thegeodesystem - Tumblr blog

[thegeodesystem]

this post is for the people with memory issues

people who's memories are getting worse every day, who's memories are stable but poor, people who can't remember what they did today or yesterday or this week, people who's childhoods are a faded blur. people who have slow greying-out amnesia that seems to just fade in and out of existence, and people who have complete blackouts, and people who have both. people who mourn the happy memories they know they've lost, who fear the bad memories they've lost that still affect them.

people who have "emotional amnesia" that makes it feel like none of their memories are their own, because there's few or no feelings attached. people who can ONLY remember the feelings from certain or even most memories, not actual events. people who's memory issues scare them or make them angry or make them miserable. people who's memory issues get them called childish or difficult or rude. who can't remember the names or faces of those they love. who are constantly forgetting the things that "you'd remember if you really cared". who misplace everything. who remember so little of their lives that they barely know who they are. people who's memory issues come from trauma/dissociation, ADHD, traumatic brain injury, brain fog/chronic fatigue, drug use, alcoholism. people who have no idea what causes their memory issues. people who's memory issues come from something else entirely.

i love you, you're strong, and you deserve support and care for what you're going through. memory issues can be frustrating and upsetting and disabling, and your suffering deserves to be recognized. whether you're soaring through recovery or are only ever going to get worse, you deserve good things in life and to live the fullest you can, regardless of how much you remember.

[thegeodesystem]

Im just kinda vibing here.

[thegeodesystem]

I dont want to

I have an important lab in 30 minutes and i havent gotttwn my lab stuff together yet cause im actually like having the most intense panic attack i think ive had all year??

I slash gen dont think i can do this. I dont qanna be here i wanna leave and i dont know hwo but i qorked so hard to be hwee and i dont wanna leave

Thats crazy, i just stopped. Ok then??? lol

Hmm, might try adding a linebreak again. Dont really wanna delete it cause tbh idk, doesnt seem right to tho

Also might post this on the DID sideblog we have rather than main cause this was defo a recording of a switch lmaoo

Very dissociated actually, thinking about it. Wondering if taking a nap instead of going to lab would be a good idea since we're probably not coming back anyways lol

Oh cool, arm is shaking. Leaning toward the nap idea, might lay down at least ig

[thegeodesystem]

You’re tired. Burnt out. Exhausted. Stressed.

This lowers your capacity for emotional regulation.

You’ll cry more easily. Get dragged into low moods more easily. Simple little things where you’re like ‘dang, that shouldn’t hit so hard,’ will wallop you.

This will trick you into thinking you’re weak and can’t handle life. A loser.

Not so my friend.

It’s a signal that you need a nap, need to allow for more sleep at night, need to prioritize and scale back on what you can accomplish in a day, need to take a mental health day or even a leave.

Something’s got to give.

But!

It’s not your self worth.

[thegeodesystem]

It’s interesting how there are at least 2 types of “I don’t remember that.”

1. Not remembering until the memory gets triggered/ you are confronted with evidence, and then you do remember.

2. Absolutely no evidence will bring back the memory. The memory does not exist anymore. That wasn’t me. Nope. Didn’t happen.

And then there’s “I have been told about this, and while I do not remember it, I know that it is factually correct. How do I know? I don’t know.”

I don’t even know what my point is, it’s just interesting to think about. Memories are weird, dissociation is weird. The way the highly traumatized young mind deals with memories is weird.

[thegeodesystem]

I'm writing a story where a young girl is chosen as a changeling and developed a traumagenic system as a result of this. Because of the fact that she is human and 'Mentally Broken' (fae's words, not mine), she is seen as inferior and hurt, leading to more headmates, etc etc.

Anyway, years later one of her the host meets a fae prince. The host starts to fall for him, and tries to hide her system.

The prince finds out, and is very confused, but still loves the host and promises to win over all her other headmates.

Anyway, lots of buildup to say that I have no idea how to write traumagenic systems, and if you have any tips, I woul love to hear them.

There's a lot of differences between traumagenic systems, but obviously they're all going to have symptoms of trauma if they haven't healed. So I suggest you do some research on how to write traumatised characters first up, and read up on first-hand experiences of traumagenic systems

She could also have negative, positive, mixed, or fluctuating feelings about her system as a traumagenic one. She may feel grateful her system exists to protect her, or to keep her company. She may also feel upset that she doesn't have complete ownership of her body and life, and her system may serve as a constant reminder of her trauma. I suggest you decide on attitudes that each headmate has toward the system because it'll impact their interactions with each other and the outside world

Dissociation is also common in traumagenic systems. Remember that there's different levels of dissociation, and there's going to be more dissociation in more stressful or traumatising situations. They may also dissociate whenever they're switching, or if there's too many headmates in or near front

My main tip for you is that research is always key whenever you're writing about something that occurs in real life!

