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Vanya: You are the worst at pranks in the whole world.

Five: No, I’m not.

Vanya: Yes, you are. You either go too small -

Past Five: Let’s pour some juice near Luther’s shoe.

Vanya: - or way too big.

Past Five: Let’s hit him in the knees with a ski.

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hot take

luther is more like reginald than five will ever be.

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klaus + talking about food

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Comic TUA Kids Summarized

Luther: Only one who takes the superhero gig seriously. One second from a mental breakdown at all times. Cookies to cope.

Diego: Edgelord McGee. While you were on the moon, I was busy studying the blade. Mermaid.

Allison: Practically God. Pretends to be the responsible one. Has never had someone naturally fall in love with her.

Klaus: Too much power. Only shoes can stop him. Loves drugs, the color black, and will manipulate you to win it all.

Five: Absolutely feral. No impulse control and full on aggressive. Too smart for his own good. Modded to be the best of the best, for murder that is. Mr. Pennycrumb.

Ben: Simultaneously dead and a robot. "So no ice cream?"

Vanya: Easily gives into evil peer pressure. Nudist?

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i have this whole theory that klaus is one of the only (living) hargreeves kids who actually made an attempt to process the abuse that good old reggie put them through as children, and a LOT of it comes from the fact he’s been in rehab multiple times. klaus talks like he’s been through some pretty intense therapy that’s actually made a difference to him, and IN THIS ESSAY I WILL PROVE IT (or uh, try to) so buckle up kids cause it’s gonna be a long one

(continued below because when i say essay i mean essay)

stay with me here for a bit: klaus seems to be the only one of the siblings who actively and regularly acknowledges how much of an abusive prick their father was. think about how everyone reacts when it comes to him:

luther spent the most time with their father, was so close to him that he never got the space and time to realise just how much of a monster he truly was. it also means luther inherited a lot of their father’s traits (i’m just saying, the dude found out that he had been lied to maybe two days before everything happened with vanya and allison, of course he’s going to react the way he does when pogo tells him all about how dangerous vanya’s powers are. no one else’s opinion ever mattered before, he’s not gonna learn how to listen first in two goddamn days) and ONLY JUST started to understand that their father was a fucking monster

diego is just angry. angry at the way their father treated him (and i think it’s mostly about him, and maybe grace), angry that he was never good enough to be number one, that he could never curry the same favour with him like luther could, that he was made to feel weak all his life. why do you think he still goes out and fights crime? sure, it’s all he’s ever known, but i wouldn’t be surprised if a part of him was still trying to prove to dear old dad that he was fast enough, brave enough, strong enough to save lives (”saving lives, baby”) or yknow, fuck it, the world??

allison deferred any resentment she felt and got validation through stardom. she filled every hole she had with whatever she felt like she wanted because she knew she could get it. i dunno if allison’s actually processed what reginald put her through, because really we don’t know much about how he taught her, but we know what it made her become, and it took losing her husband and her daughter to make her realise just how terrible she’s been her whole life. interestingly, it doesn’t seem like she ever blames reginald for this, only herself, and is trying to be better because of that. perhaps allison doesn’t realise just how much of an influence he had on making her who she is? 

five is interesting. he had the least amount of time with dad as That Fateful Day took place when he was thirteen, but at that point the seeds of distrust had already been sewn. would five have tried to jump to the future so prematurely if his father hadn’t basically goaded him? daddy hargreeves pretty obviously bolstered five’s ego (”hey five cheated!” “he adapted!”) but had no idea how to reign him in, humble him so that he’d WANT to learn more. reginald was all about power and control. he LOVED pushing the kids to get them to be as powerful as they could be, but it had to happen at HIS pace. five probably never considered how much fucking up his father did in just that period of time, because most of his goddamn trauma came from finding his siblings dead in the wreckage of his home in the midst of the goddamn apocalypse, and then proceeded to LIVE THERE on his own for forty five goddamn years. of course he doesn’t think it matters (”who cares if dad messed us up?” uh, i do five, i do), with him there’s always been something else far more important to care about, but he never got the chance to grow the hell up and understand his emotions. five may technically be 58 but his physical body better represents his emotional age, lbr.

