technological-tomfoolery

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE’D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E7)

CI: Cecilia Immergreen HF: Heavenly Father GM: Gigi Murin HG: Henya the Genius AW: Amelia Watson SmSb: Sameko Saba

Motoaki Tanigo: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to move on to our final quick-fire round: Scenes We'd Like to See, this is for everyone so if everyone could please make their way to the performance area? I call out ideas for scenarios we'd love to see and our panellists come in with their suggestions. Here we go, the first topic is…

Unlikely Things To Hear At The World Cup GM: And here comes the Japanese team. (Tanigo: Wow, that's cold, sorry, that is… wow. You're getting buzzed to fuck for the rest of this… Here with the first answer is Amelia-san.) AW: And here come the Japanese team. HG: Kon'nichiwa. Kotoshi wa hairenakute hontōni zan'nendesu… (Hello, I'm really sorry we didn't get in this year…) SmSb: And Portugal have beaten Switzerland and Saudi Arabia have beaten a woman for wearing shorts. HF: Troy Aikman's managed four shots in the first half, three Brain Hemorrhages and a Cowboy. GM: And Sterling has taken a dive. That's it for financial news, back to the football. CI: Well, it's official. America are out, and they can go back to identifying people with flags in their windows as racist. AW: Well, let's have a look at the Swedish bench. $17.99 from IKEA. CI: Oh, and that is a huge tackle. That is gotta make it more difficult to rollerblade. HG: Brilliant goalkeeper, Keisuke Ōsako. Midfield maestro, Hayao Kawabe. Fast forward--- (talks and acts in a fast motion) GM: And he's come 'round the back and nailed an absolute screamer! This really is the best leaked sex tape in the history of football! CI: Well, we didn't think it was possible, but somehow Nico Schlotterbeck has managed it: Germany eliminated before the group stage! AW: Well, at 2-1 down, America had to do something, so they brought out their secret weapon, a 14-megaton intercontinental ballistic missile. HF: If you've just tuned into America vs the Netherlands, what are you doing, man? Love Island is on! SmSb: Well, it looks like semis for France. I wish they had worn bigger shorts. CI: That's a shocking miss from Jay Zeus (Jesus). They are gonna absolutely crucify him for that.

Things You Wouldn't Hear In A Charity Appeal SmSb: American Red Cross - Just three adjectives to describe the average Trump supporter. AW: Stuck in a chair, barely able to move. Please help us get Yagoo walking again. HF: KSI will be with us later. He's got a new single, and if our donations don't double, we'll let him perform it. SmSb: For just 50 cents, Motoaki Tanigo will toss you off stage in Comic Hand Relief. (Tanigo: 50 cents?! [GM: 50 cents? There's no way I'm playing that!] Gimme a dollar at least, I'm classy! I'll kiss them and everything!) AW: Shoplifters Anonymous - Helping people to help themselves. GM: If you're starting a family, why not consider adoption? But hurry up. Otherwise, it'll just be the ugly ones left. HG: With your money-dayo, I'm going to start a human organ delivery service called Liveroo. CI: Every day, these people walk up to 15 steps to get water. With your money, we can employ waiters at Burger King. AW: At the National Trust for Historic Preservation, for just $250 a year, you can have discounted access to national treasures, like the Glass House, or the sumptuous interior of Madonna. CI: The thing with a disease like HIV is that many people are just ignorant. Most people don't even realize that HIV is just Roman for "High five". SmSb: Robin needs clean cold water and something nutritious to eat because last night, he got shitfaced. HF: These people are disease-ridden. They haven't had a shower for weeks. Donate now. Save a life in Chicago. AW: This is the People's Dispensary For Sick Animals. This tiger has three dicks, how sick is that?! GM: Give a man a duck and he'll feed himself for a week. Teach a man to duck and he'll avoid low-flying objects. CI: With your money, last year, we took this homeless man and completely transformed him into a homeless woman. AW: And now on Comic Relief, it's time for some harrowing footage as JoJo Siwa sings the hits from Camp Rock. HG: Between you and me those rescue cats can't even swim-dayo, let alone rescue anyone. GM: Pale, sad, and hungry. We're raising money for the Japanese football team.

