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[voidwispers]

Vintage Meatware

I don't like where that title looks like it's going.

Then you might want to buckle up, because this could be a long one. I'm rarely wrong and I think I just watched this job explode.

What happened?

So, my job has a lot of legality to it, what you can and can't do. I've noticed that some gray areas have popped up and it's frankly very concerning. I'm not going to let this place throw me under a bus because they can't seem to have everyone on the same page. My manager has told me we can do one thing, but a team lead told me something completely different and now I'm more confused then I have been since starting. I'm not going to go into how it took two months to finally answer my questions so I can finally start doing [redacted]. I'm not sure if I should give upper management a nice soft walk around of my problem. Or, if I should give a nice show of what a god of salt is capable of when slightly nudged.

Understandable. Your roommates have a bit of a stake.

Yeah. I have the least to loose between all of us. [Redacted]'s health issue I think will be the most informative to my next move. I was already skating on thin ice of "you can't miss more then 4 days". But, cancer wasn't going to be playing completely in concert with my schedule. I have my mom to fall back on, and I can sell code and tissue samples. If the company fires him for being in the hospital, I'll know I'm on the short list.

I take it, you have a plan?

Sort of. It's in it's infancy. I think it's going to be about finding the right person and saying the right words. And, we live in the times of "BCC". I guess the soft approach would be to see if I can find answers to my hot questions. God of salt response is TBD. What's the goddess's whim? Sow the seeds and harvest chaos?

[voidwispers]

At Needle Point

Woah, twice in a single week. Burning desire to process things?

And then some. Ever watch a person make one poor decision after another and wonder how exactly they keep arriving at that point? Because I honestly am flabbergasted sometimes at the shear depths of stupidity that I am surrounded by.

Work?

Oh yeah. Like, there are the customers and the shear about of dumb ass activity is shocking. I frankly think we shouldn't be giving out [redacted] to half the people I do. I am a bit worried about public safety. But, I am a bit more focused on my workplace. I personally feel my manager isn't good. It was strange to hear my coworkers complaints about him. I would take any hint that he's a critical thinker as a good sign, but he's a bit short in that department. If he would stop referring to my coworkers as "girls", it would go a long way. I don't think I'm asking for too much. But then my coworkers have completely valid complaints. [Redacted] isn't unlocking the door late and I don't think he's really doing much to dissuade upper management from thinking she is. [Redacted] isn't responsible for being so high on hours, it's because she's the only other person who can close and he frequently drops that on her. And I don't remember [redacted]'s problem, but she's not cool with him. I don't like that starts me on tasks when I'm not finished another yet. He'll sit people at my station when I'm not ready. Then they have to just sit there while I finish what I was doing, lock that computer, walk back to my station, unlock that one, log into [redacted], queue them, look them up and finally start an invoice. Or, he'll ask me to do something I haven't done before then vanish into the either. I just riffed my way through a [redacted], which was really uncomfortable considering the amount of money at stake if I messed up. It's not good.

So, what's your plan?

That's a great question. I've have been thinking about it, I don't know quite yet. Health and all still have to be played before I know what my hand is. I think I should start looking at what his buttons are and what pushing one looks like. Employment chicken is well in my wheelhouse. He doesn't quite understand my passive emotional state, and he gets frustrated when I seem to lack enthusiasm for whatever he talking about. Only time will tell.

[voidwispers]

Observation Report

Wow. A title. Does this mean your updating again?

I think you should be looking into the drafts. But, yes, I am updating again. I hope.

So, what are we talking about today? Work? Food? The dog?

The dog is fine. Strange of you to ask. Food is fine too. My planed weight loss is going well. Work is interesting, seems... different. I am still firmly on the fence on if I want to stay. It's okay. My coworkers are strange but fine, my manager is rough around the edges. Customers very wildly, though I have found that by pointing out something is "[redacted]" and they usually calm down. It's just a lot. Like doing [redacted] is really easy but every case is different and I have to ask a question every now and then and I think am getting the hang of it. But, I am still needing to learn [redacted] and a few other things. I have to know so many things. I have a bunch of passwords I have stuffed in my brain. Just getting started can take a bit. I think I need to wait on my medical stuff to figure my next move.

