tossertozier

[tossertozier]

i got nothing to do tonight. the edits have begun. idk why i was making a big deal about it, end of the day its my fucking story. very minor tweaks to chapter 1, but it feels good. honestly, shitty rough drafts do exist for a reason. i did have a vague plan to just make this its own thing one day, but completely gutting it of stephen king and leaving the heart there might be damn well impossible now that i’m really looking at it. it’s meant to hold a mirror to IT, in a modern, non-supernatural timeline, unfortunately, unlike my other works.

hello nobody but myself later,

someone new has been reading &tfat and leaving lil comments. i am touched but also having a good time just really tearing it apart in my own head and wanted to share some of my further thoughts:

i feel like one of &tfat’s greatest strengths is also one of its greatest weaknesses. i considered &tfat to be a jumping point off of the experiment i ran in writing the foundations of a sphere, which is actually where i sat down and i wrote that first chapter where they play the same game with the same exact dialogue, in 7 different perspectives, and then chose one to be the starter. the point of it was to attempt to approach the storyline with the same weight in my head given to each and every character so that even the most minute details pack a punch. i had gotten feedback before that in academia about brevity, so i was really just experimenting with getting out a point with very few words.

&tfat was overwhelmingly more ambitious, because i attempted to do that very thing with literally everybody. like actually think of them as a person, who they are, what their day looks like, before introducing them as a character. so, of course, the kids, obviously, but also: the parents, their coworkers, etc. ange, georgie, sharon, wentworth, patty, rick, jo, EVERYBODY!

i vividly remember writing a very dramatic heart to heart with jo and bill, and then re-reading it and being like “why would jo be doing this? jo doesn’t have time for this. she is an entertainment manager for a renn faire. she would be like like shut up bill do ur job” so i scratched it and rewrote it.

fucking EXHAUSTING. in my re-read, i’m noticing i “know” way too much about certain people, katie & emily, who were literally just there for the kind of wrap-up theming we still haven’t gotten to, and like NOTHING about other characters who are actually plot-relevant.

ben’s mom is never seen or mentioned but in a phone call.

i never actually committed to mike having one or two grandparents and the mentions of them are incredibly vague.

and i’m really reading this being like “of course i never finished this. i literally had no where to go. this ends with mike, mike’s plot wrapped around his family, and we as a reader know absolutely nothing about them in reality. only from mike’s monologues. we don’t even know the reasoning they’re insisting he stays on the farm. it’s perfectly reasonable to sell a family business when children have no interest in it, like why are they like this? we don’t know who they are at all. they lost at least one of their children, that’s absolutely devastating to a parent, and i’ve treated their character with pretty much no respect other than plot filler for mike’s story.”

perhaps i will just go back and gut this story. the entire party chapter should be about mike and his family, i need to rewrite the date chapter. perhaps!

[tossertozier]

me, feeling like “i knew the plot intrinsically”: yeah mike somehow with incredibly strict grandparents that have no real reason to leave the property and probably would not, threw a rager for two years in a row and no one was none the wiser!!!

how did i not even GUESS that i was copying what the fuuuuuuuck i gotta change that

hello nobody but myself later,

someone new has been reading &tfat and leaving lil comments. i am touched but also having a good time just really tearing it apart in my own head and wanted to share some of my further thoughts:

i feel like one of &tfat’s greatest strengths is also one of its greatest weaknesses. i considered &tfat to be a jumping point off of the experiment i ran in writing the foundations of a sphere, which is actually where i sat down and i wrote that first chapter where they play the same game with the same exact dialogue, in 7 different perspectives, and then chose one to be the starter. the point of it was to attempt to approach the storyline with the same weight in my head given to each and every character so that even the most minute details pack a punch. i had gotten feedback before that in academia about brevity, so i was really just experimenting with getting out a point with very few words.