(i’m not actually gonna talk about ben here because i think he’s probably the most emotionally mature out of all of them and i’m 99% sure that’s because he’s been dead for like a decade)

and vanya. vanya literally in the second episode says “i used to see someone” (which is such a loaded line like, “used to”, why not anymore? for how long did she see this mythical therapist?) but if anything’s true about vanya it’s that she never processed the trauma, she just shut down. she never got over the way her father isolated her from everyone (which, as we all know, had WAAAY more layers than we ever could have seen coming from the first few episodes), never got over the fact she was always the outsider from her siblings. she has no relationships, doesn’t push herself or strive for anything because she doesn’t think she’s worth it. it takes one guy with a couple well placed lines to get her to fall in love because that’s all she ever wanted. and even though allison (god BLESS her heart) tries so fucking hard to get through to her, there’s too many years worth of eyerolls, dismissive glances, and “go away vanya”s for her to really start to trust her. if vanya had legitimately taken the time to understand her trauma properly, i feel like she would also have been able to understand that daddy dearest fucked the rest of them up in equal measure. 

all of that leads me onto my main point: klaus. the thing that really stood out for me whenever klaus talked about their father was how he always held him accountable for all the bullshit that he put not just klaus, but ALL of them through (”he was always in here, planning his next torment”). sure, there’s hatred there, and anger just like diego, but klaus talks about the abuse with an element of compassion for himself and his siblings that his siblings do not seem to have. he’s the only one who actively refers to him as a monster (”thank christ he’s not our real father so we couldn’t inherit those cold, dead eyes!!”), and actually seems to want to hold him accountable. i turn you toward the beautiful scene in the day that was when he talks to daddy hargreeves as an example:

klaus starts the conversation pretty irreverent “i was beside myself with grief!” at which point reginald calls him out, “you were poisoning yourself” (the only thing reggie gets any points for in this conversation is seeming vaguely sad that klaus is an addict, but even then… it’s his fault… soooooo)

klaus comes to play at this point. “oh right, well, yeah, you had nothing to do with it. locking me in a mausoleum with corpses when i was 13? no, you’re right, it’s irrelevant.” i’m gonna come back to this, because it’s a big part of the inspiration for this post.

reggie spends a lot of the rest of this conversation defending himself. “you children like to blame everything on me”, to which klaus immediately replies, “well, you were a sadistic prick, not to mention the world’s worst father”

at every opportunity he calls his father out on his behaviour. reggie starts goading him for being afraid of his power (which, yknow, screw you reggie) and klaus immediately rebuttals with “y’know i suggest you get down off your high horse there, dear papa. you never had our best interests at heart, look at your precious number one. luther found all the unopened letters he’d sent you. he knows that you sent him up to the moon for nothing.” i love this line, because not only do we see that klaus has this deep understanding of how his father screwed him up, he’s outright calling dear old papa out for the shit he pulled on his siblings too.

 reggie pauses here, and for a moment seems legitimately remorseful (which, if you watch the scene, completely catches klaus of guard. god, i love robert sheehan he plays this whole thing to perfection), saying “yes, that was foolish of me”, before continuing, “i should have burned it all.”

at which point klaus laughs. “that’s your takeaway?” he says, somehow still astounded that his father could surprise him with how little he cared after all this time. “oh wow, yeah of course it is.”

also please note that reginald gets much more forceful with moving klaus’ head around in order to shave the other side of his face at this point which i could write a whole other post about but that’s for another day because this essay is already too goddamn long

anyway, astonishingly reginald at this point asks “is he okay?” to which klaus rightly responds, “do you care?”, which first of all, stab me in the heart right now, but also speaks to something true in all of them: they all wanted their father to love them, and klaus is actively trying to find SOMETHING to redeem him by, something that would stop him being such a monster in his mind. well, maybe not redeem, but understand.

reggie pulls his usual excuse “it was to prepare you, all of you, for something bigger than yourselves” (which is a HUGE LINE BY THE WAY OH MY GOD) “you never understood that” (yh uhhh whose fault is that dingbat)

klaus takes control of the shave at this point, grabbing his father’s hand as a tear slips down his face (seriously you guys, the power play in this scene it’s fucking masterful and also it’s legitimately making me cry thinking about it) and manages to choke out, “we were just kids. little kids”. 

i really think klaus is desperately trying to get his father to admit he should have been better to them. he really has nothing to lose at this point, he’s just looking for closure. and in a way he gets it, but not the way he wants as reginald replies “you were never just kids. you were meant to save the world.”