Ah yes. How is your eye?

Hurts, but I don't have much I can do. I think the best thing I can do is wait for the biopsy and not be overly brash about anything. What ever is causing the localized swelling is also the likely cause to the dilation problem. I've been thinking of using an eye-patch to keep my eye good, but I'm worried about all the problems that come with that.

What is your plan now?

I don't know. Sleep?

[voidwispers]

Living Spaces

Wow, You're back. I honestly thought this was going to be another abandoned blog.

Yeah, it's been life.

So, what is the topic today? Having another existential issue about the end of the world?

No. I'm still having that issue, but I don't think I could talk anymore about it without exploding. I'm here today because I am thinking of moving out once I have a job. I like my roommate, but I am having my issues with her boyfriend.

Okay.

Take the kitchen for example. Thanks to him, we're having nearly triple the home made meals from scratch. But he and his son aren't cleaning the kitchen at a matching pace. So, it's always messy. You would think that they would have to clean at some point so they can cook the next meal. But they just move the operation somewhere else and make that place dirty. Then, when I am asked to clean, I'm finding these trove of messes everywhere. This morning I picked up a plate from the dinning room table covered in cabbage, a slide switch and a bunch of 8mm set screws.

So, messy cooking can be a lot. Is it worth moving out over?

It's not just the cooking. It's a lot of things. The way he thinks as me uneasy. I mentioned a game coming out, and he insisted it didn't exist; something I have very little patience for. There is stuff everywhere. I'm not happy about the new cat. I think he has arguments about things in his head, then he starts acting like those arguments happened IRL. The way he drives isn't safe.

That's quite a list. Have you talked to anyone about this?

Why? I mean; I was expecting maturity and the basics of being able to live with others. What I have is some guy in his 40's that spends most of his time playing video games and hanging out with friends. And someone who can't be bothered to clean a kitchen so he can cook his next meal. I, in all honesty, am not in the mood to try and make him adult. I think my time is better suited handling myself, and that dumpster fire can handle itself.

[voidwispers]

So, “blogging” I see. What bring you to the ceaseless void of the internet?

Ever get the feeling something is vastly wrong with reality? I keep having these moments when every atom of my body is just dumbfounded about the state of things.

Oof.

At first I thought it was just the chaos that’s made the last several years, and exasperated by 2020. But, we’re entering the next phase. I’m immunized and the state is moving back to open. Yet…..

Think it might be your meds?

I think it has its part to play. I would be a fool to think it didn’t. Be it’s not like I have a lot I can do about it now. With my psychiatrist’s office making the change to “telemedicine”, I haven’t been able to get any reliable help. I haven’t been able to get reliable regular recurring care. If anything, this lack of reliability is making things far worse. Nothing can make mental health problems worse then; “leave a message and we’ll get back to you” and never calling back.

So…

So, I don’t know… part of me wants to just say “people being people”, but at times it seems deeper than that…. Like I can’t handle people sometimes, and that isn’t uncommon. I’ve been pushing against that feeling for decades. But, it has been more “entrapping” for awhile.

Interesting, can you elaborate?

Kind of… I feel like a million little things are pulling me down. There are frustrating things, depressing things, things giving me anxiety and things that make me just shut down. And I don’t want to say that it’s overwhelming, but there are moments. Those moments when I’m pulling myself up and my brain steps out of reality and I think “What is this bullshit, and how the fuck did it come to be?” But then I have a hard snap back to “It doesn’t matter, because I’m stuck with it.” Then I get stuck.

So, that’s making you question reality?

Would it? The other night I saw a video about Elmo’s Dad getting vaccinated. And I had it. I understand that it’s about normalization for kids. But, everything about it hit me; the fact Elmo has a Dad, that we have the normalize vaccines, the strange fact that a fringe leftist wholistic health movement got swallowed whole by a right-wing conspiracy factory powered by trolls, some people think at requiring a vaccine is communism-

Okay…

And, we’re all stuck in this bubble with one another. And, we have to work together to save….everything. And, it isn’t asking people to make great personal effort. But, the way some people live has become so sacred, that even the smallest affronts of life seem like a deep attack on them personally.

And-

I can’t believe this is reality.