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upquarkdownquark · 4 years ago

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this is so good! really nice job, op!

How many words does it take to say "I love you"?

A/N: i had this titled as "someone from tumblr requested this" in my doc so the tite was on the fly

Also I have been editing this for weeks and figuratively pulling my hair out about this please don't let this flop

Warnings: cursing (logan says the s-word once), one character believes its unrequited, pining, logan is gay

Word count: 4000-ish

Ships: Logince

“Logan, he’s perfect. I swear, he’s too nice.” Roman said dramatically. Roman had been droning on about this ‘Nico’ for days. Logan, surprisingly, was getting sick of it. “His glasses were just adorable!” Logan snapped to attention. Glasses…? He- he had glasses. Roman found glasses attractive?

“And Virgil!- Wasn’t his shirt so cute?” Roman piped up.

Virgil sighed. “Ro, it was literally just a collared shirt.”

“But still! It was cute!” Logan smoothed out his shirt self-consciously, looking away. “And he’s a poet! Can you believe that? Oh, what if he writes poetry about Thomas?? Oh gods! Wouldn’t that be absolutely wonderful?”

Virgil sighed, once again. “Yeah, yeah, Ro. That’d be fine and dandy and all, but isn’t that also a little creepy?’”

“No! It’s romantic! How is that-”

“This goes back to the whole ‘observation’ thing. Every Breath You Take by the Police was a song about stalking someone and everyone thought it was about loving someone--it’s a hit or miss, sometimes it’s cute, sometimes it’s weird. So, I say we risk absolutely nothing and lock ourselves in this house for the rest of eternity, you can’t fail if you don’t-”

“Virgil-” Roman groaned. “Risk-taking, we’ve talked about this? What happened to Mr. Big risk-taker at the mall?-”

“That was spontaneous! That doesn’t mean I’m going to keep doing stuff like that!-”

“Kiddos!” Patton chirped up, voice strained. “Let’s calm down, okay? Let’s have a nice, peaceful, breakfast-”

Virgil hunched over, gritting his teeth, “Fine.” His voice dripped with venom, but the lack of energy to protest. Unlike Roman, who had plenty of energy.

“Patton, we were having a nice conver-”

“Actually, I agree.” Logan finally spoke up, anticipating an oncoming headache. “I do not have anything against the two of you having a productive conversation, but interrupting each other isn’t going to help anything. I suggest you two pause before continuing your debate so you can actually understand each other, or at the very least wait until after breakfast so the tension has time to simmer down.”

Patton gave him a grateful glance and Logan nodded curtly, continuing to nibble on his toast.

Roman sighed heavily, rolling his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug, as if the gesture dissolved the menace in his words. “I just- I think Nico is really nice and he’s going to be great for Thomas, I feel it.”

Ah, yes, Nico. He didn’t know a whole lot about this man other than Thomas’ and his interaction at the mall, and the fact he looked at least a little similar to Logan. Roman adored Nico. An idea started to form.

Using the information he had been given, he developed a certain processes for what he would do next.

Nico writes poetry -> Logan looks like Nico -> Roman likes poetry getting written about him -> Logan writes poetry for Roman -> possible romantic relationship (?)

There were some gaps between the steps, but it was close enough. No inconsistencies, nothing that could go wrong. At all.

Next, he needed to put the plan into action. Put direct things to accomplish to each step, break them down into smaller steps so it was easier to accomplish. So, Logan started by writing a note. He was still uncertain about this idea.

‘You have pretty eyes’, signed with a heart. Okay, starting off simple. Although it was bland, it was true. Roman had the prettiest forest-green eyes, like fields rolling with moss and dewey grass in the morning and sheer life, although cliche, Logan could spend an hour looking at Roman’s eyes. He glanced out his door, worried someone could be watching him. Roman was in the kitchen, talking with Patton, their backs turned to him. Logan left before he could think about this plan, opening the door and placing the note on Roman’s desk. He hurried out before anyone could see him. His chest was heaving and his back was against the door. Okay, okay. He had done it. Without getting caught. Okay. He was fine.