(i think that might be the first moment in his whole life that klaus truly understands his father)

what’s my point? imagine any of the other siblings in this scene. imagine luther in this scene. how quickly do you think reginald would have been able to shut down any of luther’s questions? diego would have just tried to fight him; no way he ever would have listened to anything he had to say. i can’t even imagine how allison would have talked to him. five wouldn’t give two shits about getting to know their father again, he’d just want answers. and vanya? actually yknow what him talking to vanya could be very interesting but i digress. 

i honestly believe klaus is the only one who had the emotional maturity to be able to navigate talking to their father, the only one who could call him out on his shitty ass behaviour but still come better to understanding him on a truly compassionate level. he cries when he realises his father killed himself so they’d all get back together. would any of the rest of them manage to move past their feelings of hatred for papa hargreeves and actually understand - not only understand, but empathise - with him while still maintaining that they deserved better?

i really believe that comes straight from all the years in and out of rehab. sure, rehab didn’t actually help klaus get clean - i don’t know what rehab or therapy could help you deal with dead people constantly demanding your attention all the time - but my understanding (and this is where i am happy to be corrected as i have no personal experience with this at all) is that a big part of rehab is therapy. heck, in the flashback scenes when we see when all the siblings are reading vanya’s book, he’s literally sitting in group therapy. klaus has WAAAY more practice in actually talking about his feelings and i don’t care how resistant to it he might have been, you go in and out of those spaces for long enough, something will stick. (nb: as i’m writing this, yknow who he reminds me of? gary king. if you haven’t seen the world’s end, please watch it, i think you’ll understand what i mean.)

this is not to say klaus is in any way perfect. he’s still as flawed and fucked up as the rest of them, but in terms of actually understanding his trauma? he’s strides ahead of the rest of them. 

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Luther: hey Five, can you help take out the trash?

Five: fine, just give me a moment. I need to ask Diego for help.

Luther: why do you need Diego’s help to take out the trash?

Five: well you’re heavy, I can’t lift you all by myself.

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♪ I think we’re alone now. ♪

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14!

It didn’t say for what character so I’m doing the main 7.

14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible or not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food intolerances, etc.)

Luther: Monkey body Nah, uh... Luther’s had asthma since he was a kid, which make missions with a lot of running pretty difficult for him. He also had to have glasses when he was young but when he turned 21(I think that’s the age requirement) he had laser eye surgery so he doesn’t need them anymore.

Diego: Diego is lactose intolerant but doesn’t give a shit about it. He will drink a whole carton of milk at 3 am while making unbreaking eye contact with only a slight amount of regret later. I also like to think that under his gloves Diego has scars on his hand from when he accidentally knicked himself while training. And being attacked while vigilante-ing.

Allison: She once had an ear infection from her earing as a kid but it’s all cool now. Allison has back and hip problems. She doesn’t really know why and neither do doctor’s, but it doesn’t cause too much discomfort so she’s living with it.

Klaus: Klaus is allergic to bees and pollen. He claims he doesn’t go outside because he’s a loner, and an introvert. But really it’s because as soon as he steps outside he can’t stop sneezing and his eyes get puffy. He also needs glasses but wear contacts and/or is just blind because he's lazy

Five: He’s got this weird pineapple allergy and he likes to pretend he’s better than it, but literally every time he’s eaten pineapple he’s almost died so his siblings have to watch out for him.

Ben: Ben my dear has got ADD, and he’s a little lactose sensitive. He can handle a little more dairy than Diego, but it still sucks. He also had insomnia as a kid but he was a little better before he died.

Vanya: She’s got vitiligo, but because she’s already so pale, you don’t see it until she tans. Also, she’s allergic to peanuts, but unlike Five, she respects her body and doesn’t put it in harm's way-

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vanya & klaus parallels

(feel free to suggest more)

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Woah, no, listen, I’m j - sorry, just… let’s go back, alright?

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👀👀

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Why Vanya didn’t ‘turn evil’

My friends were complaining that the ending of TUA makes ‘no sense’ because Vanya suddenly ‘turned evil’ even though she had been nice in all the previous episodes. I feel like Vanya’s arc actually makes sense if you look at her behavior in the previous episodes, especially the ones I’m about to list.. Without further ado, here’s a long ass rant that literally nobody asked for.

