teenwolf-incorrectquotes - Tumblr blog

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[Scott walks out of the aquarium, disappointed] Stiles: Dude, what did you think a tiger shark was?

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Theo: Now, I'm not saying Stiles Stilinski is a murderer, per se, I just think that his actions raise some questions, for example, "Is Stiles Stilinski a murderer?"

Scott: I don't know the answer to that, but your tone makes me think... yes.

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Isaac: Derek, I have a plan. What if we get together and find a new pack member, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a $100,000 life insurance policy? I bet you guys like that idea, don't you?

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Isaac: I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it.

Isaac: I learned nothing.

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Derek: ... I don't know what the fuck that was.

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Stiles: Alright, I've given you each instructions for the ritual. [whispering to Derek] I think you'll find yours particularly interesting, if you get what I mean.

Derek: This is just a list of steps.

Stiles: Huh?

Scott: Hey, why does mine say "You have a cute butt"?

Stiles: ... Uhhhh, that's weird, that must be a typo or something--

Erica: Yeah, Scott, it's a typo, because it probably should've said "You have a cube butt".

Malia: AHAHAHA! 'Cause Scott's butt is shaped like a CUBE! HAHAHAHA!

Scott: I'm serious, you guys, why are my instructions different from everyone else's?

Stiles:

Derek:

Stiles: ... Cube Butt! Cube Butt! Cube Butt!

Everyone chanting: Cube Butt! Cube Butt! Cube Butt!

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Derek: If we don't figure out this security breach, every negative email we've ever written about Peter is going to be automatically sent to him.

Stiles: What emails are you talking about?

Derek, reading aloud: "Peter's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radiohead." Remember that one, Scott?

Scott: [shrugs]

Derek: "There's no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper." Lydia.

Lydia: I stand by that.

Derek: "He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him." Stiles.

Stiles: That's not that bad actually.

Derek: "P.S. We should kill him."

Stiles: Aw fuck.

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Derek: Do you wanna hear about my time in New York?

Stiles: Sure.

Derek: [long pause] It was indescribable.

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Derek: Is that where you're gonna sit?

Stiles: ... I'm driving. And it's my jeep. Where else would I sit?

Derek: Trunk.

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Derek: Now that I'm in charge, big changes are coming, and they're coming fast. And if you don't like them, this is called a door, and you can walk right through it. I'm not here to be your friend.

Derek: Change number one. Erica, per your request, I will be giving you all additional training on the weekends. Deal with it.

Erica: Seriously? That's awesome!

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Derek: The betas are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. So I need to quickly figure out who's a good pack member, and who is simply a good mind reader.

Derek: Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.

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Derek: Change number two. We're getting a new base of operations. It'll be a lot more comfortable than the train station.

Isaac: ... Wow. Thank you, Derek.

Derek: Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy, okay? And I don't care if you guys like it.

Boyd: These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them?

Derek: Hey, I don't care what your favorite flavor is, buddy! Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it, or you don't.

Derek: That's my attitude right now in this meeting, and that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Any questions.

Isaac: This all sounds great to me!

Derek:

Isaac: ... but, uh, I could see how some people might think that it's bad.

Derek:

Isaac: I don't know what to think.

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Derek: Damn. Isaac is onto me.

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Stiles: Buddy, I'm starting to think you're illiterate.

Scott: Come on! Alright, this is what I'm talking about. "Illiteracy". What does that word even mean?

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Scott: I've got a question for you. What's heavier, a kilogram of steel, or a kilogram of feathers?

Scott: That's right, it's a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.

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Scott: What do you mean?

Stiles: Scott, they're both a kilogram.

Scott: ... But steel's heavier than feathers.

Stiles: I know, buddy. But they're both a kilogram.

Scott: what... ... ... ...

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Scott, standing in front of a balanced scale: This doesn't prove anything, I-- Steel's heavier than feathers.

Isaac: I know, but Scott, they're both a kilogram, right? so they're the same!

Scott: But--but look at the size of that bag of feathers, and the steel is so tiny! That's cheating!

Stiles: They're the same weight.

Scott: ...But steel's heavier than feathers...

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Scott: Derek, tell them!

Derek: They're right. They're both a kilogram. What don't you understand?

Isaac, quietly: Scott, are you alright?

Scott: I don't get it.

Stiles: It's okay, Scotty.

Scott, afraid: I don't get it.

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Stiles: What do you do in your free time?

Derek: I stalk people.

Stiles: Uh... okay.... well, I enjoy hiking in the Preserve, or playing video games with Scott.

Derek: I know.

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Peter: Look at us, bickering like schoolkids, looking around the room for things to hit each other with.

Stiles: ... I don’t think we were doing that.

Derek, immediately: Chair. Lamp. Plant. Table leg. My leg.

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Lydia: I know this is going to sound sarcastic, but this is a great plan and I'm really impressed with you two.

Derek:

Stiles: Don't listen to her, Derek. It IS a great plan.

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Stiles: Scott, I need to think of unsexy, boring conversation topics I could talk about with Derek, otherwise I'm gonna accidentally reveal that I have a crush on him, and nobody wants that to happen.

Stiles: So, I have a few ideas. We could discuss the New Yorker article, "The History of the Ladder." We could talk about different dorms at Johns Hopkins University. And I can read from my Sonicare toothbrush manual.

Scott: Ooh, I have a good idea! Why don't you ask him about his penis!

Stiles:

Scott: [grins encouragingly]

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Derek: PETER! You've had three flu shots already! Those are for the daycare center!

Peter, administering his fourth: I'LL BE A LIVING GOD

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Scott: Derek, what do you do if you want to ask a girl out, but her father won't let you two date, but also your friends really support you? And you fell in love with her at first sight?

Derek: Well, I don't believe in dates, or love at first sight, or love, or friends, or doing things, but it's good you brought this to me.

Scott: You're gonna have to open your heart one day.

Derek: What happens if I don't? I miss the "heart-opening deadline?"

Stiles, walking into the room: Hey Derek.

Derek, to Scott: Okay, it's on my list.

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Scott: Liam, I want you to know, I'll stay with you as late as you want, alright?

Liam: Thanks, man.

Theo: That goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you want.