“-and someone thinks I have pretty eyes!” Roman gushed at breakfast the next day, rambling on about his new secret admirer. Logan idly stirred his coffee, not daring to look up. He knew if he did, a stupid smile would be on his face.

“Wow, Ro, someone really likes you?” Virgil snickered.

“Oh, hush, Virgil,” Virgil nearly fell against the table when Roman shoved him, the two of them dissolving into a fit of giggles. It had become obvious to all of them that Virgil and Roman had been growing closer. Logan tried not to think about that. The rest of breakfast was Virgil and Roman bantering, just like he and Roman used to do. He felt sick. Perhaps the milk had expired.

“I must be getting back to my work. I will see you all later.” Logan stood up quickly, washing his plate and dashing to his room.

The first week’s worth of notes weren’t all that hard, Roman had many traits that were easy to compliment. Objectively. He did have pretty eyes, for example. Additionally, he put a lot of effort into everything he did. Logan admired that. He would get jam on his nose when he ate toast, for example. Archimedes knows how it ended up there. His theories on disney movies were not only insightful, but Logan found them quite amusing. Also, he looked amazing in that cropped hoodie. Especially when Logan saw him working out in it; back muscles rippling underneath the exposing garment, sweat glistening on his forehead, huffing quietly and a dusty shade of red coated his face, all the way down his toned, exposed chest- He did not write that down. It was his own, personal--observation. It wasn’t his fault Roman was figurative eye candy.

He pondered today’s note. The only conclusion he had come to thus far is that he could not continue doing only compliments. He pulled out a new note paper, tapping his pencil against the desk. What did Roman like? Disney, Crofters, being unapologetically attractive- Musicals! And musicals often had some romantic subplot, so it wouldn’t be hard to draw a connection. He searched up ‘musical ballads’. The first one that came up was Helpless from Hamilton. Okay, he was decently familiar with that one. With that he began writing.

‘Roman, I don't have a dollar to my name

An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame

All I have's my honor, a tolerance for pain

A couple of college credits and my top-notch brain

Insane, your family brings out a different side of me

Patton confides in me, Remus tried to take a bite of me

No stress, my love for you is never in doubt

We'll get a little place in Harlem and we'll figure it out

I've been living without a family since I was a child

My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild

But I'll never forget my mother's face, that was real

And long as I'm alive, Roman, swear to God

You'll never feel so

Helpless’

And thus begun the musical week. The amount Roman was gushing about this made him happy, truly, but with each note came the awareness he was closer to getting caught.

Yet, another one of his planning sessions was overrun by Roman gushing about his secret admirer. Logan was impressed he had kept a straight- he internally chuckled at that- face through all of this. “Logan, I don’t know who it could be! Oh, maybe it’s Janus, he loves musicals. Or Virgil, he knows I love hamilton, or-” Logan listened to Roman gushing about the letters, telling him theories on who it could be, or just fawning over the next day's note. He had noticed, over the days, whenever Roman discussed who his secret admirer could be, Logan’s name never came up. Well, that’s why he was writing the notes after all, wasn’t it?

Logan went to drop off the note one day--dear Newton, he had been doing this for two weeks now- and he saw all his messages pinned to the bulletin board. Wow, Roman cared that much? It had been his topic of discussion for the past two weeks now, and his idea output had significantly increased. It was certainly putting Roman in better spirits, and that was good. He, personally, was getting sick of the musical excerpts. So, today, he went with Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2. The classic “But soft! What light through yonder breaks? It is east, and Juliet is the sun.” monologue. This was one of the longer ones, just under a page. His wrist was still throbbing. He folded the paper, carefully creasing the center, and put it on Roman’s desk. He bolted when he heard Roman’s quickly-approaching footsteps. He bumped into him in the hallway- oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit-

“Hey, Calculator Watch, fancy seeing you here-” Roman looked him over suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. Logan nodded a little and swallowed roughly, smoothing out his tie.

“I could say the same for you.” His voice came out steady and calm, surprising himself. “I, myself, just went to Virgil’s room to...”

When he paused, Roman raised an eyebrow, “To?”

“I found a book about spiders I thought he might enjoy. I was simply dropping it off.” He said hurriedly. “Goodbye.”

Roman was left standing in the middle of the hallway, bewildered and strangely suspicious.