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE’D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E6)

AW – Amelia Watson NR – Nerissa Ravencroft PP – Pipkin Pippa BW – Bao the Whale YY – Yuko Yurei HG – Henya the Genius

Unlikely Things To Hear On A Property Show AW - 6 months in, and Mike has fallen out with the builder. There was no window there, and neither of them noticed. NR - Yes it is north-facing. But on the plus side, it's a caravan so you can just turn it round. HG - Get that fish out of here, it stinks. You should never leave a plaice in the sun. YY - We've just one hour while Gina's at the shops to improve her flat in Portland. We're setting it on fire and moving it to Seattle. AW - Well, it's another setback. This time, the structure is damaged and for the first time, I'm asking myself: (Palpatine-esque voice) will the Death Star ever be finished? PP - And more information on how to get together a deposit for a house can be found in our free leaflet, "When Will Grandma Die?" AW - So you bought it at auction for $100,000, but what exactly are you going to do, with Wyoming? BW - Well, what we've done is, we've knocked the wall between the kitchen and the living room down, and what that's done is, killed all the people who were sitting in the living room. YY - The kitchen's done in a very modern style. We call it "crack den." PP - We're looking at a well-equipped house here in Tampa. Fridge, oven, washing machine. In fact, this is one of the nicest gardens we've seen. HG - This week on Grand Designs, my grandma-dayo's designed a house. It'll be awful, she's got terrible arthritis, and not even a rudimentary qualification. NR - 3 coats of varnish and a new rug, and Arnie is ready for his next show. BW - Welcome to the 74-hour long obsessive compulsive episode of How Clean Is Your House? HG - Knock it down, tarmac it, fuck 'em!

Unlikely Things To Hear In A Maternity Ward NR - Mrs Ravencroft, your baby looks exactly like your husband, but mind you, so does every other baby. AW - There are complications, I'm afraid. For a start, I'm not a doctor. BW - I definitely can see the head. You should zip your pants up, doctor. PP - Bad news, I'm afraid. He's ginger… Your Highness. AW - So, would you like to hold the little fella, or, shall I give you the baby? NR - Mrs. Jones, I'm gonna need you to push. And when we've got the ambulance started, we'll try and get you to hospital. YY - Oh God, is that my baby? I've given birth to Nerissa Ravencroft's husband! HG - I'd stay up that end and talk to your wife if I were you, Mr Smith-dayo. It looks like Alien vs Predator down here. AW - Basically, you just turn them over and slap them on the ass. These nurses' parties are great. BW - Nice to see you again, Mrs. Jolie. If you'd like to move along to the next window to collect your order. HG - (imitates pulling up a sheet) Oh, dear god, this isn't your first baby, is it? NR - You have a bouncing baby boy. I know that because I dropped him in the delivery room. YY - Okay, big breath, big breath in, hold it, hold it, and pass the joint to the midwife. NR - If you're not in when we deliver your baby, is it OK if we leave it with a neighbour? PP - No, no, I do like it darling, just not in that colour. AW - I know, I know you're in great pain, but we need to know your name. Right. Doctor for Mrs. Fuckoff!

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E5)

AW – Amelia Watson NR – Nerissa Ravencroft MC – Mori Calliope FC – Fuyo Cloverfield RP – Rin Penrose BW – Bao the Whale

Rejected Lines From Movies FC: E.T phone premium rate sex line! MC: Milk, bread, Oreos… are you sure this is this the right list, Mr. Schindler? NR: There are 50,000 Zulu outside, now tell Jade to get back inside and keep her bloody mouth shut! AW: (Austrian accent) This T-1000 cybernetic organism has encountered a problem and needs to close. Do you wish to send an error report? FC: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. But on weekends, Majorie. MC: A census-taker tried to test me once. I ate his liver with some garlic bread and a bottle of Jim Beam. RP: Goooood morning, Cheltenham! AW: Well there's one thing I should tell you Mr. Darcy… I have chlamydia. NR: What, Rambo? You want to wait for a U.N resolution? BW: (bad Southern English accent) You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off, Ibrahim! MC: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. But thank you for phoning the BT helpline. AW: (impersonating Darth Vader) Luke Skywalker… I am your mother!

