thoughtsby-mel

[thoughtsby-mel]

Not fair

Hello everyone, how are you doing ? Yesterday, in France, it was the music festival (fête de la musique). I didn't went to this festival cause i had nobody to go with but, when i watched the BeReals of my friends, i felt so bad. I'ma explain.

In school, i always stay with this group of 4 girls. They're not my friends yk, but they're the only person i can stay with. And not too long ago, a girl we know, called Faustine, did a drama and was talking in our back. When we learned that, we were saying things like "how could she.." , "Why is she talking bad abt us, we were so kind with her" ect... We were mad at her for like 1 week, but suddenly, she started talking to us again, and i dont know why, but it was okay for the other girls in the group. Anyway. Sometimes, we still talk abt her cause what she did was mean. And because of that, i sincerly thought the group prefered me instead of her, cause i never did something mean to anybody yk.. Well i think i was wrong. While watching Bereal, guess who the girls were with ? Faustine.

We talked, for a week, abt how mean she was to us, and now you're inviting HER to have fun and lefting ME out ? Seriously ? Maybe im doing too much, cause like i said, those girls are not really my friends and i just stay with them cause they're kind. But why the hell would you do that. I guess they're not that kind.

Anyway, i can't fucking wait to go to another school next year. Can't stand those hypocrite bitches anymore.

[thoughtsby-mel]

4 days till my exam, guess who's not ready ?

[thoughtsby-mel]

i can't do this anymore

Those days have been horrible. All i do is rot in my bed, masturbate 4 times a day, and not having enough motivation to clean my room or study for my exam which is coming.

3 weeks ago, i told myself i HAD to get rid of hypersexuality to get a better mental and physical health. And i was like "starting this weekend !" and then "starting this Monday !" and then "starting at the beggining of the summer holidays".. I never do what i promised and i'm scared it'll be the same in a few days at the start of the vacations. I'm scared to say something like : " yeah nevermind i'll start in august". Like hell no Mélina you have to act RIGHT NOW if you wanna get better and have a good back to school while being healthy, but there's always this feeling that i can't resist, and then i end up on ph or listening to audios.. I know that it isn't the only thing causing me problems in my life but its mostly because of hypersexuality. And next to that, im also very angry with my mom and grandma those days so its not helping me.. I also dont have any motivation to shower, brush my teeth ect.. I feel disgusting when im just a 15 years old girl suposed to be talking abt boys with my friends and im here in my bed everyday watching the stories of the girls in my school. I wish i was like them. Those days, i really hate my life but i dont want to die yk, there's so much to see in the world but i just wish this feeling in my chest which is never leaving me will go this summer. I hope doing sport, doing more activities (drawing...), go less on social media and watch less p0rn will help me get better and get rid of this fucking disgusting life. Anyway... Idk what im going to do rn. maybe study ? lol, another promise i won't keep.

[thoughtsby-mel]

i hate my mom so much these days

[thoughtsby-mel]

Today's mood

Hi there ! Today is like the others day : i dont have any motivation, im anxious, i watched (again) some p0rn ect... I didn't even study for my big exam which is in 10 days so this is pretty bad. I've been telling myself that I HAVE to heal while doing some sports, relaxation ect but i just can't find the motivation. Oh, and i think i forgot to add one thing in the last post : i have maladaptive daydreaming. So this increase even more my procastination. I think i'll start studying tomorrow cause the exam's really coming soon. Anyway, today, nothing has really changed but i think i'll start seriously my "healing routine" at the beggining of the summer vacations.

Hope y'all r doing great ! :)

see you

[thoughtsby-mel]

hi

Hello everyone, hope you're doing okay. been dealing with a lot of mental problems those months and i decided to create a blog where i'll post some quotes, my feelings, pictures... Like a secret diary. My goal is to become a better person and to have a better life hygiene. I suffer of general anxiety, hypersexuality and addictions.

Hope you'll enjoy this adventure with me !

PS : sorry, my english is not that good, im french :) oui oui baguette