It had been about a week since the hallway incident. Logan was becoming extra careful, and his notes were becoming more and more like ‘poetry’- his objective in the first place.

“Nothing would please me more if when I woke up, you were by my side. Such a joy to spend my first moments of the day with you, be the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. I would cuddle you if you had a nightmare, and even stay up the whole night just to make sure you were okay. Roman, you are my everything. I want to spend every moment I can with you.”

He looked it over, double checking for any ‘objectively’s or anything that would otherwise indicate it was him. He was good- well, good enough, anyway. He slid the note into the desk. These messages were slowly getting more heartfelt, and it was taking him longer to write them. He knew soon enough, Roman would figure it out. That was kind of the point, in a way. Put the metaphorical ball in Roman’s metaphorical court. Leave it up to him to figure it out, and make a decision once he does.

Most days, Logan would run back to his room and start writing the notes. He realized, distantly, he was probably thinking about these notes just as much as Roman was. But today, he was dreading it. He, frankly, had no idea what to write. He had been thinking about it all last night, and a good portion of breakfast. But he could think of nothing. Logan chewed on his nail, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of him. He picked up his pencil hesitantly, before setting it back down. Great. He was utterly out of ideas. He sighed heavily, Roman was listening to music in the other room again. That certainly wasn’t helping him with the matter at hand. This wasn’t new by far, Roman often listened to music in his room, but he could feel a headache coming, and he really wasn’t in the mood for it right now. One verse was particularly loud, and it played hard enough through his walls he could hear it clearly. He listened, it sounded familiar, almost like-

‘-Promise me you’ll stay beyond the sunrise-”

Logan’s heart metaphorically jumped in his chest. Or maybe literally. He wouldn’t be surprised, he had been experiencing a lot of shortness of breath and a fluttery feeling in his stomach as of late, it wouldn’t hurt to add excessive heart palpitations to the list of medical symptoms Roman had been causing him. Logan schooched back in his chair, listening to the music fondly. He stared up at his ceiling, drumming his fingers on the armrest. His ceiling was painted as a near-replica of the star position on his ‘birthday’, well, not technically birthday, but the day he chose to begrudgingly celebrate it. Roman had painted it as a birthday gift, and Logan helped with the stars’ locations. Then, he got an idea. He grabbed his pencil, scribbling something down on the paper. He cursed himself when his pencil ripped through the paper. He sighed and grabbed a new piece, and began writing again. He had an idea of what to write, and he had a handful of words floating around in his mind. He carefully strung the words together, as the sentences seemed to almost ‘flow’ from his mind. He started to understand why Roman liked writing so much.

“I want to sit with you, under the night sky.

I could recite every star, every myth, every constellation

I could tell you about the location of every planet and every comet,

And with all this knowledge about the stars in the sky,

You would still be the brightest star in my life.’’

His hands were shaking. It was an overreaction. He shouldn’t send this. He should- but Roman would know it was him if he sent this. Virgil doesn’t like astronomy, and Janus probably doesn’t even know how many planets there are. (There are 9, Pluto is at least a planet in his heart). Patton, well, Roman ruled Patton out after one of the letters used the words ‘inexplicably ethereal’. Plus, Patton and him weren’t on… good terms. Well, neither were Roman and Janus, but “Janus seems like the type to write anonymous notes, so I won’t rule him out”. Either way. What if this was the breaking point? Roman realized it was him, and they’d have to… talk. About feelings. About his feelings for Roman that have a possibility of ruining their friendship. Or, Roman could say he liked him back and- a sudden warmth bloomed in his chest. What if Roman liked him, too? What if Roman confessed his feelings and they- No. It was a statistical anomaly. There was no way Roman liked him back. Well, it was a possibility. He shouldn’t get his hopes up, regardless.

