terminally-stressed - Tumblr blog

[terminally-stressed]

Dick: oh no, is that a gray hair?

Steph, shaking her head sadly: twink death

Dick: nevermind, must be from the dog!

Cass, raising an eyebrow: twink immortality?

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i’m in tears over this holy shit

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The planet can support billions but not billionaires nor billions consuming like the average American

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May I have more gen alpha Damian but as Robin? This little boy is a menace to the rouges ... I love this idea 💖💖💖💖💖

Riddler: Riddle me this.

Damian: *starts recording on his smart watch*

Riddler: The first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great man, while the entire word signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Damian's watch: Heroine.

———————

Joker: You see, little birdie, it all started with One Bad Day—

Damian: *plays the world's smallest violin*

———————

Freeze: With the press of a button, I will ice over the entire Gotham Harbor!

Damian: Cringe.

———————

Hatter: *posts a TikTok monologue threatening the batfam*

Damian: *stitches himself yawning and falling asleep*

———————

Croc: *roars*

Damian: *pulls out the All-Blades*

Croc: ?

Damian: My brother got the DLC.

———————

Harley: *launches her confetti cannon*

*single piece of confetti falls out*

Damian, clapping: Go girl give us nothing.

———————

Clayface: *attacks Damian*

Damian: *rips out a chunk of clay*

Damian: *starts playing with it like slime*

———————

Scarecrow: I've got you now.

Damian: Imagine being a grown man beefing with a middle schooler. Couldn't be me.

———————

Ivy: *ties him up with her plants*

Damian, a vegan: *chomp*

———————

Damian: What are your pronouns so I can eviscerate you properly?

Two-Face: ...

Two-Face: He/they.

———————

Ra's: It's just you and me, my disgraced heir. Let's finish this duel once and for all.

Damian: *taps his phone*

Jon: *flies in and pummels Ra's*

Jon: Thank you for ordering from SüberDefeats! Be sure to share your feedback.

Damian: *tips Jon and leaves five stars*

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Supersons with the Justice League. How will it go?

Oliver: How are you liking it here?

Damian: We don't.

Jon: It's so boring. There's nothing to do.

Oliver: Well, don't tell Bats I told you, but he keeps some extra of his butler's cookies in the break room.

———————

Jon: Look, it's Atom!

Damian: I imagined him taller.

Ray: Superman, Batman, were you playing with my shrinking tech?

Jon, whispering to Damian: Let's play along so we don't hurt his feelings.

Jon: Whoops, I guess we were. Sorry.

Ray, internally: They're playing along! I'm gonna get a good grade in uncle, something that's normal to want and possible to achieve.

———————

Dinah: Why are you outside my dressing room?

Jon: You're a really good singer.

Damian: I can get you in contact with an agent.

Dinah: Thanks, but I already have one.

Damian, handing her a business card: Let me rephrase that. I can get you in contact with a BETTER agent.

Dinah: ...You have my attention.

———————

Jon: So can you construct anything you want?

Hal: As long as I have the willpower and imagination.

Damian: What about these?

Damian: *shows him their Cheese Viking OCs*

[five minutes later]

Jon: Eat cheddar!

Damian: You are no match against my almighty parmesan blade.

Hal: Note to self: talk to Carol about kids.

———————

Jon: Race you down the hall!

Damian: Last one there has to pay for lunch.

Barry: You're on.

Damian and Jon: *zoom off*

Barry: *walks at human speed*

———————

[at lunch]

Damian: Is this vegetarian?

Zatanna: Nairategev ti ekam.

Zatanna: It is now.

Jon: While you're at it, can you please make these nuggets dino-shaped?

———————

Damian: Thank you for the gingerbread craft supplies. We have created something for you in return.

Jon: *shows him a gingerbread Atlantis*

Arthur: *chokes up remembering his son would've been as old as them*

Arthur: I shall make sure my whole kingdom sees this.

———————

Damian: So we have Jon, Jon, and J'onn. This is why I call people by last name.

Jon Kent: We can start a club!

J'onn: That sounds a little childi—

Jon Stewart, elbowing J'onn: Sure!

Jon Stewart, whispering to J'onn: Don't you dare crush the kid's dreams.

———————

Diana: *happily ruffling their hair*

Damian: *scowling*

Jon: *smiling*

———————

Bruce: Thank you all for watching my son.

Clark: Mine too.

The Justice League:

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I am choosing to believe he’s playing cheese Viking

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Bruce goes to meet the other fathers? Have a barbecue with Clark, Oliver, Berry and talk about their kids?

"Damian told me that I was cool, it's been a while since one of my kids told me that" or "Mia is doing so well at school these days"

those moments when they are all (old men) father proud of the mess the kids are?

The dads: *lounging on beach chairs*

Clark: It's nice to finally get a day off. I think Jon needed it more than me. He's still reeling from growing up and suddenly turning back into a kid again.

Ollie: How'd that happen, anyway?

Duke, walking by: That's just this blog.

Clark: What?

Duke: Nothing. Hey, B, can we use the jacuzzi?

Bruce: Sure, go ahead.

Duke: *gives Emiko a thumbs up*

Emiko: *drains the jacuzzi*

Harper and Cullen: *start cleaning the pipes*

Ollie: I know how you feel, Clark. Roy's the happiest I've seen him with Lian back but it's still a big change. We're working on getting her enrolled in school this fall so she can catch up on what she's missed.

