taveringmonologue-blog

[taveringmonologue-blog]

story of my life

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Getting over someone is like riding roller coaster. There’s that starting jolt of the initial break up where you can practically hear your heart snapping. It’s so hard to breathe or to think because it hit when you’re not ready. Then there’s the first climb. The moment when you think you can move on or at least that you won’t feel that constant ache or maybe you think back to that person fondly. Then you reach that peak where you think you’ll be okay. That there’s someone else out there or you don’t need a partner to be happy. Then there’s a song, or a smell, or a phrase, or a memory that just sends you spiraling down into the first drop. Usually shorter than the rest followed by some twists and turns where you’re stuck thinking about the person or someone else comes into your life but you’re still getting over your former partner that you just aren’t ready to see that person as anything more than a friend. Or a potential rebound. The process repeats a couple of times before you reach the final drop. Usually the steepest and deepest of the drops where you think you’ll never find anyone else or when you realize just how much of your life is missing now that there’s this hole left where that person was. There’s that slow stop after the roller coaster where you’re kinda numbed out. You know the ride will start again until you can let yourself off, or someone will let you off. Until then, you’re stuck on the ride and there’s no way to get off. 

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Xocolat, 12:48 PM

I just sat here moments ago the couple in front          of me keeps taunting me They’re leaving now and I might be doing something I          shouldn’t but who doesn’t nowadays? I do not know what to make of my drink it’s warm but it feels distant          I used to like hot chocolate I light another doubt with my tongue and I flick the ashes of life away with          inhales, exhales… I’m tired of this Four hours before the next train to hell comes and takes me          in all its air-conditioned glory He starts to leave but all I can think about is his smile and I laugh as I try          not to laugh with all my might Good-bye, orange sweatshirt where you are going I do not          wish to know

(Written 20 September)

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1 (Lady sings the blues) - The feeling that you experience after a break up is horrendous, no question. But don’t think that you’re being ridiculous, those feelings of anger, sadness, denial and grief are all totally normal. However, instead of trying to ignore them or beating yourself up about feeling sad, the best thing you can do is to just go with them… Don’t be afraid to cry hysterically, make your way through five tubs of Ben and Jerry’s or consume a few too many bottles of wine - whatever works for you, just don’t bottle your feelings. 2 (Don’t torture yourself) - The problem with a messy break-up is that you’ll never find the answers you’re really looking for. You fantasise a million different situations as to why he has broken your heart like this. Maybe he’s just too stressed with work? Maybe he just needs some space to breathe? Don’t waste your time soul searching over why the relationship ended, texting him for his thoughts and wondering “was it something I did?” Face up that it’s over, and look to the future. 3 (Cut it out) - The only way to get over someone is to try and live your life normally without constant reminders of them around. That means a bit of a cleanse (it’s tough love time): • Cut all ties with him - no phone, no Facebook, no communication, no excuses! • Stop reliving your relationship with your friends on the phone. Thinking about the ‘good ol’ days’ won’t help. • Removing all reminders of them from your home, car, and work space. That includes the little passport photo of him you keep in your wallet. If you can’t bear to throw things away, put them in a box, tape it up and hide it somewhere hard to get to - preferably guarded by three headed dogs. 4 (Rediscover your single side) - It’s a cliché, but it’s true - when you enter into a relationship you leave behind bits of your single life. Although some aspects might be best left in the past, there will be some things that you will want to reclaim. Time to get that haircut you always wanted but he didn’t like, blow a shed-load of cash on outrageous shopping sprees and get back to doing the things that you put on hold for him. Start saying ‘yes’ to every opportunity that comes your way - if you used to turn down work drinks to be with your other half, now is the time to get out there and mingle. This will help on two levels - you’ll be reminded that being single can actually be a really great thing, plus you’ll be so busy that all thoughts of “him” will disappear. 5 (Take your time) - It’s been said that the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone, but frankly, we disagree. The quickest way to feel even more miserable is to sleep with someone you’re not really interested in. Ignore your friends and their “helpful” advice, and make sure that you move on at your own pace. If you want to take a break from the opposite sex for a year then so be it. And equally if you want to get right back out there you have to do what feels right for you. No one should judge you or push you into meeting someone new sooner than you’d like. The only person who can make you feel better is you!

How to get over someone you love, 5 steps to freedom

(via

feellng

)

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Getting over someone is a slow and painful process and I really feel like people don’t talk about that enough. Getting over someone isn’t all ice cream in bed and and getting drunk and one night flings (those last two are definitely not happening if your underage, like me). Getting over someone is like having your lungs ripped out and then healing in slow motion. And you have to keep it all in, pretend like it doesn’t hurt, laugh with everyone else, and slowly but surely, move on.

But no one tells you how hard it is to explain it to other people. When your friends ask about the girl who smells like rain and tore through your soul like a hurricane and you have to explain that she’s gone, and yes, you’re fine, no you don’t need a hug, no, you don’t want to talk about it. And it hurts because you know they just want to help and it hurts them when they can’t but no about of indie music and ice cream and candles and crystals and glitter will heal your shredded lungs.

It hurts when you see her in every flower, feel her breath on your neck in every gentle kiss the wind brings your way. It hurts when every single song you hear reminds you of her so there’s nothing left for you to drown out the pounding grey in your mind.

It fucking hurts when for nearly a year and a half she was there and suddenly she’s just gone so so fast you wonder if it was all a dream. Every kiss, every smile, every text message, every knowing touch. It hurts because she made you feel like the whole world and then makes you wonder if it was ever even real.