With shaking hands and heavy feet, he walked to Roman’s room. He wiped his palms on his jeans and placed the note on his desk, glancing at the note then to the similar ones pinned to the bulletin board. There it was, a couple months’ worth of work. He looked at every note, and he could practically hear Roman’s voice and see his smile. He sighed, feet feeling like lead and throat tightening up. This was it. He straightened out his tie, fingers rubbing the smooth fabric. He found breathing significantly harder than a few moments ago, and he started to take quicker breaths, starting to hyperventilate. He started rubbing the tie quicker, fingertips burning from the friction. What if Roman realized who it was, and hated him? Roman could start yelling at him, or worse, throw out all the notes and ignore him completely. Roman didn’t want it to be him, he wanted it to be Virgil. He liked Virgil. Not him. Roman would realize who it was, and reject him. He would be alone. This would all be for nothing.

He hurried back to his room before he could think twice, flopping on his bed in a rather un-professional manner. He pulled the blankets up over his head, completely hiding from the outside world-it was around two in the afternoon, it was too early to be sleeping- and hugged his pillow tightly. He stayed like that for several minutes, in complete silence as he waited for his racing mind to calm down.

Gentle footsteps padded outside, stalling outside his door and continuing. Now there were two pairs of footsteps and voices.

“I’m certain...where is-” It was fuzzy and he could barely pick it out.

“Don’t know, he’s usually-”

“I checked!” Logan recognized the tenor to his voice, Logan had heard it too many times when he agitated Roman’s temper. Oh no.

“Keep it down!” No, please don’t keep it down! He needed to listen!- He stood up and carefully stood closer to the door, placing his ear against it.

“Have you checked his room?” That was Virgil.

“I mean, I did, but I should check again, right?”

“Hey dude, you got this. Relax.”

Roman took a deep breath, knocking on the door. Logan froze, holding his breath. Without any warning, Roman swung the door open, looking inside.

Logan felt the door hit his face and he yelped, hitting the wall with a harsh ‘thud’.

“Oh my god!” Roman quickly pulled the door away, and Logan clutched his nose, which had collided the hardest with the door. It felt like his nose was going to bleed, and he started tearing up. It was rational, getting hit in the nose made your eyes water. Roman pulled him closer.

“Gods, are you okay? Is your nose bleeding? Oh, Lo--” Logan waved a hand dismissively, still holding his nose.

“‘M okay, I’m okay,” He said nasally, and Roman couldn't help but grin at the sound of Logan’s voice.

“It’s not bleeding, right?” Roman asked and Logan shook his head. “Is that a ‘no, it’s not bleeding’ or a ‘no, it is’?”Roman stepped closer, and Logan felt Roman’s warm hands on his, rubbing circles into the back of his palm.

“Not bleeding” He pulled the hand on his nose away, revealing a very much not broken nose that was, in fact, dripping with blood.

“Nevermind..” He mumbled.

“Logan!” Logan shut his eyes, hearing Roman’s heavy footsteps head to the bathroom. He cracked an eye open, watching Roman walk towards him, holding fistfuls of tissues. Logan sighed as Roman shoved the tissues into Logan’s hands.

“Head up, pinch.” Logan nodded and did as Roman said. He didn’t need Roman to tell him that; Patton had been telling them to do that when one of them got a bloody nose since they were kids.

“Why were you behind the door?” Roman asked, pacing around in front of him. Logan watched him, tracking the movement.

“Why were you talking to Virgil?” Logan retorted, internally groaning. He sounded pathetic and whiny with his nose all stuffed up. Well, it wasn’t his fault. It was Roman’s. For walking in on him when he was eavesdropping. Clearly.

“Why were you listening to us?” Roman evaded the question, and he noticed how Roman bit back a smile, obviously trying not to laugh. Laugh at him. He hated this.

“I thought you two were talking about me.” He stared up at the ceiling, pulling the tissue away only to feel blood trickle down to his mouth. He sighed and reapplied the tissue, licking the blood off his lip.

“Well, we were, and that’s why I came here.” Roman said slowly, digging around for something in his pocket.

Logan watched, dipping his chin down and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Logan knew where Roman was going, he couldn’t believe he had nearly forgotten.

“Oh?” His words were bland and they tasted like chalk in his mouth, but thankfully the nasally tone of his voice had gone down.

“Yes..” Roman’s gaze fell to the floor and his feet shifted under him. Logan found himself tracing his every movement, watching for any sign of what Roman’s reaction was going to be so he could prepare himself. Prepare for the worst.

