. No one gets close enough to scar him. Never again. Not unless they leave me dead in the dust to do it.

#battle royale #shogo kawada #shinji mimura #otp: stay frosty #*f: mine #*f: shogo #*f: shinji #*f: shinsho #*f: escape

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recentanimenews · 5 years

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INTERVIEW: How Tanya the Evil Infused WWI Technology with Magic

Saga of Tanya the Evil is one of the most unique isekai shows of the modern anime age with its protagonist not only being reincarnated into a magic-imbued version of World War I instead of your regular fantasy world, but also having to survive in the body of a little girl. But how did the team behind go about adapting the light novel by Carlo Zen into a fully fledged world?

Series director Yutaka Uemura was present as a guest at this year's AnimagiC in Mannheim, Germany. We used this opportunity to discuss his thoughts on Japan's love for Germany, his impression of Tanya as a character as well as the possibility of a second season.

First, I would like to know if this is your first time in Germany and if so, how do you like it so far?

Uemura: Actually, it’s not my first but my second time in Germany. I’ve been here ten years ago, for the promotion of my first work as a director, Dantalian no Shoka. The show is about England, Germany, France—about the different countries in Europe. It also takes place at a similar time as my current project, so I do feel a certain connection between me and Europe.

Saga of Tanya the Evil was your first Project for Studio NUT and so far, the most notable production of the studio. How was it to work for a young studio like that and to immediately be involved with such a popular show?

Uemura: It’s a bit strange to say it directly in front of the producer, but I honestly didn’t expect Saga of Tanya the Evil to be this successful. I’ve worked with the producer, Tsunoki-san and the Chairman of NUT, Narai-san before—so I already knew both. We already had a foundation of trust for our work. Because of that I had no doubt that things would work out and that’s why I took the job. Originally there was this other company, Chiptune, which is known for its 3D animations. So I had high hopes for this project. I trusted the people involved, and as such, it has been a great honor for me and in the company as well. It’s a small studio—but a very good one.

You were also employed as a Director at Gainax while working on The Mystic Archives of Dantalian and you worked for MAPPA for a while, as well. How was the switch between studios—any interesting stories you want to share?

Uemura: I don’t get this question very often, so I never had the opportunity to talk about this. I didn’t just work for Gainax, MAPPA and NUT, but also for Tatsunoko Productions and Toei. I worked with some rather famous directors there, like Keiichi Sato of Tiger & Bunny fame or Kenji Nakamura who is known for Tsuritama. I have to thank the latter for my breakthrough as a director. I worked with Sato-san for about 2-3 years. I worked for Gainax and under the guidance of Sato-san I was able to work at Tatsunoko and Toei at the same time. It was thanks to him that I was able to work at Studio MAPPA, and after my work as a Director for recognized there, I received the opportunity to work at NUT.

Let’s talk about Tanya: There are several differences between the light novel, the manga and the anime. Can you talk a bit about the production process? How did you make the decisions that define these different versions exist in the first place?

Uemura: I already noticed while reading the light novel that we are dealing with a very complex story. It is about several countries and includes several time skips. I figured that this is possible because it is a written text. If I were to adapt it visually as an anime, then I can’t do it exactly like that. So, my main goal was to make it accessible for the viewer. Therefore, I decided to focus exclusively on Tanya and to construct the timeline around her. As a result, I had to cut down the presence of the other countries a bit, but it made it easier to grasp the story.

Tanya has some heavy connections to World War I, so I would like to know how you approached the research of German history and how far did it influence the anime?

Uemura: Generally speaking, if there is a topic, I’m not familiar with, I enjoy learning new things. So, it was quite the joy and pretty interesting to learn more about World War I and Europe. That being said, The Mystic Archives of Dantalian is also set during the early 20th Century, so I had a solid foundation to build on and already knew quite a few things about Europe during that time period. It really pays off to have 10 years of experience as a director. Something that is rather noteworthy about Tanya is that the reality of war is portrayed with a lot of detail. Therefore, I wanted to convey these details to the viewer as realistic as possible—even if it is a fantasy world in the end.

And how did you work out how to portray the more fantastic elements? Like those flying mechanical horses? And are there any specific details you paid attention to particularly?

Uemura: In the original novel, not all details are pictured or described. But once you turn it into visuals, you see every single one. Therefore, we had to come up with a concept to make people fly. We agreed—or rather I agreed—that people shouldn’t be capable of flight on their own like in Dragon Ball, since then the aspect of technological progress would be lost. You are supposed to see that the technology is way too advanced for what is supposed to be possible for the early 20th century. So, we had to find a low-tech solution that makes it possible for people to fly. We wanted a big machine people have to wear on their body—this turned into that box Tanya has to carry in front of her belly and those horses you can use to fly; to show advanced but unrefined technology.

In regard to the previous question, did you also study the technology of the time period, of World War I?

Uemura: I wouldn’t say that I heavily researched that field of studies. But I looked up some documents. For example there was this one gadget—okay, it’s from World War II, but still—it’s called the Enigma. It was huge and it became obvious that such a machine wouldn’t be nearly as big if we were to build it today; we would need less hardware which wouldn’t have been possible back then. Things like these can be used as an indicator of how advanced technology is. Though it should also be noted that I started out in the IT field, so I had a certain basic knowledge about technology.

One of the more interesting artistic choices you made was to avoid showing the face of Tanya in her previous life in the beginning of episode 2. Would you mind elaborating on that decision and whether it has any deeper meaning?

Uemura: We already discussed while working on the script how we want to tackle that issue. At one point we considered using a male voice actor to vocalize Tanya’s inner thoughts. We thought it might be interesting to hear a man inside of her head but a girl when Tanya actually speaks. But while this might have been interesting, we also figured that Tanya would lose her charm this way. We had to find a balance between the cute Tanya and her background. That’s why we decided not to show the face of this man as you would then always end up thinking of him, her “true form” when looking at Tanya and we didn’t want to lose her appeal to that.

The show and Tanya’s character arc deal with the inner conflict between the emotional and the rational a lot. So, I would like to know, what was the most interesting aspect of this aspect for you while working on it?

