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Bypassing the Vietnamese annexe of the Russian Mafia

We had spent the last couple of days trying to find out how to get to the area where the best of Vietnam's coffee is produced, a city called Buom Ma Thuot. Information on a potential route was limited, and our options even more so. Staff at Phuong Or Villa hostel had tried a couple of times to telephone the one company who used to run a local bus route to Buom Ma Thuot. There was never ever any answer and getting that bus would've meant a 30km detour in the wrong direction before we could even pick up the route. Hannah​ and I found a website for a bus company advertising the route from Hoi An to Buom Ma Thuot, but two different hostel staff took one look at the site and said it couldn't be trusted. Our remaining option was to get a night bus to the Vietnamese annexe of the Russian Mafia, Nha Trang, and then take a local bus from there to Buom Ma Thuot. Our transfer bus from the hostel to Hoi An bus station had just screeched away when Hannah realised she'd lecture phone plugged in - the driver seemed relieved to find that the din could be calmed by making a quick U-turn.  The 7pm bus to Nha Trang was already waiting for us when we arrived​ at the bus station a touch before 6.15pm. Within a few minutes the driver ordered all passengers aboard and promptly set off. Goodness knows what happens to anyone who should arrive just half an hour before the scheduled departure time. 

Another good experience on a Vietnamese night bus came to an end as we arrived in Nha Trang around 4.30am. However, the bus had not stopped at the bus station, but instead on a random side street somewhere in the city. We alighted and got talking to a couple of taxi drivers about getting a ride to the bus station. The sometimes-lifesaver app MapsMe wasn't​ doing us any favours in terms of locating the bus stop or station. And so began the negotiations. Driver One started ambitiously, opening with 500,000 Dong (over £17) for which we could have gone some distance back to Hoi An. Driver Two was more realistic but still too high at 400,000 but we held out, and the drivers had a mini-confernce in Vietnamese before Driver One offered 350,000, and Driver Two walked away. A little over £12 to an unspecified distance at 5am seemed like it was a risk, but a reasonable one. When we arrived at the bus station a little over 15 minutes later, it was clear we had been had. It was getting light and Driver One showed us to the bus to Buom Ma Thuot, which was waiting on the forecourt. The bus driver loaded our bags into the back of the clapped-out vehicle. Even by Vietnamese standards, the bus didn't look as though it would ever start, let alone make a journey of several hours into the hilly countryside. The price was 200,000 Dong per person. There was something causing a lot of amusement between Driver One and the bus driver. Hannah went to investigate at the bus station counter. When Driver One saw where she was headed, he tried to distract her and call her away from the ticket office. I joined Hannah over at the ticket booth where the lady on duty informed us the price to Buom Ma Thuot was actually 100,000 Dong per person. We thanked her and went out to the forecourt to have a word with the bus driver. As yet no money had changed hands but we told him what we had found out and agreed the proper price of 100,000 per person. At this point Driver One scarpered. We boarded the dilapidated carriage and sat a couple of rows behind a young family. As the morning sunlight bounced off the coastline, I didn't think Nha Trang looked all too bad. The road was in a fair condition and our route was a very straight one as we reached the outer edges of the city. Even so, the dad of the young family in front of us couldn't keep his breakfast down. Looks as though the whole family knew it would be happening as the young child scrambled over to his mum's side, while she passed the dad one thing plastic sick bag after another. The bus had long lost any rubbish facilities it may have had and so the dad chucked the bulging bags out of the passenger window. Every now and then he didn't put enough umph into his throw and a bag would catch on some jagged edge on the outside of the bus, causing the bag to split and dribble its contents down to the road. I felt a mixture of sympathy and schadenfreude hilarity as the frequency of the eruptions remained strong. The bus made regular stops on its way out of the city, as people used it as a postal service, loading on sacks of rice, and handing over sealed envelopes to the driver. We picked up a few more passengers too and after a while we seemed to have left the city behind, climbing into forested hills and winding round bumpy roads. This change in road conditions didn't help the vomiting dad and, there must have been something in the water as a couple of the new passengers were suffering from the same affliction. The bus was full of locals of all ages, including another child, sat on his mother lap, who filled his first sick bag of the day. Hannah had managed to nod off and so didn't witness the child's mother try to (unsuccessfully) convince the lady sat between her and the window to accept the swinging bag of sick. Even though I was on the other side of the bus and a couple of rows back, I grew from interested to nervous as the game of hot potato spread from the bench where it had began to other unwilling participants on the rows directly in front and behind the poorly child. Eventually someone gave in and briefly held the bag between their fingers as they launched it out of their window. Whilst not getting distracted by all the stomach spewing on board, the scenery en route to Buom Ma Thuot was lush and green in parts while the urban sections had a lot of niceish looking houses with a consistent theme of setees on the verandas, and buffalo in fields. We arrived in Buom Ma Thuot around midday and unusually there was no throng of taxi drivers, just a large, quiet bus station. We were off the tourist trail. We went to find a taxi and locate the one guesthouse which sounded like it might be open. The ticket office staff had been a great help in Nha Trang so we paid the Buom Ma Thuot branch a visit. In lieu of any English words, a friendly lady gestured apologetically. Equally unhelpful, our two-week crash course in Vietnamese had resulted in the far key phrases "thank you (camon)" and "three (ba)". The language barrier was high. The Vietnamese lady called her colleague who also spoke no word of English. He did however, have Google Translate on his phone. Passing the device between the four of us, we were able to communicate what we needed and were soon in a taxi to the guesthouse.