“You were writing the letters, weren’t you?” Logan’s gaze went from his feet to Roman’s eyes, catching his gaze. His forest-green eyes, like fields rolling with moss and dewey grass in the morning and life, that Logan could spend hours looking at, sparkled with hope.

His breath caught in his throat, and he couldn’t pull his gaze away from Roman’s eyes. “Y-yes, I well, I suppose I did. Surprise,” He meant the last part to sound excited, but he just sounded like a depressed clown. “I-I apologize,” He licked blood off the corners of his mouth. “If I was not who you hoped.” He felt pinned in place, like a burning spotlight was on him all of a sudden. Seconds felt like hours as he waited for Roman’s response.

“I’ll admit, you were not who I originally thought, I, hah, kinda thought you were still mad at me..”

“Why-” Logan looked up at him through his glasses, brows furrowed. “Why did you think I was mad at you?”

Roman sighed, shoulders sagging. “Why wouldn’t someone be mad at me these days,” He said dully, staring at the wall behind Logan. “It-It just feels like I can’t do anything right these days… It was nice to know someone thought I was great. So I thank you for that,” The corners of his lips twitched up in a smile, scratching the back of his neck.

Logan was getting anxious. He needed to know. “I, I apologize for being so blunt, but with the knowledge that I wrote these notes, you realize what I was trying to convey, that I have romantic-” He choked out ‘romantic’, “Feelings for you”.

Roman nodded. “Well, yes, I was going to get to that, dear nerd” Some of Roman’s spunk seemed to return. “I, well, don’t know how to say this, but I, also, think I like you, Lo” He scuffed his boot against the ground, looking up at him sheepishly.

He nearly choked, his bloody nose flaring up again. “Y-w-what?”

“Jeez- sit down before you hurt yourself--”

“I am sitting.”

“It’s an expression, nerd”

“...oh”

Roman sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “For the epitome of logic, you sure can be incredibly dense sometimes... “

“I am not ‘dense’. I am literal. I am practical.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever” Rman waved a hand dismissively. “Back to what I was saying.”

“Well, yes, I am aware. You said you were attracted to me, and considering the feeling is mutual, what should we do about it?” Logan looked up, seeing a mischievous smile spread across Roman’s face.

“I have a few ideas.”

Virgil stirred his coffee idly, scratching at his napkin with one fingernail, coated with chipping black nail polish. “Hey, Ro, it’s been a while since I’ve heard you talk about that secret admirer of yours. Any updates?”

Roman glanced knowingly at Logan. “Well-- whoever it was stopped sending me notes. So, I figured I’d stop pursuing it. Guess we’ll never know,” Roman sighed wistfully, glancing out the window.

Logan was lucky Roman was such a great actor.

“It is upsetting, the whole ordeal seemed to have a rather anticlimactic ending.” Thankfully, he was too.

Roman shrugged. “Oh well, life can never be perfect. I mean, think of Romeo and Juliet-”

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

“Their love story didn’t have a happy ending,”

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon. Who is already pale and sick with grief

“And their story is one of the most poetic in history!”

That thou her maid, art far more fair than she.

“Some things… just don’t have a happy ending.” Roman rolled his shoulders, staring down at his cereal.

Virgil scoffed. “Alright, I thought being edgy was my job-”

Be not her maid since she is envious. Her vestal livery is but sick and green.

Logan snorted into his coffee. Alright, maybe it was a little more than coffee. Maybe he had mixed in a bit of Janus’ wine. He glanced up at Roman, meeting his eyes and giving the smallest of smiles. It was their little secret, for the time being.

And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!

Roman returned the smile, intertwining their fingers under the table. Luckily, no one had questioned why Roman and him had started sitting next to each other at breakfast. And movie night. And dinner. Okay, maybe it was a little obvious. Logan gently squeezed his hand, returning the smile. Their secret. Roman was, well, imperfectly perfect. Roman was his Juliet. His sun, his beauty, and oh, so much more. He listened distantly as Virgil and Roman kept bickering, but only one thought crossed his mind:

It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.

@serpentbearer18 @toadsarecoolerthanyou @we-all-horny-here @shitpost-sides @pawtoncake

#sanders sides #im saving this

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