Uemura: You could say that this conflict between the rational and emotional is the central theme of Tanya. On the one hand, we wanted to portray war in a realistic way but on the other we didn’t want to lose the emotional component as it is still supposed to be entertainment. And I believe that this is what makes a human being: To be emotional and rational at the same time. A human is interesting because they are emotional. But if they were only emotional there would only be conflict. Yet if someone were to be just rational, they would be completely uninteresting. So technically speaking, there is no right solution for this conflict. We have to keep working and thinking about it. In regard to the anime: We wanted to make sure that the viewer is entertained and also takes something away from it; to make them aware of this inner conflict. So yeah, I think that this conflict is the core theme of our anime.

Now this is not just about Tanya. You often see many aspects of German culture or language in anime and Japanese pop culture in general. Since it interests many fans that enjoy seeing those nods to Germany, I would like to ask you: What do you think is the reason for this German influence and do you have some personal interest in using Germany as a source for inspiration?

Uemura: As long as I have been alive, I noticed that Japan gets more and more Americanized. We get closer to American culture every day. But the modern Japan also sees something cool in Germany. This includes the German language, as well. Just to name one example, I took a walk yesterday and stumbled over this can of beer. I really liked the design as you wouldn’t see something like that in Japan and these small things inspire us.

Well, there’s one reason why German beer is so popular!

Uemura: (laughs)

There are some aspects of a director’s profession and the work on anime in general that are not common knowledge. Is there something you would like to tell us or is there something you want to put the spotlight on that you think people should be more aware of?

Uemura: This is just my personal opinion. I used to be an otaku myself and always wanted to know how things work behind the curtain. I wanted to understand train of thoughts and read interviews. I practically inhaled audio commentary on DVDs. But now that I’m a director myself it doesn’t seem so important to show what I’m doing and how I exactly do it. I don’t think that everyone needs to know either. Now I’m just wishing that every fan can just enjoy what we produce. I think that the secret of anime fandoms across the world: That everyone can choose how to be a fan.

I guess it’s important to have a mystery element to spark the imagination?

Uemura: (laughs) I suppose that’s what I’m getting at.

Anything about upcoming projects you want to share with us?

Uemura: What I’m actually allowed to tell you is that we can finally announce the first original work by Studio NUT. It’s called Deca-Dence. It is directed by Tachikawa-san [Editorial Note: Director of Mob Psycho 100]. He didn’t just support me while working on Tanya, he already helped me with The Mystic Archives of Dantalian.

You are probably not allowed to say anything about it, but can you tell us something about a possible second season of Tanya?

Uemura: The first season was a smash hit. The movie was also well received. So, there is nothing that speaks against a second season. There is nothing stopping us except one thing: Tanya is very exhausting to produce. We would be happy if you would give us some time to recharge our batteries, and then maybe.

To close things off I have a bit of a less serious question: If you could live in any point in German history, which one would you chose?

Uemura: Well, if I can pick my profession, I would pick the industrial revolution before World War I and live as a nobleman. If not, and I have to be a normal citizen, I think today would be the choice. So, either the present or maybe the future.

Thank you very much for the interview!

➡️ Watch Saga of Tanya the Evil on Crunchyroll ⬅️

Interview conducted by René Kayser. Interpretation provided by Jasmin Dose.

---

René Kayser works as a Social Media and PR Manager for Crunchyroll Germany. He tweets under @kayserlein where he likes to annoy people to read the visual novel of Umineko When They Cry.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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maguro13-2 · 4 months

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Demons Unleashed ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Gaiden Finale (8/10)

[Deep Core by Tomoya Ohtani]

Eggman : Prepapre to be amazed!

"EXTRA ZONE : DEEP CORE - VS : EGG WIZARD"

Super Sonic : You're lack of villainy teaming with your descendant disappoints me, I expected more from you in the 06!

Burning Blaze : I let you proceed so that my people could live freely to bring an end to this madness you caused!

Super Sonic : This quite an amazing feat!

Burning Blaze : Too trustworthy for you, isn't it?

Eggman Nega : I hope you still got some fighting powers left, princess! When the time has come, I shall bring an end to your world right away, my name is as clear as ever! 200 years in the future of Sonic's world had no purpose when I grew jealousy over the fact that I debuted during the Black Arms Invasion! Both worlds are exactly of the north and soul magnetic pole! It will be clear as ever!

Eggman : Do you have any idea much time I have to work with him just to defeat you, I've been planning to do this for every single year of you foiling my plans together! Despite this nonesense, it will be a very useless detail to make you grew worry about creating Eggmanland!

Super Sonic : But, I cannot let you do that! It's a win, win! I never get to expect you doing it!

Eggman : That's the least part that you could even think about that!

Eggman Nega : Once I give this to the highest stakes, I demanded to give them a life time supply of pain and suffering!

Burning Blaze : Grow up! Your excuse means nothing to me, I'll make you burn yourself into the fray! This is my final shot...NOT! (Throws fire ball at the robot)

Eggman : OW!

[Deep Core (Allergo) by Tomoya Ohtani plays]

Eggman Nega : Very well, if I can't have a world filled with destruction, then all the death and destructions is what villains to think GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER OR OMNICIDE IS NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER!

Eggman : Then what are you going to do anyway!? Holy SMOKES! NEGATIVE, What are you going to do with that button! You weren't supposed to pressed that button! THAT BUTTON WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! THAT ACTUALLY GOES TO THE--

Eggman Nega : PLANET BUSTER FIRE!!!

Marine : Hey, EGGHEADS!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Ball Impact*

*DBZ SFX : LOUD EXPLOSION*

Eggman Nega : What!? Why you little! THAT TEARS IT! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU ALL SQUIRM LIKE--

*DBZ SFX : Rumbling+explosions*

Eggman Nega : Wh-What's going on?

Time Eater : Chaos...CONTROL!

[Ambush by Yutaka Minobe plays]

Eggman Nega : No, that voice! It's the...!

*Sonic SFX : CHAOS CONTROL*

Eggman Nega : No! Who used the power of Chaos Control I demand to know! Huh? What happened to the Egg Wizard that we were piloting?