Unlikely Excerpts From a Nature Documentary NR: D'ya see this little fella here? (points to hand, then smacks it) BW: PULL! AW: I'm having to whisper, because this woman's husband is in the room next door. MC: This beautifiul hummingbird… is no match for my squash racket. BW: And I'm having to whisper, because the bear has got me in a headlock. MC: Penguin, with his head trapped in a beer can. Tragic, and yet somehow hilarious. NR: I'm stood here in the jungle, in my bath robe… because my luggage is still at Heathrow. FC: Welcome back to "Pimp My Hippo"! NR: And here we have two insects… going at it like rabbits… phwoaaar! MC: Out of the water climbs a majestic otter, who turns-- oh no, it's a dog. NR: And yes, the lion's after the impala, and the lion's got the impala! TUCK IN MY SON! LION 1, IMPALA NIL! MC: (Australian accent) I'm the ghost of Steve Irwin, and welcome to "Animals Kill the Daftest Bastards!"

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E4)

AW – Amelia Watson PM - Projekt Melody VA - Vox Akuma RP – Rin Penrose AC – Ai Candii RD – Rosedoodle

Unlikely Lines From A Children's Book AW: Mr. Stubborn wouldn't leave. He was the elected leader of the Conservative Party. AC: I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow you, Albanese! PM: As Noddy looked at his new friends Rampant Rabbit and Linda The Love Egg, he realized he was in a very different kind of Toy Town. RP: And all the animals of Buttercup celebrated 'cause Percy Pig was going to the slaughterhouse and they never had to listen to that whiny little bastard again! VA: 'And the beautiful woman was cursed to sleep for 100 years.' And that's your defence, is it, Mr. Cosby? (Yagoo: He didn't do it, don't boo him.) AW: (English accent) "I'm Paddington Bear from Peru," said Paddington, "and if you show me where the toilet is, I'll poo out this condom of cocaine." RD: It's the absolutely horrific follow-up to "Netflix and Chill": Swallows and Amazons. AC: And was there a happy ending? Well, the prince did love massage parlours. VA: "I will never tell you my name, you will have to guess my name," said Rumpelstiltskin, really holding up the queue at Starbucks. PM: From under the bridge came the voice of the troll, (mimes typing) "Waa, women can't be Ghostbusters! Send." RD: Every day, Jack and Jill have to walk up a hill just to fetch one pail of water. But for just five pounds a month… AW: "Oh. It wasn't a giant peach after all," thought James as he watched the Big Friendly Giant put on his swimming trunks. RP: He pushed aside the clothes and there, at the back of the wardrobe, he found a magical land of nipple clamps and lube. PM: There's an enby in the cupboard! I think they're hiding from the UAP! (AC approaches the mic) Oh, come on, that's unfair! AC: I've been in this cupboard for bloody ages.