Good luck with your writing :]

-Mod Mountain

[thegeodesystem]

Hi! On anon for my safety, but I saw the ISSTD tweeted smth on the etiology of DID and I wanted to know your thoughts on it? Mostly for processing’s sake as well, as I can struggle with understanding studies now and then

The link to the paper! http://ow.ly/r40x30mZF79

The paper is Revisiting the etiological aspects of dissociative identity disorder: a biopsychosocial perspective. A very good one that I recommend to anyone interested in the causation of DID! I don't think I can do it justice if I tried to summarize the entire thing, so I'll just write down some bullet points of things I found interesting:

What is DID?: 

DID is a complex, posttraumatic, developmental disorder that is caused by trauma in childhood (usually very early childhood).

What causes DID?:

DID arises when a child’s ability to develop an ordinary sense of self in relation to others is impeded by unintegrated trauma.

Emotional neglect by parents and/or siblings is the strongest predictor of DID (and any other dissociative disorder).

More covert trauma such as dysfunctional communication in families or subtle emotional neglect can lead to milder presentations DID.

DID VS PTSD:

Switching between alters is considered to be a more elaborated version of PTSD intrusions & avoidance.

People with PTSD & DID generally experience the same amount of feeling shame, betrayal, self-blame, anger and fear.

People with DID tend to experience more feelings of alienation, loneliness, and disconnection than people with PTSD.

DID VS normal experiences:

The human mind is naturally made up of multiple interconnected “modes” that make up their whole self.

Trauma & dissociation causes modes to become decoupled and start existing in smaller, isolated pockets.

In DID, the modes have become so disconnected that individual modes start functioning as if they, independently from each other, are the whole self.

In a non-DID brain, new modes are always being created and old modes are always being updated.

In DID, this process is impaired. New modes are created in a disjointed way, and old modes don't get updated correctly if at all.

[thegeodesystem]

[thegeodesystem]

a sequel to this post

[thegeodesystem]

If you're the person in your friend group who initiates conversations 90-100% of the time, it can feel tempting sometimes to just stop contacting people to see if they will reach out, and therefore if they actually like you or if you are inflicting yourself on them. The problem with this is there are multiple flaws that can't be overcome in this type of test, including the fact that if you always reach out and suddenly don't, people will assume you're busy rather than that you want them to reach out, or just the fact that some people genuinely enjoy your company but hate or are terrible at remembering to reach out. So basically don't immediately assume that silence always equals disinterest or disdain; that's your own hangups talking, not the people you care about.

[thegeodesystem]

The wildest part about being a system and having known you are a system for a while (6+ years for us) HAS to be seeing people who are just figuring it out fall into holes that you've long left behind.

Like. Yeah. We also thought we needed to keep tabs on everyone to increase communication. In the end it became too unwieldy. Especially since DID evolves with what you experience all the time.

Microlabels are cool and I fully support anyone who uses them, but figuring out what to call every single structure in your system isn't for us anymore.

Another thing we notice is people who try their best to know who is fronting at all given times. A lot of that comes naturally to us nowadays, but it's also... OK not to know. Especially if you're not focusing on anything system related at the time.

I guess a lot of this boils down to, it's okay not to care. It's okay to go with the flow of things and figure out at your own pace. Identity is fluid, especially if you have a dissociative disorder. You don't HAVE to have everything figured out 100% of the time.

It's okay to take it slow. It's okay to not know. It's okay to just exist for a bit. It's okay to live and experience things beyond being a system.

To all the people who are just starting to comprehend this. You do not need to know and label exactly what is happening in your head all the time. Fuck, we sure don't. And we're happier for it.

It's okay to just be you.

[thegeodesystem]

[thegeodesystem]

@theghosttown-syndicate

Diver convince octopus to trade his plastic cup for a seashell

[thegeodesystem]

@theghosttown-syndicate

[thegeodesystem]

@theghosttown-syndicate

[thegeodesystem]

@theghosttown-syndicate

[thegeodesystem]

@theghosttown-syndicate

About to drop off the face of the earth for college finals

Here's some space : )

northern lights photographed from space