Eggman : It got totaled. Nope. It's destroyed.

Eggman Nega : (gasped) What in the wet blazes happened to the IFRIT!?

[The Ifrit is shown defeated with his head off after Seto defeated him]

Seto : Heh! It was all too worth it!

Eggman Nega : Oh no! (looks in both ways and is about to escape by spinning his legs) You'll never take me alive, suckers! (Nozomi is shown holding him while his legs continues spinning) What? Curses foiled again!

Nozomi : Hold it right there, Eggman Negative!

Eggman Nega : Blast! My plans have been foiled again!

(scene flips)

Nozomi : So, Eggman Nega. I hope you'll learn the finest lessons about ruining both worlds with pirates, tearing a rift in space-time continuums and awakening demons that threatning other worlds. There's gonna be a lot of explanation for where that came from.

Eggman Nega : Blasted Meddling Kids.

Eggman : (to Eggman Nega) You do realize this isn't a cartoon.

Eggman Nega : So what if I care, that phrase never gets old!

Eggman : I'm gonna get another plan to start up, How about you do this in the olympics? And we'll settle this man to man.

Eggman Nega : good to know you better. I'll see you there!

Burning Blaze : Sorry, but your ruling the world with destruction days...has been cancelled.

Eggman Nega : I hate my life.

*PUNCH+BELL RINGING*

Referee : T.K.O!

[The Lightless Black by Hideaki Kobayashi]

Nozomi : Hey, Sonic.

Sonic : Kamniashi.

Nozomi : I hardly knew that I would come back for you to help out others.

Sonic : Yeah, but how did you know that Eggman's descendant from 200 years in the future and not from Blaze's World.

Nozomi : To have something for you, I found this when I was at home. (holds out a Blue Ark of the Cosmos) This is one of the five units that connects Babylon Garden's engine when it crashed landed in the ancient past in your world. The Bayblonians came from the stars not from fairy tales, you were highly mistaken for that Babylonian Guardian, it turn out the guardian's name shugo-hei. He acts a god, but it's a security program whom was part of the ship's defenses. This thing in my hand is called the Ark of the Cosmos, the names of these units that could bring an end to the planet of reshaping the Lightless Black, a black hole that the units were going to create and would swallow a planet whole.

Sonic : What planet?

Nozomi : It means that the ARK of the Cosmos that you are wearing with these on your writst, would control gravity and the Babylonians warned them about bringing these units back to the ship for once!

Sonic : What?!

*DBZ SFX : BOOMING*

Sonic : What is this!?

Nozomi : Something's coming from the sky, but look up in the sky!

Sonic : WOAH!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Warbling*

Sonic : What the heck is that thing!?

"This was my devious master plan to end all things in darkness! I shall give this world a fair meeting of my own! Both Light and Darkness shall meet in personal! Those Who Gathered the Eight Pure Hearts must be in order at once!"

Sonic : That's the voice of...Dimentio?

Nozomi : Dimentio? Who's that...

Mario : That sociopathic clown! I should've known this was his plan all a long to use the eight pure hearts of the eight vessels that we collected!

Peach : This would be very amusing to take down such a pitiful world, but not that pitiful.

Maka Albarn : So we finally meet at last, Dimentio. It's been while since Phanto was going to get you good. Now then, it's my turn to have some fun. I should finally get the job done. This is not over yet. I have one last task to take you down! This time! I'll get rid of you for good! It's a one way revolution on kicking your butt! I may not be the hero of the story, but I'm just a girl who doesn't be calling a hero to myself, time to show that clown what heroism is all about, let's begin the final conflict shall we?

"From to Zero to Hero, or Hero to Zero..."

"That's what I'm going to decided."

"Whether I'm hero or not, I may have a decision to think of..."

"Fates like ours cannot be unchanged, they're nothing without me."

~ Stage 38 : Fright to the Finale ~

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gb-fics · 5 years

Text

Protective Shield

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: This story is loosely based on the song “Boku no sekai wo mamotte” (ぼくの世界を守って) from Golden Bomber’s new album! There will be fics for all the songs I didn’t write about yet eventually, at least that’s the plan (^-^) I’m sorry for the large blocks of text in this one, I hope it’s readable. Oh right, and Happy New Year, everyone!

Shou did not stagger out of the bathroom. He did not, however, walk exactly elegantly either. Shou wasn’t drunk. He had managed to change into pyjamas and brush his teeth and he had only hit his big toe against the bathtub in the process once. Shou wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t, however, completely sober either.

He switched off the bathroom lights and stepped into the hotel room.

“Going out for drinks was a mistake”, he announced loudly and walked over to his bed.

His bed was occupied.

Shou stared down onto the invader, who had made himself comfortable under his blanket.

“It’s fine”, Yutaka mumbled back sleepily. “We have a day off tomorrow before the next concert.”

“This is my bed”, Shou said.

He wished he’d be sharing a room with Kenji or Jun instead. They were currently drunk, too, but they never ended up in the wrong bed. Yutaka had ended up in the entirely wrong room before. He was that kind of person.

“It was a choice forced upon me by the circumstances”, Yutaka said and rolled onto his back.

He looked surprisingly awake.

“Get out of my bed”, Shou said.

He had the feeling that he wasn’t engaging in the most intelligent conversation right now, but he just really wanted to sleep. Or rather, he wanted to lie down. His head was spinning.

“Take mine”, Yutaka offered. “I’m too lazy to move.”

Shou sighed and turned around.

“There is a suitcase on my bed. Just take it down”, Yutaka called after him.

Shou stared at Yutaka’s bed. He now understood what circumstances he had been referring to. There was a suitcase on Yutaka’s bed. The suitcase wasn’t the problem, though. The problem was, that its insides were spilled out all over the mattress. He spotted shirts, socks, manga, a hair dryer, a pack of condoms (a pack condoms, for fuck��s sake?), one orange, two chocolate bars, a dog toy and the remote of Yutaka’s tv at home. He gave up.

Shou turned around, pulled back the blanket and lay down next to Yutaka.

