uncool-millennial-mom - Tumblr blog

[uncool-millennial-mom]

Man, this shit can be hard, though.

Context: I'm a mom of a tween and two elementary students, and I was online beginning in late middle school.

On the one hand, I firmly believe in educating kids about WHY certain things are bad ideas instead of putting a big FORBIDDEN sign up. On the other, I know full well that my kids aren't old enough to always make good decisions about things. (they're kids; it's part of the territory!)

The compromise I've worked out is plenty of discussion about the reasons behind my decisions, with the goal of increasing freedom as evidence of good decision-making skills grows. I do have nanny software on their shit, and while it does log things (and the kids know about that!), I don't ever check those logs unless there is A Problem in evidence (and they know that, too).

There's a lot of complete crap on the internet, in addition to a lot of really valuable things. I'm helping them sort the fly shit from the pepper, but it's A Process.

something i don't see talked about enough is the fact that parents having constant surveillance over "their" children is normalized by our society

like seriously, parents will go install the Super Panopticon Kid Safe Parental Controls 2000 that sends their kid's internet history, recordings of their calls and texts, every file on their phone, and exact geolocation to the parents.

and if you ever point out that this is more likely to endanger kids than protect them, people suddenly bombard you with a thousand comments about how children are too stupid or immature to have the most basic privacy in their life.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

Starting an even NEWER thread of insane shit my husband says to/about our toddler that makes me scream laugh 

For reference here’s the first 50

51. Let’s do it again folks

[uncool-millennial-mom]

All of this, for sure. And watching the assured competency of these kids at such a wide variety of kitchen tasks, they've clearly had many lessons about how to do kitchen tasks safely.

Other parents are sometimes flabbergasted that my kids make their own lunches for school. I'm flabbergasted that they think eighteen year old new adults can somehow magically intuit how to plan and make meals for themselves with zero prior experience or guidance.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

So, as a parent, I agree with most of this. As a neurospicy parent of neurospicy kids, I have to add a caveat or two.

Namely, there are a couple of valid things to consider.

1) Some schools have dress codes that do not permit fashion colors (eg: blue). Talk to your kid about their plan for dealing with that or help them make a plan, as needed.

2) Bleaching may not be a good idea, particularly for very young kids and for certain hair types. Do your research. Discuss viable alternatives (eg: color-depositing conditioners) with your kiddo and set expectations appropriately.

Ultimately, it's their hair. It doesn't matter if you don't want barbie pink hair for yourself. It won't be on your head.

I'll tell y'all, my tween has had rainbow highlights for three years now. She loves it. And my preschooler has gotten to have pink Overtone to tint her hair, too. She loved that, especially because she got to look like Big Sis.

Their joy takes precedence over others' judgment.

@ parents who dont let their kids dye their hair: why r u so afraid of ur kid looking cool

[uncool-millennial-mom]

100% accurate. I also let the kids see ME take a time out. I model saying, "I'm feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed, so I'm going to go sit in the corner for a few minutes and calm down. Then we can talk more about it."

Watching my 4yo take this and run with it, shouting, "I just need some time alone!" while she slams her bedroom door in my face and proceeds to scream-cry into her pillow for a minute, and then self-regulates for a few more minutes, before she opens the door again to talk about it with me...

Man, I think my life would have been so much easier if I'd been that self-aware at her age.

One of the best things I've learned to do in childcare is to not refer to a time out as a time out. Kids take that to mean punishment. Instead I call it breathing time or quiet time and that goes over much better. They're more likely to actually calm down when they know they're not being chastised but are rather just given some space and time alone. Which we all need from time to time.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

One of the big things I make a point of doing with my kids is making it very clear that I'm still learning things, too. I do my best to model looking things up, trying and failing, then adjusting my approach and trying again, etc.

And when I do know something? I teach them. If they really are too young to do it themselves (eg if my 4yo asked to learn soldering), I will at least demonstrate how the thing is done, with explanations at each step.

But honestly? Kids are so much more capable than many adults give them credit for. Give them the tools to learn how to learn things, and they can and will fly so much higher than you expect. Don't hold them back with your assumptions of their incapability.

