uknownmesblog

[uknownmesblog]

Who do you think can do gawk gawk real good?

Ryujin

Eunbi

Sakura

Gaeul

Somi

Dahyun

Taeyeon

Seohyun

I was making progress on a fic about an OC who is a journalist and kisses pretty girls and I started to feel some of that fantasy: wow I want to write op-eds. I then had to look up what an op-ed was and I learned it stands for ‘opposite the editorial’. I kind of lost interest in knowing any more about that so I stopped reading.

But anyway here is capslocked-investigative-journalist trying something new.

CAPSLOCKED COLUMN (2022-12-31)

subtitle: some pun about blowjobs that is ultimately hard to swallow

I live in a part of the world that gets really cold this time of year, and while I was out walking to buy groceries, regretting that I had forgotten my mittens at home, I saw a woman on an ice floe in the middle of the river. 

I waved frantically several times, but she ignored me completely. So, I tossed everything down, jumped in the frigid water, swam toward the woman and pulled myself up onto the ice, asking what had possibly brought her there.

“Sex,” she responded, “I’m twenty-three years old, and I just read this book, Fifty Shades of Grey.��

I nodded, but I didn’t know a whole lot beyond the title of the book.

“It says that being submissive is the way to go for a woman, provided the dude has enough money. But then I watched an episode of this show, Broad City on Hulu” - she did then go on briefly to give this bizarre elevator pitch that explained the difference between Hulu (With Ads) for $12.99/month and Hulu (No Ads) for $19.99/month - “and there was this guy who asked a girl to put on a strap-on and take control and fuck him and she does. I was shocked.”

“Me, too,” I said. “Things have definitely loosened up on television these days. Can you imagine Liz Lemon doing that to Jack Donaghy? Not that they were ever an item, but you get my drift.”

“I don’t even know who Liz Lemon is,” the young woman said, starting to weep, “You see what a loser I am?”

I was stumped. 30 Rock isn’t even that old of a television show.

We live in strange times. I didn’t have the words that could ever hope to comfort her. I write pornography. On the internet. For strangers. It just wasn’t in my wheelhouse.

So I swam home and logged onto my computer. Opened up one of my least favorite website, tumblr, and noticed a blue notification over the mail icon in my inbox.

There I stared into a question from a user that asked: Who do you think can do gawk gawk real good? Attached were 7 moving (this is a pun) images of some really pretty girls who I absolutely knew the names of.

I tilted my head, finger on my chin to get into a pensive mood, and thought about it for a moment. A few passing thoughts later, I came to realize - now this… this I can do.

RYUJIN

It was refreshing to see one of my biases at the front of this ask, because the head-canon has been pretty sticky in my mind on this one. Ryujin’s kind of a cheater - she’s like 95% hands, says she uses her mouth simply to keep things lubricated, but not a whole lot beyond that. It’s a proven method: she does it right and it makes her partner cum anyway. A little bit of a no-nonsense approach to this one.

Hard to argue with results: 7/10

EUNBI

(she's magical, but we all knew that)

I believe it’s difficult to find anyone who isn’t a fan of this woman, and that’s probably not too surprising. So, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that Eunbi is terrible at giving head. It’s a whole thing - she’s pretty quick to ask, wouldn’t you rather be fucking my tits? And there’s never really ever been a response beyond a hell yeah I do or more often she just translates some groan or another into what she wants to hear. 

I have to give Eunbi a needs practice/ten.

SAKURA

Sakura is… dedicated. Dedicated to her partner, to their pleasure, to making sure everyone goes home happy - which is what makes this one so tragic. See, she does all this research. All the little things that take an average blowjob and make it a masterpiece, a true work of art. Her fingers and her tongue on her partner’s balls, her light fingernails along her partner’s thighs, all these little kisses that are ephemeral and practically not there. It’s like a charcuterie board. And she focuses so much on all the bells and whistles that she forgets frequently that what is necessary at some point is her hands and throat around her partner’s shaft. So in the same way that a charcuterie board is a great compliment to a meal, it makes a poor meal in of itself.

2/10 (A+ for effort though)

GAEUL

Gaeul is kind of selfish, or confident, it’s not clear which. She gives good enough head, but is always trying to turn every blowjob into something both her and her partner can enjoy. She’ll hike her skirt up, pull her panties to the side and saddle her partner’s face and hunker down for something more egalitarian.

There’s nothing wrong with this. But it’s also hard to give good head when you’re cumming yourself, so that’s just the way this one plays out. Every time.

6/10 (showing potential)

SOMI

Somi. Somi doesn’t give head. Somi gives a mouth. In fact, the only reason Somi wears mascara is so that her partner can see it run down her cheeks. A real trooper, but also kinda lazy in the sense that she emulates more of a toy than a partner - so this really comes down to the end user. If you’re a dom in the sack, this is a 10/10. If you’re a subby boy like me, then who knows, maybe you’ll have to bring a user manual with you.