“I have a lot of questions about your packing habits, but I will ask them tomorrow”, he stated.

“Me too”, Yutaka sighed. “I only packed left socks for some reason. Wonder how sober me will explain that in the morning.”

Shou chuckled.

The light overhead was still switched on. One of them would have to get up to turn it off. Shou had the bad feeling that it would be him.

“How do you even survive?”, Shou asked and shook his head.

Although he was lying down now, he still regretted the motion. The world seemed less firm than usual. It just didn’t stay in one place for too long.

“I’ll forward the question to sober me as well”, Yutaka promised.

Shou laughed again.

He could feel Yutaka’s bare arm against his own. He remembered now why he hadn’t been pleased to find Yutaka in his bed to begin with. He felt weird in his presence whenever he drank. Sometimes also when he didn’t drink. But more so after the intake of alcohol.

Truth was, Shou felt sexually aroused finding Yutaka that close to himself. It wasn’t the strong sexual arousal, where he got a solid hard-on. It wasn’t like watching porn. It was like seeing a pack of tissues. His body was conditioned to get lowkey excited. It didn’t mean he was sexually attracted to tissues, though. It didn’t mean he was attracted to Yutaka.

Shou rolled to his side, so he was looking at Yutaka.

Sometimes, Shou wondered if maybe he was attracted to Yutaka, though.

He watched his profile. He loved the curve of Yutaka’s eyebrows and that deep line beneath his eyes, that showed when he smiled. He loved the soft looking shape of his nose and his almost-even-but-not-quite front teeth. He loved the idea of kissing him, too.

“Hey, Shou”, Yutaka said and rolled to his side as well. They were facing each other now.

“Hm?”

Shou wasn’t sure on the matter of his sexuality. He liked women. He liked women a lot. Unfortunately, women did not like Shou back all that much. And sometimes, when he got tipsy, he liked men, too. But he wasn’t sure if that meant he was bisexual or just really, really desperate.

He thought of kissing Yutaka now. But Yutaka was so close and his body felt so warm and alive and human and Shou hadn’t kissed any women in a long time. It probably meant nothing aside from the fact that he was lonely. Because if he really was bisexual, he would think about it, when he was sober, too. But usually he didn’t. There was the possibility, that alcohol connected him with his true inner self. Shou found it easier to admit to his feelings and to tell people they were important to him, when he was drunk. He never regretted those words the next morning. He just wished speaking up was always that easy. But then his judgement wasn’t always quite clear, when he was drunk. He hit his toes on the bathtub for example. He wasn’t sure if Yutaka was a feeling of love he couldn’t admit to, or a hurting toe, because he had misjudged the distance between them.

There was however, the thing about the crushes. It was something Shou had been aware of from his early teenage years on onwards. He had never been with a man like he had been with a woman. He had always crushed on men as easily as he did on women, though. The fluttering in his chest when they messaged him was the same, the amount of time he spent on choosing the right outfit before meeting them was the same. But he had always assumed it was because he developed crushes fast in general. He had a soft spot for kindness. Someone did something nice for him, someone made him a compliment, someone messaged him first three times in a row – and Shou was infatuated. He hated that character trait in himself, because he had always viewed it as weakness. Usually, he didn’t allow himself to give in to it. He ignored the people on purpose, started to keep his distance, because he knew that those gestures meant more to him than they meant to them. He couldn’t bear getting hurt, but he couldn’t stop the fluttering in his chest, either. He had learned to ignore it, when he couldn’t prevent it.

The crushes he got on men didn’t come with the same sexual desire as the crushes on women did, though. They stayed on a more theoretical level. He thought of kissing them sometimes, he thought of receiving oral sex sometimes, but never of giving. But then again, he hadn’t thought so much about those things with women, either, when he was younger. Not before they had actually happened to him, or at least before he had watched a certain amount of porn on the matter. And the porn Shou watched was usually straight porn. He had tried his hands on gay porn before – quite literally so. It had excited him the same way that straight porn did. But he had figured that it didn’t mean much, because it was bodies and penises and holes and pounding and moaning, and the difference really wasn’t that big, so there was no shame in getting excited.

He wasn’t being quite honest, though, if he claimed not to think about sex with men. Because he did think about it. But it was normal to think about that kind of stuff. Shou thought a lot about sex in general. It was only natural that curiosity slipped in bits and pieces here and there. He had to admit, that if someone had confronted him directly, he would have to confess that he thought about sex with men – the full program, penises, butts, the taste of cum in his mouth – several times a week. And he also had to admit, that had someone else made that confession to him, he would have deemed it pretty fucking gay. But compared to the time he spent fantasizing about sex with women, it really wasn’t that much of an issue. 1 to 4, he’d say.

Shou had figured, that the only way of coming clean with his sexuality, was to try being with a man. Sexually, romantically. But mostly sexually. If it was mere curiosity, he would realize that it wasn’t for him and he would return to thinking about women 100% of the time. Or he would realize that he enjoyed being with a man just as much as being with a woman and the percentage would shift to 50/50.

Those considerations only blew up in his mind, when he was drunk, though. When he was sober, he thought that 1 to 4 wasn’t really that dramatic, and that it was more like 1 to 6 anyway. Also, being heterosexual was just more convenient. Even if the people around you accepted it in the end, you would still have to tell them. Dating a man would be so complicated. His family maybe wouldn’t burn his birth certificate in front of his eyes, but they would give him the look. And wasn’t it a little late to change his mind anyway? He was 35 years old already. People would think he was joking. Or having a midlife-crisis. Shou had grown so used to being straight, he’d like to stay that way.

Aside from maybe being bisexual, there was also the possibility, that he was in love with Kyan Yutaka. Shou preferred to not pay it any further thought.

“Jo, Shou”, Yutaka said.

“Hm?”, Shou repeated.

“You were spacing out completely.”

Shou made a face.

“It’s the alcohol”, he explained. “Too many thoughts.”

Yutaka’s face was close. He was drunk, too, but less drunk than Shou. Shou could not imagine there was anyone in the world more drunk than himself currently.