Getting over someone is a slow and painful process, but inevitable. But I can’t wait until I’m done. I can’t wait until I can step outside and smell the rain and not taste her like blood in my mouth, until I can listen to my favorite songs and not feel like my lungs are on fire, until I can ice skate and pick flowers and sing songs that aren’t secretly about her. I cannot wait.

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Okay, here it is: Maybe this is what you need. Not everything that’s good for you makes you necessarily feel good. Medicine tastes gross sometimes but it’s good for you. Maybe her telling you this is actually good. You want different things. What’s going to happen when she starts liking someone else? You can’t stop her from living her life and you shouldn’t focus on her if she’s not focusing on you. You deserve the same amount of attention and love that you’re putting out. I know she makes you happy, but please don’t put the responsibility of making you happy on her. Make yourself happy. Be independent as fuck. She doesn’t see you the way you see her, and that doesn’t make her the bad person even though she’s hurting you. I know you’re sad and mad. It hurts. Just know that this is probably what’s best for the both of you. You won’t believe it right now, but in the future when you’re with someone who shows you the affection you deserve, you’ll realize how this moment actually helped you grow into someone you didn’t know could exist. She is just another girl. You’ll catch feelings for another. A girl who wants you the way you want her. So I’m saying, thank her for her time and let her leave. The sooner you do, the sooner you can heal and recuperate. You’re chasing her right now, and the way things are looking, it’s just not worth it. And it’s not necessarily “fuck her” because she did tell you why she feels that way. Don’t get mad at her, be mad at the situation. Everyone has a reason for what they do, even when they hurt you. Just say thank you for your time and stop texting her.

@chanel-nips (via cliitorass)

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Living life in colour

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High key cry every SINGLE TIME I WATCH THIS

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My heart is full

1x01 // 8x16

I just love the parallels in between these two. The colours in the first are cold, and sad, whereas they are now warm and happy. She went from fearing the mysteriousness bird to finding joy in knowing what it meant. He went from hiding from her, to standing in front of her. She went from leaving alone, to leaving hand in hand with him. 

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paramore - adore

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I love you.

J knew that I was very cautious with my words and I used them very carefully. He also knew that I had been told that someone was in love with me before and it didn’t really mean anything to them which I found out later and of course hurt me. He knew the reasons and the story too and he understood and did his best to make me feel comfortable and made sure he meant everything he said. This made me feel much safer around him and I slowly started to get my walls down. When J told me he loved me, he said it so sincerely and so genuinely that I almost cried (ok I shed a few tears). Before he started, he said to me with the kindest eyes ‘I’m going to tell you something I’ve been wanting to for a while now and I completely understand if you’re not ready to hear it and if you want to walk away. I also want you to know that you don’t have to say anything back, take your time to process.’ Normally, a person would instinctively know but me being me I didn’t realise what he was going to say. He told me the story of how and when he knew he loved me and he made all my premonitions about the last time fade away and the words now hold a warmer, more meaningful light to me now. He was being so understanding and caring and just absolutely perfect I don’t know how I got so lucky. All this while when he was telling me the story and the build up to those words, he just held me in his arms and I felt so safe and empowered and just at home. He felt like home to me. And when he said those words, he looked me straight in the eyes and both of us had glossy eyes. My gut told me to bolt and shut it out but for once, I decided to go with my heart and just feel everything he was saying to me. And right after (we kissed of course but after that), he told me not to say anything just yet and take my time to process everything. Who does that? Like how absolutely perfect is he? I must’ve done something right in my life to deserve him. Even when he was being vulnerable and putting himself out, he cared so much about my feelings and chose to put me first in a situation he knew I wouldn’t be a 100% comfortable in. Now, those words have a different meaning for me and I associate it with warmth and trust instead of heartbreak and betrayal. I cannot thank him enough for all that he has done for me and I hope that one day he finds someone who made him as happy, loved, comfortable, respected and empowered as he made me.

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102 - Matty Healy

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True love

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I remember meeting you for the first time, you wore a smile through out the entire night and when you looked up at me, that same moment I was looking at you…I felt every inch of you, that night we talked through our eyes and something I often think about far too much and nothing I’ve ever experienced again.

failedwriter,  It’s 1:00 and I’m thinking about an old fling (via wnq-writers)

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3rd January 2017

So the day I was really stressed out with the amount of school work I had because my school is so fucked up and their organising skills are the worst which led to all my assignments being due in the first week of jan and I had only the winter break to finish everything. My fucking teachers refused to check or help with anything because "oh we're on holiday" like you fucking planned this and now you won't see it through? Naturally my stress levels were off the roof and I broke down twice in a day but I must've done something right in my life because my wonderful boyfriend came over with cupcakes and gave me a massage and made out with me to exude my anxiety and stress. How fucking lucky am I? He just was there for me and made me feel so much more at ease. Before he left, he just hugged me and told me he believed in me and other things I can't seem to remember now but I felt so empowered and calm and relaxed was probably the only way I managed to pump out so much work and finish all my assignments on time.

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Idk

So after the whole thing with J blew over, I was at A's house and we were just hanging out and lounging around the house when J walks in hand in hand with another girl. He walked past both of us straight into the room and A decided "let's have some fun" which meant that J was going to be the victim or whatever A had planned. So of course A decided that we should walk in and J with another girl so A yelled "it smells like sex" and ran out to make it awkward that's my boy. Turns out she was his ex's girlfriend and he was just trying to make me jealous but it didn't work (like at all)