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#warmerthanineedtobe

The morning after the night before can occasionally be tricky. Waking up to broken air con in 47 degree heat made this one sticky. Emerging from a cold shower, I was glad to find workmen fixing the air con. Hannah and I opted for some more time at An Bang Beach, but stuck to prepackaged drinks rather than buying any food from the sun lounge cafes. Even so I did have to go looking for the guy we bought beers from after he did a disappearing act with our change. Nursing our drinks throughout the afternoon, we decided to leave just as dozens of local families started turning up for picnics. Dinner was back at Minh Hien and we had arranged to meet a German lady called Melanie who we’d met on the motorbike tour from Hue. The food didn’t disappoint and we had another pleasant, yet much quieter evening. Emily and Stacey turned up a bit later but the restaurant was closing by then. Full and tired it was time for bed, possibly concluding our first doss day in Asia.

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Vegetarian Noises

Phuong Le Villa has bicycle hire for a reasonable rate so we decided to make the 6km journey to An Bang Beach for a few hours of relaxation. It was a straightforward ride across the city and out onto the main road we had arrived on a couple of days ago. No vehicles are allowed on the beach so there are various people charging fees to park and “look after” your vehicle. 10,000 Dong a bike. Greetings and salutations rang out as we stepped onto the beach. Several local ladies were welcoming us to use their sun loungers. Different coloured loungers belong to the various cafes and to occupy a seat, you are obliged to purchase something. We chose a lounger and ordered beers. The giant umbrellas attached to the sun loungers provided excellent cover from the sun. The beach was very clean but not all that busy. Views to the right were of an island and on the left, Da Nang was clearly visible. We partook in traditional beach activities such as reading and paddling. As the afternoon wore on it was time for a spot of lunch. We went up to the Fresh Seafood and Beach View Restaurant from which we had rented sun loungers. I ordered beef, tomato, chilli and garlic, and that is what I got. Hannah ordered a seafood dish (apt) but was presented with instant noodles and a still intact circle of tinned tuna plopped on top. No one at the cafe spoke anything like English so Hannah left her meal, virtually untouched in protest. The bike ride back to the city was great. Sunset was still an hour away but the hazy light was brilliant and we saw a man relaxing atop his buffalo. Back at the hostel we met some really nice people from all over the England, and (soon to be former colony) Scotland. Unusually we decided to skip free beer hour and went to a vegetarian restaurant called Minh Hien, as a couple of the guys, Ian and Alan recommended it. The restaurant was a short walk away from the bustling tourist trap of the Old Town, down a very local and less well-lit street. With no frontage to speak of (presumably shutters come down at night), entering Minh Hien was similar to entering a mechanic’s garage. Thankfully the parallels ended there, however the two side walls holding the place up were almost entirely adorned with shelves housing Manga comic books. Glass topped tables held guest’s business cards underneath them and the high ceiling and generous spaces between tables made for a very comfortable environment. Fresh beer from the keg was 3,000 Dong (10 English pennies, 10p, 10 pence, a phone call pre Y2K) so we