thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog

[thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog]

Bucket list for life

1. Travel at least 8 Times a year

2. Own a house

3. Rent a house

4. Drink alone in a bar

5. Eat alone in a restaurant

6. Say I love you to the person

7. Speak your mind

8. Have a sizeable bank balance

9. Eat weird shit

10. Learn guitar

More to be updated soon.

[thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog]

In love, with you, for eternity

The attraction,

The falling

In love

Is way too easy.

Being in love

And hoping for something

Is harder than everything

You will ever come across.

Just looking

And not meeting their eyes

Afraid they will read

The longing that you have for them.

Watching them fall in love

Being there for them

On that road

Is solace of a different kind.

Love that is not for you

Love that will never be for you

Love that is as bitter as it is sweet

Love that is as strong as it is weak.

But you still go on loving them

From near, from afar but still for them

Because that is what love is

Hidden or exposed, Love is love

You want to scream it out loud

You want to whisper softly

Like a cool wind in a warm summery night

You do, but in the privacy of you room

Like I said before...

The attraction,

The falling

In love

Is way too easy.

But being in love

Is harder than anything

You have ever come across.

[thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog]

Love the remix!

[thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog]

Had fancy shit today. No kidding! Actually had one of the world’s most expensive coffees - Kopi Luwak. It is made by collecting coffee beans eaten by wild civets and is sold at US$500 per kilogram.

[thegirlwiththerunningshoes-blog]

I’m Bisexual And I’m Still Not Comfortable With It

Yes. I’m a bisexual and I am still uncomfortable with it.

For 30 years of my life, I had lived with the belief that I was a heterosexual female, with absolutely no sexual interest towards people of my own gender. This certainty was so solid that nothing could have shaken it, as far as I was concerned.

That changed a few months ago. Shattered to be precise. The foundation that I had believed in broke into pieces and led me to have a panic attack. I could still remember the night when I had that attack. I was taking a walk alone after dinner and got thinking. One thing led to another and another. It was like a lightning strike. I couldn’t run away from it and I couldn’t deny. I found it hard to breathe and started seeing black spots. I needed someone to talk to and knew it couldn’t be my moderate yet traditional Indian family. I couldn’t reach my closest friends in time to talk to them. But at last one of them answered my call and talked me through it. I am so grateful to her.

I had always supported and fought for LGBTQIA+ rights because of a simple fact. I don’t believe anyone has the right to dictate who I could or couldn’t love. I have seen what my friends had gone through. I thought I understood slightly what their struggle was. But I was wrong!

I discussed my realisation with some other friends later. And how I was still coming to terms with it and how uncomfortable I still was and am. One of them was my closest friend. He asked me whether I was ashamed of him being a gay man. My answer was an immediate and fierce no. Then he asked me then why am I acting shameful for being a bisexual person.

I couldn’t make him understand that I am not ashamed of being a bisexual. I am very uncomfortable with it. I know how deeply conditioned I am, so much so that I will never be able to tell the person who opened this floodgate inside me how I feel, I will never be able to openly confess my love to my partner (if it happens to be a she) and definitely I don’t have the courage to tell my family about it. Does that make me ashamed of who I am? Because I am not bi-curious like I thought for a long time. I am bisexual or pansexual, I believe, they call it nowadays. That is I get attracted to a person, irrespective of their genders. But I do not believe I am ashamed of it.

Sometime I regret discussing it with my friends. If I had not, I could have kept the knowledge with me. I feel free at once and caged too. Free because I don’t have to hide from my friends. Caged because it complicates matters. But it is who I am. I might be scared of what it all means but I don’t question it.

I am uncomfortable with it, not ashamed.