His feelings towards Yutaka were complicated. Because he loved Yutaka – he was sure about that, even if he wasn’t always sure about the way in which he did. But he also hated him. Because he was handsome in a way that Shou would never be handsome. He was carefree in a way that Shou would never be carefree. He was good with people, where Shou stuttered through social interactions. He seemed to be better at living than Shou was, just in general.

He remembered the first time he had realized it. It was the first time he had visited Yutaka at his own place after they had both moved out from home. Yutaka had prepared dinner for both of them. He had chopped vegetables. And that was all it had taken. Yutaka would continue to cook on his free days. And he would get married and maybe have kids. And he would help in the kitchen at least on the weekends and he would play baseball in the garden and he would treat the band like it was a regular job, where it was Shou’s entire life. Because Shou would never be able to build anything else for himself. He was busy dragging a heavy weight along with himself, that didn’t seem to last on Yutaka’s shoulders. And carrying that weight would use up all his energy and writing songs and staying alive was really all he could aim for. And it was the first time, too, that he decided to put his feelings towards Yutaka into words, the first time he had realized what was keeping him apart from people like Yutaka. All that frustration and anger and jealousy, that longing for a life he would never achieve. And love. Love towards Yutaka as well, because he had chosen to be in that kitchen with Shou. He knew about that weight and had chosen Shou, where Shou wouldn’t even choose himself.

“You always have too many thoughts”, Yutaka said softly. “What are you thinking about now?”

“Men”, Shou said.

Yutaka snorted.

Their bodies were not touching at all. The blanket was a little too small for them, lying that far apart. Shou’s back felt cold.

“Sometimes, when I drink, I think I’m bi”, Yutaka said.

Shou rolled his eyes and laughed quietly.

“I know”, he said.

He did know. Because Yutaka had told him about every man he had ever kissed. The list wasn’t exactly long, but at least it was a list. Yutaka was curious by nature and other than Shou, he was bold enough to follow through with that curiosity. It hadn’t come as a surprise to Shou when Yutaka first told him he had kissed a guy “just to try”. He wasn’t in a position to judge, either. Of course, he had been jealous. Jealous that Yutaka had tried with someone else, someone who wasn’t Shou. But he hadn’t been able to actually blame him for it. Yutaka was good looking and incredible charming. He could kiss men more attractive than Shou. And a part of him knew, that it was his own fault, too. That he was tense and his awkwardness kept people at bay – even Yutaka, whom he felt closer to than pretty much anyone else. Shou was the one who needed space. Even if Yutaka had wanted to kiss him, he’d wait for Shou to do it first. Shou had never gathered the courage for it, though.

He was jealous, too, that it was another thing that came to Yutaka so easily. Whenever he questioned his sexuality, he went out and tried. He wasn’t sent spinning into an identity crisis like Shou. The weight on his shoulders was so heavy, it sometimes seemed too easy to lose the person beneath it.

“I also think I’m bi, whenever I drink.”

Yutaka nodded. His cheeks were red and flushed. It always happened to him when he drank, even if otherwise he didn’t get tipsy at all. The colour of his face betrayed him.

“I know”, Yutaka said.

He did know. Because even if he did not talk about it openly, Shou was bad at hiding the crushes he developed. His face lit up, whenever his mobile buzzed.

“But like – you can imagine having sex with a dude?”, Yutaka assured.

Shou knew very well that this was where Yutaka’s confidence started to crumble. He liked looking at men and he liked kissing them and he had some horrific detailed fantasies about threesomes – which he didn’t mind sharing with his bandmembers. But being one on one with a man was a line he did not intend to cross.

“Absolutely”, Shou said.

He hadn’t meant to sound that confident, but ¼ of his sexual daydreams were backing him up.

For a moment, Yutaka looked astonished. Shou cursed the alcohol making him sound that confident. Flirting with the idea when drunk was one thing. Openly admitting to thinking about gay sex was another. Even Yutaka would judge him now.

But then his expression relaxed and Yutaka was grinning widely.

“Well, everybody seems to be bisexual nowadays, don’t they?”, he said lightly.

Shou thought of the Romans and the Greeks and the Samurai. Hadn’t it been the normal state of things in many cultures before? He wasn’t much of a history geek, but to him, it seemed to make sense that humans wanted to be with humans. Skin and sweat and acceptance and love and sex and anything that wasn’t loneliness. Gender didn’t matter much in the end. He imagined Yutaka in a toga.

It was society, that made them believe in heterosexuality, he assumed. The books and the movies and the commercials and not wanting to explain that certain kind of porn magazines to your parents. Sometimes Shou thought that being gay was easier. Society told you: Here, look, women, you are supposed to like them. But if you didn’t like them, you noticed there was something wrong early on. The problem was, that Shou really, really liked women. He had never questioned the system, because he fit into it well enough. Just lately, there was a change. The internet made it possible to take a look outside of Japan. Acceptance was rising. It wasn’t rising everywhere, but if you looked at the right places, you saw it anyway. Shou had become more aware of the system itself. He had started to question it. It was a really exhausting process and sometimes he wished, he could just go back. He was tired of not knowing who he was anymore.

“I guess”, he said.

Yutaka gave him a small smile. His smile spread more slowly when he was drunk.

Shou smiled back.

He forgot how easy it was to talk to Yutaka. How he was never judging Shou for anything; not for his sexuality, not for always thinking too much and not for often feeling so down and heavy, he could hardly take another step. Yutaka was like a safe space, a small corner of the world, in which Shou didn’t have to be scared for a change. That was, why he wrote songs about him, too. Because Yutaka never judged him for it. Shou had written songs about women before, too. He had watched them at his own apartment, studied them, their motions, thought about his feelings for them. Shou was big on thinking. But whenever they caught him staring for too long, they scolded him and, in the end, they always left. Yutaka, though, never minded. He didn’t scold him when Shou watched him chop vegetables and went quiet, because he was making up songs about feeling insufficient for life and feeling jealous and wanting to be a person he could not be. He didn’t mind when Shou watched him apply makeup, back when they could not always afford stylists. Yutaka had a funny habit of leaving his mouth open while putting on concealer, and it made Shou think of how he wanted to be prettier himself, and how he liked Yutaka better without makeup, because he didn’t have to share that version of him with the fans. Yutaka allowed him to space out in bed next to him right now, because he knew about all the worries chasing each other through Shou’s mind constantly. Sometimes, Shou thought that he was only able to make up songs about Yutaka, because he was the only person, in whose presence Shou knew who he was. Everyone else never gave him the time to think about his feelings, when he watched them. They expected him to interact with them like a normal, social human being. But when he was with Yutaka, Shou felt calm enough to put his emotions into words for himself. Those words ended up in songs, and writing songs was the only thing that kept Shou sane. Yutaka was his protective shield. Without him, he’d given up trying to cope long ago.

