theidiotwriter

[theidiotwriter]

There was a time when I was desperate to be in love. Now I'm desperate to be out of love.

I forgot to ask to BE loved.

I can't keep trying for someone that doesn't want me.

Don't like you anymore. I love you, I'm damned with it. What matters is that you don't.

It's okay that its over

I've learnt that I can love. That I can feel so strongly, overwhelmingly, obsessively. I know how not to do it now.

You've taught me to never trust You've shown me how much it can hurt.

And I'm worth it. More than you are.

I'll never love anyone like I loved him. No one's ever gonna love him like I did.

[theidiotwriter]

Hating you would bring me more joy than loving you ever could.

-

Poems for women god forgot to bless

By N x

[theidiotwriter]

“In the month of the spirits and follies, two lovers of sound mind and body formed a union as old as the first cell. She screamed “I adore you” he responded with muffled mumbles of adoration.

Life reared its ugly head and panic set grasped her. She cried and shook; he wiped her tears and warmed her hands. She saw him and the caged words crawled out, she cried “is it wrong that I’m falling in love with you? I’m falling in love with you.

Salvation, he thought and smiled so brightly she was sure dawn had broken in front of her.

She saw that smile and decided he was perfect; she had decided he was a person worth mending her scars for. She had only one hope left. That he too, was madly in love with her”

[theidiotwriter]

Hems

My words seem so hazy to myself. Each word is muffled by my paranoia as it runs away from me. You, you seem to catch them all yet still give me nothing in return. We catch each other's hazy words, you and i. We are torn from the same cloth. To say we were cut would be ridiculous when the hems of our lives are so vulgarly displayed to the ones around us. Help me. Help me fix my torn hems. It has to be you, only you, please god let it be you who can fix these torn hems of mine.

[theidiotwriter]

Somalia, 1958 - by Todd Webb (1905 – 2000), American

[theidiotwriter]

Really wanted to start something new on here so, since I read a lot and fast, like really fast I thought, why not make book reviews? And here we are.

No spoilers

Book review: 5/5

The seven deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

I didn't know anything when I started reading this book, I hadn't read the description, I hadn't heard of it, and no one had invited me to read it. I had only noticed an interesting title among many others. Who could die seven times? Who is Evelyn? A question I would've surprisingly carried with me until the end.

At a party thrown by her parents, Evelyn Hardcastle will be killed - again. She's been murdered hundreds of times, and each day, Aiden Bishop is too late to save her. 

Description:

It is meant to be a celebration but it ends in tragedy. As fireworks explode overhead, Evelyn Hardcastle, the young and beautiful daughter of the house, is killed. But Evelyn will not die just once. Aiden Bishop knows the rules. Evelyn Hardcastle will die every day until he can identify her killer and break the cycle. But every time the day begins again, Aiden wakes up in the body of a different guest at Blackheath Manor. And some of his hosts are more helpful than others. With a locked-room mystery that Agatha Christie would envy, Stuart Turton unfurls a breakneck novel of intrigue and suspense.

Actual thoughts:

Unexpected is the first word coming to mind when I think of this book. It's immersive, I could see scenes happening in front of my eyes, and I could feel the character's frustration, fear, the reasoning behind every little detail as nothing and I really mean nothing in the book is left unsolved or unclear or happens without motive. I loved each personality, and each character as the plot unveiled more and more information, more and more enigmas.

The book perfectly grasps what means to be human in all its shades, from the darkest to it's most compassionate. Truly a whirlwind of emotions, of different standpoints and opposite inferences on the same happenings of a same day and events.

The seven deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle truly captured my attention to the point I couldn't put the book down, I had to know and when knowledge was given I found it in abundance, the same couldn't be said for the truth as it evades the reader skillfully leaving one wondering, questioning his own morals and putting themselves in the shoes of the main character. I often found myself thinking if violence wouldn't have been the answer myself, if there could've been a shortcut, a way to dodge the foretold which only raised additional surprises and actual reprimands from the main character himself who feels strongly on the subject.

I loved it, it was refreshing, brilliant.

I honestly cannot capacitate myself with how the hell someone could've come up with such a convoluted and emotional journey which only makes me strive to better myself and gifted me an unparalleled experience I couldn't experience twice only by chance.

[theidiotwriter]

A person can only be born in one place. However, he may die several times elsewhere : in the exiles and prisons, in a homeland transformed by the occupation and oppression into a nightmare.

- Mahmoud Darwish

[theidiotwriter]

Prompt #3490

“Which god do you pray to?”

“Why?”

“I want to know who I’m sending you back to.”

[theidiotwriter]

When I was little I would swim to the bottom of my grandmother's pool and die. Every summer, 6 weeks, uninterrupted I would swim like a fish and flounder until I died. Then I would swim towards the sun and break free from the water's surface into the scorching summer air. No one would ever know. I would watch them as they walked along the pool, droning on about this person's marriage and that person's divorce. All the way, they were unknown to the death that had just occurred. Though I wanted to be like the other angsty kids and feed into the illusion that no one would bat a single eye if I had died, the comforting truth was far from that obscene imagery. I tried to imagine my tired mother, looking at my floating corpse as she drank her knockoff shandy through my sister's crazy straw. I’d imagine she wouldn’t even take off the heart shaped sunglasses my dad won for her on the boardwalk. She would look on at the little floating body and go back to sunbathing. And I would be left for the birds.

[theidiotwriter]

Writing action scenes is truly the biggest test of patience I’ve faced in a long time 🥲

[theidiotwriter]

I’ll be honest, idk if goncharov is real or not but it’s still better than the godfather trilogy.

