tezret - Tumblr blog

[tezret]

You/Reader: I’ve been kidnapped by the enemy.

Yandere Kalim, chuckling: They have an odd way of saying we’re married…

[tezret]

Riddle: Ace, you have to stop jaywalking

Ace: Don’t mess me with that gay shit

Riddle: WHATS GAY, THE LAW?!

[tezret]

*Waves hands around crystal ball* I see a concussion in your future!

Epel: I’ll beat you up. *cracks knuckles*; you smell like blueberry muffins; I ain’t afraid

[tezret]

He Couldn’t Open The Jam Lid

Crowley, holding a coconut: Something brought you here, Yuu.

Crowley, getting ready to list off all of his problems whilst standing in a luxury suite: Call it what you want. Fate, destiny…

Yuu, exhausted: A mirror.

[tezret]

A Greasy Fellow

Riddle: Idia we need- AUGH! What is that smell!? *plugs nose*

Idia: Um, it’s just my room.

Riddle: It smells awful!

Idia: I don’t smell anything- *sniffs his armpit*… as I said, nothing.

Riddle: that’s because YOU ARE THE SMELL!

Riddle, crossing his arms: what have you been doing the past 2 week’s?

Idia: uh, let’s see… I finished Battle Cross 111, beat level 55 to 367 in Pom-Pom Revenge, repaired my Pc, got some SSR’S in a multitude of gacha games, gave Ortho some upgrades and um-…

Riddle: Showering? Did you shower?

Idia: what? No. I just told you I haven’t left my room for the past 2 weeks so of course not- oh. Ohh.

[tezret]

Lilia Lost The Fight

Ruggie on the phone with Jamil: He’s in the kitchen again…

Lilia, in the background reading a recipe: “Beat three eggs.” In what? Hand-to-hand combat?

Jamil: GET. HIM. OUT.

[tezret]

Sir, this is a McDonald’s

Vil, since his white noise machine broke: Rook, could you please make ocean noises so I can go to sleep.

Rook, sitting on a chair next to Vil’s bed: Woosh, hoaaa~ ckkkuu

Vil: a French beach

Rook: …

Rook: le wooosh??

[tezret]

Lilia’s fellow soldier: Um, Vanrouge… there are active war games going on out here. It’s incredibly dangerous.

Younger Lilia, cocky: So?

Soldier: It means you can’t sit on the battlefield you dingus

Lilia: We’ll Marcus — you look like a Marcus —, when you have a collapsible chair, you can sit wherever you like

[tezret]

The World Is Burning And They Bring Tea

Heartslabyul Resident A, being sarcastic during Riddle’s overblot as Riddle chases people: Do you think we went overboard with the party decorations?

Heartslabyul Resident C as Riddle throws a tree at someone whilst everything is on fire: Nah, it’s cool.

Heartslabyul Resident B: Everything is on fire and people are severely injured! And- and shit is floating!!

Heartslabyul Resident C: Aesthetic. *watches as a rose bush hits Trey*

[tezret]

Jade, googling: What to do if a snake bites you?

Google: Elevate and apply pressure.

Jade, lifting OB!Jamil up high: Apologize or your tongue will be on the floor.

[tezret]

Stinky Crow Man

Crowley: I am a responsible adult, i am mature.

Later…

Crowley, sobbing: Crewel! One of the students called me a little stinky crow man!

[tezret]

REMEMBER THE BUNNY EARS

Vil:i don't get on my knees to anyone.

Jack: Nobody?

Vil: Of course not, look at my outfit, look at the expensive pants, the high end fabrics, i would never kneel to anyone.

You/Reader, giving Vil “the face”: Vil… I need help tying my shoes

Vil, quickly getting onto his knees on the sidewalk: Of course honey.

[tezret]

BoInG

Doctor: Time to test your reflexes.

Floyd, not knowing what the fuck is going on: *dodges little knee hammer*

Doctor, under his breath: holy shit

[tezret]

Paper Cut = Lawsuit

You/Reader, who just got a paper cut: Agh-

Leona: *snorts* Dumbass

Later…

Crowley: So, you, Leona Kingscholar, think NRC, should ban paper?

Leona: It’s dANGEROUS

[tezret]

hm, yes, batshit crazy is on the menu today I see?

Yuu, digging a hole, then bringing out a small box, putting that box into a larger box; continues to lock that box with a key, and then throws key into the distance: *places box in hole*

Jack standing over Yuu as they are now filling their dirt hole: what are you doing?

yuu, patting the dirt: It’s mental health awareness month, Jack.

Jack: ...

Yuu, staring intensely at the dirt before them while crouching: Ya’ll are about to be VERY aware

[tezret]

Apologies

[tezret]

Sucks This Di-

Silver: Hey… Where’s Sebek?

Lilia: Not to worry, I’ll find him.

Lilia, using a megaphone: MALLEUS SUCKS!

Sebek, who just entered Diasomnia and is now on a hunt for whoever said that: SIR MALLEUS IS THE ULTIMATE BEING! Fuck you!

Lilia, smiling to himself: Found him~