Things You Wouldn't Hear On a Quiz Show RD: You've already used your fifty-fifty to narrow down the options to A) In, or B) Out. Mr. Cameron, are you sure you want to ask the audience? AW: Well, in that round on Sexually Transmitted Diseases, you passed on four… PM: We asked you for things that start with an "E". You said "a great night out with the gals." AW: Welcome to America's only quiz about birds of prey. Fingers on buzzards, please. AC: Here at The Chase, we just want to reiterate that our chaser is not called "The Ladykiller" for any sexist reasons. Now, can you please welcome our new chaser, Millie "The Boob Wobbler" Lavigne. VA: So, the final round on Family Feud is sudden death. BOO! RP: Welcome to Eggheads. Well, we couldn't call it Smug Pricks, could we? AC: Welcome to Tipping Point, for people who are too thick to follow The Chase. PM: Name? Donald Trump- I mean, Jim! Occupation? President- I mean, washing machine salesman! RP: I'm afraid we're gonna have to take your first answer, so let's see if the capital of Azerbaijan is "Fucked if I know." AW: Is that your final answer? (pause) I'll marry someone else, then… RD: Well, at the end of this week's episode of Who Wants To Be A Canadian Millionaire?, the winner is Sam Ulman, who will be walking away with $20,000. But, of course, the real winner is Rose's dad Hugh at home who got two questions right and is going to brag on about it for the rest of the damn week. PM: Well, we've given the contestants their meth and sent them to Universal. Welcome to The Crystal Maze. RP: My chosen specialized subject? Uh, your wife. Yeah, you heard me. AW: (back to the audience, pretends to squat as if she's urinating) I've started, so I'll finish… AC: Well, that was the banker, and he says he thinks you're going to accept this deal, because in his box is your wife. RP: Well, today, it's Kelly Brook and Joey Essex versus Stephens Hawking and Fry. This is fucking Pointless.

[technological-tomfoolery]

I'm curious, so reply to this post with any OCs you have who are neurodivergent. I don't care whether it comes from a specific fandom or not.

I'll go first. I have a character in a cancelled Danganronpa fangame I was gonna make. His name is Toruya Harunoshi and he has autism specifically. His main problems are eye contact and certain textures (like sand), but he can handle sound just fine.

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E3)

AW – Amelia Watson NR - Nerissa Ravencroft MC – Mori Calliope RP – Rin Penrose AC – Ai Candii FN – Fillian

Commercials That Never Made It To Air NR: Lynx, for that cheap teenage smell of desperation. MC: Because some nights are best forgotton. Rohypnol. AW: Injured at work? Don't drive a jet car at 300 miles an hour. FN: The Islamic Jihad High School, because they blow up so quickly. RP: I'm Tony the Tiger, Siegfried and Roy taste grrrrrrrreat! AW: For effective ethnic cleansing, use Milošević. AC: The Post Office, we're always full of absolute freaks. AW: We laundered this half of the money with the Mafia and this half with the more violent Chinese Triads. NR: L'Oreal. (runs hand over hair and accidentally knocks her horns off) MC: By the year 2020, we shall rule the Earth. Costco. Do the right thing. FN: Losing your hair? Tiny cock? You need a Porsche. MC: Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off. NR: Take 2 bottles into the shower? Yes, I'm an alcoholic.

Inappropriate Acts For The "Royal Variety Performance" AC: Let's play "Who's Harry's dad"! MC: Stephen Hawking unplugged. RP: Your Royal Highnesses, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen: I give you synchronised wanking. NR: Ladies and gentlemen, the marching band of the Mujahideen! MC: As a treat for the Duke of Edinburgh, The Black and White Minstrels sing the speeches of Hitler! NR: The George Michael motorcycling display team.

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E2)

AW – Amelia Watson NI – Ninomae Ina'Nis MC – Mori Calliope NR –Nerissa Ravencroft FA/MA – Fuwawa and Mococo Abyssgard SN - Shiori Novella

Things a Wimbledon Commentator Would Never Say NR: 40 - 37. AW: Well, there is Sharapova, and I'm sure like me you long to have those long, moist Russian legs wrapped around your face. FA: Is it just me, or are they just hitting it back and forth? NI: How wonderful to see an all-American final. AW: Well, there’s a ballboy who needs taming. MC: All this grunting is giving me the horn. MA: In the women's game, why does the pretty one always lose to the moose, haeh? NR: Goal! AW: Now that one must be a man.

TV Shows That Never Made It To Air MC: Hi, I'm Joe Exotic and this is Tiger Cull Live. (mimes priming a pump shotgun) AW: Complicated Financial Fraud, She Wrote. MC: Terrorists Say the Funniest Things. FA: Yes, it's Who Wants to be a Milliner. NI: Police, Camera, Paperwork. AW: Let's see if you can guess who it is in Johnny Sin's Through the Asshole. SN: Celebrity Love Island. Oh, right, that really happened. MA: Welcome to the first edition of I'm a Suicide Bomber, Get Me in There! NR: You've Been Shot!