&tfat was overwhelmingly more ambitious, because i attempted to do that very thing with literally everybody. like actually think of them as a person, who they are, what their day looks like, before introducing them as a character. so, of course, the kids, obviously, but also: the parents, their coworkers, etc. ange, georgie, sharon, wentworth, patty, rick, jo, EVERYBODY!

i vividly remember writing a very dramatic heart to heart with jo and bill, and then re-reading it and being like “why would jo be doing this? jo doesn’t have time for this. she is an entertainment manager for a renn faire. she would be like like shut up bill do ur job” so i scratched it and rewrote it.

fucking EXHAUSTING. in my re-read, i’m noticing i “know” way too much about certain people, katie & emily, who were literally just there for the kind of wrap-up theming we still haven’t gotten to, and like NOTHING about other characters who are actually plot-relevant.

ben’s mom is never seen or mentioned but in a phone call.

i never actually committed to mike having one or two grandparents and the mentions of them are incredibly vague.

and i’m really reading this being like “of course i never finished this. i literally had no where to go. this ends with mike, mike’s plot wrapped around his family, and we as a reader know absolutely nothing about them in reality. only from mike’s monologues. we don’t even know the reasoning they’re insisting he stays on the farm. it’s perfectly reasonable to sell a family business when children have no interest in it, like why are they like this? we don’t know who they are at all. they lost at least one of their children, that’s absolutely devastating to a parent, and i’ve treated their character with pretty much no respect other than plot filler for mike’s story.”

perhaps i will just go back and gut this story. the entire party chapter should be about mike and his family, i need to rewrite the date chapter. perhaps!

[tossertozier]

hello nobody but myself later,

someone new has been reading &tfat and leaving lil comments. i am touched but also having a good time just really tearing it apart in my own head and wanted to share some of my further thoughts:

i feel like one of &tfat’s greatest strengths is also one of its greatest weaknesses. i considered &tfat to be a jumping point off of the experiment i ran in writing the foundations of a sphere, which is actually where i sat down and i wrote that first chapter where they play the same game with the same exact dialogue, in 7 different perspectives, and then chose one to be the starter. the point of it was to attempt to approach the storyline with the same weight in my head given to each and every character so that even the most minute details pack a punch. i had gotten feedback before that in academia about brevity, so i was really just experimenting with getting out a point with very few words.

&tfat was overwhelmingly more ambitious, because i attempted to do that very thing with literally everybody. like actually think of them as a person, who they are, what their day looks like, before introducing them as a character. so, of course, the kids, obviously, but also: the parents, their coworkers, etc. ange, georgie, sharon, wentworth, patty, rick, jo, EVERYBODY!

i vividly remember writing a very dramatic heart to heart with jo and bill, and then re-reading it and being like “why would jo be doing this? jo doesn’t have time for this. she is an entertainment manager for a renn faire. she would be like like shut up bill do ur job” so i scratched it and rewrote it.

fucking EXHAUSTING. in my re-read, i’m noticing i “know” way too much about certain people, katie & emily, who were literally just there for the kind of wrap-up theming we still haven’t gotten to, and like NOTHING about other characters who are actually plot-relevant.

ben’s mom is never seen or mentioned but in a phone call.

i never actually committed to mike having one or two grandparents and the mentions of them are incredibly vague.

and i’m really reading this being like “of course i never finished this. i literally had no where to go. this ends with mike, mike’s plot wrapped around his family, and we as a reader know absolutely nothing about them in reality. only from mike’s monologues. we don’t even know the reasoning they’re insisting he stays on the farm. it’s perfectly reasonable to sell a family business when children have no interest in it, like why are they like this? we don’t know who they are at all. they lost at least one of their children, that’s absolutely devastating to a parent, and i’ve treated their character with pretty much no respect other than plot filler for mike’s story.”

perhaps i will just go back and gut this story. the entire party chapter should be about mike and his family, i need to rewrite the date chapter. perhaps!

[tossertozier]

Hey! I just got an update you updated &tfat - read it immediately because it was and still is to this day one of my favorite IT fics ever. What a fantastic update BTW, thank you so much for feeding me. Alsooooooo I was @bettathanoos in that thread (I’m so sorry) and I actually, all this time later, wanted to clarify just one thing, because I read what I wrote and I was like boy were you Trying to start drama 🥸 (I WAS NOT!!!!) When I said it was bugging me I only meant it in a ‘damnn I had the biggest Maurader’s phase that rivaled IT and I’m annoyed that I can’t think of anything even similar to this. Like if they’re anything similar than I’d have two delicious cakes I got to eat. Nnnow I need to find it.’ I wanna say I felt so bad, I did NOT mean to put you on the spot in any way and just assumed it was something that was bugging You and that you’d want to confirm . You’re so valid for how you feel about it, and I’m sure you’re more knowledgeable than me. Just from all that I read, I feel like it’s the most normal thing for fanfic writers to subconsciously include similar plots/settings/anything from stories they’ve read in the past that sparked joy. So many people Get the same idea . (Sorry if I sound like I’m talking to a kid) Especially since you couldn’t even place the story and immediately put it out there in case someone knew. I also feel like you made that story way entirely yours too though; your writing-style and dialogue are so SOSO uniquely yours, and the ways you were able to put so much of the book into this setting was so impressive. And with this many entirely fleshed out characters. I’m just really so sorry if it deterred you in any way from this story that’s touched so many, and I’m so thankful again that I get to read another chapter. Thank you so much for being you, you’re very very real!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I love your writing SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I hope you’re well

your comments & art are prolly the reasons there is stuff to read from me rn. u could prolly deadass be like “for me?” if u saw an update on ao3, and i would be like “yes!”