[theidiotwriter]

Hot take: I believe the only two affected by the bacchanal in the secret history were Henry and Camila. Since they’re the only controlled people in the group, they clearly let go the most. In contrast, Francis and Charles would continuously give into their desires.

[theidiotwriter]

It angers me that people know The Secret History for its aesthetic but barely talk about the amazing writing. Most of the famous quotes are in Latin or related to it but people miss out on other quotes that are simply breathtaking. Never in my life have I felt as seen as when I started The Secret History for the first time and read “I liked the idea of living in a city — any city, especially a strange one — liked the thought of traffic and crowds, of working in a bookstore, waiting tables in a coffee shop, who knew what kind of solitary life I might slip into? Meals alone, walking the dogs in the evenings; and nobody knowing who I was.” Never. And yes, “Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it” is a nice quote, but this, it makes you feel seen. It is literature at its finest.

[theidiotwriter]

Did she really just call my name out? Me? No, does she mean Ahmed  M? She must have meant him, I don’t get certificates. He does. Oh no, she’s looking at me, she does mean me. Shit! it’s been three seconds and I'm still sitting. Okay, call down Ahmed. It’s okay. You can do this. Just stand, just 600 stupid muscles. Good see. Now walk. Wait, no you’re walking to fast. Don’t walk to fast you look eager. Just walk like a normal person. Dear God, this is humiliating. Why am I like this? Fuck. If it wasn’t embarrassing as hell I'd drop dead. Mum’s right I shouldn't say that. 

Okay good, you made it. Good lad Ahmed you get to sleep tonight. Okay now stand straight. good, see you’ve got the hang of this. Being normal isn’t as hard as it seems now, is it? Yes, you’ve made it to the stairs. Wait, okay just look at the steps. 1, good. 2, you are master of the universe, no one in this world or the next can ever harm you, you have the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. Trip. You are the scum of the earth, no one will ever love you and you will die knowing only the crushing pain of defeat. Who trips like that. Can I please just drop dead I don’t want to live on this earth anymore. Jesus, how I made it to centre stage I'll never fucking know but good. Wait why am I blinking so much. Can you stop blinking? okay, alright blink every three seconds. 1, 2, 3 blinks. Yes! Master of the universe once again. Okay. Good.  Look her in the eye for two seconds. Good good. See I knew I could do this I’m a motherfucking champion. Why am I salivating so much? Don’t swallow she might think you’re aroused. Just take the certificate and go. 

Why is she holding onto it? Shit, she’s looking directly at me. God her lips are chapped. Christ can’t she just give me the fucking thing, fuck she knows, she knows me time travel. She can’t know that. How would she know that? She doesn’t know that it’s just your subconscious Ahmed, it doesn’t mean anything. Look at her. She’s just flesh and bone like you. She cannot read your mind she cannot see what’s inside your head and she certainly doesn’t know what you choose to do in your spare time. Of all the things you choose to do. The dumb things. The ketchup sandwiches and shameful sips of vodka on movie day at Ben’s; why would she care about anything you do. Think about it. How could she actually know? She’d be struck down by the intrusive thoughts. She’d be punched by the barrages of ‘you’re worthless Ahmed, you’re horrible Ahmed’ 

She’d never make it to my secrets. She has taken the role of the minotaur and I'm Daedalus. I dare her. I dare her to take a trip into the labyrinth that is my mind. But she hasn’t taken that trip. She doesn't care about what happens in my head. She’s not a minotaur. I am. I’m the one that’s lost in the maze she helped create. It’s true. It’s so painfully true. This certificate of best attendance was created by fear. Fear of disappointment to Mum and Dad and all the aunties watching my every move. Getting me ready to marry one of their yapping daughters. Oh god, I need to think. Think. Think. When was the last moment of true happiness Ahmed? Exactly. You’re the minotaur, Ahmed. The world doesn’t love you. It makes sure you’re scared. You have to be scared. You can’t be anything but scared. 

You’re not allowed to be anything but scared. Ahmed, you’re not the one people want to see. 

They want to see the accomplishments of your fear.

[theidiotwriter]

- Here’s a list of one liners i had stored in the deepest pits of my Google docs, any critique is welcome :)

“I threw my back out giving your mother head, there. Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

“There are two white men fighting over my pussy, let me and my ancestors have this” 

“God saw my gene pool and said ‘Here, have good looks and a sense of humour’” 

“If anyone asks for my exam results I won’t be held accountable for my actions. 

“He just left me in an empty parking lot with a broken heart and a nicotine addiction, all my Lana del ray dreams came true” 

“Working in a menswear store is hard because I’m trying to cripple the patriarchy while giving them fashion advice”

“Ma’am, don’t try me I was born ready to raw dog this prison shit”

“I might have the body of a 33-year-old paraplegic but I can still fight a god.

“Swimming in the same gene pool as you people has left a stain on my soul”

“I can’t go to my GP for therapy, this man has thoroughly examined my anus on several occasions” 

[theidiotwriter]

Mothra: So I heard that guy over there fucked your boyfriend. That sucks alot dude. Must be pretty shaken up about that.

King Ghidorah: How do you think I feel being cucked by a fat dumbass lizard!?

Mothra: Well it might upset you to know that I also fucked your boyfriend.

King Ghidorah: I will kill you..... and then kill you again.

[theidiotwriter]

Idk what God blessed me with these MASTERPIECES, THESE GIFTS FROM THE HEART OF A DYING STAR, but thank you or whatever

Rodan: Godzilla. Mothra. I have a confession to make....I'm...I'm seeing someone

Mothra: Oh that's gre-

Godzilla: Well no shit! You got eyes damnit. Like the hell? What's so revealing about that? I'm seeing someone too, you ain't special!

Ghidorah: [hiding the the bushes] This dumbass.