>mom brags about knowing how to use a cv radio when she was 4

>laughs at me bc I didnt

>ask her whose fault that is 🤨

[uncool-millennial-mom]

Little old lady: Do you have kids?

Me, 30 weeks pregnant, but in loose scrubs: Oh, not yet

Little old lady: Well, what are you waiting for?

Me, turning to the side and pulling my scrub top tight over my bump: Well, they tell me I'm waiting for about another nine weeks to go by

Little old lady: O_O!!!!

[uncool-millennial-mom]

This is the parenting-themed sideblog of @brown-aes-sedai. I keep stuff separated largely out of habit, lol, because I have some friends who are deeply uncomfortable with parenting topics.

I've got three kids, who have internet aliases to protect their future privacy. (no one wants mom's old potty training stories to come up when a prospective employer googles your name, lol)

Oldest (enby tween) goes by "Alpha".

Middle (elementary age boy) goes by "Beta".

Youngest (preschool girl) goes by "Gamma".

The whole household is neurodivergent af, lol.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

As a mom of kids who are (or have been) in speech therapy, thanks for caring enough to ask them to repeat it. ❤️ It means so much for them to know that their words are that important to you.

If you want to talk strategies for how to hopefully make that process easier on you, lmk; I'm trying to break out of the habit of offering unsolicited advice. 😅

I have a few kids in my care with speech impediments and I always feel so bad having to ask them multiple times what they're saying as I'm sure the oldest one is conscious of the fact they can't be understood but I also can't just agree to what they're saying in case it's something important I need to know.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

homeschooling in the US needs to be regulated but this is one of those conversations that immediately gets crushed by extremist conservatives and even well-meaning liberals will pipe up to be like "well some homeschooling is good!" when that's absolutely not relevant. regulation will not change anything for the homeschooling families who are serious about their children's education. the people who need to be regulated are the fringe extremists

[uncool-millennial-mom]

This, this, a thousand times this.

It's GOOD and OKAY for media representations to have different levels of nuance. Not everyone is ready for the 400-level course on any given subject.

I was talking about this with my 12yo the other week, about how the same issues get dealt with at different levels of nuance in different shows aimed at different demographics... Even when they're fundamentally similar shows.

The superhero genre was the one we were talking about specifically - my 12yo noted that a show my 8yo had playing (DC Super Hero Girls) was fundamentally the same plot as the show my 4yo had been watching that morning (Spidey and His Amazing Friends), both dealing with the same basic problem but in different ways for the two age groups.

It was a really good moment for media literacy for all of us. ❤️

I need to say something and I need y'all to be calm

if it isn't actively bad or harmful, no representation should be called "too simple" or "too surface level"

I have a whole argument for this about the barbie movie but today I wanna talk about a show called "the babysitters club" on Netflix

(obligatory disclaimer that I watched only two episodes of this show so if it's super problematic I'm sorry) (yes. I know it's based on a book, this is about the show)

this is a silly 8+ show that my 9 year old sister is watching and it manages to tackle so many complex topics in such an easy way. basic premise is these 13 year old girls have a babysitting agency.

in one episode, a girl babysits this transfem kid. the approach is super simple, with the kid saying stuff like "oh no, those are my old boy clothes, these are my girl clothes". they have to go to the doctor and everyone is calling the kid by her dead name and using he/him and this 13 year old snaps at like a group of doctors and they all listen to her. it's pure fantasy and any person versed in trans theory would point out a bunch of mistakes.

but after watching this episode, my little sister started switching to my name instead of my dead name and intercalating he/him pronouns when talking about me.

one of the 13 years old is a diabetic and sometimes her whole personality is taken over by that. but she has this episode where she pushes herself to her limit and passes out and talks about being in a coma for a while because of not recognizing the limits of her disability.

and this allowed my 9 year old sister to understand me better when I say "I really want to play with you but right now my body physically can't do that" (I'm disabled). she has even asked me why I'm pushing myself, why I'm not using my crutches when I complain about pain.

my mom is 50 years old and watching this show with my sister. she said the episode about the diabetic girl helped her understand me and my disability better. she grew up disabled as well, but she was taught to shut up and power through.

yes, silly simple representation can annoy you if you've read thousands of pages about queer liberation or disability radical thought, but sometimes things are not for you.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

I often see posts about curating your own online experience that make the point, “content creators aren’t your parents.” And, yes, that is absolutely true! And I try not to be like “as a parent,“ but as a parent…

EVEN PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE RESPONSIBLE READING/VIEWING BEHAVIOR. NOT filter everything ahead of time for their kid.