and although i was very embarrassed by it but i did not want to ret con it either, i am seriously glad i know!! like genuinely wholeheartedly.

no offense taken, i just take it seriously (?) if that’s something not horridly laughable to think about fanfiction. idk art and credit yadda yadda idk i feel like i already got into it. but pls do not be worried, u did not cause any sort of artistic break for me. maybe like hide under a rock, bc i thought things were just much more vaguely inspired (in a : found family, kids work together,) kind of way. but no break. we can blame it chapter 2 for that. ily!

[tossertozier]

Bill was in gym class. They had to do hula hoops but the hula hoops were snakes.

chapter 42, &tfat

[tossertozier]

“ben hanscom had no concept of loneliness, for he had never been anything but.”

man i can dog on stephen king. but he really does have a way with words sometimes.

[tossertozier]

everyone thought the slow burn warnings were for reddie they were for mike x some GODDAMN happiness

that poor boy is miserable its chapter 11 mike i am so sorry babie

[tossertozier]

c’moooon replacing the game they habitually play alone after hours is sooooo easy.

i’m a guy who was once known for carrying around my bandanas around in my backpack and making my friends play in random locations politely. the mafia guy. the cobs & robbers guy. my entire neighborhood used to come out after dinner, after dark to play flashlight tag for several years. it was one of the most idyllic things about my childhood. i can think of a different game.

i know it’s like technically too late to rewrite chunks of &tfat that i stole (i realize it’s never remotely close to word for word, but even unintentionally it just makes me wildly uncomfortable) but why am i just soooooo tempted.

like richie telling noah to take eddie to comic con because he knows eddie wants to go just can’t afford the tickets BUT ALSO doing that because he knows DAMN WELL he and the losers club can hide amongst the masses in cosplay is just TOO GOOD to me

[tossertozier]

GOD &tfat writing nostalgia goes HARD

i remember my strategy for writing the losers club was write the scene naturally, leave it alone for a day.

come back and take half of the punch lines away from richie and give them to anyone else.

it really expanded me as a writer to flesh out characters more rather than leaning on one who gets to be the funny man. funny men keep funny company. comedy is an ecosystem.

[tossertozier]

i know that’s a universally beloved chapter and replacing it would have broken hearts but like it’s funny because it’s taken. some of my wordings are great and i have a couple of strong one-liners, but multiple things about it:

1. the true comedy of the chapter, the truly like *lightbulb* moments, the gang overordering on the one girl, ben ruining the charade by coming in late, those aren’t mine. i thought they were, but they’re not and that’s life. i’ve really come to terms with it, comedy is cyclical but not beat for beat, y’know? i feel like other scenarios offer so much opportunity for comedy that’s original.

2. it’s out of character. my current re-read is actually showing to me my weakest characterization is ben, and it’s by a massive long shot. i’m wishy-washy on exactly who he is every other chapter in the first quarter i’ve gotten through of this thing. i feel like the strength of &tfat is how much time and thought i put into who these kids are at this point in life. and honestly, every other character is already strong representation of who i think of them being, years later, in the first few chapters. except ben. ben’s so inconsistent it drives me insane. i WRITE ben as the most naturally empathetic, observant member of the loser’s club. i also write him as the all rounder, whereas bill’s emotional to informational intelligence is about 30/70, Ben’s is a solid 50/50. why the fuck would he do that if he is that guy. he just wouldn’t. he wouldn’t have, and i unconsciously assigned him the role, because my mental image of the entire thing going down, (which was so clear and vivid in my head. i could really see it when i was writing, which was part of what made the whole thing so disappointing. honestly i knew there was an inspo for &tfat that i spent hours searching for, but LLLILTCB isn’t actually set at a renn faire, lol. but i also genuinely believed it was like… barely noticeable from the inspo? like “also set at a renn faire” vibes. i digress,) ben just was that guy. it was a crystalline image in my head and ben was cast in the role. and why? because in the version that inspired mine, it was peter pettigrew. who is also (we know) like. how fucking GROSS of ME. i hate it. i don’t like that it’s in this story which is so packed full of love in every other way. y’know?