Variable score/10

DAHYUN

Dahyun. Dahyun doesn’t give head. Unfortunately that’s actually the end of it. She’s a puritan from the late 18th century (I know, I’m just as broken up as you are).

But don’t lose hope! This is the internet, Here she’ll be able to learn anything her heart desires, including oral sex. Make haste!

TAEYEON

Taeyeon is very pretty and her voice is unbelievable and she has this wonderful personality and she scares the shit out of me. Does Taeyeon give good head? I want to say yes. The sources I’ve interviewed have attested as much, but it often very quickly becomes clear we’re having a conversation about something else. There’s only so much blowjob you can enjoy while watching your partner lace up and get a strap-on situated.

Kaede/10 (enter at your own peril/enjoyment)

SEOHYUN

People have ridiculed me for saying that Seohyun is the leading expert in sucking cock when it comes to my own head-canon (which to be honest, is kind of rude).

But capslocked, they say, her whole persona is being a total prude. 

Yeah, that’s true.

But capslocked, they say again, your whole persona is kinda being a prude. You promised anal in that Sana fic and didn’t deliver because you’re a coward. You couldn’t even bring yourself to make OC call Sana a slut. Stop making us read all this boring set up if you aren’t going to even do anything remotely kinky with it.

Yeah, that’s also true, but that’s the topic of a different ask. I digress.

Seohyun had sat, for nearly a decade, in a peculiar position in the nation’s leading girl group.

She wasn’t as pretty as Yoona. Nor was she as popular as Taeyeon. She wasn’t a totally certified freak like Tiffany or Hyoyeon either. Now, she hadn’t set out on a quest to become the throat-goat at all. The responsibility was simply thrust upon her, and every boy in the industry trying to make it large and get laid in between those long hours of sitting around doing nothing at the production studio (if you don’t think this is happening, I have a bridge to sell you) all settled into the same spot - which coincidentally, was the back of Seohyun’s throat.

It’s only logical. Put yourselves in the shoes of a pop-singer; you’ve debuted and you sing and you dance. Or perhaps you’re only capable of rapping, but it’s all really great.

When floated the choice of who to flirt with while killing time between filming performances or whatever it is your day is filled with in the early 2010s (it wasn’t instagram or tiktok. What did we do back then?) you had a few choices.

If you’re logical, which of course you are, you’re not going to bother with Taeyeon - you’d have to climb over the dead corpses of your friends and coworkers to even have a chance with her. The same was true for Yoona who you’d need to not only climb higher, but then when you arrive you’d realize she was already probably dating the oldest son of the Samsung empire or something, so that’s, like, a total waste of time.

You’re scratching your chin, thinking it over again, Yuri is totally hot, but then there’s Seohyun, who if you’re not paying any attention is a total dead-ringer. And then she’s not super experienced with boys? (That’s the narrative, stick with it or fuck off.)

The choice here is obvious: you call her pretty, say something about her eyes, tell her you care more about the girl Seohyun instead of the idol Seohyun. Talk about an easy lay.

But capslocked, they say for a third time, that’s a fucked up thing to do.

Yeah, that’s true too. But that’s why it’s the reader doing it and not me, so I’m off the hook.

Now, the only problem with this realization is that it's a mental logic that gets puzzled and solved hundreds of times.

Seohyun doesn’t realize what’s happening for a long time, but once she does, she leans into it, plays along with it - because really, she loves sucking cock.

Some new wide-eyed guy follows up those mental steps (which at this point is more like an escalator), and somewhere in the middle of things skeptically asks her if she’s ever done this before. She lifts herself off him, unsheathing all that cock from her throat, rolls her eyes, says no, never. The moment passes and she takes him into the back of her throat, capturing his soul for eternity.

Happy new year, Seohyun gets an 11/10. 

[uknownmesblog]

Siapa sini suka amoi?

[uknownmesblog]

CUM TRIBUTE CHALLENGE

BOLEH KOMEN OR DM AKU UNTUK JOIN THIS CHALLENGE

Pertandingan cum tribute aku buat sebelum ni dapat sambutan luar biasa daripada fappers. Tak sangka ramai fappers into benda ni. Ramai yang minta aku teruskan challenge ni. Tapi sebab ada yang tertanya tanya apa kriteria pilih winners, aku akan listkan:

POSITIONING / ANGLE. Ni benda paling basic dalam cum tribute. Paling penting subject (modal) mesti nampak jelas. Banyak yang aku terima tak nampak clear. Kadang tu nampak sofa, tilam, etc. Aku suggest korang jangan pegang phone guna tangan. Memang auto bergegar masa nak cum tu. Better guna tripod.