“You are beautiful”, he mumbled, a wave of affection washing over him.

He reached out, putting his hand against Yutaka’s cheek kind of clumsily. Even his jealousy towards Yutaka was complicated. Shou envied him for his charming good looks, but he didn’t begrudge him. Usually, he didn’t feel the need to be prettier himself. The other person being uglier than him would do. That was what jealousy normally meant to him. But with Yutaka, he’d be fine, just being the second prettiest person in the room. He didn’t want to be better than Yutaka. He just wanted to be good enough for him.

Yutaka kept smiling, watching Shou with clear, dark eyes. Shou realized that Yutaka was nowhere as drunk as himself. Shou had drunken too much tonight, because he had felt sad. He often felt sad, but tonight he hadn’t been able to bear it.

He kept his hand against Yutaka’s cheek.

“Well, thank you. You are always so much nicer when you drink”, Yutaka teased.

He was speaking more quietly than usual. Due to the alcohol, probably. His energy level seemed low as well. He was using his sleepy voice.

“It’s true”, Shou insisted.

Sometimes, he wondered if maybe Yutaka was the love of his life. Because no matter whom else he wrote songs about, he always came back to Yutaka. He had fallen in love with women. He had been heart-broken by women. But in the end, he had always gotten over it. He had never gotten over Yutaka, though. Whenever he looked at his eyes up close like this; whenever they had an honest (if drunk) conversation like tonight, he felt infatuated again. And he wanted to write songs about him again. About the nervousness of being this close to him. About his annoying habits when they shared a room. About how he wanted to tell him about all of his own insecurities, although he had sworn not to bother anyone with them. And Shou thought of how they said this about first love. That you never really got over it. That it was the one person you could not forget. Maybe the girls before he met Yutaka didn’t really matter, because he had indeed gotten over them. But if this was love, he had never loved anyone else, not really at least. Because what he felt for Yutaka was different from anything, he had ever considered romance.

Yutaka’s cheek was hot against his palm. Shou knew that he should definitely let go by now. Yutaka didn’t seem to mind that Shou had long since missed the point of making the touch feel casual.

Shou wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to do it, because he wanted to know what kissing men in general would feel like. And if he tried, he wanted to try with Yutaka. Because he loved Yutaka and he didn’t have to be afraid of being judged by him. And because he was beautiful.

But he didn’t dare.

Because Shou was naturally awkward, and because he was more drunk than Yutaka and was scared of molesting him and also because Yutaka was his best friend and his bandmember and also because he felt like Yutaka was out of his league. If Yutaka wanted to kiss someone looking like Shou, he would have done so before. But he had kissed handsome strangers instead. That was really all Shou needed to know.

He hoped Yutaka understood, that the hand against his cheek meant all that.

Shou knew that he was allowed to kiss Yutaka. Because Yutaka had kissed men before and had no problem knowing that Shou wanted to kiss men, too. Even if he did not want to kiss Shou specifically, he would be gentle about it. He would let it happen, then he would pull back and whisper “you are drunk” or something similar that would count as an excuse and that would not make it feel weird in the morning. Because Yutaka loved Shou. It was strange to acknowledge that, because Shou was not good at accepting love in general. There were a few people in his life, though, of which he believed that they loved him. They all loved aspects of him, though. They loved him due to the circumstances. His family loved him. But they loved him as a son, as a brother. They loved him as something that had happened to them. Jun and Kenji surely loved him, too. But they loved him as a bandleader, as a friend who had opened up possibilities to them. They maybe loved his humour, too, and his kindness. He had other friends as well, who loved him for a certain quality. They loved him because they could talk about music. Someone else loved him, because they had the same taste in movies. The fans loved him, too. But they loved only the sides of him that he presented to them in public. Some loved him for his silliness, some for what they saw in his lyrics. Shou did not doubt their love like he did not doubt that his parents loved him. It was based on a role that Shou played for them, though. Son, artist, idol. Just with Yutaka he didn’t act. Yutaka did not only know about his humour; he also knew about the sadness he dragged along with himself. He did not only care for his music, but also for what he had to say. Sometimes, it seemed surprising to Shou that Yutaka knew him so well and had still picked him as a friend and vocalist of his band. He was the reason that Shou believed he actually had something to offer to the world. Yutaka was the only person who had ever chosen Shou for who he was. He was the one person who would not push him away.

But he needed Yutaka to know that he could not do it anyway.

All that knowledge wasn’t enough to make Shou feel brave.

All that Shou could do, was to touch Yutaka’s cheek and hope he understood the question Shou was asking silently.

Yutaka leaned in and kissed him.

Shou flinched and pulled back his hand immediately.

It hadn’t been a long kiss, just soft, dry lips brushing against his own.

“What do you think you are doing?”, he asked.

“Sorry”, Yutaka said. “It was the mood.”

He did not sound sorry. He also didn’t look like he was.

“That didn’t feel nearly as weird as I expected”, he added.

Shou wanted to cross the arms in front of himself, closing down on Yutaka physically. He couldn’t do so very well in his current position, though. He shifted slightly, but it did not help. The blanket shifted, too. His back was still cold.

“Why would you do that, if you thought it would feel weird?”, he huffed.

That was so typical for Yutaka. Shou had so many thoughts, they seemed to freeze him, until it was impossible to take any action anymore. Yutaka had only few thoughts. And he managed to ignore even those.

“And why would you think it’s weird?”, he added, feeling slightly offended by the assumption.

