the-word-spoon - Tumblr blog

[the-word-spoon]

The moon on the water reflected the stars in my eyes The entire time I was finding truth in your lies You wanted me fast, I wanted you more I said "yes" when you asked if I was sure We started sweet sixteen I was reckless summer seventeen Lost in constant inbetween Couldn't find myself I kept jumping in with both feet Buying love sight unseen My body was the currency Couldn't see that it was hell We listened to the waves crash Watched the bonfire burn Did our best to do the same Every time I'd never learn You weren't sorry watching me go Knowing you showed me the path So I dropped your hand for the devil's instead Then buried my secrets in the sand

[the-word-spoon]

Royal

We looked like a film scene.

Fitting,

When they called me a drama queen.

But to me?

It was tragedy.

I never did feel like royalty.

[the-word-spoon]

Storm

Running around in mini skirts with vodka in one hand and a match in the other,

I was drunk and looking for bridges to burn.

I wanted everyone else to hurt.

Could I wreck this town as much as it wrecked me?

Running aground in the relationships I thought would set me free,

But they were all tricks and traps.

The traitors just laughed.

Do you want your knife back or should I leave it in mine?

[the-word-spoon]

Flames

I don't remember meeting, All I know is the mess you left me.

You came in hot and lit the fuse, Then I poured gasoline on you.

And we fucking burned.

The hottest heat I'd ever felt, Should've known it wouldn't end well.

Had me wrapped around your finger, The same one you had on the trigger.

Russian Roulette every night but I never learned.

Would you even remember me now, If the fates brought us back somehow?

We'd smile and play nice, The flame would try to reignite.

Another goodbye all but confirmed.

[the-word-spoon]

Burn

I was the loaded pistol in the shotgun seat. Cock it, pull it. One, two. Is this me? Who are you? I thought I knew you cover to cover, Like we were hand made for each other. The fates twisted. Your target, I missed it. Our love story burned when we crashed through the gates of hell. Nothing left to say, No one I could tell. My own blast deafened me, Numbed me. I imploded, We both know it. Now we have to sleep in the silence, That deathly quiet. Cold fire, hard wired To believe in a happy ending.  Oh well.

[the-word-spoon]

Haze

Those nights we were cooler than the winter air Acting like we didn’t care Growing up ain’t for us And our future was nowhere Those nights we were higher than the mountain trees Going too far in my backseat Settling down ain’t for us And our future was free Those nights we look back on now Wishing they lasted forever somehow Staying still wasn’t for us And our future was out of that town Those nights we lost when we weren’t sure Letting go was torture Clawing through the smoke and haze Now our past is just a blur

[the-word-spoon]

The Word Spoon

I guess I’m not really sure where to start. Truthfully, I think I just want someone to think I’m interesting. Anyone and for any reason. Maybe that isn’t the healthiest reason to start writing things down, but writing has always been a bit of a safe haven for me. So perhaps I’ll start there...

I’m 28 now, but when I was younger, I was obsessed with writing poems. They weren’t necessarily GOOD poems, but it was a way for me to organize my thoughts and express my inner most feelings. Not that I shared them with anyone other than myself. I simply found comfort in the words leaving my mind and finding the paper through my own hand. I’ve always been quite the book worm as well. It was like the more words I could spoon into my soul, the less I’d have to think about reality. Words in, words out. Constantly. 

Somewhere along the road, I stopped indulging in several chapters of a good book before bed. I stopped penning the twists and turns of my thoughts and feelings in journal after journal. Maybe I was too busy or maybe I became overly self-conscious or maybe I just forgot how to indulge in words as life became more, well, lifey. 

Today has been overwhelmingly lifey. Between my work life and my personal life, I’m struggling to reason why work life matters at all. Aren’t there more important things? How do you focus on, or even care about a job, when a loved one has been in the ICU for a month. But how do I focus on having a personal life when a loved one has been in the ICU for a month AND I’m now feeling behind at work. 

Yeah, yeah, I know - it could always be worse right?! Trust me, I’m vividly aware of that and I thank my lucky stars everyday for the privileges I have and I try so hard not to take those things for granted. This is simply me enveloping myself in the warm, safe space of words for a small amount of time so I can just breathe. I’m not even sure what this is yet. A blog? My life story? Getting back to poetry? Honestly, I don’t know and I’m not overly inclined to care right now. 

Maybe the only eyes that ever see these words are mine. I can only hope that by doing this, I help myself feel lighter. And if anyone else wants to use my words to help themselves feel a little lighter too, well, feel free to come along for the ride and we’ll see where it takes us.

You did good today,

The Word Spoon