Unlikely Lines For Queen Elizabeth II To Include In Her Annual Message MC: Some of my best friends are black. AW: Have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault? NI: Send your rebate or the corgi gets it. MC: Aston schnitzel Heinz, meine Grüppenfuhrer! SN: Look, we don't cost you 99p each! We don't cost you 79p each! I tell you what, I'm a fool to myself, but we cost you 61p each and for that I'll throw in Princess Michael of Kent! You can't say fairer than that! AW: The Queen is brought to you by Powergen. NR: So, there were these two nuns in the bath… MC: Charles, you'll have to prise my crown out of my cold dead hands. AW: (singing) I'm a killer… queeeeeeen!

[technological-tomfoolery]

SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE: VTUBER EDITION (S1, E1)

AW – Amelia Watson NI – Ninomae Ina'Nis MC – Mori Calliope KT – Kiara Takahashi OK – Ouro Kronii GG - Gawr Gura

Bad Ways to Start a Political Party Broadcast NI: as Michael Howard Hello. MC: My fellow paedophiles… AW: pretending to take a piss With you in a minute. GG: Gut Morgant! AW: As you know, Pekora is streaming on the other channel. KT: I'm sorry to say that it is mostly the blacks. NI: Hello, I'm Joe Biden, and I expect you're wondering why I'm naked. AW: I think our policies are best expressed… in song! OK: During the next three and a half hours… NI: Now, look. We all know we're not going to win… KT: Death to the west. AW: Let me tell you what the voices in my head are telling me.

Things You'd Never Hear a French Person Say MC: French accent Of course, it looked hopeless, but we kept fighting. AW: I'd like a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of Lunchables, please. GG: bad French accent You're American. How nice to meet you. OK: French accent J'aime beaucoup, Monsieur normal accent Guy Fieri. MC: French accent I've just bought a wonderful little holiday home in the south of Florida. KT: My go-to road? Gotta be Route 66. Just fantastic, in so many respects. It's faster than the interstate, plus you get to cruise by iconic landmarks like the Grand Canyon. If you're heading from Chicago to LA, Route 66 is the only choice for me. What a road. What a road. NI: And we throw that part of the animal away.

What the Voices in Donald Trump's Head Are Saying GG: [Dalek voice] You will obey! You will obey! MC: Keep smiling. (Have Sleepy Joe killed.) Keep smiling. (Have Sleepy Joe killed.) NI: Hillary, will you shut the fuck up? AW: Oh look, there's Hillary. That reminds me, I must post a letter. KT: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny… OK: I wonder what Sleepy Joe looks like in hot pants. AW: Mustn't get a boner. GG: Dammit! Got a boner. AW: Go on, lie. You got away with it last time.

[technological-tomfoolery]

reblog if you:

ARE GAY

ARE POWERFUL

LOVE YOUR PARTNER

SUPPORT OUR TRANS BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND OUR AMAZING NONBINARY SIBLINGS

no one will ever know which one

[technological-tomfoolery]

My dream line-up for the first episode of a Mock the Week reboot

First team:

Hugh Dennis

Frankie Boyle

Russell Howard

Ed Byrne

Second team:

Andy Parsons

Darren Black (Daz Black)

Stuart Ashen (Ashens)

Romesh Ranganathan

[technological-tomfoolery]

Reblog to give a femme lesbian a battle axe

[technological-tomfoolery]

Welcome to Build-a-Frog!

Click here to enter

[technological-tomfoolery]

tumblr is less a social media site and more language's final frontier

[technological-tomfoolery]

They’re distracting a nervous dog during a blood draw.

[technological-tomfoolery]

[technological-tomfoolery]

I can’t even jerk off anymore it’s too fucking easy I win every time