If Yutaka had kissed guys before, why would it be weird with Shou? They were friends after all. Good friends. If anything, it should be less weird.

“Ah, you know”, Yutaka said and his grin looked funny, tilted to the side with his cheek against the pillow. “I thought you’d punch me or something. You are so tense about those things. Like, I’m not even allowed to do it on stage, although you know the fans would love it.”

“It’s different on stage”, Shou said defensively. “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.”

Yutaka raised his eyebrows at him. He raised them really high.

Shou had to admit that they had given people the wrong idea for quite some time already.

He huffed once more and turned his head away slightly.

He didn’t know how it was possible he had given Yutaka that impression. It was true that he wasn’t the most relaxed person, but it shouldn’t make the thought of kissing him impossible. Yutaka knew Shou loved him as a friend. Yutaka knew that Shou felt curious about guys. So, how had he reached the conclusion that Shou would be angry, if Yutaka kissed him? That Shou would make it weird?

He had to admit he wasn’t doing such a great job at not making it weird currently. Yutaka had done exactly what Shou had wanted him to do. He had kissed him. Now, Shou was acting offended.

“Well, you are right. It wasn’t weird”, Yutaka confirmed once more and then he just leaned in and kissed him again.

Shou pressed his lips shut. It was another short and dry kiss. It didn’t last long enough for him to focus on what Yutaka’s lips really felt like.

“Just because it didn’t feel weird isn’t a reason to do it again!”, he scolded as soon as Yutaka pulled back.

Yutaka laughed really quietly.

“I just needed to make sure it really is not weird”, he said. “Anyway, what would be a reason to do it again?”

“Well.” Shou made a gesture with his arms that he regretted immediately, because it pushed the blanket off his shoulder. His whole upper body was now feeling cold. “You only do something again, if it feels good, right?”, he said angrily.

He hated how Yutaka’s thoughts didn’t make sense sometimes. Admittedly, Shou had enough thoughts for two people already, but he wished not to be left alone with them.

In his mind, he was already writing songs about it. Because Shou didn’t really know how he felt about the situation. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t excited either. He mostly felt angry and overwhelmed and annoyed that Yutaka seemed to be better at handling this as well. Shou was not build for living, he concluded. There was a serious construction error somewhere in his programming. If he just wrote about it, maybe things would become clearer to him.

“Alright”, Yutaka said. “It felt good then.”

Shou was expecting the kiss this time and out of curiosity leaned into it. It lasted longer and Yutaka shuffled closer. Shou could sense his body against his own. It felt different from a female body, less soft and less curvy, but aside from that it felt pretty much the same. He kept his eyes closed.

At the back of his head, a voice kept commenting. Shou wondered if everyone had this voice, that told them how they felt. That observed how Yutaka’s lips felt a little chopped and how he should maybe add more pressure to the kiss, or possibly lessen the pressure and how he should maybe open his lips or rather keep them closed. And the voice told him that he felt insecure and he wondered if everyone felt that insecure when kissing another person for the first time. And it reminded him of his first meeting with Yutaka and how he had never expected this to happen. Shou seemed to watch himself, and people used to say this happened during a traumatic experience, but to Shou it happened all the time. It happened when he kissed Yutaka back and it happened when he ate ice cream (stinging at his teeth, too cold to actually be sweet, the flavour only coming out once it melted on his tongue. How did people never talk about the fact that ice cream didn’t taste sweet from the very beginning?) and it happened when he was alone in the dark of night and tried to find words for that feeling that wasn’t quite sadness and wasn’t quite numbness, but something in between that just kept him from feeling happy.

Shou opened his eyes and Yutaka pulled back.

It had been a nice kiss, but Shou hadn’t been able to enjoy it. His mind kept racing. He wasn’t sure if he would be happier if he was able to put less distance between him and the things happening. Or if maybe he would break, if the distance disappeared, because the happiness would become happier, but the sadness would become sadder, too, and Shou was hardly able to handle the sadness now as it was.

“You know, I thought about something”, Shou said.

Yutaka grinned.

“What a surprise”, he said.

“Why left socks?”, Shou asked. “I mean, you can wear socks on both feet, right? It’s not like shoes. Even if it’s the wrong sock, it will still fit. Why would that be an issue?”

For a moment, Yutaka just stared at him. He didn’t even blink.

Then he burst out laughing.

Shou’s chest felt lighter immediately. The atmosphere felt less tense suddenly, as if a window had been opened, allowing in fresh air all of a sudden. Laughter was the only thing that made Shou stop observing himself for at least a short while. Maybe that was why he tried to be funny all the time. He wanted to lift the weight of other people’s shoulders.

Yutaka rolled onto his back, his chest heaving with laughter.

“I can’t believe you were thinking about my socks right now”, Yutaka stated. “But if you have to know – the problem is mainly, that now I don’t have enough socks with me at all. I’ll need to find a washing machine soon.”

“You forgot to bring enough socks”, Shou said and shook his head in disbelieve. “But you brought condoms.”

That observation had been bothering him for a while already. Was Yutaka planning to have sex with anyone during the tour? He was sharing a room with Shou! Did that mean he considered having sex with Shou during the tour? That thought was frightening. Or was he thinking of leaving him behind and finding a girl by chance? That thought was maddening. Or had he packed them by sheer accident, like the remote of his tv? That thought was disappointing.

“Duh”, Yutaka said. “I can’t wear condoms on my feet, though, can I?”

“Is that a challenge?”, Shou asked and rolled over, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed as if he intended to get up.

The motions didn’t cause a major discomfort anymore, but he still felt slightly dizzy when sitting up too fast.

“Oi, stay!”, Yutaka shouted and grabbed hold of Shou’s arm laughingly. He pulled him back and Shou let himself sink into the pillows again.

Yutaka snuggled close and pressed a gentle kiss against Shou’s temple.

“You have too many thoughts going on in that big head of yours”, he said. “So much space, and still you manage to make it crowded up there.”