i know it’s like technically too late to rewrite chunks of &tfat that i stole (i realize it’s never remotely close to word for word, but even unintentionally it just makes me wildly uncomfortable) but why am i just soooooo tempted.

like richie telling noah to take eddie to comic con because he knows eddie wants to go just can’t afford the tickets BUT ALSO doing that because he knows DAMN WELL he and the losers club can hide amongst the masses in cosplay is just TOO GOOD to me

[tossertozier]

i know it’s like technically too late to rewrite chunks of &tfat that i stole (i realize it’s never remotely close to word for word, but even unintentionally it just makes me wildly uncomfortable) but why am i just soooooo tempted.

like richie telling noah to take eddie to comic con because he knows eddie wants to go just can’t afford the tickets BUT ALSO doing that because he knows DAMN WELL he and the losers club can hide amongst the masses in cosplay is just TOO GOOD to me

[tossertozier]

Richie felt defensive. He knew what was on that street. Maybe not exactly what. But bad. Bad was on that street. He didn’t want to go. He would remember from here. “Good luck,” he said. He knew he was being a dick. He knew he followed Eddie here.

He knew something in him didn’t want Eddie going into that house alone. Not that one. Not Eddie.

(it chapter 2 - side b, ch6)

[tossertozier]

ao3 literally didn’t let me put my thoughts into my end notes at the end of my new chapter of rewriting it. i’ve been CENSORED i’ve been SILENCED i will SHARE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!!! (it was just too long.)

i hate the sequences that occur after the restaurant in the movie. i’m not even going to get into why it’s stupid. the introduction of the artefact thing is when i went from “this isn’t going to be a very faithful characterization adaptation of a character gold-mine book” to “this is going to be a bad movie.” what in the goosebumps was that. do we also need to find the map to treasure island. i don’t feel like explaining why i feel like if you get it you get it.

i am stoned as hell there is so much i wanted to tackle in this it is insane. how to hold a mirror to the first chapter, as the book does, without directly or senselessly repeating it. i find the sequel bizarre in its choices. i really do. why do we spend SO long retconning the clubhouse. what the fuck are we doing. why are we doing this. the kids are adorable, and i understand the desire to shove em back in there. but i genuinely think it lacks confidence in the adult cast. a film that doesn’t trust its ability to win the audience over with just the story they have to tell is a narrative that hasn’t been well thought through. because genuinely. the entire sequence added absolutely nothing of narrative value. also. it’s a retcon. just didn’t happen, and i guess they regretted it?

also i love my sweet little guy ben but how the FUCK did he build that.

he didn’t, he just didn’t. even “reinforcing the walls” those walls are at least 6 ft tall. there’s… there’s just no fucking way… by himself?? if we were gonna do this why not be like… plausible about it and be like “oh yeah this is what we did Together after the events for the sake of ~healing~ energy and we still had plenty of people in town that don’t like us” that would have been fine? i guess bc bill moves away at the end of the movie. maybe they did it in like the three days they had till bill moved? i don’t know. it was dumb. all around.

also.i feel characterizations are off in this entire sequence. stan and the kids with the bonnets felt like an unnecessary attempt at being wholesome. forced? maybe? i really want to stress i think the kids acting abilities shined with the material given.

the inclusion of eddie breaking the toy? weird. out of character. wonder why it was included. wonder if they were looking to recreate that improv magic that made that first movie so special.

i, obviously was absolutely taken with the storytelling of chapter 1, and i wanted to know everything. i did as much research back in the day as i could on the topic. i was fascinated by that these sent those kids to camp. i hadn’t heard of something similar in a project in a while, and i thought it was genius. (obvious nod to child actor ethics, hope they were being observed, etc etc etc) but i went to camp as a kid. camp is fucking magical for friendships. i’ve tried and failed many many times to write camp based fics because like the friendships and the feelings and experiences you have when suddenly untethered from your home base is crazyyyy. i had some of my deepest feelings of trust during my friendships at camp… like to this day. genuinely

the young cast chemistry in the first film is insane and it is what makes that movie and it is heartbreaking to accept that it was… literally never coming back. even if you mimiced the process however long later. a lot had to have happened to, around, between those kids in that time elapsed. that’s going to change whatever dynamic they had before. that’s perfectly fine, but when you literally coattailed that script on JDG and FW’s backs (i still laugh at “suck the wound!! get in there!!” in my head sometimes) and let dialogue come naturally as a result of the experience and the environment… you should accept you cannot script its continuation. love love love the kids. still think giving them the scene like that was a mistake. it was time that should have been utilized to fall in love with the adult losers before we start scaring the shit out of them.