made a start on those whilst we looked through the menu. Garlic bread with satay, Vietnamese salads, and a couple of wildcard dishes had us all tasting and sharing a diverse range of flavours and textures. A couple of the girls, Emily and Stacey suggested playing a card game called wearwolf which was a bit like wink murder. About eight rounds of beer later, everyone ordered more food. Eventually the staff at Minh Hien wanted to go to bed so we had farewell shots, gave thanks, and promised to return. Outside whatever street lights had been illuminated during our arrival had been extinguished, and the pale natural light was enough to avoid tripping up. The streets were deserted but we all wanted to stay out so started heading back towards the Old Town. Before we got there, we found a reggae bar with a several games including a pool table and giant jenga. Hannah, Stacey and Emily had the most epic game of jenga - the stack must’ve reached twice it’s original height and the number of near misses would’ve given a health and safety executive a stress rash. On our merry route back to the hostel, we stopped for banh mi’s and a final night cap at Tiger, or Tiger Tiger…can’t quite remember…anyway we got a free shot with our beers, had a good laugh and I bumped into some people we’d briefly met in Burma. A great night out with fantastic people came to an end in the small hours.

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Half Hour

Hoi An is famous for it's tailors and pretty old town so we spent our first full day there having a wander. My 15 year old wallet was falling apart so I was browsing for a replacement. I found one which was maroon, buffalo leather. I started negotiations, but the price was just too high, and it was early on in the search so I thought it best to shop around. With a final "thanks but no thanks" I started leaving the shop as the lady continued to shout prices in my direction. There was a pause in her stream, and then she just yelled "kiss me!". I felt like applauding but chose to turn around for a chuckle and a friendly wave goodbye. The old town is set on one side of the river and care has been taken to preserve it's character. Buildings are painted in heavy pastel colours, with lanterns strung together across the narrow, car-free streets. Every other shop is a tailor or haberdasher and invitations to come in and browse are frequent. Many of the suits and dresses on window display are gregariously loud and would only really be suitable for upstaging the bride and groom at a wedding. Inside the goods shops had good quality stock, but the fabrics and patterns were more dowdy. I continued to keep an eye out for a wallet but none of them were as nice as the one I'd spotted at the beginning of the day. Hoi An was another hot town so we had some exotic sounding (but not tasting) milkshakes. Since restaurant options in Phong Nha had been limited I was taking Hannah out for a birthday dinner in Hoi An. I read about a place called the Secret Garden so we swung by to book a table for the evening. Eventually I found a wallet and began the haggling process. The price was OK but I literally had to empty all my pockets to prove that I wasn't just bargaining, but was actually out of cash. It turned out that this was acceptable. We went home to get changed for dinner and set off for the Secret Garden. It was a fancy pants place with indoor fountains and English speaking uniformed staff. The food and wine were great too. A couple of nightcaps at bars down the road concluded our first full day in Hoi An.

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In Off The Red!