Keep reading

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Klaus: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Allison: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Klaus, Not when you’re playing with Five, it’s not. He puts words like “ephemeral.” And I put “dog”...

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Klaus AU

Ok so I have this headcannon that I really want written: In which Klaus gets sober a year after living on the streets. He goes to cosmetology school or is found by a celeb then becomes makeup artist and slowly goes up the food chain with his creativity and lovable personality. He paints celebrities faces until he has the money to eventually create a makeup line that becomes a multi million dollar beauty company that is like #1 in the world.

His colors and formulas are revolutionary and he is successful as fuck, but no one really knows the face behind the company. No one even knows it is a male who is running the company. (Think like pre-2000s). He is engaged to Modern!Dave( who’s a policeman? Simple farmer boy?) and can summon Ben, who is beyond proud of his brother. The three of them live together in a big farm house out of the city with animals running around and a set of baby twins that have curly black hair and green eyes.(Ben gets to name them).

He sends letters to his family all the time throughout the years and tries to keep a connection with them because he loves them even if they are all dicks. Only Vanya (and sometimes Diego and Eudora)responds. The rest believe he is just reaching out for drug money because of that one time he stole some from Luther(because “hey he’s just sitting at the house with no job and it’s really dads money isn’t it?)even though he paid him back.

He builds up a relationship with #7 until the point that he calls Vanya almost everyday, visits her almost weekly and sees all of her shows. With the money for a car, a place for visitors, and a telephone, he convinces her to get out of the city and move closer to him( he may have offered to build a second house on his property). It’s around this time that he notices his sisters pattern of taking her childhood medication and how it affects her confidence. He and Ben notice how sketchy her pills are and immediately they beg her to slowly stop taking them. He is with her to flip out when they realize what their “father” did to her. He teaches her control and helps her learn about herself. (And shows her the beauty of fashion and makeup.) He lets out a collection of makeup called the “Vanya” line.

#3 never talks to him after he leaves and never responds to him when he reaches out. He waits for the day she calls or writes back to him. Meanwhile, it is a well known fact in the celebrity world that Allison Hargreeves loves his makeup line and it’s all that she will wear. Secretly his sister has tried to hire the mystery artist to do her makeup for award shows and when he blows up in popularity, she even talks in interviews about wanting to do photo shoots just for his makeup line. She tries to grab the secret artists attention buuuut.. Klaus promised himself (at Bens prompting) that he wouldn’t let the sister who ignored him until he was more famous than her, take advantage of him even though he feels guilt at basically ignoring her whilst trying to get her attention.

Diego was always Klaus’s favorite silbling(next to Ben of course) and it was the same for Diego. #2 distanced himself for awhile but always picked up the phone for his brother and tried to keep track of him. When he made the connction that Klaus was no longer on the street he was overjoyed but didn’t seek his brother out because he wanted to keep him away from the dangers of being a famous police officer (and secret vigilante). Eudora picks up the phone one day when #4 calls and they secretly become fast bffls. Klaus helps his brothers relationship when he explains Diego’s actions in life and prevents Diego being kicked out of the Police Academy. Eudora and Diego stay together(she doesn’t die). They keep more in touch and Klaus is happy just to hear about his favorite living brother’s life. #2 himself doesn’t really know what’s new in his brothers life because Klaus won’t say anything until he is asked because he is petty like that. (Eudora gets a lot of makeup sent to her and Diego just wonders where it comes from and where to put it.).

Luther is Luther and then he is Luther on the Moon.

Fast foward to March 24, 2019:#4 has conquered his telekinetic and showing Ben off powers. He struts in fashionably late to Reggie’s funeral with his makeup on point, a sexy dress with sharp heels, his hunky fiancé Dave, his twin toddlers, and his confident tiny sister.

Five was gone obviously but, when comes back, he is happy that his brother has his own family and has helped Ben and Vanya.

The rest of the siblings are stunned when they see how put together he and Vanya are. And that Klaus actually has a loving relationship with #7, his husband, and kids. (No Allison bashing buuuuttt..... she is jealous as hell that her brother has a future hubby looks like he worships the ground the Klaus walks on and not one, but two!!!kids that look so well behaved and love Klaus to death.Parenting just looks so natural for him).

Then #4 stops the end of the world with his big heart and queer powers alone.

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What if reggie takes vanya on missions but its just to hold their fanmail and stuff