gonna say it… not a huge fan of the scripting of richie. we’ll get into it later. the book makes it a point to say that richie as an adult is not a cruel man. the apology moment is IN the book over a joke that surprises him. being in derry brings him back to a part of himself he’s deeply uncomfortable with. having his dialogue have a bit of a mean streak with zero exploration of it bums me out.

now to the second part of this: shitting on the book, which of course i do reference several times in this now literal fucking essay as of course… ultimately it’s the holy book. it is canon, to me. IT is the book. these movies are adaptations. i’m going to be real here: i respect stephen king as an author. though my jokes may suggest otherwise. etc. it is his story and that has to be commended. these are his characters and plot and original ideas and that’s a fact.

the second act of the book is a mess. in order to kill an entity, you have to explain what it is. that’s… that’s just da rulez. you cannot end existence without at least ?? rationalizing it ?? i suppose ?? to your audience.

i think that’s why king won’t touch this book with a ten foot pole. i’ve seen him show a lot more interest in projects around some of his other books. his general regard seems to be like “go nuts don’t ask me to write a script�� because he knows. i don’t want to bring drugs and shame into all of this but like let’s be real… the book doesn’t really make sense when it comes to what pennywise actually is, and it doesn’t even really seem like he tries that .. hard to make sense. yes yes shapeshifter… get it. but he also makes balloons and shit appear from thin air. fact of the matter is he bends not only his own form but the reality around it.

and yes : i get it. i understand that if you’re a fan of stephen king, and you understand his universe, it all becomes less convoluted. i genuinely understand that.

but the task at hand is to write a horror movie for mass-appeal. i’m gonna take a crack at explaining what it is, why it’s so fucking powerful, and how it can be killed.

(honestly the ending of the movie, i know i know we’ll get there, but i was literally holding a hand to my mouth trying not to laugh. remember kids, if you’re ever being bullied, get more people than your bully and bully them.) we also didn’t do any of the metaphysical stuff in the first movie… so… sending bev to the deadlights instead of bill was interesting… obviously i think the interpretation of what she saw was weak as hell idk just see where i’m going with this. i’m trying to do a lot all at one time for no reason!

but really king created a BEAR of a villain to try and make sensible in two hours. i’ m gonna try

[tossertozier]

“Think about it. Did he, I don’t even fucking know, atom-bend the cookie?” Eddie asked incredulously. “Change it back before she saw it? If he can do that, we might as well go fucking home! That means IT’s God,” he exaggerated with hand gestures, “or something,” he stressed, hands pointed out, fingers pressed together, “all I know is: we have no fucking shot. If God wants to eat people, we’re gonna have to let him.”

[tossertozier]

one of the best things i’m discovering in rewriting it chapter 2 is technically money is no object for the losers club.

mike asks them if any one of them had less than $95,000 listed on their annual tax return and none of them could say yes. (mikes annual salary as a librarian is 10k) for reference:

which like… rad. lowkey sick its just legitimately canon the losers club are rich.

[tossertozier]

i’m rewriting IT CH 2 bc i hate that movie so intensely that is all

[tossertozier]

but on the real real how egotistical is it to tag a fic as a fic of my own fic

ahhh even in my legacy as a drama king i cannot execute my dastardly plans without a parting word.

i plan on writing again - even revisiting things i’m sure all including myself thought were completely dead in the water - but i also plan on deleting this account. keep tabs on my AO3 for updates..

there were times the friends i made via this app were my saving grace and i’m endlessly grateful to those folks and all of you who followed me back in our fandom hey day. i planned on just deleting this account and updating on ao3 without any notice, but i think that’s a bit of a disservice to the people who, despite never meeting face to face, helped me.

while i feel like writing is a creative solace to me at this time i also feel like getting personally involved in an online community right now will be a bit of a back-step for me. so that’s what im doing… again if ur interested at all in what im writing, it’ll all be on the same ol Ao3 account. it’s been a minute for me - so feedback would be lovely, but at the end of the day, writing will always just be my way of digesting the world around me. and what a world it is.

thanks again - see yall around,

j.