Our short stay in Hue was coming to an end with Hoi An our next destination. The route would include the Hai Van Pass, a ribbon of mountain road made famous by BBC television. Whilst our motorbike experiments in Phong Nha would qualify as successful, neither of us were up for a full day's drive around mountainous hairpin bends, or fighting for space with ten ton trucks. Instead we had booked a tour with professional motorcyclists, Le Family Riders. We saw their bikes for the first time when they collected us from our guesthouse. Approaching twice the width of an automatic scooter, they were huge Harley Davidson style cruisers, with panniers on both sides, and a full on passenger seat behind the driver. Our big backpacks were taken to a van and were to be transported separately. I donned a helmet, stood up on one side of the bike and gave a big leg swing to sit down. A few minutes drive away from the guesthouse we pulled up on a sideroad and dismounted our bikes. There was a group of other tourists and Le Family motorcyclists already gathered. We made our introductions and waited for the rest of the party to arrive before pairing up with our individual drivers and setting off. My chirpy driver was called Hi. Before long we were out of the city of Hue and meandering through the rural outskirts, with a guard of fields on either side of the road and green hills in the distance. Our riders were very skilful, drawing close enough for us to take photographs and even do high fives. Passing through narrow streets of a village, people stopped to stare at our contingent, and the for the first time, the noise of a dozen motorcycles was inescapable. After an hour we stopped for drinks and snacks, before making a short journey to Elephant Falls. Complete with fibreglass elephant and changing rooms, the waterfall was definitely a tourist attraction rather than a hidden gem. Still, it was pretty quiet and good fun. We jumped off a big boulder into the pool below the falls and had a swim and a chat. We were relaxing in the water when our Hi unexpectedly brought over cans of beer. Wet and refreshed, it was time to get back on the bikes and head for lunch. In the distance I could see a huge turquoise lake and was very pleased when we started driving towards it. Our lunch was at a restaurant on the lake and the food was far and away the best I had eaten in Vietnam. There were seasoned clams, spicy chicken, shell-on prawns, oysters, omelette, calamari, all sorts of beef, rice galore, and all the drinks. It was more of a banquet. Once everyone was full, we set off again and the road rose and twisted back over the lake. It was then that I saw that the lake was actually part of the sea... Aquamarine. We pit stopped for photos before continuing on the Hai Van Pass. The mountain roads were curvy and whilst not congested, I was pleased to be able to relax and take in the surroundings instead of focusing solely on the road. The photos, high fives and cheers continued all the way to the highest point of the mountain where we stopped for drinks and photos of the marvellous views. After trundling down the hill we arrived in the seaside town of Da Nang which was littered with half-finiahed luxury resorts. The reason we stopped was here was to explore Marble Mountain, a cave and temple site. Hannah and I found our way to a cave which had a small exit at the rear, just big enough to squeeze through. Stairs behind the cave led up to what felt like the summit of the site. With the ocean on one side and a view of the town built around immovable karsts was worth the short climb. We only had an hour at Marble Mountain and could have stayed longer but we had a journey to complete! It was little over half an hour to Hoi An and we arrived at another of Le Family's businesses, a tailor. Beers and comfortable seats awaited us, and whilst there was the most polite reminder that the tailor could be of service during our stay in Hoi An, this couldn't be described as a sales pitch. Our big backpacks were waiting for us and we had a short farewell journey with our drivers and bikes as they then dropped us off at our hostel. Hannah and I left a tip with each of our drivers, both in agreement that the day had probably been the best of our travels so far. We checked into Phuong Le Villa and were pleasantly surprised to find our five bedroomed dorm was made of proper single beds in a spacious room. The hostel provides one free beer per guest between 7pm - 8pm, so after quick showers, we went straight out for dinner in order to be back in time. A short walk took us to a restaurant busy with locals. Everyone seemed to be eating the same thing so we indicated we would like the same. A platter of vegetables and meat was accompanied by fermented prawn sauce. The smell was so strong, it was barely worth putting any on the food, as the scent just crept into the sinuses anyway. The dish did grow on me but I would not order it again. We made it back in time for free beer and met a good mix of travellers from around the world. Perhaps we should have left it there, but instead signed up to the bar crawl which seemed to have chosen the three closest/tackiest/worst bars to visit. Still thrilled at our fantastic day, we bailed on the bar crawl to get some rest.

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