Shou shrugged. He felt awful, just because Yutaka was so good at comforting him. He wished he could do the same for him, but in terms of friendship, Yutaka had definitely come off second best. Shou tried to be there for him, because Yutaka got sad, too. But there was always a reason for Yutaka’s sadness, that was what made them different. Yutaka had been sad when his parents urged him to get a job. He had been sad after break-ups. He had been sad over fights with friends. But he usually wasn’t sad like Shou, who just couldn’t bring himself to feel happy with his life and with himself, although he could see that technically there was nothing wrong with them. Now and then, Shou wondered if there was medication that might help him. But then he wasn’t even sure what the medication was supposed to do. Make the numbness disappear and make him feel things more clearly? Or dim his feelings to a level that was finally bearable? He didn’t even know if he wanted to feel more or if he wanted to feel less. Both was tiring and sometimes, he just wished for it to be over. Yutaka would be hurt, but he would get over it. Shou had always needed Yutaka more than Yutaka needed him. He didn’t know how he would explain it to his family, but then again, it wouldn’t be his problem anymore. And the fans. They would feel hurt, but they would move on to someone else. Yutaka and Kenji and Jun, they would take care of them. And after him, there would be other artists to follow. It wouldn’t be the end of the world for anyone but Shou.

But then he thought of all the songs he hadn’t written yet. There was so much music in his head, still, and so many words. He needed to write about tonight, too. Because he was confused about his feelings, but if he put them into words properly, maybe he would understand them. And maybe he would feel better then. Maybe, he would feel less sad already, as soon as he was sober again. And if he managed to find the right words, maybe he could explain himself to Yutaka as well. Because Shou couldn’t tell him how he felt right now. But if he turned it into a song, Yutaka might understand what he couldn’t explain to him now. In the end, Shou had only ever wanted to explain his thoughts to Yutaka, the rest of the world was just an extra. He knew that some people understood what he wanted to express with his songs and that it actually helped them. Shou wanted to help them. But the secret was that he didn’t try to explain himself to strangers. He tried to explain himself to only one person, someone whom he loved and whom he trusted, and the fans could sense that. They could feel the honesty and the vulnerability, because Shou shared with them what was only meant for Yutaka.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

“Just tell me what you need right now”, Yutaka said softly.

Shou opened his eyes again, without looking at him. He was staring at the ceiling instead.

“I need time to think. I need to sleep. I need to think some more tomorrow, when my thoughts are clear and I know it’s not just the alcohol thinking for me”, he said.

He expected Yutaka to say something funny or to scold him or to grow impatient with him like everyone seemed to grow impatient with Shou sooner or later. Shou wasn’t a slow thinker. That was the problem. He thought fast and the thoughts kept coming, one after another and another and another. And in between, Shou got lost, because some of those thoughts were contradicting each other and some were questions he couldn’t find an answer to. Shou wanted to know if he actually felt attracted to men, or if he was just so lonely, he adjusted his standards. He wanted to know, if he was in love with Kyan Yutaka, or if he just lacked acceptance in himself so much, that he mistook honest friendship for something else too easily. He wanted to know if he was numb or sad and if the thoughts were his problem or the emotions. He wanted to know who he was. He wanted to write songs about everything on his mind, because maybe then the voices would finally go quiet and if he just put everything into words properly, maybe Shou would finally be at peace.

“Okay”, Yutaka agreed without hesitation. He got up on his side of the bed.

The sheets suddenly felt colder and Shou was scared of being left alone. He was aware that it was illogical, because he usually needed a lot of space and because he hated not being able to turn around freely while falling asleep and because he was not used to sharing the bed with anyone, since he had slept alone most of his adult life, but fact was, that he slept so much better with someone by his side. A lot of people had told him before that it was the part, they hated most about relationships – having to share their bed. And Shou wasn’t exactly cuddly either. For him, it didn’t have to be an embrace. He didn’t need to fall asleep in someone’s arms. But just a light touch, an arm against his, an elbow against his back, and he drifted off to slumber when usually it took him hours to stop the thoughts and finally get some rest. Maybe it was a primal instinct that most humans had lost already but that Shou was still holding on to. The feeling of having someone next to him made him feel calm and protected and the touch of another made him feel safe. He didn’t want Yutaka to leave.

“Don’t go”, he said quietly.

“Don’t worry”, Yutaka said with a cheeky grin. “I’m far too lazy to clear my bed anyway. I will just switch off the lights.”

Shou followed him through the room with his eyes. When Yutaka turned the switch, it was completely black around him for a moment. His eyes hadn’t adjusted to the darkness yet. Obviously, Yutaka’s eyes hadn’t adjusted to it yet, either, because Shou heard a loud clattering and Yutaka swearing under his breath.

He chuckled at the sound of it. Then Yutaka reached the bed and Shou felt him slip under the blanket. There was a lot of pulling and tearing until both of them were covered, but finally, Shou felt cosy enough.

Yutaka had rolled over, turning his back on Shou.

Shou reached out, putting his hand against Yutaka’s back lightly. They were not touching in any other way, but for Shou it was enough to know that he was there. It felt good to sense him close and still keep his personal space.

He closed his eyes and slowly, his breath became even.

He felt safe. He felt as if Yutaka was shielding him for the outside world. This close to him, Shou existed in his own realm. It was his own private part of the world, where he was able to collect his thoughts. Here, he was able to turn those overwhelming, downweighing thoughts into songs. Because, in the end, he wrote all his songs about Yutaka. About him chopping vegetables and about him applying makeup and about him drunk kissing Shou in a hotel room. And he wrote all of his songs for Yutaka, because he wanted to be understood by him of all people. He wanted to apologize to him and he wanted to explain how life made him feel and he wanted to tell him how much Yutaka meant to him. And as long as he hadn’t found the words yet, Shou still had something that kept him going. A desire to be understood and the hope that he made others feel understood, too, somewhere along the way. And as long as he hadn’t found the words yet, Shou’s world didn’t end. Yutaka protected it.

#Golden Bomber #Kiryuuin Shou #Kyan Yutaka #kirikyan #fanfiction #fanfic #I considered adding more paragraphs but I wanted to illustrate how overwhelming and crowded Kirisho's thoughts feel

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