When my kiddo was 5, his pediatrician was asking him the usual Well Child Visit questions (“What are your favorite foods? What do you do to get your body moving? Do you know what to do if you get lost in a public place?” Etc.) and she asked, “What do you do if you see something on TV that scares or upsets you?”

I piped up like, “Oh, he doesn’t watch TV without one of us in the room,” which was true at the time and is still largely true now. She said, “Yes, but that won’t always be the case, so make sure you’re talking to him about what to do if he sees something that upsets him.”

So we started talking to him about that, and the answer is simple: “Turn it off or leave the room, and talk to someone you trust about what you saw and what you’re feeling.”

The answer is NOT “Ask your parents to make sure you never see anything upsetting again,” because that’s just not possible — and ultimately that would be doing the kid a disservice, since sooner or later he’s going to be out in the world where we can’t control what he watches or reads. That doesn’t mean we don’t try to make sure he’s watching/reading age-appropriate stuff, it just means that’s not the only safeguard he has — and that’s a good thing.

So yes, content creators aren’t your parents and aren’t responsible for making sure you never see anything you don’t like — but also, your own parents should have taught you what to do when that happens. So if they didn’t, take it from me, your internet mom:

Turn it off.

Walk away.

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling.

And leave the person who created the thing that upset you alone.

[uncool-millennial-mom]

oh gods it was parents evening again tonight..

other parents: how did you do that?

Me:do what?

Other parents: your teenager is eating a salad..

Me:i never forced him eat, now he will pretty much eat anything…except chicken casserole which we both agree is gross

Other parents:we don’t get it.

Me: our only rules are bed at eleven on a school night and don’t hack any important government agencies.

Other parents: you don’t restrict screen time?

Me: you know 95% of kids will self regulate, given the chance?

Other parents: thats not true

Me: have you tried it?

other parents:…but, now he’s reading 1984

Me: he has had a university reading level since he was 12, what am i going to do censor his reading material?

other Parents: what if he reads something you don’t approve of..

Me: i fail to see your reasoning…

Me: you know he cooks too..it’s our mother/son time, we talk about his friends…

other Parents: he talks??

[uncool-millennial-mom]

Parents today are:

TOO STRICT, and MORE so than previous generations

TOO STRICT, but LESS so than previous generations

TOO STRICT, and the same as previous generations

NOT STRICT ENOUGH, but MORE so than previous generations

NOT STRICT ENOUGH, and LESS so than previous generations

NOT STRICT ENOUGH, and the same as previous generations

JUST RIGHT, and MORE strict than previous generations

JUST RIGHT, and LESS strict than previous generations

JUST RIGHT, and the same as previous generations

Other/nuance (elaborate in tags)

I don't know/no opinion/see results

[uncool-millennial-mom]

I wish age gap discourse hadn't spiraled the way it has because I want there to be a safe space to say "Men in their 40s who date 25 year olds aren't predators, they're just fucking losers"

[uncool-millennial-mom]

I think there’s an argument to be made that protecting the children from relatively tame shadows of adults concepts actually makes things worse for them.

Like nothing is worse for me as an adult than the entirely unwarranted and unwanted sense of fear or scandalization from perfectly common stuff. And I don’t blame some wonderful TV show for using the word “fuck” or showing a nipple. My responses to those things are entirely constructed and cultural, and those shows are often doing me a kindness by giving me a context in which to safely re-examine them and my relationship to them.

And I just think actually there were a lot more opportunities to have a well adjusted outlook on life for the kids whose parents just told them what fuck meant.