Roy: *sprays the tub with disinfectant*

Jason: *dries it with a leaf blower*

Hal: Speaking of changes, Jaime graduated with honors. I know he's not my kid but I can't help but feel like a proud uncle. Kyle got a new concept artist job, by the way, and I think he really likes it.

Jaime: *turns the jacuzzi back on*

Kyle: *sets up folding tables*

Barry, chuckling: Bart tried to enter a marathon the other day.

Clark: Kon wanted to pay money to go skydiving. I don't get it.

Aquaman: I remember when Kaldur joined an amateur scuba class at that age. Perhaps it's an attempt to feel more human.

Bruce: It's easy for us to forget sometimes too.

Kon, carrying a giant pot: Boiling hot soup, coming through!

Kon: *pours it into the jacuzzi*

Cass: *adds spices*

Tim, with a clipboard: One down, eleven more to go. Bart, stop eating the ingredients.

Bart: It's just tofu.

Tim: That's for Damian. What's he gonna do now, starve?

Bruce: Dick's been coming home more often lately. I can tell Alfred's really happy when he sees us all together.

Dick: *drapes tablecloths over the tables*

Wally: *sets up plates*

Steve, walking in: Mind if I join? Diana's running a little late so she sent me and the girls ahead.

Clark: Of course, feel free.

Donna, holding a basket: Where do these vegetables go?

Barbara: I'll take them. Could one of you get some spoons from the kitchen?

Cassie: On it.

Steve: So where are all the ladies?

Bruce: They're in the living room. Selina's showing off her latest... um... collection. Alfred has tea in the kitchen if you want some.

Steve: Don't mind if I do.

Yara: Should I put the meat in now?

Jon: One sec.

Jon: *scoops some soup aside*

Jon: You're good now. I just needed a vegetarian portion for Dami.

Kon: MORE SOUP COMING!

Ollie: Honestly, I'm surprised everyone's doing fairly well given the industry we're in.

Steph, leading a crowd into the yard: And here's where our main event will be.

Bette: *checking names off a guest list*

Bette: That's almost everyone. Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter are gonna be a little late. Avery's on a mission in Shanghai so she can't make it. Beast Boy and Raven stopped to buy desserts. And the We Are Robin kids just got stuck on a stalled subway train but they should be here pretty soon.

Clark: I think it's a matter of good mentorship and giving them plenty of time and space to get acclimated to the superhero lifestyle.

Jesse: *making lemonade*

Ace: *fills the coolers with ice*

Garth and Kaldur: *handing out drinks*

Barry: And giving them plenty of room to grow at their own pace.

Hal: Very true.

Bruce, sighing contently: You can't help but be proud of them.

The kids, chanting: HOT POT! HOT POT!

[terminally-stressed]

(X)

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The Wayne Olympics. But instead of an Olympics style event, it’s the Wayne kids plus their friends partaking in one unhinged event after another.

Barbara puts together the opening ceremony with Cass as the Assassin's Creed torchbearer someone please draw this

Damian and Jon are the judges, rating them on Fabulousness, Memeability, and How Many Heart Attacks Will Bruce Have

Bruce is in the audience will 15 cups of coffee because no way he's falling asleep now (the Justice League is mildly concerned)

Kate and Selina team up against Harley and Ivy in the Queer Women's Volleyball Escape Room

Dick and Wally win the Synchronized Time Travel Gymnastics medal by performing their routine with dinosaurs

Luke easily wins in Chess Boxing even though he overslept and showed up late

Harper scales the Wayne Enterprises tower instead of rock climbing and Cullen is her cheerleader

Tim, Kon, Bart, and Cassie win the Intercontinental Quadathalon, starting from Argentina and ending in South Africa (the four events are running, swimming, biking, and skateboarding)

Bette enters the Laser Rollerblading Table Tennis event using batarangs instead of paddles

Duke and his friends get the gold in Arctic Tandem Mountain Biking

Steph and Lois go head-to-head in the Taekwondo Cooking competition and both get silver to Alfred

Helena finishes first in Underwater Soccer and when Italy asks if they can have the medal she refuses

Jason and Roy enter the shooting contest. Somehow that Turkish guy shows up and beats them both

[terminally-stressed]

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

[terminally-stressed]

How about Batgirls/Birds of Prey babysitting gen alpha Jon and Dami? Did the kid have fun?

Dick: What's wrong? You look like you saw a Jason.

Cass: The horrors.

Dick: What do you mean?

Steph: We've seen things we can never unsee. Heard things we can never unhear. We will never be the same again, do you understand me?

Dick: I'm confused. Weren't you just watching Damian and Jon for the afternoon?

Harper: I could only stand two minutes. And I've been stuck in a room with Punchline overnight, twice.

Dick: Okay, back up. What actually happened?

[earlier]

Barbara: Hey boys, how was school?

Damian: Kent, spill the lore.

Jon: So this sus guy in math class acts like he's a sigma rizzler mewing for BeReal clout ever since his W Roblox speedrun. No cap, he thought he's Kai Cenat on Twitch and we're from Ohio, when he's really a Big L skibidi toilet with negative aura. So at lunch, we had a GOATed idea and Fanum taxed his gyatt while he stood there cooked like an NPC.

Cass: Uh...

Harper: *gets in her car and goes home*

Steph: I'm gonna re-dig my grave.

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Paparazzi catches Bruce Wayne carrying his youngest (Damian Wayne) after a tiresome gala

(Bruce bought the picture off the paparazzi before it could hit the media and has it framed on his desk)

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It was a tragic day in the Wayne Manor

(their friendship is so slept on)

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STOP PITTING THE GIRLS AGAINST EACH OTHER!!!!!!