LIGHTING. Lighting mesti padu. Tak perlu la nak pakai equipment yang canggih pun. Kalau ada lagi power. Tapi cukup bagi nampak movement sperm tu. Kalau dah light off lepas tu bergegar pulak memang susah nak bagi marks. Paling best, kalau lampu terang semuanya.

CUMSHOT. Sebab cum tribute ni memang focus dekat cum, so memang focus utama jugak dekat cum korang. Benda yang diambil kira tu jumlah cum. Lagi banyak korang dapat cum, lagi tinggi merit. Lepas tu kepekatan sperm. Last, kelajuan korang cum tu. Pastikan target korang tak tersasar.

Bonus part:

CUM TRIBUTE SUBJECT. Part ni bonus kalau korang tak guna 1 modal fix. Maksudnya, 1 tu je statik sampai cum. Lagi baik kalau buat macam slide. Bergerak gerak. Sampai modal paling korang favourite hujung tu, baru lepaskan sperm. Kalau ada selit video lagi bonus.

DICK. Bonus kalau korang boleh tunjukkan keseluruhan dick korang. Sangat bonus sebab dia lebih classic, macam POV kalau porn. Maybe ramai insecure sebab dick kecik. No hal. Aku pun tak besar haha. Ramai winners yg dick kecik. Tapi sebab cara dia layan subject tu best. Macam kadang kadang bila geram dia tipping atau ketuk modal dengan dick dia. Atau dia parking static dekat boobs tu. Very nice. Size doesn' t matter at all. Lagi satu, markah banyak dapat dekat teknik korang fapping. Ni memang credit besar. Cara pegang dick, ada adds on macam lubricant ke. Tak semestinya kena ada adds on. Aku bagitau contoh. Markah dekat kreativiti.

SOUND REFLEX. Kalau cum tribute korang mute atau senyap terus, macam fake bagi aku. Paling bonus kalau korang jadi urself je. Moaning naturally. Korang moaning je tanpa dibuat buat. Dan best kalau ada dirty talk sepanjang korang fapping. Memang sangat padu. Dah hujung dekat nak cum, boleh sebut nama subject (modal). Fuh aku pernah tengok yang korang submit. Benda ni bila tengok dengan aku aku turn on. Terus rasa nak fapping.

PREFERENCE. Cum tribute ni sinonim dengan muka lawa. Aku tahu konsep tu. Tapi aku ada personal preference. Kalau la dalam banyak banyak yang korang slide tu, bukan muka je, tapi ada boobs or sideboobs, memang ni bonus besar.

That's all fappers. Selamat mencuba.

[uknownmesblog]

KOLEKSI MODAL LANCAP MIRAFILZAH❤️

Min nak challenge korang untuk fap dekat video ni tanpa henti untuk 5 minit. Kalau korang dapat tahan korang memang tahan lama. Fap la puas2 tengok muka cantik ratu fap malaysia ni, ada terselit sekali tetek besa dan bontot mira dalam video ni. So tengok full ye sambil puaskan dick masing2💦video ni ada lagi 5 minit. Boleh pm utk claim for free

Hasil pancut kat muka mira available dekat channel ye. Full hd video koleksi ni pon boleh claim dekat channel😉

[uknownmesblog]

KOLEKSI MODAL LANCAP MIRAFILZAH❤️

Min nak challenge korang untuk fap dekat video ni tanpa henti untuk 5 minit. Kalau korang dapat tahan korang memang tahan lama. Fap la puas2 tengok muka cantik ratu fap malaysia ni, ada terselit sekali tetek besa dan bontot mira dalam video ni. So tengok full ye sambil puaskan dick masing2💦video ni ada lagi 5 minit. Boleh pm utk claim for free

Hasil pancut kat muka mira available dekat channel ye. Full hd video koleksi ni pon boleh claim dekat channel😉

[uknownmesblog]

Amoi mix thai 💦

[uknownmesblog]

Hi guys, DM aku ada problem

So maybe nak buat acc Tumblr baru la nanti

Sebelum tu boleh dm aku kat

tele id : Mitanggisl23

Twitter : __ggkgukverse__

Instagram: free_foryou0000

Dm nanti kalau nak aku share modal kawan aku ada amoi ada awek tudung

[uknownmesblog]

Muke2 layak untuk di gangbang ramai2😘💦❤️

[uknownmesblog]

Korang nampak apa yang aku nampak?

[uknownmesblog]

Emma Maembong

Want her fakenude? Please DM

[uknownmesblog]

[uknownmesblog]

melayu kalau tayang aset, memang merecik sampai bangsa lain pun tak tahan, ada betul ka guys?

[uknownmesblog]

Takleh byg satu bilik dgn sab. Hari2 kena gomol, pancut atas tetek besar dia tu 💦

[uknownmesblog]

Eyka Farhana 🔥